We Ruin The Holidays - Christmas Special

Summary

Emergency Intercom: We Ruin The Holidays - Christmas Special

Host/Authors: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Release Date: December 23, 2022
Duration: Approximately 70 minutes

Introduction

In this festive Christmas special of Emergency Intercom, hosts Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips dive deep into the chaotic and comedic realms of holiday preparations, family dynamics, societal critiques, personal anecdotes, and unabashed banter. The episode navigates through a myriad of topics, blending humor with sharp observations, making it a captivating listen for both regular fans and newcomers alike.

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I. Christmas Preparations and Family Interactions

The episode kicks off with Drew sharing a relatable holiday mishap: allowing his young son to unwrap a gift early. This act of parental indulgence sets the tone for the ensuing discussions on family and holiday traditions.

Drew [00:15]: "Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. It is not Christmas yet, but it's only two days away."

Enya chimes in with her own holiday indulgence, revealing her son's early gift—a Nintendo Switch game, Pokemon Violet—which leads to playful tension between her and Drew.

Enya [00:26]: "Pokemon Violet on the switch."

Their light-hearted exchange underscores the universal challenges and humor found in holiday preparations.

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II. Critique of Religious Figures and Scams

Enya shifts the conversation towards a critical examination of evangelical TV pastors, highlighting the financial exploitation embedded within these religious institutions.

Enya [01:28]: "The family fucking sucks."

She recounts a troubling video of a pastor boasting about exorbitant purchases funded by donations, exposing the deceit behind such figures.

Enya [01:28-02:42]: "They are pocketing all of the money you donate to the church... those people are scamming you."

Drew expands on this by comparing these pastors to celebrities, emphasizing how their influence compels followers to support them unquestioningly.

Drew [02:45]: "It's just celebrityism in, like, a different sense... they're literally that for those people."

Their candid critique sheds light on the manipulation inherent in certain religious practices, resonating with listeners wary of such scams.

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III. Celebrityism and Social Media Influences

The hosts delve into the pervasive impact of social media and celebrity culture, discussing figures like Mr. Beast and the addictive nature of consuming endless content.

Enya [10:21]: "We've mentioned Mr. Beast every single episode."

They reflect on how constant exposure to media figures can lead to hyperfixation, drawing parallels to childhood obsessions and the relentless pursuit of attention.

Drew [10:25]: "We've literally turned into like 11-year-olds... we watch Fortnite and then we watch if Mr. Beast has a new video."

This segment highlights the challenges of maintaining a balanced relationship with media in the digital age.

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IV. Personal Stories from Big Bear Trip

Enya and Drew recount their adventurous trip to Big Bear, filled with mishaps and humorous anecdotes. A significant highlight is the failed Secret Santa exchange, where Christian forgets to bring a gift, leading to playful tension.

Enya [12:09]: "But I hope I get it before I leave, which I don't think that's gonna happen because I leave in, like, two days."

Drew shares the relief and eventual resolution when other friends step in to salvage the gift-giving spirit, showcasing the camaraderie within their friend group.

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V. Substance Use and Its Effects

The conversation takes a candid turn as the hosts discuss their experiences with getting high during the holidays. They share stories of "greening out," paranoia, and the challenges of maintaining sobriety amidst tempting situations.

Drew [11:24]: "I hit my limit. Wait, what was the second time?"

Enya reflects on her own high-induced epiphanies, questioning societal norms and the artificial constructs imposed by media.

Enya [26:32]: "None of this is real... we're all being fed garbage to keep us at bay."

Their honest dialogue about substance use adds depth to the episode, addressing real struggles with a blend of humor and introspection.

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VI. Interpersonal Relationships and Personal Banter

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the playful and sometimes edgy banter between Enya and Drew. Topics range from body image insecurities to flirtatious exchanges, showcasing their comfortable and dynamic rapport.

Drew [56:15]: "I almost did that, but I was practicing not cutting you off."

Their interactions add a layer of personal connection, making the conversation feel intimate and relatable.

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VII. Music and Media Discussions

Enya and Drew share their favorite music tracks and albums, offering listeners a glimpse into their personal tastes. They discuss artists like Aphex Twin, Death Grips, and SZA, interspersed with humorous takes on music consumption.

Enya [66:59]: "I need to stop saying I'm going to kill myself."

Their discussions on music not only highlight their eclectic tastes but also serve as a backdrop for broader conversations about media influence and personal growth.

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VIII. Closing Thoughts on Holidays and Relationships

As the episode concludes, Enya and Drew offer heartfelt messages about the true essence of the holidays. They emphasize the importance of chosen family and personal happiness over material gifts.

Drew [66:16]: "Sometimes it's not about the gift you get under the tree. It's about the gift you get with."

Their closing remarks provide a meaningful end to the episode, reinforcing themes of love, peace, and the value of relationships.

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Notable Quotes

• Enya [02:42]: "Those people are scamming you."
• Drew [10:25]: "We've literally turned into like 11-year-olds... we watch Fortnite and then we watch if Mr. Beast has a new video."
• Enya [26:32]: "None of this is real... we're all being fed garbage to keep us at bay."
• Drew [66:16]: "Sometimes it's not about the gift you get under the tree. It's about the gift you get with."

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Conclusion

Emergency Intercom's Christmas special offers a blend of humor, sharp social commentary, and heartfelt moments. Enya and Drew navigate the complexities of the holiday season with their signature comedic flair, making this episode a memorable addition to their podcast repertoire. Whether dissecting religious scams, sharing personal highs, or engaging in playful banter, they create an engaging narrative that resonates with a wide audience.

Transcript

[Drew]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. It is not Christmas yet, but it's only two days away. And my. My little son here, I let him open his. One of his Christmas presents early playing.

[Enya]

Pokemon Violet on the switch.

[Drew]

And he hasn't spoken to me since. When I.

[Enya]

Stop touching.

[Drew]

Okay. But you know, I'll do anything for my little boy.

[Enya]

Just critical hit. The Hacksters and the Elite Four.

[Drew]

You know, having. They always said having a little boy.

[Enya]

Would be hard, but. Mom. Shut up, Mom. You're being a mom.

[Drew]

Boys will be boys.

[Enya]

Wait, boys will literally be boys.

[Drew]

Like, the thing is, boys will push you, kick you, spit on you, shove your face into a pile. They're like, there's something about a boy being a boy. Like that. Like, that's just. Boy is boyish behavior.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I don't know why Drew has to switch, actually. Like, that's. I went to the bathroom before we started. When I came back, he just had it in his hand.

[Enya]

Well, I have it because I'm in the Elite Four, and it's a very big moment for me in Pokemon.

[Drew]

Right?

[Enya]

But fine, I'll put it away. I'll put it away. Holy shit.

[Drew]

You're fucking toys. Away. We're at the dinner table with our family right now.

[Enya]

The family fucking sucks. But we were. Before we started the episode we were talking about, this, like, video popped up on my feed of, like, one of those, like, TV evangelical evangelion, TV pastors that, like, do sermons in front of 25, 000 people every Sunday. 30, 000. I mean, even the TV viewership, it's 150, 000 people watching every Sunday. And they are loaded because those pastors pocket all of the money that is donated to them. And one of the video I'm watching was, like, this dude talking about, like, I don't know the full context, but I just know that he was, like, talking about, like, buying houses and that his first home was 14,000. His second home was 89,000. And then he, like, cut himself off and was like, actually, that's crazy, because this watch is $89,000. And everybody in the audience was like, huh? Like, what are you saying? And he was like, I'm not saying that pridefully. And, like, honestly, like, I have things watches that are. And he was going to go on to say, more expensive than this. But then he was like, actually, never mind. And just, like, moved on. But, like, those people are scamming you. They are scamming you.

[Drew]

But you know what?

[Enya]

I'm pocketing all the Money you donate to the church.

[Drew]

I was thinking, like, I. It's kind of like. It's just celebrityism in, like, a different sense. It's like. It's like how you would, like, buy something from somebody you like, and, like, even if it's maybe not good, you'll buy it off of them because you're like, I just like this person. And it's like, I'm supporting this person. It's literally that for those people. Because I feel like. Like, because I was saying to Drew, I was like, that's crazy.

[Enya]

They feel like they're getting closer to God, though. That's the problem is, like, when they donate to these churches, they're donating to, like, spread the word of Jesus.

[Drew]

Yeah. They feel like they're donating to, like, oh, if I don't donate, the church will close and then I will have nowhere to go to, like, consume my faith.

[Enya]

But these people are taking their money and flying around on private jets all week.

[Drew]

Low key. Should we be priests?

[Enya]

I was about to say, like, we should turn up and, like, we should change up and become.

[Drew]

They're going to see all my photos from when I first moved to la, and I thought that the only way to keep relevant was to have my tits out. And they'll be like, no, you're done.

[Enya]

No, they'll definitely support you for having. Anybody's allowed in the church.

[Drew]

Right, right. Me, when I'm lying.

[Enya]

Me leaving the church because I wasn't allowed.

[Drew]

But also, it's crazy to think because, like, this is our Christmas episode. It's crazy to think that this is, like, super religious. Like, everybody has their, like, what is it called?

[Enya]

Holiday.

