pri demon th

Summary

Emergency Intercom - Episode: Pri Demon Th Release Date: June 7, 2024 | Host: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips

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I. Introduction and Opening Remarks

The episode kicks off with a brief exchange between Drew Phillips and Kai (likely Enya Umanzor), setting a humorous and relaxed tone. Kai expresses his relief and joy at being able to laugh again, stating, “I haven't been laughing recently and you made me laugh. So thank you” ([01:30]).

II. Shoutouts and Pride Message

Drew takes a heartfelt moment to wish listeners a happy Pride Month, saying, “Happy pride. I love you so much” ([01:57]). This sets a supportive and inclusive atmosphere for the episode. Kai responds playfully, “Don’t play with me” ([02:11]), adding comedic tension before calming down the conversation.

III. Trisha Paytas’s Mention and Their Response

The hosts delve into their interaction with Trisha Paytas, who recently mentioned their podcast. Drew shares, “Trisha talked about us. So I immediately went, and my nosy ass was checking, and this is what she had to say” ([03:38]). They discuss how Trisha’s mention led Kai to watch “Emergency Intercom,” culminating in a mutual appreciation of Trisha’s feedback. Kai remarks, “I love their podcast. I love that their podcast is, like, not boring” ([05:02]).

IV. Spider Invasion Story

Kai recounts a personal nightmare involving spiders invading his bedroom. He describes how the situation escalated from mere presence to aggressive behavior, stating, “I was gonna let it live, and it ran at me, like, really fast, so I smashed it with a book” ([08:33]). Drew humorously comments, “Do you think we have, like, a few spider listeners?” ([09:04]), highlighting the absurdity of the situation.

V. Psychic Tarot Reading Experience

The conversation shifts to Kai’s recent experience with a psychic. He narrates his visit: “She called me a very, very weak person” ([20:40]) and how the psychic attempted to upsell additional services like chakra cleansing and meditation sessions. Trisha Paytas interjects with her own readings, adding depth to the interaction. Kai reflects, “I can’t believe she says my mom is the reason for all this evil energy” ([22:12]), showcasing his skepticism and frustration with the experience.

VI. Texas Wedding and Frog Incident

Drew and Kai recount their attendance at Drew’s sister’s wedding in Texas. They describe a surreal moment when they encountered a “super bloom” of baby frogs, leading to accidental mishaps. Kai humorously notes, “It was like a frog super bloom. Like, I'm not exaggerating” ([36:09]). The story highlights the chaotic yet memorable nature of their outing, with Drew mentioning, “We made slime and it was so awesome” ([38:51]).

VII. Stand-Up Comedy Bits

The hosts transition into their stand-up segments, where Kai shares a series of jokes ranging from “yo mama” humor to observational comedy about everyday life. Notable jokes include:

• “Curiosity killed the cat. Well, who is curiosity? And why don’t they like cats?” ([52:38])
• “Where do you go to get an almost 20-year-old illiterate wedding ring? The night.” ([53:14])

Drew participates by reacting to Kai’s jokes, adding his own comedic flair. Kai concludes his stand-up with, “Good on lithium” ([55:54]), receiving applause from the hosts.

VIII. Discussion on Homophobia and Social Issues

A deeper conversation emerges as Drew critiques homophobia, stating, “Gay people are so nice… the love given to JoJo Siwa is so sweet” ([47:30]). Kai supports this sentiment, arguing against homophobic attitudes with, “Like, you could never hate their kind like those people” ([48:24]). This segment underscores the podcast’s blend of humor with meaningful social commentary.

IX. Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on listener interactions and upcoming content. Anya announces, “We've seen the comments. We've seen people begging for a Kai cam” ([61:05]), teasing future episodes with enhanced visual elements. Drew contemplates expanding the podcast’s scope, suggesting, “Our podcast would be 10 times more interesting if we were people who were, like, dating around and being foolish” ([41:22]).

Notable Quotes:

• Kai: “I don't laugh anymore. I don't think I've laughed in a year. Truly.” ([01:52])
• Drew Phillips: “You better count your spiders.” ([09:12])
• Kai: “This is crazy.” ([25:14])
• Trisha Paytas: “You need someone to be able to tell you exactly what are these type of things I need to be able to do in my life.” ([21:18])
• Drew Phillips: “Gay people are so nice. Like at the end of the day, a crowd of gay people singing and cheering for JoJo Siwa is true connection.” ([48:28])

Conclusion

"Emergency Intercom" delivers a dynamic and entertaining episode filled with personal anecdotes, humorous stand-up segments, and insightful discussions on social issues. Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips create a relatable and engaging environment for listeners, blending comedy with heartfelt moments. Whether sharing bizarre spider encounters or dissecting interactions with celebrities like Trisha Paytas, this episode offers a comprehensive and enjoyable listening experience.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew Phillips]

Everything from first steps to first dates, from all nighters to all time personal bests.

[Ryan Seacrest]

From building pillow forts to building a.

[Trisha Paytas]

Life for all the big and small.

[Drew Phillips]

Moments that make up your whole world. DSW is there and we've got just the shoes. Find a shoe for every you from.

[Trisha Paytas]

Brands you love at brag worthy prices.

[Drew Phillips]

At your DSW store or dsw dot com. Hey guys, what's up? Welcome back to the episode. Dude, I needed to let that out so bad.

[Kai]

Holy.

[Drew Phillips]

You know, earlier, the drop off rate for the episode is okay.

[Kai]

It's like one second 90%. And you know what's crazy? And yet thank you for that because this morning I woke up and I said, I hope I laugh today cuz I haven't been laughing recently and you made me laugh. So thank you.

[Drew Phillips]

You're literally, you'll spend like a single day alone all day and then be like, I, I just don't. I don't have laughter in my life.

[Kai]

I don't laugh anymore. I don't think I've laughed in a year. Truly. Truly.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, but seriously, before we start this episode, I want to say this to you guys, but especially to true. Give me your hand. Happy pride. I love you so much.

[Kai]

Don't play with me.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh my God.

[Kai]

Don't play with me.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh my God. I was. I didn't even say anything else. I just said happy pride.

[Kai]

All right, we're back, y' all.

[Drew Phillips]

Sorry guys, I had to go to the er, but.

[Kai]

And you got a couple suits.

[Drew Phillips]

You know what's crazy is last time I went to the ER is when our apartment. The incident happened at the apartment.

[Kai]

Which one?

[Drew Phillips]

You were in a neck brace. Kai was all tatted up.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

The last episode we did at the apartment, that was the last time I went to the er. And they said the same thing this time. They were like, thank God you're straight. So you're fine and you're amazing. That's all they said. It was weird.

[Kai]

Can you give me the name? Have you ever gotten your hospital?

[Drew Phillips]

No. I think. I think they're really good at what they do.

[Kai]

So they're suing them.

[Drew Phillips]

Why? For being truthful.

[Kai]

For being hateful. For being a hateful hospital.

[Anya]

She went to the Westboro Baptist Hospital.

[Kai]

Oh, wait, I love that place.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, wait, wait.

[Kai]

I love that church. I love that church.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, with that being the start of the episode, I love this back and forth that's unraveling between us and Trisha, where it's like, every other week we're just talking about each other lightly.

[Kai]

I haven't even seen this clip yet.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, I'm going to play it for Drew. He hasn't seen it. I woke up and I had a text that said, Trisha talked about us. So I immediately went, and my nosy ass was checking, and this is what she had to say. Work. We were a part of her maternity obsession.

[India]

I don't know if that's my obsession. Definitely not. Emergency intercom. I was watching emergency intercom because I saw Anya, Andrew. They were talking.

[Kai]

I. I did not know.

[Drew Phillips]

Did you check your DMs from Drew?

[Kai]

No.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, he talked about. He said if Trisha ever looks at my DMs from.

[India]

Oh, yes, I saw that part, but I don't think he did. I think I checked. I don't think he did.

[Drew Phillips]

I think it was maybe. I don't know, because for Ted, I feel like after a while, they expire, because I definitely have DM'd had a.

[Kai]

Few times, and the only one that.

