We’re Having a Baby

Summary

Emergency Intercom - Episode: "We’re Having a Baby"
Release Date: April 15, 2022
Host/Authors: iHeartPodcasts (Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips)

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1. Introduction and New Gadgets

The episode kicks off with Kai introducing his excitement over a new gadget he recently acquired—a KORG OP-1 portable synthesizer. Although initially silent, Kai demonstrates the device's capabilities, leading to playful teasing from Drew and Inya about its sounds.

• Kai: “It's got some cool sounds and can do some really cool things.” (00:50)

2. Personal Anecdotes and Experiences

Drew attempts to start the episode with a joke about gentrification and eviction, reflecting on how these experiences have shaped him emotionally.

• Drew: “I got evicted and my house got turned up like a little LA hype house, and it made me a better person.” (02:25)

Kai and Inya chime in with their own opinions and reactions, adding humor and camaraderie to the discussion.

3. Review of Sonic the Hedgehog 2

The hosts delve into their thoughts on the "Sonic the Hedgehog 2" movie, critiquing specific elements like Eggman's suit design and expressing a preference for the original Ugly Sonic.

• Drew: “I saw Sonic 2 yesterday. It was awesome... Eggman's big suit is so crazy.” (04:43)
• Kai: “They need to bring back Ugly Sonic. I will die on that hill.” (05:03)

4. Existential Contemplations and Theories

A significant portion of the episode centers around deep, often humorous existential discussions. Kai shares a personal experience of waking up unexpectedly and contemplating the nature of reality and reincarnation.

• Kai: “What if every time you're dreaming, it's a different timeline... It's like reincarnation.” (14:26)

Drew adds to the conversation by exploring the implications of memory loss without prior warning, leading to a philosophical debate about existence and consciousness.

5. Banned from Universal Studios

Kai recounts a vivid story from his youth about attempting to sneak alcohol into Universal Studios, leading to his eventual ban from the park. The tale is filled with comedic elements and chaotic interactions with security personnel.

• Kai: “They ran through the banning, and they were... really fucking scary, tiny office.” (30:04)

Drew and Inya add their own perspectives, enhancing the relatability and humor of the story.

6. Childhood Memories and School Experiences

The hosts reminisce about their school days, sharing stories about minor thefts, confrontations with strict teachers, and childhood crushes. These anecdotes are laced with humor and exaggerated emotions.

• Inya: “I probably stole like a total of $0.15 worth of gummy worms.” (34:24)
• Drew: “In fifth grade, Ms. Hollywood would yell, ‘The devil is a lie.’” (37:30)

7. Social Media and Influencer Strategies

Kai and Drew discuss the dynamics of social media influence, contemplating unconventional methods like buying views and scamming brands to boost their online presence.

• Kai: “I am gonna start buying views.” (24:19)
• Drew: “We're never getting a brand deal.” (25:00)

8. Planning for the Future: Having a Baby

True to the episode's title, the hosts explore their thoughts and apprehensions about having children. They debate the joys and challenges, balancing genuine considerations with their trademark humor.

• Kai: “If I had a baby, I would never let y' all know.” (50:59)
• Drew: “I'm about to commit suicide.” (52:04) (Note: Contextually humorous but touches on sensitive topics.)

9. Media of the Week

Towards the end, Kai and Drew share their favorite media from the week, including movies, music, and shows, providing quick reviews and personal favorites.

• Drew: “My media of the week is '12 Stout Street' by RX Poppy and 'Good God Bless the Child' by Billie Holiday.” (63:41)
• Kai: “My media of the week is 'Stars to the Rainbow' by Young Mean and Thai Boy Digital.” (64:40)

10. Chaotic Interactions and Wrap-Up

The episode concludes with a series of humorous and chaotic interactions, including phone calls and playful banter. The hosts reflect on the authenticity of their reality and the impact of their podcast on listeners.

• Drew: “When Drew gets caught in a lot, he passes out.” (63:02)
• Inya: “You're so sick, dude.” (62:29)

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Notable Quotes

• Kai on Reality and Reincarnation: “What if every time you're dreaming, it's a different timeline... It’s like reincarnation.” (14:26)

• Drew on Memory and Existence: “If you just went to sleep and you didn’t know that tomorrow you would wake up... that freaked me out.” (15:00)

• Drew on Being Banned: “We were delinquents... and I was like, please just go have fun.” (27:00)

• Kai on Social Media Tactics: “I am gonna start buying views.” (24:19)

• Drew on Teachers: “In fifth grade, Ms. Hollywood would yell, ‘The devil is a lie.’” (37:30)

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Conclusion

"We’re Having a Baby" is a rollercoaster of humorous anecdotes, deep philosophical musings, and lighthearted banter among friends. Enya, Drew, and Kai navigate through personal stories, media reviews, and existential questions with their signature comedic flair, making the episode both entertaining and thought-provoking for listeners.

Transcript

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[Drew]

Jesus.

[Kai]

Well, welcome back to Emergency Intercom. What is this? Episode 412 41. 412. Okay. And yes, silent for this episode. So to fill the void, I'm gonna show off my new little toy that I got. I got an OP1. It's a portable synthesizer. I'm really excited about it. It's got some cool sounds and can do some really cool things. It's basically a portable doll. The workflow is pretty interesting. There's some learning curve. But here, I'm gonna do some sample. Don't talk. No, no, no. All right, here.

[Drew]

What you need is some portable.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. What you need is to die in a fire.

[Inya]

Jesus.

[Drew]

What?

[Kai]

Oh, so you can say I need portable, but when I say you want to die in a fire, you burn. You're going to burn too, with the rest of the witches. All right, listen. All right, I'm going to do some sample work.

[Drew]

You should do that again because it was really off. We heard it just now. I could tell you just got it. That's good.

[Inya]

It sounds so good.

[Kai]

Dude. Wait, this is what it sounds like when I'm having sex.

[Drew]

You sound like a robot.

[Inya]

And. Yeah, that's the sound Drew makes when I blow his back out.

