somebody broke into our house and watched drew sleep

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Episode Summary – "Somebody Broke Into Our House and Watched Drew Sleep"

Release Date: June 16, 2023
Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast where Enya and Drew navigate through absurd scenarios and personal anecdotes, blending humor with unexpected twists.

---

1. Introduction to a Serious Scenario

[01:16] Drew Phillips:
"Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom."

[01:20] Enya Umanzor:
"Today is a more serious episode."

[01:25] Drew Phillips:
"Something really scary has happened. I just don't know what it is yet."

The hosts set the tone for the episode by hinting at a serious incident that deviates from their usual comedic content.

---

2. The Scary Incident: A Possible Home Invasion

[01:30] Enya Umanzor:
"So last night, it was, like, the latest. I have stayed up in a very long time. Like, I was up till, like, 2:00am, 3:00am which is, like, very out of character for me."

Drew describes an unusual restless night, leading to a heightened sense of alertness.

[02:23] Drew Phillips:
"And so I have my window wide open. And as some of you guys know or remember, I sleep with my windows, like, unblinded. Like, I. I hate blinds. I feel constricting. They make my space feel even smaller than it already is. I don't like blinds."

Drew explains his habit of sleeping with windows open, setting the stage for the ensuing incident.

[02:45] Drew Phillips:
"I look out there, and there's literally a person standing in their backyard breathing heavy. And I was like, I thought you were asleep, and I didn't want to wake you up and scare you. And Josh was already asleep, and I was just like, I don't know what to do."

The crux of the episode reveals Drew spotting a suspicious individual near their home, heightening the tension.

---

3. Emotional Reactions and Decision Making

[04:00] Enya Umanzor:
"No, I know. That's what I'm saying. It's, like, actually scary."

Enya emphasizes the gravity of the situation, acknowledging Drew’s fear.

[05:00] Drew Phillips:
"But I really was freaking the out. Like PTSD from like the first home invasion. Like I was shaking in my boots. Like I wanted to come and grab."

Drew shares his PTSD experiences from a previous home invasion, illustrating the emotional weight of the current situation.

---

4. Tangential Conversations and Comedic Relief

As the episode progresses, the hosts diverge into various topics, blending humor with personal stories:

• Childhood Anecdotes:
  Drew Phillips:
  "The only time I ever like, used. Okay, so when I was younger, like Lone Star News would have like field trips and we would go and see how like newspapers were made."

• Fashion and Personal Habits:
  Enya Umanzor:
  "I keep thinking about how I have those two belts that I ordered that don't fit me and I need to return them..."

• Technology and Surveillance:
  Drew Phillips:
  "But then I think about how I am so jealous of people who have these tapes. There's something so different about it being like a digital phone where you can upload it and immediately rewatch it."

These segments provide comedic relief while subtly addressing deeper themes such as nostalgia, personal insecurities, and technological dependence.

---

5. Mental Health and Personal Struggles

[21:38] Drew Phillips:
"Something is seriously wrong with you. Yeah, like there's something."

The conversation takes a more introspective turn as the hosts discuss mental health challenges and the importance of seeking professional help.

[42:25] Enya Umanzor:
"So me and Enya have been watching some stand-up comedy recently with Josh, and it has been genuinely scaring the out of us..."

This segment delves into anxiety triggered by consuming certain media, highlighting the impact of external content on mental well-being.

---

6. Technology Critique: Apple Vision and AI Concerns

[24:31] Drew Phillips:
"I have so many grievances with it and disagreements with it... it just feels weird. Like, I don't know."

Drew voices skepticism about Apple's Vision technology, balancing his reliance on technology with apprehensions about privacy and the human aspect of surveillance.

[28:10] Enya Umanzor:
"I still want to get one just because of the... it's like a huge step in technology even though."

Enya acknowledges the technological advancements while expressing reluctance to fully embrace them, reflecting a common sentiment of mixed feelings towards rapid technological progress.

---

7. Reflections on Comedy and Performance

[43:32] Drew Phillips:
"It was really, really dark. Literally felt like I was watching myself or something."

Discussing their experiences with different forms of comedy, the hosts explore the thin line between performance and authenticity, questioning the essence of comedic artistry.

[45:24] Drew Phillips:
"People gathering in a room to watch someone tell jokes is such a weird concept."

This observation highlights the societal expectations placed on comedians and the pressure to constantly perform, leading to existential reflections.

---

8. Social Commentary and Humor

[54:04] Drew Phillips:
"Pride is actually one of this seven deadly sins."

Engaging in satirical discourse, the hosts blend humor with social commentary, addressing topics like Pride Month and societal perceptions with their characteristic wit.

[55:37] Enya Umanzor:
"You're just like on your phone like that."

The playful banter continues as they poke fun at each other’s habits and societal norms, maintaining a light-hearted tone despite deeper discussions.

---

9. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

[56:10] Drew Phillips:
"I think we need to share that factoid with y'all. Because it is very interesting."

As the episode wraps up, the hosts tie back to their initial serious discussion, integrating humor with meaningful insights about wealth disparity and societal issues.

---

Notable Quotes

• Drew Phillips:
  "[02:23]...I could smell it faintly and it was just awful, awful, awful."
  "[21:38]...Something is seriously wrong with you."
  "[28:10]...it's like a huge step in technology even though."

• Enya Umanzor:
  "[01:20]...Today is a more serious episode."
  "[05:00]...Josh was already asleep, and I was just like, I don't know what to do."
  "[42:25]...It has been genuinely scaring the out of us..."

---

Insights and Themes

• Fear and Vulnerability: The episode begins with a genuine fear of an intruder, delving into personal vulnerabilities and the lingering effects of past traumas.

• Humor as Coping Mechanism: Throughout the incident, the hosts use humor to navigate and diffuse tense situations, showcasing comedy as a tool for dealing with anxiety.

• Technology’s Double-Edged Sword: The discussion around Apple Vision and AI reflects the ambivalence towards technological advancements—appreciating their benefits while fearing their implications on privacy and humanity.

• Mental Health Awareness: Open conversations about PTSD, anxiety, and the need for professional help underscore the importance of mental health discourse in everyday settings.

• Societal Observations: From the pressures of performance in comedy to reflections on wealth disparity, the hosts offer satirical takes on pressing societal issues, blending humor with critique.

