Self diagnosing episode

Summary

Podcast Summary: Emergency Intercom – "Self Diagnosing" Episode

Release Date: April 28, 2023

Hosts: Enya Umanzor, Drew Phillips, and Kai

Overview: In the "Self Diagnosing" episode of Emergency Intercom, hosts Enya Umanzor, Drew Phillips, and Kai engage in their signature comedic banter, tackling a variety of topics ranging from everyday life hacks and personal anecdotes to deeper discussions about cognitive challenges like dyslexia. The episode is rich with humor, relatable experiences, and insightful reflections, making it both entertaining and thought-provoking for listeners unfamiliar with the podcast.

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1. Simplifying Life and Balancing Pleasure (00:16 – 02:04)

The episode kicks off with Drew introducing the theme of simplifying life through easy hacks aimed at making daily routines smoother and more enjoyable. He emphasizes the importance of pleasure and excitement as essential motivators.

• Drew [00:16]: "We're going to be teaching you the simplest ways to attend simple hacks to make your life simple, smoother, more pleasurable and exciting."

Kai joins in, highlighting the complementary dynamic between pleasure and excitement, which underscores their camaraderie.

The conversation naturally shifts to discussing the high costs of everyday necessities, using mattresses as a prime example.

• Kai [01:39]: "There's like a 700% markup on all mattresses."
• Drew [02:04]: "I would genuinely rather buy a pair of shoes, like expensive shoes than buy a new mattress."

Their humorous take on budget priorities sets the tone for a lighthearted exploration of consumer frustrations.

2. Social Media Interactions and Unwanted Messages (02:22 – 04:21)

Drew shares his personal experience with unsolicited workout videos flooding his direct messages over the past year.

• Drew [03:05]: "Every day for the past year has been sending me like, like, easy ways to work out at home."

Kai responds by discussing the universal challenge of dealing with online bullying and negative comments, reflecting on her own optimistic approach to such interactions.

3. Personal Anecdotes and Relationships (04:21 – 22:45)

Enya recounts an encounter in New York where someone insulted her, believing it was directed at her podcast activities.

• Enya [04:56]: "I was like, what? And she was like, oh, I'm sorry. I just, like, that's what they do to you on the podcast."

The discussion deepens as Drew and Kai delve into their relationships with their fathers, sharing humorous yet poignant stories about awkward text messages and strained communications.

• Drew [08:58]: "Cause did it, like, immediately shed when it got in the house too."
• Kai [09:42]: "We need to put aluminum back in the deodorant. I knew I smelled something when you walked in the room."

They humorously critique their dads' texting habits, shedding light on generational communication gaps and the quirks that come with parental interactions.

4. Reading Challenges and Bionic Reading (09:35 – 21:08)

Kai introduces the concept of Bionic Reading, a method designed to aid reading by highlighting the first part of words to help guide the eyes.

• Kai [10:00]: "Bionic Reading is a new method facilitating the reading process by guiding eyes through text with artificial fixation points."

She shares her emotional reaction to successfully reading through a passage using this technique, highlighting its potential benefits for those with reading difficulties.

The conversation evolves into a playful attempt to apply this method, with Drew expressing both skepticism and amusement.

• Drew [12:04]: "Literally everyone needs to evacuate the room."

Their experimentation underscores the challenges and triumphs of adapting new reading strategies, blending humor with genuine curiosity.

5. Dyslexia and Cognitive Challenges (39:18 – 42:05)

The hosts explore the topic of dyslexia, discussing its prevalence and personal impacts. Drew references a YouTube video about dyslexia that prompted reflections on genetic ties and learned behaviors.

• Drew [46:05]: "I think my dad still has a hard time spelling things. So I definitely think like. And he hasn't been tested, but I think I got it from him."

They conduct informal dyslexia tests, attempting number repetition tasks both forwards and backwards, highlighting the difficulties associated with such cognitive challenges.

• Kai [40:05]: "I literally don't. I can't."

This segment combines informative content with interactive humor, making the discussion engaging and relatable.

6. Humor and Pranks (46:10 – 56:50)

The lighthearted mood continues as the hosts engage in classic humor and playful pranks. Kai initiates the infamous "Ligma" joke, leading to a series of playful insults and witty comebacks.

• Kai [47:12]: "30% of the United States is undiagnosed with ligma."
• Enya [47:17]: "No, Drew, that's Lick my balls, you stupid bitch."

The segment exemplifies their chemistry and knack for comedic timing, keeping listeners entertained with their quick exchanges.

7. Media and Movie Reviews (48:39 – 50:52)

Enya and Drew review the movie "Bo is Afraid," sharing mixed opinions and dissecting specific scenes that stood out to them.

• Kai [52:52]: "I think that, like, I think I'm kind of with everybody else where I'm like, oh, the first, like, hour and a half, two hours are like, like, really, really good."

Drew praises certain aspects while acknowledging parts that could have been improved, providing a balanced critique that resonates with diverse viewer experiences.

8. Closing Remarks and Alcohol Consumption (52:52 – End)

As the episode nears its end, the hosts share moments of intoxicated humor, discussing signatures, alcohol preferences, and engaging in spontaneous jokes.

• Kai [56:05]: "I'm different than a lot of these girls."
• Drew [56:45]: "Gasoline does smell really good."

These final moments emphasize the laid-back and authentic nature of the podcast, wrapping up the episode with laughter and camaraderie.

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Notable Quotes:

• Drew [00:16]: "All you need in life is some pleasure and excitement to keep you going."
• Kai [01:39]: "There's like a 700% markup on all mattresses."
• Drew [03:05]: "Every day for the past year has been sending me like, like, easy ways to work out at home."
• Kai [10:00]: "Bionic Reading is a new method facilitating the reading process by guiding eyes through text with artificial fixation points."
• Kai [47:12]: "30% of the United States is undiagnosed with ligma."
• Enya [47:17]: "No, Drew, that's Lick my balls, you stupid bitch."

Conclusion: The "Self Diagnosing" episode of Emergency Intercom masterfully balances humor with meaningful conversations, offering listeners both laughs and insights. Through their engaging dialogue, Enya, Drew, and Kai address everyday frustrations, personal challenges, and lighthearted pranks, encapsulating the essence of their comedic podcast. Whether discussing the absurdities of consumerism, navigating social media negativity, or exploring cognitive strategies like bionic reading, the hosts deliver a compelling and entertaining episode that appeals to a broad audience.

Transcript

[Drew]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today we are going to be teaching you the simplest ways to attend simple hacks to make your life simple, smoother, smoother, more pleasurable and exciting. Cuz all you need in life is some pleasure and excitement to keep you going. That's why me and Drew are so lucky we have each other.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Cuz I'm pleasure, he's excitement.

[Kai]

Help me.

[Drew]

Were you going to say something before we started? You were like, what was I saying? But you didn't say anything. You were just like whispering to yourself.

[Kai]

I just thought about like something I sent my sister this morning and I was like, what the was that video? Why did I send that? But then I looked at the thumbnail and saw what it was.

[Drew]

Yeah, you saw. You saw.

[Kai]

That's my text and draw coming out. I draw. I saw. That's all I got. Yeah, My pillow.

[Drew]

Now you say pillow. Right? Pillow. I need a new mattress so bad. But what they don't tell you is those things are so expensive. That's what they don't tell you. See how everybody's like, oh, they don't tell you about taxes when you're young? No. They don't tell you that the reason your parents let you sleep on the same dusty ass mattress for 20 years of your life is because they literally cost way too much money. Like, there's no way they need to be costing that much money.

[Kai]

Yeah, there's like a 700% markup on all mattresses. And if you go into a mattress store and you're like, all I have is four hundred dollars and it's a twelve hundred dollar mattress, they will probably take that deal. Like, you can talk people down on mattresses like crazy. But I understand like the price of a mattress sometimes because I'm like, you literally spend half of your life on that thing. Like, invest in a good fucking mattress. Like, make sure you get good sleep.

