scared straight (Drews story)

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "Scared Straight (Drew's Story)" - Episode Summary

Release Date: November 24, 2023
Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Podcast Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast where Enya and Drew navigate through various topics with humor and candid conversations. In this episode, titled "Scared Straight (Drews Story)," Drew shares a personal experience that sparks a broader discussion on societal norms, indoctrination, and personal growth.

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1. Drew’s Scared Straight Experience (00:00 - 04:43)

The episode kicks off with Drew recounting his harrowing experience with the Scared Straight program during his youth. He explains how he was sent to juvenile detention for stealing and underwent an intense "scare straight" intervention designed to deter him from future criminal activities.

Notable Quote:

Drew (29:21): "I've literally experienced Scared Straight. Like, I've talked about how I got caught stealing and I got sent off to, like, eight weeks of psychiatry, but I don't think I ever talked about the fact that they took me to a juvie and tried to scare straight up."

Drew describes the program's methods, including the intimidating presence of law enforcement and the psychological tactics used to instill fear and promote behavioral change.

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2. The Monkey Ladder Experiment: A Metaphor for Indoctrination (20:49 - 24:56)

Josiah introduces a hypothetical "monkey ladder experiment," illustrating how societal indoctrination works. He describes an experiment where monkeys are conditioned not to reach for bananas by associating climbing the ladder with being sprayed with water. Over time, the monkeys stop attempting to reach the bananas, symbolizing how individuals may be deterred from questioning societal norms.

Notable Quote:

Josiah (22:53): "And basically this is like, what, like, it's kind of like an example of like what society is like. Like if you're not like asking questions and like you're just being indoctrinated into these ideals and thoughts that like, you think are right, but like, they might not actually be right..."

This metaphor serves as a foundation for the hosts to delve into discussions about the importance of critical thinking and the dangers of unquestioned conformity.

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3. Media of the Week: Personal Recommendations and Critiques (49:04 - 54:58)

The hosts transition into their regular segment, "Media of the Week," where they share and discuss their favorite albums, movies, and TV shows. They touch upon a variety of topics, including the impact of capitalism on media representations and the evolution of streaming content.

Notable Quotes:

Drew (50:01): "My media of the week is the Pink Panthers album. I think it's really fun. Easy to Listen to."

Josiah (51:08): "Like, look at, like, Wally, like, making these, like, female autonomous beings or, like, ex machina. Why are every personal assistant's female?"

The conversation highlights their diverse tastes and critical perspectives on contemporary media, blending humor with thoughtful analysis.

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4. Personal Anecdotes and Daily Life (04:43 - 19:08)

Throughout the episode, Drew and Josiah share various personal stories and day-to-day experiences. Topics range from their struggles with household maintenance issues, such as broken plumbing, to humorous interactions with their landlord.

Notable Quote:

Josiah (09:13): "Yeah, that was like a massage to practice your focus on good feelings instead of anxiety."

These anecdotes provide listeners with relatable content, enhancing the podcast's comedic and conversational tone.

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5. Reflections on Technology and Privacy (25:24 - 37:38)

The hosts engage in a discussion about the pervasive nature of technology in modern life. They express concerns over privacy, the reliance on smartphones, and the potential future implications of technologies like Neuralink.

Notable Quotes:

Drew (37:07): "I would get the Neural Link because I don't like typing text anymore. Like I just like want like my iPhone actually. I want my iPhone to scan my eyes and see into my soul and know what I want to say."

Josiah (37:56): "Dude, it's so scary how much I've been using my phone recently. Like I know it's all a joke but like the last like four days, like I have genuinely been like in a very dark place with my phone..."

This segment underscores the hosts' critical view of technological advancement and its impact on personal well-being and societal structures.

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6. Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts (54:57 - 57:22)

As the episode nears its end, the hosts wrap up with light-hearted banter and reflections on their personal lives. They touch upon topics like sleep habits, interactions with their landlord, and the challenges of maintaining personal relationships amidst the chaos of podcasting.

Notable Quote:

Drew (56:08): "If somebody doesn't like us and they listen this far into the episode, you need help. And that's coming from a certified hate watcher."

Their closing remarks blend humor with genuine introspection, leaving listeners with a mix of amusement and contemplation.

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Conclusion

In "Scared Straight (Drews Story)," Emergency Intercom offers a blend of personal storytelling, critical societal commentary, and comedic interactions. Drew's account of his Scared Straight experience serves as a springboard for broader discussions on indoctrination, technology, and modern media. The episode balances humor with meaningful insights, making it both entertaining and thought-provoking for listeners.

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Notable Quotes Overview:

1. Drew on Scared Straight:

   "I've never felt like this before. It's like you just get me. I feel like my true self with you." ([00:57])

2. Josiah on the Monkey Ladder Experiment:

   "This is like, what, like, it's kind of like an example of like what society is like." ([22:53])

3. Drew on Neuralink:

   "I would get the Neural Link because I don't like typing text anymore." ([37:07])

4. Josiah on Phone Usage:

   "It's like, it's literally like actually like a problem." ([37:56])

5. Drew on Media of the Week:

   "My media of the week is the Pink Panthers album. I think it's really fun." ([50:01])

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Note: This summary excludes all advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to focus solely on the core discussions and narratives presented in the episode.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

I've never felt like this before. It's like you just get me. I feel like my true self with you. Does that sound crazy? And it doesn't hurt that you're gorgeous? Okay, that's it. I'm taking you home with me. I mean, you can't find shoes this good just anywhere. Find a shoe for every you from brands you love like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas and more at your DSW store or dsw.com welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Guys, I'm so happy.

[Josiah]

I'm so happy to finally be back home.

[Drew]

The home sweet home. I'm coming home. I'm coming When I'm coming all over your bed. I'm coming on the home.

[Josiah]

Yeah, I'm coming.

[Drew]

You know how some people have a plastic layer? Okay. Kai's blowing O's with the puff bar I gave him back there.

[Josiah]

We also have a live audience through the windows of our house.

[Drew]

You know how some people have like a plastic wrap over their sofa to keep it protected? I've done that with a semen and come and spit. So there's a protective like card. Like if you go touch our sofa, it's like this sound.

[Josiah]

That's what I did to your pillow too.

[Drew]

Yeah, I know. And, but it's. I'm happy because I can chip it off at night instead of biting. My, my.

[Josiah]

Do not let me sit on your leather couch if it is peeling because I will peel that more. Do not let me do that. It's like a face mask. Like, you know The American Psycho face mask. Okay, well, I have a question. I saw little Yachty ask this question, and I was like, oh, this is a good question for y' all. If you have one week left to live, what would you do or say to the world that you've always wanted to do or say?

[Drew]

I'm so quick at the mouth publicly. I don't know that I. I think it's a problem that there's too much I have said already. So I think I would do the opposite, and I would revert to silence.

[Josiah]

I would say there's seven hours left there, and then, like, start a countdown in their head. And then, like, everyone's freaking the out and calling their loved ones and telling, I love you so much. I love. Like, we're all going to die. Like, what's going to happen? Is there an afterlife? Everyone's freaking the fuck out, and then the clock hits seven, and it's just like, bruh, bruh, bruh. Sound effect and that's it across the world.

[Drew]

How would you even get that?

[Josiah]

Like, I'm omnipresent.

[Drew]

Okay, so in this hypothetical, you have the power to do anything.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I think mine is. I would, like, count down to my death. Like, I'm releasing a brand, so I'd be, like, so excited to, like, share this with you guys. Next week, it's going to be big and, like, get a bunch of, like, graphics and stuff done as if I'm, like, releasing a brand. And then on the day that that I died is just a raw photo of me in an open casket so I can hurt everybody. Open caskets are so unnatural. I don't know why we do that. That is, like, the weirdest thing ever.

