TikTok is a form of meditation

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "TikTok is a Form of Meditation" – Detailed Summary

Release Date: March 1, 2024
Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast where Enya and Drew navigate through humorous and often chaotic conversations, addressing everything from social media habits to personal anecdotes.

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1. Introduction to the Episode

In this episode titled "TikTok is a Form of Meditation," Enya (Kai) and Drew dive into the pervasive influence of TikTok on daily life, humorously exploring how the platform serves as a modern-day meditation tool. Amidst their comedic banter, they weave in personal stories, gaming experiences, and reflections on mental health, all while maintaining their signature playful dynamic.

2. TikTok Usage and Its Meditative Effects

The conversation kicks off with Drew expressing his addictive interaction with TikTok, particularly his compulsive commenting habits.

• Drew (01:20): "I'm emotionally and physically drained. Everything has been happening and it's never ending. And it doesn't stop. Nothing bad, only good. But my brain can make a good thing bad."

Kai counters by suggesting Drew channel his energy into reading better content, leading to a humorous exchange about popular book titles like "Fifty Shades of Gray."

• Kai (02:10): "I have a feeling that our core audience are the kind of like people who are in high school watching Fifty Shades of or reading Fifty Shades of Gray."

As the discussion progresses, Drew reveals how his brain turns TikTok usage into a meditative state by passively consuming endless content without active thought.

• Drew (06:43): "When I use TikTok, I'm completely useless and I have no thoughts in my brain at all."

This leads to an insightful yet comedic analysis of TikTok as a form of meditation, juxtaposed with traditional mindfulness practices.

3. The Human Body Exhibition Story

Shifting gears, Kai introduces a bizarre and intriguing story about a Human Body Exhibition in China, blending mystery with dark humor.

• Drew (09:25): "She would mysteriously go missing."

The hosts delve into the unsettling narrative of Ms. Zhang, a popular news anchor who disappeared under mysterious circumstances, only for her body to later appear in a macabre exhibition. They speculate about the ethical implications and the sinister motives behind such displays.

• Kai (10:53): "What are you going down the legal reasoning as to why it is morally acceptable that these dead bodies are being shown for science."

This segment mixes factual storytelling with exaggerated comedic elements, maintaining the podcast's lighthearted tone even when discussing morbid topics.

4. Personal Relationships and Dynamics

Enya and Drew navigate their interpersonal relationships, particularly focusing on Drew's interactions with Josiah, their mutual friend.

• Kai (07:59): "Josiah thought he had Covid and then he tested negative for two days."

They humorously recount incidents where Josiah's presence and behaviors interrupt their dynamic, leading to playful teasing and affectionate jabs.

• Kai (13:31): "Your survival instincts of any human I've ever met."

This section highlights the camaraderie and the playful tension between the hosts and their friend, adding depth to their on-air chemistry.

5. Live Shows and Media Engagements

The hosts discuss their recent live podcast events, reflecting on their growing fame and the challenges that come with increased visibility.

• Drew (44:52): "I'm so confused. No, you're not."

They humorously lament over missed opportunities to publicize their shows and the ironic twist of their content selling out before they could announce it.

• Kai (44:44): "She's performing her whole movie, and then I come out."

This topic underscores their self-awareness about their popularity and the comedic hurdles of navigating sudden fame.

6. Gaming Experiences and Online Interactions

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to their experiences in online gaming, specifically Fortnite, where they encounter and confront toxic behavior.

• Drew (35:04): "They were making fun of me for being a girl."

Kai narrates a vivid account of trolling hostile Fortnite players, turning the tables with eerie and exaggerated threats that highlight their humorous take on online toxicity.

• Kai (38:17): "I know you have the perfect name for a guy."

The segment combines storytelling with comedic reenactments, illustrating their frustrations and the absurd lengths they go to in dealing with negative online interactions.

7. Mental Health and Personal Struggles

Kai opens up about her struggles with depression and the overwhelming nature of constant screen time, providing a more serious undertone to the episode.

• Kai (55:04): "I've been detaching from my reality and really getting in on my screen time because I have no motivation to get out of bed."

Drew responds with concern and practical, albeit humorous, advice, reinforcing the supportive aspect of their relationship.

• Drew (56:29): "You need to go to prison because you're freaking me out, bitch."

This honest discussion about mental health is interspersed with their trademark humor, balancing vulnerability with levity.

8. Unexpected Filming and Surprises

Drew shares an uncanny experience where his parents inadvertently become extras in a movie, blending confusion with amusement.

• Drew (40:22): "My parents are actually accidentally, literally, in a movie or a TV show."

The recounting of their parents' unintentional cameo adds an element of surprise and randomness, further enriching the episode's dynamic.

9. Future Plans and Reflections

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on their personal growth and the evolving nature of their relationships, especially concerning Drew's changing behavior.

• Kai (53:09): "I'll change and become different."

They discuss the challenges of maintaining friendships and romantic relationships amidst their chaotic lives, emphasizing their commitment to supporting each other despite differences.

10. Closing Thoughts

In their final moments, Enya and Drew share light-hearted banter about upcoming media consumption and tease future content, maintaining the episode's engaging and humorous tone.

• Kai (55:00): "I'm gonna hit some welly Sam... I need some law."

The episode concludes with their characteristic playful interaction, leaving listeners anticipating the next installment.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Drew (01:20): "I'm emotionally and physically drained. Everything has been happening and it's never ending."

• Kai (06:43): "Maybe you're doing something right. And I was like, wait, literally, it is like meditation."

• Drew (09:25): "She would mysteriously go missing."

• Kai (10:53): "What are you going down the legal reasoning as to why it is morally acceptable..."

• Kai (13:31): "You're a mess."

• Drew (35:04): "They were making fun of me for being a girl."

• Kai (55:04): "I've been detaching from my reality and really getting in on my screen time because I have no motivation to get out of bed."

• Drew (40:22): "My parents are actually accidentally, literally, in a movie or a TV show."

• Kai (53:09): "I'll change and become different."

Conclusion

"Emergency Intercom: TikTok is a Form of Meditation" offers a blend of humor, personal storytelling, and candid discussions about modern life challenges. Enya and Drew's dynamic showcases their ability to tackle diverse topics—from the psychological impacts of social media to the quirks of personal relationships—while keeping the conversation entertaining and relatable. This episode stands out as a testament to their comedic prowess and genuine connection, making it a must-listen for both regular fans and newcomers seeking laughs intertwined with thoughtful insights.

Transcript

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[Drew]

Hey He.

[Kai]

Long time no see.

[Drew]

I'm emotionally and physically drained. Everything has been happening and it's never ending. And it doesn't stop. Nothing bad, only good. But my brain can make a good thing bad. Oh my God. Wait, did I stop?

[Kai]

Like replying to yourself like that? Because you're not really saying anything.

[Drew]

My brain can make a good thing go bad.

[Kai]

Imagine how excited your brain would be if you read an actual good book like.

[Drew]

I ran. I read 50 pages of infinite jazz.

[Kai]

No, you read 50 shades of gray, not 50 pages of infinite jazz. You're mixing the two up.

[Drew]

50 shades of gray.

[Kai]

I have a feeling that our core audience are the kind of like people who are in high school watching Fifty Shades of or reading fifty Shades of Gray. Like, I just know that because I was reading it on my ipod touching class.

[Drew]

Yeah. Twilight. Fifty Shades of Gray. Lolita. It's giving Lolita.

[Kai]

Well, I think we need to talk about something. This weekend I did something really amazing.

[Drew]

Don't hit that.

[Kai]

I. I'm going to fudgeing hit you in the back of the head. You already have it right at the top of your spinal cord so that everything collapses at once.

[Drew]

You're going to hit my occipital lobe so I lose all function.

[Kai]

Um, something really excited happened this. Whoa. Something really exciting happened this weekend.

[Drew]

Wait, did something really exciting happen? Please don't hit me.

[Kai]

But I broke a record this weekend.

[Drew]

Oh, Enya broke a crazy wreck.

[Kai]

She if you can Tell by my low energy. Something awful happened.

[Drew]

It's guys, it is the most insane. You're about to see broken a world record. Actually, like, actually.

[Kai]

I'm really nervous.

[Drew]

It's giving like meth. Like, that's what it's giving. Like, it's giving methy on the ground.

[Kai]

Say what I did, but I did something. I did cheat in this competition where it ended up.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Kai]

It's where I ended up.

[Josiah]

What?

[Drew]

19 hours and 25 minutes. She literally, literally the boss. 20 hours. Round that up. That's 20 hours, baby. You had four and a half hours.

