Reminiscing on our childhoods

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Episode Summary – "Reminiscing on our Childhoods"

Release Date: May 5, 2023 | Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips | Produced by iHeartPodcasts

In this laughter-filled episode of Emergency Intercom, hosts Enya Umanzor (referred to as Kai) and Drew Phillips dive deep into their childhood memories, sharing hilarious anecdotes, personal insecurities, and quirky observations. Joined by producer Madeline, the trio navigates through humorous discussions ranging from infant photos and family dynamics to pet peeves and moon landing conspiracies. Below is a detailed summary capturing the key moments and notable quotes from the episode.

1. Caught in Sync Moments

The episode kicks off with Drew and Kai noticing their uncanny ability to say the same thing simultaneously without anyone else in the crowded living room noticing.

• Drew [00:15]: "We've been in like sync the past couple days. I wonder if that's just me being invisible to the rest of them and just hearing you."
• Kai [00:50]: Playfully attributes their synchronicity to her physical appearance, saying, "It's easy for me to steal the show cuz my big boobs... like magnets."

2. Childhood Photos and the "Switched at Birth" Theory

Drew delves into a nostalgic and humorous discussion about discovering old family photos, leading him to joke about being switched at birth due to his unflattering infant pictures.

• Drew [02:27]: "This does not look like me at all... I was switched at birth."
• Kai [03:37]: Engages in the banter, exaggerating Drew's baby appearance: "You look like your mom, but... Maybe not your dad."

The conversation touches upon physical insecurities, such as Drew’s concern over his lopsided face, and the couple humorously debates the resemblance (or lack thereof) to their parents.

3. Memories of First Foods and Food Experiences

The trio reminisces about their first experiences with various foods, particularly focusing on Chinese cuisine and other childhood food memories.

• Kai [07:00]: Shares her first encounter with Chinese food at daycare, describing the sensory experience: "I remember the first time I saw somebody eating Chinese food... this changes everything."
• Drew [10:09]: Critiques American adaptations of Chinese food, highlighting the overwhelming sauces and lack of seasoning: "They pile it all onto a plate and pour disgusting curry gravy and sweet and sour sauce all over it."

Madeline adds to the nostalgia by recalling fun food-related memories, such as eating at Chuck E. Cheese’s.

4. Pet Peeves and Personal Preferences

The conversation shifts to various pet peeves, notably Kai’s aversion to men’s feet and the general disdain for certain public conveniences.

• Kai [13:00]: Expresses her strong dislike for seeing men’s toes: "I never need to see a man's toes ever again."
• Drew [15:23]: Reflects humorously on body image issues and societal beauty standards.

The hosts humorously discuss personal grooming habits, societal expectations, and their own quirky dislikes, creating a relatable and entertaining segment.

5. Furries and Misconceptions

Kai and Drew engage in a light-hearted discussion about the furry community, addressing common misconceptions and sharing their personal takes.

• Drew [42:06]: "I am the perfect candidate for propaganda."
• Kai [42:16]: Mentions impressive furry suits they've seen: "There's this guy who makes crazy for five nights at Freddy's suits. They look so good."

The hosts differentiate between the general perception of furries and the actual community, promoting understanding through humor.

6. Moon Landing Skepticism

One of the standout segments features a humorous yet critical examination of the moon landing, blending conspiracy theories with comedic skepticism.

• Drew [47:08]: Questions the authenticity of the moon landing: "Look at that thing. And you're telling me that flew through outer space and landed on the moon."
• Kai [55:37]: Agrees with the skepticism: "That shit's not real, bro."

Madeline provides factual clarifications, debunking some of the absurd claims with accurate information:

• Madeline [50:21]: "No. It's not possible for a telescope to see the flags on the moon. The flags are only 4ft long."

Despite Madeline’s input, Drew and Kai continue to humorously propagate their disbelief, creating a playful back-and-forth that entertains listeners while subtly mocking conspiracy theories.

7. Media and Final Banter

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts transition to discussing current media, favorite songs, and playful jabs at each other’s habits.

• Kai [63:28]: Ends with a humorous note on media preferences: "Did you see that Zamora's car got stolen?"
• Drew [64:44]: Wraps up with light-hearted remarks about their first podcast episode: "I hate him. The Day Music Died."

The segment concludes with the trio sharing inside jokes and teasing each other, maintaining the comedic and personable tone throughout.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew [03:11]: "I am convinced that they're not my parents."
• Kai [07:00]: "This changes everything."
• Drew [10:09]: "They make it into this literal mound of rice."
• Kai [13:37]: "No, it's the angle. You're just crumbly."
• Drew [27:00]: "Billion dollar idea."
• Kai [42:25]: "I'm such a dumb girl."
• Drew [53:10]: "Why does Uber let you use not a photo of yourself?"
• Kai [58:10]: "They got to get Jeremy Scott to do them stupid ass silly astronaut outfits."

Conclusion

"Reminiscing on our Childhoods" offers a blend of heartfelt nostalgia and sharp-witted humor, allowing Enya (Kai) and Drew to explore their pasts while engaging in playful banter. From questioning their family heritage to poking fun at societal norms and conspiracy theories, the episode provides a rich tapestry of discussions that resonate with listeners who enjoy a mix of comedy and personal stories. Whether reflecting on embarrassing childhood photos or dissecting the absurdities of the moon landing debate, Emergency Intercom delivers an entertaining and relatable episode that keeps audiences laughing and engaged from start to finish.

Transcript

[Drew]

Welcome. We've been in like sync the past couple days. Like, I noticed there was a couple moments where like you and I said the exact same thing at the exact same time. Even like the. Oh, I like the pauses and everything. And we were sitting on the couch and literally no one noticed it. And I was like, I wonder if that's just me being invisible to the rest of them and just hearing you or if it's just they're so used to it that it doesn't even phase them anymore that we're so in sync.

[Kai]

I think it's also because when everybody was here, it was like 13 people in the living room.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And it's easy for me to steal the show cuz my big boobs, like when I walk in the room, they usually. They like sp. Perk up a little bit like magnets and they start like, connecting.

[Drew]

It's really, really crazy. It's like cybernetic almost. It's like cyborg looking at you.

[Kai]

I just realized I had a dream where we got into a huge fight. And it was like gnarly and it was like. But it was like we like barked at each other like pretty crazy and then walked away. And Orion was here. And she came up to me and she was like, oh my God. And I was like, it'll leave it alone.

[Drew]

And I was just like, that's literally how it is.

[Kai]

I was like, it'll just. We'll talk to each other later.

[Drew]

I don't want to do that.

[Kai]

Whatever.

[Drew]

Well, so my family back in Texas, they found a photo box that we haven't gone through in probably 15 years. We all thought it got thrown away. And there were a few photos of me as an infant in there that I haven't seen yet. And I know I've already showed you infant photos of me, but this one is especially awful and terrible and disgusting and nasty. And I. It genuinely convinced me even further that I was switched at birth. Because this isn't me. Like, this is a baby that was born and then three minutes later I came into the picture because this does not look like me at all. I think I've already showed you. But no, this was really up. Like, why Switched at birth.

[Kai]

And it's this.

[Madeline]

Oh my God.

[Drew]

Yeah. My skin is like.

[Kai]

You lived through Chernobyl.

[Drew]

No, I look like the COVID of Come and See. Insert that picture for the girls that haven't seen it. This is.

[Kai]

So why are you. Why is your mouth like that?

[Drew]

I don't know.

[Kai]

You look like, swollen. Where are my freckles like, put a hot pan on your.

[Drew]

Like, I know. I look like a burn victim. Sorry. I look like a burn victim. It's crazy.

[Kai]

It looks like your mom was really into sleeping with the blow dryer next to her, and then you rolled over.

[Drew]

Well, that's literally my dad. My dad.

[Madeline]

Whoa. Yeah, you look like a little piece of beef jerky.

[Kai]

Yeah, you look really gross. Did you said that that made me crack up? I was saying that about an infant is so funny.

[Drew]

Like, the face card literally declined. But yeah, I was switched at birth.

[Kai]

It's official.

[Drew]

It's always been like a theory of mine and Madeline's that like, okay, we don't look like either of our parents. Like, sure, there's some similar features, but, like, it's not enough to convince me that they are fully my parents. Like, I love them like my parents enough. When I find out that they aren't my genetic parents or whatever, the biological parents, I will still love them the same because they raised me to be the person I am. But I am convinced that they're not my parents.

[Kai]

You. I think you look like your mom, but also. Nah, I think you look like your mom. Maybe not your dad. Your dad is pretty random.

[Drew]

Yeah, he's random.

[Kai]

He's super random, Cory. He was like, generated.

[Drew]

Maybe my mom cheated on my father.

[Kai]

Yeah. And you just talk about you have a different dad.

