the scarlet letter but with guys

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "The Scarlet Letter But with Guys"

Release Date: July 23, 2025
Hosts: Enya Umanzor, Drew Phillips
Podcast Network: iHeartPodcasts

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Overview

In the episode titled "The Scarlet Letter But with Guys," the comedic duo Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips navigate through a tapestry of humorous anecdotes, personal stories, and spirited debates. Blending topics from social interactions and literary preferences to eerie paranormal encounters, this episode encapsulates the dynamic chemistry that "Emergency Intercom" is celebrated for. Below is a detailed summary capturing all the key discussions, insights, and moments from the episode.

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1. Opening Banter and Setting the Stage [00:00 - 00:34]

The episode kicks off with light-hearted introductions as the hosts attempt to segue into the main topic.

• Drew: "This is an Iheart podcast." [00:00]
• Kai: "We’re going back to the basics today." [00:19]

2. Encounter with Jenga and Social Dynamics [00:34 - 02:22]

Enya shares a humorous story about meeting a person named Jenga, highlighting communication mishaps and playful teasing among the hosts.

• Kai: "If you’re out there, you are a fucking vibe." [01:28]
• Drew: "He is the funniest person because he did not hear a single thing we said all night." [01:22]

3. Fanfiction and Literary Preferences [02:22 - 04:34]

The conversation shifts to the topic of fanfiction, with Enya reminiscing about past fanfic shared on TikTok. The hosts discuss their reading habits, mentioning classics like "Infinite Jest" and "The Bell Jar."

• Drew: "I was too busy reading Hunger Games." [03:02]
• Kai: "I was too busy starting Infinite Jest for the third time at the age of 14." [03:09]

4. Dishwashing: Sponges vs. Dishwashers [04:34 - 08:48]

A passionate debate ensues about the hygiene of using sponges versus modern dishwashers. The hosts express their disdain for sponges due to their bacterial buildup.

• Enya: "Using a sponge is disgusting." [08:03]
• Kai: "Sponges are just dirty." [08:48]

5. Jay Guapo and YouTube Culture [08:48 - 10:46]

Drew extols the virtues of a YouTuber named Jay Guapo, while Kai shares his admiration. The hosts discuss the quirky content creators bring to platforms like YouTube.

• Drew: "I love Jake." [09:32]
• Kai: "Jay Guapo is my goat." [09:33]

6. New York City Encounters and Supernatural Events [10:46 - 18:05]

Enya recounts a bizarre experience of being slimed in the Bushwick subway, while Kai and Drew discuss the chaotic and vibrant nature of New York City. They delve into topics like slipperiness of subway stations and unexpected public behavior.

• Enya: "I was at a subway station in Bushwick... I got slimed." [11:09]
• Kai: "Popping balloons on strangers' heads is crazy." [09:54]

7. Doctor’s Unsettling Texts and ZocDoc Advertisement [Skipped]

As per instructions, the advertisement segment promoting ZocDoc is omitted from the summary.

8. Haunted House Stories and Paranormal Experiences [18:05 - 39:52]

The hosts delve into their experiences living in a supposedly haunted house. They describe unexplained phenomena like flying light switches, creaking doors, and ghostly apparitions. Kai shares a chilling story of hearing footsteps and a door slamming in the middle of the night, while Enya narrates seeing green liquid fall on her arm in the subway.

• Enya: "I saw a bright green liquid on my forearm." [11:22]
• Kai: "The light switches would literally just fly across the room." [30:02]
• Drew: "I think our ghost is a girl." [29:44]

9. Personal Relationships and Anecdotes [39:52 - 55:15]

The discussion shifts to personal relationships and quirky interactions within the household. Enya shares a heartfelt encounter at Erewhon where a staff member expressed concern after noticing her distressed state. The hosts humorously speculate on hypothetical physical confrontations.

• Enya: "I was crying... I had a pretty bad thing happen to me." [51:51]
• Kai: "If you say you kiss boys, I'm going to beat the fuck out of you." [14:52]

10. Music, Movies, and Pop Culture References [55:15 - 58:56]

The hosts discuss their recent engagements with music and films. They talk about albums, movie re-watches like "Seventeen" and "Belly," and share opinions on soundtracks and performances.

• Kai: "Desperate Youth by Santa Gold." [56:30]
• Drew: "I spent my whole Sunday watching clips, interviews, and listening to their albums." [57:02]

11. Closing Banter and Final Remarks [58:56 - 59:38]

The episode wraps up with casual farewells and playful remarks, maintaining the comedic ambiance until the end.

• Drew: "This is an Iheart podcast." [59:38]
• Kai: "Bye. Life is a workout, and Smoothie King is here to help you power through." [59:02]

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Notable Quotes

• Kai: "There’s men out there that are sluts as fuck and they use it to sleep at houses." [05:51]

• Enya: "I think sponges are just dirty." [08:48]

• Enya: "I got slimed out in New York." [11:09]

• Kai: "The light switches would literally just fly across the room." [30:02]

• Enya: "I saw a bright green liquid on my forearm." [11:22]

• Drew: "Zoc Doc is the only reason I've been to the doctor." [20:54] (Note: Skipped in summary as ad)

• Kai: "We’re just hermits, bro." [51:39]

• Enya: "This isn’t very bottom friendly." [52:22]

• Kai: "Desperate Youth by Santa Gold." [56:30]

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Conclusion

"The Scarlet Letter But with Guys" episode of "Emergency Intercom" masterfully blends humor with relatable life experiences and supernatural tales. Enya, Drew, and their occasional guest Kai offer listeners a vivid glimpse into their lives, enriched with laughter, suspense, and genuine camaraderie. Whether discussing mundane chores or sharing spine-chilling ghost stories, the hosts ensure an engaging and entertaining listening experience for both regular fans and new listeners alike.

Transcript

[Drew]

This is an Iheart podcast.

[Kai]

Welcome back to this episode of Emergency Intercom. We're going back to the basics today.

[Drew]

I am not kidding. What does that mean? The are you talking about?

[Kai]

I'm just saying I don't know how to intro.

[Drew]

Well, what were we talking about before this? You guys?

[Enya]

Oh, Drew Strapping you.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah. We went to Akbar and we found a conversation with this gay guy.

[Drew]

We found a conversation.

[Kai]

We went there hunting a conversation, and one he thought in his name was Jenga, so we're. We're gonna stick with that. Also, he's in on the joke. I'm not making fun of him. His or India's name is Jenga. Kai's was.

[Enya]

I said Kai and he said, oh, Demetrius.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I was like, I genuinely. I'm not going to lie. He is the funniest person because he did not hear a single thing we said all night. But everything he repeated back to us was ten times funnier than. What was that?

[Kai]

So.

[Drew]

Because he literally also just, like, wasn't listening. Like, I literally loved him. He was such a vibe.

[Kai]

He was such a vibe, Brian, if you're out there, you are a fucking vibe. If you're out there, like, he might have died. We don't know.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. No, no, don't say that.

[Kai]

It's easy to kill someone.

[Drew]

Are you insinuating you killed him?

[Kai]

No, Drew did.

[Drew]

Drew was really jealous because he thought I was funnier and, like, cuter. And he. At one point, he did say he was like, out of the three of you, Oddly enough, although I'm gay, I'd have sex with Enya.

[Kai]

I don't remember that.

[Drew]

Well, he said.

[Kai]

He said Jenga. Um, but yeah, then we also, like, got into conversation about, like, if me and Enya would ever hook up. And, like, we were like, no, we never would. I want it to happen so badly eventually, but it never would happen. Like, even if it was an end of the world situation, I think it just could literally never happen. But we landed on me strapping Inya.

[Enya]

That's the most likely scenario.

[Kai]

Yeah. I would strap in. Yeah.

[Enya]

I think I cried laughing when you said that.

