we are so crazy

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Episode Summary – "We Are So Crazy"

Release Date: November 8, 2024
Hosts: Enya Umanzor & Drew Phillips

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Introduction to the Episode

In the "We Are So Crazy" episode of Emergency Intercom, hosts Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips delve into a range of personal and societal topics, blending humor with candid discussions about mental health, everyday anxieties, and the quirks of modern life. Despite the initial intent to skip the episode due to recent distressing events, the duo chooses to proceed, aiming to provide their audience with moments of levity amidst challenging times.

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Navigating Personal Struggles and Mental Health

The episode opens with Enya and Drew addressing the weight of recent events that have deeply affected them and their listeners. They express their devastation and the overwhelming emotions they've been grappling with over the past few days.

• Enya (02:10): "It's super heartbreaking. It is devastating. So many people are going to be affected by this..."

• Drew (04:08): "But the reality is that's what they want."

The hosts emphasize the importance of maintaining a positive outlook and creating a "safe space" for laughter and distraction, acknowledging the pervasive fear and heartbreak felt by marginalized communities.

• Enya (02:26): "Just trying to lean into the positive that... enjoy the episode."

• Drew (05:08): "Please enjoy the episode. Go brain dead for a moment."

The Quirks of Modern Technology: Red Receipts and Instant Communication

Enya initiates a discussion on the perplexing nature of red receipts—notifications indicating a message has been read but not responded to—deeming them "psychological warfare."

• Enya (06:26): "Red receipts are still the craziest thing iPhones ever did to us. Like, what? I genuinely can't think of a single fucking benefit to that."

Drew adds to the conversation by highlighting the tension these features create in personal interactions, where unread messages lead to assumptions and unnecessary stress.

• Drew (08:07): "I don't give a fuck if babies are crossing the street, hit them. Text me."

Social Interactions and Personal Anecdotes

The hosts share personal stories that reflect their social anxieties and awkward encounters. Enya recounts an embarrassing incident at a spa where she encountered acquaintances unexpectedly, leading to heightened feelings of self-consciousness.

• Enya (24:26): "I saw them, and I was talking to them, and I was being really awkward because all I can think immediately is I'm like, oh, my God, we're going to see each other naked."

Drew mirrors these sentiments with his own story about an uncomfortable Uber ride, where he struggled with initiating and maintaining conversation despite enjoying the shared music selection.

• Drew (32:46): "I have so many moments like that where, like, I am just so bad at talking to people."

Coping Mechanisms and Mental Health Challenges

Throughout the episode, both hosts candidly discuss their coping mechanisms and ongoing battles with mental health issues, including anxiety and seasonal depression.

• Enya (15:17): "I think I'm going to die, and that's okay."

• Drew (38:58): "I cannot believe that I literally only got two weeks of not being seasonally depressed."

They explore various strategies they employ to manage their mental well-being, such as engaging in activities like skydiving (metaphorically) and playing video games to distract themselves from intrusive thoughts.

Humorous Takes on Everyday Frustrations

In typical Emergency Intercom fashion, Enya and Drew inject humor into their discussions about mundane frustrations. They joke about disliking recycled plastic containers, the annoyance of unopened packages, and the absurdity of certain societal norms.

• Enya (52:58): "I don't want to eat my sloppy soup out of a recycled container, because all I can think about when I look at it is, like, literally, what the fuck was this plastic before this?"

• Drew (53:12): "But give me plastic straws back."

Cultural Commentary and Pop Culture References

The hosts touch upon pop culture phenomena, including The Masked Singer, critiquing its premise and the creativity behind the costumes. They also reference various artists and media, blending their discussions with personal opinions and humorous observations.

• Enya (43:57): "The masked singer, period. Like, unless I'm on there, that'd be kind of iconic if I was, like, a mass singer."

• Drew (63:46): "But I will say it made me kind of happy for him to be able to create that movie because it felt like it was like his, like, dying wish."

Segments and Interactive Elements

Towards the episode's conclusion, Enya introduces a new segment titled "Curses of the Week," where she humorously "casts spells" on individuals who exhibit rude behavior, particularly towards customer service workers.

• Enya (66:45): "People who are rude to customer service workers... you will perish. I am casting chaos and bloodshed onto your bloodline."

Drew joins in the playful banter, expanding on the curses and maintaining the episode's comedic tone.

• Drew (68:36): "Because who am I supposed to yell at if I'm having a bad day?"

Final Thoughts and Reflections

As the episode wraps up, Enya and Drew reflect on their personal experiences, acknowledging their vulnerabilities and the thin line between humor and expressing genuine distress. They reaffirm their commitment to providing a space for their listeners to find both laughter and relatability amidst life's chaos.

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Notable Quotes

• Enya (02:10): "It's super heartbreaking. It is devastating."

• Drew (05:08): "Please enjoy the episode. Go brain dead for a moment."

• Enya (06:26): "Red receipts are still the craziest thing iPhones ever did to us."

• Drew (08:07): "I don't give a fuck if babies are crossing the street, hit them. Text me."

• Enya (24:26): "I saw them, and I was talking to them, and I was being really awkward."

• Drew (32:46): "I have so many moments like that where, like, I am just so bad at talking to people."

• Enya (52:58): "I don't want to eat my sloppy soup out of a recycled container."

• Drew (53:12): "But give me plastic straws back."

• Enya (66:45): "People who are rude to customer service workers... you will perish."

• Drew (68:36): "Because who am I supposed to yell at if I'm having a bad day?"

---

Conclusion

"We Are So Crazy" exemplifies Emergency Intercom's unique blend of humor and heartfelt conversation. Enya and Drew's open discussions about their personal struggles, combined with their ability to find humor in everyday frustrations, offer listeners both comfort and laughter. The episode serves as a testament to the hosts' resilience and their unwavering commitment to connecting with their audience through authentic and engaging dialogue.

Transcript

[Enya]

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[Drew]

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[Enya]

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[Drew]

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[Enya]

For $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much?

[Drew]

I'm sorry, I shouldn't be. Give it a [e-mail] save whenever you're ready.

[Enya]

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[Drew]

Taxes and fees.

[Enya]

Extra Speed slower above 40 gigabytes. CD tails. Hey.

[Drew]

Hi.

[Enya]

Mom and dad here.

[Drew]

Right, right, right.

[Enya]

We weren't going to post the episode we filmed this week because we filmed on Monday when we were still, like a lot of you hopeful. Very hopeful.

[Drew]

I truly, I truly thought. Yeah, with my heart and soul, I truly, truly believed.

[Enya]

But it is what it is. And I don't know, we weren't going to post it because we really obviously don't want it to seem like we think this is something that's not a big deal because, like a lot of you, we feel the heartbreak of what just happened, and it has consumed my.

[Drew]

Entire being for the last three days.

[Enya]

Yeah. And it's. It's really devastating. But we thought about it and we decided this morning that the one thing we can do right now is hopefully make y'all laugh.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's like, like a little. A little safe space and like a little moment of levity just like where you can, like, dissociate and just, like, not think for A moment because. Yeah, because I know we've all been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of.

[Enya]

And a lot of watching of things that are not making us feel any better. And I think there is a lot we would like to say. But what we will say for now, before you can just, like, release yourself from fear is. It's super heartbreaking. It is devastating. So many people are going to be affected by this and are actively affected by this. Whether you are poc, a woman, a part of the lgbtqia. It is so hurtful to know that half the country feels the way they do. But the thing we are trying to lean the most on is the reflection that is so many people who believe in equal rights. Point blank period across the board. I can't believe it.

[Drew]

I cannot, I cannot, I can't.

[Enya]

Okay, we're really to be positive, so we thought we would just kind of like, let you guys have a space where you can remove yourself and just, like, laugh at this episode again. Because we were going to refilm an episode, but we are so sad and upset and we don't want to because it's sad. And we thought, yeah, we're just going to be silent and, like, back away. And really our dream was to disappear for the next four years, as I'm sure a lot of people's dreams are too.

[Drew]

But the reality is that's what they want.

[Enya]

That's what they want. That would be letting oppressors win. And to exist and live in the spaces we all live in is the important thing.

[Drew]

I think also we forget that we can quite literally be the most annoying people on Earth if we wanted to. I'm not saying that's, like, maybe the right move right now, but, like, if it gets there, like, we truly, like, I. I have no problem ruining lives. Like, I really. I have no problem.

[Enya]

Like, don't get me started because I've been sounding crazy.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like at, like, the most out of pocket crazy. But everything in Inya said and more, but I don't know, just hold out hope. Like, stick to your communities. I think that's the most important thing.

[Enya]

And just, like, look out for each other, be aware. And this too shall pass. Really. Just trying to lean into the positive that. Yeah. Okay, guys, enjoy the episode.

[Drew]

Please enjoy the episode. Go brain dead for a moment.