[Drew]

No, the little. The Jesus. Like, it's. I think, the word. I don't want to say it because someone's gonna make fun of me because I think I'm gonna say wrong. The nasimiento. I think that's what it's called. It's like. Like Jesus and them. Like, the people. Like Jesus and Mary and the baby.

[Enya]

The.

[Drew]

Wait, I can reverse translate it.

[Enya]

What is that called? Holy. Don't say it when you find out because it's gonna piss me off. Oh, it starts with a T. Right way. Fuck. They're screaming at us in the comments right now. It's like baby Jesus in the manger.

[Drew]

It's the nativity.

[Enya]

Nativity scene. Nativity scene. Damn it.

[Drew]

Okay, I was like. I was like, I don't think it's nasimiento. That is the word. But when I looked it up, reverse it just said birth and I'm like, the birth of. But it's like the birth of Jesus. Way the precious moments birth of Jesus, the little baby. But yeah, it's crazy to think that it's like a holiday. Remember the fudgeing Starbucks cup pandemic? Oh my God, like nobody like the.

[Enya]

Red cup and like you're worshipping Satan. It's like on the same level as like Xmas. Like people being taking the Christ out of Christmas. Bitch. No, we just want presents.

[Drew]

Like, also like, I'm sorry, but Christmas is way too long of a word. Xmas is lit. Xmas is like, we need to make an R a horror movie. Oh, o o, listen to this X. But it's Christmas thing and it's Xmas.

[Enya]

Didn't the hot guy from Stranger Things literally just do that movie? David Harbor.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Enya]

He.

[Drew]

Literally when you said hot guy, I was like. I was like, which one of those youngins do you think is hot? Because like, that's not our vibe, girl.

[Enya]

Trust me. I only date people twice my age.

[Drew]

What the was I going to say?

[Enya]

I was.

[Drew]

Oh, oh, it's a naughty Christmas. That's what he did. I think it's called like Naughty Christmas. Every time I see it looks like a parody though. And I was like, why is this sexy as doing that? Why is your sexy ass doing that right now?

[Enya]

That fucking Lana Del Rey actually rotted out my fucking brain. Like, I've been thinking about that a lot recently. Like being young and like liking Lana. The Pipeline is insane like that. The. The Lana to having an awful gauge of what relationships are. Pipeline is a very real thing and I won't change it for the world of me. But like, I don't know, I just was thinking about that.

[Drew]

I mean, like, I think it bettered my life in a lot of ways. Right?

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

But also like, okay, there's something to be said though because like, Lana does have an impact and she fully did because like she like normalized those things. But like a lot of people who like feel like that and have like the, the ideas we do of relationships, it's comes from like more the of our upbringing than anything. Okay.

[Enya]

This starts from my mommy and daddy issues.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like so like she, she was just the, the soldier brave enough to say it. Yeah, right, Right.

[Enya]

Okay. No, that means down. Shut everything I say down.

[Drew]

Well, no, it's not to shut you down. It's. That's me.

[Enya]

I was just making it.

[Drew]

That's my guarding Lana coming out because I'm like, guys it's not all her fault. Even though. Okay, that star. I'm gonna freak out. Even though. Yeah, I mean, it made, like, the things we thought.

[Enya]

Like, it, like, it just validated.

[Drew]

Yeah, it, like, romanticized it more, which was, like, gnarly because there was no reason for me my age being like, yes, I'll wait for you. When. When I'm 18, it's gonna be.

[Enya]

I should not have been driving the second day I got my license to a city of Nevermind. We won't get into that. I saw this video of Simon Cowell, like the X Factor judge. Tell me why someone is wearing his skin. Like someone skinned him.

[Drew]

Wait, is there a new video of him?

[Enya]

Yes, someone skinned him and put his skin on and they were like, we need to upkeep. Like Simon Cowell. It's like that one young thug video of him stopping the fashion show with his blunt and fixing the collar.

[Drew]

I love that view.

[Enya]

Literally. But he didn't do shit. He just, like, was kind of wanting attention. He just like, touched him. Like those fucking waiters from last night. We'll get into. But someone is wearing Simon Cowell's skin and has been for years. And I think I'm the first person to say that. I could be wrong, but, like, this video that I saw of him is like, insane. Like, it actually scared me. Like, it. Since I always say on this show, two or three minutes can change your life, and it has, and maybe this time it's going to be you. Fans were quick to point out his smoothed out complexion and bleach whitened teeth. Social media is going bonkers.

[Drew]

Holy moly.

[Enya]

I nearly didn't recognize him. Simon, is that you? It's melting off. His skin is melting off.

[Drew]

Is going.

[Enya]

Social media is going bonkers. Emergency intercom is going bonkers.

[Drew]

Okay, Newscast reporters need to shut the fudge up. Like, why is he talking about that on Channel 5 news right now? Like, why is that, like, on the news? Dude, that is.

[Enya]

Yeah, but you know what I'm saying? Like, someone skinned years ago.

[Drew]

He looks like he wanted collagen and they put too much in him and now his skin is like, bloated. Like, you know when you burn a piece of your skin and it bloats up and gets really smooth? That's what his face looks.

[Enya]

You know what's crazy is that I think Shrek was the downfall of Simon Cowell's career because he peaked there. That's that you.

[Drew]

When he did Shrek.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

What did he do in Shrek? Didn't he just voice, act one character.

[Enya]

No, no, he like the.

[Drew]

There was Shrek 2, the cameo.

[Enya]

Yeah, but it wasn't like a part of the movie. It was like a special feature of him all doing. And he was himself and actually. Oh, yeah, animated character was crazy.

[Drew]

They made him like sexy in it.

[Enya]

That.

[Drew]

That's like the Mr. Beast Fortnite skin. Like, why did they have to sexify him? I don't know if you've given him a look, but like.

[Enya]

No, see, because Ms. Mr. Beast, like, we mentioned him. Every single episode has something.

[Drew]

We mentioned Mr. Beast every single episode.

[Enya]

Just like we mentioned everything else every episode. Because we've lost things to talk about.

[Drew]

We've literally turned into like 11 year olds. And what we do with our day, like, we wake up, we sit around, I go to your bed, I sit in your bed. We use our phones for a second. And then I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go play Fortnite. And then we play Fortnite and then we watch if Mr. Beast has a new video.

[Enya]

Yeah, think about it. The whole iPad baby was not fake.

[Drew]

That's literally what started it. That's like what jump started. Like, very extreme iPad baby behavior.

[Enya]

Very real of us. But yeah, like, he looks good there, but then you scroll up and you see him and he's melting.

[Drew]

Okay. You can't compare the way he looked in an animated movie to what he looks like 30 years later.

[Enya]

I don't know, man. But yeah, Mr. Beast, he's got something there.

[Drew]

His last video scared me.

[Enya]

I don't have to.

[Drew]

It freaked me the out. I was so high.

[Enya]

Something there.

[Drew]

I was literally so high while we were watching that it was freaking me out. Oh, my God. Also, good news. I got so high that I got scared of everybody. So I. I hit my limit. Wait, what was the second time?

[Enya]

I don't know. You thought I hated you or something.

[Drew]

Oh, no, that was the same night.

[Enya]

No, but there was another thing that we were doing the next night that you were like, I got scared again.

[Drew]

Oh, I think I had a dream about it. Like, it was like that deep for me, but I don't remember. But I got so fucking high. And I. But what's annoying is I didn't mean to get this high that night. We went to Big Bear as a crew. Like, our squad went to Big Bear.

[Enya]

It was so fucking fun. We did Secret Santa with each other. And Enya was the only one who didn't get a gift because the Secret Santa forgot.

[Drew]

But they showed me the gift.

[Enya]

They did the Craziest thing is I told that months before what to get you, and it was that. And he didn't get it until we left last minute. Like, I bet he didn't even have it ordered while we were there.

[Drew]

Probably.

[Enya]

I guarantee that's what happened. But.

[Drew]

But I hope I get it before I leave, which I don't think that's gonna happen because, like, I leave in, like, two days. But that was so funny, though. I'm actually gonna just out him. It was Christian. It was Christian who didn't get my gift. And when we got there, we put all the gifts by the fireplace. I was like, oh, my God. And then I did it.

[Enya]

How the do monkey pox?

[Drew]

Let me see, girl. That's ringworm.

[Enya]

No, it's just my eczema. I just.

[Drew]

Yeah, it is, because I have one right here. I had a dry spot on my arm after Big Bear.

[Enya]

I always get it.

[Drew]

Or we get. We got scabies in Big Bear.

[Enya]

I always get it right here. We need to normalize. Talking about eczema. And I get it on my arms really bad for some reason. And then I was getting it on my thumb, too.

[Drew]

Oh, I'm getting it on this finger. Do you see? Like, it's, like, scabbing over.

[Enya]

I was so scared. I was like, oh, my God. I'm gonna be one of those people that, like, hit their 30s and didn't have eczema at all in their life, and then, like, their entire face gets covered in eczema.

[Drew]

Oh, that happens when you're on, like, a steroid, which is actually terrifying as. And I'm so glad that, like, I never got put on a steroid. And if you have eczema, you were on a steroid. You were in my thoughts.