---

Conclusion

In "Somebody Broke Into Our House and Watched Drew Sleep," Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips deliver an episode that balances genuine fear with their signature comedic flair. Through personal anecdotes, societal critiques, and humorous dialogues, they explore themes of vulnerability, the complexities of modern technology, and the importance of mental health, all while keeping their audience engaged and entertained.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Unknown Female Speaker]

I've never felt like this before. It's like, you just get me. I feel like my true self with you. Does that sound crazy? And it doesn't hurt that you're gorgeous? Okay, that's it. I'm taking you home with me. I mean, you can't find shoes this good just anywhere. Find a shoe for every you from brands you love, like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas, and more at your DSW store or dsw.com.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Welcome this episode of Emergency Internal.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Today is a more serious episode.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Something really scary has happened. I just don't know what it is yet.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

So last night, it was, like, the latest. I have stayed up in a very long time. Like, I was up till, like, 2:00am, 3:00am which is, like, very out of character for me.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah, I was shocked when you said that because you're, like, impeding on my time.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, it's like, yeah, well, you woke up kind of early this morning, which is my time, but I was laying in bed kind of just, like, spiraling, thinking about everything as one does. Very existential. Very, like, what is the point to all this? Like, and then, like, I hear rain and it starts raining, and I'm like, oh, thank God. Like, I had such a good day yesterday. Like, mentally and emotionally. Like, thank God I have rain to final. Like, to put a cap on this day. Like this.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Just like, yeah, perfect day.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

How could it get any better?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah. And so I have my window wide open. And as some of you guys know or remember, I sleep with my windows, like, unblinded. Like, I. I hate blinds. I feel constricting. They make my space feel even smaller than it already is. I don't like blinds. So I'm, like, used to, like, having.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Whatever the elements coming in. But yesterday, I, like, opened my window to, like, listen to the rain. And I stayed up late to experience the rain. And I'm, like, laying in bed with my window open, watching succession, and I hear this sound in our neighbor's backyard. And I'm like, what the is that? And it, like, is very eerie. It's like a very eerie sound. Like a. Like, almost like a heavy breathing sound. And I'm like, oh, hell no. Like, what is going on? So I, like, look out of my window, and I can't see anything because I still have my, like, overhead light on. And I, like, look out, and, like, I don't see anything. Obviously, I just said that. But I go and turn off my light because I'm, like, really curious because the sound is, like, getting louder, and it feels like it's getting closer. And I'm like, literally, what the is going on? Like, what is this sound? I was like, oh, maybe it's just our neighbor's dog, like, just breathing heavy, being weird because they neglect that thing, and it's really sad, and they just lock it outside all the time. But that's not the point to the story. I look out there, and there's literally a person.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Oh, you going on, like, your tangent about the way they treat their dog in the middle of your story.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

But there's a person standing in their back.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Are you lying?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I'm being dead serious. I even took a note because I was like, oh, that's the killer. And they're about to be killed. And, like, the police are gonna come over here and question me and look, but there's, like, this big dude standing in their backyard breathing heavy. And I was like, I thought you were asleep, and I didn't want to wake you up and scare you. And Josh was already asleep, and I was just like, I don't know what to do. So I just shut my window and went to sleep and took a note at 203am and was like, there was a person in their backyard, and if they wake up dead or don't wake up dead, they were murdered by him. And I'm gonna go to the police and, like, talk to him about it, but I haven't heard anything from them. So they could have been murdered, but there was a person just standing, breathing in their backyard.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Dude. What? No, that is actually, like, that's not it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No, I know. That's what I'm saying. It's, like, actually scary. That's, like, actually the killer know it was. It was giving the killer. And, like, I don't know if he was looking at me. Like, I don't know if he was looking into my window. And I was just like, oh, my God. Like, this is the first time in my life. Like, I want blinds. Like, it was very, very eerie. I can Even show you the note. Cuz I was.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I wish you took a picture.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I. I was like so scared. I was literally shaking in my boots. And normally, like, I know I normally I would text you and be like, there's someone. But I really was like freaking the out. Like PTSD from like the first home invasion. Like I was like shaking in my boots. Like I wanted to come and grab.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

We've literally been manifesting.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, for real, like evil things. We've been retelling.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You're just not supposed to talk about anything bad that's ever happened to you because you're just going to manifest more things.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, we've been manifesting like all the bad. But look, I look 2:03am heard sound in neighbor's backyard. And then I looked out and he was standing there. It was so scary. God, that's so scary.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Well, I had fun on my iPhone last night. I fell asleep watching the Muppet show and looking at cars on Facebook market. And then I went to sleep and then I was doing my investigative research on estate sales because I still don't think they're real and I still have not figured out how to find them. But I really want to go to one before I leave town. Like, I'm like really determined.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

There's probably like a website that's like aestatesales.com.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

No, there literally is, but it was made in 1942 and it literally functions like for somebody who only reads newspapers, like if you really look at it, a lot of those old websites are based on newspapers. And I've never read a newspaper and my God damn life. So I have no idea what to look for. I like don't know how to navigate that with my eyes.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

The only time I ever like, used. Okay, so when I was younger, like Lone Star News would have like field trips and we would go and see how like newspapers were made. Do I look big today or something? Like, why do you keep looking at me?

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Oh, I'm looking at your belt. And I keep thinking about how I have those two belts that I ordered that don't fit me and I need to return them and I already put in the exchange, so. So I'm getting sent these other belts and I'm probably just gonna get charged for these belts.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

My tummy hurt.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

What?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

But I. We would go on field trips to like see how newspapers were created. And it was really sick and really exciting for me because it was like giant rolls of paper, like massive. And then the other time I ever read a newspaper was when I took Silly putty. And you would put silly putty on the newspaper and you could create a stamp and lift the ink and put it on the thing. And I did that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Oh, I think I did that with magazines.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I did that with my newspaper article about me winning the art show because I was like, oh, I'm so, like, I'm so different. Like, I don't.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You are different. You're like doing collage. Other kids are like outside playing like, and enjoying life. And you're inside like doing mosaic, playing with ink that probably had lead in it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I did mosaic one time. The one and only time I did mosaic, I like was cutting the tiles and like I was making this like design. I don't know what the to call it. And there were tiles like all over the floor and there were tiles like cut tiles all over the floor. And like I was moving around on my knees and I sliced my knee. It was bad. It was.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Do you have like jeans on at least?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No, it was shorts. It was to the bone. I was, I was literally like 10 years old.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Why were you doing mosaics and playing with glass at 10 years old?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Because I was just an artistic.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Honestly. No, it goes to show. What, like, where were your parents? Like actually, why were you having no guidance?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No, actually, where were my parents?

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

No, where were you?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No, she was helping me.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Well, it's funny you went to a newspaper factory. Cuz the only factory they took us to as a kid is we went to Krispy Kreme.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Back at it again at Krispy Kreme. Back at it again at Krispy Kreme. The. Why did you nod now?

