we are so crazy

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "We Are So Crazy" Episode Summary

Podcast Information:

• Title: Emergency Intercom
• Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
• Description: A comedy podcast where Enya and Drew tackle intense and sometimes chaotic topics with humor and candid conversations.
• Episode: We Are So Crazy
• Release Date: November 8, 2024

---

1. Episode Opening and Context ([05:15] - [06:00])

The episode kicks off after a series of advertisements, with Enya warmly welcoming listeners back to Emergency Intercom. She and Drew reflect on why they initially intended not to release this episode, revealing that recent events have deeply affected them both.

Notable Quote:

• Enya ([01:21]): "We weren't gonna post the episode we filmed this week because we filmed on Monday when we were still, like, a lot of you hopeful."

2. Emotional Turmoil and Current Events ([01:06] - [03:02])

Enya and Drew express their grief and frustration over recent societal events, emphasizing the impact on marginalized communities such as people of color, women, and the LGBTQIA+ community. They acknowledge the pervasive fear and heartbreak felt by many, reinforcing their commitment to using the podcast as a source of relief and laughter amidst chaos.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya ([02:30]): "It's super heartbreaking. It is devastating."
• Drew ([03:02]): "Oh, I can't. I can't believe it."

3. Coping Through Humor and Creating Safe Spaces ([03:02] - [04:43])

Despite the heavy emotions, Enya and Drew decide to inject humor into the episode to provide listeners with a momentary escape from their worries. They aim to create a "safe space" where audiences can laugh and dissociate from troubling thoughts.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew ([01:39]): "It has consumed my entire being for the last three days."
• Enya ([04:23]): "And just like, look out for each other. Be aware. And this too shall pass."

4. Personal Anecdotes and Social Awkwardness ([05:15] - [32:31])

The hosts share various personal stories that highlight their social anxieties and awkward interactions. Enya recounts an embarrassing incident at a spa where she encountered someone she knew, leading to uncomfortable moments. Drew shares his own experiences of feeling socially inept, including awkward conversations with Uber drivers and struggles with forming meaningful connections.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya ([22:37]): "I literally got an awful night. And I thought I was gonna die."
• Drew ([30:32]): "I'm so fucking stupid and awkward."

5. Mental Health Discussions and Panic ([32:31] - [44:05])

Enya and Drew delve into their mental health struggles, discussing symptoms of anxiety, panic attacks, and seasonal depression. Enya talks about her experiences with SSRIs and the pervasive fear of everyday occurrences, while Drew shares his constant worry about package deliveries and the impact of media consumption on his mental state.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya ([43:26]): "I think we are genuinely getting very close to spiritual psychosis."
• Drew ([38:25]): "I can't think straight when I'm not home and a package gets delivered."

6. Quirky Segments: Read Receipts and Texting Anxiety ([05:43] - [07:45])

Enya critiques the concept of read receipts on iPhones, labeling them as "psychological warfare." Both hosts express frustration over the pressure to respond to every message, highlighting their anxieties related to communication and social expectations.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya ([07:03]): "Read receipts are still the craziest thing iPhones ever did to us."
• Drew ([07:38]): "I don't give a fuck if babies are crossing the street. Hit them. Text me."

7. Pop Culture Commentary: Sports and The Masked Singer ([16:06] - [43:09])

The conversation shifts to lighter topics, including commentary on sports events and the reality TV show The Masked Singer. Enya and Drew humorously critique the show's concept and costumes while sharing their indifferent attitudes toward sports fandom.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya ([40:44]): "I still don't understand the point of that."
• Drew ([42:34]): "Unless I'm on there, that'd be kind of iconic if I was, like, a masked singer."

8. Curses of the Week Segment ([62:36] - [65:56])

Introducing a new segment, Enya presents "Enya's Curses of the Week," where she humorously curses individuals who exhibit rude behavior, particularly targeting those who mistreat customer service workers. The curses are over-the-top and comedic, reflecting the hosts' blend of humor and frustration.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya ([63:36]): "People who are rude to customer service workers... you will perish."
• Drew ([65:03]): "Don't take your girl to Sephora. For real."

9. Morbid Reflections and Final Thoughts ([45:30] - [57:08])

The hosts discuss mortality, funeral preferences, and morbid thoughts with their characteristic dark humor. They explore personal desires for how they wish to be remembered, debating the merits of different funeral arrangements and the societal implications of death rituals.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya ([56:57]): "I want a destination funeral that's covered by Vogue."
• Drew ([57:08]): "Why are you supposed to do that?"

10. Concluding Musings and Media Talk ([58:00] - [69:16])

In the closing segments, Enya and Drew reflect on subliminal messages in music, their favorite media content, and the influence of backwards songs. They also touch on their struggles with media consumption and its effects on their mental health, ending with a humorous take on their media preferences.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew ([60:03]): "When I heard those songs, I literally always was like, I'm putting the pieces together."
• Enya ([62:54]): "This is a really morbid episode."

---

Conclusion

In the "We Are So Crazy" episode of Emergency Intercom, Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips navigate a tumultuous landscape of personal anxieties, societal frustrations, and dark humor. They offer listeners an unfiltered glimpse into their struggles with mental health, social interactions, and the pressures of modern communication. Through candid conversations and comedic relief, Enya and Drew create a space for shared vulnerability and laughter, addressing serious topics with a unique blend of sincerity and wit.

Final Notable Quote:

• Enya ([66:57]): "The last thing I want to do."
• Drew ([67:16]): "I love sleeping with the heater. Well, I realized I can't think."

Transcript

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[Inya]

I've never felt like this before. It's like, you just get me. I feel like my true self with you. Does that sound crazy? And it doesn't hurt that you're gorgeous? Okay, that's it. I'm taking you home with me. I mean, you can't find shoes this good just anywhere. Find a shoe for every you from brands you love, like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas, and more at your DSW store or dsw dot com. Hey. Hi. Mom and dad here.

[Drew]

Right, Right, right.

[Inya]

We weren't gonna post the episode we filmed this week because we filmed on Monday when we were still, like, a lot of you hopeful. Very hopeful. I truly.

[Drew]

I truly thought. I. Yeah, with my heart and soul, I truly, truly believed.

[Inya]

But it is what it is. And I don't know, we weren't gonna post it because we really obviously don't want it to seem like we think this is something that's not a big deal because, like, a lot of you, we feel the heartbreak of what just happened, and it has consumed.

[Drew]

It has consumed my entire being for the last three days.

[Inya]

Yeah. And it's. It's really devastating. But we thought about it, and we decided this morning that the one thing we can do right now is hopefully make y' all laugh. Yeah, that's like.

[Drew]

Like a little. A little safe space and like, a little moment of levity just, like, where you can, like, dissociate and just, like, not think for a moment because. Yeah, because I know we've all been doing a lot of thinking and a.

[Inya]

Lot of doing and a lot of watching of things that are not making us feel any better. And I think there is a lot we would like to say, but what we will say for now, before you can just, like, release yourself from fear.

[Drew]

Is.

[Inya]

It's super heartbreaking. It is devastating. So many people are going to be affected by this and are actively affected by this, whether you are poc, a woman, a part of the lgbtqia, it is so hurtful to know that half the country feels the way they do. But the thing we are trying to lean the most on is the reflection that is so many people who believe in equal rights. Point blank period.

[Drew]

Oh, I can't. I can't believe it.

[Inya]

I cannot.

[Drew]

I cannot, I can't.

[Inya]

Okay, we're really trying to be positive. So we thought we would just kind of like let you guys have a space where you can remove yourself and just like, laugh at this episode again. Because we were going to refilm an episode, but we are so sad and upset and we don't want to because it's sad. And we thought, yeah, we're just going to be silent and, like, back away. And really, our dream was to disappear for the next four years, as I'm sure a lot of people's dreams are too.

[Drew]

But the reality is that's what they want.

[Inya]

That's what they want. That would be letting oppressors win. And to exist and live in the spaces we all live in is the important thing.

[Drew]

I think also we forget that we can quite literally be the most annoying people on earth if we wanted to. I'm not saying that's like, maybe the right move right now, but, like, if it gets there, like, we truly, like, I. I have no problem ruining lives. Like, I really. I have no problem.

[Inya]

Like, don't get me started because I've been sounding crazy.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like at like the most out of pocket crazy shit. But everything in Enya said and more. But I don't know, just hold out hope, like, stick to your communities. I think that's the most important thing.

[Inya]

And just like, look out for each other. Be aware. And this too shall pass. Really. Just trying to lean into the positive that. Yeah. Okay, guys, enjoy the episode.