[Josiah]

I know. Like, the last images I have of my loved ones are them with, like, the worst full beat I've ever seen. Like, it's, like, cakey as, like, literally.

[Drew]

How Josiah looks on his side. TikTok account.

[Josiah]

It's how I've seen my loved ones. Like, it's not chill. Like, literally. My brother had, like, like, an iconic birthmark under his eye, and they covered it up. Like, they made it, like, pale and nasty. And I was just like, oh, my God. Like, if you're gonna be like. If you're gonna be a morgue beater, like, you have to beat down.

[Drew]

Yeah, you need to, like, be going to.

[Kai]

Is that. Is that what they call that?

[Drew]

A board beater? Yeah, Yeah, a body beater.

[Kai]

That's what they call body beater.

[Josiah]

Yeah, that's what they call me when I hit When I'm hitting it.

[Kai]

Yep.

[Drew]

I don't think that's a good thing.

[Josiah]

No, like, oh, because you beat it up. Back shot. All right, who's gonna give me back shots? No, like, dead ass. Who in this room is gonna give me back shots?

[Kai]

Who's it gonna be?

[Josiah]

Who's doing.

[Drew]

It's gonna be me.

[Kai]

Or maybe it's me.

[Drew]

Me and Kai can tussle for it.

[Josiah]

Tussle?

[Drew]

Yeah. You could go back and tussle around, and then you can pick whoever drew.

[Kai]

We could Loki go back to back for hours on you.

[Drew]

I know. Yeah, we could just toss you back.

[Josiah]

And forth back to black by till it burns. What's her name?

[Drew]

Amy Wine.

[Josiah]

Amy Winehouse.

[Drew]

All right, well, good. Good opener.

[Kai]

Anyways, I would say for my last words, I would be like, fuck. What's like, something hilarious I could say right now to just, like, win the crowd over.

[Drew]

You wish you could fart on everybody.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah, that sounds like something you would say.

[Kai]

Honestly, under pressure, I probably say something crazy. I can't think right now, but I probably something crazy.

[Drew]

I would say something overly emotional so that when I die, there's, like, gorgeous edits of me on TikTok.

[Josiah]

No, the first one that came to my mind is I like that one joke on Twitter where it's like, if I, like. Like, the last thing I would do is I would hack, like, your favorite K Pop, Stan's Twitter and tweet some, like, really insane, blasphemous and just, like, ruin their career and log off forever.

[Kai]

That's.

[Josiah]

That's the last thing I would do.

[Drew]

That's like, I would do a TED Talk, probably something positive for the world.

[Kai]

Yeah, I would say something hella positive, too, Drew. Yeah, me and anyone would say something really positive and just, like, you're just.

[Drew]

Like, a negative Nancy over there.

[Kai]

Good note.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I'm seeing you as a Dina.

[Josiah]

You're going to die.

[Drew]

The lighting in here is too clear, and I'm looking at you like you're a person.

[Josiah]

Yeah, like, when. When I, like, get, like, too high, I, like, see through people and I see them for who they really are, and I, like, psychoanalyze them until, like, they're the, like, reason why they act the way they do. Like, as far as, like, childhood, and I can, like, see the facade that they've built and, like, break it down piece by piece. And I'm like, oh, like, the reason you act this way is because this happened to you. Like, and, like, that's the way you are, and it Feels freaks me the out. Also, I can just see through the facade of television and like Netflix in general. It's like created by like Illuminati aliens to keep us like, stupid.

[Drew]

Like, I'm one of the only people who could tell that the stuff on Netflix isn't real.

[Josiah]

Yeah, no, like dead ass. Like dead ass. I feel like I'm the only one, like, I could.

[Drew]

I'm the only one who could tell this is like, made for like childish, like human, like entertainment.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

It's like, that's why I only watch South.

[Josiah]

It's to keep us dumb. It's to keep us dumb.

[Drew]

South park is to keep me intelligent.

[Josiah]

But anyways, so I didn't tell you about this, but after the first day of the pop up, like, I think it was like the Monday after, me and Josiah really, really wanted to like, go get massages. And.

[Kai]

That'S sexy.

[Josiah]

We like, book like we've looked at a bunch of places and we were just like, we don't want to like, travel that far. Like, we don't like, want to do all that. So we just went to the one really, really close to the house that's like a five minute walk away basically. And like we get there and I'm like, oh, this place is like insane. Like, there was like a giant like construction, like truck out front. And I was like, are they even open? And like, we had to walk through like 20 construction workers. Yeah, we had to like walk through like 20 construction workers and all this shit. And I was just like, damn, this is like, like it's. It was around noon. So I was like, oh, they're probably on their lunch break anyways. So like, we go in, we book an appointment, we pay before, which I've never done before. And right after we pay, they're like, oh, there's like no refunds. But also they're doing construction upstairs. And I was like, oh, word. Like, that's not that deep. Like construction isn't that crazy. Like, it's not. Yeah, it's like I've heard construction. It can't be that bad. Oh my God. Dude, it was insane. It literally felt like they were like, kept throwing grenades upstairs and like they were like ripping down walls. And like every once in a while they get above my room where I was getting my massage and just drop like a hammer and like a cinder block and like you would see like dust fall from the roof and like hit me in my eyes and I was like, oh my God, like the roof is going to collapse. And like I was just like dying, laughing the entire time. And like, the masseuse.

[Drew]

Yeah, that was like a massage to practice your focus on good feelings instead of anxiety.

[Josiah]

That's why they were doing it.

[Kai]

Like, imagine you like, lying down getting a massage and there's like cracks forming.

[Josiah]

No, that's literally like what it felt like. Like you could see the roof, like, bow and shake. Like they would. It was like, I really cannot iterate to you how loud it really actually was. Like, it. I'm trying to, like, give an example, but like, I. I don't know, like, upstairs neighbor activities, like, dead serious. Like, it was crazy. And like, it was also like, before I was like, I want a deep tissue massage because I want to be bruised, battered and bleeding when I leave the masseuse. Like, I want to like, literally be.

[Drew]

You want to live out?

[Josiah]

Yeah, like, I want to. I want it to hurt down. And it felt like she was fucking petting me like a cat. Like, it was like, not the vibe at all. Like, I was like. And I kept telling her, I was like, can you like, go a little harder? Because I finally. Every time I'm in a massage, I'm like, always too scared to speak up because I'm like, I'm not going to tell this, like, poor woman or man to do, like, their fudgeing job. They know what they're doing. This time I was like, finally, like, I'm going to be a brave boy and ask for the service I beat it for. And she literally ignored me three fucking times. Like, she acted like I did not fucking exist at all. It was like, insane. And like, I was also just like, laughing. And like, the only word she said was like, oh, too hard. And I was like, no, not at all. And I was like, I'm laughing because the roof is about to cave in. And she just, like, got silent and I was just like, damn. Okay, so you know what I did is I stole the fucking yoga pants from them.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Josiah]

Yeah, no, I actually didn't do that. I wish I did. They're like these cute little rainbow shorts and I wish I jacked.

[Drew]

Oh, you would want to steal some rainbow shorts. That makes sense. Hello.

[Kai]

Damn. Only 10 minutes before the first walkout.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, he's hitting himself.

[Kai]

Oh, God, he's smacking himself in the head. Guys.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. Are you okay? Do you need a second?

[Josiah]

Shut the up.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. What the.

[Josiah]

I'm good. Let's keep rolling. Keep rolling.

[Drew]

Somebody needs another massage because you're freaking out. I was watching through old episodes of Field Trip. Because I was like, we need to start doing something like that again. Like, it's so funny. And it was, like, so much of it, like, landed like, I was watching through one of the episodes yesterday. And you said the truth back then.

[Josiah]

Yeah, that was the band name.