[Drew]

I was gonna start this episode by making a joke about. I was gonna start it off by saying, we need to start. Stop making such a big deal out of gentrification. Cuz, like, I got evicted and my house got turned up like a little LA hype house, and it made me a better person. But then I thought about it too much and it actually made me really sad.

[Kai]

Aw.

[Inya]

Oh, damn.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

I still drive by the house I got evicted from.

[Inya]

That's an interesting take.

[Drew]

Oh, and it looks so weird. Oh, one time they left their window open and I could see in the house, and it scared me because they didn't change one of the walls so.

[Kai]

I could see it for a second. I'm doing. I'm doing, like, something really important, like an. Actually hilarious.

[Drew]

You're not though. And you could have put them right here.

[Kai]

I just didn't want them to fall off. Okay. Oh.

[Drew]

Why is it so low?

[Kai]

This sucks.

[Inya]

Can you turn up the volume or something?

[Kai]

It's all the way up. Yo, this thing's a piece of.

[Inya]

How much was that? Like 20 bucks?

[Kai]

Yeah, like $15, I guess.

[Drew]

That's a pretty. That's a good little gadget for $15.

[Inya]

I mean, anything more than that, it.

[Kai]

Would be kind of obsolete in a piece of. Yeah. Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

I'm. Well, welcome back to Auntie Intercom.

[Drew]

Do y' all like my headphones that I just got? I just got these piece of stupid headphones and I hate them.

[Inya]

Those are Drew's.

[Kai]

Those aren't yours. Mine. You tweaked.

[Inya]

Those are Drew's.

[Drew]

They're literally not. These are mine. Are you actually joking right now? Cuz these are mine.

[Kai]

I don't, like, know what you want from me.

[Drew]

I want you to stop claiming my headphones are yours.

[Kai]

Look at this. Did you know they could do this?

[Drew]

Yeah. Okay.

[Inya]

Oh, you should sample that sound.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. Wait, wrong side. Okay. Oh, let's get into this episode a little bit. But I'm gonna turn the clairvoyance mode back on so I can. Oh, so I can hear everything and everywhere all at once.

[Drew]

Oh. Oh. I saw Sonic 2 yesterday. It was awesome.

[Inya]

Really?

[Drew]

Actually really liked it. Dude, Eggman's, like, big suit in it is so crazy. There were parts where I was like, damn, this was like, rendered during work from home. Like, this was definitely rendered. Like, on someone's PC at home.

[Kai]

They need to bring back ugly Sonic. I will die on that hill. And I wish I could see now.

[Drew]

Is still really scary when they do close ups of his face. Like, I can only look at his mouth and it's so nasty.

[Kai]

But ugly. Sonic was so rancid and rat bastardy. Like, it was scary as. And could you imagine ugly tails and ugly. Was it Knuckles? Like, if they continued that art direction with Tails and Knuckles, we would have three ugly motherfuckers. Someone out there needs to render tails.

[Drew]

They should just give them all, like, a bulge.

[Kai]

Yeah, a bulge.

[Inya]

Yeah, that'd be nice.

[Kai]

Like a.

[Drew]

Like, Sonic should have a bulge. Not like he's wearing pants and there's a bulge. But, like, there should be a bulge under his fur.

[Kai]

I would.

[Drew]

To imply that you could take off, lift his fur.

[Kai]

I would see his footage.

[Drew]

You would sniff his bulge.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

You would never get that close to his bulge.

[Kai]

Tails.

[Inya]

Apparently there was like, a really gnarly sex scene with Knuckles and Sonic, but they had to take it out.

[Drew]

That's not true. And now you're just like. You interrupted us to lie.

[Inya]

Yeah, it's true.

[Kai]

Sonic and Knuckles or Tails and Knuckles?

[Inya]

Sonic and Knuckles.

[Drew]

Tails is fruity. And they gave him a lash perm in this movie.

[Kai]

Wait, for the girls and the gays.

[Drew]

Yeah, Sonic 2 is.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's actually really advanced.

[Drew]

It actually is like Eggman and his assistance relationship is very homoerotic. It gave. It made me like. I've never had this feeling before. It made my. My member feel, like, almost slippery.

[Inya]

And you don't have a member.

[Kai]

Sorry, I was getting a phone call. What'd you say?

[Drew]

I said, I'm not repeating that.

[Kai]

It made your member slippery. Yeah, like cream out the tip. Okay. Damn, Josh, stop fucking calling me.

[Drew]

Answer. Maybe it's an emergency.

[Kai]

Well. Oh, my God. That scared the shit out of me.

[Drew]

I should have.

[Kai]

Okay, motherfucker. This is something that I need to be touched. I need to touch on. I need to touch this.

[Drew]

This is something I need to touch myself too.

[Kai]

Yeah. So, like, we actually do live in the future. You know how we've been saying it? Like at the Blade concert, We'll get into that. The Drain Gang concert, we were like, oh, this is like, sometimes you see and you're like, you're living in the future.

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Well, in my hometown in Ass Nowhere, Texas, there is a literal drone delivery service. Like, you order food and they bring food to you from a drone.

[Inya]

What? Yeah, it's in Granbury.

[Kai]

In Granbury.

[Inya]

What the.

[Drew]

I don't know why that doesn't sound that. Should we be saying the town you're from?

[Kai]

Girl, everybody knows.

[Drew]

I mean, care about safety.

[Kai]

It's like, you don't care about yourself.

[Drew]

That's embarrassing. You should have some self respect.

[Kai]

People drove through the billboard and it was gone already. They like, they were like, how long is it going to be up?

[Drew]

And I was like, you talk like a kid in, like, preschool who, like, comes to their teacher and says things they like, shouldn't be saying.

[Kai]

Well, I just like. I just say literally every word that comes in my brain. Like, that's a crazy. Actually, I don't. Because if I really said everything, like.

[Drew]

It would be, you do not want to know what I'm thinking.

[Kai]

Not want to know what's going on.

[Drew]

You don't want to know what I'm thinking.

[Kai]

Once I get to the point because I'm really horny, it's game over. But, yeah, there's a drone Delivery service. There was something else where I was like, we literally live in the future, Kai. What was it?

[Inya]

Oh, the hologram that we saw.

[Kai]

Well, there was the hologram. Oh, the Disney ride. The Star Wars Disney ride.

