this episode sucks

Summary

Summary of "This Episode Sucks" - Emergency Intercom Podcast (October 11, 2024)

Hosts: Enya Umanzor & Drew Phillips

In this episode of Emergency Intercom, hosts Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips navigate through a whirlwind of topics ranging from their adventurous trip to Big Sur, cultural critiques, social media antics, to personal anecdotes—all delivered with their signature comedic flair. Here's a comprehensive breakdown of the episode's key discussions, insights, and humorous exchanges.

---

1. Introduction and Setting the Tone (02:07 - 03:04)

The episode kicks off with Enya introducing herself as "Enya Demonster" and Drew as "Drew the Grave," immediately establishing a playful and irreverent atmosphere.

• Enya (02:07): "Welcome to Emergency Intercom. Now introducing Drew the Grave."
• Drew (02:15): "It's night time. We don't do this at night very often. And when we do, let's just say things get a little freaky."

This light-hearted banter sets the stage for the episode's blend of humor and candid conversation.

2. Beyoncé's Influence and Grammy Critique (03:04 - 04:13)

Enya opens with a heartfelt homage to Beyoncé, highlighting her pivotal role in their lives and careers.

• Enya (02:31): "If it wasn't for Beyoncé, we would have nothing. And I just want to make it very clear that everything we do is for Beyoncé."

The conversation swiftly transitions to a critique of the Grammy Awards, with both hosts expressing skepticism about the institution's integrity.

• Drew (03:28): "I think the Grammys are a scam."
• Enya (03:37): "This bullshit means nothing, really."

Their disdain underscores a broader commentary on the value and recognition within the music industry.

3. Adventures in Big Sur: Planning and Perils (04:13 - 09:52)

a. Changing Plans: From Iceland to Big Sur (04:13 - 06:17)

What was initially planned as a serene trip to Iceland took a chaotic turn due to unfavorable weather conditions and logistical woes. Drew humorously recounts his decision-making process.

• Drew (04:22): "I was just like, honestly, wait, we should."
• Enya (04:32): "Yeah. Should we do that?"

Their candid reflections reveal the unpredictability of travel plans and the challenges of spontaneous adventures.

b. Navigating Road Closures and Camping Challenges (06:17 - 09:52)

Upon arriving in Big Sur, Enya and Drew faced unexpected road closures, leading to an impromptu sleepover in their car.

• Enya (06:24): "It is not a movie."
• Drew (11:15): "We just literally pulled off on the side of the PCH and slept in the car for four hours."

Despite the hurdles, they find moments of beauty in nature, appreciating the "magical" landscape amidst the chaos.

• Enya (05:42): "It's a little comfortable in here, you know, it's like, it's like, yeah."
• Drew (13:41): "I get some of the best magical... the fog rolling in over it was like all cows."

4. Social Media Shenanigans and Mental Health (09:52 - 15:28)

Enya delves into her experiences managing a clandestine fan account for Caitlin Bennett, revealing the lengths she went to engage with followers and manipulate online narratives.

• Enya (27:08): "I was in group chats, I was chatting with them in DMs... I was defending her... 'Caitlyn did not shit herself.'"

This segment highlights the blurred lines between authentic interaction and performative online behavior, touching upon themes of mental health and personal boundaries.

5. World Wonders and Modern Society's Misconceptions (15:28 - 27:08)

The duo engages in a satirical examination of the Seven Wonders of the World, debunking myths and expressing frustration over societal misconceptions.

• Enya (47:08): "The Great Wall of China is 13,171 miles long."
• Drew (54:06): "The Great Pyramids of Giza. Yeah, that makes sense."

Their humorous take underscores a critical view of how modern society perceives and values historical landmarks.

6. Absurd Health Theories: Microplastics in the Bloodstream (42:33 - 43:18)

In a blend of humor and satire, Enya and Drew explore the exaggerated fears surrounding microplastics in the human body.

• Enya (42:33): "If you lose blood, some of that blood might have microplastics in it."
• Drew (43:23): "Someone saying this, like, online. Like, seriously."

Their discussion mocks the propagation of unfounded health theories, emphasizing the importance of critical thinking.

7. Modern Life, Social Norms, and Personal Relationships (35:29 - 44:17)

The conversation shifts to their frustrations with contemporary life, including dysfunctional public spaces and the complexities of maintaining friendships.

• Enya (38:50): "I have no idea what there is to do anymore."
• Drew (39:17): "There's like a three cute parks that I've been to..."

Their candid dialogue reflects a sense of disconnection and the challenges of finding meaningful engagement in urban settings.

8. Movies, Social Interactions, and Personal Growth (55:12 - 68:24)

Enya and Drew review the movie "Substance," discussing its impact on their perspectives and the broader implications of media consumption.

• Drew (68:47): "I actually loved it so much and it made me audibly laugh so many times."
• Enya (67:02): "I've seen it twice in the last week."

Their reflections reveal how media can influence personal emotions and social interactions, blending humor with genuine appreciation.

9. Personal Interactions and Mutual Affection (68:24 - 83:59)

The episode culminates in a heartfelt yet humorous exchange about their personal relationship, boundaries, and mutual support.

• Enya (72:36): "Who's going to sell me my iPhone?"
• Drew (56:13): "When you start touching my penis and butthole, it gets really jarring..."

Their open dialogue about physical affection and personal boundaries adds depth to their comedic rapport, showcasing vulnerability amidst humor.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Enya (02:31): "If it wasn't for Beyoncé, we would have nothing."
• Drew (03:28): "I think the Grammys are a scam."
• Drew (04:22): "I was just like, honestly, wait, we should."
• Enya (05:42): "Once we were in it, it was iconic."
• Drew (11:15): "We just literally pulled off on the side of the PCH and slept in the car for four hours."
• Enya (27:08): "I was in group chats, I was chatting with them in DMs... I was defending her..."
• Enya (47:08): "The Great Wall of China is 13,171 miles long."
• Enya (42:33): "If you lose blood, some of that blood might have microplastics in it."
• Drew (68:47): "I actually loved it so much and it made me audibly laugh so many times."
• Enya (38:50): "I have no idea what there is to do anymore."
• Enya (72:36): "Who's going to sell me my iPhone?"

---

Conclusion

"This Episode Sucks" exemplifies Emergency Intercom's ability to intertwine humor with introspection. Through their exaggerated tales, satirical critiques, and candid conversations, Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips create an engaging narrative that entertains while prompting listeners to reflect on societal norms, personal relationships, and the unpredictability of life. Whether recounting their tumultuous trip to Big Sur or dissecting the absurdities of modern health theories, the hosts deliver a memorable episode that balances wit with genuine connection.

Transcript

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[Enya]

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[Drew]

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[Enya]

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[Drew]

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[Enya]

Welcome to Emergency Intercom. Now introducing Drew the Grave. I'm happy to be here. And now introducing Enya Demonster. Boo.

[Drew]

Why am I the monster?

[Enya]

Now let's have a good show.

[Drew]

Snl Be like.

[Enya]

Hey, guys, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.

[Drew]

It's night time. We don't do this at night very often. And when we do, let's just say things get a little freaky.

[Enya]

It's a little comfortable in here, you know, it's like, it's like, yeah.

[Drew]

So true. I love you.

[Enya]

I love you. I want to start this episode out I want to start this episode out by saying if it wasn't for Beyonce, we would have nothing. And I just want to make it very clear that everything we do is for Beyonce.

[Drew]

I don't stand with this.

[Enya]

And she changed our lives. And honestly, if we take anything away from her, she can just have my spot.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. Yeah, I mean, it was a problem one time or not one time. There was talks of my remix being nominated for. Yeah, it was going to get album of the year even though it was just single. And I found out through some higher ups that that was not Going to satisfy.

[Enya]

Yeah. Beyonce was not fucking happy with it.

[Drew]

It actually is fucked up. Got an album of the year. I'm not kidding.

[Enya]

It's toxic.

[Drew]

Like, I know she has a lot of Grammys, but come on. How does she not have album of the year? But I think the Grammys are a scam. But also, when my faves win, I'm like, faves lose.

[Enya]

I'm like, yes. This bullshit, it means nothing, really.

[Drew]

Like, the dichotomy of what the Grammy institution is. Is disgusting. It's repulsive. But when my girls win and I see that picture, I'm happy.

[Enya]

I'm happy.

[Drew]

I'm happy. Like, I won.

[Enya]

I'm happy. Okay, guys, we did the big thing. We went to Big Sur again.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

Like, the tea is. Enya surprised me with a trip to Iceland, but it just wasn't the right time. We had work. We just had things to do. It was a little chilly.

[Drew]

It was also fucked up so bad. It's like, the dream location for you, but also me, but specifically for Drew. And I was like, I'm gonna. Like, I'm gonna be so kind. I'm gonna just book the tickets. Like, fuck it. I'm just gonna do it. And then the more I looked into, it was like, it is the most dangerous and awful time to go to Iceland at the end of October.

[Enya]

Do not go early.

[Drew]

The exact dates I had booked. It was like, this is the worst time. You can't really go anywhere. It's snowing. It's raining. It's, like, sleeting. It's awful. It's like, there's black ice everywhere. You will probably crash and die. So you'll just stay in your hotel the whole time. And I was just like, honestly, wait, we should.

[Enya]

Yeah. Should we do that?

[Drew]

We should.

[Enya]

Mm. But die. Yeah. So we were gonna go to Iceland. It was gonna be a movie. It was gonna be a vibe. We were gonna record a couple episodes out there, but it just wasn't the time. It was too chilly vibes. So instead, it was too chilly vibes. Instead, we decided to just take a weekend up in Big Sur, and. And it was. Before we get into how hellish it was, the entire trip as a whole was literally one of the greatest vacations I've ever been on in my entire life. Like, once we were in it, it was iconic. Like, I got some pictures of myself and Enya and Josiah that, like, literally, people, like, travel across the world and wait hundreds and hundreds of years or.

[Drew]

30 years that got his first, like, real Nice camera. And he's like, yeah, I took that well.

[Enya]

No, like you're about.

[Drew]

You're like one step away from adding the, like, putting the camera on.

[Enya]

Shot on 35.

[Drew]

No putting the camera emoji. And other people's comments like, tag me, tag me.

