We had a baby (kinda)

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Episode Summary - "We Had a Baby (Kinda)"

Release Date: February 10, 2023

Hosts: Enya Umanzor (Kai) and Drew Phillips

---

1. Introduction to the Episode

The episode kicks off with a brief humorous exchange between Kai and Drew, setting a light-hearted tone. Drew welcomes listeners to the episode, hinting at a significant personal update.

2. Celebrating a New Addition to the Family

[02:33] Kai: "Yes, I went back to Texas for a few days because my sister had a beautiful baby."

Kai shares the joyful news of her twin sister welcoming a baby, highlighting the surreal experience of becoming an uncle for the first time.

Notable Quote:

• Kai [02:42]: "I'm at that age where, like, my body is starting to be like, yeah, we need to figure out how we're gonna reproduce and spread our seed and continue the gene pool."

3. Insights into Baby Care and Parenting

The hosts delve into the intricacies of newborn care, discussing topics like swaddling and common newborn conditions.

[03:06] Drew: "She was born with hair, which is a slay on her part. She's already slay."

Drew humorously comments on the baby’s appearance, emphasizing her healthy start.

Notable Quote:

• Kai [03:12]: "They have to be swaddled because they're so used to having their hands in their face that now that they're born, they just, like, scratch the fuck out of their face."

4. Emotional Reactions and Family Bonds

Kai and Drew express their deep emotional connections to the new baby, reflecting on familial bonds and the responsibilities of parenthood.

[07:18] Kai: "They're hella normal and, like, they're such good parents. It was, like, really freaky to watch them, like, parent."

Notable Quote:

• Drew [07:01]: "But, yeah, it was scaring the fuck out of me because also, that's the first person I know who has a baby where it's like, I'm, like, close to them."

5. Reflections on Adolescent Drug Use

Transitioning from family topics, the conversation shifts to their past experiences with drugs during adolescence, sharing personal stories and the impact of those choices.

[25:00] Kai: "I need to ask her what that was. But also, I was such a brat. My grandma makes really good tortillas and I... I'd been having the worst migraines."

Notable Quote:

• Drew [28:05]: "But maybe someone didn't do Benadryl like that."

6. Navigating Modern Challenges: AI and Internet Culture

The hosts discuss contemporary issues like the rapid advancement of AI and the influence of the internet on society, expressing concerns over misinformation and the future of human interaction.

[56:03] Kai: "The world gets a taste for AI it's gonna snowball and evolve quicker than we could ever even imagine."

Notable Quote:

• Drew [56:25]: "There was one specific thing that was freaking me out and I was like, we are so done."

7. Musical Tastes and Entertainment Preferences

Kai and Drew share their favorite music and television shows, providing insights into their personal tastes and nostalgic favorites.

[62:32] Drew: "I thought Judas."

Notable Quote:

• Kai [67:03]: "I put it off for so long because everybody in the world and their fan base is really weird, but everyone was like, you have to watch Demon Slayer."

8. Concluding Thoughts and Future Plans

Wrapping up the episode, the hosts reflect on their discussions, hinting at future topics and personal growth. They emphasize the importance of sharing personal stories to connect with their audience.

[70:34] Kai: "I lost it. I had something airplane. I had something really good to talk about."

Notable Quote:

• Drew [71:28]: "But I do need to play more games. I'm going to play Last of Us."

---

Conclusion

In "We Had a Baby (Kinda)," Enya and Drew navigate a blend of joyous family news and candid discussions about their past and present challenges. From celebrating a new family member to reflecting on personal histories with drugs and contemplating the future of AI, the episode offers a raw and humorous glimpse into their lives. Their engaging dialogue, punctuated with memorable quotes and relatable anecdotes, provides listeners with both laughter and thoughtful moments.

Highlighted Quotes:

• Kai [03:12]: "They have to be swaddled because they're so used to having their hands in their face that now that they're born, they just, like, scratch the fuck out of their face."

• Drew [07:01]: "But, yeah, it was scaring the fuck out of me because also, that's the first person I know who has a baby where it's like, I'm, like, close to them."

• Kai [56:03]: "The world gets a taste for AI it's gonna snowball and evolve quicker than we could ever even imagine."

• Drew [71:28]: "But I do need to play more games. I'm going to play Last of Us."

---

Emergency Intercom continues to blend humor with heartfelt conversations, making it a must-listen for those seeking both laughs and genuine connections.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

From first steps to first dates. From all nighters to all time personal bests.

[Ryan Seacrest]

From building pillow forts to building a.

[Drew]

Life for all the big and small moments that make up your whole world. DSW is there and we've got just the shoes. Find a shoe for every you from brands you love at brag worthy prices at your DSW store or dsw.com welcome to this episode.

[Kai]

I was trying to think of something funny to say. I was gonna say like Instagram.

[Drew]

Hello. Damn girl, you're on a good one today. You're immediately on a roll.

[Kai]

Welcome to this episode of Instagram.

[Drew]

Instagram.com of two who clock into Instagram.com for a living.

[Kai]

I literally don't. And it's my job. It's my job and I don't.

[Drew]

I have to wake up early for Instagram posting tomorrow.

[Kai]

Yeah, damn. I have to go to bed and wake up at noon to post on Instagram.

[Drew]

I have to go to bed and wake up at 4pm so that it's 7pm Eastern Time in my post as well. I have to be ready. Welcome to this episode. Drew just got back from a very exciting visit.

[Kai]

Yes, I went back to Texas for a few days because my sister had a beautiful baby.

[Drew]

Oh my God. It's so scary.

[Kai]

It's very surreal. I'm already an uncle before that, but for some reason this just felt like a little different. I don't know. I think I'm just like old enough to understand like, the levity of this situation. And, like, also, I'm at that age where, like, my body is starting to be like, yeah, we need to figure out how we're gonna reproduce and spread our seed and continue the gene pool.

[Drew]

Also, it's your twin sister, so it's crazy. It's like a part of you is having a baby.

[Kai]

Yeah. Something I learned about babies after meeting is that they, like, have to be swaddled. I didn't know why they had to be swaddled, but it's because they're so used to having their hands in their face that now that they're born, they just, like, scratch the fuck out of their face so their hands, like, automatically go up into their face like this. Because in the womb, their hands were up there like that the entire time. So that's a little fact for you. Yes. And my niece has jaundice. And look, she did it again and just started dying. My sister FaceTimed her and was, like, showing her because she wanted to get, like, seeing his reaction because we FaceTimed, like, everybody important to them, and India was on the list. And.

[Drew]

Okay, first of all, I cried. Like, it was so, like, I literally, like, it made me so happy that I cried. But then I was like, damn, okay. Because also when Drew told me that they had the baby, my first question was like, does she have hair?

[Kai]

She bald? Because. And he was like. I was like, oh, they want to FaceTime you to get your reactions. And he was like, I need to know, is she bald? Because if she is, I'm gonna make fun of her, like, immediately. Like, she's gonna get got. Because, like, if she doesn't have hair, that's embarrassing.

[Drew]

Also, I was just like, she has hair. She. She was born with hair, which is a slay on her part. She's already slay.

[Kai]

She's so skinny, too. Like.

[Drew]

But she.

[Kai]

She's literally the skinniest baby ever.

[Drew]

She was like, Madeline was showing me the baby, and I was like, aww. I was like, she's low key. Tan as. Like, why? Like, on camera, she didn't look yellow. She lit. She literally looked like she just came from Cabo.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Back from Cabo on her vacation.

[Kai]

I was like, well, no, I. I spray tanned her because, like, I wasn't gonna happen.

[Drew]

I thought she went to, like, the keys and got a little tan.

[Kai]

I just dipped her in, like, a tank, like a five gallon bucket by, like, the head. You know how they baptize babies? Yeah. Into turmeric and self tanner.

[Drew]

Kai has a Timer now.

[Kai]

Oh, kind of.

[Enya]

Isn't that cool? I've been waiting all week to show you guys.

[Kai]

God, this is actually awesome.

[Drew]

Oh, your phone's not working.

[Kai]

Look at that photo.

[Drew]

But I was like, oh, my God, your baby is low key, tan as fuck, and has hair. Like, you had a Latin baby. I was like, you literally had a Latin baby.

[Kai]

And then she told me that, no, she has jaundice. And Enya just laughed out loud. But in her defense, like, I've only ever made jokes about jaundice.

[Drew]

I didn't know that jaundice, like, on my, like, dumb part of my brain. I was just like, I don't think.

[Kai]

Also, jaundice is a funny word. Like, I have jaundice. I have big chungus disease. Oh. I was waiting all episode to drop the big chungus.

[Drew]

It's been five minutes.

[Kai]

I've got big chungus.

[Drew]

Ew. I hate that. But I laughed really fucking hard. And then as we kept talking, she. She didn't make any comment on me laughing that hard. And I didn't hear Drew laugh at it. So I was like, okay. And as the conversation went off, she was like, yeah, we're going back to the doctor tomorrow to, like, check on our jaundice. And I was like, oh, they were being real. Like, she really has jaundice.

