We got lead poisoning

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "We Got Lead Poisoning"

Release Date: February 24, 2023 | Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips | Publisher: iHeartPodcasts

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1. Opening Banter and Technical Glitches (00:50 - 05:08)

The episode kicks off with Enya (Kai) and Drew engaging in playful banter about ringtones and phone volumes. Their light-hearted exchange sets a comedic tone, with Enya humorously lamenting the poor quality of her old phone speakers.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew [01:04]: "That is not your ringtone."
• Enya [04:11]: "I moved it because I was chewing on my cookie."

2. Reflections on Social Media Trends and Personal Documentation (01:44 - 02:24)

Drew expresses sadness over a TikTok trend where users post childhood videos, reflecting on the lack of his own early video footage. This leads to a nostalgic discussion about the evolution of personal documentation from camcorders to smartphones.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew [01:44]: "Lately I've been sad because there's that trend on TikTok that's like, she lives inside me..."
• Enya [02:24]: "2008 was like the year that smartphones really became like a thing."

3. Discovering Lead Poisoning (08:47 - 17:02)

The core of the episode revolves around Enya's discovery of lead poisoning from using certain cups. She details how she tested their mugs using lead tester strips, finding alarming levels of lead in two of them. This leads to a humorous yet concerning exploration of their beverage habits and the potential health risks involved.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya [09:52]: "We have lead poisoning. I bought lead testers because I was like, okay, it's not black mold. It's not CO2 poisoning."
• Drew [15:52]: "I went to... It's really expensive because it's like a hand-drawn, really nice. It's a Moomin mug."

4. Mental Health Struggles and Isolation (11:28 - 14:23)

Enya opens up about her recent battle with severe depression and isolation, sharing personal experiences of trying to disconnect from her phone to improve her mental health. The hosts discuss the challenges of maintaining communication habits and the impact of continuous connectivity on their well-being.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya [11:34]: "Last two weeks I've been fighting off trying to kill myself."
• Drew [12:22]: "It's society, you know, I'm really good at that."

5. Household Habits and Hygiene Quirks (17:02 - 31:05)

The conversation shifts to various household habits, including Drew's peculiar bathroom routines to avoid germs and Enya's unconventional methods of cleaning. Their quirky discussions highlight the comedic aspect of their daily lives.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya [25:00]: "But one of my rules is that after I get out of the shower, I cannot sit on the toilet."
• Drew [28:44]: "I use my BV discharge to whiten my teeth because it's so acidic."

6. Hypothetical Crime Scenarios and Dark Humor (32:22 - 43:38)

The hosts delve into dark humor by discussing hypotheticals about committing crimes. Enya narrates a frightening experience of believing someone entered her home, leading to a panic-induced breakdown. This segues into amusing yet macabre discussions about what they would do if they were to commit murder, showcasing their unique blend of humor and vulnerability.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya [35:20]: "That's what I was hoping would happen. Because I was so scared."
• Drew [42:48]: "I would make sure there's no cameras. And I would do it in the night time where there is no light."

7. Pop Culture, Gaming, and Entertainment (46:05 - 61:42)

Enya and Drew discuss various aspects of pop culture, including movies, anime, and video games. They share their thoughts on a parody movie, "Another Gay Movie," and discuss their gaming experiences, particularly with Fortnite. This segment is marked by their characteristic humor and candid opinions.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew [54:02]: "But it was definitely the most crude movie I've seen in my whole life."
• Enya [60:00]: "I watch Vinland Saga and I got... It's like, I've been, like, putting off for a while..."

8. Music Recommendations and Preferences (57:38 - 61:42)

The hosts share their favorite music tracks, recommending artists like Jaimera H I M E R A and Roger Doyle. They discuss the impact of certain songs on their lives and how music intertwines with their podcast experiences.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya [57:38]: "I just listened to That was such dog shit."
• Drew [60:29]: "This is like me with my wing bot. I'm like, that, yeah, I'm going to do that again even if it's dying and I have to press the button 8 million times."

9. Closing Humor and Final Thoughts (64:46 - 65:06)

The episode concludes with humorous exchanges about fake kisses and lingering comedic remarks, maintaining the light-hearted essence of the podcast despite the heavier topics discussed earlier.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya [65:02]: "Remember when we fake kissed and I smelled like Doritos?"
• Drew [65:06]: "Yes. It was so nasty."

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Key Takeaways:

• Health Awareness: Enya's discovery of lead in their cups serves as a humorous yet important reminder about the potential hidden dangers in everyday items.

• Mental Health: The hosts candidly discuss their struggles with depression and isolation, highlighting the importance of mental well-being.

• Comedic Resilience: Despite touching on serious topics, Enya and Drew maintain a comedic and light-hearted approach, making the podcast both entertaining and relatable.

• Pop Culture Engagement: The episode features extensive discussions on current trends, movies, gaming, and music, reflecting the hosts' diverse interests and their ability to intertwine humor with personal narratives.

Conclusion:

In "We Got Lead Poisoning," Enya and Drew blend humor with genuine personal revelations, creating an engaging narrative that balances light-hearted banter with meaningful discussions. From uncovering hidden health risks to navigating mental health challenges, the episode offers listeners a candid and entertaining glimpse into the hosts' lives, all while maintaining the comedic spirit that defines Emergency Intercom.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom Lately. Is that it?

[Kai]

No, this is my ringtone.

[Drew]

That is not your ringtone.

[Kai]

No. Call me real quick.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, I know your ringtone. Your ringtone is lit.

[Kai]

You ready for this, Kai?

[Drew]

Damn. Type louder.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

Oh, you hit the. The volume button that stops coming back.

[Kai]

Come back.

[Drew]

Why is that the lowest?

[Kai]

I know. I just turned it up. Hello too.

[Drew]

Maybe cuz you're in Spotify. It's cuz you have an old phone.

[Kai]

Yeah. The speakers are just really bad on this.

[Drew]

Yeah. Cuz anytime you play something out loud, it's literally impossible to hear it.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Well, lately I've been sad because there's that trend on Tik Tok that's like, she lives inside me and. Or whatever. And it's like a video of someone when they're young. First of all, if you are 17, stop posting a video of you when you were like 10 and being like, she lives inside me. She is still you. You. You are a baby.

[Kai]

Still that child.

[Drew]

But it's been making me sad because this is something that always makes me so sad. But I have no videos of myself before I was like 15, when I was self documenting. I don't have any childhood videos. There's a lot of pictures. But I think like we were kind of right before the boom of it was so normal to have a camcorder digital camera.

[Kai]

2000 to record. 2008 was like the year that smartphones like really became like a thing. And people started using them as like cameras to document people and stuff. Because that's when like the iPhone was announced. Was it 2007 or 2008? I think 2008. But I only have three videos and one of them is my brothers beating the out of me. And like me in the hallway with my legs up, like. And me like doing like that little kick where you like kick your legs out really fast. It's like unbeatable. Like it's the ultimate defense mechanism when you're like, they can't get you. And then they eventually did get me and started doing what's called like a turkey tap, where they, like, get hit their finger like this, and they tap your chest a bunch over and over again. And it starts off, like, harmless, but then after like a minute or two, it starts becoming so painful. And then the worst part of it all. I wish I could find these videos. I know my brother has them. But the worst part is they would pin down my arms and legs and like, do that loogie thing where they, like, do like a spit thing. They.

[Drew]

That on video?

[Kai]

Yeah, they got that on video. And. And then the other ones are my brothers forcing me and my sister Madeline to do Jackass. And we would.

[Drew]

That's lit.

[Kai]

Get. There was like a forest right next to my house.

[Drew]

Them using you as props is so funny.

[Kai]

And they would put us in like, little. Like the little carts, like the red wagons or whatever, and push us down these giant hills. And we would bomb these hills. And then they. One time they put me inside of a trash can and. And rolled me down. Like, do you remember my old house like that, how it had that big hill leading up to the garage? Yeah, they put.