[Inya]

I was like, we saw a hologram at Disney and then at the Blade concert.

[Kai]

Like, actually within.

[Drew]

Actually. A hologram?

[Kai]

Yeah, Blade was a hologram on stage. You're so annoying. I swear to God.

[Inya]

Yeah, Blade passed a week ago. But they wanted the show to happen.

[Kai]

Yeah. So they just made it happen. No, there was, like, this weird.

[Inya]

Like, it was a sign. It was an ad or. It wasn't an ad. It was like an advertisement for a drink.

[Kai]

No, it was the theater. It was like, theater's logo. The Globe theater.

[Inya]

Yeah, it was like, it's at the globe, and it was, like, rotating, but it was just floating.

[Kai]

Yeah, but, like, we literally saw that. We saw Princess Leia hologram at Disney.

[Drew]

Seems like it's just really accessible technology.

[Kai]

What we're saying is we're living in the future. Like, that's a hologram. Like, that's what I'm saying is, like, the future is now, and, like, I experience. I'm experiencing the future.

[Drew]

The future is now, and it is futile. And you don't have much left. I just thought you should know.

[Kai]

Not if I have something to do with it.

[Drew]

No, the thing is actually, like, I'm done. I'm tapping out. I don't want to hear about how the world's ending anymore.

[Kai]

Like, it's ending in three years. Like, it's okay.

[Drew]

I heard three, and then I heard. Heard 10. 10. 10. Honestly, like, three.

[Kai]

Kai's theory. That's what we just say. We're like, oh, the world is ending in three years. Like, go have sex with that person. Who cares?

[Drew]

Yeah, I don't. Like, 10. Because I don't want to die in my 30s. I'd rather die in my 20s.

[Inya]

Why would you want to die sooner.

[Drew]

Rather than by 30? I'm like, oh, my God, I have it figured out. Like, I don't have anything to really worry about. Like, I'm so happy. But now I still have moments where I'm like, you know.

[Kai]

What?

[Drew]

If it all came to an end right now, I'd be satisfied.

[Kai]

No, I would be so happy. If the world, if literally this house exploded like there was a gas leak. If there was a gas leak in this house, exploded and I died, and I just, like, ceased to exist. Which I don't actually think death is real. I think we just wake up in another timeline. Don't let me. If y' all want me to get in that.

[Drew]

No, we don't. We, like. We don't.

[Inya]

I do.

[Kai]

Okay, so basically, wait, but before you.

[Drew]

Go on, I have to say also, when everybody talks about, like, the world ending, I literally imagine everything setting on fire spontaneously. And I think that's why it brings me out, because obviously, I'm very aware that, like, really what's gonna happen is, like, of course, like, this is awful. And it's gonna be, like, a lot of third world countries are gonna be, like, incredibly, like, affected by it immediately. And then it's kind of. Kind of leak out and there's gonna be flooding. There's gonna be blah, blah, blah. There's. There are gonna be a lot of problems.

[Kai]

We're already showing the signs.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like, Miami will be gone. That's also what concerns me is I'm like, I have to move my family out of Miami because literally going to sink into.

[Kai]

Yeah, the world's going to be underwater in three years. But basically, I have this theory. Let me go into it. No, no.

[Drew]

When I think of the world, I think. I think of that video of the car people.

[Kai]

When that.

[Drew]

I saw that video of the scientist.

[Kai]

I was like, what did she just say?

[Drew]

When I saw the video of the sciences, I was like, oh, my God. And that's what I thought of it. I was like, oh, my God.

[Kai]

No, it. Maybe I can truly. But I have this theory. Oh, this. Like, there's, like, three topics here. So let me. I'll just start with the main topic that I was going to talk about already, but tell me why. I was like. I was so fucking exhausted like, three nights ago, and I was like, in that I, like, fell the fuck asleep. I was so tired. I was like, wait, I'm going to have the best sleep of my ent. Entire life. Tell me why in the middle of the night at like, 4am I woke up and I was on all fours. All fours. Like, literally, like, on my knees and on my hands, staring out my window.

[Drew]

That's because you were having a sex drink.

[Kai]

No, I know that's what guys say. Kai said I was bottoming, which is not true. I'm straight As. I don't do that freaky, weird shit. I'm literally straight and normal.

[Drew]

You sound like a liar.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. Anyways, I was. I was staring out the window and tell me why. I literally, like, for seven seconds, I had, like. I experienced, like, true zero thoughts in my brain to the point where when I, like, snapped out of it. I was like, oh, my God, I'm dead. Like, did I just die? Am I alive? Like, I literally could not tell if I was alive still. And then it sparked this thought about, this theory.

[Drew]

Sometimes you just sound like you're lying. Like, sometimes you just sound like a liar. That literally sounds like someone coming to school and, like, thinking of something to say, like.

[Kai]

No, I swear to God, that happened because I told Kai about it immediately after it happened, and then.

[Drew]

Was Kai in bed with you? How do you tell him that fast?

[Kai]

Well, he was the one topping me.

[Drew]

Oh, no.

[Inya]

All right, cut.

[Drew]

I said, don't mention that gay shit, because John. See my real side.

[Kai]

No. So I. It's triggered this thought that I have. So, like, you know how when you dream. I think I might have already talked about this, but when you dream, like, you dream in these, like, very surreal worlds where, like, anything can really happen, but you're still yourself in these worlds. Literally.

[Drew]

Me dreaming about Fortnite three nights in a row.

[Kai]

Me thinking about Elden Ring while having sex, getting my back blown out thinking about Elden Ring.

[Drew]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I thought you were straight. Why is your back getting blown out?

[Kai]

I don't know. I just. I'm like. I'm lying. I'm a liar. No. Okay, so you know how you enter these universes where, like, nothing exists? I mean, everything is, like, happening. Whatever the fuck I'm trying to say. You know what I'm trying to say?

[Drew]

I guess.

[Kai]

Well, I just interrupted.

[Drew]

So I literally keep thinking about how I had a dream that I was in Fortnite and I was with Bella Hadid in Fortnite?