[Kai]

Yeah, she does. But, like, it's every baby. Not every baby, but a lot of babies are born with it, and it's not something to worry about at all. So, like, my sister made a healthy baby. Baby baby. And she's really fucking cute. Normally infants, like, we've seen the photos of me as an infant. Like, normally infants. I'm sorry. It could be. It could be in his baby. And I'd call it ugly tits face. Like, normally infants are ugly as fuck.

[Drew]

No, she's a really cute if it. She actually looks like a doll. It's really scary.

[Kai]

Porcelain baby.

[Drew]

It's because she's got those little chubby cheeks.

[Kai]

I know she's got chubby cheeks and arms. She's really cute.

[Drew]

But, yeah, it was scaring the fuck out of me because also, that's the first person I know who has a baby where it's like, I'm, like, close to them. Like, we know we have friends who, like, have babies, and I know people who have kids, but this is the first person that, like, I've, like, stayed in basically kind of full contact.

[Kai]

You've known her as long as you've known me?

[Drew]

Yeah, as long as I've known you. And also, like, she's the only friend who I've, like, met her whole family because I've met your family. So, like, literally, it feels like a cousin or, like, somebody I really know. It literally feels like I have a niece.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[Drew]

Like, I genuinely, like, oh, my God, I have a niece. And I'm like, oh, I need to go see my niece. We got to get it going.

[Kai]

We're going to try to go back to Seer pretty soon once the dust settles of being a new parent. But, like, Meline is, like, Meline and Steve. I. I've never seen, like, someone switch so quickly like, that. Like, everything changed, but, like, not even, like, only, like, the parts that needed to change change, but they're still themselves, which I like. I don't know what I expected, but I thought them. The thought people just, like, became parents and, like, that was it. But, like, they're hella normal and, like, they're such good parents. It was, like, really freaky to watch them, like, parent, because I was like, dude, like, this is. This is crazy. Like, y' all have, like, a child now that you have to take care of, and y' all are doing it. And also, I'm pretty sure Madeline, like, she said this her whole life, but she was, like, destined to be mother. Like, she's mother to a lot of these bitches already. Like, she had to have her own.

[Drew]

So that is so crazy. That is literally just so. I feel like we talked about pregnancy in the last episode, too. It still just freaks me out. Like, I give so much props to people our age who are at the mindset already where they are ready to have child. Because that, like, I'm not kidding. That is like a death sentence to me. But it shouldn't be, because I, like, I. When I really think about it, what is having a child. Yes, it's an extreme responsibility that you will have for the rest of your life, but not that it's comparable to having a pet. But that's the only. That's the only, like, comparison I have is, like, having.

[Enya]

No, true. It's not.

[Kai]

It is.

[Drew]

But it's like having to care for this thing. And it doesn't mean you get to stop having a life. Granted, I could leave us all at home for two days straight, and I.

[Kai]

Could leave the kid at home.

[Drew]

Wait, they upgraded? They updated them like that.

[Kai]

Oh, that's something. I looked up because I was like, dude, why the fuck you would think, like, a baby waking up every two hours? Like, we would evolve past that. Like, even when we were out in the jungle. Just like, being fucking apes. Like, running around having babies. Like, you would think babies would sleep through the night because, like, a screaming child would, like, alert predators or, like, make your mother, like, super fucking tired and, like, whatever, make the village tired. I don't know. But I looked it up and there's like, an evolutionary advantage to, like, kind of. I think it's. I forgot what it was. Exactly. I read it off to Steve last night, but it's like, hold on, let me look it up before I butcher it. Evolution, evolutionary advantage to babies waking up three times a night. It's supposed to, like, ensure greater chance for survival and passing on genes because you're taking more care of the baby. Like, waking up in the middle of the night, making sure it's okay, making sure it's not suffocating. Like, which, like, seems they. No one, like, ever really got to the bottom of it. But there's a word M. Amenorrhea.

[Drew]

Me.

[Kai]

Grabbing your phone, spacing between children.

[Drew]

That kind of makes sense because I guess also maybe for the psychology of the baby to recognize who its caretakers, maybe that's like an important establishment within, like, them being the most obnoxious thing in the planet and bothering you that much. But then that makes me think, because you know how some parents are like, we just let our kid cry. We don't. We don't touch it. We let it cry, and we haven't had a problem with it. I wonder if those kids grow up to be, like, a little more disconnected. Actually, contrary to the way I am now, I was a very quiet baby. Yeah, my parents are always talking about it. I was like, not. Which is shocking because I. But maybe that's why I cried so much in my later adult life and I cry so much now because you all.

[Kai]

We all have this. We're born with the same amount of tears. You know, you either cry them as a baby or you cry them as an adult.

[Enya]

Whoa, that was good. That was one of the best.

[Drew]

You said that in 2015, you would win it, like, Nobel Prize.

[Kai]

I would have a hundred thousand notes on Tumblr Babes, 100,000 notes.

[Drew]

But I didn't cry as a baby at all, basically. And I was very silent. But then once I was, like, able to speak, I was a fucking crybaby. And my nickname was boogers because I have always had a very runny sinus when I cry. And all, like, one of the words I did know was boogers. And I would get so annoyed and freaked out by my own boogers. And I would just start selling. Yeah. I'd be like, boogers. And I would just be screaming until somebody cleaned me.

[Kai]

Nasty woman.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, you're low key. A nasty woman.

[Kai]

I'm a nasty woman with a president who looks like he bathes in Cheeto dust. Twist. Yup.

[Drew]

Well, sometimes when I fart, when I'm laying down, I get scared that the fart's gonna travel upwards and give me a yeast infection.

[Kai]

Well, it does.

[Drew]

That's not possible.

[Enya]

I think about that, too. I think about that whenever I fart. I'm not even joking. I'm like, if I was a woman, I would worry about it going into my pussy.

[Kai]

Don't ever say the P word again, Kai.

[Enya]

I won't talk again.

[Drew]

That was disgusting. I was, like, waiting for this.

[Kai]

Why are you thinking about that? I just.

[Enya]

I just think about women.

[Kai]

Do I sound different? I feel like I haven't heard myself talk in a long time and I feel like I sound different.

[Drew]

No, you sound the exact same.

[Kai]

Okay, just making sure.

[Drew]

Actually, you know what? Maybe not. Because yesterday you were kind of scaring me because I was, like, looking at you and listening to you. I was like, dude, Drew is, like, fully a man now. And I was like. I was like, oh, also, you have pink eye, babe.

[Kai]

Do I really?

[Drew]

Your left eye is mad pink.

[Kai]

Is it really?

[Drew]

I can't see the right side.

[Kai]

This one?

[Drew]

Yeah. He fucking had doo doo eyes.

[Enya]

Did you go to the doctor recently?

[Drew]

Have you got a colonoscopy?

[Kai]

No, no, no. I'm not rubbing shit into my eyes so I get sick. I'm not doing that.

[Drew]

Wait, you would do that on purpose?

[Kai]

No. I mean, I said I'm not. I don't wipe with my finger.

[Drew]

And no one even would ever assume you would just, like, on purpose put doo doo in your eye.

[Kai]

I know. That's what I'm saying. I'm not doing that. Why are you laughing?

[Enya]

Because it's talking about putting poop in your face. It's funny.

[Kai]

I'm not doing that. Well, you said that when you were a kid. You weren't a crybaby. I may have talked about this. No, never mind. I'm not talking about that. Let's move on.

[Drew]

Okay, well, one time I cried in fifth grade after a teacher yelled at me. And then she, like, screamed at me. So crazy because she was like, you always fucking crying and yelled at me even more. And then I never cried in school.

[Kai]

You know what?

[Drew]

I think I was so embarrassed.

[Kai]

I think we should incur encourage crying.

[Drew]

But I think boys shouldn't cry because boys don't cry.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

I've never cried.

[Drew]

I feel like I would cry if I had pink eye.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

So you should cry.

[Kai]

I don't have fucking pink eye. I need to look at it now.

[Drew]

You were. He was in the bathroom for like 20 minutes.

[Kai]

My eye is literally not even red at all. I have like a little dot right here.

[Drew]

Looked over there. Yeah, you're cop.

[Kai]

Oh, that is like kind of crazy. That's not pink eye, but that's crazy.

[Drew]

No, you have pink eye.

[Kai]

I just smoked a blunt the bathroom.

[Drew]

I'd be so happy if you did that.

[Kai]

Yeah, right, Right.

[Drew]

Yeah, right.

[Kai]

Well, now my eyes itch. They actually itch now.

[Drew]

Well, I just.

[Kai]

I think I just have a hair in there. Cuz when I blink it feels like there's like a something in there.

[Drew]

Well, I was with Orion getting coffee and there was like. No, literally.

[Kai]

And there weren't gnats. Ow. You like my new Dr. Scholl socks? Oh, that's. Sorry. You finish your story.