[Drew]

Well, Madeline looks like my dad. Like, that's the thing. Yeah, Madeline has my dad's nose. I have my mom's nose. But where are the freckles? Let's talk about it. Where are the moles?

[Kai]

Does your mom have freckles?

[Drew]

No. I mean. Oh, where are the.

[Kai]

Well, you just have skin cancer.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, I forgot about those grow.

[Kai]

Those grow over time. You're just lucky. You're one of the lucky ones.

[Drew]

I forgot about that.

[Kai]

Well, I don't think I look like my parents. But then sometimes I see I looked when I was 14, I looked like my. Exactly like my dad when he was 14. Like, because he just had like, we had the same face facial structure. And I don't know why, but we just looked like I looked like my dad did from 14 to 20 when I was like 14 to 16 or 17. And then maybe I started looking a little more like my mom. But I don't feel like I look like my mom. I feel. I feel like I look more like my dad. Like, I share more features with him. But I don't know.

[Drew]

Wolf, something is serious.

[Kai]

Y' all are ugly ass babies. Dude, you were disgusting.

[Drew]

Like, I look like I'm melting. But, you know, this also, like, confirmed for me that, like, my lopsided face, which I'm so insecure about. So if anybody one of y' all comment that about my lopsided face, it goes straight to my heart like a dagger. And I die. And I want to die isn't from, like, sleeping on the side of my body. It's from, like, the womb in the way my face formed.

[Kai]

Like, no, you don't have a lopsided face.

[Drew]

I do. Look at that.

[Kai]

No, it's the angle. You're just, like, crumbly. Like, why are you grumpy no.

[Drew]

Even. Oh, look at metal.

[Kai]

Oh, hell no. Wait, what the.

[Drew]

I know. We had serious blood flow issues. Like, something was seriously wrong. Like, it's really awesome, dude.

[Kai]

What? It's crazy because it's not like, y' all like, whoa, she was fully missing pigment in, like, so much of her body.

[Drew]

I mean, it is like, we did share womb for 12 months or nine months.

[Kai]

Does that happen to twins? Cuz I. I've seen cute twin photos. I don't know.

[Drew]

I mean, we got you, like, look, they sent me a photo where we eventually, like, got cute, but this is just another lopsided photo of my face. But we eventually got cute.

[Kai]

Look, like, you're melting.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's really, really jarring.

[Kai]

And you know what's awesome is your mom thought y' all were beautiful, so it doesn't matter.

[Drew]

I know that's the only thing that matters is my mom.

[Kai]

I'm really bad with that. Like, I won't. Like, I would never go up to somebody's baby and be like, you have an ugly baby until they're grown up and maybe, like, not so ugly, because then you could, like, call a baby photo of someone you love ugly because they're not ugly anymore.

[Drew]

If you can't fix it in five seconds, don't say it.

[Kai]

But I won't be calling your baby beautiful if you have an ugly baby. Like, I've met babies that I find really repulsive and nasty. I'm just like.

[Drew]

I'm like, oh.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, she's. You have a baby.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Kai]

You did that. That's what I say. I say, oh, you.

[Drew]

Oh, you ate.

[Kai]

You snapped the face.

[Drew]

Clarity is not complaining. Well, I've been. I don't know if this is a universal experience for everyone else, but I've been on Irish, Chinese food. Tick tock. And it's the craziest, most diabolical, because.

[Kai]

Is it just Chinese food? Or did they, like, do something like.

[Drew]

Oh, it's, it's not like. I know, like, Americans aren't probably aren't doing Chinese food right, but they are a hundred percent, a hundred percent doing it wrong. Because, like, though they, like, it's like gray matter. It's like brain matter and gray. And like, they pile it all onto a plate and then pour like, disgusting curry gravy and sweet and sour sauce all over it and make it into this like, literal mound of, like, rice. And apparently, like, there's no seasoning on it because they're all white. And so they have to, like, adapt to them to sell. Like, it's sad, but, like, there's no seasoning. There's. It's gray food. It's like, if they got some red.

[Kai]

40 in there, you would look at it.

[Drew]

Oh, I would eat the fuck out of it. I mean, there is some reds 40. And that's the only thing that I thought, like, appetizing. But they also say, I got a Chinese. Like, they captured someone. Like, they're always like, I got a Chinese food. Like, that's how they say it when they introduce their fucking food.

[Kai]

Do. Does Ireland have like a. A language of its own or is it just English? Just weird ass English.

[Madeline]

Like Celtic Celtic, girl.

[Kai]

No, that's the skirts they wear.

[Drew]

No, Celtic.

[Madeline]

I thought Celtic was the one I killed.

[Kai]

I was making a joke.

[Drew]

That went over my head.

[Kai]

Yeah, I'm just such a dumb girl. Y' all thought I was serious.

[Drew]

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm looking for the Irish food. Tick tock.

[Kai]

Well, my favorite memory of like, the first. Because do y' all remember the first time you had certain foods or. No?

[Drew]

I remember the first time I actually was able to eat Chuck E. Cheese. No, no, Cece's pizza.

[Kai]

Well, I remember the first time I, like, saw somebody with, like, Chinese food and I really wanted it. And it was in my daycare and I was friends with the daughters of the people who ran the daycare. Did anyone order a Chinese? Got a Chinese tonight. I've been craving a Chinese for so long and I thought we could dish it up together. Got two curries and a sweet and sour. Because I can't just have one. Sauce and egg fried rice. What is your go to Chinese order? Okay. It's not looking too bad so far. Was that somebody eating her ass up?

[Drew]

But look, they pile it all on the plate. Oh, my God. And then they pour everything all over it. It's really shocking.

[Kai]

Put sweet and sour on first, then Curry sauce. Oh my God, I am so excited. And then some crispy seaweed. Is that seaweed? And she called it cabbage. Why did she do that? Do they, like, prepare it like that?

[Drew]

They all prepare it like that. Every video I've seen on Tick Tock has been pre like that.

[Kai]

I could not survive in the uk. Okay.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

In what in the world is seaweed Cabin?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

I was like, that's just seaweed.

[Drew]

Yeah. Also that meme where it's like, why do people in Europe still eat, like, their, like, Russian bomber spy planes, like, flying overhead, dropping bombs. Like, they're eating, like, their beans and toast.

[Kai]

And I will give it to the uk. Beans and toast is lit. And I think I've said that before. Like, but beans, like the English breakfast, that is a fire breakfast to me. Like, and to me that's like, if maybe if it was black beans.

[Drew]

Except for the one we got in New York, that was the most dying thing I've ever put in my body. It was rancid and horrific.

[Kai]

But I can get with some beans and toast. Like, I love refried beans on toast. Try it. Don't knock it till you try it. It tastes actually so good. It's like dehydrated Nutella without the sweetness, but it's that kind of texture.

[Drew]

What were you saying about the first food you tried?

[Kai]

Oh, the first time I saw somebody eating Chinese food, and I was like, damn, I really, really want that. Cuz my family wasn't like, actually, that's a lie. We did have a spot that we always ordered from.

[Drew]

Chinese buffets are a classic.

[Kai]

Yeah, there was a Chinese buffet we went to a lot, but there was a spot we usually ordered from. But the first time I actually saw and wanted it, even though my family would eat it often, was at daycare because I was friends with the daughters of the people who ran the daycare. And during nap time, the daughters, like, got up and left. And I was like, like, where are y' all going? Like, where is everybody going? And then I heard them talking to their mom and they like, I heard bags and things coming out of bags. I was like, oh, my God. And then I started to smell the food and I was like, I really want food. So then I acted like I woke up from a nap and I was like, can I use the bathroom? Like, I woke up and I was like, can I use the bathroom? And they were like, okay, yeah. And I went and used by the. I was like, I don't think I'm gonna be able to sleep again. I'm so hungry. And then she was like, okay, fine. Do you want some food? I was like, yes, please, please. And then they gave me food. And then the daughter that she. Yeah, I got a Chinese. And then she. The daughter taught me that you, like, she would put, like, duck sauce and soy sauce in her fried rice. And then I tried it. And I remember, like, that was also the first time as a kid. Like, somebody showed me the way they would eat their favorite thing, and I was like, whoa, this changes everything. And I don't know why I want to say that, but I remember that. And her name was Jade. The girl who gave me. She was actually a set of twins, and they were really cute. So what's your excuse?

[Drew]

I'm white.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. That actually, literally might be.

[Drew]

White babies are vile when they're born. Like, really? Look at any white baby. Infant baby.

[Madeline]

I was really cute.

[Kai]

I don't believe that for a split second, actually.

[Drew]

I want to see you as a baby. Can you get it?

[Madeline]

I could find one right now.

[Drew]

Yeah, I want to see it.