[Kai]

I got good timing on there.

[Drew]

You brushed your teeth and that's the only time you weren't looking at your.

[Kai]

Phone while I was awake. No, I was still looking at it. I would. I had Tick Tock playing while I was flossing and I would be flossing and then use my pink.

[Drew]

I literally do that when I'm brushing my teeth and I have, like, wet hands. After I washed my face. It's like getting water all over my phone. But, like, the same Tick Tock is playing for three minutes and so I like, go to swipe it and a drop of water hits my screen and, like, follows the person. Comments and crazy. Then, like, likes the video. Like, it's insane.

[Kai]

Wait, you're. Can I see your comment history? How often does that happen?

[Drew]

Can you see comment history?

[Kai]

You actually can.

[Drew]

How do you do that? Let's see what I have. Comment.

[Kai]

Oh, wait. I actually want to go through mine too, because I sometimes will find random people.

[Drew]

Wait, how do you do it?

[Kai]

Wait, here you go to, like, the activity center and then it says comet center.

[Drew]

I'm going to screen record.

[Kai]

But I'm just going to screenshot a few because some of them are just like, me being a sweet, like, caring person. And I just, like, don't think it's necessary to, like, brag about that. So I'm going to keep.

[Drew]

Okay. So my most recent one is I'm not a twink. Because someone called me and or Anya, my twink handler. No, I'm not a fucking twink, bitch. Let's get one thing. Let's get one thing. Fucking twink. I'm not a twinkle. Know what I'm trying to go for there? We can figure this out together. Let's get one thing straight.

[Kai]

I'm.

[Drew]

No, no, no, no.

[Kai]

Let's get one thing straight. You're a twink.

[Drew]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Never, never, never, never, never, never.

[Kai]

Let's get one thing twink. I'M Otter.

[Drew]

Yes. But I'm straight. I'm the first.

[Kai]

You're straight.

[Drew]

I'm sorry.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

Straight. Okay. Also, Drew, I, like, can confirm this. He is a born again straight person.

[Drew]

I haven't had sex in two years.

[Kai]

Just straight again. So. Guys, stop, stop, stop with all the comments. Only I'm allowed to make them.

[Drew]

My comments are bunk. As also, you make bad comments. Literally. It's just like, love this Apex twin. First, first, first. I've commented first three different times. Like, literally, look.

[Kai]

What'S wrong with you?

[Drew]

For four times there's. I clocked first four times, and it's not. I'm never first. And it's mainly on, like, fan accounts, videos.

[Kai]

I said, okay, question mark, question mark, question mark on this.

[Drew]

Video a week ago.

[Kai]

And I said, okay. Like, I love commenting stuff like that on random tik toks of people I literally don't know. It's so fun.

[Drew]

Somebody said, I comment so much, actually.

[Kai]

And I thought, two days later, I.

[Drew]

Said, no, I actually comment so much on shit, actually. Literally, you are on. Okay, the thing is, I. I never realized that you.

[Kai]

The way you consume TikTok really scares me because you actually interact and you actually comment. You actually like everything you see.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

You're a bot. You are literally AI.

[Drew]

Yeah. And Kai made such a good point. I was like, when I use TikTok, I'm completely useless and I have no thoughts in my brain at all. And Kai said, well, people train 30 years of their lives to not have or 30 years of their life to not have thoughts, so maybe you're doing something right. And I was like, wait, literally, it is like meditation.

[Josiah]

Yeah. My theory is that Drain or Drew's brain is as healthy as, like, the Dalai Lama.

[Drew]

Exactly. And I have, like, similar ideals and values, and people worship me in this very similar way.

[Josiah]

Mindfulness is complete.

[Drew]

No thoughts, no thoughts. And, like, I kind of eat in that way. Girl, what the hell are you looking at?

[Kai]

I'm just amazed at where the human brain can go.

[Drew]

Thank you.

[Kai]

We've been saying for self reassurance when they are in terrible danger.

[Josiah]

Yeah, Drew, you're super delusional.

[Kai]

That's what I was gonna say. But also no. What?

[Drew]

I switch up when a girl talks about it.

[Kai]

That's what you.

[Josiah]

Should I serve my queen?

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

But I was just thinking about how I've sat on this podcast and say that playing games in Fortnite is basically a form of meditation, so I really can't talk. No, I was saying that oh, yeah, but, okay, like. But your form of meditation is not meditation. You're watching, like, some of the most brain rot ever. I don't think Tick tock.

[Josiah]

I don't think Tick Tock is the same commenting. I just know it's bubblegum pink. I see your comments.

[Drew]

Yeah, I go crazy in the comments.

[Kai]

He goes crazy with the first. First, please tell me where this is from. Where's your shirt from?

[Drew]

His crazy vibes. Okay, so I wrote this down this morning because I literally have nothing else to talk about. And it's so long, and it's kind of a new vibe. Like, it's a new vibe for us. And I don't know how you're gonna feel about it, but I'm trying things. I'm trying things. I'm throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks, but. So this is titled the Human Body Exhibition.

[Kai]

I literally, like, I can't stand you.

[Drew]

No. Okay, so in China way.

[Josiah]

I know when you say that it's about to be, like, the craziest.

[Drew]

No, this is about to be the.

[Kai]

Craziest thing you've ever unearthed on Tick Tock. And somehow it's a tick tock with, like, maybe 40k views. But you're the only human who.

[Drew]

You are spot on. Like, you have never been more right in your life. Like, that is exactly what happened.

[Kai]

And I, like, Drew is the TikTok reporter. Like, we need to start a TV channel called the TikTok Report, but it's only facts not checked via Google and just gone through Drew.

[Drew]

It's kind of like a murder mystery. Like, that's what this is. It's like. It's like. Wait, wait.

[Kai]

Okay, this is an exhibit because I'm still confused where the Human body exhibit. Is that what you're calling this? Because that's also. We need to workshop that.

[Drew]

So there's this exhibition that goes around that shows, like, human beings, like, literally, like, skinned. And it shows, like, the musculature. It shows, like, your veins and vessels and all that. Your heart. And it's like this thing where these humans that were once alive are on. Displayed and embalmed, like, processed. Yeah. It's real people. And it's there for literally everyone to see. And it's a vibe. I fully support it. I'm like, I need to see what's inside my body to be aware of it, like, period.

[Kai]

I hate seeing it because I know it stinks.

[Drew]

Yeah, it always.

[Kai]

It always, like, I literally can't see anything medical and know, like, I know it's hot and it stinks.

[Josiah]

I don't like seeing the inside of.

[Drew]

The body being hot.

[Kai]

Like it's so warm in there. Like it radiates heat and stench, literally.

[Drew]

So apparently the people at these exhibitions were hospital patients that passed away and gave consent or gave the rights away to be put on display for everyone to see. They either old age, health issues, like, whatever it is, and like, that's the T. But there's no proof of it. Like, there's not like. Like actual proof.

[Kai]

What you going down the legal reasoning as to why it is morally acceptable that these dead bodies are being shown for science. And you know, and that's the tea. Like, I need you to be a history teacher. Talk like that.

[Drew]

Well, no, like, aren't all history teachers, like, gay? With.

[Kai]

Yeah, literally. My history teacher, I will never forget his outfits because he wore the tightest salmon trousers I've ever seen on a human man.

[Drew]

Like, salmon trousers?

[Kai]

Yes. I think every morning he got them stitched to his body. They were so tight.

[Drew]

Unreal. Salmon.

[Kai]

Yeah, they were like a salmon color. Remember that era where like men were wearing like, salmon.

[Drew]

Salmon is gay. He's metro. He's metro. Sorry. He's metrosexual. Okay, this is where Miss Girl comes in. Miss Zhang, she is a news anchor in. I think it's Dalian. Dalian. Dalian. It's like this part in China and she's like a very, very popular news anchor. She's like the it girl. Like, everybody loved her. She had no problems. Like, no one had any problems with her. She was beautiful and people loved her. That's. That's that. Well, if you go and look her up now, all of the archives and all of the content from this news station of her is deleted. They like completely eradicated it off the Internet, which is like insane. Right? Where the fuck did it go? Where did all of this go? Well, in 1998, she would mysteriously go missing. Wait, I'm eating this up right now. Like, I'm building tension. I'm going crazy.

[Kai]

I kind of freaked out by you.

[Drew]

I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy. You said you were like scared of me last night.

[Kai]

Cuz you scare me.

[Drew]

Oh my.

[Kai]

We'll talk about that after.

[Drew]

Oh my God. But in 1998, eight. Oh my God. She would mysteriously go missing.

