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- [00:17]
A
Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom.
- [00:21]
B
I just found out my grandma died five minutes before this.
- [00:26]
A
Why do you have to fucking start it with, like, sad shit? You said you were gonna leave that outside of this.
- [00:31]
B
I just am so scared of dying. I'm so scared of dying and I feel so bad for my mom. So.
- [00:38]
A
Hey, you know what you should do? Tell someone who fucking cares. I'm so fucking tired of you bringing.
- [00:55]
B
I've never seen something shattered to so many. No way. That just exploded was crazy. I, like, want to watch that clip back immediately. Just. But holy.
- [01:10]
A
Also, it looks like you have bloody dandruff now.
- [01:13]
B
Really?
- [01:13]
A
Yeah.
- [01:14]
B
I mean, it's literally like pure sugar.
- [01:19]
A
Okay, cool. So that is gonna take 18 years to clean.
- [01:24]
B
I literally have to, like, shower again.
- [01:28]
A
But yeah, I'm just tired of you bringing that side to the podcast. Like, this is supposed to be an enlightening, fun experience and you're just always sad, but that is actually so sad.
- [01:36]
B
It's really dark.
- [01:37]
A
My condolences to you and your family. That's very upsetting.
- [01:40]
B
I love you, mama. And I love you, mom.
- [01:43]
A
Love you, Pam. Sorry for it. Literally in the first three seconds, making a joke about that. That's, like, not true.
- [01:49]
B
No. Like before we were like planning that bit out and I was like, maybe we don't say that. And then I was just completely disregarded that and said it anyways.
- [01:58]
A
Yeah. I didn't know if I was supposed to follow through with the bit, but, you know, someone like me is like, I get the sign to go and I go.
- [02:04]
B
You do the bit. I go, I. You. Can you take any chance to get to inflict violence upon me?
- [02:10]
A
Yeah, if I can hit you, I'm going to take that chance.
- [02:12]
B
Or poke my butthole.
- [02:14]
A
Also, before we get into this episode for real. For real. If you are in the greater Los Angeles area or you for some reason would like to drive out to this event we're throwing.
- [02:25]
B
Yeah, big party. Big party.
- [02:27]
A
We're doing a interactive photo op slash exhibit with Heaven for the podcast. This is something we've been playing for a while. It was supposed to be on the two year anniversary, but someone like me, I had to get the hell out here. So it got pushed. But we're really excited. We're gonna have, like, original art, like pieces we've made for the podcast. Which is funny because it's a podcast where we talk about poop and farts.
- [02:53]
B
Yeah.
- [02:53]
A
So the fact that we have, like actual art aligned with it is, like jarring.
- [02:57]
B
Yeah. And the Podcast set is gonna be there. You can come and sit in my nasty, stinky, gross chair.
- [03:04]
A
Come sit in these chairs.
- [03:05]
B
Yeah, it's just gonna be like a little vibe, little emergency intercom museum, and.
- [03:12]
A
Something super fun and exciting is going to be there that we haven't even seen yet. And I am so nervous to see it. And I'm so excited because it's going to be awesome, but it's gonna be fun.
- [03:21]
B
Two things. Two things that we haven't seen yet that we're excited about.
- [03:25]
A
Oh, yeah, Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about. Yeah. So, yeah, just stop by if you would like. It is on the 11th and 12th, and then also the weekend of the 18th and 19th. So if you're around, it's from 1 to 5, I think.
- [03:41]
B
Yeah, 1 to 5. Friday or Saturday and Sunday and then.
- [03:45]
A
The following Saturday and Sunday.
- [03:47]
B
Yeah, 1 to 5 the following Saturday and Sunday.
- [03:50]
A
So, yeah. Nervous to see something we've been planning for so long. Be in person and my brain can't grasp it. But that's okay because I already spent countless hours at my desk literally tweaking.
- [04:01]
B
I'm literally so planning. So please show out, show up and show out, but be behave yourself. Wait. Oh, they are shooting. Yeah, but literally behave yourselves, but have fun. Bring a friend. It'll be cute.
- [04:19]
A
Okay, that's the end of this episode. Thank you guys so much for listening.
- [04:23]
B
Bye.
- [04:24]
A
Should we talk about the fact. Did you read my text yesterday?
- [04:27]
B
Which one?
- [04:28]
A
Wait, I'll just, like, pull them up because I was dying. So, like, everybody's going on tour. Like, I feel like every time we do an episode, we talk about concerts and stuff. Tonight we're actually gonna go see Faye Webster, and I'm seeing her for the.
- [04:40]
B
Second time, which I literally forgot about that for the eighth time.
- [04:42]
A
Yeah, that's why we had to do the. The truck pickup thing. Yeah, yeah, we're moving all the stuff for the pop Up. We're just, like, really hands on with our stuff.
- [04:50]
B
No, it's. It's actually like a real problem. Like, we cannot relinquish any bit of control over anything we do. And so, like, we just drive ourselves insane. Like, for, like, the last week, like, we've been just kind of, like, bickering with each other and it's because we're just so stressed out. But, guys, it's gonna be a blast.
- [05:09]
A
It's gonna be awesome. I know. Anytime we do give up control, then I immediately go back on it and I'm like, why did I give you control. I don't know why I did that. And then I it all up and like have to redo it in like three days. But there's something so exciting about that because I feel like my hands are useful once again, other than sexually. Oh my God. Okay, we know that, but so we know everyone's going back on tour. But I sent you this because have you seen the, the videos of Uz.
- [05:33]
B
Like demon skull and like the huge.
- [05:36]
A
Like building they made? Like this is actually insane. Like, yeah, like this is. This also costs so much. But did you listen to my audio message? We are living in such a crazy era of stage design. Like, if you are a true artist, you about to go like that's dis land.
- [05:59]
B
Disneyland to the people that more like devil land. Deviland Crybaby. Anyways. But no, I, I feel the same way about like Travis Scott. Like, I don't like his music that much, but like, I can respect like the craftsmanship and like how much time and effort he puts into like the creative of everything. And like his stage design is quite literally the craziest stages I have ever seen in my entire life.
