The Gypsy Rose episode w Gypsy rose

Summary

Podcast Summary: Emergency Intercom – "The Gypsy Rose Episode"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Emergency Intercom
• Hosts: Kai and Drew Phillips
• Guests: Hamza and Martin
• Episode: The Gypsy Rose Episode
• Release Date: December 29, 2023
• Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast where hosts Enya Umanzor (referred to as Kai) and Drew Phillips engage in humorous and often chaotic conversations with guests, delving into a variety of eclectic topics.

---

1. Reunion and Initial Banter (00:49 - 02:45)

The episode kicks off with Kai and Drew expressing their excitement about recording after a significant hiatus. The tension from a previous personal encounter between the hosts is humorously addressed, setting a lighthearted tone for the episode.

• Drew: "Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. We're so happy. I'm so happy." (00:49)
• Kai: "I cut my legs off." (01:23) (Comedy exaggeration)

2. Introduction of Guests (02:45 - 06:31)

Hamza and Martin join the conversation. The hosts humorously discuss the dynamics of their relationships, poking fun at each other's openness and commenting on having male guests for the first time.

• Hamza: "But that doesn't necessarily mean I'm a bottom. We interchange. We like to switch." (02:27)
• Kai: "And you ate that, sis." (53:05) (Lighthearted teasing)

3. Internet Trends and TikTok Discussions (06:31 - 17:45)

The hosts and guests delve into various TikTok phenomena, including bizarre cooking videos and viral challenges. They discuss controversial content creators and the impact of viral trends on social media.

• Drew: "I saw someone comment that it was literally nothing. They purchased nothing." (13:16)
• Kai: "He commits like eight felonies for this TikTok. Like, it was insane in his videos." (17:03)

4. Cloning Pets and Technology (17:45 - 41:35)

A lively discussion ensues about the ethics and technology behind cloning pets. The hosts explore the emotional and financial aspects of creating identical replicas of beloved animals.

• Kai: "They look the exact same. It's fucking weird." (39:02)
• Hamza: "I'd get a really good cat, clone it, and even add mods to make it the best cat ever." (41:20)

5. Personal Anecdotes and Experiences (26:16 - 35:30)

Hamza shares a personal story about a tense encounter outside a school, highlighting the stress of being wrongly accused of recording inappropriate activity. The group discusses the repercussions of such misunderstandings in public settings.

• Hamza: "I was accused of something I'm not. It ruined that entire trip." (29:57)
• Kai: "That is stressful." (29:58)

6. Humorous Sexual Conversations (35:30 - 53:03)

The hosts engage in comedic discussions about sexual topics, including positions and experiences. This segment is filled with lighthearted banter and playful teasing among the hosts and guests.

• Drew: "I'm going to take a box cutter to your shirt and tear it down the middle and then push you into the street." (51:45)
• Kai: "Have y'all ever been in a sex swing before?" (50:15)

7. Attempted Guest Interaction and Technical Glitches (43:00 - 47:03)

During the episode, the hosts attempt to connect with Gypsy Rose as a guest, but encounter significant technical difficulties, including frozen screens and unstable internet connections. This leads to a humorous yet frustrating limbo as they struggle to re-establish communication.

• Kai: "Am I back?" (46:17)
• Drew: "You are here in spirit, bro." (43:05)

8. Conclusion and Wrap-Up (53:03 - End)

As technical issues persist, the hosts attempt to conclude the episode with a mix of planned segments and spontaneous humor. They reflect on the chaotic nature of the recording process and the camaraderie among the participants.

• Drew: "If anything happens to you guys, we will always support you no matter what." (57:54)
• Hamza: "We're gonna freakin' ride or die with you guys always and forever." (58:05)

---

Notable Quotes:

• Drew: "You don't want to know what happens if you don't. (we will be violent)" (00:54)
• Martin: "We do not. I like women, strictly. I don't know." (02:36)
• Kai: "Why can I go through my call log and delete calls that I've made? Like, a cheater's using that." (21:37)
• Hamza: "You have to make it super subtle. Like, they need to notice little things." (20:32)
• Drew: "I did DM Gypsy, but no reply, no answer, no anything." (45:37)

Note: This summary captures the essence of the episode's discussions and the dynamic interactions among hosts and guests. For the full comedic experience and detailed conversations, listening to the episode is recommended.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. We're so happy. I'm so happy.

[Kai]

I haven't. We haven't recorded in, like, literally weeks. It's been, like, a very, very long time since we've recorded.

[Drew]

Well, it's because me and Drew hooked up and, like, it got really awkward.

[Martin]

Awkward.

[Drew]

So we both had to flee the day.

[Kai]

I lost 40 pounds.

[Drew]

I ate that for a second. I was like, wow.

[Kai]

I'm, like, basically invisible now.

[Drew]

You lost £40? You would disappear.

[Kai]

Yeah, my legs don't ex. So I cut them off. I cut my legs off.

[Drew]

Well, to replace the 40 pounds of you that's missing, we have two guests who each weigh 20 pounds, so it'll be perfect.

[Kai]

All right, come on in. Hey.

[Martin]

Hey.

[Kai]

We got gypsy woes. Emily Rose and Martin. Hey, you're muted.

[Martin]

Martin, you're muted.

[Hamza]

Oh, hey. Hey. I just want to say, hey, what's up, guys? I'm. I'm so happy to be here and, you know, with my partner right here. Gypsy woes.

[Drew]

You're on the other side. On that side.

[Martin]

He's under me. For me, it goes. And your top left me, Drew, bottom left.

[Kai]

And then, of course, you call me a bottom. God damn it. Already. Oh, already calling me a bottom. When Martin said he's your partner, he just said, oh, that's my partner. Right.

[Hamza]

But that doesn't necessarily mean I'm a bottom. Where you interchange. We interchange. We like to switch.

[Martin]

We do not. I like women, strictly. I don't know. You guys go back and forth, right? You guys are all over this new stuff. I'm not with it. I'm. I'm kosher.

[Drew]

What the hell? No, we just haven't shaded our minds.

[Martin]

Your minds.

[Drew]

You expand our minds.

[Martin]

We're all parts of your body.

[Drew]

Well, no, I'm expanding Drew, and I'm expanding my mind while. Expand group. So that's different.

[Martin]

That's awful. I don't like that. Don't say that, please.

[Drew]

Okay, well, you should go on, like, a retreat Somewhere and, like, open up.

[Kai]

Well, I also realized this is our first male guests. Our first males.

[Drew]

Wait, that's literally not true.

[Hamza]

That's such a W. That's like a W for all men in the world.

[Drew]

We've literally had Josiah on multiple times.

[Kai]

Josiah and Kai aren't males in my eyes.

[Drew]

Oh, that's true. They are serving.

[Hamza]

How about this? How about this? Guests that aren't in the emergency intercom extended universe.

[Martin]

Hey.

[Hamza]

But now we're part of it.

[Kai]

Now you're in it.

[Drew]

Now you're looped in.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Hamza]

Almost as big as the Marvel universe now.

[Kai]

Exactly. I know.

[Drew]

Who are the last people we need to get on to expand it, other than Gypsy Rose.

[Kai]

Emily Rose.

[Hamza]

Well, you just need to get that one guy. What? The one who was, like, the villain, and now he's, like, in jail or something, and then you're talking about.

[Martin]

I think you're talking about Marvel and they're talking about the Internet. Oh.

[Drew]

Dude, I was so confused. I was like, who the fuck went to jail?

[Martin]

The villain. He's talking about freaking.

[Hamza]

He really is a villain. He's a villain, man.

[Kai]

Shane Dawson.

[Martin]

Oh, villains.

[Drew]

Shane Dawson's a father now, so put some respect on. I didn't know that Riley gave birth. There's the picture of him sitting in the bed with the baby.

