the rapture

Summary

Emergency Intercom – "the rapture"

Hosts: Enya Umanzor ("Stassi"), Drew Phillips, Kai
Release Date: September 24, 2025
Podcast Network: iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

In this humor-laced episode, Enya, Drew, and Kai riff on the idea of the rapture supposedly occurring "tomorrow," spiraling into characteristically chaotic discussions about weddings, family dysfunction, existential panic, the trauma of Chuck E. Cheese, religious anxieties, awkward social interactions, and the oddities of modern life. The trio toggles between personal anecdotes, social observations, surreal hypotheticals, and confessional comedy, with their trademark mix of dark humor, vulnerability, and absurdity.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The "Rapture" and Superstition

• The hosts open joking about the rapture happening "tomorrow" and reflect on the end times as filtered through pop culture and personal anxieties.

  • Stassi: "Oh my God, like our views dropped a lot. But like, they're about to go down." (03:41)
  • Drew: "These are not getting raptured." (03:53)

• They connect contemporary fears with past 'doomsday' scares like 2012, noting how superstition persists even in highly rationalized societies.

  • Kai: "It's really weird to me how superstitious we are...I feel like I still have the same brain as I did when I was a teenager and they said that 2012 was gonna happen." (29:01)
  • Drew: "I'm like a very superstitious person, but I think it's just, like, undiagnosed mental issues." (32:39)

2. Weddings, FOMO, and Dysfunctional Families

• Enya expresses unexpected FOMO over missing their manager’s wedding, confronting long-held anti-wedding views rooted in her own family’s chaos.
  • Stassi: "I have an overabundance of love. I've realized, you know, like that bisexual in your babe." (04:28)
  • Drew describes how a positive wedding experience changed his view: "Bringing like all of your loved ones, like from the different facets of your life and your partner's life...for one night...that changed everything for me for weddings." (04:51)
• Family events are described as war zones, often compared to wild animal behavior.
  • "To me, any family gathering is absolutely nothing but becoming at a Chuck E. Cheese full of...parents fought at yalls Chuck E. Cheese, right?" (05:19)
  • Drew: "Fighting over that ticket munching machine...I wanted. I needed love." (05:48)
• Stassi admits, "A wedding would be fun if it was all friends, I guess...my chosen family is too lit. Too, too late." (08:27)

3. Body Image, Childhood Trauma, and Becoming a Bottom

• Drew reveals the roots of his body image issues, tracing them to a cruel comment from his brother.
  • Drew: "He looks at me and he's like, your love handles are spilling out of your shorts, Drew. And I was like...And ever since then..." (06:55)
  • "He pointed out. He grabbed it." (07:26)
  • "And guess what? He's dead...I won. And I get my dad's Rolex. Literally, that. Don't call me fat because you will die." (07:29)
• This segues into banter about sexual roles.
  • Drew: "I famously have become a bottom." (08:02)
  • Stassi: "I actually love that I'm in my bottom...art that makes me happy." (08:04)

4. Dark Rituals of Drinking and Existential Collapse

• The group details a chaotic recording session ("the lost episode") — drinking buzz balls, losing the episode, and spiraling into emotional meltdown.
  • Drew: "I got a little too schmizzled off of two sips. I knocked the God damn interface into the Hudson Bay. It literally went flying. Batteries everywhere." (12:20–12:34)
• They launch into a poetic, existential panic triggered by encountering a neon pink ginger ale.
  • Drew (explaining his breakdown): "It was a million thoughts all at once. And it really was just very existential very quickly, and it was just all because of a fucking pink ginger ale." (21:02)
  • Stassi: "That was essentially me monitor monitoring a panic attack." (17:24)

5. Religious Angst & Culture

• Both hosts discuss spiraling into religious and existential anxiety, rooted in their upbringing and current events.
  • Drew: "I've been going into religious psychosis." (12:00)
  • Stassi: "The gay holocaust is coming according to...Yeah, I'm really like, guys, I banished that word. I banished that." (10:06)
  • Kai: "Do you believe in the rapture?"
  • Drew: "I don't believe in the rapture, but like I just start thinking and praying." (28:37)

6. Awkward Interactions and Embarrassing Moments

• Drew shares a painfully awkward "white knight" story where he tries to protect a woman from a stranger, only to discover they know each other.
  • Drew: "So I just tell her. I'm like, hey, like, you can just go in front of me, and I'll just, like, stand here...And then all of a sudden, she goes, Michael, come here...So they knew each other the whole fucking time. And I just looked like an asshole." (38:41)
• Stassi and Drew both recount moments where attempts to compliment strangers or be friendly backfired.
  • Stassi: "I slowed my car down, I could see her body tense up and look forward...I literally seemed like a creep who was gonna kill and kidnap." (44:13)
  • Drew: "I give, like, kind of straight. Like, if you're just, like, alone out in the world and...No one's speaking, it is so jarring. You're like, you look so good. Like, wow." (45:40–46:13)
• A painful missed fist bump, culminating in mutual embarrassment.
  • Drew: "He held it so close to his body. The fist bump, like, why? You're supposed to put it out. Like, put the fist bump out. Don't, like, make me come in here." (48:29)

7. Drinking Culture and Self-Reflection

• The hosts joke about substance use but segue into genuine concern over their relationship with alcohol.
  • Drew: "I like, never in my life ever thought about drinking, like for the last five years. And now I'm like, oh, like it would be nice to like have a drink at dinner...That's a slippery slope for me and my DNA." (51:01)
  • Stassi: "I'm trying to like let you know that like you're...You might hyper fixation on it because of like your fear of a lack of control, but you have actually so much self control." (52:03)
• They touch on "wet country" (looser attitudes around alcohol) vs. the U.S.
  • Stassi: "If we lived in a wet country, we wouldn't have such a weird relationship." (52:22)

8. Hair, Hygiene, and Social Taboo

• A bizarre and intense discussion about the necessity of pubic hair, waxing, and social perceptions.
  • Drew: "Unironically, like, you need a bush. Stop shaving your bush. You need it." (52:45)
  • Stassi: "A hairy ass man with A shaved bush is the scariest thing...That would be me if I started seeing somebody and we were, like, hooking up...and then one day he showed up with a bald dick...Bludgeon him to death. How dare you." (53:21–53:44)

9. Social Commentary: Infrastructure, AI, and America’s Problems

• Rants about infrastructure and technological priorities, sparked by the slow delivery of online orders and the lack of public buses.
  • Kai: "I want Kai Sanat to, like, help me give buses to Miami, Dade County...there aren't enough buses in Miami Dade county to take the kids to school." (55:07)
  • Stassi: "That's the time I've been on...I can't believe everyone is just letting you disrupt human nature like this." (61:43)
• Discussion on superstitions like skipping the 13th floor/gate and AI's potential.
  • Drew: "I've been in hotels that don't have 13th floor, though." (32:10)
  • Stassi: "I haven't used AI the way any other human has. It's because, oh, I got it up here, and it's really scary." (54:31)

10. Media and Music Corner

• The hosts round out with recent watches and listens:
  • Stassi: "I saw the first Saw for the first time...made me squeamish, but it's like the acting cracked me up...what a franchise." (61:48)
  • Kai: "Is the doll a twink or an otter?" (62:07)
  • Drew: "My media is you Charlie xcx Ha. Where is it? Where is it? Midnight sun by Zara Larson...I have listened to that song over and over..." (62:13–62:20)
  • All discuss Enya and the lack of appreciation for her quality among younger listeners.
  • Stassi: "If you listen to this podcast, you're a weirdo. Because we're weirdos." (64:03)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Don't call me fat because you will die." – Drew, on how body-shaming fundamentally altered him (07:29)
• "I famously have become a bottom." – Drew, on his sexual evolution (08:02)
• "I was tubby custard." – Drew, describing his childhood body (06:46)
• "I've been stealing from everyone I've known for like, 10 years, by the way." – Stassi confesses with tongue-in-cheek about being "generous" (08:59)
• "When you're angry or sad, just drink and get happy." – Drew, satirizing self-destructive coping mechanisms (13:29)
• "Seeing that drink legitimately gave me, like, an actual...Like, it, like, broke me." – Drew, on the existential terror of pink ginger ale (17:01)
• "I'm not trying to make fun of you. I'm trying to like let you know that like you're. You might hyper fixation on it because of like your fear of a lack of control, but you have actually so much self control." – Stassi, reassuring Drew about his drinking (52:03)
• "A hairy ass man with A shaved bush is the scariest thing." – Stassi, on grooming taboos (53:17)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Rapture & Apocalypse Banter: 03:27–04:13, 28:32–29:01
• Weddings & Family Dysfunction: 04:13–09:34
• Body Image Trauma: 06:20–07:35
• Buzz Ball/Existential Breakdowns: 12:00–17:24, 21:02–21:44
• Religious Spirals & Fear: 12:00, 28:32–29:01
• Awkward Social Stories: 37:14–40:16, 44:13–48:13
• Drinking Self-Reflection: 51:01–52:22
• Grooming Rant: 52:45–54:03
• Public Buses & America's Problems: 55:07–55:57
• Media & Music: 61:48–65:08

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Final Thoughts

True to form, "the rapture" episode is an unhinged, confessional blend of therapy, social satire, and absurdist comedy. The hosts’ willingness to veer from dark childhood humor to dead-serious anxiety, then back to banter about pubic hair and public transportation, makes for a disarmingly honest and funny listen. Their chemistry shines in the fluid tangents and their talent for packaging millennial/Gen Z anxieties in memeable, self-aware soundbites.

