We Have Decided The Fate Of Humanity

Summary

Podcast Summary: Emergency Intercom – "We Have Decided The Fate Of Humanity"

Episode Information:

• Title: We Have Decided The Fate Of Humanity
• Hosts: Enya Umanzor, Drew Phillips, and Josiah
• Release Date: April 29, 2022
• Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast where hosts Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips, along with guest Josiah, engage in hilarious and often chaotic conversations about a variety of topics, ranging from personal anecdotes to philosophical debates.

---

1. Drew's Plastic Surgery and Beauty Standards

The episode kicks off with Drew discussing his recent plastic surgery, setting the stage for a candid conversation about beauty standards and self-image.

• Drew: "He just feels like he's been setting the beauty standard for a while now and he has to speak on it." (02:07)

2. The Quagmire of Abbreviations

A humorous exchange unfolds as Drew and Kai grapple with the complexities of abbreviations, highlighting their playful dynamic.

• Kai: "I've been lying about my BBL and his big balls. I've been lying about my cock enlargement. It's real." (02:14)
• Drew: "Because why would it be B E E? It'd be B E A L." (02:35)

3. Movie Reviews and Media Madness

The hosts delve into discussions about various movies, including "Sonic 2," "Prometheus," and "The Lego Movie," offering their unique takes and comedic insights.

• Drew: "When we were watching Sonic 2, they don't have real government logos... which makes sense because they have to keep it in the world of a video game." (03:23)
• Kai: "I watched Prometheus last night, and there was a scene where she got pregnant by an alien baby, and she had to cut it out. It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen." (73:31)

4. Personal Struggles and Mental Health

The conversation shifts to more serious territory as the hosts openly discuss their mental health challenges, including PTSD, therapy, and the concept of manifestation.

• Drew: "I spend my time in bed manifesting, having sex. It, like, comes to fruition." (06:19)
• Kai: "I recently realized that when bad things happen, it's probably because I deserve them. That's just the ideology of manifestation." (05:56)

5. Coachella Chronicles and Transportation Woes

Anecdotes from their experiences at Coachella unfold, touching on outrageous Uber prices and the chaos of festival transportation.

• Josiah: "One of my friends... blacked out and ordered an Uber back to LA... ended up paying $850 due to surge pricing." (35:02)
• Drew: "Uber prices during Coachella were insane. $150 for a 25-minute drive." (36:48)

6. Relationships, Empathy, and Feminism

The hosts engage in a heartfelt discussion about relationships, gender dynamics, and feminism, revealing their personal insights and experiences.

• Kai: "I do make an effort to just be nice to literally everybody. I think everybody deserves that much." (42:31)
• Drew: "Being a male feminist is actually really hard... It's beyond what I can explain." (65:30)

7. Tax Troubles and Financial Fiascoes

A comedic yet relatable segment covers their frustrations with tax filing, HR Block experiences, and the convoluted nature of the tax system.

• Kai: "I was looking at my tax statement and realized I got addicted to gambling... throwing money at crypto." (47:05)
• Drew: "Kai, what were you gonna say? You took a minor break. Because something really bad happened to me." (32:50)

8. Philosophical Dialogues on Life's Meaning

Deep philosophical debates emerge as the hosts explore nihilism, optimistic nihilism, and the significance of individual actions in an indifferent universe.

• Kai: "These thoughts led me to optimistic nihilism... find the beauty in life and stop seeing what's ugly." (57:58)
• Drew: "Because nothing matters, literally everything you do does matter." (60:09)

9. The Emotional Toll of Podcasting

Acknowledging the mental and emotional fatigue of regular podcasting, Drew contemplates taking a hiatus, while Josiah assures listeners of his continued presence.

• Drew: "I really am done. I'm tapping out. I'm done recording this podcast." (53:24)
• Josiah: "Yeah. Well, I'll be here next week." (54:11)

10. Media Favorites and Musical Tastes

The hosts share their favorite songs and albums, providing a lighter moment amidst the intense discussions.

• Drew: "Good Days by SZA... it made me think about my good days." (85:38)
• Kai: "Snowy Lava by Emmett Stubb and Kim's by Burial are my current faves." (85:26)

11. Closing Chaos and Final Thoughts

The episode concludes with a chaotic yet humorous exchange about their personal habits, such as wearing anklets and forgetful moments, leaving listeners with a blend of comedy and contemplation.

• Drew: "I used to have an anklet tied in a knot from sixth grade... had to cut it off at 20." (84:37)
• Kai: "I've had these bracelets on my wrist for so long... now I can't take them off." (82:26)

---

Notable Quotes:

• Drew: "If bad things are happening to you, it's probably because you deserve them." (05:56)
• Kai: "Find the beauty in life and you'll stop seeing what's ugly." (57:58)
• Drew: "We are trapped in a zoo where they can observe us." (16:30)

---

Conclusion: "We Have Decided The Fate Of Humanity" offers a rollercoaster of emotions, blending humor with deep philosophical discussions. The hosts' candid conversations about personal struggles, societal observations, and random anecdotes create an engaging listening experience that resonates with both long-time fans and newcomers alike.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, and outros to focus solely on the episode's core content.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

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[Kai]

What the.

[Drew]

Get get get get gone. Welcome back to this episode or welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today we're going to be talking about Drew's plastic surgery.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah. He. He's got some work done and he just feels like he's been setting the beauty standard for a while now and he has to speak on it.

[Kai]

I've been lying about my BBL and his big balls. I've been lying about my cock enlargement. It's real.

[Drew]

Your B E L ball enlargement and lower mint.

[Kai]

It's.

[Drew]

It's to make them them hang.

[Kai]

Lower ball enlargement and lower men.

[Drew]

So B E E ball ball enlargement and low and like Lowerman, shut the up. No.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

No. Because why would it be B E E? It'd be B E A L. Well.

[Kai]

I thought you were saying in like E N lower men like E N.

[Drew]

L O W E R E and lower men but like you know when they do like not abbreviations but like is that what it's called where it's the letters instead of, like, the words, when they do the abbreviations, they never be putting the A for the end. You just got to figure out where it goes.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Why is that?

[Kai]

Because I think everybody can just assume where it belongs.

[Drew]

Takes me a lot of work to know.

[Kai]

It does take my brain a lot of, like, brain power to figure out abbreviations.

[Drew]

Fuck. I was watching something. Oh. When we were watching Sonic 2, they don't have, like, real government logos in them, like, or anything that looks like a real government logo, which makes sense because they have to keep it in the world of, like, a video game. And I don't think there's real government involved in Sonic World or, like, in the SEGA universe. I don't know. Like, I literally could be surprised.

[Kai]

But they support ACAB in the Sonic universe.

[Drew]

No, they actually support the opposite. At one point, Sonic puts on his blue coat again and goes, it's good to be in blue.

[Kai]

He literally says that.

[Drew]

Like, and me and my friends who saw it together were like, that's a little.

[Kai]

They were. Yeah, that was.

[Drew]

And the, like, main guy was like a sheriff. So, like, he's literally. It's like, on some Paw Patrol shit. It's like, it's good to be in blue. It's good to be back in blue. Like, that's his way.

[Kai]

Paw Patrol is literally a psychological operation for our children.

[Drew]

No, it's literally to put. Way to put kids in not only the workforce, but, like, the police workforce. The. Was I saying. Oh, but basically I was thinking yesterday for some reason, because I'm thinking about the, like, the abbreviation FBI, and I literally was sitting on the couch and I was like, Federal Bureau of Investigation. Like, it. Like, it, like, took me a minute to think of it. And I was like, they don't have the O in there.

[Kai]

Like, because it's not Federal Bureau bio or fbl.

[Drew]

This is just showing how fucking dumb we are. We haven't said anything of, like, true intellectual.

[Kai]

Craziest part is we have nothing to say because this is the second episode we're recording in 24 hours.

[Drew]

Yeah. Because we have big plans. Big plans. So we'll be gone forever. I'm probably never coming back.

[Kai]

Yeah, maybe. Maybe running away. I am running away. I'm. I'm genuinely running away. Or maybe I'm running into the fire. I'm running towards my problems, kind of.

[Drew]

You're running up that damn hill.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

You're pulling a Kate Bush.

[Kai]

I'm going. I'm going camping again, which is really exciting for me.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Why'd you laugh?

[Drew]

Because Anytime you, like, bring up camping, you're always talking about how, like, you're, like, something's gonna happen.

[Kai]

No, I was gonna say something bad is gonna happen while I'm gone. It always. When I go to Utah to camp, something bad happens every time. But, you know, like, I've accepted that and, like, the. That's a small price. Like, death is a small price to pay to get a weekend away. You know, like, it's a small price to pay.

[Drew]

No, you have to change the narrative, actually. Bad things happen to you because you attract them. Did you know that if bad things are happening to you, it's probably because you deserve them? That's just. That literally is the ideology of manifestation. Like, that's like what you bitches, like, preach.

[Kai]

Like, oh, I manifest. I am those bitches.

[Drew]

Yeah, you are the problem.

[Kai]

I manifest all my bad problems. Like, it's really fucked up. Like, I'll fester them. I'll be in bed just, like, right before I fall asleep, just thinking of literally all the worst shit possible that could happen. And then eventually it comes true. And it's because I manifested them. Maybe I should spend my time laying in bed manifesting all the good things that can happen, and maybe they'll start coming true.

[Drew]

I spend my time in bed manifesting, having sex.

[Kai]

And, oh, my God, I do.

[Drew]

It, like, comes to fruition. Like, it, like, works out for me. Like, I'm always having sex.

[Kai]

That's true. She is.

[Drew]

Yeah, I am always. I'm always like, I've always got a bone to pick at. Do you get it? Like, I have a bone to pick, but I have a bone to pick. Like, I'm picking at that bone.

[Kai]

Like, no, we need to pick up that bone to both of you.

[Drew]

What?

[Kai]

Look over in that corner. You see that orange packet?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

I took 14 of them today.

[Josiah]

Mushroom gummies.

[Kai]

So I'm gonna.

[Drew]

You're tripping today.

[Kai]

Not yet. Not yet. But it'll come up on the podcast and y' all will see me in a full blown mushroom trip.

[Josiah]

You're gonna have an ego death on the podcast?

[Kai]

Yeah, it's gonna be actually up.

[Drew]

Just something casual.

[Kai]

Like, it's. I do it, like, three times a day.

[Drew]

You have ego death. Three times.

[Kai]

Ego death isn't real. I genuinely believe that. You can't have. You go down.

[Drew]

The thing is, you said this before. I think you said this on, like, four up. Possessed.

[Kai]

It's. It's a core belief of mine. It just doesn't make sense.

[Drew]

You're always like. Because if you Think you had ego death. Your ego is still intact because you.

[Josiah]

Believe it's episode 28. 34 minutes in.

[Kai]

Exactly. Watch that. Kai, just listen.

[Drew]

You got 28 minutes in and it's Drew being like, I'm a. I'm a. Like, I love. I love having sex.