[Drew Phillips]

Was in there was one.

[India]

Yeah, I only saw one from him. Oh, my God, that's so iconic. So I saw them talking about. They were so nice because I truly didn't know. When we told. We talked about the shirt that I told you shirt from Challengers, and then how the ceiling fell on them, and I was like, I don't know who they are. But they were, like, so nice. Because, like, so many people get offended if I say, like, look, there's 5 million podcasts out there. I'm sure most people don't. A lot of people don't know who I am. I mean, a lot of people do, but a lot of people probably don't know who I am, too. And I would never be like, oh, my God, I can't believe they don't know who I am. Just people just don't know. So they were super nice about it because, like, I didn't know who they were. And you Enlightened me. And I was like, okay, I love them. They're great. It sounds iconic. And they were really nice. They were like. They're like, oh, yeah. Like, it was cool she mentioned us or whatever. So then I was like, let me watch Emergency Intercom. And then I started watching, and I actually really loved both of them. And I was like, shout out to them. And I love their podcast. I love that their podcast is, like, not boring. Like, so many podcasts. Like, couples podcasts. I don't know.

[Kai]

Whatever.

[India]

I get bored of them after a while. I've been watching pretty basic, unfiltered. Whatever that one is. I've been watching that.

[Drew Phillips]

But.

[India]

But I'm ready to come's funny. Like, they're funny. They have a good. Like, they're not in a relationship, right?

[Drew Phillips]

I don't believe so.

[India]

Is he gay?

[Drew Phillips]

I.

[Kai]

No, we don't know.

[India]

It is Pride Month.

[Drew Phillips]

She has such a good response. I don't believe so.

[India]

Is he gay?

[Drew Phillips]

I think we don't know. I don't know for sure.

[India]

It doesn't matter.

[Kai]

It's Pride Month next.

[Drew Phillips]

She said, we owe to you spec and it's Pride Month.

[Kai]

No. That is so sick. I know.

[Drew Phillips]

I like realizing that I think I have, like, a weirdly not parasocial because I'm not, like, she's not somebody who I'm, like, feel like I'm friends with. But you know how there's certain celebrities who we always talk about, like, it takes so much for me to be like, oh, my God, I can't believe this person. But the smile on my face watching that this morning, I was like, this is a bit jarring how happy this is.

[Kai]

It literally felt like when I saw Beyonce in concert for the first time. Like, I'm not kidding. Like, the way I was, like, welling up, and I was just like, wait, I did not know. I love this person that.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, that's how it felt, her mentioning us.

[Kai]

She's so, like, Mother Goose. Like, she has, like, maternal vibes.

[Drew Phillips]

Also, congrats on the birth of Elvin. This shout out, which is a really cute girl name.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

But, yeah, I mean, so I'm not the only buddy person who. I'm not the only buddy. I'm not the only person.

[Kai]

The only buddy. And you. What does that mean?

[Drew Phillips]

I'm not the only person who associates you with Pride. And I don't think you're gonna smash a vase on Trish's head. So it's just like, you know, come.

[Kai]

Into my studio, and if you say Anything. Anything. You're getting a bottle next. Like, I don't play.

[Drew Phillips]

We need to give Malibu a breakaway bottle breaking on her head.

[Kai]

Damn. Well, that was sick. And a great way to start this episode because that's some other Boo. Some other boots.

[Drew Phillips]

Right?

[Kai]

Right. Well, spiders have been attacking me in my bed, and you finally saw it. She thought I was, like, tripping, but, like, no, I swear to God, that's.

[Drew Phillips]

What you get for being one of those annoying who's like, their only crime is being small.

[Kai]

Well, no, I was like that. I genuinely was like, damn. Their only crime is being small. Like, if a spider's in my room, I won't kill it. Because I'm like, you deserve to live, and you're protecting me, and your spirits are nice, but, y' all, they've, like, started, like, attacking me in my bed, and I think I talked about it on a past episode. But, like, I. I will see them, like, crawling on my window seal by my bed, and they'll run across and then disappear, and I'm just like, whatever. Like, crawling in my ear, in my mouth, in my sleep. Like, I literally don't give a fuck. Like, it's not that deep. Like, spiders are empty calories anyways. Like, what the fuck? But, like, this spider was, like, attacking me in my bed. Like, I was gonna let it live, and it ran at me, like, really fast, so I smashed it with a book. And then I told India about it, and she was like, girl, shut the up. And I was like, no, literally, there are spider. Like, they're all attacking me. They're coming from me. Like, it's crazy. It is actually insane. Like, being, like, the type of person that I am, like, a very empathetic person that, like, gets used a lot just in.

[Drew Phillips]

Spider.

[Kai]

I just get used and abused and thrown out to the curb. But that was a random tangent. But anyways, this spider, and it was in my room, and we were just chilling, and I pointed it out, and they're all the same size, which is really creepy. Like, they're all. And I'm starting to think it might be the same spider over and over again, and they just survive. I don't know.

[Drew Phillips]

Or you might find that those spiders grow to that size and that's their.

[Kai]

Adult, and then they start attacking me. They all deserve to be jobs.

[Drew Phillips]

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying is, like, you are always like, oh, protect bugs. But, no, their whole goal is to bite you.

[Kai]

No, literally, it was, like, actually so scary and you saw it and you had to kill him for me. Because I felt really bad about killing him.

[Drew Phillips]

I didn't.

[Kai]

I smushed the out of that into my bed sheets. Left a blood stain on my bed. Like, it was nasty. And then you know what I did? Every spider that I kill now in my bed, in or around my bed, I put them on the window seal that they come from, and I just have them laying there, one by one.

[Drew Phillips]

Going to start eating them?

[Kai]

No, if they.

[Drew Phillips]

They're literally. It's going to be, like, air dried, like, crispy.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's like freeze dried spiders.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai]

No, but I put them there as a warning sign. I'm like, look, if you come near me, I will kill you. And, like, now they have. It's like the stand your ground law in Florida. Like, don't enter my fucking space because I'll smush your ass, like, immediately. But, yeah, I've just been, like, attacked by spiders. And then I found out that, like, putting bugs outside, like, is actually deadly to them because they're acclimated that you're.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, evicting them from.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah. I'm like, literally destroy. Ruining their lives and killing them immediately. But. So this is a message to all the spiders out there. Don't play with me. Like, literally, don't play.

[Drew Phillips]

Do you, like, think we have, like.

[Kai]

There'S a few spider listeners? Like, for sure. Can I get the Tom Hollenberger hold the spiders? Can I get the H2O burger with the mermaid tail sauce?

[Drew Phillips]

Well, the other day in the car with Drew, he said something, and I was like, I'm not kidding. If you did meth, I genuinely think you would solve a lot of problems.

[Kai]

Like, give me some meth.

[Drew Phillips]

Y' all thinks that it, like, a lot.

[Kai]

Give me some math, y' all, like, because sometimes. No, seriously, get me meth.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay. No. And now you're, like, too eager. At first you were, like, ill. No, I would never. And now it seems like you've been thinking about it.

[Kai]

Like, I just. No. Can we move on?

[Drew Phillips]

Well, also, I have so many. All of my notes are about Drew right now, because all we've been doing is laying in his bed and hanging out. And when we were sitting in his bed watching Tick Tocks the other night, he. He got one of those. Drew doesn't let me go through his drafts because now I know it's full of, like, this. First of all, he got one of those tik tok that was like, your career is about to take off in a magnificent way. And he Used the sound and posted it on Private. And then there was another TikTok that it was like, it was like a money spread. Tick tock. And he was like, claim. I just, I'm looking at my phone, I hear claim, claim, claim.

[Kai]

I'm claiming this energy. I'm claiming this energy. Claim, claim, claiming, manifesting, manifesting, claiming, claiming this energy. Manifesting this.

[Drew Phillips]

I claim, I claim.

[Kai]

I claim my claim. Only the good parts. Only the good part.

[Drew Phillips]

And he literally has been doing that and he also. Oh, wait, you went to a psychic?

