Things are changing

Summary

Emergency Intercom – Episode: "Things are Changing"
Release Date: March 28, 2025

Hosts: Enya Umanzor & Drew Phillips

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1. Airport Bathroom Adventures

The episode kicks off with an entertaining recount of an unexpected and awkward encounter in a Dallas-Fort Worth (DFW) airport bathroom. Enya shares her unsettling yet humorous experience where she witnesses a man in a compromising position behind a toilet paper dispenser. This incident leads to a series of comedic reflections on public behavior and personal boundaries.

• Enya [07:08]: "I went directly to the bathroom, and all the stalls were full. Then, I saw a man with his pants down to his ankle, leaning against the toilet paper dispenser."
• Drew [12:03]: "He turns bright red and freaks out the moment I walk in. I couldn't stop laughing outside."

2. Mental Health and Well-Being

The hosts delve into discussions about their current mental states, highlighting improvements and coping mechanisms. Drew expresses feeling happier than before, prompting Enya to playfully speculate on whether it's due to medication or lifestyle changes.

• Enya [03:24]: "I can't tell if it's your Prozac or that you're smoking weed all day every day."
• Drew [03:32]: "Well, no. I've been talking about this on my own YouTube channel, but I have a hard time recording myself. Smoking helps me feel relaxed."

3. Personal Mishaps and Car Accidents

Both Enya and Drew share their recent experiences with car accidents, adding humor to what could otherwise be stressful situations. They discuss the frustrations of dealing with property damage and the quirks of interacting with responsible yet embarrassed drivers.

• Drew [18:06]: "Someone hit the side of my car, and now it's been hit twice. My old car never had this luck."
• Enya [25:24]: "I offered to pay for the damage, but the guy was so sincere and tried to handle everything without insurance."

4. Relationships and Interpersonal Dynamics

The conversation shifts to their relationships with mutual acquaintances, particularly focusing on Josiah and Kai. They humorously critique Kai's lack of responsibility compared to Josiah's more dependable nature, emphasizing the challenges of maintaining friendships amidst personal growth.

• Enya [08:10]: "Kai doesn't take his job seriously and just wants to party, while Josiah is all about responsibility."
• Drew [08:23]: "This job is so important and difficult, yet Kai just sits back and lets others do the heavy lifting."

5. Travel Tales and Hotel Encounters

Drew recounts a memorable trip to Italy, where a simple request for a lighter leads to an amusing and slightly awkward interaction with a hotel bellboy. The story highlights cultural misunderstandings and the humorous side of travel mishaps.

• Drew [28:07]: "I asked a bellboy for a lighter, and he accidentally handed me his own, leading to a funny exchange about its appearance."
• Enya [32:25]: "He felt so embarrassed, but it was one of the most hilarious moments of the trip."

6. Personal Insecurities and Body Image Humor

The hosts openly discuss their insecurities related to body image, using humor to navigate topics like the effects of Ozempic and personal grooming habits. They create a lighthearted atmosphere around self-acceptance and the quirks of maintaining one’s appearance.

• Enya [18:42]: "People think I've got an Olympic face because I use Ozempic, but I've never been complimented on my gums before."
• Drew [22:27]: "My toothbrush stops working when I'm using too much pressure. It's changed how aggressively I brush my teeth."

7. Random Banter and Pop Culture References

Throughout the episode, Enya and Drew engage in playful banter, referencing various pop culture elements like movies, songs, and public figures. Their dynamic conversation style keeps the content lively and relatable.

• Drew [35:16]: "Malala vs. Greta Thunberg – discussing their activism with a humorous twist."
• Enya [55:03]: "I think about meeting people in New York and how smoking impacts my interactions."

8. Closing Remarks and Future Plans

As the episode wraps up, the hosts tease future topics and episodes, hinting at upcoming discussions about significant events in their lives and interactions with other individuals. They maintain their signature humorous tone, leaving listeners eager for more.

• Enya [68:28]: "There was a major event in LA we can't talk about yet because Kai ditched us today, but we'll discuss it next week."
• Drew [69:32]: "We may one day end the podcast, but not without entertaining you first."

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Notable Quotes:

• Enya [11:07]: "I saw him leaned up against the toilet paper dispenser with his pants around his ankle."
• Drew [18:06]: "My old car never got hit. I finally got a nice car but then somebody hit it again."
• Enya [22:27]: "The Quip360 tea literally revolves around you."
• Drew [35:16]: "Malala vs. Greta Thunberg – discussing their activism with a humorous twist."
• Enya [55:03]: "I think about meeting people in New York and how smoking impacts my interactions."

Conclusion:

"Things are Changing" offers listeners a blend of humorous anecdotes, personal reflections, and engaging banter between Enya and Drew. The episode navigates through everyday mishaps, personal growth, and the complexities of maintaining relationships, all delivered with the hosts' unique comedic flair. Whether sharing awkward travel stories or poking fun at personal insecurities, Enya and Drew ensure a relatable and entertaining experience for their audience.

Transcript

[A]

Hey guys. We wanted to take another break to thank another sponsor of today's episode, Quints. Guys, we're going on a trip to New York this week.

[B]

New York.

[A]

And I thought it was always going to be cold, but for some reason it's going to be 50 degrees one day and then 80 degrees in like eight hours. So I will be packing my lightweight European linens from Quince.

[B]

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[A]

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[A]

Hey, was that thing moving or what?

[B]

It was really shaking. It was shaking. So crazy chat.

[A]

Was it moving?

[B]

Oh, my God, we're back. Hi, guys. Welcome back to Emergency.

[A]

Wow. Wow. Famously. Famously.

[B]

Oh, my God. I feel like it really, it does feel like I'm at somebody's house who I used to hook up with a lot and then I just like randomly got busy and stopped seeing. But now I'm like, bored. So I'm back at their house.

[A]

No, it feels like I'm sitting on the edge of the bed with my hookup clutching my purse. Yeah, Literally. There is an energy. There is an energy.

[B]

But we also haven't broken in this new space because we went on the break kind of right when we moved in because we just needed the time. And boy, did I have a time. I genuinely am like, I am so happy. I love my life. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'M so happy. I'm so happy.

[A]

We're so happy. We're so happy. We're so happy. We're so happy. We're so happy. We're so happy. I'm so happy.

[B]

I actually am in like a good. I'm in a better mental state right now than I was like.

[A]

You are?

[B]

Yeah, I am so much better.

[A]

And I can't tell if it's your Lexapro, Prozac. I can't tell if it's your Prozac or that you're smoking weed all day every day.

[B]

Well, no. Okay, like, that must stop. That, like, that was a problem during the play because I was like, well, like, I don't gotta do. I guess I'll smoke.

[A]

Just.

[B]

I usually don't have anything to do. But what I have found is I've talked about this on my own YouTube channel, but I have a hard time recording myself. And I've been blessed enough to be doing a lot of, like, deals with companies I actually really love and. But I'm scared of recording myself. So now I have to smoke to record myself because that's the only way I can feel like a teenager, where I'm like, woo, this is fun.

[A]

Again, it's like me taking three shots before. Every time we record, I'm blackout Every time. I mean, yeah, we've been recording. I'm blackout drinking. And then.

[B]

I think the break was good for you.

[A]

Exactly. Well, I was drinking like probably like five shots a day during the break. Right after we record, I go and like down like a handle. A five.

[B]

He has a favorite bar around the corner. It's walking distance, so I don't have to worry about anything.

[A]

But damn, a lot has happened since we've gone. Like, a lot.

[B]

Like, I think a lot specifically in your life has changed and, like, happened. And, like, a lot has happened.

[A]

I'm not going to talk about any of it. I'm sure y'all can guess, but I.

[B]

Don'T think anyone can guess because it's the last thing anyone would have ever guessed.

[A]

I know it's something that I famously am like, no, no, no, no. Never, never, never.

[B]

I can't see myself doing that.

[A]

But something, something has shifted. Something. Something has shifted. And it's probably Venus and Mercury in retrograde. But like, I. I'm confident. Let's have that.