[Enya]

No, you have to admit, like, the pictures I got were pretty goaded. They ate down. But the drive up there, I'm not kidding, it made me want to pull my intestines out of my fucking ass and hang myself with my small intestine and just like, oh my God, it was horrible.

[Drew]

At least it would hold you up because it's so full of poop.

[Enya]

Exactly. Yeah. I'm very constipated right now.

[Drew]

We are just.

[Enya]

It is not a movie. Well, I was like, let's leave earlier in the day so we can have a night there to chill and vibe out. Well, that didn't work out. And so we left at like 9pm and it's a six hour drive up. We should have just fucking flew. But it's a six hour drive up and the closer we got, the more we were like, wait, we're going like up and around. Like, this is insane.

[Drew]

Which that happened last time. But it was right after the landslide on the pch. And then this time I had used Apple maps, which I don't with Apple maps.

[Enya]

I love Apple. Apple all the way.

[Drew]

And Apple maps randomly started being like, there's no roads. Like we can't give you any. Any directions up here. And I was like, okay, that's funny. Like, that's weird. I'll just use Google. And then I started to use Google and it was telling us we could go. But then the Apple thing really started getting in my freaking head. And on the drive up I was like, what is this?

[Enya]

Something is seriously off.

[Drew]

Like something storms in the east.

[Enya]

I don't know why is it.

[Drew]

It's like. Which is in the east. A storm's a brewing. It's like from.

[Enya]

You're scaring me.

[Drew]

No, people on Tick Tock. Use it for the hurricanes.

[Enya]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Drew]

It's like winds in the east.

[Enya]

The. Oh, what is the one that I like.

[Drew]

I need that audio. And then. Fuck. What's the other one?

[Enya]

The Stuck in Folsom Prison. Like that one.

[Drew]

I don't know.

[Enya]

The Johnny Cash. It's like, just look up Folsom Prison.

[Drew]

Like when you look up Johnny Cash, it's Johnny Cash. Hurricanes.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

This one?

[Enya]

Yeah, it's rolling around the bin like that fucking song. It's canceled. It's over. Also, I decided what I'm starting to do is when I call someone and they don't answer my phone or I text someone and they don't answer my text back for days, they're canceled. I'm canceling them. I've canceled, like, most of my friends. They're all over.

[Drew]

What's crazy is I know there's at least three times on the podcast where we've been like, I hate when people just get mad when I don't text back. Like, it's not that big of a deal.

[Enya]

Like, millions. But it's different. Like, it is really different because I am mentally ill and, like, very unstable constantly. And honestly, like, recently, I've been destabilized very heavily.

[Drew]

My spinal fluid and stabilizer.

[Enya]

Yeah, exactly, the stabilizer. We didn't even finish this first story.

[Drew]

Oh, sorry, Sorry.

[Enya]

No, that was my bad.

[Drew]

Yeah, actually, it is your fault. And when I think about it, a lot of bad.

[Enya]

It was a lot of thinking about the witches.

[Drew]

A lot of bad things that happen from you. A lot of bad things happen from you.

[Enya]

The witches are brewing their potions. Yeah, but. So we're driving. We're like, oh. Like, it's saying no roads. But I'm just like, let's just like, thug it out. We'll, like, get up there and like, whatever happens, happens. We'll cross the bridge when we get there. Well, we pull up and I'm driving down this road. It's the only road into Big Sur from the north. And it's like, road closed. Do not enter past 10pm it's like 2am at this point.

[Drew]

And then it's like all these signs being like 10pm to 6am it's closed.

[Enya]

And I keep driving because I'm like, well, they can't just not let me go to my house. Like, I live up there. Like, let me in.

[Drew]

He was like, when we get there, tell them we live there.

[Enya]

Yeah, well, because, like, no, that's literally like the tea. Yeah, that. That is. That is a thing. And then we keep driving and we drive 26 miles, like, ignoring these sign or 26 minutes ignoring all these signs saying do not go. And we pull up and the road is closed from 10:00pm to 6:00am Mind you, it's four.

[Drew]

I mean, it's time. It's like 2:30. And we were like, no. Like, I. I bet they finished work early. Like, maybe they'll just let us pass. We go up there and we ask the guy. First of all, the guy looks high as fuck.

[Enya]

He was Stoned out of his face.

[Drew]

He was like, so high. And honestly, God bless, because if bored as fuck working on the side of the pch, I would get high too. But he was like, no, you can't come. And we contemplated staying at an inn, but it just felt so stupid because we had paid for the Airbnb that night. And we were like, what are we gonna do? Go pay for a room at a fucking in and I'll squeeze into bed. Yeah, for like, two hours.

[Enya]

It's like Monterey in, so it's gonna be $2,000 a night. Like, and it's also was for four hours.

[Drew]

Yeah. And it was literally, like, by the time we would have gone there, it would have been like 3:00am, 3:30. So we were like, let's just sleep in the car.

[Enya]

Like, we just literally pulled off on the side of the PCH and slept in the car for four hours. And the only person that slept was in you. Like, I got, like an hour max of sleep. No one else fucking slept. And we woke up at. I Woke up at 5:58 on the dot. And I was like, wasn't it because.

[Drew]

Like, a bunch of cars started speeding by.

[Enya]

Every single car in the world started driving by. And I was just like, okay, guys, it's time to go. Like, so I just, like, in, like a sleep day, like, sleep deprived daze, like, put the car and drive. And was like, all right, guys, we're leaving. And Inya, like, woke up for half a second, was like, no, we should just sleep here till, like, eight at least. Like, we should just sleep in, like. And I was like, inya, we have a house with beds that we can go sleep in. Like, we should go do that. And she was like, no, no. Like, let's sleep. And I was just like, no, I'm literally going like, you're not. You'll sleep in the car there. Because we thought an hour of a drive left.

[Drew]

It was like, two things. One, like, it's. Don't talk to me before my sleep. Like, don't talk to me for my coffee. That's me with my sleep. Don't talk to me when I'm sleeping.

[Enya]

Like, don't talk to Anya unless she's had 15 hours of sleep.

[Drew]

And I just wanted to. I, like, felt like I had entered REM sleep. And then it felt like. I hate saying this, but, like, it genuinely felt like the only parts of my brain that were awake was the part that wanted to sleep. And then the part that still somehow, like, my OCD was activated. I'm not kidding. Part of the reason I wanted to stay there is because I was convinced we were going to crash and die. Sleeping, driving at that time. And I was like, genuinely convinced. I was like, I was like, I feel it deep in my gut that we shouldn't be going. But I always do that when I think I have a gut feeling, but really it's because I don't want to do something. But then I tell myself it's a gut feeling because if I do the thing, I'm going to die. But really I'm just like, lazy or sleepy or bored or like, whatever. But I do the same thing with, like, flights. I'll be like, oh, this flight is going to crash because I really don't want to leave. But you don't want to leave because you're with your fucking family or hermit.

[Enya]

Yeah, we're like, so hermited. Well, anyways, I just drive the, like, rest of the way.

[Drew]

And it took us an hour.

[Enya]

It took us. It took us an hour to get to Big Sur. And then we went up and down the fucking road in Big sur for literally 45 minutes. Like, I'm not exaggerating. Like, so, like, by the time we got to our Airbnb, we had been on the road for 14 hours. It was. And it's a six hour drive and it was fucking horrible because it was so foggy. It was gorgeous.

[Drew]

Like, yeah, we got like, I got.

[Enya]

Some of the best magical. Like, the fucking, like fog rolling in over it was like all cows.

[Drew]

Because the Airbnb we go to in Big Sur is this really secluded cabin and the address for it isn't a real address. It's literally off the bch and you have to follow these weird directions. But we were coming from the other side of the mountain and we couldn't figure it out. And also we were all running on like two hours of fucking sleep. Drew barely any sleep. Like, we were all just so cashed, it took us so long to find it. But God when we did.

[Enya]

God bless. No, y'all, like, real real for a reason. Like, we are so blessed. Like, we're blessed to be, like, waking up another day to breathe and sing with God's creations. Like, I'm talking to y'all, by the way. Like, when you wake up in the morning, really start, like, focusing on how, how blessed you are to be able to open your eyes. Like, because not a lot of people get this morning.

[Drew]

Yeah, my eyes.

[Enya]

And that's why they call it the present, because it's a present.

[Drew]

Yeah, don't look me in my eyes.

[Enya]

Yeah, it's the present.

[Drew]

No, literally, I'm not kidding. I would do anything to go back there.

[Enya]

Like, we were being in nature.

[Drew]

I was like, this is. This is where we're supposed to be. Like, I. I am not a part of. I'm not a part of your worldly wants and.

[Enya]

Exactly.

[Drew]

I am literally like, I am not worldly. This. All of this. I am starting to feel like it's too worldly.

[Enya]

It's giving. We need a creek.

[Drew]

Like, yeah, I need a creek in my background.

[Enya]

I don't need an iPhone or a mirror. I need a creek with big rocks to climb.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. It was so fucking fun. Like, it's gonna make me kill myself because I don't have it in my backyard.

[Enya]

Oh. But coming soon, y'all. Like, coming very soon in his death, because we will never obtain that type of wealth.

[Drew]

I know. That's all I was thinking. I was like, damn. To have something like this in your possession, you either have to have, like, it has to be passed to you in a generation, or you just have to be extremely wealthy, or you buy.

[Enya]

It when it was $2,000. You know what's crazy is, like, there are no places left in America that you can pull up and be like, okay, like, the land's really cheap. No one's out here. It's not developed. Like, I just want to live out here in the middle of nowhere and, like, whatever. And then slowly, over time, it develops and gets more, like, populated. And then by the end of, like, the decade, it's worth, like, $200,000. And then by the 20 years later, it's worth $2 million. Like, it's so annoying.

[Drew]

Wait, that's not true, though, because Josie bought the Blue Tiger Club when it was.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And he invested the Pink Flamingo Club.

[Drew]

Pink Flamingo Club become a thing.

[Enya]

I just made that up. Pink and green spider club. Green needle.

[Drew]

Green needle. I think I'm gonna buy a school bus. That's kind of.

[Enya]

Like. Actually, I'm not. I'm not playing. Like, quit throwing things, because it's actually getting scary. It's like, really?