[Kai]

Yes. But basically these worlds exist. But what if the dreams are actual, like, timelines and, like, real versions of you happening just in different realities? So, like, what if every time you're dreaming, like, you close your eyes in this reality, but you wake up and you're seeing, like, your life in a different reality where, like, you know, like, the Butterfly Effect, where you do one thing and, like, make one choice and, like, it splits off and there's, like, another option here and here. You know what I'm saying?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

So, like, what if when you die, you don't actually die, and you just wake up in one of those realities and it's kind of like reincarnation.

[Inya]

That's crazy.

[Drew]

My little brother said he wants to be reincarnated as a gorilla. I'm not kidding. He told me that the other day, and I was like, that's good. And then he was like. He was like, he genuinely believes in reincarnation. He's. That was literally me when I was. That's what I, like.

[Kai]

I wanted to believe in reincarnation. I kind of still do. I'm like, I literally don't think we, like, actually ever die. I think we're just stuck repeating the same life for eternity. Which is okay because you, like, your brain gets erased and you just have little fragments of deja vu.

[Drew]

The first thought I had this morning, and I'm not joking, the first thought I had was why? It's so. Like, I was thinking about movies and how when people are told they're about to, like, lose their memory, they, like, freak out because, like, you don't want to. But once you, like, lose your memory, you don't wake up, like, knowing you lost your memory. You just, like, are alive. Whatever. Like, and then I was like, oh, my God. If you didn't tell someone that they were gonna lose their memory, you could just make them lose their memory. And, like, they wouldn't be bothered by it. Like, if they just went to sleep and they didn't know that tomorrow they would wake up. But if they woke up tomorrow and they just didn't know, like, what would it change? And then that freaked me out because I was like, oh, my God.

[Kai]

That's a sunshine mind.

[Inya]

Yeah. That's an interesting philosophical question, because you would up the last day of that person's life by telling them.

[Drew]

Yeah. So you might as well just not tell them. Like, let them just, like, live in, like, blissful, like, peace, and then just.

[Inya]

That sounds like the next A24 movie.

[Drew]

Let it happen. If it happens, I'll kill myself. Wait, what if someone steals my movie idea?

[Kai]

Girl, you just said it to literally a million people. Like, it's getting.

[Drew]

And then immediately after, I said, I will commit suicide. So then that person. It's gonna go to jail.

[Kai]

Rewinding back.

[Drew]

I can't believe, as a kid, I thought suicide was illegal and that I. They would lock my body up. I literally thought that. I told my mom when I was seven I wanted to kill myself. And she was like, you can't, because it's illegal. And that actually scared the fuck out of me.

[Kai]

Everybody's parents told them that because I had the same.

[Inya]

Yeah, I think my parents told me that too.

[Drew]

Yeah. And then I was like, oh, my God, they're still gonna find me if I do it.

[Kai]

I'm looking at my hand, and I don't recognize it.

[Drew]

What were you gonna say?

[Kai]

I was just, like, rewinding back but me and Kai went to the Blade concert, the Drain Gang concert. And I have to speak my piece on, was the stinkiest concert I've ever been to. Like, without a doubt. Like, it was rancid. There was, like, immediate, like, 10 degrees hotter body heat, like a must. The air was, like, heavy. And, like, every third person that you interacted with had, like, stinky body odor. But it was beautiful. And, like, not because. Yeah. Not because Drain Gang was performing. Like, yeah, that was beautiful. But it was beautiful because it was literally just, like, all these, like, fucking misfit freak weirdo losers, myself included, like, all just having, like, so much fun at this concert. And it was just like. It was just like, so everybody was so happy. There was like. Like, Kai said it, like, normally when you go to concert, there's, like, a hostile energy where, like, people are, like, trying to fight and, like, beat each other up. And they're, like, really angry and they're aggressive. But, like, there was legitimately, like, none of that here.

[Inya]

Oh, I was talking about the fight club that I go to.

[Kai]

But you go to Fight Club?

[Inya]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

You up.

[Inya]

Okay.

[Drew]

Wait, what?

[Kai]

Because now we have to dissolve Fight club.

[Drew]

I've never seen the movie. I don't get it.

[Inya]

The first rule is that you're not supposed to talk about.

[Kai]

Now we have to kill you.

[Drew]

First rule of Fight Club is that you have to have sex with everybody who joins Fight Club Club.

[Inya]

Really?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

That's so sick. I'm. I didn't even know that.

[Kai]

Well, now.

[Drew]

But now you're. According to Drew, you're done. And when Drew says you're done, you're done. Is he.

[Inya]

Is he okay? Like, what?

[Drew]

Yeah, he's just taking it. He's decompress. He's just decompressing. He'll be back.

[Inya]

Yeah. The Blade concert smelled like expired poppers.

[Kai]

Yeah, there were. I was, like, shouting the entire time. I was like, gimme poppers. Gimme poppers. Where are the poppers? And then I smelled poppers and in my vicinity, and I begged for them, but no one had them or would give them to me. But there are, like, some people who recorded videos of me having fun, which I need to see. So if you have them, send them to me. Just post them on Tick Tock. Make me viral.

[Drew]

My favorite thing about that video is guy looking directly in the camera. When it pans back to him for a second, he looks directly into the camera, then looks away and keeps, like, moving around.

[Kai]

Yeah, it was. But it was a blast. And I was honestly One of the stinky people. Like, I. I was stinky, and I'm like.

[Drew]

I was gonna say y' all were definitely adding to the odor because when y' all came back, y' all. All of y' all smelled like you'd been outside playing with a dog on a hot day.

[Kai]

I love that.

[Inya]

I wonder if we got piss on us, because I smelled my jeans, and they just smell.

[Kai]

Well, I had my out and I was spraying piss everywhere.

[Inya]

Yeah, I remember that, actually.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's like. Do you not remember when Echo said, pull your cocks out and pee on.

[Inya]

Everybody all over everywhere? Yeah.

[Kai]

You remember that?

[Inya]

I don't know why I just forgot about that until now.

[Kai]

It was called the golden piss shower.

[Inya]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

It's like the beer shower at LJT Larry Jo Taylor Festival, but with piss. And you just unzip your pants and pee everywhere. I got paparazzi at the Clara concert. Should we insert the video?

