We met beyonce…!!!!??

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "We met Beyoncé…!!!!??" Summary

Released on September 8, 2023, by iHeartPodcasts

---

Introduction

In this lively episode of Emergency Intercom, hosts Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips, along with guests Josiah and Kai, dive into their extraordinary experience of attending Beyoncé's iconic "Renaissance Tour" concert. Blending humor, personal anecdotes, and candid conversations, the episode offers listeners an engaging journey through their memorable night and the various tangents that ensued.

---

Securing the Beyoncé Tickets

The episode kicks off with Josiah and Drew sharing their tumultuous quest to secure tickets for what they describe as "the concert of our lifetime." Initially deterred by the exorbitant prices—$2,500 for Club Renaissance—Josiah recounts their last-minute scramble to purchase tickets amid scalpers inflating prices.

Notable Quote:
Josiah humorously reflects, "We all came home, and we were like, I am not missing this concert. Are you stupid?" ([06:28])

After persistent efforts and several frantic attempts, they successfully acquire tickets at or below the original cost, setting the stage for an unforgettable experience.

---

The Concert Experience

Upon finally attending the concert at SoFi Stadium, the hosts describe the venue's vast and imposing tunnels as overwhelming, especially for those with megalophobia. Despite initial skepticism, Drew and Josiah are pleasantly surprised when they receive backstage access to Beyoncé and Jay-Z, elevating their concert experience from "mid" to extraordinary.

Notable Quote:
Josiah shares his awe, "That concert was, like, the greatest event I'll ever go to in my life." ([07:43])

They delve into the electrifying performance, praising Beyoncé's unparalleled artistry and the seamless choreography that left a lasting impression. Interactions with Beyoncé's daughter, Blue Ivy, add a heartfelt touch to their narrative.

Notable Quote:
Drew exclaims, "She is beyond any performer I've ever seen. It is the best concert I have ever been to." ([08:08])

---

Post-Concert Reflections and Personal Moments

After the concert, Josiah and Drew reflect on their personal moments, including humorous mishaps like Josiah forgetting deodorant and Drew dealing with wardrobe issues. These anecdotes provide a relatable and comedic layer to their grand experience.

Notable Quote:
Josiah humorously states, "I was the stinky guy at Beyoncé concert." ([19:25])

Beyond the hilarity, they discuss the profound impact of the concert, emphasizing Beyoncé's influence and the sense of awe they felt witnessing such a legendary performer live.

---

Tangents and Humorous Anecdotes

The conversation naturally veers into various humorous tangents, including a satirical discussion about the Bored Ape-Yacht Club NFTs and an associated weed shop. Josiah humorously critiques the commercialization and absurdity of such ventures.

Notable Quote:
Drew satirizes, "You're gonna have to get like ice picks and go, dude, we are such..." ([17:37])

Additionally, Josiah shares a quirky encounter with awkward items during a family visit, highlighting the blend of personal life and podcast dynamics.

---

Dreams and Spiritual Musings

Josiah introduces a surreal element by sharing a vivid dream involving himself, Drew, and another guest, Orion, plotting to escape a hellish reality. This segment delves into existential reflections and the thin line between perception and reality.

Notable Quote:
Josiah recounts, "I was convinced the world we were living in was hell... and we woke up uninjured." ([21:43])

---

Conversations on Anxiety and Support Systems

The hosts open up about personal struggles with anxiety and panic attacks, discussing coping mechanisms and the importance of mutual support. Josiah emphasizes the significance of self-belief, stating, "If you don't believe in yourself, no one will." ([51:50])

Drew adds his perspective, sharing how they comfort each other during tough moments, reinforcing the podcast's theme of camaraderie and support.

---

Pop Culture Commentary: Movies and Live-Action Adaptations

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to critiquing various movies and live-action adaptations of beloved franchises. They passionately discuss films like "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," "X," "Coraline," and the live-action "One Piece." Their critiques range from storytelling to production values, offering humorous and insightful observations.

Notable Quote:
Drew critiques, "Why is it always... wearing Party City... it's so pathetic." ([53:56])

---

Lighthearted Banter and Personal Jokes

Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in playful banter, including jokes about personal grooming, anatomy, and quirky habits. These segments add a layer of humor and showcase their natural chemistry.

Notable Quote:
Drew humorously states, "Absolutely, that is the most disgusting thing ever," referring to male anatomy. ([50:17])

---

Closing Thoughts and Philosophical Insights

As the episode winds down, Josiah shares a reflective quote on the manifestation of thoughts into actions: "The thought manifests as the word. The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into the habit and the habit hardens into character." ([57:36])

Drew adds his take on the importance of positive thinking, tying back to the episode's earlier themes of personal growth and self-improvement.

---

Conclusion

"We met Beyoncé…!!!!??" is a vibrant and multifaceted episode that seamlessly blends high-energy storytelling about a monumental concert experience with a variety of humorous and personal discussions. Enya, Drew, Josiah, and Kai create an engaging narrative that entertains while offering genuine insights into friendship, personal struggles, and the quirks of everyday life. Whether you're a fan of Beyoncé or enjoy candid, comedic conversations, this episode of Emergency Intercom promises a memorable listen.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Josiah: "We all came home, and we were like, I am not missing this concert. Are you stupid?" ([06:28])
• Josiah: "That concert was, like, the greatest event I'll ever go to in my life." ([07:43])
• Drew: "She is beyond any performer I've ever seen. It is the best concert I have ever been to." ([08:08])
• Josiah: "I was the stinky guy at Beyoncé concert." ([19:25])
• Drew: "Absolutely, that is the most disgusting thing ever." ([50:17])
• Josiah: "If you don't believe in yourself, no one will." ([51:50])
• Josiah: "The thought manifests as the word. The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into the habit and the habit hardens into character." ([57:36])

---

Note: The timestamps correspond to the transcript provided and highlight the flow of discussions within the episode.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. This spring, stock up on all your personal care favorites and earn 4 times points. Now through June 17th. Shop in store online for deals on all your favorite personal care items like Pantene Shampoo, Native body spray deodorant, Secret body Spray, Venus Razors, Always Pads, Head and shoulder shampoo, and native deodorant. And earn 4 times points. Then use those points for discounts on groceries or fuel. You don't want to miss these deals. Offer ends June 17th. Promotions may vary. Restrictions apply. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Drew]

Welcome to this episode.

[Josiah]

For this episode of Emergency Intercom.

[Drew]

Oh, why would you do the collab after? Would you ever wear dead people?

[Josiah]

Oh, no. Hell no.

[Drew]

Oh, Virginia is for lovers. That's funny. You've never been there.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Because Virginia is the worst place on earth. No, I got it because my mom was born. Did there. So I was.

[Drew]

Is she actually.

[Josiah]

Yeah, she's from vagina. And if you think about it, we're all from vagina.

[Drew]

No, that's not how you say that. It's Virginia.

[Josiah]

Why am I wearing this?

[Drew]

No, I'm not gonna say that. No, I was gonna barn. It was gonna be.

[Josiah]

No, please just say you already prefaced. You know, it was a barn.

[Drew]

I wasn't like, I did one of these on the couch the other night and it was really bad, but I was like, oh, I'm gonna get all up in your virgin. Like, I was trying to do like, Virginia. Like, you know how we say, like, I'm gonna get all up in you? Yeah, I was trying to do that with Virginia, but the virgina part already happens at the beginning of that, so.

[Josiah]

So, like, I have one.

[Drew]

It just doesn't work.

[Josiah]

Y' all love bath and body works. How about you put your body in a bath and go to work challenge?

[Drew]

Did you actually make that up?

[Josiah]

Dude, I wish I did.

[Drew]

Oh, wow.

[Josiah]

I wish I did. I should have claimed it because that's like an obscure ass me.

[Drew]

That's a really good one.

[Josiah]

But yeah, I had that written down for Drew Saab corner from just like screenshotting you.

[Drew]

Yeah, you would have never made that up because I don't know the last time I was within a five foot radius of a Bed and Bath and body work.

[Josiah]

Bed, Bath and Beyond works?

[Drew]

Yeah. What is it called? Bed bath, Body work.