[Drew]

I literally can't get myself to do it. Like, I would genuinely rather buy a pair of shoes, like expensive shoes than buy a new mattress. Because you can't take the mattress and show the mattress off.

[Kai]

Because you're a girl and you like buying clothes.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like, my girly instinct is just like, er, how am I gonna get my nails and my hair done if I get a mattress?

[Kai]

Shiny. Oh, shiny.

[Drew]

Squirrel.

[Kai]

Squirrel friends.

[Drew]

You are my squirrel friend.

[Kai]

Like, why?

[Drew]

Well, also last night before I went to bed, I like, couldn't fall asleep. So I was doing something that I never do, which was looking through my DM replies and I Never do this. But it sent me on a spiral of like, people seeing what people reply to. And there are certain stories that like every DM I opened, somebody had replied to that same picture. But. But one DM set I opened wasn't a reply to anything. It was just somebody who's been sending me workout videos for the past year.

[Kai]

Oh my God.

[Drew]

Every day for the past year has been sending me like, like, easy ways to work out at home.

[Kai]

They bodied you?

[Drew]

So, yeah, I was fully bodied.

[Kai]

That's crazy.

[Drew]

But then, okay, but then I, I thought with my positive thinking, I was like, maybe this is somebody who just like, you know how like, like I'll send things to myself to my private account and like back and forth. So maybe that's just somebody doing that. Like, they don't have a private account, so they're just like, this is never going to see this. I'm just going to send what I want to save. But there is the save feature, so I don't know why she would be sending.

[Kai]

Also. Maybe they were just saying, like, she needs to work out.

[Drew]

Yeah, but like, not in like a mean way, but, you know, like, I want you to live forever way.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[Drew]

And you should work out and like, keep your body.

[Kai]

Yeah, we can spend anything to be positive. Why don't more people do that?

[Drew]

That's what I'm saying.

[Kai]

Like, make everything happy. Like, everyone that bullies me in like the comments, like, they're probably like 30 of those people that are being serious and like actually making fun of me. But I have this like, delusional thought pattern where I'm like, oh, no. They're like also in on their joke. Like they're, I'm, they're, we're joking together. Like, it's fun. But then for some reason when people like, do that to me in person, where they're like, mean to like, be a friend like me, and I don't know how to explain it, it literally freaks me the out. And I'm like, whoa, this is crazy.

[Drew]

I think it's especially when like, somebody who's not in our like, close circle doing that. It's like, yeah, why are you attacking me? Like, why are you literally attacking me in my livelihood? Like, you actually hate me and you have some weird thing about me behind closed doors, but because I'm like, the funny girl. You.

[Kai]

Yeah, I know that we just have weird funny things behind of people behind closed doors.

[Enya]

Did I tell you that thing that happened to me in New York, it was like two trips ago. I think it was outside of something that we DJ'd when we were DJing, and this girl came up, and she was like, what's up, you stupid stinky?

[Drew]

Oh, I think he did tell us this. And she was just like.

[Enya]

And I was like, what? And she was like, oh, I'm sorry. I. I just. Like, that's what they do to you on the podcast. So I just was. And then we just had, like, a normal conversation after that, but I was.

[Kai]

Like, so destabilized to rewire her brain.

[Drew]

It's literally. It's because we, like, wire people's brains incorrectly with this podcast. So people think it's normal to go up to other people and be like, hey, you weird freak, and that's not the way you should be talking to other humans. Like, that's just simply not.

[Kai]

That's how we talk to each other, and that's okay. Actually, you know what I've been thinking about is, like, literally how you are the most lovely, like, kind person I've ever met. You're just so genuine.

[Drew]

You have not been thinking about that. There's no way you've been sitting.

[Kai]

I just, like. I was just deep into thought thinking.

[Drew]

About that, like, just now. Are you trying to, like, tell me that you were sitting on your iPhone in your room doing that? Drew does. Drew. The way he uses his phone actually freaks me out, and what he buys on the Internet freaks me out. We are living in an age where you could buy anything you could ever wish on your iPhone, and Drew sits on there and buys, like, fucking weird germs that live in the sea that, like, turn blue when you shake them, and. Fucking candy. It's not even gonna show because it's daytime, but I'm gonna show them, like, in daytime. It's literally just a glass of water.

[Kai]

Okay, so these are. Oh, fuck. I literally forgot the name. They're not diatomaceous. They're.

[Drew]

Oh, they're tenacious D. Fuck.

[Kai]

What are they called? Dinoflagellites. And they're the. They're basically, like. They go up onto the shore every once in a while, and, like, it's the blue glow that you see, like, in the wave break, or you see, like, people waiting through the water, and they react to water movement, so that's why they glow. It's like, an evolutionary trait. Like, either, like, I don't know what it's for, if it's to, like, scare predators away or if it's to, like, reproduce and find babies or find people to have sex with, but they put them in A jar. And you can like, have them just sitting on your countertop. And they just sit in the sun because they're on a day cycle. They absorb the sunlight. And then after a week of just, like, chilling in the sun, they'll like, kind of, like, glow if you shake the thing. And also, you can, like, keep them for as long as possible because you just put the food and the nutrients in there, and they just, like, chill.

[Drew]

So he has invisible pets. That's what he's.

[Kai]

Well, no, you can kind of.

[Drew]

He bought invisible pets. Kind of just looks like backwash.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, it looks like your toothbrush cup.

[Kai]

Yeah. So these are the loves. Ew. These are the loves of my life. And I replaced my praying mantis, Goji. Rest in peace.

[Drew]

I wonder how many people are watching who don't know about your dead bug.

[Kai]

There's a lot of people that. That you killed. I know. She got jealous. You know what?

[Drew]

Actually, here's my theory. My hypothesis is Drew accidentally killed that bug because you took it out in the most toxic environment ever. You took it out in a California parking lot and it flew around.

[Kai]

No, that was summer.

[Drew]

Oh, wait, was that Tavia's?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, I thought that was yours.

[Kai]

Tavia's got lost because they were like, that's not gonna fly for another week.

[Drew]

Tavia's live, like, longer than yours or. No.

[Kai]

Yeah, a lot longer.

[Drew]

Yeah. You're just a bad father.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

And you should take that into account when you think of reproducing with somebody, because you definitely should not have kids.

[Kai]

Oh, damn. No, I think genuinely what happened was they sold me, like, a dying one. Yeah. Like an older one. And they just were, like, trying to get rid of it. Cuz I did get it on sale one and it was like, the end of the day. And two and three, I think it was, like, way more, like, developed than even they knew or they let on to. Led me on to know.

[Drew]

Cuz did it, like, immediately shed when it got in the house too.

[Kai]

Or Kai is sniffing his armpits like crazy. Crazy. That's.

[Drew]

You know what? Usually I'll make fun of him, but I can condone that. Cuz I'd rather, you know, if you stink like dooo do dog.

[Enya]

I'm testing on a new and fix it. So I'm just kind of.

[Drew]

Well, what's the deodorant?

[Kai]

We'll bleep it.

[Drew]

Yeah, we'll bleep it.

[Enya]

Why?

[Drew]

Because.

[Enya]

Okay, it's.

[Kai]

Oh, no, that's what you use.

[Drew]

No, I use.

[Enya]

Oh, you use brand I'm using a different strength.

[Kai]

Is it aluminum free?

[Enya]

It's aluminum free.

[Kai]

We need to put aluminum back in the deodorant. I knew I smelled something when you walked in the room. I didn't know what it was, but now I know.

[Drew]

I wasn't going to say that.

[Enya]

Did it smell good?

[Drew]

No. Why would it?

[Enya]

Like, it didn't smell good.

[Kai]

It was giving smell good.

[Drew]

They get compliments. Kai.