Best for: Listeners who appreciate podcasts that are half group-therapy, half comedy improv, and entirely unfiltered.

Transcript

[Stassi]

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[Stassi]

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[Stassi]

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[Stassi]

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[Stassi]

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[Drew]

Sink up in here.

[Stassi]

Yeah, it's going to stink up in here.

[Kai]

I mean, it stink in here. It smelled like when I walked in.

[Stassi]

Guys, everyone's always okay, first of all, welcome back to emergency intercom. And second of all, everybody's always like, where's Josh? Where's Josh? He's putting stink bombs around the house.

[Drew]

Literally. Rotten chicken. While we were out of the house. Oh, hell no. That was the scariest thing 27, mind you, that was the scariest thing I've ever touched in my life. It was absolutely.

[Stassi]

The boyfriend is not gonna learn the boyfriend is the baby. Also. Huge, huge, huge news. First of all, when this comes out, we'll be, I guess. Oh my God, we'll still be here. The rapture is happening tomorrow.

[Drew]

Tomorrow. Yeah.

[Stassi]

So by the time this will put this on auto upload. Oh my God, like our views dropped a lot. But like, they're about to go down.

[Drew]

No, they're gonna say.

[Stassi]

No, they're not.

[Drew]

These are not getting raptured.

[Stassi]

When that rapture happens, a lot coming.

[Drew]

Back to my house, a lot of.

[Stassi]

People will be coming back to my house.

[Drew]

They're staying right here with us.

[Stassi]

So that's a big news. A lot of people will be gone. Thankfully, most of the people we know will be here.

[Drew]

Yeah, I mean, the rapture sounds everyone.

[Stassi]

Our manager got married this summer. And for the first time I had extreme fomo. And I was like, damn. Like, I really. I think I understand. Like, I've always been anti wedding other than I will say the. The party. Party.

[Drew]

Love is a beautiful part.

[Stassi]

Has always been fun. I think I have an overabundance of love. I've realized, you know, like that bisexual in your babe.

[Drew]

Yeah, the greedy bisexual.

[Stassi]

Never mind. What was I going to say? But weddings look so fun. Like, that was like huge.

[Drew]

No, the like the wedding I went to was literally like I was just talking about it last. That changed everything for me for weddings. Like, I used to be like, I don't think I ever, ever won a wedding. Like, I was kind of like, those are like ridiculous. Like I would hate to be the center of attention but like bringing like all of your loved ones, like from the different facets of your life and your partner's life and all of them being. Being in the same room and like kiking for one night and. Well, I think doing Molly, a lot.

[Stassi]

Of my like anti wedding thing comes from extreme PTSD from my family. Like, I like to me, any family gathering is absolutely nothing but becoming at a Chuck E. Cheese full of like instead of kids, like, or I guess because parents fought at yalls Chuck E. Cheese, right?

[Drew]

Oh, of course.

[Stassi]

Yeah. Like, the fighting destination of the planet. Like, it feels like having to wait.

[Drew]

The conversations about Waffle House. But let's talk about Chuck E. Cheese bras.

[Stassi]

Why were you selling beer at Chuck E. Cheese, bro?

[Drew]

Fighting over that ticket munching machine. Like, I was throwing bows to get to the front. Like, I wanted. I needed love.

[Stassi]

The electrocution machine. Yeah. Like, my parents should have known something was fucking wrong with me. I would go to that. Like, it was the big gorilla one.

[Variety Podcast Host]

Like, that.

[Stassi]

You would hold it and it would just shock you. I would go and stand there for.

[Drew]

So long, you know, the.

[Stassi]

Like, it was like a thing that I could like, last, like, holding it for a long time. But it literally. I'm not kidding. I think it was like. It was like getting to disassociate to a different.

[Drew]

You want to know when my eating disorder started? Was the Chuck E. Cheese Ferris wheel.

[Stassi]

Why?

[Drew]

I was too heavy. No, I was too heavy. I was too old and too heavy.

[Stassi]

Okay. How old were you?

[Drew]

Seventeen.

[Stassi]

You're so annoying. I thought you were gonna say seven. I was like, how big were you? Like, not even, like. Like, in a way where it's like seven.

[Drew]

I was tubby custard.

[Stassi]

What were you, like, six? Seven.

[Drew]

Wait, me and Kyra just talking about six, seven?

[Stassi]

I still. I don't know where that came from.

[Drew]

It's from. But, yeah, I was tubby custard. And my older brother one time, like, we were floating in a. A lazy river, and he looks at me, and he looks me up and down, and I've never once thought about my body ever in my life. I was probably, like, 9 years old, and he looks at me and he's like, your love handles are spilling out of your shorts, Drew. And I was like. And ever since then.

[Stassi]

Did you know what a love handle was?

[Drew]

He pointed out. He grabbed it.

[Stassi]

Grabbed it.

[Drew]

Yeah. It's fundamentally changed me as a human being at 9 years old. And guess what? He's dead.

[Stassi]

He's dead.

[Drew]

He's dead. I won. And I get my dad's Rolex. Literally, that. Don't call me fat because you will die.

[Stassi]

I mean, so don't say the truth to you, because he also kind of out on you. Your love handles. Why would, like, Wait, why do you have the handles? Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Drew]

I famously have become a bottom.

[Stassi]

Oh. I actually love that I'm in my bottom. Art that makes me happy. But, yeah, weddings, I. I don't think I Can with weddings. Because, yeah, my family getting together and they're out being alcohol. There is literally, like. You know that video when you bring the like, of them bringing the treats to the monkeys and everyone attacks the box for something? Yeah, that's like my family.

[Drew]

The bread.

[Stassi]

Yeah. Like, that's literally too much. But, yeah, a wedding would be fun if it was all friends, I guess. She had a bunch of weddings. You know what? It says a lot about me because to me, the most amazing one was her and all her friends. To me, I'm like, that is a wedding. Like, that's your family. But not that I don't love my family. I'll always choose my family. But, like, my chosen family is too lit. Too, too late. I literally got, like, all star draft. Like, I got so lucky. Like, God bless this. God damn.

[Drew]

You didn't get lucky. It's the energy you put out into the world comes back to you. 10.

[Stassi]

No, it's actually. I'm a great liar. I'm an amazing liar. I'm actually. I've been stealing from everyone I've known for, like, 10 years, by the way. Like, but I do it in this way that, like, I'm paying, like, all the time, and you guys think, like. Like, oh, she's really generous. But then when you guys. Usually when people turn around, I just like, you know how, like, on your phone now, you could do airdrop. I usually use your phone, take a photo of your debit card when you're not looking. And then I just, like, put our phones together, and I just airdrop the photo of Yalls. Debit cards.

[Kai]

That's not cool.

[Stassi]

To my phone.

[Kai]

That's f ed up.

[Stassi]

No, it kind of puts us all on an even playing. And that's why I don't feel resentful for being so giving, because realistically, it's very equal.

[Drew]

Yeah. Gotcha. $150. $150.

[Stassi]

Stop. Stop.

[Drew]

I got another 25.

[Stassi]

Get away. Kai, why are you just letting him do that?

[Kai]

Because I have to. It's called.

[Stassi]

You just put him in the negatives.

[Kai]

It's called reparations. It's reparations for gay people.

[Stassi]

Oh. I mean, the gay holocaust is coming according to. Yeah, I'm really like, guys, I banished that word. I banished that. I actually. I banished that sentence. I banished that sentiment. You're giving me gay on my phone. Are you putting.

[Drew]

Stop.

[Stassi]

Bro. My algorithm is gonna get all up now. Drew just put grindr on my phone. Yeah, I love screaming. Like, really scared. I've Just been screaming a lot. Oh, my God. I was singing a bunch on the plane. Have showed this to you?

[Drew]

No.

[Stassi]

Oh, my God. I haven't showed this to you. So I was in London for, like, a day or 2. The UK is a cursed, cursed, cursed, cursed, cursed country.