[Kai]

I love getting ran through. Total verse. I don't even know what that means. I'm just saying, like, I'm not. I don't even know what that means.

[Drew]

So are you a or no, I.

[Kai]

Am, but I don't know what verse means.

[Drew]

Like, I'm not that it sounds like. Like, why would you even use that vocabulary? Because, like, normal people don't say that kind of stuff.

[Kai]

I'm. I'm a sleigh. I'm a sleigh in bed with whatever partner I decide that day.

[Drew]

You're so annoying saying you're first of me. Like, I'm just saying. Because I don't know what that means. I just saw that online. Like, I don't actually know what that means. I was gonna say something and I literally forgot. Oh, are we gonna comment on my shirt? Like, no one has any comments. Like, I'm turning a new tide. Like, oh, yeah, I was on my anti men shit. But, like, come on. I'm just. I'm gonna. Like, Like, I'm gonna call it now. Like, we're going into a pro men.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

In front of the trend.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Like, and just trend forecasting men.

[Drew]

Me trend forecasting when it's like, I got this shirt. Like, I didn't make the shirt. So, like, what am I trying forecasting?

[Josiah]

I just was wondering, like, who got the shirts for you and who got.

[Drew]

The shirt for me. It's from Hollywood Gifts. Like that. It's from a brand.

[Josiah]

But yeah, technically, I was the hookup.

[Drew]

Kai was the plug.

[Josiah]

Yes.

[Drew]

It's not the first time he's like, been a third person party in terms of transactions that aren't necessarily legal, but we don't have to talk about.

[Kai]

He's a drug dealer.

[Drew]

Yeah. Amongst other things.

[Kai]

And I'm about to take a trip.

[Josiah]

That's an Altoid.

[Drew]

I'm turning. Like, I'm turning to.

[Kai]

Have you ever heard the word Altoid? Like, have you ever listened to it? The word Altoid is disgusting. What does that even mean? Altoid?

[Josiah]

It's so annoying. I actually remember the first time I heard it in, like third grade and being like, just why not call it candy?

[Drew]

You remember that far back, Kai, there's actually no way you remember all the way back to third grade I. That's over 20 years ago. You don't remember that? Like, you really don't. That's two decades ago, Kai.

[Josiah]

Oh my God, it is. Holy shit.

[Kai]

Wait, do you actually know what age you were in third grade? Your head like that?

[Drew]

Yeah, you're like seven or. Yeah, you're like seven. Six or seven.

[Kai]

You're like no concept of time.

[Drew]

I think I only have concept because that's around the time my mom literally decided to like abandoned and ruin my life. So just trust and believe also. I trust and believe. I do not forget. But also I have what I'm just laughing at.

[Kai]

Like just how that was the trauma. Dumb.

[Drew]

Also I have siblings who are that age. So it's just like off top, off top of dome, which I give a lot and very well.

[Kai]

I watched like 36 movies last night. I could not sleep.

[Drew]

I couldn't sleep either. And I don't know what the I was doing. I have work to do. Like trust and believe that.

[Kai]

I have so much work to do.

[Drew]

I have to like pack. I have things to do. But instead I sat in my bed, made tick tocks forever. Which is exactly why I shouldn't have the app. Like, I'm so bored because Fortnite was down last night. It was literally the worst thing to happen to me, Kai. I played one round. It was so, so good. I was on such a good streak last night. And then Fortnite went down. It was. It was really the worst thing to happen to me. I can't stress enough.

[Kai]

Yeah, I just like laid in bed till like 6am watching movies and shows all night. Like I watch. Honestly, it almost broke my top four on letterbox. But then I thought about it and I was like, you're just being like stupid. Like you're just trying to be different, weird. Which I can recognize sometimes. I like my brain works in that way where I'm like, I want to be as different and weird as possible, but I never give in to those weird thoughts because I am who I am at the end of the day. But I watched the Lego movie last night and first one, yes, that is actually so advanced. Really good. It's like really like there are some like really like actually real that they're like commenting on and such like a fun. I was laughing out loud in bed.

[Josiah]

It's genuinely super good.

[Kai]

It's super funny, super good. And like the subject matter is like super advanced. I was like, oh, whoa. This is like a lit ass movie.

[Drew]

I was next to someone on a plane recently and they Were watching it and cracking the up.

[Kai]

It's actually that funny. It's actually that funny.

[Drew]

I don't know if I believe that. Like, come on. Like, come on. Like, come on.

[Josiah]

Two man babies talking about how much we love the Lego Movie.

[Kai]

It's actually really good.

[Josiah]

It is good, though.

[Drew]

Drew texted me that last night, and I was like, all right, I'm going to bed. That text you from his room? Yeah.

[Josiah]

How much he was enjoying the Lego Movie.

[Drew]

And he was like, I'm up too.

[Kai]

I was like, I can't sleep either. I can't sleep either. Literally, just like that with 100 Es.

[Josiah]

And then I was Drew hinting that he wants to crawl into bed with Anya.

[Kai]

So we haven't had to spend the night in a very long time.

[Drew]

When Drew was suffering very awfully from his PTSD from the break in, he would sleep in my bed almost too often.

[Kai]

No, it was awesome for me.

[Drew]

My little wing was, like, not getting the cheese.

[Kai]

She was shriveled. The wing. The. The clitoris was shriveled.

[Drew]

Yeah, she was, like, evaporated. She was like a little dust bunny. Like.

[Kai]

Well, no, I just gave you your sensitivity back. You were abusing her.

[Drew]

You did give me a tolerance break.

[Kai]

Yeah, I gave you. I gave you a masturbation tea break. You were abusing her simply. I'm no fap right now.

[Drew]

Huh? You're no fap right now. This, like, why, like, how did we become, like, one of the most sexual, like, podcast. Other than maybe, like, 10 mojo and I haven't watched her podcast. I'm just assuming she'd be talking about sex.

[Kai]

We don't talk about sex. We talk about, like, playing with ourselves.

[Drew]

We talk about our own members.

[Kai]

We talk about, like, the really lame.

[Drew]

If I'm going to talk about something, it's going to be my wingbot.

[Kai]

Like, we're just relatable.

[Josiah]

Everyone does podcast. It's just a jacking off podcast.

[Drew]

It's the masturbation podcast. Sorry, I thought of something. I thought I had a thought, and it's. It's not coming up.

[Kai]

Do you want me to pry?

[Drew]

No, you shouldn't, because I literally can't. I can't say it. And that's it for this episode.

[Kai]

That's what it feels like. I have nothing else to say to you.

[Drew]

I literally felt like I just talked for it.

[Kai]

I know. I have nothing else to say to y' all. Y' all are so sucking me dry. Viewers are literally stealing every ounce of conversation I have, and it's y' all.

[Drew]

What's what's insane is the fact that I still talk my ass off. I. You would think I do this, and it, like, leaves me dead and silent for a week. I get off of here, I get on my iPhone for like, an hour, and I'm right back to it. Like, I just need, like, a few minutes on iPhone having monkey brain, like dopamine to, like, recharge. And then I'm like, all right, now I dabble.

[Josiah]

You do. Without fail, every single episode for, at this point, 42 episodes. As soon as we turn off the camera, you just go to the couch and are on tick tock.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

For like an hour straight. And then you're good.

[Drew]

Yeah. And then I'm like, all right, I'm back. Like, I literally like it actually. After the camera gets turned off, my brain is like. It feels like an old TV turning off. Like, when, like, like when it would. Like, like, like that's what my brain feels like for like, an hour after.

[Kai]

It is like, actually so draining to talk for an hour. Like, people don't realize that, but I. I have the hardest job in the world. It is simply.

[Josiah]

This is the hardest job in America.

[Kai]

It's like, I'm. I do harder work than the average American. Yeah.

[Drew]

I was going to say. Because, like, yes, we can argue, like, whatever, nine to five, you have to get up, blah, blah, blah, but, like, I have to sit here and, like, be myself, which, like, that is the bravest. Like, that is the most courageous thing.

[Kai]

You can do, which is so hard.

[Drew]

In this day and age. Nobody wants to be themselves.

[Kai]

And like, the hardest part about it is being loved by everybody. Like, I.

[Drew]

Not being able to go outside, like, living in a city like LA and not being able to go outside without the chance of someone knowing who you are.

[Kai]

I mean, it's just a nightmare.

[Drew]

It literally is. It like, I'm. At least we have each other to understand because, like, these. These people watching, like, they literally have no idea what we're talking about.

[Kai]

Yeah. Like, we might as well just, like, really. It's unnatural.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Like, humans weren't meant to be seen by this many people.

[Drew]

Yeah, but we. But. But the thing is, like, we are the people to put ourselves in that position for their enjoyment. We're. We're like. We're like little.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. We are good people.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

That's like, we are. We are good.

[Drew]

We are better than us.

[Kai]

We lock ourselves in the zoo so they can observe us.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

If only y' all could see the cage that's around us. Right now, we literally record the podcast in a cage and go and sleep in the corner and wake up wanting to do it again.

[Drew]

And there's a little stack of hay in the corner that has an imprint from our body.

[Kai]

Yeah. And then I eat the hay that you sit on.

[Drew]

Why would you eat the hay that I sit on, Drew? Why would you eat the. Like, I. I sweat on that.

[Kai]

The dookie flakes. What?

[Drew]

Like, you're eating my doo doo flakes.

[Kai]

Your stink.

[Drew]

My little stink.

[Kai]

Oh, I love a good smell.

[Josiah]

Who's that?

[Kai]

I love a good, bad smell.

[Josiah]

Is that a, like, your Texas accent? You say stuff, stink, stink. Say stink, stink. But isn't it stink, stink, stink, stink?

[Drew]

No, it is stink.

[Josiah]

But doesn't Drew say stink, stink? Yeah, but I guess that's, like, what.

[Drew]

Do you want to say? Stink, stink, stink, stink, stink.

[Kai]

I also say I'm going to draw a picture.

[Josiah]

That has to be Texas, too, right?

[Kai]

Is that Texan?

[Drew]

Draw?

[Kai]

Wait.

[Drew]

Somewhere. I saw, Oh, I think I saw on, like, the Reddit page or something like, the other day that someone was like, it's so crazy how Madeline still has her accent and then, like, Drew does it.

[Kai]

And I was like, it is. It is crazy. I. I had that accent, but I. I also just think, like, I never really fully had, like, an actual Texas accent, Texan accent, like, a Southern accent. I think, like, oh, my God. She's always feeling. She's always steals the attention from me. She always has to steal the.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. That burp actually took the breath out. It was one of those ones that it, like, left an air bubble right here. Like, it actually, like, knocked me a little.

[Kai]

But I don't think I ever really had a Texas accent. I think, like, or Texan accent. I think I just, like, have a better vocabulary than the average person. So it's just, like, it was hard for me to have that. No, genuinely, I, like, just didn't have one and then. But I actually have noticed a bunch recently that people are like. When I talked to Madeline on the phone, they were like, Drew's text and accent came out or comes out when he's talking on the phone.

[Josiah]

And.

