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Ryan Seacrest
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on Items like Pepsi 2 liter bottles, poppy prebiotic sodas, all laundry detergent, and Kinder's seasoning blend. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pick up or delivery subject to availability restrictions. Apply albertsons or safeway.com for more details.
Drew
Oh, I missed that clap.
Enya
Oh, I missed the clapping of your butt cheeks.
Drew
I missed your clap. Like chlamydia. Okay, the clap. Yeah, I got the clap. Oh, I got the clap.
Enya
Well, welcome. Hey. On three. One, two, three.
Drew
Welcome back to emergency intercom.
Enya
Now I actually feel like a bit of somebody who's mentally deranged for talking in front of a camera like this for some reason.
Drew
It does feel strange. Although it's only been, what, two. Two weeks since we've talked into a mic?
Enya
I. Oh, I guess, yeah, because we did Pullman. The great city of Pullman.
Drew
We love Pullman. That episode we got. And we're gonna drop it on Patreon.
Enya
Yeah, that's on our Patreon. But we went to Washington. Pullman. Just an update of what we've been up to. Right after our break, almost immediately, we.
Drew
Went dove into work. Yeah, you said we weren't gonna work. And we worked.
Enya
But it was awesome, fun work. Because I love attention. I have been thinking about this because I'm sure people are like, well, where's your mental health? I decided what's, like, the big thing is I can't see people talking about me and being a public figure. Like, I love doing entertainment and I love being a comedian, and I love attention. But then the attention part is too much for my caveman brain because some of that attention is people saying, I'm a bitch, and then I'm like, hello. But whatever. But it was fun because I like attention, so I still got my attention. And it was only good attention because you had to be a crazy demon to go somewhere publicly and be like, I hate you.
Drew
Yeah, exactly. But it was awesome chatting in front of a bunch of people. I was myself before. Like, I was literally doing bre. Breathing exercises before the show. How embarrassing.
Enya
You want to do it on camera even though it's the scariest thing I've ever seen you do.
Drew
Kai, blur it.
Kai
That was pretty up.
Enya
No, you know, he's messing it up.
Drew
You had to, like, Go like, I can't, I can't. I'm literally ready.
Enya
Roll your eyes up and then do it.
Kai
Oh, you didn't do the eye rolling thing.
Drew
I know. I'm red.
Enya
He's too embarrassed.
Drew
Red, red, red.
Enya
All I see is red because I've.
Drew
Been banging on their periods.
Enya
Oh, I was.
Drew
Oh, that. Actually, I need to ring that up.
Enya
That's a good leeway.
Drew
Yeah. I am on my rag. I'm on the rag right now.
Enya
I have good news. I'm late on my rag. Very late for the rag. Might have to go. It's been two months to the Container Store. Buy a few rags to ins to. What's it called? To, like, you know when you buy a pregnancy test because you feel like, oh, if I take a pregnancy test, I'll just get my period. Because that's just how your body works. Because it's like, girl, you're tripping. Like, we're here. Like, you're so annoying. My girls know.
Kai
Yeah.
Enya
But that's not funny. I'm late on my period.
Drew
It's really. It's really scary.
Enya
I mean, I've taken two pregnancy tests. Negative. They were 711 pregnancy tests.
Drew
Yeah.
Enya
Which I don't think.
Drew
Oh, yeah, we did there.
Enya
Oh, the way. So I've taken three. I took one in Pullman. Negative. And then I took two here.
Drew
Girl.
Enya
After a night of drinks, I came home and I doordash myself. 2711 pregnancy tests.
Drew
Kai was just about to say, why don't you get the air? One pregnancy test.
Enya
Is there actually one?
Kai
No, there's just a funny bit, but Drew saved it.
Drew
Yeah, I got you. Y' all ever step on a Lego? Like, I actually stepped on a Lego. I'm serious, because that hurt.
Enya
I want to hurt you. Yes.
Drew
Yeah, no, that actually.
Enya
The 90s don't even know what we're talking about.
Drew
You even know what a Lego is? Yeah, Lego. They build the LEGO bricks on their phones. Phones.
Enya
Lego having a comeback is actually crazy, but that's a different story. Lego having a comeback for adults. Like, kids don't even use Legos. It's literally all the adults who use them as kids now spending quadruple the price of what Legos used to cost. So you can have fake orchids in your house. Yikes.
Drew
Where am I?
Enya
Yikes, Yikes. Why don't you just doom scroll on your phone like the rest of us? Ew.
Drew
What is going on?
Enya
Are you okay?
Drew
Sorry, my name's Jericho.
Enya
Oh, wait. What? Yeah, hello?
Kai
Drew, I think he slipped into his.
Enya
Altar oh, is this your, Is this your straight alter?
Drew
Yeah, yeah, I'm. I don't know.
Enya
Oh, you, you haven't gotten that far in yet. You know, your sexuality.
Drew
Yeah, I'm not making fun of did. I'm making fun of people that are making fake Did. But I did come to a conclusion today, okay. While I was pacing around talking to Kai, while Enya was throwing her like makeup in the toilet and just leaving it there to sit, and I thought it was a poop on a piece of toilet paper. I wish I took a picture for you guys, but it is a vile scene.
Enya
I put makeup on my hands and then I wipe away toilet paper and I always throw it into the toilet.
Drew
And I don't ever flush well, because.
Enya
It feels like a waste of water. It's not like actual like fecal matter. It's.
Drew
It's expensive Sephora stuff. But I realized we all can agree bisexual people aren't real. Like we all know that. You, you said it.
Enya
I never said that.
Drew
You said it.
Enya
Guys. Like, we don't say that. I can't actually, I can't vouch for Kai.
Kai
I don't say that, but I don't say it on camera.
Drew
But all bisexual people really should be tested for D.I.D. dissociative identity disorder. Because I'm sure what's really going on is you have an altar fronting that is straight and then you go back to your gay self and it's really, you know what I'm saying?
Enya
I mean, like I. The thing is like, I feel like you would only know from personal experience.
Drew
That bisexuality isn't real. No, I'm the only real bisexual person.
Enya
On this planet, okay? You're the only one who gets to stay claim.
Drew
Yeah.
Enya
Is it because you've come to the conclusion conclusion of that theory? So if you know that, then you can't be like one of the bad ones. What are you trying to say? I don't understand.
Drew
I don't know what you're trying to say. I'm just saying that I'm the only real straight person in this room.
Enya
Oh, okay, I misheard you. I thought you said bye.
Kai
Are verses. Do they have did?
Drew
Actually, now that I think about it, yeah.
Kai
Makes sense, right?
Drew
Yeah. There are no real bottoms and I mean no real tops in this world. Except for cops or bottoms. All cops are bottoms. Acab. All cops are bottoms.
Enya
Did you just make that up?
Drew
I made it up like a long ass time ago.
Enya
Oh, that's really good.
Drew
Specific events. Wait, that transpired.
Enya
Oh, never mind. I Was gonna say something one of my friends made up, but I can't say it.
Drew
Okay. Well, another thing I've been thinking about. Cats don't get hairballs anymore. I've never seen a hairball.
Enya
I don't know if they were ever real because I've never seen one either. That shit's fake. I think people were m your cat, like, eating your things you leave around on the floor.
Drew
I've seen a real hairball back in the 90s. Was crazy back then.
Kai
I haven't seen one since the 90s either.
Enya
Yeah, I mean, you definitely were alive. Like. Like you were the paws.
Drew
You definitely seeing you, we both contemplated doing.
Kai
I looked into both of your eyes, and then I just, like, shrank.
Drew
You saw it. You saw it happening? But, yeah, the other. Wait.
Kai
Sorry. Oh, the other thing is the bugs on the front of cars.
Drew
Oh, there's no bugs. There is actually. Actually real science behind that.
Kai
Yeah, it's like a real thing.
Drew
Pesticides, they're killing all the big bugs that splat on your cars when you drive on the freeway.
Enya
Oh, really? You know what's crazy is I feel like when I drive for a long time in Miami, I still see that. Like, if I driving to the Everglades and back. But yeah, it's not as much at you.
Drew
Oh, my God. Driving home from, like, a baseball game late at night with the bright lights, and then coming home and seeing it the next morning, like, hella bugs everywhere. Oh, that was, like, honestly jarring at the time. But now looking back, very beautiful. Someone needs to make a movie.
Enya
I've never been to a baseball game in my life.
Kai
Really?
Drew
Never once in my life, I went to my first. No, no, not my first. First baseball game since I watched a person die at one. It was in a new stadium, so I felt comfortable going. The energy has been erased. But, yeah, I went to that in Texas. It was really nice. I used to play baseball too, growing up.
Enya
I know you.
Kai
You saw someone die in a. In a baseball thing.
Enya
That's Josh.
Drew
Oh, yeah. I100 did. It was really good.
Enya
The story.
Drew
Yeah, I've told it before.
Enya
Somebody fell from, like, trying to get a ball.
Drew
It was, like, really, really sad. Yeah, it was, like, really personally, like.
Enya
I persevere through anything, and I feel like as a child, I would have seen him, like, okay, like, keep the game going.
Drew
No, it was really horrific for me.
