Underthinking lets talk about it

Summary

Emergency Intercom – “Underthinking lets talk about it”

Release Date: May 22, 2026
Hosts: Enya Umanzor, Drew Phillips & Kai

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Episode Overview

In this laughter-filled episode, Enya, Drew, and frequent cohost Kai gather over Zoom for a characteristically chaotic session, loosely themed around “underthinking.” The gang riff about technological confusion, overthinking vs. “underthinking,” mental health struggles, sex and stereotypes, social anxieties, and their distinctive comedic misadventures. Drifting between hilariously unserious confessions and bursts of surprisingly earnest affection, the trio tackle everything from navigating group gatherings and creating “mustard gas in my ass,” to the psychology behind perceived usefulness, sports opinions, and more. Expect boundary-pushing jokes, irreverent tangents, and authentic moments of friendship.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Zoom Woes & Technological Disconnect

• [02:20] Enya opens by venting about the tribulations of setting up Zoom for the episode, triggering mild existential dread about her own lack of technical savvy:

  “Setting this up today was genuinely the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I felt...far more disconnected, technologically, than I think I’m even ready for.” (Enya, 02:25)

• Kai and Drew try (and fail) to explain Apple Silicon, with much derailing and joking about “terrorist” levels of tech explanation.

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2. The “Underthinking” Experiment

• [05:51] Kai sets the main theme: as a notorious overthinker, they’re “trying on underthinking.”

  “Notoriously, I'm an overthinker. I overthink everything...This episode, we should try on underthinking.” (Kai, 05:51 & 08:26)

• Enya questions the term’s catchiness but relates.

• Kai links overthinking to panic attacks, sleep issues, and dark thoughts, joking about underthinking as a possible solution.

  “Maybe if I’m not thinking at all, none of those things will happen anymore, huh?” (Kai, 09:15)

• The bit veers into dark comedic territory with riffs on self-medication, opiate distractions, and “finding things to distract your hamstrings.”

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3. Intrusive Thoughts, OCD, and Therapy

• [18:14] A guest therapist insightfully describes the exhausting inner monologue of OCD:

  “Finding out I had OCD alone was genuinely so relieving—it felt like it gave an answer to a question I had always been asking, which is why do I have so many questions?” (Guest Therapist, 18:14)

• They briefly promote ERP therapy as the gold standard for OCD.

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4. Sex, Stereotypes, and the “Loud Minority”

• The hosts dissect gay stereotypes about sex, social media, and reality:

  “I was with Barbie and Ben last night, and we were talking about how gay guys are addicted to sex, and we were trying to figure out if it’s…a good or bad thing…But then it started making me think...I don’t think people are having sex anymore.” (Kai, 16:00)

• Enya muses on how “top tier” people might get approached less because they seem “impossible to reach.”

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5. Group Hang Anxiety

• [23:53] Kai laments showing up to small hangouts only to find way more people than expected:

  “Adding people to the plan last second, like, I’m so sorry...I will not go. Do not do that to me.” (Kai, 24:30)

• Enya agrees but admits she’s “pretty good at forgetting” people she meets in big groups.

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6. Unhinged Physical Mishaps

(A highlight for fans of classic Emergency Intercom)

• Kai details a traumatic bathroom episode resulting from misuse of enemas, which he dubs “mustard gas in my ass.” (28:27)

  “The pain that I felt is uncomparable to anything I’ve felt before in my life. Like…I’m gonna have fifth degree burns inside my butthole and colon.” (Kai, 29:30)

• Enya relates her own “monistat” mishap, turning it into a communal “suffering is hilarious” moment.

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7. Food Shame & Fast Food Hot Takes

• The group jokingly out closeted eaters of Arby’s and Long John Silvers, with Drew resisting accusations that he’s obsessed with Jack in the Box.

  “Jack in the Box, bro. I don’t—I eat it once every three days. Like, it’s not crazy.” (Kai, 34:24)

• They riff on other fast food mysteries (“Fish from a fast food place sounds crazy”) and toy with shame, pride, and community around “bad” food choices.

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8. Household Antics & Bizarre Trades

• Banter about sharing clothes (“Are you gonna give me that cookie?” “The cookie will be off quarantine by the time you get back.” 38:44), home decor, and making trades for Supreme shirts.

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9. Comedic Storytelling (Horchata Joke & More)

• Kai describes introducing Drew to strangers with a risqué in-joke:

  “Did I tell you Drew was bouncing on my dick the other day? And then he stood straight up and it looked like somebody poured a horchata on my stomach.” (Drew, 44:29)

• The group revels in how disgusting and hilarious these bits are to anyone outside the inner circle.

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10. Sincere Friendship & Growth

• Earnest reflection on Drew’s progress in comedy and directing:

  “You’ve kind of unlocked your dreams…you’ve always wanted to work in comedy, and look at you now, baby.” (Kai, 46:09)

• The group is genuinely supportive: “That’s your own hard work. You’ve been a star, baby.” (Enya, 46:31)

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11. Self-worth, Usefulness, and Depression

• They debate what it means to be “useful,” lampooning the idea of chasing accolades to fix one’s sense of worth.

  “You should be happy with yourself even when you’re fucking butt-fucked, depressed…that’s a really hard feat…” (Enya, 49:32)

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12. Media Recs & Pop Culture Roundup

• [50:22] Enya: Desperately Seeking Susan (1985, starring Madonna), and rewatching Inception (“Still don’t know what the fuck that movie is on about.” – Enya, 52:08)
• [54:36] Kai: Victor Wembanyama’s performance in the NBA Western Conference finals – an in-depth passionate sports tangent.
• [60:10] Enya: Still obsessed with Hayley Williams’ album.
• [60:14] Drew: Comedian Aaron Westbury’s standup and performance art videos (“It’s like performance art, bro—in the right context, it’s literally high art.” – Kai, 60:37)
• [61:19] Kai: “Spurs-OKC matchup, tune the fuck in or get lost.” Also, smattering of music: George Michael’s “Cowboys and Angels,” “All I Need,” “Don’t Be Afraid.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Technology:
  “When you look up Zoom, it’s not just one answer. It’s literally like 18,000 versions... Am I downloading an illegal version?” – Enya, 03:12

• On Overthinking:
  “Notoriously, I’m an overthinker. I overthink everything.” – Kai, 05:51

• Underthinking Solution:
  “Maybe if I’m not thinking at all, none of those things will happen anymore, huh?” – Kai, 09:15

• Bathroom Fiasco:
  “I accidentally made mustard gas inside of my ass.” – Kai, 28:27

• On Friendship:
  “You’ve kind of unlocked your dreams…you’re directing big things on a work trip right now, doing big things.” – Kai, 46:09
  “That’s your own hard work. You’ve been a star, baby. Thank you.” – Enya, 46:34

• On Usefulness:
  “A lot of people think being useful is making something somebody cares about. I have the worst news ever that is not that useful.” – Enya, 49:32

• On Sports:
  “Victor Wembanyama is the truth...the greatest player in the world.” – Kai, 55:30

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:20] – Zoom setup anxiety and technology woes
• [05:51] – Kai: “I’m an overthinker,” launches “underthinking” topic
• [09:01] – Overthinking, panic attacks, dark thoughts, joking about sedation
• [18:14] – Guest therapist on OCD, ERP therapy
• [23:53] – Social anxiety: group hangs gone wrong
• [28:27] – Fleet enema disaster: “mustard gas in my ass”
• [34:24] – Food shame; Jack in the Box discourse
• [44:29] – Drew’s horchata joke: “pour a horchata on my stomach”
• [46:09] – Sincere affirmation: Drew’s progress and group pride
• [49:32] – Existential debate on worth and usefulness
• [50:22] – Media round: movies, music, standup, with strong recommendations
• [54:36] – Kai’s passionate Spurs/OKC basketball analysis

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Tone and Delivery

• Humorous, raunchy, irreverent, but frequently lapsing into genuine warmth and surprising self-reflection.
• The group balances boundary-pushing bits (often sexual, bodily, or dark) with unfiltered vulnerability, maintaining their unique peer-to-peer intimacy.