[Kai]

Well, I decided that I never need to see a man's toes ever again. Like, seeing, like, something about seeing a man's toes is so nasty and, like, fucking rancid. And I literally can't see and be like, oh, this is, like, man's, like, legs. Like, even a man's legs. Like, if there's a man who I've only seen in jeans and pants, and the first time I see his legs, I'm literally. So.

[Drew]

I don't want to see your feet either.

[Kai]

That's funny, because every time I have them out in the house, you take pictures. And that's why I have to wear slippers in the house.

[Drew]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I. I do take pictures of your feet. And I don't think that's a problem, because I'm just keeping tabs. And I. And I tell you, you know, I tell you I'm like, you need to get a pedicure soon. Like, the freaks are gonna, like, eat that up. Like, seeing random people's feet, like, is horrifying. It's. It's really like seeing, like, a penis.

[Kai]

Like, literally the equivalent. Also, toes are so, so nasty. Like, they are literally. Like, why are they, like, velociraptor? Like, it looks like men when they walk in their shoes. Like, it's like that.

[Drew]

Like, Twinkie men. Like, Twinkies.

[Kai]

Skinny men's feet are really, really scary. Like, but it makes.

[Drew]

Put some meat on those bones.

[Kai]

Literally, it's chicken claws. And Then just like seeing like, I hate, like men's thigh hair because it's like, so like, why, girl, you need to get like, I don't know what needs to happen, but there needs to be conditioner and it needs to be like.

[Drew]

That's what I say to women too. I'm like, cut your hair off, your nasty body, all that nasty.

[Kai]

I actually do think men should, like, cater to their leg hair. Cuz some men's leg hair, I'm like, whoa, you have no business. No, yours is pretty. Like, yours isn't too crazy. But there are some men whose leg hair was really nasty. I'm just honestly evening out the playing field. Like, men should start have to take care of their feet because women are expected to. But also women's feet in general are just prettier. Like, men have nasty feet. Women have pretty feet. And that's just the way God did it. And it's because men were supposed to like, dig their toes into the dirt so that they are like, stable enough to like swing their hands and grow their nails. And women were supposed to have pretty feet to stand in the kitchen.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

So like, that's just the way it was made.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. I actually agree with you on that one. And that women should shave their bodies. Yeah.

[Madeline]

Oh, period.

[Kai]

What are you laughing at? Did you find a picture of yourself?

[Madeline]

Yeah, I found a couple.

[Drew]

Before we get to that, I want to say this before it leaves my brain, but when I clip my fingernails and toenails, like, there's something to it where, like there's like epigenetic memories inside of my fingernails or some. Because, like, when I cut them. No, no, no, no, no, no. When I cut them, I feel 10 weaker. Like I feel like there's something serious about nails. Like they are made to climb trees and make you feel stronger. And like when I human nails were.

[Kai]

Ever strong enough to like give you gr.

[Drew]

But I'm just saying, like, there's something to it. Maybe in like the past. Like, I memorized.

[Kai]

There's something to it. Like you. I was like, climbing trees.

[Drew]

There's like something to it.

[Kai]

Well, I'm going to climb your tree tonight.

[Drew]

Yeah, you are.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

Yeah, you are. All right. I want to see Kai.

[Madeline]

Okay, there's another one.

[Kai]

Are you sending it to us.

[Drew]

So.

[Kai]

We don't have to stand up?

[Madeline]

Yeah, I'll send it to you guys. So this is like a big dude.

[Drew]

The one I've drew is so crazy, crazy lit.

[Madeline]

Okay, so I think I was like six in that.

[Kai]

Oh, Kai, that's Just a picture of you in Face app.

[Madeline]

What?

[Kai]

That's just you from face up.

[Drew]

You were. You're trying to convince me that you're six years old here, bro.

[Kai]

Why did you take a picture of your whole thing and then you have 8 million pictures of yourself down there?

[Drew]

It's like one of those things where you change from a lizard to, like, a human being. What are those called?

[Kai]

Also, you know what's crazy is this is.

[Madeline]

This is a real one.

[Kai]

This used to be technology that was literally only kept behind doors for, like, missing people, and now we just have it on our iPhone. Wait, is that actually you?

[Madeline]

Yeah.

[Drew]

You were really cute.

[Madeline]

That's pretty cute.

[Drew]

Look at your little nose.

[Kai]

You look like a little girl.

[Drew]

Oh, a little sweet boy.

[Kai]

That's a cute baby. Yeah. All right.

[Drew]

Kai and daddy. That's what they say about us. Kai and Daddy. I'm Daddy. Hello.

[Kai]

I'm actually so jealous of people who are as old as you and had video cameras as kids.

[Drew]

VHS camera. It's like, iconic or.

[Kai]

No, because you know what it is? It actually is crazy because I feel like when we were growing up, digital cameras were like the new thing. Like, in like, the really early 2000s, people would switch. Like, I have a bunch of pictures of us, like, as kids from film cameras. Like, my family was a big disposable camera.

[Drew]

They were, like, ahead of the curve.

[Kai]

A disposable camera. Instead of just buying a film camera.

[Drew]

They'Re just like trendsetters. Like, they, like, they started using film cameras early on, and, like, now everybody wants.

[Kai]

I know everybody wants to be. So what my family created.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Kai]

Like, us starting Kodak was, like, a really big risk, but I'm really glad we did it because now we're like, so.

[Drew]

Well, I know they're, like, rich and.

[Kai]

But, like, I feel like we were growing up, like, right when digital cameras were becoming accessible to families. They were still really expensive to have a digital camera. I saw this thing the other day that, like, one of those older TVs, like, the box ones was $2,000 when they first started rolling out, which is insane.

[Madeline]

Oh, like the big screen ones?

[Kai]

Yeah. Oh, like a 27 inch, like, like, box ass TV. Like, the CRTVs were like $2,000. But I looked it up and, like, digital cameras that now are like 30 bucks were literally like 700. So it was still like a big feat to have one, but my family finally got one in, like 2006. But then from then on, I don't even. There's like, this huge gap of photos because my family, I think, was, like, so much more into using, like, film cameras than digital cameras. So, like, the ones they got, they never really used. And there were only two tapes that I found for my household, and they were, like, for my family's work. Like, my dad remodels homes, and he had, like, before and after videos of, like, the homes he had done to show to clients, but we, like, didn't have. I have no videos of me talking before 14.

[Drew]

My brothers, they got, like, a mini DV camera for Christmas one year, and the only videos I have of me talking from that age are, like, me cussing because they thought it was hilarious, and it would just make me cuss. And then them beating the shit out of me, and then them forcing me and Madeline to do, like, jackass stunts and, like, rolling us down hills and shit in cars. And I'm going to ask them for that footage because they still have it all. And that would be, like, really funny just to, like, to watch. Yeah.

[Kai]

I literally get, like, a pain of envy when I see videos of people when they were younger. But I feel like people who were born in, like, 96 and before usually are more likely to have, like, a plethora of videos, because in the mid-90s.

[Drew]

Is when it became also super accessible By Seth Rogen. Like, Hill.

[Madeline]

By Seth.

[Kai]

Is that the name of the movie? Mid-90s.

[Drew]

By Rogan Hill.

[Madeline]

By Rogan. Hell, yeah. You nailed that, Drew.

[Kai]

Wait, is that actually the name of that movie?

[Madeline]

It's called Mid 90s, but Drew. Schizophrenic. And it's no Rogan Hill.

[Kai]

You said Rogan Hill, right?

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

Yeah. By Rogan Hill.

[Madeline]

Jonah Hill.

[Drew]

I think you're the schizophrenic one.

[Kai]

I know. Yeah, it's Rogan Hill.

[Madeline]

I don't.

[Drew]

And oh, oh, Roman Hill.

[Madeline]

Oh, no, it is more wrong.

[Kai]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Because there's Roman Hill and then there's Seth Rogen. That's why we keep getting a message.

[Madeline]

You guys are super wrong.

[Kai]

Seth Rogen makes the weed stuff. Rogan Hill is the director.

[Drew]

Mid-90s, the skateboarding content.

[Madeline]

There's literally no hope for you guys with this.

[Drew]

The craziest thing about Roman Hill was He was a YouTuber, a skateboarder YouTuber. And he also had cameras.

[Kai]

Yeah. And he always liked them so much that he was like, this should be my job. Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too. But it became like, a. I think it was more common for people to have it. Also, if you had older siblings. Like, all my homies with, like, a big age gap between their other siblings usually have videos of themselves because they had, like, some older sibling who was, like, a teenager when they were young.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

They got the family camera, was, like, bored, and was like, I'm gonna film people.

[Drew]

My young. I mean, my older brothers and sisters, they all have, like, an insane amount of footage of them when they were a kid and an insane amount of photos. And then when it got to me and Madeline, they were just like, okay, like, what are we going to do with these photos?

