We're Back!

Summary

Emergency Intercom Podcast Summary: "We're Back!"

Host/Authors: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Release Date: November 11, 2022
Podcast Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips. There is no emergency, but there is an intense need for attention, so maybe listen up… You don’t want to know what happens if you don’t. (We will be violent)

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1. Return and Expectations

The episode kicks off with Drew welcoming listeners back to the podcast, immediately addressing the expectations fans had for their return.

• Drew [00:16]: "Welcome back to Emergency Intercom."
• Enya [00:22]: "I know a lot of y' all were speculating that we were going to come back with something big and intrusive and scary, but we didn't do that."

They humorously reflect on their dynamic, hinting at their history of sexually charged comedy and pondering the limits of their creative boundaries.

• Drew [00:31]: “...there’s only so much you can do. I feel like we’re already such a sexually charged comedic duo...”

2. Romance and Relationship Dynamics

Enya and Drew delve into the topic of romance, questioning its current state and their roles in initiating intimate conversations.

• Enya [01:02]: "Why is romance dead? Can we talk about that?"
• Drew [01:06]: "You've never experienced it, so it's not like. It's not."

They explore the imbalance in initiating romantic gestures, with Enya expressing frustration over always being the one to start.

• Enya [01:09]: "Why am I the one that has to chase? Like, I should attract."
• Drew [01:18]: "Because it takes two to tango bit."

3. Health Concerns: Ear Ringing and Hearing Loss

The conversation shifts to personal health issues, specifically ear ringing and the fear of hearing loss.

• Enya [02:07]: "I love the way you see the world."
• Enya [02:49]: "I will say my ear actually has been ringing, like, a lot recently, and it's kind of scaring me..."
• Drew [03:09]: "I don't believe that I'll be affected by, like, bad hearing, hearing loss,..."

They discuss gender differences in experiencing pain and hearing loss, with Enya pondering the disproportionate effects on men.

• Enya [03:28]: "I actually think men also are more affected by hearing loss than women."
• Drew [03:32]: "I think men are more affected by pain in general than women."

4. Marathon Experiences and National Anthem Critique

Enya shares her experience participating in a marathon, leading into a critique of the national anthem’s role in such events.

• Enya [07:09]: "The national anthem genuinely is probably one of the worst songs ever."
• Drew [07:09]: "I don't want to see you like, literally in a."

Their disdain for obligatory nationalistic displays at events like marathons is evident, blending humor with genuine critique.

5. Technology and App Usage

The trio humorously critiques Enya’s extensive app usage, touching on the obsession with digital conveniences.

• Drew [16:05]: "I don't know any person with that many apps."
• Enya [16:41]: "It's hella fucking convenient. Paying our Internet bill through the app, One, saves us money each month,..."

They debate the necessity and practicality of maintaining numerous apps, ultimately highlighting the absurdity of modern digital dependence.

6. Fortnite and Gaming Antics

Drew recounts his fluctuating success in Fortnite, weaving in humorous anecdotes about his gaming habits and their impact on daily life.

• Drew [19:00]: "I have fully forgotten because I got so distracted by how many apps you have in your phone."
• Enya [20:43]: "I sucked on your mosquito bite."

Their playful banter reflects the camaraderie and light-hearted tension between them, especially concerning hobbies like gaming.

7. Sexuality and Identity Discussions

A heated exchange arises around sexuality, with Enya challenging preconceived notions and Drew navigating the conversation with his characteristic humor.

• Enya [14:25]: "It's a mentality of it all, and it's a choice."
• Drew [15:00]: "How are we going to explain to our kids that dad uses Grindr?"

The dialogue becomes increasingly intense, touching on assumptions about sexual orientation and societal perceptions.

8. Business Ventures: Drop Shipping and Entrepreneurship

Kai introduces a topic about drop shipping, particularly focusing on the unusual niche of selling poop.

• Kai [39:10]: "Honestly, Drew, I've been drop shipping poop."
• Drew [40:46]: "I was constipated before we got on the flight to Japan and I took this tea that was supposed to help me and I was my ass off."

The discussion highlights the absurdity and humor inherent in unconventional business ideas, with Enya and Drew sarcastically engaging with Kai’s entrepreneurial exploits.

9. Media Consumption: Movies and Music Preferences

The hosts share their latest media experiences, including movies like "Lost in Translation" and eclectic music choices, revealing personal tastes and sparking humorous commentary.

• Enya [41:19]: "I love that album."
• Drew [43:12]: "Music for 18 Musicians by Steve Reach."

Their conversation showcases their diverse interests and the comedic friction that arises from differing preferences.

10. Tattoos, Tattoos Reactions, and Apologies

Enya discusses her tattoos and the reactions they've elicited, leading to a humorous yet pointed exchange about apologies and personal boundaries.

• Enya [22:07]: "I need to touch your chest."
• Drew [45:52]: "I'm not doing that."

The interplay between Enya, Drew, and Kai underscores the show's blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and candid interactions.

11. Closing Remarks and Final Shenanigans

The episode wraps up with more playful banter, touching on topics like diet, physical appearance, and final humorous exchanges before concluding the episode.

• Enya [36:32]: "I am selling poop now."
• Drew [46:12]: "I should not have said that. I really shouldn't have."

Their finale maintains the episode's comedic tone, leaving listeners with a mix of laughter and reflective moments.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Enya [01:02]: "Why is romance dead? Can we talk about that?"
• Drew [07:09]: "The national anthem genuinely is probably one of the worst songs ever."
• Enya [16:41]: "It's hella fucking convenient."
• Kai [39:10]: "Honestly, Drew, I've been drop shipping poop."
• Enya [22:07]: "I need to touch your chest."
• Drew [45:52]: "I'm not doing that."

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Key Takeaways

• Dynamic Interaction: Enya and Drew’s chemistry drives the episode, marked by humor, candidness, and occasional tension.
• Diverse Topics: From romance and health to unconventional business ideas and media consumption, the hosts cover a wide range of subjects, keeping the conversation engaging.
• Humorous Depth: While the dialogue is primarily comedic, moments of genuine introspection and personal sharing add depth to the episode.
• Audience Engagement: The inclusion of relatable anecdotes and humorous critiques resonates with listeners, making the episode both entertaining and thought-provoking.