[Kai]

And.

[Drew]

And her family was like, oh, like she's full term pregnant. Like she's like eight or nine months pregnant. Like where? Or eight or seven or eight months pregnant. Like, where is she? We need to find her. But the craziest part about it is the baby daddy. They didn't know who the baby daddy was, but she knew. And her family or someone. Someone knew and leaked this information. Or knew and leaked this information. But the baby daddy was the mayor of the. I don't know how to say it. Dalian. Dalian. Yeah. Of the city. Mayor of the city. I'm the mayor of the city. Okay, I lost my notes. Hold on.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

It literally got deleted. I'm not kidding.

[Kai]

How are you good in school?

[Drew]

Because I'm good at regurgitating information. I don't actually learn it. Okay, let me get back to where I was. Okay, okay, okay. She was the mistress of the mayor. Which is T. Which is T. So she. She was the girl.

[Kai]

Does she end up in the exhibit? Is that where this is going?

[Drew]

Yes, but no. Allegedly, she was pregnant with her. His baby. The story goes that the wife found out and was fucking pissed. She was not happy. Obviously. She was very unhappy.

[Kai]

That's so annoying. Let him, like, live.

[Drew]

And the last reported sightings of Ms. Zhang was at this hotel, motel, Holiday Inn, period. The way she was at this, like, hotel motel vibe. And people were saying that she was, like, trying to self harm, but, like, no one actually saw it happen. Like, I don't remember who reported that she was trying to self harm, but it was, like, a very shaky. Yeah, it was a very shaky. Yeah, literally, it was a very shaky, like, whatever end. What is it? What is that called? Very shaky. Like, not loose end, but split end. Is a split end.

[Kai]

Like, it was a solid lead.

[Drew]

Solid lead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. We're coming back. We're coming back. We're bringing it back.

[Kai]

You know, it's crazy because this is the longest time I've gone without interrupting you, and this is insane.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah. Okay, wait, wait.

[Kai]

Right, right.

[Drew]

Hold on. I'm finding out. I'll find out.

[Kai]

We got to get you on tv.

[Drew]

Yeah. Wait. I would eat. I would eat. Okay, well, anyways, doesn't matter. She disappeared. Everyone just assumed she died. They did not have the body. They could not find the body. And the family still to this day is searching for the body. Well, the craziest part about all of this is that human exhibition opens up two years later, and guess who owns or. Okay, so the factory is in the city that she. That she went missing in. Guess who owns the factory? The mayor, the mayor's wife. Oh, and which is T. That found out and was really pissed about all of this. And everyone's like, like, Started, like, looking into this because they were like, wait, what the. Like, this is, like, actually kind of crazy. And then they look at all these bodies and they see that there's a body that matches her shape, size, the amount of time she was pregnant. It's like seven or eight months pregnant. The body that is on, like, display, which is crazy. Then years later, a controversy comes out that the bodies in the exhibition weren't actually from a hospital, that they were, like, Chinese prisoners that were quote, unquote, executed, which is also insane. So they weren't, like.

[Kai]

They weren't, like, legal nice gestures to sign.

[Drew]

And we don't. They. Yeah, exactly. They don't even know if they, like, signed up to be used, which is, like, absolutely insane. And obviously, let me find out.

[Kai]

My dead body is, like, prancing around on a tour that's like this.

[Drew]

Well, the rumors came out. The mayor was started. Started to be looked into. The mayor was, like, tried and sentenced on, like, crimes of corruption. The wife went to jail for murdering her co worker. So she is literally a killer. She killed that person and put her on display in this factory. Like, she's some weird sicko. But then started making me think about, like. Like, the people that, like, put on these human exhibitions, and they, like, literally just mutilate and, like, play with dead bodies all day. I'm like, oh, you're a freak. And, like, you're finding your outlet so you don't have to, like, go and kill other people and, like, rip them apart or.

[Kai]

They're people dedicated to science and learning like you are.

[Drew]

I'm not buying that.

[Kai]

Well, that sounds like something that. If I was a really, really shitty screenwriter and director at Peacock, I'd be like, I got my next big, like, that's one. Stories that the Simple Human brain would be like.

[Drew]

And they were made out of wax the whole time, and they.

[Kai]

And it was all a dream. Like, that sounds like something somebody would be like, I'm gonna make this movie just for it to be the worst movie ever. Because there's no way to make that story more interesting than it is. Just an interesting story.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's true. But did I eat? Like, be honest.

[Josiah]

Yeah, you did.

[Kai]

You're in, like, a calorie deficit for sure. But you ate. But not as much like you. You might starve if we don't get you some.

[Drew]

I ate, but I'm malnourished.

[Kai]

Yeah, you're definitely in a calorie deficit.

[Drew]

I did leave a lot. I didn't leave crumbs. I left Crumbs. But they were like bite sized.

[Kai]

They were enough for a leftover.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

You're talented and sexy.

[Drew]

Thank you.

[Kai]

Well, I decided I'm tired of being.

[Drew]

Put down all the time.

[Kai]

Okay. Can you tell me look about it?

[Josiah]

Tell you what?

[Drew]

Tell me like I'm sexy.

[Josiah]

You're fucking sexy.

[Drew]

Thank you.

[Kai]

You're begging for compliments. That's so pathetic.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Josiah]

He doesn't have to beg me.

[Kai]

He just did.

[Drew]

I'm being put down again.

[Josiah]

I wanted to. You're sexy and you're.

[Kai]

You don't even compliment him before he has to beg you. Like I say something mean and then he has to say your name and then you say something. But why don't you just jump in because you know I'm going to be a Drew. You're stupid, Drew.

[Josiah]

You're sexy. You have a perfect penis.

[Kai]

See, I gave you a good spot. You're welcome.

[Josiah]

Thank you.

[Kai]

Queen Josie is staring at me like a freak in the hallway.

[Drew]

He's so creepy.

[Kai]

Josiah. How about this? Josiah thought he had Covid and then he tested negative for two days. But when he thought he had Covid, he came back to our house and slept. And quarantined at our house.

[Drew]

And what's even crazier is he slept in my bed three inches away from my face. And I was telling Kai, I wake up every single night in the middle of the night with Josiah breathing in my face. And I wake up and I look at him and I like flip around like super angrily and I'm like super pissed. And like Josiah wakes up and does the same the other way. But we always like wake up in the middle of the night and like look at each other for like two seconds and then like we don't process it and then we just roll over.

[Josiah]

And you're so lucky, dude. Like, I wish, I wish that was my life. I have like a doll, but it's not the same.

[Kai]

Well, you have. What is it like a twin bed so another person couldn't sleep in there?

[Josiah]

That it's smaller than a twin bed?

[Drew]

Oh, it's a micro. It's one.

[Josiah]

It's a crib.

[Drew]

It's a crib. Yeah.

[Kai]

You have a toddler mattress.

[Drew]

It's giving crib.

[Kai]

It's nine to 12 month mattress.

[Josiah]

Yeah, that mattress is thin but it has a pee pad so that adds a little bit.

[Kai]

Are you pissing yourself when you're sleep?

[Josiah]

Yeah, I do. Number three.

[Kai]

I wish adults still pissed the bed because that would be hella funny, like fog. Oh my God. I'M going to be late today because I pissed the bed and I wish it was like normalized in a way, starting. You can text your homegirl and be like, girl, I'm literally going to be late. I fudgeing pissed the bed. But I guess girls kind of have that because we just leak blood in our sheets. But that's like more terrorizing to like the human.

[Josiah]

I will say I do make girls laugh so hard that they piss themselves pretty often. So I don't know, I guess it's similar.

[Kai]

Okay, so if you've spent maybe like 12 hours with the total woman in your life, it's maybe like four. Two of those, including family members, one being me, one someone else who you're probably holding hostage. Yeah, but you haven't made me piss from laughing.

[Josiah]

Well, the hostage.

[Kai]

And I've seen your mom around you and I don't.

[Josiah]

Yeah, it's the hostage.

[Drew]

It's the hostage.

[Josiah]

Yes, you're right. My mom doesn't fudge with me.

[Kai]

But no, actually we met Kai's mom and she was the sweetest.

[Drew]

Such a vibe. It was.

[Kai]

So after the show, she came up to me and spoke to me and I felt like I was speaking to an NPR host. Really good way. Yeah. Like, she was so nice to me. I was like, what the hell is happening?

[Josiah]

Well, she's so happy that you guys, like, take care of me. And I'm serious.

[Kai]

She's like, I know who's going to change your piss pad on your bed if it's not us.