[Drew]

I was just gonna say there were literally gnats following Orion. And we were crying out because I was like, damn, you stink. Like, they were just on her forever. But I think it was like one pair of gnats started mating on her shoulder and then they literally were just following her. But we had to move like five tables down.

[Kai]

She has eggs under her skin now.

[Drew]

Each time we sat down, there was just a swarm of gnats behind her. And I like, couldn't talk to her because we really serious conversations. I was like, I can't keep talking to you right now. We have to like, go somewhere else. And then one of them, one of them got my eye. We were talking about motherhood.

[Kai]

Oh.

[Drew]

And it was scary, scary conversations.

[Kai]

Scary things were had. Scary conversations were had.

[Drew]

But. Yeah, tell your stupid story. You.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had to fly to Texas. I was. I was gonna be in and out and I packed like my suitcase really light because I already had a bunch in LA that I had to go get. I mean, in Texas that I had to bring back because I just didn't have enough room in my suitcase last time. So I packed light and I was like, okay, cool. Like, I'm only gonna pack a couple outfits. I'm only gonna be here a couple days. Whatever. Well, the morning of my flight, I decide that I want to bring my Uggs because, like, Daska just happened and everything freeze. Froze over and there was like 2 inches of ice and I was like, it's gonna be freezing for two days, so, like, I'm gonna bring my Uggs. So I took my shoes off and put them in my backpack and put my Uggs on, and for some reason, I. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's back up. Let's back up. So then I get in my Uber to the airport, and I'm just, like, chilling. I'm in a good mood. Like, me and the Uber are talking about a lot of random. It's nice.

[Drew]

One thing about you is you're gonna talk to the Uber.

[Kai]

Yeah. Like, that is so crazy. I'll talk to them if they talk to me. I'm not gonna. Like, I'm not gonna start the conversation, but I would like to interview this person and know what's going on in their life because, like, most Ubers are very, very open because they sit in silence all day because of people. Like, you don't indulge in conversation.

[Drew]

I don't want to talk to a random man whose car I'm in because what if he falls in love with me and then stabs me when I deny him?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Fair. Honestly, fair. But I get all the way to the airport, and I get out of the car, and I realize, oh, wait, let me back up a little more. So everybody in my life tells me I'm a fucking monster for getting to the airport two hours early and, like, getting there way, way earlier than I.

[Drew]

Should, because you are a monster.

[Kai]

And this day, my flight was, like, super, super early, and I was like, oh, I'm gonna try getting there, like, 30 minutes before my flight boards, like everyone does, because, like, if everyone can do it, I can do it. Some exposure therapy. Like, I'll be fine. I'll make it. So I get all the way to the airport, My flight boards in 30 minutes, and I'm like, oh, I, like, did it. I did it. I'm, like, making good time. The TSA line was really short, and right when I stepped out of the fucking Uber, I realized I left my suitcase at home, and the only shit I had was a pair of shoes in my backpack and the clothes on my body, so. And then I freaked out, and I was like, oh, my God. Like, I'm gonna have to, like, Uber all the way home and get my bag. And I was like, no, I can't, because my flight board's in 30 minutes. So I called in you, and I was like, yo, I might need you to Uber my. Oh, my God. There is, like, literally shit in my Eye like, what is going on?

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, there's.

[Kai]

Dude, I know there's like literally shit flakes around me, but I like calling you freaking honest. You might have to Uber my bag. And I was like, but I'm gonna go to the counter and see if they can put me on the later flight just in case, because they asked me if I wanted to for $300. And I was like, I'll do it for free. Like, literally, just let me get on to the next flight. So I went to the gate agent and they were so fucking mean to me. And I like, even preface it, I was like, this is really embarrassing, and I can't believe I'm asking this, but is there a way I can be put on the next flight? And she just looks at me and she was like, sir, we don't do that here. And I was like, what do you fucking mean? And she was like, so you're not going to be on your or. So you're not going to be in your seat on your flight? And I was like, I didn't say that. I was just asking if I could be put on the next flight. And I was like, you know, out of spite. Literally the only reason I made it there on that day was because of that gate agent. Because I was like, actually, I'm taking my seat, bitch. Like, I don't give a if you had 13 people online. I'm taking that seat and I'm gonna be on this flight. You can't talk to me like that. No, ma' am, not today.

[Drew]

That's like, when I lost my bag and the lady was trying to convince me that I didn't lose my bag, that I, like, didn't have a bag. And she was like, I think I told that story. She was like, fully talking in Spanish, talking and shit. Talking shit about me. And I was like, bitch, I hear you.

[Kai]

Like, that is one thing that I. I wish I knew another language that a lot of people spoke other than English, because hearing the shit people are talking about me is, like, something I wish I had. Because I know people are talking shit about me all the time in Spanish.

[Drew]

But maybe, like, it's better to not know. Because it's like when we were in Japan and we were with friends who did speak Japanese, and we were like, unbeknownst to us.

[Kai]

Ignorance is bliss.

[Drew]

Like, people were looking at us and.

[Kai]

Like, yeah, they saw our tattoos and they're like, they need to get off this mountain.

[Drew]

They need to get the fuck away from here.

[Kai]

Jobless. Jobless.

[Drew]

Jobless.

[Kai]

Americans.

[Drew]

They are not wrong. Wrong, though.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly. So I made it to Texas and didn't have any clothes, so I had to go to Walmart that night. And I got a bunch of underwear, socks and T shirts in a pair of jeans and a bunch of candy. And I made candy coated grapes, but I just dipped grapes and Jolly Ranchers and they were Deloignes.

[Drew]

Where did they. Do they, like cook, though, when they get dipped in there?

[Kai]

No, because I froze them and then I let them thaw out and then I came home and crunched into him. It was so yummy.

[Drew]

I just don't know if I could get by that. I was watching somebody eating, like a big thing of it, and it was like nerds covered strawberries and stuff. I was like, God is so upset right now. God is looking down and being like, I gave you sweets. What are you doing to them?

[Kai]

Like, why are you putting, like, why are you putting chemicals on them?

[Drew]

Why are you putting red 40 and like blue 30 onto the strawberries I gave you?

[Kai]

I think no one's talking about actually genuinely how healthy Red 40 is for you. Because I've survived off of it for, like, literally 22 years.

[Drew]

I don't know if that makes you healthy. You've also avoided all of your doctor's calls.

[Kai]

And that means I'm healthy because I'm not dead yet. Because if it was unhealthy, I would be dead.

[Drew]

I don't know.

[Kai]

I think I consume the most red 40. Like, I actually, I would place myself in the top 1% of RED40 consumers in this world.

[Drew]

I don't know. I think. I think any high schooler beats you.

[Kai]

Oh, but I was already in the high school and I already did that. I already went through.

[Drew]

Okay, yeah, true, true. Maybe you would make. I think you would 100% make top 1% of 24 year olds who you.

[Kai]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

Because most people who are like our age are like, hitting the wall where they're like, I can't keep eating like that. Like, I can't.

[Kai]

I just have a good metabolism.

[Drew]

You just, like, also don't buy groceries, so you have to do that. Like, you were, like, forced to sustain. You were like, force yourself into a corner where you have to, like, eat gas station food to survive.

[Kai]

And I. And I'm getting the nutrients I need from Takis and hot cheese.

[Drew]

I wonder if somebody did, like a test on your cholesterol and stuff, like, where would you stand?

[Kai]

I'm good. I had that done recently. I'm literally good.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Kai]

The only thing wrong with me is my heart and I think it's the puff bar and that's it. But I'm like, healthy.

[Drew]

You don't eat vegetables though.

[Kai]

I eat vegetables. Quit trying to spread that lie. I eat vegetables.

[Drew]

I do not eat.

[Kai]

I literally do. I eat vegetables.

[Drew]

You eat buffalo cauliflower.

[Kai]

Yup. Vegetables.

[Drew]

Sometimes you have broccoli.

[Kai]

Yup.

[Drew]

But you do not.

[Kai]

Flour is a vegetable, babe. All the chips I eat is literally corn. Let's talk about.

[Drew]

You don't get to say you eat vegetables because you eat like, like hot sauce covered cauliflower.

[Kai]

I think I do.

[Drew]

I don't think. And also you do that once a week. You're so off of that now. You haven't been having that. So, like, I don't remember the last time I saw you eat vegetables. And then the vegetables that come with your veggie grills sit in your platter and go in the garbage.

[Kai]

Side eye.

[Drew]

Side eye.

[Kai]

I'm side eyeing you.

[Drew]

Side eye is the new like, like.

[Kai]

The tea frog emoji.

[Drew]

Like when people would just like comment the frog emoji. That's side eyes and knew that.

[Kai]

Wow. Wait, what were we talking about before we got into the vegetables?

[Drew]

You not eating vegetables. Going to the doctor. Red 40.

[Kai]

I lost it. I had something airplane. I had something really good to talk about.

[Drew]

I feel like if it was that good, it would have just like, it.

[Kai]

Would have came back to me. It really would have. We'll move on. Let me go open the notes app to see what I've got to talk about. Oh, we'll talk about one time in high school when I was in my drug addict phase. Really, really in deep, really bad, really naughty. Never do anything I did. Never do anything I do.