[Drew]

Wait, what were you talking about the other day that we were saying we're gonna start hitting each other?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Enya]

No, we were saying we would hit the fudge out of each other if we dated.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. If we dated, we would hit each other. But I was saying the other day, like, I think I'm gonna start hitting Drew.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Casually, like, wake him up with a slap. But the problem is you wake up at like, 6am so I'd never be, oh, I could wake you up from your naps with a hit.

[Enya]

Yeah, but I really haven't been napping recently. Have you noticed? Yeah, like, I'm trying that. I've been noticing that. Right. I've been noticing that. But, yeah, that's the Big Sur trip. It was gorgeous.

[Drew]

It was so awesome. And coming back to this apartment. No, everything is too worldly. Everything is too worldly until I'm high as fuck on my iPhone in the middle of the night. And then it's just as worldly as.

[Enya]

Also, you know, what I'm realizing is, like, the spiders and bugs and Big Sur, like, it's a. They're a different vibe.

[Drew]

That's not true because they bit me the fuck up. They literally attacked me. They're like real spiders out there.

[Enya]

I'm saying, like, the spiders in our house are like fucking freeloaders. They're bunk as fuck. Like, I hate all of them. Like, get the fuck out of my bed. Not to mention the fucking termites and shit. Like, no, it's the bugs here. Like, they. They take, take, take, take, take, and they never give. Except for that one. Yeah, that one eats all of our fucking fruit flies. Like, that one's iconic. But the bugs and Big Sur, like, we're intruding on their land. It's like. It's like if I went out there and squashed a spider, that would be like me going into the ocean and beheading a shark because it ate a person.

[Drew]

Am somebody who. I will literally kill any bug. I don't give a fuck about that. Your only crime was being small. No, your crime was being mad fucking annoying. And you're gonna bite me because you're a bitch. I don't give a fuck about bugs like that. But when we were in the creek, anytime there was the rocks with the spider on it, usually I would have just fucking grabbed the water and went and, like, got it off the wall and hung out in there. But I genuinely did respect their say so. I was like, honestly, I'm in your house right now. It's like when you go to a friend's house and a lot of y'all don't do this because you weren't raised with fucking manners. But it's like when you go to a friend's house and you, like, use their cups and st stuff and you're supposed to wash them or at least put them in the sink before you leave.

[Enya]

A lot of people A lot of.

[Drew]

People don't do that.

[Enya]

A lot of people don't wash their cup out and put it back in the cupboard when they're done or in the washing machine or just simply put it in the sink. A lot of people. And that is just proof that you're a bad person.

[Drew]

Yeah, you're evil.

[Enya]

So start doing that.

[Drew]

And if you're sitting here thinking, like, oh, my God, I just got home from my friend's house and I didn't put the cups away, that makes me so anxious. I wonder if my friend feels weird about it but just never says anything. Your friend does think that. And your friend thinks you're evil and they're not gonna invite you back over.

[Enya]

Yeah. Also.

[Drew]

Oh, we should just literally, for the rest of the episodes, just leave in things like that. Like, anxiety inducing.

[Enya]

I was literally about to go and, like, literally also, like, I know you're probably laying in bed at night, like, thinking about, like, something embarrassing you did in your past or something like, like that you cringe at or, like, a behavior you had that, like, you feel weird about. And, like, you're like, do those people think about that?

[Drew]

Yeah, you're feeling regretful and shameful and it's for a reason.

[Enya]

Everybody remembers everybo remembers every embarrassing moment that you've had around them.

[Drew]

And they hold it against.

[Enya]

They hold it against you. It's like subconsciously deep in their head that, like, oh, yeah, you're the piss girl. Like, you pissed your pissed your pants, like, in front of everybody in fourth grade.

[Drew]

Who gives a fuck if it was because you sneeze and you are on your period, so you, like, kind of leaked, like, no, that's still fucking disgusting.

[Enya]

Yeah, you're weird.

[Drew]

Everybody knows it. And honestly, for a long time, nobody was even going to tell you had a stain on your butt from your period, but you got it on the fucking bed like a nasty bitch.

[Enya]

And by the time, like, you got home from school after riding the bus, it had already broken, browned, it had the blood had already oxidized a little bit. This episode is sponsored by Shopify. Shopify got cha ching chiching, guys. Shopify is the go is the e Commerce goat.

[Drew]

It literally makes everything so simple. You can put all of your pride and passion into your product and you just can take a back seat when it comes to the website because Shopify makes it so easy. They have presets and also cool sets that you can buy if you want to spruce it up and play it fancy. But also all of their free setups are already so chic and sleek and nobody would have any idea that you're not a coder.

[Enya]

So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or scrolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout that Skims uses.

[Drew]

Ooh.

[Enya]

Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.comintercom all lowercase go to shopify.comintercom to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.comintercom.

[Drew]

This episode is brought to you by Etsy. Oh, hear that? Okay, thank you. Etsy knows these aren't the sounds of holiday gifting. Well, not the ones you're hoping for. You want squeals of delight, happy tears. How did you. And spontaneously written songs of joy.

[Enya]

I am so happy. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

[Drew]

Oh yeah. Um, okay, the song needs a bit of work, but anyway, to get those reactions, make sure everyone on your list feels heard with handmade, handpicked and designed gifts from small shops on Etsy. Gifts like personalized jewelry, custom artwork, cozy style items, vintage pieces, and home decor to celebrate all of your favorite people and their specific kind of special. For original gifts that say I get you, Etsy has it. Have I told you about in high school, there was this girl who was hella homophobic for no fucking reason and she was whatever, she wanted to be a nurse.

[Enya]

Whatever you're about to say, she deserved all of it.

[Drew]

Well, she started her period in class and we had just gotten to another fucking argument about whether gay people should be able to adopt. And I was like, but you were so fucking dumb. Like, are you going to adopt those kids? Literally? What are you fighting for? Dumbest argument I've ever heard. But we like got into this huge back and forth and then our teacher made us stop because we were getting like aggressive with each other. Bitch. She got up and she went to go walk out of the class and she had a huge period stain on her butt and I was right behind her because we sat next to each other and my friend tapped me on the shoulder, was like, oh my God, stop her. And I was like, no, that her walk through the hallway. And I let her ass walk through the fucking hallway because how the fuck are you? How the fuck do you want to be under nurse? But you're going to literally be homophobic. Like, yeah, but yeah, she walked around with a period, but. And she got really embarrassed, so damn.

[Enya]

Well, speaking of Thing embarrassing things that people did. We had J.D. vance, a couch nasty freak bitch, die in a fire challenge challenge, hypothetically. But Caitlin Bennett gun girl shitting herself at a college frat party.

[Drew]

Wait, so is that real or was that a rumor?

[Enya]

It's real. Okay, yeah, it's real.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's.

[Enya]

It's a very real thing that happened. Well, wait, did you start a rumor.

[Drew]

Like that about someone?

[Enya]

Yeah, Josiah.

[Drew]

No, it has to be somebody who.

[Enya]

Like Kai had a wet dream while recording the podcast.

[Drew]

Oh, no.

[Enya]

What?

[Drew]

I don't like that one. We can't tell that one to people. When we tell that one to people, they, like lowkey believe it from the clips they've probably seen.

[Enya]

Well, that's the point of the room.

[Drew]

Oh, that they believe it.

[Enya]

Yeah, that's like the point. Okay, so back to Caitlyn Bennett gun girl. So I know for a fact I've talked about this on the Patreon. I don't think I've talked about it publicly, but for years and years, and I'm not exaggerating, literally years, multiple years, not a single soul in my life knew about this. It was just me and my followers on this account. I had a top secret Caitlin Bennett sleeper cell fan account that I would post on every single day. And I was in character. Like it was straight up, like method act.

[Drew]

The day. The day Drew exposed this to me. Like, he carried out this whole experiment, saw it through, and then showed me everything. I will never forget that day. Like, that was so fucking funny.

[Enya]

Do you have screenshots of it on my other phone? I do. I screen recorded everything before I deleted the account. But for years, I became very, very, very close with Caitlin Bennett's followers. I was in group chats, I was chatting with them in dms. They were responding to my messages, they were responding to my tweets. I was liking their tweets. I was responding to their tweets. I got really, really close to these fucking freakazoids. Well, basically, like the account I was like cosplaying, as was this middle aged woman that had children and a husband. Well, she found out that her husband was leaving her because he cheated on her with a woman and she was hotter than her. So this woman, like, while being a Caitlin Bennet fan account, responding to every single Caitlin Bennett tweet. I even got like, interactions with Caitlin. Like, I was like taking up for her and defending her. I was like, caitlyn did not shit herself. Like, y'all are like absolutely insane. Like, y'all are liars. Y'all are making this up. Y'all are just in love with her. Like, what the fuck? Well, this woman's husband left her and cheated on her and left her for another woman and left her with the children. Well, that sent her into a very, very deep, like, psychosis where she was, like, freaking the out. And then she was like, wait, I might be gay. Like, I think I'm actually in love with Caitlyn. So she started, like, manically tweeting at Caitlyn that she was, like, in love with her. And, like, it was getting really freaky and people started being like, are you good? Like, what's going on, girl?

[Drew]

I'm like, I have the clearest image right now in my head of, like, one of the tweets where you found a random picture of a cup of beer. And you also, like, made her an alcoholic for a while. Like, it'd be like in the middle of the day and you'd be like, welp, it's 5:00 somewhere.

[Enya]

She was a very. She was an alcoholic with her children. And then she started actually losing her mind and tweaking the fuck out and talking about codes in the sky. Well, the government took her children from her, and so it was just her. So then she started tweeting at Caitlin like, hey, I know you have high up connects in the government congress. Can you get my kids back? And then when Caitlin wasn't responding, she would start freaking the fuck out and being like, well, I fucking hate this bitch. Like, I gave you my body. Like, I gave you everything. I sent you nudes, like unsolicited nudes, like, all this shit. Like, she was just, like, freaking the fuck out. Well, then she got diagnosed with schizophrenia and started talking about the codes in the sky and that, like, everything will make sense if you look for the codes in the sky.

[Drew]

Yeah, the tweets would be like, guys, run outside. They have the codes in the sky right now.

[Enya]

Hurry.