Enya
That would have been my vibe. I would have keep it pushing. Why are you looking at me? What are you doing?
Drew
Just. Just really sad.
Enya
Do you want sympathy Right now. No, no, you can just say it. Like you just say it. You could get it.
Drew
I don't, I don't want sympathy right now.
Enya
Oh my God. Then I guess I won't give it to you. The hell. Well, I decided that we don't need to take physics class and stuff because all of it's really easy. And I think our human brains are just designed to know how much force we need for certain things.
Drew
Yeah, no, physics is bullshit. People are breaking the laws of physics all the time. Like people running four minute sub, four minute miles. Like doesn't make sense.
Enya
Yeah, like the kind of videos I see on my TikTok timeline. I'm like, this isn't real. Y' all are just trying to put words to something magical that has happened and we don't need words for everything.
Drew
I've been saying that for so long. Like this world is truly just magic. None of it makes sense.
Enya
I mean, when you say it, for some reason it sounds really bad.
Drew
It's like a magical univers. Like I can't put it into words. If you get it, you get it.
Enya
But like this you saying like this world is magic. Like the, like for some reason it just sounds like kind of more on the like looney side of things.
Drew
No, no, no, I'm like, it's on like the side where I'm like, oh yeah, this is like truly beautiful. Like this art terex on my chest.
Enya
Is that. No, that one's really old actually. That's. That one's old. So he didn't get.
Drew
This is magical. And then you take it off and you see my short little shirt that makes me look strong for Kai.
Kai
Whoa, I love that shirt.
Enya
Also, I've. Okay, so I've decided what I need for my mental health. Like where I need to be. So I need to move to a farm that is like a 15 minute drive from a town where I am undeniably a 10. And that's what I need. Like, I think that's what I need because when we went to the Renaissance fair and I. At a Renaissance fair, I am a 28. Like I literally. And I was wearing my Dorothy dress. So I was literally, I was quite literally AI generated for the men there. Like it was insane. When I. I have this dress, we'll insert a picture that it is literally just like a Dorothy ass dress and I've only worn it out to conventions.
Drew
I know I was. I wasn't going to say because I didn't want to interrupt you, but it's gonna Drive me insane.
Enya
Yeah, we could stabilize it with my big fat ass. I'll just sit on.
Drew
That's not gonna work. Your ass doesn't fix everything.
Enya
I mean, it fixed.
Drew
You can't, like, put it in my face constantly and just do bad to just put your ass in my face and think it's going to be okay.
Enya
It doesn't fix it.
Drew
Yes. But, like, it's not going to fix everything.
Kai
What?
Enya
Like, okay, complain.
Kai
Complaining all the time.
Enya
For once, he knows what he's talking about. But you also don't know what you're talking about because you don't know about the joys of getting, like, your problems fixed with some ass.
Kai
But yeah. I'm such an idiot.
Enya
Ew. But yeah, I wear this little Dorothy dress, and I've only worn it to, like, conventions. I wore it to, like, Monster Palooza, which is, like, a horror convention most of the time.
Drew
We're big convention girls over here.
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
Like, we love a good convention.
Enya
And then I wore to the Renaissance Festival, which I would argue is just a Renaissance convention.
Drew
You bought it? Not thinking it was a Dorothy dress. But yeah, I only worn it to, like, cosplay conventions. And everyone's like, oh, you're like, dorothy. You're Dorothy. And you're like, no, no, it's just my dress.
Enya
But it is. It is very Dorothy. Because I was gonna wear red shoes, but I was like, this is too much. And then everybody was like, where are your slippers? Like, why are you looking at my feet? Like, why are you looking at my feet right now?
Drew
Because you're 28 and liter.
Enya
Amount of comments I got were crazy. Like, I was standing in line to do, like, bow and arrow stuff, and they were like, well, I don't think Dorothy is shooting bows and arrows. Like, she's a little more gentle.
Drew
Wait, why do they have Riz at the fucking Renaissance?
Enya
Like, it's kind of crazy, but it's really scary. But also, something about it is so riveting and awesome because I love attention.
Drew
Yeah.
Enya
So that's what I need in my life, is I need to be able to decompress for three weeks at a time. It's like loneliness and, like, nothingness only interacting with my friends.
Drew
I have been saying, get flirt with a bunch recently.
Enya
I know something about it. Like, what's up?
Drew
Like, it's your hair. It's your beautiful, luscious locks.
Enya
Yeah. I know when my hair was, like, short and too cool, people were like, she's weird and I'm scared of her. But now they're like, she's normal. Guys look, she has kind of long hair. She's normal. Like that's the vibe. But yeah, that's what I need. I just need to like go and like live in like some corner of the earth and then go to the town and get hella attention and get flirted with by like people who scare me.
Drew
You came to Granbury? We went to Granbury together and it was honestly so lit and cute. We did Easter with my family.
Enya
Yeah, it was awesome.
Drew
Sorry, my stomach is literally like being so weird right now. I keep trying to get it on camera because it's like making like crazy sounds.
Enya
I think it might be the. Yup, duck, honestly. Probably because I had it last night and something. But yeah, we went to Granbury and I was playing with babies and it.
Drew
Was Orion came as well.
Enya
Yeah, Ryan was there and we were playing with babies and being mother as and it was lit. But I really don't want one of those yet because it's a lot have it. Like the ideal situation in my life is someone close to me to have a baby and then I get to like raise it by proxy and I get to just be the cool person because I don't want to have to be the person in some on a kid's life who later on they're like, she was a. She told me what to do. Like, I don't want to be that. I want to be the opposite of that. And I want to be the one who's making the parents life really hard. Because when the kids with me, I let them do whatever they want and then they're like, and you're so much more nicer than you. I hate you.
Drew
I hope you kill yourself. I just watched like a literally 13 part series. I bought one hour of Wi Fi on my phone just so I could text you that I was taking off and when I was landing and then I was like, I'm gonna get off my phone after this. I'm only using the hour because I like not having my phone.
Enya
Did you even text me that though?
Drew
You just never responded.
Enya
Oh my God. You know what's been happening is I did something in my phone that my sleep thing stays on until like 1pm or I have to manually turn it off and I don't see any texts.
Drew
Until I. Yeah, it says do not disturb forever on your phone. But I watched this like 13 part it. I only got to part 8 on tick tock in the hour that I watched it because I was watching it all the way through and it was literally about. I don't even know what it was about.
Enya
About, like, children and, like, how they find other adults who will let them do.
Drew
Oh, yeah, him. Like, yeah, him being like, I want to live with my dad. And the mom being, like, really scary. Like, really scary. Manipulative. And, like, pulling out every manipulation tactic from the book. It was literally horrifying. And if I ever had to go through that, I would freak the fuck out. Because it was scary.
Enya
As the kid or as the mom?
Drew
As the kid. Like, the mom was up. She was twisted. And then I found a YouTube channel, and I dove into that afterwards, and it. When I was writing the Laxit Bus, which is the worst thing ever created ever, ever. And I just watched the dad's YouTube channel of him basically, like, posting videos.
Enya
Wait, it was real people?
Drew
Yeah.
Enya
Oh, I thought it was like. Like one of those, like, psychological, like, therapists kind of situations where it's just like, here's what happens to kids when. Blah, blah, blah.
Drew
Someone knows what I'm referenc.
Enya
When I fell asleep last night, I'll tell you exactly what. I fell asleep, too. And I'm not going to say anything about it, but I'll just say that I was like, oh, wow. There's, like, words for everything, huh? Y' all just be naming everything. Actually, what I really fell asleep, too, is it's the Matrix, but. It's the Matrix but for Locusts by Tom Scott, who I originally thought was really sexy. But then look at the way he walks. It, like, actually made me want to throw up. Built it for Locusts. One of the great challenges in studying.
Drew
Collective behavior is that there's this intro just. Okay, you thought he was sexy.
Enya
Something about him is sexy. But look at the way he walks.
Drew
It's giving nerdy.
Enya
Wait, wait, wait. Can he hurry up?
Kai
Like, wait, the YouTuber?
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
Yeah. He's got really small. Oh, it is. The walk is horrifying.
Kai
What were you saying?
Drew
No, okay. He is.
Kai
He's, like a small frame.
Drew
Yeah. His shoulders are like. Like, he's, like, stout. But, like, I was like. Immediately, I was like, no. But then after I, like, observed for a little bit, I was like, oh, okay. Like, I get it.
Enya
Because you know what it is? It's like, he's, like, smart. He knows what he's talking about. He's got a little charm to him. I like, freaking. Yeah. You know, people like nerds also, like, this is weird. Like, I'm not talking about specifically him. I don't want to, like, sit here and Sexualize a man I don't know, who's also probably married. Like, this isn't about him, but I've.
Drew
Always said, like, about this, it's about him. For me, baby, it's probably got a monster.
Enya
Like, people who are really, really passionate about certain subjects. Like, you know, they get down, like.
Drew
You just know, like, to the funky sound.
Enya
Especially people who are like, so about that one thing publicly. It's like they don't have, like, a shame filter or anything. They don't think what they do is shameful or, like, weird to like something so much. So, like, they have no shame in bed.