[Enya]

Just let it. Let's act like it was last week. Exactly, shall we? When there was hope, joy. Oh, you're eating. You're gonna eat in my face.

[Drew]

I stay eating.

[Enya]

I hate the sound of eating. Hi, Guys, welcome back to Emergency Intercom. It's been so long. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Like, seriously, I have been crashing the out. Literally, D1 level crash outs me when.

[Enya]

I send that text to your iPhone.

[Drew]

What text?

[Enya]

The crash text. We talked about this last episode. The episode. The text that makes your phone die.

[Drew]

Oh, my iPhone. Be like, D1 level crash out.

[Enya]

Why have you been crashing out? What's wrong?

[Drew]

I actually haven't been crashing it. I was lying. I was lying about it.

[Enya]

All the weird thing to lie about. I am going to start this episode off by saying probably the most circa 2012 Twitter thought I've had in a while. But I just one night was really sitting with myself thinking about this. Red receipts are the craziest invention.

[Drew]

It's diabolical ever done.

[Enya]

Like, there is genuinely. There are no pros.

[Drew]

Like, it's net negative.

[Enya]

It is like, net negative. It is just psychological warfare even. Because in my head, I was thinking, like, I was really going deep. I was thinking about this for, like an hour the other night because also, Drew wasn't in town. And I have also decided that I cannot be left alone for more than 12 hours because.

[Drew]

Things happen.

[Enya]

Things happen. Audio messages are being sent because I need to speak it.

[Drew]

Like, it's really. It's not even like you're being trapped in your mind. You just need to hear your own voice.

[Enya]

Yeah, I just want to hear you talk. And I listen back to myself and I'm like, oh, God, I'm so.

[Drew]

I love listening back to a voice in my sin. I literally.

[Enya]

Especially when you send a really funny.

[Drew]

One, you're like, wait, like, exactly. Or like, even, like, a serious one. And sometimes I'm like, what? Damn, I really do have that in me, don't I? Like, I really do have it in me.

[Enya]

But the good news is I wrote down what I was thinking, and I was going to post this on my story, but I was like, I'll save it for the podcast so you guys can hear it from me directly. Red receipts are still the craziest thing iPhones ever did to us. Like, what? I genuinely can't think of a single fucking benefit to that. It's literally just psychological warfare. Like, this feels like the Most Twitter circa 2012 comment to make, but it's not even funny or original. But I'm seriously just concerned as to why we made that a thing. There is no benefit benefit. Like, I was. And I was trying to think, like, okay, maybe it's just. So if I'm like, oh, I'm. I'm five minutes away. I can see you read it, bitch. I still want you to say, okay.

[Drew]

I don't give a fuck if babies are crossing the street, hit them. Text me.

[Enya]

I want you to tell me that like you saw my fucking text. I just don't understand.

[Drew]

Also, it ruined it for the people that leave people undelivered. Because now there's this whole idea that, like, oh, I got left undelivered. I got left und delivered. Yes, you did. I don't want to talk to you, and that's okay.

[Enya]

Also, why do I have to respond to everything everything doesn't need to respond. Response. Also, if you were like one of my friends who has DM'd me, you know more than anybody if you think I don't reply to text. A DM is not getting a reply like a dm. Also, I am crazy if anyone is my friend. I think I've even done it to y'all when I post a story that a lot of my friends reply. Y'all all are getting the same response.

[Drew]

I don't reply to stories, dude.

[Enya]

People respond to my stories because I'm just like, so enchanting and, like, fun and witty.

[Drew]

Oh, I get that.

[Enya]

And I carry all these guy hearts.

[Drew]

Everything.

[Kai]

Every single.

[Drew]

Just every girl story he sees, he likes.

[Enya]

Well, when I'm high, I start liking stories like they were sent for me. So I think I do that also. I just need to call out that. I was quoting Ms. Wait. Oh, my God. Hello? Hello. Hello. What the hell is her name? Well, her. Her username is White Male ego in a blunt. That's who I was saying where. When I said, like, I carry all these house sex in the city. Am I silly or am I insane? I'm giving sativa, Mary Jane. Sorry.

[Drew]

Well, I'm not joking. I was in Texas. Screen time was about. At 14 hours a day for two days. Like, I was. I was really in the thick of it. And, like, I think some of the best moments I've had with myself is when my screen time is the highest. Like, really, truly, like, that's when I feel the most alive, is when I'm on the phone as much as I possibly can. Well, I was scrolling through the old tick top, tick tock top, tip top, and I saw a video of a dog just chilling. Like, it was just chilling, like, minding its own business. And this big ass, like, rottweiler scary dog pulled up on this dog and went to, like, actually go kill this dog. And without a second thought, this cat that was hanging out with the Little dog jumped in and beat the fuck out of this bigger dog. Like, it was. It was literally like, it didn't even have to think about it. And I'm not kidding. I sat there and was, like, genuinely inspired by that video. And I was like, oh, my God. Like, be more like the cat. Like, I was literally like. Like, I need to actually, like, get into a situation with Enya so I can, like, take up for her.

[Enya]

Last time you did that, you literally, like, had an awful night and you thought you were gonna die. Oh, like, at the smoke shop, Drew. And Drew stood up for me, and then he spent the next, like, literal eight hours in a psych.

[Drew]

I thought he was going to kill me. I literally thought I was going to be killed. Like, I saw my death flash, but for my eyes. Also, I don't think we talk about how someone literally broke into our house. I mean, we do talk about it enough, but someone broke into our house and chased me. Chased me through my own fucking home.

[Enya]

Like, also, every time we say that to people, they are literally. Their faces are like, they.

[Drew]

And you're still there. And you're still there.

[Enya]

Yeah, we still are because we're showing them.

[Drew]

We don't talk about it enough.

[Enya]

We don't talk anymore.

[Drew]

How do I search so much shit up? Listen. Like, listen to my searches. Literally, the last I was looking for the search that I found, the cat video. Pop the balloon for gays lavender marriages. Damn, I forgot Twilight Imperium. Adam SM6 band. Balding. Marsha P. Johnson. I'm forming my own cloud. Baphomet Hand symbols. Baphomet not okay. Sophie, Vacuum by Arca Niacinamide supplement.

[Enya]

I'm on TikTok. You're looking this up.

[Drew]

Yeah, this is like. And then I looked up Vlada, the Slavic doll, because she tore that Runway. Her coke walk was incredible.

[Enya]

Wait, which is that the girl who was, like, really, really tiny?

[Drew]

She was like, the Slavic doll. Like, she was. She wore that, like, one blue dress with the frills up here and had the bouncy, angelic hair.

[Enya]

It's weirdly, you know a lot more about, like, model culture than I do. Like, I don't know models.

[Drew]

I just think the girls are so fucking hot. Like, that's really what it is.

[Enya]

Oh, I forget.

[Drew]

Yeah. The girls are so fucking bad, bro.

[Enya]

That's why you want to start watching Project Runway.

[Drew]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kai]

In the living room, dude. Well, I feel like they're really hot, but they wear too much makeup, right?

[Drew]

Honestly, I'm with Kai on that Girl should. Girls should wear less makeup because, like, none of us. No, none of us guys like makeup, period. Like, none of us like it.

[Enya]

I've never really understood that. Like, I've genuinely.

[Drew]

Like, there's that, like, whole.

[Enya]

On a core level. I've just never understood the beef with makeup. Like, it really just feels like something to talk about.

[Drew]

It's just. It feels like such a right conversation.

[Enya]

Like, right. I also hate when my girlfriend wears lipstick. Right.

[Drew]

Well, it stains my penis.

[Kai]

Nice, nice, nice.

[Drew]

What's the fuck? What is it?

[Enya]

Me.

[Drew]

Borat. What is his saying? My wife.

[Kai]

My wife.

[Drew]

My wife did.

[Enya]

I love when you're trying to remember something and you say all the things that are chiming in your brain to remember it. What's the Borat thing? The f. My wife, dude.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, I'm so smoked. But I don't think we really focused enough on my searches. This is just today, by the way, Baphomet in what the is Baphomet? As above, so below?

[Enya]

What is it?

[Drew]

Oh, universal symbol for balance, but it's been taken by the Illuminati.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew]

Like, people are like, what is it?

[Kai]

What does it mean? What's the meaning, though, of as above, so below?

[Drew]

I don't know. I just heard it today on Tick Tock.

[Kai]

Oh, okay.

[Drew]

I mean, I think it's, like, demonic, like heaven or like earth and hell, like, balancing like that, but I truly don't know. But I was just looking at Baphomet because I just want to know the hand symbols so I can throw them up. And people think, like, oh, my God, is Drew a part of the Illuminati?

[Kai]

All I know is this ysl. Oh, shit, that's. That was cool for me.

[Drew]

That's my slow.

