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Ryan Seacrest
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Drew
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. It would be cool if you wore those headphones the whole time. It would be like a cool vibe.
Kai Newman
I don't want to wear them cuz I feel like it up my.
Inya
I was going to say it's.
Drew
Oh, your aura.
Kai Newman
It's going to make me look ugly.
Inya
Oh, I was going to say it's going to make me feel insane.
Kai Newman
What do you mean? What. What were you going to say?
Inya
Cuz he's. If he's. He's ugly without the headphones. Yes or no?
Kai Newman
Guys, I'm kidding. I'm back to. This is episode 189. Is that right?
Inya
Numbers my way, bro. Like 420.
Drew
We thought it's been a minute since we've popped Kai in here. So we were like, let's do an episode with Kai guy.
Inya
Yeah, Drew's been looking good. So we're clip farming.
Drew
No, like Kai's been sexy as fuck. He's in his office siren era. He wore that shirt for the first time to the Greer pop up show at Heaven and I complimented him and I don't think he's taken it off since genuinely.
Kai Newman
I mean, Josiah also said something nice.
Drew
And then I was like, this is the one.
Kai Newman
This is gonna be the thing that I wear for three fucking months.
Drew
It looks good. It looks really good on you. It's super cut.
Kai Newman
Thank you, guys.
Inya
Bro.
Kai Newman
Yeah, Drew texted me. He said, we're going to pop you in here for the next episode. And usually when he texts me that I think something else.
Drew
Yeah. In my.
Kai Newman
So I was like, okay. I'LL be over in, like, 30 minutes.
Inya
I can't lie. I forgot you were going to be on camera when I first came in the room, and I was like, wait.
Drew
Came in the room? You came in here? Or.
Inya
Oh. Like, that's the first thing I actually do when I enter a home is I go into all the rooms, but I don't actually do it. I manifest, like, the ideologies that come with that physical manifestation.
Drew
Oh, you just. I. Yeah. Beautiful.
Inya
Well, I've realized I don't know how to sound sincere because it's just so hard. Mainly because when I say something nice, I'm like, it sounds like I'm joking. Like, I feel like it just sounds like I'm joking. It sounds like it's not coming out real at all. Like, every time I compliment one of y' all, I feel like I have to follow it up with a mean joke because I'm like.
Kai Newman
I feel like I can only compliment Drew because if I compliment you, that's, like, sexual harassment in the workplace. I genuinely like every single time I'm like, oh, absolutely nice to say.
Drew
I'm like, don't bite your tongue. Say the nice thing. People need to hear nice things.
Inya
Yeah. But it also doesn't help that our whole friend group, like, no one can say anything nice without somebody saying, like, something sarcastic back. Like, we all are just like, no.
Drew
I've been. I've been learning to take a compliment recently.
Inya
Yeah.
Drew
I'm just like, yeah, give me the compliment, and I'll take it.
Inya
But then sometimes I feel bad about taking it.
Drew
Give me the compliment thing.
Inya
Like, oh, thank you. Or, like, I know.
Kai Newman
Okay. That was, like, actual sexual tension.
Inya
Disgusting.
Kai Newman
We had. The thing is, we had sex once, and it was so weird.
Drew
It was so weird. Like, you could definitely feel it in the episodes, like, 40. It was 48 through 51.
Kai Newman
Yeah. I think. Oh, yeah. If you guys go watch those, you'll see I'm pretty quiet.
Drew
Yeah.
Kai Newman
During those episodes because Drew made a big, mushroomy hummus release.
Inya
That is, like, disgusting.
Drew
Like, when you guys released out of my skin portal.
Inya
That is, like, crazy. You're talking about. Like, that is. Y' all are harassing me right now. Like, I literally am.
Drew
Like, we're harassing them.
Inya
Right. Right.
Kai Newman
Just for posterity. I. I've never had sex with Drew. We joke around a lot about it. And also, he made me sign something where I have to say that it's all jokes.
Drew
Exactly.
Kai Newman
For the one. The one weird time.
Drew
Exactly.
Inya
I kind of think if y' all had Sex, though, Like, I think it.
Drew
Would change things for the better. Like, I really, I really do think it would. Just like, I think if me and you made love Enya, it would.
Inya
Made love like, back the fuck up because I would not make love with.
Kai Newman
Why is it sex with me but making love with Enya?
Inya
Well, it's like you're just a toy. Look at you. Look at me and then think about who I am and then think about who you are. Like, this is a make and love kind of girl.
Drew
We need to move on. We need to fucking move on. Guys, Kai's episode, let's just get into it.
Inya
Actually, not we. It's yalls fault. Y' all went on a four minute tangent about wanting to hook up.
Kai Newman
You're 26.
Drew
No, I'm 27.
Kai Newman
You're 27?
Drew
Yeah, that's.
Kai Newman
That's the age that I was when I met you guys.
Drew
Yeah, that's the age my brother died at.
Kai Newman
I got food poisoning at Coachella.
Drew
Oh, Kai himself, like, crazy.
Kai Newman
I. I had. Okay, so I had these spring rolls because they were like, it's really hard to get food at Coachella. You have to like, wait in a long ass.
Inya
Was there fish in the spring rolls?
Kai Newman
There was some stinky chicken in the spring roll. Okay, that rearranged.
Inya
I was actually about to backhand the out of you if I just found out that you got raw fish at Coachella when it was 100.
Kai Newman
Okay.
Drew
Last year, and it's 105 degrees.
Inya
So hot. And I know, I know. There's like food safety, yada, yada. Like, still can't, like.
Kai Newman
Well, apparently not, because I had four. Okay. So the first day I had two spring rolls and I was like, oh, I feel. I feel good. I feel light and like fresh. Like, I feel like I can go, like, see more shows.
Drew
You are like, yeah, yeah.
Kai Newman
And then, so the second day, and like, yeah, I like, I was like, oh, I didn't really get stuffed yesterday. I want to feel. I want my belly to be hard. So I got like four of the spring rolls. And then after, I think it was like two hours later, it was like near kind of the end of the day, I like walked off and I was like, no, something's deeply wrong. And then I destroyed the toilet at Harrison.
Drew
Blew that up with.
Kai Newman
And then he was like, oh, we're gonna go to this. Like, it was like an after party after the festival. And I think there were like.
Inya
Like, there's like. I don't think you understand. For me personally, there's so Many layers to this that are absolutely, like, disturbing. And also, it's probably because I'm high. So, like, I'm just, like. I'm really, really thinking about the episode.
Kai Newman
Yeah, we're all high.
Inya
Sucks, because in my dreams, I would have decorated the set with, like.
Drew
Yeah, you were talking.
Inya
I was talking a lot of game, but. But then I woke up, and I was like, bro, here I go, buying a bunch of shit that I'm going to hang up and then just be like, all right, and, like, throw in a bag and, like, keep it in the closet. And then by next year, I'll be like, these decorations suck. I kind of suck at.
Kai Newman
We should have gotten a breakaway bong that you could have broken over my head. That would have been cool.
Drew
Would have been a good idea. Wow. Or we could just get a real.
Inya
Yeah.
Kai Newman
So expensive.
Drew
Yeah.
Kai Newman
Well, basically, the summary is that I. I had a big hummus release at an afterparty that Justin Bieber was at so, like, 30ft away from me while I was creating a very hot, stinky mud pie in the toilet. Justin Bieber was very close, and if any. And people were, like, really hammered at the party, trying to get, like, yanking the door.
Drew
Were you so embarrassing, like. Or were you so embarrassed, like, making stink? And then Justin Bieber walks in after you? Like, did you ever have.
Kai Newman
I was flushing, like, the. Wouldn't even hit the water. I was just. I had the flush going.
Inya
That is literally. That is so crazy. That is literally a nightmare.
Kai Newman
I know. I was walking to the party because I. We were walking over, and I was like, I feel this searing pain in my abdominal, and I was like, I'm literally going to this party to.
Inya
And had you been drinking?
Kai Newman
No, I didn't drink.
Drew
I was sober at Coachella.
Kai Newman
I was more sober than Drew, more sober than me. Fucked up. He kept coming up to me and tickling me.
Drew
I was, like, fucking tweaking. At Coachella, I was having a blast. And actually, it was so funny. We were walking in, and someone that listens to the podcast, like, was walking with us, and we were just, like, talking, and we took a picture, and then they were like, do you want a shot? Like, one of the friends in their group was like, do you want a shot? Like, let's take a shot. And I was like, literally, yes, let's take a shot. And then the girl that knew me was like, I thought you didn't drink, Drew. I thought you didn't drink. And I was like, girl, it's Coachella. Like, drink. I gotta drink. At Coachella. I have to drink at Coachella. So I was blackout drunk for three days at Coachella. Not blackout. Not blackout. Not blackout. But, like, I probably each day had, like, three drinks.
Inya
You were black, I guess, for you at this point.
Drew
I guess on an empty stomach.
Inya
For me, three to four drinks. I am, like, completely wasted, like, at this point, especially because I take Prozac. I've, like, tried to dabble back in drinking, but I'm like, oh, they're not playing, like, a drink in. And I'm like, I should not be anywhere near it. Like, I'm literally just, like, so up.