[B]

I know Drew, literally. Drew has had some. A breakthrough that has literally made him feel so happy.

[A]

You know what it is, is it. It's. I didn't see comments about my appearance and how ugly I was for a month.

[B]

No, that's not just it. Because you finally got a haircut, and I've been trying to force him to upkeep with his haircut. And it's almost like, if. Girl, if you dress up. Listen, I like to think of my body, like, just plain. Just me. Actually, this is a hard thing to talk about, because when I'm naked, I genuinely think I am, like, so hot, which is crazy. Me and Elsie were talking about it. I was like, we have the kind of delusion that in my head, I'm like, no, no. Just wait till you see it fully naked. Then you kind of get the picture. Like, normally, wait till I'm fully naked and I am propped exactly how I would anticipate someone to see me, the way I pose in a mirror. Oh, you. You can't believe what you're.

[A]

You can't believe what your tap into.

[B]

But if you don't dress up that body, then you're just, like, a body, and it's, like, boring. So you have to just put some pep into yourself, because right now, you look so sexy.

[A]

Also, I put this jacket on last second because I was like, I'm gonna put this on. But I did not intend wearing it the whole time because I have three layers on, and it's already 96 degrees inside, and it's loud as fuck. But.

[B]

Oh, this was my birthday gift to.

[A]

Drew, this small little artist that, like, a lot of y'all probably wouldn't know about. Like, very small. Like Jack Berlo. Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

But I have a story that I want to mention right off Rip because we haven't talked about it in person at all, y'all. Oh, my God. So many. So many fucking crazy things have happened to me, and thank God I wrote them all down. Okay, so I. Me and Inya went to Missouri together to see my grandma and my family out there. And it was really cute. And we played in the snow, and we, like, ran around, and it was. It was really cute. It was really wholesome energy. And then she went to Miami, but I road trip back to Texas. Road trip was chill. Nothing major happened. Like, whatever. When I'm leaving.

[B]

Oh, my God, y'all.

[A]

When I'm leaving, I'm at the airport in Texas, and the first thing I do when I get through TSA is I go directly. Directly to the bathroom, and I'm like, all of the stalls are taken. Which is surprising because I'm in terminal D at American or at dfw.

[B]

Literally, the, like, it's which is random for the DFW Airport or Terminal D?

[A]

Yeah. Like, if you know, you know, it's like it's a massive terminal. There's a billion bathrooms. But all of the stalls were full. And I, like, was going to go into a stall and then, like, I'm waiting there, waiting, and then a guy, very suspect, like, pops out of the stall and I just go in right after him. And it was interesting to me because there was no toilet. There was also.

[B]

Josiah is in the room because Kai left town because he doesn't take his job serious.

[A]

Yeah, he doesn't give a fuck about.

[B]

He doesn't give a fuck about you guys. So remember that because remember that he's got his own little bag. We said we were going to come back and we're back.

[A]

Kai, on the other hand, wants to go do other things.

[B]

Classic straight man behavior. Just wants to go out and run. Oh, you want to go run around and party while, like, literally we have a job. Mrs. And misters are home.

[A]

Let's talk about this. This job is so important, this job that we do and difficult and very hard, and we do all of this heavy lifting and, like, the fact that, like, Kai would just sit back and, like, I don't even know, edit everything.

[B]

And post it and stuff. Like, seriously, you weren't even there for the struggle of making this and, like, really being important.

[A]

Important to, like, culture.

[B]

I'll say it.

[A]

But anyways, I. I have. Where this habit was born of running straight to the bathroom. Was vaping. I go into the toilet in the airport and hit my vape. And so when this guy came out of the stall that I was going into and didn't flush, I was like. I was sus. A thought popped in my head. I was like, that was weird. But he might have just been vaping. Been there, done that.

[B]

So then actively doing it.

[A]

I'm, like, chilling in the stall because I hang out in the bathroom. I know that's weird, but, like, I.

[B]

Chilled a lot of time. Specifically in the airport bathrooms, which actually, after this story, genuinely has me thinking, because you go to the bathroom all the time in the airport. Like, and most of the time when we're in the airport, we get there early and Drew's in the bathroom the whole time, hitting his vase.

[A]

Yeah. So then I'm like, chilling in there, hanging out, doing my thing on my iPhone, playing my videos loud as fuck. Because I literally don't care. Not shitting. I don't give a fuck. I don't shit in public.

[B]

I put my videos out loud, and I'll shit. I don't give a fuck.

[A]

No, I don't.

[B]

Y'all are gonna smell it, hear it. Like, I'm gonna activate all your senses right now.

[A]

It's the opposite of a sensory deprivation tank. If you want the opposite of a sensory deprivation tank, fit next to Inya in a stall.

[B]

Specifically in an airport bathroom.

[A]

Yeah. So then we. I, like, do my thing. I go back to the gate for a second, and then the airplane's about to board, and I actually have to pee this time. So I'm like, oh, I'm gonna go back to the same bathroom and. Because you like. Yeah, the energy. The energy is nice.

[B]

There's every airport I frequent. There are specific bathrooms I like to go to. And that specifically Mia has the best airport bathrooms ever. Period. Okay, continue.

[A]

So she. Or. So I head back to the same bathroom, head to the exact same stall I was in. And the door was unlocked. I pushed it open, y'all. And I see a man with his pants down to his ankle, up against the wall, like this. Pants down to his ankle, ass up against the wall. Dick and balls through the toilet paper dispenser. Dick and balls through the toilet paper dispenser.

[B]

Wait, balls included?

[A]

Yes. Dick and balls.

[B]

All ball is crazy. E. You just saw his appendage, like, where the skin meets the body. You met where the crease. You saw where the crease meets the body.

[A]

I didn't see his dick and balls, but I saw him leaned up against the toilet paper dispenser with his pants around his ankle. Immediately, I was like, gay man cruising. Duh. And then he, like, sees me, whips around, turns bright fucking red. I've never seen someone turn that red in my entire life. Rips up his pants and, like, freaks out. And then I shut the door, and I am, like, cackling, like, I am laughing so loud outside of the store. And then I was like, oh, bitch, I'm waiting right here. There were other stalls available.

[B]

This is where the crazy behavior starts.

[A]

I'm waiting right here.

[B]

I guess, to be fair, he just sexually assaulted. Just assaulted. You also, like to. It's a public offense, and it's a felony because it's literally in, like, a government building.

[A]

Yeah. So I'm. I'm standing. I'm standing there waiting so they can see me. So I can see them. The guy that I caught walks out. Oh, no, no. The. The. The guy that was blowing him or giving him a hand job, I'm not gonna assume was in you better be.

[B]

Giving a hand job in a airport stall, girl.

[A]

You don't know gay man.

[B]

That is just.

[A]

You don't know gay men. He, the other guy comes out first, straightest passing, like, rugged, rugged cowboy hat, like whole fit on, like blue collar worker guy walks out, head down. Was he hot, Freaking out? Yeah, he was. Trade. And like, walks out, doesn't wash his hands, mind you, or his face, and just walks straight out of the bathroom. Then the guy, okay, yeah, getting on.

[B]

The plane with like, dick spit in.

[A]

Your face, is in your beard is crazy.

[B]

Like, I don't see. I don't even take that into account.

[A]

That, yeah, really chopped. And then the guy that I caught comes out and, like, head down, looks up, sees me, scurries away. Also doesn't wash his hands, nor his dick and balls. But anyways.

[B]

Nor his dick and ball.

[A]

Crying, laughing at this point. And I cannot believe that of all people that would happen to me, but thank God it happened to me. Because if it was any other person waiting in line or any other person going to the bathroom, like, they would be in jail. They would have literal charges if it was a child, like, God forbid it was a child that walked in on that. Like, holy crazy vibes. But it doesn't stop there. So I go into the stall because I was gonna. I was gonna investigate because I was like, what is going down here?

[B]

Me, when I've been wearing that trench coat every day for the past few days.