[Drew]

I moved it because I was chewing on my cookie. And last time when I was eating my bread, it was so much noise and I was really embarrassed. And also, actually somebody had commented was like. And this bitch claims that chewing annoys her. Yeah, my own chewing doesn't fudgeing annoy me. It's in my head.

[Kai]

It's always India, like, will freak the fuck out if someone is chewing around her. But then she's macking on that shit just as loud.

[Drew]

No, to be fair, that time I was so nauseous and I was trying to eat that the fastest I've ever eaten anything, or else I wouldn't have been able to give you your fucking entertainment for the week, you motherfucking bitch. But I usually chew with my mouth closed and it pisses. Okay, I won't get into it.

[Kai]

But yeah, they pushed me down in a trash can and I rolled down that little incline and I felt like a God, simply.

[Drew]

You felt like a God because you didn't break your neck. And in another universe, you broke your.

[Kai]

Neck and died in another lie.

[Drew]

Another lie.

[Kai]

But yeah. So with that, we'll move on to the real pressing matter.

[Drew]

Wait, I didn't talk about how sad it makes me. It makes me really sad. And then, you know what's really sad is I found a tape in my dad's, like, drawer and I Got so excited for really sad reasons that I'm not gonna say. Actually, we could bleep it out. And I'm gonna say it because it's actually so sad. You have to bleep and cover my mouth, or I'll cover my mouth to give you less work. But it made me so sad because I don't remember sad. Just really, really sad. And then basically, the fucking tape had nothing on it. It was from my parents work because they do houses. They, like, remodel.

[Kai]

They were vlogging. They were.

[Drew]

They were literally vlogging. They were doing the before and after my van life. Gutting out the house, putting a toilet in the backseat.

[Kai]

The real plague is van life. Oh, thank you. Yeah. One of our friends. Yeah, literally, Tina, she is lit. She made a video recently, was killing me, like, the. What was it?

[Drew]

Jesus freak.

[Kai]

Jesus freak by choice. And I was like.

[Drew]

She said she goes unapologetically.

[Kai]

Yeah, unapologetically.

[Drew]

And then she's. She's, like, living in RV by choice. And then I think either she, like, stitched it or something, and then she was like, it started by choice. Now I don't know about this.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, she. That was so lit. And there have been rumors circulating that we have beef with Tina, which I.

[Drew]

Haven'T seen, but Drew said that to me, and I was like.

[Kai]

She texted me saying, oh, I guess. I think now we have, like, beef. No.

[Drew]

Yeah, we're done.

[Kai]

Yeah, you're done. This is over. Like, she's out.

[Drew]

We, like, we're gonna take Tina's baby and have it on the podcast.

[Kai]

I was literally, should we, like, fake a beef? And I was like, oh, wait, you're literally a mother, and you don't have time. You don't have time to fake drama. Yeah, but we don't with Tina anymore.

[Drew]

Like, yeah, it's done.

[Kai]

It's done. Like, get it.

[Drew]

You guys. You guys are right. You guys sent us out.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

So random to, like, even, like, start saying that.

[Kai]

I think.

[Drew]

I think from the Internet, people believe that when people, like, feather off, there always has to be some huge contention. But if you guys know, we are some of the best people on the planet, and we don't have beef like, that.

[Kai]

People have literally.

[Drew]

Yeah, people are mad at me.

[Kai]

People just get adapted to our presence and expect more and more and more out of us. And I think when they get closer to us, they realize that, oh, maybe I don't know how to explain it. You know what I'm saying?

[Drew]

Yeah. I think there's a tendency that we can meet people. This is the most big headed shit ever. But really what it is is we are, we know we are clowns and we know that and people meet us. And especially within the entertainment business, people are so not accustomed to meeting people and them being so, like, quick at the mouth, like ready to be crazy.

[Kai]

Like we'll need them to fill.

[Drew]

Just like not really caring and having no social cues. And they're like, this is awesome, we should hang out. And then if they are lucky enough that we do hang out, it's super fun. But then that is our whole social battery for the next three weeks and we can't do it again. And then it becomes like, wow, like, you didn't like hanging out with me as much as I liked hanging out with you. And it's like, no, I literally just cannot give you the energy I think you deserve. And for that reason, I will be ignoring you for three weeks and then coming back and be like, sorry, I almost died.

[Kai]

But the real matter, the real pressing matter, that, oh, I was going to scream. I finally got to the bottom of it. And it took me months and months and months and months, maybe even years to figure out really what's wrong with me. But I found out that we've been drinking from lead cups for the last.

[Drew]

Okay, that's not what's wrong with you. Something else is wrong with you because you don't drink out of cups.

[Kai]

No, no, I do, I do, I do. No, I do this thing where it's so easy to do and I wish everyone would do it, but I understand that it's nasty. But I have one cup or one bottle that I drink out of for a week straight. And sometimes I don't wash it because it's only my lips going.

[Drew]

It is so nasty though, because sometimes in the daylight you can see the rim of saliva that's built up.

[Kai]

No, it's not. It's my chapstick.

[Drew]

It's so nasty. And I'm just like, ew. And I don't know if I should wash it or not because I'm like, he just likes it.

[Kai]

Well, that's all the flavor. You can't wash the flavor off.

[Drew]

The calcium belt.

[Kai]

Yeah. The dried spit flavor. But yeah, we have lead poisoning. I bought lead testers because I was like, okay, it's not black mold. It's not CO2 poisoning. Also, I figured out that sleeping under wires or some, I don't know.

[Drew]

He heard from a friend whose parent was worried for that.

[Kai]

Yeah, I found out. I came to the Conclusion. And there came in the house and.

[Drew]

Like, did it like, this is.

[Kai]

So I bought. I bought a Geiger counter, so we'll know to test for EMF radiation. So I'm going to just put it up on my bed. And if it does come back that I've been sleeping under rads, my landlord is getting sued.

[Drew]

Drew likes to do this thing where instead of recognizing that not only does he suffer from depression and adhd, but had intense substance love in his primitive. In your primitive years, my formative and in your formative years and then moved on to your adult life to only eat literally, like, fucking syrups and corn flour and sunflower oil and not leave the house for weeks at a time and sit on his iPad. He uses his iPad. He uses his iPad so much that I think Apple should give him another iPad or get into his chip and find out how much screen time over the time it started up versus now and give him an award for it. And then he goes outside. Every now and then is like, I literally. He goes outside and I make sure. I make sure buddy gets a good meal in him. And he's like, I literally feel like a new human. This is so insane. I can't believe the life of the.

[Kai]

Last two weeks I've been fighting off trying to kill myself.

[Drew]

Oh, what's the fight for?

[Kai]

No, I've been, like, battling. I've been battling the strongest battle I've had in a very long time. And I just would spend hours and hours and hours a day on my iPhone. And yesterday I woke up and I was like, you know what? Like, I'm not getting on my phone.

[Drew]

To the living room for the first time. That, like, literally I came home and he was in the living room. And it was shocking.

[Kai]

It was bad. I, like, I have literally isolated for two weeks. And something about me is I make myself way too open to communication. Like, if someone texts me or call me, I text them or call them back immediately, which is like a really bad habit. And we shouldn't be connected in that way. And we should just be able to go three weeks without talking to someone and know that the love is still there. But for some reason, society, it's.

[Drew]

It's society, you know, I'm really good at that. I do not. I wake up max to one tax a day, and that's like. That's literally. I'm like, whoa. I woke up to a text. And usually the text is Orion at 3am High as fuck. In the last TikTok she sent me before she fell Asleep.

[Kai]

But yeah, so I've. But that's one thing about me is I respond to all my texts. But for the last two weeks I have not been reaching out to anyone, texting anyone back. Like I have 300 and something unread text messages. 327 unread text messages, which is so unlike me. So if you've been getting that end of my stick, I'm sorry, but I've literally just been trying not to kill myself for the last two weeks. But I, I woke up yesterday and was like I'm not gonna use my phone today and see what happens. And I didn't open tick tock or get on my iPad on YouTube immediately. And I put a meal in me before noon.