Drew
So it's like, exactly.
Enya
You're. You're literally a freak.
Drew
Exactly. That's what people say about me behind closed doors.
Enya
I just like a good, like, topical person, you know?
Drew
Yeah, I. I love. I like, have a lot of topics that I love and talk about. I just like, chat about a few things and it's like, I can tell you about mostly anything.
Enya
Well, I left because you were boring me.
Drew
Wow.
Enya
Wow, wow.
Drew
Okay, this is like a genuine question and not a joke question. Are there, like, makeup stations in the women's bathro room at the airport?
Enya
What do you mean?
Drew
Like, are there, like, stations where you get to do your makeup after you get out of off a flight, or.
Enya
Do you just have some airports? Yeah, some airports and bathrooms in general will have a separate mirror just with like a little stool or like a little thing.
Drew
I guarantee 100 of the men out there didn't know that because I was watching this. Tick tock.
Enya
You went into a woman's bathroom?
Drew
Yeah, I just was recording.
Enya
Okay, wait, what did you do?
Drew
You watched them? I was watching this video of this girl tour. Like a gender neutral, like, actually gender neutral restroom where men and women went in there and either side you went in. The stalls were like completely closed, floor to ceiling. The doors were completely sealed. And like, it was like men and women only. I think it was in, like, Kansas or some. And they were bantering about, like, the makeup stations in it, and they were like, you're just doing the makeup in the middle of the bathroom. And then it just got me spiraling and thinking. I was like, oh, that's probably a thing, because Orion was like, I'm gonna do my makeup when I get off my flight. In the bathroom?
Enya
Yeah, it's a. It's a thing in a lot of bathrooms. But also sometimes people just, like, pull out their and do it. But a lot of airport bathrooms have just made space for it because it's really common. And I feel like a lot of bathrooms in general, like, as time has gone by, I see that a lot in Japan, that was a big thing. Actually, in Japan, a lot of the, like, most of the bathrooms I went in had that and had like full body mirrors and a lot of things of that nature because they actually respect looking good. And then in America, they're like, you know what? Actually, I will say this. I can't stand when I go into a bathroom and there is no mirror. It feels like you are putting me in jail. Like, it literally I'm like, why am I being punished? Like, why am I being punished? Why am I in this scary room with no reflective object to look at myself? That's what bathrooms are for. They're to wash your hands, pee, and look at yourself and, like, decompress. And where is the mirror? If I'm eating at a restaurant and I go into the bathroom and there's no mirror, I genuinely feel like I'm being held hostage. You're literally making me pay you to be in prison right now. Like, that's what I feel like.
Drew
Or like a 711 bathroom where it's like the piece of, like, reflective paper that's always like, hella dented. So when you look in it, it's like, what's the point?
Enya
It's literally like, you're fucking, like, greening. Speaking of greening. Sorry. I'm literally being annoying and, like, fixing my lipstick right now. I'm just that kind of girl. Would you ever wear, like, clothes like that? You know, like somebody who's like, died before? Like, would you ever wear, like, a dead person's clothes or something?
Drew
Like, hell no.
Enya
Oh, okay.
Drew
Hell no.
Enya
Oh, okay. Because, I mean, I was going to. I. I mean, I. I'm literally wearing that now.
Drew
Oh, no.
Enya
I knew you'd say that. And sing literally. What is wrong with you? Anyway, speaking of greening out, the other night, I finally got so high that I got scared. Like, I've been really. Everybody knows I've been testing it out. Like, I've just been pushing the limits of what I could. Where I could go in my mind. Where is my mind?
Drew
Where is mine?
Enya
And I was hanging out with Orion. And like, Orion is normal person, so she has a normal person tolerance. And then there's me, who literally, when I talk about, like, to any of my friends, the milligrams I take, they are literally laughing at me. But usually. So what I did is my usual thing is like the 2 milligram THC, 6 milligram or is it 4? I think it's 4 milligram.
Drew
2 and 4.
Enya
Yeah, 2 and 4. Right. 2 THC, 4 CBD. That's usually what I do. Except when we were in Texas, I took some of the edibles we had there, and I took half of it, which was also still such a tiny amount. I think it was, like 5 THC, but one CBD, which for me is insane. And I literally was having the best time of my life. Drew was talking, and it felt like I was watching tv. Like, Drew was talking to his mom. And I'm not kidding. It felt like I was watching tv. Like, everything was so funny. And it was literally, like, the best night of my life. And it just felt like I was watching TV the whole night. Like, my eyes weren't. My eyes. My eyes were an LED screen.
Drew
Like, and it feel like you were watching tv. Sorry. That was so mean.
Enya
Oh, my God.
Drew
That was like.
Kai
I do think that's the meanest thing I've ever seen you do.
Drew
Yeah, that was, like, mean. That wasn't even funny.
Enya
Now, if I said something to ruin your whole life, I'd be wrong. Now if I said something to literally deteriorate any ounce of confidence you have in that little body of yours.
Drew
Yeah.
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
Oh, so she. She called me little?
Enya
No, you're scrawny.
Drew
Oh, wow.
Enya
Okay.
Kai
Okay, Drew, pop that jacket off so I can see your arms.
Enya
Don't embarrass him. Don't embarrass him like that.
Kai
Damn, that looks good. Thank you.
Drew
I needed a little confident boost after that.
Enya
Well, it felt like I was watching tv, and it was awesome. And you can suck my fucking balls, bitch. Stupid fucking cunt.
Drew
Was it the ones that. The watermelon one.
Enya
Green ones. No, green apple.
Drew
Green.
Enya
My God. Sees a green candy and thinks watermelon. Like, literally me when I'm a freak. But it was awesome. And then when I got back, I went to go get those because I was like, damn, maybe that's the vibe I need to be on, is just being a little scared, but, like, having fun at the same time. They didn't have them. So when I was hanging out with Orion, I went back to my normal ones and. Oh, my God. Actually, no, I had so much weed that night, now that I think about.
Drew
It, I, like, were obliterated.
Enya
No, not even that night. But when I got back, I was trying to mimic that. But I. I just realized I had so much weed. Well, for me, I had my can. So that's 2 THC, 4 CBD. This is so annoying that I'm coming back and I'm talking about weed, like, in this, like, increment. But it's really funny how mine.
Drew
We're good. We're good, we swear.
Enya
Also the idea that I think this is bad when most people are like, girl, that's literally nothing, but whatever. So I did my, like, can, that's the one I usually have, and then I had half of one of Orion's 5 milligrams. So now I'm at like 4.5 milligrams. Whatever. It's not even even like that. That's not how those things work. But if we're gonna do it, that's how it is. And I knew I was really high because now I'm, like, at a little above my CBD to thc. I know it's really high because I was, like, a little scared every time I spoke. I felt like I was being a freak. And everything I said, I was like, why did I say that? Even though, like, oh, because planes got brought up. So it was really bad for me because I went on a really long tangent about planes. And I started, like, naming off a bunch of the crazy plane crashes that I have memorized and exactly what happened and what year and like, like all these things that I started going in. And then it was just like, me, Orion, and one other person. I was like, oh, my God, I need to stop doing that. And then I kind of got myself to shut up and whatever. I'm getting a little tired. We go to, like, being Orion are just, like, sleeping in her, like, living room and watching tv, and I'm kind of starting to fall asleep. And I'm like, okay, this is perfect. It's 12 o' clock. I've been on an early schedule. I'll just go to sleep. And I start falling asleep and then Orion's, like, still on her phone and, like, we're still kind of talking and she's like, oh, should we, like, take another edible? And I was just like, like, I don't know. And then she was like, girl, come on. I was like, okay, fine. Yeah, okay. And then she gave me another half. I think it was like a half of her 10 or something. And I took another 5 milligram milligrams and I didn't think anything of it because I was like, dude, I'm so tired. I'm literally gonna fall asleep before this hits me. And then like, 30 minutes goes by and I'm sitting while we're watching this, like, murder documentary thing. And I'M like laying there and I start falling asleep. But as I'm closing my eyes, I'm imagining a life. If I didn't go to sleep that night, I would close my eyes. My eyes were still open.
Drew
Girl, she gave you fentanyl and you od and now you're in a different dimension.
Enya
I literally, like, would go falling.
Drew
Are you crying?
Enya
I'm crying from laughing so hard. But, like, I like, literally was like, like so high and I started to get so high so fast because I also. We'd eaten like five hours before. So now because it's like midnight. So now I'm like, oh. I'm like, I don't think I have enough food in my stomach for, like, all the edibles that are now rotting on top of my stomach lining. And I was just sitting there falling asleep. And then, because I could still hear the tv, it was like my eyes never closed and I couldn't tell if I was closing my eyes or not. And then I like, couldn't tell if I was breathing. And I was like, I would go like. And I was like, like, so scared. And I didn't want to seem like I was freaking out laying down next to Orion. So I was like, holding my breath because I didn't want to seem like I was breathing really hard, trying to live, freaking out. And what's awesome is I was dead silent while this was happening. So Ryan has no idea that this all happened next to her. And then like, actually I kind of told her like an hour later. But like, yeah, I was just. I couldn't go to sleep. I was so tired and like, like the edible was just beating my ass. Like, I just was like, trying to go to sleep and I, like, couldn't because my brain was like, you're still awake because you're like, you know exactly what this room looks like. So your eyes aren't closed.