- [06:29]
A
It's like Tyler's like, Tyler had the whole front facing of a house. Like, yeah, damn.
- [06:34]
B
Also y' all got money like that.
- [06:36]
A
Like, yeah, like that has to cost so much. But it is so insane. And I was literally freaking out last night. I was like, oh my God, we are literally like, we were watching art. Like, music is art. And I was just like going in yesterday, I was like, oh my God, music is art. And then I continued to overstimulate myself and go down a hole on Etsy and, and listen to Cocktail Twins on my phone.
- [06:56]
B
While I've been on Etsy so much recently too.
- [06:59]
A
Etsy is the vibe place. Like, everybody's like ebay, depop, whatever, whatever. But Etsy is where it's at. Etsy is where you find all the good. Because it's just little ladies in the middle of nowhere.
- [07:11]
B
Yeah. Like knitting just.
- [07:12]
A
And they're committed, they're committed to their crafts.
- [07:14]
B
Yeah. But I, I saw something like Taylor Swift had like, I think like 150 like roadies. That could be like a gross exaggeration, but she had like 150 people on the tour that would just go to every show, like security, like all like stage design setup, like all of that. And I think she gave them all like a fifty thousand dollar bonus at the end of the tour. And I was like, well, I mean the tour generated like basically a billion dollars. Like It's. It's crazy. Like, each show she probably covered, like, the stage design and paying people salary and merch sales alone. Like, it's just. It's absurd. Like, she's probably doing a million in Merchant Night.
- [07:55]
A
Like, she is, like, not a real person. But didn't you see they were flashing lights? At least I had the decency to run and hide. That's one of the newer songs, but I haven't listened to that one. Yeah, now that we don't talk eats, though. But sped up.
- [08:11]
B
It has to be the sped up version. Okay, well, guys, I've done. I've literally seen it. Stop sending it to me. Actually, no, I love when you send me things like, send me more things. Like, I literally love it so much. But, yes, the rumors are true. I am signing up for neuralink. I'm gonna be the first person to get a neuralink installed into my brain. They're gonna take out a piece of my skull.
- [08:37]
A
Why would you do that?
- [08:39]
B
Because you'll see.
- [08:40]
A
What will you gain?
- [08:40]
B
You'll. Oh, everything. There's literally everything to gain. Nothing to lose. Everything to gain. That's like.
- [08:46]
A
I guess the bonus of that is, like, can you scroll to Tick Tock in your brain?
- [08:49]
B
Yeah, you can probably close your eyes and Tick Tock will be just, like, behind your eyes.
- [08:53]
A
Oh, my God, that's a nightmare. Because you already have a problem with, like, not looking away from your phone. Imagine closing your eyes and your phone is there.
- [08:58]
B
It's. It's gonna be. It's gonna be a problem once I'm, like, fully augmented cyborg, but I don't think I told this story. But when? Like, a. A month or two ago, like, they posted that they were, like, looking for, like, trial people to, like, get it installed because, like, it, like, helps, like, with certain illnesses and stuff. And I signed up and I fully lied. I said I was, like, a blind person with, like. Like, you know, all they would have.
- [09:31]
A
To do is literally Google your name and see you sitting on that damn chair.
- [09:35]
B
Yeah, I said that my legs didn't work and that I was blind because I really just want it. And, like, me, I'd, like, pull up in a wheelchair and, like, with, like, blind goggles on and, like, just lie up until I get on the OR table and get that shit installed.
- [09:49]
A
I think they would probably tell. They'd definitely be able to tell that you can not only walk, but you can see also. Why do they want. Is it bad? Is it bad?
- [09:59]
B
My God. Oh, they're crazy. They're Humongous. Dude, that is so cool. That's literally so cool. Sorry. We just got an update on some of the things going there for the pop up and they're like, okay, this.
- [10:17]
A
Is this woman's actual house. Like, she's literally like, where did they find this person? She's literally goaded I the skeleton feet on my girl. Ew. I don't like her puss.
- [10:32]
B
Her stinky gash.
- [10:34]
A
That is so awesome. That is crazy. Yours looks insane. Insane.
- [10:39]
B
I love the little belly they gave him.
- [10:40]
A
That's awesome. How are they gonna finish that in like three, I guess three days is whatever. But when you get the neural link, I'm probably gonna never talk to you again because I'm gonna feel like you're like recording me and like listening to me and watching me.
- [10:54]
B
I was gonna say there's like I'm gonna become omnipresent, omnipotent. Like I'm literally going to be like this cybernetic being that like you can't avoid. Like I'm gonna become God. And like I'll be able to talk flesh and bone. No, no, no. I'll be able to talk to you in your brain and like radio frequencies.
- [11:12]
A
I'm genuinely asking this, what does the neuralink do other than they can track your brain activity?
- [11:19]
B
I think right now like they can like heal certain ailments and like, like if you have like Parkinson, they can like send electrical pulses through. It's very rudimentary right now. But like what they're hoping for, they.
- [11:33]
A
Cure your like depression and like ADHD and stuff.
- [11:35]
B
That's literally like the whole thing is like they could literally cure like brain borne illnesses. Like it's, it's really, really actually like good like for the future. As much as I don't like Elon Musk, like literally, literally. But as much as I don't like Elon Musk at all. Not anymore. At least. It's a cool thing. Like it could be a very cool thing. But then they're going to start showing you like Tesla ads in your brain.
- [12:04]
A
Like when you're asleep, while you're sleeping, you're like Tesla.
- [12:07]
B
Yeah. But something is happening.
- [12:10]
A
Something is seriously happening outside because there's like banging sounds and a helicopter flying overhead. So somebody in the next door house is probably being raided.
- [12:19]
B
No, I feel like there's probably just Ms. 13 gang members running around like, and they're trying to capture them.
- [12:28]
A
Right.
- [12:28]
B
Ms. Thirteen runs our neighborhood. I'm really scared actually.
- [12:32]
A
You need to shut the up.
- [12:34]
B
They're gonna get me.
- [12:35]
A
They're gonna get me.
- [12:36]
B
Okay. I do have something I want to talk about. Okay, so we all know, like, I'm a slime connoisseur. Like, OG Slime parakeet slime. Like the goats. Like, momo slimes. Like, just to name a few. I love slime. Why haven't any of those people made slime yet?