[Drew]

And I took another shocking thing. I came home and before 2pm There was a empty Chipotle bag and not.

[Kai]

An empty bag of Cheetos. That's another thing. But I've been actually like taking steps in my life to make it more. More livable. Yeah. I think I've been getting off my phone as much. I've been eating at normal times. I've been trying to text the people back that I have been needing to text back for weeks. What else did I do?

[Drew]

One admirable thing about you is you are really good at keeping in contact with your family. You talk to your family more than anyone I know. And it makes me really jealous. But I just don't want to do that. Cuz I don't talk to anybody when.

[Kai]

I'm talking to my family. It's. It means that I'm really low. Like when I call my mom a bunch, it's because I'm really sad.

[Drew]

Oh, but you, I feel like no matter your try to talk to them, your, your feelings, you talk to them a lot. But specifically Meline, you and Meline talk.

[Kai]

Like we've, we've gotten really close recently.

[Drew]

Especially the baby.

[Kai]

Yeah, Literally the babies in the house. But no, all that aside, weird that.

[Drew]

Your sister's taking care of the baby.

[Kai]

So I have lead poisoning is what I came to the conclusion. Cuz I bought lead tester strips and I tested all the mugs and two of them had a disgusting amount of lead. Like those lit up bright purple after I tested them. So we're getting rid of those. They're still sitting on our countertop because.

[Drew]

I don't know, I have an emotional connection to one. I'll show y' all, when I show it to them, they're gonna. Literally some of them will know the cup because I Genuinely used it almost every day for a year.

[Kai]

But we've been sipping out of lead cups.

[Drew]

I am the one who probably has. But that also. That goes to prove my point. Nothing can kill me. Like, I am literally built different than you bitches. Because I've been cupping for literally. No. I would kill myself if I started forgetting.

[Kai]

What you don't. That's the scariest part is you don't even realize if when I was two.

[Drew]

Okay, actually, I'll write. I'll have everybody in my life sign a thing that once I start suffering from Alzheimer's, I have to be put down.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, I want to be euthanized.

[Drew]

Like, for me, when there's probably people me, I'm like, there's probably someone listening to this.

[Kai]

Literally. My grandma, She's a lovely woman. No, I think she has dementia, but she just got out of rehab. Which is lit.

[Drew]

It's this cup. What's really sad. I'm yelling so that the mic can pick it up. What's really sad is this cup didn't have lead. And I was so excited because this is one of my favorite cups. I got it in Japan. I love it so much.

[Kai]

And then it was 35.

[Drew]

I went to. It's. It's really expensive because it's like a hand drawn, like, really nice. It's a Moomin mug or a little cup. And I was so excited because I was like, oh, my God. This was the one that I thought had lead poisoning in it. And I only got to use a few times because I was like, all right, let me not push my luck, because this is going to kill me. Meanwhile, I was literally. When I was sick, I drank like 8 million teas out of this. And that was like, in the past, like, three weeks.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

But then I broke this in the sink and it was.

[Kai]

She had another one of those little baby cups that I was like, oh, that's lead. And she was like, no, it's not. And she. Oh, it's literally right over there. And she was like, oh, I'm just gonna put. I'm not gonna drink out of it. Then I'm gonna put my toothbrush in it. And I was like, no, don't use anything that you suspect has lead in it. Tested that one and it was leaded the out too. But yeah, just wait for the EMF rads detector video to drop because it's gonna come soon. Probably in next week's episode.

[Drew]

I'm just so shocked that this one has lead paint on it. I love this one. The issue with it is it's really bad. Isn't it bad, babe? Touching it now isn't gonna kill me because I already had it so much.

[Kai]

10,000 times more than the legal limit is in that cup.

[Drew]

That's so sad. I. I used this cup so much. Like, I wonder if somebody went on the. Like, through all the podcast episodes to see how many times just on the podcast. Yeah, I used this cup. This cup was dirty because what's the issue? Like, you definitely have lead poisoning, because I would wash this and then wash all the other dishes with it, so everything we have is coated in it.

[Kai]

But.

[Drew]

But this cup gave me beautiful memories and good times, and I really don't. I don't want to throw it away. Like, still 1975.

[Kai]

Like, girl, that's an Ice Spice cup. I didn't realize you had an Ice Spice cup.

[Drew]

Yeah, it was. It. It. This one was predicting her birth. Oh, yeah. They made it when one of her parents was born because they were like, you will give birth to a queen.

[Kai]

Speaking of Ice Spice, I love her. Speaking of Ice Spice, I don't think you know. Oh, it's a relic now.

[Drew]

I know.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Drew]

Our lead relic. Oh, I'm coming.

[Kai]

But, yeah, speaking of Ice Spice, the selfie kid. You remember the selfie kid that took the selfie at the super bowl with Justin Timberlake?

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

He was arrested on, I think, felony charges inside of a California Pizza Pizza Kitchen kitchen for fighting and beating kid people up.

[Drew]

Wait, what does that have to do with Ice Spice?

[Kai]

Nothing. I just wanted it to transition. But, yeah, he was arrested and his mug shots are out there. The selfie kid, I actually don't think ever really happened.

[Drew]

Yeah, because you're saying it, and I don't know who that is. And when you said the selfie kid, I thought you were talking about, like, that selfie Ellen took. That was the most liked selfie on the planet for a while.

[Kai]

It was basically the same vibe. This kid.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, I think I have seen him. Well, he's like 10 years old. What? Who was he beating up?

[Kai]

I don't know. He's. No, he's old now. I think he's 19 or 20 now, but, yeah, and if you don't know the selfie kid, I'm sure everyone does, because it's impossible not to know. He took pictures with Justin Timberlake at the super bowl, became, like, a viral sensation, like the Ellen DeGeneres. The Ellen DeGenerate Effect took over, and she had him on a show kind of like the vans guys.

[Drew]

Damn Daniel.

[Kai]

But yeah, the hell had selfie C Or. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Selfishly should have been on Ellen selfie. She should have got her time on.

[Kai]

Ellen ran this world.

[Drew]

Like going on Ellen is like facing.

[Kai]

A prison sentence or Dr. Phil, I feel like would have been a good fit for like being bullied.

[Drew]

Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

But yeah, he beat people up in the kitchen. California pizza kitchen and in Pomona, California.

[Drew]

California pizza chicken and California kitchen chicken or whatever the it is. Both of those places. I hate something about them. They give me the worst vibe. I just can't stand a restaurant location that I know is giving me frozen meals and like, heating it up.

[Kai]

Oh, and just playing it off that it's not.

[Drew]

Yeah, playing it off like it's frozen fresh. That's not fresh.

[Kai]

The Mac and cheese from Panera is frozen. And I would. I would shove that up my right now. I don't give a. I would make an only fans.

[Drew]

I. I want to know if the Mac and cheese from Chick fil a is frozen. Cuz I got some last night and it was the best.

[Kai]

That shit's busting. Busting. That was busting. Busting.

[Drew]

Well, how do you do that with your voice? What are you doing with your voice? You're like eating that word. Yeah, it tastes good, but yeah, it was delicious. What did we do yesterday? Like, I've literally. I haven't been. I. My days have been going by rapidly, but all I know is that I haven't been playing Fortnite as much and I need to do it. Oh, I started Last of Us and it's really fun. But that game is so long. Like, damn. Like, damn. But it is, like, scary for some reason. Hey.

[Kai]

Literally as boring as I know.

[Drew]

I keep trying to get Drew to watch me play and he's like, refusing, and I'm like, can you. You said you wanted to come watch me play Last of Us. I have six hours of work in that. I'm not kidding. I have got. I haven't even caught up to, like, where the show is. Like, I. I'm like three episodes behind. I haven't even met Frank and Bill yet in the game. That's how far behind I am. I'm literally so far behind, but I don't. It just takes me so long.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Did you see that? They're gonna let you have sex in Fortnite now.