[Drew]

I don't know that I, like, I hate that idea. Like, I don't know why.

[Kai]

Does that even look like.

[Drew]

It looks beautiful. I'm sure someone out there can draw it. If anybody has, like, a creative mind and wants to draw.

[Kai]

Yeah. Where's all the fanfic? Where's all the fanfare?

[Drew]

Where did all the, like, really creepy fanfic go? It's almost like, people learned boundaries and were like, I almost shouldn't sexualize a friend.

[Enya]

A year ago, somebody posted fan fiction on TikTok, but I haven't seen it since.

[Drew]

I think fanfic is fun.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I was never down for reading fanfic, though. I never read it. I was too busy reading Hunger Games.

[Kai]

I was too busy reading Infinite Jest when I was 14.

[Drew]

You were too busy starting Infinite Jest for the third time at the age of 14.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[Drew]

Somebody pointed out that they love that it's still here, and none of us have read it. Or have you read it. You seem like the kind of motherfucker who would claim to have read it.

[Kai]

No, Kayak actually reads the Bell Jar.

[Enya]

Yeah, I'm on the last 30 pages.

[Drew]

That's the only book you read?

[Enya]

Only that kind of. Well, in college, I was like, the body keeps the T. The body count keeps the score.

[Kai]

The body count keeps the score.

[Enya]

The body stays T. In college, I was like, I'm not reading any of these books because everyone's doing it for the wrong reasons. They're doing it. They're doing it for, like, masturbatory, intellectual reasons. And they don't actually want.

[Kai]

They don't actually want to hook up with women. Which is why you're reading.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

Yes, exactly. He's a feminist. To hook up.

[Enya]

But now Daddy's cracking up in the classic literature. I'm almost done with the Bell Jar, and that's a very sad, depressing, twisted book. Have you guys read. Have you read Anya?

[Drew]

I actually haven't finished it. I have a really bad habit that I start a few books at once, and usually a book falls behind. And I think I started that book. And one of Cookie's books, like Cookie Mueller's books, and I got so infatuated with Cookie, and I kind of left.

[Enya]

Sylvia Drew's also very infatuated with that.

[Kai]

I love Cookie.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. But no, now I am reading Henry Miller. So I'm also cracking into.

[Kai]

I'm reading Erman Miller, the furniture designer. Is it Herman? Herman Miller? Erman.

[Drew]

I don't know. And I am the last person to ask about how to pronounce anything, because I. Now. Now. And also, if I mispronounce something once, it will. It will never be corrected. So if you have an assumption that I don't know how to say the word that's about to be spoken out loud, say it out loud before me. Because once it comes out of my mouth, however my brain decides to say it. It's like that Forever. It's so hard.

[Enya]

Like, I have some other notes from Akbar. Enya said, couch surfing, guys, dicks go crazy.

[Drew]

Well, okay, because I have a theory that, like, what was that? Where did that even come from?

[Enya]

Actually, I don't know. But you did bring up a good point that, like, men who couch surf probably are dropping.

[Kai]

Oh, they have.

[Drew]

Yeah. There is that subgenre of men in popular cities. In popular cities there is. Just. Because everybody always gets on girls for being like, oh, my gosh, you use your body to, like, get what you want. Blah, blah, blah. Guys do that too. There are men out there with no car, no job, no house. There's men out there that are under their mother 32.

[Kai]

There are men out there that are gay, that hook up with women for iPhones.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah. And you know what? Like, no shame in the hustle. But, like, I'm just saying it should be equal on both sides if women are going to get sluts. Like. Like, men are sluts as fuck and they use it to sleep at houses. Also, I just, like, any time I have, like, I just don't look at men and think they'd be good at sex. And anytime I hear of a man being good at sex, he usually has no ambition. It's because he doesn't need ambition. He's got that dick on him. He's got that dick on him. And then there are just like. Yeah, there are women who are really down to just like.

[Enya]

And then there's guys like me that have that dick on him, but still, he's a munch. There's guys like me that have that dick on him, decides not to use it and. And just eats.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Sorry, I. I immediately regretted saying that.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. Me and Kai went home together the other night.

[Kai]

I for real thought you were really gonna hang.

[Drew]

Wait, is that actually something you thought I was.

[Kai]

I was like. I was like, there's something sinister brewing here.

[Drew]

Well, something sinister did happen, but it was me being, like, really paranoid. We got in an Uber and me and Kai are talking. I don't remember what the we're talking about because I'm like half in the conversation and I'm really dialed in on the Ubers driving because of personal reasons. I have a lot of trust issues with people driving me late at night. And I will be watching your driving style also because I'll be watching you. Wait, what song is that?

[Kai]

At night, I think. Sorry, I'm rotted today.

[Drew]

Oh, what happened?

[Kai]

I just thought about how dishes are never actually really cleaned. Like, they're never clean if you use a sponge, because that sponge was used on a thousand dirty dishes before it.

[Enya]

Dude, using a sponge is disgusting.

[Kai]

I think sponges are the legitimately the scariest thing I ever have to interact with.

[Enya]

That's probably where the most bacteria is in your entire house.

[Kai]

Yeah, there's so much bacteria in those little pores, like, and you're just rubbing it under the dishes, the strap.

[Enya]

And honestly, I would probably say that this sponge is more filled with bacteria than the strap. But, yeah, you.

[Drew]

I just can't imagine. Like, I'm imagining how I was raised to, like, interact with the sink and wash dishes. And there is no world. Y' all are washing the sink. Right? And I know that because I live with you, and you are a clean person. But you and Josh, if you, like, clean a kitchen or something, you're not cleaning a kitchen. You're, like, man, clean.

[Kai]

How did this become an attack?

[Drew]

But I'm just saying. I'm just saying, like, you guys are going really hard on sponges. But, like, sponges has have, like, been around forever, and they're not that dirty. And like, everyone, everyone in America has a sponge in their sink.

[Kai]

It's a societal oversight. I think we all collectively don't think about our sponges enough. And I think that, like, sponges are just dirty.

[Drew]

I kind of, like, wash. I wash a sponge before and after I use it on dishes.

[Kai]

Oh, same. But that bacteria is deep in there, deep in those sponges. But we have a dishwasher, a gift basher now.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. I never had a dishwasher before this. And I, like, I cannot believe those exist. Like, that is an oversight. That is a societal oversight. I genuinely think, like, the people need dishwashers. Wow, it's so much time. I'm not kidding. Like, like, because I grew up. Okay, first of all, I'm also, like, really obsessed with this guy on YouTube. Who?

[Kai]

Jay Guapo.

[Drew]

Oh, I love Jake.

[Kai]

Jay Guapo is my goat.

[Drew]

I love that he's becoming such a thing. It's awesome. But I miss more content with his mom. But I guess maybe it is good because he was pissing his mom off. Like, he was literally, like, what he does to strangers now, he used to do to his mother.

[Kai]

Popping balloons on strangers heads is crazy. Like, that is really, really, really, like, crazy. And just makes me look at New York in a. In a different light, where I'm like, wow, you really just, like, can do this. And, like, it's okay. Like, it's really okay.

[Drew]

I think A major city like New York. New York is the only major city I have personally spent enough time in that I'm like, yeah, this needs to be like boot camp. When people graduate high school, I think, like, not all at once because we already have too many people. But, like, I think throw them to.

[Kai]

New York to figure it out.

[Drew]

Yeah. Before, like, a kid graduates, they should, like, put them into groups of six with a random adult to be there to observe them, but just have them walk around New York all day and have to feed themselves and, like, survive. Because I genuinely think that would jump start their reality.

[Kai]

Throw them to the fucking wolves. Like, this is really what. This is, real life New York.

[Drew]

I love New York, but I don't think I would ever be able to live there because I am made. Like, I'm so in Miami. You just don't have to interact with that many people, like, ever.