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

That's not it, right?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Oh my God.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Well, that is it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Is it?

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah, it's. It's that dude who's like back at it again at Crispy Cream.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Oh. For some reason I thought it was a different.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Because the whole funny thing is like, does he do that all the time?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Like, why is he in there flipping one of the. I think that is like magnum opus vine for me. My favorite vine is that one specifically because of the amount of questions you have after that one. And I bet you thought we wouldn't steal a bus. We stole a bus. And I just recently watched like a dissertation video on that video. And then I found out that she made a video telling the story of.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

How to see that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

It's really sick.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

But yeah, I also K and colleague come get your juice. But I don't know their names. That's my biggest.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Come get your juice.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

That's my biggest thing is Like, I don't know what the names are. It could be, like, Kim and Colin. Like, like Kay and Colleen. Like, it literally could be, like, so many names, but because I can't see them. I literally was going to do this thing during COVID I don't know if you remember. I was, like, writing down a bunch of vines that I felt like, had so many questions to them. And I really wanted to be on my investigative journal shit. And hunt these people down and know what happened after. Like, how did that happen? Why did you do that? What? Who had the idea and all these things? But I have the brain of a mastermind.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No, I have the mind. Oh, what the fuck was I going to say?

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I don't know.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

We need to bring them onto the podcast one. But what was I starting? Oh, the thing about the Krispy Kreme video is it never actually happened. Why do you keep looking at me?

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I'm looking at your shirt making me.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Insecure about my body.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You literally have the most graphic T shirt on that you've worn in, like, the past four months. And I'm just looking at the design on it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

It's also the same shade your skin.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

So you kind of just look naked.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Looks like you have a huge nipple on the front of your chest. And also your hat is, like, the same.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Oh, my God, Kai, you're going in.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Can you leave me the alone? Sandy shoes, sandy bottom, soggy bottom.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Why do we have to bring up the shoes?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

You're a dusty, saggy, soggy bottom.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I really can't believe there's video of your shoes, like, actually turning to dust on camera.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

They. The sand spilled out. It's really, really jarring. It's really, really crazy.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

It's not bad. It's just you look naked, and I think it's a good outfit, but you look naked.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Okay. And it's not bad that you're a soggy, dusty bottom. I never said that was a bad thing.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Okay.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

But, yeah, we went to the Krispy Kreme factory. That's where they take. It took us. They didn't take us to, like, a newspaper factory, a magazine factory or something? No, they literally took us also. It wasn't even the factory. It was the Krispy Kreme. Krispy Kreme store that all of us had already been to in our life. And they took us there and they had the windows and had us put on little hair nets and go stand outside of the window. We didn't even get, like, a VIP experience. We got the same experience. You got when you went to this Krispy Kreme because this was one of the Krispy Kremes that had all the clear windows so you could see the machines making them and everybody making the Krispy Kreme donuts. So they literally just took us to Krispy Kreme and had us pay 15 to the school to take us to.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

That is crazy.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Do you remember going such a scam? Because everybody, like someone made a really funny TikTok where I was like, why are plane tickets so expensive? You're already going that way. Just let me get on like stop being stingy. And that's literally how I feel about the field trips. Every kid, like 50 kids don't have to give you 15 to cover the bus charge. The buses work for the school. The buses, that same bus is taking me home after school. Like I'm already getting on the bus. Like why are you taking 15?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

You have to bring your own lunches.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

And I know it's insane.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

At least feed me. And then like the stress of having to get your, your paper signs signature.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I would, I would fake the out of that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I was never brave enough until I was like in high school. Like I wasn't brave enough to like forge my parents signatures.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I think as a kid I didn't understand that like forging a signature was not only immoral but a crime. But in my head I was like, why am I going to have this conversation with my parents? Like, no. And I would just sign it. Also, I would always forget. Like I would constantly forget because if I turn my head from something, it no longer exists if I'm not like having my eyes on it. So I would always forget. And then the morning of the field trip, my teacher would be like. Or like the day before the day of the field trip, she'd be like, all right, last call. Like who has your field trips? And then I would just forge my, my dad's signature.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

That's lit. That is lit. Yeah, that's really lit.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Oh my God. Okay. Like he don't sound like you think that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No, it's just like cool that you would just commit a crime like that, like fraud. But like whatever.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I was like, I didn't realize, I.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Don'T know, I just don't find that cool. You know what's crazy is I, when I was like 14 or 15, there was like a vine made of me. So I had just gone to a rave that night. I was like fif. I. No, I was 16 cuz I, I drove there and I went to this Rave in Dallas. And I snuck out, and it was not supposed to be there. And my mom and my parents, like, knew I was going to these raves, but they didn't know what I was doing at this rave. Like, I was always, like, good at, like, being. Like.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

They thought you were just dancing.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, they thought I was just having a fun time. But, no, I was doing Molly at 16 and ruining my brain. Don't do that. It's the worst thing you can ever, ever, ever do to your brain. And I'm not kidding. Don't do it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Perfect examples of that. Because, like, just look at me, and I'm. It's like, whoa. Gorgeous. Really grew into that brain. Then look at him, and it's like, whoa. So something went very wrong.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No, there's definitely holes in my brain. I don't know if that's real, but the Molly worms milled into my brain. Millie. Millie walked into my brain.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

What the are you saying? What? Where's the story going?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