[A]

Buttoned all the way to the top. Buttoned all the way to the top. I walk in. So I find out that the toilet paper dispensers in the airport, like that are the big silver metal boxes that have, like, keys on them. You can open them all the way and it opens to the other side, which is creepy as fuck, but they're just randomly unlocked. So, like, guys test the theory out. And then I waited there, I got on Sniffy's and I downloaded the app and I hit that guy up that was in the other stall and he came and gave me Sloppy Toppy before my flight.

[B]

What? You did not tell me that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You pay for it?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

He serviced me and worshiped me. Just kidding, Obviously. But no, I was like, really? I was like, how does this fudgeing work? This is crazy. Well, like, I do my thing in the bathroom, go back to my gate. Guess who's fudgeing on my flight back to la. Of course he was going to la, the godless fucking country, or the godless city of la, where all the evil gays exist. He is on my flight also. No, Shade. Biggest ass I've ever seen in my life.

[B]

Shade. That's like, he's working it. No, he knows exactly what he has. That's what he's getting service the DFW airport, right?

[A]

I've never seen.

[B]

Wait, was it the guy who was sucking or getting this?

[A]

Getting. Getting the service done. I've never seen someone that anxious in my entire life. By the way, I'm like pacing on the phone. And also like, I was like on the phone with India at the time. Because I was.

[B]

Drew has his phone on speaker in public. If Drew calls, you don't fucking answer. Because he has the phone on speaker in public. And he was in public with his phone on speaker talking about this man.

[A]

10Ft away from that just committed a crime. I don't give a fudge. Like, I really don't care. And I was like, should I take a picture of him? So I took like three pictures of him to show India, I guess.

[B]

Yeah. You know what? To be fair, this is the best outcome is some random motherfucker is talking about you completely anonymously. We are not crazy enough to put any pictures. But like, I know what you look like. Like, actually I fully forgot what he looked like. I remember he was wearing like a light color pair of pants. Like maybe white pants. Yeah. And he had a huge ass. That's all I remember. He has a huge ass.

[A]

Like he's got that like a big stinky butt that's full of the frunk and the trunk. No, no, it was, it was head. I mean, I. I don't know what.

[B]

Happened, but to wear white pants and be playing that game in the airport bathroom. I don't think he was getting. Josie was asking if we think he got fucked in the bathroom.

[A]

But also he is. I was like, maybe this is like a part of it, like a part of the taboo for him. Like leaving the door unlocked and people catching him. Because I know that's like a thing like people like being watched or whatever.

[B]

I mean that's essentially what like couple accounts have turned into. It's like, it's just. The average American has now been taught because of how much media we watch to like low key be into voyeurism. Question mark. Like it's been trained onto us. Because one thing the US will do is it will employ the most mid average looking, usually white cops couple you've ever seen. Because Americans eat it up. And it's like all that where it's like I smacked My girlfriend's ass to see how she would, like, act or like, I. I bent over in front of my boyfriend while he was playing games.

[A]

Do you remember when we got the iPhone. Controllable. Controllable vibrator. And we went to public. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did that.

[B]

Yeah, that was fun.

[A]

So fun.

[B]

Where was it? Buffalo wild wings.

[A]

I was tweaking when it was inside of me. We did it on me first in my butt, and then we did it in my.

[B]

Yeah, my undies.

[A]

In your bajini.

[B]

But thankfully, I wore black underwear, so there was no, like, evidence that it had been your butt.

[A]

Yeah, we gotta shut the actual up. But, yeah, I caught a guy cruising in dfw. And I'm not gonna lie, DFW stands for don't women.

[B]

Apparently.

[A]

Not gonna lie. That was a very exciting moment in my life.

[B]

Yeah, that exciting happened to me while I was gone. Like.

[A]

Well, a lot of. Has happened.

[B]

A lot of things. Well, someone hit my car today.

[A]

That happened, actually. Someone hit in his car.

[B]

This is the second time. My old car never got hit. I finally got to a place where I was like, you know what? I can have, like, a nice car that would impress my parents and all my friends and also has the best sound system ever. Within a month of having that car, somebody hit the side of it, and now someone just hit it again.

[A]

So, like, someone knocked on our door this morning, and, like, I'm not gonna be mean, but, like, ozempic face down, like, melting off his body, like. And also, like, y'all think, like.

[B]

Like, mind you, the nicest man ever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But also, y'all think, like, ozempic face is like some molecular thing. No, it's because people think I have.

[B]

A Olympic face because I became a woman.

[A]

That Ozempic face because you do Ozempic. I'm tired of. I'm tired of sitting behind this fucking lie. This fucking lie. Inya does hello Zempic.

[B]

She does.

[A]

She doesn't know if.

[B]

That's not true. That's not true.

[A]

Stop being ignorant. You're ignorant.

[B]

No, people think I did Oz epic. And they're like, she has ozempic face. No, bitch, you've been looking at me since I was pretty prepubescent. Like, I literally am just like, I'm in my mid-20s.

[A]

Don't say that. Hey, guys, we're going to take a quick break to thank another sponsor of today's episode, Rocket Money. Okay, let me paint a picture for you. You sign up for and you pay $12 a month for it. And Then you make your account, and then you're paying this subscription monthly, monthly, monthly. And you only use it never, because you would never use an app like that. But you're still paying $12.99 a month for this subscription. You forget about it, but then you're charged over and over and over and over and over again. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them. In fact, I just learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month. That's where Rocket Money comes in. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. See all of your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For ones you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel them. With Rocket Money, you can create a personalized budget, see your monthly spending trends, and get bill alerts if they increase their price or if there's any unusual spending activity, or if you're getting close to your budget that will not budge. Don't budge on that budget, babes. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of. Whoa. Half a billion dollars in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using their app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com Intercom today. That's RocketMoney.com Intercom RocketMoney.com Intercom hey, guys. We wanted to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors. Quip. Okay. I went to the dentist recently, and I hadn't gone for, like, two years, and I probably been using the quip for, like, what, like, four or five months now?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the way they told me I had beautiful, stunning gums. Stunning gums.

[B]

I wasn't there. I believe it because of the toothbrush, but I think you're, like, you're making it more about something you did, and rather than actually just getting a practical, good toothbrush that, like, does the job.

[A]

Well, that's what I'm saying. The toothbrush did the job, but the hygienist was really bizarre. But she said I had beautiful gums. And I think it's because of.

[B]

No, it is.

[A]

Never, never gotten a compliment on my fucking gums before.

[B]

As somebody with a receding hairline and gum line, literally. This has changed the game because I'm not kidding. A toothbrush that stops doing its job when I'M doing a bad job is exactly what I need. Every time I'm putting too much pressure, it just turns off. And it's changed how aggressively I brush my teeth. I'm not that aggressive anymore, which is like a actual huge stone for me.

[A]

The Quip360 tea literally revolves around you. No, but it literally, it. It actually compared to my old toothbrush. I wish I could show it, but I probably am not allowed to. My old toothbrush is literally, like, boar hair and, like, 4 inches long and, like, barely fits in my mouth, so I was not getting the job done. This also, it erased my gag reflex. I don't know. Sorry.

[B]

Just for listeners of emergency intercom, get 20 off site wide in a free travel case and countertop [e-mail] intercom free your mouth today and save 20 site wide plus a free travel case and countertop stand at getquip q u I p.com intercom getquip q-u I p.com intercom Thanking you. Loving you. Thank you for keeping my mouth clean. No, I love it, though. I love it.

[A]

I love it when you eat it. I love it when you eat it.

[B]

I love it. I love it when you eat it. Oh, yeah. So he comes up to the door. I ignored the doorbell because I thought it was Josiah. And I was like, drew can get it.

[A]

Yeah. No, everyone decides to ignore the doorbell, makes me get it because I'm the.

[B]

Furthest away set up, and I had to get ready and get all beautiful for my girls.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

I didn't have.