[Kai]

And I watched that clip over and over again to, like, try to hear my Texan accent, and there were, like, 50 comments talking about it, and I, for the life of me, could not hear, like, a change in my, like, accent. But then when I'm on the phone with my grandma or, like, one of my Texas friends, like, my accent, like, literally comes out like, crazy. It's literally like Elsie talking with her mom.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Like, it's like. It's something so like, like instinctual. And me, like, I don't even like, consciously do it. It just happens. But yeah, in Granbury we say like, slay and serve.

[Drew]

Oh, okay, that's cool.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. My hometown. I just like, I haven't thought about it in, like, since the Billboard video. And like, that place is psycho.

[Drew]

My, oh, my.

[Kai]

I love it though. It's like literally such, like a change of pace.

[Drew]

It's like a different world.

[Kai]

Yeah, it really is. Just like I go back and I live and that's like, I don't do anything but eat McDonald's and drive my mom's car 120 miles per hour up and down the road. You've been in it, dude. That was probably. That was so up of me to do to you because, like, I was literally like, not suicidal, but I was like, at like a very low point in my life after my brother died and you were in Granbury and I was like, look how fast we can go. And it was like midnight and I was like, like, just zooming up and down the back.

[Drew]

You know what, though? Like, I. I didn't experience a death, but I was like, in like, also a tumultuous time. So I literally did not second guess it because that's like, we were in that together. I was partaking in the same kind of, like, really, like, let's see how high I could get my adrenaline so I could feel alive again kind of behavior. So I just like, I literally don't do that though.

[Kai]

Yeah, do not do that. That is genuinely like some of the dumbest that I've ever done. What or do is, like, go fast in the car. Like, that's like, actually, like, I can. I recognize that that is like really, really stupid and dangerous. But I just like doing it. But I also, to clarify, do it on, like, desolate. Desolate back roads in Texas where, like, literally there hasn't been a soul driving on it but me for the last eight hours. So it's just like, whatever. But, yeah, very dangerous time in my life.

[Drew]

Sorry. I went to go smell my fucking armpit because something in this area stinks and I thought it was me and I hit my fucking forehead with my ring.

[Kai]

Girl. That's my ball grease. No, that girl at fucking Coachell.

[Drew]

It smells like an onion. It smells like a single onion.

[Kai]

Like, no, there's probably rotten food back here. Like, there's always something rotten when there's food. The Girl at Coachella that was like, raising her hands and she's like, yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw that.

[Kai]

And she, like, looked away. She's my hero. She's my hero. She ate. I've gotten comments like, people, I'm smelling the onion now.

[Drew]

Yeah, you smell.

[Kai]

Oh, it's Josh's food. He probably ordered onion food.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, onion food. No, it fully is Josh's food. The thing is, I've had gotten comments where people are like, are we gonna ignore that? And you smelled herself. Who cares? Because y' all are the kind of to be in a room smelling bad, wondering what's smelling bad. And it's you. Because you don't smell yourself. Like, you need to. You need to take accountability. Yeah.

[Kai]

For smelling like she did what she had to do. And like, she, like. Yeah, she had her hands up. She put her hands down. And that's self awareness that I love and support.

[Drew]

She had her. She did what she needed to do. She had her hands up and put her hands down.

[Kai]

Yeah. And I support her thoroughly.

[Drew]

Sorry. I, like, need to light a candle.

[Kai]

Because it smells like I need a. I need a J right now. Like literally so fucking bad here. Yeah, roll me a J.

[Drew]

Just suck that down.

[Kai]

Imagine I did just now.

[Drew]

That would be awesome.

[Kai]

No one's commented on my mud water.

[Drew]

Cuz we're over it. Hold on. Actually.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Josiah]

That looks so fucking gross.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Wow again. I know I say it every other. But it's very real. It's very real for me. I am surrounded by dangerous people. Ty and Inya are dangerous.

[Drew]

Me. When you just admitted to, like, going 120 miles an hour with me in.

[Kai]

The passenger seat and twisted. And they play mind games with me. You see what they do to me?

[Josiah]

Yeah, we do.

[Kai]

When the cameras are off, it's a different story. It may seem lighthearted and fun.

[Josiah]

True.

[Kai]

But they attack me.

[Josiah]

You're acting crazy.

[Drew]

Yeah, you're fucking belligerently.

[Josiah]

Did you take your meds today?

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

See?

[Josiah]

Did you take your pills?

[Drew]

See?

[Josiah]

Open your mouth. Let me see it.

[Drew]

Undertone. Oh, has that been in your mouth the whole time?

[Josiah]

Chewing the lithium?

[Kai]

What?

[Drew]

I haven't spoken to my therapist for, like, two months.

[Josiah]

You're ghosting her again?

[Drew]

Yeah, I have not spoken to her.

[Kai]

Have you? Like, did you get the last response in or did she.

[Drew]

Yeah, she got the last response in. I just been.

[Kai]

Or.

[Drew]

No, no.

[Kai]

Like, the conversation ended cordially.

[Drew]

Yeah, it was really cordial. I basically emailed my therapist and I was like, oh, sorry, I've been like, mia, I just, like, haven't really had time to talk, and I feel like I've been doing okay enough that I don't need to.

[Kai]

Which is you need to talk.

[Drew]

Like, clinically insane. Like, actually, like, you know when. Like, in the beginning of interrogation, like, YouTube videos where people are, like. It starts with, like, this video has been, like, analyzed by, like, a psychologist. Like, we need that for Drew. We need, like, a psychologist to analyze footage of him.

[Kai]

One thing about me is I thoroughly believe that I could. No, no. I was going to say I could, like, commit a crime and then lie my way out of an interrogation.

[Drew]

You.

[Kai]

Absolutely not. I would genuinely, like, I could not commit a crime and go to jail for life for the crime I didn't commit because I would freak the F out in Frieza.

[Drew]

All right. Says that all the time when we were watching this interrogation, and I was like, this is how you would look. Like. Like, this girl thinks she's killing it. And that's exactly how you would look. It's just like, no. Yeah.

[Kai]

Like, I want my lawyer. Yeah.

[Drew]

Being like, I don't know what you're talking about, dude.

[Josiah]

I would fold.

[Drew]

I wasn't there.

[Kai]

I was so hard.

[Josiah]

I have never had a doubt in my mind. I am so transparent when it comes to being stressed out. Like, people will be like, I feel like one time we were hanging out.

[Kai]

I clocked you forever every time I clock you.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Like, we were in the car and. And you've done this to me, too. We were in the car, not even looking at me. Maybe even on your phone. And then my body will, like, tense up or something, and you'll go like, you are acting weird as fuck. And it's like, just, no, no, me, no.

[Kai]

But I say you. You're acting weird as Kyle.

[Josiah]

Well, you'll just call me out for.

[Kai]

Like, No, I don't call you. I'm like, kai, are you all right? Like, what's up? What do you. I. This is what I say. I'm like, what are you thinking about?

[Josiah]

Yeah, yeah. You'll be like, no. A couple times, you'll be like, I know.

[Drew]

I'll be like, you're being weird. You are being a freak. I'm like, the killer is in the back. And you won't even. It'll be like, I'm driving, and I just feel something in my back shift. And like, Kai, when he is, like, like, not in a mood, but, like, when you are, like, feeling something, you will get in my car and disappear in the car. Like, I'll be driving for 20 minutes, and I'm like. Then suddenly I look in my review mirror and I'm like, oh, my God.

[Kai]

God.

[Josiah]

Like, he's literally so bad at, like, faking it, but whatever.

[Drew]

Well, you gotta fake it till you make it and push all that shit down, so get better at it.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[Josiah]

Yeah, totally.

[Drew]

I'm really good. I'm not good at faking it, I don't think. No, I think I'm good.

[Kai]

I'm awful. Well, no, I'm good when I need to be good. But when I want people to be like, what's wrong? Or, like, you're terrorizing the vibe right now. I, like, sometimes intentionally do it. Like when we were walking up to Coachella. That was unintentional.

[Josiah]

I.

[Kai]

But I wasn't even trying to hide it. I was just like, I'm in a bad mood. But, like, when I intentionally want someone to be like, what's wrong? Like, I'll, like, play it up a little bit.

[Drew]

You're so annoying.

[Kai]

It's true. I'm just telling the goddamn thing.

[Drew]

He's like, no, I'm good.

[Kai]

No, exactly. I'm telling the goddamn truth. Like, that's what. That's the thing about me is I tell the truth. I say what people are.

[Drew]

You are not. You're lying. Like, how are you lying as you're talking about telling the truth? Like, you're lying about telling the truth. I don't think I'm a good liar at all. Like, I think I'm really bad. Like, I fold really easily. But mainly I. I speak before I think so often that I don't even think to lie before I tell the truth. Like, I just am naturally like, oh, yeah?

[Kai]

Why is that?

[Drew]

Because I don't think to lie because I'm not a piece of. Like, I'm literally one of the best people on earth.

[Kai]

See, I. Quote me on that.

[Drew]

You shut up. Don't quote me.

[Kai]

They're like, okay, this is like, I lie when it's fun and funny, obviously. Like, we know that about me. Half the. I say we know. I love a funny lie. Like, whatever. But when the time to tell the truth happens, like, I. I. Like when. When it's, like, a serious moment, I don't lie. I tell the truth.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Except when someone asks me about my own emotions, then I lie.

[Drew]

So, no, I'm happy.

[Kai]

So I'm happy. And then I bottle it up and shove it way deep down.

[Drew]

Yeah. Honestly, I honestly bottle it up and shove it up my hole. Like, everyone's so concerned with shoving it down, but I bottle it and put it in me.

[Kai]

Exactly. No, I, like, there's something, like. Actually, I, like, recognize this wrong with me because, like, when I bottle down, like, everyone's like, oh, it's going to boil over. It's going to boil over. I've been bottling for, like, 15 years, and it somehow just, like, evaporates in my gut and I. It out.

[Drew]

That is literally not true. That is, like. That is so far from the truth.

[Kai]

No, it's true.

[Drew]

No, it's literally not. Like, I think, like, you don't. You think you're good at it, but, like, it comes out.

[Josiah]

Do you remember that video of the Coney 2012 guy, like, getting naked and dripping off? Yeah, that's going to be drew in literally two years. He's like, no, I bottled it for 15 years. Like, I'm. But it's good.

[Kai]

Like, I've said that now. Like, there's going to. I'm going to snap one day. Like, it's going to be crazy. Like, people are going to be like, is this, like, a bit like, what is he doing? And I'm going to be, like, literally rolling around naked on the floor, fucking Hollywood. Like, literally putting rocks in my ass. It's gonna be crazy.

[Drew]

That's gonna make you, like, way down. Like, how will you keep.

[Kai]

I'm gonna recreate the movie at Heartland Drive.

[Drew]

What was that? What was that? Because I. I blinked, and then I heard something. What was that? You almost dropped something.

[Kai]

Actually, that was just a moment between me, Kai, and the viewers.

[Drew]

Oh. The thing is, you put out the candle somehow.

[Kai]

No, it just dimes.

[Josiah]

Is that a glossier candle?

