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Narrator/Ad Voice
This is an iHeart podcast.
PNC Wealth Management Ad Voice
Guaranteed Human At PNC Wealth Management, our brilliantly boring investment philosophy is designed to help create confident investors. These investors may go on vacations where they wear floral shirts, unbuttoned generously, or pose for pictures that look like they're holding up ancient architecture using only their finger. Though we are not responsible for any of this, we are proud to provide comprehensive financial planning services designed to help clients achieve their goals. So we're sorry and you're welcome. PNC Wealth Management Member Finracific Results vary by customer and are not guaranteed Mic.
Anya
Check 12 Are we recording? Hi, I'm Michelle Bernstein, an award winning chef, restaurateur and mom. I have a lot on my plate, including my psoriatic arthritis symptoms. That's why I was prescribed Cosentyx. It helps me move better.
Drew
Cosentyx Secukenumab is prescribed for people 2 years of age and older with active psoriatic arthritis. Don't use if you're allergic to Cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur like tuberculosis or other serious bacterial, fungal or viral infections. Some were fatal.
Anya
Tell your doctor if you have an.
Drew
Infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches or cough had a vaccine or planned to, or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen serious allergic reactions and severe eczema like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-cosentix or cosentyx.com Ask.
Anya
Your rheumatologist about Cosentyx.
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Anya
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Anya
Yeah, you won. Do that. Doing that did that done. Now you can do that do that.
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Chapter 10 Ronan's eyes widened as the moon enveloped their secret sanctuary. Go, he warned. I'm losing control. Luna defiantly stepped forward, tracing the scar across his jaw. Then lose it, she whispered. She was ready. She has Nexplanon etinorgestrel implant 68mg radiopaque to prevent pregnancy. A non daily prescription birth control for women that goes in your arm and not in your uterus. Don't use nexplanon if you're pregnant or may be pregnant, have or had blood clots or certain cancers, have liver disease, liver tumor or unexplained vaginal bleeding. Once the implant is placed, you and your doctor should feel for it. If at any time you can't feel the implant, contact your doctor right away and use a non hormonal birth control method such as condoms. Removal of the implant may be difficult or impossible if it isn't where it should be. While uncommon ectopic pregnancy pregnancy that occurs outside the womb can occur, which can cause serious internal bleeding, infertility and even death. You are likely to experience changes to your period. Ovarian cysts may occur and usually disappear. Nexplanon may raise the chance of serious blood clots, which can cause heart attack, stroke or death, especially if you smoke or have other risk factors. Nexplanon doesn't protect against HIV or STDs. With less than one pregnancy per 100 women who use Nexplanon for one year, Nexplanon is over 99% effective. No matter the fantasy, talk to your doctor. Call 1-877-467-5266 or visit nexplanon.com for more information. Ask your doctor about Nexplanon.
Anya
Oh my gosh. Hi guys. Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today we're going to get into so many crazy.
Drew
So many deep topics.
Anya
So many crazy topics. You won't even know. You'll walk away having no idea what was said. They never put me in squid games.
Drew
Wait, that is crazy when you think about it.
Anya
That's the only self tape in my life I've ever done and I really wanted that.
Drew
Also, let's talk about this.
Anya
I put my heart and soul in it.
Drew
We put squid games on the map.
Anya
That's what I'm saying because nobody was even talking about squid Games before, we were like, let's. I saw somebody.
Drew
Let's talk about that. Let's talk about Mr. Beast.
Anya
I. I will say we were the first grown adults, but actually, it's not a good thing. Like, it's. We were the only grown adults who were privy to Mr. Beast until all the people we knew started having kids. Now all the adults in my life, for the most part, know about Mr. Beast because they have children. Wait.
Drew
Let's get Mr. Beast on Howard Stern.
Anya
Let's get him on the guillotine in the middle of a public square. And I want to be holding.
Drew
I've called Mr. Beast Demonic in the last four episodes, and he still sends me pr. And guess I've eaten every single bit of chocolate he sent me.
Anya
Yeah.
Drew
What, am I gonna throw it away?
Kai
That's not true. Actually, there's some chocolate in the wrapper when I went in your room.
Drew
Well, there. There's two left, but they're half eaten. I started them yesterday.
Anya
You tried to convince me to try them, and I'm just not. Because the flavors sound disgusting. Actually, it's like, I. I. But I also. I hate white chocolate. White chocolate, to me, is actually repulsive.
Drew
What about me? Easy. White chocolate. White boys are changing the game.
Kai
Yeah.
Drew
Look at me. Okay, the first thing I want to talk about today is I don't think I can fully trust someone that chooses Diet Coke over regular Coke. I don't think you love yourself.
Anya
Yeah, it says a lot about where that person is at spiritually.
Drew
The only people I can trust are Benny and Mary Beth. Other than that, like, everybody else, they drink Diet Coke. Yeah.
Kai
Yeah, they do.
Drew
They love disgusting.
Anya
Free yourself.
Kai
Well, I tried it recently. It's actually pretty good. Especially some lemon.
Anya
Don't even.
Drew
Like, every time I order a soda from a restaurant, it's actually. It actually is becoming my problem. It's becoming a problem because everyone's drinking Diet Coke. I'm the last real Coke. I'm the last real Coke drinker in this.
Anya
I'm not kidding. I've been given Diet Coke because, like, I unironically. Recently, it happened to me when I was alone, and I. I literally went, like, to myself, why are you trying to put Diet Coke on me?
Drew
Because of that.
Anya
Also, to me, it's like, people who are, like, either on one side or the other about, like, vaping or smoking. It's like, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. That shouldn't be in you. You're letting it get all up in you. Get your feet down. Like something is Wrong with you. That's disgusting. Also, your socks are like ugly.
Kai
They're ugly.
Drew
No, they're literally cute.
Anya
They're very generic ugly socks. And I believe that you should be somebody who's like upping your sock game.
Drew
I think they're cute. Yeah, but I just have a foot thing.
Anya
What did I say?
Drew
So you better put those away.
Anya
Everything Drew puts on is from closet Diana.
Drew
So like what am I wearing that's yours right now?
Anya
My jeans.
Narrator/Ad Voice
Those are my jeans.
Anya
Those are my jeans.
Drew
What else?
Anya
What's that? Where's that shirt from?
Drew
Acne?
Anya
I mean my socks. Those are definitely. You're wearing Aritzia.
Drew
No, no, no. When we did that Aritzia campaign, they gave us a bunch of money.
Anya
Those socks have not that long. You take my socks.
Drew
I swear to God. I don't.
Anya
Also not finishing that sentence. They gave us a lot of money.
Drew
Well, no, they gave us a lot of money and like store credit, which I didn't. You didn't use it, which is crazy. But I bought a bunch of shit and then gave it away to all my friends. But I bought for myself a bunch of socks. TNA socks from them. And when I got them, they were all midcut. And now I'm a mid cut queen. But every time I go to the gym and I'm wearing a mid cut sock, I look like a pervert. That's another thing I don't understand.
Anya
What does that like that makes perfect sense.
Kai
That makes perfect sense.
Drew
It makes perfect sense.
Anya
What about that is pervy?
Drew
Well, no, because I'm looking at all of the naked guys in the locker room while I'm wearing socks.
Anya
Socks. Really? I'm not kidding. For some reason, like if I saw somebody perving out in a locker room and they were fully butt ass naked, I'd be like, damn, that's crazy. If they were wearing mid cut socks, let alone mid cut TNA socks. Perving out in the corner.
Drew
That's a dangerous motherfucker.
Anya
Why is that? Check her purse.
Drew
Her too. Check her hard drive. Wait, also, what is it? If you stink in the winter, you're a dangerous. And yeah, you're dangerous. Mind you, our heater has been out in our house for literally two months now. Today, before they were recording, I finally got the H Vac people in here to come look at it. They didn't fix it. They just literally left and they just.
Anya
Came and made a bunch of noise. Honestly. Yeah, that's what they did.
Drew
They were like, sorry. So now me and Inya are freezing cold in our house. We woke up this morning 58 degrees inside our home. Yeah, it's bad in LA and it stays inside all day even if it's 90 degrees outside.
Anya
Part of. I was talking to my therapist about it and I was like part of my seasonal depression. I'm really like in a bad spot with right now is. It gets so cold in here that like I wrap up and I'm like, I can't leave the house because now in my head, outside is 50 degrees, even though every day here is like 75 degrees. And then I just don't want to leave the house cuz I'm so scared. It's so cold out there. And also I don't want to take a shower.
Drew
To our rooms. We can't explore our own home because it's literally like an arctic jungle.
Anya
I mean, I will say my room does have heating.
Drew
I know. And is the only room that has heating, which is so gay.
Anya
Well, actually it's God protecting women.
Drew
Yeah, it's protecting your ovaries, your baby makers.
Anya
It's so that I can have children soon. I'm bored of I'm going to have a kid.
Drew
It. No, I'll help raise it. I think we would be good parents. No, I. I mean, we would hate each other, but like, we would be good parents. We would raise that kid right.
Anya
I think anybody who would have. Who would. First of all, I don't want to raise a kid with anybody, period. I would want it. I want. I would want it to be a solo job because like everything in my life, I think I have an issue where like, I like to have full control because I genuinely am convinced I will do it the right way. So I don't think I. We would survive.