[Josiah]

The only reason I know Bed, Bath and Beyond is from the movie. Yeah. Yeah. That's like literally the only reason. Why.

[Drew]

Why did they use a real Franchise store in that.

[Josiah]

I don't. I really just know Bed, Bath and Beyond was in it. And I don't remember the timeline of, like, click at all. Like, I don't know what happened in that movie.

[Drew]

I remember. I think he gets into a fight with his wife Mondays and then goes to Bath. Oh, Bed, Bath and Beyond. Why does. I actually don't know why he ends up there. I know he gets into a fight, and he's like, I'm so pissed. I'm gonna go to bed.

[Josiah]

He finds, like, the remote there, I guess.

[Drew]

Yeah. A creepy man.

[Kai]

Because he goes to the beyond section, right?

[Drew]

Oh, is that what it is?

[Josiah]

Okay, then.

[Drew]

That is really fun.

[Josiah]

Say good transition into. We went to the Beyonce concert, y' all. That was.

[Drew]

It was so mid.

[Josiah]

That was like, okay, it was mid. It was mid. Until she brought me backstage with her and Jay. Like, yeah, that. That was, like, the movie part of it. Because, like, walking through the SOFI stadium tunnels was just, like, a crazy experience because it is like a megalith. Like, it is a giant structure. Like, if you have megalophobia, like, do not go in the tunnels with Beyonce because, like, it really does feel like a liminal space.

[Drew]

I was really worried that she would be too tired to hang out because she was, like, performing so crazy.

[Josiah]

Yeah. No.

[Drew]

So I was like, dude, there's no way she's like, we're actually gonna get that text where it's like, oh, like, come here to, like, come backstage. But we did, and it was cool. And Blue Ivy on. She was so. She was so nice.

[Josiah]

She was so sweet.

[Drew]

But actually, that concert was insane. Like, it.

[Josiah]

I. I've said this 12 times, and I have not stopped talking about it since then. It was so funny because, like, before the concert, like, Josiah was like, oh, I'll get us tickets. I'll get us tickets. Don't worry about it.

[Drew]

And I knew it wasn't going to happen because it's, like, the most anticipated.

[Josiah]

Concert of our lifetime. And, like, we were. We kind of just wrote it off, and we were like, if we get tickets, we get tickets. Like, but I. I want good tickets, and I'm not spending that much money on a ticket. Whatever. So, like, two hours before the concert, we're like. We're all just like, bro, like, I don't even need to go like this. I. Like, it's like, I'll see videos of it on Tik Tok. Like, I don't need to go, like, sit in the house after we get drunk and watch Beyonce music videos. And performances every single night.

[Drew]

Yeah. Without fail, if we are in this house, even slightly inebriated, every single Beyonce music video will get played, and we will watch through the whole thing, and each time, we will be, like, holy. And, like, I. I already know how it goes. We put it on. I look up how old she was in the video, and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, okay, I need to start doing something. Like, I literally, like, it always, like, goes down that rabbit hole. But I think we were doing that because it felt so unobtainable that we were just accepting our losses. I was just like, it's okay. It won't be her last tour. I'll see her eventually. It's just not in my cards. I've already accepted the loss of Bay Chella. I can accept this.

[Josiah]

Yeah. No, like. And that's. That's the final thought in my head was like, okay, like, I didn't see Beychella. And, like, if I don't see this, I will be watching Renaissance tour videos on the couch in three years.

[Drew]

And I think they're doing a documentary.

[Josiah]

And, like, it just literally, like. And then eventually, we were just like, it. Let's get tickets. And then we looked, and they were like, $2,500 for Club Renaissance. And we were like, that. Like, I'd rather die than do that. And then we looked, like, an hour before the show, and the tickets for Club Renaissance, people were just trying to sell them off and make any little bit of profit they could, and we got them for, like, at cost, I think even below cost of what they sold.

[Drew]

We got, like, such a good deal. We bought the tickets, and then we literally were at a coffee shop being like, dude, there's nothing to do today. Like, I guess we're just going to go home and sit down. And then on the car ride back, I just hear Drew be like, the tickets are so cheap right now. I was like, buy them, buy them, Buy them. And then, like, because we all got on our phone to buy them, they, like, jumped up. Because the scalpers were watching and seeing that people were adding into their car. They jumped up. And then we were like, dude. And then we just got so honed in on the fact that we were like, I am not missing this concert. Are you stupid? I'm not gonna miss this concert. So we all came home, and we would, like, every 10 minutes, recheck the tickets on one phone. And then finally, Drew found the tickets again for a really good price. We got the tickets, and we literally got ready in 20 minutes and then left the house again.

[Josiah]

Yeah. So that's why we didn't throw fits, because I saw someone, like, in the comments of a video of me, like, in the pit, like, waving. They were like, where's Drew's outfit? And I was like, girl, I literally left 20 minutes before the show started. Like, I did not have. I put my silver on, and that's that. Like, let.

[Drew]

We were not supposed to go. We wore what we were wearing all.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, we came home, brushed our teeth, and left again.

[Josiah]

But, yeah, like, not to make this the dedicated Beyonce episode, but that concert was, like, a generational, like, once in a lifetime event that, like, I. I will literally never see anything like that again or be a part of something like that again. Like, like, planning that show and just, like, being the person that, like, choreographed everything for Beyonce, like, was just such a magical moment for me.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. Like, watching.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Watching it unfold. No, but legitimately. Like, it was, like, like the greatest event I'll ever go to in my life. And I was telling them after. I was like, fuck, dude. Like, now every concert I go to, no matter who the person is, it will never be that, because no one will ever do that again in my lifetime. Like, no one has the swag. No one has the drive. Like, no one is the fucking boss. Like, no one has God behind them. In a way, Beyonce does. Like, it's fudgeing crazy.

[Drew]

I know. She is, like, such. She's so beyond any performer I've ever seen. And that's the crazy thing is I feel like I've been to so many fucking concerts. I am definitely a concert goer. So it is by no exaggeration to say that is the best concert I have ever been to. And I've been. I feel like I've been to really good concerts. Where I'm standing there, I'm like, this is insane. But no one compares to what that felt like. Also, as people who are just grew up watching and, like, listening to Beyonce. Like, my first CD that I interacted with, other than, like, the Enya CDs, was the Bday album, so also, her doing Get Me Bodied too, was so insane. I'm pretty sure she did Green Light, too, But, like, I.

[Josiah]

Green Light? Wait, did she fucking Predict Squad games, Squidge Games.

[Drew]

It was so fudgeing insane. Also, I sobbed at her and Blue Ivy. It made me so happy. It definitely triggered intense, intense abandonment and mommy issues deep inside of me, but I was so, so happy watching that. Like, I'm not kidding. I was like, oh, my God. This is, like, insane.

[Josiah]

You're so warm.

[Drew]

Thank you. I know. I like, actually, what else is warm? What the hell are you asking about my cooter?

[Josiah]

Yeah, it's.

[Drew]

It's actually cold. I keep it on ice or else it'll start really smelling funny, guys.

[Kai]

Oh, damn. Is that. When is that?

[Josiah]

Hey, the 2013. And then we got one from 2013 as well, saying, woman crush Wednesday. Rite of passage to call your pop idol your woman crush.

[Drew]

He's not gay. He wants to have sex with Beyonce.

[Josiah]

Literally, it like, let leave me the alone. She's so hot. I mean, she literally is, like, the hottest person on planet Earth. And that confirmed it. But.

[Drew]

But, yeah, it was amazing. If you can go, you should definitely go. It was too lit. Too awesome. Best money I've ever spent, actually, in my goddamn life.

[Josiah]

Actually.

[Drew]

I would 100 do it again if I could. I wish we went last night, but I had obligations, so I wasn't able to.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Movie. Movie. Yeah, we'll insert the photos of me in 2013.

[Drew]

Also us so close to Beyonce.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Because, y' all, I don't think you understand. Like, it was so great, like, where.

[Drew]

We were starting this episode with, like, the longest tangent about Beyonce. Like, I was gonna be like, so many people have dropped like flies. But I feel like most people who watch us feel the exact same way about Beyonce as we do, but it is genuinely so insane.