[Madeline]

I mean, we know why they didn't want to take.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

My father loved me. I swear.

[Kai]

I would have. Want photo documentation of y' all until you got, like, normal.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, for sure.

[Madeline]

Old jelly.

[Kai]

I was a really cute baby.

[Drew]

These crispy jelly beans.

[Madeline]

There's a. There's an old video of me as a baby, and, like, my dad comes into the kitchen, and I'm sitting on the counter, and I'm covered in peanut butter, and I'm like, it's really cute.

[Kai]

That's not you. There's no.

[Drew]

The viral peanut butter baby is you.

[Kai]

That would make sense because you're, like, what, 50 now?

[Drew]

That's actually amazing.

[Kai]

Yeah. That's awesome.

[Madeline]

Yeah. I guess I just never told you guys that.

[Kai]

Yeah, it'd be cool if you, like, were able to monetize that, but now you're just, like, 50, and you're like, I'm not 50. It's weird.

[Drew]

He's 48.

[Kai]

Okay. Yeah. I just round up with people's age.

[Drew]

Well, I'm gonna transition the conversation. I'm gonna say some things out loud, and I want to get your reaction.

[Kai]

I really have to poop.

[Drew]

Benderoos.

[Kai]

Is that a candy or something? That's like. I know what that is.

[Drew]

Yeah. Zoo books.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Slushy magic.

[Kai]

Is that that thing that you squished that you.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's. I. It was the first pocket I ever had. Like, it was lit.

[Kai]

Whoa.

[Drew]

I lost my virginity.

[Kai]

I guess that's a really good one, because you can do it however fits your means. And you. You probably still use it, but you have to squish it like this.

[Drew]

I know. That was, like, maybe. No, that got rotten quick, which is, like, I had to throw that.

[Kai]

You know, I was thinking. I was like, what if I just. One episode had my vibrator hanging here charging.

[Drew]

But, yeah, I just wanted to. But Benderoos are like a. Like, these are all, like, TV like, ads of toys.

[Kai]

Yeah. I remember, like, something about it is Purple, but Benderoos.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, they're like the little, like. They're almost like pipe cleaners, but they're made out of, like, wax and metal, and you, like, can form them.

[Kai]

Oh, I'm thinking of. There was, like, a kangaroo, Like a cereal with a kangaroo as a mascot.

[Drew]

That. This is Benderu.

[Kai]

Actually. I've never seen that in my life.

[Drew]

Whoa. Really?

[Kai]

I've never seen you in my life.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm thinking of Wa. I've never heard of that either.

[Kai]

What is this from?

[Drew]

But yeah. Lost my virginity to a slushy. Magic. We'll insert a photo of all three of those when they go down, or.

[Kai]

When I say them, when it goes down. For real. This guy.

[Drew]

Oh. Dunkaroos.

[Kai]

Dunkaroos. That is what I'm thinking of.

[Drew]

Dungaroos. Okay, well, let's transition the conversation again and talk about the absolute choke hold Sanrio has on the girls. It's crazy.

[Kai]

You know what's awesome is Sanrio was just a small gift shop that was originally selling a lot of Snoopy stuff. So it was, like, a small gift shop that this man had owned. And then he. I think he started, like, licensing out Snoopy products because, like, getting licenses to make Snoopy products, because he realized after having a few Snoopy items in the store that those were, like, flying off the shelf. And then he was just, like, for a while, getting licenses from the Snoopy, like, whoever owns Snoopy to make a few products. But then after a while of him becoming, like, a store that people would come for Snoopy stuff, he was just like, dude, I need to make my own character, because I could be, like, creating a whole new franchise instead of just, like, giving money to this franchise. And then they made hello Kitty. And also when they made the hello Kitty cartoon, he was so against hello Kitty having a mouth, and that was, like, a big issue that he was like, she shouldn't have a mouth. She's never had a mouth. Why would she have a mouth? And then she would argue because, yeah.

[Madeline]

It seems like, oh, my God.

[Kai]

Wow. I didn't even think about it like that.

[Madeline]

There's, like, a meaning behind that. Yeah.

[Kai]

Yeah. Did you know that hello Kitty's from London?

[Drew]

London Bricks. Yeah.

[Kai]

Because girls were really infatuated in that time, like, with London, and they were all like, we really want to go to London. Like, that's, like, the spa.

[Drew]

When was it made? What year?

[Kai]

In, like, 70, actually, maybe even before hello Kitty's, like, actually oldest bone.

[Drew]

Yeah. London was, like, the it town for a while. And then it became New York and Paris, and now it's LA. Like, because we're here.

[Kai]

Oh, no. 1974. Oh, my God. She's, like, 50. She's Haggerty. She's got to quit it.

[Drew]

Damn. She doesn't age. You got to start.

[Madeline]

I'm not 50.

[Kai]

This was the first thing they made, was this. They made, like, a little pocketbook.

[Drew]

A pocket what?

[Kai]

A little coin pocket thing.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Kai]

A little coin pouch.

[Madeline]

What were you insinuating?

[Kai]

I know. What were you trying to say?

[Madeline]

A pocket?

[Drew]

I don't say that word.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

I would never say that word.

[Kai]

You're my. Can I use you like a pocket? Someone told me that saying is worse than saying, but I don't think that.

[Drew]

No, the P word is literally scary.

[Kai]

I love saying osi. That's. My new thing is saying a C instead of because is a lot.

[Drew]

My. My new thing is saying the house. Like, I'll just say, like, oh, that camera is the house. Or like, hello.

[Kai]

What does that mean, though?

[Drew]

It's just something me and my friends made up and that we, like, say to each other.

[Kai]

Oh, okay. But, like, can you, like, this.

[Drew]

That headband is the house. No, no, it's not referring to the house, like, in the house. It's just the house.

[Kai]

Okay, I'll try to implement that, but it seems a bit confusing and hard.

[Drew]

To get a. Yeah, I mean, we did make it up. Me and my friends made it up.

[Madeline]

Can I try My penis is the house.

[Drew]

Yeah, that works.

[Kai]

He sounded so sincere. This is the most sun that's ever come into this room while we've ever been filming.

[Drew]

It's only on you.

[Kai]

I know. Wait, why am I Mr. Bright side Loki? Like, I literally am Mr.

[Drew]

Bright side Side.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Okay, well, let's transition again because I have so many notes.

[Kai]

You need to stop saying, let's transition. You can just start a new sentence.

[Drew]

What? Why is that bad? Why is that bad? No, leave it all in. Why is this bad?

[Kai]

No, because it's weird. In a conversation, imagine we were just talking, and I'm like, all right, so let's transition to the next topic. Saying that in conversation is so unnatural. It.

[Madeline]

It's literally every time you said it, it would, like, snap me out of, like, reality.

[Kai]

I know. It literally, like, makes it feel like we're following, Like, I don't know. Like, it makes me scared you saying that.

[Drew]

Well, okay. I'm actively trying to beat the Drew Print allegations, and it's really hard for me. It's really hard for me, actually, because I don't want to be the Drew print, but, like, it just is forced onto me.

[Kai]

Well, it's because, like. Like, it's hard to look at you and not want to be you because you're so gorgeous. But are you naturally gorgeous, or have you had work done?

[Drew]

Absolutely not.

[Kai]

Oh, you say, like, there's something wrong with getting work done. There's nothing wrong with it.

[Drew]

I literally just pushed into my face, man, that shit's. I mean, more power is you. If you get it done. Like, I'm happy for you.

[Kai]

But, like, you sound really condescending about it, though.

[Madeline]

Like, true print is that, like, when it presses up against the sweatpants, the.

[Kai]

Gray sweatpant challenge, you don't play that enough. Like, I miss that in the house.

[Drew]

No, the thing is, is I'm not off this transition the conversation because, like, I'm making this conversation flow by saying that. Because they would just be silent if I wasn't bringing these topics. It would not. It would be silent.

[Kai]

You can bring the topics, but just, like, in normal conversation, saying, all right, so let's transition.

[Drew]

Well, this isn't a normal conversation.

[Kai]

You've never done that. So it's, like, so confusing for to, like, hear you do that.

[Drew]

No, this is. I'm being attacked for doing my job.

[Kai]

Well, since Drew has been sober now in the friend group, he's the Druber, so we don't have to call Uber. We have Druber.

[Drew]

Yeah, I, like, Uber them around.

[Kai]

Yeah. And I made that up, and it was awesome when I did, and, like, everybody picked me up on a chair and, like, took me down the streets, like a little parade. And then I got dropped off at home.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's nice.

[Kai]

And I. Oh, your parade is coming up. Wait, is that. Is that June? Yeah. Your parade. Oh, a month away.

[Drew]

Yes, I'm hoping.

[Kai]

No, your month. The. The whole month for you is coming up. Let's go.