[Drew]

Are you kidding me?

[Josh]

Yeah. It's like dlc.

[Drew]

We need to play.

[Kai]

We need play later. Should we just turn this off?

[Drew]

Yeah. And Play. I have my switch right behind me. We should just start it up.

[Kai]

And it was playing before this, and she started a game and started getting mad at us for, like, something that didn't even happen or.

[Drew]

No, no, no. I was, like, joining the game. I just jumped out the bus and I was like, let me turn this off, because I know when y' all tell me to put it away to start the fucking episode, it's gonna piss me off, because I'm gonna be deep in a game. Oh, my God. Me and Josie. Okay, listen to this. I had. I got a victory royale, and then I jumped on with Josie. I got a Victory Royale solo, 12 kills, then hopped on with Josie. Another 12 kill game, then another game, 7 kill game.

[Kai]

Then you brought me on and I had a 19 kill game.

[Drew]

Yeah. And that game, I only had 11 kills because Drew is a monster to play with because he runs away from everybody to go get kills. And it's like, we're supposed to be in this together because what's the point.

[Kai]

Of the game, like, if I'm not.

[Drew]

Killing a team as a team? But, yeah, I just wanted to let y' all know that I am still out here getting Vic Royales. I'm not flopping. I'm still on my VR.

[Kai]

Okay. Well, this is the craziest ever that I think suspect might have been the beginning of my spiral.

[Drew]

I have lead on my pants.

[Kai]

But have you ever really, truly thought about germs and viruses?

[Drew]

Yes. Yes.

[Kai]

Like, there's like an entire, like, micro universe of bugs of billions and trillions and quadrillions, whatever the fucking number is, of just little critters that we can't see that are constantly at fucking war, just killing each other. And, like, I don't know, it just. It was blowing my mind because I was like, oh, they're just, like, literally on my skin right now, and I can't see them unless I had a microscop. And then on top of that, have you ever thought about a white blood cell?

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

White blood cells are, like, the most ride or die cell ever made.

[Drew]

Like, some people call me a white blood cell because I'm just like that. Like, yeah, like, they feel you're so.

[Kai]

Ride or die, and I'm here to.

[Drew]

Like, save your life and stuff.

[Kai]

The other thing that was freaking me out was that white blood cells still, like, can't live outside of your body. Like, it's compared to, like, how we can't breathe underwater. They can't live outside your body. Doesn't make sense to me. Because they heal your wounds outside your body. Whatever. The craziest thing is that if you take a white blood cell out and, like, you have an infection in your blood, and you put it on, like, a slide on the slide, it is still programmed to attack and kill. Like, the infection, for 15 minutes, it is too. Like, it's already sentenced to death and it's still fighting for your body. It just. It's blows.

[Drew]

I have someone like that in my life. No.

[Kai]

I can't survive 15 minutes without you. And I'd kill for you. I have killed for you.

[Drew]

No, you haven't. Oh, Central Park.

[Kai]

The Central park, yeah. That's why I'm so good, is because I do things for you that you don't even realize I did.

[Drew]

Oh, well, I don't know that I ever wanted you to kill someone for me. So, like, if that falls on you. Oh, you know what I thought about the other day also? Yes, I have thought about the germs. Because when I get out of the shower also, this is another thing I haven't said. One of my, like, little. My rules of my life, like, this is one of my.

[Kai]

Is when she's washing her ash in the shower, it's the most disgusting thing ever. She gets under her fingernails, and instead of washing it off in the shower, she wipes it on the shower curtain. She's like, let me get this off. And she does that. It's disgusting, dude.

[Drew]

No. Like, why would it do that?

[Kai]

I don't know. It's nasty.

[Drew]

But one of my rules is that after I get out of the shower, I cannot sit on the toilet. So. And it sounds like it doesn't make sense, but let me. Let me. But here's the thing, is if, like, two hours or, like, an hour goes by, okay? It all depends. If I take a shower and I'm about to hang out with you guys in the living room, I can get on the toilet, but not immediately. I would have to put my clothes on and then go chill and then be like, okay, yeah, now I really have to pee. But I'm all dried up and I'm gonna be up for a few hours, so I can go pee. But the thing is, if I get out of the shower and I'm about, like, right after the shower, I'm gonna go lay down and I need to pee. I need to pop a squat. Like, I'm in a public.

[Kai]

That's my. That is my rapper name. Papa Squat just came up with it. Papa Squat. That's lit. Josh has a really good One. It's Papa Pill.

[Drew]

Papa pill is good.

[Kai]

P O, P, P, A. I feel.

[Drew]

Like it should just be Papa pill because, like, Papa pill, like, pop a pill. Like, that's like.

[Kai]

No, it's like. It's like, I'm. I'm Daddy. But also, that's another thing.

[Drew]

That's what I'm saying. It should be P A, P, A pill instead of P O, P, P, A. Because who calls their papa? Do people call them? But do they not spell it P A, P, A?

[Kai]

People do, but people spell it both ways. I just think it looks phonetically. It flows better when it's poppa.

[Drew]

Well, I think it's better when it's papa.

[Kai]

Well, this is. What was I gonna say? God damn it. Oh, the fact that I'm, like, literally daddy as, like, I'm sexy hot. Like, no one's talking about that.

[Josh]

You are talking about it.

[Drew]

Help.

[Kai]

Help. You laughed at me.

[Drew]

But I'm all porous. My pores are open. And if I sit on the toilet, all the pores will get into me. And then when I get in my bed, all the germs will be.

[Kai]

The pores will get into you.

[Drew]

All the fucking germs will get into my pores. And then when I get in bed, I'll just be covered in germs and get it on my bed. So I have to pop a squat.

[Kai]

That's a very debilitating lifestyle. But I understand the logic. The logic is there.

[Drew]

Yeah. And then. But then sometimes I think I've said this sometimes, like, if I've washed my hands, like, the. The calculated, like, four or five times that I have to after using the bathroom. But then sometimes before I go to bed, I'm so convinced that I'm going to piss myself. So I'm, like, trying to force myself to pee because I'm like, I can't get up again. I, like, can't do this. I need to get my pee out. And sometimes, like, a little more pee will come out. And then I'm like, okay, and I'll wipe my.

[Kai]

Also, why don't you ever flush the toilet when you pee in the middle of the night?

[Drew]

Well, because I don't want it to make a loud sound. Like, I get, like, worried that it'll, like, wake someone up. But I think I do that because in my. In the house I grew up in, the bathroom was right between both rooms, and it would wake people up.

[Kai]

I assumed it was just so you didn't wake us up.

[Drew]

Also, sometimes that's, like, when I literally Am having my issue where I'm like, oh, I have to pee. I have to pee, I have to pee. And I keep, like, fake peeing, and then I'm like, I don't want to flush the toilet, like, eight times. That's so wasteful. And I'm like, it's literally like two drops and a fucking wish of a paper towel. So, like, I'm not going to flush it it. But that's why I don't do that.

[Kai]

But then, because that is potent. Like, when I, like, I smell it and taste it, the smell wakes you up. Sometimes when I dip my toothbrush in there to brush my teeth. Like it, honestly.

[Drew]

Wait, no, in the water in the sink?

[Kai]

No, into the. You like your toilet water, like your pee water? It just. It gets your teeth, like, extra clean.

[Drew]

I guess that. That makes.

[Kai]

It's just very acidic.

[Drew]

Yeah, well, sometimes next time I have bv, I could just give you some of that because I'm sure it's very acidic.

[Kai]

Bacterial vaginosis.

[Drew]

I use my BV discharge to whiten my teeth because it's so acidic. So I'll put some on a tin foil and I throw out my teeth in it. And then it does suck when it gets on your tongue, but you just got to do a good job of, like, sitting still. And sometimes it can be splotchy because some of those chunks are a little more condensed with acidity than others. I have good news. I've been beating.