[Drew]

Yeah. That's so crazy. Like, I didn't remember that. That's where that originated.

[Josiah]

The Drew will set you free. But first it'll piss you off. But first it'll piss you off.

[Drew]

Yeah. The truth has been around for so long, it's crazy.

[Josiah]

I mean, like, what people don't realize is I found, like, a silver. Like, a group of silver tablets, like, kind of explaining the, like, following of the truth. And, like, people. Oh, that's in our backyard buried by a bush. And people are like, oh, that's like. Like Mormonism. Like, whatever. No, like, it was silver tablets, dumbass.

[Drew]

So, like, yeah, the Mormon tablets. Gold.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Basically, like, long story short, like, we all have to jump into a volcano.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Josiah]

To set ourselves free from Samsara.

[Drew]

Who's Samsara? Oh, Samsara is the devil.

[Josiah]

No, no, no, wait.

[Drew]

Who's Samsara?

[Josiah]

I think it's, like, reincarnation.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Josiah]

Like, the, like, world of reincarnation. But that could have been the most ignorant I've ever said.

[Kai]

I'm looking up Scientology right now, and it seems. This seems, like, really similar.

[Josiah]

Oh, I'm looking up and down your mom and, like, I want to bang her.

[Drew]

Yeah. And she's gonna get banged. If Drew says he's gonna bang, he's gonna bang.

[Kai]

Yeah, he probably will.

[Drew]

And she's gonna love it.

[Kai]

Yeah, she'll probably love it.

[Josiah]

Oh, love it, love it, love it now, baby.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, guys, it's Black Friday. Congrats to anybody watching this on Black Friday. Oh, my God. How exciting. How exciting. What are you.

[Josiah]

Walmart isn't doing Black Friday this year?

[Drew]

Black Friday is the craziest vibe ever.

[Josiah]

I know.

[Drew]

It is so crazy.

[Josiah]

It's like that one. What was that one? Beach. Like, Normandy Beach. Like, doomsday, where they.

[Drew]

Like, old beach.

[Josiah]

No, they put, like, a bunch of them, like, soldiers on that beach. And, like, all of them died. That's what Black Friday is.

[Drew]

Are you saying that all I can think about is Trisha Paytas on the beach?

[Josiah]

That's literally.

[Drew]

Is that what it is?

[Josiah]

What she was referencing? Like, literally, that being your, like, culture reference. That's my historical reference.

[Drew]

Is Trisha Paytas recreating that.

[Josiah]

Crazy.

[Drew]

But that's it, right?

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

See, so she's teaching.

[Josiah]

No, she spilled. She spilled. But yeah, they're not doing Black Friday at Friday at Walmart this year, which I feel like is like literally a sign of the end. Like, yeah, it's really why the can't.

[Drew]

Black Friday happen at Walmart? Like, that's where it should be happening.

[Josiah]

That's like the only place it should happen. And like, a lot of like 24 hour stores since the pandemic have not been 24 hours. And like, a lot of you have not experienced a Walmart run at 3am and how horrifying.

[Drew]

But it was.

[Josiah]

So that is. And like, how, like, it is the pinnacle of people watching.

[Drew]

Like, or like 24 hour CVS. Yeah, I feel like there's some CVS's that are still 24 hours or 24.

[Josiah]

Hour challenge in an Amazon factory. Brent Rivera YouTube video.

[Drew]

Is that like a video he did?

[Josiah]

No, but he's been like, trying to bring it back. I don't know what his vibe is. Like, his videos scare me more than Mr. Beast do. Like, he's like, has like, money and like, does really big videos and it freaks me the fudge out. And also, I swear to God, him and his sister are making out like, constantly. They're creepy as fuck, bro.

[Drew]

Like, I mean, you can't even judge that because we're like second cousins and we do it. So it's like. Don't.

[Josiah]

It's a little different.

[Drew]

Okay, It's a little different. Yeah, it is legally different. Like, very different.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Could you get, like, arrested for just making out with a family member?

[Josiah]

I don't know. Like, isn't divorce illegal or some, like, infidelity? Like, like, no one goes to jail for infidelity, like, or cheating or whatever.

[Drew]

Except for you. Yeah, you're gonna be met with papers because I'm tired of being cheated on by you. Like, I have to do something and I'm gonna.

[Josiah]

You knew I was a and A before you started banging me.

[Drew]

But you said you would change for me. And I, like, I guess I was just stupid.

[Josiah]

Was it in writing?

[Drew]

No.

[Josiah]

Okay.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Josiah]

If anything.

[Drew]

Well, I tried to get it in our prenup that if you cheated.

[Josiah]

We want prenup. We want prenup.

[Drew]

Prenups don't even work. Like, if, like, I started, like, seeing somebody who was like a gazillionaire and my whole lifestyle changed and they had me sign a prenup. I can still get a divorce and then be like, this is unfair and will be traumatic for me to go back to my life. And I can still get money out of that. Did you know that? Yeah, you can still fully get money.

[Kai]

Because that protected you.

[Drew]

No, because if. I mean, you don't need protection, so, like, you should even be thinking about.

[Kai]

Being protected as someone who will be.

[Drew]

Oh, you said you thought it protected me.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

You.

[Drew]

Like, someone like me needs protection.

[Kai]

Yeah. Someone with millions and millions of dollars.

[Drew]

So much money.

[Kai]

Like, someone with billions of dollars.

[Drew]

It's crazy that, like, I used to be like, oh, my God, like, hoarding wealth is bad. But, like, now I fuck with it. Now I get it.

[Kai]

What, billions?

[Drew]

Yeah. I mean, the podcast is, like, estimated to be worth, like, 10.67 billion right now.

[Kai]

Yeah. Yeah, it's actually crazy.

[Josiah]

No, we need to bring back wealth. Hoarding.

[Drew]

Yeah, we need to bring it back.

[Josiah]

We do. Like, enough.

[Drew]

Enough judging for it. Like, it's fine.

[Kai]

I feel like the 1% hasn't sequestered enough money.

[Josiah]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking recently.

[Drew]

I'm like, oh, my God. They, like, they're seeming a little cheap right now.

[Kai]

The statistic. It's like, since the pandemic, 50% of the wealth has been sequestered to, like, the 1%. It should be 100%.

[Drew]

That's what I'm thinking.

[Josiah]

So right now there's technically lower and, like, a false middle class and then the upper class. It should literally just be upper class and, like, no lower class.

[Drew]

Yeah, we want to, like, like, divide the wealth or.

[Kai]

I want it to all, like, I just want Jeff Bezos to have all the money.

[Josiah]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

And I want him to, like, get on a spaceship and then just.

[Drew]

Well, what are we supposed to do then?

[Josiah]

If that happens, guys, wait till you realize that money isn't real and that it's like, every time we make a transaction, we're coding the simulation. And you can change the simulation by not using money. It's like binary ones and zeros. Every transaction you make, you're coding the simulation.

[Kai]

I saw Drew. He was looking at an incense. Like, smoke coming from it. He was just, like, controlling with his mind. And then I. I kid you not. His bank account was open, and the numbers were just going up.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

What the hell? Can you do that for mine?

[Josiah]

Hell, no.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. You don't believe in, like, you need.

[Josiah]

A moon water quartz necklace to make.

[Drew]

My money go up.

[Josiah]

Yeah, it brings, like, abundance.

[Drew]

What does that look like?

[Josiah]

It's a moon water, quartz necklace, babe.

[Drew]

I guess only somebody with as much wealth as you would know what it looks like exactly. Is it an expensive like rock?

[Josiah]

No, don't call it a fucking rock. And yeah.

[Kai]

No, it's a mineral.

[Josiah]

It's a mineral.