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Insert the video. I just. It's hard to go outside now, cuz everywhere I go, I'm filmed, and I can't enjoy myself without cameras being on me. No, I. I think we should go back to paparazzi era. I think I've said that before. Where.

[Drew]

Yeah, but paparazzi is just different now. Paparazzi is like. It's like people calling it on themselves that it's so embarrassing, cuz, like, I don't know. I'm mixed because I. I love paparazzi because, like, of course it's good entertainment, but, like, you saw what it did to people mentally, so it's not good. But I just hate that there's fake paparazzi now because I'm like, you could never have, like, lived in the early 2000s being, like, famous because y' all call the paparazzi on yourself when you look all, like, polished, I feel like.

[Kai]

Everything is in slow motion right now.

[Drew]

I'm serious, because you're passing away. Hopefully. We can only hope for that. What? I'm gonna start a makeup company, and it's gonna be called Enyas Beauty. Like, Enya's Beauty, but Enyas.

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Is that good?

[Kai]

That's really good.

[Inya]

You're so smart and cool in.

[Kai]

In gorged penis beauty. And, like, a shadow palette's gonna be, like, butthole.

[Drew]

You probably have a very small wiener, Kai.

[Kai]

Do I have a small wiener?

[Drew]

Y' all are so. I've been in the car with Kai and Drew, and they have seriously, like, not in a joking way, talked to each other about measuring their wieners and then texting no, but, like, texting each other in detail about, like, just send each other a dick pic or just show your dick.

[Inya]

No, that would be.

[Kai]

You use your iPhone to measure. Every guy knows you use your iPhone to measure, and then you Google, what is the length of an iPhone on Google? That's, like, the rule. So I'm like, two, two and a half iPhones.

[Inya]

You're two and a half iPhones.

[Drew]

Wait, when did you ever have two and a half? When did you ever have three iPhones to measure? See how there's a hole in your story?

[Kai]

There's a hole in my ass.

[Drew]

And I'm gonna use it.

[Inya]

What the.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. I literally am, like, actually passing away. None of this is real, actually. I'm like. Like, I'm starting to, like, catch on. Like, I'm starting to actually catch on that none of this is real.

[Drew]

No, that's actually how I feel, too, but I think it's because I just ate my fungus yogurt and it's, like, deteriorating my brain.

[Kai]

I think, like, we. This is all, like, y' all are against me.

[Drew]

No, actually, can I say something? When I was watching you talk and I thought about what we're doing right now, and then I was like, oh, my God. This is, like, a video that goes out to people and then gets received by other people. It actually just freaked me out while I was watching you talk for a second, and there was one point where y' all started, like, joking about pissing, and it was. I, like, fully detached, and I was like, oh, my God. Like, that camera is literally recording us right now, and we are going to put that to the public, and there are people. There are sick folks who love it, and, like, then we're just going to do this again, and we're going to.

[Kai]

Keep doing it forever until we don't know. It's literally so scary. But that is. I have to be at peace with it. I have to say it's not real. That I'm like, this is just, like, another form of torture, and I'm in hell.

[Drew]

It's not real. And we buy all of our views, so they're not really there. It's AI. It's AI.

[Kai]

I am gonna start buying views.

[Drew]

Drew is saying that he's just gonna start buying views and, like, scamming and.

[Kai]

Scamming brands in the brand deals. It's a genius method, and someone should try it.

[Drew]

The thing is, like, you're saying it's a genius method, like, multiple people don't try it. And it doesn't work. Like, it won't work. I guess. I guess I don't know any influencer who, like, has interactions already, like, engagement and then does it. Because then I feel like it'll be believable if you, like, bought likes because you would still get, like, a decent AM Comments.

[Kai]

That's what I'm saying. But, like, it's like, no, you don't buy likes. You buy YouTube views. So you say you get a brand deal, and this brand deal pays a certain amount. We're never getting 20. We're never getting out.

[Drew]

We're never getting a brand deal.

[Kai]

But 20%. Okay. Yeah.

[Drew]

I was like, so have you ever told that story?

[Kai]

No, I've never told that story once.

[Inya]

What's the story?

[Kai]

I got banned from Universal. Like, I'm literally banned.

[Drew]

No, I think it's. I think you can now.

[Kai]

I can't go to the one in the Florida.

[Drew]

No, it was a year.

[Kai]

Oh, it really?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

What happened?

[Kai]

It was free.

[Drew]

It was not that crazy. It was just embarrassing. It was one of the saddest nights of Drew's life.

[Kai]

It was at that convention called Playlist, if you know what Playlist is. It's like a YouTuber convention, social media convention, where we all get together and we're stolen from and taken advantage of and then thrown into these rooms to get really drunk together. And it's really scary. But one of the nights, this very special night, it's like the last night convention. Every. Every convention, there's one night where they buy or rent out the entirety of Universal Studios in Florida. And it's just, like, the creators and, like, a few managers and, like, a few people who work at the convention. Like, it's. It's like, literally, like, 200 people in the entirety of Universal, and they rent it out and shut it down. And it's like a bl. But we are literally delinquents. And we were like, let's get, like, fucked up before we go. And we were. What were we, like, 16, 17? We were like, let's get absolutely, like, 17, 18. Yeah, we were like, let's get absolutely blasted and then go. And we, like, drank a little before. And then they had given us, like, playlists, had given us these, like, pouches that were plastic that, like, you could put water in. And we filled them with alcohol.

[Drew]

We filled them with, like. Like, pineapple syrup.

[Kai]

Yeah, just like, a bunch of, like, alcohol. Did you and Madeline each have one as well?

[Drew]

I don't think Madeline had one. I. I had one and. You had one?

[Kai]

Yeah. So we. We get on the bus and it, like, shuttles us over. And, like, I'm not thinking about it all at all because I'm literally, like, drunk as bones. And we pull up and I was like, there's no way they're gonna be checking for this. But, like, lo and behold, there's like, metal detectors and, like, scanners and everything still. And I'm like, oh, my God.

[Drew]

We just thought no one would look, like, look twice, because they gave them out to everybody. So there were other people with these pouches?