[Drew]

Please enjoy the episode. Go brain dead for a moment.

[Inya]

Just let it. Let's act like it was last week, shall we? When there was hope. Joy. Oh, you're eating. You're gonna eat in my face.

[Drew]

I stay eating.

[Inya]

I hate the sound of eating. Hi, guys. Welcome back to Emergency Intercom. It's been so long. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Like, seriously, I have been crashing the out. Literally. D1 level crash outs me when I.

[Inya]

Send that text to your iPhone.

[Drew]

What text?

[Inya]

The crash text. We talked about this last episode. The episode. The text that makes your phone die.

[Drew]

Oh, my iPhone. Be like, D1 level crash out.

[Inya]

Why have you been crashing out? What's wrong?

[Drew]

I actually haven't been crashing it. I was lying. I was lying about it.

[Inya]

All the weird thing to lie about. I am going to start this episode off by saying, probably the most circa 2012 Twitter thought I've had in a while. But I just one night was really sitting with myself thinking about this. Red receipts are the craziest invention.

[Drew]

It's diabolical ever done.

[Inya]

Like, there is genuinely. There are no pros.

[Drew]

Like, it's negative.

[Inya]

It is like, net negative. It is just psychological warfare even. Because in my head, I was thinking, like, I was really going deep. I was thinking about this for like an hour the other night because also, Drew wasn't in town. And I have also decided that I cannot be left alone for more than 12 hours because.

[Drew]

Things happen.

[Inya]

Things happen. Audio messages are being sent because I need to speak it.

[Drew]

Like, it's really. It's not even like you're being trapped in your mind. You just need to hear your own voice.

[Inya]

Yeah, I just want to hear you talk. And I listen back to myself and I'm like, oh, God, I'm so.

[Drew]

I love listening back to a voice in my send. I literally.

[Inya]

Especially when you send a really funny.

[Drew]

One, you're like, wait, like, exactly. Or like, even, like a serious one. And sometimes I'm like, damn, I really do have that in me, don't I? Like, I really do have it in me.

[Inya]

But the good news is I wrote down what I was thinking, and I was going to post this on my story, but I was like, I'll save it for the podcast so you guys can hear it from me directly. Read. Receipts are still the craziest thing iPhones ever did to us. Like, what? I genuinely can't think of a single fudgeing benefit to that. It's literally just psychological warfare. Like, this feels like the Most Twitter circa 2012 comment to make, but it's not even funny or original. But I'm seriously just concerned as to why we made that a thing. There is no benefit. Like, I was. And I was trying to think, like, okay, maybe it's just. So if I'm like, oh, I'm. I'm five minutes away. I can see you read it, bitch. I still want you to say, okay.

[Drew]

I don't give a fuck if babies are crossing the street. Hit them. Text me.

[Inya]

Yeah, I want you to tell me that like, you saw my fucking text. I just don't understand.

[Drew]

Also, it ruined it for the people that leave people undelivered. Because now there's this whole idea that, like, oh, I got left undelivered. I got left undelivered. Yes, you did. I don't want to talk to you. And that's okay.

[Inya]

Also, why do I have to fucking respond to everything? Everything doesn't need a response. Also, if you were like one of my friends who has DMed me, you know more than anybody if you think I don't reply to text, bitch, a DM is not getting a reply like a dm. Also, I am crazy if anyone is my friend. I think I've even done it to y' all when I post a story that a lot of my friends reply. Y' all all are getting the same response.

[Drew]

I don't reply to stories, dude.

[Inya]

People respond to my stories because I'm just, like, so enchanting and, like, fun and witty.

[Drew]

Oh, I get that. And I carry all these guy hearts. Everything.

[Kai]

Every single story. I just.

[Drew]

Every girl story he sees, he likes.

[Inya]

Well, when I'm high, I start liking stories like they were sent for me. So I think I do that also. I just need to call out that. I was quoting Ms. Wait. Oh, my God. Hello? Hello? Hello. What the hell is her name? Well, her. Her username is White Male ego in a blunt. That's who I was saying where when I said, like, I carry all these House in the city. Am I silly or am I insane? I'm giving me sativa, Mary Jane. Sorry.

[Drew]

Well, I'm not joking. I was in Texas. Screen time was about. At 14 hours a day for two days. Like, I was. I was really in the thick of it. And, like, I think some of the best moments I've had with myself is when my screen time is the highest. Like, really truly, like, that's when I feel the most alive, is when I'm on the phone as much as I possibly can. Well, I was scrolling through the old TikTok, tick tock, top tip top. And I saw a video of a dog just chilling. Like, it was just chilling, like, minding its own fucking business. And this big ass, like, rottweiler scary motherfucking dog pulled up on this dog and went to, like, actually go kill this dog. And without a fucking second thought, this cat that was hanging out with the little dog jumped in and beat the fuck out of this bigger dog. Like, it was. It was literally like, it didn't even have to think, think about it. And I'm not kidding, I sat there and was, like, genuinely inspired by that video. And I was like, oh, my God, like, be more like the cat. Like, I was literally like, like, I need to actually, like, get into a situation with Enya so I can, like, take up for her. Like, that was literally my.

[Inya]

The last time you did that, you Literally, like, an awful night. And you thought you were gonna die. Oh, like, at the smoke shop, Drew and called, and Drew stood up for me. And then he spent the next, like, literal eight hours in a psych.

[Drew]

I thought he was gonna kill me. I literally thought I was gonna be kill my death flash before my eyes. Also, I don't think we talk about how someone literally broke into our house. I mean, we do talk about it enough, but someone broke into our house and chased me. Chased me through my own fucking home.

[Inya]

Like, also, every time we say that to people, they are literally. Their faces are like, they can't.

[Drew]

And you're still there. And you're still there.

[Inya]

Yeah, we still are. Because we're showing them.

[Drew]

We don't talk about it enough.

[Inya]

We don't talk anymore.

[Drew]

How do I search so much shit up? Listen. Like, listen to my searches. Literally, the last I was looking for the search that I found. The cat video. Pop the balloon for gays Lavender marriages. Damn, I forgot Twilight Imperium Adam SM6 band. Balding. Marsha P. Johnson. I'm forming my own cloud. Baphomet hand symbols. Baphomet not okay. Sophie, vacuum by Arca Niacinamide supplement.

[Inya]

I'm on TikTok. You're looking this up.

[Drew]

Yeah, this is like. And then I looked up Vlada, the Slavic doll. Cause she tore that Runway. Her coke walk was incredible.

[Inya]

Wait, which is that the girl who was, like, really, really tiny?

[Drew]

She was like, the Slavic doll. Like, she wore that one blue dress with the frills up here and had the bouncy, angelic hair.

[Inya]

It's weirdly, you know a lot more about model culture than I do. Like, I don know models.

[Drew]

I just think the girls are so hot. Like, that's really what it is.

[Inya]

Oh, I forget.

[Drew]

Yeah. The girls are so bad, bro.

[Inya]

That's why you're. That's why you want to start watching Project Runway.

[Drew]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kai]

In the living room, dude. Well, I feel like they're really hot, but they wear too much makeup. Right.

[Drew]

Honestly, I'm with Kai on that. Girl should. Girls should wear less makeup because, like, it. None of us. No, none of us guys like makeup, period. Like, none of us like it.

[Inya]

I've never really understood that. Like, I've genuinely.

[Drew]

Like, there's that, like, whole.

[Inya]

On a core level, I've just never understood the beef with makeup. Like, it really just feels like something to talk about.

[Drew]

It's just. It feels like, right, right.

[Inya]

Conversation. Like, right. I also hate when my girlfriend wears lipstick. Right, right.

[Drew]

Well, it stains My penis.

[Kai]

Nice, nice, nice.

[Drew]

What's the. What is it? Me, Borat. What is his saying? My wife.

[Kai]

My wife.

[Drew]

My wife, dude.

[Inya]

I love when you're trying to remember something and you say all the things that are chiming in your brain to remember it. Like, what's the Borat thing? The. The. My wife, dude.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, I'm so smoked. But I don't think we really focused enough on my searches. This is just today, by the way. Baphomet.

[Inya]

What the is baphomet?

[Drew]

As above, so below.

[Inya]

What is it?

[Drew]

Universal symbol for balance, but it's been taken by the Illuminati.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew]

Like, people are like, what is it?

[Kai]

What does it mean? What's the meaning, though, of as above, so below?

[Drew]

God, I don't know. I just heard it today on Tik Tok.

[Kai]

Oh, okay.