[Enya]

Count your days.

[Drew]

But it was Christian who didn't have my gift. And we got there, and I counted all the gifts, and I was like, o. A gift is missing. Somebody didn't bring their gift. And he, like, looked at me, and I, like, could tell by the way he was looking at me that it was me. And then, like, I made another joke about it, and he got real. He got, like, so, like, embarrassed that he. I felt bad. He got up and, like, went to go take a nap, and I was like. And then that morning, on our Christmas morning, when we woke up to. No, we didn't wake up to a white Christmas. It was the next day. But when we woke up, I, like, did the head count. I went out to Orion, and I was like, it's me. I'm not getting a gift today. And she was like, yeah, I didn't know how to tell you. You're like, it's you.

[Enya]

And then I was like, it's you, it's you. It's all.

[Drew]

But you guys went to CVS or something and got me a bunch of little cute gifts. So I still had fun.

[Enya]

Actually, let's talk about that as well. Tell me why me, Josh and Lucas were like, oh, like let's like surprise everybody with coffee and like Starbucks treats in the morning and we'll go and like, we don't know what everybody wants but like, everybody will just be so excited to wake Everybody will be so excited to wake up to a coffee in the morning and a sandwich from Starbucks because, like, you know, who wouldn't be excited? We came home, we brought the coffees and I went upstairs and I was like, inya, Inya, it's Christmas morning and we got you coffee. We got you coffee because we're so nice. And the first thing she said was, does it have oat milk in it?

[Drew]

Okay, to be fair, I had just woken up and like, that was literally my first words of the day.

[Enya]

She said, does it oat milk?

[Drew]

But I was so grateful and I did drink it.

[Enya]

Uh huh, uh huh. But yeah, me, Josh and Lucas were like, oh, since Engine's not going to be able to open anything, let's just get her something. And I wish I brought my gift that I got you so you could have opened that because it's the best gift I think you've ever gotten in your entire life. But I haven't given it to you yet.

[Drew]

I believe that. Well, your gift comes. Well, you have two gifts for me. You have like, they're all kind of in the same world, which is really annoying because my problem is I hyper fixate on one thing and I'm like, this is this person's thing right now. And then like, usually it bleeds into something I've wanted before and like, then I'm like, I'll just give it to them because then I get to see it and like, whatever. And it's really dumb. It's not like the craziest thing ever, but I was like, the other things that are going to come after Christmas, I think you're going to literally be like, oh my God in love. But the ones that are coming before you leave are like, whatever.

[Enya]

But wait, I'm going to open something.

[Drew]

Before I read it ended up shipping before. Hopefully I, I have to see because you leave Saturday. But what was I Saying, oh, yeah, but it was me who didn't get gifts, but Drew went and got me little things to open, and it was really fun. And Lucas helped him pick it. And I could fucking tell because Lucas.

[Enya]

Lucas brain is insane.

[Drew]

Lucas is actually a caveman. Lucas is literally. It's so funny because Lucas is the duality of man.

[Enya]

He is smart and dumb, nice and stupid.

[Drew]

Like, he's like, just, like, he can be so emotional. He is so emotionally intelligent and wise beyond his years. When, like, if you have an issue and you, like, talk to Lucas about it, he literally is, like, so comforting, knows what to say, is so good with words.

[Enya]

I had a moment with him and Josiah in the hot tub when it was just us, and I was like, damn, this motherfucker, like, is so smart. Like, emotionally smart. Because, like, like, like I was saying in a couple episodes ago, or maybe even last episode, I was like, I've been like, reframing my mind. It's like cognitive behavioral therapy where you're just like. Like, if someone cut you off in the traffic and, like, instead of honking and get mad and flipping them off and saying, fuck you, you're just like, dude, actually, you know what? This person probably is either having a bad day or late in a rush or something, and you can just like, change your frame on that. But Lucas was kind of explaining that in, like, a better way and was just like, all these people that you have in your life that, like, this wasn't at me. It was, like, advice he was giving. Josiah was like, these people you have in your life, like, it's. It's so easy to resort to, like, having, like, negative emotions and wishing the worst onto them, but, like, just don't do that. And he. He did it way he said it, in so many other words. But, like, it's not my advice.

[Drew]

Yeah, that.

[Enya]

So I didn't want to. I don't know. You didn't want to butcher it, But I just did.

[Drew]

No, I. Girl. Hey, that ties back in. Lucas is just, like, so intelligent, but is the craziest person to be in a room with, especially because of what he finds funny. He's a freak as a wood, and it's awesome. But basically, Orion gave me an edible, and I was just like, Orion can like, handle her weed like a fudgeing champion, but I, as we all know, cannot. And she gave me an edible, and I had to eat in all day. And we had just driven up to Big Bear, and I was like, whatever. Like, this isn't going to be you.

[Enya]

Literally Are in your substance abuse era. Like, it's been like, 17 days in a row.

[Drew]

No, but I'm like, I'm done because I did it yesterday. I. You know what it was? It's because also, I've been in my social era, so I keep accepting to go out, but then I feel this weird social etiquette where I'm like, yeah, I'll do it. But then when I'm at home and then the days I am home all day, I'm like, I didn't do anything all day. I'm gonna get high as bones for fun, but I need to chill. Like, it will be a problem. And guys, I recognize that in myself. Yeah, but.

[Enya]

And I wouldn't allow it to become a problem. She's just a girl having fun. She's a pretty girl having fun.

[Drew]

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Ending my year with a bang. Since I didn't do anything.

[Enya]

Super bang, bang.

[Drew]

That song, the Jesse J song. Something is wrong with your brain.

[Enya]

What? How did I think.

[Drew]

There's a ghost in the room and I said bang. So you thought of the bang, Bang.

[Enya]

It's Jesse J. I know you.

[Drew]

Wait, wait, is that Jesse J, Iggy and Ariana?

[Enya]

Bang, bang. There's also a Miley Cyrus song that says bang, Bang, Bang, bang. Oh, Bangers two coming soon. I know it's a probably just a rumor, but I've heard through the grapevines.

[Drew]

I'm thinking it was Iggy Azalea when it was Nikki. Oh, I'm done.

[Enya]

Oh, whoa. You're over.

[Drew]

You know what it was because there's, like a.

[Enya]

Wait, no, no, no, no. You're over.

[Drew]

Wait, is it a Katy Perry song that has Iggy? There's, like, another song that has a.

[Enya]

Trio of Bang, bang.

[Drew]

Is that Miley song?

[Enya]

I don't know. I know Miley has, like, oh, but bangers too. I've heard through the grapevine that it's actually real and it's coming soon. But I'm probably just being lied to because I am a liar. And people like to get off on lying to the liar. But I've heard from credible sources.

[Drew]

That would be awesome. That's, like, how I remember I kept hearing about, like, Skye's album, but then it didn't happen. Just a single. And that was very heartbreaking for me. But she gave me this edible, and then we. We had, like, gone to the grocery store and gotten food, and I hadn't eaten all day, and I didn't think anything of it. Because since I had been, like, upping my tolerance, I'm like, this isn't gonna do anything to me. Like, I'm fine. And mind you, I hadn't eaten all day. So, like, literally within 30 minutes, I was, like, incredibly high. And we sat down to eat pizza. And the way it was sat, the table is like, Lucas, Josiah, and Christian were here, Orion was here, Drew was there, and Josh was, like, on the other side of the table. And all of y' all were talking about a book Orion had read that was, like, this weird thing. And I think she started talking about Sylvia Plath killing herself. And I'm like, damn, you. You and Sylvia Plath. Like, damn. But Ryan was. Which is honestly such a, like, character trait that I feel like everybody would be like, oh, is Orion actually, like, talking about those? Yes, she is.

[Enya]

In, like, a very real way at the dinner table and, like, acting it out in the oven.

[Drew]

Yeah. And I'm like, oh, my God, you were crazy. And she's, like, talking about Sylvia Plath. And then Josie and Lucas are getting into a fake argument that, like, feels too real because I'm getting high, and Christian is high, and he's watching, and he's like, can't tell if they're joking.

[Enya]

And, like, no one can tell.

[Drew]

No one can tell if they're joking. And, like, I'm just sitting there, and I was like, oh, I'm getting really high. So then I was like, I need to eat. Like, that's what's happening is I haven't eaten, so I'm, like, way too high right now.

[Enya]

The other thing I just remembered what it was. It was Josiah's, like, scary character that he was doing.

[Drew]

I know he, like, gets it to, like, this.

[Enya]

The Scottish character, the. When we were trying to, like, translate it.

[Drew]

Oh. Oh, that was the second thing.

[Enya]

That was the second night that also greened Christian out to a point where he literally threw up. Like, Josiah's, like, so good at, like, being awful that he can physically give people physical reactions to his, like, actions.

[Drew]

Dude. He, like. I'm not kidding. If Josiah dropped everything right now and, like, seriously pursued being an actor, he would be huge because he is, like, way too good. He, like, transforms. It's really nasty.

[Enya]

And he. He is, like, born to be a performer because he can get in front of everybody and just start doing this, and he eats up the attention that it gets.

[Drew]

I know. And it makes him stronger.

[Enya]

Yeah, he feeds off of it.