[Kai]

That was cool for me to see.

[Enya]

Y'all are making me feel fucking crazy. Like, something is, like, really something scary is happening post Halloween. Like, it shifted. The day after Halloween, everything shifted. And from that day to now, I have genuinely felt like I was living in the twilight Zone. I think I slipped between a crack.

[Drew]

Enya literally came into my room after sitting in her car for an hour, like, crying and just, like, writhed around on my floor, wrapping herself up in my crumb blanket. So, you know, it's bad when she's all up in my crumbs from my food from the last month because something she. And it wasn't even, like, a sadness or an anger or, like an emotion at all. It was like nothing.

[Enya]

There was nothing behind feel nothing.

[Kai]

Wait, what week of your SSRI Are you on?

[Enya]

I just upped it.

[Kai]

Oh, really?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Was it week four?

[Enya]

I've been on it for, like, two months.

[Drew]

Almost like there's other factors at play.

[Enya]

Yeah, there are other factors.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

But we don't really get into it.

[Kai]

Halloween.

[Drew]

Demonic Halloween, basically.

[Enya]

I think. I just think I'm going to die, and that's okay. Also, I've been so fucking cold. I genuinely don't know how I'm going to survive the winter. I think I'm going to die. This is the craziest thing I'm about to do, but I literally need to show the layers I'm wearing right now to, like, attempt cold. This is crazy. Like, me undressing. But this feels really inappropriate because Kai's right there.

[Kai]

I'm not looking.

[Drew]

Take that shit off.

[Kai]

Oh, that's fucking sick.

[Drew]

Do you have any other layers on? Should we see those? Should we just shed another layer randomly? I don't know.

[Enya]

I have a big diaper on.

[Drew]

Yeah. And he's been wearing. This fudgeing vibe is crazy, though.

[Enya]

This is genuinely how I feel, though. Oh.

[Drew]

Oh, wow.

[Enya]

But, yeah, I don't know if I'm going to make it, guys, so.

[Drew]

Yeah, no. It's been so cold in our goddamn house. It's been brutal. The winter is going to be awful here. And I don't remember it being this cold last year. Honestly, I don't. But I also.

[Enya]

I say every year, I never remember it being cold.

[Drew]

Yeah. And. But I did run the heater all day every day last year the second the temperatures dip below 7 or 60. Wait, what dip below 70? What does that dip below? Dip. Oh, a Frank Ocean song.

[Enya]

What dip below?

[Drew]

No, dip below 70 because I'm biking.

[Enya]

Oh, I don't remember. I don't remember. Also, I decided I really still don't like sports because it is still so fucked up. The Dodgers just won. Yes. Go, L. A. That's awesome. And I really have no part in any of it. Like, I have no sportsmanship for any team on the planet. But I will never get over how fucking sad it is to see the people losing. Like, there is something so sad. Like, it should be illegal to record the losing team. Like, seriously, they just fucking lost. Like, now you're going to put a camera in their face and there's always a compilation of the team.

[Kai]

Like, the best is when it's like the confetti that's colored. Like, the other team.

[Drew]

Well, I don't see.

[Enya]

They're just, like, walking through and it's like, you. They're just so sad.

[Drew]

Be better, do better, try harder. Like, I don't give a fuck. Also, fuck the Yankees. Sorry. But I also do agree, like, in the. The super bowl, that was the saddest shit I have ever seen.

[Enya]

It's just always so sad.

[Drew]

Like, that was America's team this year. Like that. Like the team that.

[Enya]

I'm not lying. If you put a gun in my face right now and you said what teams played the super bowl, just fucking kill me. I like Kai. Do you think of it?

[Kai]

Like, I literally don't remember. I didn't even know the World Series was happening. I just heard fireworks the night that it ended.

[Enya]

I know Dodgers and Yankees. I can't think of a single. The Dolphins. I know the Dolphins didn't play, but I'm just trying to think of, like, names.

[Drew]

I'm going to show you logos.

[Enya]

I almost had bands.

[Drew]

And. Yeah, I'm going to show you NFL logos. And then you have to tell me what the team name is. Okay.

[Enya]

Should I pull my pants back up?

[Drew]

No. It's kind of a vibe. Like, keep them down.

[Enya]

The. Oh, Green Bay Packers. But that's. It says packers. And I know that because Harry Styles, I think, really liked the Green Bay Packers. I'm not even kidding. Or it's like, I know it's the San Francisco 49ers. I know those are two teams. And I know the San Francisco 49ers.

[Drew]

Because that's who played in the Super Bowl.

[Enya]

Is that. Is that the Rams? I'm like, low key. Cheating. Texas.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's Texas. The Houston Texans.

[Enya]

That's what they're called. Just the Texans. Why are the rest of them. That's Rams, right?

[Drew]

Yeah. Okay. Is that who played? No. You know, a little bit. I just told you who played.

[Enya]

Wait, who played a girl?

[Drew]

49Ers.

[Enya]

The Beatles? I don't know. What is that? Like the Bid. The Bearded Eagles? The Eagles.

[Drew]

The Baltimore Ravens.

[Enya]

Hawks.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Oh.

[Drew]

Or not Hawks. The Falcons.

[Enya]

Oh.

[Drew]

But, like, period. Okay. If you don't get this one, this is the last one. I'll be genuinely upset.

[Enya]

Dallas Cowboys.

[Drew]

Okay. Because I know that cheerleader. I was gonna say that.

[Enya]

Is gonna, like, no. You know, a thing or two.

[Drew]

No. And now you should show me fashion designers that everybody should know and then I can guess.

[Enya]

I feel like you would know them.

[Drew]

No, I know too much.

[Enya]

Yeah, you know way too much.

[Drew]

I. I genuinely. I'm not kidding. And this is not an ego thing at all. I literally know too much. Like, it's at. It's To a point where, like, genuinely, like. Like, it freaks me out.

[Enya]

No, last night on the couch, it was literally cracking me up. Like, I don't even remember our conversation, but we started just, like, talking about humans. And Drew was literally freaking me out because also, I want to make something very clear because there's this idea.

[Drew]

Don't call yourself.

[Enya]

Myself dumb. Like, I downplay it. I call myself dumb because I have from a very young age. I keep standards very low, and I like to call myself dumb so that I surprise people when they find out I'm not actually dumb because I'm not fucking dumb. But I genuinely think I block certain information from my brain for my own sanity, because there are just certain things I shouldn't fucking know. I genuinely, like, I shouldn't know. The World is Strange Magic by ELO starts.

[Drew]

I love that the world is magical. Like, it really, truly is. Like, it is. It is pure magic. Once you go deep enough into, like, I don't know. Once you go deep enough and you start, like, really, like, connecting dots, you're like, oh, like, actually, truly, this is magical also. You know what I found out recently is that, like, quantum experiment, where it's like. Oh, like the. I think it's called, like, the slit experiment, but I'm gonna. I'm gonna, like, put my penis inside of the quantum slit experiment slit.

[Kai]

If you put your penis into the slit and no one sees it, did it go into the slit?

[Drew]

It's like Schrodinger's penis.

[Kai]

Schrodinger's body count.

[Drew]

Yeah, five below.

[Enya]

This feels like the straightest episode we've ever had.

[Drew]

No, I'm just talking about the quantum split.

[Enya]

I don't know what that is.

[Drew]

It's, like, basically, like, the people that do know it is. We've been, like, fooled and lied to. It's not as crazy as it sounds. Like people, really, the idea was, like, that everyone has in their head is that, like, these, like, quantum particles, when they're being observed, they, like, know they're being observed. But I. I can't remember what the real thing is, but I saw Mike T. Not Mike Tyson. What's the other, like, the other dude with the last name Tyson.

[Kai]

Neil DeGrasse Tyson?

[Drew]

Yeah, Neil DeGrasse Tyson. He was like, no, we've, like, been taught wrong our whole life.

[Enya]

Really?

[Drew]

Yeah, but it's. It's not as crazy as it sounds.

[Enya]

Well, whatever that is, I think it happened to me after Halloween.

[Drew]

Like, I genuinely think that quantum immortality, that shit freaks me the fuck out. Hey, guys, I Wanted to take a quick break to thank the sponsor of today's episode, Shopify, y'all. I say it a million times and I'll say it again. Shopify changed not only my life, but your life as well.

[Enya]

Shopify was made for people like me and Drew. Like, yes, we have these amazing brains that can think of such creative, artistically inclined ideas.

[Drew]

I'm a part of the Illuminati and.

[Enya]

But when it comes to building a website, my brain actually shuts down. I couldn't tell you the first thing about running a website, let alone the back end of having to navigate how to keep track of someone's order and let them know their order is coming. Do I have to send a piece of mail out to them? I genuinely don't know how to do that. But Shopify takes care of literally everything. So you can focus on your product and building your business, and Shopify just gives you that lending hand that you need.