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Summary

“Underthinking lets talk about it” is classic Emergency Intercom: comedically anarchic, veering from hot takes to over-shares, but with real insights lurking beneath. Whether it’s hot sports opinions, accidental bathroom chemistry, or wrestling with usefulness and self-worth, Enya, Drew, and Kai keep it honest, always funny, and occasionally profound.

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For more Emergency Intercom, tune in for an unvarnished look at millennial/Gen Z life, friendship, and the chaos in between.

Transcript

[Enya]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Kai]

Guaranteed Human.

[Doug]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Enya]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Doug]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Enya]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Doug]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Enya]

Liberty, Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Doug]

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[Kai]

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[Doug]

after Jesse called for help.

[Kai]

It's been too long, cowboy.

[Doug]

Toy Story 5 is only in theaters. So that's Lily, pal.

[Enya]

What are you, some sort of old man toy? She thinks you're old because you're bald.

[Doug]

Woody from Disney and Pixar. Toys are for play. Tech is for everything. It's toys versus tech.

[Kai]

The screen just took over.

[Enya]

Oh, the tapping.

[Doug]

The tapping on June 19th.

[Enya]

I want to talk to you. Device along Toys.

[Kai]

I responded.

[Doug]

I have plastic fingers. Disney and Pixar's Toy Story 5. Rated PG. Parental guidance suggested only in theaters June 19.

[Kai]

Guys, hello. We're doing a zoom episode today. How fun.

[Enya]

Hi. I'm not kidding. Setting this up. Also, everyone should know that the Queen Enya is the one who always sets up the zoom. I have a Zoom account for this occasion only. Really? And setting it up today was genuinely the hardest thing I've ever done. I felt like it was freaking me out because I'm like, damn, I Am far more disconnected, like, technologically than I think I'm even ready for.

[Kai]

Like, also, I just know seeing, like, mine and Kai's text being like, hey, we're ready whenever you are just, like, enraged you even further.

[Enya]

Like, no, not even enraged me, but I was like, I had already, like, sat down and been ready, and in my head I was like, oh, I have Zoom on my computer because we do this all the time. But I forgot since I've reset my computer, I don't have Zoom. And when I looked it up on the app store, like, I got really scared because when you look up Zoom, it's not just one answer. It's literally like 18,000 versions of, like, Zoom. And then I went on the website and my laptop isn't updated enough to get the new version off the app store, so I had to go to the website to, like, found find it. And it was like, download for Apple Silicon or something. And I was like, oh, my God, am I downloading an illegal version? Like, what's happening?

[Kai]

Apple Silicon to India real quick.

[Drew]

Okay, so basically, Apple decided to no longer be. What do you call it? It's like when you.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, India, you're in your nice era for real. Like, you're letting Kai explain technology.

[Drew]

I know. I actually got a lot farther

[Kai]

smile on your face again.

[Drew]

Okay, basically, Apple.

[Kai]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Enya]

Stop. Hey, Drew, I'm going to, like, ask you to remember that you're the one who asked this man to go on this, like, terroristic act. And although I don't agree with this terroristic behavior that is explaining whatever Apple Silicon means, I can be okay with the fact that, like, you know what? My friend asked for that terrorist to do that. And, like.

[Drew]

Okay, but I'm not terrorist. I'm just talking about computers. So.

[Kai]

I mean, who said that?

[Enya]

Okay, notice how you said I'm not a terrorist. I'm just talking about terroristic things.

[Drew]

I'll tell you what, though. I do terrorize the.

[Enya]

Hey,

[Drew]

please don't leave it.

[Kai]

Dap me up, bro. Dap me up.

[Drew]

That's like a little taste that. This was

[Enya]

you guys fingering each other now?

[Drew]

I think so.

[Kai]

That's like, the way we, like, dap up is like.

[Drew]

Also, guys, if you're wondering where I am, I'm in Toronto and I'm meeting with Drake, so.

[Enya]

Damn. Is bad.

[Drew]

Yeah, he's me. I'm meeting Iceman.

[Kai]

Iceman, Iceman, iceman. No more Mr. Nice Man.

[Enya]

Oh, that was actually good. And you know what's crazy is that could be on one of those. Because he did drop three albums, right? Am I like.

[Kai]

Yeah, he dropped three albums.

[Enya]

Oh, my God. Kai. Kai. Save your water. Wash it with the Fiji. I wanted that shirt, so. I wanted that shirt so bad.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, I want that shirt so bad. I literally, like, was.

[Enya]

Well, I'm bringing it home to you, baby. I'm literally bringing it home to you.

[Kai]

My first topic that I want to talk about today is. I mean, mean, notoriously. I'm an overthinker. I overthink everything.

[Drew]

Every.

[Enya]

Everything everywhere, all at once.

[Kai]

Exactly. Which, by the way, I predicted that movie back in 2016. But that's not a conversation for today's podcast. I. There's actually clips of me saying everything everywhere all at once with, like, galaxies in different dimensions and clock it.

[Enya]

But, Drew, I think that's, like, something that's been said so many times, but

[Kai]

not in the context that I used to.

[Drew]

Not.

[Enya]

Yes, because you were like, okay, but there's rocks as well. Hold on.

[Kai]

And I was Also, like, in 2016, I was, like, struggling with my sexuality, and I was talking about it, and it was like, my parents hate me for being gay, but I, like, want to be with my girlfriend, but I want a relationship with my parents, so it was confusing.

[Enya]

With your girlfriend?

[Kai]

Yeah. I. I identify as gay, but the lesbian part, so I'm a lesbian.

[Drew]

Me too.

[Enya]

Are you all gonna, like, take advantage of that or something or just leave

[Kai]

it out in the open? Oh, baby, I take advantage of that. I take advantage of that for real. How's my hair looking today? I did not look in the mirror.

[Enya]

It looks good. Can you please get. It always looks. I need you to obsess over something that is not your hair. Drew, your hair has become, like, almost like a tick.

[Kai]

Like, it literally is, like, because it was so bad for so long. Like, it was so ugly for so long.

[Enya]

Okay, how about this? Tonight, if I write, like, a very, like, eerie short script about your hair, can you act in it and I'll record it when I get home? Because, like, I have such a perception of you with your hair, to the point that Josie was like, he just loves that hair.

[Kai]

Well, you're glowing right now. I think you're in your bag the most when you're on Zoom. You look like I almost. It's, like, perfect. But anyway, that's my rendition of AI I was saying that I am an overthinker. I'm thinking about trying on underthinking and joining them, being a thinking. What'd you say?

[Drew]

What, being a thinking bottom? I don't know.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly. An underthinking bottom.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

So that's. That's my big. My big one. That's my big one. This episode, we should try on underthinking. And then this is the part where we have a conversation about it after. So ask me questions.