Drew
Girl, you were literally tripping.
Enya
And I then I just like, opened my eyes and sat up because I was like, okay, I guess I can't go to sleep. Like, my body is like, not letting me right now. So then I got up and just started getting really hyper fixated on the murder thing.
Drew
I was watching Been There before when, like, I'm like, like, oh, like, if I go to sleep, I'll actually die. So, like, I can't go to sleep right now. And I'll just like, try to keep myself awake and like, poke the whites of my eyes trying to keep myself.
Enya
Yeah, that was the other thing is I had contacts on and I Didn't bring my glasses to her house because it was like, an impromptu sleepover. So I. My eyes were really, really dry for a long time until she finally gave me contact things to put my contacts in. But by that time, my eyes were so bloodshot and dry from having my contacts in too long, so my eyes were really dry. And I kept like, doing the thing where I, like, like, close my eyes and I, like, rub the top lid to try and, like, literally force them to make moisture. But then it kind of passed because she got up and she was like, I need a snack so bad. And I was like, yeah, me too. And then she went and got snacks. And I sat there trying to literally just be like, okay, like, you're gonna eat and it's gonna. Like, you're gonna live. Like. Like, I literally was like, I'm not crazy. Like, it literally felt like she was upstairs for two hours, and I was just downstairs twiddling my thumbs because also, my phone was dead. So I literally couldn't even, like, doom scroll. It was just the murder doc in front of me. And I kept pausing it because crazy things were happening. I was like, fucking Orion has to see this. This is fucking insane. But then she gave me snacks, and I'm not kidding, I experienced exactly that scene in Ratatouille where they're, like, mixing all the snacks, and it was so insane. I've never savored a meal and eaten so slow in my life. And it was the first time ever where I was like, this is what eating is for. Like, it's for tasting.
Drew
This is what it's all about.
Enya
It was awesome. We had, like, little, like, sandwich pickles. We had those little garlics. Like, it's like a mix of, like, garlic knots and pickles. We had that with, like, baby bell cheeses, cuties. And then, like, we had leftover chick fil. A nugget. So we each got two nuggets with that, and that was, like, our, like, platter of, like, tasting. And then we had the cuties for dessert. And, like, we each had a brownie. And, like, the way we, like, set it up in a way that we were, like, eating to the top of the pyramid. And it was awesome. It was literally so fun. And then eventually it got up, and I was like, orion, I don't think you understand. An hour ago, like, this is after some time, I was like. I was so high that I genuinely was kind of tweaking. And she was like, what? I couldn't tell. I was like, yeah, because I was like, Silently. I was literally in my head, like, I was in Silent Hill. Like, I was Silent Hill. And then it was awesome. And honestly, I would do it again because it was so funny. Well, now it's funny, but at the time, I literally was like, I couldn't. I'm never gonna be able to sleep again. Like, I don't. My body won't let me. And that's my story. That's what I've been up to. That's literally, I think, the most that's happened to me. Other than that, in these past two weeks, I've just been existing, which is crazy. I've been cooking meals at home, which is lit bit on my. Like, breakfast. I realize I can only cook breakfast. I, like, am really bad at cooking dinner. Unless it's soup and baliadas.
Drew
So what?
Kai
Let her cook.
Enya
That's, like, weird. Why does it have to be her? Like, why does she have to cook?
Drew
Not every woman knows how to cook, Kai. And not every woman belongs in the kitchen. Like you were just saying.
Kai
That's the thing that people say on Tick Tock.
Drew
He literally just basically said, go make me a sandwich.
Enya
That's what it felt like.
Drew
Go make me a sandwich.
Kai
No, I didn't. I was reciting a meme, and now you guys are twisting American meme. I need a. I need a control over the narrative.
Drew
You need to control your thoughts because.
Enya
You'Re attacking high an ambient before the next podcast.
Drew
Yeah. So you can chase the walrus me.
Kai
With, like, sunglasses on. Just like this.
Drew
What is it, Weekend at Bernie's style.
Kai
When you guys said that things are going to be different on the. You know, when we came back, you're like, oh, things are gonna be different. I was really expecting, like, a studio.
Enya
Were you actually?
Kai
Well, not this. You know, I was like, oh, things are gonna be different. There's gonna be, like, Kai's gonna have a. Like a really comfortable big chair.
Enya
No. So what you're saying is you wanted more attention, babe. No, no, no, no.
Kai
This be a parking space for me for, like, my Hummer.
Enya
Your Hummer?
Kai
You guys are getting me the electric Hummer. That's what I was imagining. I wasn't expecting, like, a light, you know.
Enya
You were expecting something for you.
Kai
Yeah, I was expecting, like, a car.
Enya
And, like, you have a car.
Kai
Well, a better.
Enya
I am not. I'm not giving you a car.
Kai
Okay.
Drew
Leave that bleep. That bleep. The D word. Okay. I need to know who the you two sold their souls to, because those are working overtime to keep Them relevant. Like, I don't think I've ever heard a U2 song in my entire life, but somehow they are the most relevant and important musicians of our lifetime. And I've never heard a song by them.
Enya
1 and 2, 100 with them in it.
Drew
And then also, like, like, the apple is crazy.
Enya
Like, like, how much Apple loves them.
Drew
Putting their album on the Apple iPhone is the craziest. On every single iPhone is crazy.
Enya
That was crazy. Like, imagine being able to say, like, or wait, I wonder if that counted towards downloads. Like, did that count towards probably, like, sold units or anything? Because that would be insane. And that's literally hack and illegal. And I'm taking them to court.
Drew
Yeah. And then now they're doing the new, like, Madison Square Garden dome in Las Vegas that got developed. It's like this giant orb that is covered in LED screens. And, like, the inside screen is, like, the biggest screen in the world. And, like, it's gonna be, like, super.
Kai
Immersive for, like, I got some information.
Drew
Oh, yeah.
Kai
It says with a push of a button, you two. Songs of Innocence obliterated the current number one selling album of all time, Michael Jackson's Thriller, by 435 million copies.
Enya
And was that because of iPhones?
Kai
I don't know. That might have been, because I remember they put it on an ipod. Like, every ipod that you got had it. Or was it the iPhone?
Enya
It was an iPhone because it was on my. Oh, wait, no, it might have been ipod and everything. It was ipods because I had an ipod touch touch when that happened.
Kai
The iPhone 6.
Drew
Oh, my God. So I guess iPhones, ipods, all that.
Kai
That is. That is so crazy.
Drew
Who do they sell their soul to? Because I need to know, because I don't give a about.
Enya
They really liked them and they were like, to honor Steve. But I don't think no, because I don't think Steve was around, because I remember literally having a selfie with an iPhone, and I was like, wow. Like, Steve, Steve. I was like, without him, would I be here?
Drew
Also, I decided I'm gonna start saying yes more because the plot of my life has become stagnant and the script writers suck right now. Like, they need to figure this out because also the script writers of the universe have been freaking me the out recently because, like, there are so many little things happening where I'm just like, see, that's too perfect. That is way too perfect for this to be happening now. And I'm not gonna name the specific event, but, like, I'll tell you guys, After. But I'm like, I already told you. Yeah, yeah, right. Like, in the peak of it all, like, that's what's gonna happen. I don't know. It's crazy boots.
Enya
Wait, maybe I'm mistaking what you're talking about, because what I think you're talking about, I'm like, is that. Was that that crazy? Or maybe I don't think it's in there.
Drew
I'll tell you after. Yeah, but, yeah, it's the script writers up, because it's the first time that they crossed my suspension of disbelief where I was like, okay, yeah, this is, like, not real. This isn't happening.
Enya
Okay, then I think I do know what you're talking about, because that is pretty. Like, it's too.
Drew
Like, it's too perfect, too contrived.
Enya
It's too curb.
Drew
Like, oh, yeah, exactly.
Enya
How do I end up here?
Drew
Like, exactly.
Enya
Well, this is terrifying. The arena they're building. Like, why are they doing.
Drew
And if it goes over. Well, they're building a second one in Europe or some.
Enya
Wait, I'm gonna send it. Kind of throw in.
Drew
It's actually hilarious. And I'm, like, kind of excited because it's giving, like, future, like. And I'm like, yeah, we do need to update the architecture.
Enya
This is the one YouTube song you've heard. Oh, hello. They're in this.
Drew
Oh, wait, what?
Enya
But I don't think they are.
Drew
They, like, culturally significant. And I'm just being ignorant because, like.
Enya
Like, they're not the Beatles, so. Oh, my God. During Pullman, I went on an anti Beatles tangent. Did not go over well. I guess people really like those.
Drew
Not with that. And then we saw someone after the show when we went to dinner that is in love with music and still did not with the jokes and it was making, but whatever, man.
Enya
And I won't back down.
Drew
And I won't.
Kai
Wait, what is this photo of them?
Enya
Oh, my God. This is their song.
Drew
Oh, I've heard this.