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I need, we need to finish this. So if you go through my private. Because they always say like, use this sound, it can be private. So I put it on private and I just use it like in the darkness with a, like showing my face. And I have the sound and I upload it and it's a fucking vibe. But the ones that piss me off the fucking most is when it's like your mother will die in six hours if you don't use this sound. So I just started clicking not interested on it. But I used to like scroll by really quick. Like I didn't see it.

[Drew Phillips]

I do, I don't believe in it, but I do catch myself scrolling by really quick. Like if I don't finish it, it doesn't count on me.

[Kai]

Do you remember the chain mail? Like Carmen Winstead? Yeah, like that, that's like the modern day version of that. And they're all just like view and interaction farming and it works.

[Drew Phillips]

It's so annoying that like that's the new era of it because it felt so much more real when you were getting a text like that sent directly to your phone. That was so jarring, like you getting a text. I was like, if you don't send this to 20 people, your best friend is going to die in their sleep.

[Kai]

I genuinely, I would not be sending that to 20 people. Like not even close. Not even one person would get that if it meant my best friend is dying. Like, I'm letting that bitch die.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm right here, I think. Are you talking about me?

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, well, if there was a text.

[Kai]

That was the sexy guy in your life. If you don't send 20, the sexy guy will die. Of course it would be me.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I, I think there's other people who could take that category.

[Kai]

Kai.

[Anya]

No, wait, what?

[Drew Phillips]

Actually, now that I said that, I can't think of a single man in my life who I would ever describe as sexy.

[Kai]

Is there a sexy girl in your life?

[Drew Phillips]

Oh yeah, there's like Plenty of sexy girls.

[Kai]

Maybe this month is for you. Too bad.

[Drew Phillips]

No, that doesn't. See how. That doesn't even sound right. When I say to you something about that, like, rings true. When you say it about me, it's like.

[Kai]

That doesn't even sound right. That don't even say.

[Drew Phillips]

It's like, the manifesting. So it's like. Okay, okay. You think you're. Oh, you think you're going to trick me? I need to know about the psychic, and you need to do it now, because also now I'm thinking about the audio message you sent me last night. This is just the Drew episode. Because you've just been such a funny person this week, and usually you're really, like, sad and boring and awful to be around, and, like, I have to, like, make sure I separate from him. But this week, you were on, like, an okay one.

[Kai]

Okay. Damn. Drew Phillips catching. Catching Strays episode. Drew Phillips being Skinny episode.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, when's that?

[Kai]

Right now, babe.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, do we have that kind of technology?

[Kai]

No, no, no, no, wait. I just laughed. I literally just laughed, y' all. Holy. Holy. We broke the curse. Okay, so I've been getting callings recently from, like, the beyond. And it started with.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, you're schizophrenic.

[Kai]

It started with hallucinogens. And I time, like, every, like, five years, like, I get a calling to, like, try one. Probably not in the headspace to do that right now. Of course not. But when I was six.

[Drew Phillips]

Very real boredom. But yeah.

[Kai]

No, the calling is called addiction. No, every five years, I would get a calling, and then I would do it, and then it would shift my reality and fuck me up for four years and completely melt my fucking brain. Well, I got a calling from a sidekick recently. Like, I just, like, I felt the need to go, and I had never been before, and I was like, fuck, dude, there's one, like, right up.

[Drew Phillips]

Have you never even had your, like, tarot cards read?

[Kai]

No. No. Or maybe. Maybe at. Yeah, at the. When I was at my best friend Bella's event, she had, like, a tarot card reader. Yeah. Like, me and Bella Hadid, like, were really close, and she, like, had tarot card reading. Like, she's, like, basically my best friend, and, like.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, you mean the event I was invited to and I put you down.

[Kai]

On the list, and then you didn't go, and then we just had, like, a night out on the town. That's my girl, y' all.

[Drew Phillips]

I actually, that was, like, one of those moments I had FOMO because it sounded like all of our friends were together.

[Kai]

Yeah, it was really fun.

[Drew Phillips]

But I know that. I remember I had a way better night because my friends are evil and they make me feel awful.

[Kai]

I was going to say. I was going to say it really was potentially the greatest night of my life. And I feel like it would have been the greatest night of your life if you were there. Just, like, the vibes were there, the drinks were flowing.

[Drew Phillips]

Just, like, not believing it because you're, like, not happy.

[Kai]

Like, the party bus. Location, next location, next club, next club. Like, it was a movie. It was a fudgeing movie. Movie. But what the. Oh, oh, oh. I decided. I was like, oh, I want to go to a sidekick really, really badly. I've never been.

[Drew Phillips]

Also, he was trying to convince me to go with him for, like, two hours straight. He was like, what are you doing? And I was like, I need to go eat. And he was like, wait, but we should go to a sidekick. That sounds fun. And I was like, I don't want to go. And then he's like, no, but what if you like, oh, they're gonna say something so good. And I was like, no.

[Kai]

Yeah. I was like, let's go. Like, come on. Like, let's turn up. And I was like, there was one right off the street from my house that I've seen for the last five years. And then I finally called them. They didn't answer my call the first time I called. And that this was, like, after. I was begging y' all to go. And then I called them back, and then they were like, oh, no, no, this was before because I already had my time slot. But then I called them back and they answered, and it was so spooky. Ooky vibes. She was, like, very mystical feeling. And I was like, fuck. Like, this is very, like, authentic. Like, this is about to be a vibe. It's right up the street from her house, like, in a regular ass home. So I make the appointment for an hour later, get there.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, that's the crazy part, is you didn't go to one that's, like, in an office space or, like, a storefront space. This is one that we've passed forever. And it's a house. It's like a house on the side of the road with a big sign.

[Kai]

Yeah. And I, like, pull up, and immediately I have, like, a gnarly gut feeling. I'm like, oh, something bad is, like, genuinely about to happen. Like, I was literally like, oh, I'm gonna be kidnapped. But then I remembered I'm a 16 year old boy that looks like a 26 year old man. So I was like, they're not going to fucking kidnap me. Like, what the fuck? Like, I look older than I actually am, y' All, I don't get carded for alcohol anymore, But I'm only 16, so.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay.

[Kai]

But anyways, I pull up, I go through the front door. It's really fudgeing, creepy vibes. And I walk into literally anybody who.

[Drew Phillips]

Comes into our apartment. I go the front door, it's really creepy.

[Kai]

Like, bad feng shui. Bad feng shui. I open the front door and I am greeted with just a family home with like a child and a man running around, like, chasing after their daughter, like, wrangling her to get her out of, like the living room. And then there was like this shitty little desk in the corner. We sit at the desk and she's like, how do you want to do this? What do you want? And I was just like, I just want my past, present and future. Like, I don't. I don't know if there's anything you can do for that. And she was like, yeah. And then she like listed all the prices out. And then I was like, oh, fuck. Like, this shit is expensive. Like, no, I'll get to that. I paid a hundred dollars for thirty minutes. Let's just start that.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, first of all, you should have just gone to therapy.

[Kai]

I know. Literally read me. Read me to filth in the comments. Because I know that is ridiculous. But I was just like, I'm already there. Like, I'm gonna talk about it on the podcast. It's gonna be funny.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I guess. How do you get there and be like, oh, wow, and then leave her house?

[Kai]

You know, Literally. Literally.

[Drew Phillips]

I guess any real adult who has like normal brain capacity probably would have done any dignity.

[Kai]

But anyway, she starts dign. It's the reading. And I could immediately tell this is like, so phony. And she's not like a real psychic. Like, I do believe that, like, there are people that are mediums. But, like, it is funny that every single famous medium is a white woman in her late 40s, bored as housewife. Like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Like, look at all. Every single one of them on Yelp was a white woman. And I was like, okay, like, this cannot be. This. This is not the tea. But anyways, I pull up, I sit down, and I immediately am like, dude, like, what did I get myself into? Because I am like, already crying, laughing at the. She's saying. And I'm like, Damn, dude. Like I have to like get out of this. And then I. Anyways, long story short or long story even longer because it's already been a long story. She starts reading my cards and like she starts saying like the funniest ever. And I wasn't voice memo record the beginning cuz I just forgot. And then 10 minutes in she. She called me a very, very weak person. She said I am a very, very weak minded leader. Also I gave her a fake name and a fake birthday and all this because I wanted to see if she was authentic. She called me a very weak person. And so I started screen recording and she like went on to just berate me for being like a terrible, terrible person. She was like, you are a. You are weak. There's nothing you can do to fix it. And I kept asking her like three years of laughter. I was like, how do I fix this? How do I fix this? And she's like, we'll get to that, we'll get to that. And basically it was like you just.