[Kai]

Kai. To me, people stink.

[Drew]

They get silence.

[Kai]

To me, it smelled good. Like, really, like, your pheromones are nice.

[Drew]

No. Yeah. That's coming from a sexual place, and you should write that down.

[Kai]

Okay, so we all know how I can't read. Like, that is, like, a real thing. I don't know how to read. Like, you should see me do the ad read.

[Drew]

You should see me in a crown.

[Kai]

Maybe we'll add, like, a clip of me, like, doing an ad read where I, like, try to get the same thing 36 times in a row, but it just, like, I freaked the out because I literally.

[Drew]

Literally everyone needs to evacuate the room.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

When Drew has to read something out.

[Kai]

Loud, my eyes, like, what I. What happens is my eyes read the words way too quickly and my mouth can't, like.

[Drew]

Oh, so you're just too smart to be able to.

[Kai]

Exactly, exactly. No, I just can't focus on the one thing at hand. Well, I found this new method of reading called bionic reading, and it highlights the first half of the word because.

[Drew]

I think that was the thing that Bella Thorne literally talked about on Disney. And I'm not even kidding.

[Kai]

It highlights the first half of the word or bolds the first three letters. And I swear to God, it was like I put on, like, those seeing color glasses, like, for the first time that Logan Paul had, like, a meltdown with, like, people who don't see color. Oh, wait.

[Drew]

He pretended like he couldn't see. Right?

[Kai]

I don't. Logan Paul, I think he actually might have been colorblind.

[Drew]

Oh, what? Did he get it fixed because he wore those glasses?

[Kai]

Now he. Maybe he just exists as a colorblind person. Because you can live when there's, like, different, varying.

[Drew]

I mean, you'll live.

[Kai]

But I read this one morning laying in my bed, and I read it out loud to myself because I was like, there's no way this works. And it genuinely, like, made me tear up because I was like, what the. I can, like, actually read this, like, all the way through.

[Drew]

You're so great for reading that out loud, even alone. Because reading out loud alone is really embarrassing.

[Kai]

Well, I just needed to see if it worked, cuz that's my problem. I can read inside my head, but I cannot read. Or it's hard for me to comprehend. But when I have to speak out loud when I'm reading something, everything goes wrong. Everything goes wrong.

[Drew]

But yeah, you give us an example. Read it.

[Kai]

What if I up like that?

[Drew]

What if you do really, really good? And then what if you do so good that somebody hits us up and they're like, we need you to be the next host of the grand spelling bee. And then you're just like, in the grammar world.

[Kai]

Okay, I'll try the without it, and then I'll do it with.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Bionic Reading is a new method facilitating the reading process. Okay, I'm doing the one with. Because I know it already. I. It's. It's a failed experiment because I already did it. Like, I already know what's coming next. Like, I know how it's gonna go.

[Drew]

You like, you know the words. Yeah, but sometimes that can mess you up even more because then you think you know the words because that me up when I'm, like, reading something out loud or, like, candid. Like, it's like, okay, like, here's a script, and then I say it right the first time or what I think is right, and someone's like, oh, well, you added a word. And it's. Because I was like, I already know this. And then I always add, like, a filler word.

[Kai]

All right, let's try. Let's try it. Let's try it.

[Drew]

He's scared.

[Kai]

Okay, I'm gonna really try hard.

[Drew]

Now you literally know how Bella felt on those Disney.

[Kai]

No, it's real.

[Drew]

They paid her for those extra ads because, like, why were they doing that to her?

[Kai]

They, like, ruined her. They, like, slandered her, though.

[Drew]

They, like, made her the poster child when she was just supposed to be, like, an actress in a show. Like, she was the poster child for dyslexia. She had to have been paid for that, though.

[Kai]

I probably. I mean, those Disney contracts are horrifying.

[Drew]

I know.

[Kai]

Like, they're really, really scary. But okay. Bionic Reading is a new method facilitating the reading process by guiding eyes through text with artificial fixation points. As a result, the reader is only focusing on a highlighted initial letter and lets the brain center complete the word.

[Enya]

That's pretty good.

[Kai]

Like, y' all generator to create. Yeah, someone made a Google Chrome extension. But, like, y' all have seen me read.

[Drew]

Yeah. Bionic Reading is a new method facilitating the reading. Well, I can Just read.

[Kai]

So, you know. Yeah, I think, like, Drew, that was.

[Drew]

It was actually very impressive.

[Kai]

We need to get the ad copies.

[Drew]

I know. Like, so you don't have literally, a meltdown.

[Kai]

And you're like, I'm gonna do that bionic reading.

[Enya]

That was really sexy seeing you read that sentence.

[Kai]

Thank you.

[Enya]

Yeah. I looked at the Logan Paul thing, and it said that he did kind of fake it.

[Kai]

Oh, really?

[Enya]

There's a quote. It says, I wanted to create an amazing story, an amazing piece of content that shows what it meant to be colorblind. Just like any storyteller, I exaggerated my reactions. I did not lie. What I did was embellish.

[Kai]

That's basically his entire life.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's just me when I lie.

[Enya]

Yeah, he lied.

[Drew]

That's literally me. Anytime I read a joke off of TikTok to somebody, I always add embellishments to it because I'm, like, embarrassed because I'm like, what if they don't think this is funny? And I basically change the joke when I'm reading it out, and then the person usually laughs really hard, and I'm like, yeah, well, I actually made that joke, so now what?

[Enya]

That's smart.

[Drew]

Do you ever do that? I get really embarrassed to read things I find funny on my iPhone, so I just fake it, and I'm like, oh, this wasn't as funny as, like, I thought it was. So then I, like. I add. I add a little kick to it.

[Kai]

I just read whatever comes on my iPhone out loud wherever I am at any moment. Like, if something funny, like a funny tweet pops up, like Orion's the same way, we'll just, like, see it and read it out loud and just say it and make everybody laugh and then keep scrolling until the next one comes up. Like, it's crazy.

[Drew]

I re deleted. Tick tock. Oh, but also that the dyslexic thing came up because last night I saw a YouTube video that was like, a dyslexia test, and he was like, obviously, this isn't the way to, like, no, you should go to a professional. But this is the test that a lot of professionals use. And I think it was, like, some number. Like, 94% of people who, like, go in to take it usually come out the other end, and they're like, oh, yeah. I actually do have, like, a minor form of dyslexia. It's a spectrum, because I think it's, like, way more common than people realize. But then as I was watching it, I was like, man, it's crazy how there's so much gray area to everything because he was like, yeah, you know, and my dad still has a hard time spelling things. So I definitely think like. And he hasn't been tested, but I think I got it from him. And I was like, yeah, my dad too. But my dad literally taught himself English. So yeah, I don't think he counts like my dad the way. If someone saw the way my dad text, it would be crazy. But I understand it. But it's literally because he's the funniest.

[Kai]

Shit I've ever seen in my life.

[Drew]

Insane. Because also if you hear my dad talk like he does not sound like that. I also think it's part of laziness. Like the way my dad texts. It's fully like laziness.

[Kai]

It's just giving dad core. Like dad's text messages are like literally the worst, like most offensive, like, like soulless, emotionless thing you can ever receive on your life. And I think that's.

[Drew]

Yeah, it always feels like he's angry at me when we're texting.

[Kai]

It's like, hey. My dad literally says K. And like he doesn't realize that that's like.

[Drew]

Actually, yeah, my dad says okay.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

He goes, how are you? Iha. And I said good. And you? And then I said I need that hoodie. Oh. Cuz he sent me a picture of this girl wearing a hoodie. He said if you heard anything bad about me, believe all that and leave me the alone. And my dad saw that and thought of me. So send it to me. I was like, I need that hoodie. He's like. He goes, goo. Are you in New York? I just made the tuna salad. E Fil. Oof. Really good.

[Enya]

Literally just struggling.