[Kai]

Vaginas are nasty.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Kai]

Vaginas are scary.

[Drew]

That's not shocking coming from you.

[Josh]

I think they're beautiful.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Josh]

I'm just saying. I haven't. You haven't said anything.

[Drew]

If a guy tells you that he's really good at head girl, just don't let him do it.

[Kai]

You looking at Kai and that thought coming into your head.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Drew]

It was Kai saying, vaginas are beautiful. I feel like men who are like, oh, gorgeous.

[Kai]

Kai's bit for the first six months that we knew him was that he was really good at giving head. He was like the OG Munch. Like, that was his vibe.

[Drew]

Patrick, the other day was talking to Josh, and I don't think I. Did I say this already? I don't think he's ever heard the term munch because he, like, lives in a different planet. Yeah. And he was like, oh, like, I just love a girl who munches. I like a girl who munches. And then he's like, I'm always munching. I'm always munching. I Am always munching. Oh, yeah, there's my. My pee stories. I think that's it. Like, yeah, it's. Oh. But sometimes after the third time I've tried to pee, I'm like, I can't wash my hands again because now I'm stripping the oils from my hands and may get old lady hands because I keep washing my hands and I already put lotion back on my hands. So I'll not use. I'll not wash my hands. But before I wipe, I use the most insane amount of toilet paper because I'm like, I have to do everything to make sure that I don't get bacteria on my hands.

[Kai]

Crazy. It is like, I'm surprised it's not clogged every time I walk into the bathroom after. And you used it because it is literally, like, you know, when you would, like. Or. I never did this. But when you would cover toilet paper and water in the bathroom and throw it at the wall and it would explode.

[Drew]

Okay. It's that much.

[Kai]

You do. You do.

[Drew]

I don't.

[Kai]

I'm gonna catch you, and I'm gonna.

[Drew]

On my period. I do use a lot of toilet paper, but I think most girls could vouch.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

That's your. That's your reaction to me mentioned. Oh, my God. I thought you were like. I thought you were on the side of women. Like, I thought you were like, no.

[Kai]

Not when it comes to periods, bro.

[Drew]

Is it the smell?

[Kai]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Drew]

Did anybody else grow up with their parents telling them they can't have eggs on their period because it'll make it 36,000 times? I think about having my period. I think about it, and I don't. I just don't think it's real. And you know what? I asked this question 8 million times. I've never looked at the comments to see any answers.

[Kai]

Well. Well, you left me at home for two weeks. You left me at home, and it was really scary. No. One of the nights I was home alone again, it was after I heard the people underneath us, like, celebrating a birthday, but I thought literally aliens had come to destroy the world. I was home alone. It was like 11:30, and I was getting ready to bed because I've been going to bed. Like, literally two nights ago, I went to bed.

[Drew]

You were getting ready to bed?

[Kai]

Yeah. To, like, have sex with my bed. To bed. My bed. But I. What the. What the is? I was saying, oh, I've been going to bed at, like, 10. I've been going to bed at, like, what.

[Drew]

What the. I was.

[Kai]

I've been going to bed at like 10 to.

[Josh]

I get blown backwards.

[Drew]

Wait, who's this worse? Wait.

[Kai]

But our neighbors. We're good. We're good. We're just acting. It's all acting.

[Drew]

They have jobs. They are not home.

[Kai]

But I've been going to bed at 10 every night. I've said that 15 times now. And waking up at 5:36am and that night I was like, well, I'm gonna stay up a little bit later. I'm gonna see if I can, like, do it. So I was up at 11:30 watching Vinland, which is an amazing anime, one of the best animes I've seen in a very long time. But the fighting is so sick and the storyline is amazing, and it's kind of like Game of Thrones, but anime, but besides that. I was laying in bed and I started hearing sounds by the front door. And I was like, oh, that's just a zool. And then I heard more sounds by the front door, and I looked above me and Azul was above me. And I was like, huh, that was a zool. I hope. And so another, like, couple minutes passed and I hear more sounds by the front door. And this time it sounded like someone was trying to, like, actually come into the house, but I was probably just, like, hallucinating. And so I ran to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and locked myself in the bathroom with my iPad for probably 35 minutes, freaking the out that someone was in the house. And when I was went to the front door to see if it was open, I saw it was latched. And one of the sounds I heard when I went back, when I was coming to grab the knife, it was unlatched. And I was like, oh, my God. Someone literally just came into the house. And. And when I was standing in that doorway, I literally had like, a PTSD flashback of like, someone standing in your room, in the living room being destroyed. So I avoided the living room and your bedroom because I was like, if someone's in here, like, I'm going to lock myself into the bathroom. They're not getting through that door. And I have my iPad. But then I realized that I had just locked it, logged out of my iPad, so I couldn't call anybody off my iPad, so I grabbed. So I had to leave the bathroom. And I ran to. I sprinted to the bathroom or to my bedroom with a knife, grabbed my iPhone and sprinted back and went back into the bathroom.

[Drew]

You were sprinting. You literally fell onto your knife and died.

[Kai]

That's what I was hoping would happen. Because I was so scared. But y' all, I was, like, literally crying. I was so scared. Like, I thought about, like, locking myself in my closet, but then I was like, okay, I'm being too extra right now. But I was literally panicking. And then I was like, okay, you're a grown ass man. You're fine. You have a knife. You can protect yourself. So I went to my bedroom and I was like, I don't have a lock on my room. Like, they're going to come in. So I purposely left the light on in the hallway and laid in bed for literally an hour and a half, watching the sliver under my door to see when footsteps would come so I could, like, get into action. And I unlatched my balcony door so I could just swing it open really quick just in case I needed to escape. And I laid in that bed for an hour and a half looking for those footsteps, waiting for them to come. And the entire time I was imagining, like, what it would feel like to be stabbed and, like, what it would feel like to be stabbed to death and how awful of a way that is to die. And I just, like, kept replaying it in my head, and I replayed it in my head so many times that I, like, know what it feels like to be stabbed now, and I always have it. Like, I feel like I know what it feels like to be shot. I feel like I know what it is, it feels like to be stabbed. I feel like it wouldn't die in a car crash, whatever, because I've experienced those in past lives, or I've experienced them in dreams, which is like another reality that we visit when we're asleep. But, yeah, I freaked the out, and I was like, oh, my God, like, I'm gonna be stabbed to death, and that's a terrible way to die. So then I watched a bunch of videos on stabbings to prepare myself, and then I did a bunch of research on Reddit about what it feels like.

[Drew]

I know, because when he said that, what he was telling me this, I was like, dude, being stabbed to death sounds awful. And then you were like, yeah, but.

[Kai]

Actually, yeah, well, after the first stab, your body goes into, like, fight or flight mode and you have a bunch of adrenaline built up. So, like, you're basically in shock. So you don't feel after the first stab what it feels like to be stabbed 104 more times, which I assume would happen to me because people love me so viciously that it would be a crime of passion rather than a random.

[Drew]

Isn't it Scary that most times when someone gets killed, it's someone they knew. That's insane.

[Kai]

I wonder what that statistic is. I'm gonna look that up.

[Drew]

I think I know who would kill us.

[Kai]

I have a feeling we've. I didn't finish the selfie kid story. Or did I?

[Drew]

The. So, yeah.

[Kai]

You said he got arrested. Yeah, yeah.

[Josh]

Who would kill you?

[Drew]

Somebody who's very jealous and scary in my life, but we still let him in the house every week.

[Josh]

Dude, that person.

[Kai]

Is he in the room with us right now?

[Josh]

Who is.

[Drew]

You know what I just thought about is Demi singing to the ghost.

[Kai]

We were like, we need to save this for Patreon. Like, we're gonna do that on Patreon. And then it became, like, a big thing online. So we were just like, whatever, we'll let y' all have it.