[Josiah]

Like, look how fucking that.

[Drew]

It triggered, like, a religious tangent from Elsie. Like, she was like, that is what a real Christian woman is. Like, she was like, that is someone who, like, actually looks at a crowd of people, and it's like, all of you deserve life and love and happiness, and she means it with every ounce of her soul. And she's, like, such a good person. Like, we.

[Josiah]

Like, she squealed. Like, I've never squealed like that before. When she started doing the Dubai Rift. Like, I literally squealed. Also, I predicted that, but let's not talk about that. She floated above us.

[Drew]

Please give up for pure honey. Please give it up for the hardest working crew. Happy birthday, beautiful.

[Josiah]

Which is crazy. I saw her por. She looked at my camera like, she graced me. We won't air her out with this photo because it's not a generous photo, but, like, she literally looked at her.

[Drew]

That's also how, like, I know. Like, I love her beyond anything because I got some, like, I had photos of her that I was like, that's just not flattering. And I would never post, so she would never do that to me. And we Spoke about it, like, later, dude.

[Josiah]

Like, yeah, in the hotel after, like, she was just. Like. We were taking a bunch of photos together, and she was like, do you mind if I post the. Actually, I'm not going to post these. Like, you don't look the best. But these are going in the scrapbook, like, the memory book. Because, like, I want to remember this moment. Hanging out with Emergency.

[Drew]

I never need to sit in a room with her. I never, ever need to be across from her. That is a woman who will literally, like, I think if she, like, looked in my eyes, something would break.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

So something would break, because even after that concert, the next day I woke up, I was not drunk at that concert. I had a drink. I was not drunk. I did not get high.

[Josiah]

I had a giant Rockstar energy drink, and it looked like a beer. And I was like, I'm not carrying a fucking beer. This is a rock star. Which is even worse.

[Drew]

Which is worse. But the next day, I woke up, and I literally felt hungover. Like, I felt like I got beat the up at that concert or something. Like, I felt so drained. But it's also because we did 18,000 steps because we couldn't find the car. So we walked around Sofi stadium for actually 40 minutes. But let's move.

[Josiah]

We'll move on. We'll move on. We'll move on.

[Drew]

I'll stop bragging about the best night of my life.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Literally, my casually best night of my life.

[Josiah]

But it's crazy how important confidence is. Like, really, if you don't believe in yourself, no one will, y' all. Like, when I get tired, like, I be saying some. Like, you should see, like, the. The X notes that I don't read because I read them, and I'm like, this is like. Like, okay, you see the tip of the iceberg amount of cringe? I am like, that's like, bottom iceberg level of cringe. Like, you're not allowed to see that shit. But I'm thirsty.

[Drew]

What the hell? Well, in my notes, I have Beyonce calls me. Oh, actually, wait. Speaking of Beyonce, I'm going to tell this stupid fucking story. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

What the Is that?

[Drew]

What is that? Is that a beer?

[Josiah]

This is. What are they called? What are they called?

[Kai]

Board.

[Josiah]

This is Bored Ape water. A lot of people don't believe that I'm an investor, and I have three or four.

[Drew]

A lot of people don't believe that you've invested something that holds no value.

[Josiah]

How would I have this? Okay, I swear, they're going to rise in Value.

[Drew]

Did you get one for me? Why do I have this?

[Josiah]

No, that one's staying sealed because it's like an nft.

[Drew]

This is like the equivalent of like all the old, like, senile people who collected Beanie Babies and didn't let their grandkids touch it. You're gonna be like, old as and have grandkids. And by that time the Earth is going to be like non like livable land. And there's going to be no water and it's going to be covered in dirt and dust, and the only water left is this. And you're going be like, don't open it, because when society rises back up, this will make you king.

[Josiah]

The only food source we'll be able to eat in the apocalypse is all of the, like, bananas and apples and oranges and Twinkies and burgers that have been sealed in resin because that will never melt. You're gonna have to get like ice picks and go, dude, we are such.

[Drew]

Bored humans that we were like, bro, what if we put this food into like, literal waste? Has Kai not seen this?

[Josiah]

I've never seen this. No, I kept.

[Drew]

Where did you get that?

[Josiah]

Okay, so there's like a weed shop that opened up like three days before. I went right up the street and it's a Bored Ape Yacht Club weed shop. And if you go in there.

[Drew]

I saw that. Is it like on Highland or something?

[Josiah]

If you go in there and you have a board ape. Listen to this. I did some math. So if you go in there and have a board ape, the average cost of a board ape is like what, like $42,000 or some like that? I don't know exactly. Can you actually look that up real quick?

[Kai]

I think, I think they got.

[Josiah]

Or 28,000. But anyways, the average cost of a board ape is.

[Kai]

I'm still looking it up.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's not something you look up.

[Josiah]

And Google immediately tells you you're flopping so hard right now. It's.

[Kai]

Oh, I guess it's $43,000 still.

[Josiah]

So I'm right. Which still so much.

[Drew]

$43,000.

[Josiah]

$43,000. If you go in there and you. You get a free eighth of weed a day. You can go in there and get an eighth of weed a day.

[Drew]

So they're.

[Josiah]

So if you go in, the average cost of an eighth of weed is like 25, $30, sometimes $44 if they give you good weed. So it'll take you like, what is 42,000 or 43,000 divided by, let's say 28, 1535. You only have to go in there 1500 days to re up your board ape costs. So it's like a good investment.

[Kai]

4.20 years.

[Josiah]

Oh, 4, 20 years.

[Drew]

That's what I was gonna say. Like, it's literally like four years of.

[Josiah]

But just flip it to your homies and pay for the board ape cost. It's a genius idea. But no, it's like the craziest environment I was ever in in my entire life.

[Drew]

I can't believe you went in there. Did you go in there alone?

[Josiah]

No, I went with.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Josiah]

Yeah, because just looking around, they really wanted weed. And it was the closest one that was open. And I told him, I was like, it might be sketchy like this late at night. And they were like, no, we'll go. And we went and it was horrifying in there and all I bought was water and it was $15 for those two bottles of waters. But I was like, oh, it's a bit for the podcast. So like I feel.

[Drew]

Okay, that is terrifying and gross. Like, I hate when I passed that. I was like, that one popped up overnight because I really down the street 18 million times never seen it. And two, I can't believe that is still a thing that is going to plague society for ever. Them putting those stupid bored ape stupid ugly ass cartoons all over like buildings and like murals and shit. Like, it is so ugly more than anything. The art style is disgusting and ugly. And I hope whoever designed that original monkey dies in their sleep. And I actually don't give a. Because someone's gonna be like, that's fcked up. That's a person. I don't give a fck. Because look what you've done to society. Like, you genuinely have plagued society in a way that irreversible. Like, why is that on the side of a building right in the middle of. In the middle of Little Havana in Miami? Like, actually, I'm going to blow you and your fucking house up. And if you survive, I'm going to hang you by your feet over sharks.

[Josiah]

Don't get on in his bad side. I guess that's what we take away from this.

[Drew]

Okay, back to Beyonce.

[Josiah]

I was going to say I was the stinky. I was the stinky guy at Beyonce concert, guys. Like, I really was. Since I ran out of the house so quick, I forgot to put on deodorant. And like literally within eight minutes of her being on stage, I was like sweating so profusely because she was like real. Like, she was like, I don't know, so weird. And then I would be like, oh, but I don't think I stink to other people. I think I just had hyper sting.

[Drew]

Well, I was the girl with my tits out at Beyonce. Yeah, I had this fudgeing tank top on that like falls really easily. And I was just like, oh, whatever. Like, I'm just going to wear it because I was already wearing it. And I couldn't take my jacket off and jump around because my boobs kept coming out.

[Josiah]

And like, funny shit I've ever seen, like, before the show. And it was like testing it out and like she jumped once and then her boobs flopped out and we're just going everywhere. And I like, I was like, holy shit. Boobs are like so funny. Like, they are literally the funniest thing ever.

[Drew]

Yeah, I showed you my boobs all the time when you need to pick.

[Josiah]

Me up, when I just need to get happy.