[Kai]

Also it's giving Roblox.

[Drew]

You know what it is too is he. I think he has the Spanish keyboard keyboard on too. So. And I think it's. He does have autocorrect on for like the. Or the predicted words on for Spanish. So I'm sure as he's typing it always gives a replacement. And he's like struff fighting his keyboard to type in English. Yes, I work in home. We are good. Yeah, he. I think it is definitely out of laziness because if you heard my dad talk, read. But also I'm like delusional and I don't think my dad has an accent. But everybody who meets him is like that man fully has an accent.

[Kai]

Yeah, he has an accent, but it's like it's.

[Drew]

It's like my new.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's not like the craziest thing.

[Drew]

But yeah, if you heard him talk, you wouldn't think these were his text messages. I think he just doesn't want to. They don't den it to you Think it's finished? That's one of his texts. Not even kidding. Hi. Hi. No, IHA remember that you had payment on it. They don't den it to you. Like, that's him saying they don't send it to you until it's finished. And he said, they don't den it to you until it's finished. Yeah.

[Enya]

Let me check a text for my dad. Okay. He.

[Kai]

You're at.

[Enya]

No, no, he sent me a picture of a Tesla and he said, isn't this so slay Elon Musk is literally mother.

[Drew]

He did not say that.

[Enya]

No, he didn't.

[Kai]

All right, let's see what my dad says.

[Drew]

I was like, well, your dad is like, so interconnected into your life and wanting to understand what you do that he's like, he's learning. He's learning the language of the podcast. Like AI. It's like AI trying to learn.

[Kai]

My dad says you are in gay.

[Drew]

No, wait, let me see. Oh, my God, that's up.

[Enya]

That's not okay.

[Drew]

No, we. We're gonna have to cut that. Like, he's.

[Kai]

I hope you die. See, it's like funny like that. Like where.

[Enya]

That's not funny, dude.

[Kai]

It's. No, it's like your dad was also.

[Drew]

Like a full sentence.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's like cold and soulless. Like, you know, like. But it's like chill.

[Enya]

I don't think that's chill.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's. You will burn in hell with the rest of them. Oh, I don't know who them is.

[Drew]

No, I think he's.

[Kai]

Oh, this one's just die, die, die, die, die. He's. He's referencing Wendy Williams death to all of them.

[Drew]

I don't know.

[Enya]

I don't think he is. I think you need to have a sit down with your dad.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Figure figures.

[Kai]

Well, anytime I try to talk to him, he's like, I gotta go to work. And like, he never. I've never seen him. I haven't seen him in like 10 years for longer than like 8 seconds.

[Drew]

Wait, but I literally hung out with him for a long time. But I guess you were outside the whole time. Damn, I didn't even realize that. Yeah, he was avoiding you.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's very avoidant. But, like, it's in like a fun, playful hide and see.

[Drew]

I don't think so. Because he kept he would be like, hey, like, literally, let me know when Drew's coming back in, because I gotta go.

[Kai]

Why would you not tell me that?

[Drew]

Well, because I felt like I was imposing. Like, what am I supposed to be like?

[Kai]

No, you're my friend.

[Drew]

I know, but I'm his friend, too, because he's hella lit and chill.

[Kai]

Dude, my dad is such a psycho. Like, like, genuinely a psycho. Because, like, he gave Enya and Orion money, like, for their flights home.

[Drew]

Like, when our me and Orion's fights were literally free, basically.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Used points.

[Kai]

Yeah. And he was like, give this to them. I was like, no, they're not going to take this. They don't want this. Like, stop. And he was like, well, I, like, paid for, like, family's flights. And I was like, you didn't pay for my flight. Like, what are you talking about?

[Drew]

Like, well, you're not a girl, so you should technically be able to just, like, cover for yourself.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

You know what?

[Kai]

I have a wonderful relationship with my father. Okay? All of that was a joke. And I love my dad very much, and he loves me back.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. I would say that if I was lying, too.

[Enya]

Yeah. Now you're covering up for him.

[Drew]

I know.

[Kai]

Okay, do you want him to be held accountable or. No, I have. Yeah. Can you guys hold my father accountable, please? He doesn't give me the love I deserve.

[Drew]

I know. We. We are so lucky because we love our pee paws, our papas. You're my. Oh, my God. You're drinking on the job.

[Enya]

What?

[Drew]

You're drinking on the job.

[Enya]

No, I'm not. There's a paper bag. Wow.

[Drew]

That doesn't cover that you're drinking on the job.

[Enya]

I don't know what's in this bag.

[Kai]

Open it. This is the third time he drank on the job. Are you kidding me?

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Why would you lie? Why would you lie? We said it's alcohol and you said. No, it's just.

[Enya]

I didn't notice the crack of the huge.

[Drew]

It was the loudest sound on the planet.

[Kai]

The loud crack.

[Enya]

I've just been stressed out, you know, like.

[Kai]

Okay, but it's literally 9:00am I was.

[Drew]

Gonna say it's, like, so early.

[Kai]

Is this even your first one? Because you were acting a little weird.

[Drew]

And you did smell really bad.

[Enya]

It's like my third one. Doesn't matter.

[Kai]

Jesus Christ.

[Drew]

Well, hurry up and finish it, because.

[Kai]

Like, I don't try to help. We try to help and he just attacks us. Is he grabbing another one? I know he's not grabbing Another one.

[Enya]

I'm not grabbing another one.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

That's my last one.

[Kai]

So I actually want to try that.

[Enya]

7.

[Drew]

Dude, I've literally been over analyzing you too much recently.

[Kai]

Why?

[Drew]

I've been watching every body movement of yours for the past, like, three weeks, and it's making me crack up.

[Kai]

I hate beer. Actually, this is actually really good.

[Drew]

No, is really yummy.

[Kai]

It's, like, sweet.

[Drew]

This. Now this seems like this weird ad.

[Kai]

From we'll blur it. I never said.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's a Heineken.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Damn. I haven't had, like, a straight up beer in so long.

[Drew]

Okay, maybe when I'm lying. You're literally up right now.

[Kai]

You had three already. Wait, what is that screaming?

[Drew]

That's my friend. I'm keeping her in the room.

[Kai]

I'm hiding him in the basement.

[Enya]

Everybody else is getting s drunk episode.

[Kai]

Hey. Oh, yeah, we do want to do a drunk episode really, really badly.

[Drew]

Oh, like, that just tastes like beach to me. Like, I should be at the beach. That one. That's, like, not the normal one, though. What is?

[Enya]

Like, I think it's the light one.

[Drew]

Oh, it literally is. Right? Right. Okay. Well, your mom stinks. Oh. We were at a meeting with our merch company, and we were, like, just talking about, like, random, and Six9 came up, and we were talking about how Six9 used to wear those, like, big ass stupid outfits with the big words on it. And Drew was standing, and I was like, oh. I was like, drew, look it up. Like, I need to show them what I'm talking about. Like, you know when six nine would have, like, and, like, hiv, like, on his clothes.

[Kai]

Big six nine. Well, I literally just googled in front of all of them. I just googled 69. And then I went to the photos because, like, oh, yeah, that's gonna come up. No, literally hardcore, nasty, gross ass 69 porn came up all over my phone, and it was so humiliating, but they all, like, laughed about it.

[Drew]

It was literally the funniest thing I've ever seen. Like, why was that the funniest 10 minutes of my life was looking pictures of him?

[Kai]

Because it's psycho. It's literally the craziest I've ever seen. And they also just have, like, I. I don't know. It's just. It's really funny. And then also 69ine getting his ass beat and jumped in an Miami.

[Drew]

Did you know that?

[Enya]

No. I mean, I feel like I knew intuitively that he's gotten his ass kicked before.

[Kai]

Recently he got jumped in an la Fitness. Like coming out of the sauna in.

[Drew]

Miami and he was in his boxer briefs and it's really embarrassing.

