The Twink And The Mean Lady

Summary

Podcast Summary: Emergency Intercom – "The Twink And The Mean Lady"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Emergency Intercom
• Host/Author: iHeartPodcasts
• Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast hosted by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips. The show thrives on humor and absurd conversations, presenting no real emergencies but plenty of comedic tension.
• Episode: The Twink And The Mean Lady
• Release Date: September 16, 2022

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1. Opening Banter and Setting the Scene

The episode kicks off with Drew and India engaging in playful back-and-forth banter. They immediately dive into a humorous fictional scenario where India claims to be in the hospital, only to reveal she's transformed her living space to feel more like home.

Notable Quote:

• Drew [00:20]: “You’re not in the hospital. We can see that you’re, like, not in the hospital.”

2. Personal Spaces and Everyday Enhancements

India discusses personalizing her environment, mentioning the switch from a white to a blue comforter and decorating her space with plushies, blending humor with relatable home improvement.

Notable Quote:

• India [00:32]: “I wanted it to feel more like home. So, as you can see, I have blue comforter now.”

3. Fashion Week Fiasco

A significant portion of the episode revolves around Drew’s chaotic experience at Fashion Week. He narrates his spontaneous trip to New York, driven by overwhelming FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), which leads to a series of misadventures including being robbed by an acquaintance. The hosts delve into Drew’s insecurities about being perceived as important and his struggles with self-confidence amidst high-profile events.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew [02:22]: “Is this your takeaway from me saying you should be jumped?”
• India [08:29]: “I think we both had meltdowns.”

4. Interruption by Kai: A Comedic Guest Appearance

Kai joins the conversation intermittently, adding another layer of humor. His interactions, often disrupted by accidental microphone mishaps and absurd statements, contribute to the episode’s comedic tone.

Notable Quote:

• Drew [09:01]: “I got scared that it was something, like, really bad, and you were like, we’re gonna have to.”

5. Social Media and Pop Culture Commentary

The hosts segue into discussions about social media behaviors, specifically criticizing the staged and inauthentic nature of content by influencers and content creators like the Coffee family on Vine. They also touch upon popular culture, referencing Zac Efron’s real-life accident and subsequent rumors of plastic surgery, blending fact with their trademark humor.

Notable Quote:

• India [30:24]: “He was running around his house in socks and in his underwear, and he slipped, fell, hit his jaw on the ground.”

6. Personal Reflections and Mental Health

Amidst the humor, Drew and India reveal personal struggles such as imposter syndrome, anxiety about public perception, and the pressure of maintaining self-confidence. They candidly discuss their vulnerabilities, making the episode relatable to listeners facing similar issues.

Notable Quote:

• India [24:19]: “You shouldn’t care what other people think of you. Because if you do what other people want you to do, you’re not even doing yourself.”

7. Relationships and Personal Anecdotes

The conversation shifts to personal relationships, with Drew humorously claiming to have never used dating apps and India sharing amusing anecdotes about her interactions and feelings towards past relationships.

Notable Quote:

• Drew [38:18]: “See, the thing is, I’ve never had any kind of dating or hooking up app because I live in real life and I get bitches in real life.”

8. Music and Media Interests

Both hosts share their current interests in music and media, recommending artists and discussing recent concerts they’ve attended. India highlights Young Lean’s new songs, while Drew mentions enjoying live performances by artists like Sandy Liang and Paragon.

Notable Quote:

• India [60:13]: “I have a really bad news because I’ve still just been listening to Amplified Heart.”

9. Final Thoughts and Sign-Off

As the episode winds down, Drew and India reflect on their experiences, emphasizing the importance of authenticity and self-love. They wrap up with lighthearted humor about their personal grooming habits and upcoming media engagements, maintaining their signature comedic style until the very end.

Notable Quote:

• Drew [55:58]: “Also, like, we need to clarify. We don’t sit around and like, talk shit. What we really do is sit around with our friends and put on really fucked up dumb videos on YouTube and then crack up at it.”

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Key Takeaways and Themes:

1. Humor in Everyday Chaos: The episode masterfully blends personal anecdotes with humor, turning chaotic experiences into relatable and funny stories.
2. Self-Confidence and Public Perception: Both hosts discuss their insecurities and the pressure of maintaining self-confidence in high-stakes social environments.
3. Critique of Social Media Authenticity: A critical look at the staged nature of influencer content highlights the podcast's introspective side.
4. Balancing Vulnerability with Comedy: The hosts effectively balance moments of vulnerability with their comedic interactions, offering a well-rounded listening experience.

Conclusion:

"The Twink And The Mean Lady" episode of Emergency Intercom delivers a mix of humor, personal storytelling, and social commentary. Through candid conversations and playful banter, hosts Drew and India navigate topics ranging from Fashion Week mishaps to critiques of social media culture, all while maintaining an engaging and entertaining dynamic. Notable quotes punctuate their discussions, providing memorable highlights that capture the essence of their comedic chemistry.

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Listener's Note: This summary captures the essence of the episode "The Twink And The Mean Lady" from Emergency Intercom. For the full comedic experience and nuanced interactions, tuning into the original podcast is highly recommended.

Transcript

[Drew]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom.

[India]

I'm in the hospital.

[Drew]

You're not in the hospital. We can see that you're, like, not in the hospital.

[India]

Wait, did you get your background?

[Drew]

Yeah, I was gonna say, did you get your assistant to move all your furniture and stuff to the hospital?

[India]

Yeah, I wanted it to feel more like home. So, as you can see, I have blue comforter now. I normally have a white comforter that's actually the hospital bed. And I just put all plushies and shit on it.

[Drew]

I thought that was, like, the Tecla stuff that they gave you.

[India]

Yeah. Yeah, you're right, it is. Tecla sent me. Shit. It's like. It's just like, I kind of made it.

[Drew]

It's easy.

[India]

I kind of made it. So I just feel good about myself. I feel happy, amazing.

[Drew]

I think what you need, like, okay, I'm gonna be really real. And, like, if it's too much, you tell me. I think what needs to happen to you is you need to, like, go out for dinner with friends. And it's, like, a really good dinner, right? And it's, like, so good. And, like, you usually don't get a drink, but you got a drink this night, and you had a blast. It was, like, just like, the perfect amount. Like, loosen you up. You had, like, absolutely no perception of, like, being perceived. Like, you just felt awesome. You had a laugh with your girls. You know what? And even on top of that, photos were taken of you and your friends, and you looked at them immediately, and you were like, this is like, what I'm going to show my kids. These are the people that I love. Like, whatever. And then you're walking to your driver, because at this point, you have a driver. Your life is, like, so set up. You're not even. You don't have to call an Uber. Like, your driver's outside. Yeah, the driver, for some reason, is an extra block away. And you're like, whatever, I'll just walk to him. I don't want him to do, like, a loop. It's nice out. I'm going to walk. As you're walking, somebody you don't know comes up, hits you straight in the nose. You immediately start bleeding. You fall to the floor. They're kicking you in the stomach, but you're so shocked by being hit in the face that you don't. You're in shock, so you don't even feel the blows. And then they dig in your pockets and they take your wallet and they take your iPhone. And at this point, you have the iPhone 15 because Apple gave it to you before it came out and you're just shy.

[India]

They gave me the 11 and 12 and 13 before it came out. I have the 14, but I had to keep it, like, really on the low because.

[Drew]

Is this your takeaway from me saying you should be jumped?

[India]

Oh, yeah. I'm just saying that I have. I all. I get all the iPhones, all the Apple products early. Like, that's why, like, I'm so lit.