Enya
Okay. I do like this song.
Drew
This song is lit. It's like giving. Like Tarzan.
Enya
Yeah, it's giving Phil Collins.
Drew
Yeah. Also, while Enya's going through you too, I decided that if I'm not actively at Coachella, Coachella isn't real and it's not happening. Yeah, it. Like, it's. It's genuinely all fake and upfront and not real and happening. If I'm not there physically, no one.
Enya
Can convince me that it's fun. And I stand by that. No one can convince me it's fun. No one can convince me that it's worth any while unless you're literally being treated like, I don't know, like, Beyonce or Michael Jackson. And, like, you're literally being catered to at your every walking step, which some people have that experience.
Drew
I was gonna say they do call me the Michael Jackson of the end influencer industry.
Kai
That's not good, man. For a couple reasons.
Enya
No, in the way. In the way Drake calls himself Michael Jackson.
Drew
Yeah.
Kai
Oh, okay, then that's good.
Enya
Did y' all know that Rick Ross calls his property Promised Land?
Drew
Yes. Oh, the video I sent you. Yeah, this dude, like, who does, like. Was it airplanes? Yeah, RC airplanes. Like, made a video of him going over to Rick Ross's house and, like, doing it with him. And it was.
Enya
So he and Rick Ross aren't that different after all.
Drew
That's what we learned. Exactly.
Enya
I would also do that if I had a lot of money.
Drew
A billion dollars. Also. It's giving.
Enya
I would just call my property Enya Land.
Drew
T. Oh, my God, dude. So also, dude, that just threw me off, man. Joking. What was I going to say, though? For real?
Enya
Yeah, you were too busy making your joke, making fun of me to remember your own silly little comment.
Drew
What was it?
Kai
You're like, oh, I'm gonna say yes more.
Drew
Oh, I just remembered people say I look like Beyonce, like, a lot of the time.
Enya
That's weird, because I wouldn't forget that if people said that to me all the time.
Drew
Well, no, I was just saying, like, it just, like, st my mind.
Enya
Oh, I guess it is easy to forget things because you're also forgetting that people say you're really annoying and ugly all the time, but, like, you're just forgetting to mention that part. But I guess I wouldn't mention that.
Drew
Too, because I was, like, kind of. That came from a real place. This is crazy. I'm, like, literally being, like, targeted right now. Like, I actually don't feel safe here.
Enya
So if I had drones, I would literally deploy them onto you.
Drew
It's giving. I just feel like I'm giving, like, Beyonce of the podcasting. It's giving.
Enya
I'm going to steal your Social Security guard card and have it enrolled and have you enrolled into the military. And then in three days, somebody's going to knock on the door and it's going to be a man in a suit. Do they still do it? Like, it's going to be a man in a suit being like, like you, and then you just have to pick up your things.
Drew
Oh, that is.
Enya
They ever do that? Like, go Door to door, like Jehovah's Witnesses.
Drew
And they were like, probably during the draft, like, to scare the rest of the world. Like, look, we just walk up and they're ready to serve type vibe.
Enya
That's literally me. Someone walks up and I'm just ready to serve. Like, I'm that kind of girl.
Drew
Yeah, that's true. India is always serv. You remind me of Beyonce. Just say it.
Enya
It.
Drew
Drake. Michael Jackson. Like, yeah. I'm like a. An amalgamation of the three. I also give, literally, the most superb pop star ever.
Enya
That's literally, like.
Drew
That's what I'm getting at. Also, London.
Enya
Aubrey, come on. Like, we don't say his stages.
Drew
He doesn't want us saying that on the, like.
Enya
Okay, well, I don't call them by. I don't call my friends by their stage name.
Drew
Him.
Kai
I still haven't met him yet. Can you guys link me?
Enya
No.
Drew
Absolutely not.
Kai
Why are you. Why are you gatekeeping Drake for me?
Drew
Because we know what you would do to him.
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
Or not do with him, I should say, because Kai has this conniving way of getting people to just.
Kai
Yeah, it's crazy. You're right.
Drew
They would have sex. They would hook up. Also, I am gonna lie. Both of y' all look really cute today. I just wanted to say that.
Kai
Really?
Enya
He said, I'm gonna lie, you idiot.
Kai
Oh, I thought you said, I'm not gonna lie.
Enya
No, he said, I am gonna lie.
Kai
I need to pay more attention.
Enya
Yeah, it's. It's easy to ignore Drew, though. It's like, so.
Drew
No, it literally is like, I'm the most ignored person on this planet. Like, it's literally crazy.
Enya
You know what? I've been observing it. Sometimes it is like someone just fully, like, turning off their ears, and I hear you, but a lot of times what you do is you'll say something so low, and it's almost out of fear of being, like, intrusive, and you'll say something so low, and then when they don't hear, you're like, wow.
Drew
No, it's crazy. No, no, it's crazy. He's just like, I will be looking at someone dead in the face and say something to them, and they will look away.
Enya
It's like, it's always at the end of the conversation, he tries to. To scoop one last thing in, and it's once the part the conversation has kind of already dwindled, and the person isn't looking at Jordy's like.
Drew
And then they're just like, no, that's Simply not it. It's giving. I think I might actually be invisible. And there's only a few people on this planet that can actually see me. But it's because I'm the only real person. I think I am living in a treatment show. And I'm convinced. I have been convinced recently that all of my friends and family and everyone I'm close to are actors.
Enya
I'm not narcissistic or something.
Drew
I literally had, like a genuine spiral because I texted someone. I was like, if you, like, whispered in my ear right now that, like, hey, run. This is all. This is all an act. We're all acting. This is a show. I would have an actual break because I'm that close to genuinely believing it.
Enya
Well, that would be really embarrassing because now I'm gonna pay someone to do that. And you're gonna freak out and we're gonna be watching you, and it's gonna be at the Grove.
Drew
Grove. Oh, not the Grove. That's my, like, special.
Enya
And you're gonna be, like, in the middle of everybody, and I'm gonna pay a flash mob to come out and, like, do it. And then you're actually gonna believe it because you're gonna say flash mob happened right after it, and then everyone's gonna laugh at you.
Drew
Well, in the middle of the night, I'm gonna roll a flashbang into your bedroom, period. Just that.
Enya
Well, I'm gonna flash bang your mom because it's gonna be so quick.
Drew
Oh, that's funny, because I already banged your mama like 36 times in one night.
Enya
Okay, that's funny because that wasn't even her. We bought a silicone replica of her. So you just had sex with a sex doll all night. And it was so embarrassing. And we were filming you and we already posted it on an only fans. It's gonna be linked in the bio, and we're gonna use all the money to buy a silicone replica of your body and throw over a bridge and watch it drown.
Drew
Well, I. The funny thing about that is I figured all that out and I contacted the FBI and you're going to jail. One. And two, I found your real mama and I literally banged her from the back in her vagina.
Enya
Huh. Why am I going?
Drew
Revenge porn is bad.
Enya
Oh, okay. I guess. Yeah, but it's not revenge.
Drew
Yeah, cuz I banged your mama's vagina.
Enya
Vagina. What are you saying?
Drew
Vagina, vagina, vagini.
Enya
All right, well, there's been something in my eye for the past, like, 10 minutes.
Drew
I know I've Been rubbing out of my eyes too. It's like, crazy.
Enya
That's weird. Why would you have poop in your eyes?
Drew
I just like, put it in my eyes when I sleep so I can wake up with pink eye and have something to complain about or not go to school. Do y' all remember when that fool jumped from outer space?
Kai
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Drew
He literally floated up past the firmament and jumped out of a spaceship.
Kai
The firmament?
Drew
Yeah, it's like this dome that goes over the earth that keeps us all contained. And remember all the rockets that like, went up and it's a firmament. Like, it's in the Bible. Get get learned. Hello.
Kai
It's not in the Bible. That's not in the Bible.
Enya
What the is a firmament?
Drew
It's literally in the Bible.
Enya
Is it actually? They didn't know about all that?
Drew
Yeah, it's in the Bible.
Kai
No, it's not.
Drew
I. I genuinely think it might be in the Bible, but that's just like some schizophrenia.
Enya
Heavens or the sky. So, yeah, that word is in the Bible.
Kai
Really? But you described it as a dome. That can't be a sphere or world.
Enya
Viewed as a collection of people. So it's not really what is at all.
Drew
No, no, no. It's a sphere or a dome with a bunch of people inside the firmament. It's a real thing? Well, no, it's not actually real. It's a thing that like, schizoaffective, like flat Earthers.
Enya
Water is above firmament and then the heavens and then there's the gate to heaven and then there's heavens of heavens and then there's God.
Drew
Yeah, see, it's like schizoaffective, like flat Earthers are like, the Earth is flat and there's a dome and when you run launch, launch the rockets up to space, they hit the firmament and make the big glow. Like, you know the SpaceX rockets that made the big thing over LA, or like the one recently over Alaska that made the spiral in the sky, which was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life.
Enya
Something to talk about because this is crazy. Like, this is literally. I couldn't be bothered to know the shape of the earth. I will say, like, I'm like, you tell me. It's a. Like, I also do genuinely believe it is a globe. But why would I like, go out of my way to fight dude that.