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This summary encapsulates the essence of "We're Back!" by highlighting the main discussions, notable quotes, and the engaging interplay between the hosts, making it a comprehensive overview for those who haven't listened to the episode.

Transcript

[Drew]

Welcome back to Emergency Intercom.

[Enya]

I know a lot of y' all were speculating that we were going to come back with something big and intrusive and scary, but we didn't do that.

[Drew]

Yeah, we didn't do. I mean, like, there's only so much you can do. I feel like we're already such a sexually charged comedic duo that, like, there's not much else we could do. That's, like, a funny take on 69. Like, had a few ideas, but all of them were, like, a little too romantic. Because me, I'm the kind of girl who, like, not only can I get nasty and, like, suck dick and fuck, but I like, when it, like, comes to, like, the view of it, I just take it in a romantic light. And I was like, oh, we could do this, we could do that. But it just all sound, like, make.

[Enya]

Why is romance dead? Can we talk about that?

[Drew]

You've never experienced it, so it's not like. It's not.

[Enya]

That's what I'm saying. Wait, no. Unironically. Why am I the one that has to chase? Like, I should attract. Well, I do attract. But then, like, why am I the one that has to initiate?

[Drew]

Because it takes two to tango bit.

[Enya]

But no, no, no. I initiate, and then the other person doesn't do anything after that. And.

[Drew]

But you initiate intense intimate and emotional conversation.

[Enya]

Yes.

[Drew]

And how do you do that? Like, what's. Usually you're like, sup? Let me pick your brain.

[Enya]

I love the way you see the world. I really love the way you see the world.

[Drew]

Romance isn't dead, babes. Now we just. There's too many fish in the sea. I guess it is dead in that sense, but. But I mean, it's always been dead for you because you've never had, like, that.

[Enya]

Yeah, and I never will. And I'm okay with that. I genuinely am. I've come to peace with it.

[Drew]

I have my keys in my wallet in my pocket. And why am I scared to show what my keys and wallet look like? Because, like, what if somebody, like, steals it?

[Enya]

Dude, it is so cold. Right?

[Drew]

Yeah, I know. I. Bitch, I can tell that you're.

[Kai]

Cold, but, like, did you guys miss me?

[Drew]

Oh, my God. You know, I was hoping he didn't speak, and then he did. Like, he. He had to bring it. And you know what? While I was talking, I was avoiding eye contact the whole time. Cause I was like, I wonder how long it's gonna take for Kai to, like, jump in and, like, say that, because I knew that was coming No, I probably had the most tranquil two weeks of my life. And I wonder what it was, but it was probably, like, Like, I was like, oh, my ears feel, like, the most, like, clear and free they've ever felt. And now they're ringing. Yeah, now they're, like, ringing and, like, buzzing.

[Kai]

I speak at a very low monotone level. Really?

[Drew]

That's what I'm saying. It's more of the aura that you bring, and it, like.

[Enya]

No, no, no, no. I will say my ear actually has been ringing, like, a lot recently, and it's kind of scaring me. And I think I listen to too much music in Japan, where my, like. I think I just have, like, permanent tendonitis now, because when I'm going to bed at night, all I hear is ringing. And I used to hear it, but it was very faint. But now in my right ear, it's just ringing all the.

[Drew]

I don't believe that I'll be affected by, like, bad hearing, hearing loss, because, like, I feel like if that was gonna happen, I should have had that happen a long time ago because I've always listened to such loud music and, like, never bothered me. I'm just, like, built different. I'm built differently. And, like, I'm. I was built to withstand the test of time.

[Enya]

I actually think men also are more affected by hearing loss than women.

[Drew]

I think men are more affected by pain in general than women.

[Enya]

Well, because your bodies are trained to forget pain.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. Actually, one of my topics was why did we, like, start getting periods and we just let it slide? Like, we just, like. We let that happen. Like, it is crazy how ingrained it is in me to just expect to bleed out for a week and be in, like, random pains in my body. And it's literally, like, it goes unnoticed and, like, unspoken. And if men had periods, like, it would be done. It would be game over. Like, it would genuinely, like, be the end of the world, because we would never hear the end of it. But, like, we're genuinely trained to just, like, bypass it and also just even, like, act like it's not real.

[Enya]

It's because, like, men have, like, vigor and, like, they want to, like, just fix things. It's our inherent need to fix things.

[Drew]

So, wait, so the complaint. No, I was going to say because I feel like the men complain the most about, like, pain and stuff. So, like, is that, like, oh, okay, I get it. Okay. It's because women are put on earth to solve problems, and then men create the problems. Yeah, you create the Problems. And you complain about the problems until the woman, like, gets up from her comfort and like, is like, oh, my God, fine.

[Enya]

I also, humanity is only like 246 years old. Like, that's.

[Drew]

Who told you that?

[Enya]

Well, like, that's when America was started.

[Drew]

Wait, wait. We were just in a different country. Did you, like, take that, like, or where did you think we were?

[Enya]

Well, we put people there.

[Drew]

You think America placed other countries on different, like, continents and stuff?

[Enya]

Yeah, obviously. Like, what? Also, this is a crazy fucking fact. If you're 25 in America right now, you've experienced 10% of the entire American life, the entire life of the United States.

[Drew]

That is crazy. When we're in Japan, all I can think about is how much of a baby this country is.

[Enya]

Yeah. And we're already experiencing, like, late stage. We're already experiencing, like, late stage, like, civilization collapse.

[Drew]

But. But it's pretty lit.

[Enya]

We're too advanced for it to collapse. Like, I'm sorry. We're here to stay.

[Drew]

Like, it's because the thing about America is America is going to be independent. Like, that's the thing about America.

[Enya]

For real.

[Drew]

We can't, we can't just talk about what we talked about in the Japan episode. Also, we did get an episode in Japan, but it was probably the most, like, quiet and subdued episode ever.

[Enya]

I don't, I really don't think it was that bad. I really don't think it was that bad, but I think we're going to put it on Patreon instead. Yeah, but, like, it was giving. Like, it just wasn't giving fully what, like, it was supposed to give. I wanted it. I wanted it to, like, yeah, whatever. We can talk about that later. You can watch it on Japan and.