Drew
No, we wouldn't.
Anya
No, we wouldn't.
Drew
But our kid would be lit. Our kid.
Anya
No, our kid would actually maybe be horrifying because they'd be like, yeah, my parents were great. They haven't spoken to each other verbally.
Drew
In a long time.
Anya
They haven't spoken a single word out loud since.
Drew
But look at this podcast they hosted for five years.
Anya
What happened to a point where we just literally don't speak to each other anymore?
Drew
I can't even think of.
Anya
Who do you think would break the silence?
Kai
Me.
Drew
Well, I would try to call you, but you wouldn't answer your damn phone.
Anya
Yeah, true, true, true, true, true. No, no, I don't think. I really can't foresee that happening though.
Drew
No.
Anya
Because we really butt heads and it's fine.
Drew
Yeah, we yelled at each other. The other day, for the first time in five years.
Anya
Oh, my gosh. Like, literally, I was just so frustrated. Like, I think it was, like, valid on both ends, but definitely a lot of it was. I've just been so frustrated recently, which I'll actually. I don't know. I'm kind of confused by myself. And that's also what I was talking to my therapist about. I don't know where I feel so indifferent right now. Leaning frustrated. Like, I'm definitely easily, like, frustrated right now. How many times can I say that word?
Drew
What word?
Anya
I was trying so hard to, like, think of, like, busting in trade or something. Like, something that sounded like frustrated. What? Bust and trade?
Kai
That's a reach.
Anya
I said I was trying something like. That's why I was, like, silent, and I was like, oh, it's just not gonna happen.
Drew
I just am laughing at. That's where your brain went Bust and trade, dude. Well, frustrated, busted, bused and traded. As I blazed before the episode today.
Anya
I wish. Oh, my God. There was, like, at one point this summer, you were, like, open to smoking. Like, you were.
Drew
I mean, Barbie had her birthday party, and I went, and she got the. You know, the bouquet of flowers that Rosalia got. Charlie, question mark.
Anya
With cigarettes.
Drew
With cigarettes in it. She got the same flower arrangement, different flowers, but with a bunch of joints.
Anya
Wait, how did they make the flowers live that long? Was it the same flower arrangement?
Drew
No, different flowers. Yeah, they, like, replaced it, but it had 80 joints in it. And I didn't tell Barbie this, but I did take a joint.
Anya
You stole from Barbie at her birthday party?
Drew
I stole from Barbie at her birthday party. And I also took a macro dose of hallucinogenic mushrooms and didn't feel anything.
Anya
I'm gonna, like. If your foot is in that frame, Kai.
Kai
I'm just trying to relax because I have a table now, so.
Drew
Kai, where's our goddamn surprise? You've been talking about a surprise for five fucking months. I know. Is it Bro?
Kai
Dude. Well, you. You know what it is.
Anya
Wait, was the painting. Not it.
Drew
The painting? Was it. But I was, like, trying to, like, set it up where Kai could bring it in, and we were gonna be.
Anya
Like, oh, my God.
Kai
All right, pretend like I know what's crazy.
Anya
Actually, we need to. We really need to. You're about to be put on the spot crazy. And it's just because I'm bored and I have nothing else to talk about. So, like, I'm really sorry. It's crazy how men will talk about having a surprise for how Long was it.
Drew
He was like, it was over six weeks.
Anya
It was like, I have a surprise. I have a surprise for you. I got something crazy for you guys. Like, this whole, like, illusion. And I'm thinking, like, okay.
Drew
I'm like, oh, God. He spent his money on it.
Anya
Yeah. I'm like. I'm like, wow. Like, I'm a gift giver by nature. Like, that's my love language. I'm like, oh, my God. He actually went out of his. Like, he saw something and it reminded.
Drew
Him of exactly what I was thinking.
Anya
Oh, that's so cute. Talking about the surprise. Come to find out, the surprise is artwork by. And we're going to put your name up because I don't know your name off the top of my head, but I love it. It's so amazing.
Drew
It's literally hanging up in our house.
Anya
Yeah, it's the first thing you see when you walk. Amazing. It's an oil painting of Drew knocked out on the floor that the girl gave to Kai to give to us. To give to us.
Drew
And Kai sat here and acted like it was his surprise.
Anya
Mind you, same man who, like, what was it? 20 minutes ago, in my room, he eating my fucking candy. Drew asked for some and he goes, I don't know.
Drew
He said. He said, I don't. I want this one. And I was like, actually, no, I want that one.
Anya
Yeah, bitch. It's not your fucking candy. The fog, like, wow. Wow. It's just like.
Drew
Also, mind you, Kai shouldn't even be eating, period.
Anya
I know. Because it was out of his bounds. It was out of his, like, it was. It was out of his time set.
Drew
We had calorically.
Anya
We have a time frame.
Drew
It's a lot for you right now.
Kai
Yeah, I feel like I'm at my.
Anya
Well, now you don't get dinner. I hope it was worth it.
Drew
I hope those three gummies were worth it.
Kai
I think I had like, eight. Like, my stomach is filled with.
Anya
Okay, I'm not kidding.
Kai
Twin snakes.
Drew
Wait. Gummy sour steaks.
Anya
What was that? Did you just have a stroke? And now you're in, like, dead silence because you're so ashamed. Don't be ashamed of your health. Strokes are normal, especially for people our age now.
Drew
I know.
Anya
Let's get used to it.
Drew
I know. Let's wake up. Strokes at 27, everywhere. Oh, my God.
Anya
We literally have to start learning, like, signs of a stroke because we're with the way shit's going. Like, young people have strokes now.
Kai
So, babes, before we get off the topic of the Painting. I want the artist to know that Drew was so happy. You were so happy when I.
Drew
When I busted, I almost cried.
Anya
Well, he showed it to Drew and then I wasn't a part of the surprise that I was led onto for six weeks. I just ended up seeing the. Well, the reason.
Drew
The reason why was because.
Anya
And I was really excited.
Drew
Kai finally brought it during the Owen episode or like right before we started recording. And he just had it in his hands when I opened the front door and showed it. And I was like, no, you have to surprise Anya with that.
Anya
No, it is.
Kai
I fucked up with the execution. But it's in the house. And Drew hung it up.
Drew
Do you want one of your Christmas gifts?
Kai
Right now? Yeah, no, not. Not right now.
Drew
Why?
Kai
Also I got you guys things this year. I got you guys.
Drew
Really thought we got you two goaded gifts.
Kai
MacBook Pro, iPad Pro.
Anya
Why the would you think you're getting two devices?
Kai
Because the look on my face would make it worth it.
Anya
No, it's not 2008. No one gives a about that.
Kai
You don't want to see me.
Drew
I'm not giving you your gift anymore.
Anya
I. I was saying you're like talking about. This is why everyone in my life, especially the men are fucking useless. Because they get rewarded for mid ass behavior. The fuck. Now we're giving Kai two gifts. Two gifts? We already gave you the gift of a job.
Drew
You were in on it.
Narrator/Ad Voice
We.
Anya
We. Wow. We gave you friendship. We gave you love. Where is my gift?
Kai
You have two gifts. They're your eyes.
Drew
Oh, and she opens them every morning.
Anya
I thought you were gonna say you and Drew. I was hoping that's what you're gonna say. But two eyes got me. Yeah, no, it's okay. I'll be waiting on my gift. I actually have sucked at gift giving this year. Like I don't really think all that talk for me and I'm like, well, but some people I've given, I've gotten my gifts for and they're good. Other people, it's like it's up in the air. Who knows what's gonna happen this year.
Drew
I just threw money at was not thoughtful. Most of my gifts were not thoughtful.
Anya
Oh yeah. Well, everyone in my family is like at the age now where I was lucky that I had really young siblings. So the magic of Christ. This was around a bit longer. But now it's kind of deaded because now it's like, okay, my little siblings are two chungus ass teenagers like my Chudi.
Drew
No, fuck my chud life. I'M such a chud.
Anya
Wait, what's a ch. What is a chud?
Kai
Chud is like the opposite of a chad. A chud is like a guy.
Drew
Like a Reddit mod.
Kai
Yeah, he gets really excited about funko pops and stuff.
Drew
I'm literally so chad coated.
Kai
No, you're not, because you. You mog me, so.
Drew
Oh, my God.
Kai
You're constantly mogging me.
Drew
Mug me. Wait, there was, like, a song that just popped in my head from my looks maxing era.
Anya
Eating disorders have always been corny, but it's, like, gotten 10 times cornier now that, like, men are a part of it. I think I'm gonna get one of those drones that follows you for vlogs.
Drew
Speaking of, I was just texting Kai this morning. They made fiber optic drones.
Anya
What does that mean?
Kai
I actually. I don't think you sent that to me.
Drew
I did. You didn't watch it. Sorry, I have to take my zinc pill.
Kai
I was working.
Drew
Guys. Don't let me forget to take my zinc.
Anya
You're mad annoying. I don't think, like one. I don't think you're gonna get sick. I don't think your friend is sick. I think men just, like, literally suddenly become self conscious for, like, 20 minutes in a day, and then they, like, ground themselves and they reconnect to their body and they're like, whoa, I feel my throat. Something's wrong with that.