[Drew]

Are you gonna celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month?

[Kai]

No, you're. You're not. You are not.

[Drew]

Oh, they have a whole month for me. That power, like, work.

[Kai]

That's not true.

[Madeline]

That's not the one. Yeah, that's not the one referencing.

[Kai]

It's, you know, you go into Target and, you know, special time.

[Drew]

We need a week for veterans, bro. I swear to God, like, not even.

[Kai]

A month for that.

[Drew]

No, I sw. Like, this is crazy.

[Kai]

No, it's that special time of year when you walk into Target and you feel something is happening, and it's because there's so many nice decorations for you.

[Drew]

Pride Merch Month. That's what it is, right?

[Kai]

Yeah. Yeah. It's when all the companies get to get together and make more money than they've ever made all year.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's really interesting, actually.

[Kai]

Me and Drew decided we're gonna drop Pride Merch.

[Madeline]

Oh, yeah?

[Drew]

Yeah. Emergency Intercom Merchant. We're gonna say we're gonna donate it, but we're super smart.

[Kai]

Well, because they're for we' Merch for allies. So it's just gonna say, like, I'm not gay, but I know some people who are.

[Drew]

I'm not gay, but I, like, kind of support the cause or whatever.

[Kai]

Like, I'm not gay, so don't ever mistake me for that in terms of, like, my support the lifestyle. I'm okay with you guys for now.

[Madeline]

Dude. One time I was with Drew, and we ordered an Uber. He opened the app, and he saw that the line was rainbow, and Drew said, I'm not getting in that car.

[Drew]

I literally, like, wasn't gonna get in. This is crazy. I stopped using Uber that day.

[Kai]

Yeah. Because why did they do that? Oh, well, you could have seen it. Like Rainbow Road from Mario Kart. What if it was just a Mario movie?

[Madeline]

Drew walked out of Mario movie when that scene came on.

[Drew]

It's never that, never that, never.

[Kai]

Well, yeah, your month is coming, so we're gonna do something special for. For Drew.

[Madeline]

Yep.

[Drew]

I had something to say. I, like, literally completely forgot.

[Kai]

What if I literally got everybody to, like, bombard and harass you all month up?

[Drew]

Like, no, I would eat that up. What are you talking about? I would literally love that. That's, like, my dream is to be.

[Kai]

Any kind of attention.

[Drew]

Yes. Like, that's literally my favorite time of the year.

[Kai]

Sometimes my scabs are like. Like, right here is a piece of skin where when I get, like, a cut or something, my body will make too much skin on top of a scab. And then sometimes randomly, it starts itching, and I think it's literally my body. Like, I need to get rid of this. Oh. At least it's not where it used to be, though, because I used to get a lot of warts.

[Drew]

On your genitals.

[Kai]

Yeah. And it would, like, honestly bothered me because my underwear would scratch up against it, so it would just be bleeding all the time. So I felt like I had, like, a 247 period, but it was just my warts popping from my tight underwear.

[Drew]

That does, like, suck. Well, I'm entering my Karen arc.

[Kai]

Oh, are you gonna start yelling at people?

[Drew]

Yeah, like, when people up my order after an 8 hour shift and I go in 13 minutes before closing. Like I am just the exact same customer in here when it was four hours before closing. Like you better treat me with respect, I'm saying. And I want fresh, I want fresh ingredients.

[Kai]

Yeah, turn the fryers back on. I don't give a. Turn on the stove. Yeah, start back up the espresso machine. I actually do have a big pen.

[Drew]

Like what am I paying you for? You know, like what's the point?

[Kai]

I know, like I'm going to start just leaving no tips. That's kind of my vibe. It's like that's not my duty. Like I don't need to give you a tip.

[Drew]

Like hello, I'm so with you on that. Yeah, I'm so with you.

[Kai]

You might be ahead of me on that because you haven't tipped for what, five years now?

[Drew]

Seven.

[Kai]

Yeah. Oh wow, that's a good streak.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

Seven years sober of tipping, of tipping service workers. But me, I. I'm kidding guys. I like tip so much sometimes I just tip 100.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, it's, it's unironically like I over tip because I feel so bad actually.

[Kai]

I literally get so uncomfortable last night.

[Drew]

Last night I texted Kenya at like one and I was like I really have to do this and I know this is disgusting but I literally have to do this. And I ordered hot Cheetos.

[Kai]

Oh, where are they? Did you them up like that?

[Drew]

No, they're in my bed. But I ordered hot Cheetos at 1am and I felt so bad because the only stores that were open were the ones where you have to like go and collect it yourself like the Uber driver does. And so I felt so bad. So I like texted him like before he even ex or right after he accepted, before he even got to Walgreens. And I was like thank you so much and we had just like a nice conversation and I think it Loki was a little flirty and I said leave it at the door and he made me come and get it from him at the door which I thought was like crazy. But also my picture on.

[Kai]

Uber.

[Drew]

Uber eats is of like the cutest little baby monkey ever. Let me show you. He's really cute.

[Kai]

Oh, so he was flirting with an animal. So it's a guy who is into bcl.

[Drew]

I know, but look at the little guy.

[Kai]

Why does Uber let you use not a photo of yourself?

[Drew]

It's kind of dangerous.

[Kai]

How do they find you when you call an Uber?

[Madeline]

But he's looking for a monkey. With a banjo.

[Kai]

I am looking for the cutest little monkey with a banjo.

[Drew]

It felt. I felt so bad making him do that at 1am That I literally tipped him 14, which is crazy for a bag of hot chips. Chips.

[Kai]

Like, so how was your 30 bag of $ bag of hot chips? Is it worth it?

[Drew]

No, because I literally laid in that bed eating them and I was like, am I getting covered right now? Because I literally can't taste these. They were under seasoned. Like, it was crazy.

[Kai]

I want to try them.

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

They're mine.

[Kai]

Well, I hope you have coveted.

[Drew]

Sorry, My total was $14. I misspoke. I just wanted to set the record straight. 723.

[Kai]

Oh, that's how much you tipped. That's cool.

[Madeline]

I guess Drew tips me way more.

[Drew]

Than that with my tip.

[Kai]

Well, that's because if you're doing a sexual act, I would hope you're asking for more than $7. Kai, where's your self respect?

[Drew]

Yeah, I take I to do me.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's a part of his. That's a part of like, his job.

[Drew]

The contract.

[Kai]

Yeah, we put that in there.

[Madeline]

Most of my job.

[Kai]

Yeah, I mean, it is 70 of the work you do, so. But we got to keep this little guy happy so he keeps coming back.

[Drew]

Yeah, it will be dangerous. It'll be dangerous.

[Kai]

I was gonna say something before you did all that, and then I forgot. Oh, actually, I do have a pet peeve with coffee shops.

[Drew]

Hold on. Before I just spoke, because it's a podcast.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Drew]

Wow. How is that any better than me saying, let's transition the conversation.

[Kai]

Next topic.

[Drew]

See, that's how my brain operates and works. Like it works for me.

[Kai]

Yeah, well, before you killed my vibe. But I was going to say that I actually do have a pet peeve with coffee shops turning off their machines like 30 minutes before they close. Because at that point, you're not a coffee shop, you're a water stand. Like, why. Why are your doors still open? If I'm coming in and I'm asking for a latte 30 minutes before you close, and it's like, we. We just turned off our machine 15 minutes ago. It's like, cool. Then why are you.

[Drew]

So they just click the button and turn it back on like I'm being dead serious. Like, it's that easy. Does that have to warm up?

[Kai]

That's also what I think sometimes. Like, we'll turn it on like, it's not 1930. It doesn't take 18 years for it to heat up. But I think it's because they have to clean the out of the coffee machine so that they like don't calcify and get all up. Because even with the one I have, like sometimes you have to go in there and like really scrub it to work because you're supposed to keep it clean. Because like that, like the little ones, the stove tops get so much calcium build up in it. I don't know why. I don't know if it's like a chemical reaction from the coffee to the metal.

[Madeline]

I think it's the Lexapro that boils out of the tap water in la.

[Kai]

I wish it came out of the top water fluoride. I'd be too lit.

[Drew]

I've been having the fluoride stare a lot recently.

[Kai]

I think you've always had that kind of.

[Drew]

Also, I did like a looks maxing deep dive, which it's crazy that that became mainstream.

[Madeline]

What does that technically mean? Is that just like doing everything to make you look.

[Drew]

Yeah, exactly.

[Madeline]

The best.

[Drew]

Like bone smashing and like all that.

[Madeline]

Like really, like mewing?

[Drew]

Yeah, mewing, but oh, cool. Open this whole time, it will blur. It's crazy. That looks maxing. And the idea of like bone smashing and all this became mainstream in the last like month.

[Kai]

What is bone smashing?