[Drew]

Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Aloe yoga and allbirds uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.comintercom all lowercase go to shopify.comintercom to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.comintercom you can get the most important meal of the day any time of day. I'm Talking about the $5 big deal breakfast meal from Jack in the Box, available all day and all night. A breakfast Jack with a freshly cracked egg, a hash brown, and French toast sticks for five bucks. Sounds good for breakfast, lunch, and dinner at Jack. Every bite's a big deal. Order Jack's five dollar big deal breakfast meal now.

[Enya]

Oh, my God. Wait. Should I talk about on Halloween how I fucking fell? Like, I literally busted my ass. I was at a party and I wasn't drunk and I didn't get high because I was like, I don't know how many people at this party I'm gonna know. I was already feeling really anxious and, like, I didn't really want to go out. So I was like, it. I'm just, like, not gonna smoke because earlier in the night, I had smoked and we went to a party with friends who I knew, and even that was, like, overwhelming. So then, like, two hours later, when we ended up at this other party, I was sober and I was like, I am not doing that, bitch. How the fuck did I still fall? Like, I fucking fell. And it's so embarrassing because I got days falling. I. One thing about me is I will be falling at the party.

[Drew]

Like, I will, and it's not Even, like, you're drunk to the point where you're, like, falling over. You just, like, slip and fall.

[Enya]

I just.

[Drew]

It's a curve.

[Enya]

So easily.

[Drew]

Like, your bloodline is about me.

[Enya]

Is like, I. One thing about me is I'm gonna fall, I'm gonna bump into something. I'm gonna wake up with a bruise. Like, I'm just. Like, I'm a clumsy kind of girl. And I was going downstairs behind rain, and she told me all she heard behind her was, like. Like, me falling, and I was loud as fuck. And also, my vocal cords were just prepped to scream like that because the second I got into this party, my puff bar died. So, like, imagine me an hour without nicotine. No substances in my body, only fucking water. And I fell in front of everybody, and it was so humiliating, and it made me laugh really hard. I've just had very embarrassing moments this past weekend because also, I went to a spa, and I won't say who I ran into. I went to a spa alone because I was just. Drew wasn't around. No one was around. I was like, I'm just. I'm on a new mission to, like, find a spot. Like, so I went to this spa, and I was like, this is awesome. I'm never gonna see anybody I know here.

[Drew]

It's really horrible.

[Kai]

Really.

[Drew]

I mean, it's not horrible, but, like.

[Enya]

It'S just so funny. Of course this would happen to me. We have to, like, bleep and, like, blur who I saw. But I had just gotten the worst massage in my life first. Let's start there. I got a massage, and the woman hated me. Like, something about her. She wanted to beat me up. And honestly, God bless. But she was going so fucking hard on my tendons, on my back, like, left shoulder blade. At one point, I was like, can you go a little softer? And she genuinely said, no, you're tense. You need this. And kept beating me up the whole time. So I got out of that, and I already felt weird because I was like, okay, that was, like, the worst massage in my life. Also, actually, it was a hot stone massage. And she gave me third degree burns on my back. Like, I genuinely. Like, it was so hot that at one point I went like, I, like, not kidding, not trying to be funny. Like, anytime I would find comfort and finally fall asleep and got used to the pain she was inflicting on me, she would bring out a new weapon. And her weapon was the fucking stones. You were being stoned so fucking hot. Like, they were the hottest thing that's ever touched my skin. And there was oil on my back. It genuinely felt like it was sizzling on my back, and it hurt so bad. And then I get out of there and I was like, whatever. I'm gonna go do, like, the sauna and cold plunge and then leave. When I walk out, I am, like, near the entrance, and I looked to the left because I heard a familiar voice. And I was like, oh, what? And then I turn, I see, like, someone, and I'm like. And it's fudgeing. But I, like, saw them, and I'm talking to them, and I'm being really awkward because all I can think immediately is I'm like, oh, my God, we're going to see each other naked. We're going to see each other naked. And I don't care. Like, I'm not somebody who cares about being butt naked, nasty around people. But I just like to go into it knowing that and going into something. Like, I didn't prep. Like, I was going to a One Direction concert. We'll just say that I was very much like, who's gonna see me, bro? Like, there was no sounds in the house that was like. Like, before I left, not a single race. I was like. All I could think is I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God, I'm gonna have to see this person naked. Like, they're gonna see me naked. This is so humiliating. I'm gonna freak out. But then she was like, oh, I'm going to get a massage. So I was like, oh, okay, thank God. Like, I'm not gonna see them naked. Why? The were our lockers right next to each other and my freak ass had my vape in the PO robe, and I was like, I need to go put this vape down because, like, I'm gonna jump in the water with it. Or, like, it's just. It's inappropriate for me to be walking around the spa with my fucking vape. So I was like, I'm gonna go put it in the locker. And when I was turning the corner, I, like, turned and I saw both of them naked. And I, like, went to go away fast, but had turned and looked at me. And I literally, oh, my God, my pants sounded so awkward. And, like, walked in covering my eyes. I walked in covering my eyes, and then she made fun of me, and she was like, oh, my God. Like, it's not that big of a deal. And I was like, yeah. And then somebody else was in front of my locker, so I just had to stand. But I didn't tell you this. I just had to stand between them while they were naked and I was in a robe and just looking away from them because I was like. And they were talking to me, but I just couldn't.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

I couldn't face them because I was like. I. Like, also, I think the other thing is it just felt inappropriate because I wasn't naked, so it felt like I was being pervy because also, like, they're both very gorgeous. I find them attractive, like, as people, and I'm not close enough to them. So it was just, like, this really weird interaction. I think I was over reading it.

[Drew]

Yeah, they definitely talked mad shit about you after. They were like, enya was being so fucked up.

[Enya]

All I could think is I was like, I'm being so creepy. I'm, like, literally being creepy right now.

[Drew]

Yeah, I love the word creepy.

[Enya]

You know what? It is, too. As I was thinking about it, I was like. I think I was overanalyzing it too, because, like, this is somebody who, like, both of them are, like, so attractive. Like, I've, like, told friends that I, like, think, like, is cute. And, like, I was like, fuck. I feel like that's gotten back to her. So I'm, like, really actively trying not to be a fucking creep right now. Like, I'm trying. I'm trying so hard not to be a creep that I'm coming off. Really?

[Drew]

Really? You putting your hands up is, like, the funniest visual ever, because that is so not you. Like, you were so shocked and stunned that you put your hand in front of your face. Like, I don't know that. That. That visual is, like, so.

[Enya]

And it makes no sense because I'm straight. So I don't know why I was acting exactly, because. Ew. But, yeah, I was trying really hard not to be creepy. And I think I just made don't.

[Drew]

Say it about girls.

[Enya]

And then I also. On top of everything, I ended up running into them one more time at the bathroom before they went to the massage. And I was talking to them and, like, one of them was like, oh, your headphones are, like, so interesting because I had the little, like, Beats headphones that go in your ear, and I pulled it out and I was like, oh, yeah, Like, I love these headphones. Blah, blah. And we, like, talked about them for a second, and then I was like, all right, I'm gonna go, like, enjoy your massage. We split off into separate ways. I go in the sauna and I sit in there for, like, 15 minutes. And all I could Think about is, like, what is wrong with me? Like, I felt like the way you felt when you interacted with that Uber.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. We never talked about that. Oh, my God, dude, I was in this Uber, and we were on the way home from the Conan concert, and, like, Josiah was, like, playing, like, awesome, good music. Like, it was. It was a great playlist. And I could tell, like, the Uber driver was, like, vibing with it too. And, like, he turned it up.

[Enya]

Songs up.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, he would turn them up really loud without us asking. And it was just like, a little party in our Uber. And then, like, when we were getting out, he was like. He was like, that was like, a really nice, like, vibe you curated. Like, those were like. That was a good playlist. And I was like, you like that? As I was getting out of the Uber, I just like that. I was like, you like that? And I got out of the car immediately and was like, oh, my fucking God, I hate myself. I'm so fucking stupid and awkward and, like, why. Why can't I talk to people? And I was, like, having a fucking meltdown for, like, 20 minutes after because.

[Enya]

Like, oh, my God, you like that?

[Drew]

You like that? Like, and it wasn't even, like, oh, it wasn't even supposed to be funny. I was just, like, genuinely, like, having a conversation with him. It felt dead silent. Like, it was like, I know the.

[Enya]

Car and, like, ran into the apartment.

[Drew]

It was so awkward, y'all. And, like, I have so many moments like that where, like, I am just so bad at talking to people. Like, even people that I, like, have known for years and years and years. Like, I still am, like, intimidated by their presence for some reason. And I don't know if it's because, like, when I was meeting them, I. I all had them on, like, a pedestal and, like, da da da da da da da da. And, like, now I see them as my friends, and I. I don't know if there's this, like, weird psychological, like.