Drew
I'm sick because I'm mega dosing zinc and I'm gonna make Kundalini. I'm gonna make giant boba pills.
Anya
That is so disgusting.
Drew
I'm gonna make. What is it? Fettuccine.
Kai
Oh, buffalo mozzarella.
Drew
Yeah, I'm gonna make buffalo, like, big loads of buffalo mozzarella. Or burrata. The innards of burratos. Yeah.
Kai
Cutting the mozzarella or it comes out, there's a film around it, and then.
Drew
You cut it and it's a big. That's what it's gonna look like. Yeah, but no, I'm megadosing. I'm in the golden era, right? Or wait, not me being in my zinc era. I'm in my joy era. I'm in my giggle boots era. Like, okay, I'm in my prosperity era. I'm in my gratitude era. Like, grateful for all the people and things that I have around me.
Anya
Real.
Drew
I'm in my suicidal ideation era. But all on top of all of that.
Anya
Okay, does that, like, rank higher than the other things?
Drew
It's at the very bottom. But it's always.
Anya
Yeah. If it was A pie chart. Like, how many pieces a piece.
Drew
It will always be there.
Anya
Yeah.
Drew
It will never come up.
Anya
I know. It kind of sucks. It sucks. No, like, literally the foundation of my thinking is suicidal ideation. I was talking. Oh, my God. I keep saying I was talking to my therapist, but I.
Drew
That's all you did this week.
Anya
I know. That's literally. That's kind of like one of the only people I spoke to verbally other than, like, Drew this week, I guess. No, I hung out with Rain.
Kai
Is it dead?
Drew
It's dead.
Kai
Damn. I'm sorry, dude.
Drew
My vibrator's dead.
Anya
Why is your vibrator just, like, in your pocket?
Drew
Also, why is your vibrator under my pillow that I sleep on?
Anya
Was it? Actually, no, it wasn't. I put it in the drawer. Before you got to bed?
Drew
No, the other day when I made your bed, I just, like, in his bed was unmade and I was like, you know, I'm just going to be sweet. I'm going to do a nice thing. I started, like, making her bed and tidying up and I was like, oh, I'm going to put the pillows up. That it at it. And I lifted it up and I've never, like, lift. Like, I went like. No, no, no, no. I like, pick it up and sat.
Anya
Down, like, lifted a pillow so fast, whatever is under it fly.
Drew
Yeah.
Anya
Yeah.
Drew
Well, that's your good sis.
Anya
I know me. Hey, that's my. What's it called?
Drew
Treacherous Twin. You know they are.
Anya
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, it's twin M A. That's like og Treacherous Twin is Twin O. Are they still out like, and about?
Drew
I have no idea.
Anya
Getting a last minute gift can be really difficult, especially if it's one that you want to hold meaning. But Aura frames has got you covered. Everyone I know and love is getting an aura frame because there is nothing better to me than a gift that is useful and keeps people in contact. I just love the idea of my mom and no longer filling my text thread with old photos of myself that I look at once and then never see again. But instead they can upload all these very embarrassing photos of me in my very awkward time in my life that I hate to reflect on onto a frame that everyone in my house can see. So instead of it being this odd thing I forget we can all talk about it.
Drew
You can't wrap togetherness, but you can.
Anya
Frame it for a limited time. Save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off Aura's best selling Carver mat frames named number one by Wirecutter by using promo code intercom at checkout. That's R A frames.com, promo code intercom. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast, so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.
Dakota Payne (TikTok Live Ad)
This is Dakota Payne from OK Storytime. Have you been scrolling through TikTok Live lately? Because you gotta buckle up. The biggest creator celebration of the year is kicking off right now. It's called Live Fest 2025 and it's officially here, uniting creators from every corner of the world. We're talking singers hitting high notes, dancers doing sick moves, and gamers going head to head. All on their way to trophies, stacked rewards and a red carpet moment waiting for them at the annual awards ceremony. You might even find your new go to recipe from a home cook or new Internet bestie who's always there for you. Anything can happen here. That's the magic of TikTok Live. From December 10th to the 22nd, Live Fest goes full throttle with creators of every kind stepping into the the spotlight with performances, challenges, battles and big community moments. So dive in and show your support and help lift up the creators who inspire you. So whether you're a fan or a creator, search livefest2025 on TikTok to catch everything happening during Live Fest. Let's celebrate. Live together.
Anya
Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line. But first, There the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.
PNC Wealth Management Ad Voice
At PNC Wealth Management, our brilliantly boring investment philosophy is designed to help create confident investors. These investors may go on vacation vacations where they wear floral shirts unbuttoned generously, or pose for pictures that look like they're holding up ancient architecture using only their finger. Though we are not responsible for any of this, we are proud to provide comprehensive financial planning services designed to help clients achieve their goals. So we're sorry and you're welcome. PNC Wealth Management Finn Recipic results vary by customer and are not guaranteed.
Narrator/Ad Voice
Chapter 18 Prince Lorian's voice gently wakes you from your dreams of him.
Drew
I can't face one more sunset without you by my side. Come with me and I vow your desires will be my North Star forevermore.
Narrator/Ad Voice
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Anya
I feel like they should have like.
Drew
I don't know, twin him.
Anya
I wish. I wish Twitch was around for like that era of influencers. Like I think often about it was.
Drew
Like you now and everyone thought we were losers for live streaming back then. Do you remember that?
Anya
Yeah, I do. Bored A I can't believe my dad. Like actually I don't think my dad knew I was doing you now. Every time I did it it was when he I would do it late at night because it was when him and my mom would go out like on a date or something.
Drew
Remember when we would go on younow and just like violently troll normies? I felt so bad. We would put like wigs and like disguises on and like just not to an audience at all. It would be like 13 people.
Kai
Literally.
Anya
Like we would send the link of a random live to one of our friends and be like, do you want to watch? I'm going to guess with this person right now. And then we would just guess with somebody and like troll them for like 30 minutes.
Drew
We were bored as oh wait, Josh released a new video.
Anya
By the way, I know that video makes Me so happy. Like, it's so funny.
Drew
I've seen it about 5,000 times because it was recorded in February. Actually, March. March. Because it's my birthday.
Anya
Dude, it's so old, it's actually kind of spooky. It's kind of nice, though, because looking at that almost gives density to my ear, if that makes sense.
Drew
Filler. It's like, oh, I did things.
Anya
Yeah, I was alive. I was alive in March. Oh, my God. That's good to know. Like, that's how I have felt all year. This year has been my year of rest and relaxation, minus sleeping medication, but replacing it with weed.
Drew
I have. This is my year of rest and relaxation, and I have been taking sleeping medication.
Anya
I know you've been. I knew it was going to happen. Drew's been on his. He's up to no good.
Drew
I'm taking. I'm up to 6 milligrams a night already.
Anya
That's no bueno, bro.
Drew
What's crazy. What's crazy is when I don't take it. I can't sleep through the night. I wake up at, like, 2am every single night. It's really up.
Anya
Yeah, that's up.
Drew
And it takes me, like, an hour and a half to get back to sleep.
Kai
Last night.
Drew
No, I took it last night. Remember when I kept going back to my bathroom? I was, like, really contemplating. I was contemplating, and I'd go down there, and I would be like, no, I don't need it tonight. And then I'd, like, go back up to your room, and then I go down there, and I'd be like, no, I don't need it tonight. And then I go down there, and then eventually, it just got me. It bit me in the ass.
Anya
Oh, my gosh. That's so you jumped up from two to six in, like, two weeks. So hopefully by your birthday, you'll be at, like, 80.
Drew
A 12 milligram pill.
Anya
Dude, I cannot believe there was a time where I was taking, like, 40 and then 80.
Drew
You literally only need 0.25.
Anya
I am so lucky that didn't destroy my sleep.
Drew
Why am I taking so much? It's like, I'm not. I think I'm literally. I think I've tricked my brain into thinking I'm, like, getting high off of it or something.
Anya
But, like, I think, yeah, in that delirious time before you fall asleep, you get. You don't. You don't get high. Or, like, I mean, last night, I.
Drew
Wouldn'T shut the up after I took it, I came to your room and you were dead tired and I was talking your ear off.
Anya
It was good though, because I had more time to eat sour spaghetti because you were talking. Also it did keep me up so I could have snack.
Drew
Also took a everything shower. And in your shower, that was special.
Anya
I literally the biggest compliment ever was how much you like it. I'm not even kidding.
Drew
I use every one of her products except for the sacred beauty hair stuff because I thought it was expensive.
Anya
It is pretty expensive. Sounds like I really want their hair growth stuff because I'm balding, so I.
Drew
Really just get on fin and dirt, bro.
Anya
Fentanyl. Yeah, fentanyl and what dust.
Drew
Do it do test ride.
Anya
Do test dried. It's actually disgusting. How many names of like random things like that?
Drew
Minoxidil, Finasteride, detastride. Rather true Tide, Glop.
Anya
Glop. Wait, oh, no, that's. That's Ozempic. No, Drew's on Ozempic now, so now we can both. Okay. At least now we can both get I love. Oh, now we can both just admit we're both on Ozempic and we are loving it. This episode is actually sponsored answered by one of those off brand weird ones. One of the off brand weird ones that you see and just like, you don't think you should take. But you're gonna get the go ahead for me and Drew, right?