[Drew Phillips]

Trying to extend past 30 minutes so she'd be like, okay, the time is.

[Kai]

Well, no, I was supposed to have an hour but she ended it at 30 minutes because she got mad at me. But anyways, because I was. I mean I was literally crying laughing, dude, like I could not. And like I was like acting like I was crying.

[Drew Phillips]

I just like so much. It's all over the mic.

[Kai]

I just everywhere. But I was like crying laughing because I was like holy, this is so funny. But I was like trying to act like I was crying. But then she started saying that I was surrounded by evil and like I'm gonna try to find it in the voice memo. No, that's all I could think about was like literally y' all, you need.

[Trisha Paytas]

To be more strong. You need to confidence. You need someone to be able to tell you exactly what are these type of things I need to be able to do in my life? What are these things I need to be able to achieve in. Because there is no protection around you. Surprisingly there is not because it's current. Where are you currently working? The reason why that I say that it's because I truly feel there's a lot of jealous people around you. Yeah, so many people are jealous of your. So many people are jealous of your success. A lot of people are honestly jealous upon who the person you really are. And these are people that. That you are not friends with. No, but these are definitely people that see you on social media.

[Kai]

I don't with you around whoever it.

[Trisha Paytas]

Is you understand me? Because there is someone with. Inside of your life that's trying to honestly take you down in.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Negative energy. Negative energy is trying to attack you.

[Kai]

Spirits that are trying to attack me. Meanwhile.

[Trisha Paytas]

Because of the jealousy. The jealousy you are.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm sorry, Giving. Because of the jealousy of you. The jealousy.

[Trisha Paytas]

And for that reason, you need to have a lot of protection around you so that there's no jealous or interference with inside of your life with inside of your business, because I do.

[Kai]

See, I'm gonna.

[Drew Phillips]

Did she give you any advice? Are they.

[Kai]

Some advice, yes, but that leads me to the next part. Basically, she started saying that, like, since birth, my mother, like, passed on evil energy to me. And she was like, how's your relationship with your mom? And I was like, oh, it's, like, fantastic. And she was like, oh, well, like, she held on to, like, a lot of evil, sinister energy. And she passed that on to you, basically saying that this is all my mom's fault. That, like, I have evil spirits attached to me.

[Drew Phillips]

And you better count your.

[Kai]

Literally. Literally, like, you, mom. That's what I was. I called her yesterday and then missed her call back and then called her on the way here. And that's what I need to talk to her about. And then I realized at the end of it, I was like, like, oh, I know what she's doing. And so I caught on, and it was basically her, like, trying to upsell me on all of this other shit that she can do. She was saying that, like, I'm weak. I have evil spirits, like, attacking me. There's jealous people in my life, and the only way to get rid of them is to come back to me or stay after today and get, like, a chakra cleansing, a cleansing, a meditation session, like, all this. And she was just like. When I told her, I was like, no, I have to be somewhere after this. Her. Her vibe completely shifted. And then I was like, oh, she really is phony and this is all a ploy to get me to join her church. She kept talking. I Then I started looking around and I was like, oh, wow, there is, like, a lot of Jesus memorabilia around for, like, a sidekick. Like, that's really interesting. And then she went on this long tangent about how, like, I need to find God in Jesus, the holy power and that. Like, that's the only way they can save you. Along with my cleansing and chakra cleansing. And she was like, I don't do any voodoo. I don't do any, like, hexing. Don't do none of that. Like, it's literally just like the power of God. Yeah, the power of God. And she was like, you should come with me at some point, like to my church. And like, at first I was like, oh, is this like a cult or something?

[Drew Phillips]

But wait, should I go as undercover and see if she does the same thing? I go in and she's like, you're amazing. You're surrounded by love, except one evil entity that's living in your home with you. And then she's like, oh my God, no. She's like, your cat loves you, but there's something. Oh, it's you. And she's like, and that person's very weak.

[Kai]

Well, this evil entity will burn down your house with a zool inside.

[Drew Phillips]

And I won't be there and blow.

[Kai]

Up your car, so you can't.

[Drew Phillips]

But no, now I need to go back this week and we need to start an investigation and start.

[Kai]

Well, that was the thing at the end of it when I said no to all our add ons. But I was like, I want to bring my friends. Like I want them to come. And then she lit up again and she was like, yeah, bring all your friends. Bring everybody. Bring all the good vibes. Bring all your friends. Like, please, please, please bring.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay. Her saying, bring all the good vibes. Girl, you just told me all my friends were fucking evil.

[Kai]

No, literally evil thoughts.

[Trisha Paytas]

Because the evil trying to attack you mentally.

[Kai]

Yeah, sorry, I'm. This is crazy.

[Trisha Paytas]

You've been going to sleep at night with your eyes.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not like laughing. It's just crazy.

[Trisha Paytas]

No, no, it's okay.

[Kai]

You're like, like reading me to filth right now. Too much.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah. You have been having nightmares of people that you have not even seen before. Or maybe even creatures of some sort. Yeah, maybe even you in a very dark, deep hole and you don't know how to get yourself out of.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

You understand me? Or maybe even someone trying to murder you or something like really drastic and weird.

[Kai]

Yeah, I'm. I also am seeing like my loved ones around me, like literally burning alive, like constantly or like getting executed.

[Drew Phillips]

Are these.

[Trisha Paytas]

Are these loved ones passed on or did they pass or are they here?

[Kai]

They're still here.

[Trisha Paytas]

They're here with us. Okay. Okay.

[Kai]

I have had a dream about a loved one that passed on. That was a zombie, but it was scary.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh my gosh, my dear. You know what that means? That means that there is something that's really trying to attack you. There isn't. There is a evil spirit that is connected to you. That is trying to be able to get into your mind and control you and manipulate you. You are very easy.

[Kai]

That is true.

[Drew Phillips]

I know that it's trying to control.

[Kai]

You and manipulate you, but, yeah, that was killing me. And then I left, and I was like.

[Drew Phillips]

You'd be like, sorry. I'm not laughing at you. It's just. Just. This is a lot. Although you say to this random woman in the most serious. I'm like, yeah, I'm so sorry. You're just, like, reading me to filth right now.

[Kai]

And then she went on this long tangent because I forgot, like, how we got there, but she was talking about, like, how, like, someone came into her house and put her fish in the garbage disposal and turned it on. And I was like, girl, oh. I brought up how you killed my bug. Let me find it. Let me find it.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, Drew, how did you pay her?

[Kai]

Venmo.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, so she saw your real name.

[Kai]

But I paid her after the reading, and it was. It was crazy. She, like, literally, I could have walked out of there without paying her. Like, she. She wanted me out. Like, her tone shifted in the craziest way.

[Trisha Paytas]

Sure, my dear. How many animals they got? They put the fish down. I love it.

[Kai]

I will have problem that they don't.

[Drew Phillips]

Know and don't worry about.

[Trisha Paytas]

You know what I mean?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

To put aside.

[Kai]

I'm sorry.

[Trisha Paytas]

Enjoying times and our good times. Now there's something that's reading. We open a new chapter. We open a new book.

[Kai]

But I don't think I. Okay. It starts at 1040, and then we're about.

[Trisha Paytas]

You know what I mean?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Within your future, my dear. I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't see children in your future.

[Kai]

Yeah. The does she mean by that? I know, literally, like, that was evil.

[Trisha Paytas]

I don't see children. Maybe, like, fur babies. You know what I mean?

[Drew Phillips]

Like, animals and stuff.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Do you have any animals?

[Kai]

Not currently, no.

[Trisha Paytas]

Okay.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

I wish you went. I wish you. Like, when she said that, you were like, I'm actually engaged to the love of my life right now, and she's expecting.