[Drew]

But Mitch, nobody knows what you did. So.

[Kai]

Yeah, I mean, I've been pretty open, but it was when I was working at the gas station.

[Drew]

One thing about this podcast is I'm gonna mention growing up poor. You're gonna mention having a drug.

[Kai]

Exactly. But I went to or I had a shift at the gas station and it was. You know how I was showing you how you had to like connect the soda juice. It was one of those shifts. So I was fucking pissed. Like when you have to like carry the big ass soda bags that are in the cardboard boxes that are like £80 and put them on the shelf and then connect it. My hands would be like, cut. And I was so bad at opening your hands with like, yeah, the Red 40. The Big Red would always get on my head. I fucking hated Big Red. And that was literally what the TikTok was, was the Red 40, whatever. But I was on shift, and I was pissed, and I was like, damn, I need to, like, get home, and I want to, like, get up. So I texted one of my friends, and I was like, how do I buy lean? I want lean so bad. Because I'd had it before, and it was lit, and I was like, oh, I want it again. So I hit up one of my friends, and I got connected to a guy who still to this day, he. He's, like, one of the only people from my hometown that follows my, like, side Instagram, because I, like, blocked everybody else off because I was like, you guys. But he still follows it. And, like, we were really close when we were younger because it was a small town. And then, like, there's got to be a designated drug dealer in every town in every age group. Like, that's just, like, a thing. And he just happened to become the drug dealer. And so I hit him up. I got his number. I hit him up, and I was like, yo. Like, also, he was really close friends with this kid that I went to school with that had, like, a disorder where he would get blisters all over his feet. Why are you laughing?

[Drew]

Like, only on your feet.

[Kai]

Yeah, he would get blisters on his hands and feet, so he couldn't walk, so he had to, like, sit down all the time. But he was just the Doc Martens disorder. Exactly. Exactly. He was a though, so it's like, okay. But they were really close friends.

[Drew]

And that's you. That's gonna be you. And you have your bed sores.

[Kai]

Yeah. Yeah. Because I literally just laid in bed today when we were getting up for the podcast. I was like, oh, I'm getting to, like, like, stand up and move around. Like, I've been in bed since 5am but what was I saying? Oh. So I, like, texted him and was like, yo, like, can I buy? Like, I forget how much it was. It was, like, 4 ounces of lean or something. And I was like, I want it in the baby bottle. Because, like, that was, like, a thing is, like, getting lean in a baby bottle. And so, like, my entire shift, I was so excited. He was like, how do you want to do this deal? And I was like, honestly, I put my key back of the wheel and the wheel well, like, on top of the tire. Just open my car and put it in my console. And I was like, looking back, giving a drug dealer the keys to your car is, like, batshit crazy, but small town. I had like a very noticeable car. Whatever.

[Drew]

Also, you were like kind of friends with him.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly. And I was like, he's not going to steal my car. Cuz like I will literally find him and I'll break his bones. No, I won't. But, but. So I got off my shift, I opened it and I saw it and it literally looked like it was gold. Like it was purple because it was activists. And I was like, oh, this is so fucking exciting. Like, I'm about to drink lean again. Like this was like peak, like lean zan era. I was like, I'm gonna be so cool. So I got, I was like really excited. And before my shift ended, I stole a Sprite and some Jolly Ranchers because I stole everything from that fucking job. But I get home, I have the double cup Styrofoam cup. I put ice in it and I pour up, I pour up, I put the Jolly Ranchers in it. I make walkie slush. I make a walkie slush and I'm drinking it and I'm like, this doesn't taste like it did before. And I was like, whatever. Like I'm just tripping, like, whatever. So I'm like sipping on it. And then I like notice I'm getting like really tired. And I'm like, ooh. Like, this is just like, I'm like, I'm nodding off. Like, whatever. I'm like getting really high. And then I finished the whole cup because I was like, oh, I want to feel what it feels like to finish it all at once. And I just like knocked out. I fell asleep and I woke up the next day and I realized he had just given me Benadryl. And I just drank a cup of fucking Benadryl and fell asleep. And I was too big of like a baby to be like, yo, like, give me my money back. You just sold me Benadryl. Because I was like, I'm not hard. Like I'm a fucking skinny twink. Like, yeah, here I go. Like asking this drug dealer, give me my money, give me my money back. But so, yeah, that's my story, sis. You're over. I'm tweet about this tea frog sipping emoji. Noted. Literally noted. Literally noted. So I never bought drugs from him again.

[Drew]

Well, we should find him in fucking breaks bones.

[Kai]

I know.

[Drew]

Because he doesn't do my drug like that.

[Kai]

He keeps up with me. So he might be seeing, might be seeing this. And just know I know you sold me Benadryl.

[Drew]

What if he hits you up. And he's like, it actually wasn't Benadryl. You just have the strongest, like, tolerance intolerance ever. So it just, like, didn't really fuck with me.

[Kai]

Yeah, it.

[Drew]

It definitely was Benadryl, though.

[Kai]

Yeah, it really was.

[Drew]

It really was. That is so awesome. You, after a long day of going to school and working at the gas station being like, I need to kick my shoes off.

[Kai]

I need to have a beer.

[Drew]

I, like, understand that. Like, I, like, after a day of doing anything, I'm like, oh, I need a drink. Like, literally, me when this is my dog. I'm like, but that's me with Fortnite instead of beer. I'm like, oh, I need to run a fortnight.

[Kai]

No, you. After playing Fortnite. Damn, I need a beer. That was a lot. That was a lot.

[Drew]

But, yeah, it's part of me is sad that I didn't do any of that stuff as a kid, but I'm like, I could do it as an adult and not rich. Risk my brain development if I really wanted to now, but now I just don't have, like, I just don't have a want to, but there were plenty of kids.

[Kai]

Fentanyl.

[Drew]

Yeah. Now it's, like, super dangerous. But the drugs just aren't the same way they used to be.

[Kai]

I know. They used to be fun. We used to buy, like, footballs or bars of Xanax and just.

[Drew]

What's a football?

[Kai]

It's 2 milligrams of Xanax instead of 4.

[Drew]

Somebody the other day posted edibles, and it was like, at the thing where it says how much is in it? It was just 2.5 grams. And I was like, that was literally obliterated.

[Kai]

Obliterated? Obliterated, Obliterated.

[Drew]

What is that to milligrams? Like, I don't even know.

[Enya]

Wait, grams?

[Drew]

Yes, it was 2.5 grams.

[Enya]

Like a 2000.

[Kai]

I used to love custom grow 420. I. I lived in Texas and couldn't find weed, and I was 13 years old.

[Drew]

500 milligrams.

[Kai]

That is crazy.

[Drew]

And it. But it wasn't, like, one thing. It was like, each thing was probably, like, 500 milligrams. And it was like a little pack of cookie things.

[Kai]

And I was like, we've gone too far.

[Drew]

That would. That is radioactive. That Chernobyl in a bag. For me, that would literally, like, my skin would start melting and I would like, yeah, like, I would grow another head. You guys would never see me again. Like, I would just.

[Kai]

You would run away.

[Drew]

No, I Would evaporate into thin air. Like, I would have it and then be on the couch with y' all, and then one second just like. Like, disappeared in you, though. But, yeah, I just. I knew a lot of kids who were. Who would drink Lean literally, in class, like, because I think the teachers didn't really understand what that was or, like, what to look out for. But there would be kids just in my class with a Sprite bottle with purple Sprite in it. Just, like, at the front of class, too. Like, they weren't in the back. Like, this one kid that I, like, remember his face. I don't remember his name. I remember we were sitting in class. It was maybe, like, an algebra class, and he was just sitting there with his whole bottle. Like, so bright and early 7:20am is when school started. This was my first class of the day. He literally, for 7:30, he woke up and was like, oh, I need to take a load off. He was like, this high school is.

[Kai]

No, he was just fully addicted and, like, would. Yeah, he would.

[Drew]

Like, he would start getting the shakes if he did it.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly. I wish I was that cool. I would just drink vodka and Powerade bottles in physics. I drank every day in physics. I would have, like, three shots of vodka in a Powerade bottle that I bought from the lunch line. And I aced that class. And one time I got caught cheating because you had to put your phones in the calculator spots to get it. And I was like, I'm smarter than you. I'm just gonna bring a second phone because I had my cracked iPhone 4. So I put my real iPhone in there, and I took my other one and just used the calculator the entire time, and we got busted. And that day or the next day, I had a golf tournament. So I was, like, away on golf. Or I.

[Ryan Seacrest]

At.

[Kai]

At the tournament. Yeah, I played golf. So what? But I. I was at a golf tournament, and it was literally only me that got caught cheating. But she lectured the whole class and had the principal come in there, and everybody was like, none of us were cheating. It was literally Drew. And she hit me up, and she was like, I'll let you, like, retake your test for, like, a 90 if you want, because I did really good on it because I had a calculator. And the next day, I stayed after school, retook the test, and aced it. Got a 98. But I could only get a 90 because I cheated. But if you just believe in your abilities and just understand that the knowledge is in there, and it's just about tapping in and just really having confidence in yourself. You can get through anything without cheating.