[Drew]

I mean, I think it's, like, demonic, like, heaven or, like, earth and hell, like, balancing like that, but I truly don't know. But I was just looking at Baphomet because I just want to know the hand symbols so I can throw them up, and people think, like, oh, my God, is Drew a part of the Illuminati?

[Kai]

All I know is this ysl. Oh, that's. That was cool for me.

[Drew]

That's my slow.

[Kai]

That was cool for me to see.

[Inya]

Y' all are making me feel crazy. Like something is, like, really something scary is happening. Post Halloween, like, the day after Halloween, everything shifted. And from that day to now, I have genuinely felt like I was living in the twilight. I think I slipped between a craft in.

[Drew]

You literally came into my room after sitting in her car for an hour, like, crying, and just, like, writhed around on my floor, wrapping herself up in my crumb blanket. So, you know it's bad when she's all up in my crumbs from my, like, food from the last month. Because, like, something she. And it wasn't even, like, a sadness or an anger or, like, an emotion at all. It was like nothing.

[Inya]

There was nothing behind feeling nothing.

[Kai]

Wait, what week of your SSRI are you on?

[Inya]

I just upped it.

[Kai]

Oh, really?

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Was it week four?

[Inya]

Right. I've been on it for, like, two months.

[Drew]

Almost like, oh, there's other factors at play.

[Inya]

Yeah, there are other factors, but we.

[Drew]

Don'T get into it. Demonic Halloween, basically.

[Inya]

I think I just think I'm going to die, and that's okay. Also, I've been so fucking cold. I genuinely don't know how I'm going to survive the winter. I think I'm Going to die. This is the craziest thing about to do. But I literally need to show the layers I'm wearing right now to, like, attempt cold. This is crazy. Like, me and dressing. But this feels really inappropriate because right.

[Kai]

There, I'm not looking.

[Drew]

Take that shit off.

[Kai]

Oh, that's fucking sick.

[Drew]

Do you have any other layers on? Should we see those? She shed another layer randomly. I don't know.

[Inya]

I have a big diaper on.

[Drew]

Yeah. And he's been wearing. This fudgeing vibe is crazy.

[Inya]

This is genuinely how I feel, though.

[Drew]

Oh, wow.

[Inya]

But, yeah, I don't know if I'm going to make it, guys, so.

[Drew]

You know, it's been so cold in our goddamn house. It's been brutal. The winter is going to be awful here. And I don't remember it being this cold last year. Honestly, I don't. But I also, I say I never.

[Inya]

Remember it being cold.

[Drew]

Yeah. And. But I did run the heater all day, every day last year. The second the temperatures dip below 7 or 60. Wait, what? It did below 70. What is that? Dibelo dip. Oh, a Frank Ocean song.

[Inya]

What? Dibelo.

[Drew]

No dip below 70 because I'm biking.

[Inya]

Oh, I don't remember. I don't remember. Also, I decided I really still don't like sports because it is still so fud up. The Dodgers just won. Yes. Go L. A. That's awesome. And I really have no part in any of it. Like, I have no sportsmanship for any team on the planet. But I will never get over how fucking sad it is to say, see the people losing? Like, there is something so sad. Like, it should be illegal to record the losing team. Like, seriously, they just lost. Like, now you're gonna put a camera in their face and there's always a compilation of the team.

[Kai]

Like, the vest is when it's like the confetti that's colored. Like, the other team, they're just, like.

[Inya]

Walking through and it's like, you.

[Drew]

They're just, be better, be better, do better, try harder. Like, I don't give a. Also, the Yankees. Sorry. But I also do agree, like, in the. The super bowl, that was the saddest I have ever seen.

[Inya]

It's just always so sad because, like.

[Drew]

That was America's team this year. Like, that. Like, the team that lost.

[Inya]

I'm not lying. If you put a gun in my face right now and you said, what teams played the super bowl, just kill me. I, like, I don't think of it.

[Kai]

Like, I literally don't remember. I didn't Even know the World Series was happening. I just heard fireworks the night that it ended.

[Inya]

I know Dodgers and Yankees. I can't think of a single. The Dolphins. I know the Dolphins didn't play, but I'm just trying to think of, like, names.

[Drew]

I'm going to show you.

[Inya]

I almost had bands and.

[Drew]

Yeah. I'm going to show you NFL logos, and then you have to tell me what the team name is. Okay.

[Inya]

Should I pull my pants back up?

[Drew]

No. It's kind of a fucking vibe. Like, keep them down The.

[Inya]

Oh, Green Bay Packers. But that's. It says packers, and I know that because Harry Styles, I think, really liked the Green Bay Packers. I'm not even kidding. Or it's like, I know it's the San Francisco 49ers. I know those are two teams, and I know the San Francisco 49ers because.

[Drew]

That'S who played in the Super Bowl.

[Inya]

Is that. Is that the Rams? I'm, like, low key. Cheating. Texas.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's Texas. The Houston Texans.

[Inya]

That's what they're called. Just the Texans. Why are the rest of them. That's Rams, right?

[Drew]

Yeah. Okay. No. You know, a little bit. I just told you who played.

[Inya]

Wait, who played a girl?

[Drew]

49Ers.

[Inya]

The Beatles. I don't know. What is that? Like, the Bid. The Bearded Eagles? The Eagles.

[Drew]

The Baltimore Ravens.

[Inya]

Her Hawks.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

Oh, Burr.

[Drew]

Or not Hawks. The Falcons. Oh. But, like, period. Okay. If you don't get this one, this is the last one. I'll be genuinely upset.

[Inya]

Dallas Cowboys.

[Drew]

Okay. Because I know that cheerleader. I was gonna say no.

[Inya]

You know, thing or two.

[Drew]

No. And now you should show me fashion designers that everybody should know, and then I can guess.

[Inya]

I feel like you would know that.

[Drew]

No, I know too much.

[Inya]

Yeah. You know way too much.

[Drew]

I genuinely. I'm not kidding. And this is not an ego thing at all. I literally know too much. Like, it's. It's to a point where, like, genuinely, like. Like, it freaks me out. No.

[Inya]

Last night on the couch, it was literally cracking me up. Like, I don't even remember our conversation, but we started just, like, talking about humans and evolution, and Drew was literally freaking me out because also, I want to make something very clear, because there's this idea called myself dumb. Like, I downplay it. I call myself dumb because I have from a very young age, I keep standards very low, and I like to call myself dumb so that I surprise people. I. When they find out I'm not actually dumb, because I'm not fudgeing dumb. But I Genuinely think I block certain information from my brain for my own sanity because there are just certain things I shouldn't fucking know. I genuinely, like, I shouldn't know. The World is Strange Magic by ELO starts.

[Drew]

I love that the world is magical. Like, it really, truly is. Like, it is. It is pure magic. Once you go deep enough into, like, I don't know. Once you go deep enough and you start, like, really, like, connecting dots, you're like, oh, like, actually, truly, this is magical also. You know what I found out recently is that, like, quantum experiment, where it's like. Oh, like the. The. I think it's called, like, the slit experiment, but I'm gonna. I'm gonna, like, put my penis inside of the quantum slit experiment. Slit.

[Kai]

If you put your penis into the slit and no one sees it, did it go into the slit?

[Drew]

It's like Schrodinger's penis.

[Kai]

Schrodinger's body count.

[Drew]

Yeah, five below.

[Inya]

This feels like the straightest episode we've ever had.

[Drew]

No, I'm just talking about the quantum split.

[Inya]

I don't know what that is.

[Drew]

It's, like, basically, like, the people that do know it is. We've been, like, fooled and lied to. It's not as crazy as it sounds. Like people really, the idea was, like, that everything everyone has in their head is that, like, these, like, quantum particles, when they're being observed, they, like, know they're being observed. But I. I can't remember what the real thing is, but I saw Mike. Not Mike Tyson. What's the other, like, the other dude with the last name Tyson.

[Kai]

Neil DeGrasse?

[Drew]

Yeah, Neil DeGrasse. Tyson. He was like, no. We've, like, been taught wrong our whole life.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew]

Yeah, but it's. It's not as crazy as it sounds.

[Inya]

Well, whatever that is, I think it happened to me after Halloween.

[Drew]

Like, I genuinely think that quantum immortality, that shit freaks me the fuck out.