- [12:58]
A
I. When you said that, I, like, thought that too. Because there is something, like, I hate that everything is actually.
- [13:03]
B
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- [13:04]
A
There's something.
- [13:04]
B
Your coochie, when it has bacterial vaginosis.
- [13:07]
A
Is my discharge right now on my period, period. I'm low key giving slime. I'm serving slime right now.
- [13:15]
B
Girl, that's not a period you're literally missing.
- [13:17]
A
I'm actively miscarriaging a child right now. But we don't need to talk about that.
- [13:22]
B
She left blood all over the toilet seat, guys.
- [13:24]
A
Did I actually. No, it's. It's that runny that, like, that's my concern. It's like, I'm just dripping like a fountain. I'm the fountain of youth right now.
- [13:33]
B
Like, give me some of that to take a shot of the stem cells.
- [13:38]
A
They're like dead.
- [13:42]
B
Adrenochrome.
- [13:43]
A
I think if you consumed period blood, you would actually get extremely sick.
- [13:47]
B
It's all right in front of you.
- [13:49]
A
Oh, well, I was gonna say, there is something so sexual about the slime thing. Like, to me, like, which I know someone's gonna be like, bruh, it's literally slime. But no, like, there's something so visceral about it. Like, I want to. Like, I want to it. Yeah. I'm not even gonna lie. Like, me, Andrew, were sitting in bed watching it together, and I was like, this is literally. We might as well be watching porn, because we both watching. We're like. Like, we, like, we start making, like, borderline moan sounds watching somebody scoop slime. The wet, wet slime that gets me, like, yeah, the one that looks like water. I need that. Make me say make me hotter. Maybe lose my breath.
- [14:29]
B
If your man knows that song. Oh, he's over. He's watching the tick tock. He's watching all the tick tocks of people twerking.
- [14:38]
A
We need to see you do that.
- [14:39]
B
I don't even know what the dance is.
- [14:41]
A
It's like, you go to the side and then you, like, bounce your ass, and then you go to the other side and, like, let's try it. It's like. It's like, make me say boom, boom. Make me hotter. Boom. Boom. Okay. Okay, okay. Why do you have to throw your hands?
- [14:59]
B
It, like, it's like, a psychological thing, I've realized.
- [15:02]
A
You feel like you're lifting it.
- [15:03]
B
Yeah. No, like, you see the movement. If you see my hands making the movement.
- [15:07]
A
Yeah. It's like an illusion. It's an illusion to the audience.
- [15:10]
B
Yeah. It gives.
- [15:12]
A
One of my only notes is something that I don't think has aged well, but it's just. It's okay. You first. With a girl so hard on the plane, it was magical.
- [15:21]
B
Wait, what?
- [15:23]
A
I, like, I feel like women, we all have this experience, and it's periods.
- [15:29]
B
And makeup and tampons and boobs playing with each other's boobs.
- [15:38]
A
But, like, every woman has this experience where you were, like, over. You're just naturally overtly polite of, like, no, it's okay. Like, the amount of time someone does something to me in public, that's not okay. And I'm like, oh, no, you're so fine. It's okay. Because that's just what I am, like, designed to do.
- [15:52]
B
But me and this girl indoctrinated into doing.
- [15:56]
A
Yeah, yeah. True, true. But we were, like, both got to the bathroom at the same time. We were, like, sitting next to each other, but we went on each aisle, and, like. Like, we just ended up at the same bathroom at the same time. And I was, like, going in, and I was like, oh, it's okay. You first. Like, you first. And she was like, no, you first. I was like, no, it's okay. You first. And we. I am not kidding. We did it first so long that I was just like, okay. And I went in, and I literally got in the bathroom and laughed out loud so hard. Because I was like, what was the point of that, girl? One of us should have just been like, you fucking go. Shut up, like, girl. But, yeah, we just. No, it's okay. You first. So hard that I went in the bathroom and I squirted. Like, it was so, like, it was almost horny of an experience, actually.
- [16:39]
B
I didn't know where that story was going, but I'm glad I started listening.
- [16:42]
A
But that was the immediate joke I thought of. I'm like, damn. Like, why were we flirting? Like. But we literally just stood in the hallway.
- [16:49]
B
It thinks every pretty girl she speaks to, they're flirting.
- [16:53]
A
Yeah, because you are. Why are you talking to me? Like, literally, why are you talking to me? Unless you're flirting with me? Like, you have no business talking to me for this long.
- [17:00]
B
Every pretty girl.
- [17:02]
A
Yeah.
- [17:03]
B
I'll never forget when we first Moved here. Yeah. Elevator at a Target. She was. Oh, my God. And you literally talked about this woman for, like, I'm not kidding. Three years. Like, she would just randomly, casually.
- [17:16]
A
She was one of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen in my life. Like, I remember the dress she was wearing. She was wearing a yellow dress. It was, like, kind of, like, tight at the top and, like, flowy, but not overly flowy. Like, it was way too nice to be wearing to Target. Like, it wasn't casual enough. But she was gorgeous, and she was really tall, and she was literally gorgeous.
- [17:34]
B
Yeah, she was really.
- [17:35]
A
She was so gorgeous. And she had the softest voice I've ever.
- [17:37]
B
What color was the dress?
- [17:40]
A
Yellow.
- [17:41]
B
What color were the shoes? I didn't. I don't know.
- [17:46]
A
Oh, my God. Oh.
- [17:48]
B
If I got sent back to 200 AD, people would be like, oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. No, no, no. Like, people have this conversation where they're like, oh, if I got sent back 2,000 years, like, I would run. Like, I'd invent a cell phone. Like, I'd. I'd run. Like, no, no, no. If you got sent back. If I got sent back to 200 AD, they would burn me at the stake without fail. They would see the clothes on my body and burn me. Or they'd hear the way I'd speak. One, not be able to understand me. Two, hear the dialect, the straight.
- [18:27]
A
Oh, the way how straight you sound.
- [18:29]
B
Yes.
- [18:29]
A
Do you think they'd be able to recognize any tinge of, like, gay voice?