Drew
No. Yeah. I was tickling Kyle Coachella.
Kai Newman
It was. Yeah. But his mood would switch. We go from, like, euphoric to really dark. And then he would just start screaming at me, like, at Main Stage during Lady Gaga.
Drew
Yeah.
Kai Newman
He was like, I'm gonna fucking kill you.
Inya
You're gonna cut this part out, right?
Kai Newman
Yeah, okay, I'll cut it out.
Drew
Yeah. No, I was really angry at Kai because he was dancing with other shirtless gay men.
Kai Newman
And, yeah, he. He, like, gets really territorial when he drinks.
Drew
I was shirtless all Coachella, too.
Inya
Were you actually?
Drew
No. Oh, God, no. I hate my body.
Inya
Oh, Drew.
Drew
Anybody? No one's complimented my haircut, by the way. No one in the comments has complimented it. None of y' all have complimented it so many times. Okay. But no. Like, where's the compliment?
Kai Newman
Your hair looks great. You look really handsome right now.
Inya
I complimented you the second I saw you. Don't fucking play these weird psychopath games with me, bitch. Like, I've already.
Drew
Where's the compliments? I need to see them very sexy.
Kai Newman
You're a very sexually fascinating person to me.
Drew
Oh, that's amazing. That's such a good. That's a good compliment.
Inya
But while y' all were having a blast at Coachella, I. I guess you didn't have a blast. I don't know.
Kai Newman
I had a good time, but I'm.
Drew
You had a blast in that toilet?
Kai Newman
Yeah, I had an explosive experience inside of a porta Potty at Coachella.
Inya
No, I. I just am, like, in a porta Potty.
Kai Newman
Well, it was, like, one of, like, the trailer. It wasn't as bad as expected.
Inya
Okay. Those, like. I'm not gonna lie, those kind of pissed me off because the flushing mechanism is, like, really, like, such a. So that experience, it's just a trap door. Also, because it's not a porta Potty. It's like, a few people can be standing and lingering in there. It's Crazy. I don't know what the boys one look. What is the bath?
Drew
It's the same.
Inya
I'd be in the bo bathroom.
Drew
Like, I be in the boy's bathroom.
Inya
Did you leave after that or did you linger?
Kai Newman
I went to that party. I spent most of the time in the bathroom, and then I left because I was like. Because I was literally just like, I have to do this.
Inya
I pray to God we used hot water.
Drew
What was your favorite moment about Coachella? We were kind of talking about it, but I was like, your favorite set.
Kai Newman
Wait, say yours. I'm trying to remember Mine.
Drew
Mine.
Kai Newman
Oh, I know what it is. Actually.
Drew
You say yours.
Kai Newman
When Bernie Sanders came out.
Drew
Literally so gag worthy.
Kai Newman
I swear to God. Like, you see so many famous people at this festival, but that is the only time that I was starstruck. Yeah, I genuinely was. Like, I'm having an out of body experience.
Drew
Literally.
Inya
Well, because it's such a wild card.
Drew
It was the most random because you're.
Inya
Used to seeing special guests be, like, artists, and you're hoping, like, people go in with guests they're hoping for because of the songs that person has with other people.
Drew
But, like, I went from Charlie XCX to, like, I was, like, raging at Charlie XCX and then, like, floated across because I was like, oh, need water and claro's right there. And we were st. Like, as we were walking, like, Bernie Sanders was just on the screen, and I was like, oh, they're playing a video. And then I, like, turned the corner a little bit and then saw him, and I was like, am I using that right? Oh, he's fine. Bernie Sanders is fine.
Inya
Y' all are disgusting. Like, he's old. That is crazy to see him, though, in person, like, because he's that old. That's how I felt when I saw, like, a John Waters in person. Because I'm like, damn. You're at that age where, like, seeing you genuinely feels like, yeah, also, like, the place me seeing John Wires. I saw him at a vintage fair. That makes more sense. Like, y' all seeing Bernie Sanders at Coachella is like.
Kai Newman
Shelly, dude.
Drew
No, it was crazy. He started singing sexy to someone, but no one posted it online.
Kai Newman
No one was posting because everyone was so gagged.
Drew
Yeah. And he was gagged. Yeah, he was. Why are you everyone asking me that?
Kai Newman
I'm just asking.
Drew
But yeah, he was, like, shaking and throwing ass. Like, it was crazy. He popped out with a new bbl. Like, I was literally. So his body was.
Kai Newman
Again, no photos of his ass. Yeah, Yeah.
Inya
I Always. I guess the only shots I saw was, like, when he was talking. And, like, it was a video of the screen, so. And it was his upper body, so I didn't see all that he had going on.
Kai Newman
Like, out of respect. The cameraman only showed from the waist up.
Drew
Yeah, but all of us saw it. It was really. It was really nice.
Kai Newman
Yeah, he has kind of like an hourglass silhouette.
Drew
But no, that was. That was sweet. I did, like, seeing Bernie Sanders at Coachella. That was like a movie.
Kai Newman
Oh, were you at the club and.
Inya
You guys saw Lady Gerger?
Drew
Yeah. Gaga. I was gonna say. That was. That was my favorite. That was.
Kai Newman
And there were no gay people there.
Drew
I didn't know. Not a single gay person was there. The thing with Gaga is, like, we know this. I love her to death. And I would. I'm not even kidding. She's like, one of the very few people on this planet that I would take a bullet for. Like, I'm being dead serious.
Kai Newman
But.
Drew
But she makes me laugh so hard, unintentionally, Like. Like, her dancing with those skeletons was, like, literally the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. Like, what is she doing? But I feel that, like, love her. Love her.
Inya
It's because I feel like we're too, like, irony poisoned. Yeah, like, it's too irony poisoned. So you can see something and immediately see the comedy in it. And then it's still. Cuz, like, if you look at a lot of the. We like so much of the. I like. Makes me crack up because it's so theatrical. But that's why I love it, because I'm like. It's so, like, people are seriously giving a. I feel like. I mean, you know what I used to hate on the Hamilton hoes, but, like, now I get it because I'm like, yeah, there's something incredible about just, like, letting loose and being.
Drew
No, I love. Like you do.
Inya
And it can be serious.
Kai Newman
Daddy needs to get more water. I just have to get more water. So if her daddy has to get more water. So if I. If we could pause.
Drew
Daddy, Daddy, can you get more water?
Inya
No, that's actually just. No, I don't. Like, I genuinely don't. With that and you calling yourself, like, we haven't been like, no, you're not getting away with that. That's like, gross.
Drew
Daddy, can you get me water?
Kai Newman
Yes, of course, baby. Okay. Let me get baby some water.
Drew
Okay. I asked Chat GPT before this to come up with questions tailored specifically to Kai Newman of Emergency Intercom.
Inya
Oh, My gosh.
Drew
Nice choice. Kai Newman's got a mix of chaotic humor and surprising depth. So here's a list of podcast questions tailored to his emergency intercom energy. Funny, weird, introspective and sexy and very. Kai, you talk a lot about Inya being perceived. What's something you wish people saw in you more?
Inya
Do you talk about that? Like, what?
Kai Newman
I don't know. Does it know who I am actually, or did you, like.
Drew
No, it.
Kai Newman
It give it context.
Drew
I gave it a little context.
Kai Newman
What do I wish people knew about me more? I have a body count of in the single digits. I am obsessed with helping women. I feel like I never talk about that.
Drew
Yeah, you don't get.
Kai Newman
Oh, by the way, congratulations, Katy Perry.
Drew
Going to space.
Kai Newman
Yeah, for. For not only that, but basically getting rid of sexism.
Drew
That is true. Also.
Inya
Who's Katy Perry?
Drew
She. Katy Perry is obviously in Kia Asylum. She flew to space trying to escape Kia Asylum, but it just sent her into the basement.
Inya
Katy Perry is obviously a battery and they needed to charge her by getting her out of this atmosphere. It only took 10 minutes because she's like, think of it, her, like a USB C. Did y' all.
Drew
Did y' all see the video of Oprah, like, literally having a full blown fucking panic attack, like, freaking the fuck out over her friend, like, going to space because she thought, like, she was about to watch her friend, like, explode into a million pieces? Dude, Gayle King, Gayle King, Sorry, but.
Inya
Like, the whole thing is fudgeing batshit. Can y' all go back to just being happy to see people wave off in boats?
Kai Newman
Like, I love all that.
Inya
Not grand enough.
Drew
The Titanic.
Kai Newman
Like, I love all the comments that are like, we just want health care.
Inya
No, literally, like, what? What? It's so insane. And then there's also, for Easter, we all know the egg situation that's been happening. They are still using 30,000 real eggs to throw around in grass. And I'm like this. Wait, who is the White House? You know how they do the fucking. Like, 30,000, 30 every year. It's like, I think they purchase and then some are donated from farmers. But obviously, like, bitch. Like, like, people need. Like. Like, we, like, had a hungry egg scarcity. Like, we can't just give you guys the fucking eggs to play with. And they were like, yeah, we're still using eggs. And then they also sent Katy Perry. What's crazy is I'm like, bitch, you almost got through. You. You. You literally, like, you almost got through. You gave an album that people really. Whatever. But like, people are still like, it's album. It's like, why did you go to space?