[Kai]

Yeah, literally.

[Drew Phillips]

And then she probably would have went further and been like. Like, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there's a miscarriage coming.

[Kai]

Yeah. Literally, she would have, like, said she.

[Drew Phillips]

Would have definitely doubled down.

[Trisha Paytas]

You know what I mean? Like, animals and stuff.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Trisha Paytas]

Do you have any animals, 1105?

[Kai]

Not currently, no.

[Trisha Paytas]

Okay.

[Kai]

Yeah. I had a praying mantis at one point.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, my God, I love it. That's probably so scary, though.

[Kai]

Yeah, it was. It was scary. My roommate killed her on accident. On accident. I think she sprayed vinegar. Vinegar inside of her container because she needs moisture and she was taking care of her, and I think she accidentally, like, spray vinegar in there.

[Trisha Paytas]

Oh, my God. You want to hear something terrible? So I had someone come over to my house and clean the fish tank. They got. They put the fish down the garbage puzzle and turned it on.

[Kai]

Why?

[Trisha Paytas]

I don't know. I still don't know.

[Kai]

To this date is horrifying.

[Trisha Paytas]

Yeah.

[Kai]

What fish did you have.

[Drew Phillips]

Your special interest coming up here?

[Kai]

I thought she was gonna say.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, was it like a reef tank?

[Kai]

I thought she was gonna say a reef tank. And she was like, it was a beta fish. And I was like, girl, like, you were probably abusing that fish anyways. Like, they need tanks. But yeah, so I went to a psychiatrist and she told me, oh, yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

You need to go to a psychiatrist.

[Kai]

I do, I do. No, I went to a psychiatrist. She told me that I'm. Fuck. I said it again. Y' all just heard the story. I'm not, like, wrapping it up, but that's so awesome.

[Drew Phillips]

I need to go now. I really need to go.

[Kai]

But you should.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm glad we didn't go together because I. If I saw you cracking up, I think I would have started laughing and she literally would have kicked us out of her.

[Kai]

I know. It was crazy. And, like, seeing, like, her, it was funny because.

[Drew Phillips]

Do you think it'll be too suspicious if I go, like, today or tomorrow?

[Kai]

No, you should go. You should definitely. It would not be suspicious at all.

[Drew Phillips]

Did you, like, look at her yellow help? Did she have good reviews?

[Kai]

I just called the sign because I felt like a calling from, like, beyond.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, me, when I see an ad and I feel a calling, like, no.

[Kai]

I said that to her and she was like, how did you find out about us? And I was like, the big sign.

[Drew Phillips]

The biggest sign on a front yard on a really busy man.

[Kai]

I want to see if you can hear her tone change. Yeah, I buy that. He was a good person.

[Trisha Paytas]

The process.

[Kai]

I don't want to talk. I, I, I do wanna thank you.

[Trisha Paytas]

No problem, my dear. If you have any further questions, please let me know. Okay?

[Kai]

Yeah, I don't have any other questions.

[Trisha Paytas]

Okay, sounds good. So bring back your friends. Bring about whoever you can. You know what I mean? Whoever wants to be able to get a reading done.

[Kai]

Yeah, you can't really tell, but she got pissed and she, like, stopped talking. And so it was like me trying to fill the void, like, the awkwardness. And like, I was like, damn, she's good at like. Because I was almost like, sure, I'll just to like, make her like me, but, like, no, I was like, I'm not. Not doing all that, but.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I'm glad I didn't go. See, like, you think you have good intuition, but I have good intuition. I was like, I just don't think that's for me.

[Kai]

But you should go.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. I mean, the one tarot card reading. I'm honestly thinking about going it. Like, she did. Like, the one time I got one was at a random ass like milk makeup event in 2019, and she read my cards, and I'm not getting everything she said that was going to happen. Fully happened.

[Kai]

Damn.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, and then the other time that happened was when we were all obsessed with the pattern app in, like, oh, yeah, early 2019, and everything that it was or late 2018 or something. And everything that I was saying was happening was fully happening. But also, I'm a crazy person. You can't tell me things because then I just make them happy. No, because I'm like, it's gonna happen anyway. I might as well make it happen. Well, after Drew had that, he had a really scary experience again.

[Kai]

I don't even know what you're.

[Drew Phillips]

This is literally just the Drew episode.

[Kai]

I made it to my destination of hell, as you can hear in the background the eternal screams of the damned. I'm actually going back to heaven now. Wow. God. God pardoned me, I guess. Oh, this is lit. All right. Well, an audio message from heaven. I guess I already am, but you know what I mean. Afterward, after I get settled in and meet everybody, there's Jesus.

[Drew Phillips]

I, like you say I made to my destination hell, as you can hear the eternal screams of the dam.

[Kai]

What's crazy is the reason I sent that audio message was because the. I sent an audio message from bed to Inya. Like, like, right before that. And I had a bat. I sent it from my laptop, and I had a basketball video playing in the background, and it literally sounded like I was at a basketball game.

[Drew Phillips]

I was like, the. Did you go to a game?

[Kai]

So I unlocked a new. I unlocked a new bit, basically. And it's to play a YouTube video in the background with some sound effects and then screen or voice memo record off your laptop, and it plays through the audio message like, it keeps it perfectly. Yeah, exactly.

[Drew Phillips]

The Valium.

[Kai]

The Valium. I need a Valium.

[Drew Phillips]

No, you don't.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, they.

[Drew Phillips]

The evil around you Is all the people trying to help you avoid things like this. That's why she's like, they're evil. Don't listen to them.

[Kai]

I forgot about this. She was like, are you taking any medication right now? And I was like, no. And she was like, good. Like, you will become a pill popper if you take antidepressant medication. That's something I didn't record. And she went on this long tangent about how people that take, like, depression medication are pill poppers and evil and sinister. And I was like, holy, she's crazy. Like, she literally, like, if I was someone who, like, actually was, like, mentally unwell and, like, went there and decided, back.

[Drew Phillips]

Back up. You said if you were somebody who was mentally unw. No, you got to put your foot on the.

[Kai]

Me. Oh, the pictures of my jeans.

[Drew Phillips]

We're serving a gender reveal right now.

[Kai]

Hey.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, yeah. Drew in his stinky jeans, bro. Something is wrong with Drew's legs. Because any. I used to think it was just his other pants, but these pants make his legs look funky, too. I'll insert it. Oh, my God. But, yeah. We went to Texas for Drew's sister's wedding. I was a hit. Everybody was obsessed with me. Everybody was so sad when.

[Kai]

No, they literally were. They were like, why doesn't she. She'd stay another day. Like, she can just stay another day.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. I'm wanted.

[Kai]

You're lucky that you're loved and wanted, because it doesn't feel like I am by my own family. I am, like the black sheep. I, like, go in, and everybody's like, who is he? He changed. And then they make me sleep outside.

[Drew Phillips]

Also.

[Kai]

No, literally, they made me sleep outside.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, what?

[Kai]

In the rain. But it was, like, funny, like, that stuff. I like rain, but I don't like sleeping in it. But it was, like, a bit. They just, like, locked me out.

[Drew Phillips]

But they kept you out there all.

[Kai]

Night with the dogs. Yeah. Put me in a cage.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't think that's, like, a bit. They might actually really not like you. You're only 16. You could call CPS still. There's still time.

[Kai]

True. I didn't even think.

[Anya]

It's a bit. It's like the bit that we do where I spank you.

[Kai]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

You've been silent the whole episode, and those are the first words you've said. I hope you sit, like, rest in that.

[Anya]

Yeah, Rest.

[Kai]

Wait, what is it? Rest. No, what were you saying?

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, we killed a million frogs by accident. Sister's wedding.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew Phillips]

There was a huge thunderstorm and we were all walk around in the grass and then all of a started to look down and there was a million tiny, tiny frogs jumping around.

[Kai]

It was like a frog, like a super bloom. Like, I mean, we're not exaggerating. There was thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of little baby frogs this big. And like, it was actually so cute for a wedding to have those little toads, like, hopping around and like, like, didn't like, the princess kiss the frog or something and it became a toad or some like that?