[Inya]

Oh, my God. Wait, should I talk about on Halloween how I fucking fell? Like, I literally busted my ass. I was at a party, and I wasn't drunk, and I didn't get high because I was like, I don't know how many people at this party. I'm gonna know. I was already feeling really anxious, and, like, I didn't really want to go out, so I was like, it. I'm just, like, not gonna smoke because earlier in the night, I had smoked, and we went to a party with friends who I knew, and. And even that was, like, overwhelming. So then, like, two hours later, when we ended up at this Other party, I was sober and I was like, I am not doing that, bitch. How the fuck did I still fall? Like, I fucking fell. And it's so embarrassing because I got stays falling. I. One thing about me is I will be falling at the party. Like, I.

[Drew]

It's not even like you're drunk to the point where you're like, falling over. You just, like, slip and fall.

[Inya]

I just.

[Drew]

It's a curve.

[Inya]

So easily. Like your bloodline is, what about me is like. I. One thing about me is I'm going to fall. I'm going to bump into something. I'm going to wake up with a bruise. Like, I'm just like, I'm a clumsy kind of girl. And I was going downstairs behind rain, and she told me all she heard behind her was like. Like, me falling, and I was loud as fucking. Also, my vocal cords were just prepped to scream like that because the second I got into this party, my puff bar died. So like, imagine me an hour without nicotine, no substances in my body, only fudgeing water. And I fell in front of everybody, and it was so humiliating, and it made me laugh really hard. I've just had very embarrassing moments this past weekend because also, I went to a spa, and I won't say who I ran into. I went to a spa alone because I was just. Drew wasn't around. No one was around. I was like, I'm just. I'm on a new mission to, like, find a spa I like. So I went to this spa and I was like, this is awesome. I'm never gonna see anybody. I know.

[Drew]

It's really horrible.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew]

I mean, it's not horrible, but it's just so funny.

[Inya]

Of course this would happen to me. We have to, like, bleep and, like, blur who I saw. But I had just gotten the worst massage in my life first. Let's start there. I got a massage and the woman hated me. Like, something about her. She wanted to beat me up. And honestly, God bless. But she was going so fucking hard on my tendons, on my back, like, left shoulder blade. At one point I was like, can you go a little softer? And she genuinely said, no. She, you're tense. You need this. And kept beating me up the whole time. So I got out of that, and I already felt fudgeing weird because I was like, okay, that was like the worst massage in my life. Also, actually, it was a hot stone massage and she gave me third degree fucking burns on my back. Like, I genuinely, like, it was so hot that at one point Like, I like, not kidding, not trying to be funny. Like, any time I would find comfort and finally fall asleep and got used to the pain she was inflicting on me, she would bring out a new weapon. And her weapon was the fudgeing stones. And you're being stone so fucking hot. Like, they were the hottest thing that's ever touched my skin. And there was oil on my back. It genuinely felt like it was sizzling on my back and it hurt so bad. And then I get out of there and I was like, whatever. I'm going to go do like the sauna cold plunge and then fucking leave. When I walk out, I am like, near the entrance and I look to the left because I heard a familiar voice and I was like, oh, what? And then I turn, I see, like, someone, and I'm like. And it's fucking. But I, like, saw them and I'm talking to them and I'm being really awkward because all I can think immediately is I'm like, oh, my God, we're going to see each other naked. We're going to see each other naked. And I don't care. Like, I'm not somebody who cares about being butt naked. Nasty around people. But I just like to go into it knowing that and going into something. Like, I did it prep. Like, I was going to a One Direction concert. We'll just say that I was very much like, who's gonna see me, bro? Like, there was no sounds in the house. That was like. Like, before I left, not a single reason.

[Drew]

I was like.

[Inya]

All I could think is I was like, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, I'm gonna have to see this person naked. Like, they're gonna see me naked. This is so humiliating. I'm gonna freak out. But then she was like, oh, I'm going to get a massage. So I was like, oh, okay, thank God. Like, I'm not gonna see them naked. Why the were our lockers right next to each other and my fucking freak ass had my vape in the pocket of my robe and I was like, I need to go put this vape down because, like, I'm gonna jump in the water with it. Or like, it's just. It's inappropriate for me to be walking around the spa with my vape. So I was like, I'm gonna go put it in the locker. And when I was turning the corner, I like, turned and I saw both of them naked. And I like, went to go away fast, but had turned and looked at me. And I literally, oh, my God, my pants sounded so awkward. But I literally was like, I walked. I went, oh. And like, walked in covering my eyes. I walked in covering my eyes and then she made fun of me and she was like, oh, my God, like, it's not that big of a deal. And I was like, yeah. And then somebody else was in front of my locker, so I just had to stand. But I didn't tell you this. I just had to stand between them while they were naked and I was in a robe and just looking away from them because I was like. And they were talking to me, but I just couldn't.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Inya]

I couldn't face them because I was like. I. Like, also I think the other thing is it just felt inappropriate because I wasn't naked. So it felt like I was being pervy. Because also, like, they're both very gorgeous. I find them attractive, like, as people and I'm not close enough to them. So it was just like this really weird interaction. I think I was over reading it.

[Drew]

Yeah, they definitely talk mad about you after. They were like, Inya was being so.

[Inya]

That's all I could think is I was like, I'm being so creepy. I'm like, literally being creepy right now.

[Drew]

Yeah, I love the word.

[Inya]

Also, you know what? It is too. As I was thinking about it, I was like. I think I was over analyzing it too, because, like, this is somebody who, like, both of them are like, so attractive. Like, I've like, told friends that I, like, think like, is Q. And like, I was like, fuck. I feel like that's gotten back to her. So I'm like, really actively trying not to be a fudgeing creep right now. Like, I'm trying. I'm trying so hard not to be a creep that I'm coming off. Really?

[Drew]

Yeah, really. You putting your hands up is like the funniest visual ever because that is so not you. Like, you were so shocked and stunned that you put your hand in front of your face. Like, I don't know that. That that visual is like, so.

[Inya]

And it makes no sense because I'm straight. So I don't know why I was.

[Drew]

Acting exactly because ew.

[Inya]

But yeah, I was trying really hard not to be creepy. And I think I just made don't.

[Drew]

Say it about girls.

[Inya]

And then I also, on top of everything, I ended up running into them one more time at the bathroom before they went to the massage. And I was talking to them and like, one of them was like, oh, your headphones are like, so interesting because I had the little like, beats headphones that go in your ear. And I pulled it out, and I was like, oh, yeah. Like, I love these headphones. Blah, blah. And we, like, talked about them for a second, and then I was like, all right, I'm gonna go. Like, enjoy your massage. We split off into separate ways. I go in the sauna, and I sit in there for, like, 15 minutes, and all I could think about is, like, what is wrong with me? Like, I felt like, the way you felt when you interacted with that Uber.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. We never talked about that. Oh, my God. Dude, I was in this Uber, and we were on the way home from the Conan concert, and, like, Josiah was, like, playing, like, awesome good music. Like, it was. It was a great playlist. And I could tell, like, the Uber driver was, like, vibing with it, too. And, like, he turned it up. Yeah. Yeah, he would turn them up really loud without us asking. And it was just like, a little party in our Uber. And then, like, when we were getting out, he was like. He was like, that was, like, a really nice, like, vibe you curated. Like, those were, like. That was a good playlist. And I was like, you like that? As I was getting out of the Uber, I just like that. I was like, you like that? And I got out of the car immediately and was like, oh, my fucking God, I hate myself. I'm so fucking stupid and awkward and, like, why can't I talk to people? And I was, like, having a fudgeing meltdown for, like, 20 minutes after because.

[Inya]

Like, oh, my God, you like that?

[Drew]

You like that? Like, and it wasn't even. Like, it wasn't even supposed to be funny. I was just, like, genuinely, like, having a conversation with him. It felt dead silent. Like, it was like I jumped out.

[Inya]

Of the car and, like, ran into the.

[Drew]

It was so awkward, y' all. And, like, I have so many moments like that where, like, I am just so bad at talking to people. Like, even people that I, like, have known for years and years and years. Like, I still am, like, intimidated by their presence for some reason. And I don't know if it's because, like, when I was meeting them, I. I all had them on, like, a pedestal, and, like. And, like, now I see them as my friends, and I. I don't know if there's this, like, weird cycle.

[Inya]

It, like, breaks through every now and then.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

Oh, my God. Like, look at who I'm talking.

[Drew]

Yeah. I don't know. It's. It's such a bizarre thing. But then, like, it takes me, like, Maybe three minutes to, like, get into it. And then once I'm in it, like, I'm a hoot and holler.

[Inya]

I was not. I was quite literally anything but a hoot.

[Drew]

You were a creep and a purr.

[Inya]

I was being freaky as. And then I finally, like, remove myself from the situation. I'm in the sauna and I'm removing.