[Drew]

And that's why you were sought after to be jumped.

[India]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Anyway, I mean, basically you get beat up. I think you need to get beat up. That's what I'm saying. I think you need to get, like, absolutely demolished by a stranger.

[India]

I just, I wouldn't let that happen. Like, even in the hypothetical, like, that just couldn't happen.

[Drew]

What would you do in the hypothetical? Like, what would you change? You're a bit inebriate.

[India]

A gun in the hypothetical. And a bomb.

[Drew]

Sorry. The police are after me because they found out that I called a hitman on you. That's what I'm admitting is I called a hitman on you. Wait, you said you had a gun and a bomb?

[India]

Yeah.

[Drew]

No. You're in a residential neighborhood.

[India]

I don't give a fuck about the civilians. I'll blow them all up. Straight up. Also, I worked out today. Have a nice little pump. Pump going.

[Drew]

I want to pump you.

[India]

Damn.

[Drew]

Okay, well, I haven't worked out.

[India]

You do me.

[Drew]

Hold on.

[India]

I think I'll win it.

[Drew]

Yes.

[India]

Hold on. Is my mic peaking? It sounds like it's peaking. It could just be me. Okay, a little room. Updated rooms here. Room tour. I. I drank this new protein powder because I got vegan protein powder because it's like, I do not need that much going into my body. That much dairy. And I got a vegan protein powder and it was the most rancid thing in the world that I've ever put in my body. It was. It literally made me dizzy. It tastes fermented. It was like flaky and gritty.

[Drew]

It was alcohol.

[India]

But yeah, the protein powder was literally rancid. It was just like ground up peas and legumes and grass and shit. It literally tastes like I went to a freshly cut lawn. Actually, no, three day old. The grass was already dried up and I ground that up into a batter and drink.

[Drew]

It was into the little, like piles. Okay. Do they make lawnmowers that like, suck that shit up? Yeah, right.

[India]

I think. But they also have like leaf blowers. But they do have ones with backpacks on that, like, does, like, big vacuums, but I think they're less used.

[Drew]

So your protein powder sucks balls, or it tastes like balls, but it has you, like, gas up.

[India]

I'm also curious if it's because I did two scoops of protein powder instead of one in the serving, and then I also added marine collagen to it. So I'm curious if it had a reaction or if I didn't have enough water.

[Drew]

Well, while I've been in New York, I've definitely drank more than I ever usually do. And are you serving while I talk?

[India]

Yeah, fucking course.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. But I genuinely think I'm going to have to go back to LA and, like, go to the hospital.

[India]

Because we're taking you to rehab, girl.

[Drew]

Yeah, I've had too much of a problem. No. But I think, like, the mix of it, like, I still am. What I will say is I was talking about this last night to a friend. I was like, I don't feel good that I've had, like, more to drink than I usually do. But what I do feel good about is, like, I've hit, like, a really good point of self control where like, even when I'm like, I'm being crazy right now, it's always, like, ends at three or four drinks and, like, it's over, like, such a long time that I've never, like, I never wake up anymore. And I'm like, I feel like shit. I just, like. Because I have, like, insane guilt about, like, substances. I'm just like, oh, my God. Like, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. But it's, like, never that deep. But because of that and because of my caffeine intake and now that I'm a Coca Cola drinker, I am two steps away from a kidney stone.

[India]

Yeah.

[Drew]

With that being said, let's have a.

[India]

Shit a sip, shall we? Yeah. You've been at Fashion Week. I flew out for literally 24 hours, I think it was. Which was the same thing I've ever done in my entire life. Like, the. One of the most erratic decisions I've ever made. Probably the most erratic decision. But I was at, like, the. The. I was. I was hanging out with Yoster and they were like, I'm. I'm gonna have so much FOMO about the party and about New York in general and everything. And I was like, oh, trust. My FOMO is, like, actually insane. Like, I think I've gotten over it a little bit recently, but it is, like a. It's dangerous. My FOMO is dangerous. It's a danger to me, myself, and others. Like, it's. It really. It could become a actual problem. So last second, we decided to book, like, flights for the next day at midnight to fly to New York and then fly out 36 hours later and have a little. Have a little fun while I was there. But this is, like, I just got back two days prior. So I was in New York for a month, and then I flew back for two days, worked out, of course, obviously. And then I hopped on a plane the very next day to go back to New York, and it was actually insane. It. I feel like it could have been more fun. Like, I could have had more fun and made more out of it, but I was just so exhausted. Like, I was so. Tie. Tie.

[Drew]

I feel like you had, like, a really good time, though. Like, I feel like you. You were, like, on such a good one that night, and I was like, damn. I literally was jealous. Like, I was so jealous of, like, how much fun you seemed like you were having.

[India]

Yeah, I just. Like, I had to have fun. Like, I. It would have been, like, the biggest waste of money ever if I didn't have fun. So I.

[Drew]

It would have been a financial hole of a decision.

[India]

Speaking of financial holes and me literally being robbed. Me being robbed. Like, we don't have to go into details, but I was robbed by an acquaintance and a mass robbing. It was insane. Uncomfortable. Boiled my blood. I've never been taken advantage of in this way before.

[Drew]

You say that, like, I'm not, like, on call with you right now. Like, literally. Hello.

[India]

Well, you just steal out of my bank account. It's different.

[Drew]

Yeah, I guess I'm gonna give you.

[India]

Permission, like, because you don't stop me ever.

[Drew]

You're just like, oh, she needs to stop doing that. Like, but you say that to people.

[India]

You don't say, like, yeah, like, it's.

[Drew]

And I needed the Birkin. Like, I needed it.

[India]

Yeah.

[Drew]

For Fashion Week.

[India]

Yeah. I don't know. I don't think you needed it.

[Drew]

Well, they were taking pictures of me, and I needed my Birkin for Fashion Week. Okay, let's talk about this Fashion Week. If you are, like, all the people who, like, partake in, like, the Stopping for their photos on the. Like, this is such a nightmare. Like, my biggest nightmare is having to have a photo taken of me by someone who doesn't know me and I don't know them, and they're just kind of guessing if I'm important. And most times I don't seem that important because I'm not wearing, like, the boo Boo. The full.

[India]

Like, you're not in. You're not.

[Drew]

Like, that's the thing is, especially in those rooms. I am not. And I'm okay with that. Like, I am okay with being, like, the least important person in the room. I do not want to go into those rooms and, like, be, like, looked at. It's such a weird game. But, yeah, I just thought about that because, like, you stop. I can't. I can't.

[India]

Like, girl, the cops are going off today, and you said, blue lives matter.

[Drew]

No, I didn't. I did it.

[India]

Yeah.

[Drew]

What was that?

[Kai]

What's up?

[Drew]

I think I farted.

[Kai]

What's.

[Drew]

No, I literally farted. He forgot to turn off his mic, and he tooted.

[Kai]

I thought it was. Yeah, I thought I muted my.

[India]

Do you want camera privilege?

[Kai]

Yes, please.

[India]

Beg me.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, Drew.

[Kai]

Can I please have camera privileges?

[Drew]

The thing is, Kai's in, like, a dark, scary room. Like, Kai looks like he's, like, being held somewhere.

[India]

I know when I saw his background, I was like, are you okay?

[Drew]

Turn on. Turn on the camera. Turn on the camera. Oh.

[Kai]

I'm just in, like, a room. Like, a normal room.

[Drew]

You are in a brick home. You're in someone's basement.

[Kai]

I am in someone's basement.

[India]

Yeah. Actually.

[Kai]

Yeah. This is literally a basement.

[Drew]

Is it actually, though?