Drew
Take it in surplus, dude. It feels great. I'm nauseous all the time.
Anya
I OD on it all the.
Drew
I literally. I just can't stop throwing up.
Anya
I just can't stop sapping myself. That's the craziest part.
Drew
Oh, my God.
Anya
Big to me is I'm like, y' all have the audacity to look at me sideways because yeah, it. I'll wake up at 6am and by 8am I want to smoke a joint. I've already been up for two hours. Oh, but I'm crazy. Meanwhile, you wake up, you go and make your coffee, and then you stab yourself in the thigh so that you're not hungry. Like, the whole thing to me is crazy because of so many reasons. I already said eating disorders are corny. They are. But yeah, just like the idea of stabbing yourself. First of all, if you're that desperate and you don't need that, kill yourself.
Drew
2.
Anya
If that doesn't work, don't take that. Starve yourself. Oh, that doesn't work. Seems like you're actually not in it. For the love of the game, tap out and just live life, you loser.
Drew
Love. Eat whatever you want. Am I the only guy here that thinks you should eat whatever you want?
Anya
Am I the only person here who thinks, like, it's actually not that serious and a lot of y' all need a hobby? Like, what? But, yeah, that's why I chew my fingernails. Guys, just chew your fingernails.
Drew
Yeah, and it'll like. It's been on my mind. Yeah. Our heat. I put up the Christmas tree, and then you put up the Christmas tree.
Anya
Oh, yeah. Well, we can't enjoy it because the living room is 50 degrees.
Drew
Fucking terrible.
Anya
But, like, last night, me and Drew, like, we keep walking into the living room being like, it's so cute. And then we're, like, sitting there. We're like, we should watch a movie or something. And then both of us just going to a war.
Drew
I literally. I literally, like, was sitting in there for five seconds, and I went up to India's, like, dungeon, her warm dungeon. And I was like, india, we should, like, hang out in the living room. Like, go read in the living room and I'll journal next to you. I'm not kidding. We both were in there for two minutes before silently. No one said a word. We both just left and went to our own space.
Anya
It's so cold that the couch is cold. Like, the filling of the couch is cold. So then when you sit on it to try to get comfy, you have to wait, like, 20 minutes for your body to, like, maybe warm it up, but it's so cold.
Drew
Also, Josh took the fucking blankets out of the living room into his room. I know my Spotify wrapped blanket from 2023. That's my Spotify blanket.
Anya
That's my discussion. Why do we have that for Spotify rap blanket? Because we're not real adults and we, like, refuse to buy a different blanket every time.
Drew
I'm on every blanket for the living.
Anya
Room is a blanket from some random.
Drew
PR Orion's, like, Alexander McQueen blanket from 2022 that they gifted her. No. Every time I'm on Pinterest, I see this blanket that I want to get, and I don't get it.
Anya
Oh, I love that.
Drew
Fun fact. Also, actually, I did have a really cute blanket that would be so pretty in our living room right now, but wine got spilt all over it.
Anya
At Sabrina to a picnic.
Drew
That's exactly what you're supposed to do.
Anya
What was he wearing? Who?
Drew
What? Where?
Anya
Hashtag. Why would you bring that outside if you don't want it to get all up?
Drew
Yeah, that's my ball.
Anya
Yeah, that is your fault.
Drew
That's my ball.
Anya
Where Is it?
Drew
It's in the back of my car. I just keep it in there to cover, like, my valuables if I park in a scary place.
Anya
I don't know if I would say anything you have on the daily is a valuable like that. Unless it's like a shopping bag. No offense.
Drew
You don't gotta hide my yeti bag. My sunglasses. Actually, no, I keep my literally priceless Apex twin artifact in my car.
Anya
I think you might find that the people who are breaking the back of windshields don't give a who the Aphex twins are. They don't know who those girls are. They're like Apex twins.
Drew
Okay, like, tell them to shut up, guys. I got it for retail.
Anya
Wait, is it your umbrella?
Drew
I think the Metag glasses are the mark of the beast, by the way. I think they're truly, truly cursed objects. And I think that, like, if you wear those in public and just, like, record. I don't. I haven't finished this thoughtfully yet, so. And you take it away. Exactly what she said.
Anya
I actually, I. Unironically. And before I say this, surveillance. I can't remember if I've ever had videos like this, but I have always been of the nature that I don't put people in videos if I don't know them. And they. I haven't gotten, like, some sort of, like, agreement from them. And the one video I had a stranger in ever, I think, was my Tanacon video. And that person, I think, wanted it taken down. And I like, edited her out and stuff. Like, I.
Drew
No, I think it's just like, adding to surveillance culture. Peter Teal Palantir, bro, you know what I was thinking?
Anya
Like, if I was running away from somebody, like, say I robbed a Claire's and I'm running through the parking lot, they're on my tail, like, I gotta get out of here. Ho. Half the cars in the parking lot have cameras on them. Like, in about 10 years, somebody's a cop, can just probably connect to all the cars and be like, scanning for body heat. And like, I can't even hide between cars in a parking lot soon. Like, what can I do, bro? I can't hypothetically steal from glares and hide behind cars soon because some. Some snitch ass actually is gonna have a screen recording of it and then be like, oh, my God. Actually random as. But this girl was hiding by my car. Is this the girl who stole from Claire's earlier today?
Drew
You know, I mean, I fully, wholeheartedly agree with this. And I'm not Joking. But if you see someone stealing food, turn a, don't look. Let them fucking get away with that goddamn food because they're obviously hungry. I feel that way about stealing from Claire's, too. They obviously need it.
Anya
I mean, we all know how I feel about stealing.
Drew
Listen, they obviously steal from Sephora, steal from Claire, steal from Target, steal from Walmart.
Anya
Like, don't steal from someone you respect and love and share something with. That's up. But listen, everything else, like, oh, my God, guys, I'm seriously so excited for the fact that they can look through your phone now. What is it, like, the meme thing? Did you see that?
Drew
No.
Anya
That, like, they're trying to pass a bill that, like, they can look through your phone to see if you have, like, any, like, incriminating or, like, anti, like us rhetoric on your socials.
Kai
And, like, they can't do that already.
Anya
I think it's like, TSA agents can, like, grab your phone and look through your phone.
PNC Wealth Management Ad Voice
Oh, really?
Anya
Like, I think that's what they're trying to, like, imply, but I don't know that. I just saw, like, a random thing about it and then I kept scrolling because I was like, hell, no. Oh, my God. I remember I almost got into a fight with the TSA agent because they wanted to see my phone. It's dead.
Drew
Oh, what are we gonna do?
Anya
You're just not gonna have a vape for a second. Yeah.
Drew
Sick.
Anya
Why are you looking at me? When did you find out that you might be sick?
Drew
This morning. Okay.
Anya
Because when you said that to me, I was like, if I find out that he got word of a sickness last night and then slept next to me, I was gonna hit you, my good sis.
Drew
I would never do that to you.
Anya
I love you so much.
Drew
You're special to me.
Anya
Thank you. You're special to me in ways you don't understand.
Drew
I mean, y' all are. If I'm sick, y' all are sick.
Anya
Don't get sick like that. Don't put that on me.
Drew
I know this is dangerous.
Anya
Why do you have cuts on your hand?
Drew
Because I hit Kai me with the.
Kai
Back of his hand. I, I, I was talking a lot, and I usually don't talk that much.
Drew
No, I was moving out the chairs in here to move your blue chair in and the sound panel on that wall. My hand got stuck between the wood and the sound panel squishy part and squished my fingers, all three knuckles. And so I've been, I've been really.
Anya
Bullish, though, for band Aids or Are you just.
Drew
No, no, no.
Anya
Because, like, I'm being dramatic.
Drew
I'm being dramatic, but I really do. With a Band Aid, like, when I cut the back of my heels, like, I was like, I put Band Aids on it and it was healed. Aesthetically, it was, yeah, literally, technically, aesthetically. But no, I'm, like, bullish. I think they're, like, kind of cunt. And I think we need to, like, really readopt Band Aid culture, because I think it's a lost and dying art. When was the last time you saw a band aid on someone? When we were like, seven to zero. Because then you get thrown and you're.
Anya
Like, actually, I guess I can just keep this small wound cleaned and, like, air it out. I'm. I'm. Unless it is told to you that you need a band Aid and it's dead serious, and it's like a nasty. Don't be walking around with a big ass open wound. But I'm kind of like anti Band Aids. To me, Band Aids are gross. Because most of y' all can't even wipe your ass properly after you shit. You're not taking care of the area that's Band Aid.
Kai
You're letting it get really well.
Drew
But I was going to say, speaking of wiping your ass after you, like, when y' all go to catch the poop before it hits the water, does it ever get on your hand?
Anya
How would it not get on my hand if I'm catching my poop?
Drew
Well, no, you put, like, a layer of toilet paper there and you, like, go under. Because if you let it hit the water, it splashes up.
Kai
Drew, do you think that you have to shit into your hand and then put it into the toilet?
Drew
Yeah. That's literally what everyone does.
Kai
That doesn't make any sense, though.
Drew
I thought you said it was dead.