[Drew]

But what's crazy is Beyonce called me like a week before we went to. But we went to get massages, me and Josiah Ryan. And I always fall asleep during massages. And I was laying on my stomach and almost immediately I knocked the out. But then I was in a dream that was so vivid. Like, I was just in the room looking down that hole, but my phone was on the floor. Oh, you don't want to know what hole I spread open. Got to looking at. But I was staring at the floor. And in the dream, my phone was on the floor and I heard it vibrating. So I opened my eyes and looked and my screen was just like a gray, that gray, like call screen. And it was Beyonce, all lowercase. And in my dream, I genuinely like, it was such a vivid dream. I like looked at it. I was like, oh, I can't answer that right now. Oh my God. And I, I like in the dream I was like, dude, this is so annoying because I can't answer that. I'm literally getting a massage. And in the dream, it just felt so real and normal. And when I wok woke up, I laughed so hard at myself because I was like, cool dream conjure up is Beyonce calling me and me being like, I can't answer that. My hands are like oily hands are all oily, dude.

[Josiah]

Well, my dream also involved you and Orion. And we were at like a Walmart doing Walmart vibe. And then we went to like a diner after and we just made a pact, us three, to kill ourselves because we were like, I. I was like convinced the world we were living in was hell. So I was, I Was like, we all devised a plan. We were like, if we kill each other together works, we'll escape this place, and we'll be together in the afterlife. Like, whatever the afterlife is. And we did it. And we woke up again, and we woke up in the exact same spot, uninjured. And we all looked at each other, and I, like, started freaking out and writhing, and I was like, oh, my God, we've been in hell already. Like, earth is hell. We've been in hell. Like, what the. And, like, y' all were, like, so chill about it, and I was freaking out and, like, screaming and writhing around, and I was, like, so afraid in my dream that, like, I, like, moved my head in real life and I woke up with my mouth open. Like, I was, like, so scared. I was like, I cannot believe we did this.

[Drew]

Also. What's so funny is we had that exact same reaction when he told us that dream. Like, when you were like, dude, we killed ourselves. And we woke up, we were still here. And me and our were like, wait, so in your dream, this was hell? And we were like, hell is lit as like, what are you talking about? Like, I'd be so happy if this was hell. And, like, we just started saying. You were like, no, dude, it was, like, terrifying. And we were like, no, that sounds amazing. So we should kill ourselves?

[Josiah]

No. No. Definitely not. Never.

[Drew]

Yeah. I don't believe that anything is going to happen.

[Josiah]

I just looked at the camera frame, and I didn't see you in it. And I was like, literally, like, who? Like, I literally just almost had a psychotic break. I was like, I've been talking to no one this entire time. Like, that was so fudgeing freaky.

[Drew]

Well, you're nobody to me, so I always feel like I'm talking to nobody.

[Josiah]

This guy. Whoa. Oh, cut that. Hell, no. No, we should just edit, like, somehow, like, Beyonce's face, like, poking in and us being like, Beyonce.

[Drew]

We'Re not doing that. We are leaving that in. Like, that was Beyonce.

[Josiah]

Get out of here, girl. Like, like, seriously leave.

[Drew]

Okay?

[Josiah]

Like, literally leave, bro.

[Drew]

I'm not saying that. And see, that's your Celt.

[Josiah]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, we'll change the pace, switch gears a little bit. My family was here. You saw the Madeline episode. Y' all ate that up. Like, what?

[Kai]

Just, like, how good you were at, like, switching the topics like a robot.

[Josiah]

But my family was here. Madeline episode. Y' all loved it. We need to do an episode with my mother because y' all loved her little cameo. But Madeline and Steven Slept in my room, and I bought them this, like, pack and play for Luna to just, like, sleep in it while they were here. And I did wash my bed sheets before because I was like, I don't want to subject them to that, like, nasty vibe, but wash my bed sheets. There it was. The vibe. It was a vibe. Well, Meline and Steven, I think it was Meline, she, like, sent, like, a video, like, a 360 video of my room to the family group chat. Because she was like. She was like, look how much stuff Drew has in here. Like, he has so many things. Like, look at all his little trinkets. He's a weirdo. Like, it was just a vibe. And then in the video on my bedside table, there was a bottle of lube, poppers, and the most lewd candle that Elisa got me I've ever seen. And it looks. It was the craziest scene. I don't think any of them clocked it. But when I saw it, I, like, turned white, and I was like, almost like, guys, that's. That's not. That's a candle. That's a candle. But I was like, I'm not gonna stammer here and, like, yeah, make. Draw attention to it. So I was just like, I'm gonna let it rock. And if they saw it, we'll probably never speak about it ever again. But, like, I was mortified. Like, couldn't believe it. Those poppers are in. Yes. They literally are in. Yes. She told me to hide them. She was like, take these from me and hide them. Because I keep waking up in the middle of the night and hitting them. So I was like, okay, put them in.

[Drew]

I haven't touched those for, like, a year. I got a new bottle.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Because I, like, don't poppers go bad? I feel like you.

[Josiah]

Or I guess I think they evaporate maybe.

[Drew]

Yeah, they, like, start to, like, disintegrate. And, like, because it's literally nail polish.

[Josiah]

Remover, every time I do poppers the day after, I literally feel like my life is ending and I'm having an everlasting heart attack. Evermore Taylor Swift.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. That's probably why I felt crazy after Beyonce concert is because I was hitting poppers. That's literally what it was. Because I was like, I'm not drunk. I didn't do anything. It's literally because I had to. It just felt right, you know? Like, it just felt like the environment. It's annoying, though, because I didn't have sex at the concert. I thought I was gonna Find someone.

[Josiah]

Find the love.

[Drew]

Find somebody who's like a little taller than me, wears like ringer shirts, has a mustache.

[Josiah]

I'm right here, babe. You described me.

[Drew]

Hello. You need to grow your hair back out. I'm not kidding.

[Josiah]

No. Hell yes. Up to here, I saw pictures of myself with long curly hair and I was like, mortified. I was like, I cannot believe.

[Drew]

I think that was like your hottest era.

[Josiah]

Not for me. I was like, nasty boots. I literally looked like disheveled and unkept and like.

[Kai]

Oh, I think you looked good.

[Drew]

Yeah, I think you looked really good.

[Kai]

Yeah. But I will say I do like your hair like this too.

[Josiah]

Guys. Okay, listen to this.

[Drew]

We gotta get him some exciting someone.

[Josiah]

Was Isabelle Glow was in Madrid. And there's this like, Isabelle. Just wait. There was this prehistoric exhibition there at the archaeological museum. And look at this. Is that not me, bro?

[Drew]

I think that's supposed to be Jesus.

[Josiah]

No, no, he's like a cave person napping.

[Drew]

Oh, that is you.

[Josiah]

Is that literally not.

[Drew]

That is you sleeping with the knife next to you after the intruder came in with the knife so close to him. Was he scared?

[Josiah]

He's probably like a hunter and gatherer and he's just keeping them next to him for bears or something. But that was like divine truth entering my body. Sometimes when people ask me questions, like, I don't spread misinformation. It's Jesus Christ spreading his message.

[Drew]

That's what you're calling the contextual clues of a caveman sleeping with a knife. Like, you're not calling that just like, oh, you went to public school and learned that they had to like hunt and gather.

[Josiah]

It's like divine intuition. Like something just comes over me and I just know the answer to all these questions. But oh, oh, the knife thing, man, that was so up.

[Drew]

Like having to sleep with a knife.

[Josiah]

Literally so scared. I had a full blown panic attack last night. Like shaking and writhing and like, it was really scary.

[Drew]

Yeah. And for all of y' all who think I'm mean, I went in there and I comforted him.

[Josiah]

So she kissed my forehead.

[Drew]

Really?

[Kai]

Did you actually?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

I was so scared. I don't know what came over me. It was like. It was like when I was 16, like looking at the stars, like having a panic attack because I was like, it's so infinite and a never ending, like none of this is real. Like, but it was like I was legitimately convinced I was like dying. And I like called for Josh, cuz he was in the hallway and he didn't hear Me. And I was like, dude, they're going to wake up to me dead. And then I, like, kind of grounded myself back to reality with that whole fiverr trick or whatever, where you, like, name five things that you can see, taste, and smell or whatever. And I kind of came down. And then by the time India was there, I was, like, coming down, like, heavily. I saw India, and I just. Just broke out of my panic attack. I had separation anxiety.

