suffering is inevitable

Summary

Emergency Intercom – Episode: "Suffering is Inevitable"

Release Date: July 16, 2025
Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips (iHeartPodcasts)

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Overview

In this episode of "Emergency Intercom," hosts Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips dive deep into a whirlwind of personal anecdotes, humorous mishaps, and candid discussions about relationships, substance use, and the quirks of daily life. Titled "Suffering is Inevitable," the episode masterfully blends comedy with relatable struggles, offering listeners both laughs and moments of reflection.

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1. Navigating Sexual Orientation and Relationships

The episode opens with a lighthearted yet revealing conversation about sexual orientations and the complexities of romantic interactions. Kai Newman shares an amusing incident where Drew Phillips takes him to a gay bar, leading to an unexpected and chaotic night.

• Quote:
  [00:44] Unknown Speaker: "Drew took me to a gay bar last night, and then he crashed out on me."

As the discussion unfolds, Drew and Kai humorously dissect the concept of bisexuality, touching on societal perceptions and personal experiences.

• Quote:
  [01:46] Drew Phillips: "I really can't get on his case because that's me as. I'm like, oh. Like, I actually. Like, I am sorry."

Kai candidly addresses misconceptions about his own bisexuality, emphasizing his preference for hooking up with women despite being bisexual.

• Quote:
  [02:08] Unknown Speaker: "Famously. Yeah. But I just only hook up with girls."

Their banter highlights the fluidity and often humorous misunderstandings surrounding sexual orientation.

• Quote:
  [01:57] Drew Phillips: "Because first of all, it's just gluttony. Call it what it is."

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2. Substance Use and Coping Mechanisms

The hosts transition into a candid discussion about their relationship with alcohol and other substances. Kai openly admits to struggling with alcoholism, while Drew humorously self-identifies more with drug addiction.

• Quote:
  [06:23] Kai Newman: "Mind you, y', all, I'm like, I'm low key, like an alcoholic now."

• Quote:
  [06:43] Drew Phillips: "I'm more of a drug addict than. You are not a true alcoholic girl."

They explore how substance use serves as a coping mechanism for stress, sharing anecdotes about day drinking and the subsequent hangovers.

• Quote:
  [06:56] Drew Phillips: "Actually, we just decided we were gonna drink, like, day drink."

Their honest and humorous take offers listeners a glimpse into the challenges of managing substance use in social settings.

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3. Awkward Social Encounters and Personal Mishaps

A significant portion of the episode revolves around the hosts' awkward and often hilarious interactions in social environments like bars and parties. Kai recounts an encounter where a stranger first insults and then unexpectedly compliments him, leading to an amusing twist.

• Quote:
  [40:32] Unknown Speaker: "I didn't know if you."

• Quote:
  [40:39] Drew Phillips: "He's like, you're handsome. You're beautiful."

This segment underscores the unpredictability of social interactions and the humor that can arise from uncomfortable situations.

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4. Physical Hygiene, Quirks, and Personal Habits

Delving into more quirky territory, Kai and Drew discuss their unique hygiene habits and personal quirks. From flushing toilets with their feet to using bidets as a form of emotional relief, their conversation is both funny and oddly relatable.

• Quote:
  [36:21] Drew Phillips: "And I just go into my little snack bag and I pull out chips and sour airheads."

• Quote:
  [37:09] Drew Phillips: "But, like, it feels illegal to. Like, my ears are ringing. Someone's talking about me."

Their playful banter about cleanliness and bodily functions adds a layer of candid humor to the episode.

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5. Fandom, Celebrity Interactions, and Nostalgia

Kai shares a heartwarming yet humorous story about meeting a favorite comedian, highlighting the awkwardness of fandom and the blurred lines between admiration and personal interaction.

• Quote:
  [22:18] Kai Newman: "I love a snack."

• Quote:
  [24:34] Unknown Speaker: "I was on this medication where I have to eat a lot."

The conversation shifts to reflections on nostalgia, with Kai expressing a love for nostalgic feelings despite their melancholic undertones, while Drew questions the relevance of nostalgia in modern times.

• Quote:
  [51:36] Drew Phillips: "I feel like you just get attacked like that kind of often."

• Quote:
  [51:50] Kai Newman: "I love being sad, but it, like, makes me so sad."

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6. Upcoming Plans and Changes with iHeartPodcasts

Towards the episode's conclusion, the hosts discuss exciting future endeavors, including special episodes and changes resulting from signing with iHeartPodcasts. They tease listeners with hints about "Kai Cam" and other innovative plans, blending humor with genuine enthusiasm.

• Quote:
  [64:50] Drew Phillips: "Yeah, we're being censored."

• Quote:
  [65:24] Drew Phillips: "We're gonna get DJ Chipman to perform Ecstasy."

This segment emphasizes their commitment to evolving the podcast and engaging listeners with fresh content.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [02:04] Kai Newman: "No, bisexuality is not real."

• [06:48] Drew Phillips: "We are both the same where when we start engaging in something, we have to make it public known because we're like, this is bad. This is bad."

• [18:34] Kai Newman: "It's like, it's the most persistent, like, stream of consciousness, like, questions I've ever had in my life."

• [40:32] Drew Phillips: "He was like, you're handsome. You're beautiful."

• [51:50] Kai Newman: "I love being sad, but it, like, makes me so sad."

• [64:37] Drew Phillips: "Yeah, we're losing it."

---

Conclusion

"Suffering is Inevitable" showcases Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips' unparalleled chemistry, blending humor with raw honesty. Through their engaging storytelling and candid discussions, they offer listeners a relatable and entertaining glimpse into the trials and tribulations of everyday life. Whether navigating awkward social encounters, grappling with personal quirks, or planning the podcast's future, the hosts maintain a perfect balance of comedy and authenticity, ensuring that "Emergency Intercom" remains a beloved staple in the comedy podcast circuit.

Transcript

[Drew Phillips]

This is an I Heart podcast. Feel off tired, moody. You might be missing minerals because 99% of us are concentrates daily. Mineral powder helps support energy, mood, and immunity from the inside out. Go to traceminerals.com and feel the difference minerals make. Hi. This is our podcast called Emergency Intercom.

[Kai Newman]

Thank you for coming in today. Welcome.

[Unknown]

Drew took me to a gay bar last night, and then he crashed out on me.

[Drew Phillips]

You hit him?

[Unknown]

He almost did. He wanted.

[Kai Newman]

I wanted to.

[Drew Phillips]

We've gone a bit with the term if he didn't. Did you hit him?

[Kai Newman]

No.

[Drew Phillips]

Why?

[Kai Newman]

I just didn't. Like, it didn't feel right in the moment because I could tell he wanted it.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, I've been there. Yeah. What was the crash out?

[Unknown]

Just started screaming at me.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah. Like, I was screaming gay slurs at him.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And I was like, dude, what the fuck?

[Kai Newman]

You know, it's. You know, it's funny is our friend that came up in the cowboy hat texted my other friend and was like, hey, like, did I hear Kai say that Drew is bi? Lmao. And I was like, what's funny about. What's funny about the potential of me being bi? Like, what. What is so silly about.

[Drew Phillips]

I really can't get on his case because that's me as. I'm like, oh. Like, I actually. Like, I am sorry. Like, I am one of those. I'm like, okay, girl, like, rolling my.

[Kai Newman]

Eyes like, no, bisexuality is not real.

[Drew Phillips]

Because first of all, it's just gluttony. Call it what it is. And then second of all, it's like, Drew just.

[Kai Newman]

No, I mean, also, Kai is bi. Famously.

[Unknown]

Famously. Yeah. But I just only hook up with girls.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I mean, that's brave. Still.

[Unknown]

It's still.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, to take up space is still very brave.

[Kai Newman]

No, Kai takes up space, and the bike takes up a lot.

[Unknown]

I don't take up that much space. I don't take up that much space.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, yeah. Like, so I. I agree with him. I would laugh. I would laugh at the assumption that you're bi.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

And, like, I'm sorry. I can. I hate that I can think of people who like. It just makes me laughs.

[Kai Newman]

I'm like, did I hear Kai say Drew is by. Lmao. Lmao.

[Drew Phillips]

Laughing our asses off. And he got his point across.

[Unknown]

Is it like hella O's?

[Kai Newman]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Okay, that's good.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah. It's really because he's gay also.

[Drew Phillips]

Damn. Okay. Like, well, maybe it was coming from a place that, like, there's a girl who Wants to, like, tap.

[Kai Newman]

But this guy.

[Drew Phillips]

Because girls famously do go after you.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, true. Like, I just have that, like. Like, feminine quality to me that girls are attracted to. Like, I'm very emotionally intelligent. Like, I hear them, I listen to them. Like, I love women.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Basically what you do is you become gay guy struck by lightning, and you're. You're. You're doing. What's it called? Like, active listening when you're being responsive in the middle of it, but you're like. Right, right, that part. No, exactly.

[Kai Newman]

It's all. Your boyfriend cheated on you. That part.

[Unknown]

One time I. I caught Drew being like, I'm gay. Let's go try on bras at the mall.

[Drew Phillips]

You caught him doing that?