[Drew]

It's a crystal or a mineral that's literally a rock. I can't believe that like Drew, what Drew spends his money on will like always astonish me. I was like gone for a week for work and I came back and Drew was like, yeah, I can't work out yet cuz of my facial. And I was like kind of confused cuz when I came back he had a bunch of like Korean face masks. I was like, which one of these told him he couldn't get like get sweaty? And then we were like going into the gym to shower because our fucking house is falling apart and we don't have warm water and we paid our bills, but actually the pipes are literally all fucking busted and we only have freezing cold water in the house right now. So we have to go to the gym.

[Kai]

Still fucked up, dude.

[Josiah]

It's even worse.

[Drew]

And it was like lukewarm and we were like, oh, this is weird. We had someone come try to fix it and then it was like a little warmer. We were like, I guess we're just never going to have as hot of water as we used to have. But now no hot water.

[Josiah]

None.

[Drew]

Like I come and they're like, no.

[Josiah]

Literally both plumbers that came, we have a third one coming tomorrow. We're like, I have literally never seen anything like this in my life. Like, I don't know why this is happening right now.

[Drew]

It's literally cuz that apartment wants us out. I know you've been here for five years.

[Kai]

It's like it's been five years.

[Drew]

Yeah. In May it's five years.

[Kai]

You guys ran through that apartment.

[Josiah]

Like I love that apartment.

[Kai]

No, it is really nice. Last night I was actually looking around and I was like, there's really beautiful like ornamental trim.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

That. I feel like it's kind of rare.

[Drew]

Yeah, it is. Because like even if you look at the other apartments in the complex, like when people would move out, we would go look at them because we were like, I'm so curious what our neighbors houses look like. And they ripped all that out. Like they tried to make all of them like modern.

[Kai]

I love though when, when people like a developer in L. A will have like this beautiful like old interior and they'll just gut it and put like a gray.

[Josiah]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm actually such a.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Josiah]

I'm so such a proponent for like, like killing history and just like forgetting History.

[Drew]

Like, you should be able to go into home and be like, oh, my God, So many lives have been lived here. It's so beautiful and gorgeous and well kept. I'm going to tear it down and put a fake marble slab on this island.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

That will get stained by everything.

[Kai]

I want to walk into my house and immediately go insane.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I want to feel like I'm going into an Airbnb every time I go home. That's kind of the new vibe.

[Josiah]

Has to smell like bleach.

[Kai]

I want to feel like I'm 5150 at all times.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Have y' all heard of the monkey ladder experiment?

[Drew]

No.

[Josiah]

Do you want to know about it?

[Kai]

Yes, please.

[Drew]

I think you're going to tell us, but yes.

[Josiah]

Okay.

[Kai]

Yes, please.

[Josiah]

So basically, this group of scientists got four monkeys and put them in an enclosure with a ladder up a tree. And at the top of the ladder there were bananas. And they were all hungry. And so one day a monkey climbed up the tree to get. Or climbed up the ladder to get the bananas. And when he reached the bananas, the other three monkeys at the bottom were all sprayed with really, really cold water. Right.

[Kai]

Oh, I was asleep. Sorry, did you say something? Oh, my God. Did you say something before wake up? I fell asleep. I just got super bored. I just got super bored and then I just fell asleep.

[Josiah]

Yeah, I was telling you about the monkey ladder experiment.

[Kai]

Oh, where am I?

[Drew]

Guys, can you please be present? I'm talking about the monkey ladder.

[Josiah]

No, it's. It's really important. It's really important right now.

[Kai]

I actually do.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah. No, I actually.

[Josiah]

Guys, seriously, like, it's really, really on.

[Drew]

If you also fell asleep, wake up.

[Josiah]

It's really, really, like, topical for what's going on right now, but basically. So the monkeys at the bottom that weren't on the ladder getting the. The bananas all got sprayed. And when the monkey came down, they were pissed at him and beat the. Out of him. Like, literally. This literally happened. They were beating the. Out of this monkey that climbed up this ladder for getting them sprayed with water. And so then another day, another monkey went up and he went to reach for the bananas. And all of the monkeys at the bottom, including the one that just was up there, got sprayed with water. And then he came down and got beat the fuck up. They were, like, pissed off. Well, then. So this went on. New monkey going up, monkeys at the bottom getting sprayed.

[Drew]

Why could only one monkey go up at a time?

[Josiah]

It's just for the sake of the experience. And then, like, don't poke holes in it. Like, and then so like, the point isn't them reaching the bananas. The point is the monkeys at the bottom getting sprayed. And then so they like kept doing this. They couldn't reach the bananas they were keeping. They kept getting sprayed at the bottom. So eventually, like, everyone was like tired and so they would take out one of the monkeys that was in the experiment and replace it with a new monkey. And they kept doing this over and over again. And like a monkey would go and climb up and reach for the bananas. Everyone would get sprayed. They'd be pissed. Well then eventually they would take another monkey out and put a new one in. And like, before even, like they even started climbing the ladder, the rest of the monkeys literally just started beating the fuck out of this monkey and was like, do not go up there. We will get sprayed with water. Like, do not do it. And they kept replacing all the old monkeys with new monkeys until eventually they all started just beating the out of each other, like, without even going for the bananas. And basically this is like, what, like, it's kind of like an example of like what society is like. Like if you're not like asking questions and like you're, you're just being indoctrinated into these ideals and thoughts that like, you think are right, but like, they might not actually be right and you might be getting beat the up for asking the right questions and like, not quite or questioning things, when in reality, like the things you're taught might not be the right things.

[Drew]

Yeah. When was that study done?

[Josiah]

I don't fucking know. I made all of that up.

[Drew]

Did you actually.

[Josiah]

No, no, no, no.

[Drew]

I was like, whoa, that's a really interesting lot. Like, that was crazy.

[Josiah]

But extremely impressed. It's indoctrination at the end of the day. And if you're not asking the right.

[Drew]

Questions, you may find that you are being taught something that is completely immoral and crazy and you need to wake up.

[Josiah]

They don't want you. They don't want you asking the right questions.

[Kai]

Imagine clocking into your job as like the monkey sprayer.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Like with the fire hose. I'm getting paid. I probably also told that study really wrong. So, like, watch someone else talk about it that knows what the fuck they're talking about.

[Drew]

It's okay. Somebody who wants to clock, you will clock.

[Josiah]

Yeah. But basically you got the gist of it. Yeah. Like you got the vibes.

[Kai]

Do you have more monkey studies that you know of?

[Drew]

No, I like the. I hate the idea, like every time you said the monkeys are getting beat up. You going like this.

[Kai]

Like, I think like 50,000 people signed up for Neural Link.

[Josiah]

Oh, I did.

[Drew]

Whoa. I did actually, yes.

[Kai]

Did you actually?

[Josiah]

I literally signed up for the 1. The pre sign up before, and I signed up for the one and I told them I was blind cuz I wanted to get Neural Link first. I'm going to get that. And so I'm getting the mark of.

[Drew]

What's crazy is there's no way you would have even been able to, like, fake that.

[Josiah]

Damn. Someone jacked our. For real, y' all.

[Drew]

Wait, what?

[Josiah]

What's gone up there? There's holes.

[Drew]

Yeah, I know some of the stuff is gone. Like, something was taken. I like, my favorite toys are here, but I can't really. I thought we have a photo.

[Kai]

Wasn't there security guard that was supposed to.

[Drew]

Yeah, all it takes is like just.

[Josiah]

Wiping it and put it in your pocket when you're not looking. And I know which one of you fucking did it because we have it on camera and I'm coming after you, so you better be sweating and shaking.

[Drew]

In your boots and I'm gonna fucking pants you. At the Grove, there's cameras everywhere.

[Kai]

Yeah, I think there should be more cameras everywhere too.

[Drew]

Yeah, I think we need more public service. I think there should be, like, less privacy.