[Drew]

Yes, and I want another one so, so bad. Dude.

[Kai]

Burbs kick Kai every time. If you that, like, if you want to make Kai laugh, just burp.

[Drew]

No, it's insane. Like, yours was like, a baby burp.

[Kai]

Like, that's how babies perfectly drinking baby diarrhea right now.

[Josiah]

Babies don't have any social awareness to know that burps are funny yet. So they'll just, like. And burp and just be, like, serious.

[Drew]

Yeah, you just, like, did it, like, break?

[Kai]

Wait, why are. Why do I want a kid?

[Drew]

You. She would be an awful father. You. After saying, like, yeah, I just bought everything up, and I've been doing it for 15 years. Why do I want a kid?

[Kai]

I drove my parents around in Los Angeles for a week, and on the way to Malibu, I had a very serious conversation with myself in my head where I was like. Like, this is what it's like having children, and I actually like it. That would be dangerous.

[Drew]

Me. You considering thinking a conversation with yourself, Girl, you're just thinking.

[Kai]

No, we were having dialogue, me and my alters.

[Drew]

Okay. Yeah.

[Josiah]

Drew, should we try for a kid?

[Kai]

I'm so happy you finally asked.

[Josiah]

I can't reach. Yeah, we should start trying.

[Kai]

I'll carry.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Just deciding who's gonna carry the child also.

[Drew]

That quick. Just like, yeah, I'll do it. Like, it's on me. It's on me. The baby's on me. Like, I'll do it. I still literally, I feel like we've talked about, like, wanting kids possibly on this podcast so much.

[Kai]

It's a relatable topic for their mid 20 girls.

[Drew]

I'm down. But I'm still, like, I. I think I'd be a really bad mom. I think I'd be really, like, without realizing it, like, feeling awful, because I genuinely had this thought I was going through my closet and folding everything, and I was like, dude, I have, like, such a cool, like, collection of clothing building up. I get to give this to my daughter. And then I really thought about it, and I was like, let me see my daughter look better in my clothing than I ever did. No, I'm gonna be like, damn, you look bad. Like, you look really bad in that.

[Kai]

Like, oh, my God, it's gonna be so cute when, like, my grandkids are going through, like, my kids addict, and they find, like, a rack of, like, all of my clothes on there, and they're like, look, they find three shirts, vintage shit. Like, look at all this. Hello. This is going to be worth, like, $200. And in the future. The Sling Tour. Claire Merch. Yeah, it's a grail. There are so many people watching right now that want this shirt. Bidding goes at, let's say, 640. Okay. I have a surprise.

[Drew]

What?

[Kai]

Damn. I always bring out all the surprises.

[Drew]

The thing is, whatever he just pulled out was out of our fucking fridge. So, like, I.

[Kai]

Where's all my.

[Drew]

I probably put it there. Oh, which one do you want?

[Kai]

You choose. It's. It's your surprise.

[Drew]

I'm getting this.

[Kai]

Okay. Inflation isn't real, cuz these are still 99 cents. Like, y' all are actually insane. I genuinely.

[Drew]

The government is literally making it up because they want to, like, community.

[Kai]

This is proof that it's corporate greed. Inflation wouldn't be real if everybody just stuck to their prices all the time, and we could just live in harmony forever.

[Drew]

You know what? You were one of the smartest people I know.

[Kai]

Thank you. Like, literally, that's all I needed to hear. Holy.

[Drew]

Kai, what were you gonna say? You were gonna say something. You took a minor break.

[Josiah]

Oh.

[Drew]

Because something really bad happened to me, guys. So you should comment.

[Josiah]

Like, people were.

[Kai]

What are you saying?

[Josiah]

People were.

[Kai]

Okay, you can go. You can go. You can go. We'll chill.

[Josiah]

People were.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

All right. It's down. It's out of my hand. I'm not gonna do anything. And you put your soundtrack.

[Drew]

This tastes so good. What the is in this?

[Kai]

Like, actually, literally, Ms. Arizona put her in this. Like, swear to God, this is scary.

[Drew]

What is in this?

[Kai]

They put the. The of the green tea leaf in this.

[Drew]

They literally, like, what There? This is squirt. Like, what? It's like, me up.

[Kai]

This is apple flavor. Try this. It has, like, the essence of apple to.

[Drew]

I used to get this one.

[Kai]

Arizona sponsor us. Kai, what were you saying?

[Drew]

How much caffeine is in this? Keep going.

[Josiah]

Okay. People were.

[Kai]

I. I swear to God, I was just gonna take it. I was literally just gonna take a second.

[Drew]

It's just funny because, like, the dish so big. I used to drink, like, three of these, like, every day in high school.

[Kai]

In middle school, it's only 110 calories, which is surprising. I thought it would be, like, six.

[Josiah]

How much. How many grams of sugar is in that? It's got to be, like, 40 grams, right?

[Drew]

Oh, 49.

[Kai]

Literally 50 grams.

[Josiah]

That's like. That's not good for you.

[Kai]

I mean, I need glucose to survive, baby.

[Josiah]

That's true. I'm an idiot.

[Kai]

I should have.

[Drew]

It's like how they give cow Skittles. Say what? You're inside.

[Josiah]

Oh. People were Ubering back from Coachella to la. Like, I. I heard of, like, wait.

[Drew]

But how much would that be?

[Josiah]

Dude, some people spent, like, a thousand dollars because it was.

[Kai]

The Ubers were driving from LA anyways. Like, all the Ubers that I had were from LA at Coachella.

[Josiah]

Really?

[Kai]

Yeah. They all drive down.

[Drew]

Yeah. So they were probably going to go back anyway, and they were just, damn.

[Kai]

I'll make a bag while I drive.

[Josiah]

But, you know, like, we would try to get an Uber to an after party, and it was like, $110. Just, like, to go, like, what, 10 miles or something?

[Kai]

Yeah. And then it's like, literally 200,000 people are all trying to.

[Josiah]

Yeah. So one of my friends, I guess, blacked out and ordered an Uber back to la. And it was like, during the rush of everyone going to after parties, and it was like, 850 bucks.

[Kai]

Oh, my.

[Josiah]

Blacked in. But I guess the drive wasn't bad at all because it was at like 3am in the middle of the festival, so it was. Yeah, it took like two and a half hours, but you, like, got caught in, like, the surge pricing.

[Drew]

Did they mean to leave?

[Josiah]

I think that they did make the decision. They were like, I want to go home.

[Drew]

And like, three hours from home and be like, I'm. And like, just blacked out and like, hitting home on your Uber and things like that.

[Kai]

That's literally what Inya was trying to make me do on day three. She's like, you're.

[Drew]

I was like, you know, like, 8 million people here, get a ride.

[Kai]

I do forget that I am a bit of a socialite and every. Everybody I know loves me and would be so willing to give me a ride back. I forget. Yes.

[Drew]

Yeah. But you do have to do things for them, like, in a sexual way. So it's like, is it love or are they using you?

[Kai]

It's not using me because I want it badly. Okay. 800 Uber. That's actually insane.

[Drew]

Like, dude, the Uber prices in general for Coachella, me and Orion were talking about this. We were like, literally, thank God we can afford to like, come and leave here or, like, specifically leave, because you could get an uber for like $50 there if you, like, timed it right. But to leave, it was always 150 plus. And I was like, holy. Like, that is insane. That is unreal.

[Kai]

Like, even that price, 50 Uber is like, insanely high for how far we were going.

[Drew]

No. Yeah. It was literally a 25 minute drive.

[Kai]

Yeah. So, like, it's. It's already insanely high. But, like, yeah, like, what else would.

[Drew]

You say would you do?

[Kai]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

Like, it's like, you either be safe, I guess it's making the decision, like, okay, do you want to go there and stay sober and drive or do you want to, like, be safe and not take your car? Because you probably. Whoops. Oh, my God. Stay sober. What are you looking at? You're looking at my tits right now.

[Kai]

What?

[Drew]

Were you just looking at my boobs?

[Josiah]

Did you think that was subtle, Drew?

[Kai]

What? I was even doing that you fully.

[Drew]

Just bent your body forward to look at my boobs.

[Kai]

I'm not even looking at your boobs. Like.

[Drew]

No, you're looking right now. Like, stop.

[Kai]

What? Oh, my God, y' all are. You're such a perv. Like, everything you do. Everything I do?

[Drew]

Kai, why are you covering yourself everything?

[Josiah]

I'm showing respect. By holding my hand.

[Drew]

I'm holding respect. By not acknowledging that there's a woman in the room because I will indefinitely sexualize you if I look at you.

[Josiah]

Exactly.

[Kai]

That's the male gaze. Or. No, that's literally not what that means.

[Drew]

Yeah, you are a male gaze. Oh, y' all are some male gays. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[Kai]

We had a five minute bit of us just slurping.

[Drew]

I know. When we were doing that, I was like, dude, you guys are such freaks for watching this every episode.

[Kai]

They're not freaks. They're actually, like, brave. Like, they're warriors. If you make it through every episode, I. Like, if you make it this far into this episode, I literally need to see, like, a comment or something.

[Drew]

You're getting a badge of honor because.

[Kai]

I. Yeah, you're literally like. Like, I will, like, acknowledge and not acknowledge it because I don't have the time, but I will read it and I will see.

[Josiah]

There's comments of people that'll be like, I just found out about this podcast I watched. I binged every episode over the last, like, two weeks, and I'm like, I need to see an MRI scan of that person's brain.

[Kai]

No, their brain is literally this big. No, it's this. No, it's not even.

[Josiah]

It's just a green skittle. Yeah, it's literally a green sour skittle.

[Kai]

Yeah. As you say, sour skill.

[Drew]

That's the yellow ones. It's just nasty. Dude, that is so insane.

[Kai]

Yeah, but, like, just say something. So I made it this far into the episode, wherever the time stage.

[Drew]

I want to play Fortnite so bad right now. I'm gonna be really honest. Like, it's all I could think about, girl.

[Kai]

Let's do it on Patreon.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. That would be awesome.

[Kai]

Me, literally.

[Drew]

You have a video of us playing.

[Kai]

My video Fortnite, coming out tomorrow.

[Drew]

I'm itching. I'm literally itching.

[Kai]

Wait, when is your video coming out there?

[Drew]

Should be today, but I might be late.

[Kai]

Okay. Work. Mine is probably gonna come out tomorrow then. Sorry, we're discussing work and scheduling. That's what it's like being an influencer. Scheduling out your videos.

[Drew]

Yeah. Taking meetings.

[Kai]

Exactly. Girl.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I love.

[Drew]

I love a good influencer saying, like, yeah, like, I wake up and then I take meetings. I'm like, you don't do that. You don't do that. Because I don't do that. But, like, maybe some of you bitches actually have that. But, like, I.

[Kai]

Well, I just call, like, any phone call that I Have a meeting. Like, any. Like, I'm like, oh, I was doing meetings literally just to make myself feel like I'm productive. When, like, in reality, I do nothing all the time. All the time. I am munching these down.

[Drew]

They taste really good.