[Drew]

And then you would be like, fuck, it's so windy, guys. Like, because I. I always imagine it in my head that you thought it was like she was seeing, like a jet.

[Enya]

Like when I. Yeah, exactly, like, leaves.

[Drew]

Words in the sky.

[Enya]

And I. I even, like, edited photos of what she was seeing. Like, I would take pictures of the sky and, like, edit photos of it and, like, write, like, really, like, shitty numbers. Sorry, I'm scrolling through my photo library to see if I have them. Oh, wait, I literally have. Like, I have.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

Okay, so Liars Kate never shit herself. Okay, can we agree that Kate is braver than most U.S. marines. Oh, wait, this is. Oh, no, I don't know if I have Kate. That's Bernice. Yeah. Do you think ategungirl supports homophobia? I really hope not. Dead rose emoji. And then someone responded back and said, no, I think she loves the gays. And I said, good to know. Thanks for your support. And then, oh, I also made merch for Caitlin Bennett. I made, like.

[Drew]

Also, Drew would, like, just talk to these people about their days and then randomly, if they started talking about political stuff, Drew would just randomly, like, I would become, like, incredibly liberal. And then. But then, like, the people would be.

[Enya]

Like, oh, okay, no, I was dead ass A sleeper cell. Like, I turned some of these, like, middle aged women out. Like, I was like, no. Like, you have to view it from this perspective. And, like, they would be like, oh, wait, like, that's actually tea.

[Drew]

Like, go back to tweeting and be like, the codes. The codes.

[Enya]

Yeah, it wasn't for nothing. Also, in 2018, I tweeted, as a gay woman with three children. And then I said, make America Great again. Hashtag2a. Anyone have any wine suggestions? I'm tired of drinking barefoot. Cheap and effective, but it doesn't taste good. Who started the rumor at Caitlin Bennet is gay. Love that girl. But she has a boyfriend, ladies. That was part of her arc where she was, like, trying to convince herself that Caitlyn was gay, that she had a chance with her.

[Drew]

Dude, I love the wine tweet.

[Enya]

I also did start commenting on every single one of Caitlyn's pictures on Twitter saying, we love a gay queen. She's so gay. We support her. And people would, like, freak out. They would, like, they would take up for her and be like, she is not gay. Don't say that about her. So I tweeted, I am being attacked and ridiculed for being LGBT and supporting hashtag Caitlin Bennet. The entire LGBT supports and accepts Caitlin Bennet and her apology. Queen of the gays.

[Drew]

Queen of the gays.

[Enya]

Trying to get my job back. Only have $2,000 saved up, have bills to pay and children to feed people. I think I was trying to, like, siphon money at that point from, like, my supporters. I was trying to get them to, like, donate to me.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, dude.

[Enya]

Long time no speak. My kids were taken from me because I wasn't prioritizing them. I have two. I have to work two jobs and keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. My job were. My jobs were for my Children, this country is dark, sick and twisted, and headed in a dark direction.

[Drew]

Oh, that one's really real.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Wait, do you have the ax Bernice ones?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. Should we tell that story? I feel like. Have we.

[Enya]

We've told. We've told the ex, Bernice. I've probably told this, too, like, a million times. Oh, I had a prepper arc where I was like.

[Drew]

You were, like, a doomsday prepper.

[Enya]

Yeah. Yeah. And I was asking for advice.

[Drew]

I think I'm gonna be on the next season of Love Island. It's kind of my vibe.

[Enya]

That's like, a horrible vibe. That doesn't match your energy. That doesn't matter.

[Drew]

I would get along so well. I'd be a favorite, honestly.

[Enya]

You would be a fan favorite because you're just too real.

[Drew]

No, I would actually freak out, and I'd be, like, locked up in the bedroom all day.

[Enya]

They would lock you up, bro.

[Drew]

Like, let me put some clothes on. I'd start walking around with the duvet wrapped around my shoulder. I would just, like, I'm. I would be like, I'm literally anemic. That's what's up. How many of those bitches are anemic and they, like, aren't allowed to wear clothes? I feel like I would be freezing in there.

[Enya]

That is tea. I never thought about that. Also, the one we were watching, like, with fully just nude people.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. We haven't talked about that.

[Enya]

Have we not?

[Drew]

I don't think so. There's Naked Attraction. Is that what it's called?

[Enya]

I'm not sure.

[Drew]

It's some like that. No. Naked Attraction is the hbo. The one we watch on hbo. That one's like. That one makes me sick because I hate, like, I hate the guys. Like, I literally hate it. It makes me, like, sick. But no, we found this dating show that's like Love island, except everyone is, like, fully, completely fucking ass naked.

[Enya]

Like, not like, oh, they're, like, wearing a loincloth or, like, nipple pasty. Like, fully naked, no socks, no shoes.

[Drew]

Even in the confessionals. And the guys all always sit with their, like. Like, legs spread to the camera.

[Enya]

And it is like this. Like, imagine this view but, like, naked with it all just hanging.

[Drew]

Also, the camera is, like, kind of at a lower angle. It is so disgusting. But the show was so insane to watch. You would be shocked, though, because it turns out they are so fucking boring. Like, them being naked, the shock, it wears over.

[Enya]

Yeah, the shock value of it.

[Drew]

Yeah. It, like, just disintegrates.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I guess maybe that's why like naked attraction is such a fast paced show. Or that's why it's like so good.

[Enya]

That like, it's also because it's new people every time we're seeing new body parts. Like, it gets boring, like looking at. I mean every dude on that show is the scariest motherfucker I've ever seen.

[Drew]

Except for one, the men on the show also, like, it's always the bodies are like, oh my God. And then they show the face and I'm like, how is she supposed to say who's going home? Because I would have been like, it's like the balloon pop where you're like, that's what would happen in that room.

[Enya]

If I walked into a 20v one, they would all keep their balloon unpopped.

[Drew]

No, they would eat the balloon. I eat it. Well, if I was in a 20v one, I think I would win and I'd probably just go on a date with like everybody. The more the merrier. I'm not kidding though. I. I really want to drive a school bus soon. Like, I wish I was kidding. I was watching.

[Enya]

But you bet. Bet I thought I wasn't gonna steal a bus. We stole a bus.

[Drew]

You. The first part of that sentence was.

[Enya]

That you thought I wasn't gonna steal a bus. We stole a bus.

[Drew]

Did those girls get in trouble for that?

[Enya]

I know they started posting like vlogs on YouTube that have like a hundred likes or 100 views on them that like I was obsessed with them. But I don't think they ever really got in trouble. I think they got like a slap on the wrist.

[Drew]

Okay, good. But I was watching people do. I keep getting emails about hurricane Milton. Like, I think Florida thinks I'm still a resident there because I. It's update number seven.

[Enya]

Damn.

[Drew]

You emailed me seven times today.

[Enya]

Ho.

[Drew]

Leave me alone. I have TikTok.

[Enya]

It's kind of cool though to get that they have like or not just like that. They have an update system. Like the future is awesome. Actually.

[Drew]

It's not like in the scary videos we watch about tornadoes before phones and it's like nobody could have told them the tornado was coming, so they all just died. They perished.

[Enya]

I know.

[Drew]

Oh yeah, Cool. But I was watching videos of people tour the new school buses and I really want to drive one and they don't seem that hard to drive. Like, I genuinely think I would be a really good bus driver because I feel like I'm a good driver. Why are you shaking your head now?

[Enya]

I mean, you're.

[Drew]

I'm a girl.

[Enya]

You're a girl. Yeah.

[Drew]

I. I'm not kidding. I forgot. Like, I can't be a bus driver.

[Enya]

Or just a driver. Driver in general.

[Drew]

Driver. U. Driver. But, yeah. So if anybody can get me in contact with somebody who could let me get in a bus and drive it around, I would be so happy. Because, like, imagine me driving the school bus and all you guys in the.

[Enya]

Van would be really cute.

[Drew]

Maybe we just need a van, though.

[Enya]

We need a big bus.

[Drew]

Yeah, but then we. I. Because I want it to be full. Like, I want it to be, like. I imagine a very jovial scene. Like, the music playing. Like, everybody's talking is on the radio. Everybody's, like, in the back seat singing. But on a really big bus with only, like, five of us in it. It's going to be kind of sad because.

[Enya]

Wow.

[Drew]

We.

[Enya]

We are. We really. We took the year of rest and relaxation a little too serious, y'all. We have no more friends.

[Drew]

That's not true. Speak for your fucking self. I have too many friends. Actually, don't get me started on how many friends I have, because you sound.

[Enya]

Like, having a lot of friends expert. You would know a lot about having friends.

[Drew]

Yeah, speak for yourself. Ho. Because I got too many. I'm very.

[Enya]

Any more friends, like, legitimately, like, I've just, like, completely given up on, like, maintaining relationships with anybody in my life. Like, if you don't live with me, like, I don't see you. Like, I literally don't.

[Drew]

I guess. Yeah. I have started to tap into that I think we talked about on an episode, but I'm trying to get out of it. But it's like, I literally. I leave the house and there's a calling.

[Enya]

Like, spend money. Spend money.

[Drew]

I was gonna say there's a calling back home. And then I feel bad because I'm like, I'm gonna waste the day. I get, like, no sunlight exposure and then. But the first 20 minutes of leaving the house, like, yesterday when I went and picked up my medication, and it was like 10:30am And I'm, like, already all ready and out the door. And I was like, wow, life is beautiful. Like, there's not many people on the road. It's like a gorgeous temperature. And then I got back inside and I looked out my window because I was like, it was nice out there. And I just stood there and I was like, I'm not going back out there for the rest of the week. I don't actually want to do that. And it makes me sad, though, because, like, the joy I felt when I left the house early was compelling, but not compelling enough to not sit on the couch on my iPhone.

[Enya]

My thing is, is, like, actually, what is there to do? Like, literally, I don't know what there is to do anymore. Like, that's this. That's the scary fucking thing is, like, I can't think of anything to do. Like, oh, like, like, like, yeah, let's go spend money. Like, let's go get a coffee, like, and spend $20 on a coffee that I don't even drink. Like, what is there to do? Like, I literally can't tell you one thing.

[Drew]

Yeah, I guess also, like, we don't have really good parks. Because I was thinking about that the other day. Like, recently I've been really craving going to the park, but we ended up going to Big Sur and said which if Big Sur was closed, I would be there all the time. But we don't have, like, nice parks in la.