[Kai]

Dude.

[Hamza]

Hamza. Seriously, stop being silly.

[Kai]

I know program, bro.

[Martin]

Who's Riley? Who's is this?

[Kai]

Wait, no, it's Rylan. Shane and Rylan, they did have. They had surrogates. And I saw comments on the post. Every comment was like, this. You're evil. Like, this should not be happening. Like, it's like, the happiest day of their life, and, like, everyone is, like, completely destroying them. And someone was like, not a single mention of the surrogate mothers, like, some men you are. And I was like, the surrogate mothers probably don't want to be mentioned on Shane Dawson's fucking Instagram. Okay. God fucking damn it.

[Drew]

That's what you get for talking badly about Drew back.

[Kai]

I got multiple camera angles.

[Hamza]

Oh, man. This one. I don't like this one. It feels like I'm being examined under a microscope by you.

[Kai]

Yeah, y' all are little. It makes my forehead vein look crazy.

[Drew]

Dude, it looks so jarring. Like, you look like somebody I called for, like, help with, like, to pay my. Oh, wait, why did. Why is it working when you switch back and forth?

[Martin]

I wish I had.

[Kai]

I just unplugged it and plugged it back in. Yeah, I should move this camera over here so I can like, dramatically look at it. Yeah, I'm gonna mess up the cable.

[Martin]

You're gonna.

[Drew]

That's a little too, like, Philip DeFranco.

[Kai]

I'm not doing that.

[Hamza]

Yeah. Oh, my God. That is Philip DeFranco. I miss.

[Drew]

You know, still alive. He's still doing stuff.

[Kai]

Oh, he's still huge on the Internet, too. Like, he's still, like, going crazy. Like, it's insane.

[Martin]

Is he related to the good mythical morning guys? Is he, like, one of the third or. He's one of those brothers.

[Kai]

He's one of the Dolan twins. Yeah.

[Martin]

You know when.

[Hamza]

You know when families. They have, like, you have, like, twins, and then you find out they have this, like, weird older brother that's just, like, locked in.

[Martin]

The Sterniolo's got a. Got an older brother.

[Kai]

Wait, who the Is the Sterniolos?

[Drew]

Who is that?

[Martin]

We about to put y' all put me on.

[Hamza]

That's crazy.

[Martin]

So they're.

[Hamza]

They're these little young boys, and they're these goblins, man. You got to check them out.

[Martin]

And they're just like, what do they do, Martin? I don't know.

[Hamza]

They're freaking awesome, dude. You can pick which one you want to stand. Christopher. Which one? Nicholas. What's the other guy?

[Drew]

Wait, there's more. There's is.

[Martin]

There's three of them.

[Kai]

Oh, wait, is it the. Is it the dudes? Where. There's the gay one and the two brothers. There's a gay car. Yes, I know them. I know them.

[Martin]

As soon as it got gay, you got really excited, and, you know, and.

[Hamza]

Then they have this older brother, and they have this older brother. This is actually. Wait, this is so funny. I did a bit that I was their, like, fourth brother or something, and then all their stands, like, came after me and stuff. It was really funny.

[Kai]

Yeah, I feel like they have, like.

[Drew]

Wait, they're big like that. I. I still don't know who we're talking about.

[Martin]

They're bigger than both of us.

[Kai]

You don't, like, combined. They're. They're major. They're, like, major. And they just sit in the car and be pretty. Like, that's.

[Drew]

Oh, oh, oh, oh. I know who you're talking about. Wait, they're all related?

[Martin]

Yeah, they're identical. What do you mean?

[Kai]

They're triplet, and then they have a brother.

[Hamza]

They're not related. It's a PR stunt, dude.

[Kai]

What's crazy is they have a brother that they lock inside of a suitcase in their basement, and he's just been living in their suitcase for, like, six Months.

[Drew]

Well, is it, like, a Ramoa suitcase, or is it, like, a TJ Maxx?

[Hamza]

Okay, if it's that one, it's fine, because that's luxury. And, like, inside, it's probably warm.

[Drew]

That's what I'm saying. It's probably, like, insulated. It's like. I think it's like living in a Stanley cup.

[Martin]

I heard Mr. Beast has someone in a Ramoa right now during, like, day 21 or something.

[Kai]

If you can live inside this suitcase, we won't dismember you, bro.

[Hamza]

I would totally do that because, like, you probably get to keep the suitcase at the end.

[Drew]

Yeah, true, true.

[Kai]

And it's the Virgil Abloh clear one. I wanted that you could sell it on ground. I wanted that so bad.

[Drew]

Dude. I'm not kidding. Like, I need somebody. Like, he is treading psychological warfare territory so heavily. Like, he is. Like, yes. The. The one where he had that, like, duo stay in the box for 100 days. I was like, okay, this is, like, not. Yeah. Also, like, there's no way they didn't bone. Like, I'm, like, really sorry. I was getting a phone call.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

I'm really, really certain that they had to have boned if they were in there for a hundred days together. But Loki, they did not. With each other by the end.

[Hamza]

You don't have to. You don't have to. Some people are abstinent, and you know what I mean, like, celibate.

[Martin]

This is what they did is I heard, because I know someone who works just, like, behind the scenes with them. They. They have a lot of cameras in there, so immediately when they start boning, they can actually see it. And they have this big red buzzer that they hit, and it every, like, confetti comes down and they get an extra.

[Kai]

Oh, that's actually really interesting.

[Drew]

Damn. And if they locked me and Drew in there, we'd walk out millionaires. Because covered in confetti.

[Martin]

Extra, extra. Like, there's a bonus for. No, no, no protection. So there's also that as well.

[Drew]

Oh, me. Andrew can't do that, though, because we have, like, multiple partners on the side, so.

[Kai]

And diseases. Wait, this is covering my face now. Okay, so I want to talk about how evil and wicked Sephora has become.

[Martin]

Okay.

[Kai]

Should I get into that?

[Hamza]

Yeah, you have to educate us because, like, we're guys you don't really know.

[Drew]

I was gonna say, like, you're.

[Martin]

You know what? Any is actually dressed up like one of their bags a little bit.

[Kai]

That was on purpose for a bag cosplay. So I was Christmas gift shopping for all the girlies in my family and I just like, I love.

[Drew]

Why wouldn't you get them like, like a three month course for like an engineering class or something?

[Kai]

Why do you have to get women in stem? Shouldn't exist. I was thinking cooking classes, though.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Kai]

Or teaching a girl how to take out a garbage can every once in a while. How about that?

[Drew]

Okay, yeah, that's a boy's job.

[Hamza]

Okay, well. Well, if you teach a man how to fish the fish. Anyway. Yeah, just continue. I. I don't remember what it was, but.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, no, I get it. I get what you're saying. But I was picking out gifts for other girly pops and I love skincare. Very big into skincare. So I was just getting them like little, like a little skincare regimen. And then like, I'm like looking around and I like, I'm just looking at everyone in there because I like people watching and I'm just like watching all of these people and then I realize.

[Drew]

You'Re a grown ass man with a beard. Alone in support.

[Kai]

I was with my mother. I was with my mother. I was with my mother. Like, I was plotting. I was like rubbing my hands together. No, it gets, it'll make that even funnier because the people I was looking at, but like, not in a weird way. So shut the fuck up. How about that? No, but then I like realize I'm like looking around. I'm like, holy shit, every single person, every single girl in here is below the age of 14. And then it just started making me freak the out because I was like, society has ruined children. Like all they care about is like stopping wrinkles from happening and they're 12 years old.

[Drew]

Like, oh, yeah.

[Kai]

So crazy.

[Drew]

I mean, that's like the whole thing with TikTok. I saw one the other day where I was like, only the girls who microplane, tongue scrape, drink, collagen, ice roll, tweeze, threading, waxing, hair, dye hair. Like it was the longest ever and.