[Kai]

I am actually destroying this.

[Drew]

You're never gonna hear me say it again because I'm gonna kill myself.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

And then. Then you're gonna. I love saying that to people.

[Kai]

Then you're gonna miss me, and you'll miss.

[Drew]

Then you'll be like, damn, I shouldn't have taken that for granted. Like, that thing that you didn't. Like, you're going to look back and be like, you know what? I could use that right now.

[Kai]

Oh, I think about that all the time. I'm like, what? I. What? I'm annoyed by, like, with, like, my friends or relationships or family. I'm like, you know what? It may be annoying in the moment, but when they eventually pass away, because I'm going to outlive everybody, it's going to be sad when I'm all alone. I. I think I'm going to be, like, 156.

[Drew]

You went from thinking you're going to die at, like, 30 now.

[Kai]

Well, it's 25, because I have to make a million dollars before I'm 25, which I have, like, seven more months or what is it?

[Josiah]

You have literally one more month.

[Kai]

Yeah. So I'm like, I don't know how you're gonna make it, y' all. This may be. Y' all better. Savor these moments. Seriously.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. I have such little fathom of real life. I don't know what making a million dollars would even do for someone. Like, I'm literally, like, genuinely, what does that do for you?

[Kai]

At this point? It, like, means nothing to me. Yeah.

[Drew]

I'm like, you are literally just doing that. You're just doing it to say you did it. Like, you're not. No, that's not. It's not changing anything about your life. You're literally just doing it to be like, I did that one time, and it's, like, cool. Like, you still suck. I'm sorry. And I'm having fun. Me. That's the thing about me is, like, I am alive to have fun, have sex, and have a laugh.

[Kai]

Yeah. Those are my. At the end of the day, the meaning of life is to breed. Yeah.

[Drew]

It's to breed and live my. Oh, right.

[Josiah]

For me, it's just all about helping people and just being positive and chill and awesome.

[Drew]

You Are, like, one of the most negative energies I've ever met in my life.

[Kai]

That was beautiful.

[Josiah]

Thank you.

[Drew]

Drew you.

[Kai]

That was beautiful. That's really just, like, so good.

[Drew]

Yeah, that used to be, like, my idea, but then I was like, wait, you could be really nice to someone, and they still treat you like, you know what? I'm here to have fun. Even though I still bend over backwards.

[Kai]

I do make it an effort to just be nice to literally everybody. Like, just give everybody the benefit of the doubt and see their side. And maybe I don't agree with it, but I think everybody deserves that much.

[Drew]

You are one of the best people I've ever met in my life. Like, did you just, like, teach yourself that, or did someone teach it to you?

[Kai]

It's just, like, this intuition that I have, like, ever since I was a young child.

[Drew]

Yeah, I came naturally.

[Kai]

Yeah. I'm basically a philosopher.

[Drew]

Yeah. You've always been a caretaker and, like.

[Kai]

Just like a giver. I've been a giver.

[Drew]

You're an empath.

[Kai]

I'm an empath. I've been a giver my whole life. I just give so much.

[Drew]

I am giving.

[Kai]

It's giving. Wait, the giver. The giver is literally giving, like, oh, my God.

[Drew]

I have nothing. Useless to give to the world.

[Kai]

I know y' all. Sorry. This is. You're seeing us just, like, deteriorate.

[Drew]

Like, I'm done. Like, okay. How do actually. How do people have podcasts for, like, three years? What the are you talking about? Like, what are you talking about?

[Kai]

That. And also, how do people record podcasts every day? Like, I actually, like. Or even, like, multiple times.

[Drew]

How do people do anything every day? Like, I'm done. I'm tapping out. Like, I'm literally like.

[Josiah]

Like, y' all so funny because, like, we're gonna turn the camera off, and then you guys are gonna be talking for seven hours straight.

[Drew]

I'm not gonna shut the up. We have somewhere to go after this. And then after. I'm trying to meet with more people. I'm like, yes, yes.

[Kai]

Who are you trying to meet with?

[Drew]

Later, Rain.

[Kai]

Okay. Because I was like, I made plans with Axel to go see movie today.

[Drew]

Axel?

[Kai]

Yeah. Weber, the tiktoker.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. I don't know who that is. I'm not kidding.

[Kai]

He's. He's the guy that lives in the world's smallest apartment in LA or in New York.

[Drew]

Oh, the guy who was on the news. Are you joking?

[Kai]

But I am meeting with Axel.

[Drew]

I was like, you're not.

[Kai]

But not him.

[Drew]

Not going to see me with that kid. Like, what are you talking about, dude?

[Kai]

That was like Weston.

[Drew]

That actually greens me the living out. I was like, why are you going to see a movie with that kid? Like, why? Like, why is he here?

[Josiah]

Like, the little actor boy?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, I feel like he real.

[Josiah]

Is that a real person or.

[Kai]

I've discussed this. Like, I think he is an industry plant and he's like an actual robot. Like, I know last night I was saying, like, like, there is some human behind Mark Zuckerberg in his decisions, but Axel Weber is a literal robot and he actually gives me uncanny valley and I'm scared of that man. I'm sorry.

[Josiah]

He's just so good at being in front of a camera. For TikTok, not even for, like, move like TV and film, but for TikTok.

[Drew]

You don't know that he's going to be. Bitch.

[Josiah]

He probably will be.

[Kai]

No, I agree. Like, what he does, he's so good at.

[Josiah]

Yeah. And I'm just like, it seems he's.

[Kai]

Infectious, which is annoying to me because I want to be that. But I'm like, the opposite of.

[Drew]

You're like, like hazardous. Like, hazardous.

[Kai]

I'm infectious, but it's like, infectious. Yeah, deadly.

[Drew]

You're biohazard infectious.

[Kai]

Yo, we're on the podcast. Josiah's on the podcast with us. Hey, what do you have to say?

[Josiah]

What?

[Kai]

What? I have a question. Okay. I have to call you back. Text it to me.

[Drew]

Just believe what he said. Like, that.

[Kai]

I'm so ugly. I'm like, mask mandate getting lifted off the airplane.

[Drew]

It's not that I'm anti mask. Is that. It's just I don't believe in the muzzle.

[Kai]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Drew]

Like, I.

[Kai]

No, it is like me wanting to be comfortable.

[Drew]

Literally. I'm so done. I'm so drunk right now.

[Kai]

Holy. She's lit this photo being taken.

[Josiah]

Like, someone's gonna see that photo and be like, oh, that was taken. Like, once they were done.

[Drew]

It was like, while we were still.

[Kai]

In the middle of the episode.

[Drew]

You know what it is? I actually have absolutely nothing happening in my life. Like, I genuinely. I've said this for the past few months. I cannot stress enough. Monkey brain. Like, I don't know what's happening. I never know what's happening. I'm just letting life happen. And I'm like, okay, I guess I gotta go do this. And I go and do the thing and. And then I'm like, I'm waiting for another task, and then I avoid the task. And then I Do it because I need to do it, I guess.

[Josiah]

Yeah. I have so much shit going on. I have, like, deals and meetings that I have to make. I'm like, moving money around constantly.

[Drew]

So you're laundering money?

[Josiah]

No, no, no. I'm just moving it to different investments. Kind of like reevaluating what, like, how much.

[Drew]

This is what everybody who accidentally got involved in the money laundering scheme that is crypto, trying to explain to their parents why they're out, like, $2,000.

[Kai]

I was looking, I was doing my taxes for 2021, and I was, like, looking at my, like, statement, and I was like, oh, my God, like, in 2021, I got addicted to gambling again. It was just like, not actually gambling, but like, like throwing money at crypto, which is essentially gambling. Yeah, to me. But I still believe in it.

[Drew]

And I got addicted to investing in myself. That's. I gotta do that. That's actually just like getting.

[Kai]

Investing in pieces of clothes.

[Josiah]

Did you know that you don't have to pay taxes? Yeah. You don't even have to do that.

[Drew]

Are you serious?

[Josiah]

Yeah. You can actually save a bunch of money.

[Kai]

HR blocks scammed me. They scammed me today, yesterday, because I. I was filing for an extension. And because I'm like, I'm not paying my tax. I'm not doing that right now. I'm like, literally, master procrastinator.

[Drew]

I. I masturbator.

[Kai]

Exactly. I went to file for an extension and I did it on my own, but it said it got rejected. And so I called H R Block and I was like, I need to file for an extension. And they were like, well, you have to pay us 99 to even talk to us. And I was like, okay. So I gave them 99. And they were like, oh, we'll file it for you. Like, it says you're not file. It's not filed. And then we, like, on the phone, I had like a 30 minute call with them. They filed it. And then she called me back like an hour later and was like, oh, it got rejected. Don't be worried. It's because the first time you filed it on your own, it went through. And I was like, so I paid y' all 99 for nothing? And she was like, well, it adds to, like, when we do our taxes together at the end of the year. And I'm like, I don't do my taxes with H and R Block. So, like, y' all just stole money from me.

[Josiah]

It's so crazy that there's like, facial recognition. We're all being Tracked constantly. But there's no, like, automated way just to take taxes.

[Kai]

It's because the tax like H and R Block and Intuit and TurboTax all lobbied against the government for years and paid congressmen millions of dollars to vote that they have to be the one in power during the tax season and all this crazy shit. And that's why taxes are so convoluted. It's because of places like H and R Block that I. I literally also.

[Drew]

But you're supporting those places. That's the funny part.

[Kai]

Well, it's. There's no other way.

[Drew]

It drives me insane.

[Kai]

Like, actually, like, every tax season, I, like, get so angry thinking about it because I'm like, just please, you know how much money I owe you. Send me that. Send me that on January 1st and I will pay that to you and I'll do my little stupid deductions. Like, I won't even do the deductions for you. I will literally just give you the money that you think I owe you just so I don't have to fudgeing worry about going to jail. It's like the worst vibe.

[Drew]

Why don't you just, like, call the IRS and figure it out?

[Kai]

I actually did, like, no, I literally did in 2022 or in 2020, because since my, like, identity was stolen, like, literally, like, for some reason my, like, social wasn't working. And like, when I filed my taxes, like, I wasn't being recognized as, like, a real person. And I had, like, it said I didn't file my taxes. And I was like, I filed my taxes and paid you on there. We'll sort this out. And then I had to be on the phone with him for four hours when I was back in Texas in April, in 2022 or 2020. Nightmare.

[Drew]

Also, your identity, like, wasn't, like, stolen for some reason. It's because you used to carry your social in your wallet.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And then you lost it at Universal when you were under a drinking see, you know, see how karma catches up to you when you do illegal things.

[Kai]

Keyword, underage. I was a little child and you were feeding me alcohol, David.

[Drew]

Yeah, because you needed it.

[Kai]

It's giving David Dobrik. It's giving David Dobre.

[Drew]

It's giving. Defamation lawsuit.

[Kai]

I mean, he said it himself. He apologized for it.

[Drew]

For giving you alcohol.

[Kai]

No, I'm saying you gave me. I thought you were saying it's defamation lawsuit because David do sue me.