So I went to this raven, Dallas, and I did Molly at the ripe age of 16, and it was the worst thing I've ever done. But we started to get home, and I was, like, the only one that could drive because everyone was also twacked out. And I was just like, it. Like, I'll do it. And, like, drove an hour and a half, an hour and 45 back home. Like, I was driving hella slow. Very safe. It was. I'm genuinely saying, like, this isn't me trying to be cool. Like, this is not chill. This shouldn't have happened.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Do not do this.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Do not do this. Like, it's the wor. One of the worst things I've ever done. But then I got home at, like, midnight, and one of my neighbors were throwing a party, and I went to this party, and in the bathroom, like, me and my homies, like, went to the bathroom, and they started doing really, really bad things. And I was like, okay, that's where I draw the line. I'm not gonna do that. And while we were in the bathroom, they were bank. Like, cops started banging on the door and busting the party, and, like, they filtered out the house, and they didn't go into the bathroom. We're like, oh, we're good. Like, we just have to camp out here for, like, another hour, and we're good. And then they started banging on the bathroom door, and they were like, get out of the bathroom and all this. And we were like, no, like, we're gonna stay in here. And then my homie, like, threw the bad in the toilet and flushed it. And the cops were screaming, like, don't flush the toilet. Why are you flushing the toilet? Like, all this. And then we all three, like, came out, and they were like, what the were you doing in there? And we were like, oh, we were just, like, chilling. Like, we were. We were hiding. We were just, like, trying to get away from you guys. Well, this was a party of a bunch of minors with alcohol, But I had just gotten there, and I wasn't planning on drinking because, like, I know, like, the reactions that that causes in your brain, it's just not good. It's very neurotoxic. And I was like, if I'm gonna do one neurotoxic thing, I'm not gonna do two and ruin my brain even further. So I was just like, I'm gonna chill. Well, the cops took all of us outside. There was, like, probably 40 of us out front, and they put us in a big circle, and it started to rain, and they started breathalyzing each and every single one of us, like, all in the circle. And I was the only person that blew zeros because I didn't drink that night. And the cops were super sus about that. And they were like, why did everybody else. Blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, I didn't drink. And then, like, as I was blowing the second time around, a kid was recording me and uploaded it on vine of me blowing zeros. And, like, everybody in this circle, like, celebrated and was like, yeah, like, just going crazy. And that's kind of my story. And then the cops, when they were going back around reading everybody, they're like breathalyzer numbers. They switched mine with this girl, and they said that I blew numbers. And everybody was like, he just blew zeros. Like, why are you trying to like. And they were, like, fighting. And then I was like, I'll blow a third time if I have to. Like, I didn't. And it was just, like, this big deal. But then he was just like, okay, go home. And I just got in my car and drove home. Or, no, we walked there, and I got in my car and walked home.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah, so that was your victory story. But it's funny because you still did drugs. So, like, if I was there, I would have snitched on you.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Drugs are cool. Drugs are really.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

If I was there and I was drunk and I knew you did Molly, I would have been like, yeah, he blew zeros because he did Molly. And then we would have never been friends.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No. Like, the thing was, was like, you know the story, the show euphoria that was written about my life. I was actually in the room.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Oh my God, that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

And that's why I'm in the third season.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah, that makes so. I mean, like being in the third season and being the janitor, that's like in the background at the school. Like, I don't know that. Like, I wouldn't put that on my like IMBD or anything. But it is still a feat to be on camera with some of the biggest stars in the world.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I just don't have lines.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You don't have lines.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

But like, I'm still on screen sharing the screen. Sydney Sweeney.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

That's what I'm saying. Like, that's cool. But I don't know that I would brag about that because.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, you'll. You'll be saying that once I get my royalties check of 3 cents. Yeah, 3 cents a month for the rest of my life. But we were talking about that yesterday that like, we are actively witnessing like the Robert Downey Jr. The Leonardo DiCaprio, the Scarlett Johansson's of our generations.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Like, I was gonna say, you better name a woman because you're counting.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Oh, no, I got the girls.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah, okay.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

The girly. The girls.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah. We're literally watching the Hollywood renaissance happening where all the like, the stars we grew up on are just like moving on and kind moving out. Maybe not by choice because they're all like obsessed with still being famous. And it's like, dude, if I had the money you had, I would like shut up and never be on camera again because, like, I don't want to watch you on screen anymore. But that's just my take. And I'll probably have a different take by the time that like, I like, if I ever get to be on camera like that, I'll probably do it till I'm like 88, because I love attention at that point. So I should shut the up. But it's crazy like, yeah. Seeing all the new faces and it's crazy like I'm one of those faces because I'm actually in the Idol.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Oh, really?

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah, I'm on. I'm in. I'm the big finale. I shouldn't be saying that. We have.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, we have to cut that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I'm the big finale. It's just me. I don't play character.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I'm also in.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

It's literally character is like decompressing and like she's like hard day being a pop star. And it's her in bed and she's watching my YouTube videos.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, nasty.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Because it's her comfort. It's my old vlog.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I don't know if I would want to be tied to that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I mean, that's what you say until you see my royalties. See, I have real royalties.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

17 sins.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Should I read the crazy thing that I wrote that I don't remember writing yesterday? Or like this I remember this is. I said this into my phone. So. Also, Siri is fucked up and can never understand what the fuck I'm saying. So this probably has a million typos, but it's a really long paragraph that I just like went on a tangent over. I said, there is no better feeling than derealizing for five hours on the couch to any media I can get my hands on to. Whoa. To any media I could get my hands on to overstimulate me for that time. And then after those four hours, getting up and realizing I can move my legs and like move my whole body and it just gives me this insane adrenaline rush because A reminder that I am alive after being gone from this planet for six hours. So I blast a song I really like and I dance around for like two minutes. And then as the song's coming to an end, I start realizing that I have nowhere to go to. To dance like this. So dancing like this in my house is just not nearly as fulfilling as being out in the wild or being out at a club and dancing with other people and then going back to overstimulating myself because I just can't get that kind of joy that I had for two minutes and that I'm seeking in moment this. Because it usually happens around 3pm anyways, which is brief, which is brave of me to even say because that would insinuate that I wake up at 9am or something. But I haven't woken up before 11pm in like nine weeks. And I think I'm going to kill myself. So I said all of that into my phone last night alone in my bedroom.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Something is seriously wrong with you. Yeah, like there's something.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I mean, someone out there knows exactly the feeling.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No, no, I fully relate to that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

So it's like something's. Actually something's wrong with you because I didn't even. I wrote that for people like you. I don't have those feelings. I just wanted to monetize and profit off of people, weird people like you.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Who have that feeling. Yeah. Mental health is sexy.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Mental health is like a thing that you can sell now. So.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah. And it's weird. Mental health is weird. The commodity yourself is weird.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

The commodification of mental health.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

The ossification of mental health.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Okay, well, this is one of the notes that I have. I can look at a guy or girl. We don't. We. We. You know what I'm saying? Like, we don't discriminate here.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Oh, okay.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Okay. And I can look at a guy and a girl and know if they have stinky private parts. I can just tell. It's like a sixth sense. I really can just, like, look at you and know, like, if you're, like, a little skinky down there, I would agree.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

But I would even say that it's kind of hard because some of the most, like, clean and well put people I've ever met, you find out that they have really not lit hygiene. What?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I just know. I know someone.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah. Like, you can, like, you get down to the bottom of it, and it's like, damn, I would have never thought that if I saw you outside. It's like. But that's. That's. Then there's a lot of people who, like, fake practice good hygiene. They don't got that. They don't have that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I don't fake it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You. Yeah. Cuz you just don't do it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

So.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Well, I.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Wait, you did something crazy. Oh, my God. Drew showered twice yesterday. Something is happening.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I showered at the gym, and then I showered last night because Enya was smoking cigarettes and blowing it all over my body, and it was in. It was in my sebasis. Sebaceous glands. And it was just like, I could smell it faintly and it was just awful, awful, awful.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

He'd rather smell like methamphetamine from his puff bar.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Cigarettes.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah. I actually.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I've never smelled meth, but some of those puff bars is what I assume the smell of someone doing Matt Josiah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Smells like cat piss. Like, unironically smells like cat piss. And, like, I'm not the only person to tell him that. And when he smokes that, like, I can.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

What flavor does he have?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I don't know what it's called. Is it the red and orange one?