[Enya]

Okay. What. What brought you to this conclusion? Do you think there's a world where underthinking takes on a life of its own as a term? Because if that is what, like, I do. I like where you're going, but the only thing I'm feeling the need to workshop, friend to friend, is underthinking. Just doesn't sound phonetically good. But. Yeah. What brought you here and why are you like.

[Kai]

Yeah, panic attacks. Night. Right, right. Nightly rage in bed before I fall asleep.

[Enya]

Right, right.

[Kai]

The want to kill myself.

[Enya]

Yes.

[Kai]

So I was like, oh, maybe if I'm not thinking at all, none of those things will happen anymore, huh?

[Enya]

Yes. But maybe instead of thinking less, you find things to distract your hamstrings.

[Kai]

Like opiates. Oh, my God, Enya, you're so fucking right. Like, opiates. Yes. I will be taking opiates. Per Enya's advice just now, I will distract myself, Myself from thinking by nodding off. And yet, you are a. You're a genius. Thank you. And I was kind of, like, secretly, like, I was kind of thinking that, but I wanted someone else to tell me, so it wasn't my idea. So thank you for saying that verbatim. Just now. You said that.

[Enya]

I didn't say that.

[Kai]

Kai.

[Enya]

Kai.

[Drew]

And you just said it. You literally just said it.

[Enya]

You said, no, that's something I'd say to you. I would never say that to Drew.

[Drew]

Why would you say that to me?

[Kai]

Why is it a bad thing for if she said it to you?

[Drew]

Opiate addiction isn't good. That's not a good thing. Objective.

[Enya]

Well, I don't think you have. I don't think you have that in your path. So I'm like, yeah, you go do your fucking opiates if you're like, so, like, like, period. That works.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Enya]

For Drew, that doesn't work. You're offended that I don't think you'd spiral into addiction.

[Drew]

I'm not offended. It's just like, I, I, I do have, like, a dark side to me, you know?

[Kai]

Well, Kai famously is addicted to eating.

[Enya]

I, I knew it was going there. I literally knew it was going.

[Drew]

Here's the thing. We have mentioned this, and people think it's A joke. But I had to go to rehab for eating. For being addicted to eating box. And it was me in a circle with a bunch of eaters, and we had to share, which is such a

[Kai]

bad idea, by the way.

[Drew]

Yeah, it was a bad idea to

[Kai]

put a bunch of eaters in a circle. A bunch of munchers. Wait, instead of eaters, it's munchers.

[Enya]

So essentially, what you did, Kai, is you went to a room full of, yeah, there can be women and men in there, but you got, like, human centipede with them because you all had the oral fixation of giving head, and you're all sat in a circle. So all it would take, as Drew is insinuating, is, like, to stand up, turn over to your right, and everyone's getting.

[Drew]

I would say yes. However, the only change I would make is that it was more of a human ouroboros, because I said we were in a circle, so we would eat each other.

[Kai]

I thought it was the galaxy logo.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah, it was the galaxy logo.

[Kai]

And we are infinity.

[Drew]

Yeah. Oh, Drew, speaking of you predicting things, I was looking at the. The audio that you sent me. What is it? The Rolling down in the Deep one. The astronaut.

[Kai]

What you know about rolling down in the deep.

[Drew]

Okay, I was looking at what you

[Kai]

know about rolling down in the deep.

[Drew]

You know that you know, but you

[Kai]

know about rolling down in the deep. And when my brain goes numb, we can call that mental freezing.

[Drew]

You know how it shows your friends videos on if they've used the song I Was Looking, and there's a really old video of Izzy and Emma. And this video is from 2001. Look up here. What is this? Oh, is that brat? Yeah, this was 2001. Brat dropped in 2024. Or 2021. Brad dropped in 2024.

[Kai]

Wait, hold on. Let me unpin India. I need to see this on the big screen.

[Enya]

Wait, I'm confused. You said wait. That's crazy.

[Kai]

That's actually crazy. That's crazy.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Something about that is just not making sense.

[Drew]

In 2021, I made one mistake. I've literally made one mistake, and I. It's. It is hard being a man.

[Enya]

It's 2021.

[Drew]

You mean 21.

[Kai]

Yeah, 21.

[Drew]

Oh, okay, well, maybe we cut that.

[Enya]

Okay, well, Drew, you're not gonna sell me on this. You can put it away, Kai. It's okay.

[Kai]

It has Fiji water.

[Enya]

Dude, sometimes you literally are like an uncle with early onset amnesia.

[Kai]

Like, and ended. Ended.

[Enya]

Okay, so back to your underthinking theory. What does this Entail. Entail. Other than your excuse for trying to find a reason to do an opiate.

[Kai]

Well, that's. That's it.

[Enya]

So the underthinking can only be done via sedation with an opiate?

[Kai]

Yeah. Right? Yeah.

[Enya]

That's what you think.

[Kai]

Well, I just think, like, a majority of the population, because Trump got elected, I'm assuming they're all underthinkers, so I'm gonna join them.

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah, I'm just.

[Kai]

I'm going.

[Enya]

But that's, like, by nature, so that's just not your nature.

[Kai]

Well, and I also decided I'm gonna be the happy smiler.

[Enya]

What the.

[Kai]

Does that mean I'm gonna be happy and smiley all the time now?

[Enya]

It doesn't really carry in your tone. Like. And also, you're not smiling right now.

[Kai]

Well, I already. I already have, like, tone voice, so it's. It doesn't really work, but I am.

[Enya]

Let's try to put some pep in your sop.

[Kai]

In my step, bitch. Come on. Like, I'm a gay man. You don't have to mention prep to me all the fucking.

[Enya]

No, you need to put some prep in your blood. I said pep in your step.

[Kai]

Oh, you're saying pep. Get on pep. Because that's the new drug that if you take within 72 hours of hooking up with someone, it'll kill the viruses in your bloodstream. And you're saying I'm addicted to sex, and all gay guys are addicted to sex?

[Enya]

Yes. Is that not true? Let's ask the group.

[Kai]

I mean, yeah, it's spot.

[Enya]

I mean. No, I was talking, so it's so spot. Spot on. Until you are someone like me who knows way too many gay guys who are having the hardest time finding someone to have sex with. But also, granted, I do think I know the, like, losers top. No, I know the top tier cookie of gay guys. So it's like, to me, yeah, gay guys have a lot of sex.

[Kai]

Unless they're like, are you saying I'm top tier cookie gay guy, or I have.

[Enya]

Yes, duh.

[Kai]

Okay, So I get no play.

[Enya]

Yes.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Enya]

Okay.

[Kai]

Period.

[Enya]

What did you want me to say? Gay people are sluts or.

[Doug]

No.

[Enya]

Like, really backed me into a wall.

[Kai]

Really? Really? No, I was literally. I was with Barbie and Ben last night, and we were talking about how gay guys are addicted to sex, and we were trying to figure out if it's, like, a good thing or a bad thing, because I'd rather gay guys be addicted to real life sex than to porn. But I think, unfortunately, gay guys are addicted to both porn and real life sex. But then it opened up this whole other dialogue in this whole other conversation where I was like, oh, this is really interesting because like, obviously like we've all experienced it. Like people leave a hundred nice comments, thousand nice comments, and then you read that one, that's like a hate comment and you're like, damn, that sucks. I really suck. Everyone hates me. Da da da da da. But it's really just the loud minority. And then I was thinking about like, oh, everyone acts like they have a lot of sex. Like everyone has talked about how much sex they have, especially in the gay community. But then it started making me think and I was like, actually I think they're just a loud minority because I don't think people are having sex anymore. Which is really curious and really interesting.