[A]

It was honestly perfect case scenario, though, because I'm glad that happened to me, and I dealt with it. But, like, he was like, hey, is this your car? And I was like, yeah, it's one of our cars. And he was like, well, I just hit it with my rental. And I was like, oh, no worries. Like, he was. I could tell he had, like, really sincere energy. Well, he, like, takes me over to the car, and he's like, yeah, I actually, like, built the house across the street and da, da, da. And he's talking about it all.

[B]

Well, I mean, I guess I can't.

[A]

Really share much information.

[B]

She was in a RAV4, but, like, that's how Ellen saved so much money.

[A]

Yeah. The editors. The editors. And spray on, too, as well.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And there's not much to say to this story.

[B]

No, the point of the story is this video of Drew.

[A]

Yeah, he was taking a video of me or he was taking a video of the damage and Then he sent it to me, and it's. I was not. I was not prepared to be on film. Like, I was literally not prepared.

[B]

Lights, camera, action. Drew, fellow.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You play, you pay, Right?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So a little car that I accidentally hit. Me saying. Exactly. I remember correctly. Yeah. Okay. Left front damage. And I've offered to this gentleman. What's your name? Drew Phillips. Phillips. I'm happy to pay for you, Drew Phillips. Yeah, I showed him. Immediately. Immediately. Like, one. First of all, me saying, exactly. No idea what this man is talking about.

[B]

If you play, you have to pay to play.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What does that fudgeing mean, bro? You were looking at your iPhone going down to, like, a suburban street, and you hit a car.

[A]

And he was also making it very aware to me. He was like, I have money. I'm a doctor. I built this house. I am. I live in Park City, Utah. Like, he was like, making it. He was like, please. Like. But also, I don't think he wants to go through insurance because he was like, whenever you take your car to the shop, just. Just call me or have them call me, and I'll pay for everything. Oh, I wish. He hit my car and it. Jealous.

[B]

No, I'm not happy. He hit my car. I. That's. I don't own that car. That's not my car. I'm paying for that car. Like, of course, the one time I'm like. Because my last car. Yeah, I'll flex on you. I was paying to own that Ford. Eat it up. Yeah. And now my parents have it, and they've already wrecked it three times, so imagine how I feel.

[A]

And also your car, the other car that you bought.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Is sitting in a lot. Ford lot. That. It was a black car and it turned green.

[B]

No, it was a white car.

[A]

They called in his sister and was like, oh, yeah, this car, it used to be white, but it's green now. How does the car turn fucking green, bruh?

[B]

Because my family doesn't respect me.

[A]

Oh, I met someone with veneer breath. I really did. And, you know, what is that?

[B]

Is that just stink?

[A]

Oh, my God. Wait. So much has happened in my life.

[B]

I know who it is.

[A]

So much has happened in my life. This one I specifically can't talk about for a plethora of reasons. Veneer breath.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Ew. Ew. And you were in that mouth.

[A]

No, I was not that. Don't even. Don't even say that about me.

[B]

I mean, there's no evidence to back that you weren't.

[A]

Don't say that.

[B]

I let my imagination tell. Like, the thing is, if you're not gonna be a kiss and tell, well, why the did you tell me anything? Because now my imagination is running wild, and I think you and whoever the you're talking about did the nastiest I could think of. Because if I think about sex, I'm like, oh, me and my girls get pervy.

[A]

So, no, I'll tell y'all one tidbit of the story.

[B]

Consensually pervy. Come on, guys.

[A]

Like, should I tell them the one detail out front of the gym or. No.

[B]

If it's not the bottle, it's the phone.

[A]

If it's not the bottle, it's the phone. There's one moment that I'm, like, debating telling because this happened before our break. Actually, whatever. We're cutting all of that.

[B]

Well, I was lucky enough to go to Italy with my friend Rain, and it was so fun. But one of my, like, actually, the daily.

[A]

More like, literally. More like, wait, why am I.

[B]

Why am I literally in Italy right now?

[A]

Literally.

[B]

Why am I literally in Italy?

[A]

Literally.

[B]

But my most memorable moment from that trip, there was so many things that were really funny, but I was sitting outside by the pool, and I didn't have a lighter, and I wanted to smoke. So I went up to this, like, guy who worked at the hotel. I think he was a bellboy. He was. It was one of those hotels where, like, everyone's dressed like it's a Wes Anderson movie, and he was a bellboy ass. But I went up to him, I was like, oh, do you have a lighter? And he was like, oh, yes, I have a lighter. Like, how are the. You do an Italian accent. I really can't. Like, I literally can't. Like, how do you do it? Like, yes, I have a light.

[A]

Hello, I have a letter.

[B]

That's better than what I did.

[A]

Hello, I have a lighter.

[B]

Dude, you know who's really good at it is fudgeing Rain. Because me and her on one of the days we went to this, like, island where they sell glass, and a glass company sent a boat.

[A]

Y'all had a blast.

[B]

While we were in Italy.

[A]

I don't know my notes.

[B]

While we were in Italy, we went to this event, and at it, it was like, a bunch of mutual friends, and me and Rain had gone off and, like, smoked. And then when we came back, I said this. I don't think I repeated this to you, but to, like, a bunch of random guys about me and ra mean, I go, yeah, well, we just had a party of Our own. So I don't even give a about this party anymore. And with the way, like, I just present myself or maybe I just, like, think everyone thinks I'm gay because I'm scared of the fact that I am gay. Whatever.

[A]

Wait, we have to unpack that.

[B]

No. So then. No, no, I said that everyone was like, oh.

[A]

Like, oh, they thought you heard.

[B]

Oh, we just went and had a party of our own. I literally just had the best time of my life. I could go home now. I'm so sleepy. Like, I said something. It literally made it sound like we went a bunch of coke and had sex. But that is not the thing I was going to say. Essentially, this guy. I'm going to insert a picture, but we're going to have to blur the out of it. This bell boy was like, oh, yeah, I have. I have a lighter. Also, we had to go back and forth because I said matches. And I was like, for smoking, like, fire. And like, I was like doing the whole sign thing because, like, neither of us knew what the we were talking about. Also every time I spoke Spanish, it just confused. Like, confused and escalated the issue. So I wasn't doing that. And he's like, oh, okay, lighter, lighter. And he goes like this. Mind you, he's carrying a huge water jug because he's going somewhere. And I'm like, oh, my God, this is the worst thing ever. Because I thought he'd be like, yeah, I'll be back with matches. Not, like, try to, like, tend to me in the moment. And he grabs this lighter. Did I show you the one he sent me or gave me, Bruh? I think he just, like had one of those moments where I was like, oh, yeah, I have a lighter. I can literally feel it in my tight ass fucking pants right now. And he didn't think about the lighter that was in there. And he pulled it out and it was this one.

[A]

Oh my God, he pulled it out.

[B]

And like, he like, he had this water drop. So he's like, oh, yeah. And he's like holding it and going like this. Mind you, he's like around my age, like maybe like 24. So he's like this. He's like, oh, yeah. And like padding around for. And I'm just standing and like, kind of trying not to look. So I'm like, dude, just. It was like a lot.

[A]

It's icky.

[B]

And he goes to give it to me. He goes, oh, I know. You don't have to use this one. Like, he like, literally, like pulled it back. Was like, like, oh no. And like started hiding it. And he's like, I'm so sorry. And I was like, what? And I like saw it and I started cracking up and I was like, dude, no, that is perfect. Thank you.

[A]

And I like, that's exactly what you need.

[B]

And then he was like. And like, like was had the bottle and was like going to walk away. He's like, I'm so sorry. I'll like, I'll like was basically just like, I'll come back with matches. I was like, it's fine, I can use this. This is perfect. And he felt so embarrassed and he. I was at that hotel for three nights. He did not look at me one.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

He was so.

[A]

If only he knew how like Chicago. Yeah, that was like a moment.

[B]

But like, honestly, good, because a straight man should feel like he's actually attacking.

[A]

Yeah. Like that's very pervy of a straight.

[B]

Yeah. So it's disgusting. And I'm actually gonna call and I'm gonna have him.

[A]

Yeah. Get his ass.