[Drew]

It's literally what it sounds like. It's like going in with like a hammer or an object to like smash your cheekbones and your forehead, to like make it regrow and recalcify and become like more prominent. Because like in these like communities and circles, they think like having like sunken in cheeks and like better sharper jawlines and broader foreheads and all that are like sexually attractive. And it's like, it's all the incels, like it's all.

[Kai]

That's why people like love me so much, because I have such a strong jaw. Jawline.

[Drew]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kai]

That's what they always say about me. They're like, I wish I could look like you, but sorry, mine's all natural. I just look like this. I hate to bring it to you.

[Drew]

Why are you looking at me?

[Madeline]

Well, you guys are doing a podcast and I'm the producer, so I'll just typically look at you guys while you talk.

[Kai]

You're done.

[Madeline]

What? How?

[Kai]

Isn't it crazy that when this comes out, I'll literally be about to get on a plane to go to Korea? Like that's kind of crazy, huh?

[Madeline]

That is sick.

[Kai]

That's what I say when I walk into your room. Cuz it stinks with your oyster candle. Drew has a candle that I genuinely believe Smells like an oyster. And I don't know why, but, like, the smell of it freaks me the out.

[Drew]

It smells like your clam.

[Kai]

That's what I'm saying. That's literally what it smells like. It smells like I spread your little clam open, rubbed it, and then rubbed the walls with the.

[Drew]

I literally love the way it smells, but that's because I, like, love gash and eating it and, like, slaying post.

[Kai]

And you shouldn't say that.

[Madeline]

Gosh.

[Kai]

Is that what you're saying?

[Madeline]

Isn't that what they call it in Ireland?

[Drew]

I have no idea. I literally have no idea.

[Kai]

What's cool is for this episode, the only thing I wrote down was I'm not meant to see a man's toes. Like, that's the only thing I wrote down.

[Drew]

I write down so much every single episode because I love my job.

[Kai]

I actually love the picture of the. The cat laying down between the girl's legs and as she's big. When I posted on my story, people were like, why are your toes out? I'm like, that is not me. What? Like this photo that's obviously from 2008. You think I just took that on my iPhone 14 and posted it to my story?

[Drew]

Yeah. For real.

[Kai]

Like, what?

[Drew]

That is literally weird. Core as well. I decided that furries are not bad people and they're very misunderstood, and that I am going to explore ism. Yeah, I'm gonna explore it.

[Madeline]

Do people think that furries are bad, or is it just that they're weird?

[Kai]

I think it's that they're weird and bad.

[Drew]

There's, like, one bad apple story, like, where furries are, like, every once in a while, one out of a million, or, like, creepy and, like, nasty and weird bestiality. And they think they're bad. But, like.

[Kai]

Yeah, it is really weird, though. I'm sorry. Like, it is weird.

[Drew]

It really is.

[Madeline]

Do you guys remember that one husky that people were thirsty after on Tick Tock?

[Kai]

Dude? Yes.

[Madeline]

That's the closest I've gotten to being a furry.

[Drew]

I think.

[Kai]

I think the.

[Drew]

There's really cool suits.

[Kai]

There's really. There's, like, this guy who makes crazy for five nights at Freddy's Suit suits. Like, they're actually insane, and it's crazy that he's making them at his home because they look so good. And I did have a point where I was super obsessed and I was like, damn, I really need to see this in real life. But he obviously lives in the middle of nowhere because nobody living in a major city is Doing that kind of. Because, like, there's things to do outside. Like, if you want to be a furry, go back to Granberry. It'll just happen naturally, I feel.

[Drew]

Yeah. Probably a community.

[Kai]

Yeah. Anyways, I feel like any, like, small town in the middle of America, it's literally just like, there's nothing else to do. It's like, it, I want to be a dog.

[Drew]

Like, give me ball. I want to be a dog.

[Kai]

It. I'm bored as I'm about to be a cat. Like.

[Drew]

No, not just this. I saw this in the thumbnail. Also, I think I have to clarify. I don't actually want to be a furry. I hope that just didn't go over everyone's head.

[Kai]

I don't think anybody who listening to this far into an episode genuinely thinks you're going to be a furry because, one, you don't leave the house.

[Drew]

But I did leave the house yesterday to go get Chick Fil A. I went to go get Chick Fil a yesterday. It was, like, the first time I had left the house on my own in, like, two days. And I was like, oh, like, I'm gonna get. Like. It was the first time in my life I decided that I was gonna get Chick Fil a. Normally, like, Chick Fil A, like, comes to me, like, other people get it or like, I want Chick Fil A. I've never actively been like, oh, I'm gonna go get Chick Fil A. So I was like, oh, I'm gonna go get it. Like, let's go. And I drove all the way there, and it was closed because it was Sunday.

[Kai]

Well, maybe that's what you get for even supporting something that's so against what's literally so innate to you.

[Drew]

Yeah, I just, like, it's internalized at this point. Like, I really am. I just do not like it. But I did listen to.

[Kai]

IQ84.

[Drew]

Yeah, IQ84. And there was another book I listened to.

[Kai]

You listened to the whole book on the way?

[Drew]

No, I got, like, an hour into one of them, and then. Because I left, like, hella early, and I just drove around, and then I got into a George Orwell book. I forget what it's called.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Madeline]

But 1984.

[Drew]

Yes. It literally was 1984.

[Madeline]

Oh, really?

[Drew]

Yeah. Let me actually look.

[Kai]

What do you.

[Drew]

You.

[Kai]

I've never listened to an audiobook in my life because I can read. We just got to get you those books in your. What's the way for dyslexic people when.

[Drew]

It'S like, the bionic.

[Kai]

Yeah, we Just got to get you bionic books. Is there a company that makes bionic books? Because that would be lit.

[Drew]

Billion dollar idea. Yeah. Oh, I listened to Norwegian wood by Murakami184 Murakami in 1984 by Orwell. Not all the way through but I was just getting bored of each of them.

[Kai]

When you listen to audiobooks, do you also use your phone at the same time or do you just listen?

[Drew]

I just kind of chill out.

[Kai]

You sleep. You take your 18th nap of the day.

[Drew]

Actually I haven't been napping recently.

[Kai]

That's good. I haven't been staying up super late so I actually wake up at reasonable times. But I agree with my same ideology that that someone like me who has full autonomy of what to do with my day shouldn't be waking up so early because there's literally nothing for me to do. Like I. I just don't need to be alive and awake and cogniz like cognitive for that long in my day because then it's like 5pm and I'm actually freaking out because then by the time it gets to like 4 or 5pm I'm like dude, I still have a whole day ahead of me. And then I like get this weird ramp of energy where I want to do a bunch of stuff but the day is ending and it's like really confusing for my brain. And then I'm like I need to do something, I need to do something, I need to do something. And then it's 9pm and I like have like the adrenal sweats cuz I didn't do anything and I just like knock out cuz I tucker myself out from thinking about things I should have done with my day.

[Drew]

Or you could wake up early and then nap in the middle of the day.

[Kai]

You like to wake up at 6am and then take a nap at 11am and wake up at 1.

[Drew]

It's lit. Also Josiah pointed out I don't nap on the couch anymore. And I don't know if y' all remember but I accused that couch of having like hella black mold inside of it it and I stopped napping on the couch when I laid down on the couch because normally it would just knock me the out when I sat in my spot. But the black mold is gone. Like it's out of this house and I truly believe that it was literally seeping into my system and like putting me to sleep and knocking me out.

[Kai]

We gotta get some more on that couch. So you actually lay on it. Yeah, but that is not A laying couch. That's a sitting up, right? Sitting up and watching me play Fortnite. I haven't played Fortnite in a while.

[Drew]

It's like a torture couch.

[Kai]

You hate that couch. Drew hates our couch. I love our couch.

[Drew]

I don't even think we've showed them our couch.

[Kai]

I don't know. I don't think.

[Drew]

But this is another thing I wanted to talk about is, have you ever actually looked at the mood lander? The moon lander that. The thing that landed on the moon. It literally looks like it was made out of wooden dowel rods, tin foil, and, like, cloth.

[Kai]

That wasn't real.

[Drew]

That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying I'm denying the moon landing, but like. Like, look at that thing. And you're telling me that flew through outer space and landed on the moon. Like, it.

[Kai]

Literally somebody on Tik Tok is like, I'm going to make remake a Noguchi piece of furniture. And like, this is what they end up making.

[Drew]

Also, they stole those copper pipes from, like, another abandoned building.

[Kai]

Yeah, they stole it from street life.

[Drew]

Crazy.