[Drew]

I really. I really love. I really do.

[Stassi]

No, that's the thing is, like, Like.

[Drew]

Y' all are chic. Y' all have, like, y' all have good vibrations. But I will be stabbed by a zombie knife in London. I know that. And I can't go.

[Stassi]

Like, I. Every time I go, I meet great people. I. Like, I was about to say, have great food. I would. I would never say that. I will say in London, I have awesome food. London was like, top tier cookie. Duh. Like, but we know that. Like, duh.

[Drew]

Where were we? Deutsch, girl.

[Stassi]

We were in Alder Ly. Stop playing with me. Like, like. But every time I'm in the uk, which is only been two times for some reason, I have to go through the most emotional like, like, this. This is the moment I changed ass, like, moment every time I've been on that soil. So I, like, I think and. Oh, my God, this is like the second time in a row this time of year.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Stassi]

Like, no, I had to delete my astrology apps off my phone because I've been like, oh, it's too much everything.

[Drew]

Well, I've been going into religious psychosis.

[Stassi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, I literally. I. If you listen to the lost episode, which we recovered, mind you, we. We recovered the lost episode. I haven't listened to it because I'm too scared. I'm really. I'm really too scared. Our manager listened and was like, this is. This is amazing. This is like. This is like one of the best episodes you've ever made.

[Kai]

They drank buzz balls in the episode.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, we drank buzz balls. I got a little too schmizzled off of two sips.

[Stassi]

Okay, we. The FDA is trying to take vapes. We need to figure out what's in those buzz balls. Yeah, they're putting fentanyl in the buzz ball.

[Drew]

I literally had me. Literally, like, I was lit off of two sips and I knocked the God damn interface into the Hudson Bay. It literally went flying. Batteries everywhere. It was the most horrible experience of my life.

[Stassi]

It was also humiliating because there's a bunch of people sitting on benches because it's a beautiful sunset. And we got there early enough where there was nobody, but by the time it was getting to that point, there was a couple literally, just like, Staring.

[Drew]

At us and entertainment. And they were laughing.

[Stassi]

They were laughing.

[Drew]

They were.

[Stassi]

But then when we, like, it felt like bombing and I was like, oh, I literally feel like I just, like in an instant, like the curtain fell and they saw reality and it was really a lot like. I think that's why I haven't listened to it. That whole day was so, like, I know it started.

[Drew]

The episode started off as any or coke.

[Stassi]

And you have any or coke. Who has any Call.

[Drew]

I got the buzz balls as a surprise for Anya because she was, like, kind of out of it and a little frustrated and angry before.

[Stassi]

I think it was because, well, I was.

[Drew]

And you should. Famously. Famously. You should drink when you're angry. I think that's, that's what we're learning here is when you're angry or sad, just drink and get happy.

[Stassi]

I guess in the episode, we like that episode because I think we should listen to it and we should put it out. But we, our whole mission was we wanted to get cut waters because, like, to us, like, Cutwater is such a, like, New York, like, Tri State thing. So I'm like, oh, my God, like, cut water.

[Drew]

And we also, it is also not that. And we know that.

[Stassi]

Yeah, we know that. But to me, I only like, I know cut water from like, oh, my God. I think it's like this girl in, like, Baltimore, like, that's who I first started seeing drinking cut water. So to me, it's a very New York thing.

[Drew]

I started seeing Steve Lacey drinking cut water and I was like, oh, I need to tap in.

[Stassi]

I've been seeing the cut water uprise for a long time. Time now. Yeah, people are kind of moving on to like, the little, like, tip top cans.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, I don't give a fuck about that espresso martini. People are saying it gives OG formulation for loco. You drink two of those. There's two plus shots in each can. So it's like you drink one and you're fucked up. You drink two and you're like, literally, you can't.

[Stassi]

Oh, my God. Our system is a beautiful thing. Like, literally they're seeing that, like, drinking and partying in general is on the low, which I actually think is a huge fucking problem. Like, unironically.

[Drew]

That's why more people are going to church.

[Stassi]

And I, I, that's why people are so alone and scared all the time. But they see that and they're like, what if we just started like, okay, that's that Mi espresso. Espresso martini. How can we make that Literally something you can get every waking moment. Like, literally. It's just not saying that Sabrina Carpenter planted the cut water espresso martini, but, like, it is so funny, because I want that so bad right now. And it's literally because, yeah, being drunk is so fun when you have no control over anything else. Guys, should everybody, like, should we all become.

[Drew]

Yes, alcoholics.

[Stassi]

Like, alcoholics.

[Drew]

But that. So losing that episode for those few days and especially the preceding hour, two hours after, legitimately broke me in a way that, like, I can't even, like, begin to verbalize. Like, it wasn't even the fact. That fact that we lost the episode, that was so trivial to me, but for some reason, it just, like, it.

[Stassi]

Just symbolized the law.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Stassi]

Yeah, I know.

[Drew]

Spurred a lot of feelings and thoughts and, like, just about, like, my life in general and, like, what the I'm up to and doing. And I literally, like, I broke down to India, like, in the streets of Brooklyn. Y' all aren't even from Brooklyn. Like, I'm from Brooklyn. I like crying. The streets of Brooklyn. Like, I really. That's all right. That's all right. But no, I'm gonna kill a clown today. Boohoo. Boohoo. Sobbing in front of a psych ward, Mind you. Like, I looked like an escape. Escape patient. And then we went to a bodega, right?

[Stassi]

If they looked at your medical history.

[Drew]

You could be like, no, they would have. They would have.

[Stassi]

They'd be like, brought me in. Come back inside.

[Drew]

But then we walked up the street, like, for 30 seconds to a bodega, and we were just like, let's get snacks and chips and candy, and, like, we'll just kind of, like, chill. Like, have a good night. And we'll eat thighs and pies, and it'll be a cute end of the night.

[Stassi]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

And we get the snacks, and I'm, like, looking at the drinks, and I'm like, oh, what am I gonna get? And then I see a pink ginger ale.

[Stassi]

I see it's kind of this color.

[Drew]

It was this, like.

[Stassi]

But the.

[Drew]

The most neon part of this, y', all, that seeing. Seeing that drink legitimately gave me, like, an actual. Like, it, like, broke me. Like, it broke something in my brain where I legitimately started, like, like, sobbing again and laughing maniacally. And I was just like, I can't even, like, verbalize the thoughts I was having.

[Stassi]

There was a moment, like. Like, we are so close at this point that we. That was essentially me monitor monitoring a panic attack. Like, that is what that Was and like, like we both, I feel like at this point know how to like navigate each other. It's like.

[Kai]

I was just checking to make sure it is recording, right?

[Drew]

I'm so scared.

[Kai]

It is recording. Yeah, I just was making sure it's in focus.

[Drew]

Monitoring a panic attack.

[Stassi]

And like, so I'm like not crying. And also like a lot of the things you're expressing, like we feel very similarly. Like obviously our lives are like very intertwined. Although we are going through completely different things all the time. Um, so like I'm just like listening and watching and I'm like, I under. I like all of these feelings. It's easy to not like as somebody who does have panic attacks. Like a bitch ass hoe.

[Drew]

Like, yeah, if you have panic attacks, you're a bitch ass hoe.

[Stassi]

You're worthless, bro. You're mad weak.

[Drew]

You're mad weak to bitches that have panic attacks.

[Stassi]

Somebody who had panic attacks every night while in London.

[Drew]

Someone who had panic attacks starting from the age of 16. That had to be so heavily medicated that I went through zani withdrawals during my SATs.

[Stassi]

I wish I had Xanax while I was in London.

[Drew]

Let's go to Mexico. But anyways, continue.

[Stassi]

No, I actually wouldn't take a Xanax because I'm like, not even in like a. A like masochist. Well, a masochistic way. I genuinely think it is so much better to like go through two hours of literally this. Cuz also like I've been making myself laugh hard as fuck. Because I'm sorry. I also just can't take myself having a pan panic attack. Serious. Because it literally like in retrospect always cracks me up. Cuz you've seen me go through this when I'm. It's bad, but I literally turn into this. Like I don't want that to fall. I'm like, like I go from like freaking out.

[Drew]

I'm like like, oh, you literally right in your rise around like, like a, like a dead roach.

[Stassi]

So that was just making me laugh. Like what? But thankfully you don't do all that. You have like very like your panic attacks are like, oh babe.

[Drew]

Yeah, they're very peaceful.