[Drew]

Because everybody else started talking about it because we're trendsetters. But the video of Demi Lovato on the Ghost series show when they're all convinced that there's a girl ghost in the room and that the girl ghost only likes other women because she doesn't trust men, because she has trauma with men. And Demi Lovato proceeds to sing Acapella Skyscraper or one of those songs to the ghost. And then the machine beeps, and she's like, she loved it.

[Kai]

She loved it. The ghost loved it.

[Drew]

Doesn't she give her an encore?

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

More.

[Kai]

You want more?

[Drew]

Can I have some more, please?

[Kai]

Some more, please? Can I have some more guacamole, please?

[Drew]

More.

[Kai]

Some more, please?

[Drew]

What is it exactly?

[Kai]

I don't know.

[Drew]

I don't remember.

[Kai]

That's your magnum opus?

[Drew]

Yeah, that was my. My top. My top time of my life was going viral on Tick Tock as a tick tock sound. Can I. Wait, I don't remember what it is. More, please. Can I have some more, please?

[Josh]

Don't be shy.

[Drew]

Oh, don't be shy. Put some more.

[Kai]

Don't be shy. Put some more. Put some more, please.

[Drew]

Dude. What's funny is that's literally because I just walked out of a pokey place that immediately made fun of this woman who was in front of me. In Miami, there's this poke place that the people who work there are usually, like, teenagers. And this older woman was talking to them like they were Indians. And she was like, no, don't be shy. Gone. And, like, was literally, like, going like this to them over the glass. Like, come. Yeah, come. That one. Yeah. And I was. I just watched her and didn't say Anything. Because I couldn't believe she was alive. I love this.

[Kai]

That's such a good sound. Yeah, but yeah. 46 of violent crimes are committed by someone you know. Yeah, Kai.

[Drew]

That's what I'm saying. It's gonna be Kai if something happens to us. It is Kai. That's the first person. Oh, that was what I forgot.

[Kai]

That's why I'm not gonna kill myself. It was Kai.

[Josh]

100. It was me.

[Drew]

If I die. It wasn't me, it was Kai. But the thing I was gonna say is I was getting into this hypothetical the other day with some friends and it was about. It was. It was about.

[Kai]

So you cheated. That's all we need to know. So I know you lost the hypothetical because you poked holes in it.

[Drew]

No, I. I did, but the hypothetical was if Orion killed a partner, would I snitch? And I was like, no, but here would be the game plan. And I told her this yesterday. She thought it was really funny. So the thing is, I. Orion comes to me, but she's smart because she's a smart cookie girl and she comes to me in person and she's like, enya, I killed my partner. We got into a fight, it escalated, I felt scared and I killed them. And I would be like, okay, here's what we're gonna do. We would get together, buy round trip tickets to Europe and we would go on a two week, or realistically maybe not Europe, because she brought this up to me. And I was like, that's a really good point because you can't go on a crazy trip and have too much fun because then when it gets. Oh. Also a part of this hypothetical is I would help her pay for the best lawyers. Like, I would do everything in my power to make sure my girl is not going to jail. But we can't go on too fun of a trip because then the police are like, bitch, like self defense. You literally went to fucking Portugal with your homegirl, like right after. Like, that doesn't look good. So. But what I would do, the original hypothetical is I said I would take out two days. We would have two days where we have the best time ever. Act like she didn't tell me. She promises that when it comes down to it, she will be like, no, I went around and like was hanging out with any of. But I didn't tell her. I was too scared to tell her because I knew she would snitch on me and I would snitch on her with her consent, like two, three days later, after we had the Best three days of our life. Because then I'm scotch free, and I'm like, she did it out of self defense. She told me, blah, blah, like, and then she now has, like, an alibi that she didn't just claim self defense in court. She told her friend, like, no, that's what happened. And yeah, that was my story, is that I wouldn't tell immediately. I would have fun with her and then tell.

[Kai]

If I were to kill someone, I would commit the crime, make sure there's no cameras.

[Drew]

I would make sure there's no cameras. And I would do it in the night time where there is no light, no one can see my face.

[Kai]

No, if I had to, though, I. There's like.

[Drew]

I had, like.

[Kai]

There's a lot of, like, good things you can do. But the main one that I would do is I would bury their body next to the big rock in Central park if that were me. If I were to do that.

[Drew]

The thing is, this isn't the first time you said that.

[Kai]

And like, oh, my God, imagine there are bodies. Like, literally imagine that.

[Josh]

Dude, this episode, I'm like, thinking about, like, 10 years from now, this being used as.

[Drew]

It'll be like when David Dobrik was like, if I kill someone, but it's drooping like, oh, my. Next to the big rock.

[Kai]

And I spent a month in New York.

[Drew]

Yeah. And I didn't see you for a lot of those days.

[Kai]

Shut up. I'm actually, like, scared now.

[Drew]

No, I wasn't around Drew. Drew would have days where he was like, oh, I need to do a solo day. Oh, like, kind of in, like, Japan in his vlogs, he was like, oh, I'm all alone. I'm. I'm having a solo day. And he would. And then he would come back really tired and covered in dirt.

[Josh]

Huh.

[Drew]

But I was like, oh, he's just playing.

[Kai]

But he was going to park somewhere. I was sliding down the mountains.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. You weren't digging around in the park.

[Kai]

No, but I'm really, genuinely thinking about this. Like, I'm suspect number one now.

[Josh]

Yeah, I'm probably number two also.

[Kai]

I say the big rock. Like, there is a single big rock in. Is there one?

[Drew]

There's a bunch. There's a bunch of, like, those really.

[Josh]

Probably, like, a hundred huge rocks.

[Kai]

Rocks. And if I was. No, I need to stop there.

[Drew]

Like, where did they get those? Those weren't there.

[Kai]

I think they were just there. No, rocks are like, man or. No rocks are earth made. Like, they're all placed there. Every rock placed on earth looks too perfectly to be there. Like, even if you say they were there for thousands and thousands of years, I don't believe it. You can't convince me it's all the same.

[Drew]

You think we're making rocks now?

[Kai]

Yeah, we tricked rocks into doing math. And that's a computer.

[Josh]

That's true.

[Kai]

It's a computer. That's a mic. That's a Bluetooth.

[Drew]

Also, I decided that whatever battery they put in our garage clicker, they need to put in my vibrator because we've had that shit for five years, and I've hit that button probably the same amount of times I've hit my vibrator in the past two weeks, and that shit is still going.

[Kai]

How many times do you use your vibrator?

[Drew]

We don't need to talk about that.

[Kai]

Use the garage on average 3.7 times a day.

[Drew]

Damn, that is a lot. But so I guess maybe I use that more than that.

[Kai]

The vibrator More.

[Drew]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Like, if I'm like, oh, if any.

[Kai]

Time we're about to run out of the house, it's. Sorry, I for cutting you off, but I was gonna say it's up too, that, like, you don't let me watch.

[Drew]

Well, because you used to watch, and then you would start crying and it would make me really uncomfortable.

[Kai]

Yeah, like I said, vaginas are scary. And your bacterial vaginosis was spraying all over me.

[Drew]

Well, that's the thing is, like, why even want to watch? It's like it's squirt.

[Kai]

It squirt? No, babes. It was globular.

[Drew]

And you know what my squirt is like. Have y' all ever faced Silent Hill? You know, when the monsters, like, spray the, like, the, like, gunk at people? That's what my squirt is like.

[Kai]

Mine is like the acid that comes out of aliens mouth. Yeah, the xenomorph.

[Drew]

We watched the craziest movie on the planet last night.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Okay, you intro it and then I want to talk about where.

[Kai]

We'll let you talk about it. Because I was, like, so enamored by it that, like, I really didn't even pay attention.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

But so I just. I'll just start. Yeah, I found this movie called Another Gay Movie, which I have heard of before, but it's basically like parody movie era 2000, probably six or some shit. I don't know when the original was made. Like American Pie or not another teen movie, Something like that. Like the same vein or like, Scary Movie just like Parody. Take it away.