[Drew]

I mean on Patreon or also to clarify. Actually, I'm not going to clarify anything. That's it.

[Enya]

What are we going to clarify?

[Drew]

Oh, I was going to say the, the in the pit joke, because I know someone's going to be like, you act like that wasn't you a few years ago. Like, yeah.

[Enya]

And like, what about it? Like, genuinely. What about it?

[Drew]

We've moved on. Also, the national anthem genuinely is probably one of the worst songs ever. And we just keep using it. Like, I, I know we've made the joke to make a new national anthem. Like, oh, slay, can you del.

[Enya]

Re. National anthem. That's a good song. Why are you talking about that song?

[Drew]

I'm not talking about that one. I'm talking about the actual national anthem. Yeah, I know, I know. But that song sucks. Like, what? Oh, I was watching clips from the marathon, which also, like, I have absolutely no want or physical self control to ever run a marathon, but I would love to run one because I would actually never shut the up. Like, if I was walking around with people, I would always be like, this is nothing compared to the marathon I ran.

[Enya]

Like, who run marathons? Never not talk about running a marathon, which I get.

[Drew]

Like, I would not.

[Enya]

I wouldn't shut the up about it either. Literally. Also, I was watching clips of that, and I mean, I just don't shut the up about anything that I ever do. Like, yes, I was in Japan, like, suing Austin. Like, excuse me. Like, I'm sorry. Like, gomen. Gomen. Like, for real. Like, I. I was just there knowing.

[Drew]

That that's like, that's literally like profusively apologizing and basically being like, sorry for your loss. But, like, it's like, it's like the deepest, sincerest apology you could give. But I just kept saying it because I would literally just feel so bad.

[Enya]

For like someone with my backpack and be like, gomen. And they would look at me the like, you're good. Like, it's really not that deep. They don't apologize to each other there. Oh, the marathon. I was crying my eyes out. That at that. Like, I. I know I'm old as now that like. Like that like, excites me and I'm just like, humans being humans. Like, that is like, I. Why do you keep looking at my chest?

[Drew]

Because I never see you in a tank top and it's like a bit off putting. What. What about my answer was so funny.

[Enya]

I just. I just laughed. I just laughed. Let me laugh. And I hit my head really fucking hard.

[Drew]

But no, I. I don't understand it. And I like, refuse to even try to understand why anybody would do a marathon. And I don't get it. I was. Is it for charity, like, or is it just literally like ye olden thing that people in New York do? Like, like that marathon? Like, why is that a thing?

[Enya]

I'm sure it's probably for charity. I don't know.

[Drew]

Because who's do you have to pay to like enter it? And maybe that's like how they raise money.

[Enya]

Like, it's possible. I genuinely don't know.

[Drew]

But I just. I couldn't see myself ever doing that. But if I did, I would never shut up about it. But basically I saw a clip and I was like, this is a wholesome clip. Like, look at all these people. But then someone Started singing the national anthem. I was like, damn, they have to do it. Like, they have to do it. They have to take a cue cute like moment like where it's like people are coming together and they have to get some bitch with the most mid ass voice ever up on the mic, like singing her heart out. And you know, her family's on Facebook and Instagram live and like they're like, that they're not going to stop talking about that.

[Enya]

The thing about the national anthem is it actually makes me less patriotic. Like seeing statistics about how much money we put into the military. Like, I'm sorry, at the end of the day, like, there's something inside of me that's like, yeah, we're fucking number one. Like, try me, bitch. I feel safer even though it's fucking ridiculous and we should put that money somewhere else. Like, I feel a little bit patriotic when I see those numbers and then I hear the national anthem and I'm like, defund everything. Like defund the military. You know what I mean?

[Drew]

I don't know what you mean about literally just being happy about a number, but I think I'll like let that go. But I do understand the less patriotic part because I. I'm not a patriotic person. But something makes me rebel even harder than I naturally do when I hear that song. Especially when I hear some random singing it. Like, I don't know, like the random.

[Enya]

Person singing Minaj on the national anthem. I swear to God, I saw a.

[Drew]

Video of her on stage, like laying on her back and it was cracking me up. She's like laying on her back with her legs like this, like, like spraying. Spread open.

[Enya]

You need to find the video because that's like, I can't imagine that really.

[Drew]

It's literally her laying on her back with her legs spread open and she's like being sexy. But it was like making.

[Enya]

That literally just gave me ptsd. To Rena Soyama. Is that how you say your last name?

[Drew]

The motorcycle, the human motorcycle will always freak you out.

[Enya]

It just never actually happened. I really don't think it ever actually happened. It didn't.

[Drew]

Rosalia does it.

[Enya]

Rosalia did it recently. Yeah, but yeah, that shit triggered the fuck out of me just now. So.

[Drew]

Okay, like, what do you want me to do?

[Enya]

I'm triggered.

[Drew]

Do you need a moment?

[Enya]

I'm good.

[Drew]

Oh, okay, then I guess it wasn't that deep. He'll stop flicking it.

[Enya]

What?

[Drew]

You're like scratching your chest.

[Enya]

Yeah, because I have mosquito bites and it fucking hurts.

[Drew]

Damn, girl, you have Zika Bites.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

That just reminds me that in fourth grade, this guy I really liked came up to me and was like, why are you the only girl who, who's showing, like, no signs of boobs yet? And it, like, made me so sad that my friend gave me a bra. And I wore this hot pink bra under my white polo uniform shirt all the time. And I stuffed it with tissue paper all the time.

[Enya]

And then also, I really never had to stuff my bra. I really never had to do that.

[Drew]

I know, because, like, I mean, technically, like, in what scenario would you have to.

[Enya]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

Yeah. It's just like, it's a different world of conversation.

[Enya]

You just keep looking down. I don't know what you're looking at. It's like, freaking me the fuck.

[Drew]

You have a lot of stains on your shirt, and it's distracting because I know it's from you getting your puff bar.

[Enya]

The stains on my shirt, if you can see them that far, are from me using my undershirt to filter my puff bar because I hate when it explodes juice into my mouth.