[Drew]

But, yeah, like, the first. That's what was happening. And then Christian, like, was getting Hot. So he got under the table and took off his clothes and started grabbing things from the table while we were sitting there eating and talking. And I was really trying hard, and.

[Enya]

I was the only sober one, so I was, like, kind of silent, and India thought I was, like, angry.

[Drew]

I thought he was, like, really mad at me. And then, like, dude, it was just so much. It was like everything was ramping up too much. And I. I literally was like, dude, all I need right now is to sit on the couch with Orion and look at her iPhone, because since I don't have TikTok, I can look at Orion's TikTok, and we could just sit there and, like, Orion is somebody who, like, I could be, like, belligerently high and, like. Like, greening, but Orion, or like, you, too, but you, like, feed into it sometimes, and I can't. Like, I can't do it. Like, you'll be like, you're too high. Then you're like, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. But, like, you can't even do that. And, like, it's.

[Enya]

You're greening out, aren't you? You're acting so.

[Drew]

You're silent.

[Enya]

Your eyes are so red, and you're so high, and you're acting so weird, and your breath is so loud, like, what the fog?

[Drew]

Damn, your breath is so fudgeing. You've had it, like, your mouth closed for, like, an hour because you're silently greeting out. But I was like, I just need to sit at the couch right now. And then finally, like, I'm not kidding, an hour goes by, like, and it felt like the longest hour of my fucking life. And I was doing a good job of not fully greening. Like, I was, like, pretty silent, but I was trying to talk. Also, Orion showed me this family she likes, like, on Instagram. And I was so convinced it was a cult. And it was. That was freaking me out, because I.

[Enya]

Was like, you even brought me. And I was like, no, it's just, like. Like a weird family, dude.

[Drew]

No. And it was freaking out. I was like, this is cultish. This is a cult. This is a cult unfolding, and it's happening on Instagram. And we're like, just. We're being trained to, like, ignore these things. It was. It was all too.

[Enya]

I know exactly the spiral you were going down where it was just like, oh, my God, like, the government really does try to normalize this by putting it onto our phones.

[Drew]

And, like, yeah, like.

[Enya]

And then you think it's okay to see a cult, and then Blah, blah, blah.

[Drew]

And then it's like, wait, why do I think it's, like, more normal to be, like, on my iPhone with all my friends than it is to be, like, in the middle of the woods, like, with fucking 18 siblings? And then I was like, wait, but that's weird, because that's, like, yield in time. Like, why would you do that? Like, and then I was like, but those people could have so much more. Like. And I was like, but why do we need more? Like, I was literally.

[Enya]

That's, like, lit that you were thinking, why do we need more?

[Drew]

Yeah, I was literally, like. I was like. I was like, but what is my incessant need to have more? Like, why do I need to, like, have all these things been trained to.

[Enya]

Need more and want more? We have everything we need. We need. It's real. It's. That's very real. We have each other. And that's all you need in this life.

[Drew]

You're home.

[Enya]

But I will never forget.

[Drew]

Ask me where we're going.

[Enya]

Where are we going?

[Drew]

Home. We're going home.

[Enya]

We shouldn't be doing this. We shouldn't be doing this.

[Drew]

Going home. Yeah.

[Enya]

But I will never forget. I think it was, like, my most, like. Like, it was like an awakening in my brain. I feel like it was like my gnarliest greenhead I've ever had. Well, other than the one where I literally, like, hallucinated that I was, like, being reborn over and over again, and I was like a. Whatever. Like, I was like a cell in my mother's womb. It was fucking crazy. I'll never, ever forget that. But if you want me to explain that again, let me know in the comments and I'll figure it out. But I've explained it in a past episode, but there's new people here that probably haven't heard that, but fairly recently, I think last Christmas, I gave you my heart.

[Drew]

I almost did that, but I. I was practicing not cutting you off.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Wow. See what happens when I, like, practice manners? I just shouldn't.

[Enya]

But I was greening the out. I was with all of my family, and I had brought weed to Texas with me. And I was like, let's, like, all get high together. And, like, I'll be, like, comfortable because I'm with my family, and I got high, and it was actually really fun for a little bit. And then Madeline and Steven put the most, like, terrifying TV show I've ever.

[Drew]

Seen in my entire life.

[Enya]

It was like this dude doing magic, and, like, I look, was watching this TV show and I was like, oh, my God. Like, no, none of this is real. Like, this is literally like, Netflix was made by aliens, like, who think they know humans. And, like, it's putting shows on. And when you're not high, you're in this, like, dulled state, but when you're high, you're, like, awoken and, like, you know everything. I was, like, borderline, like, actually bipolar, manic in this moment, because I literally was like, oh, my God, I've broken through. Like, I'm. God. Like, I. I know everything.

[Drew]

Yeah, you were just experiencing, like, mania.

[Enya]

Yeah, exactly. And I was watching this show and them doing magic, and I was like, no, all of this is fake. Like, none of it is real. Like, this show isn't real. And then we put on another Netflix show, and, like, I had that same lens, and I was viewing it from that same, like, lens, and I was like, oh, my God, this isn't real either. Like, none of this is real. Like, we're all being fed garbage to keep us at bay. Because once we aren't watching Netflix, like, we're gonna be. We're. Yeah, we're gonna break through the we're.

[Drew]

Breakthrough and realize we don't have to order the thing on Amazon. We can make the thing.

[Enya]

Dude, it was so gnarly. And then I, like, looked at my mom, who was also high. Then I started freaking out about, like, women and, like, how they, like, are so scared to age, and, like, just like that. And I was like, oh, my God. Like, that is crazy. And then I was like, dude, also, men are afraid of it as well. It's just not talked about. Wait, what is it? Book of.

[Drew]

I said, just, like, Simon. Simon Cowell. Oh, that's literally him. Like, he's literally, like, so terrified of aging.

[Enya]

But, yeah, I just was, like, panicking, and I was like, oh, my God, everything is going wrong. Did you hear anything I said?

[Drew]

Yeah. Why did I look like.

[Enya]

I was like, he did not look.

[Drew]

I heard everything you said. But then, like, see, this is why we can't talk about these kind of things. So now I'm, like, greening out, but I'm dead sober. But, like, while you were saying that, I was looking at this cup, and I was like, this cup is, like, to mimic somebody hand painted it, but a machine did it. And if you look closely, you can see a machine did it. Like, you could see, like, it rotated on something for, like, a brush to go by. And that was just freaking me out because now I'm like, oh, my God. Like, nothing is Real.

[Enya]

It's all filler and plastic in electricity and robots and empty space.

[Drew]

So, no, yeah, that's how I felt. That's how you described how you felt watching that show is how I felt watching the Mr. Beast episode. Because that was the second night when I got really high and we were watching it, I was like, what the fudge is this? Like, he's literally dropping like burning meteors onto a house. And we're watching it and we're eating it up and it's so weird, but, like, I'm obsessed with it and I wouldn't change it for the world. And I, like, love all the stupid content I feed myself because, like, there's nothing else to do, really. Like, what? Like, I'm just like, not. What am I going to do? Like, be a scientist. Like, I don't have that in me. Like, I'm not gonna give anything to the world other than this. So I'm like, I can just eat my little stupid content and move on and it doesn't have to be that deep. But, yeah, basically I greened out and then I. I came back to. Because me and Orion looked at her iPhone. And then, like, some of the high had worn off, so I was like, just a peaceful high. But then the next night, Josiah did a really scary accent and I was like. I was like, this is too much.

[Enya]

So then I was like, Scottish. It was crazy. But I have, like, recently decided that I'm no longer mentally il and I'm no longer depressed and I'm no longer self aware and I'm gonna be happy and I'm gonna live a happy life.

[Drew]

That's all it takes.

[Enya]

I've just decided that.

[Drew]

Just now or like, did you think about it?

[Enya]

Like, I've been thinking about it for a while and I was just like, oh, you can choose to not be mentally ill. You can just smile.

[Drew]

You just smile and that goes away.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Well, what's awesome is I thought I wrote down, like, awesome stories to tell, but it was like, things I've already said, I think. So.

[Enya]

How about that? Well, we got stuck in Big Bear as well. We were being kind of greedy and we were like, oh, we want to see snow. And, like, we were going up and it wasn't supposed to snow. And then when we got there, we realized, oh, my God, it's gonna snow the day we're leaving. So that the night before we left, we were all like, you know what it, let's stay and book another night so we can play in the snow. And we have like, time to do it and everything. And so we did that, and then we woke up to snow. And it was really fun and cute. And then we had to leave the next day. And it kept snowing.

[Drew]

It started, like, storming.

[Enya]

Yeah, it was like. Like, locals were like, oh, it's only saying you're only going to get, like, six inches, but it's going to be more like three feet. And we're like, yeah, fucking right. There's no way the forecast is always true. Nope. It kept snowing and blizzarding, like, whiteout conditions. And, like, we were trying to go down the mountain and kept getting fucking stuck. And it was really terrifying. But, yeah, and we made it down and we're alive.

[Drew]

And it was awesome because me and Orion were just, like, being annoying. And we were like, wow, where are the real men in the room? Like, who's gonna get us out of here?