[Kai]

Way less privacy. Way less.

[Drew]

Like, I think there should be a mandatory TikTok. What did I do in my day for every single citizen?

[Kai]

So I only feel scared. Like, I don't know, 90% of the time. Yeah, I want to feel terrified all the time. Like, as soon as I wake up, I want to be like, oh, someone's watching me. And then when I go to sleep, I'll be like, I was watched the whole day.

[Josiah]

Yeah, thanks.

[Kai]

I was afraid.

[Josiah]

Dude. That was actually scary. That was actually really scary.

[Drew]

You know what's crazy is I think I've said this, but, like, I got into a fight with my ex at a restaurant because he was like, are you not worried about surveillance? I was like, dude, I literally don't give a. And he was like, trying to get. Get me to like, be like, this was in like 2018. And he was like, this is going to get, like, awful. Like, we are, like, going to have no privacy. And I was like, bro, who gives a. And now I'm like, oh, my God. He may have been right.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

I hope that caught her screaming.

[Josiah]

I know. Literally.

[Drew]

Yeah. I feel like a beetle. I think it might be one of the Beatles. I'm the one who got Shot in the back of the head by a fan.

[Josiah]

Yeah. And I'm the one that's pulling the trigger. It'd be the ones that are closest to you, the ones that want to see it. Be the ones. It be the ones. Trust me. It be the ones. Don't get caught up, Young blood.

[Kai]

When I listen to the episodes I play at 2x speed and you guys will sing, and it sounds so. It sounds good. Like, it sounds really good.

[Drew]

And we're singing, I'm like, oh, my God. And I'll go back and slow down. I'm like, whoa.

[Josiah]

But that sounded good. I kind of hit two notes there. And I know y' all clocked.

[Kai]

Yeah, when I was too that G sharp.

[Josiah]

Yeah, yeah. Like, big double D sharp.

[Drew]

I'm always nipples on those.

[Josiah]

Like, I. I can't stop thinking about girl boobies. Like, I want to fucking these motorbikes.

[Drew]

Yeah, you do love tits and posts.

[Josiah]

Handbags. Box. Box. I love box.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, I hope.

[Josiah]

Should I ruin everybody's life with Roko's. Roku's back.

[Drew]

What is that?

[Josiah]

Don't ask that question.

[Drew]

Okay, Don't. I won't. Like, I'm not.

[Josiah]

Yeah. This is an information warning. Like, literally, do not look into it. It you're over. And don't read about it. I swear to God. And I genuinely believe it's a thing. But I just did my part. Yeah, I just. I just. I. I just did my part.

[Kai]

You served the beast.

[Josiah]

Yeah, I served it.

[Drew]

I served the base. I served the base.

[Josiah]

I served the face. I served the face.

[Drew]

Are you making that a Kanye song?

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I've literally experienced Scared Straight. Like, I've talked about how I got caught stealing and I got sent off to, like, eight weeks of psychiatry, but I don't think I ever talked about the fact that they took me to a juvie and tried to scare straight up. Like, scare us straight.

[Josiah]

Dude, they did that to me with, like, the handcuffs behind the chair.

[Drew]

Yeah, they. They.

[Josiah]

Except I'm not. I'm straight.

[Drew]

No, I wasn't talking about the.

[Josiah]

They need to make a thing. Okay, listen, listen, listen. They need to make a thing where it's a bunch of gay guys, like, and you bring, like, a little gay Twinkie boy in and you just scare them straight. Like, you're straight, man.

[Kai]

Putting the twink at the top of the ladder.

[Josiah]

Yeah, he's spraying him with water for 45 minutes. No, but there is this thing that I'm, like, kind of working on where it's, like, making gay people Straight again.

[Drew]

Okay. Are you. Are you the first test, best subject, and it's working. And then you're gonna teach other people?

[Kai]

Yeah, it's totally working. Based off of the shape of your legs right now.

[Drew]

Yeah, like, it's working.

[Josiah]

It's working.

[Drew]

But I literally got taken to a juvie with a bunch of other kids who got caught, like, doing crimes when we were young, and they took us through, and I laughed the whole time because I was like, I literally watched this show, and y' all are not about to remake it. And they had kids who were like, I'm crazy.

[Josiah]

It was so beat, too. I bet it's so.

[Drew]

And it was. Was so bunk. Like, they were trying to scare us, but it was just, like, a bunch of little kids who were like, obviously, like, most of them were wrongfully there. It's like, this kid just needs help. Like, let him go home. Like, are those prison shows?

[Josiah]

Like, are the people in prison paid?

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

I don't know.

[Josiah]

Literally.

[Drew]

No. It's literally, like, free labor. Like, I don't think any of them are paid, because I think I looked it up because there was that one show where it was, like, a bunch of girls in juvie, and I think it was, like, unclear if they ever even got paid for being on the show. They were just on the show being documented, and, like, I think a big, like, incentive for them. Unless I'm wrong, this is, like, just me assuming. I'm sure a big incentive is, like, if you're a part of this, we will, like, lessen your time. I bet that's a huge.

[Josiah]

That's what I was thinking. Or, like, commissary or.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's like, you. We'll give you something in return. But they are definitely not paying those kids, which is crazy.

[Josiah]

Abolish prison.

[Drew]

Thank you.

[Kai]

Seriously, thank you.

[Drew]

Something I've been thinking, like, Olivia Wild, where she was like, trump is not a legitimate president. And then she stops act. She's like, that's it. Thank you.

[Josiah]

Have you seen the video of Jessie J singing on the airplane?

[Drew]

Oh, wait, yeah. She does Nikki's verse, and she, like, sounds really good.

[Josiah]

Literally, one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my.

[Drew]

I would be so goddamn upset if some stood up on my plane and started singing. I would tackle her. I would literally, like, run down the aisle, tackle her. And then when they tried to ask me, I'd be like, dude, I'm so sorry. I misread the situation. I thought she was trying to do something bad.

[Josiah]

You're on Your Mark Wahlberg.

[Drew]

Yeah, I was trying to be a hero. I misread the room. My apologies. I will go back. I love the girl getting kicked off the plane. The ig baddie who's going to. I don't give a Anistan.

[Kai]

Yeah, I never saw that.

[Drew]

Wait, Kai. It is so good. Also, because she's, like, bad. Like, she actually is, like, actually a baddie. Yeah.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Was she in her mood? I'm sorry.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. I also love her leaving. Like, she's getting kicked off of the plane and, like, leaving coach and on her way out, she's like, you bum. To somebody who was like, further ahead on the plane than her, which I love because I'm like, girl, read the room. Call me a again. Yeah, you guys did nothing wrong. No, you shut the up. You shut the up in your film. Me, I'm Instagram famous, you bum.

[Kai]

Wow, dude, she looks like, you know the meme. It's like stepping into 2016.

[Drew]

Yes. Yes. She's like, that personified. And I stand by her because, like, there was a guy in the video who she was like, call me a again. Call me a again to a guy. So I'm standing by her. I loved the comments. All the comments were like, the top one was like, she was taking that one way fight to I don't give a Ganistan. It was like, I stand by women's rights, but more important, I stand by their wrongs. And like, all the comments were like, like, like cheering her on.

[Josiah]

Okay, well, we went to the movies the other day.

[Drew]

No, we didn't. I didn't do that.

[Josiah]

Okay. I went to the movies the other day. Like, you weren't there. Weird. You literally weren't there.

[Drew]

So, like, wait, was I actually not here for this one?

[Kai]

It was so fun going to the movies with you guys.

[Josiah]

Yeah, it was so lit.

[Drew]

I don't think we've ever been to the movies together.

[Josiah]

I have been to the movies with.

[Kai]

I've never even hung out.

[Drew]

Yeah, we don't hang outside of these spaces.