- [18:33]
B
Yeah, I swear to God, it transcends.
- [18:36]
A
Like, there is definitely cavemen who are like.
- [18:39]
B
It's like. Yeah, it's. It's primal. Like, it's like, you know, like the uncanny valley that, like, we all have just in our brain. Like, it's. Whatever that is to humans. That's like, what? Like, gaydara is like. It's like deep, deep, deep, deep inside of us. Like, we know. We know.
- [18:56]
A
Like, there were definitely cavemen who were like, cavemen and women who were serving gay. And, like, nobody really understood what that meant yet, but they were like the.
- [19:07]
B
Butch caveman using a stick as a strap. Did you know? Listen, listen. Did you know? Did you know when a stick is.
- [19:16]
A
A crazy thing to think about? Yeah.
- [19:18]
B
Well, they take the bark off, obviously.
- [19:20]
A
They sand it down.
- [19:20]
B
Yeah, they knew better. Yeah, they know. They know. Make sure the base is flared.
- [19:25]
A
Oh, my God.
- [19:26]
B
I know things. I'm one of the girls. Like, I know things. I know a thing or two, but. Okay, that Helicopter circling is it is so goddamn. It's going to, like.
- [19:38]
A
Actually, I need Lana Del Rey to come here right now and do her.
- [19:41]
B
Damn thing with the helicopter with a rocket launcher.
- [19:46]
A
Like, we need to call her immediately.
- [19:48]
B
What the was I saying? Oh, yeah. When lesbians get a new strap, their body count resets.
- [19:59]
A
Is that.
- [19:59]
B
It's like a born again virgin.
- [20:01]
A
Yeah, I guess I understand that.
- [20:03]
B
I just know a thing or two about culture. Yeah, the culture. Okay. Oh, my God, I almost dropped my phone. Everything is going wrong. Okay, so I. Me and Enya were sitting on the couch.
- [20:17]
A
No, we weren't. I don't sit with you, bitch.
- [20:19]
B
Yeah, you do.
- [20:20]
A
You can't. Wait, why can you not sit with us?
- [20:23]
B
I literally can't sit still. Still. But we were sitting on the couch, and Inya is on Instagram right now.
- [20:32]
A
I was.
- [20:32]
B
I was crazy. Crazy vibes. But we were sitting on the couch, and I, like, just. I don't remember how this conversation got started, but I haven't laughed in years.
- [20:43]
A
You are so. We were watching something. Wait, what the were we watching? And Drew, seriously, like, in the. He was not trying to be funny. He literally was watching tv. Goes. I just haven't laughed in so long.
- [20:56]
B
And I was being dead serious. Like, I felt that to my core. Like, I haven't had, like, a. Like, a crying laugh and yet. But I'm just so jaded. Like, everything is going wrong.
- [21:05]
A
You know what I was gonna say, too, is, like, we are just so spoiled with laughter because we, like, have all of our friends are comedians. So now, like, the bar for extreme, like, Die Hard laughter is so high that it's, like, it's just harder to get to. And also, all of our friends hate us and they don't hang out with us as much anymore. So we're just, like, alone and.
- [21:25]
B
Stu. Yes. It's just me, Josiah, and Inya versus the world. Everyone else has just decided we're not me.
- [21:32]
A
When everybody else is just adults and they're, like, working.
- [21:35]
B
We're, like, doing their own thing.
- [21:37]
A
We just used to, like, if they.
- [21:38]
B
Wanted to, they would.
- [21:40]
A
Oh, wow. Oh.
- [21:41]
B
If they want. If they wanted to, they would.
- [21:45]
A
Why do you.
- [21:46]
B
If he wanted to, he would. Like, if he wanted to buy you flowers every day, he would.
- [21:51]
A
Are you? Yeah, I know. That's like.
- [21:53]
B
I cannot believe I came up with that just now. Holy. If. If he wanted to, he would. If she wanted to, he would. If they wanted to, they would.
- [22:03]
A
Well, we were watching 50 Shades of Gray the other day, and I cannot believe you need to say what you said.
- [22:10]
B
Wait, let me.
- [22:11]
A
Public transit.
- [22:13]
B
Oh, so there was like, for some reason, like, a five to seven year period where older women were. Were just squirting on public transportation because of 50 shades of gray. Like, they would be, like, reading that book and reading it public. Yes. And, like, literally squirting juice, like, everywhere. Like, it was crazy. It was crazy.
- [22:34]
A
Kind of like an act of service. Like how? Like, like your love language. That was an act of service. Love language to the public. From women to squirt and, like, your jeans would just, like, wipe it up. Oh, my God, that movie is so goddamn horny. Also, yes, the rumors are true. I did read that in ninth grade on my ipod in class. Did you actually did? Yeah, bitch. I would just be sitting in class reading that shit. Like, teacher talking about, like, biology. I'm like, bitch, I'm learning the true biology of human nature right now.
- [23:03]
B
Yeah, no, literally. And I went around the same time as 50 shades of gray for Halloween.
- [23:09]
A
That movie series is so weird and dark and would have. It will never. It would have never played out with the kind of love it got when it came out. I cannot believe they made a third one in 2018 that still got like 380 million.
- [23:27]
B
Yeah, no, it's a billion dollar franchise.
- [23:29]
A
Like, it is a huge franchise. I did not know they kept making them. Also when you were in the bathroom, because I was high as. While we were watching it, I was trying to find out how much all the movies made and I couldn't remember the name of the second one. And I seriously, sir googled 50 shades of grayer, like 50 shades of grayer as the second one instead of 50 shades darker. And I was like, where is this movie? There's no trace of this movie online.
- [23:53]
B
It doesn't exist.
- [23:54]
A
Me and Josiah were just laughing.
- [23:56]
B
I always thought, like, a parody of that movie would be, like, if we need to bring back parody movie culture so bad because, like, now is literally the perfect.
- [24:06]
A
Maybe we destroyed parody culture. I don't know why I pin it on him, but I pin it on him. Like, he just made it. So, like, annoying.
- [24:13]
B
But, like, we need to write a parody movie and just start pitching it around.
- [24:16]
A
Scary movie.