[Enya]

Yeah, there's, like.

[Drew]

There's like, three cute parks that I've been to, and I do like, bitch, I don't want to go sit by the fucking dam in Silver Lake. The reservoir.

[Enya]

Like, that shit is, like, walking around the reservoir is, like, so fried. It is.

[Drew]

It is crazy. Also, like, even the body of water is, like, supposed to be alluding that you're in nature, but it's literally in a cage. Like, how the fuck you caged the lake? Like, the lake is caged, and then Echo park is fucking caged.

[Enya]

Have you been seeing Locktober?

[Drew]

No.

[Enya]

So, like, a bunch of straight dudes. Like, it's like the whole, like, winter arc. Like, I'm shaving my head, I'm bulking up. Like, I'm gonna take care of myself this winter. Like, don't fucking play with me. Like, winter arc. Well, a bunch of dudes have been saying, like, oh, it's like locktober. Like, you got a lock in for October. Like, it's locktober, bitch. Locktober. Really? What locktober is, and it's been coined for, like, literally the last decade, is chastity. Men's chastity wear. Like, locking your penis.

[Drew]

Oh, wait, seriously?

[Enya]

Yes. And so, like, all these straight dudes are like, hashtag locktober, and they have no idea what they're referencing. And then the craziest part is, is a lot of these, like, machismo dudes are gonna, like, see Locktober and then.

[Drew]

See, it's so funny because of me saying machismo to you, you say it like it's like, like you say it instead of masculine.

[Enya]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Drew]

Instead of saying, like, masculine.

[Enya]

It rolls off my tongue. It rolls off the tongue way better than fucking masculine. But all these dudes are gonna be like, oh, like let's like see who's locking in for October. Click on it. And it's gonna be like a bunch of fucking locked penises down their feed. And then they're gonna be like, wait, why is this doing something for my brain right now? Why should I lock my penis up? So there. It's gonna be a sexual awakening, basically, is what for a lot of people.

[Drew]

A lot of people will be sexually awoken. A lot of people. Wait, is chastity belt. Like, can you get that on fucking Amazon?

[Enya]

I have no idea.

[Drew]

I will. Like, why do I want a girl chastity belt low key?

[Enya]

I don't even know what a girl chastity belt looks like. I just know, like the one ass underwear. I was gonna say. I know the one from Scary Movie where it looks like a jigsaw trap. Like it's made of.

[Drew]

Wait, I'm not kidding. Like, that's what my brain was referencing. And then I was like, wait, that's like a comedy movie. That might not be what those look like, but I think they are basically that. Oh, what?

[Enya]

Oh, so it's just like a jock strap for girls?

[Drew]

Yeah, I hate that. Like, what? No, I want a chastity bow, but I want it to be the C big ass underwear. Like, I like want a picture in this. Okay. This, like, I actually don't want to know the. The implications.

[Enya]

That's kind of cute. Like the leather one. Or is that rusted metal?

[Drew]

I mean, it's really kind, but it's a virginity chastity belt. Oh, hell, like, that's what I'm saying. I don't want to know the implications of all this. Cause it's actually gonna start making me pissed off. But I will be buying one and I'm gonna fucking wear one around. Like, I literally am never gonna have sex again. I'm bored. Should I keep talking about the school buses or.

[Enya]

I was gonna talk about microplastics in our blood, so. Okay, so we all know, like, microplastics are like in our blood. Like all that shit. Like we all know it. Like it's in our ovaries, it's in our balls, like it's in our penises, it's in our brain, it's crossing the blood brain barrier. Like, da da, da. Da, da da, da da da. But. But wait.

[Drew]

We can literally live with that. There were people who were eating on a fucking lead plate.

[Enya]

We're literally. We're fucking fine. But if you lose blood, right? If you cut yourself on, like, your countertop with a loose tile or something, and you, like, cut and you lose blood, some of that blood might have microplastics in it, right? And then your body will produce blood without microplastics in it. So the T is. What we should all do is either cut ourselves or get a bunch of leeches and suck all the microplastic blood out of our body and then just recreate new blood without microplastics. And the craziest thing is, like, they were. They might have been onto something.

[Drew]

Someone saying this, like, online. Like, seriously, Like. Like, no, it was just, like, a theory.

[Enya]

Yeah, no, it was like, remember when people were, like, telling kids to, like, put, like, certain chemicals in the microwave and start it, and it was making mustard gas? It's like, this is one of those.

[Drew]

Yeah, the Cut yourself for New Blood. Hashtag cut for new blood.

[Enya]

Yeah, but the medieval people are onto something.

[Drew]

Me, when somebody took my copy of New Blood away, and I'm like, hashtag.

[Enya]

Imagine being Justin Bieber when people were literally cutting themselves for that shit is cutting for Bieber is crazy also.

[Drew]

And, like, cut for Zane because he smoked weed. What the.

[Enya]

Well, that is hella toxic. Yeah. Yeah, that's. That's like a no blow. Like, that's a no. Like, you don't do that.

[Drew]

I didn't even think about that.

[Enya]

Yeah, like, that was actually really.

[Drew]

But it was literally insane. It was like, what? Cause Justin Bieber spit in a fucking bucket?

[Enya]

No, I think it was probably because Justin smoked a cigarette. Like, it was some bullshit like that too. It might have been weed.

[Drew]

You know what's crazy is, like, okay, I understand the ideas and implications of making smoking in general popular. Like, when I hit my puff bar, and I'm always holding onto it. Trust and believe. I think about the connotations of, like, people thinking that's okay. But I actively try to say, like.

[Enya]

And we've said no to brands that promote.

[Drew]

Try to get us to, like, sell those kind of things. I understand that, but the way some of y'all still react. Like, remember the way people were acting when Jenna Ortega got seen smoking a cigarette? Did you see any of that? Like, like, but people were losing their fucking minds. They were like, I always knew. Like, I used to think she was cute. She looks like fucking shit now. Like, Damn, bitch. Like, can a girl live a little? Like, back up, ho. Like, you're literally tweaking. People were like, I could tell she's probably been doing this for like, a few months. She looks old as fuck.

[Enya]

Yeah. Her skin is decrepit. Yeah.

[Drew]

It's like, oh, my God, back up. But I get it. But also like, no, back up.

[Enya]

Because she's a grown ass.

[Drew]

It's basically like people are still doing that shit, like, reacting like that. Which is crazy because I idealize that, like, response to it is such an old thing. But celebrities get flack for stuff like that all the time. It's like someone cursed or, like, stuck the middle finger to the paparazzi. And then their fans are like, oh, my God.

[Enya]

Like, they're not pure.

[Drew]

They're not pure anymore. And like, the shit Ariana Grande got for licking that damn donut. I hate America.

[Enya]

She, like, I think we're all old enough that she tore. She spilled. Every moment of that was real.

[Drew]

I feel like we always thought it was funny. Like, I remember seeing that on the literal news, like Channel 7 news walking into the living room being like, ariana Grande licks donut and says she hates America. And it's like, wow, that's really fucked up actually. Like, people just having dissertations about it.

[Enya]

How long is the Great Wall of China?

[Drew]

Okay, no, no, I said it was.

[Enya]

India thought the Great Wall of China was eight miles long. Actually, it was seven. She said seven. Seven miles long. Which, like, is a gross under. Like, literally just, like, very.

[Drew]

To be fair, I. I don't think I've ever even seen somebody I know go to the Great Wall of China. Like, I've never seen a photo. Been like, oh, my God, is that someone said about the Great Wall of China? Like, it's not something I see. Like. Like, there's not even a picture of, like, Michael Jackson at the Great Wall of China. Like, the Great Wall of China is not that girl. In terms of tourism, Like, I feel like I've seen Stonehenge in tiktoks.

[Enya]

I don't give a fuck about Stonehenge. Like, I don't give a fuck.

[Drew]

Wait, what are the seven wonders of the world?

[Enya]

I literally don't know.

[Drew]

Can we look that up?

[Enya]

Also, just for your information, the Great Wall of China is 13,171 miles long, which is mind boggling, bogglingly big. Like, that is unbelievable. That was close. Yeah, you were actually really close.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

America is. What was it, like 2,400 miles wide or something like that at that widest point. So just, like, think about that and then think about how fucking big this wall is. Like, actually, why? Why? Like, I know why. Historically, like, I know why. But, like, really, like, like, they were not playing world wonders.

[Drew]

How long did that take to build? Old?

[Enya]

I have no idea.

[Drew]

Years.

[Enya]

Because.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. You know what was freaking me out the other day? I've talked about this before.

[Enya]

Sometimes half of these, literally more than half of them, aren't even a fucking thing anymore, girl. We need new world wonders. Like Inya's vagina because it's so fucking big.

[Drew]

No. You know what's a new world Wonders?

[Enya]

Like my giant penis.

[Drew]

The dome in Las Vegas. That's what we have to show now for technological advances.

[Enya]

The entire state building. Yeah. The world wonders now are like the Apple. Like, just like tech companies, because they're like, evaluations are like, in the trillions. Yeah, okay. The Great Pyramids of Giza. Yeah, that makes sense. Those are epic. Like, I want to go there. Like, the engineering that was involved, like, that is so exciting. The Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

[Drew]

The.

[Enya]

Is that like some, like, literally, what is it called?

[Drew]

The hanging edges.

[Enya]

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon. They don't even know if they actually existed. That's the crazy part.

[Drew]

Wait, what? Like, there's no pics.

[Enya]

There's no pics.

[Drew]

Like, Wait, wait, wait.

[Enya]

What? Yeah, like, it. They don't even know if it was a real thing. It was just, like. It was like, potentially a thing because they read about it.

[Drew]

Okay. Then at that point, I get to say, okay, is this not real?

[Enya]

No, that's. AI Babe. No, that might be a real picture, but not of the Babylonian Gardens.

[Drew]

But if they get to say this is a wonder of the world, then I think Minnie's house at.

[Enya]

Oh.

[Drew]

Because to me, that is like, one.

[Enya]

It was a very. That, like, really shifted your brain.

[Drew]

No, I'm not kidding.

[Enya]

Only talk about that now.

[Drew]

It did something to me. Like, it really. It set something in me free. I'm not kidding.