[B]

No, I thought we were gonna key after that. He brought me matches after when I gave him back, I was like, it was perfect. Thank you so much. He was like. And like ran away.

[A]

Yeah. That is hilarious.

[B]

Oh really? Because it doesn't seem like it is.

[A]

No, that was so funny. And yeah.

[B]

Yeah, it was a really long story where. Where it was like you kind of had to be there.

[A]

Yeah, that was hilarious. What? Oh, cool. Cool. I'm just kidding. That was actually awesome. I did not know the lighter looked like that.

[B]

I know. Also in that picture, I'm covering her whole vag is out. So I think that's why it's not just like a girl with boobs. It is a completely butt naked woman on both sides. And I wish I. I've been saying this. I think I'm gonna buy the Ray Ban meta glasses. I want them so filming everything because my interactions are awesome.

[A]

Imagine I got the cruising on video. No, not in like a pervy way. So y'all could see it. No, I would watch it back later. 100. No. Well, last night we were talking in bed and just sleeps in my bed almost every night now, which is awesome.

[B]

It's a problem. Not a new big bed. And it's amazing.

[A]

Wait, did I literally not know about that?

[B]

I think you got it after.

[A]

Yeah, I got a giant. I got a king sized bed, y'all. It's.

[B]

And it's the best investment he's ever made because literally I just. I just can't stop sleeping in It.

[A]

But you're not gonna be able to for long, I'll tell you that much right now. That bed has been christened.

[B]

I know. Which actually grosses me out. I've never had to sit on your bed and think about if you've done nasty stuff on it. And then I was like, ew, Josiah. And I think he lied to me. I asked him if he was. His sheets. I know.

[A]

I. I swear to God. I swear to God, I wash my sheets. And then right after I wash my sheets, Azul got eye boogers all over them and stained them. Oh, my God. Okay. We were laying in bed last night talking, and I realized I can look at a person and based off of, like, the distance between their eyes or the distance between their nose and their mouth or the distance between their ears, like, bone structure, bone density, I can tell how much of a freak nasty they are based off of.

[B]

Not more on their personality.

[A]

No, just strictly off of the way they look. I can read them to filthy. Oh, also, Safiya, that YouTuber Safiya. Yeah. She and her husband hate each other.

[B]

I actually don't believe that. I don't believe that. The girl from buzzfeed. I don't believe that. I think she. I think they're actually really normal. I think they are shockingly so normal, because to me, no, they're not living like. It's like a Mr. Beast thing. Except I would never compare them to Mr. Beast. They're like actual, like, chill people.

[A]

No, they're lit as. Don't get me.

[B]

Oh, no. But they hate each. I don't think they.

[A]

Behind each other. Behind closed doors. There's a little tip.

[B]

Oh, no. Yeah. I think I. I think she doesn't play about that damn job.

[A]

I know that's.

[B]

That's her, but that's. That's why I'm such a d. Like, on defense of her. Because one thing about me is. I think to date me is essentially, like going to boot camp. It's like, yeah, you're gonna meet the best people ever. And genuinely, like, love the Colonel, but the Colonel is evil. And, like, the Colonel has a lot of issues. It used to be in war. Like, the Colonel doesn't play about her job. And I'm the Colonel. Colonel. So I think she's kind of like, that is like, yeah, like, sometimes the Colonel wakes up and you don't have to tuck your. Your sheets into your bed as tight because she's gonna be like, yeah, that's a good made bed. And then other times, she's Gonna see a letter picking from under your pillow and read it to the whole courtyard or wherever they sleep, but they make them all slide.

[A]

You lost me.

[B]

Oh, I was giving. I was writing a story. I was activating all your senses.

[A]

Yeah, literally.

[B]

We were doing imagination exercises. I've been trying to do that so I can, like, expand my mind and really, like, I've been trying to world build. I'm building a world of my own.

[A]

You're tweaking out. But like, for example, Josiah, not a freak nasty based off of bone structure. And. Yeah, let me see.

[B]

I'm not. I don't think I have freak nasty bone structure.

[A]

Yeah, Freak nasty bone structure me. I'm not a freak nasty. I don't have.

[B]

Yeah, girl, we saw the video.

[A]

You got me wrong.

[B]

Drew Phillips.

[A]

Wow. Wow. You have to pay to play.

[B]

And I'm here with Drew Phillips.

[A]

I was so scared when he flipped it up to me. I was like, oh, my God. Like, but I'm so glad he sent it to me. I almost asked him. He was like, do you want me to send this to you? And I was like, yes, please, please, please.

[B]

Like, you know what you're reminding me of?

[A]

Chapel Rome. Not a freak.

[B]

Who the fuck is Coco?

[A]

Who the fuck is Coco? Yeah, who the is Coco? We need to bring her on the podcast. I really need to know what her life transpired to be post.

[B]

We need to make like the Marvel universe of people like that. It's that girl. It's the guy who kicked the abortion.

[A]

Like, Turkish Quantel Dingle. Turkish Quandale Dingle.

[B]

I don't know who that is.

[A]

I don't know what that you do. The group leader. They were singing that Kanye west song, enough.

[B]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. The kid.

[A]

Nina.

[B]

Oh, Nina, Nina, Nina, Nina. Nina fell off quick.

[A]

Oh, that is in the gutter. You know who.

[B]

Oh, yeah, no, she is like. Oh, like she should have been. If Balenciaga really wanted to hard launch their esoteric, weird comeback, they should have put her on that one. Yeah, her sitting next to Devin. That's what I want. I want Mina and Devin in a campaign.

[A]

I want to see Nina and Devin interact, period.

[B]

They would have a key, though. I think I. I kind of think Devin is the kind of person that, like, you could put her in a room with anybody and she will walk out and they will have each other's numbers. Like, that woman just has a charm.

[A]

To her that she's perfect down to the last minute. Fucking teacher.

[B]

She would survive the colonel.

[A]

But you know who else fell the fuck off. You know who else fell off? Greta Thunberg. That bitch is in the gutters. Bitch. Like, sorry.

[B]

Like, literally, like, why didn't Louisville use her? Like, what?

[A]

Also, like, what. Don't even get me started. I have beef with Loewe. They stole from my girl. Ali Spagnola. They put it on the Runway. Ali Spag. We're spaggots. We're all. She did it first with the chia seed tuxedo. Then, like, four months later, the way.

[B]

They put it on the road when she went to the wine. Wine tasting.

[A]

Girl, I'm a spagot through and through. Like, don't even. Don't even try.

[B]

When she went to the wine tasting. Odd. And took the buzz back.

[A]

India, give me your hand. I love you and you're so special to me.

[B]

I love you, too.

[A]

You're gorgeous.

[B]

Oh, my God. Thank you. You look really good today, too.

[A]

Josiah, you're there.

[B]

I love Josiah. We haven't been hanging. It's actually annoying. Josiah moved closer to us, and he doesn't come over any anymore. And that's exactly what we thought.

[A]

We predicted it. We predicted it.

[B]

We're like, it's predictive programming. It's predictive programming. And now he's like, oh. He's, like, trying to sign that. Like, I've been gone, and I've been like, work. I've been working for the family.

[A]

Yeah. Putting food on the table. Paying your rent. We pay Josiah's rent. Josiah doesn't pay rent.

[B]

He said, I get no money. He's saying I get no money.

[A]

Well, you get no money. No, no swag. No swag. No, no swag. That's in. Yeah, I know. Also, you're signing, like, just. It works, actually. But what was I saying? Oh, yeah. Greta Thunberg fell off in the gutter. Her legacy being Lisbon and Lisbon lesbian. And I shouldn't be up here. Is the thing is so, like, so perfectly what's wrong with everything in this world. Because, like, she literally was that girl. She was like, fighting for the thing, climate change.

[B]

Saying she shouldn't be up here up there. Like, you're right. You should be in school. And your parents kind of suck for not letting you just go to school and be normal. Like, go to school, be normal, and then you can like. But poor girl. She was fighting for a cause that she felt so strong for.

[A]

I think still fighting for it, but in, like, 20 years, she'll probably.