Kai Newman
Well, she went to space to fix sexism and everything, basically.
Drew
Yeah.
Inya
I mean, true. And like, look, I will see.
Kai Newman
In all seriousness, it is really nice to see on every single one of those videos, like, bro, we just want healthcare. Because I'm like, I feel like that awareness wasn't really there, like, 30 years ago when not even signaling things. Well, it is nice.
Inya
I don't know. That they were sending Frank Sinatra to space so that his album could do better on Billboard Top 100. Like, I don't.
Drew
Yeah, I want to know.
Inya
I don't really think that was the vibe.
Drew
Like, I want to know. I want to know, like, what her team, like, thought would come out of Katy Perry going to space. Like, they were like, this is a good idea. Like, you're going to space. Like, I don't know. I just want.
Inya
Hasn't been to space. Beyonce hasn't been.
Drew
You're going to be the first pop star to space.
Inya
Like, that's how they were, like, all thinking about it. They're like, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Beyonce. Top.
Drew
Beyonce.
Inya
Beyonce, like, Beyonce's Beyonce. And she will.
Drew
Katy Perry.
Inya
Has she been to space?
Drew
Katy Perry, space girl Now. Doesn't she have a song? Yeah, I was gonna say she has.
Inya
Like, oh, my God, dude. I think they really thought that was gonna go straight so much differently.
Drew
Has. Has emergency intercom changed how you see yourself?
Kai Newman
It absolutely has. I feel. Okay. I feel like a side effect of, like, being an Internet content creator. I've always. I think I've talked to you about this, but I feel like there's a level of, like, pseudo schizophrenia that it gives you because you're basically. It's. It's basically impossible to not ingest what people's perspectives are of you. And they can only see.
Drew
It's not perspective. It's actually perspective. Sorry, I just wanted to correct you.
Kai Newman
Okay, that was a good point, and thank you. I honestly thank you again.
Drew
Perspective.
Inya
Okay. What was your perspective?
Kai Newman
Well, I was gonna say, like, seeing how other people perceive you can obviously have an effect on how you are. And there's a level of compartmentalizing that you should do, and it's healthy to do, but it's. It is impossible to not. I feel like, okay, for example, there will be these comments that are like, oh, Kai's laugh is very eager today. Like, he definitely is seeking, you know, when you'll get those comments that are sometimes, like, psychoanalyzing you. And I'LL listen to it and I'll be like, I get. I guess it was. I don't know, like, maybe it's convincing. Wait.
Drew
Kai's laugh was eager. Today is the funniest thing.
Kai Newman
Yeah.
Drew
I've ever heard. But, like, that would really shift, like, a lot of things in my brain. Like, that would change me.
Kai Newman
Yeah.
Drew
I think, fundamentally, that single comment.
Inya
Okay. Like, chill. Like, you got the comment.
Kai Newman
Yeah. Sometimes, like, comments, like, psychoanalyzing ones. Definitely. I'll view those and be like, okay. It's very hard to not separate, like, who the idea of this person is through the show and, like, who I actually am.
Drew
Exactly.
Kai Newman
Which does have an effect. But also, I'm like. I think I am pretty good at separating it and being like, well, that's not. That's just a slice of my life. It's not my whole.
Drew
Everybody sound off in the comments and psychoanalyze Kai. He's gonna read all of them.
Kai Newman
Yeah.
Drew
Please don't do that.
Kai Newman
Please don't do that. I'll kill myself.
Drew
What's the weirdest hill you'll die on that Drew and Inya hates?
Kai Newman
These are, like, Cosmo questions.
Drew
Yeah. What do we hate?
Kai Newman
Probably that I'm a feminist and that my body count is in the single digits.
Inya
Oh, my God.
Drew
That's not that.
Inya
That's not that.
Kai Newman
Something that everyone else.
Inya
That's actually super common. Like, I think, like, a lot of people are, like, chilling in single digits.
Drew
Like, if you could invent a new kind of therapy that only works for you, what would it involve?
Kai Newman
One that works. You know, there. I did the ketamine therapy.
Drew
Have you tried emdr?
Kai Newman
No, I did tms.
Drew
I want to try EMDR badly.
Inya
Wait, how do they get boys to try pms?
Kai Newman
No, I said no.
Drew
The electronic system that he put on.
Kai Newman
But that's funny that you say that, because I did enter this clinical trial so that I could experience a female period for just.
Drew
For better knowledge of, like, just to understand.
Kai Newman
And basically, after we did the period simulator, I was like, I need to learn more about this.
Drew
Need to know more tms, you said.
Kai Newman
Oh, yeah. So the. The therapy. I did the ketamine therapy. And I've always thought about this. It helped me at that point in my life. I don't do it anymore. But I was like, oh, what about, like, coke therapy, where basically you just, like, do coke alone?
Drew
And molly therapy.
Kai Newman
Molly therapy would be good.
Drew
Coke therapy. Heroin.
Kai Newman
Heroin therapy. I think it'd be really nice to just relax. For people that have trouble relaxing, that helps People sleeping.
Drew
Put them to sleep.
Inya
Yeah.
Drew
So you did.
Inya
To get better? Because I thought you said you were feeling better.
Drew
Well, no, he was doing popper therapy to feel better.
Kai Newman
I'm just saying these.
Inya
Literally me in 2019, like, what?
Drew
And you would wake up and do poppers?
Inya
Yeah, I was obsessed, to say the least.
Drew
Um, okay, wait, let's ask one more of these weird, creepy questions. What's a memory from your childhood that feels like a fever dream now?
Inya
Oh, that's like, jarring.
Kai Newman
I have one, actually.
Drew
What is it?
Kai Newman
When I was in high school, I did like, a work to live thing in Costa Rica on, like, a. A farm, basically. And we made enough money to travel for the last, like, four days.
Drew
Wait, how old were you?
Kai Newman
I guess childhood, but I guess I was like, 16. But I feel like. Like I'm still kind of a baby. You know what I mean? You're baby. I feel like I'm.
Inya
Yeah.
Kai Newman
In the grand scheme of I'm still a boy.
Drew
You're a baby.
Kai Newman
I'm still growing.
Inya
If you were Katy Perry in the spaceship looking down like, Kai is nothing but a baby in this grand.
Kai Newman
Exactly. So the last, like, three days of the trip, we went to this hostel, and there were these college kids there, and they were like, do you want to get really drunk with us and play card games? And it was the first time I ever got drunk, and I got really fucking faded. And we all went skinny dipping. Like, me and all these college students went skinny dipping.
Drew
That's so.
Kai Newman
And there were. There was bioluminescent algae in the water. And I remember being super faded. And it was like the first time I got drunk too, which is like, basically just pure euphoria. I feel like ever since the first time I drank, I'm like, every drinking.
Drew
You'Re chasing that, like.
Kai Newman
Yeah, yeah. Which I am now realizing is exactly what addicts say. I'm not. I'm not an alcoholic. But basically we were in the water and I was like, everyone was like, swimming around and. And like, laughing and being young. And I looked up and it was like a full moon too.
Drew
Oh, my God.
Kai Newman
And it was just. It was incredible.
Drew
That sounds like a little like the most magical moment you can ever experience.
Kai Newman
Yeah, it was really magical. I remember in that moment being like, I'm going to cherish this memory.
Inya
In that moment, you are infinite.
Kai Newman
Yeah.
Drew
Is that why you have the infinity tattoo? Tramp stamp?
Inya
Getting what to talk about is a bit wild. But, like, I actually, like, it was.
Kai Newman
Only supposed to be Patreon content.
Drew
I'm sorry, what?
Inya
No, you show that thing everywhere. You show it to everyone you meet.
Kai Newman
No, I don't.
Inya
Yeah. And then sometimes his butt crack accidentally leaks out and we have to, like, tap him and be like, yeah, like.
Kai Newman
Yeah, sometimes my big perfect butt crack falls out when I'm showing people my tattoo.
Drew
Wait, you need to tell them about your diet right now, by the way. I mean, you don't have to, but, like, Kai is like.
Kai Newman
It's really interesting.
Drew
The. He is eating, like. It's called the purge diet, right?
Kai Newman
No, it's what you eat if you're in the purge. Oh, you basically just eat batteries. Yeah, no, I was gonna say. Oh. So I've been having really life threatening anaphylactic shock, allergic reactions to something over the past two years where basically I would randomly break out into hives and I would have to go to the hospital.
Drew
And they just can't pinpoint what it.
Kai Newman
They don't know what's causing it. So I've done all these tests over the years.
Inya
Oh, my God.
Kai Newman
And the final thing they have you do is called an elimination diet where.
Drew
You elimination, not purge.
Kai Newman
They basically. Yeah, they basically. They're basically just pitching you an eating disorder.
Drew
Basically. That's what it sounds like.