[Enya]

Damn.

[Drew]

And he just jumped and beat the up. And then some little kid, it sounds like a younger kid, is like, bro, I'm a really big fan, bro. And is literally filming him out walking away from getting.

[Kai]

Getting his ass beat. I think he filmed it too.

[Drew]

Yeah, he filmed like the him getting jumped and it was awesome.

[Enya]

He like went away. Like, it's. Isn't he not even in jail anymore?

[Kai]

He did.

[Drew]

He got out because he had asthma because of COVID When Covid hit, he got let out early and got put on probation or house arrest because of asthma. So he literally just had the luckiest setup ever. But like, what is your luck if you're literally like on everybody's death, like, list?

[Kai]

Yeah, it's the opposite of dick riding. It's like dick riding in the opposite direction where you jump someone you don't. Yeah, it's like someone you don't know you jump for being a snitch. Like, that is crazy person behavior. Yeah, I know.

[Drew]

It is insane. But it makes for awesome content and we should keep it going.

[Enya]

That guy is so different from me. Like, could not be more different.

[Drew]

Six, nine.

[Enya]

Yeah, I like, see that guy and I'm like, we have such different lives. It could not be more different.

[Drew]

I'm so embarrassed because I'm wearing an orange jacket next to this fucking stupid orange thing behind me. And now I just feel like I'm.

[Kai]

One big mesh and this orange thing.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm just blending in and it's like I'm a ghost and I'm fading away.

[Kai]

Well, I'm wearing my muchacha shirt that is getting too small for me because I'm filling out into my man figure and I'm getting stronger and bigger and I just look good. I haven't worked out in like a month and a half.

[Drew]

Me either. I just have a gym membership so I could look at it.

[Kai]

Yeah, I just went to the gym.

[Enya]

Today for the first time in three weeks though.

[Kai]

Yeah, you woke up hella early.

[Enya]

I know. I've been waking up at 7am that's so late.

[Drew]

Why do you think it was from being in New York for so long?

[Enya]

Yeah. Well, when I got back, I was like, I'm just going to weaponize this. And I've just been like, waking up at 7.

[Kai]

That's actually so.

[Drew]

Well, I couldn't do that. My earliest is like 9am is like my wake up earliest. But I've Been going to sleep hella early. That I will say last night was the latest. I went to sleep and it was like 1am But I've been sleeping at like 12. Also, being the nail biter in a relationship, it was the most traumatizing thing to ever happen to me.

[Kai]

Like.

[Drew]

Like being the one who bites my nails. Like, there's nothing more awful than being the nail biter and having to be with somebody who's like, stop, stop. Like that. Like, that is my trauma. That's my story. And any other nail biters. If you're in a relationship and you're the nail biter. You know exactly what I mean. Like, well, now I'm gonna bite my nail even more. Well, now this tastes good, so I'm gonna eat it.

[Kai]

I mean, literally. Fingernails do taste good as. And I don't give a. So does the skin. So yummy.

[Drew]

I think the skin tastes really good, but not the nails.

[Kai]

Like, after you bite the nail and then you, like, smell it. Oh, that hits.

[Drew]

I think you just like the smell of your own breath, because that I've never understood because I don't. I don't think my nails would smell the same coming out of my mouth.

[Kai]

It smells like burnt rubber and like, tires. There's someone out there that knows exactly what I'm talking about. I'm being very vulnerable.

[Drew]

You're adding so much friction to your nail that you're literally causing like, a little bit of a burn smell.

[Kai]

Yeah, sorry. I was looking for this photo to show, but I literally can't find it. So we'll just move on.

[Drew]

No one was. Are you okay? Hey. Hey. Where'd you go?

[Kai]

I'm here. I'm here. We shouldn't be doing this. We really shouldn't be doing this.

[Drew]

No, we shouldn't, but we should because it feels so natural.

[Kai]

We shouldn't be doing.

[Drew]

I like that you're natural and you're not like those other girls and all filled up with nasty, nasty, unnatural wearing.

[Enya]

Like, he's all filled up.

[Kai]

Shut the up. I like that you're, like, not like the other girls and you don't, like, put cake icing on your face and like.

[Drew]

Yeah, I like that you're not like the other girls and you're not like, in like, a tight, like, little dress and just like, showing off or like, whatever. Like, you're not like a skimpy girl.

[Kai]

I like that you're not like the other girls and like, you don't wear tampons or periods and, like, have that.

[Drew]

Oh, no, I Have that still. I'm like, I know. I get that. No, what's. What's wrong with that? That is, like, fully, like, I need to get that. If I didn't, then that would be, like, a sign of trouble.

[Enya]

You don't have to get that. You're being gaslit into thinking that. You have to get that.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, I think y' all are, like, trying to gaslight me into thinking that I.

[Kai]

Okay. The fact that you even get that and around me is crazy.

[Enya]

Yeah. It's weird.

[Kai]

It's really.

[Drew]

Do you find that most times when you're with a woman, you are such a stress in her life, You. Her period?

[Kai]

Yeah. That's, like, what men do.

[Enya]

I've never dated anyone who gets a period.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's like, the same idea is, like, Ben Shapiro saying, like, my wife never gets wet, like, when we have sex. Like, that's not a thing.

[Enya]

Such a legendary.

[Drew]

Like, it's being dead ass.

[Kai]

Yes. He was being dead serious, and he was like, my wife doesn't get wet when we have sex. There's. She has, like, something wrong with her, basically. And, like, everyone was like, no, like, she's just not physically attracted to you. And I'm sorry. That's what I do.

[Drew]

Insane. Oh, okay. That's good. I mean, at least he's not alone, because with periods. Oh, yeah. You just caused them so much stress and anguish that you, like, literally stop their cycle. That's kind of. I mean, honestly, psychonic.

[Kai]

They should be thinking, yeah, I need.

[Drew]

That, like, kind of.

[Kai]

You want me to really go hard? Because I can go hard. Oh, I can make your life a living hell.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, no. Like, you're literally scaring me. Okay. Hell, dude. I've been watching Drew so closely, and he literally, like, you move, like. I don't know.

[Kai]

Sometimes you move around, like, very animatronic.

[Drew]

Yeah, like an animatronic. Or, like, you know, when you're playing Sims, and unless you hit a button, they don't do anything and they're standing really still. Like, sometimes when you move around, you look like you just got the action sent to your brain. Like, so you have to immediately do it. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, you never slowly get into gear to move. You just, like, you move, like, too fast after being stagnant for too long, and that's why you're always almost fainting.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's. I was just about to bring that up. My mom is always like, I'm. Oh. And when I'm in Texas, I Like, guess I stand up too fast. And she's like, drew, you have to stand up slower. Like, you're going to pass out and faint. And I'm like, yeah, I know. I've, like, literally, it's happened, like, several times just being here. She's like, just stand up slower. And I, like, physically can't make myself do it.

[Drew]

No, it's literally because there's a little, like, robot also in your, like, chest probably that's, like, moving things around and it's like, get up.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly. Also, I have like, weird breathing, like, habits where when I stand up, I like.

[Drew]

Yeah, when your throat is abused for too much of your life, that usually happens.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah. No, when I stand up, I, like, hold my breath. Like, I like. And I also just hold my breath for, like, just random amounts of times where I was just like, hold. I don't know. It's really weird. No, I actually did three and a half minutes at the Chateau. Really? I swear to God, I can do it right now.

[Enya]

After a popper.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly. I held it in really deep.

[Drew]

Well, I probably did, too, when I was too high and I couldn't breathe, so. You're not the only one.

[Kai]

Help me, help me, help me.

[Drew]

I again, on my getting scared and high journey, I got so high when we binge watched RuPaul's Drag Race and I felt like I was living in a different planet.