[Kai]

It's literally aluminum foil on this. This shit's crazy. Yeah, that's not real. On the set of that ebay commercial, like, ad thing I'm in by the time this comes out, I think I had to post the reel. I made a joke about not believing in the mood landing. Nobody left. Like, nobody in that room found that funny.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Because Mark, the guy I was with, said something. He was like. He was talking about the watch that he was recommending for me. And he was like. He was like, this watch could get wet. It could go anywhere with you. Like, he was like. He was like, oh, it was the first watch on them, I think.

[Drew]

Squirts. The watch squirts, too.

[Kai]

No, no. It's like, in case you squirt on it. Watches can't squirt. Like, it's like if someone's fingering you with their watch on it, that's actually.

[Drew]

Like, a really good idea.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's a good way to promote watches to. Only Drake. Only Drake would hear that and be like, oh, still something only Drake would want. But he was like, it's the first watch on the moon. And then I was like, that's interesting. If the moon landing was real and nobody left.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

They were like, that's not funny. The moon landing is real. And then I had to be like, I was joking. I believe in it.

[Drew]

It.

[Kai]

But then as I was standing on.

[Drew]

That, saying I wanted to be A furry and no one laughing.

[Kai]

And then I was, as I was standing on the stage, I was like, do I believe in the moon landing? Like, I was just told that I've never looked into it. Like, I just believe it because people talk about it a lot. Like, I've literally never like, looked at it.

[Drew]

There's a lot of curious information that it's just like it. I'm gonna choose to believe it because I want it to be real. So it's real to me. But like, like, I'm not denying all the weird, like, inconsistencies with the like landing. It's very curious. It's very, very curious.

[Madeline]

Or something like, zoom into the moon from. Because, you know, like people have telescopes, like consumer level telescopes. You could like zoom the in on something. Can you see the flag? Or like.

[Drew]

Well, I just, I literally saw something like literally yesterday. This is what spurred this con. Or this thought was like, someone was like, yeah, but like, why can't I see the flag from the moon? And then someone was like, you literally can just, you look at it with a telescope. And then another person was like, I can't see it, why can't you? And I think, like, it literally just depends on like what side you're on. Like it's Photoshop or they just. Moon landing and flat Earthers have like a counter argument to literally everything you say. So like, it's just, the conversation is.

[Madeline]

So far gone you can't see it.

[Drew]

You can't?

[Madeline]

No. It's not possible for a telescope to see the flags on the moon. The flags are only 121cm, 4ft long. And the average home telescope can only see objects larger than 1.5 kilometers. But I still feel like there's guys on TikTok that like have exactly industrial level telescopes for some reason.

[Kai]

And I just like, like, like I don't care. Like I, I know they go there now, but I'm like, this has nothing to do with me. Like, this is.

[Drew]

So they actually haven't been back.

[Madeline]

Yeah, I don't think.

[Kai]

What is SpaceX not launching to the moon every three weeks?

[Drew]

They're like testing it so they can launch it on the moon.

[Kai]

Okay, then I don't think we've been there because like, if you've been there, go back.

[Drew]

Like that's, that's, that's literally everyone's argument is like, I don't think we've been there because if we've gone there or that they went there and they found something that we weren't supposed to See? Or that, like, when we launch into space, we hit the firmament. There's, like, a lot of ideas where it's like, literally, I don't think we've been there, because why wouldn't we go back?

[Kai]

Like. Yeah, like what?

[Madeline]

Just go back crazy that they launched.

[Drew]

It with something less powerful than my iPhone.

[Madeline]

It. It's like, it had, like, memory of, like, 128 kilobytes or something, which is crazy. Like, all it was seconds of this podcast.

[Kai]

Yeah, that shit's not real, bro. I don't believe in that. But also, my thing is, like, I am just. Just perfect candidate for, like, propaganda, because anything the government says, I'm like, oh, okay, yeah, right. Yeah. No, I was literally, like, anything you tell me. Unless it has to do with, like, my moral standings.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

But for the most part, I'm like, okay.

[Drew]

I have literally been so easily indoctrinated into, like, the extremist cult that is, like, America, like, in American science. Like, it's crazy. It's so easy.

[Kai]

Yeah. I just. But also, it's because, like, I'm not about to sit here and fight with over the moon landing. The moon has nothing to do with me. These only thing the moon has to do with me is sometimes when I walk out of the house, it's a bit brighter than it usually is at night.

[Drew]

The only thing I care about is, like, it's cute sometimes.

[Kai]

Yeah. Sometimes it's, like, so slay and, like, that's it. That is, like, where me and the moon's connection stops is like, sometimes you're slay, sometimes you don't exist. And then sometimes you follow me around.

[Drew]

Yeah, the moon, like, also, I literally, like, think this is the cutest thing ever. But when, like, people are always like, oh, we're, like, looking at the same sky. Are you looking at the same. Same moon? I'm like, oh, that's so sweet. That's so cute.

[Kai]

That is. We also. It's the COVID of one of my favorite Sundays album. And that's where the moon ends.

[Drew]

Or, like, remember when it was a full moon and we went to Malibu and swam naked?

[Kai]

Yeah. Like that.

[Drew]

That's when the moon matters the most.

[Kai]

Yeah. Because that's when it's, like, giving us light and it's, like, nice. But I don't have to go there. Like, what I can do is naked. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

There's photos of it, too.

[Madeline]

What? That's.

[Drew]

You want me to show you me?

[Madeline]

I would actually love to see that.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Yeah. We got a flash photo of Drew's balls in the ocean.

[Drew]

I was, like, diving in. And you can see them through the thighs, like, from behind.

[Kai]

The fact that you can see a.

[Madeline]

Man'S balls, they, like, claps them in for a second.

[Drew]

Exactly.

[Madeline]

Damn.

[Kai]

That is disgusting.

[Drew]

But, yeah, the moon landing may or may not be real. We'll let you decide.

[Madeline]

I gave you probably real, but I'm looking this up, and people are like, well, why can't I. Why can't the Hubble Space Telescope that can see galaxies a hundred light years away not see the flag on the moon?

[Kai]

It's curious because that flew away.

[Drew]

No, there's. That's the other thing.

[Kai]

Million years old.

[Drew]

No, there's another thing since it's. It. There's no atmosphere and there's no vacuum and there's no bacteria, and there's nothing to degenerate it. Like, there is no reason it shouldn't be there and still be in the exact same position we left it in. And there was an argument that, like, it was all fake and done on a set because when they were erecting the flag, there was, like, waves in it, which is created by, like, movement in the atmosphere, like wind or something. And there's no way for that to happen in on the moon.

[Kai]

But if someone's moving something around, there isn't there a chance that, like, the vibration from you, like, stabbing it in can kind of, like, move it?

[Drew]

That's the argument. The other direction. And then they're like, well, I recreated it to a T. And, like, they just argue back and forth.

[Kai]

Isn't it kind of funny that. Wait, when was the moon landing? Like, the. The moon landing?

[Drew]

Like, 664 or something.

[Madeline]

Or something.

[Kai]

What. What year did 2001 Space Odyssey come out? Because why did they just reuse the set?

[Drew]

Like, that's. That's another argument. That's literally another argument. They're like, look at 2001 Space Space Odyssey. Like, it looks like we're in space, but it was all filmed here. Like, if they can do that, if Stanley Kubrick can do that, then they could have done this 10 years before with, like, government technology.

[Kai]

Yeah, we're good. Like, that shit's not real, but that's okay. Who cares? Like, literally what? Like, it's not that big of a deal.

[Madeline]

I think the other one is, like, they did go. But they didn't record it, so they, like, did a fake recreation because it was just, like, a whole arms.

[Drew]

That's the other thing is how the. Did they live stream back in 1960? Whatever. Like that's crazy that they were filming on the moon. Like no, no, it doesn't make sense. Make that make sense.

[Madeline]

I think.

[Kai]

Yeah. Also like, wait, where's all the light coming from? Because the lighting on that was gorgeous.

[Madeline]

It is really weird. You know how bad the quality of a phone call is?

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah.

[Madeline]

Like why, why are we streaming?

[Kai]

Yeah. Were they claimed? Wait, were they claiming it was live streamed?

[Drew]

I don't know.

[Madeline]

I don't know.

[Drew]

Yes, yes, yes, they were. I mean in the rocket launch they were talking back and forth the entire way.

[Madeline]

Insane.

[Kai]

Also, what was it? A 30 minute checker where at the TV for like 4 hours.

[Drew]

It's like a 40 day thing. I think I'm actually gonna work that out.

[Kai]

40 days. Suck my balls. I'm not going to the moon. 40 days. That's 40 days and 40 nights to get to some dirt. For what?

[Drew]

Oh wait, four days and six hours.

[Kai]

Forty days.

[Drew]

That's like to get to Mars or some.

[Kai]

Four days still to Mars. It's like that's why they're not going back. Nobody wants to be gone for four days because now so much stuff happens on your iPhone. You can't miss four days worth of iPhone use.