[Kai]

It actually is, but, like, for real, I'm dead ass. Like, this is a basement in an apartment in New York.

[Drew]

Are you cold?

[Kai]

It's pretty cold. It's really wet, too. The floor is really wet.

[India]

Is it a dirt floor?

[Drew]

That's probably from you squirting all over it, though. It's.

[Kai]

It's like, their fault, you know? You know, like those chambers that Jigsaw would put people in in the Saw movies. It's kind of like that.

[India]

Are you ch.

[Drew]

And you're okay with that?

[Kai]

I'm okay with it. I like getting treated like that.

[India]

It's crazy how you've ignored every single question I've asked and answered all of Inya's.

[Kai]

It's just, like, I prioritize. I prioritize attention from women because then, you know, they should be put on a pedestal, in my opinion.

[India]

Honestly, I agree with that.

[Drew]

Like, why do you all have to turn everything into, like, proving that you don't hate women? You thinking for that answer, like.

[India]

All.

[Kai]

Right, I'll stop talking. Sorry, guys. You just continue.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

I'm just gonna. I'm gonna continue, like, writing my notes and doing all the back End stuff.

[Drew]

Yeah, well, I'm gonna get arrested in a second, so you can do what.

[India]

You need to do. Cops are coming. They're literally out and about and proud.

[Drew]

But what I was saying is. Yeah, it was so embarrassing. Like, I know, like, I haven't posted about being at Fashion Week kind of, but, like, just so that people know the reality of it is I one had to tap out early, like I did the weekend, and I was like, I cann this anymore because it is the most humiliating thing ever. Like, I cannot believe people have the kind of, like, self importance and confidence and not even in, like, a bashful way. Like, God bless that. I wish I had that kind of, like, self importance and like, belief in myself to, like, walk a red carpet and like, because, like, the photographers can, like, feel like, the energy of if they think you are important and if you are not, like, serving that you're. Kai. Kai. Your camera is on.

[Kai]

What's up?

[Drew]

Your camera is on. Are you drinking?

[Kai]

No, no, this is water.

[India]

Why do you have water in a big vodka bottle?

[Kai]

It's like a propel.

[Drew]

It's like tequila. Like, why?

[India]

Are you okay? Actually, no, you're. You're done. Like, you're done. Camera.

[Kai]

What do you mean I'm done?

[India]

Camera off.

[Drew]

We need to get a replacement for that guy.

[India]

I know.

[Drew]

Like, I was saying.

[India]

No. Yeah, the confidence. It's. It's like I was saying about, like, people who act and perform in musicals and people who act in general and can perform on stage. Like, that is so humiliating. And the only way to combat that humiliation is being confident in yourself. And I wish I had that. I lack so much self confidence. Also, imposter syndrome has been going crazy lately.

[Drew]

I know. I walk into a room and I'm like, oh, I broke into this room. I snuck behind the security. Like, it's so bad. Like, like, also, just, like, also, I'm very grateful for being able to be in the rooms, but I wish I had the, like, yeah, I was invited into this room. So I'm happy to be here. It was like, I feel like I forced them to let me in the room for some reason and then I don't feel important. Basically what I'm saying is at that, like, Harper's Bazaar thing, like, I'm very hopeful that those photos never see the light of day and that they were never posted because no photographer who took a photo of me was confident in taking the photo of me. It was literally pitiful. Like, did I explain this to you? Like, literally, I, like, show up to this event, and there's, like, like, celebrities there, and, like, I do not warrant myself as a celebrity. Like, I don't. I'm just, like, random comedian who, like, does my things. Like, I would never see, like, John Mulaney on that carpet. Although there was, like, a few comedians there, but they were, like, so far in their career that I'm, like. I was like, I shouldn't be here. Like, this is weird that I'm here. But even though there was, like, a plethora of, like, the spectrum of, like, people there, like, it was, like, a huge, like, what? At range. And, like, it was this thing Other.

[India]

Other. Other side of the range.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm literally, like. I'm, like, weird niche on the Internet.

[India]

You're, like, right? Extremist. It's okay.

[Drew]

No, no, I'm not. No, Drew, stop. You have to stop. Like, we can't publicize that stuff because.

[India]

Like, well, you said, Blue Lives matter. I'm a Republican. We should be able to talk.

[Drew]

No, I didn't say that. You're saying all of that. I would never publicly say that because I'm smart.

[India]

What do you mean by that?

[Drew]

The idea that, like, in our private.

[India]

Time, we're, like, just, like, blue lives matter. Yeah.

[Drew]

No, I would literally pay money to see a timeline where we're sitting at coffee. We're like. And that's my thing. Like, I just need it on a shirt or something.

[India]

Literally, this thing. I got into an Uber. Oh, this is actually crazy. I got. So I was in your hotel room, and I was hopping in an Uber to go to the party. And I walk out, and it's like, a kind of fancy hotel, I guess, and, like, other people. Cool people, were staying there or whatever. Are my eyes too close together? I feel like they are, like. I think I'm just now realizing it.

[Drew]

Your eyes are not too close together.

[India]

But I guess they were, like, important people in that hotel that we weren't aware of because there were, like, paparazzi out front. And I walk out, and the paparazzi take mad photos of me because, oh.

[Drew]

That was the night There was a real Purple magazine had a party on the roof that night.

[India]

But I saw, like, a bunch of people that I knew, and a couple people were like, hey, Drew. Like, I love the pod. Like, whatever. I walk to my Uber. My Uber has a giant Blue Lives Matter flag on the back. Not giant, like, this big Blue Lives Matter flag on the back of the car. And I'm like, these people just watched me get into this car with the Blue lives matter. Flag. Like, what is going on? I hope they don't think anything of that, but I was also, like, brave of you to, like, be driving for Uber and to run that. I don't know. It's just like.

[Drew]

Yeah, it is pretty crazy.

[India]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Just, like, also, is it that deep? Is anything you believe in that deep to put that shit on your car? Like, really, bitch? Don't make me crash into the back of your fucking. Still not important. I'll crash into that thing. If I see something that's intense.

[India]

Buckle that bitch up, because I'm gonna drive.

[Drew]

Literally. Also, like, that's not my business. I'm not planning. Like, I'm not more likely to hit you if I don't know that there's a baby on board.

[India]

Like, also, maybe see a baby on board sticker. I intentionally swerve towards those cars. It's just like, this thing. Like, we need to.

[Drew]

I guess you're testing. You're also testing parental instinct. So, like, we need that. And, yeah, natural selection. Like, of course. Like, God gave us cars so we could, like, wait, kill people off.

[India]

One quote that I quoted about that, like, deer that was on the side of the road, and it was like, hold on, let me find it. Keep going.

[Drew]

But wait, let me finish my awfully embarrassing fucking Harper's Bazaar party. Very grateful that I got to go. It was a blast once I got inside. But, like, I think I'm realizing, like, I just don't. I'm like. Like, I've said I'm an empath. Like, I'm just like. Like, we're no different from each other. Like, you and me as the viewer. Like, we are just people.

[India]

Wait, I saw a TikTok the other day saying, like, India, once a day on the pod or once an episode. Episodes, saying, she's an empath. And I was like, there's no way. Like, that's a reach. She doesn't say that. You literally just said it.

[Drew]

I love. I, I. No, I say it at this point, I think, because I used to say it seriously. And now I'm like, okay, bitch. Yeah. I'm so sure. Like, I can be a.

[India]

This is a quote. One day, while doing nothing particularly out of the ordinary because of natural laws, he was completely powerless.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[India]

Understand or intuit, he was killed instantly in a horrifying way by forces vastly in excess of anything he was ever designed to explain. Experience for no reason, to no one's particular surprise or upset. In this, we are more like him than different. That's me Talking to the babies about.