[Kai]

Yeah. So, like, Inya kept hers on her loot, like her belt loop. And I took mine off and put it on the outside of the scanner, and it was full of alcohol. And, like, the dude was like, what's in this? And I was like, oh, just water. And then.

[Drew]

No, you said. You said.

[Kai]

Because it was like, yeah, I have this story. He was like, just water, huh? And he opened it and smelled it. And I was like, yeah, it's like raspberry water. And he's like, oh, okay, yeah, that's what this is. And then another fool came up and was like, yeah, this other fool came up and was like, that. Let me smell. Because that's not just water. And he or she opened it up and smelled it. She was like, this is alcohol. What are you, like. Are you, like, actually insane? Like, this is a children's park. Like, why would you try to sneak that in here?

[Drew]

Children's park only. Yeah. First of all, it's universal. Second of all, the only people offloading off of these buses are, like, 17 to, like, 27 year olds. Like, of course, like a 17 year old. I'm like a kid, but, like, I'm not like a jit. Like, I'm not like, five.

[Kai]

Yeah. So. So Enya and Madeline get through the scanners and they, like, pull me off to the side and they're, like, literally interrogating me. And I tell Inya and Madeline, like, why don't y' all just, like, go to the park? And, like, also, like, just go have fun. Because, like, yeah, I don't want to, like, ruin this for everybody else. Cause I got caught. Like, go have fun. So they go off.

[Drew]

So no, we were, like, standing around forever just watching. And I was starting to panic because I had this fucking pouch for full of vodka on my side. And I was like, oh, my God, they're gonna come. They're gonna, like, come to me. They're gonna see that I have it. So I run into the bathroom at the entrance, and I Just go into a stall, and I, like, fucking squeeze this Capri sun ass pouch, like, down my gullet, and I just, like, all the alcohol that I had with me and I threw it away, and I went out to Madeline, and Drew kept being like, go. Just leave. Just leave. And, like, then he was like, they're gonna take me inside. Just leave. So we were like, fuck. So we're like, I guess we're just gonna, like, go through the park.

[Kai]

Yeah. And I was like, please, just go. Have fun. Because it, like, it is fucking awesome because you just walk up. You don't wait in any other lines. You just walk up to the rides.

[Drew]

They, like, we should go back to playlist for this.

[Kai]

I know. That's what I'm thinking. Like, that night is fucking lit. It's, like, actually so much fun. Well, tell me why they take me back into this, like, really fucking scary, tiny office. Like, smaller than, like, the podcast set. Like, it tiny, and there's, like, pictures all over the walls. And, like, all this. Like, it feels like I'm in, like, the set of, like, Guardians of the Galaxy. Like, there's, like, computers and, like, beeping and, like, walkie talkies and lights. No. Exactly. It's, like, the scariest, like, most hostile room I've ever been in my entire life. And then there's just, like, this blank white wall. And they're like, stand in front of the wall and look at me, and they take out an iPhone and take a photo of me, and I'm like, what the. Like, okay. And then they're like, oh, like, this is because you're getting banned from the park. And I was like, really? You're banning me? And I didn't really want to question it too much because I was like, they're like, we can call the cops right now if you want me to. And I was like, no. Like, they were like, the cops are right out there. We'll bring them in. And I was like, no. Like, just ban me, and we'll get on with this. And then they, like, ran through, like, the banning, and they were.

[Drew]

Me when I'm, like, bored as shit and take my job away.

[Kai]

No, I'm like, literally, like, shut the fuck up, loser freaks.

[Drew]

Me protecting Mr. Universal.

[Kai]

Exactly. Exactly. And then they. They were like, like, we can even, like, arrest. Like, if you come to this park and we scan your id, we'll shoot you. No, we'll arrest you on site. Like, if. Even if we, like, find you in the parking lot, sitting in the car, we'll arrest you. On site.

[Drew]

That's the most Florida.

[Kai]

I was like, I literally don't live here. Like, whatever, let's just, like, move on. So they made me sign all these papers and.

[Drew]

Miles away.

[Kai]

No, Exactly. And so I signed all these papers saying that I wouldn't, like, enter the premises. And then, like, they, like, guided me back to the shuttle, and I had to just sit on this shuttle for, like, 15 minutes. And then I shuttled back, literally alone to the thing.

[Drew]

And then also, it's, like, not a shuttle. It's literally a big, like, Greyhound bus.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's like a giant bus. Like, a giant bus. And I was the only one on it. And they drove me all the way back, and I didn't say a word to the driver because I was, like, so, like, embarrassed and pissed. Tell me why. We were leaving the next day, and I lost my fucking wallet with everything in it. My IDs, like, all my cash on my cards. Like, it was so fucked up. And I called them the next day, and I was like, hey, I, like, got caught for having alcohol. Like, can I have my wallet back? And they're like, we don't have that again. I was like, you literally do. Like, y' all checked my fucking wallet and my ID for, like, my name and shit. Like, that was the last place I had it. Y' all have it. It. And they just denied, denied, denied. So not only did I get banned from Universal, they stole my wallet.

[Inya]

That's so annoying.

[Drew]

Didn't I go back to the hotel? And then just for some reason, we had fishing rods. Yeah, we went down to the pond.

[Kai]

Yeah, we went.

[Drew]

Where did we get fishing rods?

[Kai]

We bought them from Walmart. Me and, like, who's taking their job that seriously?

[Inya]

That's so annoying.

[Kai]

No, it was. It was. It was really cursed. And I was like, I'm like a child, like, having fun. Like, I'm not hurting anybody. Like, it's. It's gonna be fine. Like, I'm not gonna vomit all over the place. I've drank before, but, like, yeah, they, like, threatened a band. And I was like, also on, like, the night that it shut down.

[Drew]

Like, I know it's not even. Like, there's other people in there. It's. It's like, it'd be diff. Also, it's just so stupid. It'd be different if, like, I understand the idea of not being able to bring, like, gummy edibles into, like, Disney and, like, that. I understand, because I'm like, oh, God forbid this falls out of my pocket.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And A kid sees that they're gonn gummy and then be high as balls. But I'm like, it's closed and this is a pouch on my thigh.