[Drew]

No, Stop cheating because I need a doctor. We need accountants. Please stop cheating. Start counting, please. Fuck. What was I say? I forgot.

[Kai]

But, yeah, I get really drunk in that class, and I literally aced.

[Drew]

I literally never was high or drunkards in anything like that in school. But I remember the first time I saw people my age getting drunk. It was like, sixth, seventh grade. And this girl, like, I remember who it was because I have another story about her that I've told that's like, a really popular story. But she had one of the small little things of vodka in sixth grade. Granted, I'm sure that would get a sixth grader fucked up.

[Kai]

Yeah, that would be a lot.

[Drew]

Because now at my age, that much alcohol literally, like, gets. I'm like, I cannot get behind the car wheel. Like, I will kill everybody in this town. So, like, I'm sure it did get her drunk, but it was like, thinking back to those moments. It is so embarrassing.

[Kai]

Like, writhing around on the.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, literally, like. Like falling down the stairs. It was such a big commotion that people were, like, following her around. She had a crowd following her around because it was all these kids who had never seen a drunk person our age before, and we're all, like, following her around. And I remember being embarrassed of her, though. I remember being, like, secondhand. This is, like, a lot. And then in. I think this was, like, 11th or 10th or 11th grade. The other time I had seen somebody who was younger than me get drunk, I was really, really mean to them because I was like, you were so embarrassing. Because it was like, when the, like. Like, first group of, like, actually alternative kids came to our school, and that wasn't a thing. And there was this one girl who I found really obnoxious. Cause I'm like, babe, you are a ninth grader. Why are you an alcoholic? Like, that is so embarrassing. Like, I always found it really embarrassing. I was like, get a grip. You need to get a grip.

[Kai]

Like, your life is worth the hood.

[Drew]

You were 14 years old. Like, what are we talking about? And she would always come with, like, a little thing of vodka and put it into an apple juice. And one time she was, like, drunk, came up to me and my friends and was like, do you guys want some? And I was like, do you fucking hear yourself? I was like, no, I don't want any of your baba juice. Like, I said something, like, super mean. And, like, just, like, so. I was just so mean. To her. And I literally was like, I don't want any of your fucking kitty juice. No. And then she was like, oh, my God, you're such a fucking. Like, she was, like, just so drunk.

[Kai]

She was trying to get someone else to be an alcoholic with her.

[Drew]

So she didn't literally 10, 4, 40am like, go away from me. And then I. She ended up stopping. So basically, I saved somebody, I said somebody from a life of terror, but with shame. Because that's the only way you can change people's. With shame.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew]

And embarrassment.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew]

Yes. Yeah. No, love, just.

[Kai]

Yep.

[Drew]

But, yeah, I wasn't doing anything like that. I do remember the first time I got high in Miami. Me and my friend, like, bought weed from. I don't even know who we bought weed from.

[Kai]

He had it in his sock, right?

[Drew]

No, that was the first time I saw weed. The first time I saw weed was in sixth grade. This guy had a crush on who was like, the badass kid at my school who also recently had gotten suspended for two weeks. Because when he. He had a broken arm for, like, a month. And with his broken arm, there was video footage on the news of him breaking into the school and breaking all the windows of the doors. Like, because you know how they're. The metal doors with the little windows breaking into the school with his other homie right behind him, and he had a broken arm, and he. With the broom, was, like, breaking the windows, going in and stealing the chocolate donation money. And then he got caught because there were security guards there, and they took the money from him, and they were like, yeah, you're suspended for, like, three weeks. So he got suspended for three weeks. I don't know why he wouldn't get expelled for that, because that's literally breaking him. But he got expelled, and then when he came back, we were sitting out on, like, the. The. Like this, like, field that we had in the back of the school, and I was sitting there with him, and then he was like, have you ever seen weed before? And I was like. And then he took off his fucking stinky ass Jordan and turned it over, and it fucking plopped out. He was wearing 14s at the time. I remember because I had the same shoes. Cause I was like, we're twinning. And he took it out, and it was, like, the smallest amount of weed. I probably, like, not thinking back to it, it was literally stems.

[Kai]

He stole it from his older brother?

[Drew]

No, he fully did. And he was like, do you want to smoke some? I was like, no. And he was like, I Just love that. You're like a good girl.

[Kai]

You're like a good girl, Rizzler.

[Drew]

And then I think he did get expelled not that long after because he was constantly smoking weed in sixth grade on the property. But the first time I smoked weed was I, like, bought weed from somebody, like, in my grade. Like, this was, like, I think 12th grade, or, like, maybe early 11th grade. It was 11th. 12th grade. It was most likely 12th grade. I bought weed, and then me and my friends went to, like, an arcade or something. Like, it had to have been 12th grade because I had the money to get us an Uber, so it had to have been 12th grade. We went to, like, this arcade or something with our friends. And, like, I think they gave us the weed because I. I told them I wanted weed. They gave us the weed. And then me and my friend were, like, walking down this really busy street in Miami, like, freaking out because we were like, we don't have, like, rolling paper. We don't have, like, blunt wraps or anything. And we were, like, both 17, and we were like, oh, my God, we are so stupid. We have no way of fucking smoking this. And then I think we were just, like, walking around in Miami, and we were like, let's just go into a random store and see if, like, they'll just sell it to us. And I think, like, there was, like, a younger guy working behind the counter, and we just, like, started talking to him. And then when we bought it, I think he just didn't care. He was like, okay. And, like, just sold us, like, the blunt wraps. And then I went home, and I had to look up a tutorial on.

[Kai]

How to rule the blunt.

[Drew]

And me and my friend sat in my backyard, and it's the house my parents live at right now, so, you know, like, where my dad sits. We went back there, and we were watching it, and my little sister was trying so hard to, like, be around us. And I was like, go inside.

[Kai]

Like, get away.

[Drew]

Get away. And then we got high, and we, like, we're just, like, in my house, hanging out, watching TV and, like, eating snacks and chilling. And that was a friend who I did that, like, not a lot with. I only smoked weed in Miami, like, three times. Literally three times in my life. One of them was traumatic. Two of them were fun because the other. The other time was prom. Oh. And I ate a fat ass nug. Cause I was the person who everybody was like, eat it. Like, I bet you won't eat it. And I was like, like, this won't do anything to Me. And then they were like, eat it. And I was like, eating nugs doesn't, like, get you high. And then I just ate a nug. And we all thought it was really funny.

[Kai]

Damn.

[Drew]

And it was so stupid.

[Kai]

You're like a popular girl.

[Drew]

I was just so crazy.

[Kai]

You're fine. You're crazy.

[Drew]

Yeah, that was my.

[Kai]

Me and my family went on, like, a family vacation. And it was like, one of those hotels where, like, you could have, like. Like, it was, like, all free. I think it's all inclusive. And they had, like, a hookah lounge and, like, a bar, like, around every corner. It was, like, the craziest I've ever seen. And me and my three older brothers all stayed in a room. Madeline and Jody stayed in a room. And then my parents stayed in a room. And my brothers, like, the night before had gone to the beach. And, like, it's so easy to get weed there. So they just, like, bought weed. Like, they literally go up and ask you if you want weed. And so my brothers bought some, and they took it back to the hotel room. And they were smoking on the balcony. I think I was, like, maybe 13, maybe 14. And they were, like, waving for me to come out there. And I was like. They were like, hit this, hit this. And I was like, no, I'm not smoking weed with you guys. And they, like, were. Granted, they were not much older than me, so it's not like, like, they were grown ass men trying to get their young ass really high. It was just older brother. And they, like, blew it in my face. Like, blew it in my face. And I, like, freaked out, and I, like, ran out of the room, and I was like, I'm gonna get. I'm gonna get so high. Like, this is. Oh, I'm over. And they're like, drew, you can't get high like that. And I was like, it's done. It's done. And I think I either actually did get high or I had placebo or some, because I went to the dinner table and, oh, my God, it was actually so scary. They had, like, one of those mariachi bands that was going around the restaurant, and they stood at our table for, like, what felt like five hours just playing the loudest music I've ever heard I've ever heard in my entire life. And I was, like, freaking the out. I was like, this is so. I was, like, covering my ears. I was, like, over it.

[Drew]

And I didn't say, like, when you were young, a mariachi band is the. If you're somebody who's easily overstimulated by noise. Every time I heard one as a kid, I cried and freaked out because it is so. Even now, like, I still find them really overstimulating because it's like, how do you get those instruments to be so loud? I've been in rooms where they play instruments, but somehow, like, mariachi instruments are.