[Enya]

Also, like, the craziest part is her entire house is a kitchen. Like, that's.

[Drew]

Don't get me started. Don't get me started, because I think I already said this in the last episode, actually.

[Enya]

Oh, really?

[Drew]

Or maybe I didn't.

[Enya]

I think we did.

[Drew]

Basically. Why is Mickey Mouse's house so big? It's two stories long and he has a huge waiting room for everybody, and you get to watch cartoons. And I have said this already, but it still pisses me off.

[Enya]

You can get the most important meal of the Day, Any time of day. I'm Talking about the $5 Big Deal Breakfast meal from Jack in the Box. Available all day and all night. A breakfast Jack with a freshly cracked egg, a hash brown and French toast sticks for five bucks. Sounds good for breakfast, lunch and dinner at Jack. Every bite's a big deal. Order Jack's $5 big deal breakfast meal now.

[Drew]

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[Enya]

Month of [e-mail] there.

[Drew]

Oh, I want to go back so bad.

[Enya]

The statue of Zeus at Olympia. A 40 foot statue of Zeus made of gold and ivory that was destroyed when the temple was burned in 1426 CE. Don't give a fuck.

[Drew]

Wait, so it's not a thing?

[Enya]

It's not a thing.

[Drew]

Wait, no, I've been there. In Fortnite.

[Enya]

Oh, true, true. No, that's not a thing anymore. I don't give a fuck. That is not a one. That is not that. That does not inspire one.

[Drew]

Yeah, I thought, I thought all of them were things that you could go to.

[Enya]

Temple of Artemis at Ephesus.

[Drew]

Temple of Artemis.

[Enya]

Yeah, that was a thing. And there's ruins of it still, which is pretty iconic. So I'll let that one slide.

[Drew]

Yeah, this is kind.

[Enya]

And it's also. Oh my God.

[Drew]

I've literally also been here in Fortnite.

[Enya]

Yeah, period. Like exactly. Also like the tea with that one is the same as like the pyramid of Pizza. Like the engineering involved. Like the engineering. The girls and Stim baby like of it all. Like, like the mausoleum at Halicarcus Kisinopsis. I don't give a fuck. A Parisian wonder. Okay. The mausoleum at Tyrese Halliburton's ass. Wait, what? The mausoleum or Tyrese Haliburton is a basketball player and it is Halicarnassus. Then the colossal of Rhodes, a huge bronze statue built to commemorate the rising of the siege of Rhodes.

[Drew]

Wait, I don't think this one exists anymore either.

[Enya]

Yeah, none of them exist. And then this colossal of Rhodes was like, this like, giant statue at, like, a port in a city that, like, was ginormous. But again, it doesn't fucking exist. And then the last one.

[Drew]

Oh, it does exist. And it's bunk as. Yeah, no, I would see that in, like, Central Park.

[Enya]

Yeah, no, literally, it looks like I built that in my backyard. Like, I literally don't care. And then the last one is the Lighthouse of Alexandria. Again, probably doesn't exist. There probably aren't even ruins of it. Also, I'm not buying the library of Alexandra Alexandria.

[Drew]

Okay, this isn't real. Wait. Oh, this is like a. A model version. Because I was like, oh, how the was anybody hanging out with me?

[Enya]

Yeah, no. Yeah, so I. I really actually don't give a like about any of that. Like, the only one. Wait, so Stonehenge is not Stonehenge and the Great Wall of China are not considered world wonders? You know what?

[Drew]

Seriously?

[Enya]

Yeah, no, at least on that list, like, the only one is the pyramids of Giza. Also, we need to have start having this conversation. The best pro shop pyramid in Tennessee is a world wonder.

[Drew]

Is it actually huge?

[Enya]

It's massive. It's ginormous.

[Drew]

Because I've only seen the, like, franchise ones where they're, like, tiny.

[Enya]

No, the pyramid is ginormous.

[Drew]

What?

[Enya]

Like, okay, the dude that built it was just like, I want one.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. So someone built it. Because at first I was like, I was thinking of, like, modern times and why those big, I think, show up and I'm like, it's like, what was there before? Like a Ross, I was gonna say.

[Enya]

I think actually it was a, like, basketball arena. And then they converted it into. Let me look that up, because I could.

[Drew]

America's architecture is crazy.

[Enya]

It's so cooked. It is so cooked.

[Drew]

Like, it's so ugly, but something about it is so gorgeous. Like, certain parts of it.

[Enya]

Yeah, it was just sporting and entertainment, including basketball tournaments. And then they bought it and turned it into a big ass bass pro shop. God bless America. God bless our fucking troops. Start your engines and may the best woman win.

[Drew]

I literally, like, I'm gonna freak out, bro. I cannot believe it. Like, sometimes when I'M driving around recently. I forgot where I was driving, but I saw a Taco Bell.

[Enya]

Wait, why were you driving?

[Drew]

Oh, I'm sorry. There was a man driving for.

[Enya]

Okay, good.

[Drew]

Yeah, girls can't drive. We know this. So I was in the passenger seat, but I was driving my little passenger princess. You know where.

[Enya]

The Uber passenger princess.

[Drew]

Yeah, the. You are.

[Enya]

Oh, my God. Like, and you, like, grab my thigh and, like, pet my head. And I was having, like, a really bad day yesterday, and Enya was so affectionate and loving and caring and supporting that it literally took me out of it.

[Drew]

Really?

[Enya]

Yes. It was really sweet.

[Drew]

I feel like I've recently become extremely, like, physically affectionate with me.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah. To you.

[Enya]

And it's really hard to not get a boner. It's so hard. So hard.

[Drew]

Sometimes when I, like, give you physical affection, I'm like, does he think I'm actually fucking crazy for this?

[Enya]

Like, for, like, literally never once have I ever thought of it anything other than you touching me as a friend.

[Drew]

Well, I was doing it because I, like, really want to hook up again.

[Enya]

I was gonna say, like, when you start touching my penis and butthole, it gets really jarring when you start touching my goose.

[Drew]

Ew, stop. Literally, stop. We've talked about this before, but, like, I never need to know that you have a naked body under those clothes. Like, all the way naked. Yeah. No, it's like, ew, I'm so scared.

[Enya]

And I hate my body. So you. I mean, me and.

[Drew]

No, it's not about hating. No, no, it's not about hitting your body because I've seen you basically naked, but I just can't. I can't see your parts. Like, that's too much.

[Enya]

My genitals.

[Drew]

Oh. Because I know what it is. I already think it's so disgusting looking. So then if I saw on you, it would, like, it would literally lower the respect I have for you.

[Enya]

We had a girl that went to my school, and her name was literally Jenna Tolles. Jenna Tolls. Her parents were wicked for that.

[Drew]

Okay, you said you wanted to name your daughter's Mantis.

[Enya]

Orchid and Karma. That's such good names.

[Drew]

I can let Orchid go. Orchid is cute. Mantis.

[Enya]

Orchid and Mantis are cute names because.

[Drew]

Like, Mantis something in what?

[Enya]

Karma?

[Drew]

Karma.

[Enya]

Like, because, okay, imagine in high school, like, someone does something mean to my daughter Karma, and then, like, someone takes up for her and beats the out of the girl that bullied my daughter Karma. And then everyone's like, yeah, Karma's a bitch. Or Karma Literally beats the. Out of someone. Like, yeah, karma is a. Like, or Karma is, like, a little mean. Everyone's like, yeah, I think she would.

[Drew]

Just, like, she would get bullied, like.

[Enya]

Really hard, and then she retaliates, and everybody's like, karma's a. She would eat down. And then orchid and mantis as girl. Girl twins would be really cute because orchids mimic mantises. Praying mantises. And so, like, it would be like them.

[Drew]

What would orchids, like, nickname be, though? Because I'm not saying or. I thought I was thinking, like, orky, come here.

[Enya]

Or key, my little Orky girl.

[Drew]

Because it just sounds like I'm saying porky, which would sound really mean to say to a little girl.

[Enya]

No.

[Drew]

Or come here, Porky.

[Enya]

It would be O. Like, an O is cute. Oh, come here.

[Drew]

No, the more I think about it, orchid is awful. Orchid. Orchid.

[Enya]

No, but when you know the meaning, it's iconic. And also, they wouldn't be going to real school. My kids are gonna be, like, in the. Thrown into the forest. They're gonna be like, John or Ted Kaczynski. Children. Wait, John Kaczynski? Hold on.

[Drew]

Is. Who are all these people?

[Enya]

Ted Kaczynski is, like, the. The guy, like, the one guy.

[Drew]

What one guy?

[Enya]

The guy that, like, did all the bombing mail shit.

[Drew]

Oh, like the freak.

[Enya]

Yeah, but he was like, really? His whole thing was, like, death to technology. Death to technology and death to, like, modernization. Like, reject modernity, back to tradition. Like, that was his whole shit. But John Krasinski. Okay, never mind.

[Drew]

I thought the actor.

[Enya]

Yeah. That they were related, y'all. We found out Jon Hamm has, like, a giant fucking penis. Like, the biggest fucking penis I've ever seen in my life, and I need him.

[Drew]

Like, sometimes you say where I'm like, that does not need to be a sentence you have said about a real person to the world. But then I remember when I said I wanted to give Bob Odenkirk head until he had a heart attack and died, and then he had a heart attack next week. And then I met his daughter, who was listening to that episode on the plane on the way to go see him when he had.

[Enya]

In the hospital. Oh, there's a fine line. I mean, it gets to a point. Do you know what I mean? Like, it really gets to a point. Like, recording this podcast, it gets to a fucking point.

[Drew]

I know. I'm not kidding. For the first 10 minutes when I sat down, I was like, no.

[Enya]

The first, like, 40 minutes for me.

[Drew]

I was like, that's I'm like, we need to keep going. Because it was a weird vibe. Also. It was because the second I sat down, I started to get high, and I was like. Like, when we were talking about worldly things, I really looked at the camera, and I was like. And I just had to stare at you for a second because I was like, there's people who are gonna see me right now.

[Enya]

Yeah. No, this does not make sense. Oh, my God. Wait, y'all. I got so fucking sick. Like, I was, like, on the verge of death.

[Drew]

Oh, girl.