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Orange.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah. I can find him, like, in the house based off of the scent of Cap is following him wherever he goes.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Drew is sipping on watermelon sour peach today, if anybody was wondering. We should do your flavors of the day.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, Watermelon.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

But I guess that's gonna end because since you're quitting in a week, I think when this episode comes out, you will have quit already.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Wow.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Wow.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Which is very big, very big news. And we also yesterday watched or two days ago watched the Apple Vision unveiling and I wanted to get your key on that. I wanted to know what your thoughts are.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

My thoughts, it's annoying because like we just have such like not such opposite thoughts. But I think everybody knows that as much as I rely on technology and social media for my livelihood, I just have so many grievances with it and disagreements with it and I don't know, I fall in this in between place. I remember I got into a really crazy argument with my ex over surveillance and how I just don't care for surveillance and I kind of still feel like that. But there are certain things that I think are crossing the line and once it starts to feel super inhumane, the idea that I'd be wearing this thing and it can sense another human like looking at me and coming up to me to talk to me and then giving a recording of my eyes, it just feels weird. Like I don't know. I, I, I'm in between. I think it's awesome because specifically for a plane, like I would love to have that thing on on a plane flight. Like on a flight, on a seven hour flight. That would be awesome. Although it only lives for two hours.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

So I just saw that in a comment somewhere. I don't know if that's.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

No, Marcus said it did.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Really? Oh yeah. We love MKBHD in this house. We stand.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I literally, I genuinely love him.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Papa be giving.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

We're like papa. But yeah, he said it lasts for two hours but you can plug it into like a port or something and like keep it going forever. Which I think would actually drain all the power from a plane and crash it because that machine shouldn't be plugged in in a plane.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I wonder if they're going to make like different size battery packs.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah, I mean I would, it would be beneficial to have like a bigger battery pack just so that it can live longer. Because he made a good point in his video too. That a huge thing they're trying to sell with it is this interactiveness in terms of watching movies. And like Josh just passed away and.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

His ghost floated out of the house. I hope you can hear that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

This immersive experience of watching movies. So why the would the Battery only last 2 hours? Most movies are either 2 hours and 10 minutes or like oh my God, you're like fading away.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I just don't with them.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Oh my God. I know. Sometimes it's like scary like you're, there's.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Like an energy coming from the camera.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah. Sometimes it's like we're talking and then it's like, oh, you're here.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Oh, wow.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

No, I didn't know you were actually gonna come. So it's like. I don't know, it's weird. But yeah, the battery life is weird. But mainly how I feel about it is I just believe that. I don't believe in the progression of technology and whatever. People can argue that. I understand. There's pros and cons. There's pros and cons to everything, but in my head I'm just like, a lot of it is scary.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Like, my take on comfortable is I think Apple Vision is going to suck. I think the first generation product isn't going to be what we want, but like, four generations down the line, it'll get smaller and cheaper and it will be sick. I'm still getting one. Might get a second one.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah, I mean, I still want to get one just because of the.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

It's important.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

It's like a huge step in technology even though. But I also probably won't do that because I won't touch it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah. Even though VR has, like, been around for so long, like, I do think this is like the genesis of, like, the new frontier that we're gonna explore. Like, the iPhone was like. I do think it's gonna be something that's like adopted widely. Not at first, because they're even limiting it to an American audience, which is crazy because I didn't know that user database like, to do that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Like, I don't know, because our data laws are so much more loose here that they can consume. No, literally. I wonder if that's it. It's because it's like also an American company. So that's. Most companies are probably like, we don't want you collecting data here.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

But my ultimate take on it is like, I'm excited for it. I'm excited for the future. And like, we've been living in this like, weird dystopia for like the last, like 10, 20 years where it's like all of the bad things about the future are happening and we're not getting anything good. But, like, we're finally getting, like the good part. Like one of the good parts, which is like something you can just like immerse yourself in and like, escape all the bad parts, which, like, it's a product of the environment. Like, it's not gonna fix the problems, but, like, at least it'll make it a little easier.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

It literally. This is the corniest thing Ever. But I watching Marx's video, I was like, damn, I need to re watch Wall E as a full grown adult because it is so real.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

It's coming soon.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

We really are just like headed towards the inevitable end which I won't be alive for, which makes me happy. And if it does start, I will simply kill myself. Stop playing with me. But yeah, but that's also. I just have the tendency to think very pessimistic and also I do nothing but envy the lack of technology.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, I'm just following though.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I'm obsessed with technology because it like runs my whole life.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

But yeah, I'm just falling for the psychological operation of the Apple vision. Like I recognize that but like, but.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You also in general just usually you're like way more invested in like the future of technology than I am.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I am like, I just like to see the good, the good in everything. I just try, I try hard.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Scares me really bad. But that's also why I was like, I, I'm like, where does this conversation even go? Because it's just always me being like, no, that's a no from me. Cuz I just, it freaks me out. Also it shouldn't take pictures that like that like, yeah, that was the craziest.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Thing I've ever seen was being like, oh, like you can watch, yeah, you can watch back your memories like a black mirror episode. But then like they showed how it's done and it's this dude with this mask on his face taking photos of these children. Like it's weird. It's like the dad with the 14 foot giant camera at the birthday parties when they were younger. Like it's an eyesore. It's weird.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

It's not natural which even that. I wonder if that felt as unnatural because I think it's one thing to have this like thing because already with iPhones it bothers me. Like I genuinely don't believe in recording everything. But then I think about how I am so jealous of people who have these tapes. There's but I don't know, there's something so different about it being like a digital phone where you can upload it and immediately re watch it. And this for some reason that really bothers me. And I feel like with like tapes and digital cameras, even like before, before the year 2005, it was a big thing to record a few minutes of something and then kind of like drop your phone and keep it pushing. But I don't know, maybe I'm just, just being one of those annoying people who's like, it's so different now when it's kind of been the same. People have always wanted to record and document things that are happening because memories have always been such an important part of not only history, but human nature. People love to preserve ideas and feelings because we're so obsessed with feeling good. And a part of feeling good is being nostalgic. Blah, blah, blah. So there's that, but something about it being on your face, it's like, I think that's so crazy. That's the killer.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Like, yeah, that's, like, unanimous. Like. Like, it will only be adopted when it's a chip into your brain, like, widely. And I will be getting that chip immediately. I don't give a. But you should look into the work of Ted Kaczynski. I think you'd really like his work. Oh, well, Listen to this factoid. 295, 000 people, 00037 of the population holds 33. 3% of all wealth on Earth. It's pretty crazy.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I'm not kidding. Numbers are like, I. I have no idea what you just said. And I really tried to listen. Like, I was, like, looking at, like, a blank thing because I was like, okay, he's saying numbers. I have to listen. But numbers are so hard for my brain to grasp that I have no idea what you just said, so you have to repeat it or I'll read it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Because.00037% of the population holds the 33% of all wealth on Earth.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