[Enya]

But I mean, yeah, realistically, because even me saying like, I know the top tier cookie in la, that doesn't get a lot of play because they are like feeling impossible to reach, if that makes sense. Like if you're top tier cookie, I feel like you get approached less because people are like kind of scared of you and also just have this idea of you that like I don't think anybody sees you in a way that like feels you're not a sexual objectified. You are still like dedicated to the untrue thinking thing. You wouldn't have amazing thoughts like this. Have you ever thought about that?

[Kai]

Yeah, that's true.

[Enya]

Like if you were in, in like a comatose opiate state, we could not be having this gorgeous conversation.

[Kai]

How do we know if we don't try?

[Enya]

Because I've been around people who are on opiates recently and damn, I don't know what they putting in them now, but like baby, they're not there.

[Kai]

Like they're not on opiates, they're on fentanyl and tranq.

[Guest Therapist]

Finding out I had OCD alone was genuinely so relieving, it felt like it gave an answer to a question I had always been asking, which is why do I have so many questions?

[Enya]

Why are the questions never ending?

[Guest Therapist]

And why do all the questions end with me being horrible and I'm going to burn for eternity for all of

[Enya]

the bad things I do all day,

[Guest Therapist]

even though I don't do anything bad.

[Kai]

And don't forget about that skin scrubbing.

[Guest Therapist]

Oh yeah.

[Enya]

Oh my gosh.

[Guest Therapist]

Yeah, that was bad. Real OCD is a serious condition where unwanted distressing thoughts called intrusive thoughts get stuck on repeat in your head and you feel complied to engage in Certain behaviors called compulsions to try to make them stop. No CD is a perfect place to really can help you manage all of your OCD symptoms and get on a track where you can live with things. And you don't always have to be answering to that question in your head.

[Kai]

Guys, OCD is one of the most treatable mental health conditions out there. If you get the right specialized kind of therapy. OCD needs ERP therapy or exposure and response prevention. It's proven to be the most effective treatment. Regular talk therapy isn't recommended for OCD and can actually make it worse. That's where no CD comes in. They're the world's leading OCD treatment provider, and all of their licensed Therapists specialize in ERP therapy.

[Guest Therapist]

Therapy with no NOCD is 100 virtual, covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans and includes support between sessions so you never have to face OCD alone. To learn more about OCD therapy with NOCD, go to nocd.com and book a free call with their team.

[Kai]

That's nocd.com

[Doug]

and Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual, even if it means sitting front row at a computer comedy show.

[Enya]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Doug]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Enya]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Doug]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Enya]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Doug]

Hey, it's us, the Jonas Brothers.

[Kai]

And guess what?

[Doug]

We have some big news. What's the news? Huge news. We created our own podcast called hey Jonas. We invented a podcast. Well, we didn't invent it.

[Enya]

We.

[Kai]

We just contributed to the first people to do podcasts.

[Doug]

Pretty. Yeah, pretty wide range of podcasts, but

[Kai]

this one's extra special. So how did we.

[Doug]

How do we actually come up with

[Kai]

the name hey Jonas?

[Doug]

Guys, I honestly don't remember.

[Kai]

I think it was on a call about what we should call it. And, well, we were thinking. I'm originally calling it one of the

[Doug]

early names of our band before Jonas Brothers. This is how you guys remember it going down? Yes, I have a very different memory of this.

[Kai]

We were talking about a thing a

[Doug]

bit for the podcast where people could call in and say, hey, Jonas. And then I wrote down on my little notepad, hey, Jonas. And offered it up as a potential title for the podcast but thanks for remembering that. Guys, listen to hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Kai]

Just listen. We don't care where you hear it.

[Doug]

Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy not quite on Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends. Me hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier this week. My guests, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel help an acapella band with their between songs banter.

[Kai]

Where does your group perform?

[Doug]

We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Enya]

And I feel like everyone who's doing that shit is literally on that because I'm like, I mean, it kind of is amazing how every time we're in a recession, opiates are just like the go to. I guess it makes sense because it's

[Kai]

like, see, they feel good and everything is bad. You can feel good. Anyways, sorry for bringing up opiates so early in the podcast.

[Enya]

I mean, it is what it is.

[Kai]

I've just been in an era where I want to relapse a little. I'm like, ooh, that would be so fun.

[Enya]

That would be fun for you for three seconds. And then. And you would immediately, I think, even through an opiate high, have a full blown panic attack. Like, I think realistically, I don't even know if you'd be able to enjoy yourself because I,

[Kai]

you know, me, could.

[Enya]

Yeah, I could see you. What? Why don't you just like, okay, how about this? Find access to a single opiate and then sneak it across into a different country where you won't have access to another one and get yourself a ticket and then you can go out into the middle of the fucking woods.

[Kai]

Well, I was thinking about flying to the Golden Triangle and holing up in an opium den for like two weeks and then flying back home.

[Enya]

What is that,

[Kai]

bitch?

[Enya]

Okay, I can't lie though, Drew, I love you so much, but if that is a path you went down. And people would be like, where's Drew?

[Kai]

I'm like, who the is that?

[Enya]

Because don't play with me. I'm not going to wherever the what? Where is the Golden Triangle?

[Kai]

It's in like, Vietnam.

[Enya]

Oh, oh, so the flight is that long? Oh, you gonna be there all alone?

[Kai]

Come rescue me. I'm gonna pay somebody to go and find you.

[Enya]

I'll pay Josh. I'll play Josh. Oh, no. Josh would get the fuck.

[Kai]

Yeah. No, no.

[Enya]

Okay, it. Me and Josie could go save you. It'll be like. Like a 2008, like, comedy movie that's, like, really actually not funny.

[Kai]

Yeah. It actually ends up being, like, train spotting. Okay. There was something else I wanted to talk about, and, well, the good news

[Enya]

is no one died in that movie. So in transporting.

[Kai]

Let's see if you think about it. But I know we've talked about this before, and this is not a hot take. I've seen people talk about this a million times, but it just recently happened to me where, like, I make plans to hang out with someone either, like, a small group of people, and it's just, like, a couple of us. And it's like, I am comfortable hanging out with these people. And then I get there, and there's eight fucking people that I did not know were a part of the plan. Flashbanging me with new people added to the plan. Or an hour before we meet up, adding people to the plan. I will not go. I will not go. I will not come. Like, do not do that to me. Do not do that to me. Adding people to the plan last second, Like, I'm so sorry. Like, oh, hell.

[Enya]

I think for me, it depends on the case scenario. It, like, really does depend. But I do agree with you. In no world do I suddenly want to be meeting. I just don't want to be meeting more than. I can't do more than four people new in a night because I'm like, listen, now you're all getting forgotten because too many people also. But I don't know. I kind of take to the chest, like, not remembering people. I feel like I'm pretty good at, like, forgetting, actually. That's, like, up. Yeah, I don't want to meet that many people because I'm. I'm also, like, too d. Gaff about. Like, I don't get the post social anxiety of, like, I hope I did a good job. I'm just like, whoa, no one here is real. This isn't real.

[Kai]

Guys. Isn't my room so cute?