[Kai]

Yeah, that show. Watching it high is literally the craziest thing you can do to your brain. It is so, like, it just is sensory overload. It feels like it's from an alien extraterrestrial planet.

[Drew]

Like, everything is on purpose. Like, makes things is so weird.

[Kai]

Yeah. And, like, when you're high, watching it, like, you kind of realize that, like, this show kind of sucks. Like, I can't explain it, like, the editing of the show or something about it kind of sucks. And it's literally just like, I. I haven't. This isn't my joke, but, like, it's literally just coco melon for adults. Like, the colors, like, the flashing lights, the sound effects, like, the little ad libs, like, all of it is just, like, engineered to, like, seep into your brain and, like, not come out. Like, it's crazy.

[Drew]

Like, it's so awesome. Because it is the best and worst thing ever. Yeah, it's the best thing ever. Because all the queens on, especially this. This was such a good.

[Kai]

Yeah, this season was wild.

[Drew]

But it's the worst show ever because it's like, what is happening? Just what is happening. The Way it's edited is so crazy. It genuinely felt like I was being put in a room. What is it called when they, like, show shows to audiences to get reaction, to see if they need to change anything?

[Kai]

Not a case study. I know what you're talking.

[Drew]

Yeah. So it felt like that. But I was visiting this planet, and they were trying to show me, like, what's up? Like, what's happening on this world. And I just was like, whoa.

[Kai]

Also, side note is y' all gotta stop being mean to the villain queens when they actually are brave enough to be the villains. Like, publicly, like, in your friend group, like, talk your shit. But, like, like, we need villain queens to make this interesting. And that's why this season was so fun, was because there were a bunch of mean. But you can't be mean to them publicly, or everyone's going to be afraid to be the villain. Like, we need it. Yeah.

[Drew]

Villains make good tv. And that's why everybody, like, decides to be a villain is because it makes good.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[Drew]

Also, all I can think about is there's this once, like, part in the season where RuPaul goes, like. It was when one of the queens was crying over their life. And rude just goes. And you deserve it. Like, about, like, them having a good life. But it's like, rude just looks like a robot. Facial emotions or move. It's like, you deserve it.

[Kai]

At this point, RuPaul genuinely might be artificial intelligence. Like, AI generated. Because, like, he is also, like, actually 876 years old. And not enough people talk about that is the fact that RuPaul is 876 years old and just a vampire. But I think he actually might have passed.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And they made a robot.

[Drew]

I genuinely think that, like, at the end of episode, somebody unlocks a big weekend at burning. At the back. Yeah, at the back of RuPaul's back and, like, hits buttons and turns him off.

[Kai]

Remember when we convinced our friend that they were a robot and that they glitched in the ocean? We had a buddy, and where were we? We're in Miami. Yes. And we all went to the beach. And, like, I'm not gonna mention this person by name, but they were, like, swimming in the water, and we all, like, concocted.

[Drew]

I think everyone was high. So this is why this was done.

[Kai]

Yeah. We all concocted a plan to be like, yo, we should, like, tell them that they, like, started glitching and saying, like, the craziest, like, ever. And, like, the. They, like, came back, and we were like, dude, like, you Literally started glitching in the water, and we saw, like, electricity, and you were saying crazy, like, rebooting, rebooting. Like, error, error, error. And, like, crazy. And they're like, what? Like, what? And they genuinely believed us that they were, like, a gay robot. That's the thing.

[Drew]

And the person of the story is Drew.

[Kai]

That's. Yeah, I was the robot. The gay robot.

[Drew]

But we. We tricked Drew into thinking it wasn't him who we did it to, but it was Drew.

[Kai]

Yeah. Okay. Also, one thing I want to address. I told a story in the very beginning of the last episode where I said, I'm the only real bisexual person. I don't with any of that. That's on the other side. I don't bat that way. I am straight through and through. Like. Yeah, but I get that.

[Drew]

Why would you say that? And you said it, like, really proudly. I mean, it's still a wrong thing to say.

[Kai]

I am finally straight as an arrow. An arrow to the knee. If you're you, you're straight. You get that? Like, that's a straight drink.

[Enya]

I get it. I get it.

[Drew]

What is the arrow to the knee?

[Kai]

It's for the boys. Like, the weekends are for the boys. Saturdays are for the boys. Saturdays are for the boys.

[Drew]

Dude, when we were at Mason's party and you guys are all across the street, I was watching Drew so intently in the way he was, like, moving around. Our friends are like, there was, like, an animal that was injured and walking on the sidewalk, and they saw, like, the bloody footprints. So everybody was investigating it and trying to figure out, like, okay, what could have happened here? Like, did someone do this?

[Kai]

And I was taking it dead serious.

[Drew]

Yeah, he was like, they were all so into. We were sitting on this hill watching everybody, like, go around and, like, look at it. And everyone was taking it so serious. But Drew literally started, like, hopping around.

[Kai]

And, like, reenacting, because it was one footprint. It was the front left paw, and it was, like, bloody. And it was bloody, like, for literally, like, 600ft. And it was one print, and the blood spatter was the exact same on each paw print. And we were trying to figure out, like, how the. Did this happen? Like, was it hit by a car? Was it, like, someone abusing their animal? Was it, like, an animal attacking another animal? It was crazy. But it was one footprint. So I had to hop to see. Maybe it was hopping on one foot, but it was not.

[Drew]

And then he started grittying, and it was, like, the most insane thing I've ever seen.

[Kai]

Dude, I'VE been getting good at gritty. Should I show them?

[Drew]

Yeah, I guess, like, an update is.

[Kai]

Can I record this?

[Enya]

Okay, wait, one sec, one sec.

[Drew]

Ew. You're, like, getting ready. It's like when someone starts a race.

[Enya]

Okay, go.

[Drew]

Whoa.

[Kai]

Wait. No, it's literally just a walk, Dude.

[Enya]

It got worse. Honestly, I don't know what happened, Drew, but that is significantly worse update.

[Drew]

It's, like, worse than it was before. But, yeah, I've just been observing Drew because I don't believe he's real anymore. You got away with it for a long time, but I don't think you're.

[Kai]

I've been tricking you. No, I think you're just really, like, seeing through the cracks and seeing me for who I really am, and you're kind of, like, more self aware than you were, and you're like, oh, whoa. Like, something actually might be wrong with him.

[Drew]

I mean, I. I think I've always.

[Kai]

The dyslexia test.

[Drew]

Oh, okay, so let's try some of them. I would. I was gonna, like, write it down, but I was too lazy. But I remember some of the things that have to be done. So I'm gonna say words to you. I'm gonna say, like, some numbers to you, and you have to repeat them back to me. That's easy, right? 4, 5, 8, 9. 4, 5, 8, 9, 7, 2.

[Kai]

5, 9, 7, 2, 5, 9.

[Drew]

8,000, 312.

[Kai]

8,000, 312.

[Drew]

Okay, so you can do that. No problem. Easy now I'm gonna do the same thing, but you have to say the numbers backward. Oh, God. So eight, four, nine, two.

[Kai]

Two, four. I. That's crazy, actually. Wait. Four, eight, nine, two.

[Drew]

I don't remember what I said, so. Five, nine, four, eight.

[Kai]

Eight, four, five, nine.

[Drew]

No, because I said five, nine, four.

[Kai]

Eight, eight, four, five, nine. No.

[Drew]

Yeah, see, you can't do it. I will say that one. I couldn't do either YouTube video and could, like, pause it and do whatever, but I literally couldn't even remember the.

[Kai]

Is there, like, a time limit to it?

[Drew]

To me also, I think he said six numbers, so I think it was, like, supposed to be, like. Like, here.

[Kai]

I can. I can do the ones forward all day long, but the ones backward.

[Drew]

Okay, dude, let's do the other. The repetition again. 7, 3, 9, 5, 2, 7, 7.

[Kai]

3, 9, 5%, 2, 7.