[Enya]

What's annoying is that all the straight men in the house made me and Orion fucking shovel the driveway, put the fucking chains on, all this crazy shit while they were all inside drinking coffee. And I was like, the only other person that helped was Christian. And they literally came outside and would watch. And that's another thing. I was always like, why are, like, middle of America, like, dudes so jacked and big? And it's because they have to shovel snow all winter because my back literally was the most sore it has ever been. And I have, like, worked out my back for, like, the last three months, and I could not believe it. It. Because it's so much work, and that's how they're all gonna be.

[Drew]

It's, like, actually insane also how dangerous the snow is. Like, I can't believe some of you are, like, riding around in that all the time. Also, it was so eerie because when I went to go, Christian got the wrong chains for his car, so I had to, like, drive to go get new chains. The first time I went, it was snowing so bad that we got stuck, like, in this little, like, slope where it was like, you go up a hill, down a hill, up a hill, and I got basically got stuck in the middle. It was me, Josiah, and Christian. And Josiah is so fucking useless in situations. Like, so he literally just stands around and, like, laughs and is like, oh, my God. Which I guess some would say is actually helpful because if I'm freaking the fuck out, like, it is, like, a little comforting to look over and see this fucking pinhead, like, doing a dance. And I'm like, okay, fine. Like, it's okay. We're not going to die. But my car kept fucking sliding around down the hill, and I was like, cool, I'm going to kill my friends in my car right now. And Christian literally got out and pushed the car up a hill after a very sexy Swedish man helped us put the chains back on my car. And, like, why is it that when a man helps me, I'm like, why am I gonna have sex with you? Like, when a man is nice to me, I'm like, wait, why?

[Enya]

When a man does manly things, I'm.

[Drew]

Like, yeah, like, this man, like, also, he's a freak of nature, and I think he was a ghost because.

[Enya]

But that's me as a straight man.

[Drew]

Yeah, I know. Like, no one was even gonna question that. So, like, you didn't have to. Like, like, we know you're straight and we believe you.

[Enya]

I saw someone on the Reddit saying, like, I've been a fan of them for three years, and I still don't know if Drew's gay or straight. Bitch, I'm straight.

[Drew]

Yeah, you're straight.

[Enya]

I know I made that comment, like, a few episodes ago, but suck my balls.

[Drew]

You just have to remind everybody, because sometimes it's easy to forget. It's easy to forget where you come from.

[Enya]

Yeah. But in high school, I just remembered while we were in Big Bear, I was on Instagram because there wasn't really much else to do because we were kind of stuck inside, and it was like, nine degrees. So I was, like, scrolling through Instagram and this. That bullied me in high school for liking Miley Cyrus and Beyonce and Lana Del Rey and would always be like, you're so gay. You're so gay. Like, what the hell? That's weird. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This came out and is, like, a gay man now and me a straight man.

[Drew]

I know. Isn't that funny? Like, he was projecting something onto you that, like, wasn't even true. Like, it was all him. So you, like, you won in the end because you were able to maintain your. Your straightness.

[Enya]

Yeah, but, yeah, I was just like, damn it. Like, really is a pipeline. Like, everybody that bullies someone for being gay in school, in high school is, like, genuinely gay. Yeah, you're gay. You're gay.

[Drew]

So it's actually, like, so sad. But that's, like, most bullying, like, kids who like. Or bullying kids, it literally is, like, either out of, like, insecurity or, like, problems at home or they're actually the killer and scary and, like, get away from them. But, like, I feel like that's more Rare. It's usually, like, problems at home and then insecurity and projecting.

[Enya]

Yeah, that's what I was. Mean.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Enya]

So insecure, dude. I was so insecure.

[Drew]

But, yeah, I was mean because I was scared of being bullied. So, like, I was like. I was like, I will bully before I am bullied, and that is how my life will go. Also, if you're somebody falling for the LED acne masks, like, just stop, because I don't think that's real. Like, the. The big masks. Somebody. I forgot what I was watching, but somebody was like, yeah, like, the, like, LED lights are really, really good for acne and, like, anti aging. Who said that?

[Enya]

Girl.

[Drew]

Where is that from?

[Enya]

It's literally there.

[Drew]

Yeah, like, that's, like, not helping.

[Enya]

There's probably fake scientific articles out there that all you are falling for, but I do not believe it, and I will not believe it. Like, literally.

[Drew]

You can't convince me.

[Enya]

That probably has something to do with UV or some. And, like, I don't know. It does not, like, go outside. Yeah. Literally go lay in a sun challenge. Like, you'll get all the same light rays, but whatever. Yeah, it doesn't register with me either. There's a lot of skin care scams that, like, everybody is falling for, like, drinking water. You don't have to drink water. I've only drank Pepsi for, like, the last, like, 14 years of my life.

[Drew]

No, Drew, you have to drink. What? Like, that's not, like, a scam. Like, that.

[Enya]

That's been around for, like, hello, I'm still here. I literally have not had a cup of water in 14 years, though.

[Drew]

True. That's really. What color is your pee?

[Enya]

It's, like, red. I posted it on, literally, the emergency intercom IG before. It's, like, red and orange.

[Drew]

Red and orange.

[Enya]

Yeah. But smells.

[Drew]

What does it smell? Can I. Should I.

[Enya]

Smells like, just straight up Pepsi. It's like, it's opaque at this point.

[Drew]

Ew, it's cloudy.

[Enya]

No, like, some cloudy pit. Yeah, it's dark. It's dark. But, yeah, just. You don't have to drink water. Stay hydrated.

[Drew]

No, don't listen to that.

[Enya]

That whole. That whole. Drink a glass of water and stay hydrated. Like the. The high horses that. Those that were tweeting that where on. Is insane. Like, they really thought they were being.

[Drew]

You really are telling me, like, the basic human necessity right now. And you think you're eating. You're like, drink water and take a shower.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, you're sad. Have some water, babes. Have some Water. Oh, you're dehydrated. Hey, you look really dull. And, like, right now, you should take a shower.

[Enya]

That's literally what they're saying to me.

[Drew]

But the LED lights, I just don't understand, and I don't believe that. And I'm like, okay. Like, you just look like you're, like, cosplaying the purge right now, but I'll let you live. Because you think it's also. It's always the who have always had clear skin saying like that. Like, you've never had acne. What the are you talking about? That's the weird shit is, like, so many people online who are like, how I keep my skin clear. You've never not had clear skin.

[Enya]

Yeah, just, like, wash your face.

[Drew]

You don't wash your face, though.

[Enya]

I don't.

[Drew]

You don't wash your face. You don't wash your hands. I was watching this thing yesterday that it was, like, this YouTuber who was, like, getting back at scam callers. And, like, one of the things he did, like, it was, like, he was just pulling pranks on them. And one of the things was he had somebody plant a soap that had, like, a blue ink in it, so when you washed your hands, it stained your hands.

[Enya]

Oh, at the scam factory?

[Drew]

Yeah, at, like, the scam call place. And he was like, at the scam factory.

[Enya]

And he was like, oh, in the scammer, I know that arc was lit. Oh, I'm watching.

[Drew]

I think she's still up. Like, I think she's still posting, but I don't know. I don't follow her anymore. But basically, the whole thing was, like, you could see who washes their hands after they piss. And I'm gonna do that in our house because Drew will never have blue hands.

[Enya]

You'll see. You'll all see.

[Drew]

You come out of the bathroom, and your whole body's blue. You're like, I took a shower. Yeah, we should dye your hair blue. That was mean. Because that. You should not do that.

[Enya]

That is the most hateful.

[Drew]

No, wait, why should we dye your hair, like, yellow today?

[Enya]

Wait, why should we just go put deodorant on?

[Drew]

Wait, why should we brush our teeth and floss today?

[Enya]

Yeah, why should we put deodorant, brush our tongues, take a shower.

[Drew]

Wait, let's go to the dentist.

[Enya]

Yeah. Oh, I have a dentist appointment, and I'm so excited for it because I get high as fuck when I go to the dentist.

[Drew]

But what if you don't have any cavities to fill?

[Enya]

Oh, trust I will find out a way to get on laughing gas. I will find out a way. But that's literally just what fucking whippets are. But yeah, my. If my 9 year old brain can figure out and put the pieces together that, oh, if I have cavities, I get high as fuck, dude. That's how I know, like, I'm a real fucking addict. Is like. Like, my. At nine years old, I was addicted to laughing gas, but whatever.

[Drew]

At nine years old, I was addicted to loving my family and being a good person. So you need to get your priorities straight.

[Enya]

Wow.

[Drew]

You're. Wow. It's really good. Wow.

[Enya]

Wow. No. Yeah. Wow. No. Yeah. Wow. Whoa.

[Drew]

It is definitely.

[Enya]

We freed the kids. We freed the kids from the coal mines in 1920, and now all the kids do is play Minecraft. There is an inherent and incessant need for children to be in the mines. It's in their genetic codes. Send them back. Send them back to the mines.

[Drew]

You know what's really annoying is while we were cleaning the snow off of my car, Drew is dead silent. And I was like, he is pissed right now. And then he broke the silence to start that thought and he was like, I gotta write that down. I got. I gotta. I gotta flesh that thought out.