[Drew]

Yeah, he is.

[Kai]

Well, he said it. He admitted to it. He apologized. So it's not defamation. I have my bases covered.

[Drew]

You've thought about this.

[Kai]

I am a lawyer. I'm training. I'm.

[Drew]

So you're a lawyer. You're an empath. You're clinically insane. We need to get that on a shirt. Lawyer. Empath. Clinically.

[Kai]

One of those ironic shirts that's literally.

[Drew]

All over the place. I don't think you can be, like, a true empath and, like, be a lawyer. Lawyer.

[Kai]

I think there's, like, a certain, like, a defending lawyer, but, like, even you.

[Drew]

Could get on cases where you're defending something that you don't morally agree with, I think. I guess it's not about being an empath. It's about being, like.

[Kai]

You can kind of choose your cases. You can be, like, a lawyer and choose, like, cases where you're like, oh, this dude. Like, there's this dude on Tick Tock. I think his name's, like, Lolo or something.

[Drew]

Lola Bunny.

[Kai]

Yeah, Lolo. He is, like, I. I think a good lawyer. I don't. I know nothing about it.

[Drew]

No lawyer is a good lawyer because all of the whole system is. Throw the whole system away.

[Kai]

Me saying that I know nothing about.

[Drew]

I know. No, both of us just, like, regurgitating what we think sounds good.

[Kai]

No, I know that sounds good. I don't think it sounds good.

[Drew]

You said you know it sounds good. You don't know anything.

[Kai]

Holy. This is the worst episode we've ever recorded like this. I'm sorry, guys. This is awful. Awful. Like, I don't want to be doing this right now. I love you so much. Like, I love that you watch this every week. And I'm sorry. Sometimes I can't turn it on. I've been turning it on for 42 weeks in a row or 41 weeks in a row.

[Drew]

Like, Drew, just, like, give me a chance.

[Kai]

Today is just not on for me. And I'm sorry, but, like, next week, if there is a next week, the world might end. I might die in the forest. I may get stranded. Who knows? Who knows?

[Drew]

No, that's.

[Kai]

It'll be better.

[Drew]

The good news is this is the last episode of the podcast, because I don't plan on coming back to this. Like, I think I've just, like, kind of, like, said what I needed to say, and I think I could just, like, disappear for, like, three years, and everybody just has to kind of, like, be okay with that. And, sure, you might get, like, a little bit of, like, abandonment issues and, like, ptsd because you'll be like, oh, my God, this is someone who I used to see every week. And although virtually, like, I built a connection with this person, but now they're just gone. And like, I don't know what they're up to. And like, I'm feeling this weird sense of like, detachment and it's making me freak out because it's making me overanalyze my like, parasocial relationships with people on the Internet. And like, that's good. You're being self aware, but, like, I really don't give a fudge and I'm actually going to abandon you and I'm. I'm done. Like, I'm gone. Yeah.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Well, I'll be here next week.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. No, that won't be here. We'll be here. We can't, we can't let Kai take it. We can't, we cannot. Like, guy's gonna be here next week alone, but like, he's not gonna be on camera. The chairs are just gonna be empty and you're still gonna be right there.

[Kai]

You're just gonna be adding like, you're gonna have conversation. You're gonna be like, yeah. Or you're gonna like laugh in the.

[Josiah]

Background at nothing for every like 10 minute intervals. Yeah, it's gonna be really cool.

[Drew]

You can't. Why do you like, trail off like that?

[Josiah]

Huh?

[Kai]

Oh, I'm getting massage. I need a massage.

[Drew]

I can, I. The thing is, I can turn you on. I can give you a massage. I can do all the things you want.

[Kai]

That person. I have asked you, I've genuinely before asked you to give me a massage or walk on my back and you're.

[Drew]

Like, ew, no, I don't, I don't believe in that. I genuinely don't like, even like, like I have to really love someone, like in a romantic way to give them a massage because, like. No, like what?

[Kai]

Like, I just want someone to walk on my back every once in a while.

[Drew]

I'll walk on your back.

[Kai]

I love that.

[Drew]

I used to do that with my siblings and then my parents yelled at me because they were like, that's so bad for you. That's literally so bad for you to be doing on like a hardwood floor.

[Kai]

I used to have my parents walk on my back and I would walk on their back when I was like nine.

[Drew]

How the fuck were your parents stepping on you?

[Kai]

It was just, it was just like.

[Drew]

Oh, like lightly.

[Kai]

Yeah. It wasn't like they were fucking jumping on me. But yeah, we would like, there was like bars above my parents bed, like, because they had like a canopy bed.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And we Would like, I would hold on and just like be walking on my dad's back. Really good memory of mine.

[Drew]

That's so cute. Yeah, I think I used to do that with my parents too. But I don't really remember because I've just like, my life was like actually a nightmare. So like I've like blocked out a lot of things and I don't like to think about it.

[Kai]

Holy shit. I just like spiraled and I had crazy thoughts. Like actually crazy thoughts.

[Drew]

Can you share your crazy thoughts right now?

[Kai]

I was just like thinking about how I like slept in my parents bed for like a very long time, like until I was like like eight or something. Like I was like, I did not like sleeping in my own room. And then I was like, I was like, did that like affect me as an adult? Like in my. Is that like why I can't like form like romantic connections with people or some weird shit? And then I went into the spiral where I was like, like. And then I thought I was like, like why did I sleep in my parents bed at the ripe age of 21 when my brother died? But then I was like, oh, that's like cute. It's like whatever, but just thoughts. Literally thoughts.

[Drew]

I was thinking about that literally while we were at Coachella because I kept. Not obviously exactly that, but I kept looking at people and thinking about how I was like, damn. Like, it's so insane. Like again, this is nothing new to say ever. But it's so easy like within our own experiences to like look at people and not think like, oh, this person used to be a child. Like this person used to be dependent on like other adults around them and they used to be so small and like it was in the hands of the people around them to try and do a good job to raise them and like keep them safe and like teach them the right things. But like nobody knows how to do that. So that's why there's so many people struggling with that. And then those people are gonna like either like self reflect and change their own attitudes and like do their best to not repeat that or they're just gonna repeat it without really realizing it. Because we're just people and what are we supposed to do? Like as much self reflecting as you do. I literally think there is no way to not project like things onto other people. Like there. I genuinely don't think even the most self aware, like.

[Kai]

Well, I've done emotional, I've done mushrooms before.

[Drew]

Oh, what does that do to you?

[Kai]

It just makes me like a better person.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

It's like, I know more things and I know that the, like, world is, like, connected.

[Drew]

And I really can't believe men need to take mushrooms to know that humans have feelings. Like, that is like, literally, like, that is. It's a true. It's literally true.

[Josiah]

I did a bunch of ketamine and I realized that I know nothing.

[Kai]

Exactly, exactly. That's mushrooms.

[Drew]

And you were like, wait, I literally know.

[Kai]

That's what I took away from my actual first mushroom trip was that nothing, nothing matters. Like, that's literally. I came out of it like seven years ago and was like, oh, my God. Like, nothing literally matters at all. We're all connected, but nothing matters. And then that was like an unhealthy, very, very unhealthy spiral for me. Yeah, for like six years, seven or five years. And then by like year five, like, I like, had like a very deep self reflection moment where I was like, this is like this nihilistic, like, view on your world or on the world is like really destroying you and your relationships. So then I like, just read a bunch of philosophy and read a bunch of books on nihilism. Nihilism, however the you say it. I don't give a. And kind of just like discovered this. Like, it's not even possible. Like, I know someone's gonna have to have an argument with me, but, like, the idea of like optimistic nihilism, where it's like, yeah, nothing matters at all. Sure. But like, since nothing matters, you can do whatever the you want and why not enjoy your time here while you have it. That's like kind of my view on the world and that made me a better person. Find the beauty in the life and you'll stop seeing what's ugly. I'm serious. Why'd you laugh?

[Josiah]

I feel like so much of going from your early 20s into your mid to late 20s is becoming nihilistic and then figuring out a way to like, like transform that into optimistic nihilism. Or you're just like, delusional and you're like, I actually do matter.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

And maybe if that's.

[Kai]

I wish I. I wish I thought that way. I genuinely wish I could be like, dude, like, there's this greater purpose in life. Like, but I just don't have it, which I. I don't think is unhealthy. I don't think that's an unhealthy thought. I think it's like, for me, it's like the healthiest thought.

[Drew]

I don't think necessarily that I don't know, I don't know that I believe that like nothing matters because this is like the wackest way to phrase it. But like, because nothing matters, literally everything you do does matter. That's how I feel. That's like my train of thought is it's just be like, sure, like you could like be super objective, which isn't a thing because I, I agree. Like, I don't think that. I never look at my own life as a thing of like I don't matter. But realistically, yes, yes I do. Because not only on like a grander scale of like the position we're in where we obviously like, although what we do is very silly and it could be pinpoint to like pinpointed to nothing but like us just being like funny people who like talk shit and do stupid things. Like there is no way around the fact that like the people who watch this are like very intensely affected by it in a positive manner. And, and then even just on a smaller scope of like the way you go out through your life, like whether it be holding a door for someone like chipping in, like do doing small things, like those things have such big domino effects. And then especially in your like day to day life, like you, you do really like matter. But I know what you're saying. Like I used to, when I was younger, be like, I need, I need to be something. I need to be like, like I need to be remembered forever. Like I need to like make myself this historical figure because like my biggest fear was being forgotten. But now I almost find like solitude in that because I'm like, I love.

[Kai]

The idea of being forgotten.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Because in 200 years my body is going to be recycled back to earth and no one's gonna have any idea who the I was.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Literally, it's just a very comforting feeling because I'm like, good.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Because that doesn't matter.

[Drew]

It makes it easier to digest like I think your own faults in that way. Because it's, it's like yes, I could like look at my own mistakes and like self reflect to the point of almost self harm where I'm just like not really helping myself. And I'm like, oh, I'm this piece of like I'll never learn. Like I make mistakes all the time, but who cares? Yes, of course, self reflect, try to better yourself. But what you're gonna like be evil and be like, oh my God, like I'm just this, this awful person and everyone will remember me that way. It's like, no. Sure. Some people you Interact with, will remember you one way or another. But at some point, even those memories fade. And then it's like, you. You just had your fun, you lived, you loved. Like, literally. To me, genuinely, I always say this, but the reason I am alive, like, through thick and thin is because of my relationships with people and my love for people. And, like, sure, to a certain extent it is unhealthy, but, like, if it's what keeps me afloat, like, by all means, like, keep me afloat is, like, the love I know I have to give. And, like, the fact that I do matter to the people around me because it is really insane to think, like, I would be so different if I didn't know you, Drew. Like, if I. If I didn't have you, I'd be completely different, I think, like, in so many ways, I can't even pinpoint how I would be different, but I know I would be. And, like, even, like, without Kai, like, I haven't known you for super long, but, like, there is no denying that, like, our friendship has had so many effects already.

[Kai]

Life is about learning.