[Enya]

I had a pretty bad thing happen to me last time I was in New York. I told you about this at the subway.

[Kai]

You got slimed on. Kai got slimed out in New York.

[Enya]

I know I got slimed.

[Drew]

What are y' all even saying?

[Enya]

I was at a subway station in Bushwick.

[Kai]

It's your worst nightmare, by the way.

[Enya]

And this is bad. Like, it's really bad. I was on my phone and then all of a sudden I felt this massive, like, warm, viscous liquid get my forearm and I look and it's bright green.

[Kai]

It's neon green.

[Enya]

It's bright green. Which is the second worst color that that liquid could be. The first one being like a pearl white, if you know what I'm talking about. At a subway. In a subway station, you know, I'm saying. Okay. Because guys, jack off.

[Drew]

I thought you were going to say, like, spit. Like, what?

[Enya]

No, that's like a whole thing. People getting cummed on in subways.

[Drew]

That's a thing.

[Enya]

Yeah, there's. Yeah.

[Drew]

That is not a thing.

[Enya]

Is that not.

[Kai]

That's a thing. There's like a whole genre of, like, video.

[Enya]

There's like. It's like a fetish for a fetish.

[Kai]

Like marking your territory. Yeah.

[Enya]

It's like jacking off in a sleeve. I know.

[Drew]

Oh, no. I am never getting on straight again. I'm not kidding. That's, like, never crossed my mind.

[Enya]

I personally have never seen it.

[Drew]

Possibility.

[Kai]

I've never seen it. I've never done it either.

[Drew]

That's crazy, bro. I can't believe. And now we have iPhones.

[Enya]

I know.

[Kai]

It, like, made it worse. I know, like, it literally made it worse.

[Enya]

And it's gonna get way worse with VR headsets.

[Kai]

Yeah, augmented reality.

[Enya]

When men can goon on three different floating screens. Whatever. I was at the subway station and then a bunch of green liquid fell from the roof of the subway station onto my arm and it was like warm. And I looked at my. Because I was like, I can either walk to my apartment or the apartment that I was staying at, which would be a 15 minute walk. Or I could wait 11 minutes for a 1 minute subway ride because I like miss my stop anyway.

[Kai]

Why'd you miss your stop?

[Drew]

He was too busy getting slimed on.

[Kai]

None of this would have happened if you just weren't paying like if you.

[Drew]

Were paying attention probably on your phone.

[Enya]

Do you guys know what victim blaming is?

[Kai]

Do you ever hear what's the first sounds fucking stupid.

[Drew]

What's the first word?

[Enya]

Victim. You don't even know what that means.

[Drew]

What is that?

[Kai]

What is a victim anyway?

[Enya]

Yeah, wait, me this?

[Drew]

We should have got a. Oh wait, no.

[Kai]

There's not more than time blindness. Now we're the victim because of Kai's timeline. This, he was 30 minutes late today.

[Drew]

That is actually because of your time blindness. It shifted my perspective in reality. It made its perspective, it changed my perspective, which me had me. I'm surrounded by mating in my room and ruminating. And then I came.

[Kai]

You really need to stop ruminating.

[Drew]

Ruminating now doing it feels like I'm like making fun of Amaya from Love island and I'm really not.

[Kai]

I did not know that was a thing until Madeline and Steven told me about like she if there's like ology at the end of the word it, she says it like funny again, I.

[Drew]

Can'T get on her because there is enough of the podcast of me saying the wrong words, saying it wrong, mispronouncing it. It's crazy how when like niche, gorgeous, very nice woman who the world loves does it. It's cute. But when this evil haggerty bitch of a cunt does it, I'm stupid in.

[Kai]

Your niche or niche? Niche.

[Drew]

Niche.

[Kai]

You used to say niche.

[Drew]

Okay? And then guess what? All the white people around me bullied the out of me and guess what? Now I know the word niche. Who do I use it with? White guy. That's who I use that word with. Bitch. What? Like that's not a word I need in my like way. I like not niche is pretty.

[Kai]

I'm going to say something kind of crazy.

[Drew]

What? If you say you kiss boys, I'm going to beat the fuck out of you. I'm not kidding.

[Kai]

No, never mind. I'll save it for later.

[Drew]

You're so annoying. Oh, back to my story with. Wait, no, you finish your story.

[Enya]

Yeah, I just got green.

[Drew]

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Enya]

And it was really scary. I didn't know what to do.

[Kai]

So you called Daddy?

[Enya]

I called Drew.

[Drew]

Wait, you called Drew?

[Enya]

Yes, I called.

[Drew]

Do you have a picture of the goo?

[Enya]

I have. So I flung it off. It was like. It's like a non Newtonian fluid, so it kind of all sloughed off of my arm, but I do have a photo of a little bit of it.

[Kai]

Guys, it was the Ninja Turtles.

[Drew]

Whoa. Wow.

[Enya]

Let me see if I can find this.

[Drew]

There you go. I love you. I seriously do. I missed you.

[Kai]

I know. Me and India weren't talking yesterday because we didn't want to talk about things we were going to talk about on the podcast today because we have the.

[Drew]

Best conversations when you guys aren't around.

[Kai]

I don't know how much we put into this. We ignore each other for 12 hours.

[Drew]

We abuse each other.

[Kai]

She didn't sleep in my bed last night.

[Drew]

I felt abusive. I felt really bad.

[Enya]

Just really quick. This is. This was the color of the goo. I. This was after it all came off.

[Drew]

That is.

[Kai]

Is it like, bird maybe?

[Drew]

It's definitely. It's like nasty gunk and mold and all the.

[Kai]

Have you ever seen duck shit?

[Drew]

One of the grossest things you can imagine right there in the summer in New York. I know your pores were open.

[Enya]

They were open. I was. It's gonna get wide open. And then you know what the duck shit makes? It had, like an aioli kind of a.

[Kai]

Wait.

[Drew]

Also. Also, wait. That's fucking.

[Kai]

This is. This is something that else that's been heavy on my mind. This is something that else that's been on my mind. Mayonnaise and aioli, they're literally just the same thing, except they charge more money to call it aioli.

[Enya]

Aioli, just mayonnaise with garlic in it.

[Kai]

Some bullshit like that. I don't actually know.

[Enya]

That feels wrong. Let me. Let me check.

[Drew]

Any white sauce is like a white sauce. Like, all white sauces have their purpose. And, like, both of those have the same purpose to me. You couldn't tell me those were different. So, yeah, I guess I do agree with you. But again, aioli, like, I only ever get. I only interact with aoli, guys.

[Enya]

That's so smart. What the hell?

[Kai]

Really?

[Enya]

Yeah, it's. It's oil, egg yolks, and garlic and maybe lemon juice, but mayonnaise is just eggs and oil.

[Kai]

I think they're the same things. They just charge more to call it aioli.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And sometimes, honestly, a chipotle aioli will ruin a whole meal for me. I. I hate. I hate a chipotle aioli.

[Drew]

I hate an orange sauce on something that never needed a orange sauce.

[Kai]

Also, Also, I'll go there. I'll go there. I'll go further. Truffle does not need to be put on everything. I hate truffle. It's rancid. I like real truffle. But the truffle y' all are eating in your truffle fries. Oh, this is truffle oil.

[Enya]

Also.

[Kai]

It's not real.

[Enya]

Too far from God. We're putting truffle butter on food. That's disgusting.

[Kai]

Kite.

[Enya]

That's gross.

[Drew]

I very, very, like, no, no, it's not disgusting. I vividly remember the day I learned what truffle butter was. I was in YMCA after school, and I was, like, picking up and I overheard. I was in sixth grade and two seventh graders who I was friends with.

[Kai]

It's a pivotal moment.