[Enya]

It is gorgeous. Your room makes me really jealous. Like, honestly, I don't like that part. Wait, you posted on your close friends in my room? What were you doing in my room? Oh,

[Kai]

I was smelling your bedding because I missed you, baby. I missed you. No, I was taking a. I was running a. Yeah. And then someone asked me if I knew the choreography to Young Lean new music video. And I only know like, the first, like, 15 seconds. So I recorded the first 15 seconds of the choreography and the best lighting that was closest to me, and that was your room happened to be your room. And then also I was petting like a zool. I've been playing in your room. Like, it's fun up there.

[Enya]

I love that. I love that you have been hanging up stairs with me more often. You've been leaving your dungeon. You've been leaving the dungeon.

[Kai]

I'm about to be Hermit Mode 2003. Like, it's about to, like. Like, I'm about to, like, remember how I was, like, 18 months ago. Yeah, 24 months ago.

[Enya]

No, I'm not gonna let that happen. Bro, bro, bro. Like, why would you live like that? You. You have the blessing of being able to do what you do. Go explore the world. Don't hermit off.

[Kai]

I know, I know, but there's reasons.

[Enya]

Kai. Fly back to LA and get my boy a cut water.

[Drew]

He can get that in la. Why do I have to get that?

[Kai]

I feel like I. Fuck you.

[Enya]

I'll be back on Friday night, baby. We could go out. I'll go out with you. We could go, like, have a cute dinner. We could go get drinks. I'll get you more hot water. Because I'm not a cheap piece of shit who wouldn't fly back for my husband, the man I claim to love. Yeah. I'm claiming you. I love you, Drew. I love you.

[Kai]

I love you. And, yeah, way kind of.

[Enya]

And I'll be back. So Friday gets sexy for me, so you better be. I hope you kept those fleets. I hope you kept those fucking fleets for me.

[Kai]

Wait. Let's go on a little tour. Let's go on a tour real quick.

[Enya]

I need you to get sponsored by them.

[Kai]

We're going. Oop.

[Enya]

What? Did you just step on something?

[Kai]

Yes, I did, and I don't want to talk about it. We are now in my bathroom, bottom floor drawer. Yeah, we're fleeted up. We're booted up. Wait, and then I have, like, some other ones too. I have. I think these are glycerin, but you can't use those because it fills your butt with glycerin for, like, days. Like oil and glycerin. I. I talked about this at the live show, and since we never.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

I. Guys, I accidentally made mustard gas inside of my ass. I did some really, really devious work down there. And honestly, like, it wasn't even, like, to get play. Like, it wasn't even about getting.

[Enya]

I know. That's the craziest part is he's. He's also not. He's not being, like, facetious in this moment. Like, he, for real had no play. He was not stepping off that bench that night. Like, he was on the bench.

[Kai]

I was on the bench. It was literally just like, I need relief. So I did what I had to do, and I used the regular fleet enema, which tried and true. Old Faithful gets the job done almost every time. But this time, it didn't really work that well. So I was like, oh, I'm gonna use this other one, which has a stimulant in it, and it's like a little baby tube, a stimulant laxative. And then I did a fleet one. Pissed that out of my ass. Jesus Christ. And then I squirted up the gel. And almost immediately, I knew something was seriously wrong. Like, literally the second the tip hit my butthole, I knew something was. Was seriously wrong. And I just committed for, like, half of a second more and squirted some of the gel up there. And the pain that I felt is uncomparable to anything I've felt before in my life. Like, I can only imagine, like, you know when, like, white people go to the forest and, like, get stung by, like, bullet ants for some reason? Like, that's what it was giving inside of my butthole. Like, it was like borderland hallucinogenic. I immediately started sweating, like, drooling, like. Like biting my hand, like, trying to not scream. And it was going on for five minutes. And I was like, oh, I'm for real about to have to go to the hospital because I'm gonna have fifth degree burns inside my butthole and colon. Like, I just ruined my life. Great. And then I just hopped in the shower and prayed it went away. And it went away. And then I went up the stairs immediately to India and was like, I just made mustard gas inside of my ass.

[Enya]

No, the craziest part is you had come up there and you sat there for, like, a second. Second in silence, because I, like, I think I was watching, like, a cartoon or I was watching something, and you just came in. And I remember looking at you, and I kept watching, and then you were just like, I just thought I was gonna have to go to the hospital because, I mean, mustard gas in my ass. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

I mean, now saying mustard gas in my ass is hilarious.

[Enya]

I mean, that's. You now have, like, the closest experience that a vagina having person can have when they have to put a monostat three or Seven or one day. There's, like, a few versions of monostat. And I didn't know this because, like, I just bought the one that said, like, three days on it, because I was like, period. You're gonna kill this in three days. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I feel like I have such a high pain tolerance. Like, I really. I'm constantly covered in, like, like, dark ass bruises, and I'm like, oh. Because I just knock myself into everything. Like, I have a high pain tolerance.

[Kai]

Whoa.

[Enya]

That was. Yeah. That felt like doing ayahuasca to, like, find out if I wanted to talk to my dad again, like, or something. Whatever white people do ayahuasca for, like, exactly. Oh, my God. I actually thought. I remember that's the first time I've ever. I don't, like, use Reddit and, like, that, especially for, like, a medical thing. That was the first time in my life. Like, I had to.

[Kai]

You were glued to it. Oh, my God.

[Enya]

I was literally, like. Because I was like, this can't be good. I genuinely was convinced. Like, oh, my God. I thought my. Like, I was like, there for sure is crazy scar tissue in my vagina from that.

[Kai]

Like, it was like, I mean, rib for his pleasure baby.

[Enya]

Burning soil.

[Kai]

Rib for his player. It's like. It's like, you know, like, when dudes have hemorrhoids all up inside their colon. It's like a cave cave. It's like a cavernous cave for the day. For the vanilla day. Your. Your vagina is a cave with some rocks and stalactites and stalagmites hanging down for the veiny ode.

[Enya]

Ew.

[Kai]

True vanilla day. Okay, so we've talked about closeted Arby's eaters. Like, there's a whole population of people out there that, like, yeah, secretly eat Arby's and keep it in business. We're not talking about closeted Long John Silver's eaters. Like, there's some real eaters out there that are eating Long John Silvers and Arby's. And I know the crossover is insane. Which one of you are going to Long John Silver's? Which one of you are waiting in line at the Drive Through? Girl, it's fish. They're hiding like this in the Drive Through. Like, girl, wait. Long Silver's menu.

[Enya]

Like, I need to know,

[Kai]

and I'll do an ad read for him.

[Enya]

Oh, who the asked who the ass? Okay, Drew, you would all of this up. You eat Jack in the Box.

[Kai]

Josiah just did this to me.

[Enya]

Drew loves Jack in the Box. One thing about Drew is, no matter the time of the day, he needs some Jack in the Box.

[Kai]

Like, I hate this trope. It's the. It's like, the only thing that y' all say that, like, rubs me in the wrong way for some reason. Like, y' all could, like, in a very hateful way, take it to the chest.

[Enya]

All the other weird you eat, but you won't just admit that you love Jack in the Box.

[Kai]

Jack in the Box, bro. I don't. I eat it once every three days. Like, it's not crazy.

[Enya]

Okay, actually, I can't lie. The Long John Silver's menu isn't that crazy.

[Kai]

And that's fishy. Fishy Cooter Box. And that's on. And that's on the box smelling like fish.