[Unknown]

Yeah, he was just telling girls, like, oh, I could just tell you, like, if these bras look good. Oh.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, he was going with girls to the mall, getting.

[Kai Newman]

I hate that he brought that up. But, like, one of my, like, Riz tactics is bringing girls to Victoria's Secret and. And playing with their boobs in the changing room.

[Drew Phillips]

Do you, like. Do you act like you used to work there or something? Or just like.

[Kai Newman]

No, no, no. I'm just like, I'm a boob connoisseur. Like, I can look at your boobs.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, so you're bi?

[Kai Newman]

I can see your boobs are, what, a quadruple D? An F?

[Drew Phillips]

No, I was thinking, like, H. I'm up in the H marks.

[Unknown]

Does H exist?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, everything exists. Don't question anything now. Like, seriously. And it's not AI. It's real.

[Unknown]

It's literally real.

[Drew Phillips]

The girls with the biggest boobs you've ever seen on Instagram walking down a hallway. That's real.

[Unknown]

Everything that I see on my phone is real.

[Kai Newman]

Yes. That's actually so true. Yeah, that's so true. I. There was. I saw this music video recently, and one of the girls had, like, the biggest knockers I've ever seen. Like, what was giant?

[Unknown]

Which. What was the name of the video? What was the name of clap your.

[Kai Newman]

Hands by Edward Skeletrix Kai, stop. But she had the biggest dohongo rugalas I've ever seen. Like, they were giant. Like, literally ginormous. And I was like, there's no way. Like, I cannot believe that those are real. Like, there's absolutely no way. And then it turns out I think they're a breastplate, but I can't tell for sure. But, like, in my head, I was like, oh, I like one.

[Drew Phillips]

I actually.

[Kai Newman]

That big. I want big boobs.

[Drew Phillips]

That would be so painful. Also, like, just like the shirt situation, like, when my boobs were bigger. I think there are some people who are just born to have big boobs and then some people who. Like, it genuinely is a misplacement and, like, a misjudgment because I don't think I was ever meant to have boobs as big as my boobs were. Like, I always felt like. Like a bar wench at every waking moment. I just felt like a bar wench. I felt like a.

[Kai Newman]

He deleted the video.

[Drew Phillips]

What? Which?

[Kai Newman]

The skull big boob one.

[Drew Phillips]

Probably because it went against guidelines because.

[Kai Newman]

Well, they weren't out. They were in, like, a bikini. And I hate that the 1. A woman's body is sexualized in that.

[Drew Phillips]

Way and it's being shadow Man.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah. Like, it's really giving. Like, girls should be able to show their boobs and nipples.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, well, to me, Drew crashed out last night and also yesterday with me. He crashed out before that because we had a stressful day and then decided because of that. Actually, we just decided we were gonna drink, like, day drink. Like, we were like, we just need daydream because we have access to a pool. That is what a pool is for.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

But we.

[Kai Newman]

Oh, my God, I forgot about this.

[Drew Phillips]

We each got a double shot margarita.

[Kai Newman]

Mind you, y', all, I'm like, I'm low key, like an alcoholic now. Like, period. Like, I love alcohol. Like, I'm like, alcohol is so good and fun. Like, I love that Drew and me keep call.

[Drew Phillips]

I guess. Like, I. I'm more of a drug addict than. You are an alcoholic. You're not a true alcoholic girl.

[Kai Newman]

No, I literally still have, like, one drink a week. Like, that's just really shocking for me.

[Drew Phillips]

I know. That's why I was saying to him yesterday when you started talking about it, I was like, dude, you. We are both the same where when we start engaging in something, we have to make it public known because we're like, this is bad. This is bad.

[Kai Newman]

I shouldn't be touching this. You know, it's bad. Keep me in check. Like.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Also, not only that, it's just literally. Because we for real don't do, like, we're literally just permits for the most part, which I am trying to change because I think last 2023, I think I was really good at being social. And then the beginning of 2024, like, March hit.

[Kai Newman]

The darkness came. The dark is coming to intense to bring back everything.

[Drew Phillips]

The light.

[Kai Newman]

The light is coming to bring back everything.

[Drew Phillips]

The darkness.

[Unknown]

Did you just whisper the darkness Game under Your breath. No, he did.

[Drew Phillips]

He didn't. Did you do that?

[Kai Newman]

Why. Why would it be crazy if I did?

[Unknown]

Let's just insane.

[Kai Newman]

I didn't. I didn't actually say that.

[Unknown]

You didn't?

[Kai Newman]

No.

[Unknown]

Oh, you just said it came. The darkness came.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Oh, I. I thought you were talking about being depressed.

[Drew Phillips]

Kai's too busy on his phone still looking for that music video. He's got the phone right in his face, bro. Like, it's two inches from his face. He has those glasses on. Are you nearsighted or farsighted? Why do you never take off your glasses?

[Unknown]

I'm nearsighted, and I have problems with dissociation. And if I don't have my glasses on.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, that was fucked up.

[Unknown]

But also, I think I look handsome in them.

[Kai Newman]

No, you look really good. You really do. You look really good in glasses. Like, it's really.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, you do. They're fitting. Oh. But, yeah, basically, now me and Drew are back to being social, which means we're people who, like, are terrified all the time, and neither of us know how to navigate in situations. So we are by the pool, and I got our first drinks, and then Drew was like, oh, they were doing last call.

[Kai Newman]

We got a double margarita, by the way, and I hit the joint. Oh, my God. I really am, like, oh, my God. Like, hearing it out loud. Like, I'm really crashing out.

[Drew Phillips]

I. I was looking at my notes before I came in here, and I was like, oh, let me see what I had written down to talk about. And that was it. And it was like, oh, my God, Drew. I got Drew crossfaded as lol. And I was like, that's my brag of the week. Like, that's.

[Kai Newman]

I'm like, well, it broke my sobriety.

[Drew Phillips]

It is so awesome. I love when Drew. Also, to be fair, I don't ever ask you to smoke. Like, actually, I asked you to smoke with me all the time, but you've only ever smoked when one. I, like, haven't really asked. And Drew will randomly, like, get the courage to do it, and literally, it feels like both of us lock in, and I'm just like, I know what I need to do, which is just exist here with him and act like that didn't happen and don't comment on it, don't bring it up, and just exist with him and be funny. Hehehaha. And we were having such an awesome time.

[Kai Newman]

No, it was literally a blast. Like, we finished the double margarita. Double. And it was fucking rancid. Like, it was the nastiest fucking thing I put in my body ever. And then I go into my little snack bag and I pull out chips and sour airheads and, like, there's all of these, like, yummy little things. Like, oh, my God, I love. I literally love a snack. And I was just, like, snacking crazy. But the macarons. Macaroons. Macarons. What is it? Macaron.

[Drew Phillips]

Macaroon.

[Kai Newman]

Macaroons. Macaron. Pigma. Micron. Only artists will get that one.

[Drew Phillips]

Whoa.

[Kai Newman]

But I, like, pulled those out. I pulled those out. And, like, the one I ate was legitimately, like, the most vile. Like, cursed mush. Like, it was raspberry. And, like, I love raspberries. But, like, to be fair, they have.

[Drew Phillips]

Been sitting under UV 11 and, like, 80 degree heat for an hour.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, but, like, raspberry all were nasty. Also, the coffee one was good. But anyways, we're getting off track. We're getting off track. But I'm like, wait, like, should we get another one? The guy comes around, he's like, oh, last call, last call, last call. And we're like, yeah, we shouldn't. And then, like, we kind of sit in silence for a second. We look at each other, and we're like, when in Rome, I guess. Like, let's get one more. So I, like, hobble, like, literally hobbled back to this, like, pool bar because.

[Drew Phillips]

I was too scared to go because I'm the one who said no to him. And then I was like, I can't.

[Unknown]

Go back up there.

[Kai Newman]

And so I'm, like, literally, like, stumbling. Like. Like, it's so embarrassing because I'm, like.

[Drew Phillips]

Literally hiding crossfaded for the first time ever.

[Kai Newman]

And I, like, set the two cups on the bar, and, like, there's, like, a moment of silence. And, like, I was waiting for them to, like, ask me, like, to initiate the conversation. Like, I was sitting there and I was like. We were, like, staring at each other. It was almost, like, intimate in a way. And, like, I'm standing there and he wasn't. No, it was not. It was like, the opposite. And then I'm just like, dude, this guy's too wild.

[Unknown]

It was intimate for you.

[Kai Newman]

I get, like, nervous. And so I start, like. I'm like, can you get, like, another drink of you? And he's like, I say. But I say it loud. Like, I say, it's going in different directions, but I, like, mumble like crazy. And he's like, what? Like, what are you saying? And these people are notoriously, like, mean.

[Drew Phillips]

As, like, bro, is that Chateau they're mean there. They're so.

[Kai Newman]

They're haters. They're ops. And like, I mumble.

[Drew Phillips]

I love it.

[Unknown]

Did I ever tell you when I got destroyed by like a really hot gay guy that worked at a bar at Cafe Mogador? When I got breakfast, I was with Mason and we were at. It was like really busy. We were eating at the bar and I got like a full, like a huge breakfast.

[Kai Newman]

You literally weren't so, like, don't. Like, I don't know what you're making.