[Josiah]

I know you guys got me off.

[Kai]

The streets, so you make it seem.

[Drew]

Like, like a zool. Like hiding under a dumpster can. And it was crying in the rain. And we found him and brought him in.

[Kai]

He was hiding in the bushes waiting for us to move in. Here he is the. Oh, cuz. He's the intruder. Okay, that makes sense. Cuz he was the intruder. He came in and he was like, damn.

[Josiah]

Yeah, it's just crazy how I manifested this by breaking into your house.

[Kai]

Well, I decided that I hate couples sitting on the same side of the table and restaurants and it literally shouldn't be allowed.

[Drew]

Like, I sit on the same side as my mom.

[Kai]

Why?

[Josiah]

That's Riz.

[Drew]

Thank you.

[Kai]

That's his mother.

[Drew]

Thank you.

[Josiah]

It's platonic ribs.

[Kai]

Why do you have to be so close to her?

[Drew]

I just love my mommy.

[Josiah]

I feel that.

[Kai]

But do you understand what I'm saying? Like, and nothing makes me more uncomfortable than walking into a restaurant and there's two random fucking freak strangers holding on to each other and just staring at you. Go through the restaurant. It's already enough that when you walk into a restaurant, people naturally just kind of, like, gaze around and you might be looked at, so you feel like you're being looked at. But these two freaks who are, like, weirdly sexual right now are, like, staring at you. It fudgeing freaks me out, and I literally, fudgeing hate it. Like, also, it's so inconvenient to me. It's way more inconvenient to sit next to someone and have to, like, turn your head the whole time than to just sit across the table. Also, are you guys cheating on your significant other? Why do you have to be so close in a public space? Like, you can go home after this. You can go to your house and, like, be all over each other. You don't have to do that in public.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's. I think it's cute, personally. A little cute. But when it's creepy. It's creepy when their backs are faced towards everyone else. Like, if they're sitting up against the wall and they're looking out towards Russia, I let that slide. But if their backs are facing towards everybody, I'm like, y' all are up to no good. Like, this is creepy.

[Kai]

I feel the complete opposite. I don't want to see the face of the perpetrator. Like, I want their backs to be to me, but I feel like couples who do it always have their faces facing the whole fucking restaurant. Like, they're trying to prove a porn.

[Josiah]

They're trying to rub it in my face.

[Kai]

Yeah. I mean, I don't.

[Drew]

Kaiser falls.

[Kai]

Like, I don't feel, like, insecure.

[Josiah]

They're trying to.

[Drew]

Kai's a crisis actor.

[Josiah]

Yo.

[Drew]

Watch out for Kai's crisis actor.

[Kai]

Like, a false flag.

[Josiah]

I don't. I think. I don't like it because I'm like, an artist. I just don't like the asymmetry of it, you know, it's like, unbalanced.

[Drew]

That's actually really interesting.

[Josiah]

Yeah. I just take aesthetic super seriously. So it's like, please, just creative in you.

[Kai]

Yeah, Well, I don't like it because I'm very bitter. And I don't like to see a man and a woman being happy because I know that he's going to cheat.

[Drew]

What if it was two women?

[Kai]

Then I'm sitting right across from them and I'm staring.

[Drew]

I'm fingering them.

[Kai]

I like that. I'm like, hello, is there space for a third? I love this vibe. No, it's specifically I'm sorry. It's specifically when it's a man and a woman. It freaks me out. But you know what? I actually never see gay couples doing that. I. I've never once seen a gay couple do that. But, like, maybe I just haven't seen it. But it's only straight couples, and usually the man is so ugly it pisses me off. But I'll stop talking about it. That's my story.

[Drew]

We went and saw the Whiz with my parents, and it was a vibe.

[Kai]

And I thought they reanimated Michael Jackson, but they didn't.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, it was hologram. It was just hologram.

[Kai]

The Tin man was hot, y' all. Like, seriously, go watch the Wiz if you're in la. Because the Tin man is sexy. And everybody in the crowd thought it because he got the most the work I've ever heard.

[Drew]

The roar the crowd erupted into when he did his bow was absurd. The Scarecrow was quite literally probably the most talented person I have ever. I've never seen someone have voice control like that ever in my life. I didn't even know it was possible to be able to make sounds like that. Like, the Tin man was just like, a vibe and, like, was funny. He was like. Actually, he was really good, though. Like, literally, like, so everyone was, like, incredible. The only person that I did not fuck with was the Wiz himself. But my dad was telling me that before the play went on, they announced that it's like the second string guy. And everybody groaned and moaned and because he was second string and, like, you could feel it, like, everybody was like. Like, it was like some of the best singing I've ever seen in a musical or in a live play ever. Like, everybody was on and then, like, the Whiz came around and, like, I was so excited to meet the Wiz because I was like, oh, this is like, they've been building him up the whole time and he just didn't deliver like I thought he did. Don't get me wrong, he turned that out and he killed. And it might have just been the playwriting in general, but, like, that play was lit. That play was lit.

[Kai]

I mean, usually I don't like musicals because they freak me out, because I can't watch musicals without staring at the people. And they actually freak me out because it's like watching tv but they're here and it feels so weird, and it feels like they don't know I'm here. And, like, it. It just freaks me out. It, like, it genuinely gives me the Weirdest feeling ever.

[Drew]

They turn into television every single time I'm watching a play. Like, it literally becomes, like, a TV screen or an iPhone screen, and it's, like, so creepy. But what gets me every time it's when I'm at concerts, it's when I'm at plays, it's when I'm at movies, is, like, seeing the back of, like, hundreds of people's heads and, like, they're still, like. It makes me feel so eerie.

[Kai]

And that was making me feel so weird too, but keep going. Sorry, I, like, had to disagree with that.

[Drew]

No, literally, you're good. It makes me feel so, like, bizarre and like. Like, gives me, like, such, like, a primal, like. Like, I'm insidious feeling. I'm like, what the hell?

[Kai]

So it was freaking me out because it's a musical and not a single soul was moving around. And then I was freaked out because I was like, are they purposefully saying still? Because I cannot stay still. Because songs were fudgeing lit and I couldn't stay still. And then I was like, oh, my God, are people seeing me and thinking I'm trying to show off and, like, that I like it, like, more than them. And I was freaking out. And then I would make myself say.

[Drew]

I had the exact same dialogue in my head and there's something wrong with us, because that's. Because that's normal thoughts.

[Kai]

Because we do it at concerts, too. Like, at concerts, if I'm having too much fun, I'll have a moment where I'm like, oh, my God, Somebody's gonna think that I'm trying to show off, that I, like, think I like the artist more than them and, like, that I think I'm cooler than them. And I'm just gonna stand still. But then when I'm standing still, I'm like, oh, my God, they're gonna think I'm being, like, too cool, and I don't give a and I should kill myself and I need to move.

[Drew]

It's probably because we're, like, narcissists.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

And we think everybody's looking at us, like, right? That is, like, probably. I bet someone.

[Kai]

Well, you know what it is? It's more because I'm looking at everyone all the time. Yeah, I think that's more what it is, because I don't think it's not coming from a place, but I guess you can still be narcissistic without, like, a fame aspect of it. But it's not from a place where I'm like, oh, somebody who knows Me is gonna see me. It's literally because I am constantly eavesdropping, staring, being nosy, watching the out of everybody. So I can only assume people. There are other people who do the same. And then I get fearful of my own actions, which is staring at people and judging them. So maybe I need to do some internal work. But that's the fun of life. Like, what the, what's the point of going to a restaurant and not listening to the people next to me? There's actually other reason. There's literally no other reason to go to a restaurant than to eavesdrop because.

[Drew]

We'Ve had every single conversation ever that's possible. Like, yeah, we just now have to hear other, other people's takes on the conversations that we've already had.

[Kai]

We need to add something to the water. Cuz there hasn't been enough, like fights at restaurants and like arguments at restaurants.

[Drew]

The water's making the frogs gay.

[Kai]

Are you a frog? Is that what it did to you? It was a joke. Like, obviously.

[Josiah]

Yeah, I. He needs to not be so sensitive.

[Kai]

I know he needs to be upset.

[Josiah]

I said that. I was actually like, oh, it's good that he walked out because it's inappropriate for her to say that to you.

[Drew]

And I'm a beautiful soul.

[Kai]

No, you didn't say that.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

Actually he said you have a beautiful hole.

[Drew]

Oh, wow.

[Kai]

You like that?

[Drew]

Yes, actually, yeah, it's like a little. I was.

[Josiah]

It's like a knot in the balloon.