[Drew]

I just don't understand, like, what are the pros of hitting.

[Enya]

There's none. Like, it really is.

[Drew]

And I, you know, what I'll go as far as to say is I think everybody tricked themselves into, like, whatever, like the head, the head rush thing is. I think everybody tricked themselves into that because I've never had that once. Like, I think everybody is, like, lying to themselves. And really you have an oral fixation because you're a. I get.

[Enya]

Well, that's why I use it.

[Kai]

I get it. But then I'm like, after, like, the second hit, it's gone.

[Enya]

It's gone.

[Kai]

And do you feel it at all at this point?

[Enya]

Never once. And I just use it because it reminds me of sucking dick like that. That's it. Like, it's just the oral fixation of it all. Like, what?

[Drew]

I thought you were straight. I'm like, I, like, I can't keep track of this.

[Kai]

The whole thing is that you're like.

[Drew]

How are we, how are we gonna.

[Enya]

What the fuck is yalls issue, bro? Like, yes. Like, why would you question my fucking sexuality? Obviously I'm fucking straight.

[Kai]

You just said it reminded you of sucking dick.

[Enya]

You can be straight and suck dick.

[Drew]

I, I, I think that is exactly how it doesn't go interesting.

[Enya]

Oh, what? Like, being gay is just like you being gay is just you, like, don't read my phone. First off, like, you're trying to go through.

[Drew]

I'm scared. You were flashing something to the Camera.

[Enya]

Wait, so just being gay is like having sex with the same sex? Like, I'm so confused right now, y' all. Do you hear yourself?

[Kai]

I mean, it's like. It's, like, a pretty big part of it, I would say.

[Enya]

It's a mentality of it all, and it's a choice.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

That's what I've been saying. It's just, like, why choose? Like, if you can choose to. Not if you can choose to be gay, just choose not to be gay.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's. That's my vibe, too. And I'm glad you chose not to be gay anymore, because we. Like, when we have kids, they'll just, like, never have to question, like, why.

[Enya]

Their dad ever was.

[Drew]

Okay. But I mean, I'm just saying, like, it's gonna be hard to explain to our kids if their dad is straight. Why does he have Grindr?

[Kai]

Yeah, it's gonna be hard for Unki Kai to explain to your guys' kids.

[Drew]

Okay, to even. First of all, to assume you'd be alive at your age in 10 years. You're pushing it with your age. So.

[Enya]

Hold on.

[Drew]

Think about that.

[Enya]

What did you say?

[Drew]

What?

[Enya]

Explain what to our children?

[Drew]

How are we going to explain to our kids that dad uses Grindr? Like, how are we going to explain that you have Grindr? Because they're going to have iPhones, and, like, know what that is?

[Enya]

Go through my phone right now.

[Drew]

Let me see your phone.

[Enya]

None.

[Drew]

Give me your phone. Where is. Like, keep going. There's literally two more pages of apps.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah, sorry.

[Drew]

Wait, why do you have so many fucking apps? Like, literally, like, oh, my God, he has seven pages full from top to bottom of apps. Like, I don't know any person with that many apps.

[Enya]

Oh, I got all trails. I've got TurboTax. I've got Pixar.

[Drew]

And you have TurboTax.

[Enya]

I've got the California Lottery app.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

I've got.

[Drew]

You literally look things up, and when you see there's an app, you download.

[Enya]

It, like, without second thought, because it's hella fucking convenient. Paying our Internet bill through the app, One, saves us money each month, which is fucking ridiculous. And two, I don't have to call.

[Kai]

In, but, like, how often are you opening the TurboTax app?

[Drew]

I know.

[Enya]

Once a year.

[Drew]

Then why don't you just delete it and then redownload it?

[Enya]

Because what's the point of deleting it in reality? I don't need.

[Drew]

Because you have to go through a fucking index scroll of a Million.

[Enya]

I could literally just scroll down and use the feature. That was.

[Drew]

Why is Grindr one of your top search apps?

[Enya]

It's not. It was not.

[Kai]

I saw it.

[Enya]

It was.

[Kai]

I saw it.

[Enya]

I need to it. Make. Make it that.

[Drew]

There's no way to make it that in an instant. We'll just show your screen time and show that you have nine hours of Grinder usage.

[Enya]

Yeah, you'll prove it.

[Drew]

You'll prove yourself.

[Enya]

That is me look. But there's none on there. I don't even know what the you're talking about.

[Drew]

I was going to say something and I fully forgot because I got so distracted by how many apps you have in your phone.

[Enya]

Say anything.

[Drew]

Huh?

[Enya]

You weren't going to say.

[Drew]

Okay, I literally.

[Enya]

Was it raining?

[Drew]

No, but it was raining so much this morning. It was like, coming down. It's for real.

[Enya]

We need to bring that back. For real. It's raining down for real. Oh, this is something that we need to talk about.

[Drew]

I'm like sitting here picking my brain.

[Enya]

So on Halloween, every celebrity posted their costume picture and something was off in all of the photos. And I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was, but I am like 98% sure every single celebrity used the same Photoshop artist, use the same 3D artist and use the same photographer for their photos because they all are so mediocre. Look the same and it just looks so mid.

[Drew]

Also, something about, like, why was this a year that everybody had decided to. Yeah. Have a background? Because that feels like something that was supposed to take place in 2020. Does that make sense? Like, that feels like something out of the boredom of 2020 and 2021 since nobody could go out, even though they were still having their fudgeing balls. Like, they would have done that. But why did they do that this year? Also it's like, so unimpressing. And honestly, it makes it, like, ugly. Because I'm not looking at your costume because I want to see you in the movie. If I wanted to see the movie, I would just see the movie. I wanted to see somebody new in that costume in a. Like in Delilah's. Like, that's what I'm trying to see. I'm trying to see like a done up joker fit, like sitting in a booth at the Nice Guy. Like, that's what I want to see. I don't want to see you, like, literally in a.

[Enya]

Like, I want to see. Yeah, just like two, three characters and.

[Drew]

Shouldn'T be hanging out.