[Unknown]

This is true. Stop doing that. I was like. So I ate the whole thing really quickly because I'm on this medication where I have to eat a lot. And I ate it maybe like four times as fast as my.

[Kai Newman]

When was this? This was like, like recently or like a year ago?

[Unknown]

A year ago.

[Kai Newman]

Okay, okay.

[Unknown]

But I was on. It was a different medication because it also had a side effect where I have to eat a lot. Of course, all of my medications weirdly had this side effect, but I ate the whole, like pancakes, eggs, bacon, really fucking quickly. And then the guy behind the bar was like, wow, you ate that really fast.

[Kai Newman]

Fuck.

[Unknown]

And he was like a really hot, like six, four, very muscular gay guy. And I was like, I just got destroyed by this perfect looking human. I just looked down at my feet. I didn't.

[Kai Newman]

Like something like that happened to you recently too, where you were like. We were talking about something like in. Someone like, like confronted you, like, in that way and it was like really off putting for you, but like, you just give that energy off.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I feel like you just get attacked like that kind of often people times.

[Kai Newman]

Sometimes I do people see me and talk to me. Like, that's like. Which I'm actually really happy about. Like, I think I just have very kind eyes. Like, not to brag or anything, but, like, people just come up and talk to me. Like, like, not even like. Like it's not even like they're hitting on me. It's literally just like people come up and talk to me or ask me for directions and I'm like, I don't know this city. Like, like that type of conversation, which I love. I love.

[Drew Phillips]

You're also good at carrying mundane conversation. It's like a Southern thing, I think.

[Kai Newman]

Like, I've been so bad about it recently. This episode of Emergency Intercom is brought to you by Zoc Duck, y'. All. Do you remember that doctor appointment you were trying to make a while ago that you forgot about because you are adhd? Well, that's where Zocdoc comes into play. I don't know about you, but my social media is freaking me out. I literally need y' all to stop putting olive oil on your face. It's not going to help your skin. Please go to a dermatologist booked through Zoc. Zoc Doc. As I get older, I think I should go to the doctor more because I can't sleep at night, I'm stressed out all the time and I want to keep myself healthy. But the system makes it impossible to find the right doctor for my needs. That was until I found ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.

[Drew Phillips]

Zoc Doc is the only reason I've been to the doctor. If I'm being honest, anytime anything in my body is going wrong, I open up that app. It's probably one of the most used apps on my phone because sometimes I can't lie. I just start to scroll around because I'm getting to that age where like between my shoulder blades hurts and I wake up with the kind of night sweats that are so wet and nasty. I wake up cold no matter what the temperature in the house is. And I definitely should go to the doctor and I'm actually gonna go this week and I'm gonna open up the app right now. I think you guys should stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.comIntercom to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z O c d o c.com intercom zocdoc.com intercom.

[Kai Newman]

Like I've been stone my head when I talk to people. It's so bad.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[Kai Newman]

You got bodied, Kai.

[Unknown]

No, it's totally fine. I needed that. Also, do you remember when I smoked weed in Miami?

[Kai Newman]

Oh my God. Oh my God, oh my God. I will literally, I will literally never smoke weed with Kai, ever.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, what do you do?

[Unknown]

Oh my God. I genuinely never smoke weed. I think I've probably smoked weed. I've taken like one hit and this is, this is the, this is the time that I smoked weed over the last four years. And I remember we were in Miami and Drew was like, you should just like smoke weed. Fuck it. And I was like, no, I get really weird when I smoke weed and I get stressed out and I basically have all of the parts of me that I hate are like turned up times 10 when I smoke weed. That's how I feel. And he is like, I love you. I'm your friend. Like, I'll just. You know, we'll just hang out. I'll be fine. I took the smallest hit from whatever. Was it like a pen or something?

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, it was a pen.

[Unknown]

And then I just go dead silent, and I sit down on the bed, and then you guys are, like, doing stuff, and I'm like, I should say something. I should say something. I don't want to weird them out.

[Drew Phillips]

So I was like, be fair. Very valid situation to go wrong. The hotel room they're talking about is this hotel in Little Havana, Miami.

[Kai Newman]

Smaller than our podcast studio, but it's.

[Drew Phillips]

Literally smaller than this room. It's just like, a really tiny, kind of, like, capsule hotel situation. And they were in a room with, like, four. Four bunk beds.

[Kai Newman]

No, two bunk beds. Four people.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, two bunk beds, four people. So it was just like.

[Unknown]

It smelled insane.

[Drew Phillips]

It was terrible here to here to here. And then everything else was either bed.

[Kai Newman]

Wall, or garbage desk.

[Unknown]

It was just four guys.

[Kai Newman]

They were so messy. Oh, my God. It drove me absolutely bananas.

[Drew Phillips]

Who was? It was you, Lucas. Josie. No, Josie wasn't there. Famously.

[Kai Newman]

Josh, I think, was in there.

[Drew Phillips]

Josh, Kai.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, I think it was us four.

[Unknown]

Maybe Finn. Was he not in that room?

[Kai Newman]

No, Finn had his own room. Finn had his own room.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Kai Newman]

But it might have been. No.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I think it was just Lucas.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Because Orion was there on that trip, and I was not staying with y'.

[Kai Newman]

All. Was Christian there?

[Drew Phillips]

No.

[Kai Newman]

Okay, then. Yeah, it was just us four.

[Unknown]

So after, like, a while, being silent boys. Oh, I should say something to be social and inject myself into the conversation. So I was just like, what are we doing next? And Drew is like, oh, I don't know. I think we're gonna go to this place. I'm like, okay, well, like, what time are we doing that? Like, and then, like, should we get ready now? Like, is that in 15 minutes? I just start going through the itinerary of just being, like, very anxious.

[Drew Phillips]

You start becoming, like, OCD adjacent because you're just, like, like, controlling every next step.

[Unknown]

Exactly. In my head. Yeah, exactly. I was like, grasp for some level of control.

[Drew Phillips]

Reality.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And, like, I think I was trying to be like, oh, how can I contribute to the situation when I.

[Kai Newman]

That's, like, literally why I don't smoke weed.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Like, it's literally overthought at so many levels. And then you. Drew literally was like, kai, you should never smoke weed ever. After, like, 20 minutes.

[Kai Newman]

Also, like, the thing is, like, it was like the most persistent, like, like stream of consciousness, like, questions I've ever had in my life. Like, it was like literally like 500 questions in five minutes. Like, like, it was. It was wild. I've never experienced anything like it in.

[Unknown]

My life because my tolerance is also zero.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, I have tolerance.

[Unknown]

Like a newborn baby. I don't think so.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, I think I was.

[Unknown]

That's like when you weren't really drinking or smoking, I feel like.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, yeah. I think on your birthday you didn't even really drink because I remember at dinner, the whole dinner fiasco, and you weren't drinking.

[Kai Newman]

Oh, yeah. Wait, like when I had the allergic reaction?

[Drew Phillips]

No, no, no, no. But yeah, you weren't drinking at that time. I'm thinking of your birthday dinner because that was the same trip because remember we did like a birthday dinner thing, I think, at like mandolin. I love Miami. I love Miami.

[Kai Newman]

Miami is.

[Drew Phillips]

We should go back to Miami and I'll smoke you out.

[Unknown]

That sounds great. I would love that.

[Drew Phillips]

We'll do like a.

[Kai Newman]

Also, the episode we recorded out there is really cute and wholesome.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah. In the car.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah. And that was like. Was that the first time you were on camera when we like.

[Drew Phillips]

No, the first time he was on camera was in the flea episode.

[Unknown]

The Flea episode when he was in the backseat.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Because we had no choice.

[Kai Newman]

Everyone was like, who the is that? Who that in the bag?

[Drew Phillips]

Who that in the back?

[Kai Newman]

Who that in the back?

[Unknown]

I remember the Miami episode because Orion put her head on my shoulder and that was the first time that a woman had touched me in eight and a half years and I just blacked out. Anyway, this is cool.

[Kai Newman]

So how do you remember if you.

[Unknown]

Blacked out on video and I watch it?

[Kai Newman]

Oh, he watches it regularly.

[Drew Phillips]

Whoever has a clip of that on their tick tock, y' all need to go through to see who saved it and see if Kai's in there. Oh, my God. Actually, I saw there's a re upload account that's like re uploading that you've posted and. And this made me laugh. So fudgeing hard. Fuck, I hope it's in my legs. I hope I didn't like it because I realized it was like a re.

[Unknown]

Upload account and I didn't think that that's just me.

[Drew Phillips]

I thought it was you too, because it's just.

[Unknown]

They spelled my name like one letter wrong or something.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

But guys, if you're listening to this, that's not me. That's an imposter.

[Kai Newman]

And imposters. Among us. Among us.

[Unknown]

Bunch of comments were like, you've already posted these. You're reheating your own nachos. I was like, dude, this isn't me.

[Drew Phillips]

That is hella funny.

[Kai Newman]

Reheating your own nunches.

[Drew Phillips]

You think you're funny, but you.

[Unknown]

You thought a tick tock that I made is funny. You should pull that up.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, I can't find it. It's you literally playing with your food.