[Inya]

That's why they gave those pouches to you.

[Kai]

They.

[Inya]

They knew what they were doing.

[Kai]

Like teenagers.

[Inya]

Plastic pouches.

[Kai]

I know.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Here I go.

[Drew]

Filling it with water so I can stay hydrated. Sure.

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

But part of it, I feel like, is like, they need to make money off alcohol sales. And like, the second part is, like, I did literally break the law. Like, I was, like, drinking on their premise. Like, like, I had alcohol. I was a minor. So she's a. They would be, like, liable for it.

[Inya]

But, like, throwing it out, but, like, interrogating.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

It should have just been like, come on, man. Like, do better.

[Inya]

Like, move on True detective set.

[Kai]

No, they, like, do that at tsa. They're like, are you stupid? Like, no, you're not bringing this into text. You're not bringing this weed into Texas. And they just throw it out. But don't say that I told you that because, like, they'll probably arrest you.

[Drew]

Wait, have you gotten your stopped in Texas?

[Kai]

No, I just know people have and they're just like, are you actually stupid?

[Drew]

Like, that's the funniest, like, visitor in LA about to leave experience is them panicking about bringing weed back.

[Kai]

Can I bring it back? I don't want to. Like, I'm. I'm just like, you're literally fine.

[Drew]

Yeah. I'm like, put it in your check in and shut up. Like, you will be good, hopefully.

[Inya]

I think about stuff like that all the time where it's like, in my past, I got in trouble and I. Now I think about it, it's like it was just an adult having a power trip.

[Kai]

100.

[Inya]

Like, like my hometown supermarket, I would, like, go in and steal gummy worms from the, like, you know, those, like, bulk item things. I would take, like, two gummy worms.

[Kai]

Kai. That's actually up. And it was a small. You stole from a small business and you did.

[Inya]

It was like a chain.

[Drew]

Two times a day?

[Inya]

Like, no, not twice a day. No, no. I. I probably stole like, a total of like $0.15 worth of these gummy ones.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

And then one day I walk out and a guy, like, puts his hand on my shoulder. He goes, I got you. And I was like, what? He's like, I know what you do. You come in here and you snack on these little gummy worms.

[Drew]

And I was like, me trying to sound like an absolute, like, G talking about like, you taking gummy worms?

[Inya]

He was like, all right, so here's what's gonna happen.

[Drew]

Gummy worms.

[Inya]

I'm gonna call the police on you, and you're gonna go to jail. And I was like, what the is going on?

[Kai]

12 years old.

[Inya]

I was. I was freaked out. I was, I think, like, 15, but I was still like, this is.

[Kai]

Was that in the shot?

[Drew]

I don't know. Yeah, it's been in the shot the whole time. I don't have my glasses on, so.

[Inya]

I'll use Content Aware.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Inya]

But anyway, I was just like, I am old enough to know that I'm not going to jail, but I am young enough to be freaked the out and just be like, what? Like, why am I going to prison? I. These are like, these are worth nothing.

[Drew]

Yeah. When I got caught stealing, like, like, 600 worth of stuff from Sephora, I was like, what is the big deal? Like, let me go.

[Kai]

Yeah. When I got caught stealing a car and driving it into.

[Drew]

Yeah, like, what's the big deal? Like, there's so. There's literally so many cars.

[Kai]

Yeah. I'm like, y' all can just get another one. It's like a Rolls Royce. Like, you have money, you know?

[Drew]

I know you have money.

[Kai]

Like, I'm, like, doing nothing, too.

[Drew]

Wow. You're a millionaire and you're not gonna give me your Rolls Royce for free?

[Kai]

It's actually up. Like, I was like, like, are you really gonna arrest me right now? Literally. Blue lives. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

What was I gonna say? Yeah, but a bunch of. From childhood is power trips. I had teachers who were insane. Like, they're, of course, in the same sentence. Of course. Kudos to teachers. It's such a, like, insane job. Like, when you really start to think about it, like, to take care to babysit, daycare, and then also teach them. Like, that is so much. It's so insane.

[Kai]

And their salaries are literally like dirt. It's, like, the meanest you could do.

[Drew]

So belligerent. So it makes sense that so many of my teachers were crazy with me because, like, I would be too.

[Kai]

Like, I would hit people. I would hit my students. If I was a teacher.

[Drew]

If I was a teacher of myself. When I was younger, I would slap the fuck out of the back of my head because, like, I definitely deserved it. I was so annoying. But I had teachers who were so fucking mean to me. In fifth grade, I had this teacher. Her name was Ms. Hollywood, and she. Her tagline.

[Kai]

You've told this on.

[Drew]

On the. On podcast. Yeah, I'm just Gonna repeat it because I'm already going into it. So if you've heard it, whatever, act like you haven't heard it. But her whole catchphrase was, the devil is a lie. And she would just yell at us. And if she felt like we were lying, she would say, the devil is a lie.

[Kai]

Just shouts now, like, the devil is a lie. You're gonna die soon. Like, actually, you're gonna die soon.

[Drew]

I am. No, no, that's.

[Kai]

I think, I think it's coming soon for me. I can feel it.

[Drew]

Like, I say that's the only thing that could happen.

[Kai]

Like, I'm on the precipice. Like, life is just so good. Like, all of my worst nightmares have already come true. Like the. That I would lay awake in bed before I fell asleep. All of them came true all in the same year. The one last thing to happen to me is me passing away. Because I, I, I know I'm gonna die before my parents and everybody else in my family because I literally, like, can't. Almost everybody in my family because my brother died.

[Drew]

No, he didn't. Like, the thing is, I'm. I'm done. I'm done with him coming on here and lying, because he did it. Oh, basically. Anyway, one time in fifth grade when I was crying, she yelled at me. I was like, 10. And she said, why the are you so sensitive? And she yelled at me, and she was like, stop crying.

[Kai]

Stop.

[Drew]

And then I never cried in school again because it actually scared the out of me, and I was so embarrassed.

[Kai]

Yeah, I have a. Oh, wait, there's this crazy story that doesn't have to do with a teacher.