[Enya]

The inherent and incessant need for children to be in the mines. Send them back to the mines.

[Drew]

Why were they doing that? Like, why were they putting kids in the mine?

[Enya]

Because they're like the canaries that, like, if there's like a toxic gas, they, like, the canaries die first and the children die. No, it's because they're little and they can get in the small spaces. That's why they're like chimney sweeps too, because they can fit inside the chimney.

[Drew]

I'll never forget, there's this one man who works at a cafe in Paris that we went to. And I literally was like, why do I feel like he lives in a home where he's the chimney sweeper? Like, he gave me that vibe. Like, he gave me the vibe that if he came back to the table to give me my coffee that he'd have a little bit of coal on his face. And he was really nice and, like, kind of sexy, but, like, something about him I was like, I feel like he lives in, like, a dripping home. Does that make sense? Like, he just had sad eyes. Like, he felt like he, like, was transported here from, like, the 1913, bruh.

[Enya]

Okay. I was like, damn. Like, that is such a funny thought for me to come up with the minds 100 definitely saw this at some point, so. Because I was like, there's no way.

[Drew]

Yeah, because that's a really funny.

[Enya]

That's so funny.

[Drew]

That's a really funny joke. And there's no way you would say.

[Enya]

Something underscore Pat Ryc.

[Drew]

Oh, Supreme Patty.

[Enya]

Yeah, but it is. Oh, is that Patrice dad slash Daddy? No one 18 and younger is allowed on their profile, so proceed with caution. I hate that. I hate that so much. But yeah, I've also been thinking about Elon Musk, and this is really hard for me to admit, but I was blinded and I was wrong. He's a freakazoid freak, and I can't even actually believe that I ever looked at that man and was like, oh, he's an innovator. Like, he's actually doing things because he's literally not. Like, he's not doing. It's inhumanly impossible for someone to run that many companies all on their own and make up all the ideas and.

[Drew]

No, he's literally just a sheep and wolf's clothing.

[Enya]

Yeah, he's just not chill. But. But also the other thing is, is with the whole Twitter shit, he's just rage baiting everyone. Like, y' all literally just need to stop falling for rage bait. All everything is rage bait. To increase the numbers on Twitter, he says this insane shit so people go and interact with him so he can go to the board meetings and be like, look like, this is how much Twitter has risen since I bought it. No, just stop interacting with it. Let fucking Twitter die.

[Drew]

Should we just like, blow up the Twitter offices since there's nobody in it?

[Enya]

Beginning? Yeah, we've been saying, cuz there's no.

[Drew]

One in it anymore.

[Enya]

So wait, why did we low key predict the downfall of Twitter?

[Drew]

When?

[Enya]

Oh, like, episode probably like 17 or some.

[Drew]

Well, it's because we had an in and we knew he was gonna buy it and we were like, just waiting.

[Enya]

Yeah, Yep, yep, yep. But yeah, I redact everything positive I've ever said about Elon Musk. However, I still want neural link, and I want to be the first human with neural link.

[Drew]

Girl, he's gonna give you neural link and just make you, like, a Twitter worker.

[Enya]

He deadass. He deadass killed 500 monkeys for that.

[Drew]

No, he did not.

[Enya]

Yes, and there's like a whole lawsuit being opened up about it.

[Drew]

And doesn't it not work?

[Enya]

It probably works. I. I don't know. There's.

[Drew]

There's you not knowing if it works and still wanting it. You just, like, you could just get a fake chip Like, I think there's like, like, what are they called? There's like under the skin, like, things you can get that like, look like little chips. Yeah. So just get a transdermal chip so you can.

[Enya]

You know, the craziest thing is vaccines. They literally put chips in us. We were talking about this with our friend the other night. They put chips in us with the vaccines and it was all tick tock. It wasn't the liberals, it wasn't the cuckservatives, it was tick tock. Because that, that app algorithm is insane. And it's a chip under my skin, like measuring the levels of dopamine that when I have a good thought and it can piece together the thoughts and put it under my phone for you page. Like, it's crazy. It is sinister, dark sided evil.

[Drew]

It's literally because it's just key logging and watching you, which I hate because I watch embarrassing things and I don't like, Like, I don't mind being watched. I remember I got into a huge. Oh, like a lot of porn.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

But I. What did you do yesterday? You came into the living room and I bullied you for three seconds and you were like, you get mean at night. I'm going to my room and it.

[Enya]

Gets mean and violent at night, so I have to leave. She attacked the size of my penis. Y my big.

[Drew]

And I'm sorry because we all know that, like, that's like a point. Like how big it is is an insecurity for you.

[Enya]

Yeah. Because I want a small penis. So when you say I have a small penis, it really hurts me because I yearn for that.

[Drew]

You urinate for that. What the was. I just.

[Enya]

We're not laughing at each other.

[Drew]

No, no. I was about tick tock.

[Enya]

It was like I. Oh, it keylogs gave you all the porn you watch. It key logs all the porn you watch.

[Drew]

Oh. But I remember I got into the biggest argument with my ex about this at dinner once. Like, he was just like, oh. Like, do you not care that you're being watched? Like, that is not okay. Like, it's not okay that we're being surveillance. And I was like, I don't care because I don't exist. Like. And we got to the biggest argument about it and now I'm like, damn, maybe he was onto something. And like, it is weird how like.

[Enya]

Like, I don't give a fuck if I'm being like, sell my data. I don't care. The only thing I'm upset about is that they're selling my Data and I don't get money for it because that's the only thing I'm like, damn. But like everybody, like there was like a bipartisan legislation like introduced to Congress to like ban TikTok in America or whatever. And like there are so many other American owned companies that are doing the exact same things they're trying to get to get tick tock for, but since it's Chinese owned, they just want to.

[Drew]

Like get rid of it because of that.

[Enya]

But there's security risk. But like Facebook and Twitter and everything is doing the exact same thing. They're doing just probably not as good. And they're not seeing anything.

[Drew]

Is like just as like they have like observatory. Yeah. Because like literally, I mean everybody talks about it all the time. Like you see your ads change within your like, like interest and it is key logging everything you do outside of that app because why the am I on a website outside of Instagram? And then when I open Instagram, that's my first ad. It's because it's just watching everything I do on my phone. So that means it is seeing my tits.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Damn.

[Enya]

You've showed ig your tits, but you haven't showed me your tits in three hours. So let's talk.

[Drew]

Why do you need to see them every three hours?

[Enya]

I need to see them every hour. Maybe even every 30 minutes.

[Drew]

You don't like how are you forgetting what my tits look like? Is that why you need to see them so much?

[Enya]

No, I just like them because they're nice boobs.

[Drew]

Then take a picture. It'll last longer.

[Enya]

You have nice boobs.

[Drew]

You have nice breasts.

[Enya]

Thank you.

[Drew]

Can I see your balls?

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

Can you lift your shaft so I.

[Enya]

Can get a better look at those for me. But yeah, I don't know. I think Drake is gay and is faking that he's straight and he's definitely taken molly with all of his homies and had gay experiences and made out with each other as a joke or as a bit it but it's turned out to be real. And I'm just kind of like, there's something a little sus about having 43 failed proposals. Let's talk about it. That's a little weird.

[Drew]

At any man who's like that hyper obsessed with women, I'm like, maybe you're.

[Enya]

Looking in the wrong box and everything. You're looking at the wrong box, sis. You should look at a clock. I don't know. I just really don't know. But yeah, I think Drake might be a little gay But. But that's my opinion, not in yours. Because if Drake came into this house right now. Yeah, honestly, I think I'm almost to that point too, where I would, like, yeah, I'd bone Drake.

[Drew]

Even though he's, like, really embarrassing. He's just so embarrassing. That last album, like, he said a lot of things where I was like, you were so embarrassing, and you need to actually shut the up, dude.

[Enya]

I love how you listen to music because you listen to it and you're like, I hate this. This is the worst album I've ever made. But then you listen to it I've ever made and over.

[Drew]

Okay, to be fair, because there are always, like, songs out of the albums that I'm like, this is lit. But then, you know what happens is because I don't make a playlist of it because I'm a. And a piece of. And I listen to things that I don't want on my Spotify, on Apple Music.

[Enya]

So I'm not making play. Make playlists on Spotify or Apple Music.

[Drew]

You can, but I'm just, like, too lazy. So I'll, like, go in and cue songs. But as I'm getting ready, the album will just start to play. And then I become like. Like a Forever 21 consumer in the terms of, like, I'm in the store and I'm listening to it, and, like, when you first enter the store, you're like, this is the worst ever. And then as you're, like, in the store for long enough, you're like, you. It drowns out, and you don't.

[Enya]

What was that store in Japan?

[Drew]

The Don Quixote?

[Enya]

No, the electronics one we went to.

[Drew]

Oh, Book off.

[Enya]

Yeah, it's like, in Book off, in Hard off, there's like, this, like, thrift store that sells, like, strictly electronics, like, musical instrument instruments or whatever. But it is insane. I don't know what the tactic behind this is or, like, what the reasoning behind it is, but there is a song that plays over. It's, like, over again. And it plays. Oh, like, infinitely Forever. And could you imagine being a worker there? Like, at some point, like, I tuned it out, but, like, I don't know, it sounds.