[Stassi]

No, no. But then when we got inside, so I basically I felt like I recognized all of these things. Like, yes, this is sad. This is hard to watch your friend go through this. Whatever, whatever. And I'm. We get into the corner store and he's like still kind of like at this point he's like laughing because we've just like, really talked it through. He's like, been talked down. I've like, we're gonna go back. I'm like, it's like when you're saying your boyfriend's favorite words on the phone. I'm like, corner store, Candy, chips, soda, TV, iPad, Postmates.

[Drew]

Get to watch your tiktoks on your phone.

[Stassi]

Yeah, look through my likes. And then we got in and when you saw the drink, you started laughing really hard. But then, like, you were back to like, dude, I couldn't tell what was happening because you were like, you laughed really hard and I was like. And it like, literally, like, re triggered. And I couldn't tell if I was like, oh, like, like, Because I don't know, it really for. There was a split second where I was like, oh, I'm. I'm gonna have to take him.

[Drew]

It literally was given, like, I broke.

[Stassi]

Like, I bet, like, very quickly. I was like, okay, he's. He's home. He's still here.

[Drew]

He's back. Where'd you go?

[Stassi]

Where'd you go? Hey, hey.

[Drew]

Where'd you go?

[Stassi]

But you were really scared of that soda. I kind of understood it, but I was like, dude, that all the time.

[Drew]

Well, that's the thing is what, like, what I can distill it down to. Like, it was so much more than. It was so much more than this. No, it's. It was literally giving, like, seeing a neon pink beverage that we drink and put into our bodies, like, and, like, looking around and seeing all, like, the. That we put into our bodies, like, and then thinking about, like, digestion and, like, being alive and, like, nutrients and lack thereof and all. Like, it was just like, it was a million thoughts all at once. And it really was just very existential very quickly, and it was just all because of a fucking pink ginger ale. Yeah, Pinkity drink.

[Stassi]

It's all because of that.

[Drew]

A stinkity pinkity.

[Stassi]

A stinkity pinky.

[Drew]

But I bought it. I ended up buying it. And me and Inya did a photo shoot with it and we'll insert some of the pictures.

[Stassi]

No, I was on my phone and I looked over to Drew and he was like, kicking his feet and playing with it.

[Drew]

Yeah, well, no, we did a photo shoot, but it tells a story if you really, like, think about it.

[Stassi]

Okay, I have to find this video.

[Drew]

But yeah, fuck that pink drink. But it kind of gives lean Loki. Also. These are my robotic Labubus I got on Canal Street.

[Stassi]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

I haven't showed the people yet, but they. They walk and they're like, Demonic this episode of Emergency Intercom is brought to you by zocdoc. Y', all. Do you remember that doctor appointment you were trying to make a while ago that you forgot about because you are ADHD? Well, that's where ZocDoc comes into play. I don't know about you, but my social media is freaking me out. I literally need y' all to stop putting olive oil on your face. It's not gonna help your skin. Please go to a dermatologist booked through zocdoc. As I get older, I think I should go to the doctor more because I can't sleep at night. I'm stressed out all the time and I want to keep myself healthy, but the system makes it impossible to find the right doctor for my needs. That was until I found ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.

[Stassi]

Zoc Doc is the only reason I've been to the doctor. If I'm being honest, anytime anything in my body is going wrong, I open up that app. It's probably one of the most used apps on my phone because sometimes I can't lie. I just start to scroll around because I'm getting to that age where like between my shoulder blades hurts and I wake up with the kind of night sweats that are so wet and nasty. I wake up cold no matter what the temperature in the house is. And I definitely should go to the doctor. And I'm actually gonna go this week and I'm gonna open up the app right now. I think you guys should stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.comIntercom to find an book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com Intercom Zocdoc.com Intercom this is.

[Gemma Spaeg]

Gemma Spag from the psychology of your twenties. So you can't get the trip out of the group chat. We have all been there but did you know there may be an easy solution. EF Ultimate Break is a group travel company for 18 to 35 year olds with over 100 itineraries all over the world. Just sign up and recruit six or more friends for a trip. You will save hundreds or even thousands of dollars. You could even travel for free. Learn [e-mail] that's efultimatebreak.com and turn the group chat into a group trip.

[Home Care Job Announcer]

You can make a difference in someone's life, including your own with a job in home care. These jobs offer flexible schedules, health care, retirement options, and free training. They also provide paid time off and opportunities for overtime. Visit oregonhomecarejobs.com to learn more and apply. That's oregonhomecarejobs.com.

[Variety Podcast Host]

There's a lot going on in Hollywood. How are you supposed to stay on top of it all? Variety has the solution. Take 20 minutes out of your day and listen to the new daily Variety podcast for breaking entertainment news and expert perspectives.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Where do you see the business actually heading?

[Variety Podcast Host]

Featuring the iconic journalists of Variety and hosted by co editor in chief Cynthia Littleton.

[Stassi]

The only constant in Hollywood is change.

[Variety Podcast Host]

Open your free iHeartradio app, search daily Variety and listen now.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Spooky season is quickly approaching, so time to stock up on all your favorite treats now through October 7th, you can get early savings on your Halloween candy favorites when you shop in store and online. Save on items like Hershey's, Reese's Pumpkins, Snickers miniatures, Tootsie Rolls, Raw sugar, Milk chocolate, caramel, Jack O Lanterns, Brock's Candy Corn Charms, Mini pops, and more. Offer ends October 7th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Stassi]

Oh.

[Kai]

Just doing this for 30 minutes.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's the whole episode.

[Stassi]

I love this. Can I have the pink one?

[Drew]

No. This is my rare one.

[Stassi]

I know I'm the one who wanted a labo because you said you got it for me.

[Drew]

No.

[Stassi]

Then give me the shirt. I got you back.

[Drew]

You give me the. You got me back. If you want to give me.

[Stassi]

You give me away.

[Drew]

If you want to give me the. You want to give me, I'll take it right back from you because I will give you what you want to get.

[Stassi]

I'll get more. I don't give a. Just give me my.

[Drew]

You gave to me. Exactly.

[Kai]

I don't know where I was just now.

[Drew]

Where'd you go?

[Kai]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Drew]

Wait, please mute it. It's like, really?

[Stassi]

I'm not kidding. I love it so much. It's like. This, to me, is like the monkey machine at Chuck E. Cheese. Well, at Charlie Kirk's memorial, Donald Trump said he's announcing the new iOS update to cure autism tomorrow. Did you see that?

[Drew]

Oh, my God. You and Kai are gonna be healed.

[Kai]

I mean, that.

[Stassi]

A lot of girls.

[Kai]

I feel like that's not good for the American economy, honestly. Yeah, it's like autistic people are a Pretty big part of our.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's like it literally.

[Stassi]

No, yeah, small businesses, boom. You're supposed to be fucking helping them.

[Drew]

Hello. Open. Open AI challenge. Like all of those people are.

[Stassi]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't confuse evil for autistic. But yeah, did you see that at his memorial? Trump just like, you know what it is, is because he wasn't getting cheers and he doesn. And he went there thinking he's going to a rally and going to get cheers, when in reality nobody at a wake on any planet is going to clap and cheer him.

[Drew]

Using it as, as a platform is crazy.

[Stassi]

I know. I'm like, that's insane. I mean, actually it's fucking amazing and perfect and ideal. Like ideally that I wish he brought a guest. Like, I wish, like, I wish it.

[Drew]

Just like, like he brings out Addison Ray.

[Stassi]

Bryce Hall. I was gonna say he brings out Bryce hall to talk about it. Like, oh my God, that would be amazing. But yeah, he announced that. Wait, oh wait, but if the rapture and the autism curing alignment is happening, then the autism thing might be kind of pointless. Cuz like I think autistic people will have a fun time.

[Drew]

And guys, I really have been having religious psychosis every single night.

[Stassi]

Do you believe in the rapture?

[Drew]

I don't believe in the rapture, but like I just start thinking and praying.

[Stassi]

I. I will admit, so scared.

[Drew]

It feels like the world rapture did.

[Stassi]

Have me a bit. I mean, it was like right off the press of like the recession and like me becoming a mother at the age of nine. So like, oh my God, I was like five years into adulthood and this is it. Yeah. I get to just die.

[Kai]

I understand how humans. It's really weird to me how superstitious we are because people give me some sort of. They'll like explain how like a piece of technology works and I'm like, I don't understand that. Or that doesn't really.

[Drew]

I don't.

[Kai]

It doesn't absorb into me. But then I remember I feel like I still have the same brain as I did when I was a teenager. And they said that 2012 was gonna happen.

[Drew]

I just believed little more dementia.

[Stassi]

Well, you were a bit older. You were older, much older. I have the same brain back then. I was turning 13 and I was like, frick trick.

[Drew]

Like, I'm just, I don't have any memory.

[Kai]

Seven years ago.

[Stassi]

28.