[Enya]

Yeah, hanging out. And it's just like this key that's like, what the fuck? Sorry, I had a stroke. I have this keychain now on my phone.

[Drew]

Dude, I can't believe I forgot what I was going to say, because it was, like, a good one. And I have fully forgotten. I need to get back off a TikTok because it's, like, ruining my life. Like, I will. I'm back to sitting on that app for way too long.

[Enya]

Delete TikTok 2020.

[Drew]

Last night, I did put my phone aside and I read before I went to sleep. But the problem is what you read.

[Enya]

Oh, you read Jeanette McCurdy.

[Drew]

I'm starting it. Yeah. Because I've had it for, like, two months. But I haven't touched a book in, like, four months because I've had TikTok again. So I've just been like, why would I read when I have TikTok? And then I could go on Fortnite, but I've been sucking at Fortnite. I got back from Japan. My first game was. Was a 15 or 14 kill game with a fucking win. So I won with so many kills. I was like, this is crazy, but I will say I was sitting at a certain way on the couch, and I was sitting, playing, and I was with our homie on the couch, and I was sitting and playing and I fucking won. And I was like, oh, my God. And then I sat in a different position and kept playing. And I started fucking losing like crazy the next day. Because when I got that victory, I was like, all right, that's good. I'm going to bed. I can go to sleep off of that. But the next day, I was sucking ass. And then I jokingly was like, oh, I gotta sit in my dub corner. And I'm not kidding. I sat in the same way I did, and I won again with, like, eight kills.

[Enya]

It's because, like, your booty cheek flakes are in that corner.

[Drew]

Oh, that you had all that time. I spoke for way too long. What are you doing? Oh, you can't do that to your skin. You're gonna, like, hurt yourself. Anyways, I suck at Fortnite now, so I'm not gonna stream.

[Enya]

Came to my room at midnight, and I was, like, laying in bed, like, ready for bed. And she was like, yo, can I use your PC to, like, stream Fortnite? And at first I was like, yeah, sure. And then I realized that it was super late and I was about to go to sleep, and I was like, actually, no. Like, I don't want that right now.

[Drew]

I also, we've been Going to sleep so early and waking up so early. I've literally been up since 6:30am like, and every day, I can't wake up later than, like, 8:00am so I've just been up really early. And then I just have the longest days of my fucking life doing nothing because I were so overstimulated post Japan that I'm like, I don't want to do anything.

[Enya]

What's fudgeing crazy is that I literally, like, had to hide my tattoos in Shibuya. Like the Frank Ocean lyric.

[Drew]

Yeah, but you have one, so it's like.

[Enya]

You can't even say, I don't know the lyrics. Rolling loud.

[Drew]

Oh, we experienced an earthquake in Japan.

[Enya]

And I predicted it, and I predicted it, and I did.

[Drew]

It's not predicted yet Again, since we landed, Drew was like, why do I need to be here for a natural disaster? Which he says, everywhere we go, literally no matter where we are in the world. When we went to Paris together, he kept saying that. When we went to Mexico, he kept being like, oh, my God. Why does. Why does a natural disaster have to happen while I'm here? And then when we were in Japan, that's one of the first things he said because he's a freak. And he like, I can't even call you a freak, because I'm also obsessed with natural disasters because they're fudgeing insane. But Drew just kept saying it every day. And then when it happened, he did the thing where he was like.

[Enya]

And I was right, and I predicted it. But the crazy thing was, was the day before I said it, the day before I said it, and I was like, there needs to be an earthquake while I'm here. And there was. It was only a 3.6. Yeah. On the last.

[Drew]

But we were in, like, a rigged old building. So it was like, that's probably the most I've moved from.

[Enya]

It was like, I literally could see it moved. Like, I could see it move, and I felt it move. Like, it was really, really crazy.

[Drew]

And then the friend we were with was like, oh, it's okay. It's an old building, so to be good. And I was like, will it, though. Because, like, that was a small earthquake, and that was insane.

[Enya]

But, yeah, it was. It activated that, like, fight or flight response that I very rarely get inside of me. And then, like, my immediate reaction was, like, to run. Like, just run. And then it was, like, very primal and deep, and I was like. And even in that moment, I was like, am I going to react the way I react every Single time where, like, my body gets filled with, like, this fear that I can't control. And I was thinking that as my body was filling with fear, and then I started, like, tearing up because I was like, I cannot believe I just got to experience that.

[Drew]

It was pretty lit, honestly, but I didn't have that experience. What I felt was I knew I shouldn't have fucking come here. I knew, I knew, I knew it. Which is the feeling I feel at all times. I'm convinced that I'm like, I knew it. I knew it. Even though I always think something bad is gonna happen to me.

[Enya]

This is not sponsored by Pepsi, by the way.

[Drew]

I mean, to be fair, we have a Pepsi and a Coca Cola on screen. So it's like, pick your poison. Do the same companies make these? No, no.

[Enya]

Pepsi company. The Coke company tried to burp, but yeah. Japan was lit, though.

[Drew]

Why are you looking Kai in the eye as you say that?

[Enya]

Like, because he's dissociating.

[Drew]

Oh. Also, if you're ever feeling confused and disconnected from time and space and you're like, oh, my God, like, it feels like, what the does, like, what do seasons mean? Like, what does time mean? Like, I feel like it could be summer right now. I have no idea. I'm so disconnected. Literally, just go to the Chapstick in your car and go to use it and see the state of, like, liquid to solid it's in. And you will be grounded in reality. Because I, like, did that the other day. I. When we came back, I was like, I literally don't feel real. I feel like a figment of everybody I know's imagination. And I feel like I've just been like a ghost through this lifetime. And then I got in my car and I went to go touch my Blizztex and it was solid as a rock. And I was like, oh, I'm real. And also, like, it's a different season now because usually in the summer it's literally hot liquid lava.

[Enya]

Goo. It's little goo. I started the Sopranos, which is lit, but before we get into that. What?

[Kai]

That was awesome.

[Enya]

Which is lit, but literally, I just wanted to talk about how gay voice transcends language barriers.

[Drew]

Do you want to give some context?

[Enya]

I'll give a little bit. But basically, in Japan, we met.

[Kai]

A.