[B]

Fighting where? Because I don't see her.

[A]

Wait, can she. She be president?

[B]

Can she? I Think you have to be, like, a certain age and you have to be born in the US to be the president.

[A]

She was skipping class. Josiah said she didn't want to be in school. She. She did all that. Like, me faking sick to get out of class, me faking to be a climate change activist to skip class. But that's looking to be a martyr.

[B]

For a cause after finding out about. What's her name. The one. No, the one girl who. She learned how to read and it was illegal, and she actually, she never. I guess. See, actually, no, Malala Loki never fell off. Like, Malala is always that girl. Greta, you fell off because. Seriously, what the are you talking about? Like, we, like, don't. Like what?

[A]

No, I support everything. Don't get me wrong.

[B]

No, I do. But, like, you know what I mean?

[A]

Like, she.

[B]

She literally was in school. She learned about Malala. She was like, wait, there's a method to the madness. I really. With sustainability. Let me just see if this will get me out of class and it works.

[A]

Skipping class by netspend.

[B]

Oh, whoa.

[A]

I'm 27 years old and I love that.

[B]

No, and you're doing the right thing. It's actually very smart where you're doing.

[A]

No, actually, what you're doing here is actually really smart. What you're doing right now is really smart.

[B]

Did you have roaches growing up?

[A]

Yes. Oh, my God. We had roaches that would fly around and, like, attack and like.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

No. They would literally come out. Water bugs. Water bugs. They would attack the out of us. And I didn't really. I wasn't scared of them until I saw my mom petrified. If you bring a roach around my mom, she will literally, like, cut off an arm to get away.

[B]

Well, did you have roaches? Yeah, but we had, like, the baby ones that, like, I saw a tick tock recently that was like a. The tiny roaches are a sign that, like, the nest is huge, and it's like a huge infestation. Growing up in our first. First house, we had roaches. And, like, there is a certain kind of terror you carry after having an infestation of roaches that never goes away. Because I feel like, were the roaches getting in your house or were the roaches there to stay?

[A]

They were there. We had roaches and mice.

[B]

Oh, yeah. We had hella rats. Like, I know the smell of a dead rat. A dead rat and a cracker.

[A]

Dead rat in a crack.

[B]

Like, to me, it is all.

[A]

Don't know what I'm referencing. No, the girl when she gets hit in the throat. No. She's walking by the pile of Dr. Peppers, and her friend put a fake rat on it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a black toilet, and I don't know, thought that was okay because I haven't seen, like, anything that's come out of my body. And now when I go to a toilet that's normal and, like, not a black hole of despair, and I go to look in. Because you're supposed to be looking in the toilet to see if you're healthy. It's literally terrifying.

[A]

I bet we could ask the plumber today if we can change it.

[B]

I think I need to because it's very, very, very decentering.

[A]

Like, it's.

[B]

Yeah. To wake up in the morning and poop. I don't know. My health, because I haven't seen my poop in literally two months. Yeah. You can't see anything in it. I don't know the color of my pee. I don't know when I start my period. Like, I just.

[A]

Wait. Let's have that conversation. India took a piss in my toilet, like, three nights ago. It was. It was the darkest urine I have ever seen. Stank. Like, bacterial vaginosin. Yeah. Fishy fish.

[B]

Oh, my God. That's not true. That's not true. We actually don't need to start the rumor that I'm, like, one of those dirty, nasty girls because I take care of myself. Like, I, like, literally, like, there's maintenance, there's maintenance. There's weekly maintenance. And sometimes, you know what? I'm in a bad place and it's not getting the work it needs. But the bridge is back down. The people are re. Entering the city. It is bustling. It is alive. My body is back.

[A]

No. India takes care of herself, but she just had one day where that urine.

[B]

I haven't been drinking as much water because all of my. That's not my company. Those banks. That's not my company. That's not my company. That's not my bottle.

[A]

Don't yell at us about the price.

[B]

That's not my bottle. They played their cards right. That's not my bottle. They used me. They used me, and I'm gonna come after them. Not actually because I don't give a fuck, but, like, that's not my bottle. They just sent me the bottle for free. Against my will. Against my will. They found my address and they sent me things, and I'm so happy about it. But. But that is. The only way I drink water, is if I have one of those big stupid bottles in my hand and I've been traveling and working and moving around a bunch, so all of my bottles have collected in my car. And last night I was brave and I took all of them out because seeing the color of my pee, I was like, guys, I'm going through it. Actually, no, I'm coming out of going through it because I was you're coming out. Coming. She had no idea that song would be huge with gay people.

[A]

Or she did and she had no idea it would be huge with straight.

[B]

No, I think she had that song written. She had that song given to her, right? She wrote the song.

[A]

Have you all ever accidentally seen my balls and not said anything?

[B]

No, because I would scream. I would be disgusted.

[A]

Really?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay. Just needed to know that I have.

[B]

A dear friend of mine who is starting an underwear business and I've been helping her kind of get her groundings. And immediately when we start talking about website building, I thought of Shopify. Because Shopify makes navigating all the information that you are about to be thrown at, or I guess thrown at you into one place where it's super easy to navigate. You can literally be home of the number one checkout on the planet. And not so secret. Secret with Shop Pay that boosts conversions.

[A]

Of to 50% of Shop. Shop. Shopify. More like Shop. I'm a guy, okay?

[B]

But seriously, any website I've ever built, I use Shopify. It gets the job done. It's super easy, super simple to navigate and really just makes running your business so much simpler and also assists in growing your business. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Alo Yoga uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.comintercom all lowercase go to shopify.comintercom to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.comIntercom with the Venmo Debit card, you can turn the mini golf outing your co workers paid you back for into a trip to Miami with your best friend, earning you up to 5% cash back. Use Venmo to pay for the things you love to do. Visit Venmo Me Debit to learn more. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank N.A. pursuant to license by MasterCard International, Inc. Term Supply Dosh Cash back Term Supply Any vehicle can take you places, but why stop there? The Alfa Romeo Tonale combines luxurious Italian design and electrifying performance to make every mile a masterpiece and every arrival unforgettable. When precision meets instinct and power moves with purpose, you never have to Stay in a lane. Experience a world without limits in the Alfa Romeo Tonale Plug In Hybrid. Tap the banner to learn more. Alfa Romeo is a registered trademark of FCA Group Marketing SpA. Used with permission. Oh, but basically I was thinking about.

[A]

How I. I've seen yours and I've seen your bajini.

[B]

Yeah, You've seen me?

[A]

Yes. They fell out of your boxers. Morning.

[B]

Ew. You've seen my prickly pear? Cuz I don't give a. When you see me naked.

[A]

Inya's got a fur ball. I coughed up a lot of. I felt like a cat years ago when I was 17. Yes.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Whoa. Catching Fire. Hunger Games and Chick Monks. Chipmunks. Chipwrecked were filmed on the same beach.

[B]

Like, that being. Is there any other slides or is it just that scene?

[A]

Just that scene.

[B]

That's like. I wish it was more like, why didn't they all film in the same jungle? Because what happened in Chipwrecked, I have no. I don't remember that movie at all. I really want to re watch Shrek 2, which sounds like the most, like, Shrek ass thing ever. But Shrek 2 was the best movie and it was the gayest Shrek movie. And it was so good musically and musically. And I saw screenshots of like, the fake rodeo they made. And now after living in LA this long, I'm like, damn, I really need to see this. Because the best part about living in LA is now a bunch of movies I rewatch. I'm like, I frequently.

[A]

Grand Theft Auto.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I literally, like when I first moved here was like, I've literally been here in Grand Theft Auto.

[B]

Y'all better not play GTA in front of me because I already can't shut up about the fact that I'm from Miami.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Like, I've actually been there. That's actually funny because before that was there, this was there.

[A]

It's actually a lot smaller in the game than it is in real life.

[B]

It's huge. You wouldn't believe it. And then you get there in person. Is not that much bigger.

[A]

Something we don't talk about enough. And I wish Kai was here to get berated by us because we don't talk about this moment enough. And I saw it the other day. Sand.