[Drew]

Yourself from the situation.

[Inya]

I finally have, like, de. Escalated and, like, walked myself off a cliff. And I was like, it's okay. Like, you're overthinking it. Because my immediate thought was, like, to text them and be like, I am so sorry if I was awkward, but I'm. I've been trying not to do that because, like, it just makes things awk and it's all in my head and I'm faking it and, like, what is. I make.

[Drew]

And if it is awkward, you don't need.

[Inya]

It doesn't matter because, like, they, like, I will never know if they, like, see me like that. Like, it doesn't matter. Like, And I. I finally just, like, I had removed myself from that. And then I'm sitting in the song, like, damn, I'm about to knock out. I need to go get in the cold plunge. And mind you, my headphones that I just.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, I fell asleep in the sauna, by the way.

[Inya]

Really?

[Drew]

Like, I fully, fully fell asleep. And then I, like, woke up and was like. Because, like, I was so hot and overheating. I was like, oh, my God. I, like, almost just died. Like, my body woke me up at the perfect time before death, but sorry.

[Inya]

And then I'm, like, listening to my music and I'm getting into it because I'm listening to, like, my new playlist and I'm like, damn, these songs are so good. Like, I feel good. And I'm, like, smiling to myself because I'm in such a good mood because I love cold plunges so much. I'm like, oh, my God, like, it's so awesome. I, like, put my foot in a little bit and I was so overheated that I didn't even feel cold. And I was like, this is amazing. And I just jump in and I'm, like, in there for, like, three minutes, just kind of like dunking my head in and like, damn, my music stopped. Like, why did my music stop? That was such a vibe. I got in the cold plunge with my headphones and then I proceeded to look embarrassing as fuck because I got out and I tried to act casual, but I was freaking out and I was Taking them out and like drawing them. And also the like soft parts of the earbuds fell into like the big used towel thing. So then I looked like more like a pervert. You were smelling people in the sauna, like, digging through this towel.

[Drew]

Soiled towel.

[Inya]

And then I just had to give up because there was like a few girls behind me. I was like. Like, I have the kind of ass where you just see butthole and you don't see cheeks. And I was like, I need to stop, like bending over in front of them.

[Drew]

I hate bending over. And this when I like, am in the locker room, butt, ass naked. This is how I bend over. Like, if I drop something, I like, crouch down because I. No one is allowed to see my butthole.

[Inya]

Oh, man. Yeah, that was my.

[Drew]

This is the video that inspired been at mentally. This is the video that inspired me, by the way, like, look.

[Inya]

Damn. It's actually impressive.

[Drew]

Like, he's taking on four big ass dogs. And then the other cat was saved. There was another one that I saw that was even like, more.

[Inya]

Oh, also in terms of like, read receipts being psychological warfare. So is the citizen app because my phone somehow sensed I was home alone for the first time in like over a year. I haven't spent time alone fully to myself in so long. And I was on such a good vibe. I was like, not fearful of my life. I didn't think I was going to be murdered, which is genuinely like, so such a relief. And then it is like 11 something and I get a random notification that I can't see because, like, show. Because it has an address in just said like 0.3 miles away. A new sexual offender just moved onto your street. Okay, first of all, it's midnight. I know he didn't like, register. Like, he didn't get the application for that home right now. Also, why would you send that to me as a notification? Like, that's not something I want to just randomly be reminded. And then I sat and I looked through how many fuck I've done that before live near me. And I genuinely was terrifying in fear. And I was convinced I was going to be killed. And then I watched a murder documentary.

[Drew]

I was going to say, y' all, you know, like, we're like going through it down bad tremendously because, like, we're watching murder shows again. And that's how I gauge my mental health. Now I can't like, have an internal dialogue with myself anymore because, like, I'm so deranged and I don't want to think thoughts is I Look at, like, physical things that I'm, like, consuming or doing. And I am watching people murder their friends and family or people's friends and family getting murdered by a random fucking person. And, oh, my God, it is so, like, I hate that. I love it. I hate that I love it because it's so fascinating to me to see, like. Like, how these people get caught and whatever.

[Inya]

It's really just like, oh, I feel like I'm solving the mystery with you.

[Drew]

I cannot believe that I literally only got two weeks of not being seasonally depressed. Like, I feel like two weeks ago was, like, the first day that the veil lifted and I was like, oh, my God. Like, I actually feel good. Like, I feel, like, lighter. Like, oh, my God, seasonal depression is over. Like, it only lasted nine months. It only lasted nine months. I'm back in it. Like, I'm immediately back in it.

[Inya]

Like, I know, bro. I literally had dinner yesterday at 5:30pm and I. I think that's also what set me off, is I had dinner way too early, and then I looked at the time and it was 7pm.

[Drew]

That'S how I feel every night. I'm like, can I just. Like, can it be midnight so I can go to bed? Like, I don't want to be awake.

[Inya]

And it's so cold in the house that I literally also, like, blah, blah, blah, complain, complain, complain. But this is just really where I'm at. I wanted a heated blanket so bad because I've been dying in the. And I went to Target and a cvs and they didn't have it. And I sat in the car for hours. Like, the whole time I was gone. Yesterday, I was just in my car. Like, I wasn't in any. I was in both of those shops for a maximum of five minute each. And then I. They didn't have it. And then I tried to instacart it from, like, a Kohl's that's, like, five miles away, and they didn't have it either. So I just froze over in bed last night. And that's my story. And I ordered a heated blanket. But I'm also scared. Like, I feel like I'm the kind of person who will die from a heated blanket, because every night before I go to bed, I look at my heater, and I'm genuinely convinced it's gonna set on fire and kill me. Like, I know heaters don't just explode, but I. I genuinely feel like mine is destined to explode.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

And yours is, like, kill me.

[Drew]

Yeah, I think yours is gonna explode. And kill you.

[Inya]

And I can't sleep with it on because I'm convinced it's gonna kill me. And then I turn it off, and I have to wake up in the middle of the night and turn it back on, because in my sleepy haze, I'm like, whatever. If this explodes, I don't give a fuck. But before I go to bed, I'm.

[Drew]

Like.

[Inya]

The killer is here.

[Drew]

I love sleeping with the heater. Well, I realized I can't think.

[Inya]

You can't think?

[Drew]

I can't think straight when I'm not home and a package gets delivered. Like, there's something, like, in my brain that, like, it's. That's the only thing I'm fixated on. And I'm like. It's not even. Like, I'm worried about it getting stolen. There is an element of that in there, but it's literally like. Like, it's. It's all I can think about. And it could be, like, the most minuscule, like, meaningless, like, parcel ever. But if I know that it's sitting on my front porch and, like, I.

[Inya]

Just want to open that, I want.

[Drew]

To open it like, I want it right now. Like.

[Inya]

Like I could have an empty box. Or, like, if I could have a box delivered to my door every morning, even just with my morning coffee in there, I would be so happy even just to rip it open. Like, even if there was just a letter in there with, like, a receipt and nothing else in there. Just the joy of opening a box.

[Drew]

Something that was sitting on your front porch.

[Inya]

Yeah, it was, like, made for me. Like, that was for me. This was handcrafted with the expectation that Anya Humanzer would open it. But then also, once I bring that box inside, it actually makes me want to blow the house up, because I can't stand a box.

[Drew]

I hate boxes, y' all. They just sit like. We know.

[Kai]

We know.

[Inya]

What are you trying to say? You know, that sounded crazy. Oh, that sounded crazy. My God.

[Drew]

I really. I really love a vagina, but I hate a box.

[Inya]

No, I can't stand. I can't stand when there's a box in the house. Like, I will genuinely go out and do. Like, if I need to run an errand and grab something, say, I, like, ran out of foundation. I will go to the store, buy the foundation, and whatever other piece of useless I somehow got while I was out.

[Drew]

Don't take any of her, bro.

[Inya]

I will unbox everything before I get into the house, because the last.

[Drew]

Don't take your girl to Sephora. For real. Don't take your girl to Sephora. No. Oh.

[Inya]

The last thing I want to do.

[Drew]

Don't hit me.

[Inya]

Also, the masked singer genuinely needs to. To stop.

[Drew]

Like, it's the creepiest show ever.

[Inya]

It is the weirdest thing. Like, I remember you talking about that one. Whatever. It's funny. What the is the point of that? Like, I. I still don't understand the point of the show. Like, are the. Are the judges supposed to guess who's behind the mask? Because also, I feel like I could hear anyone singing, and if I didn't see their face or it wasn't an artist I listened to all the time. How the am I supposed to know who you are?

