Emergency Intercom – "the rapture"

Hosts: Enya Umanzor ("Stassi"), Drew Phillips, Kai
Release Date: September 24, 2025
Podcast Network: iHeartPodcasts

Episode Overview

In this humor-laced episode, Enya, Drew, and Kai riff on the idea of the rapture supposedly occurring "tomorrow," spiraling into characteristically chaotic discussions about weddings, family dysfunction, existential panic, the trauma of Chuck E. Cheese, religious anxieties, awkward social interactions, and the oddities of modern life. The trio toggles between personal anecdotes, social observations, surreal hypotheticals, and confessional comedy, with their trademark mix of dark humor, vulnerability, and absurdity.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The "Rapture" and Superstition

• The hosts open joking about the rapture happening "tomorrow" and reflect on the end times as filtered through pop culture and personal anxieties.

  • Stassi: "Oh my God, like our views dropped a lot. But like, they're about to go down." (03:41)
  • Drew: "These are not getting raptured." (03:53)

• They connect contemporary fears with past 'doomsday' scares like 2012, noting how superstition persists even in highly rationalized societies.

  • Kai: "It's really weird to me how superstitious we are...I feel like I still have the same brain as I did when I was a teenager and they said that 2012 was gonna happen." (29:01)
  • Drew: "I'm like a very superstitious person, but I think it's just, like, undiagnosed mental issues." (32:39)

2. Weddings, FOMO, and Dysfunctional Families

• Enya expresses unexpected FOMO over missing their manager’s wedding, confronting long-held anti-wedding views rooted in her own family’s chaos.
  • Stassi: "I have an overabundance of love. I've realized, you know, like that bisexual in your babe." (04:28)
  • Drew describes how a positive wedding experience changed his view: "Bringing like all of your loved ones, like from the different facets of your life and your partner's life...for one night...that changed everything for me for weddings." (04:51)
• Family events are described as war zones, often compared to wild animal behavior.
  • "To me, any family gathering is absolutely nothing but becoming at a Chuck E. Cheese full of...parents fought at yalls Chuck E. Cheese, right?" (05:19)
  • Drew: "Fighting over that ticket munching machine...I wanted. I needed love." (05:48)
• Stassi admits, "A wedding would be fun if it was all friends, I guess...my chosen family is too lit. Too, too late." (08:27)

3. Body Image, Childhood Trauma, and Becoming a Bottom

• Drew reveals the roots of his body image issues, tracing them to a cruel comment from his brother.
  • Drew: "He looks at me and he's like, your love handles are spilling out of your shorts, Drew. And I was like...And ever since then..." (06:55)
  • "He pointed out. He grabbed it." (07:26)
  • "And guess what? He's dead...I won. And I get my dad's Rolex. Literally, that. Don't call me fat because you will die." (07:29)
• This segues into banter about sexual roles.
  • Drew: "I famously have become a bottom." (08:02)
  • Stassi: "I actually love that I'm in my bottom...art that makes me happy." (08:04)

4. Dark Rituals of Drinking and Existential Collapse

• The group details a chaotic recording session ("the lost episode") — drinking buzz balls, losing the episode, and spiraling into emotional meltdown.
  • Drew: "I got a little too schmizzled off of two sips. I knocked the God damn interface into the Hudson Bay. It literally went flying. Batteries everywhere." (12:20–12:34)
• They launch into a poetic, existential panic triggered by encountering a neon pink ginger ale.
  • Drew (explaining his breakdown): "It was a million thoughts all at once. And it really was just very existential very quickly, and it was just all because of a fucking pink ginger ale." (21:02)
  • Stassi: "That was essentially me monitor monitoring a panic attack." (17:24)

5. Religious Angst & Culture

• Both hosts discuss spiraling into religious and existential anxiety, rooted in their upbringing and current events.
  • Drew: "I've been going into religious psychosis." (12:00)
  • Stassi: "The gay holocaust is coming according to...Yeah, I'm really like, guys, I banished that word. I banished that." (10:06)
  • Kai: "Do you believe in the rapture?"
  • Drew: "I don't believe in the rapture, but like I just start thinking and praying." (28:37)

6. Awkward Interactions and Embarrassing Moments

• Drew shares a painfully awkward "white knight" story where he tries to protect a woman from a stranger, only to discover they know each other.
  • Drew: "So I just tell her. I'm like, hey, like, you can just go in front of me, and I'll just, like, stand here...And then all of a sudden, she goes, Michael, come here...So they knew each other the whole fucking time. And I just looked like an asshole." (38:41)
• Stassi and Drew both recount moments where attempts to compliment strangers or be friendly backfired.
  • Stassi: "I slowed my car down, I could see her body tense up and look forward...I literally seemed like a creep who was gonna kill and kidnap." (44:13)
  • Drew: "I give, like, kind of straight. Like, if you're just, like, alone out in the world and...No one's speaking, it is so jarring. You're like, you look so good. Like, wow." (45:40–46:13)
• A painful missed fist bump, culminating in mutual embarrassment.
  • Drew: "He held it so close to his body. The fist bump, like, why? You're supposed to put it out. Like, put the fist bump out. Don't, like, make me come in here." (48:29)