[Kai Newman]

Oh, it's the chicken wings one. Yeah, I love that. How much meat is left on the bone?

[Unknown]

I forgot about this one. That's like when I first downloaded Cap cut.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I love Cap cut. I love Cap Cut.

[Kai Newman]

I was literally just talking about that yesterday. Like, how much you love cap or when I was at the gym, like, how much you love Cap Cut.

[Drew Phillips]

I love it.

[Kai Newman]

You might be giving someone a tutorial.

[Drew Phillips]

Me? Yeah, I'm not that good.

[Kai Newman]

No, you're good.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm good. When I'm like the kind of high that I'm watching something, like my best. Yeah, my best cap cuts happen if I'm watching a show. Because I think that's when, like, the stand in me comes out. Like, yeah, yeah. And I like, my best ones are like, I made like a o. I wonder if I have it. I have Carrie from Sex in the City where. When she wore that stupid hat. Yeah, I have a good cap. Kind of.

[Unknown]

Which one I feel like she wears a lot.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, when she wore the stupid hat and was like in Big's door with the thing in her mouth.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[Kai Newman]

Also speaking of the Stan in me, like, I went to a Stanley cup in your ass. I. I went to a comedy show for this comedian that, like, I didn't realize, like, how obsessed I was with him. Has that ever happened to you? Like, I literally like went to the show and I was like, oh, like, this is like a peer. Like, this is a friend. Like, I'm going to buy tickets to support one. He puts on like one of my favorite comedy sets I've seen in a very long time. Like, it was so tight. It was so funny. Like, I was like crying, laughing the whole time. But then, like, we hung out after and he would like, tell me stories like that happened to him. And I was like, I know this from a TikTok he posted four years ago. And I never, I didn't want to say that because, like, that's so creepy. But, like, legitimately, like, I was interviewing him because, like, I, I am like a fan of his. And it was like Freaking me out kind of.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, no. You watched me do that with the girl. Your mom. Your mom, Ashley.

[Kai Newman]

Oh, the girl. She had the shoes on.

[Drew Phillips]

We were leaving the Vogue ebay vintage market with Colin, and we ran into her, and I spoke to her and her sister.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, she had the shoes, or you had the shoes?

[Drew Phillips]

Someone had shoes. I don't really remember. But I literally spoke to her as if, like, she was a longtime friend, but really, all that meant was my dumb ass was, like, spewing things about her to her. And then we walked away, and I.

[Kai Newman]

Was like, no, I literally. I literally did that. I wasn't spewing it, but I was like, oh. Like, I. Like, Literally everything he said.

[Drew Phillips]

It was like, you have to act like you didn't know what he was saying. Like, oh.

[Kai Newman]

The first thing I told him after his show was like, no. Like, I'm, like, a huge fan. Like, you don't understand. Like, I'm a really big fan of yours. Like, I watched this weird, obscure interview you did on another podcast that, like, no one is talking about. Like, I'm like, I'm obsessed with you. And then the friend I was with was like, you literally told him, like, you were a fan. And I was like, I don't give a. Like, if I'm a fan of someone, I'm gonna let them know, like, what that is.

[Drew Phillips]

I will literally always tell someone that. Like, I won't. That won't be the first thing, but the second somebody who I admire and I'm around them and their. Comes up, I. I'm not about to act oblivious. I'm like, girl, you're the goat. Like, what? Like, you have to say something nice. Also, like, don't be a nerd. Come on. That's a vibe. To tell him that you're a fan.

[Kai Newman]

No.

[Drew Phillips]

And now when he does the A fan challenge, boom.

[Unknown]

Yeah. You're probably number one.

[Kai Newman]

At the top of the list.

[Drew Phillips]

Unless he has a boyfriend or something. I'm sorry, guys.

[Unknown]

I. I got caught again.

[Drew Phillips]

Caught doing what? Like, here's the empty box.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Kai Newman]

Yes. Yes.

[Drew Phillips]

I ate the whole roll in, like, under one minute.

[Kai Newman]

Let me see your song. Can I see your dirty chopsticks?

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. So I don't know that people are recording this when I do it. Yeah, I don't know.

[Drew Phillips]

For that.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Drew Phillips]

Why don't you just, like, go on.

[Unknown]

Like, 15 grand a month probably on average. It's not like, One video is 15 grand.

[Kai Newman]

It's just four videos.

[Unknown]

There's a lot of videos. Four.

[Kai Newman]

It's four.

[Unknown]

Sure. Let's say that there's four way.

[Kai Newman]

The first one, you were asking to see her dirty sock, right?

[Unknown]

I think that's what it was.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah. And, like, she held it up and you moaned.

[Unknown]

What did he say? I forget or what did I say?

[Kai Newman]

He was like, gorgeous. Can I see your sock? And he, like, she other. He's like, oh, like, my God. I'm like, I don't king shame. I'm like, get both of y'.

[Unknown]

All.

[Kai Newman]

Get yours. Yeah, as long as he's not being creepy in the streets. Like, I don't give a fuck.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, he's getting.

[Kai Newman]

Enjoy that chopstick. Yeah, enjoy that chopstick.

[Drew Phillips]

Literally, like, that's the kind of depravity that I'm like.

[Kai Newman]

It.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, literally, you. You get to that moaning like, that over what happened.

[Unknown]

I don't know. I think about it all the time. Because, guys, it's not actually me. That's a joke. This is an ongoing joke on the.

[Drew Phillips]

You.

[Unknown]

It's not me.

[Kai Newman]

You can't back out of it now, bro.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, that's like, what? That's you.

[Unknown]

Okay, so let's just say, hypothetically, I didn't have this kink. I don't understand how people get that. I don't like the sock thing.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I don't understand that.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, what it's confusing me is it's. It's through us.

[Kai Newman]

That's what I was just about to say. That's what I was just about to say. It's like, it's 3, 000 miles away, and he's, like, moaning at chopsticks and, like, cinnamon rolls or whatever.

[Drew Phillips]

That's what confuses me because I'm like, you could quite literally go on to yelp and go through a few photos, and I'm sure you would see, like, food so good.

[Kai Newman]

Here's before, maybe it's like the, like, the false sense of connection. Like, it, like, is giving, like, girlfriend vibes for him because it's, like, tailored to him.

[Unknown]

I'm always just like, how much does nurture versus nature play into this? How much of kinks are just embedded into your genetic code?

[Kai Newman]

Because I think a lot of people, kinks are, like, born.

[Unknown]

I don't really.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, I think. I think they're literally like, something not. You're not born with your kinks. I think, like, something happens in your, like, adolescence or like, when you hit puberty.

[Unknown]

Yeah, more of a factor. I think so, too. I think so, too. But I'm like, maybe he wasn't Allowed.

[Drew Phillips]

To, like, do laundry and dishes growing up, so now he's, like, obsessed with them.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Kai Newman]

His mom wouldn't let him do the dishes. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Because he's a man and he grew up in, like, a really, like. Oh, like the women do the dishes and laundry. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Machismo.

[Drew Phillips]

Yes.

[Unknown]

That's the word that I always use to describe.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, Machismo.

[Unknown]

Machismo. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. I do think. I think some happens to you, and then you're just, like, kind of weird and you have to deal with it. But, like, say, lavie, just don't be crazy. At least he's, like, paying bread to literally see garbage. It's kind of lit. And I bet he's postmating her that food. I would put money on the fact that she didn't buy 100, which is lit. Like, what she's getting paid to literally sit in her crib and watch Love island and then just FaceTime and show her garbage.

[Unknown]

Some people are so freaky. And I'm just. I feel like that's a whole DLC to life that I don't have. Access.

[Kai Newman]

I was gonna say, like, it also feels like. I mean, they live among us. Like, they're literally among us. And like, it. They're so good at keeping it DL.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, because it's like.

[Kai Newman]

Like, the freak is like, DL as fuck. Like, I don't know how they do that. Like, that's what's. Like, that's what.

[Unknown]

I didn't even know that there were other positions besides missionary.

[Kai Newman]

Missionary.

[Unknown]

Until recently.

[Kai Newman]

I had to show him a whole new world.

[Drew Phillips]

I was gonna say. I feel like it's really because people either have hobbies that are normal or they make sex their hobby. And I think a lot of people make sex their hobby, and they don't even realize it's their hobby. I'm like, if that is. If it is something that is not a necessity, that is taking up all of your time, and it is your only source of pleasure. That is a hobby. And you're not even good at the hobby. Half of you hoes aren't good at the hobby. Like, practice. Jack of all trades. Master of none. Ass.

[Kai Newman]

Jack off, masturbate all the trade.

[Drew Phillips]

And master none of this.

[Kai Newman]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Jack off all the trades. Masturbate of none of.

[Drew Phillips]

Masturbate never.

[Kai Newman]

No, no, no. Jack off all trade. Masturbate of to none. Nuns and you. And no.

[Drew Phillips]

Masturbate to none. Like, you're jacking them all off, but you're not masturbating to any of them.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, I guess that works. I feel like there's a better. There's something, there's something there for masturbate tonight.