[Enya]

I mean, okay, be honest. If it was between Long John Silver's and Arby's. Where are you going?

[Kai]

I'm going to Arby's. Yep. Fish from a fast food place sounds crazy. Have you ever eaten a fish filet?

[Enya]

Steak nuggets from a fast food place is crazy.

[Kai]

Like, maybe that's really going far right now.

[Enya]

Armies versus Long John Silvers.

[Kai]

Yeah. Are you. Are you team Arby's, or are you team Long John Silvers Lima?

[Enya]

Let us know down below.

[Kai]

Well, should I do some psyops? Y' all have heard three of them yalls yoga pants haven't been to a yoga class. Just the vape store and target

[Enya]

it.

[Kai]

My non binary ops think they them. My non binary ops think they slash them. LGBT stands for Lady Gaga featuring Beyonce Telephone.

[Enya]

That one is actually incredible. That one is like, guys, absolutely nothing on this planet is a. Is a coincidence.

[Kai]

I dropped the feature. So it's Lady Gaga. Beyonce Telephone. LGBT stands for Lady Gaga. Beyonce Telephone.

[Enya]

No, that's perfect.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

And then gays be like, I'm verse. Oh, sorry. Gay guys be like, I'm verse this. I'm versed that bitch. The only verse you need is a Bible verse. No.

[Enya]

Yeah, I. I like where you're going. I like where that's going.

[Kai]

Me. Me and Josiah have been workshopping that one for a couple days. It hasn't really gotten to where it needs to be yet.

[Enya]

Oh, my God. We do have to insert the picture I sent in the group chat.

[Kai]

Oh, with my ass. That's such a good picture.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, I remember I was zooming in with the goggles.

[Kai]

Oh, look how colorful my room used to be. I'm, like, now, like, millennial.

[Drew]

I know. They took the color.

[Kai]

Is my room.

[Enya]

Well, they Turned off the color in Gay Town, so that's why your shit's muted.

[Kai]

Is my room colorful, would you say, or is it pretty?

[Enya]

It doesn't call the word colorful, but it's warm and has splashes of color. Yes.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

It's also. I. Now, Kai, your room is very millennial gray.

[Drew]

Yeah, I got.

[Enya]

It's so weird that you got your bedroom done like that. Like, why would you want that to be what your bedroom looks like?

[Drew]

Just gutted everything. I just gutted everything. And my bed frame is actually. It's a white marble slab. Usually people use it as, like, a kitchen island, but daddy wanted to use it for a bed.

[Kai]

So you sleep. You sleep warm, so you need to.

[Drew]

Yeah. And my. And my sheets are super white. My towels are super white. Like a hospital. And then what else?

[Kai]

Is there any beige in there?

[Drew]

There's a little bit of beige. Yeah. The artwork that I put up. No, never mind. The artwork that I have up is neon. Neon sign, and it says, c' est la vie.

[Kai]

And then there's another martini glass. It's a martini glass.

[Drew]

It's a martini glass.

[Enya]

No. And the olives fall under. Is there any eyes in that? C' est la vie.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Yeah, right? Yeah. The olives or the martini glass is tipped over. The word and the olive is that I.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

And yeah. I want that shirt, bro. I literally.

[Enya]

What are you gonna give me for it?

[Kai]

Girl, you know exactly what I'm gonna give you for.

[Enya]

Are you gonna give me that cookie?

[Kai]

The cookie will be off quarantine by the time you get back. The mustard gas,

[Enya]

the scars have healed.

[Kai]

It's crazy. I literally was on supreme for the first time ever to buy that shirt in a very long time. And it sold out, like, very quickly. But I. I. And then I was like, oh, am I just gonna buy it resell? And it's, like, reselling for, like, 300. And I was like, actually, no.

[Enya]

Well, I'm one of those resellers, because I did stand in line overnight, and I bought all of the mediums there were. So I've been just, like, kind of living off of those and reselling those.

[Kai]

It's actually genius. I got told my outfit is Challengers Vibes yesterday. Did wear this exact. I got this jacket last. When was that? I got this jacket on Sunday, and I've worn it every. No, Saturday. And I've worn it every single day Saturday since.

[Enya]

Cute, Cute. Hey, Kai. Does this make you happy? Like, seeing him?

[Drew]

Oh, the print is crazy. What the. I wasn't expecting that.

[Enya]

That was your comment.

[Drew]

He didn't hear me say that.

[Kai]

Was it giving?

[Drew]

He didn't hear me say that. Just. Let's just move on what he said.

[Kai]

Whoa.

[Enya]

Your print. I wasn't expecting that.

[Kai]

Was it giving gray sweatpants challenge?

[Drew]

It was giving. What D or S

[Kai]

print? S tier?

[Drew]

S print. S tier. Yeah.

[Kai]

Okay. Good, good, good, good, good. There is this video that I've been debating posting on TikTok for two and a half weeks now of me doing the Addison Ray. Like,

[Enya]

Dude, zoom put that out. Like, you sounded so not like a sound human should be making. Or zoom fully just blocked out.

[Kai]

But the reason I haven't posted it yet is because you can very clearly see the outline of my dick and balls. Like, you can see each. So I was like, oh, maybe not, but maybe I do,

[Enya]

Maybe I do,

[Kai]

maybe I do, maybe I do, maybe I don't.

[Enya]

I think. Is it the one with me and Josiah dancing with you?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Oh, just put an emoji. Put the eggplant emoji over.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

But it would be good material.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Enya]

For what?

[Kai]

Lpsg.

[Enya]

What. What is that?

[Drew]

Oh, it's basically this bodybuilding forum that got taken over by gay guys, and they post photos of people's feet and ask for, like, oh, does this guy have nudes?

[Kai]

Did you have sex with him?

[Drew]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Enya]

And people are out there, like, dishing out tea and.

[Kai]

Yeah, I did something good for the house.

[Enya]

What'd you do?

[Kai]

What you do? It's gonna be a surprise. Whatcha do with your time with your Under a second. Good thing coming.

[Enya]

It just a bounce house.

[Kai]

Yep.

[Enya]

A water slide.

[Kai]

I'm the bounce house. Come bounce. They call me bounce house. I know exactly what'll get Kai giggling and laughing every time. I know how to get him giggling. That's my giggle boots right there.

[Enya]

Kai is giving academic trade right now.

[Kai]

I know.

[Drew]

Taking notes.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

I. We did the Netflix is a joke live show.

[Enya]

Yes.

[Kai]

In la. And it was awesome. It was so much fun. Insert clip of Kai's entrance. Kai popped out. And Kai did his big one and then extra large one.

[Enya]

He did an extra large one.

[Kai]

And I really want to talk about.

[Drew]

Drew made me recite this joke that was just for me and him in front of his parents, and he's one of the most humiliating things that's ever happened to me. Yeah, I guess I'll tell it on the podcast. Fine. I mean, like.

[Enya]

Yeah, you have to.

[Kai]

Yeah, you have to. You have to. But can I give the background and then you tell. Yeah. The joke is okay, so Kai, for the last three, four weeks, has been going around LA talking to people I know and people that have no idea who I am, people who know who I am, but I've never met. So just every genre of person you can think of in his opening line, like, they. They wouldn't even. They're not even talking about me at this point. His opening line every single time is this. And if you want to add Kai, go ahead.