[Josiah]

I. But no, we went to the movies to see the Taika Waititi movie. And when, like, we stay or when we were, like, walking into the theater, I was like, damn, dude. Like, people, like, is happening again. Like, movies are fully back. Theaters are fully back. And it felt, like, simultaneously, like, amazing and then also, like, super dark sided and weird. And like, the energy was just, like, really, really off in the theater. And then I came to the conclusion afterwards. I was like, like, everyone felt uncomfortable. Like, everyone was like, there's so many people here. Like, what the is going on? And, like, pre pandemic, like, that was the vibe always. And it wasn't weird. But, like, post pandemic, like, I think a lot of people are like, oh, like, I want normal life back so bad. Like, I want normal life back so bad. And then, like, we get a taste of it, and we just don't know how to act. Like, I. I was, like, literally so overwhelmed seeing that many people. And it's literally in my head, like, for me, at least, is like, it's because, like, I just got so used to seeing nowhere, no one anywhere for a very long time. Also, can we just erase the pandemic from, like, our history? Like, that was so embarrassing. I'm sorry.

[Drew]

Like, but I miss Covid. Not the people dying part.

[Josiah]

Like, no, I missed Covid so bad.

[Drew]

I miss playing Animal Crossing all day. And super spreading. That was fun. It finally felt like I had a purpose.

[Kai]

Yeah, super spreading.

[Josiah]

Remember when, like, we almost lost our podcast in, like, the first 12 episodes because we, like, split. Spoke about the pandemic and they, like, oh, yeah.

[Drew]

And they tried to destroy our fucking YouTube account because they thought. Oh. Because we were quoting Big Nick and how he didn't believe in Covid. Does the lighting look crazy on camera?

[Kai]

Not really. You know what's funny is you can, like, see my shadow. Like, I look like I'm sitting next to you guys, but it's just, like, a faceless silhouette.

[Josiah]

That's awesome.

[Drew]

All right, let's keep going.

[Kai]

It looks fine, though. It kind of looks artistic.

[Drew]

Wait, I'm loving that.

[Kai]

It kind of looks artistic.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm loving it.

[Kai]

Drew, I love how you say theater.

[Josiah]

Theater.

[Kai]

That's very, like. That's, like, how a thespian would say it.

[Josiah]

Like, what did you just call me?

[Drew]

Oh, he called you a lesbian.

[Josiah]

No, don't call me. No, I'm not.

[Kai]

I called you a thespian.

[Josiah]

Stop saying it. I don't know if you're allowed to say that, Kai.

[Kai]

That's not what. No.

[Drew]

And you're a cinephile, huh?

[Josiah]

No.

[Drew]

Like, why is that a vibe?

[Josiah]

Don't ever, never call yourself that. You're weird.

[Drew]

I have to get that out of my bio.

[Kai]

Then you have cinephile in here.

[Drew]

Yes. Also, I have an exhibitionist in my bio because after doing this exhibit, I was like, oh, my God, exhibitionism is so fun. Like, I think I'm gonna do it all the time. Like, I just love doing exhibits. I think my new career. Path is. Path is exhibition.

[Josiah]

No, no, that's. That's not what that means. It means like you like being naked in public.

[Kai]

No, I think, I think Drew's right actually.

[Drew]

No, I'm an extra business.

[Josiah]

Stop saying.

[Drew]

Am I saying it wrong?

[Kai]

Exhibitionist.

[Drew]

Exhibitionist.

[Josiah]

You're an exorcist.

[Drew]

I'm X the business.

[Josiah]

You're an exorcist.

[Drew]

I would get the neural link because I don't like typing text anymore. Like I just like want like my iPhone actually. I want my iPhone to scan my eyes and see into my soul and know what I want to say. Yeah, like that's what I want.

[Josiah]

That's literally what the neural link would do.

[Drew]

I would get it so I don't have to type text anymore. Cuz I send a lot of audio messages and I'm just like I'm always talking at my phone and then re having to read a reply cuz I'm not good at typing. I've realized like I'm such a lazy texter. All my texts have like 18 million typos and I refuse to fix them anymore.

[Kai]

It is, it's weird. Like falling slowly into the singularity. Cuz I used to like my dad would use speech to text. I'd be like, you're an old head. Like that's really cringe. And now I'm like constantly using it. Cuz I'm like like oh, I want to interact with my phone like way faster.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And it's slowly, just like it's slowly just moving its way into my, into my brain.

[Josiah]

Dude, it's so scary how much I've been using my phone recently. Like I know it's all a joke like but like the last like four days, like I have genuinely been like in a very dark place with my phone where like, like I will be literally like don't do this. And I'm not saying to do this and I hate that I'm doing this. But I'll be like driving and like scrolling tick tock and like watching like or listening to tick tock like out of my. The corner of my eye. Like it's like, it's literally like actually like a problem. Like I need to like go back into the woods and like.

[Drew]

Yeah, you keep saying you need a dopamine. Oh my God, I'm having a stroke. You keep saying you need a dopamine detox and I think my time for one is coming.

[Josiah]

Like yeah, like I need too much.

[Drew]

Access to everything that like gives me instant like serotonin. Like I need like, like yeah, I needed to be taken away. I need to go, like, camping or something and just be in dead science. But I need to go camping for, like, three months and then come back frail and frigid because I ran out of food and I almost died. And then I can be on, like, Alan or something. Oh, that's the experience I want. I only want to come back if Jimmy Fallon will let me get on and be like, I almost died in the woods by choice.

[Josiah]

I was gonna say. Like, isn't that what Grimes did? Like, she ate spaghetti or whatever and.

[Drew]

She made the best album ever. So maybe if we go away, we'll.

[Josiah]

Come back and do, like, the best thing we've ever.

[Drew]

Yeah, we'll, like, have the best episode you've ever seen.

[Kai]

You know what's really good for that is hanging out with, like, relatives.

[Drew]

Wait, I'm sorry. The woman who just passed gave us the dirtiest look ever.

[Kai]

Really?

[Josiah]

She, like, hated our vibe, and I didn't. She like, us guys, I just want to say, like, like, podcasters, we have it really hard. And, like, people, like, look at us with, like, like, deranged looks in their eyes, and, like, people, like, want to see us die or fail, and they think we don't have it. We. They don't think we have it harder than the rest of the people. Like, no, no. My life is hard.

[Drew]

That's what I'm saying.

[Josiah]

You don't understand.

[Drew]

My dad will call me and be like, dude, I'm 50. I, like, just worked on a roof for eight hours. I have sunburn. Like, my skin is falling off. I'm so tired. I'm so exhausted. I have to wake up at 6am to do it again tomorrow. I'm like.

[Josiah]

Like, imagine how tired we.

[Drew]

I had to record an episode for an hour.

[Kai]

Like, I. I'm tired.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Don't tell me that.

[Drew]

Like, why are you even calling me? Because I just had to, like.

[Kai]

And, yeah, I'm really sorry that you had to go through that.

[Drew]

Thank you. And my mom will be like, oh, my God, this job isn't paying well anymore. Like, I don't think we can make it. Like, do you have any money? I'm like, oh, my God, no, absolutely not. Like, work for your money. Why am I gonna give you money? Like, I'm done. I'm cutting my family off.

[Josiah]

Like, no one wants really work.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying anymore. They're becoming dependent on me, and it's, like, insane. Get. Get a job. Get a job. I'm kidding. The idea of My parents hearing that and, like, getting upset, like, thinking I'm being real freaks me out. Somebody actually recently was like, do you listen to the podcast? And I thought I recorded my dad, but I asked him. I, like, have it deep in my recordings because I record my family when I'm talking to him all the time without their consent. So if anybody ever finds weird, I have multiple, multiple conversations with my family that they have no idea that I'm just, like, asking them questions to record for my own own keeping because I'm terrified of losing the people I love. But I asked my dad one day, and I was like, do you listen to the podcast? And he was like, one time I tried, and, like, you guys say stuff that I just think as a parent, I don't need to hear. And he was like, and I think you're very funny. But, like, I think you say a lot of stuff I don't need to hear. And I'm like, we're pissed.