[Kai]

Literally, like, reverberating off. But I also think it was because I was either high or, like, thought I was high. And I was just, like, freaking the fuck out. And so I laid my head on the table for, like, 10 minutes, and my dad was like, lift up your head, Drew. And then I, like, lifted it up, and I was just sitting there, and I put it back down, and I, like, fell asleep again. And then my dad, like, shoved me. He was like, wake up. Why are you asleep at the dinner table? And, like, I just sat up again, and I laid my head down a third time. And they were in my. My brothers had caught on to, like, what was going on. I was. Either they. They thought I was, like, high from them, and they, like, started freaking out because they were also high. And my dad was like, what did y' all do to him? And they were like, nothing. He just, like. We were chilling on the balcony, and, like, they just, like, came up with a bullshit lie. And then I fell asleep for a fourth time, and my oldest brother was like, all right, we're going back to the room. And they just, like, took me up to the room and got me room service. And, like, he, like, kind of gave me, like, he, like, babied me. So I didn't, like, tell on them, but I never told on them. And then also on that same trip, there was, like, a hookah lounge, and my brothers, like, snuck me into the hookah lounge, and I smoked hookah for the first time, but it didn't have nicotine in it. It was just, like, regular hookah. And I felt like the coolest person in the world. And then my parents said they were gonna give me a shot, and they just made, like, a virgin shot. They gave me a Madeline. Like. Like, they were like. They. They were white with blue and a little bit of red on the top. And we were like, oh, fuck. We're, like, gonna get fucked up. And my parents gave it to us, and we took it, and we were like, oh, that was, like, nasty. Literally, like, it was nasty, and it had no alcohol in it, and we thought we were drunk.

[Drew]

That's literally what little sister for New Year. She, like, genuinely was like, I am so Drunk. She was like, and yeah, I'm literally gonna get.

[Kai]

We're gonna do that to me.

[Drew]

And we literally kept. Like. What we were doing was we would. I had, like, the shaker to make margaritas, and I would make me and my mama margarita. And then, like, my little sister would be like, can you give me some? Like, give me some of it. And I'd be like, okay. And then when she would look around, I would literally, there's nothing in the thing. There's just the ice. And I would put water in it and shake it and be like, this is gonna get you really drunk, so be careful.

[Kai]

Don't tell mom.

[Drew]

Yeah. I was like, don't tell anybody. And I would just pour that in, and. Because it had, like, the remnants of, like, saltiness from whatever was in the shaker. So it was like, oh, my God, this tastes disgusting. This is so crazy.

[Kai]

Like, I knew.

[Drew]

And we. I gave her, like, three of those, and she was like, you have to stop, because I'm like, I'm gonna get too crazy.

[Kai]

Tequila makes me crazy.

[Drew]

He's just like, I can't keep having these. And I was like, just don't say anything.

[Kai]

That's awesome. And then we want to do that to Maddox, where we give him, like, sparkling wine and tell him it's real wine and see how he reacts. We're gonna be like, you're gonna get drunk.

[Drew]

My other little sister. Oh, my God. This is literally so embarrassing. We make fun of her for all the time. Like, it's our favorite thing. We went to, like, a Christmas party, and then we came back home, and they had given me and my brother, like, the sparkling, like, cider. Like, the apple cider. What is it called? There's, like, that one brand that comes in, like, a champagne bottle, and. And she had given it to us. And then when we got home, my parents were like, oh, we're gonna go back to the house and, like, keep hanging out. But they dropped the kids off at home, basically. So, like, my smallest siblings were asleep. It was just me, my older brother, and then my, like, sister, who's, like, three years younger than me. And we're sitting around, and at this time, she's probably, like, 13, like, 13, 14. And me and my brother went into the kitchen, and we were like, we should tell her that this is, like, real. And, like, we, like, went up to her, and we were like, hey. So they. They left that bottle here when they meant to take it back, but me and Dante are gonna drink it. So, like, do you want some and she was like, oh, my God.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew]

Like, she was literally like, yes. Like, can I have some? And we were like, okay, but you, like, need to, like, shut the up. Like, you can't. We were like, don't say anything about it. And she was like, okay, I don't care. And then we gave it to her. And she had, like, an ipod touch. And she had. Had, like, a cup and a half. And she was, like, sitting in the corner not saying anything. She was like. Like. She was like, like, acting like she was nodding off of the chair. Me and my brother were just, like, watching her. We didn't say anything. And she was like, I don't know if I could keep having this. Like, she was like, just, like, acting drunk. And we were like, that is apple juice. And she got.

[Kai]

I can't believe you all told her.

[Drew]

She got so embarrassed. And she was like, I literally, like, I knew it. Like, I wasn't even. Like, she got so embarrassed. And we held it apart above her head forever, like, every family gathering. We were like, don't give Sophia any of that apple cider. She's gonna turn up. We were like, do not do that to her. Like, she will literally freak the out. And it was so fun. I need. Yeah, but it's so fun, like, doing that to little kids because they think. They think they're getting turned the up. Like, it's awesome.

[Enya]

I. I imported a transcript of the last episode into chat GPT and it says, says, I'm sorry, but this content appears to be inappropriate and offensive. It contains discussions of illegal and harmful activities such as the use of drugs, and makes light of serious issues like cheating in relationships.

[Drew]

There's no way that's real.

[Enya]

I swear to God. I strongly advise against promoting or engaging with this type of content.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. We're gonna be the first to go when the robots take over. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

They're gonna erase this. But maybe that will be good for us. They're gonna erase our digital footprint because they don't like us. Which could be.

[Kai]

Would be nice. Would be nice. That's awesome, though.

[Drew]

Well, I still stand by Cheating is good for women. Women.

[Kai]

Me and my mom literally had that conversation on her way. On the way to the airport yesterday.

[Drew]

About, like, I was, like, pro cheating.

[Kai]

Yeah, because women already, like, mourn the loss of the relationship way before the men did. And that's why men get destroyed when they break up. But when women just move on in a week, it's because they already.

[Drew]

They've been mourning this relationship for seven Months. But they were trying to keep it together and hold it together, but the man was too busy being a fucking idiot. Yeah, I mean, like, my shit's good at home. I don't care.

[Kai]

I get to play PS5.

[Drew]

Oh, that's my exciting guys. This is so exciting. So I took a bunch of clothes to sell them because I had so many clothes. And I finally was like, I need to get rid of some of these clothes. I did donate a bunch of things. I know.

[Kai]

Actually a lot of.

[Drew]

A lot of shit. A lot of things were done.

[Kai]

So if you're in the greater LA area, just like, look out for in his closet. It's all out there.

[Drew]

But I did sell a bunch of stuff. And with that money, I bought a PS5. And I am literally like, I'm so excited to play Fortnite on the new machine.

[Kai]

That's also, like, the graphics are going to be really good.

[Drew]

I know they're going to be like, insane. I'm like, genuinely so excited. But I do need to play more games. I'm going to play Last of Us. That's what got me going is I wanted. I was like, looking at footage of the Last of Us game. I was like, this has always been a game I've wanted to watch. And since we're watching the show now, like, I feel like I need to play it. And then PS5s have been sold out and out of stock for God knows how long. And just so happened, the day I looked it up, they had just been restocked at best buying GameStop. And GameStop was sold out, but Best Buy had a few left. So I was like, I am copying this.

[Kai]

It's a sign. If you can see one in stock, just get it.

[Drew]

It's a sign because they are so.

[Kai]

I want to play It Takes Two and I want to play the new Hogwarts game, the Harry Potter game. I know I am very anti Harry Potter. It's like.

[Enya]

It looks cool.

[Drew]

Oh, where do you think you're gonna.

[Kai]

Play that on your PS5? No, I'm gonna play it.

[Drew]

No, Harry Potter.

[Kai]

When you're asleep. When you're asleep, I'm gonna open up that PS5 and down the side and push it back on there. I'm gonna do that.

[Drew]

I'm gonna piss into the CD port.

[Kai]

I literally have done that before. I think I've told that story. I pissed all over my brother's Nintendo 64 and I like, I came back like three weeks later and it was like crystallized and like, it was growing crystals. And, And I was like, to this day, I've told them now. But I held it down for like literally 10, 15, 20 years in Honduras.

[Drew]

When I had a really bad.

[Enya]

Double the amount of time.

[Drew]

I think I had traveler sickness. Like, I think that's also honestly what I had when I was just like God forsakenly sick forever. But I was getting these awful migraines. I also used to get the worst migraines.

[Kai]

When your grandma would give you the cocaine.

[Drew]

Yeah, my like medicine that. I don't know what it is, it's just a powder. And she would make me go eat it out of her hand. And I was like, it works. I. I need to ask her what the that was. But also, I was such a brat. My grandma makes really good.

[Kai]

Still is.

[Drew]

I really am. My grandma makes really good tortillas and I. I've always hated store bought tortillas. Something about the smell freaks me the out.

[Kai]

I like the flour ones.

[Drew]

The flour and corn ones.

[Kai]

Like, I don't mind corn, but flour.