[Drew]

So Drew tells us about this movie, and our friend is like, oh, I saw that, like, when it came out, because me and my friends were like, oh, that's funny. We want to watch that. That sounds like a funny movie. Because it was in that era of parody movies. And he said that it was just, like, so much sex. Like, it was, like, just full of sex. And that him and his friends were just like, okay, yeah, we're just, like, watching porn right now. And me and Drew were like, okay, we need to watch that. Like, we need to watch.

[Kai]

Sounds like the funniest thing ever.

[Drew]

Like, a funny movie that for no reason, they want to have sex in it 8 million times. Like, sign me up. I'm gonna watch it. And so we order our dinner, Our din. Din.

[Kai]

We sit down, and we ordered chick fil a to kind of balance out.

[Drew]

The vibe, balance out the atmosphere, so. You're so nasty. You were so nasty.

[Kai]

I need them.

[Drew]

I. If you like jelly beans, something's wrong with you. Jelly beans are, like, the bottom of the barrel candy. And this went.

[Kai]

They're sweet, tart jelly beans. Try one, because don't give me, like.

[Drew]

A red one or something.

[Kai]

The. I think it's the. I think orange is the best. I'm not joking.

[Drew]

Or blue.

[Kai]

Blue is nasty.

[Drew]

Blue is nasty. Oh, pink.

[Kai]

No. Oh, my God. You're gonna eat five more when the camera turns off.

[Drew]

No, Jelly beans are just so, like, why would I want to eat, like, chewed up gum?

[Kai]

Those are delicious.

[Drew]

There's no way our bodies can digest this. There's no way. Because I couldn't even chew it all the way.

[Kai]

My probiotic says hello.

[Drew]

So we also. Drew started taking a probiotic with his diet the other day, so he's probably gonna pass away in three days.

[Kai]

Well, no, it's breaking it down better. The Red 40.

[Drew]

Oh, I saw that. Red 40 is a carcinogen. So you'll have Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's. Cancer.

[Kai]

Cancer from the radiation.

[Drew]

And the red 40, you're just making sure your odds are, like.

[Kai]

And I do think at one point we had black mold because look at any of the vents in our house.

[Drew]

Yeah, they did, like, let out. Like, the vent in my room has, like, lines near it that's really bad. No, that's because we didn't realize that we had to change the filter. And we lived here for three years and never changed the filter, and then finally got to it, and it literally.

[Kai]

It was this thick, like, so the filter was this big, like, a quarter of an Inch. And the pile of dead skin, fur, dust, nasty particles was like 4 inches.

[Drew]

Like, we filled the garbage bag with it. Like, it was really bad.

[Josh]

Grown ass, man.

[Drew]

I know. You were like 25 years old.

[Kai]

I did that. Not even as a bit like, that was real.

[Josh]

You blacked out. You are the guy running out of.

[Drew]

The gas station turning 25.

[Kai]

I'm not. I had a moment yesterday where we'll get back to the gay movie after this, but I was on the way to the gym and I was, like, doing something on my phone and I was finally, like, what?

[Drew]

I'm laughing at. Like, your reactions to the movie. And like, you. You see sex on a screen.

[Kai]

What?

[Drew]

You're like, okay.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

No matter who's having sex. Like, when we were randomly, like, putting porn on to be funn. Like, oh, okay, yeah, okay. And I'm like, why you get such a visceral reaction out of Drew if there's, like, actual sex happening on a screen?

[Kai]

He's like, absolutely not. Absolutely not. But I was on the way to the gym and I had to do something on my phone that I've been, like, putting off for a while, and I just didn't want to do it. And so my brain, without even thinking about it, I was like. Like, I literally audibly was like. And I like, slid up on it and then open, tick, tock and started scrolling. And for the first time in my life, I caught myself subconsciously, like, avoid getting a dopamine hit to avoid, like, doing something gnarly. And I was freaking out. I was like, oh, my God, I just did it. And then I did it again right after. And it's like completely just like, it just happens without even like, no, it's.

[Drew]

Literally just like caveman monkey brain.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, that thing made me feel good. I'm gonna do it.

[Kai]

So addicting. It's so bad. And that's what happened with those jelly beans. Those make me feel good. I'm going to eat more.

[Drew]

That's like me with my wing bot. I'm like, that, yeah, I'm going to. I'm going to do that again even if it's dying and I have to press the button 8 million times. So we were like, let's watch this movie and eat. And we're looking, I'm looking it up, and I'm like, dude, you literally can't stream this movie. Like, it's like, nowhere to be found unless you sign up for another streaming service on top of an Amazon streaming service. And I was like, I'm not Going to do that, because I'm not going to remember to cancel. Cancel it, because that's exactly what happened with Apple tv. And I haven't seen a single Apple TV series, but I pay for Apple TV because I just forgot to do it. And every time I think to do it, I do exactly what Drew just described, and I open my phone to go look for it, and I just open Tick tock and Instagram and, like, look at people. So we, like, we. Josh's family's Amazon is on our tv, and the second one was on there.

[Kai]

I think it might be mine now.

[Drew]

Oh, is it?

[Kai]

I think so.

[Drew]

Oh, but whoever is Amazon was on it. We.

[Kai]

No, it is Josh's parents. It is.

[Drew]

Yeah. Because I. I think we did it on his mom's account.

[Kai]

Yeah, we bought, like, a gay sex movie on Josh's account.

[Drew]

But to be fair, I feed Josh very often, so. Even Stevens. So we rented it for $4, and as I was renting it, for some reason, I thought it was the first movie. And then we saw it, we were like, it's the sequel. And I was like, well, I already bought it on someone else's dollar, so we have to just watch. Was the most insane movie I've ever seen. Like, me and Drew were, for the most part, silent the whole time.

[Kai]

We were enamored by it. Like, the only thing that would come out of our mouth was like, oh, my God, like, what the is happening? Like, those are the ad libs the entire time. By the end of it, I tapped.

[Drew]

Out for, like, there was, like, 15 minutes left, and I was like, all right, I'm gonna go take a bath.

[Kai]

By the end of it, I was convinced that, like, it was genius. Like, I was like, oh, this is, like, actually, like, a really, really entertaining and awesome.

[Drew]

Not even by the end, you, like, 45 minutes in also, it was the longest movie ever. It was, like, almost a two hour, like 30. Like, they. They made the time of that movie so that they could possibly nominate it for awards. Like, that's what I'm convinced is that they were like, this time we're gonna get something out of it.

[Kai]

When. Oh, did you say we bought the sequel?

[Drew]

Yeah, we were watching the sequel. So we were like, is there things that we're missing here? Like, that we would only know from the first movie? Which I don't think some of the jokes were really funny, but, like, I'm like, some of the jokes are really funny, but it would be like when someone turned around and had on their ass.

[Kai]

Yeah, literally. It was so crude. It was.

[Drew]

It was definitely the most crude movie I've seen in my whole life.

[Kai]

Like, it's like our podcast, like, personified into, like, a film. Like, it's so nasty. Us making poop jokes. And that's exactly what they did, I think.

[Drew]

Our darling and life Hard wieners in it. And it was. That was too much.

[Kai]

Just, like, completely at, like, the most unexpected parts of the movie as well, too. And you're just like, oh, my God.

[Josh]

Like, made $745,000 in the box office.

[Kai]

That's kind of impressive.

[Josh]

The budget was half a million, so they made.

[Kai]

And RuPaul was like, a huge producer on it. Really? And she was in it a bunch. Yeah, but. But yeah, it was honestly amazing and I loved it. But don't watch it if you were under 21. Under 21. Like, it's really, really gnarly. It's essentially gay porn, like, at the end of the day.

[Drew]

But it was really insane and it was a fun watch. I wish I watched it really high.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Because that would make me crack up.

[Kai]

It was genuinely awesome. And also like, oh, my God.

[Drew]

Never mind.

[Kai]

I was just gonna say, like, it's cool that, like, that was made back then because it was, like, in the peak of, like, anti gay rhetoric going around. Like, the fact that they were able to get that funded, created, and put out was a feat in it and of itself. But, like, not to like, analyze a movie that is literally all sex, but, like, no, that really is.