[Enya]

I was really close to dying. Like, it was actually really scary. Like, it was. I was like, I might need to go to the hospital. Like, it was really bad. No, it was like the. I'm like, God blessed me. Like, I really was blessed with, like, a very chill sickness because now I'm immune to whatever the fuck that was for the rest of the year. So I wanted to get it. And it was so casual. It did kick my fucking ass one of the days. But I was like, you know what? Like, I'm gonna go outside, get some sun. Yeah, I'm gonna go get some sun by the river. It's gonna be, like, a really good vibe. Like, I'm just going to heal, and if I can't handle it and I do get really sick, I can just go back home. Y'all. Nature healed me.

[Drew]

Like, it literally didn't heal you and Josiah. You guys were, like, chilling.

[Enya]

It was crazy. Like, I went out there and, like, almost immediately forgot about being ill, and I was like, wow. Like. Like, I love Big Sir.

[Drew]

I love h. I love getting in water. It does something to my brain where I actually feel stupid as fuck. Like, when I get near a body of water, like, a different part of my brain gets activated. That's really crazy.

[Enya]

Epigenetic memory.

[Drew]

Like, I. I will get in any body of water no matter how freezing it is. Like, it doesn't. It doesn't mean anything to me. Like, it. Because it means so much to me.

[Enya]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

But I was telling Drew that I think the future I see for myself right now is when I'm, like, 48. I'm gonna move up to Big Sur and sell nature connection passes to really rich old white ladies and go down, like, a spiritual psychosis tunnel with myself and these ladies and take them out to the woods and be like. Just sit. Just, like, breathe. Breathe. And do those kind of, like, meditations.

[Enya]

How to get into cold water.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Yeah. Last time we were in Big Sur, I didn't get in because I Was like, it's too cold. It's too cold. And then at the end of that trip, I was so upset with myself that I didn't get fully in the water because I was like, honestly, like, I need to grow the fuck up. Like, oh, look, it's too cold. Like, I'm gonna be cold. Like, I'm gonna be cold for, like, literally two seconds. Like, I can't do it. Like, actually grow up. Like, it was pissing me the fuck off. And so this time, I was, like, writhing around in that water, and it was so fucking fun. And I was watercoloring. I wanted to bring my airbrush and my painting that I'm working on right now, but I forgot it. And so I had the watercolor with a. Okay. Emma Chamberlain, we need to have a word. We really need to have a conversation. Because the watercolor kit you sent us or sent me, the colors in it.

[Drew]

I have a feeling she didn't pick them. I think they got picked by whatever.

[Enya]

Company did the PR back, because they make a version of it. It that is really iconic. Like, it's, like, literally one of the greatest things I've ever purchased for myself, Like, a decade ago, because watercolor was my first love. Like, I love the watercolor medium, but, Emma, babe, those neon colors, we actually need to have you on the podcast to discuss this, because.

[Drew]

To confront you about the matter.

[Enya]

Yeah, no, it really did save the matter being.

[Drew]

Because Drew drew rocks while he was sitting there, and he got really anxious and sad because he thought his rocks didn't look like rocks. And I saved the day because I turned over, and without knowing that, I was like, oh, did you draw the rocks?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

He was so happy.

[Enya]

But I redact all. Everything I just said, because having those colors was a fun experiment to work in luminosity, because they're all fucking the most luminous colors I've ever used in my life. And the paintings came out great. They came out great, and they pushed boundaries for me, created boundaries that I didn't know I could get past. And there was, like, this willingness to create.

[Drew]

Shut the fuck up, dude. Because I was just looking at you and thinking about you being like. And I was writhing around and playing in the water, and I just thought about how long it took for Drew to actually get in. Like, he was like. He's like, can you get this video of me floating on the water? And I literally got, like, 20 minutes worth of him circling waist deep, because he was.

[Enya]

And yet it was three minutes worth of footage, not 20. And I was in the water. I just didn't want to get above my, like, diaphragm because I don't know why get. Okay, as a guy, getting your penis and balls in the water is a lot. Like, the guys know what I'm talking about. Like, that shit takes a lot to get it. And once you get past that, it's pretty easy. But then the next hurdle is your diaphragm, because it, like, compresses up and, like, it makes you go. Like, it's. I don't like that feeling. So that's where I couldn't get past. But for the most part, the whole day, I was, like, walking around, like, belly deep in the water. But I just. Eventually, it took me time, but I got in.

[Drew]

I love that water so much.

[Enya]

And it's so cold, y'all. Like, I'm not exaggerating. It's gotta be 45 degrees.

[Drew]

Oh, it might be colder.

[Enya]

Like, it was so cold that it felt like my hands hurt within seconds of being in that water.

[Drew]

I want to look it up. Dude, it's 85 degrees.

[Enya]

What?

[Drew]

Girl? What the is this website? I can't stand websites like this. Like, too many words. Put it in bold. Talking about.

[Enya]

Here, let me ask chat GPT. I'm not gonna ask chat GPT. 45.

[Drew]

Felt colder to me. That's.

[Enya]

That is, like, horribly cold. 45 is awful.

[Drew]

Like, the thing is, I want to drink it. Like, I wish you could just drink the water there. But would I die or would I get sick if I drink?

[Enya]

I think you'd be fine. But don't drink creek water unfiltered. Like, boil it first. But there's just the chance that there's braining eating amoebas in there.

[Drew]

Yeah. Every time I, like, swim around with my head underwater, and I, like, I'll do this thing where I dunk the sides of my head so that my hair can lay with the middle part. And every time I do that, so much water gets in my ears, and I'm really convinced that I'm gonna die. Like, for.

[Enya]

Do girls pee out of their clitoris? Like, is the hole out of the clitoris?

[Drew]

Yeah, all three of the holes are there.

[Enya]

Okay. Cuz.

[Drew]

Yeah, because we have five holes. It's the three on the clitoris, and then there's one.

[Enya]

What about the sixth hole?

[Drew]

The sixth hole.

[Enya]

The belly button.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, the belly button with the chicken wing.

[Enya]

Oh, the substance, y'all. I've seen it twice in the last week. It was one. It was, like, the first movie I've ever Seen alone actually. And going and seeing that alone is a cooked ass fucking.

[Drew]

I actually don't know if I've been to the movies alone because I'm not.

[Enya]

A fucking loser, but I have. I have been a lot more socialist. Strangers, I don't know if you've noticed.

[Drew]

I noticed he was talking to the man next to us in substance and I was like, hello, I'm right here. Why are you talking to that man?

[Enya]

I love like just like chopping it up with people. Like, are you chopping it up? Have you been chopping it up? You've been chopping it up? Yeah, I love just like having conversations with strangers. And honestly it is really dark sided and sad how, how bad we all are at talking to strangers because I'm really bad at it. The other person is really bad at it. And I think we just need to be a little more comfortable but a little more sociable. Yeah. A little more sociable, but yeah, the substance. So good. Go see it. It's oh so good.

[Drew]

I know it, it is. Like I just, I always say scared when movies get a lot of appraisal because I'm like, I'm. I don't know, I'm a piece of shit. And I'll go in with an overly critical eye and then be like, I didn't like it, probably subconsciously just to be different. And I was really scared of that happening with this movie. But I actually loved it so much and it made me audibly laugh so many times.

[Enya]

It was funny, y'all.

[Drew]

Yeah. Which did make me think like, damn, like it, it just made it like so much better. And I don't want to get into like the cinephile talk of it all, but you just have to see.

[Enya]

Yeah, we'll give it like another two weeks before we talk about it so everyone watching this can go find a way to see it and pay for that goddamn movie. Because it deserves to make 25 million in the box office. Not the measly 17. Only $2 million profit. Because that movie was a masterpiece and like so much money. It was so good. It was so good.

[Drew]

We are too far in the future for us to still be doing those fake weird future car videos. Do you know what I'm talking about when it's like this is like the highly. And I think it's kind of like an art form. Like the concept, but the concept cars. Yeah, I don't give a. Like you're showing me, like literally that's like what my vibrator shape. Like if you put it upside down. That's what all those cars are shaped like because they don't have wheels, and they're just like. Like this. Like, I don't.

[Enya]

I was giving. Like, none of those cars literally can't drive faster than two miles, so it might as well be a go kart. Like, it's pissing me off. And we will never reach that in our lifetimes, because look at the concept cars 100 years ago. Like, we're not even close to what they were theorizing. It's literally just, like, to boost morale. Like, what? Like, what is the point?

[Drew]

Also, not even that, but, like, we're already at the future. Like, we already have cars that drive themselves. We've already established floating cars. Not going to happen.

[Enya]

Flying cars were going to be a thing in 2024.

[Drew]

They said it was going to be a thing in 2019. And Blade Runner, it was like, 2019.

[Enya]

But instead, they got Drew and Inya hosting a podcast called Emergency Intercom, which might actually be better.

[Drew]

It is the future. No, I'm not kidding. We were watching Nurse Jackie before getting on this, and I was like, josh, we're going to have to take a pause, because just like, these people go to work in this show, and they're saving lives. Lives. I have a duty to fulfill, and I have to go and sit in my chair and save lives, because that's what I do at the end of the day.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, when people ask, what do you do? What are your aspirations exactly? I can't help but laugh at them because I'm like, aspirate. Like, oh, you think I'm gonna say how much money I want to make or something?

[Enya]

Like, no, we want to say I'm.

[Drew]

In this to save lives.

[Enya]

Yeah, we, like, we save lives. We give life to people.

[Drew]

We. Laughter is the cure.

[Enya]

So we're curing as well. Yeah. Meaningful connection. Yeah. It's just. It's very special.

[Drew]

Yeah. And you guys should listen to the things we say, because I know you think we're just being funny half the time, but half of you guys are, like, really weird, and y'all are listening. You're, like, so weird. You're a weird person, and you should be anxious.

[Enya]

You're listening, but you're not hearing. Yeah, you're listening, but you're not hearing.

[Drew]

You're not digesting.

[Enya]

You're not really, really hearing what we're saying.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding, Drew. We need to do a full episode where that's all we do. It's like an hour of, like, Being on a, like, fictional high hors and just being awful. And y'all have to be in on it. So we have to leave this in because I just want to see if it ever got clipped breaches, like, if it breached people being like, why would anybody listen to that? They're so rude.