[Drew]

A smell to them that makes me sick. And my grandma, when she would come home with them, instead of like working her ass off and making her whole family tortillas, when she would bring them home, I would throw a fit. I'd literally be like, Literally start crying and be like, no. And then once you start putting them on the stove, I was like. And freaking out. But when I was really fucking sick from probably just like the water, like from me having it as a kid, which doesn't make sense because I went there so much as a kid. But when I was, whatever, when I was really sick, my sip. My little Cousin was playing PS2 with my brother and they were screaming and like yelling. And I went and I picked it up and I slammed it on the ground. Which I think I've said before, but I went and I picked it up and I slammed it on the ground. And then the demo disc that they.

[Kai]

And then I threw it on the ground. It's a dick in the box.

[Drew]

Okay. Why were we so obsessed with music like parody music?

[Kai]

I don't know.

[Drew]

That parody culture.

[Kai]

We need to bring back the key of awesome.

[Drew]

Parody music isn't a thing anymore. But I guess actually it makes sense because the people who were into like all those SNL songs, like the adults of that time were like, come on. I guess it is still a thing. But they were like Weird Al.

[Kai]

It just now came.

[Drew]

Yeah, they were like Weird Al Yankovic, like fans as kids. And then they grew up and they like still needed that Kind of slow mo.

[Kai]

It's gone.

[Drew]

You need to stop doing that.

[Kai]

Hide your kids. Hide your wife.

[Drew]

Well, I don't believe in electric cars. And I genuinely think in like 10 years, we're gonna have like an insane, massive explosion of multiple cars happening and it's gonna be a nightmare. Like, I genuinely think the lithium batteries in cars that are on the street, street, because I was in a garage going into a CVS and this random electric car, which I didn't know the brand of it, it was like maybe like a Sion or like a Nissan or something. The sound it was making, it was literally. It sounded like I was in a fucking like, nuclear plant. Like, it was just like the craziest sound ever.

[Kai]

We're gonna have nuclear powered cars sooner than later.

[Drew]

Yeah. And we're gonna experience literally, like, mass catastrophes of these cars getting into crashes and fucking exploding and causing like, radioactive waste. Because why the fuck are we letting, like, lithium cars heat up to that? Like, I don't know. I'm sure there's. I'm sure they're safe, but in my head, in 10 years watch, all of them are going to, like, rot the way batteries did in all your old.

[Kai]

Toys, and they're going to explode the earth. Yeah. Well, the way the lithium and cobalt is mined is very, very immoral. And honestly, it's all greenwashing. And electric cars aren't really much more safe for the environment than a gas car. But that could be like, g. Big gas companies pushing their agenda just as much as, like, big electric is pushing their agenda. But, like, the power for the electric cars has to come from somewhere. The energy has to come from somewhere. And it's probably fucking coal mines and no one's telling us also.

[Drew]

I just don't believe in that because why the fuck would I want to sit and charge my goddamn car?

[Kai]

I'm going to get an electric car. I'm going to. I. I fear I might. I fear.

[Drew]

I thought he was a man, but he was just.

[Kai]

Okay, well, we talked about this very briefly in a lot of earlier episodes, but the AI Snowball is actively happening in front of our face and no one is, like, talking about it.

[Drew]

What? What do you mean? Like, a little more specific.

[Kai]

Like one. The world gets a taste for AI it's gonna snowball and evolve quicker than we could ever even imagine. And sooner than later, we're gonna be AI ourselves and then we're gonna be in the singularity and we're gonna be cloud.

[Drew]

I wish I could remember because I was talking about this other day, and there was one specific thing that was freaking me out and I was like, we are so done. But I can't think of it, but it's. That's how I feel about almost everything. Everything recently. Oh, it was. There was an AI thing that can make your movies different artists sing different songs. So like, if you wanted Ariana to sing like Take a Bow by Madonna, there is a generator that can take all of her like, songs and generate her singing that whole song in the same metal melody. And some of them don't sound very good, but like, specifically the Ariana Grande ones that I was hearing sounds so much like her. And yeah, we are meeting our end, but it's okay because we're gonna be the last generation that has like, semi normalcy. I do feel bad for anyone born after 2008 because it's gonna be actually.

[Kai]

I, I will or I, I'm like, scared of like, what the Internet is doing to society because, like, conspiracy theorists, like, always existed. They always, they've always been around. But they were like your weird, like, like friend's older brother in his room, like, being a stoner, like, and having like neon posters on his wall. Yeah, exactly. But now that like the Internet has like connected, all of these freaks like, that have the same thoughts. They've all like, said, they've been saying everything is like a conspiracy. And it's, it's really like honestly starting to scare me the way like, like a video of like LeBron James beating the scoring record of the all time scoring record popped up on my feed and I was like, oh, cool, I'm gonna watch this. And then shortly into the video, I realized it was like conspiracy brainwashing about the number 38. And all of the com comments were like, yeah, like, and the. He. He broke the record 38 weeks after he was born. And they were all being like, dead serious. And I was like, literally, what is going on and why is this happening? And there needs to be like a limit. Limit of like, Internet. Like, genuinely, I believe there needs to be a limit to the Internet because like the. And like all of the comments where it's like. Or everybody's talking about how like, oh, the world is ending, the world is ending. Like, take the Internet away from them and like, let them go outside and be normal. And like, they'll realize it's genuinely okay. But like, I'm probably just a denier. Oh, you know what? I have theories on dreams. Like, I really do. I've been having like, a lot of.

[Drew]

Really Coming right off of saying, like, people need to stop making conspiracies and, like, being able to do that, the Internet. And you're like, all right, so here's my theory.

[Kai]

I have theories. Where do I share my theories? I have theories to share. Who can I talk to? So I genuinely do believe that when you're dreaming, you're just like, I. I genuinely, like, I've gotten to the point where I believe this with my full chest and there's, like, no convincing me otherwise. And I will be the sole pusher of this idea, and I'll die on this hill and I'll die alone on this idea idea. But in 30 years in the future, when they can research dreams properly, I will be a genius and, like. And people will be like, he was saying it before everybody, I swear. Just watch this when this happens. But I genuinely believe when you go to sleep and you wake up in a dream and, like, you're in that dream, you're waking up in a different dimension. And I'm. I'm sorry. Like, I know it sounds hoopy doopy, whatever, bullshit, but for some reason, I can't shake it because, like, the feeling that I get get, like, in these dreams is it. It's so weird. It literally feels like real life. And I'm like, there's no way.

[Drew]

Some people have way more realistic dreams than others.

[Kai]

Yeah, like, I don't know, because the dreams lately, I've literally, like, been convinced and, like, been living real life. And then, like, I've been having dreams lately where I'm having, like, five different dreams as one at once. So they're all, like, stacked on top of each each other. And, like, I have, like, screenshots of these dreams memorized where, like, it's five different things happening at once. And it. It freaks me the out. And like, when I wake, like, for example, when I was on the plane, like, I had a dream flying there, and it felt like I experienced, like, an entire lifetime. When I woke up, it was so jarring.

[Drew]

But, yeah, I believe people watch more, like, movies.

[Kai]

Porn and stuff. Oh, yeah. I think it has something to do with, like, all the porn that I watch and consume. Consume.

[Drew]

It sounds like you watch really expansive porn, though.

[Kai]

Like, yeah, it's like everything everywhere at once. But porn.

[Drew]

It's porn. It's porn. Well, I don't sleep to dream, so.

[Kai]

Wow. Wake me up when September ends.

[Drew]

I'm gonna kick the out of you. I think I'm gonna join a boxing class. And then on one of these episodes, beat the Living out of Drew.

[Kai]

Okay. I'd like to see you try.

[Drew]

I've been watching the Sopranos and it's awesome. And that's. That's all I really have to say.

[Kai]

Start watching the. Start watching the Sopranos. Sopranos, like once every three months. You're like, I'm watching.

[Drew]

Okay. I started it, like two, three months ago, and then I was watching it with a friend, and I hadn't seen the friend in a long time. It's like how I watch Girls. I watch Girls.

[Kai]

What do you mean by Friends?

[Drew]

I watch Girls with Orion and we have it fucking with. Watched any more episodes? Because we watched together and we were like, we need to watch this together. And I haven't made it past episode eight because me and Orion, when we're together, we like to just, like, get high and be on our iPhones and not on tv. But yeah, I. That's why I didn't watch it. But now I'm back to watching it and I've been binging Sopranos.

[Kai]

That's such big Chungus vibes. Sopranos is Big Chungus as fuck. See, that doesn't even hurt because I have this condition that makes it so I don't feel pain, heat, hunger, whatever. I could stick my hand on the stove right now and it wouldn't hurt. Hurt me.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

Promise, Promises, promises. I was listening to Poker Face by Lady Gaga yesterday when I walked into the house, and I think it might be one of the greatest songs ever made. And I fully believe that.

[Drew]

I thought Judas.

[Kai]

Also Judas. Lady Gaga has like 15 entries in the top 100 for me. So does Lana Del Rey, I think.

[Drew]

What. What about top five? Would she make the top five.

[Kai]

For nostalgia reasons? Yes, but I don't think so.