[Drew]

Natural after you hit the car. So whatever. I'm at this thing and I like feel. I already feel like a fool because I think it's like very foolish for me tonight.

[India]

You and Orion beefed.

[Drew]

Yes, because I up and I made Orion late. Like it's squashed, but I, I really up. That's the other thing. I'm like, damn. Okay. I don't know how everybody's so self sufficient and knows where to go and like, and keep contract. Like next time I do like a fashion week, I need Adderall bad. Like a live answer needs to be put on my nightstand. Yeah. Vyvans needs to be put on my nightstand because I forget like instantly. It's actually insane. And I kept sending people wrong addresses and telling people wrong things because I was like, yo, that's how I remember it. And it wasn't real.

[India]

Well, you know, just literally like making people late. I think you get off on it.

[Drew]

Yeah, I do. No, it actually brings me so much.

[India]

Anxiety to that heaven party. I refused to be late.

[Drew]

Well, yeah, because it was like the fucking fight for your life challenge.

[India]

It was literally a war zone to get in there.

[Drew]

I have something else about that that's really funny and embarrassing. But anyways, I. Oh yeah. So I get pushed onto this carpet and literally someone famous is in front of me. And then it's me and then it's a famous person. Bitch. The silence in my section. It went for like photos to like over here. Literally. Like if I was a photographer, they were like this.

[India]

They were like, they pulled out their iPhone to take a picture of you and then move it along literally with.

[Drew]

Their fucking big ass DSLRs. They were like. And then I. Dude, it was just so embarrassing. And then because there was such a lull, some of them started taking photos of me out of like, like literally pity. And then I was like, I don't want to be pity bitch. I don't want to be here. My team said I had to be here. But like, thank, thank God I got invited. Like, I'm grateful for it. But I was like, oh no. Now this is like a thing where like they feel bad for me. I'm like, I don't feel like I'm important so you don't have to feel bad for you.

[India]

And behind. You were so embarrassed. They were like, oh, that has to be the worst vibe ever.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. I almost cried because I wanted to kill myself. Because I was like, this is just beyond unnatural. Like, this should not even Be a setup in general.

[India]

Fucking weird. Yeah. I was like, weird.

[Drew]

I was like, this is so odd. And then I was like, hopefully one day in the future, like, if, like, I continue on my path, like, that won't have to happen to me again. Because I was like, I genuinely cannot believe that people like, are just so, like, tunnel visioned for what they want that they are willing to, like, do that a bunch of times until it's like, oh, there's no doubt that you should be there. But I was like, I. This is so scary.

[India]

I'm gonna create a reverse red carpet where it's a bunch of celebrities taking pictures of paparazzi.

[Drew]

Yeah. And then the paparazzi will fucking cry and kill themselves because then they'll get existential about the way they, like, put people on a pedestal. But I guess we need to bring.

[India]

Back paparazzi in a vicious way. We really do.

[Drew]

Just for me, though, you just want attention. You just want attention. You don't want my heart. But yeah. Oh, and then the other thing is, I got really insecure about pulling up to the Heaven event and, like, because I was like, oh, I'm scared that people will, like, see me step out of one. I was going alone, which already I was like, this is embarrassing. I hate getting in a car and being seen alone. But then I was like, oh, my God, what if I had been calling Ubers, bitch, Uber needs to figure something out because why am I stepping into a 2003 Honda Civic that used to be a taxi? So when you open the doors, you see all the yellow paint. So, like, that is embarrassing. So. And it was like just the same amount almost to get, like an Uber Black. And I was like, I'm just going to get an Uber Black.

[India]

And all that extra money for what? Tell them. Tell them.

[Drew]

They had to. They had the road closed off, so I had to walk up alone.

[India]

And your fucking big ass boots, your shoes hurting your ankles. Did you learn a lesson? What's the lesson you learned? Because there's a very big lesson there.

[Drew]

I didn't learn shit, bitch. I was like, damn, my Uber fucked up and went the wrong way.

[India]

Oh, no, no, no, no. It's that you shouldn't care what other people think of you. Wait, hold on. Write that. Write that down.

[Drew]

You think that's an original thought?

[India]

You shouldn't care what other people think of you. Because if. If you do what other people want you to do, you're not even doing yourself. You're not even being yourself. And like, the. The whole goal of Life is to do you, to be yourself. So don't do what other people expect of you. Do you know what I mean?

[Drew]

Do you think that that is an original thought?

[India]

Yeah, I just invented that right now. Watch all the girlies in the comments. Go ahead. Let them know it wasn't even like.

[Drew]

A coherent finished thought.

[India]

All right. And we're back, baby. We ran out of time because we are too stingy to.

[Drew]

I refuse to pay for zoom.

[India]

Zoom. Yeah, like absolutely fucking not. But to totally 180 the conversation I made my mom get be real. And it is potentially the cutest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. We'll insert the photos, I'm sending them to you right now in. Yeah, but it's maybe one of the cutest things I've ever had someone do just so I could see what her day to day life looks like. And like it's just so sweet. Oh no, she's serving down. She's on a cruise right now. Like she's turning.

[Drew]

Oh wait, was she doing her nails on the cruise?

[India]

No, she was doing them in her.

[Drew]

Was that right before she left?

[India]

Yeah, right before she left. She had to get looking good. But yeah, she. She's just kind of updating me day to day and I love it so much and it makes me kind of sad because I want to see them more often.

[Drew]

I know living, but I don't. It's just like it sucks because it's like the lack of inconvenience of being able to drive to your family. Like it's just like it's such a bigger commitment than it is when you live with them. Because it's one thing to just drive their house and then leave when you want, but it's like no, you have to like really pack it out and make it worth your while and stay there for long so that it feels like it was worth like getting on a three to six hour long flight. What they need to do is give us those flights that are like for you it would be an hour. Then for me it would be like two and a half hours to get to my parents house. They're like put that bitch in hyperspeed.

[India]

Exactly. But the craziest thing is my flight to New York was only four hours which I was actually pissed about because I was supposed to sleep since it was a red eye, but it was four hours. A little less than four hours on a normal fucking airplane. And if they can do it just.

[Drew]

Crazy because that's supposed to be like almost a six hour flight.

[India]

Yeah, if they can do it, why don't they do it every single time? I don't get it. But I guess they do have to.

[Drew]

Like, maybe it's like, safety and, like, wind and stuff.

[India]

Bullshit. It's all bullshit. I don't need to be safe on an airplane. I need to get to where I'm going. I don't care how or when.

[Drew]

That's probably the most high def, like, my fingers have been seen, like, to the public ever. Like, isn't that kind of crazy?

[India]

Damn. Let me suck on those real quick. Put them back. Put them back.

[Drew]

No, but this is the fuck out of my face.

[India]

I'm fucking your mother.

[Drew]

You're my mother. But yeah, basically, I was humiliated. I've been humiliated all weekend. But I got to go to some really good shows. I got to see Sandy Liang, which was a fucking dream. I got to see Paragon, which was a fucking dream sleigh. I got to see puppets and puppets, which was very good.

[India]

You should.

[Drew]

And I was supposed to go to the mirror. I was supposed to go to the mirror. Oh, no. Because I got this old ass iPhone. I was like, I might as well use my eyes while I'm here because these videos suck. But I was supposed to go to the near play show, but I had to tap out because I was freaking the fuck out.

[India]

Yeah, I think we both had meltdowns.