[Drew]

I'll just be like, oh, wait, did I tell you that Drew was bouncing on my dick the other day? And then he stood straight up and it looked like somebody poured a horchata on my stomach. And then I'll be like, oh, every

[Enya]

time you said it. By the way, I have, like, the most disgusting visual I've ever thought of in my whole life. Like, it is so disgusting.

[Kai]

It's really gross.

[Drew]

Yeah, because there's, like, cinnamon and in there, so.

[Enya]

Kai, shut the up.

[Drew]

Sorry. Sorry.

[Enya]

And there's turds. There's a huge cinnamon stick that also falls out of Drew's ass.

[Kai]

My lose hole. But, yeah, Kai's been going to, like, random people and saying this.

[Drew]

No, I haven't. I haven't said it to random people.

[Kai]

Yeah, not like people. You know is what I mean.

[Enya]

But if it's someone, Kai, if it's someone only you know, and Drew doesn't know, to be fair to Drew, that is a random person.

[Kai]

But it is one of the most flattering things Kai's ever done for me. I'm not even kidding. Like, the fact that I, like, come up in conversation casually like that with you is really special to me, so.

[Drew]

Oh, I. I always bring you guys up. I'm very proud of you guys.

[Kai]

Me too. I'm proud of you.

[Enya]

Thank you.

[Drew]

Thank you.

[Enya]

I actually am proud of you, period.

[Drew]

About what? Go on.

[Enya]

I think you have finally taken a hold of your life in a way you've maybe always wanted to.

[Drew]

Oh, thank you. Now Drew goes.

[Kai]

You've.

[Enya]

Y' all are so greedy.

[Kai]

Working pigs, both of you.

[Drew]

It's okay. You don't have to. You don't have to if you don't want to. But it would be nice.

[Kai]

You've kind of unlocked your dreams. Like Enya was saying, like, you've always wanted to work in comedy, and look at you now, baby. You're directing big things on a work trip right now, doing big things. And I think it's, like, all coming together for you very quickly, and it's really exciting.

[Drew]

Thank you. And it's because of you guys it's all thanks to you guys. So.

[Kai]

No, you're.

[Enya]

That's your own hard work.

[Kai]

You've been a star, baby. Thank you.

[Drew]

That's very sweet.

[Enya]

Yes, we are a part of it. Because I'd like to think of myself as, like, a Yoda in a way.

[Drew]

My muse.

[Enya]

Not baby Yoda. I'm like OG Yoda. I don't play that, baby.

[Kai]

And you can tell.

[Enya]

Yeah, I know. I know things.

[Kai]

Wait. Hint of virus. Girl, I've had that for years now. I've been watching Japanese animated porn for so long, y' all are just coming around to the hint of Irish. Is it getting better or. No?

[Drew]

It's getting better. You're dying.

[Enya]

Yeah, I like. I like that delivery way more than the. Than the questioning of it all.

[Kai]

I tried that in the live show for the first time, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I said something during that show that silenced the room in a way that, like, I've never done before, and I thought I was being silly, and it was. It did not.

[Drew]

Oh, I remember what it was.

[Kai]

I think it wasn't.

[Drew]

It wasn't the Charlie XCX thing.

[Kai]

No, it wasn't Charlie. But to clarify that, I wasn't saying Charlie's new. Doesn't work. I actually love her new. I was just saying, girl, sleep.

[Drew]

Yeah. Drew said Charlie needs to take a nap. It sounded really shady, but that's.

[Kai]

Everyone thought I was being shady.

[Drew]

Yeah, you were saying I was like, a concerned gay guy. Yeah.

[Kai]

I'm like, you can sleep, baby. It's okay.

[Enya]

I feel like everyone's getting a bit concerned for the pop girls, too, because it really is, like. I mean, damn, once you. Once you get the hamster wheel for real going, like, it almost feels like a threat to step off. Because, like, the second you step off, they're, like, boring. We wanted something yesterday.

[Kai]

You missed the. You missed the boat. You missed the train. Let me.

[Enya]

That's why we should all just be complete with the self, you know?

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Drew]

I've been saying this.

[Enya]

Feel content with the self.

[Kai]

Go on.

[Enya]

Like, why do you need to be useful? Slash, what do you actually deem as useful? A lot of people's ideas of usefulness. Okay. You think, like, getting the, like, top paying job is going to make you useful? You can, like, be the top tier of your class of, like, any career or anything.

[Kai]

You can still be a cookie like me.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Enya]

And you can still be useless. No, I'm kidding.

[Kai]

I thought you were being serious.

[Enya]

No, but you know what? I Mean, like.

[Kai]

I know what you mean.

[Enya]

A lot of people think being useful is, like, I don't know, like, making something somebody cares about. And it's like, baby, I actually have the worst news ever that is not that useful. So you might find that even if you get all the accolades you're shooting for, you're gonna still feel useless unless you're able to be content with the cell. You should be happy with yourself even when you're fucking butt fucked, depressed. And that's, like, a really hard feat that I don't. I don't think I'll ever necessarily get.

[Kai]

But feet. Would you say about feet?

[Enya]

It's very large, hairy, husky feet. Ew.

[Drew]

You're right.

[Enya]

Okay. Should we do media?

[Kai]

No, I don't want to.

[Enya]

I watched Desperately Seeking Susan today, and it was really good. It's by the same director who did she. Devil and Smithereens. Really funny, really random, really kooky. Hashtag, women in film. Clock it.

[Kai]

Need more of that.

[Enya]

Like, do we, though? Should girl shut up.

[Kai]

Kai, take the stand?

[Drew]

No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. And here's the thing. I can't even joke about that. Like, I literally can't even rip with you right now. Drew, are you okay?

[Kai]

It's just, like, really scary for me

[Drew]

to, like, look what you did to Drew.

[Kai]

The, like, the thought of, like, a woman, like, not having a platform is, like, actually really concerning to me that it's even, like, a thought that could.

[Drew]

I literally feel nauseous. My body's rejecting the concept of that. Drew, I'm gonna FaceTime you after and make sure you're okay. Okay?

[Kai]

Thank you. Yeah.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

Thank you.

[Enya]

Kai's gonna talk you to sleep at,

[Kai]

like, what, 11:00am yeah, he's gonna lull me back to bed.

[Enya]

Just take a nap, baby. Just take a nap. Well, I watched that movie and trying to think what else? Oh, my gosh. I rewatched Inception because that was a movie that I literally only remember being able to get to, like, the first dream on. And I still. I. I genuinely. I. I paused that movie. I took my time watching it. I still don't know what the fuck that movie is on about. Like, I genuinely like, and I think I have. Yeah, right. It's like, there is supposed to be no real. Like. Also, I'd argue that Inception falls under category of a boy movie.

[Drew]

Oh, it's an OG boy movie. Yeah.

[Kai]

That's like, the first boy movie. You're spot on. Yeah, I watched it once with my babysitter when it first came out when I Was like, three years old or some shit because I was born in 2011. And. Wait, when did it come out?

[Enya]

I think it came out in, like, 2011.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was zero. What the. That's crazy.

[Enya]

Time flies.

[Kai]

Like, whoa. Lies. And when I was like, zero watching that movie, I kind of understood everything, so. Right. But that's just the overthinker in me. Call back. Call back weeping. I just run simulation in my head. So you watched Inception and what was the first one?

[Enya]

Desperately Seeking Susan. Madonna's in it. Period.

[Kai]

Oh, word.