[B]

Whoa. Was that not good? No one caught that, like, okay, I guess it was bad.

[A]

We don't talk about Bruno.

[B]

Yeah, girl.

[A]

That monster damage. We'll get back, though.

[B]

That was good. You guys are sleeping. Oh. But when people are commenting Bruno in the comments, then y'all are gonna feel left out.

[A]

But something we don't talk about enough is sand literally falling out of Kaishu. Like, he lifted his foot up and like, a pound of sand dusted out and fell on the floor of our kitchen. Yeah. Like, it literally. It was like, thanos snap. Like, but with his toes.

[B]

It really was also because it was his toes. It did feel like in a movie when someone starts disintegrating because it always starts from there.

[A]

Yeah, it just like, was he even at the beach?

[B]

Why? And why were those your shoes at the beach? Where did all of that come from?

[A]

We really need to have a conversation about this with him the next episode. And he's going to listen to this and he's going to try to defend himself. But, like, don't even.

[B]

Don't even listen to this and try to defend his honor.

[A]

Don't even try to text me about it, because we're going to talk about this next week. Mickey 17. Worst movie I've ever seen in my life.

[B]

Have you seen it?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, I didn't know you saw it already. You see. You see everything without me. You fucking hate me.

[A]

Worst fucking movie I have ever seen. It is a satire that happened five years too late. And the dick writing I have seen for it is literally. It makes me feel dumb and stupid in my head. I love him. I love. I love the host. That was, like, one of my first favorite movies ever. I remember watching it over and over and over again. So I understand. Like, he has an obsession with, like, creatures. But, like, how do you go from Parasite to that? Like, girl?

[B]

Like, I want to watch it, but, like, I. Sometimes I hate that for creatives because when somebody makes something that good, I'm like.

[A]

Like, it's impossible.

[B]

No matter what you do next, people aren't going to be happy.

[A]

And I went into it expecting, not the best movie ever, but not to be satisfied. Yeah, like, I expected. Not. I did not expect Parasite by any means. I expected, like, a super Americanized version of, like, whatever, a creature film. But, like. Because I saw, like, videos about it. But, like, damn, I did. It did not resonate with me at all. Like, there were points in the movie where I was like, oh, I might actually get up.

[B]

Well, because does every movie need to be about, like, some gay, Like, a person with an iPhone?

[A]

Yes. Wait, what?

[B]

Because you said it just, like, didn't. Like, maybe you just didn't feel like you were being shown in it. So I'm just saying, like, if. Is that what it's going to take?

[A]

I'm not gay.

[B]

I'm not gay. Ew. Do the hell that you're doing. Yeah. Help. It sounds like you. Help me.

[A]

Wow, that was just silent.

[B]

It does sound like. Help. No. Show the video. Pull up the evidence, y'all.

[A]

I got a hotel for two days because I was expecting a crash out. I thought I was gonna, like, literally be sad, and I was like, I don't want to taint the energy of the new house with sadness.

[B]

He fully did crash out, and he crashed out over not getting a text back. And he literally was the craziest I've ever seen him act.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he was tweaking out, and he couldn't hear any positive reinforcement. So, like, literally, the three of us were just sitting, and we were, like, watching him lose his mind. And it was amazing. But that's good. That means I just have to get a really nice camera. So, like, for your big crash out. Oh, we're making Taxi Driver too.

[A]

No, literally, also, you have the video.

[B]

On your phone, and you're not gonna see it, but.

[A]

Yeah. I got a hotel room for two days to crash out because I was like, dark, darkness, darkness, darkness. I didn't want to taint the energy of my new home, and I did exactly that. And then.

[B]

Somebody help me. Help.

[A]

Mind you, I get to this hotel room, and I'm alone, and I direct. I go directly to the hallway closet, shut it behind me, and sit on the floor of it for an hour. Just, like, in the darkness. Not crying, not being sad. Just, like, sitting in the darkness. It's a nice hotel room, too. I should have explored a little bit. Should have gone by the pool.

[B]

No, that was nice. I think the. I think the way you did it was perfect. Sitting in the closet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I set myself up every time, bro.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I just, like, screamed my voice away, by the way.

[B]

No, you've been losing your voice over the past three days.

[A]

Should I, like, scream really loud and completely lose it?

[B]

Would you lose it?

[A]

I think. Yeah. I think so. And I think, like, people with rest be voices are so sexy. Like, imagine, like, meeting all the people in New York, and I'm like, hey, that would be kind of cute.

[B]

Like.

[A]

Yeah, Mickey. 17 bunk as we. I saw Barbie's movie.

[B]

I have to see it.

[A]

It is so good.

[B]

And, like, I know I've only heard people talk about how good it is.

[A]

It is the most, like, wholesome, like, feel good movie. Like, cry at the end. Like, it was so good. And Barbie's performance was legitimately, like, one of my favorite performances. I've seen. I need to see it in the last six months. Like, she went ape. And, like, not that I didn't know she had that in her, but, like, to a certain degree, I was like. I was genuinely shocked. I was like, oh, she's acting her boots off.

[B]

Like, dude, I'm so excited for, like.

[A]

Like, all Bob Trevino cuts hair.

[B]

But my media of the week. Next time somebody pisses you off, just set them up to give you head. Like, the exact day you stop bleeding. Like, on that day that, you know, if you did a few jumping jacks, you would, like, launch out, like, the last membranes. Just make sure someone gives you head right in that, like, radioactive state of disaster. And that, to me, would be the best revenge. Because what you're going to be like, the worst case scenario is that person walks away and they're like, dude, her tasted like ass. I'm like, yeah, I was on my period. Like, what?

[A]

Her tastes like butt. Her tastes like a butthole.

[B]

Well, they are very close. That's so gross. Okay. The last thing I'll say is gonna hurt Drew's feelings.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

But okay. Actually, not really, because I don't feel this way about yours. But you know those wine bottles with the like. Like the ones you have in your room with that flip cap? Those at a restaurant make me feel so nasty for some reason. Like, I just feel like a bottle shaped like that does not get cleaned the amount it should be cleaned.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And to the extent it should be cleaned for everyone's nasty hands going in there. And I just think about, like, when someone has their earrings in for too long and it cakes up and gets disgusting, which is the nastiest guy trait ever. And I'm so fucking tired of men taking like. Like, effeminate traits and doing it. And you're doing it nasty. You're getting a manicure of a color too dark, but you can't see that there's dirt under your nails because you're a animal. And you're not somebody who's scrubbing your nails before you touch people. Nasty monster. And that's how I feel about men with earrings because they always get their ears pierced and they never take it out. And it smells like ass crack of Notre Dame. It's so nasty. But that is what I imagine for the wine bottle. Like, things at restaurants is like, it was just all that fucking gunk from nasty. Go to restaurants and they don't wash their hands and they touch everything and everything is fucking nasty. And I hate those. And I hate. I Know, sustainability. It is the ugliest fucking thing ever. Stop cutting glass bottles in half and making them cups, because it's not a cup. It is a bottle cut in half. And I hate those cups. And, like, the bottom of wine glasses is. Is so the bull ugly. The nipple. Like, if I wanted to suck on a nipple, I'd get on my phone and make it happen.

[A]

She'd come to me, and if I wanted to suck a nipple, I'd be sucking hers.

[B]

Oh, that's so gross to think about me sucking. Guys, my boobs deflated, and I just have skin socks. And when I bend over, it literally, like, I look like the woman from Barber.

[A]

You know those, like, punching bags where you go, yeah, that's what I'm giving. That's what I do.

[B]

And I'm not gonna do anything about it. Honestly. Like, for a long time, I was like, I'm gonna get my boobs done. I'm gonna get my boobs done. Honestly, there's something, like, crazy about that. For what? Literally, for what?

[A]

Because I think about the drainage.

[B]

So in my head that I every. Everybody I met, I'd be like, I got my boobs done. And then, like, it would be like a useless conversation because I'm just, like, weirdly insecure. And I'd be like, oh, you can tell I did something to my boobs because I did something to my boobs.