7. Drinking Culture and Self-Reflection

• The hosts joke about substance use but segue into genuine concern over their relationship with alcohol.
  • Drew: "I like, never in my life ever thought about drinking, like for the last five years. And now I'm like, oh, like it would be nice to like have a drink at dinner...That's a slippery slope for me and my DNA." (51:01)
  • Stassi: "I'm trying to like let you know that like you're...You might hyper fixation on it because of like your fear of a lack of control, but you have actually so much self control." (52:03)
• They touch on "wet country" (looser attitudes around alcohol) vs. the U.S.
  • Stassi: "If we lived in a wet country, we wouldn't have such a weird relationship." (52:22)

8. Hair, Hygiene, and Social Taboo

• A bizarre and intense discussion about the necessity of pubic hair, waxing, and social perceptions.
  • Drew: "Unironically, like, you need a bush. Stop shaving your bush. You need it." (52:45)
  • Stassi: "A hairy ass man with A shaved bush is the scariest thing...That would be me if I started seeing somebody and we were, like, hooking up...and then one day he showed up with a bald dick...Bludgeon him to death. How dare you." (53:21–53:44)

9. Social Commentary: Infrastructure, AI, and America’s Problems

• Rants about infrastructure and technological priorities, sparked by the slow delivery of online orders and the lack of public buses.
  • Kai: "I want Kai Sanat to, like, help me give buses to Miami, Dade County...there aren't enough buses in Miami Dade county to take the kids to school." (55:07)
  • Stassi: "That's the time I've been on...I can't believe everyone is just letting you disrupt human nature like this." (61:43)
• Discussion on superstitions like skipping the 13th floor/gate and AI's potential.
  • Drew: "I've been in hotels that don't have 13th floor, though." (32:10)
  • Stassi: "I haven't used AI the way any other human has. It's because, oh, I got it up here, and it's really scary." (54:31)

10. Media and Music Corner

• The hosts round out with recent watches and listens:
  • Stassi: "I saw the first Saw for the first time...made me squeamish, but it's like the acting cracked me up...what a franchise." (61:48)
  • Kai: "Is the doll a twink or an otter?" (62:07)
  • Drew: "My media is you Charlie xcx Ha. Where is it? Where is it? Midnight sun by Zara Larson...I have listened to that song over and over..." (62:13–62:20)
  • All discuss Enya and the lack of appreciation for her quality among younger listeners.
  • Stassi: "If you listen to this podcast, you're a weirdo. Because we're weirdos." (64:03)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Don't call me fat because you will die." – Drew, on how body-shaming fundamentally altered him (07:29)
• "I famously have become a bottom." – Drew, on his sexual evolution (08:02)
• "I was tubby custard." – Drew, describing his childhood body (06:46)
• "I've been stealing from everyone I've known for like, 10 years, by the way." – Stassi confesses with tongue-in-cheek about being "generous" (08:59)
• "When you're angry or sad, just drink and get happy." – Drew, satirizing self-destructive coping mechanisms (13:29)
• "Seeing that drink legitimately gave me, like, an actual...Like, it, like, broke me." – Drew, on the existential terror of pink ginger ale (17:01)
• "I'm not trying to make fun of you. I'm trying to like let you know that like you're. You might hyper fixation on it because of like your fear of a lack of control, but you have actually so much self control." – Stassi, reassuring Drew about his drinking (52:03)
• "A hairy ass man with A shaved bush is the scariest thing." – Stassi, on grooming taboos (53:17)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Rapture & Apocalypse Banter: 03:27–04:13, 28:32–29:01
• Weddings & Family Dysfunction: 04:13–09:34
• Body Image Trauma: 06:20–07:35
• Buzz Ball/Existential Breakdowns: 12:00–17:24, 21:02–21:44
• Religious Spirals & Fear: 12:00, 28:32–29:01
• Awkward Social Stories: 37:14–40:16, 44:13–48:13
• Drinking Self-Reflection: 51:01–52:22
• Grooming Rant: 52:45–54:03
• Public Buses & America's Problems: 55:07–55:57
• Media & Music: 61:48–65:08

Final Thoughts

True to form, "the rapture" episode is an unhinged, confessional blend of therapy, social satire, and absurdist comedy. The hosts’ willingness to veer from dark childhood humor to dead-serious anxiety, then back to banter about pubic hair and public transportation, makes for a disarmingly honest and funny listen. Their chemistry shines in the fluid tangents and their talent for packaging millennial/Gen Z anxieties in memeable, self-aware soundbites.

Best for: Listeners who appreciate podcasts that are half group-therapy, half comedy improv, and entirely unfiltered.