[Drew]

Because when we were watching it, I was like, isn't it crazy that this. When this movie was out, gay marriage was literally still not legal, and they were just like, it. I'm literally gonna make a crude, funny ass movie that also has a bunch of sex in it. I think that's the most sex I've seen in a movie. I will say 100. Like, but it was funny.

[Kai]

I.

[Drew]

If it Drew. Drew made this comment and I was like, that's a stretch. But he was like, if this was a 45 minute movie, it would be the most awesome movie ever. But I do agree, if it was 45 minutes long, it would literally be perfect. And just like, like, that was a funny, short, like, random thing. But it was so long. I did, like, if you do watch it, I did like the bad luck guys.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Arc. That was like, a fun tidbit.

[Kai]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, there's so many little moments in it that I'm like, oh, that was awesome. And I loved it. I genuinely liked it.

[Drew]

Yeah, it was fun. It's not like a five star film. Butt naked, nasty on the beach. In Miami though. They were like in Fort Lauderdale.

[Kai]

I wonder if maybe they said they were in Fort Lauderdale and filmed somewhere else. Notes. Because like literally everywhere films in like Croatia, but they're set in Atlanta.

[Drew]

It just looked like Miami to me.

[Kai]

Tell me, tell me.

[Drew]

Oh, no, they. They were in Miami because they were shooting in a venetian pool. If you're from Miami, you know, you.

[Kai]

If you know, you know I'm not from Miami.

[Drew]

And I know because you're well traveled. Babe.

[Kai]

I've seen the world. I've seen the world. I've been super the last two weeks. I've been really badly wanting to just go on like a two day vacation like somewhere. And I really heavily considered getting a flight and leaving the next day and staying there for 24 hours and then coming home. I'm not telling you where I'm going. Let's just say that.

[Drew]

Well, with that being said, Drew's gonna run away and do my music. I'm gonna play Fortnite while he's gone.

[Kai]

I'm gonna make music. Okay, so for my songs, we got Bamboo Banga by Mia, Let's Make a Stain by MC Mac, Driving on nine, the Breeders, and then we'll give you one more in a Silent Way, Miles Davis. I think this is 12 minutes long. Yeah, it's 20 minutes long. 1951 also. I don't know if I've ever said this artist on the podcast, but the musician Jaimera H I M E R A. One of my favorite, like, musicians, like, not of all time, but, like, I. I really like their music and I play it all the time. It's just so peaceful and pretty. But yeah, check out Himera H I m e r a. I was paid $58,000 to say that, by the way.

[Drew]

What? There's no way.

[Kai]

Yep.

[Drew]

Well, mine is. I think I already said this song, but we are finally hitting springtime, which is so awesome. Spring is coming with a strawberry in its mouth by Roger Doyle. Doily is really good. Ghetto by LAR by Ivy Queen. You would love this song.

[Kai]

Drew, I was just about to ask you to. Oh, Ivy Queen. Ivy Queen.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Ivy Kiera Bailad. What is that? Let's dance.

[Drew]

What?

[Kai]

It's let's dance. KO yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

Or I want to dance.

[Kai]

I want to dance. Oh, also, this Xavier Wolf song that samples. Oh, what does it sample? Hollow Be they Squad. I think it samples Number three by Apex Twin. That's number three. Right. But I had like A Xavier Wolf like Suicide Boys arc for two years in high school and Bones and like all of them when they were like uploading to SoundCloud and it. And I kind of just fell out of love with it naturally because I listened to it every day for two years straight revisiting and it's lit.

[Drew]

Remember when you got so mad that I played music all the time?

[Kai]

Yeah, it was. It was a rough patch in our relationship.

[Drew]

Those eyes that Mouth and loves Easy Tears by Cocktail Twins. I say Cocktail twins eight different times every time I say it like.

[Kai]

Yeah, I say Cocktail Twins. Cockatoo twins.

[Drew]

I say it different every time.

[Kai]

Which one was that? That.

[Drew]

Those eyes that mouth and loves Easy Tears. You've heard me play this one. This is like.

[Kai]

Easy Tears.

[Drew]

This one is those eyes that mouth and then loves like ownership loves Easy tears. I won't hurt you. The west coast pop ART experiment and 1991 is Alia Banks. That song really reminds me of the beginning of Quarantine when we were so bored and that was the best time of my life, honestly. And then.

[Kai]

Oh, had is actually. Does Azalea sample Crystal Castles in that song?

[Drew]

I actually don't know. But maybe I don't think so. But maybe.

[Kai]

I'm curious because there's a 1991 by Crystal Castles and a 1991 by Azalea Banks.

[Drew]

Oh, I don't know though. They sound pretty different. Yeah, but maybe. And then Dessert Song by Takako Minekawa. That's the girl who did Fantastic Cat. That album's really good. Oh, but Dessert Song is so good.

[Kai]

I'll never forget. I lay claim to Fantastic Cat. Fantastic Cat. I lay claim to it and I showed it to someone and then they claimed that they showed me that song. And that's the one thing that I don't with is when I show someone a song and they say they showed me a song like I don't know why that boils my blood so much. I guess it's like my individuals complex or like superiority complex or some. But no hill. And I will take that to my grave. I will die on that hill. You know who I'm talking about?

[Drew]

I think so, yeah. That song. I just. I like that song. But I don't like that as much as the other songs on that album. But that's a really good song. Dessert Song is so sweet. I put it. Oh, did you see my story with the monkey with the G? Look, I'll show. I'm gonna show it to you. Sorry, this is so boring and like uninteresting for literally everybody else, probably, because.

[Kai]

Look how big that is. What is that? Is that my tricep?

[Drew]

Oh, no, that's a tumor.

[Kai]

It's a fat deposit. This sleeper build. Oh.

[Drew]

And I think that's it. And then I'm really behind on Last of Us because I've been watching the Sopranos, and I say Sopranos every different. Every time. And I was in a room full of people who were saying, I like Sopranos, and I say Sopranos, and I'm going to keep saying Sopranos.

[Kai]

I have been watching Vinland Saga. I finished season two of Demon Slayer. Started off. I didn't like the vibe of it. By the end, I was like, oh, they just set this show up for a slam dunk, and they better go with the idea that I had for, like, the seasons, but I doubt they do. And then I started watching Vinland Saga and I got. That's why I stayed up so late last night was because I was watching it. Like you were binge falling asleep. Yeah, as I was watching it. But Vinland Saga is epic. It's like everything you'd ever want in an anime. Like, it's so sick.

[Drew]

I just. For some reason, I like, like, post, like, 2021. I just have not even thought about watching anime. I think I just, like, in 2021, I started watching Breaking Bad, and then I was like, dude, I have to catch up on all these. So that's been my vibe because I'm like, if I'm gonna start a show, I feel like I have to watch all the human shows.

[Kai]

Human shows. Also, every time I look at my phone, I'm not, like, scrolling through socials. I'm not, like, super addicted. I take notes for the week leading up to the podcast, and if he.

[Drew]

Thinks of something, he jots it back.

[Kai]

Yeah. And I jot it down. And. Yeah, I just got. I got really insecure about that, like, the last, like, five episodes of people thinking that I'm just, like, ignoring everything you say. But no, I'm just looking at the topics that I have written down so we can move on from that conversation.

[Drew]

Okay. You're a. I'm not gonna be here next week.

[Kai]

Yeah. Thank God.

[Drew]

Let's give a goodbye kiss.

[Kai]

Remember when we fake kissed and I smelled like Doritos?

[Drew]

Yes. It was so nasty. That video of me and Drew, like, on the wall, like, fake kissing. He had just eaten Doritos. Smelt so nasty. And. Yeah, that's it. All right.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on Items like Pepsi 2 liter bottles, poppy prebiotic sodas, all laundry detergent and kinder seasoning blend. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event. Long savings Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online. For easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.