[Drew]

Ew. Ew. Those are my hemorrhoids, Kai. Okay. I am a targeted individual.

[Kai]

Oh my.

[Drew]

Like I. Some. Like, I don't know if you're actually.

[Kai]

Back to that, but I don't think we can live together if you're gonna go back into that. That was the hardest five months of.

[Drew]

My life being gang like that stocked. And I thought it was a joke at first. And then I came home one night, it was after our show, and I was laying in bed with Josh and the service on my phone goes out. Tell me why. My phone was EMP'd and it, it went without service for six hours.

[Kai]

No, you need to pay your phone bill to have service. That's probably what was happening.

[Drew]

No, AT&T literally did get shut down and it was scaring the fuck out of me. I was like, wait, that's actually like really, really scary that it can just happen randomly. Yeah, like I always knew it was, but I like never thought it was actually going to happen. But I was like always aware that it could happen. But like, what the Fuck. Like that's the AT and T. They.

[Kai]

Figure out how that happened or why?

[Drew]

I don't know yet. Like, I don't think so.

[Josiah]

I think it's because you guys were being so political during the show that the government actually just like stopped you.

[Kai]

What did we say though, at the show?

[Josiah]

Talking about squirting or something.

[Kai]

Oh, okay.

[Drew]

Squirting and pissing. No, it was really creepy.

[Kai]

I wonder if it's also. There was just an overload of users on the network and then they were just shut down. Yeah, it was.

[Drew]

So.

[Kai]

But maybe everyone all at once saw the same video from who the did I marry? And everybody was on their phone using their data to watch that series on Tick Tock.

[Drew]

What the is the Cats?

[Kai]

Dude, Drew, what were you watching? You said this better not become what the is the cat?

[Drew]

It was like that social media sleuth documentary.

[Kai]

Wait, Dreams scenario.

[Drew]

No, no, it was like the Idaho.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were watching this, which we never finished it cuz it was confusing me because I couldn't tell if it was commentary on Internet sleuths or it was just literally Internet sleuth got a documentary. But we were watching that and Drew was like, this better not become what the is cats. And we were like, what are you talking about? And I was like, do you mean don't with cats? And he was like, yeah, same thing, same thing.

[Josiah]

Oh, what the is cats?

[Kai]

That's like when we were all talking about going to see Was it Talk to me?

[Drew]

Yeah, talk to the hand.

[Kai]

And he was like, we should go watch Talk to the hand. And then we were like, what are you talking about? And then he was like, take the hand. It's take the hand. And he kept calling, take my hand. He kept calling, talk to me. Like 8 million things.

[Drew]

Take my hand. Now feel.

[Kai]

But now I feel like I don't know the name of that movie and I feel like I'm getting it wrong.

[Drew]

Let's talk to me.

[Josiah]

No, it's Talk to me.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Josiah]

Wait, have you seen the thing that if there's a solar flare, like, all electronics will just turn off?

[Kai]

What is like the biggest cons of that other than the fact that we won't have a job anymore?

[Josiah]

It's like planes falling out of the sky and like people that are impossible.

[Kai]

It will be borderline. I guess they will follow the sky because it'll be borderline impossible for them to navigate. Landing.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Oh.

[Kai]

That was the scariest thing to ever happen. I literally felt like a plane crashed.

[Drew]

Into our House literally thought I got shot.

[Kai]

I literally felt like a plane crashes off. Oh, my God. Actually, guys, I haven't been watching any murder mysteries or any plane crash videos for, like, a month straight. Like, actually a little more than a month. I've not watched anything about murder or plane crashes in a long time. And my whole timeline on YouTube now is just Evan and Caitlyn, which is a resin channel, a bunch of wood carving channels. And then prospering. Who does Fortnite?

[Drew]

When are you gonna get into whittling?

[Kai]

What?

[Josiah]

Wood carving channels.

[Drew]

Okay, I know. That's what I'm saying. Nothing.

[Kai]

Okay, what is that? Are you all making it a sexual thing?

[Drew]

No.

[Josiah]

No. Okay, this is interesting.

[Drew]

I just want to start interesting in.

[Josiah]

In her. In harassing, I guess.

[Drew]

It's just gay. Yeah, it's just very gay.

[Kai]

I know. This year I was like, I want to learn how to play the lapse of the guitar. I'm going to start with Carmen.

[Josiah]

But also Drew.

[Kai]

I'm just me.

[Josiah]

Dude. I'm sorry, but Drew's like, a psycho. Yeah, he's a psycho. Like, he literally set that up. He told me that he was going to set that up and then so believably acted scared when it happened.

[Kai]

Did he actually.

[Josiah]

Yes. And he didn't, like, let on to it at all. And he just scared you. He scared the out of you and then just looked at me.

[Kai]

Okay, well, now what?

[Josiah]

He's a monster.

[Drew]

No. I'm a genius.

[Josiah]

You are a genius.

[Drew]

It was just like this little gag because I knew it's gonna get clipped, it's gonna get posted, and it's gonna go viral. You sound like, we're going viral. You're like, we're going viral, Guys.

[Kai]

We are going.

[Drew]

Guys, we're going viral.

[Josiah]

You're so smart. You're like Twink Megamind.

[Drew]

Oh, no. Like Otter.

[Kai]

It comes out of your mouth. It sounds.

[Josiah]

Yeah, yeah. It's bad. I shouldn't say.

[Drew]

It's like, usy Twink Dad.

[Kai]

Snapchat me that.

[Drew]

Essie Twink death. I'm experiencing twink death.

[Kai]

I tried to play Roblox last night and I just couldn't get it set up. And I was so mad. And that's it.

[Drew]

Did we ever get into it?

[Kai]

No, because I couldn't access, like, the account on my iPhone because I want to play on PS5. And I haven't been able to go to work on Contraband Police because the setup is so uncomfortable.

[Drew]

Oh, wow.

[Kai]

We've been doing this thing where we get into random rooms On Fortnite and ones that have, like, audio and what is it called?

[Drew]

Proximity chat.

[Kai]

We get into ones with proximity chat and we just start talking and we'll have your do this voice. Hello. If anybody calls him gay, I'm like, I'm literally his girlfriend. I'm right here. Stop fucking saying that about him.

[Drew]

Save a horse, ride a cowboy, and I'm the cowboy.

[Kai]

Yesterday was making me and Josiah almost fizz ourselves. What were they even saying back to you? I, like, can't remember.

[Drew]

They were literally just being homophobic. They were being crazy.

[Kai]

I'm sorry. It is actually terrible, terrifying what people say under an anonymity. It is actually terrifying. I mean, we see it in comments and all that all the time, but when it is young people using their voice to say crazy, it freaks me out. But then I'm like, these are literally, literally kids. So in their head, this is their eight. Like, a lot of these people online are so young, and it freaks me out because also they'll be screaming into the mic and I'm very confused where the. Are your parents? Yeah, like, actually, I don't understand. If my parents heard me talking like that, they would beat my ass.

[Drew]

Exactly. That night was like the most eye opening thing I've ever experienced in my life. When we were playing, like, that Fortnite match, what was it called? Like, prop hunt. Yes, we were playing prop hunt and we hopped into this lobby and like, the way these, like 8 to 12 year old boys were behaving was like, absolutely insane. It wasn't like Modern Warfare 2, Call of Duty era insane. Like, it was like a whole other beast, a whole other level.

[Kai]

So evil.

[Drew]

It was. It was. It was actually sinister. It was making me, like, literally sad.

[Kai]

I know. It killed all of our nights. Like, we got in there and at first it was funny. We were like, Drew's doing his voice and I was talking, and then they were just being, like, really sexist to me. So then I started to, like, back up and let Drew and Josie talk because I literally couldn't even say anything funny because they were like, get in the kitchen. Get in the kitchen. I was like, bro, you are so.

[Drew]

And we were in a grocery. She. They ate your ass up. We were playing frot punt in a grocery store and the kid was like, get in the kitchen. Get in the kitchen. He was like, wait, actually you're in the grocery store. The other place you belong.

[Kai]

Yeah. And I was like, damn. And then I literally stopped talking because I felt like I got my ass chewed out. But later on, they kept being. They were actually being so sinister and evil. And I don't know, maybe this has always been a thing with young people. I don't want to sound old as fucking. Be like, the new generation is like, whatever. Kids are always evil. Kids are fucking evil. Like, we all know that. Whatever. And hopefully they grow and they learn and they become normal. But they were being so fudgeing evil that it shifted everyone's mood. All of us went from being, like, funny, trolling these kids who were being rude. We were just trolling them. Not in a sinister way, but just like, Drew doing a voice and me being like, hello. Like, us saying basically nothing.