[Drew]

Just, like, he saw my face, and he was like, oh, my God, like, my angel.

[Josiah]

I couldn't look at the light.

[Drew]

Hello.

[Josiah]

It was so scary, and you were so bright, and I was such a.

[Drew]

Bright light that I, like, cleared his mind. No, I literally had no idea what to do. I was just like, okay.

[Josiah]

There's, like, literally nothing you can do. I just want to be next to someone when that's going.

[Drew]

So much comfort and lust.

[Josiah]

No lust.

[Drew]

So the. The blood stops racing to your heart and starts going to your wiener.

[Josiah]

Yeah, it's actually a really good idea. No, but when I was, like, having my panic attacks when I was, like, 16 and just, like, freaking the out every night. Like, if you know, like, chronically panic. Like, chronic panic disorders. Like, you know, like what I'm talking about. But, like, literally just, like, freaking the out every night. And I would just, like, call my mom up to my room and have her sleep in my bed, because that was like. Like, I. Like, my. It felt like my body was, like, buzzing and, like, I had to move, and I was, like, super restless, and I was so scared. Like, there were moments, like, where, like, I literally was like, I want to jump out of my window because, like, I. I can't go anywhere. Like, I don't know what to do. Like, I'm stuck in my body. But it was like, you coming into my room was like my mother comforting me. It was very sweet.

[Drew]

Also, why are you so shocked that I would kiss my friend? Hello? This is my boy.

[Kai]

Like, yeah, I mean, you guys. So I don't know why I was surprised.

[Drew]

We kissed that's, like, the second time this week that we've, like, shared an account of affection or done affectionate thing, and a friend was like, whoa, what was it? Because, Elsie, when we were, like, at the stadium, and we both were, like, holding each other, and then we, like, went like we were gonna kiss, and then, like, just kept moving, and she was like, what the fuck was that? That was literally just, like, us actually being affectionate to each other.

[Josiah]

Like, it was. It was real.

[Kai]

Drew, you know what helps me when I Have panic attacks.

[Drew]

What, banging your mama now?

[Kai]

I'll take out my Funko Pop collection.

[Drew]

And just look at them. Yeah, do you let yourself open one up or do you keep it in the box?

[Kai]

I'm not gonna open one of those. Are you serious? But I will never. Then I'll touch the box, which I'm usually not allowed to do.

[Josiah]

Your greasy fingerprints on the glass pop.

[Kai]

On a Marvel movie.

[Josiah]

Marvel movie. Funko Pops. And then Harry Potter flavored popcorn.

[Drew]

Yeah, Harry Potter flavor. Like, what is Harry Potter flavor?

[Josiah]

Like butterbeer. You know, like butterbeer. Like kettle corn.

[Drew]

Well, did you wake up feeling better?

[Josiah]

No, no, no. We don't have to talk about it though. Just really anxious. No, I felt up like perfect today, except my heart hurts because it was, swear to God, my BPM got up to 200. It was up. I was like almost like gonna crawl to Josh's room to like use his little heart monitor. But I was like, I don't even need to see that cuz it'll freak me out even more.

[Drew]

Yeah, well, after I finished comforting you, I went and played Texas Chainsaw Massacre and screamed in the living room with my friends, so. Yep, you're jealous. And then we watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre and it was like the funniest movie I've ever seen. Like, that's so good.

[Josiah]

I love that movie.

[Drew]

It was so good. But also X is such a complete rip of it that I was like, oh my God, dude. Like, this is crazy. And Elsie and Sabrina were cracking up because we were sitting there watching and I was like, like, this is literally the movie X. Like, this is insane. And then I was just like, we were saying, I was like, if they stop at a gas station, I'm gonna be pissed. And then they drove up into one and we were dying laughing because we were like, oh, this is fully, literally, like, this is just that movie. But they started off with the brother in a wheelchair just falling down a hill for no reason. Like, like, I'll insert a clip. Like, they start it with the brother is in a wheelchair and he just is like. They take him out to go pee and he's like pissing at the side of the road. And a truck passes and they are trying to convince the audience that the wind velocity of that truck passing was so intense that his wheelchair pushed forward in grass and he just rolls through a hay field like down like him. It was hilarious because he wasn't hurt. Like, like he had like rips in his shirt. But he wasn't bloody or anything. He was just, like, laying, and he was like, oh, why did they make that happen? They just, like, wanted to push him.

[Josiah]

Yeah. That just made me think about how, like, every time I watch, like, a horror movie, I'm like, I would have done this. I would have done that. Like, you shouldn't have done this. Like, why did you do that? But, like, does it take my hand or. Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me, talk to me.

[Drew]

Like, my hand.

[Josiah]

I was like, oh, wow. Like, I would not change anything about the scary movie. I'm in, like, my horror movie arc. I'm in my horror movie arc right now. But I, like, want to see. I want to, like, make my own. Just write it just for fun. Like, it'll never get made. But, like, I feel like it would be so fun and cathartic to, like, write about people getting, like, murdered in plane crashes.

[Drew]

And, like, I want to ride you so bad.

[Josiah]

I said, right.

[Drew]

Oh, sorry.

[Josiah]

I was like, but you can ride me. I used. Oh, this also actually ties in. I don't know why I wrote this down, but I said, I used to be so obsessed with VFX makeup, like, dude. And would make my own fake blood from cornstarch, red and blue food coloring, and chocolate syrup. And that was, like, the. That I. When I was making that, like, I remember it sat in our pantry for, like, years after my parents were so pissed that I wasted a bottle of cornstarch. But, like, I would just, like, put it on myself and, like, play dead on the ground. And, like, no one would ever believe me.

[Drew]

There was that one girl on YouTube who was really good at VFX, and I would watch, like, the. Out of her videos.

[Josiah]

She's the redhead.

[Drew]

Yes. Yes. And I. I was really convinced.

[Josiah]

Like, monster made or something.

[Drew]

Yeah. I was like, I'm gonna do vfx. Like, that's gonna be what I do, and instead, I do this. So some would say it's really similar.

[Josiah]

Yeah, it's two monsters.

[Drew]

I'm causing harm somehow.

[Josiah]

Misinformation, Spreading misinformation. But, yeah, no, I literally, like, I feel like it might be, like, a rite of passage for, like, creative of people, too. Like, is to, like, make a fake cut on their face or something or, like, to make their fingernails blow.

[Drew]

You're either somebody who gives yourself a fake cut on your face or you're somebody who does the Tate skull makeup.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Those are the two ends.

[Josiah]

The two ends of the spectrum. Let's talk about the polymer clay to VFX makeup pipeline, though.

[Drew]

I know. Also like, that's every kid who liked polymer clay swearing we were going to be, like, stop motion animators. Like, I swore.

[Josiah]

I still swore until I was, like, 20.

[Drew]

Yeah, I know.

[Josiah]

I remember I was like, oh, I'm going to do this.

[Drew]

Halloween is coming up. So that means we're about to see the worst pictures that Instagram has to offer.

[Josiah]

Picture. Yeah. I feel that means the Illuminati really, like, did their thing with the Halloween last year because, like, all of the biggest influencers in the world, all of their Halloween photos were edited softly, all by what I'm assuming to be is the same person. Like, it was so bizarre. Like, they all had just like, shitty backgrounds in their green screen.

[Drew]

Like, not even green screen. Like, weird cutout.

[Josiah]

Yeah, exactly. And no one was like, like, saying anything about it. And I thought I was going crazy. Yeah. But, like, the world elites had the most bizarre Halloween photos. I'm really struggling this year, y' all coming up with a Halloween costume. I told Anya one that I was.

[Drew]

It's only the beginning of September.

[Josiah]

Can we slow down? That I was dead serious about. And it was, no, I'm gonna keep that one, because I might actually do that. But we found our joint costume. Yeah, it's overdone. It's a played out bit. But, like, it's cute and it'll. It'll kill. Yeah.