[Hamza]

It was like, that's Hamza. Unfortunately, Hamza does that. He does all that. You got all that checked off, boy?

[Martin]

This isn't an accident, you know this. And I don't get to just chill on the beach all day, you know?

[Drew]

Do you have like a side hustle? Like a esthetician business?

[Kai]

That's actually Epstein's island. I do. He's on Epstea's island.

[Martin]

Yeah, I'm on Eps. Or they're making a new one. This one, we're calling it The Zuckerberg island he hosts now. He's a crazy host.

[Kai]

You do sass? What sass?

[Martin]

I sell software on the, like, just kind of virus, like malware and stuff like that if you're all interested.

[Kai]

Oh, wait.

[Drew]

I saw somebody on Tick Tock who was on the Tick Tock shop, saying selling advice like. Oh, selling like, dating advice. Like, they were like three. Three places. You should always touch your man when you're hugging him. If you want more tips, go to my TikTok shop.

[Kai]

Like, you need that in you. I'll do you one better. In one of the shops I saw, they were selling a 1.99 and I was gonna buy it because I didn't know what it was, but then I saw someone comment that it was literally nothing. They purchased nothing. And it was like.

[Hamza]

We don't have. We don't have Tick Tock shop in Canada. So do you guys mind maybe. Can you guys really.

[Martin]

We literally don't. And it's. And you guys suffer so much and we're just watching. And ours is bliss. And also my. My Tick Tock is glitched. I don't even have ads. I have zero. I've never gotten a single ad. So I just get straight. Content is actually.

[Kai]

It's burning a hole.

[Hamza]

That's why he's so. That's why he's so messed up.

[Martin]

He's just like.

[Kai]

The poultry guys.

[Martin]

Yeah.

[Kai]

I swear to God, there's a poltergeist you.

[Drew]

That is actually insane. Because my Tick Tock feed is especially. Once the holiday started, like, every other thing is some trying to sell some to me.

[Martin]

Oh, hell no.

[Kai]

It's crazy.

[Drew]

What the hell?

[Martin]

Are you seeing this?

[Kai]

Wait, what does that say?

[Drew]

It says, enter passcode for Tick Tock.

[Kai]

Right? You got your locked up.

[Martin]

I'm scared to type it because it's gonna, like, buy something.

[Kai]

It's gonna sell your data.

[Martin]

No. Check this out.

[Drew]

Damn. So y' all don't have chamois pickle tick tocks or what?

[Hamza]

Like, no, we have to make our own. Yeah, I just buy the ingredients.

[Kai]

India bought two chamoy pickle pick kits before we left and we were supposed to do them and we just have them sitting on the counter now because we didn't do them.

[Drew]

They're probably butt rotten. Yeah, they're probably worse for so disgusting. I would assume that sitting on the counter for three weeks while we're gone, the Red 40 is gonna, like, disintegrate the packaging and we're gonna come home to just like two red puddles on the counter.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's gonna be like, yeah, like.

[Hamza]

That one Tick tock. Have you ever seen that? Like, the food moving and stuff? And like. Yeah, it's like just pure comment bait. Like, so people are like, what is that? But it's like, yeah or something. But it always, like, it does get me.

[Kai]

My favorite comment bait I've been seeing recently is, like, the people that, like, get really sexual with, like, the food and they, like, start, like, fingering the food or the chicken breast. And it's like, did anybody else notice his fingers? Like, that's literally.

[Drew]

It's always like a, like a weirdly buff dude who obviously also has an eating disorder because he only lets himself eat, like, boiled broccoli and, like, bear chicken.

[Martin]

Yeah.

[Drew]

But he always like, yeah, cooking and like, dressing up, like, with like, a tight ass shirt and it's like, like laughing the out of something.

[Hamza]

I want to start one so bad because, like, I look into them so much. I want to start one where it's like, I'm just cooking regularly and then. But I'm super unhygienic about everything, so I'm like, randomly. But it's, like, subtle enough that people, like, comment.

[Kai]

I saw this dude legitimately make, like, gumbo on the airplane.

[Drew]

Sam.

[Kai]

He snuck a battery, like a car battery onto the airplane and cooked gumbo in the sink.

[Drew]

How do you sneak a car battery?

[Kai]

That's what everyone was saying.

[Martin]

They were all like.

[Kai]

He committed like, eight felonies for this Tick tock. Like, it was like, insane in his videos. Martin. I went to his page. All of his videos are essentially that, like, he'll, like, have a cut on his hand and, like, start, like, kneading bread and knead the blood into the bread. And like, he also cooks in, like, it was crazy. He cooks inside, like, motel sinks. That's his bread and butter is like. He cooks in the motel. Yeah, you've seen him. You've seen him.

[Martin]

I saw make French onion soup in the, in the sink of a motel.

[Kai]

Like, it has, like, it has, like, razor shavings and scabs and in it.

[Martin]

If I. If my ass saved, like, $40 taking, like, economy or whatever, and he's sitting next to me making gumbo. I'm asking.

[Kai]

Yeah, you have to. Yeah, try it. Yeah, he pull out, like, he pulls it out of the bag. Like, it's like mashed potatoes with, like.

[Martin]

When he's like, is he a truck driver? Isn't he a truck driver?

[Kai]

Yeah, he's a truck driver. He did it on the Airplane, though.

[Drew]

Wait, so he's, like, low key about it. Like, he. That's not. Like, he didn't start that as a bit. Like, he was like, I need to show the world what I get up to when I'm on the road.

[Kai]

Also, like, the technology he creates is insane. Like, he literally will make, like, a pizza grill that, like, spins using, like, the blow dryer, and it will, like, melt the cheese. It's, like, insane. Like, I've never.

[Martin]

He'll build, like, chappie to, like, make.

[Kai]

He actually utilizes chat GPT AI. He puts the AI in the chicken breast.

[Drew]

That just reminds me of, like, there was this guy who. I can't say his vlog channel name, but there's this guy who, like, was ctfxc. No, you know who I'm talking about.

[Kai]

I know who you're talking about. We'll show y' all after.

[Martin]

Who?

[Hamza]

Who?

[Martin]

Who?

[Drew]

We'll show you after. I'm only, like, not saying it because he isn't popular. Like, I just found him with my Miami homies, like, on YouTube because he used to go to the vintage shops here, and people met him and were like, oh, this guy makes vlogs. Like, we should go watch them. But his AT is like, I don't even think he makes vlogs anymore. But one of them was he. He was showing, like, his, like, food routine. And mind you, this guy was, like, selling, like, reselling designer clothes on Grails, so he had no business eating like this. Like, he was making the correct amount of money that he could have got himself a fucking, like, a Burger King meal. Like, he could have gotten something else. But he would go to the grocery stores in Miami, bulk buy the sales steak, and put a bunch of steak in his freezer to the point that it was, like, gray. And, like, he fully showed himself cooking, like, this gray steak and, like, putting all his, like, vegetables into the microwave and, like, putting the steak in the microwave. Like, he literally was, like, cooking it. Like, he had just been introduced to using his hands. Like, it was the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. So, Martin, you should do it, but you need to do it. Like, you know when people, like, always have different camera angles, and it's, like, them chopping and then, like, cut and, like, them throwing it in like you should be chopping, and then, like, a bunch of the food falls on the floor, and, like, it cuts to, like, a nice angle of your feet and you picking it up and throwing it.

[Hamza]

But that's what I'm scared of is like, that's like, too obvious. Like, I need to. It needs to be super subtle. Like, it needs to be like they low key. Notice, like, little sores on my fingernails falling into.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Martin]

You just. You just deny it in the comments. You also need to wear, like, an apron with, like, nothing under it. Just.