[Drew]

One of my top fives is always going to be Somebody Else's Guy by Jocelyn Brown. Yeah, that song is so. I still remember when we saw. Who was it performing it like a drag show, and that's how I found it. And I.

[Kai]

What show was that it was for? It was with James Charles.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. That's a story we'll never tell.

[Drew]

It wasn't even that crazy. It was actually sweet. He gave us tickets to go see. See the All. Not All Stars. Was it an All Star season? No, it was. I don't think season seven or something.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, it was like season 12 or something like that.

[Drew]

Oh, wow. But yeah, it was just maybe season 10 when they go around and perform after they go on tour and it was lit and then we have a photo with all the drag queens. And that was before I really watched RuPaul's Drag Race and I was like.

[Kai]

Where is that photo? Because it's crazy. That hasn't recently you're wearing a Playboy cardi. Yeah, I look like. Like there's. I look straight, but I don't. But everybody thought I was funny because I like look really uncomfortable. But Loki, I was shaking it in my boots because it was the. Who's the girl that had the peach on her head? I always forget her name.

[Drew]

That's who was performing it.

[Kai]

But I can't think of her name.

[Drew]

Well, yeah, for my media it's this Pranos and Last of Us. Even though the best episode was episode three and I just don't think they're gonna like surpass that. But.

[Kai]

Oh my God, we didn't talk about that episode was single handedly, I'd say goes down as top five episode of TV of all time. Like obviously I'm biased but like that was.

[Drew]

I don't even think bias or not. Like it is like undeniably one of the best, best. It felt like a movie. Like I've never seen an episode of a show of a show and been so. It felt like I watched like a two hour movie and I wanted to watch a two hour movie of that.

[Kai]

Yeah, it was so good. Also we just don't get like gay love stories like that where it's like not even. I don't know, I could get into it, but I'm not going to. But yeah, it was just really beautiful and super. I'm not going to spoil because it was good. You should watch it.

[Drew]

Yeah, you should watch. Nick Offerman was on. I forgot what late night show. But he made a joke. He was like. He was like. It was. That episode was watched I think six million times on the first night.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Drew]

And he was like. Yeah. And HBS still put me on here for the last six people who haven't seen it. So if you're one of the last 18 people on the planet who haven't seen it, you should go watch it. That's awesome because I feel like most of our audience would have seen that, but maybe not. Yeah, you should watch that though.

[Kai]

Yeah, you don't have to watch the show cuz it's really extremely mid and that's probably a hot take. But that episode single handedly you could.

[Drew]

Literally just watch that episode. That's how it's felt so far though. The first episode, so good. Second episode, okay. Third episode, so good. Fourth episode, okay.

[Kai]

Have you watched the fourth episode? Yeah, I didn't watch it yet.

[Drew]

It. You know what it is, is I was saying to Drew, the. It easily, I feel like, could have been a movie. I haven't played the game, though, so there's a chance that's just not true because I think there's, like, two, three parts to the game. So maybe it couldn't have been a movie, but I feel like it could have been, like, one movie, two movie, three movie. Like, it could have been movies. But series are always way more profitable and way more like, oh, my God, I'm on the edge of my seat.

[Kai]

Yeah, I know. Like, conservatives and evangelical Christians were pissed that played the video games were pissed about that. But then they got red to filth. Because in the show it's. Or in. In the comics or in the game, it said he had a partner, but they didn't specify, like, yeah, I think he.

[Drew]

He was gay in the game.

[Kai]

But they didn't realize that until the show.

[Drew]

And, like, people, I'm sorry, we're. You're watching a movie about mushroom zombies, and that's what you're nitpicking like, get.

[Kai]

A life and a job, freak. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

My song is. Oh, my.

[Drew]

That's not your song, though, or your show. It's your beauty of the week, but it's not your. Your song.

[Kai]

Actually, I did make Devil. No, what was it? Demon Slayer. I started Demon Slayer last two nights ago.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

And it is really awesome. And I put it off for so long because everybody in the world and their fan base is really weird, but everyone was like, you have to watch Demon Slayer. It's really, really cool. And I started watching it, and I was like, damn, this is really cool. And I watched, like seven episodes last night before waking up at 5am Me.

[Drew]

Watching six episodes of Sopranos last night.

[Kai]

Sopranos.

[Drew]

The Sopranos.

[Kai]

Sopranos.

[Drew]

Sopranos.

[Kai]

But I also. My song is Bittersweet Symphony by the Verve. I love that song. Porcelain by Moby. And I'll give you one more. Cannonball by the Breeders. Also Unfinished Symphony.

[Drew]

Mine is I Think of you by Little Annie. We've only Just Begun, Grant Green. At last I am free. I found the original, but this one's by Chic in front of me. I remember Cabin, which I've said by, say, Etienne. And it was in an episode of the Sopranos. This song.

[Kai]

I was back in Texas not too long ago. No, like two years ago. And I had just found. At last I am free. I can finally see in front of me, and I would sit in the car alone, parked, like, really far away from my house, like, screaming and crying to that song. Song. Oh, I love that song.

[Drew]

Sounds like you have issues, because I don't do that kind of crap. Like, when I get to my house, I just go inside.

[Kai]

I don't give a.

[Drew]

Sitting in the car is the best feeling ever.

[Kai]

Oh, now you sit in the car. Now you sit in the car. She wants to be me so bad.

[Drew]

You don't even have a car, babes.

[Kai]

So I did. And I did sit in the car. I used to sit in the car after school and not purposely not turn on the AC when it was, like, 110 degrees outside and sweat all the toxins out and do my homework while I was sweating.

[Drew]

That's actually awesome. Me and Orion love committing a mass sitting in the car. Just when we're out and we're like, what are we supposed to be doing next? We don't want to go home yet. So we just park the car and we sit.

[Kai]

Are the Killers problematic?

[Drew]

The Killers?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I don't know. I don't know if I know any songs by the Killers. There's, like, the Killers and then, like, the Doors. I don't know any songs.

[Kai]

Lenny Kravitz.

[Drew]

Lenny Kravitz. Province. But, yeah, that's it. All right, bye.

[Kai]

Novocaine, Nova, Cane. Control or Blonde?

[Drew]

Control. Like, sza. Yeah, that's really hard, actually.

[Kai]

Right?

[Drew]

That's genuinely so hard.

[Kai]

Comment what you think realistically?

[Drew]

Realistically, Control. Because I. I listen. I listen to Control more. I just don't listen, like, for you.

[Kai]

Or, like, what is. Which is, like, a better album, like.

[Drew]

For me to say. Blonde. Yeah, I think Blonde, musically, like, I find more. It's just, like, more interesting. But Control is just, like, undeniably one of the best albums that's come out in my lifetime. Like, undeniably, especially in the past 10 years.

[Kai]

For me, it's Blonde for sure.

[Drew]

Yeah. But if. In terms of like, which. If I could only listen to one for the rest of my life, I'm gonna pick Control because I listen to Control way more. Like, it's, like, such a vibe. It's so classic. But Blonde also, like, every time I listen to Blonde, I'm like, God damn it. This is such a good fucking album.

[Kai]

It pisses me off.

[Drew]

And it just reminds me of, like, it reminds any album that came out. 2015-20, 2017 are, like, some of my favorite albums, because it's just, like, best time of my life. So Fun. So free. Finding new things. Also, it. Spotify needs to stop recommending me new artists because I don't want to know any more artists. I'm so tired of that. Let me see your stupid cover. And I can tell graphically that it was made before the year 2018. And I want to hit you in the head.

[Kai]

Stop making music that sounds. Sounds old intentionally. Like, I get it. You're getting your bag and it's probably what you want to create. But don't try to trick me.

[Drew]

Yeah, you're not.

[Kai]

The second I see. The Second I see 2022, I turn the song off. And I'm not joking. Like, oh.

[Drew]

Unless sometimes Spotify does that thing where it's. Because it was uploaded in that year, it'll say that year. But if you dig deep, it's like an old album. Like, there's a few albums that I listen to that they're old albums, but it says they, like, were released in 2022. But also if you dig deeper and you go down, it'll say like, the copyright was made in, like 1979 or something. But it was released on Spotify in 2022. But, yeah, Spotify. Stop it. Because you're not going to trick me. Also, I. Do you ever get this? Spotify sometimes will randomly throw in a song that's trending on Tik Tok and I'm like, are you kidding me? Why are you doing that? Like, who do you think owns this account?

[Kai]

Oh, you know what was crazy is I. I saw a video of my sister lip syncing to Young.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

And it freaked me the out. And I was like, tick Tock has gone too far. Like, it's gone too far that when we're all collide singing Young Lean coming go. But it. I was like, no, it's too far. That is mine. She can't have him. The Internet cannot have Young Lee. Oh, but Young Lean is so big. No, he's not. You live in a microcosm. You live in a bubble. It's an echo chamber. And all you hear about is Young Lean. He's not massive. He's not mainstream.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Here, watch this.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th, score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder Bueno, Cheez It Crackers, Oscar Meyer lunchables and just Bear chicken Bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings. When you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go, pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.