[Drew]

I mean, you did say you had their IP address and that you were coming.

[Kai]

Okay, I was getting there. I was getting there. But I only did this, and I will stand by it, because, yes, they are kids, and yes, I scared the fuck out of them, but they were saying some of the gnarliest shit I've ever heard come out of someone's mouth in a very long time. So I was like, all right, I'm going to teach you all a lesson. Because they wouldn't let me talk in my normal voice. So I just got really close to the mic and I was like, I see everything. I see everything. I know where you are, and I know where you live, and I see that you're on a PS5. Oh, did you get your PS5 for Christmas? I know you got it for Christmas, and I know your mom worked hard to get the PS5 for you. And I just kept doing this, just.

[Drew]

Describing traits that, like, somehow all of them landed. And, like, these kids were like.

[Kai]

One of them was like, PC. And I was like, oh, I already know you have a PC. And I know that you waited so long to get it because they were all sold out for so long. And I just. I kept saying very blanket statements, but it was connecting to all of them. And they were all like, eight. So they were like, oh, my God. And then they all started.

[Drew]

They were scurrying.

[Kai]

We need to leave. We need to leave now.

[Drew]

We need to leave.

[Kai]

And then they were like, dude, she's being creepy. Like, block her, please.

[Drew]

And then you were like, I'm inside your PlayStation. You can't get rid of me. And they were like.

[Kai]

I was like, I'm looking around at your files. I see how much time you played every game while you play Call of Duty. A lot. You should go back outside. And I, like, just kept saying creepy things. And then, like, the one evil fucking kid who was Actually so scary. Got so scared that he left. Like, he tried to make a joke to me and, like, be, like, nasty. He was like, oh, you can't even see my computer, because I came all over it. I was like.

[Drew]

And I go, it's a Kai joke.

[Kai]

He, like, set the gross thing ever. And I was like, I already told your mom about that. She's coming into your room in the next five minutes. You better hurry up and get all that cleaned up. Like, I said something like that, like, in a really sinister voice. And then he was like, what the. And then just got off because he got really scared of me. And all of them got scared of me. And I hope they learned their lesson to not get online and say scary, nasty things to a woman, because I'll kill a kid.

[Josiah]

That makes me so angry.

[Kai]

Yeah, I love it. Oh, wait. During that one, Drew got on, and they were making fun of me for being a girl, and they were like, shut up, E girl. You. You like all this crazy to me. And then Drew got on. On a different. On his computer. It was like, oh, hi. I see a sexy girl's in here.

[Drew]

A sexy girl. And we just started, like, flirting. Like, I was, like, rizzing her. And they were like, wait, what? Like, I can't believe this.

[Kai]

They were like, bro, he's scary. And I was like, no, he's not. You guys are just kids. You don't understand how real men talk.

[Drew]

And that was our story, the resale.

[Kai]

I haven't been on one of those. I haven't been on Prop Hut since then, though, because it actually jarred me. Like, it freaked me out.

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Right?

[Drew]

Oh, my God. Wait. My parents are. I didn't tell you this. My parents are actually accidentally, literally, in a movie or a TV show. Like, accidentally, fully after the show, I was, like, driving them to the hotel that they were staying at. It's, like, right up the street from us, and it's on Main Road. And I was like. It was, like, kind of late, obviously. And it sounds like I'm making this up. It sounds like I'm literally lying, but I'm being dead serious. And, like, actually, I have videos of it as proof. And, like, there's, like, now I don't.

[Kai]

Trust you because Kai's lying. So I'm like, are you making up another lie that you told Kai you were gonna tell me?

[Drew]

No, no, no, no. It's real.

[Kai]

Because I'm not like you. I don't spend time taking.

[Drew]

It's real. It's real. It's real. But so the street was shut down, but it wasn't shut down by police. It was like shut down by like people wearing like green vests. And I was like, what the. And they would just like, they didn't say a word. They just like sent me this way. And I was like, oh, fudge. There must be like a bad car crash. So like I went around up a street because I had to go where the street was closed down to get to the hotel. And so I drive up this side street and like the guy's like, stop, stop.

[Kai]

Like you listen to.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, another man. No, I literally was like pissed off. I was like, what? Like, tell me, at least tell me why I can't go. Because I can't go anywhere else. The hotel is right there. And he's like, oh, we're filming, we're filming, we're filming. And then I got like a video of them filming. And it was like a race scene in a movie. And you can see like the camera over there and like those are all like fake cars. And then they like turn around, there's all the filming crew and stuff. But yeah, they were like actually filming a movie. And then they let me through and I drove through the film set. Which is like kind of crazy because it was like hunt, like million dollar cameras lining.

[Kai]

You should have just hyper, like driven into all of them.

[Drew]

That's literally like. I was like, I'm gonna just park here until they pay me $50 to leave. Because like there's that thing.

[Kai]

Yeah, they can't.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah. And there's this thing that people like, like make a living off of with they have a motorcycle. They go and find a movie sets and just sit outside the movie set revving the engine and like making as loud as much sound as possible. And then they're like, give me 50 bucks and I'll leave. And they just dip. Because you're like allowed, legally allowed to do that. But anyways, I'm gonna do that, but.

[Kai]

Like record a self tape for them they're shooting and just get a big projector and play it outside and be like, I won't leave until you put me in the movie.

[Drew]

That's a good idea actually. Anyways, we drove through this set, I dropped them off. Well, I told them to just like hang out downstairs and just kind of watch it go down because I've never seen this in la. This is crazy. This is awesome. This is like a once in a lifetime experience. And they were just chilling there and then they heard action. And like every the car started driving the people on, like, every person on the sidewalk, they thought were was watching it, but they were extras. And they started walking and my parents were just, like, standing on the sidewalk. And then, like, they said, cut. And, like, that's a rap. And they wrapped the scene and they. In the last scene, my parents were just standing on the sidewalk and an actor came up to them and was like, you do realize you're going to be in a TV show. I hope you're ready to be in a TV show or a movie. And my parents were like, what? And then they were cold and so they.

[Kai]

I hope you're ready for your whole life.

[Drew]

I know they're having their extra debut, except they, like, did free labor and didn't get paid, so they're going to sue.

[Kai]

Oh, that's a good way to do that. Yeah. I mean, instead of just being grateful for being a part of something magical, which is probably, like, what, Grey's Anatomy, period.

[Drew]

But no, they were. There was something, like, very high budget, though. Like, I don't. They didn't ask. And, like, I couldn't ask anybody, but, like, I wanted them to ask the actor so bad, but they were too scared to.

[Kai]

But it was filming a lot around la, because they were filming on San Vincenti or however you say that. Yeah, they were filming on that street and they were. They're always filming on, like, Wilshire.

[Drew]

And I was thinking it was like, it was giving Netflix, though. Like, I don't know what it was.

[Kai]

It was giving Anya Taylor joy.

[Drew]

I just can't say without getting laughed at by Kai.

[Josiah]

No, it's funny.

[Kai]

Well, because he has a crush on you, so he's bullying you. It's like a child. Yeah, because he's so underdeveloped.

[Josiah]

I am. Yeah. I'm super immature.

[Kai]

Guys, I'm gonna be opening the Versace show, so make sure you watch it. This is filmed ahead of time and I'm actually. While you're watching this, I'm in Italy right now, and I'm really nervous. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

[Drew]

Show me.

[Kai]

No, I was. I signed an NDA. I'm not allowed to show you. JLo is going to be performing, too.

[Drew]

I'm so confused. No, you're not.

[Kai]

She's performing her whole movie, and then I come out. I'm the. I'm the opening look. So it's a big.

[Drew]

It's a big deal for Donatella. Versace. Versace.

[Kai]

Why? Wait, why did you comment that on, like, a video of, like, Bella being really serious.

[Drew]

Yeah. Commented that Bella announcing, like, her Lyme's disease or some. And she just said, like, done a Della versatile. Like, some, like, really, like, heartfelt message. And she just. And she does it unironically.

[Kai]

Maybe it's like, a thing how some people, like, genuinely believe that their name takes on new meaning because they've made such good art. And she's like, she'll know what this means. And maybe Bella was like, oh, my God. That was the most beautiful thing anybody's ever said to me.

[Drew]

It is like, the vibe, though. Like, I think that's what it is. It's like a signature. It's like, I'm here for you. Like, I'm thinking of you. Like, that's what it is for her. But it just looks like. Imagine me commenting Drew Phillips under, like, your pose. Like, it's like, doesn't. It does not read the same. Like, it doesn't read well, for some.