[Drew]

Wasn't Jojo Siwa like, a masked singer?

[Inya]

Stop.

[Drew]

I think she was, yeah. And is it, like, a new person every episode, or is it, like, a group of masked singers that, like, get voted off because they're not as good as the other ones? And at the very end, they do, like, a big reveal, and it's like, I don't know how it works. Or is it.

[Inya]

Okay, the point of a masked singer is to keep the identities of the celebrity contestants a secret while they compete in a singing competition. So it is a competition. The goal is for the contestants to give up. As the judges and audience vote for their favorite singer, the mass celebs with the least number of votes must unveil their true selves. Oh, so a humiliation ritual.

[Drew]

Yeah. At the end of the day.

[Inya]

At the end of the day. That's all it is at the end. But, like, the costumes is literally. I can't believe we made fun of furries for so long. And then the mask singer happened. Like, are you dead fucking serious? Also, some of these, like, costumes suck dick and creepy. They are the weirdest thing ever. Like, what do you mean? That's a Victorian cheetah.

[Drew]

Like, literally, that one reminds me of, like, Hunter X Hunter. I kind of like the panda. What the is this? Is that a fly? Is that a sexy fly?

[Inya]

Yeah, I think it's a sexy spider. I don't know.

[Drew]

It's got wings, though. But the panda is kind of cute. Ew, these are creepy, bro. The BD eyes, I don't know how to get back to those, because we should send those. Yeah, the masked singer, period. Like, unless I'm on there, that'd be kind of iconic if I was, like, a masked singer.

[Inya]

You, like, can't sing to save your life.

[Drew]

I know, but it would be, like, a funny moment. It would be like the, like, the joke character. They Always bring on to, like, America's Got Talent, where it's, like, so very obvious.

[Inya]

What would your animal be? You're gonna say some weird, like, a bug.

[Drew]

Probably a dog, because I got that dog in me.

[Inya]

Oh, the puppy. You could be the dog.

[Drew]

Yeah, the dog that votes.

[Inya]

Fuck. Fuck, fuck. I was going to say something I forgot. Someone help.

[Drew]

I sit in bed with the anxiety of. I need to stop just, like, trying to read my notes verbatim because it never, ever works out for me.

[Inya]

I know when I read them verbatim, I have to add a bunch of words because I also do voice to text a lot of times, and I don't know what about my voice. Siri does not know what the fuck I'm saying half the time.

[Drew]

But I was trying to say I sit in bed with the same anxiety level of a human that was being hunted for sport. And it's literally just me actually just scrolling on my phone, and I feel like I'm literally going to die at some points. Like, I'm literally laying there, and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I am so close to death.

[Inya]

We have just strayed so far from.

[Drew]

Our purpose, the plot so far lost. Like, we need to, like, go back to the forest or something. Like, really bad.

[Inya]

Like, I think me and Drew are genuinely getting very close to spiritual psychosis. Like, we always joke about it, but I'm, like, it gets to a point, like, recently, I've just felt out of breath. Like, just from existing. Like, I have to keep catching my breath, and it feels like every waking moment, I am on the verge of a panic attack. All that has to be said to me is one, like, sentence, and it will send me there. Drew almost sent me there yesterday when you were talking about, like, Evelyn.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

Like, I literally. I had to stop. I had to stop the conversation because I was like, dude, like, this is too much, because also, mind you, like, 20 minutes later, I downloaded a game on my PS5 called Squirrel with a Gun.

[Drew]

And it was the greatest thing that's ever happened to India. For, like, five minutes. She was like, drew, come look at this. Drew, no, seriously, come look at this game I'm playing. And I was like, how much is it? And she was like, oh, it was 20 bucks. And I, like, almost fell to the floor. I was like, I could not believe that you spent 20 bucks on that shitty fucking game.

[Inya]

And I'm gonna play the out of it. Like, I think I'm gonna stream it without saying anything. Like, I'm not gonna have, like, voice Chat on or anything. I just want to stream it because like, dude, that was like the most at ease. My brain has felt like to just be a squirrel also. Then I got really sad yesterday because I was like, fuck. I like would have. Oh, that's what was freaking me out is I feel like I'd have such a good life as a monkey. Like, oh, I'd be so happy. And I wish I was Michael Jackson's monkey. Like I wish I was Bubbles because, you know, Bubbles was living it up.

[Drew]

Yeah, Bubbles. Bubbles had a good life. Well, when I don't text someone back, it's because I saw the text and I was scrolling on TikTok and I didn't want to respond and that's truly okay and acceptable. But when someone doesn't text me back, it's because they want me to die and they fudgeing hate my guts. And I truly, I truly believe that. Like, okay, what if I do talk.

[Inya]

About people not texting you back is great.

[Drew]

Like, what did I do? Like actually like what did I do for you to treat me this way?

[Inya]

I just like, I can't remember the last time I didn't get a text back and it like killed me. There is like one scenario, but that was kind of work involved. So I think that's why it bothered me so much. But I don't know if I'm somebody. Like when someone doesn't text me back, I kind of get like this overwhelming feeling of relief. Like I've been freed. Like you freed the genie. Like I literally, like, I feel like the genie.

[Drew]

Yeah. Because when you do text someone back, it's like opening Pandora's box in a way. And it's like a whole conversation going.

[Inya]

I have to keep, keep saying things and I have to keep thinking of new things to say. Like I don't want to think of anything else to say unless I just. I'm like, I don't have a burning desire to speak anymore. I think I need to. I think I need to get hit in the head.

[Drew]

I was gonna say I need a 72 hour psychiatric hold. I truly, I think that I'm not joking. I think that would save everything for me. But I don't know if I would make it out. I think I might, I think I might get trapped in the system because I'm so crazy. They'd be like, how are you feeling? And I would be like, oh yeah, the like Illuminati is like recruiting me right now because I genuinely believe they are guy because I have something to show you after this that I'm not going to fucking mention on this goddamn podcast because the killer. It's genuinely fucking creepy. It scared the shit out of me. And I had just gotten back home after a long travel day. I didn't sleep a fucking wink on my goddamn flight home, because I don't. I literally don't know why. And I watched Disturbia, which freaked me the fuck out, because I was like, cool. The killer lives next door to me. Also, Shia LaBeouf is, like, a decent. Yeah. And it was just like, really?

[Kai]

Just like, wait, did you guys see Megalopolis?

[Drew]

Yeah. It was so horrible.

[Kai]

It was awesome.

[Drew]

It was horrible. It was, like, literally butt crack. It wasn't even ass. Like, it was, like, so. So terrible. Like, I literally. But I will say it made me kind of happy for him to be able to create that movie, because it felt like it was like his, like, dying wish. He was like, we're gonna change the world, and it was, like, sweet in that way. But I got home, and I was, like, already teetering on, like, a psychiatric break. And I walk into the front door, and I'm like, oh, I got a package.

[Inya]

The package was scary.

[Drew]

The contents of the package was quite literally the most horrifying thing I've ever received in my life.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew]

Yes. Like, genuine. Like, genuine terror. Like, my blood went cold. And I texted everybody, and I was like, like, who did this? Who the did this? And everyone was like, it wasn't me. It wasn't me. It wasn't even. It wasn't me. And I even texted, like, my family, and I was like, did y' all do this? And they were like, no. It's, like, really genuinely cooked for me.

[Inya]

Well, I. This is gonna sound like a very ignorant thought, and I'm not naive. I understand that this is a necessity because we have just gone too far with plastic. But something about a recycled plastic container holding the food I'm eating doesn't sit right with me. Like, I don't want to eat my sloppy soup out of a recycled container, because all I can think about when I look at it is, like, literally, what the. Was this plastic before this? Like, it quite literally could have been a rose toy. Like, I. We don't know how anything.

[Drew]

I want that plastic.

[Inya]

Like, I know, like, when you burn it down, like, the bacteria gets killed, but something. Something is so evil about it. Like, I don't want my things, and I'll always do it. Like, I don't give a. Like, yeah, per. Recycle. Like, yeah, stuff.

[Drew]

But Give me plastic straws back.

[Inya]

I can't stand a paper straw. I'm so sorry.

[Drew]

Like, I don't give a if that's, like, if I'm over, because I believe that. But, like, I. Give me a bottle of Kalanapin and a couple landmines and I will get plastic straws back into our ecosystem. Like, I'm serious.

[Kai]

Well, haven't you had the plant ones? Those are pretty good.

[Inya]

Oh, the, like, the, like, brown, Like.