[Enya]

Breaks through every now and then. Oh, my God, like, look at who I'm talking.

[Drew]

Yeah, I don't know. It's. It's such a bizarre thing. But then, like, it takes me, like, maybe three minutes to, like, get into it. And then once I'm in it, like, I'm a hootenhauler.

[Enya]

I was not. I was quite literally anything but a hootin holler.

[Drew]

You were a creep and a perv.

[Enya]

I was being freaky as fuck. And then I finally, like, removed myself from the situation. I'm in the Sauna, removing yourself from the situation. I finally have, like, de escalated and like, walked myself off a cliff. And I was like, it's okay, like, you're overthinking it. Because my immediate thought was like, to text them and be like, I am so sorry if I was awkward, but I've been trying not to do that because, like, it just makes. Makes things awkward and it's all in my head and I'm faking it and like, what is I make.

[Drew]

And if it is awkward, you don't need.

[Enya]

It doesn't matter. Because, like, they, like, I will never know if they, like, see me like that. Like, it doesn't matter. Blah, blah, blah. Like, and I. I finally just, like, I had removed myself from that. And then I'm sitting in the sauna. I'm like, damn, I'm about to knock out. I need to go get in the cold plunge. And mind you, my headphones that I just.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, I fell asleep in the sauna, by the way.

[Enya]

Really?

[Drew]

Like, I fully, fully fell asleep. And then I, like, woke up and was like. Because, like, I was so hot and overheating. I was like, oh, my God. I, like, almost just died. Like, my body woke me up at the perfect time before death, but sorry.

[Enya]

And then I'm like, listening to my music and I'm getting into it because I'm listening to, like, my new playlist. I'm like, damn, these songs are so good. Like, I feel good. And I'm like, smiling to myself because I'm in such a good mood because I love cold plunges so much. I'm like, oh, my God, like, it's so awesome. I, like, put my foot in a little bit and I was so overheated that I didn't even feel cold. And I was like, like, this is amazing. And I just jump in and I'm like, in there for like three minutes, just kind of like dunking my head in and like, like, damn, my music stopped. Like, why did my music stop? That was such a vibe. I got in the cold plunge with my headphones. And then I proceeded to look embarrassing as. Because I got out and I tried to act casual, but I was freaking out and I was taking them out and, like, drying them. And also the, like, soft parts of the earbuds fell into, like, the big used towel thing. So then I looked like more like a pervert. You were smelling naked in the sauna, like, digging through this towel.

[Drew]

Soiled towel.

[Enya]

And then I just had to give up because there was, like, a few girls behind me, I was like, fuck. Like, I have the kind of ass where you just see butthole and you don't see cheeks. And I was like, I need to stop, like, bending over in front of them.

[Drew]

I hate bending over in the. This when I, like, am in the locker room. Butt, ass naked. This is how I bend over. Like, if I drop something, I, like, crouch down because I. No one is allowed to see my butthole.

[Enya]

Oh, man. Yeah, that was my.

[Drew]

This is the video that inspired me.

[Enya]

That's where I've been at mentally.

[Drew]

This is the video that inspired me, by the way. Like, look.

[Enya]

Damn. It's actually impressive.

[Drew]

Like, he's taking on four big ass dogs. And then the other cat was saved. There was another one that I saw that was even like, more goat.

[Enya]

Oh, also in terms of, like, read receipts being psychological warfare. So is the citizen app, because my phone somehow sensed I was home alone for the first time in, like, over a year. I haven't spent time alone fully to myself in so long. And I was on such a good vibe. I was, like, not fearful of my life. I didn't think I was going to be murdered, which is genuinely, like, such a relief. And then it is a like 11 something and I get a random notification that I can't see because, like, show. Because it has an address in it. It just said like, 0.3 miles away, a new sexual offender just moved onto your street. Okay, first of all, it's midnight. I know he didn't, like, register. Like, he didn't get the application for that home right now. Also, why would you send that to me as a notification? Like, that's not something I want to just randomly be reminded. And then I sat and I looked through how many fucking I've done that before live near me. And I genuinely was shaking in fear. And I was convinced I was going to be killed. And then I watched a murder documentary.

[Drew]

I was going to say, y'all, you know, like, we're like, going through it down bad tremendously because, like, we're watching murder shows again. And that's how I gauge my mental health. Now I can't, like, have an internal dialogue with myself anymore because, like, I'm so fucking deranged. And I don't want to think thoughts is I look at, like, physical things that I'm, like, consuming or doing. And I am watching people murder their friends and family or people's friends and family getting murdered by a random fucking person. And oh, my God, it is so, like, I hate that. I love it. I hate That I love it because it's so fascinating to me to see, like. Like, how these people get caught and whatever.

[Enya]

It's really just like, I feel like I'm solving the mystery with you.

[Drew]

I cannot believe that I literally only got two weeks of not being seasonally depressed. Like, I feel like two weeks ago was, like, the first day that the veil lifted and I was like, oh, my God. Like, I actually feel good. Like, I feel, like, lighter. Like, oh, my God, seasonal depression is over. Like, it only lasted nine months. It only lasted nine months, bitch. I'm back in it. Like, I'm immediately back in it.

[Enya]

Like, I know, bro. I literally had dinner yesterday at 5:30pm and I. I think that's also what set me off, is I had dinner way too early, and then I looked at the time and it was 7pm.

[Drew]

That'S how I feel every night. I'm like, can I just. Like, can it be midnight so I can go to bed?

[Enya]

Go the fuck.

[Drew]

Like, I don't want to be awake.

[Enya]

And it's so cold in the house that I literally also, like, blah, blah, blah, complain, complain, complain. But this is just really where I'm at. I wanted a heated blanket so bad because I've been dying in the house, and I went to Target and a CVS and they didn't have it. And I sat in the car for hours. Like, the whole time I was gone yesterday, I was just in my car. Like, I wasn't in any. I was in both of those shops for a maximum of five minutes each. And then I. They didn't have it. And then I tried to instacart it from, like, a Kohl's that's, like, fucking five miles away. And they didn't have it either. So I just froze over in bed last night. And that's my story. And I ordered a heated blanket. But I'm also scared. Like, I feel like I'm the kind of person who will die from a heated blanket, because every night before I go to bed, I look at my heater, and I'm genuinely convinced it's gonna set on fire and kill me. Like, I know heaters don't just explode, but I. I genuinely feel like mine is destined to explode.

[Drew]

Yeah, yours is.

[Enya]

Like, kill me.

[Drew]

Yeah, I think yours is gonna explode and kill you.

[Enya]

And I can't sleep with it on because I'm convinced it's gonna kill me. And then I turn it off, and I have to wake up in the middle of the night and turn it back on because it might Sleepy haze. I'm like, whatever. If this explodes, I don't give a fuck. But before I go to bed, I'm like, the killer is here.

[Drew]

I love sleeping with the heater. Well, I realized I can't think.

[Enya]

You can't think?

[Drew]

I can't think straight when I'm not home and a package gets delivered. Like, there's something, like, in my brain that, like, it's the only thing I'm fixated on. And I'm like. Like, it's not even. Like, I'm worried about it getting stolen. There is an element of that in there, but it's literally like. Like, it's. It's all I can think about. And it could be, like, the most minuscule, like, meaningless, like, parcel ever, but if I know that it's sitting on my front porch and, like, I just.

[Enya]

Want to open that.

[Drew]

Open it like, I want it right now. Like.

[Enya]

Like I could have an empty box. Or, like, if I could have a box delivered to my door every morning, even just with my morning coffee in there, I would be so happy even just to rip it open. Like, even if there was just a letter in there with, like, a receipt and nothing else in there. Just the joy of opening a box.

[Drew]

Something that was sitting on your front porch.

[Enya]

Yeah, it was, like, made for me. Like, that was for me. This was handcrafted with the expectation that Enya Humanzor would open it. But then also, once I bring that box inside, it actually makes me want to fucking blow the house up because I can't stand a box.

[Drew]

I hate fucking boxes, y'all. They just sit like.

[Kai]

We know, we know.

[Enya]

What are you trying to say? You know, that sounded crazy. Oh, that sounded crazy. My God.

[Drew]

I really. I really love a vagina, but I hate a box.

[Enya]

No, I can't stand. I can't stand when there's a box in the house. Like, I will genuinely go out and do. Like, if I need to run an errand and grab something, say I, like, ran out of foundation, I will go to the store, buy the foundation, and whatever other piece of useless I somehow got while I was out.

[Drew]

Don't take any, bro.

[Enya]

I will unbox everything before I get into the house because the last.

[Drew]

Don't take your girl to Sephora. For real. Don't take your girl to Sephora. No.