Inya
Yeah. I was gonna say Sabrina had something similar to this and they gave her a crazy list and I think she tried to find.
Kai Newman
She was like, honestly, this is the ED diet.
Drew
Yeah, this is the erectile dysfunction diet. That's what y' all mean by that, right?
Inya
Oh, yeah, he. But he had that before. He's always had that. So it's like, not. It's like an easy pitch.
Drew
No, he doesn't.
Kai Newman
No, my penis freaking works.
Drew
No, he doesn't.
Kai Newman
Basically, I only eat chicken, rice, olive oil, apples, broccoli, cauliflower, and blueberries, but I'm adding back in eggs this week. Yeah, it's amazing.
Inya
I guess I'm making that sound, but, like, that's a really balanced diet that, like, isn't that crazy? But it's. You can't have, like, anything fun. Can you have tomatoes?
Kai Newman
No.
Inya
Why? Too acidic?
Kai Newman
Shade?
Inya
Like, seriously.
Kai Newman
I think it's like, there's histamines and tomatoes. I don't know. But basically, I've almost died multiple times, and you guys have almost lost me. And I'm doing this for the podcast, not even for myself.
Drew
Thank you.
Kai Newman
Thank you.
Drew
I think the tone of voice I have is invisible.
Kai Newman
What? What did you say? I didn't. Did you hear something in you see?
Drew
Exactly.
Inya
No, don't.
Drew
No. Every time I'm out and I'm talking. Every time I'm talking in a group of people, I literally get violently ignored. And I don't know if it's what I'm saying.
Kai Newman
You have a really good tone. I think. I feel like when I'll be editing the podcast, sometimes I'm like, you have like, an audiobook voice.
Drew
Stop.
Inya
And what about me?
Kai Newman
Your voice is good, too.
Inya
I actually think I have a really fucking irritating voice. Like, I think. And it only. The more I smoke, the worse it gets.
Kai Newman
Like, your voice is good too. I just don't. Didn't want to sexually harass you in the workplace.
Drew
That's very sweet of you, Kai.
Kai Newman
I need to get over that, though.
Inya
This is how I feel about you. Andrew. Good morning. That baby speaking to you say good.
Drew
Morning and.
Kai Newman
I'm sorry.
Inya
Natural reaction. I jump on this table. Like, that's literally how I feel when someone's ignoring my friend in a conversation. Like, and I guess I'm somebody who runs over people, but I think I am good at looping back and asking what the someone was saying.
Drew
And you're immediately just getting on ig.
Inya
Well, it's just like, once Tik Tok is open, it's like my monkey brain gets activated.
Drew
Kai, what's your love language?
Inya
Acts of service.
Kai Newman
The type of head where you have to wipe your ass after. I actually don't know, to be honest.
Drew
I think exactly that one time, and.
Kai Newman
I was like, I think. I guess that's true.
Drew
You're literally putting WI fi in our house.
Inya
Yeah.
Kai Newman
Oh, love language can be like, what you are.
Inya
Yeah. Love language is like, the way you give it to people. And, like, when people ask it, it's kind of like, I feel like people ask it in relationships and friendships so that there's not a miscommunication of whether the person cares about you. Because some people aren't, like, vocal. Like, I don't know if you're. No, you're kind of a vocal person too. You're like kind of a. Words of like, affirmation, ass.
Kai Newman
I think it's more acts of service recently. I don't think it was always like that. I think I used to express my love for my partners or my friends by buying them, like, Lamborghinis and Birkins. Whatever.
Drew
Whatever.
Kai Newman
Doesn't matter. But yeah, I do think how you.
Drew
Look like David Dobrik.
Inya
Don't say that to him. That's pushing it. Why would you made it sad.
Drew
It.
Inya
You made it sad.
Kai Newman
What the. I'm just like, What?
Drew
Sorry. Keep going.
Kai Newman
Oh, yeah, I think it is acts of service. I think it is.
Drew
Yeah.
Kai Newman
Because I think as I get older I'm like, that is more real and it feels more intimate and like, not in like a sexual way obviously, but it does feel like you are investing your time in something which is the scarcest resource.
Inya
Well, it's because it's like putting in the work. Like it's. Recently I feel like I've tried to get better at not being so overly apologetic because that can put it onto the person and then you're basically asking for somebody to console you for how apologetic and bad you feel. And to me, I'm like, a real apology is showing up either next time or showing up in an active service way to just be like, I, I wasn't there to do my best, but like, you know, I'm like here and like every other way.
Drew
Exactly. I think that's mine too. I love like doing little. I love like hearing like little one off comments that people make and then like, like planting it in my brain and then like later like either like getting them something that's like relating to that or doing something for them that's related to that that's like, I need.
Kai Newman
To get better at gift giving. That's like, I'm, I'm really bad. I remember for your birthday this year, I was like, here, I got you a vape. And then I like just hit it the whole time while we were working on.
Drew
You got you a vape.
Kai Newman
I know. I left it. I fortunately left it. Yeah, I left and I was like, that was a bad gift.
Drew
No, I loved it. I literally, I love any gift I get.
Inya
Yeah, I don't think it like matters sometimes. I like, like that. I'm like, it's utilitarian. I'm like, okay, that's like getting himself.
Drew
So it's literally just the, Even the idea of someone like thinking about me in any capacity just like, is very sweet to me. Even if it is just a clear vape.
Inya
Yeah, I don't know what mine are. Mine. My like love languages are being loco.
Kai Newman
While I'm, while I'm on camera. I just thought I'd pitch you guys some segment ideas for the show.
Drew
Yeah.
Kai Newman
Okay. Let me check my notes. Just videos of me working out and eating. We could just cut to that.
Drew
Oh, like, like feeder content.
Kai Newman
Getting big, eating a lot so that.
Drew
Like milkshakes being poured on you.
Kai Newman
Milkshakes into my mouth and I could fall over myself.
Drew
You know what's crazy is you and I I don't know why we do this. Actually, I do, because it's hilarious. But me and Kai just send each other, like, feeder content. And, like, I had, like, a very curated, like, the most curated, like, IG account ever. So I would scroll through and it was just completely. It was just like, all, like, people creating the art I want to see. And, like, it was just beautiful. And then for, like, I want to.
Inya
See is, like, amazing, because it really is.
Drew
No, it's like, people, like, creating art, like, literally painting and shit. And, like, that. This is what I want to see.
Inya
Like, I genuinely can't replace, like, the passion that drives behind that.
Drew
No, literally. And Kai and I back and forth, just. Cindy sent each other, like, five feeder videos in my feed from then till now is literally just all weird kink shit. Like, literally, like, inflating King.
Kai Newman
I mean, we had that one week where we were going crazy. And then I know my Explore page was, like, pretty normal. And then after that, it was just all videos of guys, like, pulling up their shirts and their bellies would, like, expand out. And then the fucking photo of Mark Zuckerberg, like, on his knees.
Drew
Yeah, I was like, what? The begging for it?
Kai Newman
Yeah, I was like, I don't.
Inya
Okay, that is insane. But also, I don't know if I guess my discovery feed, especially on my fin, is not any better. I was showing you, like, the kind of.
Drew
I like pretty rotten.
Inya
It's, like, pretty insane because it's just. I have to look. I don't think I'd be able to find this girl's account. But this girl's account was cracking me up because her name was, like, Wild Soul or something. Like, her username was Wild Soul Stuff Style. And her bio was Wild Artist. All she would post was, like, her in these. Like, she had crazy body. Body was tea. But all she would post is her and those leggings with the ridge in the middle of the butt cheek so it makes your ass even bigger. And she had, like, a very nice butt. And it's just her walking, shaking her ass, like, grinding on things, working on, like, a workout fall. And I was, like, so lit. Like, it's literally amazing. Some people just love it. Like, what's your other segment?
Kai Newman
Oh, the other segment was I just talk about all the up that's happened to me at this job. Like, what job? My job as the producer of Emergency Intercom.
Inya
Okay.
Kai Newman
Basically, I could talk about stuff like, oh, whenever I go to the bathroom, Drew makes me pee into the water so that he can hear it or into Ziploc bags.
Drew
The pee into the water isn't weird. I just want to hear your stream.
Inya
Where else would you pee?
Kai Newman
On the side of the bowl to be polite and be demure.
Drew
It is on the side of the bowl.
Kai Newman
Yeah.
Drew
The bags I will say is weird, but I just use them as moisturizer later.
Inya
Oh, okay. It's like an acid peel. Yeah, yeah.
Kai Newman
Except my PH is perfect. My perfect elimination ph.
Inya
That is fucking disgusting. He doesn't make you do that. Because I never see bags of pee anywhere.
Kai Newman
Because he fucking snatches them immediately.
Drew
I. I make him do that.
Kai Newman
So yeah, that could be like a behind the scenes. Like a day in the life is a pretty cool. I think it'd just be videos of me peeing into bags. Oh, I wanted to show you guys something for Anya since she wasn't at Coachella.
Drew
Oh, these fierce. We really just do.
Inya
I love her so much.
Drew
Like, that's awesome.