[Enya]

Gay dude who lives there full time who only speaks Japanese, who's from there. Who is from there. And immediately. And I mean, immediately after the first word that came out of his mouth, I was like, oh, that's a gay man.

[Drew]

Like, oh, so you're gay?

[Enya]

And then. And. But he was speaking Japanese, so I was just like, oh, like gay man Japanese or gay voice just transcends language barriers, which is just really insane. And I just thought that was interesting.

[Kai]

Just so you could, like, communicate with him.

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah. No, the. The craziest thing, though, is I wish we did it and maybe we'll do it next episode. But I had this idea where the viewers send in, like, pictures of their gay friends and straight friends, and then we compile them, and then I literally just have to guess if they're straight or gay based off their appearance only. And as well. And, like, I think, like, I would get 100% of it, right, because, like.

[Drew]

Personally, I wouldn't do that because I find it offensive. And I, like, I don't. I don't think what you're about to say is real.

[Kai]

Yeah, I think that's pretty.

[Enya]

But gay has, like, a bone structure. Like, I can look at a person in the face and without them saying a word, I can be like, oh, that's a gay person because of the way their face looks.

[Drew]

I feel about you.

[Kai]

Do I have a gay face? I've had a lot of people say that I have a gay face.

[Drew]

You know, it's funny because, like, it just sounds like you really want that.

[Kai]

No, I'm not. No. I've had people say that. They've been like, oh, like, you have these feminine features that are like these big. What is it? Dsls you do, Which I feel like is a little bit.

[Drew]

What is that?

[Enya]

Dick sucking lips.

[Kai]

So I don't know.

[Drew]

They say that to you?

[Kai]

They do, yeah.

[Drew]

The first time I got told that, I was 14, and it was on Vine.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Yeah. Let that sink in, because now you're triggering me and it's hurting.

[Kai]

I hadn't. How was I supposed to know that that would trigger you?

[Enya]

I think you should know.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

People's triggers.

[Kai]

Well, how would I have known that? That's such, like, a specific.

[Drew]

Are you even thinking before you speak?

[Kai]

No, I'm not.

[Enya]

Yeah, you're just saying no triggered me.

[Kai]

I'm sorry.

[Enya]

Don't apologize to me. Because my father never apologized to me. So therefore, when I hear an apology, I immediately transpose back into my childhood where I didn't get apologized.

[Kai]

I. I don't know. I. I have no idea what to do. I'm freaking out.

[Enya]

The whole I don't know thing. It's an excuse because people in my life that have hurt me used to say, I don't know. Okay, this is something that I thought about. Why this is a genuine question, but like, why is ketamine a club drug? Now? Like, it seems like we cycle through like what the popular club drug is all the time and I already know the next one is going to be ghb. But like, why is ketamine a club drug? I've never done it and I don't get it. But like, I think it literally what it is is like people. Hold on, I wrote it down. Let me, let me read it. The mainstream is psycho and I feel like there's always a trending drunk. Actually, never mind. I had like a full flesh out thought on the airplane about it, but I didn't write it down so I can't remember it. But it's just crazy. It's like crazy that that is a club drug.

[Drew]

It's crazy how some people's lives literally just like never touch that kind of stuff or like it. Like as much as I like know about like drug usage and I am fearful of it. Like, it literally has nothing to do with my life for the most part. Like, I don't know how to explain it. Like, I just. Since I have no wants or like affinities for anything on that side and like I could go the rest of my life without trying.

[Enya]

Like you really should go the rest of your life without trying because that's the, the way you get affinities is you get a taste for it.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

And then when you taste it.

[Drew]

But I feel like there are even people who like from a young age have like an affinity for it in terms of like through how romanticized it is and like seeing it in media, like, it's just crazy how like suburban kids.

[Enya]

Yeah, that's literally what it is.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Because.

[Drew]

But even like with the media I was like interested in, I saw a lot of media that had people partaking in the, in those kind of activities. But like, never did I see it. I was like, that's lit. I'm going to do that. But it definitely does have to do with where I grew up because literally like, I didn't know a single soul partaking in any of that. Like, as far as it went, where I grew up was like lean. And even then it was like such a small like group of people I knew partaking in anything like that. So it was just like Max was smoking weed.

[Enya]

I just wanted to numb myself.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

I just like had so many emotions so early on in my life that like the world just was too big for me to comprehend. And so I just did a lot of drugs to figure my out.

[Drew]

Yeah. I was gonna make a joke, but I. I decided to. To hold it in.

[Enya]

Good, huh? You're practicing your strength. Come on, hold me. Just hold me.

[Drew]

It must have been hard coming to terms with yourself.

[Enya]

With my mosquito bites.

[Drew]

With.

[Enya]

Did you itch these? In my sleep. Is that why they're so big?

[Drew]

Yeah, because you were pissing me off. Also, I did leave Japan with a gnarly mosquito bite, and it was, like, right here, like, in my sleep. I got, like, one here, and it literally welted up so crazy. And I just had to, like, restrain myself from pitching it because it was, like, welting up.

[Enya]

It went away pretty quick, right? It's because I sucked it in your sleep. I just sucked the poison out for you.

[Drew]

I didn't want you to suck on my chest.

[Enya]

I didn't. I sucked on your mosquito bite.

[Drew]

That's still so weird. Like, why would you do that? Like, you think you're being a good friend, but you're being a fucking freak.

[Enya]

I think intention is really important, and I think we forget that people have good intentions. And, sure, maybe the outcome was not okay, maybe it was, like, wrong. But, like, I feel like they should deserve a little point. Some points for being like, are you.

[Kai]

Talking about yourself right now?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Cause who's they? Like, I think you did something really weird, and you, like, are trying to cover it up.

[Kai]

So you want points for sneaking into Enya's room and tucking on her boobs?

[Enya]

Yes. Is that too much to fucking ask for? Yes.

[Drew]

It's literally, like, so much to ask for.

[Enya]

Oh, my God. Y' all are fucking prudes. I. I actually am just in a room full of fucking prudes. That's it. At the end of the day, like, I just.

[Drew]

I think you just might be a crazy person.

[Enya]

Fucking losers.