[Kai]

Reason, Donatello Versace sounds way more heartfelt, but I think it's because it's like an Italian name than Drew Phillips.

[Drew]

Yeah. Drew Phillips eats way more, huh?

[Josiah]

It does.

[Kai]

No, it does.

[Josiah]

You have the perfect name for a guy.

[Drew]

Thank you. Thank you. See, I was thinking the same thing about you, Kai. Kai Newman.

[Josiah]

I guess I've never thought about it, but thank you.

[Kai]

You have the weirdest last name I've ever heard of. Life. I never heard that.

[Josiah]

Newman. You've never heard the name Newman. There's like, multiple celebrities with the last.

[Drew]

Name Newman because he's a new man.

[Josiah]

Paul Newman, Randy Newman.

[Kai]

I don't know any of these.

[Josiah]

Randy Newman made the Toy Story soundtrack. Paul Newman isn't. Who's Paul Newman? He has a pasta sauce.

[Drew]

Okay, that sounds.

[Kai]

So we're using celebrity. Very loose.

[Josiah]

You don't know about Newman's Own. The whole brand with, like, they have Oreos that are very mid. Do you know about that? Yeah.

[Kai]

So basically, the Newman name doesn't have, like, the best legacy other than the toy story sounds.

[Josiah]

It does have a dude, Randy Newman.

[Kai]

But you're getting there.

[Drew]

No, you are getting there.

[Kai]

We're gonna take you there.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Randy Newman is lit.

[Josiah]

Randy Newman's.

[Kai]

Have you ever heard of, like, the legacy that umandzor has? Like, we're tapped in. I don't think there's any other famous person with that. Oi. Oh, my God. Wow. I was crazy.

[Drew]

Have you heard of the Phillips Legacy? We designed TVs refrigerators. That's all me, baby. That's all.

[Kai]

Yeah. Me and Kai are Underdogs. I'm actually studying with you now.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm a Nepo baby.

[Kai]

Yeah, I know, man. I know. Your parents are in TV shows.

[Drew]

I actually.

[Kai]

Oh, you have a meeting.

[Drew]

Yeah. Damn it. Like, literally right now.

[Kai]

Oh. Some people don't take this job seriously. Like, I put this as a priority before everything else. Like, I'm literally supposed to be in Italy right now, and I have this. No, I it up because I slept in, because I stayed up till 6am watching prospering kill it on Fortnite. And it was amazing. And also yesterday I worked out and I actually feel like my muscles were attached by Velcros. And you know how if you don't go like this and you rip it this way, it takes longer for the Velcro to rip off. I feel like somebody did that to my arms and my abs.

[Josiah]

Oh, they're sore.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. We did Josiah's, like, famous ab workout yesterday together. Oh. We'll insert the video. What do you guys think, y' all? It's pretty good, right? It's pretty lit.

[Kai]

Like you're acting like you. They saw the video already.

[Drew]

What is this called?

[Kai]

It's like Russian something.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

My God. Oh, wow.

[Josiah]

Was that you? Are you serious?

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

He kept having these wet, nasty farts at the gym, and he claims they're.

[Josiah]

Not wetting that up, and he keeps.

[Kai]

Claiming they're not wet, but he. And I know he's sweating his little ass.

[Drew]

I actually wasn't sweating. I actually wasn't sweating. They was not wet.

[Kai]

Also, you have to show the other video if you got it on video. There was one boy, he was like, oh, I think I'm gonna fart again. So, like, let's do that again. So we all started working out and he clenched his whole face like he shook trying to fart. I was like, did you look like you're. Dude, he looked like he was going to shit himself.

[Drew]

That one's not going in there. That's embarrassing.

[Kai]

Also, I'm. I'm just going to humble myself and let that video get put in the podcast. Even though I look like shit in it. But just know that I have my bad days too.

[Drew]

We'll add a beauty filter.

[Kai]

Yeah. Add the bold glamour. Like, let's add bold glamour.

[Drew]

We'll make you really beautiful.

[Kai]

Let's add bold glamour with, like, a hair down effect. So, like, you know when, like, people add fake hair and it, like, you can see your face through and it glitches through. I want that for that.

[Drew]

Should we add this selfie? Of me.

[Kai]

I hate that picture of you.

[Drew]

I think it's actually really good.

[Kai]

Okay. Also, I'll explain why you scare me. Okay.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

Drew, if you. It's. You don't scare me the way, like, any human who had to live with you would be scared, because I know you so well, but you have the oddest survival instincts of any human I've ever met in my life. Because Drew will hang around for a few minutes and be kind of silent and not really be in a mood, but, like, he's not in a bad mood, but he's not, like, very chipper, and he's not adding to it. He kind of is just, like, hanging around. If he doesn't get what he wants from the situation, he will just disappear into his room for, like, an hour. And then me and Josiah will be like, is he mad at us? Like, whatever. Don't bother him. Just, like, let him go to his room. And then he'll come back out and, like, survey the room again. Come into the kitchen, eat a few snacks, and then get, like, a sudden sugar rush. Come into the room, ignore what we're saying. We could be having a full conversation, and he'll just come in and be like. And then we're like, what? And then he's like, oh, my God, you guys hate me. Come back into the kitchen, eat more snacks, stand in the, like, doorway and keep saying things until he gets our attention. And then he gets our attention. Keeps it for, like, 10 minutes, doesn't say anything. We'll start singing and be like, was that good? And we're like, no. And then he's like, okay, fudge, you guys. That's why I'm going back to my room. But really, what's happening is he's getting, like, a very sudden sugar spike dropping down, and then being like, I'm going back to my room. And then go back to your room.

[Drew]

A very different reality. A very different. Sometimes the vibe. Yeah, sometimes the vibes aren't fully there for me. Not because y' all are being mean or anything. I'm just like, oh, I don't have the energy to, like, partake in this conversation. I'm going to go lay on my phone. Like, period. Like, that's it. Then I come back out, I survey the vibes again, and I'm like, okay, the vibes are here. Like, let's turn up. Like, I'm down to do. But half the time it's y' all playing Fortnite together. And I'm like, I don't Play Fortnite. So I'm like, girl, I'm gonna go play my iPhone and do that.

[Kai]

And we're bonding. You could take that moment to be like, I'm gonna play with them and bond.

[Drew]

It's just not. It's not that fun to me anymore. Like, I try. I'd really try to. Like, it's fun when I win, but it's not fun when I don't win.

[Josiah]

Drew has, like, epigenetic only child genes.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

I remember when we were in Texas. I don't know. We, like, got back pretty late from that basketball game. But, like, I was in bed, and Drew, like, was like, I'm so tired. I have to go to bed. And like, 20 minutes later, like, the door creaks open, and I'm like, you can come in. And then he comes in and starts, like, jumping on the bed and, like, literally, like, dances around the room for an hour like a little clown. And we made, like, I don't know, like, 14 TikToks.

[Drew]

We'll insert it.

[Josiah]

And then he, like, passed out.

[Drew]

Life happens fast.

[Josiah]

And if you don't.

[Drew]

Stop, then smell the rose on storm, it'll fly right past you. And that's why.

[Kai]

Dude, he literally gets, like, pre bed zoomies. Like, it is actually insane.

[Drew]

Fine, I'll just stop doing that. We're not saying I'll just stop being me since it's such a hard.

[Kai]

Actually, that is what I was hoping for for this conversation. Thank you. Like, I'm glad that you're the kind of person that can hear us out. I'll change and become different.

[Drew]

I'll change for you.

[Kai]

Yeah. I just don't like who you are anymore. Yeah, something's different.

[Drew]

Something is different. Something has shifted.

[Kai]

No, but yesterday we were all, like, sitting in the room because we were working on things, and we're like, me and Drew were sitting there, like, in this meeting, like, just working, and I'm fully tapped in, working. And Drew suddenly just goes from working and gets up and starts walking around the room and is like, do singing and stuff. And he's like, where's everyone's energy? Like, when I'm up, everyone else is down. This always happens. And I was like, girl, because you literally are so weird. He was like, what? Okay, fine, whatever. And then he did the same thing. He left, and he's like, I'm just gonna go to my room. But then he came back, because I think he went to his bed and had too much energy to just be laying down. And he wanted to talk.

[Drew]

I Wanted to work. I was, like, trying to work. Like, not enough people are working anymore.

[Kai]

That's how I feel too.