Kai
I always think about, if that was true, I would be so happy, like, lit.
Drew
Like if I was in a gone.
Kai
And then I just like, crossed this, like, barrier and yeah, it was just like in a whole. It wasn't space, it was something else. Way better.
Drew
Water.
Kai
Yeah. I would just. I would be so happy.
Drew
I'd be like, oh, wow, all of my worries in the world are gone because nothing really actually genuinely doesn't matter. But we are trapped. Earth is technically a prisoner and there's like multi dimensions and they send our bodies here to like, get energy from the angry anger that we develop here.
Enya
But my life is lit. So, yeah, dude, if this was my punishment, I'd be like, oh, my God. Like, thank you, question mark.
Drew
This is my own personal.
Enya
Like, no, I'd be like, thank you so much.
Drew
I'd be the happiest person gotta ate with that one.
Enya
Although, like, like, I will say I was thinking about it last night. I was like, the first 18 years of my life were actually comically insane. And then I did have a few years after that which were also pretty insane. But for the most part, I don't care. But that's also because I don't believe in anything. And I don't think it's that deep. I genuinely don't think anything is.
Drew
Nothing is that deep ever. Literally. It's never that deep. But that guy was launched into space by Red Bull and they just dropped him. And it's crazy. Like, why did we do that?
Enya
Me and Josh also saw a video of this guy, like, doing BMX bike trips in a tricks in that, like, hot air balloon.
Drew
I saw that too.
Enya
We were like, literally, why?
Drew
Why are we doing it?
Enya
Not make me want that drink.
Drew
Like, did we talk about this guy.
Enya
Doesn'T like this does nothing for the promotion of the drink. I guess it does because now we're sitting here talking about Red Bull, when in reality I think Red Bull is the. The devil. But that's a different story. You know how they say we need the monster laugh?
Drew
We need her on the podcast. She's still doing it. She is still to this day doing this. Bottoms up in the devil laughs.
Enya
Calling monster the devil. But Red Bull is getting away with it. Red Bull is the real devil. Because why do you want to say your drink has wings? It's because you're covering up for the fact that they are devil wings. They. They have never clarified what kind of wings they are. They are demon wings.
Drew
The real devil is doja, Cat.
Enya
Do you think conservatives think doja is the devil? Yeah. They think every pop star is a devil. Yeah.
Drew
When I go back to tick tock my feed or when I go back To Texas. My Tick tock feed changes in, like, a really scary, dark way. And when I'm scrolling through, it's all like. I don't even know how to explain it. It's all conspiracy content and it's all about how the world is run by, like, the Illuminati in so many words. And it's just. It's crazy. It's literally crazy. And like. Like, they use, like, Doja Cat and Sam Smith a lot as examples.
Enya
You know what's also awesome is Drew loves looking at those kind of things because he finds them so fascinating. So that only happens to you because when I went back to Texas. When we went to Texas, mine was like, Texas University. Like, it was trying to, like, pitch, like young people text and things. And it was like, funny things that happened in Texas, in Granbury.
Drew
It could be. It could just like, be that I interact with him because I love seeing, like, people being crazy.
Enya
You also love going through their pages. Like, when I see something crazy, I. I just like it and keep moving.
Drew
When I see a crazy person on my feed, I literally go through and watch every single one of their videos. It's. It's honest and I learn every single thing I can about them and then I spill it out to other people. I hope you like the new little set. We're going to improve it as we, like, move on and like, evolve a little bit more. We're going to gather things and make it cuter and nicer and, I don't know, get a new camera. Have guests on.
Enya
We'd be like, we're gonna have guests. Right? All right. We should just have Josiah on again.
Drew
Yeah. Just out of spite, because I saw someone comment.
Enya
I know I saw someone being like, oh, I bet they're gonna have a guest, but it's just gonna be Josiah.
Drew
Stinky Josiah. And I was like, the guests are.
Kai
Gonna be all your, like, altars.
Enya
Well, we were gonna have a guest, but things happens. I mean, we could still get to that guest, but we would have to go to the guest.
Drew
Why don't we?
Enya
I'm. I'm down. I'm like, so down. Actually.
Drew
I'll literally text them right now.
Enya
Yeah, we gotta keep it elusive. I actually do know who I want on the next episode. And maybe we just get them for next week.
Drew
Actually, that's a lot. Like, they're literally doing, like, the craziest.
Enya
I know they're like, actually doing something.
Drew
I was flying in for that. Which would be.
Enya
We should just go see them, though.
Drew
Yeah.
Enya
Cuz we Said we would and they would enjoy that. But your mom is stupid and she hates you and she thinks about it every night before she goes to bed. And it's really sad cuz she calls me and she's like, please come over. But I'm like, girl, you literally have a husband and a kid who like is watching the podcast. So like, God forbid the kid saw me in your house. Like they're going to be like, what the. Like, what is she doing here? And then I'm. I have to act like I'm there to like meet you. Like, it's. It's so weird.
Drew
Weird.
Enya
But your mom keeps calling me. It's so weird.
Drew
And we're putting a paywall on emergency intercom. 25 bucks a month.
Enya
We're moving to our own website. I love a good, like, moving. Like, yeah, we're moving from YouTube. It's too much. No, we're not. This is where I get the most attention. And like I said, I'm getting that attention. No one can take me.
Drew
If I can, I will.
Enya
Right? Right? What?
Kai
That was good.
Drew
If I can, I will.
Enya
If I can, I will Smith. If I can, I will slap the hell out of you.
Drew
Like Will Smith slapped Chris Rock.
Enya
No, he didn't.
Drew
Yeah.
Enya
Did he?
Drew
I literally wasn't a joke.
Enya
Oh, I was. Oh my God. Why did you do that? Wait, were people there?
Drew
Yeah, it was at the Oscars. In. Yeah.
Enya
Oh my God.
Drew
This happened like what, like two days ago.
Enya
Wait, while the Oscars were happening?
Drew
I saw it yesterday.
Enya
Oh, you were there?
Drew
No, no, on YouTube.
Enya
Oh, okay.
Drew
I saw it there.
Enya
I thought you were at the Oscars.
Drew
Should we talk about our mental state? Our mental health? No, period.
Enya
None of that. I mean, I knew my life wouldn't be next in the. In the span of three weeks and that's okay. But I did have time to play Fortnite all day every day and do. Exactly was making me sad. And I haven't won a Fortnite game in literally like three weeks. It's. It's been really bad. I keep getting like seconds.
Drew
I think you just need me on your team.
Enya
I know. Like, actually, should we play? You don't want to play. You hate that game. You don't like playing it.
Drew
I'll try it. I'll try it. Just cuz the Attack on Titan.
Enya
Yeah, it is lit. Have you been playing, Kai?
Kai
Not really. No.
Enya
It's so awesome.
Drew
Why didn't they one, add a titan and two, make a titan skin? Like that's what everybody wanted, but they did that with Call of Duty, which was so annoying.
Enya
Wait, there's a Titan skin in Call of Duty? What?
Drew
Yeah.
Enya
No, there's not. Yeah, they license their out at the.
Drew
Same time to do this, like, two years ago. Oh, what Attack on Titan did. And I wanted it so bad, but I didn't get it.
Enya
Well, I need Lasik surgery really bad. I want it so bad, but I.
Drew
Was laying in bed last night looking at my screen, and this eye has gotten really blurry, and then. And I'm really scared that it's, like, already going away.
Enya
Are you. Did you put cream on your face before you got in bed?
Drew
It wasn't like. Well, yeah, like, of course. Like, I wouldn't go to bed without it.
Enya
No, because sometimes I'll, like, put. I have, like, oils and creams that I put around my eye, and they'll kind of get in my eye, and then I'm like, I'm going blind. I literally can't see. And then it's just the cream. It's the creme.
Drew
It's. It literally just is just, like, blurrier. Like, it's starting to look like when I got my glasses, like, or before I got my glasses. Right, Right.
Enya
I really want Lasik, but I'm scared that when they give me the Xanax, how I feel.
Drew
Just tell them you don't want it.
Enya
No, I need it.
Drew
Whoa.
Enya
No. Okay. But I need it because I am really anxious, and I'm, like, such a control freak, and I already have a hard time going to the doctor, let alone, like, getting a shot or getting, like, dentistry done. So the idea that they're gonna have, like, sharp objects and hot objects near my eyeball already makes me so freaked out. So I think I will need it. And me trying to do it without it literally sounds so scary. Like, literally sounds, like, terrifying. So I need it. And then they're gonna give me Ambien, and then y' all are never gonna.
Drew
Mine didn't give me Ambien. It was.
Enya
I'm going to the one or I went to, and I'm getting that damn ambient.
Drew
I did get a little bit Calis pill, and I'm gonna try it out. It's like Viagra. I'm literally. I got it, and I'm gonna try it out.
Enya
No way.
Drew
Yeah, I just want to see what happens.
Enya
When are you gonna do that? Just so I know to, like, like, hang out in the house?
Drew
Probably tonight.
Enya
Oh, wow. Okay, stop, stop. You're so jealous. Wait, why are you jealous?