[Hamza]

Or even throw them off a little bit. And I do wash my hands at the beginning or something, but then the.

[Martin]

Rest is disgusting clean. Like just soap, like three times. And then.

[Kai]

Well, okay, I also want to talk about. I mentioned this earlier when we were setting it up, and it piqued everyone's interest. But there are subtle things set in place in technology that rewards and benefits only cheaters. It is insane. Why can I go through my call log and delete calls that I've made? So you can go through the call log and delete a call. Who else is using that other than a cheater? Like, a cheater's using that. Like, you can change the COVID of certain apps. Like, I'm not going to name names, but you can put, like, Grindr. I'll name names on Grindr. You can put like, a different cover so it looks like a different app.

[Drew]

I think that's weirder. I feel like that one's weirder because it would benefit kids. Like, there's definitely, like, kids who have apps they shouldn't have and they could just cover it and their parents who would, like, go through their phone would just be like, okay, who gives a.

[Kai]

That'S pinch or like a DL man, like, in his girl knows what the Grinder looks like, but her app looks like but doesn't know what the Grinder app.

[Martin]

So you're telling me if I look at your screen time, Drew, you're gonna have like, 12 hours a day on, like, calculator or something?

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly, Exactly. That's so funny that said 12 hours on Grindr, though, because in a video we did in. In New York, I edited my screen time to say, like, 14 hours or 12 hours on Grindr. And literally everyone believed it. Like, no, I'm not on Grindr for 12 hours a day.

[Drew]

Like, literally, how would you even spend 12 hours on there?

[Kai]

Like, people do.

[Hamza]

You made it too realistic of a number, man. You have to make it, like, way higher.

[Martin]

Maybe like 26 or something.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. But what are your thoughts on deleting call logs? Like, why can I delete who I called?

[Hamza]

Yeah, you know what I'm going to tell you right now? It's. It's for cheaters it's not for me. I don't think about stuff like that. I'm a loyal man. I have a girlfriend. I. I'm. You know what I mean? I don't. I don't care about these new things that they've. What do you mean?

[Drew]

I agree with Hamza that. That's made for me, bro.

[Martin]

Serious?

[Hamza]

Are y' all serious?

[Martin]

We're cheater.

[Hamza]

Are you guys all unfaithful people?

[Drew]

Well, I cheat on Drew all the time, but I guess it's not cheating if he knows.

[Kai]

I know, babe. I know everything you do. I know every move you make.

[Drew]

It's not cheating if you're open about it. If you're making a public statement to your partner and you're saying, listen, you were not good enough for me right now. I need to be on the streets. And if they get mad at you, that's an insecurity on their part, and that's up on their streets.

[Hamza]

She spurred the streets. Future said that?

[Martin]

Yes.

[Drew]

Yeah. Okay, so it's like a known thing.

[Martin]

This is almost like psyop corner of yours. But you're reminding me of a neat of a meme. I don't know if you can see this.

[Kai]

Is that a present? What does it say?

[Martin]

Okay.

[Drew]

Woke up with no presence. Here you go. I let Zach me last Thursday, and I felt really bad about it. Not because I cheated, but because he was better than your. Than you. And I feel stuck.

[Kai]

Holy shit. Merry Christmas.

[Hamza]

Merry Christmas. Come on.

[Kai]

Yeah. Wow. Mary Chrysler, more like.

[Drew]

Dude, I saw a really funny one that my dad thought was so funny. I don't know if you saw this, Drew, because Mason posted it, but I showed it to my dad, and for context, my dad is 50, but literally, like, acts and talks like he's still.

[Kai]

Like, 25, but he has a. Yeah, no, that's backwards. No, it's right. Whoa.

[Drew]

This is like. I screenshotted this. This is not my text.

[Martin]

Oh. Oh. 5K. You give 1K to your little boyfriend. Let's make you beautiful.

[Kai]

Can someone read that out loud to me? Because I can't read.

[Martin]

Hey, babe. Sending you 5k. You give 1k to your little boyfriend, then the rest you make yourself beautiful. Okay. Hi, this is Jimmy, her boyfriend. She didn't give me any money. Please stop her.

[Hamza]

I forgot the most important, important part. Red at 1:02pm.

[Martin]

It'S not a one o' clock message. That's a dude.

[Drew]

That is kind of crazy to be going back and forth about that at, like, 1pm like, the sun is literally like directly above you. The contrast on everything is crazy.

[Martin]

Like, yeah, it's money.

[Hamza]

Also a sugar daddy leaving you on red is crazy.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's pretty embarrassing.

[Kai]

That's Oppenheimer.

[Drew]

Well, the other night I was like, what did I. I watched something that was like pretty jarring and I was like, dude, I need to like decompress from that. I'm trying to remember what it was.

[Kai]

Mysterious skin.

[Drew]

Oh, no. It literally was May December.

[Kai]

It's like, oh yeah, my buddy.

[Drew]

You all know about that case about like the 36 year old lady who had an affair with a seventh grader and they ended up getting married after she got out of jail.

[Hamza]

Yes.

[Kai]

No.

[Hamza]

They made story.

[Kai]

What?

[Hamza]

No, like, like I'm so interested in it. It's such an interesting story. Yeah, I don't love that that happened.

[Martin]

None of us love that that happened.

[Drew]

I just want to.

[Hamza]

She looked at me like.

[Drew]

I mean, I just want to clarify because he goes, I love this story. So like I say that when it's like, oh my God, Taylor saved the economy of Pennsylvania. I'm like, I love that story.

[Hamza]

Like, Well, I meant like. Look, I'm so glad you brought it up so we can discuss it.

[Kai]

Okay, I respect.

[Drew]

Well, there's a movie about it.

[Kai]

Martin didn't like a dad beat you up for a girl, like peeing on your car or something?

[Martin]

Yo.

[Hamza]

Yes, yes. He almost did.

[Martin]

He didn't kind of like not talk about that for so long.

[Hamza]

So now this is. Yeah, it is a trauma. It's the only time I've ever been accused of being a pedo. Pete, how do you identify British?

[Martin]

Just say nonce.

[Hamza]

Announce. And. And if you guys don't know what a nuns is, it's a guy who touches kids and basically.

[Kai]

What?

[Hamza]

I was pulled up.

[Martin]

Who the hell is that?

[Kai]

Put that away, bro. Don't do this now. Don't do this now. Don't do this now.

[Drew]

I don't want it in my house.

[Kai]

Oh my God, it's disgusting.

[Hamza]

Did you get that for Christmas?

[Kai]

Can you use it right now? Look at its little toes.

[Martin]

It's so floppy that. That is not functional at all. There's no.

[Hamza]

Yeah, seriously, like what can even fit in there? How deep does it go?

[Kai]

How deep is your. All the way up the ankle.

[Hamza]

How deep is your flesh?

[Drew]

Like it goes out the ankle.

[Kai]

Mine does. Yeah, that's for sure.

[Hamza]

Wait, what's it called? A flesh foot. What do they call that?

[Kai]

I have no idea. A P Word foot. It.

[Drew]

Did you buy that?

[Kai]

No, my dad got it for Steven for Christmas.

[Drew]

Oh. So back to Martin's story.

[Martin]

Okay.

[Hamza]

I didn't think we're gonna. Okay.

[Martin]

So.

[Drew]

Yeah, we actually also don't have to say that if that's actually something you.