So insane.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

That's literally what I was thinking of when I watched that keynote.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Like, I remember I watched him. What? The next day, I drove over here to do the podcast, and I was like, the roads in LA are so fucked up. Like, I want potholes. Like, this is. I don't want to strap a computer to my face. Especially when, like, the people that are in that. That fraction, they make passively, like, a million dollars a day just from, like, what they also.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

They're so old. And like, yeah, it's all these old people who are just giving it to their greedy little mongrel family, rodent kids who are gonna just do the same thing because they are gonna grow up and be like, my life was awesome. Why would I suffer when you don't have to suffer, you just don't need to hoard. It's literally a disease. Like, you have a disease. You are a hoarder.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah. No dead ass. It's weird. It's scary and diabolical, and I just wanted to share that factoid with Y' all. Because it is very interesting. It's very, very much. Which brings me to my next point. That my most ideal life is starting a small business and packing the orders myself and selling little trinkets and plastic goods out of. Out of my bedroom in my house in upstate New York.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

That sounds really nice.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I'll just work for you because I don't want to do anything, so I'll just take the stuff to the post office.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Well, you'll have your shop. I'll have my online shop.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I do want to shop. That's like, my dream is to have a shop, period.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

I want to get. I want to get a tattoo on my finger with little mustache.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I was gonna say. Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

And then hold it like this and then write a galaxy bacon.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Why don't you?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Mustache bacon.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

I'm going to Galaxy mustache bacon.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You should literally just do it. Who cares? Tattoos are literally funny.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Like, I'm going to.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I'm like, yeah, you should do it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah. You're, like, ruin your life.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I mean, you're already, like, you don't have much left. You might as well do the fun stuff. You're, like, pushing. Like, you're getting really old. So.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

No, I. I have many.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You know what I'm saying?

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Many years.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Wow.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

I mean, I have many years.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I don't know if I would call four years many, but you have some years under your belt.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

No, I'll be. No, I have many decades.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

87.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

No, I'm not gonna be 87. Why does it keep moving up? I'm gonna be working on this podcast with you guys for 40 years.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

We'll miss you.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

It's gonna cost $500 to buy a cup of coffee.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

And we're all gonna have computers strapped.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

It's gonna cost $500 to buy a coffee. But then, like, everything else will reflect it because, like, that's just. The government is good like that, and, like, they make sure it reflects.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Yeah. Yeah. Wages will go up about 2%.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Florida. Oh. And by that time, Florida will be, like, number one state. It'll have the crown.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

They're so good.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

And it will be underwater.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Damn, dude. Someone the other day said. I, like, was like. We were all talking about where we were from, and they go. They go, and it's from Florida. And I was like, no, I'm not.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I literally was like, guys, you don't claim that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Guys, don't fucking say that about me, please. I think I'm from Miami. And they're like, yeah, Florida. I'm like, like, It's. It is not the same, but it is under the same scary state.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

That was, like, now, like, it's always been a joke to be like, oh, you're from Florida, but Florida is so terrifying right now that somebody, like, looking at me in a crime be like, Florida. It literally felt like it was like one of those moments where someone points.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

In a movie and then you believe everything Florida is doing right now. That's what that person is saying. I'm not saying.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Okay. I thought you were trying to, like, put me out there.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No, no, that's.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

That's between us.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah. Wait, what? No.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Whoa.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I just feel like you guys are putting me on the spot and, like, I don't think I need.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Those are crocodile deers. Those are crocodile tears, honey.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Whoa. I think I would be happier if I was somebody who let outside clothes on my bed. I thought about that because, yeah, I'm so, like.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Disease that you have that, like, you can't do anything. It's, like, not chill.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Like, I just don't like to be in my room when I'm dirty. And then I just haven't been hanging out in my room because I just don't want to be in there because the only place to lay is my bed, but I don't want to get in my bed in my outside clothes. So I just don't hang out in my room. And last night when I got to my room, I had this thought that I haven't been in there in so long. And that's probably what's been making me so sad. But I think I'm just so sad because every day is business.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Three days a noon, say, every day.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

In LA has looked the same. I'm sure you've seen everybody complain about it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I wrote. I wrote that down because I was like, dude, it has been cloudy for 86 days in a row. And I am the first person to support and rally behind an overcast day because it really is, like, the greatest thing to ever happen. But it's overcast without rain. It's. And, like, it's starting to be really scary.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

And it's just also annoying because you see everybody else on your iPhone out in the sun having fun. And I live in a sunny place, AKA Los Angeles, but where is the sun? Don't you think it really makes you think?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Everybody in New York posting this is. This episode is coming out so far after this. So me saying this is so stupid. Everybody posting the, like, fire skies in New York are so obviously people who have never lived in la, because everybody's posting it. Like when people in LA see a rainbow and we all have to post it because we never see rain or rainbows. So we, like, have to post it on our story. That's what everybody in New York is doing about the sky. They're like Brad's orange out. Like, wow. Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

They've obviously never grown up in Texas. I grew up in Hood County.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Okay.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Really did.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I know.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

But, like, from the trenches of Granbury.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Cranberry is. Is a place. Yes, yes.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Granbury is the worst place. They made an episode of We're Here about Granberry.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I know. I think we talked.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Did we talk about that?