[Drew]

Yeah. It was just like, I, like, couldn't believe being around. And I'm not really. I'm not that. I'm not a social person. Like, if I get into conversation with someone, I feel like I carry it out really well. But, like, when I show up somewhere, like, alone, I'm like, oh, I feel like again, I already feel like an intruder and a baby. Also, look at my hand right now. Like it's a woman's hand. I was talking to Elsie about that and she was like, oh, my God. Like that. She saw your hand. She saw my hand the other day and she was like, wow, like, Anya has like, a woman's hand. And I was like. I was thinking that the other day because I used to feel like I had baby hands. But now as I'm approaching 24 years old, which is so scary and crazy, I feel like I have woman hands. We are like in our mid-20s, Drew.

[India]

No, I'm 16, bitch. Don't ever say that to me. Ever. Fucking.

[Drew]

Okay, well, you're 16, but I need you to hurry up and age faster because the fact that I spend all my time with a 16 year old is like I know.

[India]

Weird.

[Kai]

It's crazy that we're in our mid-20s.

[India]

Like, you know what you want us to do is be like, you're old as fuck, Kai, but I love you.

[Drew]

You're aging gracefully for somebody with the genetics that you were gifted.

[India]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Hello. Oh, my God, your Botox looks really good. It's cool that Kai got a really good Botox that you can't tell that he has, like, Botox and filler in it.

[India]

Hi. Do you have the face?

[Kai]

I don't. I don't. I swear to God. I actually. Oh, yeah, it's at 100.

[India]

Baby. Come back.

[Drew]

Did y' all see that video of Zac Efron looking terrifying? Like, looking like the map mask.

[Kai]

Wait, you know why?

[India]

You know what happened to him?

[Kai]

Didn't he get, like, crazy filler or something?

[India]

No. Everybody thought he got plastic surgery, but he was running around his house in socks and in his underwear, and he slipped, fell, hit his jaw on the ground. It was, like, hanging down and completely up his jaw, and he had to get, like, reconstructive plastic surgery on his jaw. It was.

[Kai]

Are you dead serious?

[India]

Dead serious. He didn't talk about it because he was, like. He didn't even know it was happening until his friend was like, dude, the Internet thinks you got plastic surgery. And he just recently addressed it in, like, an interview recently. The craziest thing. Guess what he was chasing. Guess what he was chasing?

[Kai]

The bag, bitches.

[Drew]

You said the bag.

[India]

Yeah, well, what he was trying to do was trying to slip and fall on a dildo and just, like, kind of scoot around.

[Kai]

Wait, Drew, are you dead serious?

[India]

Everywhere? No, I'm dead serious about, like.

[Drew]

Wait, what movie? There's something that. Something, like, that happened that they're sitting in a living room and they're trying to get someone to sign something, and they're, like, running around, and the guy slips on the rug and, like, hits his head and dies. Oh, that's Breaking Bad.

[India]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

You know what episode I'm talking about?

[India]

Yeah, the dude that, like, has the house skylar.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're watching the show when you just so happen to be in one of the last seasons, like, who the fuck told you to watch this fucking podcast episode, you dumb bitch?

[India]

Yeah, literally. But don't stop, please. Please don't stop. Actually, unironically. What?

[Kai]

The Zac Efron thing is fascinating because, like, I don't. I still don't fully know if you're fucking with me, but I'm being dead serious. If you're serious? I feel like that's a lie.

[India]

No, I. I don't know. He also said it in an interview, and he was like, I just don't use social media because if I cared and. And it sucks because, like, if I cared as much about how. Wait, if I cared as much about how much people think, does that make sense? Like, if he cared about what people thought about him as much as people think and care about him, he would, like, lose his fucking mind. But he was just like, I. I actually don't have social media. I don't give a shit. And I just collect my bag and I move on, which is just like. I watched one of his movies recently called, like, Firestarter.

[Drew]

Bitch, he went to Columbia and got some job. That's what happened.

[India]

Yeah, he got fucking bike flat bike juice pumped into his jaw. But he was in this movie called Firestarter. And the only reason why I watched it was because I thought it was like a prodigy documentary. Like, the. I was gonna make that joke, and I started watching, and I was like, oh, this is a movie about a girl with, like, fire telekinesis, and her parents are both, like, telekinetic and that.

[Drew]

And Zac Efron, wasn't it?

[India]

Yeah, he was the dad, and he had to play, like, a serious dad role. And I. I'm not. I. I don't normally say this about people because I am also bad at it, but, dude, his acting in that was so bad. Like, I. I literally, like, I was like.

[Drew]

Well, did you actually know it was because he had a bunch of medication that he had to take after his accident, so it made it really hard for him.

[India]

He didn't take any medication because it was a dildo up his butt. And that stuff, like, stops pain.

[Kai]

It's true.

[Drew]

Will it hurt him? Because he doesn't do that kind of stuff.

[India]

The male prosthetics is basically opium, if you can hit it.

[Kai]

Have you guys seen or heard of that Zac Efron movie where he plays, like, an aspiring dj?

[India]

You brought it.

[Drew]

I have heard of it, but I haven't seen it. Is it funny?

[Kai]

I mean, it's, like, funny not on purpose, because he's. He's basically like. He's like. Plays this white dude that's like, I need to be famous for make for being a dj. And then he, like, moves to la and the love lead is like, Emily Ratajkowski, and he's struggling to make this hit EDM song. And the way that he breaks through is his friends, like, bro, you have to reference real life. Like, you have to sample the things around you. So he, like, is working on a roof, and he's using a nail gun, and he samples the nail gun as, like, the hi hat. And then it, like, does this whole montage of him, like, sampling all these objects in the house and creating, like, an Avicii song. It's.

[Drew]

There is, like, actually, I'm not kidding. There is nothing more embarrassing than an artist be like, yeah, and I was flushing the toilet and, like, the sound.

[India]

And when I get back up, I.

[Drew]

Like, like, Charlie Puth, bitch, you need to go do pottery or something. You got.

[India]

Don't fucking talk about Charlie Puth. That's my twin.

[Drew]

You have got to get off that fucking iPhone. Why is he always on that iPhone? If I had the money Charlie Puth had, I would not be on iPhone.com. i would be out. Like, I would be, like, not on iPhone.

[India]

A gay. Oh, a man with an iPhone is gay. If you work from home, you're gay. If you eat kiwis, you're bisexual. Just say that.

[Drew]

Why kiwis?

[India]

Because that's a gay ass fruit.

[Drew]

Because it's like a little ball sack, but also when you open it, it's coochie.

[India]

I just. I like, think about a kiwi. Yeah, it's not a straight fruit.

[Drew]

It is a little fruity.

[India]

Yeah.

[Kai]

True. Drew, you got a little sugar in your tank, huh?

[Drew]

What the did you just say to him?

[India]

Was that a slur where you called?

[Drew]

Yeah, like, that was really derogatory. Like, what are you saying?

[Kai]

That's, like, a funny thing, that.

[Drew]

And during Pride Month.

[India]

And during Pride Month, babe.

[Drew]

Every month is Pride Month, babe. Get into it.

[Kai]

That was 9 11.

[India]

That was India to me. Recently was like, you know, Drew, I've, like, been watching you walk for, like, three months now, and, like, you're. You have, like, a gayer walk recently, and I. And it has literally, like, freaked me out because I was like, I do. And I, like, even recorded myself walking.

[Drew]

I literally been swinging those hips little more than.

[India]

You know what it is. It's because one of my legs is shorter than the other, and it makes me walk weird.

[Drew]

No, it's because being ran through is having its side effects.

[India]

It's because I have such a giant fucking. It's like a tripod, and I have to walk with three legs.