[Drew]

Talking about Drake. And, like, I was a fan of Drake, and we were all like. I was just kind of, like, lingering and listening. And they had access to music. I didn't. Cause they had a laptop. So I would listen to them talk about music. And. And they started talking about it. And one of the guys was, like. His name was, like, Antoine or something. Like, I know it started with, like, an A because he had this stupid fucking shirt he would always wear with an A on it. Which, like, I do. Yeah, I do now. So here I go with your E shirts.

[Kai]

And.

[Drew]

Well, doing it in school was, to me, like, we wore uniforms, but he always had, like. I don't remember if it was a necklace or, like, a shirt, but he always had, like, an A on him. Anyway, he was explaining to this kid what it was. And I remember I, like, broke. I, like, chimed in. I was like, that's fucking nasty, bruh. Like, I, like. I said something like that. And I was, like, cleaning and picking up, like, papers and stuff because it was. We were, like, always the three last kids to get picked up because our parents worked.

[Kai]

So was the Scarlet Letter about a girl being a slut? Like a harlot?

[Drew]

Yeah, Horseshit.

[Kai]

That's kind of crazy.

[Enya]

I think it's that she wasn't a slut, but she got treated. Like, when. I think she just, like, banged one person, and then she got.

[Kai]

I'm just. I'm just thinking that's a whore if you ask me. I read that book in school. Isn't that kind of crazy? I read it like in high school.

[Drew]

I didn't read that. I never read that.

[Enya]

That's kind of.

[Drew]

I saw Easy A.

[Kai]

They're pushing straight agendas on us very early on.

[Enya]

Straight agendas, exactly. What? How would you have liked the the.

[Kai]

Book should have been Gay Dude. What sounds way better.

[Drew]

Should have been Gay dude or Gay girls in la.

[Kai]

I have a link in my notes app and it's an Instagram link and I have no idea what it is. And it's a topic that I apparently wanted to talk about. So we're gonna open it together and see what it's all about. This episode of Emergency Intercom is brought to you by zocdoc. Y', all. Do you remember that doctor appointment you were trying to make a while ago that you forgot about because you are ADHD? Well, that's where ZocDoc comes into play. I don't know about you, but my social media is freaking me out. I literally need you all to stop putting olive oil on your face. It's not going to help your skin. Please go to a dermatologist booked through zocdoc. As I get older, I think I should go to the doctor more because I can't sleep at night, I'm stressed out all the time and I want to keep myself healthy, but the system makes it impossible to find the right doctor for my needs. That was until I found ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.

[Drew]

Zoc Doc is the only reason I've been to the doctor. If I'm being honest. Anytime anything in my body is going wrong, I open up that app. It's probably one of the most used apps on my phone because sometimes I can't lie. I just start to scroll around because I'm getting to that age where like between my shoulder blades hurts and I wake up with the kind of night sweats that are so wet and nasty. I wake up cold no matter what the temperature in the house is and I definitely should go to the doctor and I'm actually going to go this week and I'm gonna open up the app right now. I think you guys should stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.comIntercom to find it. Instant book a top rated doctor today. That's z doc.com intercom zoc.com intercom.

[Kai]

Oh, it's literally just a Justin Bieber. Like, it's literally just Justin Bieber lies. Once, Justin fell out of his seat on an airplane, and he was so. Or. And he was too lazy to get up, so he slept on the floor. Me, when I lie, I melt. When. When a girl kisses my neck. Even a kiss, I just melt. Quotes. He said that. March 1, 1994, 12:56am On a Tuesday. St. Joseph Hospital, second floor, room 126. Seven pounds, 14 ounces, AB plus positive blood type. Dr. Bex Leham. Oh, and it was raining, friend. When was I born? Me? I don't know. What am I, your mother or something?

[Drew]

Oh, is that like. Like his birthday? You're a huge fan. How do people find out people's blood types? Because I'm not kidding. Hearing you say that, I want to see my face if it changed because my mind went to a scary place. Why? Like, oh, my God. No, we really are so far from God. Like, why would you know the blood type of a man whose songs you like?

[Kai]

This one actually, like, really resonated with me. I'm not even jok like, this one legitimately.

[Drew]

Like, I've been there.

[Kai]

That's real as I've been there.

[Drew]

Can somebody draw me like that? Yeah, me like that with y'. All. Oh, should I. Did you fart, girl?

[Kai]

What?

[Drew]

I thought you farted, but I think your chair made a sound. Like what? Sorry? Your chair is made out of cheese.

[Kai]

I don't fart anymore. Have you been silenced or were you silent?

[Drew]

I think it's, were you silent or were you silenced? Because if you ask it the opposite.

[Enya]

You'Re kind of just like, guys, House Republicans blocked the release of the Epstein files, which is great, right?

[Kai]

Wait. That's so good.

[Drew]

Wait. Oh, my God. Wait, so no one's gonna know anything about it?

[Enya]

Yeah, it seemed.

[Kai]

Well, I want that goddamn list so bad. I want that list so bad. Oh, my God.

[Enya]

It's really insane. That's crazy because, yeah, Democrats voted to release it, and the Republicans blocked.

[Kai]

And wasn't it wasn't a whole Democrat. Like, wasn't it, like, a fabricated lie by the Democrats if it. If they didn't want it released? Yeah, girl.

[Drew]

No, no, that's. No, guys, you guys are looking at it wrong. They're just like, guys, we. Seriously, we see how mad you're getting, and, like, we just don't want to. Like, we know there's nothing in there. Like, we know, but by the off chance that there's Something, like, random in there. We just don't want you guys to see that.

[Enya]

Like, that'd be up so crazy. They can just be like, oh, well, there's actually no problem. Everything's fine. So we. There's no reason to show you.

[Kai]

Well, the insane doctor saga continues, by the way, y'. All.

[Drew]

You're into him. You're into him. This is your kink. This is Drew's king.

[Kai]

Yeah, he likes this. No, y', all. It's fudgeing crazy.

[Drew]

Drew wants someone to be kind of.

[Kai]

Creepy with him, so they don't know any of this. But my doctor, Tuesday, 9:32pm Texts me, hello.

[Enya]

I say, hey, why does he have your number?

[Kai]

He texts me back, hello? I don't know. I don't know. Like, was that. Was he trying to hook up with me at 9:32pm like, is that because. Why is he texting me that? And why is he texting my number? Why is he texting my number? And then two days later, at 12:30am he says, Andrew, do I know you? Question mark? Kindly Dr. M. I say, yep, I'm a patient of yours. You gave me your number on Tuesday to keep you updated with my symptoms. 6:00am Please do. How are you? Sorry. These political groups are sending four texts per patient text, and it's throwing me off a bit. When you are awake, please let me know if I can be of any help. Kindly Dr. M. Oh, my God. I didn't even see these. Taking the meds you gave me. Hoping that helps. Yes, but what meds? Help me here, please. Name, first, last name, date of birth? Thank you. Literally. Literally an hour a minute later. Thank you. Diagnosis, question mark. What meds did I give? Thank you, buddy. Dr. M. Why is my doctor texting me? At 9:32pm Your doctor is playing around.

[Drew]

With his prescription pad, and he's on some freaky shake. It's like.

[Kai]

Like, literally what the?

[Drew]

Like, it's getting to a point. Like, can you please befriend him and take one of those pads? I'm not kidding. Like, I'm not kidding.

[Kai]

No, I really, like, one of my dreams when I was younger was steal the prescription pad from a doctor and just write a bunch of opiate prescriptions to myself. That being a. I'm not even joking. I would literally fantasize about that.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. I would literally fantasize about a doctor seeing that my mom was showing up completely blacked out and had just driven her three kids to pick up more meds because she was withdrawing and they wouldn't give it to her, but they would give it to her and she'd throw a bunch back and get in the car and we go home.