[Kai]

Yeah, they're kind of, like.

[Drew]

They're kind of plasticky.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

I think that's just. Just plastic and they're just, like, making it brown because humans are stupid and.

[Drew]

They'Re like, it's like, 98 plastic. But since there's no, like, FDA regulations, they can claim the 2%. Like, plants.

[Inya]

Yeah, like, the. The weird forks. Like, I hate a wooden fork, too. Like, a wooden.

[Drew]

I love a wooden fork.

[Inya]

The texture of it dragging my skin. Skin.

[Drew]

It reminds me of being in school and eating, like, a cup of ice cream. Like, Blue bell ice cream.

[Inya]

Those. Like, I like chewing on, biting down.

[Kai]

Accidentally on, like, you know, with ice cream, they have those little, like, spoons that come with it. And if you bite down on that, I. It makes my body, like, collapse.

[Drew]

Flavors the ice cream. Like, it makes it, like, wood flavored. Like, if you get a vanilla with a wooden spoon, you don't.

[Kai]

If you bite it, you don't cringe. I thought that was, like, a human reaction.

[Inya]

Like, I. I like a basic human reaction. There's a difference. Like, I like to chew on it. Like, if I. If I eat a popsicle, that wood is getting it crazy. Like, I am chewing on that stick till literally, it's like.

[Drew]

I think I really just like wood products.

[Inya]

But if I'm, like, eating something, I. For me, it's more so, like, it grazing my teeth by accident or grazing my lip by accident.

[Drew]

Have y' all ever eaten tin foil? Like, bit.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, chewed on.

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Horrible.

[Drew]

Like, that truly, like, is the worst sensation ever. But that is also coming from someone who, like, genuinely ate paper for, like, nine years of his life.

[Inya]

I was just about to say, if I could go back in time and do anything, I would eat the brown paper from school.

[Drew]

I would eat. I would eat just regular white printer paper. Or the suckers. Like, the paper sucker sticks. I would, like, bite into them. Yeah. I unroll it and eat it. Like.

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

That's probably why I have stomach issues now.

[Inya]

Well, I ate those and I'm fine. You have stomach issues Because I was.

[Drew]

Addicted to Percocet in high school. And I think it seized my colon permanently. Yeah. Story for another time.

[Inya]

But, yeah, I think if I could go back to school and just, like, eat some paper, put it in the water, throw it at the ceiling, I think that would help a lot for my.

[Drew]

I really do think it would shift things. I think it would.

[Inya]

I literally feel like. I genuinely feel like I broke the code. Like, I think falling at that party, like, did something. Like, I ended up in a. I fell into a different timeline.

[Drew]

Another dimension. Another dimension. Another dimension. Another dimension. Well, the scariest haunted house that I experienced this year was my own. When I finally cleaned the. Or hung up the pile of clean clothes on the floor of my bedroom. I am normally so good about hanging up my clean clothes. Like, it's the first thing I do. And I. One thing that Kaia said to me that has literally, like, become a permanent reminder in my brain anytime I'm doing laundry and like, it. I don't know why, but it, like, has stuck with me. And it's like Jonathan, like, saying I had a good nose. Like, that stuck with me forever. Kai. One time I was, like, doing laundry in front of him. And I like, before I hang up all my shirts, I, like, fold them and I put them on a pie, like, in a pile on my bed. And then I grab my hangers and I, like, hang up the folded clothes in my closet. Like, I unfold them, hang them up. And Kai was like, why are you folding your clothes? To hang them up. Like, you are literally wasting so much time.

[Inya]

I know. I didn't know you did.

[Drew]

And it has. Literally every single time I'm doing laundry, I think of you, Kai, because of that comment.

[Inya]

Do you still fold your clothes before?

[Drew]

Yeah, of course. It's more of, like, an organization thing. Like, it's like, okay, there's like, a pile of weird. It's like, there's a pile of my shirts, there's a pile of my sweaters, there's a pile of my hoodies, there's a pile of my pants, there's a pile of my underwear, there's a pile of my socks. And then I can go through and hang them up by the pile. Because, like, doing it, like, pulling it out and, like, hanging it up and throwing it in and just having, like, a bunch of random clothes, like, this.

[Kai]

Is like some serial killer shit.

[Inya]

I know. I'm like, what?

[Drew]

No. Someone out there relates because it's like, it just feels so, like, like, primal to just, like, pick out a pair of underwear. And fold it and put it away. And what I do, hang up a shirt right after.

[Inya]

I like, kind of get that. But I don't fold the clothes. Like, I fold the clothes that need to be folded and I make all my little piles. And then anything that needs to be hung, I like, have, like, a pile of shirts that need to be hung or jackets that need to be hung or skirts that need to be hung. And I, like, line them up, but I don't fucking fold them, you freak bitch. Oh, my God, you're really weird. And it makes me, like, look at you in a different light. Well, next time I leave the house and I haven't filled up my tank and I'm rushing somewhere and my. My car needs to be filled up, and I'm, like, rushing and running more late than I already am, I think I'm just going to kill myself. Yeah, I feel that because I hate. Also, I just hate gas station pumps, because in Miami.

[Drew]

Wait, we kill ourselves together?

[Inya]

I think so. Like, that's kind of what it's giving. If we got rid of ourselves at the same time, we wouldn't have to worry about how it make each other feel.

[Drew]

Yeah, I have to die before my family and India, because I realized that if India dies before me and all of my family members die before me, I'm gonna be the creepy, pervy, old nasty man in the, like, government owned, like, insane asylum old folks home where, like, all of the STDs are going around, like, and I'm just gonna be, like, lonely and creepy. Oh, STDs are, like, rampant in old folks homes.

[Inya]

Really?

[Drew]

Yes. It's like a genuine problem. Like, they all have mad STDs because they're banging each other.

[Inya]

Get freaky deaky while you can. Like, time is clicking.

[Drew]

No, literally.

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

I wonder how much a syphilis diagnosis at 98, like, really with you?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

What? I don't give a.

[Drew]

Like, like, I'm just gonna spread this too. Like, I don't give a. I mean, I already do spread my STDs around. Like, I have sex with people without telling them that I have them.

[Inya]

That's illegal, and that's awful.

[Kai]

Okay, but you're not supposed to do that.

[Drew]

Oh, and I'm not supposed to send unsolicited dick pics next. Like, what the. You can't do, like, anything anymore. Like, the liberals are ruining this content.

[Inya]

If I found out that was, like, what you were getting up to, I genuinely. Besides so mad. Like, anytime we talk about a hypothetical like, that more Than anything I did just pisses me off at the idea of, like, any of my friends doing some. Like, that I'd be like, bruh, for what? Like, why would you do that? You could have just been chilling and, like, having a good life, and you destroyed it. For what? Well, when I'm old. I already said this last week. I'm gonna have a spectacular death. But I didn't talk about my funeral. I want, like, a destination funeral.

[Drew]

I was gonna say I want to go on tour. Like, I want my body to be embalmed and I go on, like, a stadium tour.

[Inya]

I know. I want a destination funeral that's covered by Vogue. Like, it's a wedding. Like, that's what I want. I want, like, all my girls to get gowns.

[Drew]

Her casket was designed by Loewe.

[Inya]

I'm gonna have, like, it was.

[Drew]

Oh, it's like, your casket is like a Loewe, like, purse. Like, texture with leather, like, weave leather.

[Inya]

Okay. But coffins are really expensive. So, like, actually don't, like, genuinely burn me. Come on.

[Drew]

Like, I was thinking. I was like, I don't think I want to be burned when I die anymore. Like, I don't think I want that. Like, I think I want to be, like, buried next to a tree or, like, buried. Not in a cemetery. Do not put me in a cemetery. Like, I swear to God, if I find out that I'm put in a goddamn cemetery when I die, all of you are, for real, unironically getting haunted because that. Oh, hell no. So I need to be, like, buried, like, in the middle of, like, a forest with a seed planted on top of me.

[Inya]

I think I want to be buried like a dog who got hit by a car.

[Drew]

Oh. In the backyard. Like, a rock on top.

[Inya]

Roll me under there and like, yeah, put a rock on top. So everybody remembers, like, oh, yeah.

[Drew]

And it's, like, painted.

[Inya]

Yeah, that's what I want. Or, like, honestly, what I want is, like, I don't give a. Like, that's how I genuinely feel. Like, once I am dead. I don't give a. That has actually nothing to do with me. How you choose to, like, treat my body after that is your business. But actually don't do an open casket, because that's pushing it. Because I know I'm gonna look up, like, don't do that.