[Enya]

Oh, the last thing I want to do.

[Drew]

Don't hit me.

[Enya]

Also, the masked singer genuinely needs to stop.

[Drew]

Like, the creepiest show ever.

[Enya]

It is the weirdest thing. Like, I remember you talking about that one time.

[Drew]

Whatever.

[Enya]

It's funny. What the is the point of that? Like, I. I still don't understand this point of the show. Like, are the. Are the judges supposed to guess who's behind the mask? Because also, I feel like I could hear anyone singing, and if I didn't see their face or it wasn't an artist I listened to all the time, how the am I supposed to know who you are?

[Drew]

Wasn't Jojo Siwa like, a masked singer? I think she was, yeah. And is it, like, a new person every episode, or is it, like, a group of mass singers that, like, get voted off because they're not as good as the other ones? And at the very end, they do, like, a big reveal, and it's like, I don't know how it works. Or is it, like, the point of.

[Enya]

The mass singer is to keep the identities of the celebrity contestants a secret while they compete in a singing competition? So it is a competition. The goal is for the contestants to keep up as the judges and audience vote for their favorite singer. The mass celebs with the least number of votes must unveil their true selves. Oh, so it's a humiliation ritual.

[Drew]

Yeah. At the end of the day.

[Enya]

At the end of the day. That's all it is at the end of the day. But, like, the costumes is literally. I can't believe we made fun of furries for so long. And then the mass singer happened, like, are you dead fucking serious? Also, some of these, like, costumes suck dick and creepy. They are the weirdest thing ever. Like, what do you mean? That's a Victorian cheetah.

[Drew]

Like, literally. That one reminds me of, like, Hunter X Hunter. I kind of like the panda. What the fuck is this? Is that a fly? Is that a sexy fly?

[Enya]

Yeah, I think it's a sexy spider. I don't know.

[Drew]

It's got wings, though. But the panda's kind of cute. Ew, These are creepy, bro. The beady eyes. I don't know how to get back to those, because we should send those. Yeah, the masked singer, period. Like, unless I'm on there, that'd be kind of iconic if I was, like, a mass singer.

[Enya]

You, like, can't sing to save your life.

[Drew]

I know, but it would be, like, a funny moment. It would be like the, like, the joke character they always bring on to, like, America's Got Talent, where it's, like, so very obvious.

[Enya]

What would your animal be? You're gonna say some weird shit, like, a bug.

[Drew]

Probably a dog, because I got that dog in me.

[Enya]

Oh, the puppy. You could be the dog.

[Drew]

Yeah, the dog that votes Fuck.

[Enya]

Fuck, fuck. I was gonna say something I forgot.

[Drew]

I sit in bed with the anxiety of I need to stop just, like, trying to read my notes verbatim because it never, ever works out for me.

[Enya]

I know when I read them verbatim, I have to add a bunch of words because I also do voice to text a lot of times, and I don't know what about my voice. Siri does not know what the fuck I'm saying half the time.

[Drew]

But I was trying to say I sit in bed with the same anxiety level of a human that was being hunted for sport. And it's literally just me actually just scrolling on my phone. And I feel like I'm literally gonna die at some points. Like, I'm literally laying there and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I am so close to death.

[Enya]

We have just strayed so far from.

[Drew]

Our purpose, the plot. We have strayed so far lost. Like, we need to, like, go back to the forest or something. Like, really bad.

[Enya]

Like, I think me and Drew are genuinely getting very close to spiritual psychosis. Like, we always joke about it, but I'm like, it gets to a point, like, recently I've just felt out of breath. Like, just from existing. Like, I have to keep catching my breath, and it feels like every waking moment, I am on the verge of a panic attack. All that has to be said to me is one, like, sentence, and it will send me there. Drew almost sent me there yesterday when you were talking about, like, evolution.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Like, I literally. I had to stop. I had to stop the conversation because I was like, dude, like, this is too much. Because also, mind you, like, 20 minutes later, I downloaded a game on my PS5 called Squirrel with a Gun Gun.

[Drew]

And it was the greatest thing that's ever happened to India for, like, five minutes. She was like, drew, come look at this. Drew, no, seriously, come look at this game I'm playing. And I was like, how much is it? And she was like, oh, it was 20 bucks. And I, like, almost fell to the floor. I was like, I could not believe that you spent 20 bucks on that shitty game.

[Enya]

And I'm going to play the out of it. Like, I think I'm going to stream it without saying anything. Like, I'm not going to have, like, voice chat on or anything. I just want to stream it because. Because, like, dude, that was, like, the most at ease. My brain has felt, like, to just be a squirrel also. Then I got really sad yesterday because I was like, fuck, I Like, would have. Oh, that's what was freaking me out is I feel like I'd have such a good life as a monkey. Like, oh, I'd be so happy. And I wish I was Michael Jackson's monkey. Like, I wish I was Bubbles, because, you know, Bubbles was living it up.

[Drew]

Yeah, Bubbles. Bubbles had a good life. Well, when I don't text someone back, it's because I saw the text and I was scrolling on TikTok and I didn't want to respond and that's truly okay and acceptable. But when someone doesn't text me back, it's because they want me to die and they fucking hate my guts. And I truly, I truly believe that. Like, to make. Okay, what did I do?

[Enya]

Talk about people not texting you back is crazy.

[Drew]

Like, what did I do? Like, actually, like, what did I do for you to treat me this way?

[Enya]

I just, like, I can't remember the last time I didn't get a text back and it like killed me. There is like one scenario, but that was kind of work involved. So I think that's why it bothered me so much. This episode is brought to you by.

[Drew]

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[Enya]

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[Drew]

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[Enya]

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[Drew]

He came by my school for career.

[Enya]

Day and said he was a big roas man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day.

[Drew]

Not everyone gets B2B but with LinkedIn you'll be able to reach people who do. Get a hundred dollar credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com campaign to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com campaign. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be. To be.

[Enya]

But I don't know if I'm somebody. Like, when someone doesn't text me back, I kind of get like this overwhelming feeling of relief, like I've been freed. Like you freed the genie. Like, I literally, like, I feel like the fucking genie.

[Drew]

Yeah. Because when you do text someone back, it's like opening Pandora's box in a way. And it's like a whole conversation going.

[Enya]

I have to keep. Keep saying things and I have to keep thinking of new things to say. Like, I don't want to think of anything else to say unless I just. I'm like, I don't have a burning desire to speak anymore. I think I need to. I think I need to get hit in the head.

[Drew]

I was going to say I need a 72 hour psychiatric hold. I truly, I think that. I'm not joking. I think that would save everything for me. But I don't know if I would make it out. I think I might. I think I might get trapped in the system because I'm so crazy. They'd be like, how are you feeling? And I would be like, oh, yeah. The, like, Illuminati is like recruiting me right now because I genuinely believe they are Kai. Because I have something to show you after this that I'm not gonna fucking mention on this goddamn podcast because it's genuinely fucking creepy. It scared the shit out of me. And I had just gotten back at home after a long travel day. I didn't sleep a fucking wink on my goddamn flight home because I don't. I literally don't know why. And I watched Disturb Ya, which freaked me the fuck out because I was like, cool. The killer lives next door to me. Also, Shia LaBeouf is, like, a decent actor. Yeah. And it was just like, really?

[Kai]

Just like, wait, did you guys see Megalopolis?

[Drew]

Yes. It was so horrible.

[Kai]

It was ass.

[Drew]

It was horrible. It was like literally butt crack. It wasn't even ass. Like, it was like, so, so terrible. Like, I literally. But I will say it made me kind of happy for him to be able to create that movie because it felt like it was like his, like, dying wish. He was like, we're gonna change the world. And it was like, sweet in that way. But I got home and I was like, already teetering on, like a psychiatric break. And I walk into the front door and I'm like, oh, I got a package.

[Enya]

The package was scary.

[Drew]

The contents of the package was quite literally the most horrifying thing I've ever received in my life.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew]

Yes. Like, genuine. Like, genuine terror. Like, my blood went cold. And I texted everybody, and I was like, like, who did this? Who the did this? And everyone was like, it wasn't me. It wasn't me. It wasn't even. It wasn't me. And I even texted, like, my family, and I was like, did y'all do this? And they were like, no. It's, like, really genuinely cooked for me.

[Enya]

Well, I. This is going to sound like a very ignorant thought, and I'm not naive. I understand that this is a necessity because we have just gone too far with plastic. But something about a recycled plastic container holding the food I'm eating doesn't sit right with me. Like, I don't want to eat my sloppy soup out of a recycled container, because all I can think about when I look at it is, like, literally, what the fuck was this plastic before this? Like, it quite literally could have been a rose toy. Like, I. We don't know how anything is.

[Drew]

I want that plastic.