[Drew]

And that's story after dinner or after the show. We didn't talk about the show at all. We did a show in L. A. And we didn't, like, publicize it at all, but we did, like, a live podcast. It was a fucking vibe. It went great. It was super funny and goofy. Sorry we didn't tell you about it. It just sold out before we could announce it to the public. Sorry. Not sorry. We're so famous and lit. Like, people want to be us and.

[Kai]

Want to be me. Be me. I feel like Chris. Breezy, breezy. All right, let's get into some media. We watched Dream Scenario and I really liked it.

[Drew]

It was cool.

[Kai]

It was cool.

[Drew]

It was a vibe. But also it was. No, no, I'm thinking of something else. We finished all nine episodes of the Love is Blind, the new Love is Blind season we watched. India had already watched them. I watched six episodes in one day.

[Kai]

I've been brain rotting.

[Drew]

Yeah. Second time, she watched the exact same episodes.

[Kai]

I stayed up all night till 6am Binged it and then woke up and was like, drew, you need to catch up and watch it all over again. So I spent 24 hours watching Love is Blind.

[Drew]

And you collect that 19 hours and 25 minutes.

[Kai]

I've been working hard. Some of y' all aren't working hard.

[Drew]

You've been, like, running up that screen time a little bit.

[Kai]

I'm so sad.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

Think I'm gonna hit some well butrin soon. Guys, I'm 25.

[Drew]

Some welly Samuel. The brain is the brain.

[Kai]

Some. Well, he needs some Zoe. Need some law. But yeah, I've been detaching from my reality and really getting in on my screen time because I have no motivation to get out of bed. And I was thinking about that today because I was like, damn, dude, sleeping in used to be so awesome. Even when I was a depressed teenager, because I was like, I don't give a. I want to sleep my life away. But now that I'm 25, that is not a vibe. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm so depressed and I don't even want to get out of my stinky ass bed. And this is so sad because I have no reason to be sad, but I was just born with awful brain chemistry and nothing will make it better. Even though I have so much love and success and amazing things in my life, and I just feel so ungrateful and awful. But it's okay because then the summertime comes around. I'm like, guys, oh my God. Well, that was so crazy that I felt like that. That was weird. But then even in the summertime, sometimes at night I stay up way too late, and then I think about my life and I'm back to where I started. But it's okay, right?

[Drew]

You need an anti psychotic.

[Kai]

You need to go to prison because you're freaking me out, bitch. Oh, I should say, because what you do. Because yesterday Josie was like, oh, do I scare you when you get high? And I was like, no, you don't scare me. You. Because Josie tries to scare me when I'm high. Like he'll do a creepy voice or something. I'm like, you just look stupid because I have like the magnifying glasses that inedible gives me. And I'm like, you are just such a person right now. It's freaking me out. That's what freaks me out. But he's just like a little brother. You scare me because when I'm high and you disappear to your room for an hour, and in my head I'm like, oh, he went to sleep. But then you just reanimate into my life. And then I have to like, read, download this person and you bring me out because sometimes you will come into the room and you won't say anything, and then I'm just too high, and I'm like, is he mad? Like, what is happening? But then you'll reintegrate and it's normal. But I get scared because I always think you go to sleep because it's like. And I'm like, that's why the last night I thought you went to sleep and then you came back out.

[Drew]

We win.

[Kai]

Last night after the gym, like, me and Josie were sitting on the couch for like a minute alone, just us and Josh went to sleep and you had headed to your room at the same time. So I was like, oh, maybe he went to sleep, but then you came back out. And I was like, he's still here.

[Drew]

Well, I've. I've been. I've been trying to spend more time with y' all because it's a very big point of to contention because you bring it up a lot. You're like, drew, you're.

[Kai]

Yeah, cuz I don't like that you're in your room a lot. I feel like my boyfriend is like.

[Drew]

You should come hang out in my room room and land parallel way I use.

[Kai]

Actually, we do. No, that's the problem is it's like when a cat does something, and you just, like, start rewarding it for its behavior. Because me and Josie have started going to Drew's room and sitting in bed, but all it does is make him go to sleep because he gets to have his fun in bed. And he falls asleep, and he's like, I'm not asleep. I'm not asleep. I'm not asleep. And we're talking to him, and he's not responsive, and we're like, okay. I guess we're just, like. We got comfy here for no reason, because we've been in here for five minutes, and now he's not.

[Drew]

This is what I've been saying. It is actually so difficult being a desirable person because I can't have time to myself.

[Kai]

I'm gonna plan with Josie for us to ignore you for, like, three days straight so you.

[Drew]

That you would literally watch me, like, deteriorate. Deteriorate. And then kill myself.

[Kai]

You're so sexy.

[Drew]

Yeah. Okay, Drew, side corner. Guys, wait. I didn't read any of these yet. Hold on. Let me. Let me look at them.

[Josiah]

Oh, did you guys do media already?

[Kai]

No, I'm gonna do it after Psyop Corner. I. I just said dream scenario.

[Drew]

Okay. Today. I. And then. But she. Plus. And I wasn't. And it wasn't. And everyone was. And so also, they.

[Kai]

The thing is, I couldn't tell if you were really up reading out loud or if you're reading something. That's my favorite thing to do when we troll is yesterday somebody. Like, guys are just such pervs and nasty and stupid. But I found the perfect way to troll guys who are being, like, nasty pervs on Fortnite. And because they'll be like. They'll be like, oh, my dick, my dick. And then I just go, what? And then I just make them say it so much, and I. I'm not kidding. They always will repeat it upwards of 10 times before they realize that I've just made them, like. Like, repeat. Is it pink 10 times? And then they're like, okay, you. And I'm like, what? I literally can't hear you. Can you please say it again? And they're like, no, you're with me. And I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm just curious.

[Drew]

But, yeah, Yeah, I heard you doing that last night. That was a vibe. Screenshots don't scare me. I'm still gonna lie. I think I might have read this one. Y' all love skinny guys until you slap their ass. And it sounds like a screenshot.

[Kai]

My favorite thing ever will be Orion. Like, there was, like, a firewalk, that firework that went off in the distance. And on Citizen, she was like, y' all, God just took a screenshot. I'm scared.

[Drew]

Men in their 30s love films so much, they start dating a 24 year old.

[Kai]

Right? Right.

[Drew]

Shout out Nina. Shout out Jacqueline. Shout out Monica. And then this one, y' all. We read this. Monica Lew submitted a. Yeah, all on that blouse.

[Kai]

Okay, okay.

[Drew]

We read this one and we were like, oh, like, this is a banger. Cuz I think, Tara, you made this up. And if you did, you ate boots. Here, I'll let you read it.

[Kai]

You're scared.

[Drew]

No, no, no. I just.

[Kai]

How y' all got stank breath but only wear thongs. You're flossing the wrong hole. I love that one.

[Drew]

That one. Hey, y. Oh, my God, this one's crazy.

[Kai]

My dog ate my dildo. Time to take it to pound town, bro. Going to prison.

[Josiah]

What the fuck?

[Kai]

Literally are crazy. Some of these are. It's always the ugliest couples that say they looking for a third. Be thankful you have each other. That's funny.

[Drew]

Okay, well, that was Drusai.

[Kai]

And then my music is.

[Drew]

Icon killer. Meta Room. Clue seven. Mad Lib. Ooh, that's a good one.

[Kai]

You're, like, shocked. The free design by SerialAB and the coldest night of the year twice as much.

[Drew]

And Bashti Sitgo Chief Keith or Oceanic Feeling. Molly Lewis and Circles Taurus.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Drew]

Oh, we at the live show, we were like, do y' all even fucking care about media? Because I literally. I don't know if.

[Kai]

If I feel like by this point, all the views drop off and.

[Drew]

Yeah, but that the show. They screamed. But then I was like, also, y' all are, like, physically here. So you actually enjoy listening to us. Yeah. Yeah. You have to. You've invested too much time into us for you not to like us. Okay, that was the episode.

[Kai]

Thanks for watching, guys. I won't be here next week unless you all, like, go and, like, and comment on my last post.

[Drew]

Share this.

[Kai]

Unless you guys, like, just blow my eyes.

[Drew]

Can you care about us a little bit?

[Kai]

All right, bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway now through June 17th. Shop in store or online for your favorite personal care Items and save $5 when you spend $15 or more. Stock up on items like Dove Body Wash, Degree Motion Sense Deodorant, Tresemme Hairspray, Dove Shampoo, Dove Bar Soap, Dove Men's Body and face Wash. And Dollar Shave Club blades and save $5 when you spend $15 or more. Hurry in before these deals are gone. Offer ends June 17. Promotions may vary. Restrictions apply. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.