[Drew]

You start off every day, like, tuning it out, which has to be a lot of brain work. Also, this is just a funny tidbit.

[Enya]

But, like, your gaydar being awful.

[Drew]

Okay, I was gonna say that, but I was gonna say me and Orion showing each other our pubes because we were like, oh, yeah. We're like, what do yours look like? And we've Seen each other naked, but, like, we haven't, like, given it a good look.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

So I was. I know you got jealous.

[Enya]

Be weird for me to show you all my pukes, actually, at this point. No, it would.

[Drew]

I don't think it would be very weird. I just don't want to see it. I'm like, yeah, because. Because I'm like.

[Enya]

I also have not shaved, saved in a very long.

[Drew]

That's what everyone's saying. I was like, oh, y' all need to get a grip. You don't even give it a good trim.

[Enya]

Like, because I'm celibate. I literally don't need to.

[Drew]

True, true.

[Enya]

But I do ends on Christmas.

[Drew]

But I give it a trim because, like, sometimes when that gets too long, it, like, makes my coochie sore. And I think it's because it's like.

[Enya]

No, mine is so long that it's, like, soft.

[Drew]

I hate that. Well, no, like, so, like, I don't know. Okay. It's like when I'm on my period sometimes. Sometimes, like, my vulva just hurts. Like, it's sore for some reason and.

[Enya]

Like, me to massage it. I'll help next time. Just let me know.

[Drew]

I'm not gonna let you know.

[Enya]

Okay. This is something I've actually been thinking about for a while, is when you're on your periods and, like, your uterus and hurts. Just shut the up.

[Drew]

I thought you were gonna say a stupid joke. Like, just, like, let me get in there and fucking, like, grab.

[Enya]

That's what I was gonna say. But I was like, let me not say that.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. So instead, the safe bet was to say, shut the up.

[Enya]

Stop complaining.

[Drew]

As I've gotten older, why are my periods getting, like, actually, like, they're starting to hurt, and they usually. I used. I used to never, ever get cramps. And this last one was, like, hard enough and, like, bad enough that I had to take, like, medication. And that has never happened to me, and I refuse to let that happen. So I don't know what the I'm going to do. I'm either going to kill myself or, like, get those things removed.

[Enya]

You either kill yourself or get killed.

[Drew]

So. Right.

[Enya]

Like.

[Drew]

Like, that was, like. That was, like, the first piece of, like, comedy content that I consumed. And I was like, that is, like, so rooted and true.

[Enya]

Shocking. Like, that. That is on the same level as be bisexual. I eat hot chips. Yeah, like, that is on the same level and probably a little higher. But, like, literally, think about it. You either kill yourself or you get killed.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Your body kills Yourself. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Enya]

Damn. But, yeah, I got to stop saying I'm going to kill myself. I just.

[Drew]

Why?

[Enya]

Because I'm going to kill myself if I keep saying it.

[Drew]

Right, right.

[Enya]

No, it's just a little violent. But I get all of the violence and hatred and anger and negativity out of my life. Really trying hard to.

[Drew]

We work together, babes.

[Enya]

You can't get rid of. I know. It really is so hard when you're so mean.

[Drew]

If people were just nice like me.

[Enya]

Oh, when you. I was like, you mean the world would end?

[Drew]

I was like, if everybody was, like, as nice as I was, like, it would be so lit, but the world would explode also. I took that from you because you said it. You were like, why can't everybody just be nice? Like, me and you sign size, and you're like, purr. Like you thought about it. You're like, I'm not that nice. Like, right?

[Enya]

No, no, no. See, I would be nice. Nice. It's like, the same idea as, like, addicts, like, when you're surrounded by people that are also, like, doing drugs with you or doing the same drugs, and you consider them friends and you see them all the time, or like, in my case, like, all of my friends smoke puff bars, and I'm trying so hard to quit puff bars, but then they come around and blow puff bar smoke in my face, and I'm like, oh, let me hit that. And then I get back on the wagon or I fall back off the wagon. It's like the same idea with, like, negativity and hatred for me. Like, I try to practice it, but then I get around Indian Orion and see them hating on people, and I'm like, damn, you know what? This is fun. And I like this. And I fall back on.

[Drew]

I still, like. I just. I think everybody is a hater. And the people who, like, act like they don't hate on anybody. I'm like, you're lying. Because, like, it is so within human nature to, like, be competitive or be, like, like, easily upset or, like, just have, like, these weird bias that you maybe don't understand. And maybe they're rooted in. Like, again, like I was saying, like, projecting insecurities and stuff. But, like, I know that I am flawed. So, like, I don't. I will continue to be a bitch. But also, I'd like to think that it's like, a lot of it is.

[Enya]

Like, there's a difference. There's a difference. Like, there are some people that are just hateful and fucking mean and, like, actually mean every. Every single person or, like, thing that, like, upsets us. Like, it's not real. Like, we're not actually upset by this. Just. Inya just needs something to be angry at it. That's what I've been saying lately, is that if there isn't. If India doesn't have a person to be upset with, she will find one, and we'll be upset with that person.

[Drew]

But it's, like, upset, like, behind closed doors and, like, it never leaves, like, between me and Drew.

[Enya]

Yeah, exactly. And.

[Drew]

And that's okay. That's okay. I'm a little fake.

[Enya]

You're a little flawed, a little fake. But we all are. But, yeah, like, I'm saying. Trust me. Like, I. Like, I do believe that everybody is judgmental to their core, but I'm just, like, trying not to put that.

[Drew]

Why can't we be kind?

[Enya]

Yeah, literally, why can't we be kind?

[Drew]

Christmas. Christmas is in two days. When this comes out. Think about that. And. But right now, it seems so far away.

[Enya]

And all the gifts that I got from my family have not gotten here yet.

[Drew]

I haven't finished ordering my gifts, and I'm gonna get. Wait, did order them here to take their.

[Enya]

Oh, no, but it's just two books and, like, a 3Ds case. And a 3Ds.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. We kissed.

[Enya]

Holy. We just kissed.

[Drew]

Wait, did we actually just kiss? You kissed me?

[Enya]

Yeah. I. I'm so sorry for touching your.

[Drew]

Lips with my finger, because I know you pissed and you didn't.

[Enya]

No, I shoved them up my ass earlier this morning, and I washed my hands, but I didn't get under the nail, and they were under my nail after I was, like, fingering myself all morning.

[Drew]

All morning. Damn.

[Enya]

Yeah, it was a big. It was a big thing, like, in the am. Wait, tell me why I kissed a girl. And I.

[Drew]

Like, I know. Are you gonna. I. I feel like she wouldn't. I was like, I need to let the people know.

[Enya]

Should I?

[Drew]

No, no, no. Let's keep it a secret. Your secret kiss.

[Enya]

I kissed the girl on the second day. On the second day and the second date in a week.

[Drew]

I know. Do you think. Do you think y' all are gonna get together and I can just watch forever?

[Enya]

I think we are in a throuple situation, and accident.

[Drew]

We are in a throuple situation, but it's okay.

[Enya]

But we need to have this person on the podcast to talk about it.

[Drew]

I know. I. So I won't go too far, but I'm a tease. And no one can have me, really. So I'm a thruffle. Like, I'm the watcher. I'm the observer.

[Enya]

Yeah, in your watches. Me and her. And there's pegging involved, but we won't get into that. I need to clarify that this isn't real, but I did kiss a girl.

[Drew]

Yeah, he actually did. And I got literally so horny when I saw it.

[Enya]

I know. And tell me why. And you got a little jealous.

[Drew]

I got jealous. I was like. I got jealous. I was like, should I join? And I was like, no, no, I can't, I can't. I'm just too prude. And like, I'm like, like, I'm like, you got to do a few things for me before I. Before I get you on these lips.

[Enya]

But it's crazy that me and Enya have been best friends for this long and we haven't kissed.

[Drew]

I was thinking about that this morning and then I was like, should we do like a New Year's kiss? But I'm like, oh, no, that's like too. But it is crazy how I never have kissed, like, any of y' all on New Year's. I've kissed Orion.

[Enya]

I've literally kissed like, every single one of these.

[Drew]

Yeah. Have you kissed Orion?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Damn. I'm the only one.

[Enya]

I play with her boobs.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, I remember that. We all. We all went in for like a reach. She had like a shirt on that her tits were at. We were all like, literally like eight years old. We're like eight years old to get.

[Enya]

Left in a room looking up boobs on the family computer. Yeah.

[Drew]

Airplane. The most searched porn things on the tv and going up to it, like it's a presentation and pointing at it.

[Enya]

So what is VMware or PMV? MV?

[Drew]

What is RUB? Yeah, look. Hey, look that up.

[Enya]

Look that up.

[Drew]

But there is this. There's this thing that, like, I feel like everybody on YouTube has seen it. Like everybody who has access to an iPhone where it's like 10 boys and 10 girls get left alone for like 10 days without adult supervision and they're just watched by a camera crew on, like, how they interact and like how they move around. And that's literally our friend group. When we get left in a house, it's like 10 like, like boys and then like two girls who have morphed into boys in that moment. And we're all just like literally playing hide and seek, hiding things from each other, leaving snack crumbs everywhere and then like going after each other to clean up and then immediately they're being a mess again.