[Drew Phillips]

Should I say the thing hard made up? Oh yeah, our joint affair. We were talking about how, like, when you meet straight people, like a lot of straight people who only know other straight people. And so Card was specifically saying this. Like, he has to like indoctrinate them into interesting things, like, because he's like, straight people are awesome, but it's just like, like hard. Because also what we're talking about being the interesting thing is like, how are they gonna know that Sicart is saying please be calm because of like a video. You just breathe like that.

[Kai Newman]

What? Like what?

[Unknown]

I think you might be a mouth breather.

[Drew Phillips]

That's not funny because I, I think I am a mouth breather. I am.

[Kai Newman]

No, you're not.

[Unknown]

Have you ever tried taping your mouth? Would you die?

[Kai Newman]

Oh my God. What the was that, Kyle?

[Drew Phillips]

It's crazy how I start talking for longer than a minute, you start making noises and then you tell me to tape my mouth shut.

[Kai Newman]

That's crazy, Kai.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, but I'm the one who interrupts everyone, right? Right. No, I really do though.

[Kai Newman]

No, I hated the last episode because I spoke the whole time.

[Drew Phillips]

We go back and forth like that.

[Kai Newman]

I hate it though.

[Drew Phillips]

I love it.

[Kai Newman]

No, no. When I talk. No, I mean, yeah, I hate my voice.

[Unknown]

I hated the last episode because I was collapsing in upon myself like a black hole and I just wasn't a person. I wasn't a person that episode.

[Drew Phillips]

I was, I'm never a person. I'm, I'm not kidding. Like I, I, I'm not present. Like, oh, I have a really good memory. I have an amazing memory. A week from now I will be able to tell you my week front to back, but I don't live in the present. Like, I'm like too panicked. So, yeah, if that makes you feel any better, I'm not here now.

[Unknown]

I think my closest equivalent of that is if there's a photo taken of me and I see it, I have so much dysmorphia for that photo up until around three months. And then I'm like, oh yeah, I recognize that as me. So I don't know if that's related, but I feel like it might be. I don't know.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I feel like I've never seen, I feel like I. Every photo I've seen of myself, I feel like I look like a different person and it freaks me out.

[Kai Newman]

No, it is Freaky.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Oh, but the.

[Kai Newman]

Nothing happens to me.

[Drew Phillips]

But you're just bad.

[Unknown]

You are bad.

[Kai Newman]

No, I'm not.

[Unknown]

You're sexy.

[Drew Phillips]

You're hot.

[Unknown]

You're really sexy.

[Drew Phillips]

Your head straight men go to saccard as cucumbers and leave as pickles. Let that marinate, that part.

[Unknown]

That's really good.

[Kai Newman]

Can I go to Sicard?

[Drew Phillips]

I wish we had raven glasses on in the moment. We came up with that because it was. Was very, like, wow. It was amazing.

[Kai Newman]

No, that's like.

[Drew Phillips]

It went, like. It genuinely went, like, back and forth.

[Kai Newman]

Like, when you told me that at the pool, I was literally like, that might be the most genius thing I've ever heard.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, granted, your state at the pool was also the same state of mine. That out loud. Loud as fuck. After eating the first airhead went, nobody is talking about these are the best thing on the fucking planet.

[Kai Newman]

No, that is, like, really a conversation that people aren't having. That's, like, really frustrating to me is like, sour airheads. Like the new sour airheads.

[Drew Phillips]

You've been trying to push this, like.

[Kai Newman]

Like, I know. I will push this agenda for as long as possible until it catches on. The sour airheads are, like, so good.

[Drew Phillips]

There's more chemicals in them.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, it's a new form of acid.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Oh, is so good.

[Kai Newman]

There's three new flavors. It's the ones that in. You threw at us.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Kai Newman]

Those are. Those are the sour airheads.

[Unknown]

Mama blocked that until you said it.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah. I'm sorry.

[Unknown]

And now I have a kink where I have to shove airheads at my hand. Yeah. Citric acid is a really good underrated.

[Kai Newman]

I love when it feels like my enamel is melting off my teeth. Like, I can, like, do this, and, like, my teeth have, like, a different grit to them.

[Drew Phillips]

I hate that feeling. That's why I don't drink.

[Kai Newman]

Same with Red Bull.

[Drew Phillips]

I, like, can't finish a Coke or something all at once because that, like, astringent feeling on my teeth. But also, I like, question, do y' all do this? I go to the bathroom every time.

[Kai Newman]

The culture.

[Drew Phillips]

Question for the culture. Why can Ariana, Nikki, Beyonce, and everybody be a and I can't. That's essentially what she was saying. Like, no, like, am I right?

[Kai Newman]

Baseline.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, that part. Fuck. What was I saying? Oh, I go in the bathroom after I eat, every time I eat, and it's because I have to wash my hands, I have to wipe my mouth. And I was saying this to somebody, and they were like, oh, I'll take Like, the paper and literally put my finger around it and, like, take a napkin and, like, rub my feet or my feet.

[Kai Newman]

India, what the heck you mean? Your teeth? Your freaking feet, bro. Your feet are not in your.

[Drew Phillips]

Sorry. I looked at Kai, then I got scared, and I had to remember if I had socks and shoes on because.

[Kai Newman]

He'S, like, close looking.

[Unknown]

I took one photo one time.

[Kai Newman]

Run the clip.

[Unknown]

All right, guys.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. I wipe my teeth. Do you ever do that or no? Have you ever done that? Why not?

[Kai Newman]

Because I'm not a weirdo.

[Drew Phillips]

That's. I feel like that's hygienic.

[Kai Newman]

No, it's. It's hygienic, but it's, like, hygienic to, like, a degree that I just can't stand behind. Like, I'm fundamentally, like, an unhygienic person. Like, I don't believe.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, you're.

[Unknown]

You're very clean.

[Kai Newman]

I know. I'm joking. I'm joking.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I was gonna say you're, like, hygienic, but I'm like.

[Kai Newman]

I'm normal. I'm, like, literally just a normal.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, you don't wash your hands after you pee a lot.

[Kai Newman]

That. I literally. I will stand on this till the day I die. If I had dirty dick, dirty used dick, I would wash my hands. But my dick and balls are spotless and clean.

[Drew Phillips]

That's like.

[Kai Newman]

And I don't touch urine. I literally don't touch urine.

[Drew Phillips]

When you touch the handle, like, I.

[Kai Newman]

Flush with my foot. I'm not even kidding. I flush with my foot. Not here, obviously, but when I'm out.

[Drew Phillips]

In public, like, I just really can't. Like, you can't sit here and fight.

[Kai Newman]

It's selfish to flush with my foot because other people touch that handle.

[Drew Phillips]

I've thought about it, but in public, I'm like, why would you be putting your hand on?

[Unknown]

There's some bathrooms that you walk into, and you're like, I'm supposed to flush.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah. Like, it feels illegal to. Like, my ears are ringing. Someone's talking about me.

[Drew Phillips]

If that's not the vibe, I'll usually just take paper towel and, like, yeah, cover my hand.

[Unknown]

Well, speaking of the bathroom, this is, what, week three of me having my bidet? And it's amazing. It feels really good to sit on that thing.

[Drew Phillips]

Didn't you say it, like, shot at your butt and it hurt?

[Kai Newman]

No, it. Like, it gives you, like, fissures on your. Like, it literally cuts, like, butthole.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

That's why Kai likes it, because it gives him a real reason. A scritch to scratch his ass in public.

[Unknown]

No, I like the pressure because it cleans it thoroughly.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I. With that. I actually think that's amazing that you're hygienic in that way.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And it's beautiful. And I've also started to use it even when I don't have to. I'll just sit on there when I'm feeling bad for. Yeah, that's.

[Drew Phillips]

You're just, like. When you're in a sad mood, you just spray your ass with water.

[Unknown]

It's like.

[Kai Newman]

I actually. I was gonna say, like, 30% of this is real. Like, it's not. When you're sad, you just, like, sit on it.

[Unknown]

And I caught myself procrastinating on work that I have to do by, like, being, like, getting rimmed by your toilet. Probably dirty. It's been a few hours.

[Drew Phillips]

You know what? I really can't get on you because.

[Kai Newman]

What's the.

[Drew Phillips]

What's the process? I would go crazy.

[Kai Newman]

What's the process after using a bidet? Because that's what, like, I. With a bidet. I love a bidet, but, like, my soggy bottom.

[Unknown]

Like, pat your butt with paper paper towel.

[Kai Newman]

Toilet paper.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, toilet paper.

[Unknown]

You did just wipe your butt.

[Kai Newman]

Just like, you take them into one ply. Toilet paper, and my fingers break through, and I start fingering my. Because, like, well, that's why you have.

[Drew Phillips]

To wash your hands. You should be washing your hands.

[Kai Newman]

I don't want to be touching my. When I'm in the bathroom.

[Drew Phillips]

Technically, you should probably wash your hands before. Like, a lot of times, if I'm out in public, I will wash my hands before I use the bathroom room. Wait.

[Kai Newman]

And. Yeah, I think you're completely missing the point. Like, I actually want to finger your ass in a public toilet. I was at. I was out and about. I was doing my thing.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay.

[Kai Newman]

I was with my buddies, and we were all just, like, talking in a circle, and we're just like, kiki.

[Drew Phillips]

He.