[Drew]

Ew.

[Kai]

Speaking of this, I, I, I went on the subreddit for the podcast recently, and I think it's, like, the highest rated post on the subreddit, and it's the video of that little baby gorilla, like, and the title just says, drew.

[India]

I love that video. I'm gonna recreate it. I'm literally gonna recreate it.

[Drew]

Like, that monkey is living so peacefully, and it's because it doesn't have TikTok, like, dead ass. They need to do like a test run and give monkeys like, iPhones that are connected to the Internet and see what the fuck happens.

[India]

Like, I'm pretty sure they have. They gave them, like, neuralink.

[Drew]

No, that's like, really?

[Kai]

Oh, they did. They literally did.

[Drew]

And they didn't die.

[Kai]

Yeah, they all died. That's what I.

[India]

That's all my brain. I'm a human. I can take that. I swear to God, I want it so bad.

[Drew]

I don't think you will like that because you already think you went through a whole phase where you thought people were following you. Oh, my God, Drew.

[Kai]

Drew. Installing Grindr into his brain.

[Drew]

He's like, get it out, get it out.

[Kai]

Drew just like, in his bed going.

[Drew]

I was ignoring him, faking like, he's.

[India]

Doing coke and talking shit about me while doing it. I'm Grindr famous.

[Drew]

I don't know if that's something to brag about, bitch.

[India]

I had 700 views the other day.

[Drew]

They get. They give you bitches of view count over there.

[India]

Yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

See, the thing is, I've never had any kind of dating or hooking up app because I live in real life and I get bitches in real life and it's like super easy. Like, I get picked up quick. I'm sought after. I'm hot commodity.

[India]

Like, I don't have to like.

[Drew]

But yeah, y' all are freaks. I'm just never going back to la. I think. Like, I don't, like, I just don't feel like I need to go back.

[India]

Me, I'm gonna sell a tool. Being in la, I'm gonna fly.

[Drew]

Okay, the truth is, I didn't go back to LA because one, I want to see my family. So currently, when this episode goes up, I will be in Miami and preparing my body to see Lady Gaga. Oh, hello. Where did you go?

[India]

Hello.

[Drew]

Why did you get off the screen?

[India]

How are you gonna see Gaga without me?

[Drew]

I'm sorry, I had to because you've been like, oh, I'm straight, I'm straight, I'm straight. So I was like, he doesn't want to see Lady Gaga.

[India]

Like, I want to see your mother.

[Drew]

You did miss Lady Gaga, though, so that is kind of sad. Is she gonna.

[India]

Oh, I don't give a Fuck about Lady Gaga.

[Drew]

Like, who do you want to see? Like, Jack Harlow.

[India]

Yep.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah.

[India]

Mgk.

[Kai]

Let's go.

[Drew]

Skrillex.

[India]

Dead mouse, Naked. Like, just a couple to name a things.

[Drew]

Like, you shouldn't say that about a woman you don't know. Like, that's just how you feel. Why do you put your voice down so low? Like it's like you're playing a character. So then it makes me confused because then I don't believe it.

[India]

Guys get so bloody pressed when a man calls him.

[Drew]

Oh, you know what? That reminds me, I'm gonna. I'm gonna save a bunch of the topics I have for when we're back at home because I feel like it has to be the extravaganza episode. But why will this always be a thing?

[India]

You get a red slushy, get a blue one. When people try to figure out our.

[Drew]

Tongues are purple, you cannot read, bitch. That was crazy.

[India]

Well, I understood. I. It was like, why we get. We each get a slushy. One's red, one's blue, then we make out and we make purple in our mouths.

[Drew]

Which one is not how that works? Like, that's. But why is that? That has always been, like, since the dawn of time on the Internet, that has been like, a thing. People say, let's go to 711 and then make out. Like, like, what are you talking about? Like, yeah, it's very Tumblr. But, like, the fact that it's still happening with this, like, weird Vinny Hacker esque guy. I'm like, why will there always be, like, an awkwardly buff, like, young man who's like, talking like this? And like, why are there always people who want to see someone talking like this? Like the world is genuinely way too vast. Like, it is.

[India]

Girl, I was. I stumbled. Do you remember the Coffee family on Vine? Like, Peyton Coffee, all those like that family? Well, I like, they're basically like a content house family, but they, like, are kind of shrouded in, like, a lot of levels of love. Like, they do love each other, but they all make content. And it's very scheduled or it seems very scheduled and very inauthentic. And it started with the dad on Vine. Well, the kids got Tick Tocks. Blew the up on Tick Tock. Like, they're massive. And I, like, went to their other day kids and I went to the boys ig. Go to his ig. It's crazy. Like, on the photos, the captions are like, leave a. Like, if you want to date me. Or like, why aren't we dating? Like, I want to date you. And, like, all this crazy shit and, like, why are we dating?

[Drew]

I want to date you. Can I see you? Can you please answer my text?

[India]

It's literally crazy because, like, these girls, little girls are like, I'll date you. I'll date you. I'll date you.

[Drew]

Wants to go swimming. Who wants to go on a date back in Hawaii?

[India]

Exactly.

[Drew]

Physique update. Don't look at the caption, look at me. She said dress nice. Who else is excited for summer?

[India]

But that's all.

[Drew]

I'm reposting five people on my story who post this on their story and tag me. Oh, what more to come. Oh, my God. Like, it's a one kiss is all it takes. Pick up the phone.

[India]

One case is all it takes.

[Drew]

But yeah, it's just so crazy.

[India]

I got a sip of soda and I'm wild in the fuck out. I.

[Drew]

That is gross that you were drinking that chips can. That is what is left behind at the gas station in the bathroom. Like, what you just picked up and you are drinking it.

[India]

I need you to tell me what this is. You carry on for just a second, but I found something underneath the sink, and it is actually maybe the most disgusting, scary thing I've ever seen in my house.

[Drew]

Why did you keep it?

[India]

Because I wanted to ask you if you knew what it was because it's literally terrifying. It. It is maybe the source of the black mold in our house. Hold on.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, this guy. Anyway. Yeah, I just can't believe that there's always a space on the Internet for stuff like that. And it's, like, so crazy.

[Kai]

It's like, I feel like I saw this tick tock recently where it was like. It was like a, like, middle school lunch area, and there are these two weird kids, like, making out. It was like the weird couple that were, like, way too physically affectionate and, like, weirds everybody out.

[India]

I'm back. Are you ready? I actually don't think you're ready. What the is this? What is this?

[Drew]

That's new.

[India]

I know it's new. I don't know what the it is.

[Drew]

Have you asked around?

[India]

Oh, my God. I literally just realized what it is. It's my cum jar. I forgot about it. This is, like.

[Drew]

I got scared that it was something, like, really bad, and you were like, we're gonna have to.

[India]

No, this is actually. I don't know what it is. It.

[Drew]

That's ayahuasca juice.

[India]

I asked Josh if he knew what it was, and he was like, no. And Josiah Watered my plants. And I was like, like, what the fuck? But there's. It doesn't stink. Unless I haven't the fact that you.

[Drew]

See that under the sink and you were brave enough to give it a whiff.

[India]

Well, no, I. I grabbed it out and I was like. I was like, I need to water my plants. Oh, it's Water Wednesday, everybody. You should change your watering schedule for your plants to Wednesday. So you remember WW Water Wednesday. You only need to water your plants once a week. That's a big mistake everybody makes is they water them every day. That's.

[Drew]

I never water my fucking plants.