[Drew]

I was thinking. No, I'm. I can't say that.

[Josiah]

Why don't I see butterflies anymore?

[Drew]

I see butterflies all the time.

[Josiah]

I don't.

[Drew]

Literally driving in your car the other day, remember, I saw two. We were driving, and then, like, they went over your roof, and I was like, dude, your car is so awesome. Because if a butterfly, it or something flies over the car, I can just look up at it.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

So maybe you have to attract that kind of positive energy to see those kind of positive things, because I'm such an aura of positivity and comfort and calmness and warmth that those things just come towards me and come on me.

[Josiah]

No, no, no, no, no. Oh, I literally just saw one. I'm not even playing. I'm not even playing. No, no. I swear.

[Kai]

That attention. Dude, you're trying to get.

[Josiah]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Oh, actually, is. Was it a green one?

[Josiah]

No, it's like. Or it might have been it. Satellite of the corner of my eye. It was, like, yellowish.

[Drew]

Yeah, I saw it too.

[Josiah]

Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

Drew, you just saw one right now.

[Drew]

I saw one. Do you believe me, Kai?

[Josiah]

I'mma take that hard drive and snap it in.

[Kai]

No, this is my favorite Hard drive.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

I'm going to take your laptop.

[Drew]

That would be bad for us.

[Kai]

Yeah, that would be bad for you guys. So don't do that.

[Josiah]

I don't give a. You're my op too, right now I got so many ops, and two of them are in the room.

[Drew]

The thing is, Drew is saying that as a joke, but Drew genuinely will make up, like, some of them, like, a lot of them. I understand where his brain goes as to why he decides to call someone is off, but sometimes it is the most, like, subpar miscommunication or, like, just lackluster reason. And Drew will literally hone in on one person and be like, they want me dead. They want me to, like, not be living. Like, they. They hate me. They're talking about me.

[Josiah]

I know they're conspir. Ever said that? Never have I ever said that. I just can feel an energy shift in certain people, and I'm like, I want to get to the bottom of this. What the Is going on? There's no communication on their end, so I'm just, like, up. Like, you. You're my off.

[Drew]

So what's happening is you are an. A naturally anxious person, and at the slightest tone shift, you become panicked, and you are considering this person now your enemy.

[Josiah]

Yeah, but don't with me.

[Drew]

What's actually happening is I don't.

[Kai]

Absorbing yourself.

[Josiah]

You're right.

[Drew]

He's like, yup, yup.

[Kai]

I will say, I feel like you are very intuitive. Like, you've texted me multiple times, just been like, hey, what's up? Like, what's up? Yeah, and it's been like. When I'm like, oh, my God, like, there's too much weight on my shoulders. I'll be like, lying in bed paralyzed, and you'll text me and I'll be like, this is insane. It's happened, like, four times.

[Josiah]

I can sense people's.

[Drew]

No, that's because he has a camera in your room, Kai.

[Josiah]

That's because he's walking, recording you at all moments. I actually. I won't even talk about what he was doing.

[Drew]

Yeah, don't. Don't expose him like that. Don't expose him.

[Josiah]

I wasn't doing anything, but thank you, Kai. I do feel that way.

[Kai]

You do. You're very intuitive. You're like a female.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

What the hell?

[Josiah]

Don't ever say the f. Slur again. That was crazy.

[Drew]

Also, I don't know why. I just thought. I think I thought of it because. Saying that you had a camera in Kai's bedroom, but something I have mentioned 8 million times since it's happened. Shane Dawson saying, look, look. The. The phone just, like. Like, it can see your face even when it doesn't see your face in the phone already being unlocked. And then him, like, swiping the camera thing that he had for a cover. Have you seen that?

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

He's, like, was making comment about, like, how your iPhones can just, like, know who you are or something. It was like, some stupid. And he literally showed his face to his phone so it unlocked with face id. And then he was like, watch. Look at this.

[Josiah]

This.

[Drew]

And was trying to show that, like, the phone can see you no matter what. That, like, it's not the camera. That's a camera. It's like the. Yeah, that. It's like an infrared camera that they use to stalk you and, like, track your facial movements, like, at every waking moment. Okay. But he had, like. It was so stupid. I. I'll show you. And then we have to insert it.

[Josiah]

Yeah, but.

[Drew]

Right. Oh, my God. It's awkward.

[Josiah]

Come here, Kai. Give me a kiss.

[Kai]

That was a good kiss.

[Josiah]

No more slaps.

[Kai]

Just kisses now.

[Josiah]

Just kisses.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Kisses and hugs.

[Drew]

I can't believe you were somebody I followed since you posted about Beyonce being your crush 18 times. And I really was like, like, that's my man.

[Josiah]

That's my man.

[Kai]

Oh, is that the same era where you're like, I'm gonna hit.

[Drew]

No. We hadn't met each other in real life at that point, but we were like, I think maybe following each other, and I was like, oh, my God.

[Josiah]

We were, like, 14.

[Drew]

I was like, he's cute.

[Josiah]

Like, babe.

[Drew]

Yeah. I also thought every single boy I was friends with, I was gonna date. Like, it was, like, a problem. I like, oh, my God, he's so nice to me. Like, we should have sex. Even though, like, I was never going to have sex.

[Josiah]

Literally still you today.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Anybody who's nice with anyone, not just boys. Anyone.

[Drew]

Cut that now.

[Josiah]

Cut that. Put that down.

[Drew]

Put that down.

[Josiah]

Oh.

[Drew]

Oh. I was thinking the same thing.

[Josiah]

No. Okay, so I want to hit my jewel so bad.

[Drew]

I have to.

[Josiah]

Girl, you're, like, being sketchy as. No, no, no. Okay, so see what she does to me? I quit. And then she picks up a jewel and does it in front of me.

[Kai]

How's your surprise?

[Drew]

I'm just showing off. Everybody has.

[Kai]

Seems like it's coming.

[Drew]

Every. Every sobriety journey. I relapse comes with a relapse, and that's okay. You get back up on you.

[Josiah]

But genuinely, I do believe that but it's okay.

[Drew]

Vagina elite.

[Josiah]

No, but literally, like, to get sober, there are going to be humps in the road and relapses is one of those humps. And it's okay even if it's a day, even if it's a month, even if it's six months, even if it's two years. Don't stop trying. I genuinely believe that, though.

[Drew]

I mean, yeah. And we, like, we're working on it. We're working on it.

[Josiah]

I'm gonna get through this and I'll.

[Drew]

Follow suit one day. One day.

[Josiah]

Okay. So we were at a hotel for Orion's birthday. We got our little hotel room and we had a little birthday and. And when everybody left, it was just the next night, it was the last night in the hotel. And me and you and Josiah were kind of just chilling on the couch. And I don't know how it got brought up, but Orion was like, have you ever seen, like, someone give birth? And then you was like, yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, it got brought up because she told a crazy story about, like, a. Like a gnarly story that she had seen someone talk about.

[Josiah]

And so we started watching birthing videos, and Inya and Orion both started sobbing, crying in fe and in pain for these women. And it was like, the crazy. I got it all on video. I don't know.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. Like, I never, like, I am like somebody who's very in between having kids. Like, part of me is like, oh, when I'm with a good partner, I fully understand it. And I'm like, okay. I understand why people have children. Because when you're in a really good relationship and your communication is good, everything is good, you're like, why wouldn't we have children? I can't believe people do that. That's insane.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Taste the biscuit.

[Drew]

Imagine something punching into a out of you.

[Josiah]

Have you seen Alien versus Predator?

[Drew]

Whoa.

[Josiah]

Something is wrong with me.

[Drew]

What did you say?

[Josiah]

Orion? Have you seen Alien vs. Predator? What the Was I referencing maybe Facebook?

[Drew]

Because.

[Josiah]

Because the face sucker comes out of there.

[Drew]

No, when. When what's her name gets pregnant with one of the aliens and it comes out of her stomach. But I like, whatever. So I'm always so in between. But something that I've never deep dived on, but I'm very aware of is how painful and agonizing child's birth is. And I've just never looked into it because I'm like, that's not something I need to know. That epidural is going in you. If you Were like, oh, epidural. No, Give me a perk. Give me epidural. Give me everything. Like, literally, give me everything. Shove an edible down my throat. Give me a perk 30 and get that epidural in me. I want to be.