[Kai]

It was seven years ago. I'm 20.

[Drew]

Hold on, I'm 20. I like am trying to remember the only memory I have of the 2012 rapture was, like, talking about it on the playground with my friends, like, after playing with, like, pogs.

[Stassi]

By then I did have.

[Kai]

You were playing with pogs?

[Drew]

Yeah, like, became like a thing, like a decade later at my school.

[Kai]

You're playing with pogs? P, A W G. Yeah, Pog.

[Stassi]

I think I. I, like, had access to the Internet, but not to the capacity that I could, like, go on Twitter yet. And people were being funny about it. I think I saw some people being funny about it. But, like, every now and then I would see, like, some sort of post that genuinely sent a bit of fear in me. So I. I did. I did stay up. I remember staying up till midnight. But also I had an older sister who was like 15, 16, and she was really talking it up, up. Like, obviously, like it was stupid, but I think just in my OCD brain, I was like, I don't know. Usually when that many people think something is stupid, it might be important.

[Drew]

What was it like the end of the Mayan calendar? Is that what it was?

[Kai]

It didn't go past that.

[Stassi]

I remember vividly also, I was like.

[Drew]

What if the world.

[Stassi]

Simpson.

[Drew]

No Shade. The world could have ended. I saw something about, like, a alternate timeline, different dimension.

[Stassi]

What were you gonna say, Kai? Sorry.

[Kai]

Oh, I remember vividly, which is. This is impressive because I was only four, going to bed that night, the night of 2012.

[Stassi]

Dude, I'm not kidding. I was like, wait, we're talking about the, like, 1981 now.

[Kai]

I wasn't even alive.

[Stassi]

I didn't even have phones. How would you know about that?

[Kai]

Well, so this is somewhat related. I realized that when we were in, I was just on tour for my amazing DJ set. Tour. I was, like, unironically. It was amazing. And I actually. I feel like my eyes were opened a little bit because I was dreading going to, like, middle America for some of these shows. It was beautiful.

[Stassi]

Yeah, no, like, this country, like, not. Not on some, like, CK shit. Like, hell no. But, like, this country does have, like, so many beautiful aspects of it. One being, like, the land itself. It's. It's like gorgeous here. Even when it gets kind of ugly, there's something really pretty about it. It's like, aw, yeah.

[Kai]

So much of it is really pretty. But we were in. I forget which airport. And there's no 13 gate at the airport. It goes from 12 to 14.

[Drew]

And in hotels that go past the 13th floor, there's no 13th floor.

[Kai]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Drew]

I mean, I don't know if it's in every elevator. But I'm pretty.

[Stassi]

Or I don't think, like, in Europe, but I feel like I've never seen a. That's such a lie.

[Drew]

I've been in hotels that don't have 13th floor, though.

[Stassi]

Yeah, same. Wait, I want to look that up, but keep going, guys. Sorry.

[Kai]

I don't know. I was just. I was like, that's. I never noticed that. And I think.

[Stassi]

Did you notice it from being in so many airports, or did someone tell you.

[Kai]

I think we just heard. Gate was like, 14 or something, and I was like, why does it go from 12 to 14? But it's just. It's really stupid, I think, because it doesn't. There's no reason for us to actually care about the number.

[Drew]

I'm, like, a very superstitious person, but I think it's just, like, undiagnosed mental issues.

[Stassi]

Oh, yeah, no, hotels don't have 13th floors. The floor doesn't exist.

[Drew]

Can you believe that? I bought Viper the rapper concert tickets, and then, like, two days later, it came out that he was harboring women in his garage just chained up.

[Stassi]

I am crazy. I get crazy. I get crazy.

[Drew]

I'm so psycho. I'm so psycho Crazy. No, me and any were talking the other day yesterday, and we were. I. I wish it was recorded because it was literally, like, the funniest conversation we've ever had.

[Stassi]

How did it start?

[Drew]

It was. It started with me, like, saying, like, if you were actually. If you were genuinely religious, like, if you. If you looked at. If. If you viewed the world that if you send. You're gonna spend eternal damnation in hell. You're going to be tortured every single day.

[Stassi]

Ever lived in, like, an eternity like, that. We. We can't even comprehend how much.

[Drew]

Exactly. So it's like. It's like. So I'm going to be tortured every single day of my life because I kiss boys. Like, that's. That's what it's going to give. And then you rebuttal and say, drew, you do more than.

[Stassi]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Drew]

I do a lot more.

[Stassi]

What you were saying is, like, if that's what people really.

[Drew]

Well, no, I know.

[Stassi]

Why aren't they like.

[Drew]

No, I know what I was. I was saying what you were saying. But, like, if. If they were truly, truly, truly, truly in their, like, with their entire hearts, believed that I was going to be tortured for the rest of my life, like, you would 100%, like, be begging on your hands and knees for me to stop.

[Stassi]

If people actually thought that. And it wasn't more than just, like, projection and, like, insecurity of, like, self or lack thereof. Self or lack of understanding of a possible self. It wasn't that. And you actually thought someone was going to. Like, I was saying to Drew, like, dude, all the people who are homophobic in your life would be like, stace, please. And she's like, don't take treacherous roads.

[Drew]

Don't take unnecessary battles.

[Stassi]

But, yeah, you were saying. Cause you kiss boys. But you do so much more than that. And that's the issue is that, like, you crossed that line a long time ago.

[Drew]

Coke and Bump alley at the Animal.

[Stassi]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Winning run.

[Kai]

Is it really called bump alley?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And that's a place where straight people hang out, I'm assuming.

[Drew]

Yes. Only straight people.

[Kai]

Right?

[Drew]

Right. Wait, I'm like, Charlie xcx.

[Stassi]

Cause you're always around gay people, but, like, doing bums. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

[Drew]

I did have an epic fail last week.

[Kai]

What happened?

[Drew]

Actually, like, oh, wait. Oh, my God. It's actually. It's literally fucking mortifying. Like, it is the most mortifying thing that's ever happened to me, to me, in my entire life, I think. And, like, I don't even. I. I promised myself I wasn't going to put this into the universe because it is so humiliating. And, like, I can recognize that. I. I was. So I went to Largemont Wine and Cheese, and I got a sandwich, and I was getting me and Mason sandwiches before we, like, hung out and just, like, did our little thing, went and played basketball. Well, I'm there, and as I'm walking in, there's, like, a dude out front, like, kind of losing his mind. Like, his really aggressive, like, yelling, like, whatever. But I just, like, walk past him. He had a sandwich already, and he was just, like, eating a sandwich, but he was kind of, like, just, like, a little, like, aggro. Like, he was heightened. And I just, like, walked past him and went inside. And then a young woman walks in after me and is just standing in line behind me. And then this dude that was really aggressive out front walks in and, like, starts, like, getting really, really close to her and is, like, talking to her. And, like, I. I was reading the situation as, like, they are complete strangers. And this, like, man is just, like, interjection. Yeah. And, like, he starts, like, what. What really set it off for me was he started talking about, like, like, poisoning animals and, like, rat poison and all of this stuff. So I was like. And I thought this woman, like, looked visibly uncomfortable, so like, what I did.

[Kai]

You called the police?

[Drew]

What I did is I just walked between them and put myself in between them and was looking at Cheese, and I was just like, she was here. He was here. And I was just looking at Cheese, and I was like, like, okay. But then this guy is, like, talking through me at her and is still, like, saying just, like, really bizarre things to this girl. And then I, like, back up and, like, the. The space was created, and I was like, okay, that's, like. That's all that needed to be done. Well, like, he, like, gets up in her face again and starts talking to her a lot about. Just random. And, like, it was. The. The stories he was telling was really sad. And I was like, oh, this, like, is, like a whatever. But I, like. She's, like, kind of, like, whispering and, like, really, really, like, visibly, like, uncomfortable. At least that's how I was reading it. So I just tell her. I'm like, hey, like, you can just go in front of me, and I'll just, like, stand here. And then he stays there. She goes in front of me, and now there's, like, a lot of distance created, and I'm like, okay, everything's good. And then he gets, like, really, really close again to her. So I, like, get between them, and I look at a bag of chips, and, like, I mean, I'm, like, literally just, like, blocking this guy from getting as close to this woman. And then all of a sudden, she goes, michael, come here. Like, michael, you can come here. And so they knew each other the whole fucking time. And I just looked like an asshole.

[Stassi]

Like.

[Drew]

And that's what I get for trying to, like, white knight. I will look. I literally, like, wanted to cry. I was so embarrassed. Like, look how red I am.

[Stassi]

Was this before or after the Uber incident?

[Drew]

This was way before. This is, like. This is like, a week after.