[Enya]

1985. Madonna. It's actually really fun. It's a good watch.

[Kai]

If anybody wants to get me a Holy Grail gif, I'll send you a link. It's like. It's like the. It's the only thing that I want that I cannot buy for myself.

[Enya]

What the hell are you talking about? Like, your birthday isn't coming up. A holiday for gifts isn't coming up. Why are you just, like, begging? You're digitally begging at the end of our podcast episode.

[Kai]

I'm talking to y', all, baby. I'm not talking to them.

[Enya]

You're. That. You're still digitally begging on my computer.

[Kai]

Give me to me.

[Enya]

Okay. Can you actually send me the link? I wanna. I wanna know.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Is it something.

[Kai]

I know you've definitely seen it. Let me see if I. I have, like, a million listings saved on ebay, but I'm sure they've sold also the Victor wembanyama card. My PSA 10.

[Enya]

Hey,

[Kai]

it's worth. People are selling it for, like, $5,000 now after the game last night. Wait, how do you go to.

[Enya]

I'm about to flip that. The.

[Kai]

Like, what should I go on? Should I go on my basketball rant real quick?

[Enya]

Honestly, go for it, because I haven't heard you talk about basketball and long enough that I'm genuinely interested in.

[Kai]

Okay, so we know this about myself. I'm a Mavericks fan, but I fucking hate the Mavericks right now. So over the last three years, I've been transitioning to a Spurs fan. Me and Kai sat courtside for Victor Wembanyama's rookie year because he's just special and I needed to be there, and Kai made it happen because that's my fucking man. That's my truth. That's my sis. Like, that's everything. Kai did that for me, and I really appreciated, and it's still one of the most special experiences of my entire life. But the game yesterday was probably the greatest game of basketball I've ever Watched on my television screen.

[Enya]

Wow.

[Kai]

Victor Wembanyama is the truth. So just to like paint a picture, OKC is a superpower team. They're like one of the greatest teams ever assembled. I'd even argue like better than warriors during their dynasty with Kevin Durant. Like they're really special right now. And if they really played their cards right, they could win the next five championships. And then spurs are a young, budding, very athletic team with arguably in my opinion, the greatest player in the world. Victor Wembanyama. And they're playing in the Western Conference finals right now. So it's like this young, like borderline underdog team. The spurs versus okc. This like they're still very young, but they're studs. They've proved that they can win the champion they championship. They prove that they can do it. So basically the Western Conference finals right now.

[Enya]

Studs in.

[Kai]

Yeah. Wait, you did. Wait. That was sick. That was sick. I couldn't even like laugh because I was so impressed. Like I love that you said that. Like that was really smart. Like mine and Kai's is like gay shit. Yours was lesbian shit. I lit. That was fierce. But anyways, the Western Conference finals right now is basically the real finals. So whoever wins this playoff series basically wins the finals because like it's between the Cavaliers and the Knicks and when Benyama will curb stomp both of them. But I do have my worries about the Knicks because I think everyone is really sleeping on them. But they're playing some of the best basketball I've ever seen in a playoff series and it's really special. And whoever wins OKC or Spurs has to be very careful to not get comfortable because they're still a really fucking good team. And I think the Knicks are going to win this series. But. But we'll find out tonight if they win or not. OkC, Spurs. Really special game, Wim.

[Enya]

Oh my God. Should I bet on a game? I think. I think sports betting is legal in the uk.

[Kai]

Oh my God. Yes. Bet tonight or bet the next Spurs OKC game that the spurs are going to win. Take over on Wim Benyama. He's going to score more than 25.5 points. But what we just witnessed from womenyama was like a mentality we've never seen before. Like this. This dude wants to win so fucking bad. He wants to put the ball in the hoop so bad and he will not stop till he does it. This in like the heat of the moment. 30 seconds left. Down three. Pulled from 40ft. He's seven foot five. He should not be doing that. It was his first made three of the game. He is clutch unlike anything we've ever seen before. And he really is the go and they're riding that high into the next game and I don't know, I just think it was really special to witness. And all you that didn't watch. Haha, sorry I did. And I was like jumping on the couch with Mason and Josh. Like I was literally.

[Enya]

Oh, that's really sweet.

[Kai]

Me and Mason or me and Josh were like hooting and hollering and Mason was going for OKC because he likes Shay Gil just Alexander. We'll talk about that at another point. Which like, yes, he is really good. Double mvp. Da da da. He probably deserved it. But like don't do that to me. I was rooting for OKC last year but this year like they're too good. It's like not fun to root for girls Spurs. But yeah, that's my little basketball tangent. Watch the Spurs OKC matchup. It is the birth of a rivalry in the league. Chet Holmgren is getting absolutely curb stomped by Wembanyama and it's the first like time I've ever seen a one sided beef ever in life. Just not basketball where the guy who is objectively better is the one talking all the live. Like when Benyama is so funny. He went to China and hung out with monks and like he does not play about this basketball. He's really cool. Get into it y'.

[Drew]

All.

[Kai]

Get into it y'. All.

[Enya]

I'm gonna buy a fake one of those off TEMU and replace it.

[Kai]

I would be so sad.

[Enya]

Also, I'm still obsessed with Haley Williams album. That's the rest of my media.

[Kai]

The new one.

[Enya]

Yeah. Or the one from last year.

[Drew]

And then my media is this guy, Aaron Westbury. You watch him, right, Drew? Yeah, he's doing stand up.

[Kai]

He. Yeah.

[Drew]

It's so posting these videos that are really funny. Like he goes up and does stand up and one of them he just tells the same joke like over and over again for like 10 minutes.

[Kai]

It's like performance art, bro. In the right context, it's literally high art.

[Drew]

I haven't even watched this, but I know it's good. It just says not going up when it's my turn. I think his videos are really funny.

[Kai]

Even. Even just like beyond his standup which is really funny. His fucking videos of him being like, like getting off my seven hour shift and cr. And he's like sobbing because he just got off his like 8 hour shift or whatever. And he's sad because he wants to work. Like, all of his. All of his just, like videos on Instagram are hilarious.

[Enya]

Right, right, right, right.

[Kai]

My media, obviously, is Spurs. OKC matchup. Tune the fuck in or get lost. Cowboys and Angels. George Michael. All I need air and don't be afraid. Knowledge.

[Enya]

Oh, my God. Don't be afraid. It's crazy. Zoom is cutting it out. So you're kind of just like.

[Kai]

You. You like that song.

[Enya]

Tell me a break of the way you feel. Tell me Afraid.

[Kai]

You showed me that right.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Yeah, I. Mason posted it on Instagram a couple days ago and reignited my love for it.

[Enya]

Nice talking to you losers. Bye.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I do miss y'. All.

[Kai]

I miss you, Watanabe. Yeah, Come back to me.

[Enya]

Okay, well, I'm hunting the. The people who have hantavirus, because I want it.

[Kai]

You're hunting them?

[Enya]

Yeah, I'm hunting them right now.

[Kai]

Wait, what is it? There's, like, this genre of kink. Like, I mean, fetish. I don't even know if it's kink, but they, like, go after people with STDs, trying to get infected with them.

[Enya]

Oh, my God. You literally meet with hantavirus.

[Kai]

I actually need the text e in that because actually, let me not air his out. But there's something special that he's doing in New York that he needs that knowledge in the list.

[Enya]

Oh, thanks for listening.

[Kai]

Release the Epstein list, Period.

[Enya]

This is an I heart podcast.

[Kai]

Guaranteed human.