[Drew]

Oh, I think you just might be a crazy person. It's probably because you haven't left the house in, like, four days.

[Enya]

Yeah. Which is part of the plan.

[Drew]

Drew literally stayed in the house for three days. He went to a video game store, and he was like, I need to have sex with that person. He's the first person he saw outside of the house. He literally, like, I need to have sex with them.

[Enya]

No, the worker was bad as fuck. Like, literally bad as fuck. And I've never seen someone work at a video game store, like, who's, like, a fucking little nerd and a little loser.

[Kai]

Was she really hot?

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. You must have not been paying attention for, like, A really?

[Enya]

She was bad.

[Kai]

69 episodes.

[Enya]

She was bad, bro.

[Kai]

Hell yeah, bro.

[Drew]

Am I gonna go? Okay. So she was just, like, really normal looking.

[Enya]

Yeah. She was, like, normcore nerdy and had the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen and made eye contact with me in a way that I haven't had eye contact in a long time.

[Drew]

So you're gonna go back and get her.

[Enya]

And she had a beard.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

Oh, that's. Honestly, that's pretty lit. Yeah. Are we still gonna go with the.

[Enya]

Like, I. I thought. I thought about it, and I was like.

[Kai]

Drew, you look like him.

[Drew]

Are you okay?

[Kai]

You look like a Grand Theft Auto character right now.

[Enya]

You literally did. Why?

[Drew]

Because of your fit.

[Enya]

Like, okay. Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah. Your outfit's crazy.

[Enya]

I was just so confused for a second. I was like, wait, what were you gonna say?

[Drew]

That you thought about it?

[Enya]

I thought about asking them for their number and putting it on to the receipt and.

[Drew]

Why didn't you? Let's talk about. You should just go back today and don't say anything, but that. Be like, can I have your number? And they would be so scared. Like, that would be terrifying. Like, literally, like, this dude from last night who came in, like, why are.

[Enya]

You looking at me like that?

[Drew]

What? Oh, my God. This dude who came in last night 30 minutes before we closed, spoke, like, eight words to me, came back tonight alone and asked for my number and then left. Do you think that you would get the number?

[Enya]

No.

[Kai]

Why not?

[Drew]

Not even out of, like, inability on, like, their part to be, like, how it works anymore. Wait, so I guess now we need apps for that kind of stuff.

[Kai]

Did you do, like, the bone structure test? Like, the gay.

[Drew]

No, we're talking about a girl.

[Kai]

No, we're not.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Yeah, we are.

[Drew]

And she was wearing the tightest.

[Kai]

I said the girl thing is a joke.

[Drew]

No, but it's a girl. And she was, like, so sexy.

[Enya]

Making me close off.

[Drew]

What? Oh, making me close off nervous. I'm sorry.

[Enya]

Why is everyone discussing my sexuality all the time?

[Kai]

You said that hitting vapes reminded you of sucking dick.

[Enya]

So, like, for real, like, how are y' all guys up to.

[Drew]

Dude, I feel so gross about drinking a Coca Cola before my first meal today. That's, like, all I've been thinking about. I've had hot Cheetos and Coca Cola. Like, I'm literally turning into Drew.

[Enya]

Yeah. And you feel fucking lit.

[Drew]

No, I'm like. I'm actually, like, protruding oil out of my face at a really rapid rate.

[Enya]

The craziest thing about my diet is the fact that I will have dementia in five years because I'm eating just corn and fillers and oils and microplastics. What are we gonna say?

[Drew]

And then hitting your vape.

[Kai]

I was just saying that's, like, a very acidic meal.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Coke and hot Cheetos.

[Enya]

Blow. I'm doing blow. I'm snorting hot and Cheetos and. Man, life is good.

[Kai]

Drew, is that a new shirt?

[Enya]

No, I already. This is an old shirt that I.

[Kai]

It just looks different.

[Enya]

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.

[Drew]

It looks different because he put on a little white in Japan because he was eating a lot of snacks.

[Enya]

I was trying so hard to fucking, like.

[Kai]

Okay, Drew, can you do something for me really quick?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Can you touch your elbows together?

[Enya]

I can't.

[Kai]

Why not? I feel like you normally can.

[Drew]

Well, it's because we were. Since we were in Japan for two weeks, you didn't get to go to the gym. You can't do that because literally, like, we won't be fully, like, taken down.

[Enya]

What are you gonna say? Oh, I've been trying to gain weight really badly.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

In Japan, and I ate so much food. I ate so much goddamn food in Japan. And I actually did gain weight. I gained seven pounds. So congratulate me.

[Kai]

Where did you gain that weight? Is it, like.

[Drew]

What do you mean, where? Like, why are you, like.

[Enya]

Why are you prodding his body, Analyzing my phone?

[Kai]

I'm not over. I know there's something so obvious that you guys have not addressed about where that weight went.

[Drew]

You're being so offensive right now. Do you hear yourself?

[Kai]

This is.

[Enya]

Are you saying my ass is too fat now?

[Kai]

No, I'm the. Pretty much the opposite.

[Drew]

It is normal to have a little bit of a belly.

[Kai]

I'm not talking about his belly.

[Drew]

Normal to have a body and a stomach and, like, thighs and, like, thighs and shit.

[Kai]

Okay, I'm. Turtles. I can't say I'm sorry, but I'm. You know, look into my eyes. You can see.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. He's just supposed to know. Yeah, whatever. You're about to enter your mid-20s, like, fully, I guess you are in your mid-20s.

[Enya]

Why would you say that to me?

[Drew]

Because. I don't know. I just was looking at you.

[Enya]

I am selling poop now.

[Drew]

You're selling poop.

[Enya]

25 for a G35 for diarrhea. I am.

[Drew]

Why is diarrhea more expensive? I feel like the rare, like, good is, like, the solid.

[Enya]

No, babes, not my diarrhea. My shit is high quality. High tech like that will you up for real. It's like so tap in.

[Kai]

How much is like mid poop?

[Drew]

I was constipated before we got on the flight to Japan and I took this tea that was supposed to help me and I was my ass off.

[Enya]

You know you could sell that.

[Drew]

Why would I do that though? I. I don't think that's a thing. And I think you're joking.