[Stassi]

Well, to be fair, I woke up the next day after that Uber incident, and I was like, why did I yell like that? But I was like, no, he was being so scary, that Uber, at least to me. And I don't give a What anybody thinks. He was being so scary to me, but that's hard. Don't yell. Don't. Why are you screaming?

[Drew]

That's literally what I get for trying to protect women.

[Stassi]

I mean, yeah, you just shouldn't protect. You should do the bystander thing, the bystander effect, where you're like, surely somebody else will figure this out.

[Drew]

Yeah, but I was. I was literally morbid, mortified.

[Stassi]

I. I will say I'm like, it's not as humiliating because thank God you didn't say anything. Yeah, like, I thought when you were like, oh, I, I.

[Drew]

Girl, are you okay?

[Stassi]

I thought when you said you, I thought you were gonna be like, hey, are you, are you, like, okay, like, are you comfortable? Like, I thought you were gonna say something. No, no, no, no. That's. I think that's way better. You looking at cheese between.

[Drew]

But then I saw, then I saw him at the farmer's market next do women. And that girl was nowhere to be seen. So, like, I think they, like. And he had, like, he had come up to several women in the store and just started conversations with them. So I think he was just like, talking to women and, like, I think she just, like, felt comfortable with him or something.

[Stassi]

I don't know. But maybe they were like homies catching a bite and he's just like, on the prowl. Yeah, he, like, really wants a bag. And I mean, it's cuffing season now.

[Drew]

It is cuffing season.

[Stassi]

Oh, my gosh.

[Gemma Spaeg]

Guys, this is Gemma Spag from the psychology of your 20s. So you can't get the trip out of the group chat. We have all been there, but did you know there may be an easy solution. EF Ultimate Break is a group travel company for 18 to 35 year olds with over 140 itineraries all over the world. Just sign up and recruit six or more friends for a trip. You will save hundreds or even thousands of dollars. You could even travel for free. Learn more at each efultimatebreak.com that's efultimatebreak.com and turn the group chat into a group trip.

[Home Care Job Announcer]

You can make a difference in someone's life, including your own with a job in home care. These jobs offer flexible schedules, healthcare, retirement options and free training. They also provide paid time off and opportunities for overtime. Visit oregonhomecarejobs.com to learn more and apply. That's oregonhomecarejobs.com.

[Variety Podcast Host]

There's a lot going on in Hollywood. How are you supposed to stay on top of it all? Variety has the solution. Take 20 minutes out of your day and listen to the new daily Variety podcast for breaking entertainment news and expert perspectives.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Where do you see the business actually heading?

[Variety Podcast Host]

Featuring the iconic journalists of Variety and hosted by co editor in chief Cynthia Littleton.

[Stassi]

The only constant in Hollywood is change.

[Variety Podcast Host]

Open your free iHeartradio app, search daily Variety and listen now.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway Cough. And cold season is coming, so make sure you're prepared. And stock up on your family's favorite personal wellness products. Now through October 7th. Shop in store and online for savings on products like Mucinex, Kickstart Combo, Zyrtec Allergy Relief Tablets or Liquid Gels, Halls, Cough Drops and Mucinex fast day and night, so you and your family are armed and ready for the season ahead. Offer ends October 7th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Jorge Ramos]

I'm Jorge Ramos.

[Stassi]

And I'm Paola Ramos.

[Jorge Ramos]

Together, we're launching the Moment, a new podcast about what it means to live through a time as uncertain as this one.

[Stassi]

We sit down with politicians.

[Drew]

I would be the first immigrant mayor in generations, but 40% of New Yorkers.

[Kai]

Were born outside of this country.

[Stassi]

Artists and activists. I mean, do you ever feel demoralized?

[Drew]

I might personally lose hope. This individual might lose the faith, but there's an institution that doesn't lose faith, and that's what I believed in.

[Stassi]

To bring you depth and analysis from a unique Latino perspective.

[Jorge Ramos]

There's not a single day that power and I don't call or text each other sharing news and thoughts about what's happening in the country. This new podcast will be a way to make that ongoing intergenerational conversation public.

[Stassi]

Listen to the Moment with Jorge Ramos and Paula Ramos as part of the My Cultura podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Drew]

Oh. Oh, my God. Wait. I had a bunch of mortifying fucking mother moments. I had another one at the gym, literally right after that. No, no, it was. It was right before that. I was at the gym, and I'm like, I finished my workout. I go to the locker room, and I see this guy. He's a very social guy, and he's, like, just talking to, like, strangers in the locker room, which I like. Literally, I'm like, Like, I admire that quality in people so much that they can just go up and talk to strangers and. But it, like, in the locker room is like, like every. Everyone was, like, fully clothed.

[Stassi]

I know I'm still like.

[Drew]

But it was. I. I just, like, admire that. And it's like, maybe not in the locker room, but just, like, in other.

[Stassi]

Just in general, like, people being, like, just open enough to be. People being normal.

[Drew]

Yeah, People being normal and, like, being able to make. Start a conversation. Yeah. Start a conversation with someone and it, like, is. It just feels natural and it doesn't feel forced and weird and creepy. Like, I. Anytime I start a conversation, With a stranger, I literally, like, give creep. Like, I give creepy vibes.

[Stassi]

Like, I know no matter where it.

[Drew]

Like, it's like my eyes glaze over.

[Stassi]

I feel like I do. That's like, feels. Oh, my God. Actually, I did something that felt really creepy recently by accident. I was driving and there was this girl on, like, corner waiting to cross. And. But her outfit was really cute and, like, she just looked really put together. And I, like, I, like, slowed down a bit and I put my window down. I was like, you look so good. Like, I said that. And she, like, I could see as I was driving by, I was like, oh, my God. I forget that, like, a car is not just like some glass box you're driving in her head. She probably thought she was about to get abducted until she, like. So when I put down my window, because it was, I. It wasn't a stop sign or anything. It was just, like, slow traffic. So I was like, oh, I could just slow down a bit and say something to her. And as I, like, slowed my car down, I could see her body tense up and, like, look forward. And when I said it, she was like, like this to me. And I was like, oh, my God. I literally seemed like a creep who was gonna kill and kidnap. Like, it wasn't slow traffic. It was a normal road. And I went from, like, normal speed to, like, slowing down and putting my window down.

[Drew]

Sometimes I forget I am a grown ass man with a mustache. And like, when I'm like, I was in, like, the Happy 99 store and like, this girl, like, tried on one of the dresses, and I was like, oh, my God, like, you look so good to her, like, in the dress. And then I realized, like, I was like, this is not one of my girlfriends. Like, this is not one of my girls. I give, like, kind of straight. Like, if you, like, if you're just, like, alone out in the world and.

[Stassi]

No one's speaking, it is so jarring. You're like, you look so good. Like, wow.

[Kai]

I guess you could in like, a parallel universe, be a guy that lives in Bushwick.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

It's like hitting on girls.

[Drew]

Yeah. But I, I, I made it super gay. I was like, oh, that. I was like, that's fierce. Like, you look good. I like, zhuzh up my gay when I'm around women, so they don't think.

[Stassi]

I'm like, Anytime Drew feels like a woman might assume he's straight, he just suddenly is like, yeah, queen.

[Drew]

Yes, queen. But this guy at the gym, like, he was talking to everybody in the Locker room, but he wasn't talking to me, and I was like, kind of like, I guess I, like, don't have. I guess I don't put good energy into the world. Whatever. And then I shower, get dressed, go wait for my car, and he's also there waiting, and he, like, sits here, and I sit here on one of those benches, and he, like, looks at me, and he's like, oh, my gosh, that tracksuit's, like, so cute. It was, like, the Tavia, like, mad happy. Yeah. Friends with animal. Friends with animals. Animal, Mad happy tracksuit. And he was like, that's so cute. That's so cute. Like, where'd you get it? And I was like, oh, it's, like, mad happy, and.

[Stassi]

Oh, it was actually a limited run. You're never gonna be able to own this, you pathetic piece of. Turn around.

[Drew]

No, literally. But no, we just, like, started having, like, a thing.

[Stassi]

That's how people think I talk to.

[Drew]

Yeah, that is how you talk.

[Stassi]

I mean, I just can't help it.

[Drew]

I hate people, and it just hates everyone. But he, like, complimented my outfit, and then we just kind of, like, start talking. He asked me what I do. I asked him what he does, and he's like, oh, I'm like, an entertainment lawyer. And he's like, if you ever need contracts looked over for your podcast, let me know. And I was like, yeah, yeah. Haha. And then my cousin. Car pulls up, and then I see his hand, like, kind of floating, like, here, like, fisted up. And, like, I'm, like, walking away. I'm walking away, and then I, like, look at his hand. He looks at his hand. He looks at me. And then I just, like. I just completely ignore it, and I just walk to my car, and then I get to my car, and I look back, and I see him go, I know, I know, I know. It was so sad. And I. And it. I didn't do it intentionally. I just could. He held it so close to his body. The fist bump, like, why? You're supposed to put it out. Like, put the fist bump out. Don't, like, make me come in here.