[Hamza]

No. Well, look it. It was at the time I was a little scared, but basically I was just. I was visiting Hamza in Toronto one of our first time. I was like. Or maybe our second time meeting in person. And he was out in the city because like, Toronto traffic is crazy. So he's like, dude, there's a school near my house. Just like park your car there and just wait. I was like, okay, because he'll be home like whatever, 30 minutes. So I'm like laying in my car, like watching Tick Tocks. I have the seat pulled down and whatever. And then I see this mom and her daughter just walking behind my car, like in the rear view. And. But then they like, like they, they're like about a pass. But then I don't see them continue. Do you know what I mean? I just, I just don't see them continue in my rear view. Yeah. So I'm like, what the heck? And then, and then I don't know. I don't know what happened. And then 15 minutes later, some dude knocks at my window and he asked me to pull it down. And then I was just like, what's up, man? I'm just scrolling on Tick tock. Like, I don't know. He's like, dude, my daughter just peed here five seconds ago. Did you record any videos? Like, what?

[Kai]

Why are you getting mad? He's getting mad at you?

[Hamza]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Outside of a school, why is your daughter just pissing on the car?

[Hamza]

Yeah, And I was like. At first I was like, what's going on? Like, dude, you're the weird one. Because why are you asking if I record it? Like, what are you trying to do here? Anyways? I just, I basically told him that I'm just here waiting for a friend. The classic excuse.

[Kai]

Why did he piss on your car? Yeah, yeah.

[Hamza]

I don't know. I don't know. I just, I was like, I don't know what happened. I've. I've just been waiting here. I've just been on my phone. I was watching stupid Tick Tock dances. I don't know what's going on. And then.

[Kai]

So crazy.

[Hamza]

But then he was like really adamant that I was recording videos. He's like, dude, delete them and stuff like that. And then.

[Drew]

Did you, did you have to show him your camera roll?

[Hamza]

No, I just. No, I Literally said, like, I. Well, he could see the fear in my eyes. I was like, I promise I have nothing to do with this. Like, I don't know.

[Martin]

I wish I saw that.

[Kai]

That would have been the funn.

[Hamza]

I think it ruined everything. It ruined that entire trip. Hamza. I swear, like, I was like, out of my head. Like, I couldn't. I didn't know. I felt.

[Kai]

That is stressful.

[Hamza]

Yeah. I hate being accused of things that I'm not.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's like.

[Drew]

I called Drew gay. He feels that.

[Martin]

Okay, whoa, whoa.

[Drew]

I didn't even say.

[Martin]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stay still. Don't move too much. Look at the cow. Where the cow come from?

[Drew]

His body was covering that the whole time.

[Kai]

Guys, what happened?

[Martin]

We know.

[Drew]

Well, one time, I think I already told this story.

[Kai]

What were you saying? Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were talking. I didn't mean to cut you off. But you were saying something before I brought up that story.

[Hamza]

Yeah. What were you saying?

[Martin]

What were you.

[Drew]

Oh, I was saying. I. The re. The way I came to this next thought was because after watching May December, the one about, like, the freak elite lady who married that child, I was like, damn, I love that story. So we went over this. You shouldn't say that.

[Kai]

Not after. Not after that story you just told.

[Hamza]

Oh, true, true.

[Martin]

Oh, no, it's not looking good. It's not.

[Hamza]

Guys, I have to go.

[Drew]

But watched Priscilla and then that, and then I was just cracking up because I'm like, bro, I just watched two movies about freak elites who like, like talking to young people and it's freaking me out. And I was like, I need a palate cleanser. So I went on YouTube and the first thing I saw was like, a short of this, like. Or a video of this guy, like, grooming a dog. Like, shower.

[Kai]

Puffy dogs.

[Hamza]

Yeah, like, different type of grooming. A different type.

[Martin]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I was like. I was like, I need the positive end of grooming. Like, all this, like, negative grooming is, like, doing me bad. So I was watching that and then I was freaking the fuck out. Because how the fudge do people learn how to, like, groom dogs? Like, there has to be a few dogs who either get a. They have haircut or, like, what I'm saying is, do they use fake dogs or, like, because they get so close to the dog's eyes with the scissors. Like, how many dogs have just gone blinds from some fuck ass kid being, like, training?

[Martin]

And just even worse, some dogs are out there walking with, like, fuck ass bobs because.

[Hamza]

Because people think they can do too much, dude.

[Kai]

And like, when dogs are like three weeks old, that's the perfect time to strike, to make them like your partner later in life. You just like. Like, you're saying, like, grooming you. That's how you learn is by practicing. No, no, no, no.

[Drew]

We're not. We're not. We're.

[Martin]

Okay, so it's all getting understanding.

[Hamza]

You're not understanding.

[Drew]

Yeah, I don't think we've where the group, they use that term for, like. Like, if you take a cat or a dog to, like, a hair salon.

[Kai]

For animals, you can groom cats too.

[Hamza]

Yeah, you can groom yourself. You can groom yourself. So you can do that.

[Kai]

Oh, no way. Wait, what?

[Martin]

I'm booked tonight, guys. Sorry.

[Hamza]

Grooming myself.

[Kai]

I gotta figure this out. Well, now that we're on this topic of cats and dogs, I found out.

[Drew]

Good transition. Good transition period.

[Kai]

Well, I love you.

[Martin]

You guys are your podcast. Every time you guys have to, like, put so much effort not to get so lost. Like, you gotta, like, reel into, like, topics. You're like, like, whoa, what did you just say? I feel like you guys, you have, like, molly brain or something.

[Hamza]

Yeah. And me and Hobbs are struggling. Me and Hums are struggling because, like, y' all just can keep. We could keep going, like, all day, all night.

[Martin]

They're like, oh, where did I go? Bring it back. But y' all. Yeah, like, too many episodes.

[Drew]

So it's too many episodes.

[Kai]

Like, what are you, like, what are you insinuating?

[Hamza]

Too little. Too little.

[Martin]

I mean, it's time to have us here permanently is what I'm trying to insinuate.

[Kai]

Permanent guest.

[Drew]

We'll buy two big ass tablets and nail them to the wall and just have y' all on behind us. But our lighting in our kitchen is so poor that the reflection is going to cover you the whole time. It's just gonna be like. Like shiny pieces of glass behind.

[Hamza]

You guys don't know. You guys don't know. On Hamza. Hamza at one point had me on a freaking cracked screen. Like, I did.

[Martin]

I literally had that. Yeah, I used to call it AI Martin. And he would just, like, sit there on, like, a cracked screen.

[Hamza]

Yeah, like, you wheel me in like, Kare.

[Kai]

I need to see a picture of that because that's so funny. Also text that picture to Kai.

[Drew]

I saw a tik tok of, like, this kid was on an iPad going through the halls of school. And I guess some schools now, if you call out a sick day, you still have to, like, show up because.

[Kai]

There was like, you know what I'm doing? I'm strapping a bomb to that thing and blowing up the goddamn school. I am not going to school if I'm sick. Hell, no.

[Drew]

I know. Making a sick kid from school just like. Also, why are you making him go from class to class? Like, can't. Like, wheeling him around him on zoom.

[Kai]

Or why don't they carry him around?

[Martin]

They're like, I gotta turn off this ocean, bro. What am I doing? What am I doing in my life?

[Hamza]

Okay, home reveal. Come on.

[Martin]

Yeah. No, it's not. Oh, man, this is bad. Oh, God.

[Hamza]

Where do you live?

[Drew]

Well, I have an Addison Ray doll.

[Hamza]

Move your head. Move your head.

[Drew]

That's an Addison Ray doll.

[Kai]

So you're the one in the pantry.

[Martin]

Ah, damn it. I didn't want to show that he's.

[Hamza]

The boy who lives under the stairs, man.

[Martin]

Look at this. AI Mario, bro, like, giant black line.

[Hamza]

Is just like, a crack. It's like, when the tv, like, leaks or whatever.

[Drew]

Dude, that's so awesome.

[Kai]

That's such a good idea.

[Martin]

I just needed some art in my life, and he was all the way on the other side of the world.

[Hamza]

So I had AI, and that's when I was, like, half a co host or not. Not even. I was just, like, making appearances. Oh, I've been upgraded. I got promoted, guys.