[Enya]

That was the most angering is I cleaned up for literally two hours before I went to bed. And then I came down in the morning and it was a disaster war zone.

[Drew]

I know the boys in our group do not pick up after each other. They literally after themselves. Like, it's. That's crazy.

[Enya]

It is disgusting. And if you're hearing this, I love you with my whole heart, but please fucking put addition.

[Drew]

Get a grip. But yeah, I need to kiss everybody in the friend group now.

[Enya]

Well, you know, you might kiss next episode, so you just have to tip in.

[Drew]

Tip in?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

You know what it is? Maybe if we kiss, it would be too real. Don't do it. Get away from me doing this thing recently.

[Enya]

Wait in the eyes.

[Drew]

You know what it is? Like, this is outing myself for a lot, but I have a really big kink about my head, like the back of my head. And I think that's what it is. Like, it feels like too real. Like this is really adding my. But like, I mean, that's not that crazy. But it's like, it's like my, like my head being like smushed.

[Enya]

I'm with you. I'm with you. Right? I'm with you.

[Drew]

So in your head, when you're like holding the back of my head, it's like way too real.

[Enya]

I think everybody is subtly homophobic and they don't want to talk about it. And we'll end there.

[Drew]

Yeah, I think everybody. I'm gonna add to it, but I think everybody has like, subtle things that they don't realize they carry because like, it's. I mean, nobody especially, I mean, this generation, we've like, we grew up and learned so much. But like, we were not raised on that information.

[Enya]

No.

[Drew]

So there's a lot of learning. But I'm not homophobic. I just like, not even going to make that tip. I'm just like, oh.

[Enya]

Me, when I see a gay person.

[Drew]

I hate that we haven't laughed all episode. That's what's like.

[Enya]

No.

[Drew]

Is it melting in? Oh, lucky you. Oh, wait. That's gorgeous.

[Enya]

My expensive ass candle.

[Drew]

You have a really good fake throw up. I think that's what it is.

[Enya]

Yeah. Me one night. No mean when. I mean when I see someone with acne.

[Drew]

That'S really mean. I was so you to me when I was 17.

[Enya]

No, literally, why me to my back right now?

[Drew]

Okay. Why did I like go from having like acne, like cystic acne to no acne and then cystic acne.

[Enya]

Because all acne is hormonal and y' all are falling for the scam.

[Drew]

That is. No, it literally is because when I started having really, really good sex with this person, I started really bad acne and then it just became mid and I tossed it to the curb.

[Enya]

I also have this theory that if a baby is born with a head of hair, they won't bald in life.

[Drew]

That's not true because I know some people who like, were had like a lot of hair and then they balded. Isn't it not. Is it not like, you're like my. So basically my kid because of my dad not balding my kid?

[Enya]

Yeah, it's your mom's dad's hairline is what you'll have. And I, I don't believe that though. But I, I'm not balding and I should be balding if I was going to be bald.

[Drew]

But maybe it'll just be an older thing and then you get to be.

[Enya]

Oh, dude. Also, if you're like a 20 something year old man and you're balding.

[Drew]

He needs to stop me. I think balding can be sexy.

[Enya]

Oh, balding is you and me both.

[Drew]

I'm like, hey, can I touch your head?

[Enya]

It's just that we were talking about in the beginning of the episode with Lana, like, hi.

[Drew]

The extreme need to be taken care of when you felt lack thereof in your childhood. Even though I like, the thing is, I was taken care of like very well, but I still have like so many issues.

[Enya]

I literally just like, I, I agree with. What were you gonna say? Sorry.

[Drew]

I was gonna say maybe it was because we were too tended to for like a, a period of time. So now we like really crave that. Like, I crave to be like, taken care of in like.

[Enya]

Yeah, I, I think for me it's. There was just a lot of. Regarding a specific parent that was going on and I didn't get the attention that I needed from that person. So now I seek that attention and validation via my sex life.

[Drew]

Yeah, I, like, don't think that I necessarily, like, have a real. No, I, I know. I have my reasons. I know my reasons. And I don't care. Because it feels good.

[Enya]

Yeah. And I like what I like and I'm gonna get what I want.

[Drew]

I know.

[Enya]

And the way I'm gonna get what I want.

[Drew]

I know. Wait, are you actually gonna break your celibacy for Christmas or. Oh my God, you should do it for New Year so that you could be like, I didn't have sex all of 2022. Which is like kind of a stretch. But like when it's like that small of a lie, it's not a lie anymore.

[Enya]

That is t. I. I'm gonna see how I feel when I get there because I. I'm not gonna like go seeking it. Yeah, like if it happens, it happens. But you were so braver. Is coming right now to drop off a courage bagel. Yeah.

[Drew]

Are you kidding me?

[Enya]

Only half of one though. And it's for me.

[Drew]

Why would you tell me that?

[Enya]

Because I'm lit and you're not.

[Drew]

You know what? I is annoying.

[Enya]

No, but we can share it though. But they put cream cheese on it and Zamar doesn't want cream cheese. Dude, it's crazy that we live six minutes from Zamar and six minutes from Petra.

[Drew]

But yeah, yeah, it's crazy that I live in your head cuz you're such a hater.

[Enya]

You can't get over not me living in Yalls heads rent free.

[Drew]

You're dumb. You're done.

[Enya]

Yeah. Wait, I live in everybody's head rent free. That's the thing is like people want me.

[Drew]

Okay, well, thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. I hope everybody has a hop. A hoppy. Oh, a happy holiday season. Happy. If you don't celebrate. I hope you're having a good week. A good end of the year. If you don't get to be with family for whatever reasons that may be. I hope you are around your chosen family.

[Enya]

So lonely. I bet.

[Drew]

I hope you're around your chosen family. And if you can't be around your chosen family. Just know that true love will find you in the end. True love will find you in the end. And I know the holidays can be very hard. Hard for some people. So I hope that we were able to keep you company.

[Enya]

It's been getting there for me lately. I've been having a difficult time with the holidays. Yeah. But you're seen, you're heard.

[Drew]

There can still be happiness within your. Within your loneliness.

[Enya]

If you are love, peace and love.

[Drew]

And if you're with your family, good luck. And if you're with.

[Enya]

Okay, okay, let's do some media Mediocre. So I've been listening to selected ambient works, volume two by AFX Twin specifically. Got it. 1, 3, 13 and 20. Those are really lit songs. Then I've also been listening to the Powers that Be by Death Grips. Billy. Not really say hey kid. And. But the craziest thing is that Death Grips is going on tour again and.

[Drew]

Wait, when are they coming to LA.

[Enya]

In May, and I'm going. They're doing, I think, the Palladium or some. And I don't want to be in the pit because I'm scared of being in the pit. So I think I'm just going to spend a little bit extra money and go sit down. But also, like, I like. It's a death grip show.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

You want to move around?

[Drew]

I'll go with you.

[Enya]

And then what's the song? The song you had playing in the cabin? I really loved the Eyes are a Mosaic.

[Drew]

Mosaic. That's like my favorite. That's my favorite album. And I don't. But I don't think it's in the set that Christian got me because I was like, oh, I need to buy that. He was like, it's in the set. And I was like, I don't think that's in the set because I remember when I was looking. But I'm gonna see. But that's like, oh, that album is so good. That album, see Swallow Me and reminds me of, like, Summertime, which sucks because it's like a really good winter album. But that album kind of reminds me more of Summertime than winter time. But it felt good listening Wintertime all the time. Oh, my. Listens for the week. Alone in Kyoto by Air Shown by Ball Greasy petite Phil Damore.

[Enya]

Right. Sing Shown.

[Drew]

Just who just would never and suck me off with no problem till all of it's gone.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And you know what I'm talking about, Little mama, you're grown Greasy hater. The Pure and the Damned by Iggy pop.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And 100 tricks point never.

[Enya]

You're always act.

[Drew]

That's like, really the only Iggy I am.

[Enya]

No reason.

[Drew]

And then, of course, I've been listening to SZA's album like, duh. SOS blind far and Forgiveness are my favorite songs.

[Enya]

Forgiveness is so lit. Not enough attention on forgiveness.

[Drew]

I know. Like, I need. Like I need.

[Enya]

What's the Air song?

[Drew]

Alone in Kyoto.

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm just adding it to a playlist.

[Drew]

Gosh.

[Enya]

Cuz, we just gave really good media this one.

[Drew]

I was playing it in the car on the way down.

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just.

[Drew]

Cascade by William Basinski. But I think some of these I've already said. I've been, like, kind of just listening to things. I just found a really good album, but I'm not going to give it to y' all yet because I like to, like, have things for myself first, and then I give it to y' all.

[Enya]

You get Me Asleep from the Day by the Chemical Brothers.

[Drew]

Okay, well, thank you guys so much for listening. Merry Christmas, happy Holidays. And you know what? Sometimes it's not about the gift you get under the tree. It's about the gift you get with.

[Enya]

The people you're around and their hearts.

[Drew]

The gift of them.

[Enya]

Yeah, right.

[Drew]

Damn, I'm so smart. Okay, bye, Sam.