- [24:17]
B
Yeah, exactly.
- [24:17]
A
Like, yeah, there needs to be, like, a scary movie franchise again.
- [24:20]
B
Yeah. Because, I mean, there is. There are so many cultural events that are constantly happening. I feel like they've been happening, like, way more recently that, like, if you took a year to write a movie and then released it, like, filmed it, wrote it, filmed it, edited it, and Released it all in the same year. It would destroy the box office right now because there's just so much, we are so much more connected. There's like so many more viral moments.
- [24:48]
A
That's why it's like harder to do because we're like in like this never ending revolving door of moments. And it used to be like, I mean, when the ring came out, the ring dominated like horror for like years. So then a movie like Scary Movie and then all the movies that came in between it, a movie like Scary Movie got to make fun of that and like two other movies in one movie and they didn't like miss the window for. But now shit moves way too fucking fast.
- [25:12]
B
Scary. That's why time feels like it's going.
- [25:14]
A
So quick because we're just experiencing so, so much.
- [25:16]
B
We're experiencing time dilation. The future affects the present just as much as the past does. And since we have technology, like our phones, we're basically like living in this like quantum world where like we can experience the future just through our phones. So we're just compressing the time smaller and smaller and smaller until sooner than later it's going to become just like a black hole where it just sucks all time and the universe is going to end.
- [25:42]
A
Isn't it crazy? Tomorrow doesn't exist yet. That is so weird.
- [25:46]
B
But I don't believe that. I'm not buying that. Like, I know exactly what's gonna happen tomorrow.
- [25:50]
A
Like, yeah, I know. As I was saying that and like while you're talking, I was thinking, I was like, it's crazy. I was like, tomorrow doesn't exist, but you can literally plan it out.
- [25:57]
B
Don't ever say that to me again because that literally just like freaked me out.
- [26:01]
A
Like, you don't have any pictures from tomorrow. You can have like an idea of what tomorrow is going to be. And like, you can try to plan it, but like, you can plan it but your brain can't.
- [26:10]
B
That's why we're in a simulation because.
- [26:11]
A
It just can't render everything out.
- [26:14]
B
Or does tomorrow already exist? Is time like, either time is linear or it's not linear. And I don't think time is linear, but I don't know. Just never ever say those words to me ever again because I will be panicking about that as I follow.
- [26:30]
A
You will have a conniption fit.
- [26:31]
B
Yeah, no, I am already planning on it because I'm in a lake, freak out with my head on a pillow. Okay, guys, so not to change the conversation, but I really think everyone needs this right now and it's just like a little, like, meditation exercise. And I just think it's really important to just like almost like break the fourth wall a little bit and just like re. Center and ground ourselves. So, yeah, if you could and you're willing, just please participate. Participate with me. Oh, my God. Please participate with me. Please participate with me and just do as I say.
- [27:15]
A
You need it because you're starting to freak out.
- [27:17]
B
Just. Yeah, exactly.
- [27:18]
A
Okay.
- [27:18]
B
Do as I say. Okay, everyone. So now close your eyes. You too, Anya.
- [27:23]
A
Are you closing your eyes?
- [27:24]
B
Of course. Now unclench your jaw. Like, just like, relax the jaw muscles. Like, maybe give like a little shimmy in your shoulders. Like just. Yeah, just like let it out. Let all the tension out. And now shit yourself and just crap all over yourself. I think crap might be the funniest word ever made.
- [27:51]
A
Crap. What the crap?
- [27:53]
B
Like, just crap. I just made crap out of my butt. I just can't stop crapping.
- [28:00]
A
Literally. So stupid. Like, I hate that. That's funny. You know what I need? I think I like what the exercise I need is to, like. I need to break something with both my hands raising over my head and slamming it like a monkey. Like, that's what I really, like, I decided, yeah, like, I need to, like, grab a rock and like, sit with, like, my legs open and like, break something.
- [28:20]
B
Have you seen the otters, like, doing gay sex together? No, like, it's the otters and the bears and the wolves and stuff. Yeah, no, no, like the little otters, like, grabbing rocks and like, hitting them on, like, shelled like critters to, like, get them.
- [28:39]
A
Yeah, I need to do that.
- [28:40]
B
Like, that's a vibe.
- [28:41]
A
Like, maybe we should just go on Survivor.
- [28:45]
B
I would die, I swear. No, I would be. See, because Survivor is like a game. The Survivor is like a game. Like, it's. It's less about surviving and more about how you, like, play the, like, society that you build.
- [28:59]
A
And, like, you can make it a psychological game.
- [29:02]
B
Exactly. Like the. The winners are like always like Harvard graduates. Like a one winner, like his, like, thesis at Harvard was on, like, how to win Survivor basically. So, like, it's. It's really is like more of like a psychological game than anything because, like, if you win all of the challenges really early on, you're just going to get voted out by everybody because you're a fucking threat or, like, you have to kind of stay in the middle and, like, chop it up with everyone and make sure you're cool with everyone and lie and make factions with these people. But also have a faction with this person and just, like, be a snake without getting caught. Like, it's. It's. It's so diabolical. I, like, I actually want to get back into that show because now that I'm thinking about it, it's really cool.
- [29:43]
A
Also, Drew did that thing to me yesterday, and I fully thought, like, something like, he was trying to, like, help me because I was so stressed and anxious and, like, having the worst 48 hours ever. And I was like, okay, like, this will be good for me. But it was him sitting on the couch.
- [29:59]
B
But the laugh.
- [30:00]
A
The laugh did revive me. I needed that.
- [30:02]
B
Hey, you needed a lot.
- [30:03]
A
I needed that.
- [30:04]
B
Everyone needs.
- [30:05]
A
I needed this.
- [30:06]
B
Yeah. Oh, I needed this. Me sitting at the campfire in the middle of nowhere. Okay, so this is something that I'm surprised no one's really talking about, because I feel like this should be, like, one of the most talked about things ever, period. But they built an entire city for Claro in Egypt, and they even built, like, big pyramid tombs for her. Like, I can't believe we're not talking about that. And, like, see, you're laughing at it right now.