[Kai]

Hey, congrats. How far away do y' all live from each other?

[Martin]

18 minutes. 17.

[Kai]

Yeah, y' all see each other almost every day.

[Martin]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Hamza]

Because we gotta record.

[Martin]

And can we promote our podcast or no? Is that allowed?

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, please do. But at the end, you know, you can't do it until the end after.

[Hamza]

Meeting because everyone stops listening at the end.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

No, listen to out of character. Listen to out of character.

[Martin]

It's very good. It's a lot of fun. And we did a Santa. You know what's crazy? We were gonna. We had. We bought the same, like, pajamas you did, and we were gonna do something, and we just, like. Well, y' all did it.

[Kai]

So we literally would not have cared.

[Hamza]

Wait, look. Look at the packages on the ground. So we. Oh, just opened a P.O. box, and, like, the only packages we got were the ones that are local to Toronto, so there's a bunch coming from, like, the US and stuff. So we have to postpone our Christmas. That's why I still have it. We're gonna open it in our jammies.

[Kai]

Oh, that's so cute. Did y' all get them from Walmart? Y' all got Walmart in Canada.

[Martin]

We have, like, one.

[Hamza]

I got. We got our onesies doordashed by Sport Check. We did.

[Martin]

Do you have. It's like Dick's I order. It's like a quick. Do you have Sport Check? You don't have a Sport Check?

[Kai]

No.

[Martin]

Well, it's essentially like Dick's Sporting Goods. And I ordered it online and they were like, we have express one day delivery. I just get a dasher link, a doordash, and he's like, I'm delivering your pajamas. Actually doordashed her. So that's awesome.

[Kai]

We live in such an insane timeline. Because with that and cloning cats and dogs, I didn't forget it.

[Hamza]

Let's run that back.

[Kai]

Okay. So you can clone your cat. And it's crazy because they share the. That's the cutest little brown kitty ever. He's so sweet.

[Hamza]

I'm bringing him in. Would you guys find a clone?

[Martin]

He has two of them. They're kind of cloned.

[Drew]

I got this guy, that one already looks like a clone.

[Hamza]

I can't get the other guy. He's. He's sleeping, like, too cutely.

[Martin]

Come on, show us. What the hell?

[Hamza]

Okay. Here you go.

[Martin]

That's all you get.

[Hamza]

That's all you get.

[Martin]

Soft launch.

[Drew]

My cat would never sleep on me. My cat has schizophrenia and thinks I'm gonna.

[Kai]

No, I swear to God. I genuinely think in his cat, like, not even on some joking. I really think she has different altars that front because, like, sometimes that cat loves me, like Azul loves me. Then other times, he is the most afraid of me I've ever seen a being, ever. I feel kind of powerful sometimes.

[Drew]

I think someone kicked him as a baby or something. Like, someone has to. And it wasn't me because I was really drunk when I first got that cat. But I don't remember kicking it that often.

[Kai]

I didn't kick I often. What?

[Martin]

What does azul mean? Is that Spanish?

[Drew]

Yeah, it's Spanish for brown.

[Martin]

Brown?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Martin]

I don't think so.

[Drew]

No, it's brown.

[Hamza]

I thought it was blue.

[Kai]

Are you questioning?

[Drew]

I know. Why are you asking, like, the only, like, Latin person in the chat?

[Hamza]

I don't know, okay? No, I. I only learned Spanish on Duolingo, so I don't really know much.

[Martin]

That can't be right. I was right.

[Drew]

Sorry. I'm drunk right now, so I forgot.

[Hamza]

Dude, we get gas on this freaking podcast, man.

[Drew]

Imagine. I actually thought that was brown. And I was like, yeah, it's brown.

[Kai]

No, you did think it was brown and. Yeah, you did.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm just a little embarrassed.

[Kai]

Okay, let me fucking finish.

[Martin]

Wait.

[Drew]

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. But before you do that, you know what I thought about the other day is last time we talked about cats when you were like, oh, people with cats are more likely to be reckless drivers or risky drivers. And I was thinking about that because it is literally so true. Because I thought about the other day. My New Year's resolution is to not be speeding. I will admit I am a chronic speeder and that's it. But I. I just don't believe. I don't believe in driving the speed limit because they're not updated. We are living in a faster society now, so I think we need to push everything up. But, yeah, keep going. Sorry.

[Kai]

Okay, so these cats, they share the same personalities. Like, they act almost the exact same as the cat you have that you want to get cloned. They look very similar, Almost the exact same. Like, it's. It's insane. I was looking at cloned cats and dogs, like, side by side, and they look the exact same. It's fucking weird. But what they do is a somatic cell transfer, and they use the cells to create a viral viable embryo from your pet's DNA. And this, they use skin tissue after your pet has passed, but it's recommended that they collect it while it's still alive.

[Martin]

Is that what Shane did or. No.

[Kai]

Or did he do that?

[Martin]

The surrogate.

[Kai]

Oh, very similar. Literally, very similar. Because I was about to say they use a surrogate cat, which is crazy. So they find, like, a barn cat that's been fixed and they use its uterus to create your clone cat. And guess how much this costs? Like 100k, $500, $600, $35,000 for a cat and 50, 000 for a dog.

[Hamza]

Why is dog.

[Kai]

I actually. I could, like, imagine if I was loaded. Like, I would literally buy your cat.

[Hamza]

You know what I would do? This is what I would do. I'd. I'd get a really good cat. I'd clone it. Then I'd get the other upgrade where you can extend their life. Inject that.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Hamza]

Then I, like, I. You could add so many mods to your cat to make it, like, the best cat ever.

[Kai]

It's like a box.

[Drew]

Yeah. You can take it to the workbench in Fortnite.

[Martin]

Oh, y' all play. You play Fortnite as well. So why didn't you play with us when we invited you?

[Drew]

I actually was gonna ask. Why didn't I get invited? I have not. You have reached out to Kai, and Drew and I have been not invited or reached out.

[Martin]

Drew said he was gonna be like, oh, trust me, I can get it. And you will to be so down. And then apparently, you're busy.

[Drew]

Well, Drew is jealous, and Drew always tries to hold me captive. Not allowed to make screen time.

[Kai]

I needed my screen time.

[Hamza]

Okay, guys, we'll have to run it back squads.

[Drew]

I know. I want to play. Oh, my God. My friend has. I. This is, like, a random tangent, but apparently at Costco, the Xbox Ones are, like, were. I don't know if they still are.

[Kai]

But I saw that, like, 130 for.

[Drew]

$130, and on the Xbox One, you could get a mod that you could get a screen attached. Like, it's like this back piece that you pop in, and my friend has it. So he takes his Xbox with him, like, everywhere when he travels, because you literally just have, like, a screen attached to your Xbox, and you could play whatever, and he literally will pull up anywhere and start playing Fortnite, and I.

[Hamza]

Need to do that because that's literally just a. That's, like, stay away from that person. If someone pulls out a.

[Martin]

Fell asleep. Drew fell asleep. Drew, wake up.

[Hamza]

Drew.

[Drew]

Drew.

[Hamza]

Was it that boring? What I was about to say.

[Kai]

Wait. Am I frozen?

[Drew]

Yeah, you're super frozen.

[Hamza]

You're having the most. How was he doing?

[Kai]

Connection is unstable.

[Drew]

You're having, like, the most strength. You looked like happiest nap. Yeah.

[Kai]

Okay. Said my Internet was unstable. Dude, this is so brick. Like, what is going on?

[Martin]

Your lashes were amazing. Can you close your eyes again? That was really nice. Yeah, I get it now. I finally get it. Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah. What?

[Martin]

Okay. Why people watch the podcast.

[Drew]

Okay, Drew, you froze again, and I think you were about to. Disgusting.