[Enya]

Like, I know, like, when you burn it down, like, the bacteria gets killed, but something. Something is so evil about it. Like, I don't want my things, and I'll always do it. Like, I don't give a. Like, yeah. Per. Recycle. Like, yeah, stuff.

[Drew]

But give me plastic straws back.

[Enya]

I can't stand a paper straw. I'm so sorry.

[Drew]

Like, I don't give a If that's, like, if I'm over. Because I believe that. But, like, I. Give me a bottle of kanapin and a couple landmines, and I will get plastic straws back into our ecosystem. Like, I'm serious.

[Kai]

Well, haven't you had the plant ones? Those are pretty good, though.

[Enya]

The, like, the, like, brown. Like.

[Kai]

Yeah, they're kind of. Like.

[Enya]

They're like.

[Drew]

They're kind of plasticky.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

I think that's just fucking plastic. And they're just, like, making it brown because humans are stupid.

[Drew]

And they're, like, like, 98% plastic. But since there's no, like, FDA regulations, they can claim the 2%. Like, plan.

[Enya]

Like, the weird fork. Like, I hate a wooden fork, too. Like, a wooden.

[Drew]

I love a wooden fork.

[Enya]

The texture of it dragging my fucking skin.

[Drew]

It reminds me of being in school and eating, like, a cup of ice cream. Like, blue bell ice cream.

[Kai]

I like chewing on, biting down, accidentally on, like, you know, with ice cream, they have those little, like, spoons that come with it. And if you bite down on that. I. Makes my body, like, collapse.

[Drew]

Flavors the ice cream. Like, it makes it, like wood flavored. Like, if you get a vanilla with.

[Kai]

A wooden spoon, if you bite it, you don't cringe. I thought that was, like, a human reaction.

[Enya]

Like, I. I like a basic human. There's a difference. Like, I like to chew on it. Like, if I. If I eat a Popsicle, that wood is getting it crazy. Like, I am chewing on that stick till literally, it's like.

[Drew]

I think I really just like wood products.

[Enya]

But if I'm, like, eating something, I. For me, it's more so like, grazing my teeth by accident or grazing my lip by accident.

[Drew]

Have y'all ever eaten tinfoil? Like, bit, like, chewed on tinfoil?

[Kai]

Horrible.

[Drew]

Like, that truly, like, is the worst sensation ever. But that is also coming from someone who, like, genuinely ate paper for, like, nine years of his life.

[Enya]

I was just about to say, if I could go back in time and do anything, I would eat the brown paper from school.

[Drew]

I would eat. I would eat just regular white printer paper. Or the suckers. Like, the paper sucker sticks. I would, like, bite into them.

[Enya]

Oh, like a lollipop.

[Drew]

Yeah. Unroll it and eat it. Like.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

That's probably why I have stomach issues now.

[Enya]

Well, I ate those and I'm fine. You have stomach issues because I was.

[Drew]

Addicted to Percocet in high school and I think it seized my colon permanently. Yeah. Story for another time.

[Enya]

But, yeah, I think if I could go back to school and just, like, eat some paper, put it in the water, throw it at the ceiling, I think that would help a lot for my.

[Drew]

I really do think it would shift things. I think it would.

[Enya]

I literally feel like. I genuinely feel like I broke the code. Like, I think falling at that party, like, did something. Like, I ended up in a. I fell into a different timeline.

[Drew]

Another dimension. Another dimension. Another dimension. Another dimension. Well, the scariest haunted house that I experienced this year was my own when I finally cleaned the. Or hung up the pile of clean clothes on the floor of my bedroom. I am normally so good about hanging up my clean clothes. Like, it's the first thing I do. And I. One thing that Kaia said to me that has literally, like, become a permanent reminder in my brain anytime I'm doing laundry. And, like, I don't know why, but it, like, has stuck with me. And it's like Jonathan, like, saying I had a good nose. Like, that stuck with me forever. Kai, one time I was, like, doing laundry in front of him and I, like, before I Hang up all my shirts. I, like, fold them, and I put them on a pot, like, in a pile on my bed. And then I grab my hangers and I, like, like, hang up the folded clothes in my closet. Like, I unfold them, hang them up. And Kai was like, why are you folding your clothes? To hang them up. Like, you are literally wasting so much time.

[Enya]

I know. I didn't know you did that.

[Drew]

And it has. Literally every single time I'm doing laundry, I think of you, Kai, because of that comment.

[Enya]

Do you still fold your clothes before?

[Drew]

Yeah, of course. It's more of, like, an organization thing. Like, it's like, okay, there's like, a pile of.

[Kai]

So weird.

[Drew]

It's like, there's a pile of my shirt, there's a pile of my sweaters, there's a pile of my hoodies, there's a pile of my pants, there's a pile of my underwear, there's a pile of my socks. And then I can go through and hang them up by the pile. Because, like, doing it, like, pulling it out and, like, hanging it up and throwing it in and just having, like, a bunch of random clothes, like, this.

[Kai]

Is like, some serial killer shit.

[Enya]

I know. I'm like, what?

[Drew]

No. Someone out there relates, because it's like, it just feels so, like, like, primal to just, like, pick out a pair of underwear and fold it and put it away and then hang up a shirt right after.

[Enya]

I, like, kind of get that. But I don't fold the clothes. Like, I fold the clothes that need to be folded, and I make all my little piles. And then anything that needs to be hung, I, like, have, like, a pile of shirts that need to be hung or jackets that need to be hung or skirts that need to be hung. And I, like, line them up, but I don't fucking fold them, you freak. Bitch. Oh, my God, you're really weird. And it makes me, like, look at you in a different light. Um, well, next time I leave the house and I haven't filled up my tank and I'm rushing somewhere and my. My car needs to be filled up, and I'm, like, rushing and running more late than I already am, I think I'm just gonna kill myself. Yeah, I feel that because I hate. Also, I just hate gas station pumps. Because in Miami.

[Drew]

Wait, should we kill ourselves together?

[Enya]

I think so. Like, that's kind of what it's giving. If we got rid of ourselves at the same time, we wouldn't have to worry about how it would make each other feel.

[Drew]

Yeah, I have to Die before my family and Enya. Because I realized that if Anya dies before me and all of my family members die before me, I'm going to be the creepy, pervy, old fucking nasty man in the government owned, like, insane asylum old folks home where, like all of the STDs are going around, like, and I'm just going to be like, lonely and creepy. Oh, STDs are like, rampant in old folks homes.

[Enya]

Really?

[Drew]

Yes. It's like a genuine problem. Like, they all have mad STDs because they're banging each other.

[Enya]

Get freaky deaky while you can. Like, time is clicking.

[Drew]

No, literally. Yeah.

[Kai]

I wonder how much a syphilis diagnosis at 98, like, really fucks with you.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

What? I don't give a fuck.

[Drew]

Like, like I'm just going to spread this shit to, like, I don't give a fuck. I mean, I already do spread my STDs around. Like, I have sex with people without telling them that I have them.

[Enya]

That's illegal and that's awful.

[Kai]

Okay, but you're not supposed to do that.

[Drew]

Oh, and I'm not supposed to send unsolicited dick pics next. Like, what the fuck? You can't do, like, anything anymore. Like, the liberals are ruining this.

[Enya]

Dude, if I found out that was like, what you were getting up to, I genuinely be so mad. Like, anytime we talk about a hypothetical like that more than anything, I. It just pisses me off at the idea of like, any of my friends doing some like, that I'd be like, bro, for what? Like, why would you do that? You could have just been chilling and like, having a good life and you destroyed it. For what? Well, when I'm old. I already said this last week. I'm gonna have a spectacular death. But I didn't talk about my funeral. I want like a destination funeral.

[Drew]

I was going to say I want to go on tour. Like, I want my body to be embalmed and I go on like a stadium tour.

[Enya]

I know. I want a destination funeral that's covered by Vogue. Like, it's a wedding. Like, that's what I want. I want like all my girls to get gowns.

[Drew]

Her casket was designed by Loewe.

[Enya]

I'm going to have like, it was.

[Drew]

Oh, it's like your casket is like a Loewe, like, purse. Like, texture with leather, like, weave leather.

[Enya]

Okay. But coffins are really expensive. So, like, actually don't like, genuinely burn me. Come on.

[Drew]

Like, I was thinking, I was like, I don't think I want to be burned When I die anymore, like, I don't think I want that. Like, I think I want to be like buried next to a tree or like buried. Not in a cemetery. Do not put me in a cemetery. Like, I swear to God, if I find out that I'm put in a goddamn cemetery when I die, all of you are for real, unironically getting haunted because that. Oh, hell no. So I need to be like buried like, like in the middle of like a forest with a seed planted on top of me.

[Enya]

I think I want to be married. Like a dog who got hit by a car.

[Drew]

Oh, in the backyard. Like a rock on top.