- [30:42]
A
Like, I know. I'm just like. It's just like. It's like how some people's name is, like, June, and it's like, oh, no, they didn't, like, they didn't name them.
- [30:50]
B
My grandma's name was Jean. She was. They named jeans after her. They wanted to commemorate she wore the pants in the family.
- [31:01]
A
I don't know if, like, I think it might be, like, someone heard Gene and then was like, oh, if you.
- [31:07]
B
Take May the fourth be with you. Star Wars Day.
- [31:11]
A
She wore the fans of the family. What can I say?
- [31:13]
B
What can I say?
- [31:18]
A
Yeah, no, I think that's just, like, coincidental kind of thing.
- [31:22]
B
Yeah, well.
- [31:26]
A
They gave Claire a Spanish word, too. Claro, Cassie.
- [31:30]
B
Claro. What is that?
- [31:33]
A
It's like, obviously, like, duh. Like, obviously. Yes. Like, clearly, yes.
- [31:40]
B
But yeah, Those pyramids they built for her were epic. And it's crazy that they predicted her. I think she might actually be like this.
- [31:47]
A
She's like a God.
- [31:48]
B
Time traveler. Yeah. I mean, the music she makes is very telling. Like, she makes good music, and only someone who's lived thousands of years could make music.
- [31:59]
A
I mean, young blood also makes really good music.
- [32:01]
B
Yeah.
- [32:02]
A
So it's like, what is. Where's his statue?
- [32:05]
B
Yeah. Young blood. Like, all I. When I hear young blood, I think of spitting on fans for some reason.
- [32:12]
A
Yeah. Because I'm pretty sure he did that.
- [32:14]
B
He just spits on people and that's like his whole.
- [32:16]
A
He, like hawks loogies. Like, I. I would hit you, but maybe I deserve it because I have no business in a young blood crowd anyway, so.
- [32:25]
B
Nah, dude. Like, I remember being very young and I'm still this way. Like, when I would see people hawk loogies, like, it did something to me. Like. Like, it's. It is the most foul you can do is, like, spit up snot out of your esophagus. No, no. And seeing it, like, in a green pile on the floor.
- [32:49]
A
But who would you let do that to you? Is there somebody he would.
- [32:52]
B
Oscar Isaac?
- [32:52]
A
Yeah. Yeah. No, actually, even that.
- [32:57]
B
What's the dude from Star Wars? I mean, not Star Wars. Strangest thing. My co star.
- [33:01]
A
Strangest thing. David.
- [33:04]
B
Yeah. David Harbor.
- [33:06]
A
Is that his name?
- [33:07]
B
I think so.
- [33:08]
A
David Harbor.
- [33:09]
B
Dak harbor, maybe Dax Shepard. Let me look it up. Yeah, David Harbor.
- [33:14]
A
Yeah, David Harbor. What a name. Yeah. He's hot as bones.
- [33:18]
B
Yeah.
- [33:19]
A
Ew. But still, like, that is, like.
- [33:20]
B
So I just honestly feel so weird even talking about him, especially with season five coming up and, like, I have, like a. I have, like, a main.
- [33:28]
A
Part and definitely gonna see this, and then, like, you're gonna have beef with Lily Allen. You and Lily Allen beef?
- [33:34]
B
No, she's my biggest op right now.
- [33:35]
A
I'm not even kidding.
- [33:36]
B
Lily Allen is one of my biggest ops. It's crazy that you won't even watch my show. I've been in the last three seasons, and you won't watch it. Okay.
- [33:44]
A
Okay. Well, it's just because I know you, so it would be weird, and I think it would make you uncomfortable if you walk in.
- [33:49]
B
Let's just say you're getting blackballed from Hollywood.
- [33:53]
A
Let's just say that's the strangest thing.
- [33:55]
B
The strangest thing about you is you not tuning into my show out of jealousy.
- [34:02]
A
No, the strange thing about me is that I've spent every night high as.
- [34:05]
B
Watching south park, and you got a dizzy if you know what a stizzy is.
- [34:10]
A
People are probably soaking of me being like, I was high, but, like, I only ever even, like, mentioned that to explain why I think the silliest things ever are so entertaining because I'm just, like, a dark soul. And I just don't think that you would assume that I would find the most measly insignificant things amusing.
- [34:30]
B
The dark. Twisted. I'm sick and twisted. Sicko and twisted sicko mode. Okay. Also, something I did want to touch on. Rest in peace, Paint grandpa literally. Actually Made me tear up and almost cry when I saw that. Like, I watched, like, a compilation video of him, and, like, it was so cute. And literally just, like, rest in peace, mister.
- [35:00]
A
Oh, my God, When I die, I know y' all are gonna use that stupid screenshot of me in a compilation. Oh, my God.
- [35:06]
B
Yeah. And we're gonna laugh. We're all gonna laugh.
- [35:08]
A
You're gonna laugh at me.
- [35:09]
B
Yeah.
- [35:10]
A
I guess I would hope that I.
- [35:12]
B
You know what I've always thought about? Like, what? Like, the slideshows and, like, the memoriam videos for me would be at my funeral. And, like, there are maybe three good pictures of me that exist on the Internet in. In its entirety. And, like, those are gonna get their wear and tear, and then the rest are gonna be like, no chin photos and me dead on the ground. Like, there's nothing of me. I've given no one anything real of me.
- [35:38]
A
That's okay, because you're preserving yourself for your real life.
- [35:41]
B
I'm protecting my peace.
- [35:42]
A
You're protecting your piece so that you have space to sit on your phone for 12 hours.
- [35:46]
B
Yeah. Yep, yep, yep.
- [35:47]
A
What's your screen time looking like now?
- [35:49]
B
Grinder for 12 hours a day app. It's a church app. Y' all are dumb as I know.
- [35:54]
A
Like, why do you have to assume that it's for something else? Like, he said multiple times that he doesn't, like, do anything like, that would even be associated with an app like that.
- [36:03]
B
It's just two hours today.
- [36:05]
A
No. What's it Yesterday? The day before? Because I saw very high bars.
- [36:09]
B
7:33.
- [36:10]
A
I think my screen time might be insanely high right now.
- [36:13]
B
Let's check it.