Drew
Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. No, go ahead.
Enya
Shut the up.
Drew
Also, my cute little rainbow of my little critters is covered by your head.
Enya
Oh, you're right. You're right. Right, right, right, right, right. Well, all right. Thank you guys so much for watching.
Drew
We didn't do media. Hello.
Enya
Oh, I almost forgot, guys. Oh, my gosh.
Drew
Okay, so I'll start us off. Off. So I started watching two shows. I haven't finished either of them. Either of them. But I started watching Beef, which is fun. It's cool. I like it. It's on Netflix for free. It's pretty awesome. I don't know really how to explain it other than like road rage turned coolness.
Enya
That is every day of my life challenge.
Drew
And then I started watching Jury Duty, which I personally think is genuinely a masterpiece. I think it's like the coolest people have made in a long time. But I found. Are you caught up that.
Enya
Don't say it.
Drew
No, I found out. No, I found out that this idea of like a Truman show style reality show has already been done before.
Enya
Even the jury duty was done by. What's his face? Josh was telling me. Oh, my God. White dude did other stuff with another white dude. They acted like. No, no, no. About that. They acted like they write. They wrote a book and they went on talk shows and they were like talking about it.
Drew
I know who the you're talking about is his name.
Enya
Oh, my God. Eric.
Drew
Eric and Andre.
Kai
No, Eric and Andre. Oh, yeah. Eric and Andre did that.
Drew
You know what we're talking about.
Enya
Eric and Andre 3000. Yeah, yeah.
Kai
Matt Stone and Trey Parker.
Drew
Close.
Enya
No, no, no, no.
Kai
The comedy guys.
Drew
The Comedy Central or Cartoon Network maybe.
Enya
No, no, no.
Drew
After Dark, Adult Swim.
Kai
Oh, Tim Heidegger.
Enya
Yes.
Drew
Tim and Eric. Tim and Eric. Okay. But it's so sick. It's basically one person is not an actor and then every single person around him is an actor.
Enya
Yeah, he did a fake trial. It's like the trial of Tim Heidegger, but.
Drew
Yeah. And then basically they somehow pitched. Picked the literal, perfect best person to be the non actor.
Enya
Awesome.
Kai
Wait, what is this called?
Drew
Jury Duty. It's on.
Enya
It's on Amazon with freebie.
Drew
Yeah. And you gotta watch ads, but it's.
Enya
A billboard that was like freebie. The most used streaming platform.
Drew
I'm like, girl, why are we.
Enya
One show couldn't have taken you that far. But maybe it did because the whole world is watching. Yeah, but it's like American Idol in 2005. The whole world. The world is watching.
Drew
Charisma, uniqueness ate American Idol up.
Kai
Dude, I was just talking about the.
Drew
Episode, like, two weeks ago in Texas.
Enya
Yeah, I was there.
Drew
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kai
Don't you miss that, though? Like, everyone watching American. That doesn't happen anymore.
Drew
Yeah, like, all 130 million Americans in 2003 watching it together.
Enya
That and, like, music, award shows. Like, I feel like it used to be such a un. Like a unity.
Kai
Yeah.
Enya
Like, thing. Like, everybody got together and we all watched this.
Drew
Like, even, like, sports. Like, I feel like no one's watching the super bowl anymore. Like, even the super bowl halftime show. No one gives a about. We need. That's what's happened is we've lost our sense of community, even with our bigger, wider community. We need to build something that everyone could love. This emergency intercom.
Enya
Yeah, that could be the thing. We could have, like, a Super bowl.
Drew
Maybe emergency intercom tour.
Enya
Oh, so we could share a hotel room. Oh, my God. Yeah. I just. I only want to go on tour so I can share a room with Drew.
Drew
Yeah, me too.
Enya
We can sleep together.
Drew
Yeah.
Enya
Especially after you take your little.
Drew
My Cialis.
Enya
Yeah, that.
Drew
It's gonna get creepy. Take my Cialis. I'm gonna walk around with the boner.
Enya
Dude, I'm not kidding. Actually. Being in a random hotel in Washington, in Texas, and, like, just sitting down and watching cable TV was the most fun I've ever had in my life.
Drew
Doing nothing was such a vibe.
Enya
It was honestly awesome.
Drew
Okay, you Middle of America bitches. Do it right.
Enya
I know. Literally. Except the. Some things are very wrong.
Drew
Except for, like, the really bad things.
Enya
Except for literally, the moral landscape is definitely skewed.
Drew
But yeah.
Enya
Sorry, my train is here to get me.
Drew
Your train?
Enya
Yeah, I'm about to run a train on Kai.
Kai
Really?
Enya
Oh, today we have to do the chicken sandwich taste test.
Drew
Did you see my test text?
Enya
We're doing that today. I'm gonna order a bunch of chicken sandwiches from everywhere and blindfold Drew and.
Drew
Have him eat that. I'm gonna get every single one of them.
Enya
Do you want to hang out for that? Do you want to see that? Cuz I'm literally.
Kai
I think I have to go after this. I have to meet some at, like, three.
Enya
Whoa. Okay. See how I. I tried to be gracious and for once invite this loser to do something with us.
Kai
It's true.
Enya
And I get rejected on camera.
Drew
Wow.
Enya
You know what? Honestly, as I was saying it, I didn't want him there anyway. Did you feel that from me?
Kai
I could feel it.
Enya
Because I feel like I was having a hard time hiding It.
Drew
I'm just hurt by both.
Kai
But when are you gonna take the.
Enya
What did I do?
Kai
When are you gonna take the Cialis, though? Cuz I'll definitely pull up for.
Drew
Probably be on when I take it.
Enya
Yeah, because he's gonna take it with the chicken sandwich. I'm gonna hide it in one of the chicken sandwiches. He's gonna have to get a little crunch. Okay, well, I've been watching absolutely nothing other than I watched Jury Duty. I haven't picked up the Sopranos because.
Drew
Oh, I've. I watched your mama bang your daddy last night.
Enya
That's funny because they don't have sex anymore.
Drew
Oh, but they did when I was there.
Enya
I know. Honestly, like, thank you.
Drew
You.
Enya
Thank you for that.
Kai
That's the straight I've ever seen you do. But the way that you looked over, that was the straightest super mask. Yeah.
Enya
I don't know what else.
Drew
Hashtag mask for mask. RuPaul's Drag Race.
Enya
Dude, we have to catch up with that. Josie comes over tomorrow. Why doesn't he come over today? Josie hates us. Oh, my God. We watched Lucy, which was the worst movie on the planet.
Drew
Like, I was hyping it up to India. I was like, oh, this might be the best movie ever made that no one talks about.
Kai
So bad.
Enya
Yeah, it's Drew, like, only saw when he was like a young teenager and he was like, no, this, like, yeah, cuz we were.
Drew
I just kept saying, wait for it, wait for it. I swear to God, it gets good. And then I knew it was bad when she was having a seizure on the ceiling attached to the wire and, like, pulling herself.
Enya
Wait, we have to insert a clip of that so people know I was dying laughing. It was so bad. And then Drew did the annoying thing where he falls asleep and he's like, I'm not sleeping.
Drew
I was. I literally. I was like, oh. Like, I just had my eyes closed. Like, I'm listening.
Enya
He said, I'm listening to it like a podcast. It's a movie.
Drew
I don't know why when I'm asleep, I can't admit that I'm asleep. It's up.
Enya
I know he just lies about it and it's so annoying. But I was watching the movie thinking, like, damn, I feel bad. Like, he wants me to watch this movie so much because he said it gets good. And then I finally look over and he was dead asleep. So then I changed it and I put on the slums of Beverly Hills. I love Natasha Leone. That movie is really weird. I hate that every time I watch a cult classic. It has the weirdest underlying 90s of freak. Freak, nasty. McNasties screenwriters in that era were nasty and should go to prison and be in jail for a long, long time. But it was a good movie because it was just, like, gorgeous. And I love Natasha and, like. But very weird. Like, I was like, this is very bad. But yeah, that was, like, what I've been watching. Oh, and I watched Gia. Gia is one of those movies that I like. I'm not kidding. I have started three other times, but I always start it when I'm really tired and then I fall asleep because, like, I saw someone on letterbox complain about the saxophone. But I am an 80s, like, freakazoid, and I love saxophone. I love dramatic, like, very. Like, Blade Runner. Like, band.
Kai
Wait, is there a saxophone in Blade Runner?
Enya
Like, Evangelists.
Kai
Like, oh, the original.
Enya
Like, the. The OG soundtrack. I've never seen the new Blade Runner because I'm not a freak. But whatever.
Drew
It's good.
Enya
Yeah, that's what they all say. And I bet it's. I bet they say Dune is good, too. Oh, my God.
Drew
You know what?
Enya
That is literally, what? If ever we're like, what does it feel like to be in Coachella? I haven't seen Dune, but it feels like being in Dune, like, it feels like what they were feeling. Like they're, like, belongs.
Drew
We're feeling actually, like, very accurate because, like, it is, like, very political.