[Enya]

And I'm gonna leave it that I have 19 grams.

[Drew]

If you were trying to sustain like a like lifestyle off of how often you to sell it, you would be dead because you shit once a month.

[Kai]

Honestly, Drew, I've been drop shipping poop. I don't even see the product.

[Enya]

Really?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Enya]

How has that been? That's been kind of rough. It's always hard to get started.

[Kai]

It's hard to get started. But I do TikTok stuff.

[Enya]

Oh, you do? Like advertising.

[Kai]

It's like hashtags and shit.

[Enya]

Oh, word.

[Kai]

And then like you collab with other people making a month like 13 to $14,000.

[Enya]

Okay, that's baby numbers.

[Drew]

Yeah, I know. I was literally gonna say that's like embarrassing baby numbers.

[Kai]

What do you mean? But I don't touch. That's what you have to think about.

[Enya]

Yeah. Who are you getting this product?

[Drew]

Yeah. So you're just dealing with other people's and making that little amount like that's.

[Enya]

But he doesn't touch it.

[Kai]

I don't touch the product. I just cash the check.

[Enya]

Well, I have a factory out in la.

[Drew]

That's the funny thing is your business isn't sustainable.

[Enya]

You're literally like 180. I don't give a dollars in pocket post taxes in.

[Drew]

In my $168.

[Enya]

I pay my workers a living wage of $2 an hour.

[Drew]

Wait, dude, that is like not enough. Okay, media of the week is.

[Enya]

I watched lesson translation on the airplane and it's a slow burn. It's kind of boring. But it's a really cute story and I really love it. And honestly it kind of felt like me like I was in that movie because I was in Japan, you know? And like what did you watch? Lost in Translation. So it's just. It's just giving like I don't even. Am I in America anymore? I don't know where I am.

[Drew]

How do you not know?

[Enya]

Like crazy, man.

[Drew]

How do you not know where you are? Like, it just sounds like you're lying.

[Enya]

Yeah. Oh, you're listening to sza, not sizzle playing on my iPhone right now. Lost in Translation. Really, really good movie. Then I watched her on the airplane back, which I had seen. You've seen her, right? Literally, such a good movie.

[Drew]

I probably saw, like, to have sex.

[Enya]

With Joaquin Phoenix as that character is the creepy man that falls in love with a robot. Like, need that. Wait, he looks just like the GameStop worker.

[Drew]

Okay, I'm gonna go into my media because now you're tripping.

[Enya]

And then.

[Drew]

That was crazy.

[Enya]

Is dire. Dire docs from the Super Mario soundtrack.

[Kai]

Pandering to this guy that works at a video game?

[Drew]

I know.

[Enya]

Like, I have no idea who I am. From the seams. Tristan Arp mp3 psychosis by JXXL3s those songs are pretty lit. I don't know what genre of music this is. Hold on. Like, I don't know what genre this is, but I love it. And it's kind of like, literally, like.

[Kai]

Schizophrenic music if clip art was music.

[Enya]

Yeah, literally, like, it's. I don't know what genre it is, but I want it. I want it all. And that's literally all I've been listening to. It's really bad. Other than the Super Mario soundtrack, my media is.

[Drew]

Can't get it out of my head. Electric Light Orchestra. I'm not in love. 10cc different this time. Cornelia Murr, your motion stays. Arthur Russell and Sandy Toes by Linda.

[Enya]

Perhaps starts in my toes, makes me crinkle my nose.

[Drew]

And Music for 18 Musicians by Steve Reach.

[Enya]

I love of that album.

[Drew]

That's funny because when I tried to listen to with it to you on the plane, you stole my phone from me and turned it off. Okay, well. Oh, wait. And then I watched Real Women have Curves. That movie is lit. And then. Wait, there was another movie. I. Okay, I. There was another movie, and I can't think of what it is that I watch. Oh, Blue Valentine. I finally got through and watched it and it made me want to kill myself. So sad. And that's it.

[Kai]

And there's nothing else you guys want to talk about regarding maybe Drew?

[Drew]

No. You're, like, obsessed with Drew in a crazy way.

[Kai]

I'm not obsessed with Drew. This is like a clear.

[Enya]

I did get my tits done in.

[Drew]

Japan, but, like, it's like, it's subtle. He wanted a natural look.

[Kai]

That is subtle. His nipples are, like, almost touching me.

[Drew]

Well, that's because you have an issue where you can't help but sexualize him.

[Kai]

I'm not sexualizing.

[Drew]

It's also winter time, so get used to it.

[Enya]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, it's hella cold.

[Drew]

And like, you got the ones with extendo clips.

[Enya]

Yeah. And I have, like, a little bicycle pump that I can just, you know. Okay. You know how they cure erectile dysfunction in men? How? There's, like, rods that they stick in, and then they put a little air sack in the middle of your ball sack and you squeeze it and you pump it up. That's not the only cure, but that is one of the cures.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Wait, really?

[Enya]

Yeah, they put two, like, inflatable rods.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Enya]

And they. That's what they do. That's what they put in my tits.

[Drew]

So they're actually really. They're like modular. So soon they'll be on first dibs for, like, way too much money.

[Enya]

I'm low key. Thinking about getting them removed, though.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's been like a week, though.

[Enya]

Yeah, but creepy ass men like you.

[Drew]

Exactly.

[Enya]

Are constantly objectifying me. Like, I am not your toy.

[Kai]

I wanted. Can I just say I'm sorry?

[Enya]

I'm sorry. Not yours to look at.

[Drew]

Always with the sorry. But it's empty. Your sorries are empty.

[Enya]

I got these for her.

[Drew]

I. I really don't want you anymore. I have nothing left for you. What? Oh, okay.

[Kai]

Don't look at me. Don't look at me.

[Drew]

If you delete Grinder, I'll.

[Enya]

Okay, I'm not doing that.

[Drew]

So. Well, I guess that's the end.

[Enya]

Get a grip on yourself.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you guys for watching this episode. We'll be back. If you beg enough, we'll be back.

[Enya]

Maybe kill yourself.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

I should not have said that. I really shouldn't have.

[Drew]

Sam.