[Enya]

We just need to be like egomaniacs. Like, like, you know how like sometimes in, like, movie, like, press tours, like, an actress will be talking about, like, themselves and like, or an actor will just be talking about himself and it's.

[Drew]

Just like, like super pretentious.

[Enya]

It's horrible. Pretentious, awful energy. We need to channel that.

[Drew]

Yeah, I think I'm going to do that for my real life with all the people I love.

[Enya]

Guys, Halloween is coming up. Oh, my God. And let's just say the devil made me do it. We have good ass costumes planned, y'all. I'm doing a costume change. I'm doing a costume change in the middle of the episode.

[Drew]

Drew, low key. I need to do this. This. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Ew. I hate hearing my own voice, bro. I can't believe I have to listen to this later. Like, I am a federal agent.

[Enya]

I am a federal agent. Whoever's in charge got a problem with.

[Drew]

It, Cuz I'm Indian too. I'm Vietnamese. This trying to free the world. So who's going to sell me my iPhone? This is trying to free the world. So who's going to sell me my iPhone?

[Enya]

So who's going to sell me my iPhone? Oh, also, like, should we. Wow, you really, really on this side.

[Drew]

Okay, so are we integrated rating? I'm trying to change the world. Or. Or this is trying to change the world. Or who's going to tell me? Yeah, that's what I feel like. Because, like the world saving thing, if somebody random hears us say that, they'll think we're being serious.

[Enya]

Yeah, it's the iPhone bar. And then it's. Wow, you really left me on this hike. Like, you really. You really left me on this hike.

[Drew]

Which is that from me, Khalifa. Yeah, that the song that it's in.

[Enya]

I don't know if it's in that song.

[Drew]

I don't think so either. It's from.

[Enya]

Oh, no, it is. It is. It's.

[Drew]

I love Friday. Yeah, but why did that come back into rotation?

[Enya]

Because anytime we talk about a hike, we just like Josiah. Or I will just be like, wow, you really left me on this hike.

[Drew]

I feel like it.

[Enya]

Yeah, but we just like, if someone wrongs you, like, takes something from you, shows up late to something you're at. You say, wow, you really left me on this hike. Like, you really left me.

[Drew]

It's like, it's fucked up because we were talking about how we just take random shit like that and we make it a part of our vocabulary. And all of us, we don't talk about it. It just starts. We all get on it, we all understand the context of it, and part of me is like, wow, that makes us actually pretty intelligent because we hear that, we pick it up, we move it, it goes on for a while, something new comes, it happens again. But then I really started to think about it. I'm like, we sound like crazy people half the time. Like, the shit we choose to quote.

[Enya]

Is like, my mama Bertram. My mama Bertram.

[Drew]

The fact that we made a whole world. Like, my mama Bertram gave birth to the twins Laurel and Laurel.

[Enya]

And Pilot Jones is the. Not Pilot Jones is the father, but Harley Davidson is the mistress.

[Drew]

Like, oh, yeah. Like the who's also partially seeing Wing Ling.

[Enya]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

I feel like we've actually.

[Enya]

We've dissected that before.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, we've gone into that. But yeah, the new one is, wow, you really left me on this hike. So who's going to sell me my iPhone?

[Enya]

Who's going to sell me my iPhone? We don't really have a context, like, in a way to use that yet, but, like, it'll come soon, y'all. The animations, like, the emergency intercom clip animations, like, on Tick Tock, are so they're good. Like, I saw another one like that.

[Drew]

I will say we have always had, like, listeners in an audience full of such creative people. And we always say it, like, creative and gorgeous. And I recently saw somebody say that, and they were like, these are the first people to say that. And it actually has been proven to be true, like, when we say it a. Because I would not say if I didn't believe it. It. We have pretty fans. I hate the word fans. It literally sounds crazy.

[Enya]

I know. Okay, Drew. Oh, I'm not sending flowers to your job. That shit's basic. I'mma send a bomb threat so you can have the day off. Because I love you, babe.

[Drew]

That's good.

[Enya]

Get stomach cramps and swear they're pregnant. Ho. Fart and lay your ass down.

[Drew]

That's literally me to Josiah.

[Enya]

Like, actually, Josiah just literally needs a fart. Ugly bitches favorite line is, I'm far from ugly. Nah, your GPS says you've reached your destination. Leah. Leah. Yeah, you're too good, girl. Stop making TikToks with Android. Stop making Tik Toks with androids that look like surveillance footage.

[Drew]

Dude, I think I'm going to move to a flip phone. Not the Samsung one, but I've been seeing people with ones that are like a flip phone with the old Motorola keypad and then their touchcreen too. Have you seen that?

[Enya]

I want one of those with no furniture. Would be like, get the out of my house, girl. You and this skating rink.

[Drew]

That's good. That's good. I cannot believe I'm alive. Like, if you cut me open, I.

[Enya]

Would just be like.

[Drew]

Like, I. I have bones. You wouldn't even be able to cut me open.

[Enya]

Don't even get me started. Also, Elton John farted at our movie and come spilled all over the floor out of his butthole. Okay, bye, media. I forgot about that. Elton John farted a cum puddle on the floor of our movie and it was really scary. Instinctive.

[Drew]

You're watching this trailer for like, Smile and this girl, the girl in the movie is gorgeous, but they had her in this funky ass like, leotard costume with a little blonde wig on. And I just go, oh, my God, Elton John. And we had a time. We had a fucking.

[Enya]

We had a goof and a guy. Okay, my media is obviously the substance. Go fucking see that shit, please. And we've been rewatching. Or I've been rewatching. I've been rewatching Nurse Jackie and he was watching it for the first time.

[Drew]

So still.

[Enya]

I know we said it last week. Week. But like, please tap the in.

[Drew]

So good. I'm realizing how much of a show person I am. Like, I will watch a show. One thing about me is I will watch the show, but it's because I put that damn fortnite down.

[Enya]

Fortnite aa. Nothing else I can say. Lady Gaga Boys, Sabrina Claus, Charlie XCX and Bimbo Doll Tyler Tila.

[Drew]

Y'all Boys by Sabrina Boys.

[Enya]

Boys.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. I thought you meant Carpenter. I was like, what?

[Enya]

No. Y'all, that Bimbo Doll song has ruined my life. I listened to it. I only only listened to that song. And like, I don't know what it is like, about that song, but, like, bro, that shit is. Oh, c. Like, I love.

[Drew]

I know you listen to it literally, like, so often. And I haven't heard you sesh a song like that in so long since.

[Enya]

Like, X Doll Crystal, like, Apex Time.

[Drew]

Like, you haven't been having repeat songs.

[Enya]

I don't know what the it is about that song. And also, like, it was crazy because I played that 35 times on the way to. Oh, I thought you were like, actually choking on.

[Drew]

No, no, that's me acting like my lips got glued together and I couldn't speak.

[Enya]

Oh, okay, I'll stop talking then. No, I was on the way to the substance and I watched that song or listened to that song 35 times on the way without knowing what the subs.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, I was gonna say. Did you just so happen to like that song right before?

[Enya]

Yeah, I was just like listening to the. Listening like the. Out of that song. And then I left that movie and was like, wow, that was ironic. And then proceeded to listen to it all the way home.

[Drew]

You know what's more proof to me that that movie is just so good. So many movies, even like some of my favorite movies, rely so much on soundtracking. Music is such a helpful part to a movie. And when a movie has a soundtrack, like substance, which is essentially nothing of importance. Oh, what was that? Do I stink?

[Enya]

No. What were you saying?

[Drew]

You must. Oh, is it my tuna box?

[Enya]

It's the box. It's the tuna box.

[Drew]

Yeah, that always happens.

[Enya]

Put that down, dude.

[Drew]

Actually, I'm so sad that it's going to start getting cold again in the house. Cuz, like, we have to turn on.

[Enya]

Are you relating your stinky tuna box to, like, how hot it is outside?

[Drew]

No, no.

[Enya]

There's like a crinkling sound. Josiah.

[Drew]

Wait. No, I was going to say because when it's cold outside, we have to turn on the heaters and then the whole house smells really bad because it's essentially cook.

[Enya]

Yeah, it's essential oils, tuna box style.

[Drew]

Okay, we need to. Oh, wait, I have to do media.

[Enya]

But you were saying something.

[Drew]

I don't remember.

[Enya]

Yeah, it's. It's not that deep, but it's nothing of importance.

[Drew]

I'm losing my mind.

[Enya]

The craziest part is the substance being an allegory for the menstruation cycle.

[Drew]

Oh, I was saying that that's proof it's a really good movie because it doesn't have any songs that are like soundtracks that somebody would want to walk away listening to or any like, notariable songs used in it because so many movies, like I even think of the first Joker. I thought the movie was okay, but I wanted to see it so bad because they used a really good song in the trailer. Like, movies use that so hard as like a. I will say plan B. And the substance has two songs in it and they're like Those weird. I love fake songs.

[Enya]

Yeah, I. Or the boom boom boom, boom boom.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Enya]

I think it was inspired by Sophie, which is tea.

[Drew]

That's fine.

[Enya]

Like, I think the dude that made or the person that made the music was talking about I was inspired by, like, Sophie.

[Drew]

Well, I'm inspired by you every day.

[Enya]

And you know what's crazy is the same goes for you, babe.

[Drew]

Thank you. Well, I'm, like, trying to find. I haven't been listening to, like, new music. I've just kind of been repeating stuff. My music media is bidding my time. Robert Lester Folsom. Are you sleeping? Harry Nilsson, Panavision, Roy Blair.

[Enya]

The music video.

[Drew]

I know, it's such a good music video. Lost in your eyes, Tommy James and the Shondells and that's it. And other than that, I've been just like, literally playing the same. Because my discovery. Well, my Discover weekly sucks ass now. I don't know why it literally. It's still trying to get me to listen to fucking Elvis. And I don't know how many times I have to tell you, that's not gonna happen.

[Enya]

Elvis and Johnny Cash, baby. I love Johnny Cash.

[Drew]

I didn't know Johnny Cash was a real person until I was like 15.

[Enya]

Literally last night.

[Drew]

Yeah, actually, last night I saw a picture of Johnny Cash for the first time.

[Enya]

Yo, I used to be. No, I'm bi. I.