[Enya]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Reaction. I would think about hitting my finger with a hammer or shutting my hand in a door to get perks. I wanted them so bad, y'. All. I wanted them so bad. I wasn't even, like, physically addicted to him yet either. I was just, like, purely psychological, like, addiction. I was like, I want that.

[Drew]

That was me when I met y'. All. And you were. Were all already addicted to, like, jewels and stuff. But I still hadn't had an affinity for nicotine and I would still smoke it because I was like, guys, I'm just like, them. I love my jewel. But I never had a head rush or anything. It actually made me, like, gross out.

[Kai]

Also, our house is fully haunted, y'. All. We haven't talked about this yet. Our house is legitimate, actually. Yeah.

[Drew]

I don't think we've even started from the beginning. Yeah, the beginning of the story.

[Kai]

I think we did like to fill y' all in. We moved into this house the day, like, the LA fire started. And we were in evac zones when the LA fire started. So we moved all of our shit into this house and then that night had to put all of our shit back in our cars and evacuate and stay at Orion's house. But Inya being in YA was like, I don't, like, think we really need to evacuate. Which I like. We ended up not needing to evacuate, but, like, I was just, like, being better safe than sorry. Let's do it.

[Drew]

Also, to clarify, we were in an evac zone that was, like, really further off in the perimeters, and we were, like, on top of our, like, watching. What's that app called?

[Kai]

Watch Firewall or something like that?

[Drew]

Yeah, watch duty. Like, we were keeping up with everything. And I also, at this point. Oh, my God, we moved in and out, like, four times. No, literally four times.

[Kai]

Literally four times. We moved all of our. And then moved it out. Moved it all in, moved it out. It was crazy. It was really crazy. And then on your birthday, a fire started, like, literally three seconds away from our house. And we were like, oh, great. I thought it was over. But anyways, that's. That's a part of the story. Because when we were sitting in the living room, we just started talking about, like, oh, how funny. Like, of course we move in and this house is gonna fucking burn down. Like, are we gonna die inside this house? And then we have, like, A metronome in our living room would randomly start going off. Like, just randomly would start going off. And we were like, wait, what the. Like, anytime we talked about dying in this house, the metronome would start.

[Drew]

Yeah, it would start going off, but it was usually when we were saying, like, this house isn't like this. We're not dying in this house. We're not dying in this house. And then it would go off. So I've convinced myself I won't be dying in this house, so I'll probably stay in this house forever. But also, I genuinely do think. I think our ghost is a woman.

[Kai]

No, it's a girl.

[Drew]

It's a girl. I think we vibe. She's crazy, but I think we vibe because we're both crazy.

[Kai]

No, I really do think she's just, like, playing little pranks on us. Like, I. I don't really, like, actually believe in ghosts. I don't think, like, the older I get, the more I'm like. I don't know. I probably have said I did, but.

[Drew]

Like, we're going opposite.

[Kai]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Drew]

But that's also because I'm spiraling into spiritual psychosis, and I feel like ghosts is kind of my starting ground.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

But there was also. We have, like, this wood room in our house, and there's, like, dimmer switches on the light boxes or whatever. The. The light switches are dimmer. Like, the ones you twist and like, those. Like, the first two weeks we were in here, like, in the dining room, specifically, these light switches would literally just fly across the room. Like, they would pop off and fly across the room, and we were like. Like, there's, like, an explanation for that. Like, the first time it happened, maybe it was just tight, and it just, like, popped itself off. But then the second time it was on there, like, super loose, and, like, if it was gonna fall, it would have just, like, fallen down, but it literally, like, shot across the room. It was, like, really bizarre. We were sitting in the room.

[Drew]

You were in there. I was like. I was right next to that room, and I heard it, and it was loud as. Because it. Because also, I have one of those switcher or things in my room. Oh, my God. Also, while you were talking, I took the biggest gulp of Topo Chico and had air in my mouth.

[Kai]

Looks really small. Actually wasn't, like, that big of a goal.

[Drew]

Well, that's because you're, like, this huge creature, and I'm just, like, very petite, dainty girl.

[Enya]

You're a big oaf.

[Drew]

Yeah. You're like, this, like, thank you. Very, very, like, imposing. Yeah, like, whoa, whoa.

[Kai]

Creature.

[Enya]

Your guys's house is haunted. Because it. It feels very haunted.

[Drew]

Yeah, it does. But I really like that about it because I feel like our last place felt very haunted. I need that.

[Kai]

But the light switches were flying off in this dining room. That's also. There's a point to be made there. Girl, chill.

[Drew]

Sorry, I'm. I literally can't get.

[Kai]

Lean into the mic. Into it. But, like, look.

[Drew]

See? See where times are headed? Like, it used to be like, oh, you're one of the boys. If you're like a girl who burps, we like with that. And now it's like, oh, my God, you disgusting. Have some manners. Like, go to the bathroom.

[Enya]

That was very hands made.

[Kai]

Was that. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. Oh, I know.

[Enya]

You can fart into the mic if you want to.

[Kai]

Yeah, you can fart into my face.

[Drew]

You're weird.

[Kai]

If you want.

[Drew]

Okay, so don't say that.

[Kai]

You could fart into my face.

[Enya]

And. Yeah, we could even set up a microphone mic that's dedicated to your farts, and then I could create a database of your farts, and then we could. Whatever. Wait, what were you saying? Drew, what were you saying? Oh, what time is it? How much?

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. That, like.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, like, I literally keep swallowing so much air I'm gonna throw up. Okay.

[Kai]

But anyways, like, I was home alone, like, two weeks ago or something, and I was just all the way in my room, and I didn't know I was home alone. Like, I had just fallen asleep. I actually took, like a two hour nap, and I woke up and, like, it was, like, getting dark or it was. It was like nine, actually. And I was just like, oh, Enya and Josh are probably home. And then I hear sounds on the other side of the house, like footsteps in that dining room. And I was like, oh, weird that they're in the dining room. But I guess, like, Josh got back or something. Literally did not think a thought about it, but it was like. It was like steps. Like, I heard shuffling and steps. I was like, whoa, that's weird. I'm getting chills, y'.

[Drew]

All. Ick.

[Kai]

And then, mind you, the dining room is right behind this wall. But anyways, I'm like, chilling in my room, and then I hear the front door unlock and open, and I'm like, oh, it must have been Inya in the dining room. And then Josh is just getting back or something, or vice versa. And then I just hear Josh, like, walk through, like, Our kitchen, like that little like middle area. And I hear him just go like. Like I heard fear, like legitimate fear in his voice. He was like, hello. And I was like, yeah, I'm here. I'm like kicking in my bedroom, whatever. And then no response back. And then Josh like like walks back to my room and he's like literally pale. He's like pale white, like clear, like see through. And he was like, were you just in the dining room? And I was like, no. Why? And he was like, well, when I was walking by the door in the dining room, it slammed shut. It didn't like fall shut. It like slammed shut. And then I heard knocking on the other side of the door. He heard like six knocks, like, like, like that. And then he was like, are you swear you're not like pranking me? And Josh was like, he like opened the door fully expecting to see like me or you or Josiah, like playing a prank on him. And I mean he was petrified. And then I didn't immediately tell him that I had heard footsteps over there like 30 minutes before because I was like, I don't want to freak him out even more. But then I literally just ran out of the house and went to the gym and it was like 10pm cuz I was like, I cannot deal with this. But now every time I walk through that room or walk by that swinging door, I get like full body chills. Like full, full body tea. Like it's crazy. But yeah, I literally am like, maybe that like little room is like haunted.