- [36:14]
A
Look, I'm not even gonna lie.
- [36:15]
B
My screen time check. I. Okay, this is something. I have to say it publicly, because if I don't say it publicly, then it won't. But I really want, like, a call in phone where people can call in and we do, like, a segment where, like, people call in and, like, screen.
- [36:31]
A
Time yesterday was 9 hours and 19 minutes.
- [36:33]
B
Damn, we, like, worked all day.
- [36:36]
A
I know, but you know what it was?
- [36:37]
B
It's just leaving it unlocked.
- [36:39]
A
You know what it was is I was, like, playing, like, tick tocks and stuff. Wait, I texted for 2 hours and 16 minutes yesterday.
- [36:45]
B
No, I do the same thing where I leave my phone unlocked.
- [36:50]
A
That doesn't even make sense.
- [36:51]
B
That don't even sound right. But, yeah, I want to do, like, a phone where, like, you all can call in and, like, we can. You either leave a message or we have a conversation. Or you ask a question or you be really evil. And it just would be a good vibe.
- [37:07]
A
Yeah.
- [37:08]
B
Period. I just had to say that out loud because it won't become true if I don't.
- [37:12]
A
We'll get that set up for sure.
- [37:15]
B
Okay, I got a couple more things I want to say and then we'll get into Drew Silent Media. We're making a short episode today because we got a lot of to do. I love being cuckolded by video games. Like, I love watching someone play video games. Like, I don't need to be the one playing video games.
- [37:37]
A
Like, yeah, you get all the joy of watching it.
- [37:40]
B
Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't have to, like, think and be present. I can be on my phone and I can do all this, which is like, what basically streamers are. But, like, it's crazy to me that they're like, I. I say, like, I haven't done this before, but then I think about, like, me like on tik tok for 12 hours a day, draining my soul and my energy and giving way more than money to the world like a streamer.
- [38:06]
A
Or like, I will never understand the wall. For I understand, like, the want to consume. That is because, like, like, especially if you, you're feeling a bit lonely, I can understand wanting to watch someone for very long.
- [38:17]
B
Yeah.
- [38:17]
A
But I don't understand the mindset in the brain and like the emotional bandwidth. You have to have to be live all the time. Like, Kai Senate, I think, just did like a live stream, like for days. Yeah, for days on end. I think it was like a seven day thing or something. Like.
- [38:33]
B
Oh, like the prison cell.
- [38:35]
A
Yeah. I don't know if it's still going, but like, you have to be so goddamn committed. And you also have to have like the bandwidth of like, I don't even know who to be able to withstand being perceived for that long. Like even having this much content of ourselves on the Internet with the podcast and stuff. Every now and then I literally will freak out. And this stuff isn't even live. It's like, we like, can cut it if we feel like we're not funny or we like, whatever. But imagine just like being live for that long, like for hours straight. But I, I also do remember, like, how fun it is. Like every time I'm like, live or something, I do have fun and I'm like, I need to do that more. But I just get so anxious about, like, before doing it because I feel like if I'm not funny, then I'm useless and I should die.
- [39:18]
B
Yeah, I mean, that's true. Either that or be in the kitchen.
- [39:23]
A
What the hell? What about you, though? What about you? Like, you're not funny. What do you do?
- [39:28]
B
I don't have to do anything. I'm a man.
- [39:30]
A
Oh.
- [39:31]
B
I just can exist.
- [39:32]
A
I think about it.
- [39:33]
B
Like, I just. All I have to do is hold doors open for people.
- [39:37]
A
What do I have to do?
- [39:39]
B
Like, cook, clean, cook laundry, brush my teeth, make babies, make bed, do ass. That's really it.
- [39:50]
A
Oh, I can't do, like, any extracurricular stuff.
- [39:53]
B
Oh, no. Okay. The last thing is, I don't know if I'm gonna insert the video because it's kind of crazy unless I get Kai to blur this person's face. But we were driving home.
- [40:06]
A
Oh.
- [40:07]
B
From all the toy stores. And, like, I look out of my window and I just see this dude holding, like, a big ass chunk of hair in one hand, and we're driving on the freeway. And then in his other hand, he has a scissor or has a pair of scissors. And, like, it's like, insinuate. You can only infer that he just cut his hair and he, like, is driving and he's like, like, looking down at it.
- [40:33]
A
Every other Looking at his hair. Because, no, when we first pulled up to him, he fully was, like, trimming the end, so we couldn't tell if his hair was really long and he was holding the ends up or if he just chopped it off and was sitting and driving and, like, playing and cutting it. But it was the oddest thing ever. Also, I don't think I told you. I think I said in the group chat. Nobody said anything, But I left the house the other night, late at night, for some reason. I don't know where the I was going, but I texted y' all. Oh, it's when I went to the gym. But on the way to the gym, I saw somebody sucking out of a Nas balloon. Somebody was taking hits out of a nause, like, sucking down Nas as they were driving. And he was, like, swerving a little, so I was like, oh, my God, this is crazy. And he easily looks like he was, like, 19 years old.
- [41:16]
B
And I was like, I get it. I used to, like, get cavities on purpose to get laughing. Like, that is so.
- [41:22]
A
It just doesn't do it for me.
- [41:24]
B
Yeah.
- [41:25]
A
Yes. I've had Nas guys. Yes. I am chill and I'm down for anything.
- [41:28]
B
And I'm like, a super cool girl for the vibe. Down for the vibe. I'll take you anywhere. I'm down for the vibe.
- [41:37]
A
I can't believe you even, like, know some of those lyrics.
- [41:40]
B
Yeah, I'm special. I'm crazy. But you like that. You like that. Hands up on the dashboard.
- [41:49]
A
I'm crazy for it. Shut the up.
- [41:56]
B
Okay, let's do Drew side up corner and then media or media and then Drew side corner.
- [42:03]
A
Drew side up coder than medium.
- [42:05]
B
Okay.
- [42:05]
A
What?
- [42:06]
B
Welcome to Drew Scab Corner will have a manic episode and think they're jewels from Euphoria. You're Gabbie Hannah.
- [42:19]
A
That's good. You know what I was listening to? What? She was like. She was like, I'm a bad.