[Drew Phillips]

Like, didn't the princess kiss the frog?

[Kai]

Like, you know what I'm talking about? Like, it was like a cute vibe in the frog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like a cut vibe. And like, until we realized that we were mashing.

[Drew Phillips]

All the kids were running around. We were like, oh, look at them. And then we were looking at the grass and they were picking up frogs at one point. And then they started running around and we were like, oh, that's so cute. And then we started looking down at the floor and you could see a million frogs, like, jumping around, but they were jumping around trying to get to see while kids were running through just.

[India]

Like.

[Kai]

Killing their loved ones, their brothers and sisters.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't think frogs have the capacity to know like, like relations.

[Kai]

No, they don't. But the wedding was super cute. Congratulations to my sister and her now husband. I'm glad everybody was able to make it and I'm so proud of you.

[Drew Phillips]

Also, two things that I made fun of on the podcast and like, the same episode hit you in the ass. I made fun of paragliding. Is that what it's called?

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

[Drew Phillips]

The big, big fan. I made fun of that. One of Drew family members fully does that. And then I made fun of men.

[Kai]

There was beef. There was like.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, there was tension. And then there was obviously at the wedding, his sister's husband was like, sobbing. He was like, so happy. But it felt sweeter in person. But I felt so uncomfortable because I was like, I made fun of these things back to back on an episode literally last week, and I'm sitting here in a room of two men committing the sins that I damned.

[Kai]

You ate with that? That? Yeah, committing the sins that I damned. Because you're like Satan. Because you're evil. You're a witch.

[Drew Phillips]

Anyway, Abulita.

[Kai]

My abulita is abruha.

[Drew Phillips]

Abulita. Abuelita.

[Kai]

Abuelita.

[Drew Phillips]

But yeah, it was a vibe. We made slime and it was so awesome.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, we did floor slime. It was cute. What else happened at the. Our trip Because Zinnia came to me. Came with me to Texas. My family loves you, bro. Like, they literally, like, dude, it's so funny. Like, they all genuinely think, like, my extended family, that, like, I don't. Like, I have a relationship, but it's not as close as, like, my close family. But all of them genuinely believe that me and India are gonna end up together. And I'm like, babe.

[Drew Phillips]

His grandma, like, was like, say also. His grandma was touching up on me. We need to talk about. She was just doing, like, the older woman thing where she's, like, being, like, kind and, like. Like, her love language was touch. But I was wearing this dress that had a big slit in it, and she kept touching my thigh, period. And I was just cracking up in my head because I'm just, like, sitting there, and she kept calling everybody to introduce me to everybody. But I've met your whole extended family already. So she would be like, come here. Like, you need to meet Anya. She's the best. And then they'd be like, I know Anya. And then I'd be like, yeah, I know them. And then they. She'd be like, oh, okay. And then kind of, like, bat them away and then see who else she can, like, call over to talk about me. And then she introduced me to somebody I didn't know, and then she was like, oh, like, how do you know the family? And then she cut in, and she was like, this is Drew's better half.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

And then me and Drew, later on, we were like, girl, sorry.

[Kai]

Sorry, Grandma. Sorry, Grandma.

[Drew Phillips]

Sorry, Gim gims. But it's not too far for them to think we'd get married, because we've talked about that before, so it's not that crazy.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

But it is so interesting to think of, like, older generations, I guess, even some people our age, like, we just live in a bubble where we don't find marriage and romantic relationships to be, like, the epitome of human connection. And for a lot of people, that's still, like, top tier. And the thing to, like, be sought after.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

But what was cracking me up is I was like, it's so weird to think that, like, for some people, there is, like, a sliver of, like, invalidness to our relationship because we don't. Like, that's literally all that's missing is, like, just because we don't hook up anymore.

[Kai]

I was gonna say also, like, that's just a facade we keep up to the public that we don't do that.

[Drew Phillips]

But, like, we keep our sex lives private.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

And we don't do that anymore.

[Kai]

We keep our sex life private and our private parts to each other. That fucking suck, bro.

[Drew Phillips]

I was actually thinking the other day, I was like, damn, our podcast would be 10 times more interesting if we were people who were, like, dating around and being foolish and, like, also spoke about those things publicly. Because there was, like, no personal life aspect to this podcast, which I enjoy. And I think, for the most part, people, like. But I was listening to someone else's podcast. I was like, damn. They're, like, going in about their dating life. Like, y' all are, like, about it. But you literally couldn't put a gun to my head and make me say anything about my personal life. I actually think I would explode. I'd much rather talk about poop.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, literally. Sorry. I was, like, lost in thought, like, thinking about, like, Trisha Paytas. I'm not kidding. Like, literally. I was like, damn.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, she loves us. We're her favorite couple's podcast.

[Kai]

Yeah. But okay. So also, another thing that happened in the last episode is I started talking about basketball, and people were genuinely shocked that I had ball knowledge that I.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm not sure that you know things about balls. That's, like, to me, that's the first thing I would think. I'm like, drew balls.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Okay. Anyways. So anyways, no, but I know a lot about basketball. It's something I keep to myself because no one wants to hear me talk about basketball.

[Anya]

I love it when you talk about basketball.

[Kai]

Okay, good. I was waiting for that. Should I keep. Should I talk about it?

[Drew Phillips]

That's my answer.

[Kai]

So. No. No. So Caitlyn Clark. Yes. She's the girl, and I. I hate to see all the other w. I.

[Drew Phillips]

Don'T mind you talking about women's basketball. That, to me, for some reason, is less annoying.

[Kai]

And I love Angel Reese, and I love that she's taking on the villain role and publicly saying, like, she's fine with it.

[Drew Phillips]

Damn. It is only basketball related. This is insane.

[Kai]

So this is Jalen Brunson. Brunson and Josh Hart's podcast.

[Drew Phillips]

And this feels like when I would ever sit in, like, a French class and my teacher really wanted me to learn something, and for some reason, it just would, like, bounce off of the, like, membrane surrounding Mandarin. Like, it just doesn't. Like, it won't. It can't. It will never.

[Kai]

And you know what's crazy is I.

[Drew Phillips]

Would go to a game, though, because I would get a beer and stuff.

[Kai]

Let's go.

[Drew Phillips]

That sounds fun. Like, getting all cute and like going to a game.

[Kai]

Such a pretty nose.

[Drew Phillips]

But thank you.

[Kai]

I literally like just saw it for the first time.

[Drew Phillips]

But yeah, that sounds fun. But then that sounds fun in theory. And then actually having to sit through a game because aren't they like three hours long?

[Kai]

That's like baseball. They're not too long.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, because isn't there like intermissions and stuff? Like, we'd be in the stadium for three hours.

[Kai]

Yeah, there's like half time. But you go to the bathroom at halftime, you get like your beer at halftime, your second beer, and you like just vibe out and chat.

[Anya]

Are you talking about basketball? Yeah, dude, when we went, I don't even with sports, but when we went, I was like, this is kind of sick.

[Kai]

Like, you get it like once you.

[Anya]

Go basketball is like, like every 20 seconds they're playing like EDM. Like whenever something's not happening, like, people come out and dance for you. And yeah, it's like, it's really good. It's like the tick tock.

[Drew Phillips]

There's a lot of subway surfers. Like, they're playing subway surfers for you to keep you like, tuned in.

[Kai]

You know what's really sad is we had Luka Doncic and Jalen Brunson, but we did not utilize Jalen Brunson. Right. We traded him to the Knicks and he being became a super star and now he's like going to be an all star. Like, he's going to. He's cooking. Wait, don't fall because you're going to cut your hand. All right, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done, I'm done.

[Drew Phillips]

That was crazy.

[Kai]

Wait, should I go into stand up?

[Drew Phillips]

Do you have more stand up? How the fudge do you have more things to say?

[Kai]

Girl, I got a lot of stand up.

[Drew Phillips]

My notes suck. People keep tagging me and people who get beat up by horses now since I mentioned it. So all of my, like, tags on TikTok are literally like, like people getting beat up by those royal horses. And I actually don't understand the obsession with the royal guards and the horses.