[Kai Newman]

Ha. It's actually, like, you're being so.

[Drew Phillips]

Like.

[Kai Newman]

It's actually the guy that. It was like, our guy said that you're. By lmao. I was, like, talking to him. I was talking to my other friend, and we're just like, laughing boots. Whatever. And then what?

[Unknown]

Laughing boots. Whatever.

[Kai Newman]

Laughing boots.

[Unknown]

Also, the way you're holding the mic.

[Drew Phillips]

I know, I know. It was really like.

[Kai Newman]

Wait, what?

[Drew Phillips]

No, it's good. It's ergonomic, but I've never seen anybody hold it like that.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

I feel like that might have touched on Internal.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah. Y' all are, like, limp wristing.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, no, when your foot was up, it actually made sense because it was like, this balancing act. Now it just looks stupid. Now I am gonna be homophobic and stupid.

[Kai Newman]

But I. We were just, like, talking in this dude that's like. Like, tweaking off something. Like, literally, like, spazzing.

[Drew Phillips]

They were like, this guy came up for another drink.

[Kai Newman]

Drink. We already did last something.

[Drew Phillips]

Tweaking.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, tweaking off something. He walks up and he's like, does anybody have, like. Does anybody have any, like, blow? And we're all like, no. And he's like, can I have a lighter? Like, can I have a cigarette? And we're like, no. And he's like, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. You're handsome. You're beautiful. Then he points to me. I'm not kidding. And he says, you're. And then just walks away. I'm not kidding. I didn't say a word to this man. But he goes, you're handsome. You're beautiful. You're gowns. Ball gowns. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful gowns.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, so did you know him?

[Kai Newman]

No. No idea. None of my friends knew him either. We. He just, like, pulled up and just, like, sneak. Dissed me.

[Drew Phillips]

And honestly, you should have, in that, like, moment, seeing if you could get a hold of laced Coke and then give it to him, and he ODs, and then he will literally learn to never do that again.

[Kai Newman]

That's. That is good. I have. I have been putting fentanyl in coke recently to teach people lessons.

[Unknown]

That's really smart.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, I feel like it's. I feel like it's gonna, like, it's.

[Drew Phillips]

Gonna trend, I think.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah. I think people, like, are gonna stop doing coke soon.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God, bro.

[Unknown]

I think, like, I thought people did stop for a while.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, they did for, like, five years.

[Drew Phillips]

But, yeah, it's like a recession sign. I feel like it's literally. It's. It's. You know. You know how in 2008, all the music was like, we're gonna go crazy.

[Kai Newman]

Spend our lives like, we're gonna party.

[Unknown]

I did see a statistic that was, like, people or Gen Z's drinking more now than they were, like, a couple.

[Kai Newman]

And then, like, literally, like, four years ago, it was like Gen Z had, like, the lowest drinking.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, to be fair, like, is it most of Gen Z now above the legal drinking limit?

[Kai Newman]

So, like, finally.

[Unknown]

What does that mean? What do you say?

[Drew Phillips]

Like, are you happy people get to drink or, like, you hoping to, like, see, like, 21 year olds drinking.

[Kai Newman]

I love drinking.

[Unknown]

Obsessed with 21 year olds.

[Kai Newman]

Don't make me drink alone. That's like literally my vibe now.

[Drew Phillips]

That's me, but it's smoking and nobody smokes with me. And everybody gets mad that I talk about smoking so often. Sorry that you're so used to doing it that you don't have to like, tell anybody about it. But like, it's still not normal that I do that all the time.

[Kai Newman]

I literally was never like. Like, I cried laughing when that guy just looked at me with silence after complimenting everybody I was with. Like, and then, oh, that I forgot about this. Then like, me and my friend was. We were talking about it like after and like, we were just like. I was like, do you know that guy? And he was like, no, I don't know who that is. Like, none of us know him. And I was like, whoa. He's like, he's on one and we like turn around and he's like doing like, like crazy in the circle behind us. But we didn't realize that how close he was. And like, we're just talking about it and I like retell that story and I'm like, yeah, he like literally just called me ugly and nasty and disgusting without saying a word. It was hilarious. Well, five minutes later he comes back by and he's kind of like mellowed out and level. And he was like, hey, I just wanted to say you're like really cute, by the way. And like, you're handsome and you're beautiful, but like, you're really cute. And so he made up for it. Like, he made up for it later. And like, he was just so scared that like, he like actually hurt my feelings. But I was like, no, like, it's really hard to hurt my feelings because I will just monetize it on my podcast.

[Unknown]

Yeah, you see a paycheck every time I get.

[Drew Phillips]

You see trauma. I see Cha Ching, cha ching, Cha Ching.

[Kai Newman]

Hold on.

[Unknown]

No, don't. Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

I almost just kissed you.

[Kai Newman]

I know, I almost kissed you too. But we got to say, I've gotten really good at physical touch, right?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, he has, he has. I. What did I say? Oh, he. His physical touch used to feel like if a doll came to life, like if a doll just learned and it didn't have joints yet, so his movements were really like.

[Kai Newman]

I knew like, like the. I knew that like you wanted that and like required that for like healing cuz you would do it to me like when I was down bad. So I was just like, oh, this is Something like, she would want done to her. So, like, when I was, like, rubbing your clitoris when you were sad, like, it was, like, awkward for me. No, but, like, when I did a.

[Drew Phillips]

Really good job for your first time.

[Kai Newman]

That was, like, my 800 billionth time. Let's get it.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, it. We said we would restart because it hadn't worked 800 times before. So the restart was.

[Kai Newman]

No, but, like, when I would, like, touch you, I was. I just didn't know how to do it. And I would, like, we would be, like, this far apart on my bed, and I would just be, like, unironically. You would do that.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I'd be, like, sitting and, like.

[Unknown]

That'S so sweet.

[Drew Phillips]

To be fair, when I started giving you guys physical affection, at first, I. If anything, I felt like a pervert.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Because, like, our group wasn't physically affectionate at all for the most part, like, kind of. But, like, we weren't. Like, we've definitely. As we've all grown older, we've become more, like, likely to, like, hold each other and, like, grab each other for a hug. But, like, when I would first start doing it, I remember, like, one of y' all would be sitting, crying, and I would, like, always, like, go up and, like, just, like, grab one of them, and then, like, while they're talking. And I. I always do that. Like, I always grab people like that. And then it does cross my mind that, like, why am I talking?

[Kai Newman]

Like, in the car? Like, you moaned when I touched you yesterday when we were driving.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, because you've gotten so good at it.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, Like, I'm not even. I'm not even kidding.

[Drew Phillips]

So low that now it's like, I.

[Kai Newman]

Literally did this move. I was just like, pat, pat, pat, rub, rub, rub. And was like. And you was like, oh, wait, like, that was so good.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it wasn't that. It was you. I. I have really bad pain right here, and you, like, grabbed my back or something. He, like, rubbed you rubbed a to my back, and it felt really good. And I did let out a moon.

[Unknown]

I do remember that you have gotten better at. At physical touch. Because after you'll actually cuddle with me.

[Kai Newman]

Where.

[Unknown]

Is not true. Before, you would just get up, and immediately I would roll the tarp up. You'd roll the tarp up.

[Kai Newman]

I'd hose you down with water.

[Unknown]

He would be on Grindr with his phone, and then he'd just be spraying indiscriminately in the corner, what With a power washer. And then. And then you would get me a Uber pool home.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God. I feel like I used to be in an Uber all the time, but that's when we first moved here, and, like, we actually had, like, stamina to be outside. I want to be outside again. But, like, also now it just sucks. The only thing that is annoying about being somebody who wants to be social and getting older, and by no means are we older. Whatever. I have become so picky. I think that's the real reason I don't go out as much anymore is I am so picky because I'm like, I am not gonna torture myself to be in a random ass bar with, like, what? Like, I want to go, like, dancing somewhere cute with.

[Kai Newman]

I want to dance. I want to dance so bad. We should all go dancing. Like, for real. For real. Josiah needs it bad. Like. Like, Kai and I were talking about, like, we want to learn how to dance, like, unironically. Like, I just want to, like, feel my body and move.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, let's go on Friday. I dance. I. I feel like I. I'm the only dancer left.

[Kai Newman]

Also, like, the thing.

[Drew Phillips]

I do dance at parties, though. I love Dean.

[Kai Newman]

Wait, what was I gonna say? Oh, completely derailing the conversation. Like, I don't know why this thought. Oh, no. Like, dancing High School Musical. But, like, we went and visited the High School Musical high school.

[Drew Phillips]

We did.

[Kai Newman]

And we didn't talk about it. It. But, like, in Utah. They filmed it in Salt Lake City at, like, East High School or something like that.

[Drew Phillips]

And then one more.

[Kai Newman]

It's really, really crazy. It's like, actually, this.

[Drew Phillips]

It's just the school, and people go there, bro.

[Kai Newman]

Like, we met.

[Drew Phillips]

We met somebody who went there. Like, that's crazy.

[Kai Newman]

We were at Ulta. Do you go to East?

[Drew Phillips]

I smoked a joint in front of East High. I'm crazy. I don't give a. I. We. Oh, Me and Drew were. We were role playing super, super, super, super, super seniors.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, that was. I mean, there's a few more supers in there.