Kai Newman
So I need to see Josiah enter a concert like that.
Inya
I love that. Like, I love that. That makes me happy. Like, yes. Performance is back.
Kai Newman
When I saw that I thought of you. I was like, I wish, I wish any was here to witness this.
Drew
Oh my God. I literally. I'm not kidding.
Inya
I think I would have cried cuz did I tell you about when I cried when I saw DOA Cat Live at Heaven, like at the Heaven concert, Something about it just like made me cry because I just couldn't believe she.
Drew
Was like, I did that at Coachella. I literally cried at the LA Philharmonic. Just looking around at the people all smiling and like, yeah.
Kai Newman
Did you go to the LA Phil?
Drew
Yeah, of course.
Inya
Yeah.
Kai Newman
People at my house were like, who the fuck is watching that? Just imagine you standing there on literally.
Inya
When we saw Spiritualized when we went to Coachella, that was my favorite part and I feel like that would have been like the closest to that.
Drew
I literally have that written down as like, like one of my favorite moments was Philharmonic. It was beautiful.
Inya
You like, you're literally dressed up like a little nerd and you're not even about the nerd life.
Kai Newman
I look professorial.
Drew
No, Kai is not a nerd. He's an office siren.
Kai Newman
Yeah, I'm an office siren. People all agree whenever I post a photo, everyone's like unanimously like, yes, I know, right?
Drew
It's 100%.
Kai Newman
That's what people are talking about when they say office siren.
Inya
That's the only part of me that's sad that I missed Gaga is cuz I've already seen her live. But like the theatrics of it all. I would have cried. I would have been so happy. It would have made me laugh.
Kai Newman
Like, so awesome.
Inya
The laughing comes from a love surge.
Drew
Wait, Kai, did she invite you, or. I think it might have just been me, but Gaga invited me into her trailer afterwards and we, like, hung out. Yeah. You definitely weren't in there. No, it was just.
Kai Newman
No, I wasn't.
Drew
It was there.
Kai Newman
I didn't know that this happened.
Drew
It was just me and Gaga, and she was just like. We were, like, hanging out for a little bit, and she was like, oh, like, I know your dad. Like, your dad's a really big fan of mine. Like, he's. He's, like, a big fan. I know him. And then he was like, oh, my God, it's you from the English teachers and their gay students picture. Like, that's really funny. Like, oh, yeah, you were at the Joker 2 screening that I spoke. She, like, remembered me and everything, and she was like, oh, do you want to, like, get on my helicopter back to la? Like, we're just, like, dipping immediately and we're just going to go hang out. Yeah. And I went back to L. A and did a bunch of blow with Gaga, and then I came back in her helicopter. She sent her helicopter back.
Kai Newman
This is actually reminding me of another segment. Lies that are told on the podcast, and then I, like, reveal them. Just. Just a thought.
Inya
We don't lie.
Drew
I've literally never lied once in my life.
Inya
We joke around and we get silly, but we don't lie.
Drew
That. And that's actually really problematic for you to say that I lied about. Yeah.
Kai Newman
How is that problematic?
Inya
What have we lied about?
Kai Newman
Like, so much stuff. What he just said. You think he went and did coke with Lady Gaga?
Inya
Yeah. Drew's never lied to me. Drew. Drew doesn't.
Drew
And I had sex with Kanye and Drake.
Kai Newman
Yeah, that I believe.
Drew
Yeah, that's actually real. No, that actually literally did happen. Like, I framed it as.
Kai Newman
That did happen.
Drew
I know I framed it as a bit, but that, like, literally did it.
Inya
No, you shouldn't. You, like, you shouldn't even be saying that kind of stuff. Yeah, I can't even lie. I want those ass bangs, though. I want the bang.
Kai Newman
I just see, like, the Josiah version of this in the year 2030.
Inya
That is Josiah Emmy picture.
Drew
That literally is.
Inya
The hand pose is also like.
Kai Newman
Yeah.
Drew
What else do you want to talk about? I see a no smoking sign on your phone.
Kai Newman
Oh, I just thought this was cool.
Drew
Please, Zayn. I thought it was, like, a Zen joke, but, like, Zayn Malik.
Kai Newman
No, I just like the idea.
Drew
Did y' all also cut for Justin Bieber when that was going down? I was. I sliced my wrists up. I was.
Kai Newman
No, I. I cut for chicken Jockey.
Drew
Chicken jockey? What is that from the Minecraft movie?
Inya
Like, I can't believe y' all are still saying that kind of Chicken jockey.
Drew
Oh, cutting for chicken Jockey.
Kai Newman
Yeah, that was in my notes. I was gonna say maybe another segment where whenever you guys go on your phones during the episode, I throw tomatoes at you.
Drew
Boo tomato. And you boo us.
Kai Newman
Yeah. And then you guys could retaliate and be like, fuck you, and then spank me over the. Over the.
Drew
Wait, Kai, do you want to hit me? You've never got to hit me.
Kai Newman
I've hit you.
Drew
Well, no, like, right now, on camera, you hit me behind closed doors.
Kai Newman
Wait, yeah, I mean, I would love that.
Drew
Yeah, do it. I can sing.
Kai Newman
That was really nice.
Inya
Oh, my God.
Kai Newman
No. I spilled my water when I was hitting you.
Inya
Oh, so now you need to get more or what?
Drew
So now you need a little. Little spank.
Inya
Okay, well, I have to admit something. I think some stinks smell really good. And for one, when I was a kid, I thought. I thought fish food actually smelled really good, and I would eat it as a kid.
Drew
You ate fish food?
Kai Newman
That's. It does smell kind of good. I swear it does smell good.
Inya
And I, like, I. I never ate it in, like, surplus.
Kai Newman
It has, like, an umami and umami scent.
Inya
Yeah. Like, it's like, to me, it's like.
Drew
A fixed flavor profile.
Kai Newman
Yeah.
Inya
Well, there was this one specific fish food I'm thinking of, and it was these flaky ones that, like, the rainbow ones, maybe.
Drew
Yeah, the rainbow flakes. I cannot support or get behind this argument, like, for the first time.
Inya
It's not an argument. It's my truth. Like, wow, why even make it like that? Like, I just thought, like, I could be vulnerable and tell you guys.
Kai Newman
It activates the same part of my brain that, like, Doritos does.
Inya
Or, like, gasoline. Yeah, I want to, like, drink gasoline. I want to drink fabuloso. Like, I want to chew on dishwasher pods. If I'm being honest. Like, oh, my God, I would love challenge. Yeah.
Drew
That ruined my life.
Inya
Remember when you almost got banned from YouTube because you made NyQuil?
Drew
I literally, like, didn't make money for, like, five years on YouTube because I made Nyquil chicken and I lit it on fire, which is crazy that Nyquil is that flammable, by the way.
Kai Newman
Is it.
Drew
Fun fact. If you want to burn a house down. Just like pour nyquil and light it on fire.
Inya
Oh, my God.
Drew
Yeah. No, it's like, really flammable. Yeah. So butthole, gay, poopy, fart, butt. And if your butthole is gay, you, like, do a popper with a poop in your butt and then you can, like, crap out the poop.
Inya
Wait, so you ate dog food though, right, or.
Drew
No, I ate bacon strips.
Inya
Okay, see, that's crazy. Like that versus just dry dog.
Drew
And the greenies, the like waxy greenies.
Inya
That's.
Drew
They had a good bite to them.
Kai Newman
Do you guys have any more incredible questions to ask daddy before or me before?
Drew
If you were a cryptid, what would your name and habitat be?
Kai Newman
If I was encrypted?
Drew
Oh, no. If you were a cryptid, what is that? Like a creature?
Kai Newman
A creature of the name.
Drew
Like the Loch Ness monster is a crypto.
Inya
Loch dis. Yeah, Loch Ness monster.
Drew
The like, duendes.
Kai Newman
If I was a duende, I feel.
Inya
Like I'd be a duende.
Drew
Honestly, make us all three laugh so hard. Like I. The word duende, like, the idea of them, like the president of Mexico, like, getting on live television talking about.
Kai Newman
That's like, when I first met you guys, I pulled up a duende compilation.
Drew
Yeah, we went.
Kai Newman
Those videos are so.
Drew
They're the best videos ever.
Kai Newman
Yeah, I would. I would be a d. How do.
Drew
You handle feeling disconnected, either from yourself or others?
Inya
Oh, my God. This is like.
Kai Newman
Honestly, the answer to that is like. And I'm not joking when I say this. My friend who used to be like an addict, she now, I guess something that they say in AA meetings is the opposite of a. The opposite of addiction is connection. And I don't know, I. She's always like, been like, oh, that's like one of the tenants of this thing. And I do think that everyone feels disconnected. You don't have to be like an addict, feel disconnected. Most people are addicts to like something. Not like in a way that's going to send you to the hospital, but everyone has. Creates their own mechanisms to deal with stress, whatever. And I always thought you're smart and.
Drew
Sexy, you're intelligent, you really are.