[Kai]

Like, someone explain it.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, someone, like in the comments. Like, just let me know what the is up. Like, what is it?

[Kai]

Is it like the outfits? It's the horse girl couture. It's coming back, I swear.

[Drew Phillips]

No, but it's like they got those big funky Marge Simpson hats. Like, I don't understand why that's the vibe. Like, we need like a, like a renaissance era of those fits.

[Kai]

Like, we need or like a coet. Like imagine a coat, a coat Royal Guard.

[Drew Phillips]

But those horses, first of all those horses are being abused because they have to just stand in a fucking dingy cave all day and like let humans come up to it.

[Kai]

But like you saw the one that escaped and like cut it.

[Drew Phillips]

Like they literally get attacked. But like I need to find some of the ones that I've been tagged in. Oh, I think I've been saving them because I get tagged in them so.

[Kai]

Much now you don't want to be saved? Don't save her. Help me also. Why do you go up?

[Drew Phillips]

So humiliating. So humiliating. If I got hit in the head by a horse, I would actually end my life.

[Kai]

Like why go up?

[Drew Phillips]

Like that's mean.

[Kai]

This lady is really cute A she did not deserve. Also the horses like must be able to sense energy and vibes cuz it doesn't bite everybody.

[Drew Phillips]

I like it is sad.

[Kai]

Falling to the ground.

[Drew Phillips]

Like I am sorry.

[Kai]

Like it's really crazy. Every single person trips.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, everybody gets knocked over because like a horse is so goddamn strong. But people keep going to take the pictures. Like I just want to understand the value of the picture because it's not like I don't know. Also the other thing I wrote down is it's crazy how much like homophobia in the world is as it like.

[Kai]

How you are the main perpetuator.

[Drew Phillips]

But it's crazy how much like homophobia there is in the world where they are like when they are the most accepting people ever. No straight crowd would ever sing and cheer like that for jojo Siwa. Like the love given to jojo Siwa like is so sweet and it's so awesome and like at the shows and whatever. Even if it's for like a goof and a gag and it's like funny but like genuinely. I want to know exactly the way I wrote it down. I was really high when I was having this thought too. Like I. I thought I was like.

[Kai]

Unlocking something thing the mystery.

[Drew Phillips]

Gay people are so nice. Like at the end of the day, a crowd of gay people singing and cheering for JoJo Siwa is true connection. No, literally like that is literally like the meaning of true connection.

[Kai]

I don't know why you could even hate their kind like those people even for a second.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, I know I couldn't either but I'm like.

[Anya]

Yeah, I just think it's interesting how Enya's critiquing homophobia when she just broke a bottle over a gay passing man's head.

[Kai]

Exact.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, A culturally gay man?

[Kai]

A culturally.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, that's where the confusion is.

[Kai]

Culturally gay.

[Drew Phillips]

He's culturally gay.

[Kai]

Oh, wait, I was. I was unlocking the keys to the universe yesterday. Louisiana is full of straight gay men. No, no, no. Gay straight men. Men. Yeah, yeah. LA is full of gay straight men, and I am just straight.

[Drew Phillips]

That's not what you said in the car. No, we. Literally the funniest conversation. Because I was saying how, like. What? Oh, I was saying it's so interesting the way, like, mega straight girls talk about, like. Like coochie. Like, it really is so jarring to me. Like, this whole, like, narrative that is based in missandry or not misandry, that's based in misogyny and like, just like, this weird patriarchal ideology around, like, women's private parts and just is like, oh, it's so stinky. Ew. Fishy. Nasty, like, whatever. Which is, like, funny to, like, just, like, troll about and, like, know that it's not serious. But there are girls out there who are literally, like, I could never eat someone out. That is disgusting.

[Kai]

Like, the way, like, dude, neither could I.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, okay, that's not. That's not.

[Kai]

I got the whole squad laughing with that one.

[Drew Phillips]

But, like, the. The, like, the actual, like, way people talk about it actually freaks me out because I'm like, first of all, we gotta get down to what's up with your Cooter Bronson, because that must be Wreak Nation the way you think everyone else is like, I actually don't understand it. And then we were having that conversation. We were laughing about it, and then I was. I was like, I act like I don't talk about men like that.

[Kai]

So I guess, yeah, I was like, girl, you talk about penises the exact same way.

[Drew Phillips]

They're barbaric.

[Kai]

She's just never seen mine. That's literally not true. That is literally not true. No, I was thinking about that too, and I was like, it is interesting, though. Like, guys can, like, look at a penis and respect it. Like straight guys.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, no, yeah, exactly.

[Anya]

Yeah. Some wieners go crazy. Okay, did you guys see the video of the.

[Kai]

Of your mama getting banged by Drew Phillips? Oh, I did.

[Anya]

Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

It was number one.

[Anya]

No, the video of the girl. Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

So she was number one trending.

[Anya]

No, she. It was a girl who showed her class the podcast.

[Kai]

No.

[Anya]

Here, I'll send it to you.

[Kai]

Oh, that's so scary.

[Anya]

Watch this.

[Kai]

And I know everybody's like.

[Anya]

People in the comments were like, I'm embarrassed for you. Like, I'm freaking out watching this video.

[Kai]

No. Oh. Oh. Oh, God.

[Drew Phillips]

I did see this. I did see this. And then she did a followup where she asked everybody and everybody was like, I don't know. That was weird. Like, I didn't. I really didn't like that. Which freaks me out because I don't feel like we're that crazy.

[Kai]

No, we're horrible.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I don't think we're that, like, great. Oh, I'm crazy. Like what? Like I'm not that crazy.

[Anya]

No, there was a girl at the end that was like a fan.

[Kai]

Huh?

[Anya]

Yeah, I think she had merch or something.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it's the girl who showed the video. She was like, I don't care what they say, like, I still like it. Like, it literally felt like a piece to cam. Like everybody being like, I didn't like that. I didn't like that. And then she was like, everyone here is crazy. That is good as. It's funny as.

[Kai]

But all of her and respect and listen, listen, listen, listen. If you have one, what did Lady Gaga say? If there's one person in the room that believes in you, there could be.

[Drew Phillips]

99 people who don't believe in you. But if the one person believes in you, you will go far.

[Kai]

Exactly. Exactly. So that's. That's the mentality I have from that. All right, going into stand up. Are y' all ready? I open with a banger. Homophobic vinyls. Be like, let me set the record straight.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, what?

[Kai]

Cuz the record, like a vinyl record player. They say curiosity killed the cat. Well, who the is curiosity? And why don't they like cats?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I don't like that one.

[Kai]

Where do you go to get an almost 20 year old illiterate wedding ring? The night. Oh, the. My Name's Jared, I'm 19 and I never learned how to read Diamond Store.

[Drew Phillips]

That's the closest we're gonna get to having Josh on the podcast.

[Kai]

You know Jared, like the Diamond Store Jared. Oh, okay. Chipotle. More like potle. They have been skimping on the topics lately. Or toppings lately. Huh? I'd be like, don't be shy. Put some more. And then I go into yo mama jokes.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, let's hear them.

[Kai]

Texas is the biggest state, but Kai's mama couldn't fit inside. I was gonna make slime, but I grabbed yo mama's underwear instead. Oh, this one. This one's super heady. This one's like, you gotta think about this one for a second. Let it set. After I say It. I'm so bad with directions and I hate when I'm right alone I get so lost in my thoughts.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Like, repeat that. I don't understand.

[Kai]

I'm so bad with directions and I hate, hate when I'm right alone I get so lost in my thoughts.

[Anya]

Dude, that one's barely a joke.

[Kai]

No, no, left and right.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I, I. Okay.

[Kai]

When I'm left alone when I'm right.

[Drew Phillips]

Whoa. What time of day did you write that?

[Kai]

Like, on the way to the airport. So it was like one.

[Drew Phillips]

That doesn't seem like something that should have came out of your head like that.

[Kai]

I was cooking in the backseat of my dad's truck. Crocs are so funny because they are shoes, but they sound like crocodiles. Plus they bite your feet. Blisters.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, no, you're. I don't know if you're gonna be allowed to do this next week. You're, like, really going down a scary path.