[Stassi]

Don't make me come into your bubble. Come on. Your bubble.

[Drew]

Don't make me drink alone.

[Stassi]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

But, yeah, that was absolutely mortifying. Back to back.

[Kai]

Just like, can you take me back to your special gym so we can go in the sauna?

[Drew]

Yeah, cool.

[Kai]

That's it. You can continue. It's just like.

[Drew]

Like, I want you to, like, when you put the towel on, like, wrap it so tight around your Waist that I can see the imprint of your wiener in the towel.

[Kai]

Me doing the, the like signal to you. Yeah, like open it or whatever.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. You just kind of like play with your towel here or you like tap your foot or you like make eye contact. Like.

[Kai]

Okay, cool.

[Drew]

Yeah. Well, I'll teach you how to cruise.

[Kai]

Let's pour a buzz ball into the hot rocks.

[Drew]

Yes. And get everybody up. Dude. Oh my God. Oh my God. That just, just like made me think about something I was doing when I was literally 15, 16 years old. I got gin and I put it in a 2 liter soda bottle and then I grabbed the like an empty bottle so it was just gin and it was like this amount of gin in the bottom. And then I screwed the lid in and then I put a bike pump through the top of the lid. And then I hot glued it so it was a perfect seal. And then I pumped a lot of air into the bottle. And then when you twist the cap off it vaporize the alcohol. And I would like, like they're. You're like, I swear, I swear to God. No, it doesn't get you drunk at all. Really? It didn't, it didn't do anything for me. I was literally vaporizing.

[Stassi]

I thought I got you drunk. I was like, oh my God, we need to try that. And then we can like go even further with the vape thing and make.

[Kai]

Yeah, I guess it makes sense that you wouldn't get drunk or else alcohol vapes would definitely have been a thing.

[Stassi]

That's gross. That's pushing it because to me, the, the real joy in drinking. I think the reason I couldn't be an alcoholic is because to me, if I'm going to drink, I want to go somewhere and like be somewhere cute and like look cute and then I'm down to get drunk. Like, it's very rare. I'm just like, let's go. Actually not even rare. I don't go to bars and shit like that unless I'm already cut it off.

[Jorge Ramos]

Low pressure is moving in.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So like a low pressure front triggering.

[Drew]

A, a face change through the nose, you say? I think, yeah, they are.

[Kai]

I don't even care about going somewhere cute. I. I'll literally do it alone.

[Drew]

Wait, what?

[Stassi]

Drinking me when I first moved to.

[Drew]

La, like literally, me guys, we make a lot of drinking jokes and they're not. Well, they're not jokes.

[Kai]

You guys are joking.

[Drew]

They're not joking.

[Kai]

I'm not joking often.

[Drew]

No, I have kind of like caught myself slipping a little bit. I'm Like, I like, never in my life ever thought about drinking, like for like the last five years. And now I'm like, oh, like it would be nice to like have a drink at dinner or like, oh, I'm like excited for the weekend because I can have a drink. And I'm like, oh, hell no. That's like, that's a slippery slope for me and my DNA. Like, I need to be careful. I need to be careful. Granted, I'm not drinking to blackout like I was when I was 22, say.

[Stassi]

I think that's the primary issue is like, not obviously it's good to like keep an eye on how often. But to me it's also like, like.

[Drew]

New York was crazy. Like New York was. New York was a little rowdy.

[Stassi]

He went out, out one night and then we would have dinner with friends we were in town with. So he would have a drink at dinner, which is.

[Kai]

That's what you're. And we were there for like, I was genuinely waiting to hear about a crazy like five day bender.

[Stassi]

No, we were there for like three days.

[Drew]

We were there for five days and I drank every single day. And that's not normal for me. Don't make fun of me and my alcoholism.

[Stassi]

I'm not trying to make fun of you. I'm trying to like let you know that like you're. You might hyper fixation on it because of like your fear of a lack of control, but you have actually so much self control. And I believed. And I believed if we lived in a wet country, we wouldn't have such a weird relationship.

[Drew]

That's my wet country right there.

[Stassi]

Thank you. Wet swamp.

[Drew]

Yeah, swamp cooter.

[Stassi]

Swamp country. I own swamp country.

[Drew]

It's great. That's her, the bush. And I'm bushwhacking in that swamp country.

[Stassi]

No, you can't. It's like the Everglades. The bushes are dying. Dying. The bushes are dying.

[Drew]

We must. Yeah, there's pythons taking over.

[Kai]

True. If you wax your privates enough, you stop growing hair there.

[Stassi]

I don't know, I've.

[Drew]

I. Unironically, like, you need a bush. Stop shaving your bush. You need it.

[Stassi]

No, unironically, you need it for like. It is there for a goddamn reason. It is there to protect you. It is there to like, protect from like friction burn.

[Drew]

It's there.

[Stassi]

Protect from bacteria.

[Kai]

Like, don't say that.

[Stassi]

But no. Hate to like also if. If you are bald by your own volition, be free. Fill the wind on your skin, period.

[Drew]

But a hairy ass man with A shaved bush is the scariest thing.

[Stassi]

I've never seen that. And, like, God willing, I never.

[Drew]

Haunting, spooky. Real creepy.

[Stassi]

You know, when there's those random murders that people just can't put their fingers on, and they're like, this obviously has to be a murder passion, but we just don't understand. That would be me if I started seeing somebody and we were, like, hooking up, and it was good sex, and then one day he showed up with a bald dick.

[Kai]

You would kill him over that.

[Stassi]

Bludgeon him to death. How dare you.

[Drew]

Bludgeon is like. It's really, really, really hard.

[Kai]

I keep waxing, and I'm hoping that it'll stop coming back.

[Stassi]

I've never gotten.

[Kai]

Imagine me getting waxed. My. My. Between my privates and my other. Yeah, my gooch.

[Drew]

You're like this, like, on the.

[Kai]

Yeah, they're changing me.

[Drew]

Like a baby almost slipped out.

[Stassi]

You guys don't recognize each other as humans? Like, do you imagine each other when you, like, talk like that?

[Kai]

No, actually, I don't.

[Stassi]

See, that's why every time y' all say that, I. I have such. Like, I can really, like, my mind is a scary place. That's why you can't say that.

[Kai]

Are you putting Drew's ankles behind his head?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

See, I. Like, I don't see a visual there.

[Stassi]

I just thought my brain works like.

[Kai]

Like, just consonants and vowels to me.

[Drew]

Y. Yeah.

[Stassi]

I haven't used AI the way any other human has. It's because, oh, I got it up here, and it's really scary. Like, I know. I know the future of AI because look at me. Like, people have a lot of. Like, I am like, oh, my God.

[Kai]

Are you claiming that you're the first.

[Drew]

Person I have become? I have become AI?

[Stassi]

No. It's literally like, you're basically asking, like, a psychopath to be let free. Like, there's a psychopath that lives in me, but I'm just really good at keeping her at bay.

[Drew]

Kai Sina. Give the kids buses.

[Stassi]

That was the end of my rant last night outside. We were just talking about America and what's happening.

[Drew]

No, we were really talking crazy.

[Stassi]

We were going in. I want Kai Sanat to, like, help me give buses to Miami, Dade County.

[Drew]

Yeah, the kids need.

[Stassi]

Don't remember how it got there. Oh. Basically, I was like, everybody is talking about this. It's like, it. It gets. It's just getting so big. Everything is getting so big, and. And it sucks to watch because I think it's easy to lose faith and then you're. Everyone's putting their anger in places that I don't know that are necessarily beneficial. And I'm like, guys, there aren't enough buses in Miami Dade county to take the kids to school.

[Drew]

The kids are melting in the humidity. The.

[Stassi]

The windows being opened on the bus. It doesn't do it. It's not.

[Drew]

It's not cutting it anymore. Especially with global warming. It's warm, it's hot.

[Stassi]

And, like, kids aren't also going on field trips anymore, at least in Miami Dade County. I'm saying that because of my cousin's.

[Drew]

Field trips are on their iPhones.

[Stassi]

Well, yeah, the field trips are meta glasses.

[Drew]

I want the new one.

[Stassi]

There's a new one?

[Drew]

Yeah, it's like augmented reality meta glasses. And it has a wristband that, like, makes you control it. It's like the apple vision, but glasses, not as powerful.

[Stassi]

But, dude, seriously, my wall E chair is still not. Not here.

[Drew]

That's crazy.