Kai Newman
I always thought that that was corny. Honestly, I was like, that sounds just like something people say in a support group. And I do, I honestly do think that that helps so much because I am not an addict. But I do feel like there's. Anyone can see that there's things in place in our lives that are easily ways to cope with stuff, whether it's like watching TV or playing fucking Fortnite all the time.
Drew
And the Tramadol in my bedroom.
Kai Newman
Yeah, yeah. The 150 tramadol on Drew's bed. I do think that actually spending good quality time with people does help me feel less like a fucking bug or like a brain inside of a jar, you know, like the opposite of me going on TikTok hours. Yeah. And me becoming a circuit board. I do honestly think that it's like.
Inya
I feel like I'm more like a drum pad.
Drew
Like the silent ones that like, like.
Kai Newman
And use a rose toy.
Drew
Whoa. What am I, Guys.
Inya
Thanks, bro.
Drew
Oh, my God. Nothing. Apparently you are.
Kai Newman
The Sniffies app. I don't know. I just have to.
Inya
You are all.
Drew
I am all. Wait, I am literally all Herm. Self. Both. Both.
Inya
Oh, yeah, you were. You don't know what we're talking about.
Kai Newman
I have no idea. I feel so left out.
Drew
Fucking clip from what's it, the model movie with this. With Ben Zoolander and Benedict Humphrey.
Kai Newman
Is he in that?
Drew
Yes. And his character's name is all. And he's like this androgynous being in the name. All is so funny. And he's like, I'm all everything. And he is a she also. Last dream you remember vividly having. These are rapid fire, by the way, so hurry the fuck.
Kai Newman
I have to say something. That's hard, though, because it's hard to remember dreams. I had a dream recently that I. There was fires starting around la, and I kept watching them start and everything was burning down. And every time they would start, I would, like, try and get it out and then my thing would, like, burn. Like that.
Drew
Complex. Yeah, I have sex dreams Down.
Kai Newman
How often? Pretty frequently.
Drew
No, like, maybe once every month.
Kai Newman
How often do you have sex dreams?
Drew
That was sexual harassment.
Inya
What the fuck?
Kai Newman
I'm literally just trying.
Inya
No, Kind of often, but they're like. They're like really, like, weird, humiliating. Like it's never often. Like, yeah, kind of often. And it's like. It's like never, like a good time. It's always like, I'm petrified and I'm like, oh, my God, this is bad.
Drew
Petra Collins, if I. Yeah, I.
Kai Newman
Have I ever told you when I tried to learn how to do lucid dreaming so that I could have sex?
Drew
Yeah, he said that recently. Oh, wait. To have sex dreams?
Inya
Yeah. With the whole thing?
Kai Newman
No, A couple years ago, I was like, I want to have. Did I talk about this on the podcast?
Inya
You did. Because I remember literally looking at you while you said that. And I was like, that's a crazy thing.
Drew
So like, I didn't realize it was for.
Kai Newman
I was just like, oh, it be cool to have more of those frequently. Cuz I get them once every three years.
Inya
Wow, it sucks.
Drew
Damn.
Kai Newman
The rest of my dreams, I'm just doing like complex math equations and whatever. It doesn't matter.
Drew
Would you rather forget who you are every morning or never be able to recognize faces again? Ew, yucky. I hate that one.
Inya
This is crazy.
Kai Newman
Wait, because I had like, I think not recognized faces. Because wouldn't that be insane every morning to learn who you are?
Drew
Yeah, that's basically dementia. I literally have the worst fear. That's like, I literally, like, have such a fear of like, people in my life getting dementia. And it's because of those tick tock accounts of people like, showing their parents with dementia. Oh my God, that literally ruined me. Would you rather always feel like you're being watched or always feel like you're forgetting something important?
Kai Newman
Well, I already know what it's like to feel like I'm being watched all the time because I found the toilet cameras that you guys installed at my house.
Inya
Oh my God, you're being dramatic. We're just trying to make sure. You said you were having problems.
Drew
Find the shower camera to know. Do you find the closet camera? Did you find the bed cam?
Kai Newman
So you're saying you saw when I slipped and found a Neutrogena bottle went completely.
Drew
Yeah, first was actually. It was actually, actually.
Kai Newman
Oh, so you're saying you saw the Looney Tunes, the Ninja Blender incident that happened when I slipped and then the bathroom faucet went inside.
Drew
Do you have any last things you want to sound off on?
Kai Newman
Well, I guess I could promote the two oddly satisfying shows where for those of you that don't know, it's when we do these like, funny DJ sets. I'm doing one in Austin on May 2nd and one in New York on May 10th. And it's gonna be a movie. So if you guys want to come to that, come. The last one's really fun. The last one that we did. And you broke a bottle over Drew's head.
Drew
Yeah, and she gave me like a giant welt on my forehead.
Inya
Well, they told me to do that last minute. I didn't know, like I was supposed.
Drew
Well, no, I planned it last year. Yeah, I planned it literally on stage. Cage.
Inya
Yeah. He literally just had one in his bag and he was like, can you break this on my head?
Drew
And I had my bag of tricks. I had my birkin My tall hat with the turnip hat on top, like baggage.
Inya
That was a really fun night, though.
Drew
Yeah.
Inya
And I like when you all play songs for me.
Kai Newman
Yeah. I think we put, like, seven in there.
Drew
Yeah. It was pretty much for all friends.
Kai Newman
Yeah. If you guys want to come. It's going to be a movie. It's basically going to be an Ari Aster film, Sean Baker film. There will not be an intimacy coordinator.
Drew
Yeah. At the show.
Kai Newman
I'm sorry. That. Yeah, I think that's basically it. The other thing is that I love you guys and I'm. I feel very lucky.
Drew
Love you, too.
Kai Newman
Be a part of this. It really was, like, a dream moving to LA to, like, work on something with friends that makes everyone happy.
Drew
That's our job. We want to make people happy. And thank you for helping us with it.
Inya
Yeah. You really have been, like, the rock.
Drew
That held it down.
Kai Newman
I. I'll get, like, clips or montages of early episodes, and I will genuinely.
Inya
It is crazy. It also, like, it makes. I'm like, damn, dude. We were like, yeah, young. Like, wow. But I, like, we're still young. But, like, it's crazy how, like, even looking back at that point, I was like, damn, we're all grown as. And I remember especially I looked at you and I was like, he's grown as. And now we're that age. And I'm like.
Kai Newman
I think the craziest thing is because it was. We started, like, right after Covid. Right. Like, right when things, like, it was, like, lockdown ended.
Inya
It was like, 2021.
Drew
2121.
Kai Newman
I remember. I remember doing those episodes and being like, again, kind of like the bioluminescent thing. I was like, this is amazing. Like, this is, like, really cool. And I remember being like. It feels so weird to think about the fact that I will be nostalgic for this period of human history, like, post Covid or in Covid, whatever. And inevitably, I do feel that way. Like, I'll see those videos and I'll remember, like, driving over to the house, the other one, and the Flea episode, like, doing it. Yeah.
Drew
The Grove parking lot. Did we ever tell them that's where we were? That we were in the parking lot at the Grove?
Inya
I don't think so. I think people knew we were, like, staying at a hotel, but we didn't want to do it in the hotel because, like, I don't know, it just felt random. I was like, what? I don't want to be in.
Drew
It was like, concrete.
Inya
Yeah. It was like a concrete ass. Like, Building. But, yeah, I know. It is insane. Well.
Drew
But, yeah, we've come a long way and we've got a long way to go, y' all.
Inya
We got a long way to go.
Kai Newman
Yeah. We gotta get to episode 1000 for body count.
Drew
I can't say, like, body count reveal for real is.
Kai Newman
No, it's not.
Drew
BLEEP that.
Inya
Did we say that?
Drew
Huh?
Inya
Did we say our body count in, like.
Drew
No, no, no.
Kai Newman
Now I'm saying episode 1000. We run that body count reveal.
Inya
Oh, hell no. Like, why. Why do you.
Kai Newman
Will be much larger.
Drew
Yeah, it'll be in.
Kai Newman
Mine will have sometimes somehow gone down. I don't know.
Drew
You prayed them away?
Kai Newman
Yeah. If I pray enough for the next 900 episodes, I saw a clip of.
Drew
Like, someone talking about, like, I forget who the it was, but it was cracking me up because it was such a relatable experience. Like, growing up in the church and growing up hyper religious. Just, like, being in a car and, like, thinking about, like, God just, like, smiting you and poking the car with, like, his finger and exploding. Like, I thought about, like, me being killed by God all the time. Like, him holding me underwater and pool because I sinned. Like, I would, like, be in bed, like, praying that he didn't kill me.
Kai Newman
What? That's how that ends.
Inya
Oh, my God, Drew, that's so awful.
Drew
I was so scared of God. I was literally a God fearing individual. Now I love God. God is everywhere. God is good. God isn't the God you think I believe in. God is good.
Inya
Wow. I mean, yeah, that's a lot. I don't think I had that. I was just kind of annoyed with having to go to, like, Jehovah's Witnesses thing.
Drew
No, literally, God is good.
Kai Newman
Were you religious when you were younger?