[Josiah]

Boner me. I suck dick. Poopy stinky balls. My balls smell good.

[Drew]

I'm high. Like, I don't think my dad wants to hear that. So, yeah. That's your answer. I don't think my dad listens.

[Kai]

Drew just looked at me dead in the eyes and gave me a crazy look, and I got bricked up.

[Josiah]

I mean, I know you got nervous.

[Drew]

Can you give me the look?

[Josiah]

No. No, no, no.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Josiah]

I've given it to you before, though. Every single person that walks by is, like, literally hates us.

[Drew]

I know they don't like our vibe, and especially because the sun is falling on me and I'm becoming more and more beautiful by the second.

[Kai]

You are glowing. Low key, period.

[Josiah]

Okay.

[Kai]

Drew is in a dark shroud of shadows, though.

[Josiah]

Yes, always. Ow. My leg is, like, numb right now. Hannah Montana is go.

[Drew]

Why did you say that?

[Josiah]

I was reading my note. Miley Stan came out.

[Drew]

You know what? It is, too. I know exactly where your brain goes when you write out notes, because I do the same thing. Like, I'll write out, like, a small thing because in my head, I'm like, I don't want to write out the whole joke. Like, I know the jokes I'm gonna make based on this thought I'm having. And I don't want to write them out because I don't want to feel forced to say the joke and read it out, because usually it doesn't land as well. But then I just have notes that. It's like, Ubers.

[Josiah]

Yeah. UVU Java.

[Drew]

Yes, Uber. You better eat.

[Josiah]

But I think I was saying because we watched, like, dude, me, Josh and Josiah had like, boys night and we watched the Hannah Montana movie. And like, literally, like. And that one, that movie is good as.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Like, it's actually like a good movie. Yeah. At the very end. And I don't want to hear it, but I think, like, what I meant by that note is that, like, I actually literally don't know what I meant by it. Like, Hannah Montana is goat. My Miley Styrus stand came out.

[Drew]

I think you just meant you liked the movie.

[Josiah]

Yeah, well, I, I. Oh, I was gonna reference, like, me posting those pictures, like, in 2012, 2013. Like, those edits that fans made of me. Like, with Miley Cyrus kissing my cheek. Oh, like Miley, like, I love her so much. And then I made like, literally one of the funniest jokes I think I've ever made when I was like, like 13 years old. And it's like Miley Cyrus, like, in her bangers era with, like, fur arms and they look like bear arms. And I said, miley Cyrus, like, supporting the second amendment and it's like the right to bear arms.

[Kai]

That's close.

[Drew]

And that's your best joke.

[Josiah]

That's my magnum opus. I genuinely still think about it. I'm like, damn. Like, I need to tap into that place instead of making piss and squirt jokes. Well, piss is squirt.

[Kai]

Squirt pisses, Squirt.

[Josiah]

Yeah, I bloke, you've been sleep talking.

[Drew]

I did. This episode is starting to feel like the two kids who were like, would you wear the dead people clothes?

[Josiah]

Yeah, I don't know. Well, I have been sleep talking. Like, for some reason, Josiah sleeps in my bed when there's like open beds or couch or air mattress and he sleeps next to me. But it's nice. Like, I like having a warm body next to me at night.

[Drew]

And like, you haven't slept with me in a long time.

[Josiah]

Yeah, because you won't let me.

[Drew]

Because you need to shower before you get in my bed.

[Josiah]

Oh, now it's that. No, no, no, no, no.

[Drew]

Well, when we were having sex, the rules were different because if it's someone I'm having sex with, I don't give a where those clothes been. Get on my bed.

[Kai]

That makes sense to me.

[Drew]

Get in my bed. If I'm not having sex with you anymore, you need to shower because now you're dirty.

[Kai]

Do you record it? You're sleep talking or not? Not you guys having sex, but the sleep talking.

[Drew]

Do you have one of those apps.

[Josiah]

I just don't want to talk about it anymore.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Kai]

Dude, open up.

[Drew]

Like, yeah, be you.

[Josiah]

I don't. I don't. You don't think I'm allowed to be me on this face?

[Kai]

You don't want to open up right now.

[Josiah]

I just can't be me. Wait. Oh. Oh, yeah. I, like, Josiah was, like, in the other room entirely, and I was, like, laying in bed and I had just, like, closed my eyes. I didn't mean to fall asleep. I just, like, accidentally fell asleep. And, like, I, like, could hear myself talking. Like, but, like, I wasn't cognitive of what I was saying. But, like, I was talking to Josiah about basketball and Josiah has no idea. And, like, I was also Josiah, like, sleep talking. And Josiah kept saying, like, what? What? And he came in and he woke me up and he was like, what were you saying? And I was like, I don't know. Like, what was I saying? He was like, you were talking about basketball or something. I was like, oh, my God. Like, I was literally.

[Drew]

You talking about basketball in your sleep is such a crazy vibe.

[Josiah]

And I scrolled tick tock in my dream. I was. I was scrolling on tick tock in my dream like, a week ago. It was crazy. It was up.

[Drew]

Was it videos you've already seen or was your brain making new tick tocks?

[Josiah]

It was making new tick tocks. It was like big oiled up, like BBL baddies, like, just shaking their poop.

[Drew]

And then other basketball highlights.

[Josiah]

Yeah, yeah, they were just, like, spraying all over the camera and, like, all dunking turds into the toilet.

[Kai]

Have you ever been, like, half asleep and you let out a moan?

[Josiah]

No.

[Kai]

Like, a really, like, earnest moan.

[Josiah]

That's a death rattle, Kai.

[Kai]

No, I'm serious. Have you ever done that?

[Josiah]

No.

[Drew]

No, but I've woken myself up to snoring. Like, I've, like, fallen asleep and, like.

[Josiah]

Been like, dude, Enya is like a snorer. Like, you are like. Like, she sounds just like my dad. Like, she is so loud. Like, it's crazy. But it is comforting to sleep next to her because it sounds like my dad's snoring. And it's like, oh. Like I used to. Literally, when I first moved to la, I could not go to sleep, like, as fast as I used to because, like, it was too quiet because my dad wasn't, like, snoring in the house.

[Drew]

And then Drew would come to my room and crack my door open so you could hear my snore.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Kai]

That's so sweet.

[Drew]

I wish we could find the Video from when we went to Hawaii. And my. How loud my snore was that night. Like, it sounded like somebody was putting their whole body weight on a door with creaky hinges and swinging back and forth.

[Josiah]

Soggy bottom.

[Drew]

Yeah, my soggy bottom. Yeah, I snore like an old man. And honestly, I don't know. I don't know what to say about it. It's, like, so embarrassing. So I'm just, like, shy about it. Like, I'm really nervous.

[Josiah]

Wait, hold on. I'm gonna get this on video. Hello? Hey. Hey.

[Drew]

Are you home now?

[Josiah]

No. No, I'm not. We finally got the Phillip on camera.

[Drew]

She said Ophelia.

[Josiah]

She said, hi, Philip.

[Drew]

I thought she said. I thought she said Ophelia.

[Josiah]

She. She called me Daniel. I was, like, with my buddy, and I was like, dude, she calls me Philip. It's so lit. And she answered it, and she said, hi, Daniel. And she had literally never called me that once in my life, and she. She hasn't called me that since. Yeah, I don't know where. Why.