Enya
Like, little clicks that it is literally, Coachella is a. Like, See, we say this, but, like, I Coachella themselves to give us artist passes so I could be treated like a king. But, like, who the do I think I am? That's never gonna happen. So I can talk all my. But, like, Coachella is literally just the Hunger Games. It is like, it is putting everybody into their social classes by, like, it's, like, so weird, and it's very dystopian and, like. Like, freaky. And there are certain people who think they're awesome, and then people who are like, oh, I don't care. Like, that you're awesome. Like, what? It's just weird.
Kai
Have you get. Have you guys watched Hunger Games recently?
Enya
No.
Kai
Do you remember that scene where PETA.
Drew
Is in the mud and he painted his face?
Kai
I. I hadn't seen it for, like, 10 years.
Drew
Wait, Kai, why do you give PETA.
Kai
Don't say that.
Drew
Okay, I won't.
Kai
Don't say that.
Enya
It was kind of.
Kai
No, that's not a compliment.
Enya
Why is that not a compliment?
Kai
No, that's not.
Enya
People were like, really into him. In 20. In 2009.
Drew
Okay. You're like 2000, huh?
Enya
You're super like post recession, huh? So your time's coming up. Hey, you're super. Like, you have the face of somebody who would work in a coal mine.
Drew
What's up? Is everyone watching this knows or thinks Kai is hot?
Enya
That's not true. That is giving him way too much credit. Wait, I would say everyone thinks I'm sexy is hot. Me is hot.
Drew
Me are hot.
Kai
Dude, that scene where he's in the mud, I seriously watched that and I was like, this is crazy. Like, this is insane.
Drew
Oh, my God.
Enya
Peter.
Drew
Peter.
Kai
I was like, I feel like I'm on mushrooms. Like, somebody seriously created this scene and was like, yeah, that.
Drew
That looks. When I watched it for the first.
Enya
Time ever, was like.
Drew
I was like, whoa. Like, he did. He was able to do that.
Enya
He's a survivor.
Kai
I didn't think it was weird either. I was watching with like my like 20, 23 eyeballs and I was like.
Enya
This is like a crazy first one.
Drew
Yeah.
Kai
I think it might be in this.
Drew
No. Yeah, it's them by the river. It's in the. The justification for it is because he was able to make bread and cakes.
Kai
Cupcakes.
Drew
Yeah.
Kai
And then that's how he survived and.
Drew
That'S how he was able to beat his face like that.
Kai
Yeah.
Drew
Why would he, like, gay coded?
Enya
I know. Why would he own a makeup brand that's like cake oriented?
Drew
Now take it on. Oh, someone needs to make that.
Enya
There is a brand that does that.
Drew
Called cake it on.
Enya
Not cake it on, but it's like everything is like everything goods. Okay. And I really liked it. Made me sad, made me cry.
Drew
The granite smells like chocolate. Chocolate. The eyeshadow too faced. Yes.
Enya
You are a two faced ass hoe.
Drew
Yeah. I mean, when I'm talking about you, I've always been saying that.
Enya
So here are my. They did something to this. They did something to this. What's.
Drew
They took out the little dots.
Enya
There was like. There. Yeah, there was stuff here.
Drew
Oh, wait, you're in your liked. I don't. I never go in my leg.
Enya
I always listen for my likes. All right, here's the music I've actually been playing over and over again for the past, like four weeks. And it's crazy. You Send Me Swinging by Mint Condition April Showers the Blackbirds All I Can Do Carpenters Walk on by Otis. You send me swinging Horse out of town the Fifth Dimension Reeling in the years Steely Dan and don't Leave me. But Harry Nielsen. Oh, and Running Away. Sly in the Family Stone. It's a whole.
Drew
I'm gonna show you my. Here. Harry Nielsen. I've been listening to a bunch of Little B. I've been listening to a bunch of Soulja Boy, specifically the Soulja Boy and Little B collaborative album. And the song that I love the most right now is the Little B Waka Flock of Soulja Boy song. And then I think I was in a really dark place because I always do this when I'm in a dark place. But I started listening to Salem again, and that was awesome. Boots. And then what else? What else? That's it. Listen to.
Enya
Listen to yourself in your heart.
Drew
Listen to your heart when he's coming for you.
Enya
Damn. Such a good song.
Drew
But that was our return. That was Emergency intercom. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you loved it. I hope it was everything you ever wanted.
Enya
Or a bunch of people watching, they were like, damn, why did I miss this?
Drew
Yeah, why was I watching this? That's. I think that's how it's gonna go. I think we up and no one's gonna come back.
Enya
I mean, that would be lit. Everything that happens happens for a reason, to set you on a new path. And if that new path is opening up for me, I'm gonna go down it. And I don't care what's down there. I just want to see what's happening.
Drew
I just want a job.
Kai
I want to get.
Enya
All right, thank you guys so much for watching. See you next week.
Ryan Seacrest
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Emergency Intercom: "We're Back" – Detailed Summary
Released on April 21, 2023 by iHeartPodcasts
Hosts: Enya Umanzor & Drew Phillips Featuring guest co-host Kai
1. Welcome Back and Initial Banter [00:48 – 03:00]
The episode kicks off with Enya and Drew addressing their return to the podcasting scene after a brief hiatus. Enya humorously expresses feeling "mentally deranged" about talking in front of a camera again, setting a lighthearted tone for the episode.
Notable Quote:
2. Reflections on Public Attention and Mental Health [03:00 – 06:30]
Enya delves into her love for attention and the challenges it brings, especially as a public figure. She discusses the duality of enjoying the spotlight while coping with negative feedback.
Notable Quote:
Drew shares his own anxieties about speaking in public, revealing a more vulnerable side.
3. Personal Anecdotes and Shared Experiences [06:30 – 15:30]
The hosts engage in playful banter about personal health issues, such as Enya's late period and the humorous mishaps that follow. They discuss their visits to Pullman and Washington, sharing funny and awkward moments from their trips.
Notable Quote:
The conversation shifts to their experiences with conventions, highlighting Enya’s cosplay adventures and the attention (both good and bad) she receives.
4. Bisexuality and Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D) Debate [06:05 – 07:31]
A heated yet comedic debate arises around the legitimacy of bisexuality, with Drew making controversial statements linking it to D.I.D. Enya and Kai swiftly counter his claims, emphasizing respect and understanding for sexual identities.
Notable Quote:
5. The Mystery of Hairballs and Legos [04:14 – 08:35]
The trio humorously discuss the rarity of seeing cats with hairballs, leading to speculations about whether hairballs are real or just cats eating household items. This segues into a nostalgic conversation about stepping on Legos and the resurgence of Lego sets tailored for adults.
Notable Quote:
6. Physics and the Nature of Reality [10:02 – 11:00]
Enya and Drew share their irreverent opinions on physics, dismissing it as "bullshit" and asserting that the world operates on magic rather than scientific laws. Their playful dismissal of established knowledge highlights their comedic chemistry.
Notable Quote:
7. U2 and Corporate Influence [33:00 – 35:38]
The discussion turns to the band U2 and their pervasive presence in Apple products. Drew humorously accuses U2 of selling their souls to stay relevant, sparking laughter and further banter about corporate partnerships.
Notable Quote:
8. Conspiracy Theories and the Firmament [46:00 – 48:44]
Drew introduces conspiracy theories about the firmament and flat Earth beliefs, engaging Enya and Kai in a humorous yet bewildered discussion about space, religion, and the shape of the Earth. This segment blends absurdity with comedic skepticism.
Notable Quote:
9. Personal Struggles and Mental Health [40:00 – 44:48]
The podcast takes a more introspective turn as Drew shares his feelings of invisibility and paranoia, questioning the authenticity of his relationships and the reality around him. Enya responds with sarcastic support, maintaining the comedic undertone.
Notable Quote:
10. Entertainment and Pop Culture Commentary [57:00 – 65:23]
Enya and Drew discuss various TV shows and movies they've been watching, including "Beef," "Jury Duty," and cult classics like "The Sopranos" and "Blade Runner." Their critiques are laced with humor and exaggerated opinions, showcasing their diverse tastes.
Notable Quote:
11. Future Plans and Enhancements [51:15 – 61:00]
The hosts discuss plans to improve the podcast's setup, including upgrading equipment and potentially inviting guests like Josiah. Enya expresses excitement about moving to their own website and introducing a paywall, while Drew humorously threatens to engage in absurd antics if necessary.
Notable Quote:
12. Closing Remarks and Final Banter [65:00 – 71:27]
As the episode winds down, Enya and Drew continue their playful exchanges about personal grooming, social interactions, and their mutual frustrations. They end with lighthearted remarks about upcoming segments, such as a chicken sandwich taste test, leaving listeners eager for future episodes.
Notable Quote:
Conclusion
"We're Back" serves as a dynamic and entertaining return for Emergency Intercom, blending humor with candid conversations about personal experiences, pop culture, and offbeat topics. Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips, alongside guest Kai, create a vibrant and engaging atmosphere that resonates with both long-time listeners and newcomers alike. Their chemistry and ability to navigate a wide array of subjects with comedic flair make this episode a standout installment in their podcast repertoire.
Final Thought:
Note: The summary excludes advertisements and non-content segments, focusing solely on the core discussions and interactions among the hosts.