[Enya]

Roll me under there and like, yeah, put a rock on top so everybody remembers, like, oh yeah.

[Drew]

And it's like painted.

[Enya]

Yeah, that's what I want. Or like, honestly what I want is like, I don't give a. Like that's how I genuinely feel. Like once I am dead, I don't give a. That has actually nothing to do with me. How you choose to like treat my body after that, that is your fucking business. But actually don't do an open casket because that's pushing it. Because I know I'm gonna look up like, don't do that.

[Drew]

I saw something that was really dark sided and sad about someone's like, mom talking. Like the, the daughter was like, I was. I hate that. Like I saw my like sibling looking like that. Like I. I would never want an open casket for myself. And then the mom said something like really dark sided and sad and like poetic and was just like, well like, like that's the last time I can hold her or something. I don't know. It wasn't, it wasn't that gay. But it was like really, it was really deep.

[Enya]

But this is a really morbid episode.

[Drew]

Well, I can talk about. Oh, this is a good one. Those. I don't know if y'all remember.

[Enya]

Think I'm going to go skydiving and cut up my parachute.

[Drew]

Okay, I don't know if y'all remember this, but those Godamn reversed songs genuinely had me feel like I was tapping into something like deeply sacred. Like some like really esoteric like Illuminati level of knowledge. Like backward songs, dude, when they would reverse songs and it would be like it sounded like demonic chants like that like really had me feeling like that Requiem for a Dream song. Let me play it. Like the. Hold on.

[Enya]

The things that make you think are so fun, funny, like I really can't make fun of you because I'm like headed down that Same path, I think, just, like, the older I get, like, I genuinely. I used to be like, drew's gonna be a crazy old person. I think I'm gonna be right there next to you because I'm losing it.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's it. Like, when I heard those song, I legitimately always was like, I'm putting the pieces together. Like, I'm solving deep, deep mysteries. Like, that song is so good, though, but, like, the context of it.

[Kai]

Wasn't it, like, a Beatles song that you play backwards?

[Drew]

Let's look one up. Billie Eilish has one in this video.

[Enya]

Billy Eilish's song. When the.

[Drew]

Kill it, kill it Scold the girl. Yeah. Mumbling whisper noises no way out Wish to tell him I'm in hell Wait.

[Enya]

These never sat with me. They never, like, struck a chord with me.

[Drew]

This exact video. Proof of subliminal messages. Now backwards, okay. Oh, the Beatles won All the people now backwards. The war beside me the people war beside me okay. I shot John Lennon, Yoko. Uno, Kiss, Kiss, Kiss. Forward.

[Enya]

Okay, that's like. I just want to know, like, oh, wait, who made this video? And, like, at what point were they just listening to songs? And they were like, I need to hear this background.

[Drew]

I need to hear it back. I mean, Apex Twin has always done some, like, really creepy, like, with his music with, like, the visualizer.

[Enya]

And he's always done, like, good. Like, he. A lot of his beats, he, like, will play backwards, and, like, vocals will play backwards, and that's how you get that.

[Drew]

Like, he samples his, like, own music. He's really sick. Small artists, y'all wouldn't know about him.

[Enya]

I mean, even Fk Twigs did that in that one song. Like, I can't think of the name.

[Drew]

Do. Have y'all ever heard of Bjork?

[Enya]

Who is that?

[Drew]

She's, like, this small, like, musician.

[Enya]

That's her music. Probably sounds like shit. Like, I actually don't give a fuck.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, she makes good music, but I feel like she's not known at all.

[Enya]

Well, I don't know her, so she must be nobody, sis.

[Drew]

Okay? Last thing I want to talk about is Jalen Colbert making lamps out of our characters.

[Enya]

Oh, my God, it's so awesome.

[Drew]

Like, so goaded. Literally, so goaded.

[Enya]

And the last thing I want to talk about is these are my Curses of the week and.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you starting a new segment called India's Curses of the Week. It's a working title.

[Enya]

Yeah, we're working on it. But right now, here are my hexes. That I'm giving out to people. And this week, I was going a little light. We've already had a morbid episode, so I'll keep it light. People who are rude to customer service workers, specifically the man who was rude and aggressive to my little sister, you will be perishing. And I am casting chaos and bloodshed onto your bloodline. Your children will have the most dark, sinister futures. They will perish. Everyone in your bloodline will have. Have awful, awful lives.

[Drew]

We bought Etsy spells.

[Enya]

Yeah, I'm buying Etsy spells for you. And then the men who stand too close to me in line at the airport, those are the people who I'm cursing. I'm so sorry, but you will not be waking up tomorrow. Yeah, just something light.

[Drew]

And also, Inya foundation found your address.

[Enya]

Oh, no, I actually did.

[Drew]

And you found your address and you found all of your socials.

[Enya]

This man attacked my sister at her job. I found. I know, like, that man will never see this, but trust and believe. I know your name. I know your address. I know your birthday. I know, like, where you live, your life, your children. I know how many civil Facebook accounts I. I have. Everything. And you will perish and burn. And if I see anybody at my new thing is, I'm about to turn into Zorro. I'm about to go out and find all you who are rude to customer service because something is fucking wrong with you. You will perish. You will burn. You will fucking die. You will pay for your sins. You are better than nobody. You think you could just walk into an establishment and belittle somebody who's just trying to do their job just like the fucking rest of us? They're just trying to live and work and live a life, and you will die. You will have such a painful, painful chill, chill, chill.

[Drew]

Because who am I supposed to yell at if I'm having a bad day?

[Enya]

Not the.

[Drew]

No. I always yell at my waiters. Like, I always scream in their face.

[Enya]

Drew, don't do that.

[Drew]

Yeah, I just feel like they, like, I can't even say it. Drew. Psy up, Coiner. If your girl can change attire and you can't, it's your job to scream during sex.

[Enya]

That's good.

[Drew]

You'll be having a good day. Than someone your age has their. You'll be having a good day. Then someone your age announces they're buying a house.

[Enya]

Like, literally, get the away from me, Dude. Somebody like our age accomplishing anything and telling me. I'm like.

[Drew]

Like, literally, get the away from me. Actually, get the away from me.

[Enya]

You're actually doing that? Like, what do you mean? Am I supposed to be doing that?

[Drew]

Because I, like, can't ugly be like, my dudes gotta be at least six. Two you make me six to my stomach and then the last one. Sorry. I only talk to people whose soul I recognize from a previous life. When I read that, that truly resonated with me in a way that I, like, could not even, like, comprehend or verbalize because, like, that's really what it is. Like, every friend, every person I've ever interacted with that I have a long, meaningful relations relationship with, I know off the first. I know their soul. I know off of, like, the first look, I know off the first couple words. I know off, like, just so many factors that are like, borderline bordering. Like, not even from this, like, plane of existence.

[Enya]

I also feel like there's that weird thing, like, we meet people sometimes too, where I have a really good night with them and I genuinely want to hang out with them, but my soul isn't reaching for them the way I reach for other people. And it feels like I'm building the foundation for my next life. And then when our souls intertwine, it'll be like, oh, my God, I feel like we've met. That I won't be alive next week.

[Drew]

I'm one. One singular karmatic cycle away from. Yeah, never mind.

[Enya]

Okay, thank you guys for watching.

[Drew]

No, we haven't done Media Bab.

[Enya]

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Drew]

Well, mine is Lux Atna by Clint Mansell, period. Just heard that and then. Ooh, what did I watch? I watched something. Oh, I watched Disturbia. That was really good. I watched the Borderlands movie. That was a box office disaster. I thought it was going to be like the worst movie I've ever seen. And it was very, very close to it. It wasn't fully there yet, but that's simply be. Because. That's simply because it preyed upon my nostalgia. And I love the Border Land game games. So it was like, okay for me. It's okay. And then I've been watching a lot of gay porn. Just studying. Really, like, like, just like trying to understand that those choices.

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah, that's how I feel too. I'm like, why would you ever want to do this? I just. I'm trying to understand Trouble by Lindsay Buckingham. I have listened to that song.

[Drew]

Where does the penis go? Like, when it's guy on guy, Like, I really just need to know. Does it go inside the other penis?

[Enya]

Yeah, it kind of like opens up like an alien sucker.

[Drew]

Oh, it, like, bites it.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Who. Who decides whose gets eaten?

[Enya]

It's kind of like. It's like how we were talking about past lives. When you, like, meet someone and it's like, that's how it is. It's just, like, our souls. No, but My media is Trouble by Lindsay Buckingham and Chasing Moving Trains by Roy Blair. That album, awesome. And I've actually been listening to it a bunch, so.

[Drew]

She listened to it while getting ready this morning, Per.

[Enya]

And that's it for media.

[Kai]

Oh, do I get to do it this week? Hey, let's go. My media's porn. I love jacking off to porn.