[Kai]

You're doing a popper, A speedball, and.

[Drew]

Give me a popper. Loosen me up. Like, make it easy.

[Josiah]

But I'm gonna invent that. Vagina poppers. I'm gonna figure it out.

[Drew]

Vaginal poppers. But it just. I. I've never seen. And we started looking.

[Josiah]

Just wait till I'm a baby.

[Drew]

They laughed at Mark Zuckerberg, too. Yeah, but it. It just. Like, I never looked at videos. Always.

[Josiah]

Always.

[Drew]

I've always avoided videos of childbirth. I never looked at it. And then Orion just started playing in front of me, and I am not kidding. Like, even the thought of some of the things I said, it is so nasty. There is nothing beautiful about that. It is a shame we are so barbaric. It is so weird. Like, I am not kidding.

[Josiah]

Like, I love seeing the vagina, like. Like, after, when you have the baby, the gaping vagina.

[Drew]

Like, so cute. But first of all, clean that off. It's nasty. It's covered in sludge and slime, and it's so gross. It is so gross. Like, I don't think I need to have a kid, because that is so nasty. Unless you give me a perk 30. Yeah, well, can they give me a perk 30? Why don't they give girls perk 30s when they're giving birth?

[Josiah]

I think so.

[Drew]

They can.

[Kai]

I don't.

[Drew]

I want to be turned the up. I want to be crossfaded as giving birth to that baby.

[Josiah]

Like, did you know this?

[Drew]

Immediately shove some tequila and an edible down my gullet. Like, the second that baby's coming out. But I guess then is the baby gonna get up? Because it's still tiny.

[Josiah]

The second the baby's umbilical cord touches the air, it has to start breathing through its nose.

[Drew]

Okay, so once that happens, once that head is out, someone come pop a can in my mouth.

[Kai]

I really believe this. If I gave birth, I wouldn't feel pain. Like, I feel like it would be.

[Josiah]

So easy for, like, a man, like, compared to, like, a woman. Like, yeah, we're just.

[Kai]

It would just be, like, so. Yeah, Drew, like, where would it come.

[Drew]

Out of the tip of your wiener?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Kai]

But it would just be, like, so easy, so.

[Josiah]

Dude, I know. And, like, literally, just like. Like, you're screaming, bro. You're being so.

[Kai]

Just like, relax.

[Josiah]

You're, like, freaking literally enjoy it.

[Kai]

You only do this, like, a few times, maybe enjoy.

[Drew]

Live in the moment. Like, why?

[Kai]

Please be present.

[Drew]

No, I need to be up. Like, I need them to hand me that baby. And my arms be so limp from being up that they're like, oh, she can't hold the baby yet. Like, we gotta give her.

[Kai]

I was in.

[Josiah]

Like, that was my mom, I think.

[Kai]

I remember I was in middle school, and for, like, a class, we had to watch a childbirth video, and a kid next to me fainted.

[Josiah]

Oh, my God. Someone fainted at Beyonce behind us. Yeah. So when.

[Drew]

The second she got on stage, we heard, like. Like, we heard.

[Josiah]

And then I heard fly all over me.

[Drew]

Just, like, felt water kind of on your legs. And we were like, what the. And people were like, oh, like, running towards someone. And we turned, and there was just a girl, like, on the floor. And then.

[Kai]

That's crazy.

[Drew]

They, like, got her up.

[Josiah]

And when she was, like, awake, she was like, what?

[Drew]

She was like, what?

[Josiah]

What?

[Drew]

She was freaking out, and she got up, and then literally, like, her boyfriend or whoever she was with took her out and she came back because he was like, she's not drunk. She's not drunk. She just fainted because I think, like, the security is probably like, oh, she got too up. But she literally was so taken aback. She fainted.

[Josiah]

Literally. Respect. Honestly. But wait, a dude fainted in birthing?

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. It was like, this kid that, like, everyone. He was just mean to everyone. And I remember, like, dude being the.

[Drew]

Bully and that being like.

[Kai]

He was, like, a bully. Yeah, he was like. Yeah, he was not.

[Josiah]

Not.

[Kai]

Yeah, people did not with this bad home life. Yeah. And then basically, like, the video came up and his head just, like, hit the desk. He, like, fell asleep, and it was. It was awesome, bro.

[Drew]

He was off.

[Josiah]

Put him in a coffin.

[Kai]

Also, I. Can I just say I wish I was at that Beyonce concert throwing. Throwing ass and dick around.

[Josiah]

No, there was a reason you weren't there. There was a reason you weren't there.

[Drew]

We knew you were gonna pull up in, like, tiny shorts, and we couldn't do it.

[Josiah]

Like. Like, we've already, like, in booty shorts.

[Drew]

You in the American Apparel disco shorts.

[Josiah]

What y' all don't know is Kai can make a clap.

[Kai]

That is true. And that's not even a joke.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. Men's asses.

[Kai]

Maybe later.

[Drew]

Specifically, straight men's asses are the most disgusting thing ever. God was supposed to do some sort of design rework there, because anytime I Have seen a man's ass. Yes.

[Josiah]

It's a dumpy. Not like a dump truck. It is like a dumpy.

[Drew]

Like, nasty. Like, why does it look like that? It always looks so gross. So hairy too.

[Josiah]

Well, I got one more thing to say. It's a cute little one. Oh, my God. Here we go. Okay, so you know the song Beautiful? Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful. Let me. Let me see what the song title is.

[Drew]

It's David Bowie, right?

[Josiah]

Yeah, I think it's called like, Darling Boy.

[Drew]

I think it's called Beautiful. No, you're right, you're right.

[Josiah]

I just want to know in this. No, It's John Lennon, 1980. Double fantasy. Anyways, my Ira, I have a very vivid remember, a memory of, like, my dad in the driver's seat and me in me and the passenger seat and my dad, like, playing that song on blast. And like, I just remembered that and I was like, this song sucks. But like, he's like, this song's for you. This song is about you. And I just have a very vivid memory of that now. And it was when I heard that song last night, I was like, holy, that was so sweet of him to do too.

[Drew]

That is really nice.

[Josiah]

And I was like, I'm gonna do that for my kid.

[Drew]

If you get to have them. If you live that long. Okay. What are you doing?

[Josiah]

Sorry, I'm tin.

[Drew]

Damn.

[Kai]

Whoa. That is actually crazy, dude.

[Drew]

I just imagined like, something disgusting.

[Josiah]

You imagine my butthole?

[Drew]

Yeah, your bare, like, lower half doing that.

[Josiah]

And I like, actually my balls between my legs.

[Drew]

Like, man, anatomy is actually disgusting. I'm not kidding. It is so gross. They need to, like, figure out how that when y' all bend down, it just goes away.

[Josiah]

Yeah, no, like, it shouldn't be. It's just when it's so big for me, it just, like, doesn't go.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's really disgusting. I saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So fun. So fun. Trying to think of, like, what movies I've seen. I feel like I've seen a bunch of movies this week, but maybe I resaw Coraline.

[Josiah]

Coraline theaters.

[Drew]

And that was really, really fun.

[Josiah]

Talk to me.

[Drew]

Yeah. Oh, I finished how to with John Wilson. So good.

[Josiah]

So. So I started watching One Piece, like the live action. And like, it is so incredibly mid at best. I've never seen past, like, the first 25, 30 episodes of one Piece, so I don't really know how accurate it is, but I will say it's fun. But, like, why doesn't someone, like, when they're making a live action anime like, movie. Like, why doesn't someone hire, like. Like, someone with a clear vision and a clear, like, swag and, like, why is it, like, always just shitty? Like, why. Why are they always terrible? Like, it's an actual problem?

[Drew]

Like, yeah, why is it always. It seems like they're wearing Party City.