Inya
No, but my dad faked it because our extended family is really Jehovah's Witness and Catholic. So we would go to event things and he would act like he took us to church near our neighborhood, because a lot of our family either didn't live in Miami or they lived far enough away. That was like, oh, it's too far for us to take all the kids there. So my dad just lied. But I was not religious.
Drew
Like, were you going to.
Kai Newman
I went to synagogue growing up, and I did Sunday school, and I learned Hebrew.
Drew
Sunday school.
Kai Newman
But I was never religious. I was always like, this is. No, that doesn't make sense. That there's God. That doesn't make sense.
Drew
Yeah. I think when I was, like, 11 or 12 is when I was, like, my brain like, finally started working and I was like, all of this is.
Inya
I. Like, I went through a phase where I was like, I don't believe in any God, but now I do believe.
Drew
Oh, I'm so. So whatever. Right. Like, I'm so spiritual. We were just talking about this.
Kai Newman
Yeah, it's. It is honestly a shame that I guess a lot of people's introductions to some sort of omnipresent creator is that it's going to punish you.
Drew
Yeah. It's going to kill you. Punish you and, like, to hate everyone and everything.
Kai Newman
But I do think that humans are basically just bugs. Like, we're not that different from bugs. And we need. We need to feel like there's something we need to actually believe.
Inya
That's why it drives people.
Drew
That's why people need to go to more basketball games. More basketball games. Like, for real. More. Go to more basketball games and concerts and festivals. Go, like, connect with people all cheering for the same thing.
Inya
Like, or go to your fucking homies house. Bright. Don't FaceTime them. Like, if you can, like, go to their crib so that you're not just, like, on the phone.
Kai Newman
I was having that thought at Coachella. There's, like, so many people and it's pretty intense. And I understand why people don't enjoy it. Everyone's happy. Yeah, well, there's. There's just a level of like, oh, we are very clearly trying to implant a sense of community. And, like, that is so much of the reason why even when you go to shows, it's like, nobody. You don't have to be as close to the stage as possible. I was thinking about that watching Claro. Like, everybody just naturally gets as close to each other and the stage as possible. And I'm like, it's cute. I think. Yeah. A sense of community is a lot more important. I don't know. It's been a thematic thing in my brain over the last probably six months of just like, oh, we are striving for community in whatever way we can.
Inya
Yeah.
Drew
And because these damn phones. It's these damn phones.
Kai Newman
Yeah.
Drew
They took our communities away. We need to go back to them.
Kai Newman
Yeah.
Drew
Those damn phones.
Inya
I'm not going back, actually.
Drew
And he's actually anti community.
Inya
Yeah. I'm like, low key. Like, so boring.
Drew
It's like, we need to, like, separate as far as possible from.
Inya
No. That is literally all I do do. I'm actually, like, I'm a. Yes. A holic to hanging out with.
Drew
Like, it's actually a problem. It's.
Inya
I. I almost Say yes too much.
Drew
No, you, you do say yes too much. Because it's literally like you have like three things going on and like at the same time and you have to like choose which one like you say yes to.
Inya
I make myself there for everything.
Drew
I will say I want the substance.
Kai Newman
I already got it. And I turned into Ian the rapper. I will say I feel like you guys have done a very good job at like a community of people. And I think especially in LA people, it's really hard to have relationships that last a long time.
Drew
I mean, unless we're fucking doing it because we're not fudgeing. Crazy. Yeah, that's the thing. And we're also not like incestual inside our friend group. That's like a big problem I realize is like everybody just like has sex with their friends and I'm like, girl, that's obviously going to like end very poorly. So like, if you want a long lasting friend group, just literally don't have sex with him. Challenge.
Kai Newman
I think it's also impressive too that you guys work with so many of your friends and that's a really hard thing to navigate. It is like inevitably going to be hard. And I feel like, I mean, with me, I feel like you guys have done it really well and I know like you obviously make videos with Josh and Josiah and stuff and other people.
Drew
I'm curious about that because friendship comes first.
Inya
Yeah. Also just like say what you want. I'm like such a proponent and I know that's hard, but I think it's something I've had to learn. And of course there are times when you should bite your tongue, but I think it's like trust and knowing that like I can hear something that I might not like, but I'm gonna have to just like hear it and sit with it and know that maybe there's a chance I'm gonna cause this person pain. Because any relationship you're taking a bet that you're gonna cause this person pain. But the like benefits of that is hopefully the pain isn't something crazy. Everybody has their boundaries of like what that pain necessarily is. Pain doesn't have to be like some torture driven thing, but just like the pain of like feeling uncomfortable or insecure or like having a question that you're like anxious about asking. But I think most people life is suffering. Yeah. If you just like push through it though, even if like you get a bad reaction at first or I don't know, I feel like it really is there. You have to just be able to Be uncomfortable with somebody you're gonna work with or have in your life for a long time. Because, like, bro is weird and not.
Drew
Everything needs to be a goddamn conversation. I'm sorry. I don't know where that got twisted. But, like, the reason my friendships have lasted is because all of my friends do that. Piss me the off. But like, girl, it is not that deep. I'd rather have this person in my life. And like, maybe I just found like, literally the most perfect matches ever because, like, they do the same thing to me. Obviously there are some things that I have to vocalize where I'm like, girl, that was annoying. But, like, I'm so brain dead when it comes to, like, the relationships that I surround myself with. And I'm just like, it feels good to be around this person. Like, I don't care.
Inya
I think we all get lucky that for the most part, the things that.
Drew
We also don't like crazy in our life.
Inya
Yeah. Like, we're like the things that annoy us or piss us off about each other is like not that deep. Like, it's literally like. It's like a. Yeah, it's like a dishes thing or like showing up on time or not on time or like, like that. That I'm just like. I feel like there's so much more benefit you get from having people in your life. And it's really easy to harp on, especially as anxious people. It's like really easy. Just like, oh, my God. Because of this. That's going to turn to this. It's going to turn to this. And it's just like, chill, chill, chill. Everyone chill.
Drew
Just like, bro, if everyone took a Xanax, a hundred of them over a hundred days, we would all be addicted to Xanax. And then we would all go through.
Kai Newman
What are you talking about?
Drew
Wait, let me finish. We'll all go through Xanax withdrawal together, which is the worst. I've been through it.
Kai Newman
Oh, I see where you're coming from.
Drew
And we, we will all have a shared common experience. We went through hell together. We'd all be trauma bonded.
Inya
Okay. No, yeah.
Drew
Also, if your relationship is failing with your significant other, get a hotel room and do Molly together.
Kai Newman
Smart. That'll fix it for sure. That's what we've done.
Drew
Josh told me a comedian said that. I don't know what, I don't know who said it, but it actually was. I was like, wait, that actually might work. But what were you gonna say? Kai?
Kai Newman
Sorry. Oh, I guess it kind of goes back to one of those Questions about seeing myself as a result of the podcast. Whatever. Just, I think doing a creative thing and pushing through the inevitable, like, challenges of whatever you're doing is so rewarding. And I do think it's very fucking rare now. I think, like, like, dating apps is like an allegory for just relationships in general, of just being like, oh, it's incredibly easy to move on from something now, like, versus to fight for that shit. Exactly. And I think, yeah, it's been really nice to go through an entire creative process with people over years and, you know, enjoy all the good parts, enjoy all the, you know, challenges. And I don't know, I think, yeah, it's been. It's been really nice to be like, oh, this is actually something I'm capable of doing, which it's really hard.
Drew
You're doing it, Joe.
Kai Newman
And we're all in a polyamorous relationship and we have sex.
Inya
Yeah.
Kai Newman
Which obviously can complicate things, but no.
Inya
That actually makes it difficult.
Drew
It gets difficult. But, like, we enjoy those challenges. We enjoy the challenges. Like, I like sitting in a chair and watching Inyan Kai bone. Like, I love that Inya likes boning Kai.
Kai Newman
And I like putting the tarp down for y' all.
Inya
E. The tarp is crazy, cuz I'm imagining the ones you could get at, like, the blue ones at Home Depot.
Kai Newman
The industrial strength ones to gag a clocking bird. Oh, what about this?
Drew
Lady Gaga Gagiana Grande.
Inya
No, we're not gonna cut it. You're not cutting that.
Drew
Drew Psyop. Drew Cyop. Drew Cyop. Drew Cyop. Here I am thinking I'm getting thick. My panties were on backwards. She talking about that birth control made her big. I saw you eat those 24 wings. I. With all types of music. They call me Poly Jammerous.
Inya
That is me as I'm putting that in my bio.
Drew
Poly Jammer is that is me as.
Inya
Like.
Drew
That sleep hit different when you wash your ass first. That's why some of y' all can't sleep at night. Kai gets ready in five minutes. I know. Something stinks.
Inya
I've smelled you stink before.
Drew
I asked you last night and you said you didn't.
Inya
No, but, like, I mean, in the general sense, like, we live together and we, like, we lay together, we break bread. We make love like we smell each other's morning breath. Yeah, like you. Yeah, literally, like, we lay with each other.
Drew
Your morning breath this morning was kicking. I could not sleep through it. And you and I are still sleeping in the same bed, by the way.