[Drew]

Okay, I think you can do that one. Easy. Okay, do this one backwards. 2, 9, 5, 7, 4, 9.

[Kai]

I. That. I literally don't. I can't. 9, 4, 2, 725.

[Drew]

No, it's 9, 4, 7, 5, 9, 2.

[Kai]

I. That's actually, like, goes straight over.

[Drew]

I wonder if the word the. The letters had to be super specific.

[Kai]

Could you do it backwards?

[Drew]

No, I couldn't.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

Like, and. But I even had a hard time.

[Kai]

Do one with Kai real quick just to see.

[Drew]

Repeat these numbers backwards. 7, 3, 9, 5, 2, 7.

[Enya]

I can't do that.

[Kai]

Yeah, I think that's literally insane.

[Drew]

I feel like no one could do that.

[Enya]

I can't do that.

[Kai]

That's insane.

[Drew]

And then there's gonna be a bunch of people who are like, I literally just did that. Okay, do this one. 2, 9, 5, 7, 4, 9.

[Enya]

I can't do that.

[Kai]

2, 9, 5, seven, four, nine.

[Drew]

I really wonder.

[Kai]

9, 4, 7, 9, 2.

[Enya]

Can you do it with, like, two numbers?

[Drew]

Wait, let me see.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

Oh, and then he said if you have a hard time with 6, 7, and 8 multiplications, then, yeah, that's like, a sign.

[Kai]

I can't do nines too. I suck at.

[Drew]

I'm only good at it because I learned this in elementary. 6, 6, 36, 6, 7, 4, 2, 6, 8, 48, 6, 9. I don't even remember. 64, question mark. 7749. 7, 8, 56.

[Kai]

I don't know.

[Drew]

7, 9, 6, 3, 8, 8.

[Kai]

I also saw they're teaching children, like, new ways to multiply. I don't know what it is, but it's. It's like. I think it's like a Sumerian, like, number system or some like that. That's definitely not what it is, but it's like ancient, ancient number system based on, like, really, really old times. Instead of it being, like, random, like, characters like a four and a one, like, have nothing to do with each other. Like, one will be, like a line. Two will be two lines, three will be three lines. It's almost like. What's that IV thing? It has, like, one and a Roman numeral. Yeah, it's almost like Roman numerals, but, like, there's even more. Like, it's. It's kind of, like, based on, like, almost like geometry. It's really interesting. And it, like, makes multiplication and addition, like, really, really in subtraction really easy because, like, it'll be two lines plus, like, I'll try to find it because it's actually really cool. Like, the graphic.

[Drew]

Yeah. But I've always been bad at math. Like, math was never my strong suit. It was so bad. Like, I can't do long division. When we were sitting around with Josh and Josh got bored and started putting it division questions in our face. I literally couldn't believe it. Or, like, multiplication in our face. I. I can't do that because the way I get away with it is I just, like, start adding up each number, like, however many times it needs to do, and if I'm lucky, it's an even number. And I could just, like, add the thing up twice and then do, okay, that number plus that number plus that number. Does that make sense?

[Kai]

Like, yeah. Also, it's giving. Like, why do I need to know how to do math? I literally have.

[Drew]

I know. We have iPhones. Nobody needs to know how to spell, read, or write because you have voice to, like, chat. Like, you have.

[Kai]

Hello. Yeah. All you need is intuition and, like, creativity and Google and that's te.

[Drew]

Also, it's crazy that we were the last generation that got taught how to write cursive.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Because nobody gets taught cursive anymore. Yeah. No, Like, I think my signatures are.

[Kai]

Going to be just regular, just, like, written.

[Drew]

Like, I think people know to make up fancy little signatures, but kids don't get taught cursive at all. Like, my siblings cannot read cursive. Like, they literally look at cursive, and they're like, what the.

[Kai]

Is that crazy?

[Drew]

Because they just weren't taught cursive. I mean, it's.

[Kai]

Who cares?

[Drew]

Because it's pretty and fun.

[Enya]

Do you guys have good signatures? Does it look good?

[Drew]

Mine looks okay. Mine is really boring. It's just my name. Incursive. I don't feel like I should say that out loud.

[Enya]

I remember I saw Josiah's, and it was really good.

[Kai]

I wonder how do you draw on the iPhone? I'll show you mine real quick.

[Drew]

Me. Like, what is someone gonna do, plagiarize a check with my name on it? Like, I don't know why I'm concerned.

[Enya]

Is that actually yours?

[Drew]

Let me see. Yeah, that's what Drew does. You do that on chats.

[Kai]

Okay, good. Like, what the. Like, who cares? It's on my ID, too.

[Drew]

Mine is literally just boring.

[Enya]

That looks good. I. I think that's. That's definitely better than mine.

[Drew]

That's literally just the signature. And, yeah, the singer has, too. So my signature isn't even fancy. It's just my name.

[Kai]

It's like, who's gonna jack that? You know? Yeah, just simplify it, like, to the maximum. Like, who cares?

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

Should we tap into some media? Yeah. Meteor.

[Drew]

Well, wait, there was one more thing in the dyslexic test. Oh, this one? I'm Curious. Okay, when I say a word, you need to. I'm gonna tell you what, like, letter to replace what with? And tell me what the new word is. So waste. Replace W with P. Paste brain. Replace B with C. Crane. Okay, then you're good. Maybe you're just, like, dumb.

[Kai]

No, no, you're not dumb.

[Enya]

True.

[Kai]

I know. I'm, like, intelligent.

[Drew]

You just have dyslexia. Because I met somebody recently. I think I said this on the episode, but, like, she was talking about how she, like, fully has diagnosed dyslexia, and she does everything you do. Like, everything. Like, she's like, dude, it's like, simple words that I just can't do. Like, and I have to do word to text. Everybody's mad because I'm always, like, talking out loud at my iPhone. Like, for all my texts, she couldn't read out loud. She was like, I have a really hard time reading out loud. Like, I know how to spell, but I just, like, not spell. Like, she was like, I always have to ask people to, like, spell check for me because I always am like, I don't know how to spell that word. And it could be a word that she's like, says or writes every day, but she just.

[Kai]

Her brain is like, I'm gonna go get diagnosed. How funny would that be?

[Drew]

You should do it and then make it your whole personality.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Did you guys know that 30% of the United States is undiagnosed with ligma?

[Drew]

Lig my balls. You fucking stupid bitch. You thought you were gonna fucking get us? Oh, my God.

[Enya]

No, Drew, that's Lick my balls, you stupid bitch. You thought you were gonna fucking get.

[Drew]

I just said it.

[Enya]

That's right.

[Kai]

I don't get it.

[Enya]

40 chest.

[Drew]

Like, lick my balls. Like ligma.

[Enya]

Yeah, I bodied you.

[Kai]

Oh.

[Drew]

Like, in a. Like, haha. Lick my balls, dummy.

[Enya]

Do you know D?

[Kai]

Oh, I was gonna say my friend Sagan. Ds Jones.

[Enya]

Who is that? Who's Sagan?

[Kai]

Sagan. These nuts.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

Oh, actually, this is unironic. We're going to Salcon tomorrow. Do you want to go? You suck on these nuts.

[Enya]

Oh, I haven't even heard that.

[Drew]

I. I literally believed it because I was like, saw Con. Like, we do go to conventions enough that I was like, whoa, there's a convention about saw? Yeah, all right, whatever. That was bad.

[Enya]

You know, what if I. What if I put my balls all the way in your ass?

[Kai]

I would be excited and happy. Like, I don't get the joke. It's not even that funny because that's what I, like, beg for Jesus Christ.

[Enya]

I didn't see it going in that.

[Kai]

Direction, honestly, like, been asking him for months, years.

[Enya]

It's true. He's been begging for that.

[Drew]

Just stop, please.

[Kai]

Some media, we went and saw Bo is Afraid and we have good news.