- [42:26]
B
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
- [42:28]
A
You're trying to tell me how to live my life.
- [42:31]
B
I. I have like a privated tick tock of me, like lip syncing to that and it's really good. The public saw it for like two minutes and then I deleted it because I felt bad. But they should add a feature where we can fuck over the podcast. Like a fan challenge, but over the podcast.
- [42:51]
A
No.
- [42:52]
B
Yeah, I think you're right. I told Azul Enya's cat to stop biting me and he replied criticism like, rain may dampen the spirit, yet from such showers the soul's garden blooms even brighter.
- [43:09]
A
Oh, my God. And then she kept biting you.
- [43:11]
B
Yeah. And then he on the floor and went in my bedroom, ate my plant and vomited it up. Never forget someone. Find that clip and repost it if you want to go viral. Viral.
- [43:20]
A
Okay.
- [43:21]
B
If you want a viral moment, podcast.
- [43:27]
A
What is up with you? That Drew's biggest pet. And I repeat it a bunch, but he will do the same to me. But when I do it to him, he does not like it.
- [43:39]
B
And you don't like it when I.
- [43:40]
A
Wait, what's our podcast?
- [43:41]
B
Oh, my God. Podcast equipment should be harder to purchase than a firearm. Every time I go on my phone, it's one of the worst experiences of my life. And that's all I have.
- [44:00]
A
Should I. I should have wrote down mine yesterday. That I said in the car. Crazy. But you like, let's see if I can find it. I did a lot of Googling last night, so it's going to be like possibly in Google.
- [44:14]
B
Google.
- [44:18]
A
Okay, I found it.
- [44:19]
B
They're selling our merch on Teemu.
- [44:21]
A
I am currently being prosecuted by the FPC for all the biohazard I have caused by on you.
- [44:28]
B
Oh yeah, I remember that one.
- [44:30]
A
I made that one up. It's pretty bad now that I say it. It was like, good yesterday.
- [44:33]
B
It was funny in the moment. It was like yeah, you had to have been there.
- [44:37]
A
We had to have been there for that one because it was just, like, off the top of dome. So it was, like, good. But, like. Okay, well, media. I've literally only been watching South Park. I don't think I've watched a movie. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, actually, I watched, but I'm a cheerleader. So funny. So good. But everybody knows that, so I'm not. Not really given anything new. And then I've just been listening to the Cocktail Twins. Blue Bell. No. Album a bunch because it's that time of year, you know?
- [45:09]
B
Oh, my God. It is that time of year, guys. Seasonal depression can kill itself. Yeah, I, like, can kill.
- [45:17]
A
I don't even want to get into it, but this. Yeah, the sun is going down earlier. It's. It's hard times, guys.
- [45:23]
B
I don't know. The last two days have been horrible. Like, even today has been horrible.
- [45:33]
A
Feeling a little more normal today, but now that the caffeine is draining from my body, I feel the way God intended me to feel. Awful.
- [45:45]
B
So just know you're not battling this battle alone. We're with you. You're a strong soldier. This happens every year. Don't let it. Don't let it convince you that it's any different. You'll wake up one day in three months and be okay. I love you, but I watched Anatomy of the Fall or the Anatomy of a Fall Goaded movie. Really slow, but awesome. It was like Fringe Court. That's how court should be. And for everyone in the world is just everyone arguing back and forth. But that dog, they need to open a category for animals, like, in the Oscars. The Academy needs an oh, well, that's.
- [46:32]
A
The only way you're gonna win a.
- [46:33]
B
Grammy, because I got that. Do game mean.
- [46:38]
A
Oh, my God, bro. Meow.
- [46:41]
B
I got that in.
- [46:42]
A
Meow, meow, meow.
- [46:45]
B
Why don't rappers say that? But for all the. Or for all the cats. Cats. But yeah, that dog gave, like. I'm not kidding. One of the greatest performances I've seen in a movie this entire year. Can I touch your boobs, please?
- [47:04]
A
No. Never again. I let you suck him once.
- [47:08]
B
You're a.
- [47:09]
A
You used your turn.
- [47:10]
B
You're a whatever. But that dog gave, like. There's this one specific scene where I was like, damn, dude. Like that. I'm not even exaggerating when I say it. It's, like, legitimately, like, the best performance I've ever seen.
- [47:25]
A
This year, when I am breastfeeding, one of y' all are gonna have to suck on my boob.
- [47:29]
B
Yeah. I'm gonna relieve you.
- [47:32]
A
Like. Like someone's gonna have to. Like I. I have to breastfeed one of my friends.
- [47:37]
B
Yeah. Just to see like what it tastes like straight from.
- [47:40]
A
For some reason when I have my baby, like I am single. Like I'm gonna like find somebody to suck on my breast, milk me.
- [47:49]
B
I'll be here even.
- [47:50]
A
Well if. Even if I'm not single, you get to. But that might be too far.
- [47:54]
B
No, it's not. It's not. It's literally not breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is not sexual. You need to let me do it. Just let me do it. It's not too far.
- [48:05]
A
It's not.
- [48:06]
B
It's not really not. But yeah. The kid in that movie with the ass Bob gave. Like, I'm not even exaggerating when I say this. I know I say it about everything but the best child performance I've ever seen in a movie. Like, I genuinely think he could be nominated for an actual Oscar this year.
- [48:24]
A
That would be fire.
- [48:25]
B
I think he and he could literally win it.
- [48:27]
A
Cuz we could hit up our. Our people and make sure that happens.
- [48:29]
B
Yeah. Our Academy people.
- [48:31]
A
Yeah. We're well connected.
- [48:34]
B
But with that I don't got any music. I'm still listening to the same always. I have that playlist on my ig. First time I've ever listened to music or on my Spotify. But the playlist is the first time I ever listened to music. Emergency intercom vibes and whatever. And I just listen to this playlist on repeat. There's nothing new. Nothing new has happened or changed for music for me.
- [48:58]
A
But yeah. Thank you guys.
- [48:59]
B
We love you And New York.
- [49:05]
A
I'm not kidding. I just leaked as I did that. So I'm gonna go by Sam.