Anya
Yeah, I think it is dead.
Drew
Let me hit.
Anya
It is.
Drew
Let me try. Blur Me. Naming my favorite band Blur Me when.
Anya
I'm Zooey Deschanel and I'm sitting across from that one guy from that one movie, and he asked me my favorite band.
Kai
Blur.
Anya
Beatles or what's her. I haven't really seen that movie. 500 Days of Summer is one of those movies that I watched because it was, like, popular online, but I didn't have any general interest in anything. Especially because at the time, the Beatles, like, would. Or were they, like, obsessed with the Beatles or something?
Kai
Smiths.
Anya
The Smiths, Yeah. Same difference. I, like, I know, make great music, but the idea of ever putting myself in a situation where I'm like, oh, my God. What would make my day better? Morrissey whining and being a little in my ear. No, I don't want that.
Kai
That makes sense. I feel like.
Anya
Cut to next year. This myths are like my favorite.
Drew
Yeah.
Anya
Every.
Drew
Every time.
Anya
That's just how it works.
Drew
Every time.
Anya
Yeah. Because then people are like, oh, like you don't know. And I'm like, bitch, how about this? I'm gonna go and taste the pie to see if I like the pie. Actually, I like the pie. Like it.
Drew
And that's okay. That's growth.
Anya
Let's all cream the pie. It.
Drew
Wait, is. Is Morrissey a bad person?
Anya
Yes.
Drew
Okay. Kai, what were you saying?
Kai
Oh, I had a topic. I feel like you used to cry more. I just noticed that you used to cry more. And I do feel like.
Anya
No, he recently is crying more. It's not that he used to cry more.
Kai
That's what I'm saying. Like, you used. Sorry. You used to not cry that much. But now that you. Because you are crying recently and now I feel like you cry more than you were before.
Drew
I was like, okay, so like go back like two or three years. I wasn't crying that much. Go back like three months. I started crying a little bit more. And now, especially in the last week, I've been crying so, so much more. It's like crazy. But like, if you think about it, like really, it just makes sense to cry more. Yeah. And really, like, look back, like even like five years ago, I wasn't even crying.
Anya
No. I'd never seen you shed a tear at that point.
Drew
But then like, as of late, I don't know what it is. I'm just like the emotional, like once you. I guess, like when it rains, it pours like, and poor when it rains in your pores. Neticube advertisement.
Anya
It's like the Black Mirror episode when she started. Fucking Rashida Jones is saying ads in the middle of talking.
Drew
Oh, yeah.
Anya
Have you seen that?
Drew
Yeah. Buy Etsy products.
Anya
Like, Black Mirror is one of those things that to me, it's like Rick and Morty. Where like Rick and Morty, if you really think about it. Yes. In terms of animations for adults especially, you have to give it credit where it's due. Like, it really changed the game. It like reopened the doors for like modern day animations. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then the smoke shops found it. And now it's Pickle Rick.
Drew
And now it's Pickle Rick.
Anya
What were you just talking about?
Drew
Because I was Black Mirror.
Anya
Oh, Black Mirror. To me is the same thing. It was like, wow. Like, this new era of sci fi. It's based in, like, real times, and it's based on, like, the problems we might actually face, which a lot of sci fi was. It was like this commentary, blah, blah, blah. Now it's Black Mirror, and it's like, yes. Like, I, like, know that if I'm in a bar in the middle of nowhere and I'm talking to somebody and they mentioned Black Mirror, I'm like, I. At least I know I'm safe here. It's kind of like to be like Pickle Rick. Like, if I go into a smoke shop and I see a Pickle Rick ashtray, I know I'm gonna have a hoot and a holler with the clerk. If I go in there and there's an official Rick in sight, they're not gonna believe that I'm not undercover, and they're not going to give me the mint puff bar I want because it's illegal. And that's how I feel about. I don't know why I thought about. Oh, yeah, because of the, like, so many of the things in Black Mirror just make me think of, like, the way I feel about Rick and Morty. Because I'm like, yeah, I get it. But, like, what the are you talking about? Like, Black Mirror has so many episodes where it's great, but, like, really, it's so funny. Like, the idea of somebody being like, yeah. When you know how, like, we have boyfriends who get on the games and they're talking to their boyfriends, and it feels like they basically have a relationship. But what if they actually are? And that's the scary part. I'm like, okay, first of all, not that far off from reality. Second of all, like, I can't believe. I don't know. It's just so funny that sci fi is and always will be just like comedy to me. Because that is so funny. Like, damn. Like, it's because to me, sci fi is also. I'm carrying this whole conversation, and I'm.
Drew
Gonna stop talking because I'm. No, I'm listening.
Anya
I'm like. I just.
Drew
I'm listening and learning.
Kai
Not us platforming you and then getting scolded for doing so. It's like, wait, what were you talking? Were you saying something?
Drew
I was saying sci Fi is, like, funny.
Kai
I. That's really funny now that I think about it, because why? Oh, Cause the guys had sex in the video game. But also, you were crying before.
Drew
Also, Pluribus. I found out that the Lead is a lesbian. So I turned it off.
Anya
Wait, is it about lesbians, or is.
Drew
She, like, in real life, She's a lesbian lead. Which I was like, cool.
Kai
She's a lesbian.
Anya
Okay. Queen Latifah exists and existed. And actually, she was the first. She's.
Drew
She's Hillary Clinton, OG Lead lesbian.
Anya
Oh, my God. She was literally.
Drew
She was queen.
Anya
She is a lesbian.
Drew
Yeah, she's. She's a queen.
Anya
Bill Clinton was sent here to send her, or was sent to her to send her down the right path and when he was up to no good in the Oval Office.
Drew
I will literally never forget. In 2020. Or was it 20? It was 2024 when me and Kai went to vote and we wrote Hillary Clinton's name in, and then we came back here and cried on the couch together because we just knew it wasn't gonna happen.
Kai
Her second time doing that, by the way.
Drew
Third.
Kai
Oh, wait, was it our third?
Drew
Actually, it might even be.
Kai
It might be.
Drew
She ran 2016.
Kai
2016.
Drew
Yeah. 2016. 20. 2020.
Kai
We wrote her name in in 2016, too. We wrote that.
Anya
But she was on the ballot.
Drew
Yes, I know. More powerful that way.
Anya
I don't know if it counted, though.
Kai
We were pretty.
Anya
Because I think it's their, like, machine scam, so it might, like, confuse it.
Kai
We were really drunk. Do you remember how drunk we got in 2016 when we went to vote?
Drew
Yeah.
Anya
That's how they're gonna have to start convincing younger people to vote. Because young people, like, historically don't go out and vote until you're, like, in your late 20s and you're like, oh, my God, like, seriously, I live in this world. But now, like, because of online, younger people do vote, but I think they should just. We're having. Okay, we're having an issue. Young people aren't going to bars. Okay, hear me out.
Drew
We put voting boots in the bar. Yes.
Anya
And it's a hookah lounge. You can smoke weed. The weed is hookah.
Drew
It's not a hookah lounge. It's a bar. Coke in the bathroom.
Anya
They sell coke in the bathroom?
Drew
Yes.
Anya
And there's glowing stall.
Drew
Yeah.
Anya
You have to ask for Mary.
Drew
Yeah. If you want the coke in the bathroom, you have to ask for Mary.
Dakota Payne (TikTok Live Ad)
This is Dakota Payne from. Okay, story time. Have you been scrolling through TikTok Live lately? Because you gotta buckle up. The biggest creator celebration of the year is kicking off right now. It's called Live Fest 2025, and it's officially here, uniting creators from every corner of the world. We're talking singers hitting high notes, dancers doing sick moves and gamers going head to head. All on their way to trophies, stacked rewards and a red carpet moment waiting for them at the annual awards ceremony. You might even find your new go to recipe from a home cook or new Internet bestie who's always there for you. Anything can happen here. That's the magic of TikTok Live. From December 10th to the 22nd, Live Fest goes full throttle with creators of every kind stepping into the spotlight with performances, challenges, battles and big community moments. So dive in and show your support and help lift up the creators who inspire you. So whether you're a fan or a creator, search livefest2025 on TikTok to catch everything happening during Live Fest. Let's celebrate. Live together.
Anya
Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line. But but first. There the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.
PNC Wealth Management Ad Voice
At PNC Wealth Management, our brilliantly boring investment philosophy is designed to help create confident investors. These investors may go on vacations where they wear floral shirts unbuttoned generously, or pose for pictures that look like they're holding up ancient architecture using only their finger. Though we are not responsible for any of this, we are proud to provide comprehensive financial planning services designed to help clients achieve their goals. So we're sorry and you're welcome. PNC Wealth Management member Finn Recipic results vary by customer and are not guaranteed.
Narrator/Ad Voice
Chapter 18 Prince Lorian's voice gently wakes you from your dreams of him.
Drew
I can't face one more sunset without you by my side. Come with me and I vow your desires will be my North Star forevermore.