[Drew]

I think the house in general is haunted. But if you look at that doors it on like near my room swing open and close all the time. And it is not wind or ac. Like I. I trust and believe. I look. And sometimes I am like, oh, this is just like because of the way the house is built and it's really old. Like there are certain doors when I open it, I know like the door across is gonna like shuffle, but fully at night. There have been times where I think Azul has like crept into my room because I leave it cracked for him. And I look over and my door has like in the middle of the night, no windows open, no anything, no AC on. My door will just like swing open and I like, will always get up because I see. I look to see if Azul's there because I can't see him from when I'm laying down in bed. And there have been times I. It's no one.

[Kai]

I just heard a sound in that room a little. But anyways, I forgot to tell this part of the story. I go to the gym, workout, get back home around, like, midnight, and normally Josh is in bed by 11 because his, like, sleeping is so bad. But he was just chilling in the living room because he was literally petrified, too. And I just, like, go.

[Drew]

Leaving him home alone is so.

[Kai]

Well, no, I begged him to come. Like, I. I was like, please come. But I was like, I literally am not staying here. Like, it was. It was so freaky. And Josh was like, yeah, I might be, like, leaving, too. He's like, I might be going back to OC but. And I was like, if that's the case, then I'm going to spend the night at Mason's house. Like, girl.

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

But anyways, we get home, or I get home, and I'm just, like, chilling in the living room with Josh, and we, like, kind of talk about it again. And then, like, we just started talking about other. And I'm not kidding, like, 10 minutes later, or. No, it was probably, like 30 minutes of us just, like, talking in the living room. We hear a door creak. And I was like, are you kidding? Me and Josh. Me and Josh didn't say anything to each other. And then I was like, you heard that, right? And he was like, I heard that. And we went over there, and that door was shut again. But it made a creaking sound. Like a door creaking sound. And we were like, like, was that. Was it any of these other doors? So I go to every other door and test if they were creaking, and none of them creaked, dude. And I was like, why was there a creaking sound? Why was there. It might have been my creaking sound.

[Drew]

It might have been my door.

[Kai]

No, it was. It was for sure from, like, in the kitchen. Yeah, it was for sure over there. And then me and Josh were like, okay, that's our cue. We're going to bed. So I went and locked my door, and.

[Drew]

Dude, that was so funny.

[Kai]

I was so scared.

[Drew]

I don't think I've had, like, anything necessarily paranormal just happened to me that I can think of. I just, like, I feel her there, bro.

[Kai]

No, it's a girl, and she's chill. But Kai also thinks it's, like, It's. There's some energy in this house.

[Drew]

Well, there was a window. We have, like, these windows that you have to, like, push open because they're. Again, it's an old house, and a lot of them are, like, stuck with old paint because it got, like, that kind of treatment. And there's, like, this door that you have to, like, push open.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

And we did wake up the other day, and it was, like, not a windy day. That's never happened with that door or.

[Kai]

And it's right there.

[Drew]

Never. That's never happens with that window. Like, it's never just popped open. And at, like, 9:20 the other morning, we woke up to the scary alarm going off. And it's because that window just, like.

[Kai]

Like, blew the open. Like, it was ooky, spooky.

[Drew]

And then I thought Azul was, like, the perpetrator, and he wasn't. He was scared and hiding, which is good.

[Kai]

He hears the alarm and runs and hides. Josh set the alarm off this morning. We've done that a bunch this week. Yeah, I thought we got used to it, but we'll never get used to it. But I get the notifications on my goddamn phone.

[Drew]

I do.

[Kai]

But no, literally, since. Since that. That invasion. Like, I call it an invasion, but since, like, I mean.

[Drew]

Yeah, somebody can't. That's an invasion.

[Kai]

I literally made it to your home. Literally. I've, like, never been able to be in a house alone, like, comfortably, like, since that moment. And actually having a security system has, like, legitimately changed my life. Like, I'm able to just, like, chill and, like, not be worried about it.

[Drew]

Like, oh, my God. Also, it's just. Again, it all goes back to it being such an old house.

[Kai]

I don't know what chased through a goddamn house. Me. Me getting chased. That's crazy. That is so annoying, bro.

[Drew]

You getting chased through that apartment and us staying there for six years.

[Kai]

I know. We. And, like, we were like, we should probably move out.

[Drew]

But, like, we didn't have the money.

[Kai]

We literally did it.

[Drew]

Because I remember my dad got so mad because I had told him about that. I was in Miami when that happened. And then when we came back and somebody tried to set the apartment on fire, I called my dad, and he was like, you need to move. And I just had to be like, dude, dude, we barely made this move.

[Kai]

Yeah, we barely made this happen.

[Drew]

We barely had this happen. Like, I can't. No, I'm staying here. And if here is where I die, here is where I lie, bro. Like, and I love it. And I love that. I love that spot. I miss it a lot.

[Enya]

Oh, I had a ghost encounter when I was in high school. I was at.

[Kai]

You look in the mirror.

[Drew]

No, that'd be if he had a monster encounter.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah, I had an encounter. So I was at home alone, and Then I went pee. And I was peeing and it was like a summer night. So the door was. Or the window was open to let the cool air in at night. And I heard a woman's, like, blood curdling scream from. And I. It wasn't like, there was no reverb on it. Like, it was pretty close. It's probably like seven feet away. That's what it sounded like. And I freaked out. I ran into my room and then I pretty quickly, like, went around the side to look through a window to see into my backyard because I was like, I don't know. And there's nothing there. And then my printer printed out my Facebook page. It was really weird.

[Kai]

Whoa. What the.

[Enya]

Yeah, my printer turned on, just printed out my Facebook page.

[Kai]

Do you still have that paper? No, because that was. That's crazy. That's crazy.

[Drew]

I wouldn't have that paper because I would have launched myself at the printer and ate the paper.

[Kai]

Yeah. Some of you.

[Drew]

Crazy. You want to see crazy?

[Kai]

You want to see crazy?

[Drew]

I'm crazy. Did you want to see crazy? I'll show you crazy. I'm going to eat the printer next.

[Kai]

No, we had something similar like that happen.

[Drew]

Scary, bro. I'd kill myself.

[Enya]

I think the most realistic explanation is I was getting pranked by someone.

[Drew]

But your sister, have you ever spoken to her about it?

[Enya]

Or was she not shiny? Did not do stuff like. Like, I'm sure I told her about it, but there's no fucking way. I also think that's when she was.

[Kai]

How old were you?

[Enya]

I think I was, like a junior in high school.

[Kai]

Oh, fuck.

[Enya]

Yeah. But I'm like, maybe someone. I don't. I didn't live near anyone who went to school with me. So weird.

[Kai]

We also had something, like, very similar. Like that Kai happened to us at our old apartment. I mean, we've talked about it before, but, like, blood curdling, like children screaming in our front yard. We had just taken sleep aid. And then like, we go look and there's no child out there, but a family moving in.

[Drew]

Like.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

A family of only three women with duffel bags.

[Kai]

Giant bags. Yeah.

[Enya]

You sent me, like, an audio message with it. Yeah, I remember.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah.

[Enya]

It sounded insane.

[Kai]

Yeah, it was creepy. We. If we can find that, we should play it because that was terrifying.

[Drew]

I wasn't even scared.

[Kai]

We were, like, in my car, like, oh, no, no, no. Like, we can't turn down the street. We have to go, like, around the block. Because, like, if they see us, us. But that dude was literally Chasing us.

[Drew]

Okay. Yeah. I will say we also just lived in a busy area that was, like, a huge intersection of, like, drunk, crazy people. And there was a guy who, like, we stopped the car because we were trying to look down the block to see if we saw anything, and we saw him. And from far away, it looked like there was a kid on his shoulders, but really it was a bag. And then the closer he got, he saw us looking at him, and he started running at the car.

[Kai]

Yeah, you literally ran at the car, bro. Like, what the.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

And then, like. Like, also, like, people would just throw, like, wine bottles and glass bottles at our house in the middle of the night, and it would be the scariest thing you've ever heard.