[India]

But I pulled it out and I was like, what the fuck is this? And I was like, oh, maybe it's just like plant. But no, it's nothing. It kind of looks like dip spit if you've ever seen dip spit. One time I was at a. My brother's seventh grade football game. So I was probably like three or four. And it's like one of my most visceral memories. And we were sitting in the stands and I saw like a Gatorade bottle in a soda. Soda can. And then I had my own Gatorade bottle and the two other bottles were my dad's. And I grabbed what I thought was my Gatorade bottle. I opened it and drank it. And it was my dad's dip spit. And I drank his. Mixed with fucking nicotine and tobacco. And I drank it. And it was the most vile thing I have ever put into my body as a four year old. Like, it was. It was crazy. And it wasn't the only time that.

[Drew]

You clarifying as a four year old, like, because you've had worse shit as of now, like as a four year old, that was the worst thing ever. But now it's probably very low.

[India]

I started doing crazy shit.

[Drew]

It sounded like you needed like government involvement in your childhood.

[India]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Drew]

Okay. Wait, Kai, what were you saying? You said the TikTok, the two weird kids making out.

[Kai]

It was just like. Yeah, it was like an 8th grade lunch area. And there were these two like kids, like all over each other, like straddling each other. Drew, what are you. What are you doing? Okay.

[Drew]

Oh, he's lip syncing. He's lip syncing to you.

[Kai]

Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. So they were like straddling each other and in the comments was like, why are there. Why is there always like a super horny weird couple at everybody's middle school? And I was like, I had that at my. At my school. There were like weird kids that Were fedoras.

[India]

The thing is, I'm so envious of those kids because they are able to be themselves. Oh, my fucking God. Wait, they took my advice and be yourself, because first you have to love yourself.

[Drew]

I don't think they were taking your advice. Like, why do you keep saying that? Like, you've definitely been told that.

[India]

How the hell are you gonna love someone else if you don't even love yourself?

[Kai]

That one's good, too, Drew. You should write that down.

[India]

Can you write it down?

[Drew]

Why don't you write it down?

[India]

No, but I fully know what you mean. And I'm unironically, like, jealous of those kids because they fully are literally themselves and they're okay with it. And I bet they were raised by really cool parents.

[Kai]

Yeah, I never had that experience because I was, like, quarterback and super.

[India]

I was too busy getting a bunch of pressure. Like, I had to.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

Well, at my middle school, all the popular kids were the horny ones. Like, the quiet kids, like, were not, like, the horny ones. Like, the popular kids were always the ones being horny and doing crazy.

[India]

I was supposed to be one of those quiet, weird kids. But I faked it.

[Drew]

Until you made it. Yeah, you did. You're still fake now.

[India]

I'm an inspiration to all of them. And I love you. Look. Look at me. Look at me. I love you. I love you. Why don't we go on a date? Leave a. Like, if you want to date me.

[Drew]

I want, like, someone to go into my ear with, like, a pressure washer.

[India]

Girl, I have a penis. What? I can do pressure washing with my wiener.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'll just, like, take it and, you know when you bend a hose so that the pressure is, like, stronger. I'll just do that with your wiener while you're.

[India]

Yeah, you just pinch the tip a little bit. Put your thumb over it.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[India]

Okay. So there was this tick tock of worms that have been had. Had their guts populated with literally, me. Plastic. Plastic eating bacteria. So these worms can eat bacteria and then the. I mean, eat plastic and the bacteria in their guts dissolve it and make it. What is it? Compost Waste? Yeah, bio waste. I don't know, but it's like, it makes it so these worms can eat plastic and survive and then break down plastic as well. So it's life saving, earth saving, whatever. Why was I tagged in that video? I actually don't know why, but I was tagged in that video more than any other video.

[Drew]

Because you've talked about it. That's how I know about that.

[India]

I actually talked about it.

[Drew]

Yeah, you were. You were like, they. They've done this, and they need to, like, step it up so that we could just keep using classic. Which is actually one of my notes. I was like, damn. It's actually shameful that plastic is so bad. Because it is so fun. Like, I love little plastic things. Like, that's it.

[India]

I.

[Drew]

And I love being wasteful.

[India]

Okay, Yeah. I was about to say, you're losing me there.

[Drew]

But I like being.

[India]

Assuming as much garbage and shit as possible to fill the landfill and create more garbage on the ocean islands is actually my goal. Like, that's really what I want.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's. That's what I'm thinking. Like, everybody. I just like to be going against the grain, and I feel like everybody is like, oh, my God, we got to do this, we got to do that. But I think, like, I'm going to buy an island and see how fast I can fill it with my own trash.

[India]

That is actually fucking genius. New Mr. Beast video idea.

[Drew]

Mr. Beast.

[India]

Mr.

[Drew]

Beast is the least sustainable human on earth.

[India]

Okay. Speaking of sustainability, this kind of taps in. So, like, if you look around my room, it's pretty, like, maximalist. Like, I have everything, all of it, all the time. Today was the first time that I came home, and I was like. I was already kind of in, like, a bad mood. Not like a bad mood, but just, like, it could have became a bad mood. And I looked around at my space, and I freaked the out. I was like, there's too much in here. It's too cluttered. Now I'm okay with it, but, like, I haven't ever felt that about my space. And it scared me because it's the beginning of the end. I think I'm gonna, like, have to get rid of everything. You know what it is, is the bedroom. I stayed in New York was, like, perfect.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. It was just so, like, empty.

[India]

Yeah.

[Drew]

But I think about that, too. I'm like, damn. At one point, will I stop having stuff? But I like having stuff. I think we just need to do a better job at, like, spreading it through the house. But that would mean, like, buying more furniture for the rest of the house. And I'm like, are we gonna move? Like, what is our issue? Like, I don't know.

[India]

I sent you a new house. I sent you a new listing that is literally below our budget. Four bedrooms, three bath, and it has a house in the back. One of the bedrooms is a house in the back that has a kitchen in its own bathroom attached. So we can make that either the podcast studio or my bedroom. Either one.

[Drew]

Well, I actually just looked it up, and fucking Charlie bought the house.

[India]

D' Amelio.

[Drew]

Yes.

[India]

Charlie. Charlie. Challenge. Put two pencils on top of each other.

[Drew]

And Dixie looks so good with the shaved.

[India]

He ate down. I can never do that about her not eating because she ate.

[Drew]

I would not survive with a shaved head.

[India]

You kind of did, though. You had, like, a tiny little haircut.

[Drew]

I just have two. Like, I have, like, a. Like, a wider baby face, and I don't have the jawline for that. From certain angles. Bitch.

[India]

No, If I had a shaved head, I would literally look like a Neanderthal. Like, I would literally look so bad. I already have, like, kind of the, like, caveman forehead a bit. And if I shave my head, it would be bad.

[Drew]

We'll just shave that brow. Bone down, girl. You're my Neanderthal baby.

[India]

Yeah, well, I'm just, like, a furry man. I have hair all over my body, and, like, I love my fur.

[Kai]

And, like, yeah, you got a nice big too.

[Drew]

It's funny because you only get so many words to share every single episode, and those are the ones you choose.

[Kai]

I know. I have, like, a tweet amount of words each episode.

[India]

We give you 120 characters, 44 characters.

[Drew]

Okay, this headphone is, like, actually hurting my ear. I feel like I'm. Bitch. I'm about to start fucking answering calls with this big bitch in my ear.

[India]

The. The one TikTok, the twink and the mean girl. Oh, boyfriend putting on the mean Laney. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her boyfriend putting on her program, which I love being called a program of the twink and the mean lady.

[Drew]

I know. I was like, you know what? That is a pretty good first straight twink.