Narrator/Ad Voice
You're ready. You have Nexsplanon etnogestrel implant 68mg Radiopeg to prevent pregnancy. Nexplanon is a non daily prescription birth control for women that goes in your arm and may take a few minutes to insert by your doctor. Don't use nexplanon if you're pregnant or may be pregnant, have or had blood clots or certain cancers, have liver disease, liver tumor or unexplained vaginal bleeding. Once the implant is placed, you and your doctor should feel for it. If at any time you can't feel the implant, contact your doctor right away and use a non hormonal birth control method such as condoms. Removal of the implant may be difficult or impossible if it isn't where it should be while in common. Ectopic pregnancy Pregnancy that occurs outside the womb can occur, which can cause serious internal bleeding, infertility, and even death. You are likely to experience changes to your period. Ovarian cysts may occur and usually disappear. Nexplanon may raise the chance of serious blood clots, which can cause heart attack, stroke or death, especially if you smoke or have other risk factors. Nexsplanon doesn't protect against HIV or STDs. With less than one pregnancy per 100 women who use Nexplanon for one year, Nexplanon is over 99% effective. No matter the fantasy, talk to your doctor, call 1-877-47 or visit nexplanon.com for more information. Ask your doctor about Nexplanon.
Anya
Hey, Oregon. There are exciting things happening at your local CVS. Get ready extra Care members. We've got some extra big news. Extra big deals are here. Shop deals so extra they can't be missed and come back for more every two weeks.
Narrator/Ad Voice
Extra care is the way to save at cvs.
Anya
Join for free online or in store and start saving. Visit your local CVS store or cvs.com extra big deals for this week's deals. Drug dealers are probably so mad. I have OCD because I would fully be like experimenting with drugs at a rapid rate. Like, weed to me is already like, whoa, I'm so crazy. This is crazy. Like, I don't, I can't go above this. Also, I literally, when I was in Miami and I ran out of weed, I was, I was talking to my sister, my Sophia, like my older sister, and I was like, damn, I need to get like a medical card or something because I literally don't know how to interact and get weed other than that. And then she was like, put on your story that you need to buy weed. And I was like, I'm gonna put on my Instagram story that I should.
Drew
Have been so fun should do that.
Anya
And who has a plug? Like, who has a connect.
Drew
Just put the plug emoji question mark.
Anya
Plug emoji question mark. A GIF of 305. Yeah.
Drew
Yeah.
Anya
Oh my gosh.
Drew
But I think bald on top, hair on sides is cute.
Anya
Yeah, I agree. We were having that discussion.
Drew
I think like people that are balder supposed to be bald and that's okay. I think they look better with bald.
Anya
No, literally, I am so against. But also that goes into the thing of like, I'm kind of against most cosmetic adjustments because your body is a temple. But I genuinely am like, dude, if a man is balding, there is a high yield chance. Like, hair isn't going to really change anything, if that makes sense. Like, I think there's this delusion. Of course, hair changes a lot. Like, hair does change your face.
Drew
I'd be like, wait, bald is beautiful.
Kai
Remember when Owen referred to Josiah as she?
Drew
Yeah.
Anya
Amazing, amazing, amazing.
Kai
That was surreal for me.
Drew
That was major.
Anya
I couldn't tell if he was joking. I don't think we do have the. I saw somebody being like, oh, my God, Owen can't be their friend if they don't know Josiah. Bitch. Let me tell you something. We don't bring Josiah around the people because Josiah is.
Drew
He's demonic. He's evil, genuinely bad.
Anya
You can't. I'm not kidding. You cannot bring Josiah around new people unless it is a situation where you can chaperone and make sure that, like, he doesn't completely lie about who he is, where he's from, what he does, how he knows you, how he knows anybody in the room.
Drew
He will just straight up say, like, he snuck into the party and people believe him.
Anya
Yeah, people will just like, believe him. Or he'll say, like, I don't know. He'll just lie and be like, oh, yeah, makeup artist. I've been Anya's makeup artist for, like, five years.
Drew
He was like. He was like, troll to Emma for, like, four years.
Anya
I know.
Drew
And she would be like, hey, is he like. Is he being mean to me or like.
Kai
Yes.
Drew
Yeah.
Anya
Well, that's the issue. Is. But it's. It's not. I guess it is. Yeah. He is just a little like. Like, he reminds.
Drew
It's a defense mechanism. It's like, it truly is just like an insecurity. Love him.
Anya
I love him.
Drew
I would literally take a bullet. I would shoot myself for him. If they were like, you have to kill yourself to let Josiah live.
Anya
I would kill myself tenfold.
Drew
Yeah. I'm like, he's the one that's gonna take us up.
Anya
I'm like, you know what? Kill myself. Double it. Give the gun to Drew. He'll kill himself too. It. I mean, that's how it's gonna have to go.
Drew
I know, I know.
Kai
Wait, what? You introduced me to Josiah very early.
Drew
And he was probably mean to you.
Anya
Well, also okay, with that being said, we don't bring Josiah around people, but we do bring Josiah around people sometimes in another evil way when we want to see them interact. So that was definitely unironically. You met Josie early because we were like, wow.
Drew
Now, if you can handle Josiah, if you can handle Josiah, early, you can handle us at our best. Cut that. Wait, no, don't cut that. Yuck.
Anya
Yuck.
Drew
Kai, what were you saying, though? Was he mean to you, or was he.
Kai
No, he wasn't. No, he was never mean. It was just very scary.
Anya
Mm.
Kai
It's just like. It's like interacting with a dog that hasn't been socialized very well.
Anya
Yeah, but, you know, it's like a good dog.
Kai
Yeah, you know, it's good, but it's like.
Anya
That's the thing, is everyone who, like, everyone who meets Josiah loves him. And the only reason we hear feedback about it is because anyone we introduce him to is like, I really loved him. I don't like. And everybody can kind of tell he's lying, but we. Everyone just lets him go too, because it's like, well, I don't know him. Maybe he's not lying, but everyone usually comes back. I remember Jeff was like. He told me he, like, lived in a van for five years and was a manager at a popcorn factory. And then I was like, okay, well, he was a manager at a popcorn factory, but he's never lived in his car for five years. Like, so he, like, breadcrumbs.
Drew
The truth.
Anya
Yeah. He likes sprinkles in, like, parts of his life.
Drew
That Josiah working in a popcorn factory from 13 to 18 is crazy.
Anya
Popcorn. Popcorn.
Drew
Planet Popcorn.
Anya
Oh, my God, I love Josiah.
Drew
I worked at a gas station.
Narrator/Ad Voice (Nexplanon/Adobe)
Oh, we know.
Drew
Served meth heads. Cleaned toilets, poopy toilets. I haven't washed my hands since.
Kai
You know those videos of the guys that's. That clean the porta potties at Coachella and stuff? Oh, yeah, that looks like a cool job. Honestly, it looks satisfying.
Drew
They like. But also, I saw one where I can't even, like. I saw one where this guy, like, was cleaning a porta potty, and he, like, sprayed all the walls and did all this shit, but used the same rag that he cleaned the urinal and the seat with to wash the handle, and he, like, rubbed the handle down on both sides with the urinal napkin. It wasn't. It was the same. Same one. It was. The clip was not cut. You could watch him clean every surface with the same napkin before.
Anya
And, I mean, there really is no realistic way to do this because humans can't even keep, like, a porta potty decently clean. So there's no world where it would make sense, but I quite literally think we need to go back to shitting in the ground. Like, I think if there's a public.
Drew
Event, I mean, it was Good for the Earth.
Anya
No, literally, if there's a event, allocate a acre of the Coachella. Allocate an acre. You might think that's a lot, but for the amount of land out there.
Drew
That'S not a lot at all.
Anya
Not a lot at all.
Drew
They need 10 acres.
Anya
Dig up tunnels and holes and let people into a tunnel in the ground. It'll probably absorb the smell better. It's not because. Okay, now I'm in human fumes in a microplastic chamber heated up by the sun. It's literally like getting in a. Like.
Drew
And what about the bleach?
Anya
Every carcinogen you can think of.
Drew
There's bleach in there too.
Anya
Yeah. Is like, I guess bleach is bad for you, but also, like, if. If that's the case, then wouldn't people argue to not put bleach in your clothing? Because when you sweat, the bleach would, like, get into your pores.
Drew
Also, guys, fun little science experiment. Go home. If you're at home right now, go grab your. Your can of bleach or your jug of bleach and mix it with vinegar. Just do it.
Anya
What does it do?
Kai
That creates, like, a bomb, right?
Drew
Yeah, it makes, like, gas that, like, you have to air your hot out house out with, or it'll literally, like, make your lungs burn. I think it makes mustard gas.
Anya
Mustard gas. Oh, my God. I haven't prank called someplace in so long. I'll never forget when I prank called Supreme. It was supreme or ripping diploma we've talked about before. Yeah. I would just, like, prank call places that I knew mainly, like, men in their 20s would work at and say that I was locked in the bathroom and I think I made mustard gas. And a lot of them, honestly would go and check.
Drew
They would. Which is beautiful.
Anya
I love that.
Drew
And you. Can you tell them the time about when you saw your first comeover? I was crying, laughing.
Anya
Okay, this goes into the bald conversation we were having. And we were talking about how, like.
Drew
Oh, yeah, we didn't really finish that thought, but, like, bald is beautiful. Be bald. You're meant to be bald.
Kai
Yes.