[Martin]

Stop. Stop, dude.

[Drew]

It got, like, elongated, glitching out.

[Hamza]

Stop motion, Drew, man. Like a flip book. Someone's doing those, like, flipbook animations of Drew.

[Kai]

Am I here?

[Drew]

You. You are here in spirit, bro.

[Martin]

Get Steve on the phone, man. What the hell? Oh, hell no.

[Drew]

Drew.

[Martin]

Oh, I need. This is. And this is where.

[Kai]

Am I back?

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Am I back?

[Martin]

Turn off your camera and turn it on, maybe.

[Kai]

Am I back?

[Drew]

Shut the up.

[Hamza]

I'm gonna say yes until you're actually back.

[Drew]

Dude, you're literally, like. You people print out, like, really bad quality pictures for an Airbnb. Like, you look like somebody blew up a picture of Marilyn Monroe and the, like.

[Martin]

Quality.

[Kai]

That's what y' all look like.

[Drew]

We all look good on our ends.

[Martin]

We're getting a call from you.

[Kai]

Should. We just keep going.

[Martin]

I don't know, Drew.

[Kai]

That's so funny. I had a bit planned where I was gonna call my mom. Wait, what? Okay, Gypsy Rose is back.

[Drew]

Shut the hell up. You know what's crazy is, it's when this comes out, it's her first free day. She. It's her first full day of being back in society.

[Hamza]

And what's that going to be like?

[Kai]

And I am so excited she's coming to the podcast. We got her as a guest. She's coming soon.

[Hamza]

No freaking way. Are you serious?

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Gypsy, come in.

[Hamza]

That's Mother.

[Martin]

Who's that girl? It's, like, Sarah something. Sarah B. She has, like. She has a podcast, and it was like. Oh, man. I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna stop right there.

[Drew]

Okay, well, I did. I did DM Gypsy, but no reply, no answer, no anything.

[Martin]

Well, you got to come with a number. You know, she doesn't.

[Drew]

I know, but, like, she has it so that it's invite sense, so I can't even double DM her.

[Martin]

How do you fix that?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Hamza]

Wait, she has an Instagram.

[Martin]

Wait.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. Mr. Beast changed his, so I can't double DM Mr. Beast again. Hi.

[Martin]

My dream. Oh, Jesus Christ. Leave him alone.

[Hamza]

My dream is to see a plane crash.

[Martin]

Is that what.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Hamza]

Weren't you the one just talking about how he's, like, crazy and stuff, and he's doing the craziest.

[Drew]

Well, if he's already doing it. If he's already doing it, I might as well tap in, because he does have a video where he crashes a plane, but it's, like, the most anticlimactic clip ever. It's his worst video ever. He fully got access to crashing a plane. The plane crash lasts for, like, two seconds of the video. It's like, the first two seconds, and then it's just the bunkers video ever. But I want to see. Like, I need the plane to be on. Like, there's no one in it. I don't need anybody to be a part of it, but I need it to be on so that when it crashes, there's a fire, I think.

[Martin]

Yeah.

[Hamza]

Look, I'm gonna say the only person that's gonna collab with Mr. Beast is probably Gypsy.

[Kai]

I'm acoustic as. Am I back?

[Drew]

Dude, I'm watching you, like, spiral into, like. And descend into madness right now.

[Kai]

Am I back? Can y' all see me?

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

You're back.

[Martin]

Yes. Yes.

[Kai]

All right, I need every one of you to get in a white T shirt. And we're gonna do a wet T shirt contest, and then I'm gonna need to see all y' all twerking oiled up.

[Drew]

Wait, okay, so you just had technical difficulties for 15 minutes, and that's your first thought back?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Martin]

Are there people sponsoring this episode? Do we have to do an ad read at some point?

[Drew]

Yeah, we're gonna make you guys do our ad reads.

[Hamza]

What we should be sponsoring is Internet. Fast Internet.

[Martin]

Yeah. Get some.

[Drew]

Yeah, I agree.

[Hamza]

Verizon, whatever.

[Martin]

Whatever service provider just teleported into your. That was beautiful.

[Hamza]

I thought that was his foot.

[Drew]

Well, my last topic I need to say, because I need to speak my mind on this is Kumon is child abuse. I believe that that is child abuse. I saw a tick tock of this lady giving her kids, like, one week free pass of Christmas of no Kumon. And I would. I think that would push me into physically.

[Kai]

Wait, what is this?

[Drew]

Kuman is that after school that, like, parents who really want their kids to be geniuses will be like, I. Not only do I make my kid go to school, they come home and go back to school. Like, it's literally like. Like 24 hours.

[Kai]

I just.

[F]

I just wanted to cut in and say, I did no Kumon for, like, three months, and I felt better. My testosterone.

[Hamza]

We know.

[Martin]

It'S for kids. You're Kumon now.

[F]

Yeah, like, yeah, I did no Kumon November.

[Kai]

He's talking about calm guys.

[Drew]

Oh, no.

[F]

Are we not?

[Martin]

Oh. Oh, what the hell?

[Drew]

No, we're talking about, like, it's like, a. A tutoring thing.

[Kai]

I thought. I thought me coming on Kai's mom.

[Hamza]

Okay, no, no, come on, bro. Seriously.

[Martin]

Come on, Seriously. No, it's not.

[F]

That's super inappropriate.

[Martin]

It's about learning, and it's not about, like, doing that. And I. And I'm glad you actually went without that for a few months. Yeah, people. It's really.

[Hamza]

Do they teach sex ed in Kumon?

[Drew]

No, but they maybe should for people like Kai, because I don't think he knows a lot about that stuff yet.

[F]

I know a ton about it, actually.

[Kai]

What a boobs feel like, dude.

[F]

They feel lit.

[Drew]

Honestly, that's an answer for somebody who's never touched boobs. It's like, oh, no, they're good.

[Martin]

I really want everyone's favorite position. Can we do that segment?

[F]

Missionary?

[Hamza]

Easily.

[Drew]

I was gonna say mine with Drew's missionary, but I am on top of Drew for that Missionary.

[Martin]

Oh, wow. So you. So you like to be on the bottom of missionary Drew, I'm assuming.

[Kai]

Yeah. And I'm on top, just skimming the whole time.

[Hamza]

I like giving vigorous back shots.

[F]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Okay, Hamza, your turn.

[Martin]

Oh, I don't. There's so many to choose. I like that one sideways when it's a lot of friction. I like that one.

[Drew]

Okay, cool.

[Kai]

Have y' all ever been in a sex swing before?

[Hamza]

No, but I'd love to try it, because I'm open to trying new things.

[Martin]

There you go.

[Kai]

My big. My big position is when someone is. No, I'm not gonna go there.

[Martin]

Someone is.

[Drew]

We need to remake the picture of.

[Kai]

I was gonna say on my chest, but. And I was gonna be very graphic, but I decided again.

[Hamza]

That's okay. It's okay. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

[Kai]

You do? Yeah, Yeah, I like to be on, bro.

[Martin]

Wait, should I pull out the doll and. And just, like, show you guys it, or.

[Hamza]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Drew]

You have to keep that. Yeah, you have to keep that in the box.

[Martin]

Damn it, you're right. You're right.

[Drew]

When she's pulling her Madonna and she's, like, 84 and going on tour, that's gonna be worth a lot of money.

[Martin]

Here's her description. Addison is passionate about female on entrepreneurship. So are you. Are you Anya?

[Kai]

Oh, wow.

[Drew]

No, I. I personally don't believe in women owning businesses because their emotions get out of hand and it makes it impossible for them to manage a team.

[Kai]

Imagine if a girl was president. The world would be over in a second because they'd say, well, that girl's wearing my dress. I got a newcome.