[Drew]

I. I saw something that was really excited and sad about someone's, like, mom talking. Like, the. The daughter was like, I was. I hate that. Like, I saw my, like, sibling looking like that. Like, I. I would Never want an open casket for myself. And then the mom said something like really dark sided and sad and like poetic and was just like, well, like that's the last time I can hold her or something. I don't know. It wasn't. It wasn't that gay. But it was like really. It was really deep.

[Inya]

But this is a really morbid episode.

[Drew]

Well, I can talk about. Oh, this is a good one. Those. I don't know if y' all go.

[Inya]

Skydiving and cut up my parachute.

[Drew]

Okay. I don't know if y' all remember this, but those goddamn reversed songs genuinely had me feel like I was tapping into something like deeply sacred. Like, like some like really esoteric like Illuminati level of knowledge.

[Inya]

Like backward songs, dude.

[Drew]

When they would reverse songs and it would be like it sounded like the monic chance like that, like really had me feeling like that Requiem for a Dream song. Let me play it. Like the. Hold on.

[Inya]

The things that make you think are so funny. Like I really can't make fun of you because I'm like headed down that same path. I think just like the older I get, like I genuinely. I used to be like, Drew's gonna be a crazy old person. I think I'm gonna be right there next to you, cuz I'm losing it.

[Drew]

Oh yeah, yeah, that's it. The like when I heard those songs, I legitimately always was like, I'm putting the pieces together. Like I'm solving deep, deep mysteries. Like that song is so good though, but like the context of it.

[Kai]

Wasn't it like a Beatles song that you play backwards?

[Drew]

Let's look one up. Billie Eilish has one in this video.

[Inya]

Billie Eilish's song When the.

[Drew]

Kill it, kill it Scold the girl yeah. Mumbling whisper noises no way out Wish to tell him I'm in hell. Wait.

[Inya]

These never sat with me. They never like struck a chord with me.

[Drew]

This exact video. Proof of subliminal messages now backwards. Okay. Oh, the Beatles won't All the people now backwards. The war beside me. The people war beside me. Okay. I shot John Lennon, Yoko. Uno, Kiss, Kiss, Kiss Forward.

[Inya]

Okay, that like, I just want to know, like, oh wait, who made this video? And like at what point were they just listening to songs and they were like, I need to hear this background.

[Drew]

I need to hear a background. I mean, Aphex Twin has always done some like really creepy like with his music with like the visualizer.

[Inya]

And he's always done like good like. Like he. A lot of his beats. He like, will play backwards, and, like, vocals will play backwards, and that's how.

[Drew]

You get that, like, he samples his, like, own music. He's really sick. Small artists, y' all wouldn't know about him.

[Inya]

I mean, even Fk Twigs did that in that one song. Like, I can't think of the name.

[Drew]

Have y' all ever heard of Bjork?

[Inya]

Who is that?

[Drew]

She's, like, this small, like, musician that.

[Inya]

Her music probably sounds like.

[Drew]

Like, I actually don't give a. Yeah, no, she. She makes good music, but, like, I feel like she's not known at all.

[Inya]

Well, I don't know her, so she must be nobody, sis.

[Drew]

Okay, last thing I want to talk about is Jalen Colbert making lamps out of our characters.

[Inya]

Oh, my God, it's so awesome.

[Drew]

Like, so goaded. Literally, so goaded.

[Inya]

And the last thing I want to talk about is these are my curses of the week, and.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Inya's starting a new segment called Enya's Curses of the Week. It's a working title.

[Inya]

Yeah, we're working on it. But right now, here are my hexes that I'm giving out to people. And this week, I was going a little light. We've already had a morbid episode, so I'll keep it light. People who are rude to customer service workers, Specifically the man who was rude and aggressive to my little sister. Sister, you will be perishing, and I am casting chaos and bloodshed onto your bloodline. Your children will have the most dark, sinister futures. They will perish. Everyone in your bloodline will have awful, awful lives.

[Drew]

We bought Etsy spells.

[Inya]

Yeah, I'm buying Etsy spells for you. And then men who stand too close to me in line at the airport, those are the people who I'm cursing. I'm so sorry, but you will not be waking up tomorrow.

[Drew]

Mmm.

[Inya]

Yeah, just something light.

[Drew]

And also, Enya found your address.

[Inya]

Oh, no, I actually did.

[Drew]

Enya found your address, and you found all of your social.

[Inya]

This man attacked my sister at her job. I found. I like that man. Will never see this, but trust and believe. I know your name. I know your address. I know your birthday. I know, like, where you live, your.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Your.

[Inya]

I know how many Facebook accounts I. I have everything. And you will perish and burn. And if I see anybody, my new thing is, I'm about to turn into Zorro. I'm about to go out and find all you bitches who are rude to customer service workers because something is wrong with you. You will perish. You will burn. You will fudgeing die. You will pay for your sins. You are better than nobody. You think you could just walk into an establishment and belittle somebody who's just trying to do their job just like the fucking rest of us? They're just trying to live and work and fucking live a life. And you will. Will die. You will have such a painful, painful chill, chill, chill.

[Drew]

Because who am I supposed to yell at if I'm having a bad day?

[Inya]

Not the.

[Drew]

No, I always yell at my waiters. Like, I always scream in their face.

[Inya]

True. Don't do that.

[Drew]

Yeah, I just feel like they, like, I can't even say it. Drew Psy up corner. If your girl can change a tire and you can't, it's your job to scream during sex, that's good. You'll be having a good day than someone your age has their. You'll be having a good day than someone your age announces they're buying a house.

[Inya]

Like, literally, get the away from me, dude. Somebody like our age accomplishing anything and telling me I'm like.

[Drew]

Like, literally, get the away from me. Actually, get the away from me.

[Inya]

You're actually doing that? Like, what do you mean? Am I supposed to be doing that?

[Drew]

Because I, like, can't ugly be like, my dudes gotta be at least six. Two. You make me six to my stomach and then the last one. Sorry. I only talk to people whose soul I recognize from a previous life. When I read that, that truly resonated with me in a way that I, like, could not even, like, comprehend or verbalize because, like, that's really what it is. Like, every friend, every person I've ever interacted with that I have a long, meaningful relationship with, I know off the first. I know their soul. I know off of, like, the first look. I know off the first couple words. I know off, like, just so many factors that are, like, borderline bordering. Like, not even from this, like, plane of existence.

[Inya]

I also feel like there's that weird thing, like, we meet people sometimes, too, where I have a really good night with them and I genuinely want to hang out with them, but my soul isn't reaching for them the way I reach for other people. And it feels like I'm building the foundation for my next life. And then when our souls intertwine, it'll be like, oh, my God, I feel like we've met. I won't be alive next week.

[Drew]

I'm one. One singular karmatic cycle away. Yeah. Never mind.

[Inya]

Okay, thank you guys for watching.

[Drew]

No, we haven't done Media baby.

[Inya]

Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Drew]

Well, mine is Lux Eterna by Clint Mansell. Period. Just heard that and then. Ooh, what did I watch? I watched something. Oh, I watched Disturbia. That was really good. I watched the Borderlands movie. That was a box office disaster. I thought it was gonna be like the worst movie I've ever seen. And it was very, very close to. Wasn't fully there yet. But that's simply be. Because that's simply because it preyed upon my nostalgia. And I love the Borderland game games. So it was like, okay. For me, it's okay. And then I've been watching a lot of gay porn. Just studying. Really, like, just like trying to understand that those choices.

[Inya]

Yeah, yeah. That's how I feel too. I'm like, why would you ever want to do this? I just kind of trying to understand. Trouble by Lindsay Buckingham. I have listened to that.

[Drew]

Where does the penis go? Like, when it's guy on guy? Like, I really just need to know. Does it go inside the other penis?

[Inya]

Yeah, it kind of like opens up like an alien sucker.

[Drew]

Oh, it like bites it.

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Who. Who decides whose gets eaten?

[Inya]

It's kind of like. It's like how we were talking about past lives. When you, like, meet someone and it's like, that's how it is. It's just like our souls. No, but my media is Trouble by Lindsay Buckingham and Chasing Moving Trains by Roy Blair. That album, awesome. And I've actually been listen. Listening to it a bunch, so she.

[Drew]

Listened to it while getting ready this morning.

[Inya]

Purr. And that's it for media.

[Kai]

Oh, do I get to do it this week? Hey, let's go. My media's porn. I love jacking off to porn.

[Drew]

Okay, Jerky off the porn.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder Bueno cheese crackers, Oscar Mayer lunchables, and just Bear chicken bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.