[Stassi]

I put that for order. What was that, like, two months ago?

[Drew]

I actually did not know you did that. You never told me that.

[Stassi]

No, I said. I literally said it on the podcast. My Wally chair. I forgot what it came with. It came with something good.

[Drew]

Also, I ordered a bed frame that said was going to get here October or September 11th at the latest. And then I got a message on the 19th saying it's shipped. And I was like, oh, cool, It'll be here in three days. It's a 30 day shipping because it has to be shipped across the ocean. It's on a boat. Let me drive the boat. I'll get it here in 10 days. Like, what the are y' all doing? Pissed off. And then my curtains also, like, are taking forever.

[Stassi]

Do those, like, cargo boats move so slow because of how heavy they are?

[Drew]

Probably. It's also a long distance to travel. Like, it's a very long distance. Those boats are huge.

[Stassi]

I know, but how fast are they going? Because it's a far distance. But I'm like, y' all can't get it done. Like a plane.

[Drew]

How fast does a cargo ship travel? 28 miles. I almost said 24. I almost. I almost said 24 knots. I swear to God. I almost said 24 knots. But I was like, that doesn't sound right. That doesn't sound right.

[Stassi]

That's mad slow.

[Drew]

I could run faster than that.

[Kai]

It said 28 knots.

[Stassi]

See, like that. Like, that is what actually makes me so mad because we have meta glasses and make the boats faster. Like, there's for real things we could be Getting done. You can make the boats faster.

[Drew]

The jet engine, laundry machine.

[Stassi]

Fold my fucking clothes. Like you can figure something out. Like, there's better things to be done.

[Drew]

Put the jet engines that they're launching people into space with on the boats.

[Stassi]

But the EV Hummer engine on the fucking.

[Drew]

Put the buses in the sky.

[Home Care Job Announcer]

That's.

[Stassi]

Oh, yeah, you.

[Drew]

We've been workshopping. I'm going to run for mayor in L. A. And the platform is going to put the buses, like 12ft above the road and they're going to be flying around.

[Kai]

Oh, that's similar to my idea where it's basically an Uber and you don't even need an app because it'll just pick you up at the same spot every day. And there's just a bunch of them. And it's huge. It's really long. Fit like 30 people in it.

[Drew]

Oh, wait, we had this idea like a couple episodes ago.

[Kai]

Oh, really?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Stassi]

Yeah. I think you're just regurgitating some stuff we've been working.

[Drew]

We can also put it underground.

[Stassi]

Yeah, because that's what we were thinking. Because to have them in the streets would be like. It would take up a lot of space. So we're putting them underground.

[Kai]

You're gonna do.

[Stassi]

Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

Oh, you know, it should be like a train.

[Stassi]

Run a train.

[Drew]

What is a train run a train?

[Stassi]

No, it's. That's that sex stuff. That's like when. If I have sex with you, then cry, then the next person.

[Kai]

Oh, that's why you're always texting me.

[Drew]

That shit at like 3am you want to run train?

[Kai]

Drew's always texting me. Let's run a two man.

[Drew]

Yeah, me and Kanye.

[Kai]

And I think he thinks it means we hook up. It's just two guys hooking up.

[Drew]

You want to run a two man? Oh, my God.

[Kai]

The light leaving your eyes.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, I can make myself look psycho.

[Kai]

Wait, did you go to last night?

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Damn, cuz. You knew I wasn't going.

[Drew]

Yeah, let's go. When you ask me to go, I go.

[Kai]

That's sexy. Yeah, I really want to go back this week, cuz I'm back.

[Drew]

You're so back.

[Kai]

The king of la.

[Drew]

You got to check in with Kya before going to. Josh watched a dog walker let a dog in our yard.

[Stassi]

I came home and saw it.

[Drew]

Josh. Josh watched a dog walker let a dog in our yard. And then he ran the front door and opened it and was like, what are you doing? And then she went and picked it up. She was gonna leave it and she went and picked it up.

[Stassi]

Okay, well, there was on the front yard when I got here and I have those signs and I've been actually, I'll tell this, I've been so just like to a point, because it gets to a point and I'm at that point. I think I'm there. I'm, I'm spinning on like, you know, the little apple emoji for location. I'm spinning on it, I'm doing spins.

[Drew]

On it, I'm tricks on it.

[Stassi]

Like, it satisfied that pen I. In the airport. I, I went at Heathrow airport. I went to the wrong terminal. So then I had to subsequently go underground to where all the trains were and then walk with my huge bags for like 30 minutes. And it's like rush hour. Like, everyone's running back and forth through these trains and, and there is a guy, guy who is standing on his phone in like the opposite side, like on the wrong side. Like, traffic is flowing this way and the walls right here. And he's just standing there on his phone and no one, everyone's just like, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Like, this man is obstructing traffic. And I was just like going through and I was like, bro, you got to get the out of the way. And then I just like moved around him and kept going. And he looked me at, he was like, oh. And like looked around, was like, oh. And then ran out and like traffic moved quicker. Everyone was picked up their space. And that's, that's the time I've been on. I, I, I like see a random man who's being so fucking useless and stupid, and I'm like, I can't believe everyone is just letting you disrupt human nature like this. And that's where I'll leave this episode. That's how, that's how I feel. That's just how I feel.

[Drew]

And I don't give a. Amazing.

[Stassi]

Oh my God. What movies did I watch?

[Drew]

I was going to say, should we get into media?

[Stassi]

Yeah, I don't know if I've watched any movies. Oh, I saw the first Saw for the first time.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, we, yeah, yeah, it was good.

[Stassi]

It made me squeamish, but it's like the acting cracked me up. But wow, what a movie. What a movie, what a franchise.

[Drew]

And especially for the time when that came out, it was like, what the.

[Kai]

Is the doll a twink or an otter?

[Drew]

That's a twink.

[Kai]

A twink.

[Drew]

It's an.

[Stassi]

The doll is a girl.

[Drew]

Protect trans people Doll is a girl. My media is you Charlie xcx Ha. Where is it? Where is it? Midnight sun by Zara Larson. I have listened to that song over and over and over again and I haven't done that with a song in a very, very long time.

[Stassi]

That's me with up and down by Tizo. And then that's the best fictional songwriting a man has done in a while, by the way. Like that song is exactly what people need to go back to writing is just like this would never happen. But God, does it sound amazing to listen to.

[Drew]

I think Inya, like Orinoko Flo Enya is going to have her Kate Bush arc very soon. I think the TikTok is going to get a hold of it and make it like a cultural phenomenon. Cuz she deserves her flowers with the younger generation.

[Stassi]

But we, but we don't live in like, I'm like, for people to care about Enya though, they would have to actually go and listen to her discography.

[Kai]

Also, people aren't having babies anymore, so they're not turning it on while they do homebrew births. Which was, I think 90 was it.

[Drew]

I don't know, like the song that would in the arms of it.

[Stassi]

That's not, that's not, that's not, that's not me. That's just not me.

[Drew]

But no.

[Stassi]

Did you believe my mom literally just liked Enya so much? She was like that.

[Drew]

And before you conniving go say, I already listened to Inya. Oh, that's not what I'm saying. You're not, you're not the general public. You are a. Hey, you are an outlier to the general public. If you listen to this podcast, you're a weirdo. Because we're weirdos.

[Stassi]

Also. I, I, I really like, I, I can, I can reassure you, no one is claiming Anya like that. Like those listeners are people who are literally like, it's like therapy music.

[Drew]

It's like, I love it, I love.

[Stassi]

It, it's so good.

[Drew]

But like I'm like a float you eats and then replaying it 500 times in a row. Greatest bit of all time.

[Stassi]

No, this is my favorite song by her. The thing is Drew, like you're talking like a fake Enya fan because you just, you're naming her top songs.

[Drew]

You don't know Anya. Like I know in you Caribbean Blue sis.

[Stassi]

I grew up listening to Enya and Ya is the first. That is the craziest thing is me growing up being named that. And my mom would put that on all the time. Like she was trying to like, I guess she didn't want me to be like other a generation of people who wore band tees like she was one of those. Like you can't have the band te and not know the band.

[Drew]

Also. Did you catch my joke?

[Kai]

Your joke?

[Drew]

My joke, What I said you don't know Inya like I know Inya Caribbean Blue. And that's her top song, right? That was the episode.

[Stassi]

I guess you.

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[Jorge Ramos]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

It's football season and now you can get anything you need for game day delivered with Uber Eats.

[Stassi]

Well, almost.

[Drew]

Almost anything.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You can't get a running back, but baby back ribs.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Uber eats official on demand food delivery.

[Stassi]

Partner of the NFL.

[Gemma Spaeg]

This is an iHeart podcast.