[Josiah]

Yes, dude. Like, the. The acting, too, was like, really? There was another butterfly, a white one. The acting, too, was subpar and, like, I don't know, it was just like. But I'll watch it and I'll probably like it. But, like, like, bruh, come on. Like, that's not a hot take at all. But, like, I'm gonna start giving, like, incredibly cold takes. Like, I'm gonna be that guy where I just give, like, the most awful, worst takes ever in a room full of people and just silence the room. Like, that's my vibe.

[Drew]

And there you were with the first one.

[Josiah]

That is a cold take. Should I do Drew's high up corner?

[Drew]

Yeah, go for it, girl.

[Josiah]

Welcome to Drew Scorner. Y' all love cuddling with skinny dudes until we get lost under the covers like a remote or like a jewel.

[Drew]

I say like a jewel.

[Josiah]

Yeah, that's really funny. This one's just literally a classic. We quote it all the time. And I was like, I cannot believe I haven't read this one yet. Girls that stank are cool as. Like, you know what? Onion powder. I kind of like you.

[Drew]

You know what?

[Josiah]

Yeah. Beyonce.

[Drew]

Okay, you might onion powder as.

[Josiah]

Yeah, you might listen to the same music as me, but I listen to it in a much deeper and more intellectual way than you ever will.

[Drew]

That is. Yeah, that's why I'm a gatekeeper. Because I just don't believe you guys have, like, the, like, emotional bandwidth wherewithal.

[Josiah]

To understand it in the way I do. Ain't no way God told Noah to put two podcasters on the ark. Damn, we do breed too.

[Drew]

Dude, it's so funny. When we were in the coffee shop and Elsie was like, this feels like we are in Noah's ark right now. She was like, there is.

[Josiah]

There is every walk of life.

[Drew]

There's every walk of life in here, and the door is going to be shut and we're going to watch, like, the world obliterate, and it's only going to be the people in the coffee shop, right?

[Josiah]

Okay, so I'll do this one and then that one. I admit it. I'm a lame girl. I don't party. I don't twerk on guys. I don't stay out Late. But I do stay up late. I do read, I do smoke, I do vibe to music. And I do think that is. That was more just like a deep thought.

[Drew]

That's you minus the smoking.

[Josiah]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, and I'm the.

[Drew]

The other girl I be smoking.

[Josiah]

Penis. Hey.

[Drew]

Oh my God. Hey.

[Josiah]

And vapes.

[Drew]

Hey.

[Josiah]

Okay, okay, wait, wait. This is a good one. This is a good. And this is the last one. And then I'll do music. Tag someone gay in the comments to out them. It's all. All of them are literally gonna be at Drew.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Josiah]

Like all of them are gonna be me. This one.

[Drew]

I'm glad you're not actually gay though. And it's cool that we've built an environment where we can like joke about being gay, but neither.

[Josiah]

No one is gay of us.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Okay. This is just like something I want to leave you guys on. And then actually I'm gonna do this one. This one will probably get cute and leave that. But cut it because I want them to stay wondering.

[Drew]

Cut it.

[Josiah]

And then the last one. The thought manifests.

[Drew]

Okay, try again.

[Josiah]

Okay. The thought manifests as the word. The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into the habit and the habit hardens into character. So watch your thought and its ways with care and let it spring from love born out of concern for all beings. Wow.

[Drew]

Unironically, that was like extremely difficult for you to read.

[Josiah]

Well, I'm missing all the colons and the semicolons, so I didn't know where it ended. And I also have a bunch of typos in it. Like a bunch. Like, I don't think I was supposed to say into the habit.

[Drew]

Yeah, that was deep. The second I manifest thinking about banging your mama, I stopped doing it and it stopped becoming a habit cuz I didn't care about her. It was just a habit.

[Josiah]

The thought manifests as me banging Inya's mom.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Josiah]

The word manifests as me banging Kai's mom. The deed develops into me banging Kai's mom and dad, and the habit hardens into me banging in his mom. So watch as I bang Kai and Inya's parents and its ways with care and let it spring into a love born out of concern for banging all of yalls parents.

[Drew]

Kai's popping perks back there.

[Josiah]

I know. He's literally like the pill.

[Drew]

He just dry swallowed a pill.

[Kai]

I just need something and it came.

[Drew]

Out of his wallet.

[Kai]

Look, I realized I didn't turn turn the clock on for you guys. And I've been having A panic attack. I'm gonna get fired at the end of the episode.

[Drew]

So you were fired the way. The time. By the time you walked in the door.

[Kai]

I was fired six months ago. I've just been coming.

[Drew]

He's just coming because you want something to do.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Okay. Here is my media of the week. I've been listening to the album Fountain Baby by Amare. I don't know if I'm saying that right because I can't say names or words correctly. And the more you make fun of me, the more you need to realize that I have immigrant different parents. And you are up for making comment on me not being able to pronounce.

[Josiah]

That's Kai to T. What.

[Drew]

Princess going digital from that album. Sociopathic Dance Queen and Big Steppa are my favorite from that album. And then my other music of the week is Baby Imma want you by Bread. And I'm still looping on Earth by the Sundays. That song makes me. Makes me so happy that I want to kill myself.

[Josiah]

Kai's grabbing a knife. Okay, mine is King David style DJ Escrow Rec Ray Harikami Pearls Sade, It's a fine Day Opus Three.

[Kai]

And mine is Guardians of the Galaxy movie Captain America. Captain America and Iron Man. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.

[Josiah]

Oh, wow.

[Drew]

Is there actually more than one of those?

[Kai]

I think there's like six.

[Drew]

I don't know.

[Josiah]

There's. I think there's four. There's four. There's Avengers, bruh.

[Drew]

They need to stop.

[Josiah]

If there's six, I'm literally gonna have a heart attack and die. But they did kill him off. He's done.

[Drew]

Really?

[Josiah]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, there's three of them.

[Josiah]

Three. But he's in all of them.

[Drew]

I would have sex with him him if I had to.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Robert Downey.

[Drew]

Yeah, Robert Downey Jr. Oh, yeah. If I had to.

[Josiah]

And I feel like he's also a nice guy. He gives, like, he would genuine kindness, but also sometimes it feels superficial. Like, he sees the comments of people being like, he's like a nice guy. Like, look. And then he just acts nice.

[Kai]

Have you seen the video of him, like, on Wall street when he's like 24 or something?

[Drew]

Yeah. And like, making fun of. He looks like stockbrokers. And he's so sexy.

[Kai]

He has Riz, like.

[Josiah]

Yes.

[Drew]

He was rising all over the camera.

[Josiah]

And he's just looking at furniture.

[Drew]

Yeah, well, I had a tab open for, like, a furniture spot. And we really need a lamp. So I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot I was doing that.

[Josiah]

Oh, yeah, the lamp you sent was really cute. We should just get one of those candle holders and put it in the corner and go medieval style.

[Drew]

Shut the up.

[Josiah]

Candles are so expensive now. When the hurricane was threatening to take out our power, I bought candles because I was like, just in case, like, I want to be able to see, like, my book that I'm reading because I won't have WI fi and, like, what else am I supposed to do? And it was so expensive. Okay, what?

[Drew]

Like, dude, sometimes you're such a 25 year old. Or we both are. Like, you sitting here talking about how expensive candles were. Like, we're like, so done during the hurricane, like, right before. Like, what. When it started to hit, which it was just rain here. Me and Drew went outside, and he followed me outside so I could smoke and drink a coffee and look at the rain. And we sat in. In on the front porch, just sitting out there in silence. And we were like, damn, we are in our mid 20s.

[Josiah]

It was such a mid 20s vibe. Like Anya smoking a cigarette. And I was sitting outside watching the.

[Drew]

Cigarettes after sex, because that's what we were doing because we had just boned crazy.

[Josiah]

We just. And there was juices and calm and sprayed everywhere on the walls. It was so smelly. It smelled like sex. I could. Could. I could smell sex from a mile away. I can smell that you just had sex. Yeah, I'm looking at you. Nasty, nasty, rotten sex. Oh, and the condoms tied up and put in the toilet.

[Drew]

In the toilet. All right, bye. I almost said good night.

[Josiah]

I mean, good night.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on Items like Pepsi 2 liter bottles, poppy prebiotic sodas, all laundry detergent, and Kinder's seasoning blend. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online. For easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.