[Drew]

It's up. Because at one point, I literally just got used to it.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I was like, hey.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, I used to be scared, but also, there was just always people screaming outside the windows. Like, there was just always people screaming on that street. They just can't stop screaming.

[Kai]

I just can't stop screaming.

[Enya]

I'm back. Sorry, guys. I had to pee so bad. My belly was full of piss.

[Kai]

But now I'm was a very demure pee sometime. Sometimes Kai doesn't pee. Demure.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah. Sometimes you piss like a racehorse.

[Kai]

Like, you're frying pork chops in there.

[Enya]

But that's cool and masculine. You guys were talking, so I was like, let me bounce it off the side of the bowl.

[Drew]

Is that a thing?

[Enya]

A strong stream.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Men are supposed to be loud and, like, disruptive and horrible.

[Kai]

Burping and farting.

[Enya]

Yeah. But if we catch you doing any of those things, you're done, right? Yeah, you're done. Just had to make sure we're on the same page.

[Drew]

I could beat the out of both of you.

[Enya]

Honestly. Yeah.

[Kai]

Yeah. Who would win if me and Kai fought? We were kind of talking about that.

[Drew]

I think Kai would win.

[Enya]

Well, what we landed on is, like, I think I could overpower you because I have before. You know this.

[Kai]

Obviously.

[Enya]

We're not. We're not friends.

[Kai]

We're not friends.

[Enya]

But I do think that Drew has more of a dog in him. I don't really have a dog in me.

[Drew]

What does that mean?

[Kai]

I will see. I will see red.

[Enya]

Yeah. Andrew will see red.

[Kai]

I see red.

[Drew]

I see dead people. Yeah. I think Kai would win.

[Kai]

Well, my buddy said I would win, so.

[Drew]

Yeah, and he better have said that. That was the right answer.

[Enya]

Yeah. And I feel like if we were fighting, it would be like I was doing something in here and Then you were like, like, why are you still here? And I'm like, I can do whatever I want.

[Drew]

Are you about to turn this into a scenario where like you guys have sex?

[Enya]

Oh, no, I was just. No, not at all. I'm just saying like I would do something to piss him off, then he would like grab my hair like around the back.

[Drew]

Okay, okay, okay. What were you gonna like?

[Enya]

Oh, I'm gonna completely describing a fight.

[Drew]

Okay. Anyway, Kai saw me freak out when we left the other night because we got in this Uber and I was really, really observant of his driving. And he was going. We were leaving an area that had like a lot of bends and turns. And one he was like kind of whipping the piss out of this car and it's like a bigger car and I just didn't like that. I unironically. We were going around like the reservoir and he was just whipping the piss out of this big ass car. And I don't with that cuz I'm like, I'm not your friend. I don't know you. You're supposed to drive like you have common sense with two strangers in your car. And I was in my head tweaking. Also it was really late. And that is another thing. Like I do become very observant in late Ubers because I am so fearful of somebody like overworking themselves and just that. Is everyone in danger freaky when they're.

[Enya]

Like playing with their phone.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

And they're hella, you're doing the most dangerous thing.

[Drew]

Oh, well, that was the other thing. His phone. He didn't have something to carry his phone and he didn't have the map up here. He had his phone in his cup holder. So the whole time he is driving, he's whipping the piss out of this car and the whole time he's like.

[Enya]

Like, yeah, he wasn't. He was probably looking at the road like 40% of the time.

[Drew]

Are you crazy? We're going to be on this road for two miles. Like, why do you have to keep looking down if you have ocd? I got you with the proac, like, trust yourself. I'm in your car and I don't want to be in it anymore. So I literally was just freaking the out in my head and I was kind of just like, yeah, I was just having like a bit of an ocd like freak out. And then I just was like laughing. Yeah.

[Kai]

Kai and left together.

[Drew]

Oh yeah. Kai was in the car the whole time.

[Enya]

And then I slept here.

[Kai]

I got home three hours later. At 5am and Kai was here, and I thought he left.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And then I wake up at, like, 10, and I hear Kai's voice.

[Enya]

My sexy ass voice is the first thing you woke up to?

[Kai]

No, he slept in our car. It's cute. I love that we have a car.

[Enya]

Apparently, Josh walked in and he was like, there's. There's an ugly person on the bed.

[Drew]

Wait, he went to the ugly white dude?

[Enya]

Yeah, I slept in the art studio.

[Kai]

Wait, why did he go there?

[Drew]

He went in there because I brought all the aluminum foil in there to do clay figures, and he needed aluminum foil so he could stink the kitchen up by cooking his salmon that he puts no ingredients other than salmon pepper on.

[Kai]

Josh cooks salmon and broccoli, and it is the smelliest thing I've ever smelled. Kai, every time he walks into our house is like, it smells like actual dog in here in the kitchen. Broccoli.

[Drew]

It's literally because he's like. He's good about it now. One time I was like, I like, you need to shut all the doors and open windows and air it out. And he. He does it every time now.

[Enya]

Well, you guys also have this base. It's like a very yeasty dairy smell.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Smells like spoiled milk.

[Enya]

Ker. Ker.

[Kai]

Yeah. But all coffees in the sink.

[Drew]

It's all my moldy cups in the sink.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Sorry, guys. Like, oh, my God.

[Kai]

Oh.

[Drew]

But basically, yeah, I made a stop. I. I asked if it was okay if I changed the stop to the Uber, and he was like, okay. And it was really close, and he was like, are you okay? And then I just lied. And I kept saying I felt like I was gonna throw up because I was nauseous. And then I just got out of the car, and he was, like, waiting there for another ride, and I felt so bad, but I was like, I'm not getting back in his car. I just literally feel unsafe in his car. I can't describe it. He kind of reminded me of a cousin. I really don't with. Like, I just know his. Everything about him. He was just a bad driver. I just don't believe I felt in my soul that if I stayed in that car and it was going to be a long car ride and we were gonna have to get on the highway, and I was like, if I feel unsafe with you on the street where no one else is alive and around, I don't trust you on a highway with other more up people on like, a Saturday night.

[Enya]

And you got corn nuts at the gas station sour Strips.

[Kai]

And we saw that in the kitchen, and it was the most shocking thing.

[Drew]

I need that so bad right now, actually.

[Kai]

I know. I'm like, I'm gonn them up.

[Enya]

I think that's the first time I've seen a bag of corn nuts in a decade.

[Kai]

Yeah, at least 10 years.

[Drew]

And Drew put me on.

[Kai]

Yeah, I put her on the. Did you get the ranch?

[Drew]

No, I got Mexican, period. Me and Kai made it home, by the way. Kai called.

[Kai]

Made out at home. When I find a good parking spot, it's legitimately spiritual for me. It's like, I like. It's. When I see a hummingbird and I find a good parking spot, it means I'm on the right path. Like, you're on the right path. Yeah, exactly, exactly, exactly. If I go to the store or go to the shop and there's a parking spot right out front, God wanted.

[Drew]

Me to go in there and take your money.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's meant to be. I'm stimulating the economy. Like, if I'm laying outside and a hummingbird flies above me and kind of floats for a second, it means I'm on the right path. It's like, whatever decision I'm mulling over in my head is the right decision.

[Drew]

I. I agree with you because a lot, like. But the problem is, a lot of things for me become signs that aren't supposed to be signed.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's really.

[Drew]

Literally, like, it's really bad. But I need that because I need constant reassurance. But I don't have or trust anybody to give me reassurance.

[Kai]

I can literally, like, if we're about to, like, go out and then something, like, happens inside the house, and we're like. I don't know how to describe what I'm saying, but, like, I take anything as a sign, and I'm like, if I would have gone out, the party would have gotten shot up, or if I was gonna go out, we would have died in a car.