Anya
Because I would argue that there are plenty of people on the planet, like, there's such a focus on balding and that happening. But we don't talk about how people have hair, aren't even good at styling their hair. So if you're tweaked out because you're like, oh, my God, my hair. I don't have any. If you did have hair, it'd probably look like Anyway, like, especially if you have been balding for a while, you don't even know how to take care of it. Like, you're fine. You have bigger fish to fry. Let's talk.
Drew
Let's like that box.
Anya
I mean, low key. Yeah, yeah, because I bet you got some unmaintained nasty ass pubes now. Make that make sense.
Drew
No, I don't care. Seriously.
Anya
Don't match the drapes.
Drew
Like, honestly, guys, stop maintaining your pubes. I'm not even kidding. It's so chic to have a big ass bush.
Anya
Oh, okay. I'm not anti bush, but some of y' all let it get.
Drew
Like me.
Anya
You're gonna let people inside. Bitch, I didn't ask to floss, okay? And like there's a difference between flossing when it's like, no, like flossing, like, wow, that is.
Drew
Have you seen the, the length of.
Anya
Hair that shouldn't be down? That's what I mean. Grooming.
Drew
Like, have you seen the hands free floss picks that you use your tongue? No, I, I leave a comment if you've used it. I'm thinking about buying it, but I don't want to spend $20 to try it.
Anya
What?
Drew
It's like floss that you. It's like a chunk of plastic with like a floss on it and you pop it in your mouth like a gumball and you like, like use your tongue.
Kai
Stupid.
Anya
Why wouldn't you use your hand?
Drew
Because you can like go for a walk and floss.
Anya
You can go for a walk in.
Drew
Floss, but people see, it's, it's DL, it's discreet.
Anya
Why are you nervous about someone seeing you floss? I guess. Yeah.
Drew
Like, it's a very intimate act.
Anya
Well, it depends on the kind of flossing you're getting into. Because if you're using like a pick to floss, I don't think that's that like crazy. I think letting someone see you floss, like full floss with like the string, that's crazy.
Drew
You know what I realized is how destructive like those one use floss pics are. All of them are made of plastic.
Anya
Yeah. Like, I love them though. I'm sorry. I love flossing. I just love floss. Of any kind.
Drew
Well, I'm, I'm very pro. Single use plastic. I think we need more. I think we need more single use plastic and I think we need more takeout containers.
Kai
I disagree. That's bad.
Anya
Wait, no, but the, the hard shell ones, not the paper ones.
Drew
Exactly.
Anya
Not the paper ones.
Drew
Foam ones. The Plastic ones. The ones made out of fossil fuel. Like more of the those, please.
Kai
I disagree. I think that's bad. And I actually use condoms. I use them over and over and over. Cuz I'm trying to like, be better for the environment. Do things that are good for the environment.
Anya
Damn. So you've only had to like, use it once? Once?
Narrator/Ad Voice
No.
Anya
So you even have. You haven't really put this theory to the test?
Kai
No.
Anya
You haven't reused.
Kai
No, I have. I. I have to cuz I'm having. I'm so sexually active. I have to.
Anya
Did you see that girl who was on a podcast and she was like, ew. People who use condoms are so like, you're a loser.
Drew
Literally. I agree. I stand with her.
Anya
Wait, seriously? Everyone should have unprotected sex because it's actually probably good for your immune system. It'll boost you off.
Drew
I mean, if everybody gets STDs, it's like, no one has pre game baby. Think about that. Everybody, everybody get STDs so we don't have to worry about getting STDs and don't get them cured STIs.
Anya
The thing is she was being dead serious, which is also like, I don't really get it because I'm like, what is the. It's specifically from a girl saying that.
Drew
I'm like, why?
Anya
It's like that back and forth where it's like, are you in jail? And it's like, yeah, what are you gonna do? Snitch? And it's like, yes. It's like, what would you do that for? Like, that's kind of like, for what?
Drew
Oh my God. That's like literally my favorite. Like that has been posted on my meme account 5,000 times.
Anya
So good. But that's how I feel because I'm like, girl, it's not even like upping like, like really your experience. Unless.
Drew
What do you have to gain?
Anya
Yeah, what do you have to gain?
Drew
Like, what do you have to gain?
Anya
Now you're like, not only subjecting yourself to what is most likely mid sex, but now you're like taking all the possible cons and upping the stakes. It's like a weird sort of gambling with like no benefit. But to me, all gambling is no benefit. Because I don't with gambling, period. I'm just such a good person that like, gambling to me is just like, like, not me.
Drew
Guys, I'm gonna start a new segment today. Drew's philosophy corner. Okay.
Kai
Okay.
Drew
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. No, really marinate with that one look, y' all were laughing, and then y' all were like, wait, let's wake up, okay?
Anya
Because I'm trying to make sense of how laughter is.
Drew
Like, depression hates a moving target.
Anya
It.
Drew
He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how.
Anya
Dude, sometimes it feels like I'm, like, walking by my sister's room and she's watching Ash Trino online.
Drew
Like, eat more hot Cheetos. Oh, your stomach hurts.
Anya
Eat more hot Cheetos.
Kai
That last one makes sense. I like that.
Anya
Well, I. What was the last one?
Drew
He who has a wide. Or she. He or she who has a why to live. He, she, or they can bear with almost any how.
Anya
A why to live.
Drew
If you have a purpose, you can figure it out.
Anya
But isn't that such a, like, a dense thing to put on people? Because, like, most people, that's what they're struggling with is they haven't found their purpose. So, like, that's kind of like, if you don't have that purpose yet, then why are you alive?
Drew
It's okay to light fire under people's asses to find their purpose. I'm still discovering my purpose.
Anya
I think my purpose is unironically too hot. And I would. I'm not kidding.
Drew
I think my preference is the smoke weed.
Anya
Like, my present. My presence is the purpose, baby.
Drew
My purpose is to take the 150 tramadol pills I bought in Mexico three years ago all at once.
Anya
Let's see what happens.
Drew
Let's go there. Let's go there. Yeah. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Kai
That one's good, too. I do really like that because you experience, like, a very specific potency of intimacy, like making someone laugh.
Drew
Think about all the oxytocin that's released when we giggle with each other. Like, we could.
Kai
Me and Enya are laughing. You're giggling, by the way.
Anya
Oh, wait, what?
Kai
Because we're laughing. He's giggling.
Drew
I'm in my giggle boots era. Let's not forget giggle boots.
Anya
Dude. Wait, what were. We were, like, going back and forth on, like, a stupid tangent about that, and you said something so bad, it, like, threw it off. I can't remember. It was something like, you kept, like, throwing back, like, boots. Like, something about boots. And you were like, yeah, the boots without the house. And, like, you said some weird line.
Drew
And I was like, okay, who runs the world?
Anya
Me.
Drew
Who runs the world? Like, if I. Podcaster. Who runs the world? Podcasters. I mean, slightly true.
Anya
Sweaty.
Drew
Not.
Anya
No, but it is terrifying that most people Are getting their news and information in general, top to bottom from theoban.
Kai
That is crazy.
Drew
Yeah. From Joe Rogan.
Anya
Oh, my God.
Kai
From Joe Rogan while he's like, blacked out.
Drew
Yeah. Also like on GLP3.
Anya
Okay.
Drew
The flip flop and all inflated.
Anya
It's crazy that now even with digital footprint goes to show that like, humans are so stupid and nothing means anything to most people because the flip flopping of like a Theo Vaughn is crazy. You see both sides like Chanel as.
Drew
Like wherever the check is.
Anya
Yeah, he's. He's bipolitical.
Drew
Wait, actually, Theo Vaughn is bisexual.
Anya
He's. Try by.
Drew
Try by Try guy. Try by Guys. I am craving Reese's right now. I want more little baby mini cups.
Anya
Okay.
Drew
My teeth are rotting.
Anya
I know my teeth have been hurting from how much candy I'm eating. I just can't stop eating candy.
Drew
I just can't stop.
Anya
And what makes it worse is I actually, I unironically am obsessed with flossing. It's my favorite wind down time.
Drew
And I shower in your shower again tonight.
Anya
Yeah. Should we sleep in my bed again?
Drew
It's too cold in my room.
Anya
I know.
Drew
The ACs are.
Anya
I love sleeping in my room. I can't lie. But I've been because I'm so cold at night, I literally heat myself up like a fucking lean cuisine meal. I like defrost.
Drew
No, also the way, like, you fell asleep last night, like you were under the covers and then seconds before you fell asleep, you ripped them all off and you were like, like butt, ass naked, like, sprawled out in bed, like, literally glistening from sweat. You warmed yourself up.
Anya
Yeah. Yeah. Because I like to be really warm as I fall asleep. But then as we know, I'm a sweaty girl, so I have to like, get it all off.
Drew
Yeah.
Anya
When I woke up this morning, I was burning alive because now that I have my shoulder heating pad, I put that on my shoulders and then I put a heated blanket on top of all my other blankets. So I really do cook myself. The other night I was thinking about.
Drew
How like, those ovaries are. Are done for, baby.
Anya
I don't give a. Like.
Drew
Wait, we should. Should we go freeze our eggs?
Anya
I actually think I want.
Drew
Probably should because I'm like, oh, my.
Anya
God, I'm turning 27. I definitely should because I think it's like 26 is when it's like.
Drew
That's like your prime.