Kai Newman
Why? Why don't you just be adults and sleep alone like me?
Inya
Oh, my God, you're so jealous. Sleep over. But Drew's gonna.
Drew
Yeah. Do you want to sleep in my big bed tonight? Kai, I'm for real. I'd sleep in the middle and you would sleep on. Yeah.
Inya
We've been inviting.
Kai Newman
Really?
Drew
We have, like, reigns up next.
Kai Newman
Like, yeah, yeah, I would love to do that.
Inya
Also, I need to clarify. Like, none of us do actually. We genuinely. None of us do some freaky. Because I don't need anybody, like, hearing this clip, and it sounds really crazy.
Drew
Thinking we're the new.
Inya
But, like, no, we actually actually are. Just, like, none of us were allowed to hang out with friends, and we didn't have a lot of friends, and we have a lot of childhood sadness. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Drew
Those nipple rings do nothing but make the titty taste like a quarter. Ladies. Imagine getting your vagina licked. Then boom, his teeth falls out. That was from Amelia. She cooked.
Ryan Seacrest
What?
Inya
No, that's the beauty. Like, what?
Drew
Don't think about it.
Inya
Then boom.
Drew
Then, boom, his teeth. This tweet is crazy. From its underscore T. Do I lose all respect for a T shirt once I slept in it?
Kai Newman
Oh, that's a. I get that.
Drew
No, like, if I sleep in a T shirt, I will literally never wear it out again. Yeah, well, see? Okay, well, that was Drew. Sigh. What do you got for media babe?
Inya
Not me. Because sometimes I just knock out. Like, I just will, like, go to sit down and I'll knock out and, like, full clothing. I low key with sleeping in jeans.
Kai Newman
Ag Cook Stargon. You know that one, right?
Drew
Play the first couple seconds. Yeah, I heard that in the Heaven store one time, and I was like, this is, like, the worst vibe to ever curate.
Inya
Like, it was like being in the Climax movie.
Drew
Yeah. Oh, Sangria. Love that song.
Inya
You're so annoying.
Kai Newman
I'm still listening to the Cameron Winter album. It's cool. I've never heard a person sing like that before. Karma Police by Radiohead halfway through where he says, I lost myself, I lost my. Or, what does he say?
Drew
Karma Police. Brighter Days in Percolator by Cashmere Glue bicep.
Kai Newman
And.
Drew
You'Ve been dickmatized too late. I get out of that. From Climax. Stigmatized.
Inya
Okay, mine is, honestly, when I really think about it, I've been listening to kind of the same things over and over again. Funk Me.
Drew
That's literally every single week.
Inya
I know. Funk Me. Marvin Gaye, in and out of Shadows, Dion Summer Is Coming, Labycifra, Scandalous princess. I can't go for that. Daryl hall and John Oates and locked on toliver still. And if you want me, say it. Love unlimited.
Drew
Do we count yo mama's stinky vagina as media? Because I've been tearing that shit up like both of yalls mamas. Well, thank you guys so much for tuning into this episode of Emergency Intercom. Thank you, Kai, for tuning in.
Inya
I've had the biggest urge to smack the out of your leg.
Kai Newman
Really?
Inya
Yeah.
Kai Newman
That's so strange. I don't get that. I just want to make people around me feel good all the time.
Inya
Ew.
Drew
It would make me feel.
Inya
That would make me feel good. Actually. It made me really happy.
Kai Newman
I feel like I'm getting manipulated.
Inya
But do you said you care about making people happy.
Kai Newman
That's true. Okay, yeah. You can hit me as hard as you fucking want.
Drew
Who fucking hit?
Inya
Hit me.
Kai Newman
And then for visual media, for me it's porn.
Drew
Famously, Kai loves porn.
Kai Newman
I'm obsessed with porn.
Inya
Visual media for me is Carmen Winston.
Drew
Hi, my name is Carmen Winston. I'm 17 years old. All right, bye.
Ryan Seacrest
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Emergency Intercom Episode Summary: "Our Polyamorous Relationship w/ Ky Pt. 2"
Release Date: April 18, 2025
Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Guest: Kai Newman
Podcast: Emergency Intercom by iHeartPodcasts
In the second part of their discussion on a polyamorous relationship with Kai Newman, Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips delve deeper into the dynamics of their unconventional relationship. The episode, marked by its characteristic comedic flair, explores personal anecdotes, relationship complexities, and the impact of their podcasting journey on their lives.
Drew Phillips reintroduces Kai Newman to the show, highlighting Kai's recent appearance and his "sexy as fuck" "office siren era" attire. This segment sets the stage for an engaging and humorous conversation among friends who navigate both personal and professional relationships.
Drew ([01:59]): "No, like Kai's been sexy as fuck. He's in his office siren era."
Kai Newman humorously details how a compliment led to ongoing playful teasing about his wardrobe choices.
Kai Newman ([02:11]): "This is gonna be the thing that I wear for three fucking months."
The trio discusses the challenges of giving and receiving compliments within their tight-knit friend group. Inya expresses difficulty in sounding sincere without following up with a joke, while Kai points out the thin line between genuine praise and perceived sexual harassment.
Inya ([02:55]): "Well, I've realized I don't know how to sound sincere because it's just so hard."
Kai Newman ([03:18]): "I feel like I can only compliment Drew because if I compliment you, that's, like, sexual harassment in the workplace."
Kai recounts a memorable yet embarrassing incident from Coachella, where he suffered from food poisoning after consuming multiple spring rolls. The story is laced with humor and cringe-worthy moments, including an unexpected encounter with Justin Bieber during his ordeal.
Kai Newman ([07:30]): "The summary is that I had a big hummus release at an afterparty that Justin Bieber was at so, like, 30ft away from me while I was creating a very hot, stinky mud pie in the toilet."
The group shares laughs over the vivid portrayal of Kai’s discomfort and the chaos that ensued, including Drew’s "mushroomy hummus release."
Drew ([04:15]): "Like, when you guys released out of my skin portal."
Kai opens up about the psychological effects of being an internet content creator, likening it to "pseudo schizophrenia" due to the constant influx of external perceptions.
Kai Newman ([16:14]): "What do I wish people knew about me more? I have a body count in the single digits. I am obsessed with helping women. I feel like I never talk about that."
The discussion emphasizes the difficulty of separating personal identity from public persona, with Drew and Inya reflecting on their own struggles with receiving compliments and maintaining authenticity.
Drew ([21:30]): "I think, fundamentally, that single comment ... would change me."
Kai pitches several humorous segment ideas, including "videos of me working out and eating" and "pee into Ziploc bags," showcasing their trademark blend of absurdity and camaraderie.
Kai Newman ([32:55]): "Let me pitch you guys some segment ideas for the show."
The trio engages in playful banter about social media quirks, such as "feeder content," and shares amusing anecdotes about their interactions online.
Drew ([33:13]): "Play the first couple seconds. Yeah, I heard that in the Heaven store one time."
The hosts openly discuss their polyamorous relationship, addressing potential complications and how they manage to maintain harmony. They emphasize the importance of communication, trust, and setting boundaries to navigate their intertwined personal lives.
Kai Newman ([63:01]): "And we're all in a polyamorous relationship and we have sex."
Inya ([63:05]): "Yeah. That actually makes it difficult."
This segment is candid, blending humor with sincere reflections on maintaining friendships and romantic connections within a polyamorous framework.
The conversation shifts to the broader theme of community, especially in the context of post-COVID social dynamics. Kai contemplates the importance of genuine human connections over superficial interactions mediated by technology.
Kai Newman ([57:26]): "We are striving for community in whatever way we can."
Drew and Inya echo these sentiments, advocating for in-person interactions and shared experiences as essential for mental well-being.
Inya ([56:31]): "Like, or go to your fucking homies house. Bright. Don't FaceTime them."
In the final segments, the hosts reflect on their personal growth since the beginning of the podcast. They share aspirations for future episodes, including a humorous goal to reach "episode 1000 for body count."
Kai Newman ([63:31]): "Now I'm saying episode 1000. We ran that body count reveal."
They reminisce about early episodes and acknowledge the journey they've undertaken together, emphasizing the strength of their friendship and professional partnership.
Inya ([52:13]): "It is insane how, like, even looking back at that point, I was like, damn, we're all grown as."
The episode concludes with light-hearted humor and mutual affirmations of their friendship. They tease future content, including upcoming DJ sets and planned segments, while reaffirming their commitment to creating a supportive and entertaining community for their listeners.
Kai Newman ([51:16]): "I love you guys and I'm... I feel very lucky."
Drew Phillips ([51:41]): "Love you, too."
"Our Polyamorous Relationship w/ Ky Pt. 2" offers a blend of humor, heartfelt moments, and candid discussions about unconventional relationships. Enya, Drew, and Kai provide listeners with an intimate glimpse into their lives, highlighting the importance of communication, authenticity, and community in maintaining meaningful connections.
Note: This summary excludes the advertisement segments at the beginning and end of the transcript, focusing solely on the conversational and content-rich portions of the episode.