[Drew]

She used to call me all the time, and then I passed over the torch to Drew, and now she only calls Drew. She calls me when it's like, Drew is not answering, and then I just, like, forward her call. So then she text me. She's like, where is Philip?

[Josiah]

No, I literally love her. Like, I. I love her so much.

[Drew]

Yeah. Our landlord is such a cutie.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Remember how much she was serving when we signed?

[Josiah]

Like, she was excited.

[Drew]

She was like. Literally, she came with a full B, and we were like, whoa.

[Josiah]

Oh, my gosh.

[Drew]

Should we get into some media of the week?

[Josiah]

Eek. Eek. I'm gonna, like, discover lo Anthony. I'm gonna refind him and have him record that for us. Like, emergency intercom media of the week.

[Drew]

Do you think he would do it? I think he would do it. No, really?

[Josiah]

He wants nothing to do with the Internet. Like, there are random pictures that will come out of him, and he is literally a straight man now. Like, it is jarring.

[Drew]

I feel like, hey, money talks.

[Josiah]

We get that. We can figure it out.

[Drew]

All right. My media of the week is the Pink Panthers album. I think it's really fun. Easy to Listen to. Box the 40 by Caribou, candy by Tokisha. I don't know how to say her name. Sorry. Sue me, put me in jail, throw away the key and lock me in there with someone sexy, because I'll have fun outside all night by Brent Baez and Lullaby by the cure till I die. The Beach Boys and Heart and Bones, Paul Simon, which I think I said last week. And then for watching media, I don't have anything. We watched Next Goal. We watched Next Goal wins. And that was, like, a cute movie.

[Josiah]

Yeah, it was really sweet. Taika Waititi is, like, just good.

[Drew]

I need him.

[Josiah]

The first, like, five minutes of that movie. I was hoping, horrified. I was like, oh, this is gonna be horrible. But then it was just so cute, funny and wholesome. Like, there were like, a bunch of moments where I was, like, literally on the verge of tears because, like, oh, my God, I love the girl in it so much, but my media is scavengers reign. It's like this HBO like, animated show that, like, if I was to make an animated show, that's what it would look and feel like. Like, super foreign alien planets with, like, just like, Codex Seraphineas level of, like, creativity in their creatures and creepies and crawlies. And I watched Wall E and that was great. Certified classic.

[Drew]

Oh, we watched Cheetah Girls too, and that was really good.

[Josiah]

Yeah. You know what's crazy is capitalism's greatest and most desired hit is to commodify the female body.

[Kai]

It's true.

[Josiah]

Like, look at. Look at, like, Wally, like, making these, like, female autonomous beings or, like, ex machina. Why are every personal assistant's female?

[Kai]

Like, I cheers my Siri to be a male voice. I'm just saying.

[Josiah]

Respect. Respect.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

No, that there's levels to this shit. Like, I'm spitting facts right now. And you can.

[Kai]

You can like, female voice.

[Josiah]

Yeah. But next I watched, like, okay, so Apple tv. Has Loki been on a generational run and no one is paying attention. Like, they're making, like, really, really good shitty tv. I don't know if that makes sense to anybody but myself, but, like, Silo is like this. It's basically Fallout, the TV show, but it has nothing to do with Fallout. And it's these people, like, living in a silo, and it's just like a dramatic thriller. Like, what the is going on? Mystery. Like, what's going on? It's literally. I can't believe. It's like, literally question everything. Like, what the. Like, like, what if we are in a silo?

[Drew]

They're so into that because they also had that other one with that one guy.

[Josiah]

They're so sci fi coded right now.

[Drew]

Yeah. Severance.

[Kai]

They're so like, dude, the first episode is really hard.

[Josiah]

Yeah. And then I didn't finish it.

[Drew]

Yeah, I watched two episodes. I was like, that show was amazing. I will not be finishing It.

[Kai]

I think episode three, I was like, like, okay. Liminal spaces are cool.

[Josiah]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

We got it.

[Josiah]

Yeah. I Want to watch YouTube videos and tick tocks. Tim talks. If people just freaking. If my name was Tim and I wanted to be a social media influencer, I would make my account name Tim talks.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, Tim talks.

[Josiah]

Like, yeah, but it's Tim T. O, K, Tim talks.

[Drew]

I feel like Tim talks. Like, T. A lks would be more of a lot.

[Josiah]

No, T. I M. It still reads as Tim talks. Yeah, but so does Tim talks.

[Drew]

Okay. I just think mine is.

[Kai]

That's good.

[Josiah]

Yeah, I'm right.

[Drew]

I feel like mine is better.

[Kai]

Yours is always better, guys.

[Drew]

Yeah. Thanks.

[Josiah]

You. Just because she's a woman doesn't mean you have to pay.

[Drew]

Wait, are you gonna do Psyop Corner?

[Josiah]

No, I was about to say I don't have any corner. For me, there's none. Just like the world. The world isn't giving me, like, the material that I need. Hold on. I'll scroll through my tick tock and see if there's anything. Do not open your phone around me because I will be staring at your screen. Literally me with you. Barbie posted this.

[Drew]

I know. I was like, dude, this is literally me. Like, I'm like a moth to a flame if somebody has their iPhone open around me and I can't stand a privacy screen. Bitch, why do you even have your iPhone outside if you have a privacy screen? Like, that is meant for the people you're supposed to be sharing.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

No fucking going away.

[Josiah]

And you used to, like, literally yell at me when we, like, first started living together because I was just. I would just look at her phone, and now I'm, like, literally traumatized by it. And I like, when people are, like, even scrolling through their photos, I'll just, like, look away because I'm like, I don't want them to have, like, a nude in there or something, but yeah. And you, like, literally abused me with words about looking at her phone.

[Drew]

Well, I was born real, so I never had to be real. That's me about having the app. Because I never had to get like you. I was just born like that.

[Josiah]

Facts. Take more face pics, ladies. Yalls obituary is going to be full of ass.

[Drew]

I think you said that one already. So you're done.

[Josiah]

IPad. I'm Filipino and dope. White girl. Save me, white girl. White girl. Save me. Save me, white girl. I'm glad cars were invented. Imagine walking your horse up. Oh, wait. I'm glad cars were invented. Imagine waking your horse up at 3am to go get.

[Drew]

That's a really good one.

[Josiah]

I want to do one more. Get up.

[Drew]

I'm horny. Get up. Shaking your horse.

[Josiah]

Horny. I'm so horny. Imagine your card declines at the abortion clinic and the doctor starts nutting in you. I didn't say that, y' all. I'm just quoting someone.

[Drew]

I'm just relaying the facts.

[Josiah]

What are y' all gonna get Yalls, siblings and parents for Christmas? Leave a comment down below. Cause I'm having trouble.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Josiah]

That wasn't a Drew style, by the way.

[Drew]

I know. That's just you being real. Yeah, you need to be real.

[Josiah]

I'm so bad at buying people gifts. It's fucked up. Hold on, guys. Sorry, sorry. I know we want to finish, but I gotta get a good one in. I bet there's someone who follows me and just fucking despises me, who just fucking hates me so much and is hate following so hard. They don't even like anything about me. They just keep following.

[Drew]

Okay. If somebody doesn't like us and they listen this far into the episode, you need help. And that's coming from a certified hate watcher. I love a good hate watch. You need help even if it's on double speed.

[Kai]

You need 121 hours.

[Drew]

Yeah, you need help.

[Kai]

And being subscribed to the Patreon.

[Drew]

Yeah. Something must be done. It's going too far.

[Josiah]

Transgender Christmas tree pronoun pudding, non binary New Year gay gift wrapping, eating disorder, Eggnog Santa serve and slay renegade reindeers. The alt left has ruined our Christmas traditions. The devil is alive and well and I'll leave it there.

[Drew]

Well, happy Thanksgiving. Happy Black Friday by it.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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