[Kai]

Inya. More like get in my belly. I'm so hungry I could eat you up. Kai. More like K Y jelly. I wanna butt f you. Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't think I've heard the term butt in so long.

[Kai]

Dude. No, when I was writing it down, I was like, this is a banger. Like, a hundred percent happy pride, y' all. And that's the end. Actually, I have three more, but I was like, wait, I'm gonna read the audience. And that's a good banger to end on.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai]

So I'm copying. I'm copying the ones that I have written down that I didn't read.

[Drew Phillips]

That was good.

[Kai]

And you should try.

[Drew Phillips]

To embarrass myself. That's a lot harder for me to do than.

[Kai]

It's like rejection therapy.

[Drew Phillips]

I get rejection therapy all the time because nobody gives me enough attention.

[Kai]

True. Experimental. Oh, this sucks. This s up, Jiren. I'm sorry, evil Dr. Seuss. Be like one fish, two fish, dead fish, blood fish. Okay, that's like, you sold. You sold. You sold, bro. Okay, I'm not. That's the one. Psyop y' all get. Cuz I killed.

[Drew Phillips]

My favorite meme right now is how the you hate Subway. You made the sandwich. I love that meme so much.

[Kai]

Much. Should we do media? Yeah, you want to start?

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I've been really scared recently because I've realized my family has no video or photo documentation of us before the age of like, 14, 15. So I actually think I might have been kidnapped and put into this family. Because every time I'm like, hey, do you have photos of you when you were younger? Me when I was younger. Like, our grandma when they were younger. Like, whatever, Whatever. Everybody says no. And I'm like, okay, I know y' all didn't have your bread up something serious, but this is fishy. Like, why is there. Actually, I asked my grandma if she had a picture of her when she was, like, 27. By that time, girl, you had to have been near a camera or something. And she was like, nope. And I was like, do you have, like, okay, when's the first time you were getting pictured? She was like, probably when you were born. And I was like, girl, that is funky. How are there no pictures? And I can't stand you with hella documentation to look back at, because I am a narcissist. And, like, the best part about documentation is that I could look at myself. There's no pictures to look at myself.

[Kai]

My dad literally threw away all of the documentation of us when we were younger. And all my Pokemon cards do to him.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, exactly.

[Kai]

He has a sleep apnea machine. And I farted into the air intake every night for, like, five years.

[Drew Phillips]

Remember how much you used to hate farts? They used to make Drew so mad.

[Kai]

It was up.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, it was so annoying.

[Kai]

It was like, if you look around.

[Drew Phillips]

Him, he'd literally be like, seriously? Like, did you actually just do that?

[Kai]

I didn't come from, like, a farting family, so, like, they were gross to me. But then I farted once in front of everybody, and I got over it.

[Drew Phillips]

You're so brave. I love how you make me feel comfortable enough to fart.

[Kai]

I'm a soldier. No, thank you guys for that. Now it's like my go to bed. I'll be like, wait, it's so quiet. Or, wait, what is that sound? What is that sound?

[Drew Phillips]

It's, like, such a dad joke to be committing to, but, like, Drew will just be in his room for, like. Like, five hours straight, ignoring me and Josie, and then come into the living room, be like, wait, I forgot what I was gonna say. Why did I come in here and then just fart and turn around and.

[Kai]

Run away, go back and rot in my cellar under. Under the crib.

[Drew Phillips]

All right, well, media, media.

[Kai]

Media, media, media, media.

[Drew Phillips]

Sorry if I was quiet this episode, guys. Drew started out by concussing me, so.

[Kai]

Yeah. And then I got concussed.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, dramatic. It's a little bit dramatic. All right. My media of the week is. Dude, I really have been listening to the same songs. Like. Like, why should I love you By Kate Bush. Why should I be sad? You wouldn't know anything about that, sis.

[Kai]

I know a lot about.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh. Something that's been cracking me up recently is the dramatics of when a white person can dance. And the reaction it gets literally, has always cracked me up. But recently it's been making me laugh so hard because something about a white person, like, dancing with all their might is really fucking funny. Like. And I, like, I understand historically why white people are so bad at dancing, but, like, it is crazy. The.

[Kai]

Like, I'm not bad at dancing.

[Drew Phillips]

Dance. Okay, wait.

[Kai]

Not doing this. I'm not doing this. I don't have to prove myself to anybody.

[Drew Phillips]

But I don't know. The reactions to it are so amazing. It's like the equivalent when a baby speaks its first word, when a white person just suddenly shows the world that they can dance everybody's mind as well as, like, oh, my God, Good job. Like, I'm so proud of you. That's amazing. I lucky. Want to try lithium.

[Kai]

I feel like you do. Good on it.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Good on lithium, Cam.

[Anya]

Yeah, I think you would do.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew Phillips]

Y' all are saying that to offend me, but I actually genuinely think it would be really good.

[Kai]

No, I'm. I'm being dead serious.

[Drew Phillips]

So you think I'm crazy?

[Kai]

Yes.

[Anya]

Also, really quick, guys, we've seen the comments. We've seen people begging for a Kai cam, and everyone at the studio respects me, so they're going to set me up with a really nice camera next episode.

[Kai]

Be excited, y' all. It's coming soon.

[Anya]

Yeah, it's been a long time coming.

[Drew Phillips]

So who said they respect you?

[Anya]

You just, like, the whole team, they all were like, oh, I didn't hear that.

[Drew Phillips]

When did they.

[Anya]

Your body's great. We respect you.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, no, they didn't.

[Kai]

Wait, Kai's body is tea right now, y' all. He has.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, when I got here, they were like, oh, we want to show you a picture. And then they were like, wait, we can't. We can't. When I walked away, they were like, wow, you look so good. And they were standing over Kai's phone, and I was like, y' all are literally gay. Like, y' all are literally all in a corner, like, showing off your body. Not that there's anything bad with it. Like, it's not wrong. I want to clarify. I'm not homophobic. I just don't like Drew.

[Anya]

Me and Drew. There's a period where you're just saying, boy. There's a period where me and Drew are just Sending each other progress pictures. Yeah, back and forth.

[Kai]

And I have them in my folder, hidden. My product photos, not Kai's.

[Anya]

Yeah, well, we have a shared album.

[Kai]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. My media is a Lady Gaga in my room. Langley Kids Choir, Snow Queen of Texas, the Mamas and the Papas. And then I finally saw Bottoms, and it was worth the wait and worth the hype, but I watched it on my iPhone screen on the airplane like this. I didn't even talk about the people next to me on the plane, bro. No, I'll talk about it next week, bro. Like, remind me.

[Drew Phillips]

But, yeah, Drew was too busy running his goddamn mouth this whole episode. I didn't get a guy. You're mad.

[Kai]

You're mad.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, I did watch Anatomy of a Fall, and I really liked it. And I watched Children of a Lesser God, which I liked. The lead actress. Not only am I one, in love with her, two, she did such a good job, three, it is just, like, a classic old movie where the guy is, like, kind of annoying. Like, any movie with, like, a male love interest before the year of, like, 2017 is, like.

[Kai]

That's the Turing test, Kai. What's the test?

[Anya]

The Turing test.

[Kai]

No, it's not the turn.

[Anya]

The Bechtel test.

[Kai]

Bechtel test test. The rectal test.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, there are certain movies. It's just very, like, manic Pixie.

[Kai]

Dream Girl.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, she's so, like, lost, and I can fix her, but she ate down, and she is, like, oh, pretty. It's her. Sigourney Weaver.

[Kai]

Sigourney's beaver.

[Drew Phillips]

What's her name? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm not gonna remember her name.

[Kai]

Name.

[Drew Phillips]

She's from. What's it called? Boys Don't Cry. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait, guys. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Kai]

The Frank Ocean magazine.

[Drew Phillips]

Shut the up. I look up Boyd's. Boyd's don't cry. What's her name? Hillary Swank.

[Kai]

More like Hillary Skank.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, bye, guys.

[Kai]

It.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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