[A]

You would make it interesting because you're very interested.

[B]

Thanks, but I don't want to because it's, like, too much work. Also, I genuinely think if somebody cut me open and I woke to that, I would kill myself.

[A]

Well, that's what I'm saying. The drainage pipes afterwards, like, I don't think you could handle.

[B]

That's disgusting. But I don't mean it's disgusting. Like, girl, if you get your done, like, kudos. Like, I just can't because something's wrong with me. And every day, wait, my waking up, my whole existence feels like the. Like I'm paralyzed. I paralyzed. I paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. I paralyzed. That was just everybody day. The reason I think I smoke so much is because last year I became so. Just like, disconnected. And I think about how often I called myself stupid. It was fully just because I know too much and I don't want to talk. I literally don't want to talk about anything. And every day, my existence has felt like at least one moment. I wake up and I come to and I'm like, paralyzed. Apparel bones. That is what my existence feels like, literally. But, yeah, I really hate those restaurants. Not nasty bottles. They're so. I also hate like a restaurant dispenser. The plastic ones that like have the spring that they really don't work. And you know that whoever touched it last because you're about to do the same thing is dig their hands in there. And I just think about how dirty. So I never use the top napkins because also those top napkins, you know what I'm rubbing against all the plastic. So like if I use napkins from something like that, I'll make sure to use the center of the napkins from the ones laid under it because the side ones have already ripped across and wiped down this fucking plastic contraption.

[A]

You know what I hate is the soap dispensers that you have to go.

[B]

You have to touch, you have to.

[A]

Finger them or you hit it with your palm, palm. And it squirts it out those. Because every once in a while my fingers will graze like the mechanism underneath and it's like dried cake. Like soap that's been there for months, if not years, it's never been cleaned and it'll flake into the palm of my hand. Hate that. Hate that. Also, I hate wet countertops more than anything in the world. Like literally a wet sink will make me lose my mind. Like, oh. Cuz all I can think is the.

[B]

Germs residing in the pools.

[A]

Yeah, like the pools, the pools, the.

[B]

Body of the water. The body. The bodies of water holding water hold bacteria. The bodies water hold bacteria.

[A]

The brain, the body keeps the score. Everything about that. Think about that.

[B]

But yeah, I. With all my time to myself in my brain, I have thought a lot about all the things that I thought were normal and they're not. Because I don't think anybody should feel that way about wine bottles. But I'm sure someone out there feels that.

[A]

Like they get it.

[B]

Dr. Corner.

[A]

Wait. That a INYA might be into bestiality with a goat like me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

In coochie. Tastes like laptops.

[B]

Sounds good to me.

[A]

BPD BPD this, BPD that. I want to be putting this P on his D. Okay. That was from Graystar.

[B]

They asked me to call them Gray Star Enterprises. That's what that sounds like. Your face right now. Like for what you're looking up versus like the face of seriousness. You have the face. This is the face of seriousness.

[A]

Someone emailed me. So my best friend and I went to Oak Lawn in Dallas on Friday the 20th. Around 1am we realized her phone was gone. We were so fixated on the missing Phone. Not even because it was an iPhone 16, but because we had waited over a month for our emergency intercom cases that were back ordered. We finally got them. I have the inu one, she had the Drew one and her phone went missing. All we could think about. The phone case is gone. IPhone 16 replaceable, the case devastated. Anyways, we didn't end up finding her phone. We didn't end up finding her phone. And by the next morning, we realized her wallet was gone too. She literally got pickpocketed in a gayborhood. Well, we should send.

[B]

We should send her a case.

[A]

Yeah, we should.

[B]

I'm literally such a good person. What the. Like what? Wait, I hear stories like that and genuinely, I think, send her a case. No, that is crazy. Also, how did you not notice your. What? Being so caught up about the case that you don't realize your whole wall is missing? Also, I think, like, you are the type of person, if your phone went missing, you would destroy the night. I think if my phone went missing, the night could go on. And honestly, the mic. No, the night might get better.

[A]

I would not destroy the night. I. I really. If. If I was drunk, I would not destroy the night.

[B]

Oh, if you were drunk, but you're never drunk anymore, so you would destroy the night.

[A]

Straight pubic hair scares me so bad. That is not a bush. That is a weeping willow.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm going to pull your pants down.

[A]

I just read one that just, like, physically, like, made me cringe.

[B]

Oh, my God. Imagine it was yours that made him cringe.

[A]

Oh, yeah. If we weren't Brockhampton's. If we weren't Brockhampton stands together. Please don't say we go way back.

[B]

Me, when I was the colonel of.

[A]

Brockhampton, imma fly a lucky follower out to my house to fuck them. Okay, I'm a fly a lucky follower out to my house to tell them my theories. Would you break up with your boyfriend if you found out he could do the splits?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Ups, United Penis Services, Dropping dick off daily.

[B]

Okay, enough.

[A]

I want to wax for a living, but I'm scared as. Oh, wait, I want to. I want to wax for a living, but I'm scared I'm gonna eat one and get fired. That's literally me.

[B]

Okay, well, my media or.

[A]

Yeah, media. Sorry, y'all, those psyops suck.

[B]

No, that was awesome. I can't think of anything. Relationships by Heim. Love that song.

[A]

Yeah, I was about to say that.

[B]

That song is awesome. No, no, immediately.

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, wait. Actually, I'll just go through the first six songs, I Touched, I Touch Roses by Book of Love. We're Almost There. Michael Jackson, Somebody Loves Me, Sister Sledge, Bye, Sisters, Four, five, four, and Borderline by Madonna.

[A]

I'm Borderline Personality Disorder by Madonna. I really have only been listening to Salem, like, only.

[B]

That's a really scary vibe.

[A]

I know. I know. It's. It's like normally when I listen to it, like, it feels. I can't. I can't say the reason why I listen to it, but there's. There's the. Normally when I'm listening to Salem, there's a reason, but I don't have that reason this time, and I'm listening to it just for fun and I kind of love it.

[B]

Oh, that is awesome. Was it a sad reason?

[A]

No, I'd like no reason at all, really. I just like it. Asia by Salem, Confused, Red Lights by Salem. I really like Not Much of a Life. It's not much of a life we're leading.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Living.

[B]

Is that Lana? Am I literally.

[A]

No, it's Salem.

[B]

Oh. What?

[A]

Yeah, it. No, they sampled Rihanna. Oh.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I like this song. Thrown around by James Blake. Hell of a Ride by Nourished By Time and then Gay Guy by DJ Assault. And just know there have been a major. There was a major event that happened in LA that we can't talk about because Kai decided to ditch us today, but we'll talk about it next week. We'll go into it. But just know I'm a star, I'm talented. People want to sit and look at me in my face and tell me I can't sing when I can get on stage in front of 1600 people in flawlessly Flawless.

[B]

Wanna be me, be me I'm on my Chris.

[A]

Breezy, breezy, flawlessly Sing Kitty Cat and Countdown.

[B]

I know Josiah's had you beat since.

[A]

He was 8, since he was on America's Got Talent. Wait, I just put something together that I can't say until after the podcast and you're gonna die laughing. Yeah, but. Yeah. Yeah, but. Okay. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. We'll never leave you again. That is a lie. We will one day. We will one day soon probably. We will probably vanish and there may never be us ever again. But there are me. Fuck, that was disgusting. We may leave one day very soon. And I'm soft launching the demise of the podcast. But I love you.

[B]

That's not true.

[A]

That's not true.

[B]

Who would you believe? Me or Drew? I bet.

[A]

I bet. Who does it better, me or Drew? Me or Drew. All right. Peace and love. Bye, guys.

[B]

This episode is brought to you by Universal Pictures.

[A]

Today's the day. From Universal Pictures and Blumhouse. Come a storm. Storm of terror. From the director of the Shallows. The Woman in the Yard. Don't let her in. Where does she come from? What does she want? When will she leave? The Woman in the Yard in theaters now.