[Drew]

Yeah, we liked it.

[Kai]

Yeah, I. I think that, like, I think I'm kind of with everybody else where I'm like, oh, the first, like, hour and a half, two hours are like, like, really, really good, like, borderline masterpiece material. And then, like, it just kind of crossed my suspension of disbelief. But, like, the more I thought about it, like, after the movie, the more I was like, that's exactly, like, what he wanted us to do. Like, he wanted it to be like, you getting bored of this guy's, like, anxieties and problems and, like, giving up on him like everybody else did and, like, all that. And yeah, I. I enjoyed it. I liked it.

[Drew]

I really liked it. I just think that there was, like. There was like, actually, if 30 minutes of the movie was cut, I would. It would be like, the best movie in the world to me. But even if, like, 15 of it was cut, it would still be the best because they kind of. This is. Spoiler spoiler if you haven't seen it. But the boat scene, like, once it got to the boat scene, like, him getting in the boat, like, I feel. I felt like he was in the boat for so long for some reason, like, but that's just because at that point I was like, damn. Like, what is. Like, how can something else happen? Once that started, I was like, okay, I'm, like, tapped out. But then they brought me back in because there was, like, funny parts after that. So, yeah, that's my take. I actually really liked it, though, because I was going in. I literally. When you, Me and Joss were talking, when you were like. When you sent us that you got the tickets, I was like, I almost, like, was hoping that everybody would bail so I didn't have to see it because people were making it seem like it was, like, the worst movie on the planet, but it really wasn't. It, like, good. Cuz I've seen some bad movies that everybody liked, and I'm like, I left.

[Enya]

I left at two hours at the very.

[Drew]

You don't even know what I'm talking about with the boat thing.

[Kai]

The. At the very end of the movie that literally he, like, predicted that happening. Like, the last scene. Like, everybody was walking out. Like, there was like, a big spoiler alert. Like, go watch it. Don't listen to this. But there was, like, a big stadium where he was being, like, prosecuted, and the jury was, like. It was huge. It was like crypto arena.

[Drew]

It was, like, supposed to be, like a Roman theater.

[Kai]

Yeah. And, like, everybody in the crowd, the jury, like, after he was, like, even before he was, like, convicted of his guilty crimes, like, whatever he did, he. All the jury was just, like, walking out of the theater.

[Drew]

Like, the whole audience just started being like, all right. Like, yeah, this is boring and walking fancy, which is. I was like, damn. He literally. He fully was like, people are gonna walk out of this. But, yeah, personally, I just don't walk out of things because I'm the kind of girl that, like, I stick it to the end. But it was awesome. Also, them playing. Did you even get to where they played Mariah Carey?

[Enya]

I don't think so, dude.

[Kai]

Oh, you missed some really actually good parts.

[Enya]

It's okay.

[Kai]

I.

[Drew]

Can I tell you it or I'll tell you after because I don't want to, like, keep literally, like, saying spoilers, but it was actually so funny. But you just missed it.

[Kai]

So. Also, on my letterbox review, apparently someone was being very, very hateful and, like, extremely rude. So much to the point where letterbox removed their comment and threatened to ban their account. And everybody replied to this guy and said, what's going on with this guy? Danny. Danny, your insecurities are showing. I already know Danny smells like and breathes out of his mouth. Danny, eat and pain. You're so mad and gay. Great job, guys. Danny is gone, so I think he said some really hateful to my letterbox review, and he doesn't even follow me to yours. Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, his review is so. My grandpa ate half a quart of pain today thinking it was yogurt.

[Kai]

Danny Laon, everybody go to Danny lafoon and block his ass and ban his account because he is being a. Never mind. I'm not gonna say that, but he deserves to die in a fire, and I hope he burns. I don't even know what he said to me. I want to ask letterbox because I'm cool with letterbox. Like, we're chill. Like, we have a good relationship. I'm gonna ask him me like the comments so I can take him to the court of law.

[Drew]

To the court of law.

[Enya]

I will say that I think the first hour and a half was good. I liked it.

[Drew]

I. I do agree with everybody that, like, Josh was saying, like, the first 30 minutes was, like, so good, and that was, like, yeah, it was amazing. But the the whole movie in general, I actually do really like. And I just like that I. This is also just me projecting my, like, idea onto it. Like, I do feel like it was just, like, like, commentary on, like, Big Pharma and, like, how we treat people with anxiety and, like, all these things and, like, what it means to have anxiety and, like, how, like, deep it could go. Whatever, Whatever. Like, obvious. Everybody, I think, walked away thinking that. But it was really good. And, like, some of the things you missed are cool. Like, they just did such a good job of, like, although it was, like, the longest movie ever and so much was happening, I think they did a good job of, like, kind of tying it back to the beginning. I just watched Josh, like, like, tiptoe by, so he didn't make noise, but. Yeah. Do you want to get into some of your music media?

[Kai]

Yeah. I really want to know what this freak said for everyone to ride like that. He must have said some really hateful.

[Drew]

He probably was just mad that you made a joke.

[Kai]

He was probably just mad that I, like, liked the movie.

[Drew]

I mean, I would be mad, too.

[Kai]

But that's, like, everyone.

[Enya]

People get mad at that.

[Kai]

Like, I don't know.

[Enya]

I really don't understand why people get.

[Kai]

Upset, like, whether you like it or not. Like, literally, why, like, actually, why does it matter? Like, just like. Oh, no. Surprises. Radiohead. Ooh, yeah. Poker Face. Lady Gaga. Yeah. Oh, wait, this so real. Jeff Buckley and then Amiga Voice.

[Drew]

I don't know if that's Portuguese or is that Portuguese?

[Kai]

It's. It might be because it's giving Brazil.

[Drew]

Yeah, I was gonna say. Is that one of the. Yeah, I think it's Portuguese because. Okay.

[Enya]

L' Oreal dude, my friend just reposted this song by Elton John, the title of which is I Think I'm Going to Kill Myself.

[Drew]

That is lit. Because that is literally my vibe.

[Enya]

That's so hard. Okay.

[Drew]

If it isn't love. New Edition Vacuum by Gang Gang Dance. Or is it Gong Gong Dance? Secret Teardrops by Martin Revolution. I can't say the name of this one, so I guess you're not gonna get it.

[Kai]

And.

[Drew]

Poor side of Town, the Fifth Dimension, which I think I said last week, but that song is so good. Oh, we did a Baby by General Lee in the Space Army Band. We did it, Joe.

[Kai]

We did it, Joe.

[Drew]

And that's it for this episode. Thank you so much for watching and listening and loving and learning with us today.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

What did we learn today? We learned that Drew is dyslexic and straight which is 8 a feat.

[Kai]

I'm different than a lot of these girls.

[Drew]

Yeah. That's what I think it.

[Kai]

I do a lot things, a lot of things better than most.

[Drew]

You're drunk off that one sip of beer.

[Kai]

Actually, I literally normally off, like, a sip of a beer. I can, like, feel it.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And I didn't feel that at all, which is interesting.

[Enya]

It's a light beer.

[Drew]

I want to drink chlorine water so bad.

[Enya]

Really?

[Drew]

Yeah. But, like, because of the smell of it, like, while you were talking about that, I was like, damn. Like, I don't want to drink water. Park water, because that's, like, the most filthy water on the planet. But you know the smell of it because it's so much chlorine into it to cover the kiss.

[Kai]

And going like, indoor pool.

[Drew]

Yeah, like that. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

I need to make that into a candle.

[Drew]

Yeah. I need to go into an indoor pool right now.

[Enya]

I want to drink gasoline. That smells good to me.

[Drew]

Gasoline does smell really good.

[Enya]

That smells.

[Kai]

Literally does.

[Enya]

And then I also want to drink a big bucket of piss.

[Drew]

Okay. Yeah, we're done. All right. Thank you guys so much for watching. Yeah.