[Drew]

We like that a lot. Like, we'll be like, oh, should we go do this in 20 minutes? And we'll be getting ready. And, like, we're like, all right. Like, we. Oh, my God, we somehow got ready in 20 minutes, and then we, like, can't find the car keys or something, we genuinely convince ourselves it is a sign that God is trying to keep us in the house, to keep us protected from evils outside. We're just bad.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's really bad.

[Kai]

We're just hermits, bro.

[Drew]

It's like our OCD comes together, but like, it's okay though, because I'm saying safe. And look at me. I'm safe.

[Enya]

Wait, did I tell you guys about the hot bar girl at Erewhon?

[Drew]

No.

[Enya]

I went to the Erewhon and it's the one on Beverly. And I was in line and I. I ordered steak. I ordered steak and like, double buffalo cauliflower. And the girl, I think is like, she listened to the podcast and she was just like, well, this isn't a very bottom friendly meal. And then everyone next to me was like, what?

[Kai]

That's so.

[Enya]

I was like, crying, laughing.

[Kai]

That is so amazing.

[Drew]

Saying that to somebody in public.

[Enya]

It was, like, perfectly delivered too.

[Kai]

This isn't very bottom friendly.

[Enya]

Yeah. The people next to me were like.

[Kai]

What are you talking about? Did you just say that?

[Enya]

Yeah, it was so.

[Kai]

Dude, that's so amazing.

[Drew]

I feel like they should say that to more people. Like, they should just start just quips about their meal.

[Kai]

Well, I was sobbing. I was like, literally crying my eyes out. Like, I was literally sobbing down. Like, I've been very quick to te. And I was just like, in my room. Everybody was gone. It was just me in the house. And I was like, crying, and I was like, boohoo. Crying. I haven't, like, boohooed cried in a long time. And I was like, boo hoo crying. And then I see a text on my phone saying, I'm here. Can you come open the garage and the door for me? And so I'm like, okay, yeah, I will. I didn't really realize who it was, but then I realized it was the fucking plumber. And I was like, oh, my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. So I, like, quickly, like, wiped my eyes. I like, wiped the tears off my face. I like, like, sniffled. And I like, tried to, like, make myself presentable. My eyes were like, bloodshot red. And I, like, walked and opened the door for him and, like, he looked at me and, like, he could definitely tell that I was just crying. And he wanted to so badly be like, are you okay? But, like, we don't have that rapport relationship yet. But he was very gentle and sweet. Yeah.

[Drew]

How often do you want him to come over?

[Kai]

Oh, all the time. But he was very gentle and sweet.

[Drew]

With me, which is not the guy who fucked the sink last time.

[Kai]

It is the guy that fucked the sink last time. Yeah. And he fixed.

[Drew]

He does aftercare.

[Enya]

He fixed.

[Kai]

He fixed my pipes. He really, like, he really put the work in. He put the works in. He rearranged my pipes. So they drain better because.

[Drew]

Did he give you audio, like, stimulation?

[Kai]

Oh, I do have audio message of him working on my room because it was the loudest sound I have ever heard in my goddamn lives.

[Drew]

How do we always choose to rent a place that has the worst plumbing?

[Kai]

Mind you, I'm trying to cry. I'm trying to cry and then this is happening.

[Enya]

That sounds like War of the Worlds.

[Kai]

Yeah, it literally did. And like my whole floor was like vibrating and shit. But now I have a sink that drains and it was never really my fault. Someone did break a cup in my sink. Shards of glass down the pipe and it clogged really quickly after that.

[Drew]

What cup was it?

[Kai]

I don't remember. And I literally don't remember.

[Drew]

All of my cups, the first nice cups that I ever got, all of them are gone because they were like so the jade and like emerald.

[Kai]

No, it was. It was clear. It was like glass us.

[Drew]

No, I don't give a. No, I. I trust you. I believe you. I love you.

[Enya]

It was probably just the ghost and.

[Kai]

It wasn't even me. The greatest joy in life is going school supply shopping.

[Drew]

Oh, I miss the smell. Like, I wish I could smell. And the anxiety of knowing I wasn't going to get, like, a good folder.

[Kai]

Should we, like, cosplay it, like, and go to, like, a store and go get school supplies?

[Drew]

Like, in August, we're both pushing 30, so it's like they're going to be.

[Kai]

No, I just need to experience that again. Like, I really. I'm like, oh, like, like the school supplies list. Like, oh, my God, the list of things you had to get.

[Drew]

You should have. You should join Kai Senat's next streamer university.

[Kai]

And then that could be a part.

[Drew]

Of your, like, your rollout before you go to school. Is going back to school shopping. Can we actually go? Like, I would love to actually. No. I would die. I would feel schizophrenic. Anybody who is a streamer, genuinely. Wow. Kudos to you. I. I can't imagine. I live my life in fear of being watched every waking moment. Like, what? What do you mean? You put yourself through that. That's amazing. I love it.

[Kai]

Should we do media?

[Drew]

No. Yeah.

[Kai]

The Social Network soundtrack. I listened to it all day yesterday and it was.

[Enya]

Sorry.

[Kai]

It's. Sorry. Good. It's so good. Oh, my God, it's so good.

[Drew]

Dude, these texts with your doctor is so funny.

[Kai]

Desperate Youth by Santa Gold. I love that song.

[Drew]

What song?

[Kai]

Desperate Youth by Santa Gold.

[Drew]

I don't know.

[Kai]

And then theme of Q By object or the Goose that Got Away by object.

[Drew]

Mine is Daisy Jane by America.

[Kai]

I also saw Eddington and it was awesome.

[Drew]

Oh, I need to watch that.

[Kai]

It's hilarious.

[Drew]

Virginia by clips. Ebitda on the new Eclipse album is so good. That album is so good. I literally went down a crazy rabbit hole yesterday. And I spent my whole Sunday watching clips, interviews, and listening to their albums. And their tiny desk is so good. I love tiny desk. Desk.

[Kai]

And yeah, saw the girl making a model of the tiny desk music thing. It's really cute.

[Drew]

That's awesome. And I. I watched a movie. Oh, me and Josh watched seventeen again. Again. I used to be obsessed with that movie. And that was funny. And then it actually was funny. It was like such a good movie still. And I watched Belly finally. That was like a movie I still hadn't seen somehow. And that was good shot.

[Kai]

Well.

[Drew]

Oh, very cool. Great soundtrack.

[Kai]

Yeah. I feel like Eddington, like, he just wanted to film this chase scene and he like, reverse engineered the script to.

[Drew]

Like, make it make sense.

[Kai]

Make that make sense.

[Enya]

I think I'm gonna see it tonight. I'm really excited.

[Kai]

Yeah, it was. It was. It was goofy.

[Enya]

Oh, my media is. I'm sorry, baby. Which I don't think we talked about.

[Kai]

Oh, we didn't. Yeah.

[Enya]

Cause me and Drew saw that together and it was really good. And. And the woman who made it is a first time writer, director, and actor.

[Drew]

Actor.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Damn.

[Enya]

She may have acted before, but, like, in her own.

[Kai]

It was so sick. It was like. And that was like, one of my favorite performances I've seen in a long time. And just like, the way they handled the topic, just Chef's kiss. I really wanted to cry. Like, I wanted to sob. I thought it was gonna make me cry, but it didn't even, like. I mean, I got close like a couple times, but, like, like, it was just done so good. It was just, like, done great.

[Drew]

The perfect edging experience.

[Kai]

Edgington.

[Enya]

Edgington.

[Drew]

All right, well, bye.

[Kai]

Bye. Life is a workout, and Smoothie King is here to help you power through. Whether you're crushing morning miles or sprinting through back to back meetings. Give your body the energy, protein, and power it needs to help you conquer your goals. Only at Smoothie King.

[Drew]

This is an Iheart podcast.