[Drew Phillips]

Super, super, super, super. Damn. Are you. Are you gonna go to your high school reunion?

[Kai Newman]

Because that's coming up. Yeah, I was literally, like, thinking about that, like, a couple days ago because I was like, like, wait, like, that's very soon. Like, so, so soon. But no, I will. Absolutely not. I will not be going.

[Drew Phillips]

What? I think I'm gonna go to mine. I feel like mine is gonna be fun.

[Kai Newman]

No, your. Yours will be lit as.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, me and so Card were talking about it. We were like, wait, we kind of.

[Kai Newman]

Need to, like, no, that's gonna be fun because people, like, will have fun. Like Granberry, Texas. Like, everyone has, like, kids. No, literally. Literally.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I.

[Drew Phillips]

There are people from my class who have kids and stuff, but they're still fun people from Miami. So I guess, like, yeah, Miami's just, like, different, but I think it'll be fun. Also, I think me and Sicard are planning on, like, doing the first ever, like, you know, the nationals cheer teams. We're gonna do the first ever, just, like, duo team of it, and we're still figuring out the songs on the rotation, but right now it's. Fuck. I have to ask him what exactly it was. Yes. And by Rihanna, by Ariana, and then. But every transition is gonna be the really aggressive transition.

[Kai Newman]

Who's transitioning?

[Unknown]

No, she. She was talking about something else.

[Kai Newman]

Oh, sorry.

[Unknown]

Continue, Anya.

[Drew Phillips]

No, that was kind of it. As I was going, I was like, actually, this is.

[Unknown]

I'm sorry about my bi friend.

[Drew Phillips]

Your what?

[Unknown]

My bi friend.

[Drew Phillips]

That's not what that is.

[Unknown]

I didn't get invited to my reunion.

[Drew Phillips]

You have to get invited.

[Unknown]

I don't know, because I didn't get it. I didn't hear about it.

[Kai Newman]

Oh.

[Unknown]

But I don't even know if it happened. And I also don't know if a.

[Drew Phillips]

College one, you know, I get invited. I can't imagine who from my school would reach out. Like, yeah, how does that happen?

[Kai Newman]

It's always. It's literally, like, one person that, like, is like, oh, we should to do this. And then they. Yeah, they, like, message you on Facebook.

[Drew Phillips]

Me and Sicard are gonna be the people and do, like, a crazy pep rally. Like, I want a concert. Like. Like, that would be fun. That would be so fun.

[Kai Newman]

Beam.

[Unknown]

Ah.

[Drew Phillips]

We're gonna get DJ Chipman to perform Ecstasy. Was it Grind mode? Grinder Daddy?

[Kai Newman]

No.

[Unknown]

No.

[Drew Phillips]

It's gonna be a whole lineup. It's gonna be crazy tricks. We're gonna get JT and Young Miami back together.

[Unknown]

Whoa. That's exciting.

[Kai Newman]

I would love that.

[Drew Phillips]

That's not gonna happen.

[Unknown]

The last time I was in my hometown, I drove by my.

[Kai Newman]

Bye.

[Unknown]

Imagine you as my therapist. Gay guy struck by lightning. As my therapist.

[Kai Newman]

Bye.

[Drew Phillips]

You drove.

[Kai Newman]

Bye.

[Unknown]

Let's talk about that part.

[Kai Newman]

Let's talk about that pussy.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Recounting your sexual traumas. That pussy.

[Kai Newman]

Talking about that pussy.

[Unknown]

Oh, that's on fire.

[Drew Phillips]

Tell me what that pussy has been through. True.

[Unknown]

I drove by my. My middle school, and I got hit by such a. Such a potent wave of nostalgia that I slept the rest of the day at my parents House.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh.

[Unknown]

It was really weird. I was like, this is crazy.

[Kai Newman]

Do you like nostalgia, or you hate it?

[Unknown]

I don't. I think it's. It's like a squarely melancholy feeling, which I do think part of.

[Kai Newman]

I really. I. I don't know if I kind of love nostalgia because I love being sad, but it, like, makes me so sad.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it hits me in a way.

[Kai Newman]

Oh, God. I wonder what, like, the evolutionary advantage of nostalgia is. Is it just, like, memory?

[Unknown]

Like, better? Like, that's a good question.

[Drew Phillips]

I, like, kind of don't think we need nostalgia as much as, like, it's being used now.

[Unknown]

Like, I think it's gotten weaponized for sure now.

[Drew Phillips]

It's like, it's literally a problem. But I've also never been because I'm not somebody who I wish I was better because I do have friends who are really good at documenting everything, and they're, like, super obsessed with nostalgia. Sorry. Drew is topping Kai off, and it.

[Unknown]

Actually feels pretty good this time. Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Ew.

[Unknown]

Well, that one was on my prostate, and, you know, I like that.

[Kai Newman]

Bring up prostates right now, you know, you can't bring up prostates right now, y'.

[Unknown]

All. Do not bring up prostate.

[Drew Phillips]

I need somebody to go back and track all the times during a mental health crisis. Drew Phillips has publicly talked about a disease that he has but doesn't have.

[Kai Newman]

Guys, my Dradder bladder. My drag. My Dradder isn't planing. My bladder isn't draining properly.

[Unknown]

Wait, what do you mean?

[Kai Newman]

I can't finish peeing when I go pee. And, like, this happened to me in, like, January, and then it just went away. And I didn't think anything of it. I didn't go to the doctor. And then this happened, and I was like, oh, I need to get this looked at. So my. Oh, my God, my doctor was so creepy, y'. All. I. Oh, my God, my doctor was a weirdo freak, like, And I, like, kind of was obsessed with it.

[Drew Phillips]

I know you are, because he's gone back. Back three times.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, well, no, they keep scheduling appointments because they think I have cancer. Hodgkin's lymphoma, as he said, which also.

[Unknown]

I'm like that to you.

[Kai Newman]

That's what I was saying. Like, a doctor should not even. Even if there's, like, an inkling inside of them, they should not say that to a patient ever. He was like. He did, like, a lymph node screening, and he, like, ran through all my things, and he was like, could be Hodgkin's Lymphoma, like, let's get you in tomorrow. And I was like, like, oh, my God.

[Unknown]

What?

[Kai Newman]

Oh, my God. But I, like, Like, I know this is, like, probably illegal. Like, I don't know. Like, but like, he was really weird from the jump. Like, really weird. Like, he, like, looked at me, and within like, five minutes, he was like, kind of sneak dissing me. And he was like, listen, like, like, in my office, like, we treat, like, all types of kids around your age and like, like, like, like people that live under a bridge. And he, like, held his hand out and pointed at me like, no, literally, he was, like, insinuating that, like, I was like a homeless kid. And I looked at my outfit and I was like, girl, what the. Like, I was wearing, like, a nice ass outfit. And like, he was like. He was like, you can really trust me because we treat, like, all types of people like you. And I was like, what the is hap. Like, literally what is happening? And, like, there was a very clear switch. Like, you know when a doctor asks you, are you, like, sexually active? Yes. Man or woman? Man, there's like, always there. There's like this brief hesitation. Literally, his was like, oh, cool. And, like, he moved on. But then he started getting weird and creepy. Like, he was not present him telling.

[Drew Phillips]

You you could possibly have, like, essentially terminal cancer, like, within.

[Kai Newman]

Well, no, he. He was like, could be Hodgkin's lymphoma, but, like, that's like, the best cancer to get because, like, there's like a 90s, 90, like, success rate. And I was like, in, like in that moment when I was watching this man, like, you know how actors, every once in a while, they're like, like, I met this person and I, like, the entire role was, like, fulfilled. Like, I knew how I was going to act based off this person. Like, this person is my muse. Like, I was like, if I was an actor, this dude would have been a gold mine. He was so bizarre. But, like, like, I. I, like. I don't know how to describe it. Like, he.

[Drew Phillips]

He kept trying to, like, wrote a doctor curse.

[Kai Newman]

Neither have I. But he kept trying to, like, prove himself to me. Like, prove his, like, coolness, improve his, like, intelligence. And, like, he would be like, I'm not gonna speak doctor speak to you. Like, I'm gonna, like, I'm gonna, like, lay it how you want. And then he'd like, go on this, like, really long, weird, winded, like, hyper medical terminology. Like, just, like the. Just something I literally would never understand. Like, even if I went to college for like, five years. And I'd be like, what? And he was like, oh, sorry, sorry. But he kept trying to, like, prove how smart.

[Drew Phillips]

I forgot.

[Unknown]

I literally went, what sounds like a. Like two children in a trench.

[Kai Newman]

No, it literally was giving that. And I think what happened, I, like, started psychoanalyzing him and I was like, one. Like, we're in this giant medical building and he's on the fourth floor and it's all doctors above him and they all perform surgeries. And. And he made it very clear to me that he didn't do surgery. So I think he's like, a little insecure about his place in, like, the medical space. And like, he. He went on this, like, also long winded tangent about, like, like the medical equipment he uses and how, like, in this building, like, we have the best equipment. Like, all the other doctors. Doctors, like, come to me for, like, medical testing. And I was like, dude, whoa, this is like, this was crazy. But yeah, the. The off my computer.