Narrator/Ad Voice
Yeah.
Anya
I'll never forget the girl who had her period in fourth grade. Morgan. I'll never really close to her and I Was so jealous. I was so jealous. I was so jealous. I was like, you're gonna get ticked that early, you. And I was mad close. Loved her so much. But me and all my friends.
Drew
I remember enemies closer.
Anya
I remember when she told us, because it was. I think Morgan was in my little group. It was like, me, Doreen Marley, and was Morgan in it? Like, it was like, this group of me and, like, three other girls who were all really close all through elementary and fourth grade in ymca. We went to her after school, and she was like, guys, I had my period. And all of us were like, no, you did not. Like, we were like, what the.
Drew
Did she lie? Could she.
Anya
No, she didn't lie. She wasn't lying. Oh, she had the proof. Because we were like, no. And then she was like, guys, look, I am so. I used to have this in my bag, and it was pads. And we were like, we're so jealous. I wish I had a diaper in my bag.
Drew
There's a similar experience with boys.
Anya
Ew. And if it's about fucking coming. That's disgusting. Like, that's disgusting.
Kai
I will never forget.
Drew
I'll never forget. And I'll never forget the first day I made boba.
Kai
Oh, I was just saying, like, I will never forget the first day that one of my peers busted. And then they came to school, and it was.
Drew
I.
Kai
It. Honestly, that event in my life is so dark. And then the. When people started, like, having sex in middle school, that also shattered my reality because I was like, no, you're not. You're not supposed to be doing this.
Anya
I literally. My school was it. Like, I knew kids in, like, third grade who had already had sex. And in fourth grade, there were kids who were, like, like, promiscuous.
Drew
Is.
Anya
Which is really sad to think about, but, I mean, I really was scared. But everyone around me was so, like, overly active, which, again, if I think about too much, it'll actually send me into a spiral. But because of that, going into high school. I think I've said this before. I literally will never forget the summer going into high school. Like, I was, like, obviously 13, turning 14. I was under the impression that I had to have sex. Sex the next year. Like, I for some reason thought, like, yeah, there was, like, this idea.
Drew
There's, like, an imaginary pressure for, like, high schoolers.
Anya
Yeah. Where it's like, oh, my God, everyone's gonna try to me. I'm so scared. Like, and that didn't happen, actually. Nobody gave a About me, which was lit as, like, unironically. I loved high school because I genuinely just didn't.
Drew
Someone tried to initiate a threesome with me.
Anya
Me, recently. Oh. In high school. See, like, you, you're up to freaky ass business. You don't have, like, Club Penguin to log into. You don't have anything. Any extracurricular. If you are in high school and already seeking the thrill of a threesome, One, your parents are going to jail. Two, I would love to sit down and have a lunch with you so you could sit with an adult who can tell you to not do that because you are a baby. That's crazy.
Drew
How old are you probably? I mean, 16.
Anya
That's so crazy, bruh.
Drew
Like, and they proceeded to have sex in bed next to me.
Anya
Mormons.
Kai
No.
Anya
Oh, my God. The other night, I had such a good night. I was home alone, and I took a shower and then a bath, and then I got in my, like. Like, pajamas that were actually. It was. I just felt like a Mormon. And then I watched Mormon Housewives, and I was like, the happiest I've ever been in my life. And I need to show you the way I look.
Drew
Oh, yeah, you show me that.
Anya
Like, I'm literally.
Drew
Should we do media?
Anya
Yeah.
Drew
My media is memorizing by DJ Delacroix, Oxad, Winther, Dud, and 27A Pitchfield Street Bass victim. Also, Orion showed me I could die for you by Red Hot Chili Peppers. That song's major. And then, like, the last minute of I want to be adored is potentially the greatest song ever made by the Stone Roses. Also, Ghost spurs go My WIMBY beat the Titan okc. And it was awesome to see.
Anya
I watched the game with you. It was awesome.
Drew
Yeah. Oh, wait, yeah. And you watched Mavs vs Jazz last night with me. Cooper Flag dropped 42 and then fumbled bad. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's so sexy to hear you talk about basketball. Like, I'm not even kidding. I just got, like, a boner. If anybody I love talks about basketball, it makes me, like, so bisexual.
Anya
Drew was fear mongering me about my flight back to Miami, and he was like. He was talking about. Oh, we were laying in bed, and I was talking about how I always have my hands in my pants when I go to bed. I just, like, always do that. And I was like, sometimes when I'm on a plane, I get really scared that, like, when I turn, if somebody walks by, they're gonna see my hands in my pants and be like, this pervert. And then Drew was like, that's not that crazy. Because, like, think about it. Guys have to fall asleep. Sleep on the plane all the time. And most of the times, if they fall asleep and enter rem, they'll wake up with a boner. So next time you're sitting next to a guy, just look over if he sleeps, because he's probably gonna have a boner, which is the scariest threat, other than, like, Osama bin Laden being in the aisle next to me. Like, oh, my God. Like, oh, my God. Men should have to wear, like.
Drew
Like spandex.
Anya
Like, what are the metal.
Drew
Like, oh, chastity.
Anya
Like a woman's chastity belt. You guys should have to wear a woman's chastity belt. So it's all locked up. And that is not a threat to general public, because that's fucked up. And I don't care if it's just your body. And it's natural that it does that. Not natural to me. Keep it to yourself. Okay. My media. I just had to get that out. My media is Finesse by Bruno Mars. And I'm not kidding. I love 24 Karat Magic by Bruno Mars. Guys, I'm so sweaty that I, like, stink. I stink in the winter. Hello. That's honestly it. I don't really have any other media. Oh, I re. Watched the Muppets. What is it called? Oh, my God. The one where Miss Piggy is lying. It's like one of the first Muppet movies. Is it the first Muppet movie? It's the cr.
Narrator/Ad Voice
The.
Anya
The Carol Caper. The Caper. Whatever the it is. I've just been rewatching all the Muppets movies. That's what I've been doing. Bye.
Drew
Bye.
PNC Wealth Management Ad Voice
At PNC Wealth Management, our brilliantly boring investment philosophy is designed to help create confident investors. These investors may go on vacations where they wear floral shirts unbuttoned generously, or pose for pictures that look like they're holding up ancient architecture using. Using only their finger. Though we are not responsible for any of this, we are proud to provide comprehensive financial planning services designed to help clients achieve their goals. So we're sorry, and you're welcome. PNC Wealth Management member Finn Recipic. Results vary by customer and are not guaranteed.
Anya
Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line. But first, shining bright. There, the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.
Narrator/Ad Voice (Nexplanon/Adobe)
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Drew
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. The holiday season can be exhausting with all the parties and the end of year celebrations.
Anya
But don't forget to take care of.
Drew
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Narrator/Ad Voice
Is an I heart podcast, guaranteed human.
Hosts: Enya Umanzor & Drew Phillips
Guest/co-host: Kai
In this high-energy, characteristically chaotic episode, Enya, Drew, and Kai navigate a rapidly shifting landscape of irreverent observations, inside jokes, pop-culture tangents, and the familiar themes of friendship, mental health, and self-deprecation. From the existential conundrum of Pickle Rick to heated debates on Diet Coke, gift-giving drama, and their unique struggles living with a broken heater, the trio delivers a raw, comedic dialogue peppered with philosophical musing, dark humor, and cultural commentary.
On Diet Coke:
“I don’t think you love yourself.” – Drew (06:09)
On Mid-Cut Socks:
“If they were wearing mid-cut socks, let alone mid-cut TNA socks...perving out in the corner...that’s a dangerous motherfucker.” – Anya & Drew (08:45-09:07)
On Mr. Beast:
“Let’s get him on the guillotine in the middle of a public square.” – Anya (05:26)
On “Suicidal Ideation Era”:
“The foundation of my thinking is suicidal ideation.” – Anya (21:22)
On Black Mirror & Rick and Morty:
“Black Mirror is one of those things—it’s like Rick and Morty. Yes, you have to give it credit…but then the smoke shops found it. And now it’s Pickle Rick.” – Anya (44:14)
On Single-Use Plastic:
“I’m very pro single-use plastic. I think we need more...takeout containers.” – Drew (62:32)
On Crying:
“As of late, I don’t know what it is…I’ve been crying so much more. It just makes sense to cry more.” – Drew (42:58)
On Stealing & Surveillance:
“If you see someone stealing food, turn away, let them get away with it.” – Drew (37:28)
“I feel that way about stealing from Claire’s too. They obviously need it.” – Enya (37:44)
On Pubic Hair:
“It’s so chic to have a big ass bush.” – Drew (60:59)
This episode of Emergency Intercom exemplifies the show’s signature blend of absurdist humor, meandering authenticity, and cutthroat friendship. The vibe is both self-aware and self-effacing, marked by a sense of safe-space vulnerability laced with unfiltered, sometimes dark comedy. Pop culture, personal habits, mental health, and the minutiae of housemate life all set the stage for riffs that are both intentionally scattershot and surprisingly insightful.
The hosts toggle between profound and profane, refusing to take themselves—or contemporary culture—too seriously, in a way that’s relatable to their young, chronically online audience. Longtime listeners will appreciate Enya and Drew’s candor, running gags, and seamless transitions between roasts and real talk.