[Drew]

Yeah, but it is. It is really funny how, like, nihilistic you can be as, like, a teenager. Like, just being like, this is so stupid. I'm so small. And, like, what the is this for? Like, and then you're just the person.

[Kai]

Floating on a rock through nothing. Like, yeah, that. I do resonate with that thought.

[Josiah]

But it goes, like, your scope is really big at first, and you're like, everything is so big and important. And then for me, it was, like, in my, Like, I think it was around 20. I was just like, oh, shit, everything is meaningless. Completely meaningless. And then finally coming around, like, you said, we're like, since everything is meaningless, what's right in front of you all of a sudden has all this weight that it didn't have, like, before. And.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's kind of what I was saying. Like, without saying it, it's just like, find the beauty.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Like, that's literally all it is. It's just like, if you can find the beauty, everything becomes less ugly. I genuinely believe that. Just look for it.

[Drew]

Yeah, literally. Also, I only laughed when you said that because the way you moved your finger and said it, at first I thought when you said it, you were. You were gonna follow it, being like, I just made that up. Like, I thought you were gonna follow it with that. And that's why I laughed, because, no.

[Kai]

What I was getting at is find the beauty.

[Drew]

Me.

[Kai]

Oh, oh.

[Drew]

So that is what you were doing.

[Kai]

I'm Everybody's North Star.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

So look to me for your answers, and you'll be a good.

[Josiah]

If you're ever depressed. If you're ever depressed, just pull up a photo of Drew.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[Drew]

And then smile.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And it will. It'll reduce, like, so much stress the.

[Kai]

Way that's actually true.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I mean, you know, what's up is, like, it is true for some people.

[Josiah]

This is why Drew and I were walking around Coachella telling women to smile.

[Kai]

Yeah. We were just like, you need to smile more.

[Drew]

You guys were at Coachella harassing women.

[Kai]

Way prettier with a smile.

[Josiah]

We're literally.

[Drew]

Why did you have to comment on her looks? Like you weren't even, like, inquiring about her, like, emotional state. You were just.

[Josiah]

We are third wave feminists, and you don't understand that.

[Drew]

Oh, what?

[Kai]

It's a. It's beyond your.

[Josiah]

You explaining feminism.

[Drew]

It's beyond me as a woman. Yeah.

[Kai]

I didn't want to say it, but, yeah, it's like, it's a man thing.

[Drew]

I wish I could, like, say, explain this better, but I'll never forget when I met someone.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

I know exactly when I started to, like. I used to, like. I think for context is, like, I am. This is annoying to say, but I'm, like, a boy's girl. Like, there's, like. I think it's very obvious. Like, of course I have my female relationships, but, like, I am usually around men more often than not. And, like, when I was growing up. Yeah. Because it's like, she likes getting filled. Yeah. Like, I. I need a good feeling. But, like, so I. I don't think I ever, like, step back to think, like, oh, damn. Like, even in these close relationships with men, like, I still have, like, lesser power in the room because there's no denying it whether I'm being treated fairly or not. Like. Like, once we leave this room where I'm being treated fairly, like, there's still unfairness. Like, it. Does that make sense? Whatever. We don't have to get into it.

[Kai]

Wait, are you saying, like, in our, like, close circle.

[Drew]

Yeah, like.

[Kai]

No, I get what you're saying.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Like, there's just certain, like, things that come along with being a man that.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

That, like, it's just unfair.

[Drew]

Yeah. Whether you try to build a safe space or not, it's like, at the end of the day, I'm a woman, so I am, like, playing at a lower level than you, but I, like, so I know. And then I got to a point where I was really Thinking about that, like, when I was, like. Especially when I moved out to LA and I was 19, and I was, like, fully just around, like, guys all the time. I didn't have close girlfriends. Like, me and Orion weren't very close yet. And I kind of started to realize that as I got closer to Orion, I started to really look at that. And I had someone.

[Kai]

Dude.

[Drew]

Holy. Someone I knew who, for my birthday, gave me books about, like, feminism and being a woman. And I remember I was really, like, offended by it. Not that there's anything offensive about being a feminist, but when a man is. This has to do with what they said about it, but they said that they got the books for me because they felt like I was just, like, really into being a girl right now. Like, I was really into it. Like, I was just like. That was, like, my thing right now, which really was like, excuse me. Like, oh, just right now. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Like, this. This too shall pass. Like, that was, like, kind of the vibe is, like, all this feminine, like, feminism. Like, you'll be back to being the cool girl.

[Kai]

You'll be back to normal.

[Drew]

You'll be back to being, like. You'll be back to being normal. And none of that feminism.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[Drew]

But, yeah, I just thought about that, because that is hilarious.

[Kai]

Yeah, well, like, being a male feminist is, like, actually really hard.

[Josiah]

It's really hard for us, like, taking.

[Kai]

I don't mess up.

[Josiah]

True. Oh, don't cry again. Don't cry again. Remember when we cried in your room? We held each other thinking about hard women, how hard it is for us.

[Kai]

Okay. Thinking how hard.

[Josiah]

I didn't. I didn't want anybody to know about that. How many people watch this?

[Drew]

A lot of people.

[Josiah]

Like, hundreds of thousands. Oh, no.

[Kai]

How good of how.

[Josiah]

How we cry.

[Drew]

How y' all are, like, gay. Like, you're literally, like. When we cried, we held each other. We're closed. We're close. On or off?

[Josiah]

They. They were off, but I don't know why that matters.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, but I'm just, like. I don't know. Like, I. I'm like, I.

[Kai]

We were in our jockstrap.

[Drew]

Are. I'm like, I'm so for it. And, like, I'm here for you. But, like, why weren't your clothes on?

[Kai]

Like, we were in our jock straps. It was very homoerotic.

[Josiah]

Like, yeah, we had our BDSM stuff on, but it doesn't really. It has nothing to.

[Drew]

Do you have, like, a gag? Like.

[Kai]

No, not gag. Leather.

[Drew]

Oh, just.

[Kai]

We were in a swing.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Kai]

A Sex swing.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

We were looking at the 2016 voting results and just sobbing.

[Kai]

Kai voting for Hillary Clinton three times.

[Drew]

No, it's crazy. It's four.

[Josiah]

It is now four times.

[Drew]

Four, Five.

[Kai]

Coming soon.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Get to the booths. Write it in.

[Kai]

Let's fix this right in. Ms. Clinton.

[Drew]

Like, Ms. Clinton.

[Kai]

Yeah, sorry, Clinton.

[Drew]

Oh, I said something to Orion the other day in the car. Like, it's gone into my real life of being like, can I like, finger? I mean, figure it out with you? Like, like, that's gotten to my real.

[Kai]

Life and say that. So.

[Drew]

And Orion literally was like, can you stop? Like, can you keep. Can you keep? Like, shut up. And I was like, what? I literally, like, I. Like when I have those slip ups, you should be there for me and, like, just know that I'm a person and I'm making a mistake.

[Kai]

Freudian slip. Yeah, like in the. In the video I did with Casey when I was like, I'm. I'm fingering it out. Figuring it out.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Dude. It is not normal how sexual our group is together. That. No, that insinuates that we actually do anything sexual. But all we do is, like, when there is silence, we. Oh, we feel it there. We fill it with our members.

[Kai]

Tension. There is a lot of tension between this and one day we're all gonna do ecstasy as a group and it's just all gonna come out and we're gonna like.

[Drew]

Don't say that.

[Kai]

We're just gonna do it. It's just gonna happen and it's gonna be weird.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. That actually makes me sick to my core.

[Kai]

It's just gonna happen. We're gonna be weird for two weeks and then it's gonna go. We're gonna forget about it.

[Josiah]

That was me and Coachella making sure that Enya didn't do Molly's to make sure that you injured enough sex.

[Kai]

That's what. That's why Kylie.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's. That's why I didn't do Molly's because, like, I know I was gonna freak. I was gonna have sex with Drew. Me and Drew are literally, like, too close at this point. Like, it. It really is some sibling literally, like, we were in the hotel together and I just, like, went and like, peed while he stood right in front of me, like, not looking at me, but he was like, in the mirror and we were talking and I was just sitting right behind him peeing with the door open. And I was like, this is like, so funny. We're too close. And then also my boobs like, felt like bags of rocks, and I almost, like, grew. Drew, like. Like, go to grab my boob. Because I was like, this is actually insane. This is actually insane. Like, how dense they are. Because I genuinely. For a second, I was like, oh, my God, I definitely am going to lose my boobs to.

[Kai]

I wanted so badly to grab your boobs so badly.

[Drew]

I will say.

[Kai]

That's why he didn't want you to ask me so bad.

[Drew]

That's why he didn't get to. Because, like, I was, like, pretending that.

[Josiah]

You'Re gay for 15 years just to.

[Kai]

Have any boot to milk her knockers, girl, like, let me massage them for you. I got you. You. They need to be sucked because you're producing milk and it's building up, and you just let me suck your boob.

[Drew]

You have a. You have a clog. You have a clog outside. Have you seen that? Like, yeah, that literally, your nipples will clog and, like, some partners will just, like, suck your tit.

[Josiah]

Yeah, Drew and I cried about that.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's one of another.

[Drew]

You. Wait, no, that just sounds like you don't, like, want to suck a boot. Like, you guys cried about the idea of ever having to be with a woman and sucking her tit.

[Josiah]

We were just crying.

[Kai]

Diva cups.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Toxic sock syndrome.

[Drew]

Sock.

[Kai]

Toxic shock syndrome. Toxic thoughts, just to name a few. Cramps.

[Josiah]

Cramps are really hard for us to think about.

[Drew]

You are getting the pause. No. Periods in general are really hard for us to be around. I literally am the luckiest girl in the world. I like, barely ever get cramps or anything. Also, my period was so short this time, so hopefully. Let's pray. Let's pray. Something is wrong. Something is very wrong with me.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

We can only pray, though, guys. Like, we can really only pray for miracles.

[Kai]

I watched Prometheus last night, and there was a scene where she got, like, pregnant by, like, an alien baby, and she had to cut it out. And it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen in my life when it was in the, like, surgery container, like, flopping around and, like, slinging slime at her and shit.

[Josiah]

Dude, I do, like, a C section in that movie.

[Kai]

Yeah, she. She, like, went into the, like, surgery pod that was only made for men, and, like, they did a C section on her. She was, like, abdominal invasive object. Like, remove it, and they, like, cut her open and pulled out the baby.

[Drew]

Ew. I'm not kidding.

[Kai]

Like, and then it turned into, why.

[Drew]

I don't watch, like, horror movies. I am really like squeamish to like even like the idea of like gore. Like, like, I can't, I can't do anything that's like mimicking like, like skin being like cut up or whatever. I was watching a movie.

[Kai]

It was very real. The C section was very real.

[Josiah]

C section is really. I saw that movie eight years ago probably and that. I remember that like.

[Kai]

Yeah, I, I, for some reason I remember. Sorry, I like completely cut you off.

[Drew]

No, it's fully okay.