[India]

First straight twinkle right here.

[Drew]

No, Drew, I think they, like, I don't know that they identify you as straight, which maybe we have to clarify that you are the first straight twinkle twink.

[India]

Oh, no, I commented it.

[Drew]

Okay.

[India]

I made sure people knew.

[Drew]

Spreading the word.

[India]

Wink alert.

[Drew]

And I. I saw that, and I was like, damn, am I really classified as the mean lady? And then I was like, you know what? Like, on my friend Leibowitz. Shit. Like, yeah, on my friend Lee Woods. Joan Rivers. Yeah. And fuck you, bitches, I will say.

[India]

But being bitter and hateful is over.

[Drew]

Yeah, it is. Like, I've been, like, tapping out. Like, you would be shocked.

[India]

Talked.

[Drew]

Someone brought someone up that I would love to talk shit about. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna be giving my energy here anymore, but I will continue to be hateful. Like, there is no undoing that. Like, God gave me that one strain of DNA that makes me bitter and hateful. And honestly, like, it is my one joy in life is like, complaining and being a fucking cunt. Like, I am nice to the people I love and I am nice to strangers. But if you do anything that deserves, hey, I'm nice to strangers.

[India]

To the ones you love?

[Drew]

No, to ones who haven't given me a reason to be a bitch.

[India]

I'm just fucking with you.

[Drew]

And even ones who, like, give me a reason to be a bitch, usually I'm too frightful to actually be mean to strangers because I'm like, you know what? That's not worth.

[India]

They're gonna hit me.

[Drew]

Yeah. I'm like, you're crazy and you might fucking hit me, bitch.

[India]

Yeah.

[Drew]

But, yeah, I will.

[India]

I will never be better than hateful. I think I'm tapping out of it for now. It comes in waves. Like, I'm like. Like, I love being hateful. I love being hateful. I'm the meanest person alive. And then I dip way deep down and I'm like, I don't want to partake in this talking. Like, as much as I used to love it, it just isn't for me right now. However, of course I say this every single time there is one person, when their name is brought up, I.

[Drew]

It's going down.

[India]

It's deserved. It's deserved. Let me just say that much.

[Drew]

Also, like, we need to clarify. We don't sit around and like, talk shit. What we really do is sit around with our friends and put on really fucked up dumb videos on YouTube and then crack up at it. And the fucked up dumb videos in question aren't that fucked up and dumb. We're literally like, let's look up lightning.

[India]

And flooding about to say chances futile. When life is infinite. Think about that.

[Drew]

Life is not infinite.

[India]

Well, like the universe.

[Drew]

True, true.

[India]

Think about that. I'm thinking, like, I'm thinking basically, if the universe is infinite and if time is infinite. Sorry, I fucked up the quote. Chance is futile when time is infinite. If it really does go on forever and ever and ever and ever, in 80 trillion billion quadrillion years, there will be another universe where we host a podcast and except of it doing well. It tanks and flops, bitch.

[Drew]

True. That's what's happening.

[India]

Are we in our flap era?

[Drew]

We're in our flop era?

[India]

Well, no, what it is, is we're not in our flop era. Because the same people tune in each week, but not enough bitches are making TikToks.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like, where are the thirsty?

[India]

Where are the clip machines?

[Drew]

You know what it is, too, is, like, I don't. I'm always like, where? Why don't people thirst over me? As I don't post a photo every once a month, and it's like, the photo of me in question is literally dark, lit, and, like, you can't see me.

[India]

I like to take IG pictures I haven't posted since me. Well, we broke up.

[Drew]

We have the nude ones of you. Oh, I actually. I caught up with Bella, and, like, she misses you. She misses you a lot. She. She was like. Granted, like, she was off a kin or two, but she was like, she was going in. She was like, I miss him. Like, I missed smell. Sometimes when I walk by, like. Like. Like a wet towel that's been out for too long and, like, was folded up on itself, I'm like, oh, like, that mildew reminds me of Drew, and I miss him a lot. And. Yeah.

[India]

Are you, like, are you. Are you telling the truth right now?

[Drew]

Because I'm lying. I didn't hang out with Bella Hadid. Are you? Like, why? Like, in what world would she kill yourself, Bitch?

[India]

Die.

[Drew]

Die.

[India]

You're gonna die. You're gonna die.

[Drew]

Ew me when I'm on Omegle at the age of 10 and I'm covering my camera. All right, well, that was it for this episode. Thank you guys so much for listening. And here is my media. Also, good news. I will not be cutting my hair anymore. It's finally at a healthy length that I cut off all the dead ends. I know people are going to be like, oh, my God, it feels like your hair hasn't been growing, but it's actually because I've been cutting it a lot, so don't be mean to me. No one said that to me. That's just me, like, being insecure. I have really bad news because I've still just been listening to Amplified Heart. It's literally like, the only thing I listen to. I liked that new Kalila song Washed Away. And then I was listening to Stereo Lab, but that will be ending because I won't be seeing them, and it will make me sad.

[India]

Yeah, I'm seeing Stereo lab on the 15th.

[Drew]

I love your smile by Shanice is still something in rotation. Yeah, I have nothing new in rotation. Sorry, guys. Oh, but I did watch Funny Pages, and I really liked it. Movie. And I watched Class Action park, and I loved it. Except I hate when, like, fucking people who are in their 40s are like, I just grew up at a different time, man. It was the fucking best. Which is like, something we do. We're always like, we're the last generation that went outside, but these bitches are like, we went outside. We were like. Our parents did a checkup on us, and I was like, so you mean CPS was supposed to be involved? What the fuck are you bragging about, bitch?

[India]

But, yeah, okay, word. Well, I've been listening to a lot of new stuff recently, actually. Obviously, I have to shout out Young Lean's new songs. Lazy Summer Day is actually a smash hit. And y' all need to recognize now before it blows up later. So you can say, oh, I was there before it blew up. Because this is another, like, pop off song for him I've been getting into. I think it's Bauhaus B A U H A U S. And I really like Bela Lugosi's Dead, the official version. That's really good. Been listening to Big Thief a little bit. So, like, Mary and cat tales are, like, really, really nice. And Dragon, New Warm Mountain, I believe, or something like that. Also.

[Drew]

Hearing that live was awesome. We never. I don't know if we ever said, but they invited us to the show and it was so good.

[India]

Yeah, it was literally such a. It was insane.

[Drew]

Adrian Lenker is so good.

[India]

It's sick. For sick is so good. But also, this is a crazy new development. Mozzie Star is in my rotation.

[Drew]

Oh, you've been. You've been tapping into Mrs. Maziana.

[India]

I haven't gone too deep yet. I've only really listened in. Listened to, like, fade into you and cry, cry. But fade into you is, like, on the same level of hyper as, like, hyper ballad in my brain where, like, I can scream every single lyric to that song and I like. And I can listen to it over and over and over again. And it's one of those songs that. It's so embarrassing, but I put it on and I literally feel like the main character. Like, I am like the main character.

[Drew]

It's just such a good song. You should listen to the album Among My Swan, among my Swans, the one that Cry Cry is on. I love that album. Also, you have, like, a minute left because zoom is going to cut us off.

[India]

And then for media, I've been watching, or for movies and tv, I've been watching the new Game of Thrones spin off. Really good. But with all that said, thank you guys so fucking much for listening we love you. Genuinely. Thank you. Like, unironically. Thank you for tuning in each and every week. Like, you are amazing and can't wait.

[Drew]

To be back at home.

[India]

Yep.

[Drew]

In our stink dungeon.

[India]

In our stinky dungeon. Set.

[Drew]

It.