Emergency Intercom Podcast Summary Episode: "The Rapture Happened And This Episode Will Only Get Three Views" Release Date: May 20, 2022 Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips

1. Introduction and Current Vibes

The episode opens with Drew and Kai (Enya occasionally interjects) discussing the unusual calmness they feel, setting a relaxed yet slightly eerie tone for the conversation.

• Drew [00:17]: "It feels very weird. Like there's like a, like a chill vibe going on right now."
• Kai [00:34]: "I woke up today with zero thoughts."

2. Beverages and the Microplastics Debate

The hosts delve into a humorous yet insightful discussion about their beverage preferences, particularly focusing on Coca-Cola and Dr. Pepper. They touch upon the differences between regular and Mexican Coke, highlighting concerns about microplastics from plastic bottles.

• Drew [00:47]: "I still have zero thoughts right now... nothing is going on in my brain."
• Kai [02:25]: "If you are drinking Coke out of a plastic bottle, you're a menace to society."
• Drew [05:26]: "We are literally drinking sludge... that's why I'm depressed."

3. Diets and Health Concerns

The conversation shifts to diets, where Kai expresses skepticism about vegan substitutes, deeming them as processed and potentially harmful. They debate what constitutes a "good diet," with Kai advocating for a more primal approach.

• Kai [06:48]: "I think there's no diet that's good for you other than... just like, gathering our nuts and berries from the forest."
• Drew [07:00]: "Diet for you is the diet that's good for you."

4. Hair Care Woes and Personal Insecurities

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing hair care. Both Drew and Kai share their frustrations with their hairstyles, dealing with issues like split ends, breakage, and styling challenges. This segment reveals their personal insecurities and the humorous side of dealing with everyday problems.

• Kai [12:18]: "I have nothing else to say... I blame microplastics."
• Drew [14:04]: "It's my little ball of hair... I do not deserve it."
• Kai [17:10]: "I refuse to trim my hair because I don't want to lose any length."

5. Hypothetical Scenarios: The Rapture and Last Survivors

The hosts engage in a darkly comedic discussion about the rapture and the possibility of being the last three people on Earth. They explore absurd scenarios of repopulating the planet, facing loneliness, and the ultimate futility of trying to survive alone.

• Drew [22:38]: "We are the last three people on earth... it's gonna get killed by something."
• Kai [25:01]: "I don't want to be pregnant on the earth for nine months... our baby would have to have sex with Kai."

6. Media Consumption: TV Shows, Music, and Gaming

Transitioning to lighter topics, the hosts discuss their favorite TV shows like "Staircase" and "Candy," sharing critiques on costume and set designs. They also touch upon their music preferences, mentioning artists like Aphex Twin and Brian Eno, and their experiences playing Fortnite.

• Kai [54:15]: "Staircase is so good... it's actually really gnarly."
• Drew [62:16]: "I've been listening to all of Aphex Twin, like really weird fucking songs."
• Kai [65:37]: "I'm gonna play Fortnite immediately when this camera turns off."

7. Mental Health and Shared Emotions

The conversation circles back to mental health, with Kai and Drew discussing feelings of depression and the influence of external factors like lunar eclipses and social media. They reflect on the collective nature of their emotions and the challenges of recognizing and addressing them.

• Kai [40:43]: "I just came home and played Fortnite for five hours."
• Drew [41:38]: "Today I woke up and I was the happiest I've ever been in my entire life."
• Enya [42:22]: "I feel like most people are depressed as shit now."

8. Final Banter and Closing Remarks

The episode concludes with the hosts engaging in playful banter about their personal lives, anecdotes from events like the Renaissance Festival, and their ongoing media discussions. They emphasize the light-hearted yet candid nature of their conversations.

• Drew [66:27]: "If you're still alive, please leave a comment, because I don't know if anybody's alive."
• Kai [66:30]: "I think I'm about to log on to Fortnite and it's gonna say... there's no other human on Earth."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Drew [00:17]: "It feels very weird. Like there's like a, like a chill vibe going on right now."
• Kai [02:25]: "If you are drinking Coke out of a plastic bottle, you're a menace to society."
• Drew [14:04]: "It's my little ball of hair... I do not deserve it."
• Kai [25:01]: "I don't want to be pregnant on the earth for nine months... our baby would have to have sex with Kai."
• Drew [41:38]: "Today I woke up and I was the happiest I've ever been in my entire life."
• Enya [42:22]: "I feel like most people are depressed as shit now."
• Drew [66:27]: "If you're still alive, please leave a comment, because I don't know if anybody's alive."

Insights and Conclusions

Throughout the episode, Enya and Drew blend humor with raw honesty, discussing everyday issues like diet, hair care, and mental health alongside more surreal hypotheticals like the rapture. Their candid interactions and humorous takes on serious topics create an engaging and relatable narrative. The episode underscores the importance of camaraderie and shared experiences in navigating personal and collective challenges.

This summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions and memorable quotes while maintaining a coherent and engaging flow for those who haven't listened to the podcast.