[Kai]

I, I like remember like her like taking care of the baby. Like, I always thought she like grew attached to it, but that might be like another Alien movie where like she's impregnated by the alien and then she's like in the corner like trying to protect it. I always, I thought that was coming next because I had seen it, but it wasn't in this movie. But then the baby she birthed grew up to be a giant squid face sucker and then face sucked the engineer.

[Drew]

I need that sucker to go on my member.

[Kai]

No, it's like your wing. Yeah, it's like your wingbot. And then.

[Drew]

Oh, sorry, I just had to use it.

[Kai]

That movie, like, is simultaneously as bad as it is good.

[Josiah]

Like that's, I feel the same way. I'm like that I did not.

[Drew]

Like, when's the last time you watched it though? Because like, you keep.

[Josiah]

It was amazing.

[Drew]

Yeah, you must have. Amazing.

[Josiah]

But that movie stuck with me. Oh my God.

[Kai]

My God.

[Josiah]

That movie stuck with me though.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Like there's something about. It's just the visuals visually that's very.

[Kai]

Also like, story wise, it's really interesting. Like, I'm just gonna spoil it because it's 12 years old, 10 years old. But like it's like, what is it? The prequel to Alien vs. Predator? Alien, basically.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And it's just like these human or these like beings created humans out of boredom and then they like developed this like bio warfare shit, which were the aliens. Like the acid spinning aliens that like were supposed to like wipe out planet Earth. But yeah, it's really curious.

[Drew]

Dude. I used to be obsessed with Alien movies. But like I was saying gore. Like, I literally can't do it. Like any movie I'm watching. I like, I can't look like I haven't finished Tatam. Because that movie is like, I literally, I like can't watch that kind of stuff. I don't know why. Like, it just like actually freaks me out. And obviously I'm very well aware it's not real. But something about it, like, it literally makes my Body crawl, like, the same.

[Josiah]

Way I feel like I used to when I was, like, a teenager, I'd be like, yeah, like blood blown off. And now it was like, I don't know, around, like, 24 or something. I was just like, wait, why? No, watching this. This is up.

[Kai]

I said that I think literally last episode where I was like, I was so desensitized because I was watching beheadings when I was, like, 12 years old. And, like, for, like, the last, like, eight years, I didn't give a shit. But when I, like, turned, like, 21, I was like, oh, this shit is gnarly. Like, like, why? It's just, like, why was I indulging in that behavior? Like, it's something to do with, like, seeing, like, the darkest parts of human. I do believe that sometimes when I'm like, you have to see the darkest sides of humanity to, like, appreciate the good shit. Because, like, it's out there. You have to be aware of it. But, like, there. There they, like, became unhealthy where I was just, like, surrounded by, like. Like, just dark thoughts and, like, I don't know, intrusive thoughts. And now I'm kind of just like, I don't need that turned off by all of it.

[Drew]

Well, we were talking about that, too. Is there's so many movies that, like, I wish I watched when I was younger. Because now as an adult, I'm like, I don't. I don't want to see that. I'm like, I don't like, specifically movies where it's, like, kids doing, like, literally kids. I'm like, I don't need to. Like, that's not something I need to, like, partake in anymore. Although, like, obviously, like, everybody knows it's culturally important. Like, we don't have to get into, like, the deepness of it or, like, the, like, Nitty Gritty. But, like, things like that where I'm like, now as an adult, I don't see why I need to partake in that necessarily. I say that, like, I don't have the VHS sitting in my room, but, like, yeah, I think you get what I'm saying. Like, re watching 13, I was like, oof. I was like, oh, this was insane. Like, no wonder my parents, like, didn't want me to watch that. Although I know it did the opposite for people. Like, a lot of parents randomly wanted their kids to watch it because they thought it would, like, make them not act like that. But I was like, if I saw that when I was a kid, I'd.

[Kai]

Be like, I'd be like, yo, I'm.

[Drew]

Trying to get, like, you. Like, that is me. Like, that's literally me. But, yeah, I just, like, can't, Like. But I don't know if I've ever been one for, like, gory. I've always been one for someone. Like, the description of, like, gnarly. Like, I don't want to see it, but, like, I love, like, 48 hours date line. Like, all. Like, I. Like, I eat that up like, it's porridge.

[Kai]

Like Josh and Josiah describing the Aristocrats joke. Have you heard? Do you know what that is? Yeah. Like, that is, like, like, crazy.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

But that's another topic for another time because that's really gnarly. But I think we're good.

[Drew]

There's parts of me no one will ever know. Isn't that up as close as you get to someone? I think I said I was telling.

[Kai]

Josh that last night.

[Drew]

Like, I think about this all the time because I think about my siblings, and I'm like, me and my siblings are all so, like, insanely different. And those are people who I spent almost every waking moment with. With. But there are so many things. They have no idea about me. Even during that time when we spent so much time together. Same goes both ways. And we all ended up so different. And, like, there's literally, like, no matter how much time you spend with someone, there. There are so many parts of that person you will never.

[Kai]

I was saying this exactly to Josh last night, but I was like, I, like, wish there was a way, like, when, like, I passed away, that I could, like, download my subconscious and, like, make, like, a clip of, like, my highlights and lowlights and all the weird secretive that I did in between because I'm dead. Like, I don't give a. Like, I can't be humiliated or shameful. So, like, just being able to, like, put that out there and just, like, it's like, I'm basically describing a memoir. But, like. But, like, just, like.

[Drew]

No, I know what you're saying.

[Kai]

It's like, it's so. All of it. Like, all of it would be so sick. Just so. Because, like, I lead, like, a pretty. Like, Although, like, I talk for an hour, like, every week, and, like, I. Like, I'm pretty open with my friends. I lead, like, a pretty mysterious life, especially, like, with my sexuality and, like, exploring that shit. Like, literally, like, even y' all, like, don't know, like, fully, fully what goes down. But, like, it's just like. Like, I think, like, just, like, the most embarrassing moments that people don't know about. And, like, the highest moments that, like, affected me the most, Like, I think that would just be such, like, a cool, like, idea for, like, a passing away, like, thing. I don't. I don't know what that would ever. That's, like, never gonna happen. But I just was telling Josh, like, that or that last night that. I think that would be so, like, fucking fascinating just, like, to put that out there.

[Drew]

Yeah, literally. Because, I mean, I could say the same. Like, not fully, but I feel like I'm a fucking open book. But there's still so much shit that I'm like, no. Like, that doesn't need to be shared. And I would never say that out loud. And I feel like I'm a very open person. Like, I'm a pretty open book. Like, especially now. I used to be so closed off, but now I'd be like. I just say. But I know what you're describing, because what's the scariest part is, like, a Cartier girl. I. No, I was gonna say I wish, but I was like, I literally don't. Like, I don't at all. But even when you describe, like, experiences to the deepest, like, of their core and try your best, like, you could have the best vocabulary in terms of talking about, like, your emotional experiences, but it will never, ever translate exactly, like, how it feels to you. Because even your most intense moments, like, even if someone can kind of relate to it because they've been close, experience something similar, like, it's just not the same. Like, you. You weren't there. Like, it's crazy. Like, I'm trying to, like, use, like, intense verbiage to, like, extreme. Explain to you how it felt, what was there, like, what was happening around me. But, like, if you weren't there and you don't know even how it affected that person.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[Drew]

It's, like, so insane to think about that. Like, used to really freak me out, especially with my siblings, because I was like, oh, my God, like, if you grew up around siblings, you know that, like, you're with them all the time, and it's crazy how close you could be to your sibling. And, like, there's still so much you don't know about that person and vice versa. It's, like, so insane to me.

[Kai]

I was just sitting here and I had, like, a. Like, a really weird moment where I was like, wait, I've had these on my wrist for so long, and it's not even, like, a conscious choice. Like, they've just been on my wrist and I Don't know why. And now I'm like, they've been on there for. So, like, I was just sitting here thinking about that. I was like, wait, why are these on my wrists? Like, I know why one of them is on my wrist, but the other three, like, I don't really know why I have them on, but they've, like, become, like, a part of me, and now I can't take them off. I was like. I was freaking out about that for a second. I was like, wait, these have been on me for so long. Like, I literally, like, haven't taken them off.

[Drew]

Remember my nasty ass anklet that I had on forever? I used to have this anklet that I got in sixth, seventh grade that I had tied in a knot that, like, one of my, like, family friends brought back from, like, Nicaragua or something. And I tied it onto my leg and I didn't cut it off until I was, like, like, 20 years old in LA. So stayed on. It's not like it was something I could take off and on. Like, it had showered with me. It had gone, like, it was, like, on me for literally, like, it was on me for more of my life than it was on for less of my life, like, if that makes sense.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Drew]

And then. And cutting it off felt, like, really, like, intense. Like, I didn't want to, but I was like, this is so ugly and nasty. Like, it's just, like, rotting on my leg. So I cut it off. And I remember when I did, I was like, dude, that is so weird because, like, I was so used to the feeling of getting out of the shower and it being wet and like, on my ankle, I put.

[Josiah]

I put my yoni egg in, like, 10 years ago, and I just realized, like, it's still in there.

[Drew]

One time, I actually genuinely thought I left diva cup in me for, like, ever.

[Josiah]

What?

[Drew]

Like, I was like. Because one time I. I just had one single diva cup, and I was like, I can't find it, and I don't remember taking it out. So it just, like, it went up into me and it's like a part of my organ.

[Kai]

Oh, God.

[Drew]

If you knew the female anatomy, you would know that that's literally not impossible.

[Josiah]

I literally have no idea about that at all.

[Kai]

And, yeah, I don't care to learn.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Kai]

All right, let's do the Media. The media of zweek. All right, I'm gonna do the shuffle thing again because that was fun. Snowy Lava by Emmett Stubb A M E T S T U B I used to love this song. Kim's by burial. I've said that one before. Oh, Rossetti Noise, Crystal Garden and a coda. Harold Bud. Those are my whatever. How many that was.

[Drew]

Well, mine is literally just reading, writing and arithmetic. The Sunday's album. Because I like heard it in that pop up I went to yesterday, the prettiest one.

[Kai]

And see the album artwork.

[Drew]

It's the seashells.

[Kai]

Oh, you're a classic.

[Drew]

That album is so good. The Sundays are so good. And the album on earth. Like, oh, they're so good. Like such feel good. Like I feel like a girl. Also. Good Days by SZA I was like driving around last night listening to that. That song used to make me like cry. Like I remember, like there was a moment like in 2021 where I was like sitting in the car with the like friend and like listening to it. I was like, oh my God. Like these are my good days. Like I'm finally like hitting them in my good days. The good old days, the solid days.

[Kai]

We're in the dog days, the dog days. Over the dog days. Go watch the Lego Movie.

[Drew]

And go watch something about murder. Remind yourself that the biggest threat to your safety is another human.

[Kai]

Go watch the Patreon episode that we're recording next.

[Drew]

Bye. See you on Patreon. If you actually care about us.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway, now through June 24. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like General Mills cereal Drumstick, frozen treats, Outshine fruit bars, Oreo cookies and Capri Sun Pouches. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online. For easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.