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I think we might have. We might have.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Like. Yeah, we briefly touched on it. Really diabolical vibe. Really scary. Really scary. What this world has come to. And another thing that people have been saying about me recently is that there was pre Lasik and Post Lasik Drew, and that I was a silly, sillier boy. Pre Lasik, which. Yeah, that's probably true. Yeah, that's probably true.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Wait, why?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I was also.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You said Celia.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No, I said sillier. But I also, like, am like an adult. An adult. A grown ass man with a fully formed brain. Like, this is the brain I'm gonna have for the rest of my life, unfortunately.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

And it's really terrifying. It's like genuinely.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah. I was also thinking about how, like, I've literally never been in love in my life because I'm not capable of love. I'm capable of love. Like, I love people in my life, but, like, love, love, like, that's never gonna happen for me. And that the closest I ever got was with someone who is scared of themselves.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah. I mean it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Also, you're still obsessed with me. They're nasty. Leave me the alone, you freak bitch. Like, it's not even, like, hurtful at this point to get a text from them. It's literally disgusting. And I'm like, leave me the alone. You're embarrassed.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

It's crazy because there was. I was thinking the other day, like, there was a world where that did happen, and it would have been so not good. It would have been so, so bad. So it's good that it didn't happen.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I would have been killed.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah, I'm not kidding. You would have been killed. Everybody has their killer, and that's Drew's killer. I don't know who my killer is yet. I haven't, like, unveiled them. Like, it's. It's still like.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, maybe it's sitting right in front of you and you've never even noticed.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Yeah, maybe it is Drew. Maybe it is Drew.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I don't think it was. It's true. I think it's you.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

What? No, no.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Kai's too. To kill someone.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No, I was saying that I'm your.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Oh, that you're. Okay, that makes more sense. You, like, are not the killer.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

Like, wait, no, I could definitely kill someone. No, no, I could.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Absolutely.

[Unknown Male Speaker 3]

I am not too much of a.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

This is going to age. Like that. That clip of David Dobrik being like, what if I accidentally kill one of my friends?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

For real? For real.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Okay. My other note is I think I just need to do math. And that's the last thing I thought to myself at 2:45am that I thought was necessary to write down. And I say that because, I don't know, I need excitement in my life. I actually think I'm gonna go see a psychologist. I decided last year, go to a.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Psychiatrist and get legal meth, Adderall. Y' all are all taking methods.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I don't want to go to a psychiatrist because I don't want to, like, be given anything, but I want to go to a psychologist because I want them to tell me what's wrong with me, and I want to see if something's wrong with me, and I will bring back my results. Don't you worry.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Should we do that together?

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah. Unless they're actually frightening, then you will never hear about this again. But I need to know what's wrong with me. I genuinely cannot describe in words how I feel. I literally feel like my brain has half of its power.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

So me and Enya have been watching some stand up comedy recently with Josh, and it has been genuinely scaring the out of us and, like, making me think very, very weirdly. Okay, they're alive. The neighbors are alive. Okay, good. Has been making me think very, very weirdly about comedy in general and performance in general. And it's specifically people bombing that makes me very, very uncomfortable. But, like, also, like, on top of that, like, the Persona a lot of these comedians take up, like, as part of their, like, character because they're performing like they're. I don't think they act like that in real life. And if they do, it's a character that they've got lost in. But, yeah, I like, it's just been freaking me out. All of it has just been freaking me out. And we watched an episode of this, like, podcast comedy thing, and there was a guest judge on there, or not even a judge. There was a guest on there that, like, he was freaking us, dude.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

It was so, so bad. And like, it, it was so bad for my brain because right before we watched it, we had watched Eric Andre and we watched the film. It's still holds up. It's still so funny. But we watched one episode and then I was like, dude, I'm sorry to do this, but I have never watched that show high. And I was like, if this is funny to my sober brain, I need to see how my high brain reacts to this. So I was like, I'm gonna take an edible and we're gonna like, let's watch something else for 30 minutes and then we'll watch this. But what ended up happening is we watched an hour and a half of this show, which I'm sure if people watch it, they'll know what the we're talking about. But I'm not saying the name of that show.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I know, I don't want to say it either.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Like, no, I want to bully that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Little man, but nasty blazer, like, nasty blazers.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

We ended up, instead of just watching like a Mr. Beast video or something, we ended up in this hour and a half journey of literally watching somebody go through their. Like, I don't even know what the it was, but because I was high, we started it when I was sober. And then right when this guy started tweaking and freaking the out, I was getting high. And then it was freaking me out. And I literally, at one point, he's like, I'm gonna shut up because my edible is hitting. But he didn't shut up. He just kept getting, like, crazy.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

It was really, really dark.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Literally felt like I was watching myself or something. Like, I don't know how to describe. I was like, oh, my God, have I ever acted like this? Like, this is really insane. And it was just, dude, it was freaking me out.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Like, yeah, it was just, dude, I, I, yeah, it's just something you have to see and you'll never see. And like, because, you know.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah, because, oh my God, it was so scary. Like, stand up is so weird. And then like, we watched the Eric Andre show. So funny. But then we moved back to stand up and it was freaking me the out. Like, I genuinely couldn't understand. Not that I couldn't understand the jokes, but it was just making me feel so weird.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Like, people gathering in a room to watch someone tell jokes is such a weird concept. And, like, they all hold them, like the comedians on such like a high pedestal. And like, when they don't make you laugh, like, you freak out and you.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Get angry and it, like, just makes me so uncomfortable. Like, it literally makes me so uncomfortable when someone's saying a joke and it doesn't make me laugh even though I'm not there. Like, I'm literally watching a video of this and then I think about how it's our job to be funny, and I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? We're like, that is so weird. It was just. Dude, it was really freaking me out. Like, I literally. There shouldn't be videos of people doing stand up on the television.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

For real.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

On the television?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

On the telly.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

On the telly.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Love.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Oh, yeah. I should have access to seeing someone bomb. Like, there shouldn't be. That shouldn't be recorded and put on the Internet. That is honestly the most evil thing ever. Which is brave of me to say because most of this podcast is like, there's at least 10 hours of me just bombing and not doing well. So brave of me to say that, but like, oh, dude, it was just freaking me out. It was really, really scaring me. And then it was crazy because I was thinking, I don't bomb.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I've never bombed on this.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

What was I saying? Okay, I just have a hard time lying, so I just couldn't reply to you because it would hurt your feelings. But what the was I gonna say? Oh, my God.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Sorry.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Oh, it's also was freaking me out because I was just thinking about how, like, we're moving into this era of AI and wondering if laborers, like people like, who. Like people in my family who, like, do construction and like, labor and physical work. I wonder if they'll. Well, I don't know that they'll be working by the time this switch happens. But we've talked about this, how with the uproar of AI and it's going to be able to take so many jobs, a really important job, or at least what we're assuming will be laborers, like people who know, have physical talents, physical things they can create, they can do. They can build houses, they can build a table, they can do all these sorts. Yeah. And then because of that and because of watching stand up, I was just thinking about how being like a jester and a fool used to be such a low grade job. It used to be this thing that was a mockery to society. There's always been entertainment, but like, like, I feel like there was a point where actors and plays and like all these things and all these other forms of artistry, which is again, brave to call comedy artistry to a Certain extent.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I think it is.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah, to a certain extent for sure. But, like. Because entertainment in general is ours. Yeah, Entertainment is art, but whatever. That's a whole other conversation. But, like, it used to be like, oh, the king's jester. This idiot who you just drag into the room and you. They don't get paid anything.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