[Drew Phillips]

He literally is just the underdog. He's. You got trapped in a room with, like, the Anthony Fantano of music critiques. It's like everyone comes to me and nobody gives a. Apparently.

[Kai Newman]

No, that's literally like, it was.

[Unknown]

It was like the Anthony Fantano of doctors.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Like, he's like, oh, I'm no. I'm no like, established critic, but it's funny. Iron wants to know my score. Like, that's that guy's vibe.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't think Anthony Fantano has ever talked like that, but if I was him, that's how I would talk. So I'm kind of just projecting onto that person.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

And I've actually never seen a full video.

[Unknown]

I was thinking about Anthony Fantano the other day because. Because I saw he gave an album a bad review, and I was like, this is kind of a scary job to have to. To honestly give music and so entire subcultures and like, insane fans bad reviews and objectively give it a number and be like, this is a bad thing. And I'm like, that would be really scary to have that job, I think. I don't know.

[Drew Phillips]

I would be much more inclined to talk about things I liked than the things I didn't like because I'd be.

[Unknown]

Terrified of pretty consistently like. Like, I don't know if I agree with a lot of his takes, but I feel like he does have his own integrity, which I.

[Kai Newman]

With.

[Unknown]

Which is cool.

[Drew Phillips]

Which is really what, like, I think a critique's job when it's Something that subjective is. Is, like, take your information and, like, make sure, like, that's your opinion.

[Unknown]

Yeah, but I'm like, at any one point, this guy probably has, like, half a million people that have lost their minds that, like, want to kill.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. And at any one point, the worst man you've ever liked and had a crush on was watching every review based.

[Kai Newman]

His entire music personality off of Anthony Fantano's, like, top five albums.

[Drew Phillips]

People aren't becoming more gay. People are realizing they have been gay. And that is a sign of a recession. No, that's a sign of a gay man is. Why are you obsessed with another man's playlist? Essentially.

[Kai Newman]

Wait, the amount of gay people is a recession indicator?

[Unknown]

Really? Does that spike before a housing crisis?

[Kai Newman]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Yes. We're at an hour, so.

[Kai Newman]

Whoa.

[Drew Phillips]

I have to cut everything I just had for the last 30 minutes.

[Unknown]

For the last 30 minutes?

[Drew Phillips]

Yes.

[Unknown]

You were saying so much funny stuff.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I was. I'm kidding.

[Unknown]

Okay, good. I hate that. No, no, no, no, no. Don't do that. I don't like that.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, wait. I think I found my carry with edit. I did. This one sucks. I think this is one of my first edits.

[Kai Newman]

I'm in love. Me and my big hat. Like, was that, like, supposed to be chic or was it supposed to be silly?

[Drew Phillips]

I think it was supposed to be, like, sexy and silly. Question mark. But, like, I don't really know because something about the fashion world is they actually don't play around about weird hats and, like, specifically, like, a top hat. Like a very structured. Like, I don't know why that's. There's so many more hats. I don't know why that's the one. Dude.

[Unknown]

It was really sad about the new Sex and the City is. I personally am like, I don't think that the outfits and wardrobe is great in the new Sex and the City, but it's so good and, like, so much of the original show. And I was like, it's really sad to see some of the fits that they're pulling.

[Drew Phillips]

I never finished Sex and the City past season five because I. I can't lie. I was like, enough. Enough.

[Unknown]

Really?

[Drew Phillips]

Enough? Yeah. I was just like, get over it. Oh, my God. Which is. I'm. I'm sure I missed a lot, but I've seen, like, two of the movies.

[Unknown]

The movies aren't even canon, in my opinion.

[Drew Phillips]

But they're funny.

[Unknown]

They are really funny.

[Drew Phillips]

And that's kind of all that matters if you ask me. Trying to see if I have any More like cap cuts that I want to, like, show and tell because I. Oh, wait. I posted my Nathan one.

[Kai Newman]

That's fine. That's literally fine. Giggling and kicking my feet.

[Drew Phillips]

Stop literally giggling.

[Kai Newman]

Imagine him making you laugh, like, when y' all are just embarrassing.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't think he could actually make me laugh that hard if I'm being so honest. I think he would actually make me incredibly uncomfortable, actually.

[Kai Newman]

I agree. I think he would scare the out of me.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't think I. I don't think that's someone I actually want to be around. Most of my, like, crushes and people I find attractive are people I want absolutely nothing to do with, and I don't believe they should be, like, in my life.

[Kai Newman]

Then why am I here?

[Drew Phillips]

Because I use you like a sex object. That's different. I don't have a crush on you.

[Kai Newman]

That's true.

[Drew Phillips]

My. My fire doesn't burn in my heart for you. It burns in my. My clitoris.

[Unknown]

Yeah, Drew's going through it because Drew.

[Drew Phillips]

Gave me HPV and bv.

[Unknown]

That's not cool.

[Kai Newman]

That's dirty dick. They call me dirty.

[Drew Phillips]

We can't stop giving each other BV because neither of us wants to stop hooking up, and neither of us wants to stay on antibiotics.

[Unknown]

They call me Kai. Big perfect penis Newman, y'.

[Kai Newman]

All, we gotta. We gotta go. What?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, we gotta go. We're losing it.

[Drew Phillips]

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. All right, Drew. We're not my media of the week.

[Unknown]

We're not friends.

[Kai Newman]

Stop.

[Unknown]

That was sexy, right?

[Kai Newman]

No.

[Unknown]

No. Okay.

[Kai Newman]

We keep trying, though.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay?

[Kai Newman]

Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

My media of the week is Shoot the Mood by Judy Suki and Pale Shelter, Tears for Fears. One on one hall and Oates Every. Oh, Daylight by Lancy.

[Kai Newman]

And in the daylight, we can sit up our phone.

[Drew Phillips]

Cause in the day and Baby Pink by Camila Cabello.

[Kai Newman]

My media is Music is my hot, hot sex. 30100 million by Soulja Boy. Music is my hot, hot sex is CSS Machines Dream by Nobukatsu Takamori. And then what song was I listening to earlier that I was like, oh, eventually by Tame Impala.

[Unknown]

Ooh, that is a good one.

[Kai Newman]

That is such a sick song.

[Unknown]

So easy to shit on Tame Impala, but some of those songs are really good.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, it's like, he's just, like, a victim of, like, over saturation and popularity, but, like, he. He's really good.

[Unknown]

Did you know that? It's just one guy.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I didn't know about Tame and Paula until Rihanna did a cover of their song and then I was hanging out his song.

[Kai Newman]

It's one guy.

[Drew Phillips]

Same difference. I don't give a.

[Kai Newman]

Like, Aphex Twins is one person.

[Drew Phillips]

That's tw. They're two people. No. Bye, guys.

[Kai Newman]

We signed to I Heart. Yay.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, wait, I forgot about that. Also, if you haven't noticed, I'm sure you have on our cover. It has a little I Heart logo. And that's because we signed to iheart, which is insane because I grew up listening to the radio. And the reason I do this is because I wanted to be on Elvis Duran in the morning show. That was my dream. My dream was actually to take Elvis's job. But luckily enough annoying people online liked me and I Heart now likes me.

[Kai Newman]

So now expect some major changes. Everything is gonna change like this. Everything gone.

[Unknown]

We're being censored.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The hosts are gonn be flipped out.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, it's going to be Kai and his sister next week, so it's going.

[Unknown]

To be me and my sister, so.

[Kai Newman]

Be ready for that.

[Unknown]

No, but we joke around, but there's going to be a Kai cam. We're just figuring out the. What resolution. I want it to be imax.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, he wants it projected on the back wall back there.

[Drew Phillips]

What's it called? Project.

[Kai Newman]

Projector Mapping.

[Drew Phillips]

Projector. Mapping Kai onto, like, random toys.

[Kai Newman]

Wait, that's actually genius.

[Unknown]

But yeah. Guys, about Kai Cam. I got the emails of the production team. I've been emailing them a lot, got their phone numbers and I found their instagrams and I DM'd.

[Drew Phillips]

Why are you DMing like iheart crew?

[Kai Newman]

Yeah. Don't DM the women on the I Heart Crew.

[Unknown]

No, it was at 3am I don't think that they saw it.

[Drew Phillips]

So what did you say?

[Unknown]

Hey, what's up?

[Drew Phillips]

Why wouldn't you just say it was for work? Why would, like.

[Unknown]

I don't want to freak them out.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I think a bad habit I've had Since we signed iHeart is I keep texting people once the workday is over and only when the work day is over. So usually I like, email everybody back back around 6pm and I just blast their emails all night. So their phone is on the counter. It's like. Yeah, but it's really useless questions like, oh, my God. Or not even questions. I'm like, so excited we're with you guys now. And then, no response. Because, like, they responded the first, like, hundred times.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, yeah, but we're super excited. Threading a lot of value to our show. So we're like, I know. We're, like, really? We're. We're keen on showing you the future of emergency intercom because we have some big, big plans.

[Drew Phillips]

Big things coming.

[Kai Newman]

All right, thanks for listening. Bye.

[Drew Phillips]

Bye. This is an I Heart podcast.