[Drew]

Yeah, no dead ass. Like, well no, I'll be fine. Like put me on that airplane. I'll just like do what I do in my bed and just like literally.

[Kai]

Going, you get WI fi on the spaceship.

[Drew]

I bet they could figure it out.

[Kai]

Yeah, they can figure that out.

[Drew]

Yeah. Also what's crazy is we've launched that like golden wheel into the world that's like supposed to like aliens are supposed to find it and like, oh, it.

[Madeline]

Has the diagram of like a human body and stuff.

[Drew]

Exactly. It's supposed, they're supposed to see it and be like, wait, this is like not made by.

[Kai]

See, that's when science is going too far. Cuz it's like you are so bored. Like that's the best little kid ever. Like I'm going to throw a rock in space with some stuff all over and hope someone finds it and can read it. They cannot read what we are reading.

[Drew]

Like, but I mean if they find it, they might be advanced enough to read it. But the crazy thing is is it's so outdated at this point. Like it does not represent us as humans at all anymore. And like the song that they used on it was like they put a song on that.

[Kai]

So they threw a mixtape into space hoping an alien would find it.

[Drew]

Why did Brian Inu make the. Brian, not the song, but he Made the album for the first, like, launch. Like an Apollo 18 launch.

[Kai]

Is that.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

Damn. He's too lit for that.

[Drew]

Not maybe not Brian Inu, but one of those ambient Harold bud. No, this album was made for.

[Kai]

Oh, what?

[Drew]

Made for like Apollo something.

[Kai]

Damn.

[Drew]

Yeah. Which is kind like, that's like next level.

[Kai]

They got to get Jeremy Scott to do them stupid ass silly astronaut outfits. Why don't they, like, make more sleigh outfits?

[Drew]

The. The fits lit. The fits now are lit, but the.

[Kai]

Suits, like, we can move past that.

[Drew]

No, that's what I'm saying. The suits are lit like, they're like skinny and tailored and like, cool. Like.

[Kai]

The. Is this picture, bro? That. Okay, so what we're learning today is I don't believe in the moon landing because that shit's not real, bro.

[Drew]

Yeah. Try to literally try to conv that it's real and I'll believe it. But no, I'm like, I'm choosing to believe it. I'm like, I want it to be real so bad, but like, the more information that comes out about it, I'm.

[Kai]

Like, yeah, I just don't think it's real because, like, go back, go back. Challenge. Literally go back.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And you don't want to because you've never been. That's literally me. When I lie, I'm like, well, I just can't do it again. I'm so tired.

[Madeline]

Suits are like boot cut.

[Drew]

Yeah, they're. They're a miri in True Religion.

[Madeline]

Imagine if Drake did the song for Apollo 69 and then they had boot cut. Amiri.

[Kai]

They should get chrome hearts to do. Since they love their silver. They should get a chrome hearts shuttle to take them.

[Drew]

That would be fire. Ultimate capitalism. Ultimate world destruction. It's like, let's just make something that's so unneeded for this universe so we can escape it and cause the pollution.

[Kai]

Okay. It would be lit to post this on the gram. Like. Yeah. Back when I was on the moon.

[Drew]

Did you know you can go to space now? Know, like, that's what I'm saying, though.

[Kai]

Like, can we, like. And also, I don't want to. Like, there's nothing to see there.

[Drew]

Like, I would spend the money to go.

[Kai]

There's no vintage shops on the moon. There's no vintage. If they can make a. A shuttle big enough with a mini mall in it, then I'll go. Then I literally would go.

[Drew]

I mean, sooner than later we're gonna have like camps on Mars.

[Kai]

And I don't think we're gonna be Alive for that?

[Drew]

No, it's. It's supposed to happen, like, by 2030.

[Kai]

I think I say that, but then I see the new cars, and I was saying to Drew the other day.

[Drew]

Like, I'm literally watching the Future, the Ionic 5 high. Like, look them up, Kai.

[Kai]

We're literally watching, like, the Jetsons, like, future unfold in front of us. And it's starting with, like, the new Prius.

[Drew]

Yeah. Iridescent pain.

[Madeline]

The new Prius looks sick.

[Kai]

It's crazy. Like, they. Like, all the new cars are actually starting to look crazy. And now I know what, like, old people feel like when they see the world change and they're freaking out because I'm like, it's. Nothing's changing. But then I see somebody's Hyundai in their driveway, and I'm like, whoa, what the. Is that, like.

[Drew]

Like, it's literally the tanks almost, like.

[Kai]

Yeah. Like, I don't know. But those. All those batteries are gonna explode, and then we're gonna. That's when we're gonna see the end.

[Drew]

Of time with child labor.

[Kai]

Yeah. And they're. The batteries are gonna start exploding and, like, erupting. And the data they're collecting from us from our new electric cars are going to literally, like, be used to hunt us down and kill us. Because you can't run away. Literally, like, you literally can't run away.

[Drew]

This is the last thing I want to add to the conversation before we move on to media, but straight men, stop using Marlboro cigarette packaging and logo design as your medium for art challenge.

[Kai]

For your impossible, shitty brand.

[Drew]

At the chateau, when we were all sitting in a circle with, you know who, and he started going on the spiel about how he wanted to, like, create, like, this massive piece of artwork with cigarette packages, and he was like, I want to make, like, a skull out of Marlboro packs. And, like, he started, like, doing it so bad.

[Kai]

He was also crazy. He is insane.

[Drew]

Like, actually a dangerous person.

[Kai]

So gross. Like, writing the kind of poetry that was like, I can taste your sweat. I would taste your blood if I could. I love you so much.

[Drew]

Making Pinterest boards that. Never mind. We won't get into that. But he's the killer, and he.

[Kai]

It's.

[Drew]

Yeah, he's a scary act.

[Kai]

Is the killer. And I don't care to say his name, because he is the killer.

[Drew]

Okay. I was going to say.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, he is literally the killer, and he is weird. And, like, he is literally what happens when you don't get casted in the fault in our stars. But you really wanted to be. Yeah, that's what it feels like. Like, that's what happens when you get the second round to self taping for Fault in Our Stars, but you just don't make it the fault in Our Stars. Eight, though.

[Drew]

That movie.

[Kai]

Eight. Eight.

[Drew]

That movie was literally the house.

[Kai]

Oh, so that's how you use it. That movie was the house. Okay. Oh, we'll keep that in mind.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

All right, now on to media.

[Drew]

Media of the week.

[Kai]

Did you see that Zamora's car got stolen?

[Drew]

No, it didn't.

[Kai]

Yeah, he got it back. But somebody stole his car in, like, the middle of the night.

[Drew]

I'm literally calling him.

[Kai]

Guys, we're missing the Met Gala right now. Guys, can we wrap this up? I have to go walk the carpet of the mat.

[Drew]

Yeah, we recorded. Yeah.

[Kai]

Whoa. You just got dissed.

[Drew]

Whoa.

[Kai]

How humiliating. Did you see that, Kai?

[Madeline]

Yeah, you got bodied.

[Drew]

Whoa.

[Kai]

Okay. Media of the week is The Zenith by Starflower59, silly by Denise Williams, Riot by Hugh Masakila, Arrow Through Me by Wings, and then, Fun Fact, that is the song that Erica Badu sampled for Gone Baby, don't be long.

[Drew]

And.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's it. That's all I'm gonna give you, actually. I don't love you anymore. That's it.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

That's all I'm giving you.

[Drew]

I'm gonna give you. Test done by Sweet Exorcist Kid for today, Boards of Canada, Stereo Lab Mix, Listen to a warm place by Nine Inch Nails and Stolen Documents, the future sound of London.

[Kai]

Guys, we did it. We recorded our first ever episode of a podcast.

[Drew]

I know. Wow. That was actually amazing. It went really smooth.

[Kai]

Yeah, it went, like, way smoother than I would have ever thought.

[Drew]

But except for me saying transition, I hope you liked this episode of this podcast. Anthony Fantano.

[Madeline]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

I hate him.

[Kai]

The Day Music Died. All right. What the Is your thumbnail for this Paris video? This is insane.

[Drew]

You should see the raw thumbnail. And I was gonna do it, but I was like, I'm not doing that to India.

[Kai]

That is insane.

[Drew]

This. I'm not kidding. This is unedited. And I was like, I'm gonna do this. But then I was like, no, I'm going to edit it and make it, like, funnier.

[Kai]

That's up, dude. I look really up on camera all the time. It's crazy. I swear. I genuinely think I look better in person. Like, and I believe that wholeheartedly on camera. I look up and scary and disgusting.

[Drew]

That's if you need to tell yourself that, like, go ahead. Oh, wait, Zamar's answering.

[Kai]

Well, I actually am about to myself, so I'm going to walk away. Thank you guys so much for listening.

[Drew]

Did your car actually get stolen?