They're like.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Like just in ball and chain, and you're like, oh, you stupid. Do a dance. To think that it went from that to being. People get paid so much to go on world tours where they're just on stage telling jokes was really freaking me out. And then I was like, damn, dude. Things change so much.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

It's just. And now people who aren't funny have comedian in their bio on ig.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

That is true. That is very true. Now people who aren't naturally funny won't shut up.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Up.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Someone's going to be like, yeah, yeah, us.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Us too. Like, yeah, I'm so funny. Like, I told.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I just gave you an easy blow. That's how funny I am, is I gave you, like, an easy blow.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

A little lob.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

But, yeah, that's it. I'm just feeling existential, I guess, today, and I need the sun to come out or I actually think something really, really, really, really, really bad is going to happen to me.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah. Hello. I'm sitting right here. I'm the bad thing that's gonna.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I'm the bad thing. I'm the bad fly. Did you make that up?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No, Josiah did.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

That is really good. I'm the bad fly. Do you get it? That was. That's something like Weird Al would make in, like, 2003. We need Josiah back on because Josiah is literally such a hoot and a holler, even though I don't think people want to see Josiah again. But, you know, you have no choice.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

It's our podcast and not yours. Someone said I was the Katya and that India was the Trixie, and it ain't. I want Trixie and Kati on this.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Show because I'm sexy. Scary.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

And that's the dynamic that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Did you call Trixie not sexy?

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

She's.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

She's.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I didn't say she's not sexy. I said she's scary.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Trixie. Oh, no, no, no. She's the girl.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

No, Katya is hilarious. But can we agree she's scary?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, yeah, but she's scary the way.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You'Re scary real people.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I need them on the podcast separately. I know we could probably do it because I think they're with the same company. It Says go into the genre verse. Into the genre verse. You go.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

The.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Are you saying I just got a thing that popped up? The hell was that?

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Hey, the loudest notification ever just played that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Hello by Beyonce. The Big Dream, David Lynch, Iifa DJ Paul. Let's Make a Stain MC Max. Oh, no, no, no. I'm not giving you that one. I've already given that one. Motion three by Roan. That's my media. And then I'm watching last season at Succession. Pretty good, pretty chill, pretty good show ever.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Come on.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I've never watch Mob Psycho.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Well, I've been watching the Muppet Show. Hello. No one talking about the Muppets anymore. That's where I'm at. I'm watching the Muppets. And then my songs are Goodbye Again, John Denver, Arthur's Theme, Christopher Cross. Is that Love? Todd Ruddington. And then I go to Rio. But the Muppets version.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I don't want to go to Rio. I said, no, no, no, this is mine. Did you start that because of Josh, or did Josh start because of you?

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Josh randomly brought up the Muppets to me, and he. I don't think he realized, like, I was obsessed with the Muppets when I was younger. So then I was just, like, talking to him about the Muppet show because he was watching the Muppets movies, and I was like, have you seen the show? He was like, no, I didn't know there was a show. So then we went on a deep dive together of just watching the Muppets. And then in one of the episodes, they did this one, and I hadn't seen this episode.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

One day we'll have Josh on here, but he's a big vagina baby and won't be on the podcast. Josh is a loser and won't be on the podcast. You hear that?

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I don't think he's here anymore.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

No, he's here. I could hear him back there laughing. And the ghost leaving his body. The ghost of Josh left his body because we could have him on to talk about great things like the Muppets. Same with Orion. She's a big loser. She's a loser.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You know what it is, is I will say, I think for most people, podcasts are really scary, and I understand why. Because you have to fill an hour with talking, and most people don't realize that it is. It's annoying to be like, it's a taxing thing, but it's not the easiest to not only talk, but hearing yourself talk for an hour straight back for the first Time is really jarring because all you do is over analyze yourself and listen to the words you say and the way you form your sentences. And it's really easy to be like, wow, I am one of the most unintelligent humans walking the Earth. I should never speak again. And I think most people are scared of that. But I think we'll get Orion on this summer. No, wait, actually, are you sad? Pride. When this comes out, Pride is almost over. It's like halfway over.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

You mean the deadly sin month? Pride Month. The deadly sin.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I don't know that. Oh, I. Oh, my God. Wait, Pride is actually one of this seven deadly sins.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, let's talk about.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I mean, but. No, but.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

But that's a different.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

A different pride, a different this. I mean, like LGBT pride.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Like a little Pride Month out. And look in the middle, you'll see your answer.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

D lgbtbd.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

The D E M O N. Demon.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Oh, Demon Kratz.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

All of the demon crats out there, the liberals.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You know. Wait, what's the name of that one guy who was like, my wife isn't. Does it get wet?

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Ben Shapiro.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You serve Ben Shapiro? When he start talking about fraud, it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, I don't with that crap. It's really just not that good.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

I just think it's, like, weird to even, like, talk about it like that. You could just have a stance where, I mean, if you feel it has nothing to do with you, just like, let it happen and let people enjoy themselves and express themselves.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Absolutely not.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Okay. I mean, you just fill your time with being hateful.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

The Illuminati. Hello. The Illuminati is going to get us.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Wait, this is. I don't know if you saw this Tik Tok. I. I sent you, like, 18 TikToks, and I don't think you watched any.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I watched them all.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

This one is what you're serving. This is what you were serving about last night.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I watch every Tik Tok. Every single person sends me because I'm, like, really embarrassing.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

You're just like, on your phone like that.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Like, I am.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Screen time at 16 hours challenge.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah, try to beat it.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Where is this Tik Tok dude? Oh, I think the one I'm trying to show you. Oh, wait, maybe I didn't send it to you. It's like that lady. Oh, this one, it's. This one's literally you when you start talking about Pride. Oh, it's unavailable. The video is gone.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Oh, flop. Flop art. Flop arrow.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

No, it is. It was a lady. Like, she was just somewhere else. And she was like, my neighbors are watching me through the walls. They're sending signals through the walls and they're.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

I saw it. Yes, that's you.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

When pride comes.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

And I said, that was Josiah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Unknown Male Speaker 2]

Yeah. All right.

[Unknown Male Speaker 1]

Thank you guys for watching. Bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on Items like Pepsi 2 liter bottles, poppy prebiotic sodas, all laundry detergent, and Kinder's seasoning blend. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online. For easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.