[Hamza]

Well, okay, you guys are going off the rails here. I don't agree with any of that. And I also actually. I actually like Kumon and stuff like that. I think kids should be educated because.

[Martin]

Look at his shirt. Of course you like it, you nerd.

[Hamza]

Guys, come on. Test your knowledge. Who can do this math equation?

[Drew]

I'm gonna take a box cutter to your shirt and tear it down the middle and then push you into the street.

[Martin]

Wow.

[Kai]

Wait, what the Is going on? All right, wait. I'm. I'm trying to see. I have to get really close. I can't read it. My. My shit's all up. Okay, well, I have one last thing, one last topic to talk about, and then we can move on. But it. Okay, this one's actually kind of crazy to say, but one in three people are gay, and it's not me. So which one is it?

[Hamza]

There's two left of us.

[Martin]

Well, it could be two of us. There's a chance it could actually be two.

[Drew]

It's definitely not me because me and Drew are always having sex, so it can't be me and Drew. We're already out. We're already, like. We're already the normal ones, so it has to be one of you.

[Martin]

Oh, I'll take them. Oh, wow. Okay. No, I won't. I won't take the bullet because you left and he's the one.

[Kai]

I think that answers my question.

[F]

No, that doesn't answer anything. I just freaked out for some reason. I just left, so it doesn't. It doesn't answer anything. I just had to leave when you said that.

[Drew]

If you're innocent, I'll do it.

[Hamza]

I'll be the one. I'll be the one.

[Drew]

Okay. That makes sense.

[Martin]

Okay.

[Drew]

Period.

[Kai]

Period. Queen.

[Hamza]

Just for. You ate that up for the team.

[Kai]

And you ate that sis. Wait, also, why didn't we talk about back shots in the Senate?

[Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

What?

[Hamza]

Like, what.

[Kai]

A literal, like, government worker? I think he was an intern for Joe Biden or something. Was in the Senate literally getting back shots and recorded it and posted it on Only Fans.

[Martin]

Right? It was only Fans.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

That's actually awesome. And I with that.

[Kai]

No, that was my take, too. I'm like, respect.

[Hamza]

Well, yeah. Now that means we're making progress.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Right?

[Martin]

Is it Noah Schnapp? Was he involved?

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, it was Noah Snap getting bag shot heads.

[Martin]

Yeah.

[Kai]

That's so funny.

[Drew]

I think he's, like, 19. He's old enough to say the dumbest on IG. So he's old enough to get back shots in the White House.

[Hamza]

Hey, preach. Respect.

[Kai]

Hell, yeah.

[Martin]

How old is Noah Schnapp?

[Drew]

It turns out he's, like, 14.

[Martin]

Oh, he's 19? Yeah. Wow.

[Drew]

Damn. I was on the head.

[Hamza]

No, I hear me. Can you hear me?

[Kai]

Hey, hey, I'm with you on that.

[Drew]

Well, okay, Drew, I just think I should tell you this, and it's weird that Hans and Martin are here, but I should tell you, because last time we did Zoom, you were open and honest with me, so I just want to tell you that I did kiss a girl, but I did nothing more. Because if Drew. Because if. If coochie. If her coochie would have tasted the way mine did, it would have been really disgusting. So I didn't do all of that.

[Martin]

What?

[Drew]

Okay. You're just like.

[Hamza]

No, that really sent him into a freaking mannequin.

[Drew]

I think he wants me to eat his butt in return to even it out.

[Hamza]

Can you hear me?

[Kai]

Can you not hear me?

[Drew]

Dude? You haven't Said anything.

[Hamza]

Now he's really sad, and he's gonna have to use that.

[Kai]

No, I've been saying I was farting. I was farting on the camera. I'm gonna do true Psyop Corner.

[Martin]

Yes.

[Kai]

If anybody prepared something as well, I'm down for it, but here are mine. Okay, so, Drew, SAP Corner today is a little more spiritual, less scary, and more just sweet.

[Martin]

Okay, I'm ready.

[Kai]

I like that somewhere in the world there is a tree that sprouted the same day you were born and has been growing alongside you.

[Martin]

Wait. This is beautiful.

[Kai]

Has anyone ever noticed that literally everything is so beautiful.

[Hamza]

Going on?

[Kai]

Is this for your comfort? There's probably a bird with a nest made with some of your hair. The bunny you stopped your car for probably lived a lifetime and made lots of bunny babies. The worm you didn't step on probably made someone's garden very happy. The moon was listening. You were never alone. Sometimes I'm like, what's the point of all of this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see. And this is the last one. If your vape starts. If your vape starts tasting like Texan. Oh, my God.

[Martin]

Oh, God.

[Kai]

This is the last one. If your vape starts tasting like technology and you're still hitting it, you need help.

[Drew]

That's literally me. This tastes like battery acid and pennies, bro.

[Kai]

I swear to God, the vapes taste like cybernetics.

[Drew]

Now you sound like cybernetics, bitch.

[Hamza]

Freaking cyberkinetics energy.

[Martin]

Cyber on his.

[Drew]

Well, and I thought about it at this restaurant that was playing both of these artists, and I said, coldplay is Radiohead for happy people.

[Hamza]

Oh, I like that one, actually.

[Martin]

I thought this was a psyop. I thought it was all, like, wholesome psyop.

[Hamza]

This is wholesome psyop.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

He just feels like you guys need it because you guys have this very sad energy to you. Really, that we can't put it.

[F]

I. I had a quick, silent.

[Hamza]

Okay, yeah, bring it up. What's up?

[F]

I'm just gonna freestyle this if that's.

[Drew]

No, dude, it's gonna be so bad.

[F]

I wanna. I wanna grab my ankles and have Drew just absolutely destroy my holes and then glaze me with. With calm.

[Drew]

You wouldn't even be able to handle all that. You don't even know what to do with all.

[Kai]

You don't know what I'm packing in these legs. Wait, no. Did I tell y' all a woman tried to drive? Actually, I'm not telling that. That's not that I'll tell y' all after, but that's not something I can publicly say.

[F]

A woman driving joke.

[Kai]

No, no. It's crazy.

[Martin]

But okay, so thank you guys for having. Can we say thank you or just make it.

[Drew]

Yeah, go for it. And it better be good.

[Martin]

Thank you for having us. Emergency intercom. We love you guys. And if you guys. If anything happens to you guys, we will always support you no matter what.

[Hamza]

Yeah. And if you guys get canceled, guys, trust me, we're gonna. We're gonna freaking ride or die with you guys always and forever.

[Martin]

Unless.

[Hamza]

Unless it's something really bad. If it's something really bad, then we.

[Kai]

Might have to cut ties into out of character. Go listen to their podcast.

[Drew]

Yeah. Thanks, guys. Awkward. Well, you don't have any Internet connection, dude.

[Hamza]

You're the one making everything awkward. I promise.

[Drew]

Yeah, I promise.

[Kai]

No, that's what I'm saying.

[Hamza]

Oh, I see. I can't even tell what he's saying. I thought he said.

[Drew]

I know. I thought you said they made it awkward.

[Kai]

No, I'm saying I made everything so bad and awkward.

[Martin]

You have, like, what is it? Is it because you're in Texas or you're just cheaping out on your. Your phone? Like, Internet just got.

[Kai]

I think Madeline and Steven are uploading a YouTube video right now.

[F]

Drew, you look like you're made out of clay.

[Kai]

Thank you.

[F]

You're welcome.

[Kai]

Gen Z. The millennial versus Gen Z debate is.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Martin]

Still on.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, We'll.

[Drew]

We'll.

[Kai]

We'll cut it there. All right, bye, everybody. Thank you for having us. Or thank you for being on. I'm son Marty Martin. Go listen to other character Pod.

[Drew]

Bye.

[Martin]

Bye, guys.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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