[Inya]

Yeah, I'll shut the up.

[Kai]

You can talk later maybe.

[Inya]

Maybe when the.

[Drew]

Oh, when the camera's off. You can go on and on and on.

[Inya]

I get it. Yeah.

[Kai]

Okay, so I've been meaning. I've written this in my podcast notes for literally 20 episodes, but every time I just, like, forget what the. Yeah, What? I'm done, too.

[Inya]

Please don't leave. Please don't leave. Okay, I guess I'm just gonna do this episode, the rest alone. And. Yeah, this, this will be cool.

[Drew]

Away from me.

[Kai]

I'm gonna kill you. I'm done. I'm actually, like, fed up with all your.

[Drew]

I'm fed up with you. You copied me. I walked out, and you had to walk out too.

[Kai]

Yeah, my brother died.

[Drew]

No, he didn't.

[Kai]

You keep calling me a liar.

[Drew]

He literally did it. You liar.

[Kai]

Sorry, girl, I love you so much. Like, actually, like, you are.

[Drew]

I was really Overwhelmed because of my love for Jerusalem. We did go have sex, but it was really quick.

[Kai]

It was like we had. We. I mean, y' all probably heard it. We do.

[Inya]

I can't do this anymore. I can't. This is so crazy.

[Kai]

I can't do this anymore. That's. That's literally Kai. Every time he talks. But.

[Drew]

Yeah. What were you saying? You've been mean. Say it on the podcast.

[Kai]

I've, like, had this, like, loaded up for, like, 20 episodes, and every time I, like, get to the topic, I'm like, I probably shouldn't air this person out, but I've thought about it for literally 20 weeks, and I'm like, no, they deserve to be aired out, because this is insane. So in, like, I guess it was like, fifth grade, because we were at Oakwoods, which is, like, a intermediate school. So we had, like, K through third grade, fourth and fifth grade at one school, sixth, seventh, and eighth grade at another school, then ninth grade at its own school, and then high school. 10, 11, 12 at the high school. It was insane.

[Drew]

When I'm bored of making buildings.

[Kai]

Yeah. No, they just had to, like, fill and occupy the buildings. It was, like, actually crazy crazy. But it was definitely an intermediate school. And there's this girl who was obsessed, like, scarily obsessed with me. Like, it was, like, not. Okay, how obsessed with me. She was, like, literally freaked out. And at the time, like, what, you freak?

[Inya]

She's mouthing the word liar.

[Kai]

Okay, I'm gonna say her name.

[Drew]

Me lying. And, like, no. There were so many people who were upset. Obsessed with me at school. Like, so.

[Kai]

No, like, there actually were. It was kind of crazy because it. It's, like, pivotal to the story. But her name was literally, like, if that's not the killer's name that I've ever heard. Yeah, that's the killer's name. But basically, there was this other girl who was also very obsessed with me. Her name was Chloe, but. And I. And I, like, was obsessed with her. Like, we, like, had, like, this little thing, like, fifth grade.

[Drew]

Oh, did y' all fuck?

[Kai]

We never. No, we didn't fuck. Fifth grade, girl.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

Prude.

[Drew]

Prude. I thought this guy was a slut. Oh, prude.

[Kai]

But, yeah, I didn't know how to spell her name, so. I didn't know. I never wrote her.

[Drew]

You didn't know how to. Chloe.

[Kai]

I would spell it chol. Like, one time I wrote her, like, this love letter, and I spelled her name.

[Drew]

Okay. Me can't. You can't spell in fifth grade, so you weren't Fucking. And you couldn't spell? Wow.

[Kai]

No, it was fucked up. And then this girl Choal wrote me a letter and she wrote me. She wrote me a letter and it was the lyrics to the Taylor Swift song that's like, Drew looks at me. And she wrote every word to the song down and gave it to me. This is a girl that I was obsessed with and I was like, this is like the coolest moment of my life. Like, I'm like, literally like so straight right now. Like, this is crazy. I'm like, I'm passing. And then Athena saw her pass the note to me and grabbed the note and read it and got so fucking angry that she like, pushed at recess. She grabbed this like, girl, she was a tiny girl, and pushed her up against a tree with her forearm and like literally started choking her out because she was like, that's mine. Drew is mine. And like, it was so fucking scary. And she like, I'm not joking. Like, she would have actually killed for me. She was just like, literally the killer and she would have killed over me. And I don't know. There's so much more. Like, she had like a razor blade on her and. And threatened people with it, but she never. She never got kicked out. But the kid who literally, like threatened to stab me and then had a 14 inch blade got kicked out. I know. Curious. There's some sexism there towards men.

[Drew]

Oh, that way. Is that actually the moral of your story?

[Kai]

Yeah, like, like girls get or have nice and don't get kicked out, but guys who have nice get kicked out. Like, that doesn't make sense.

[Drew]

Okay. Yeah, I guess.

[Kai]

See, sexism towards men does exist.

[Inya]

It's real.

[Kai]

Yeah, like, women are like psychos.

[Drew]

Girls are crazy.

[Inya]

No, women are crazy.

[Drew]

Girl. Girls are crazy.

[Kai]

Girls on their periods and.

[Inya]

Yeah, you're pretty cool. Cool.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

That's what a lot. A lot of people do. Tell me that, like, I'm like a boy, but I'm a girl.

[Kai]

But you can hang with the boys for sure.

[Drew]

No, I can with the boys. I can talk. I play fortnite. Like, I drink beer. I like touch my member in inappropriate spaces all the time.

[Kai]

It's normal in our group too.

[Drew]

When I see a girl, my eyes pop out of my head and I start stomping around.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew]

Yes. Okay. And girls just couldn't get this because girls are so stupid.

[Kai]

We just have like locker room talk where we talk about slaying and macking on some bunk box, eating whole out slaying puss.

[Drew]

Yeah, we just talk about like, slaying and, like, serving. Like, I'm serving to that sleigh pussy right now. In my boots. No, under the house.

[Kai]

Okay. Witch of the wicked. The wicked witch of the witch. The wickedly talented.

[Drew]

Okay, which of the wicked.

[Kai]

The wickedly talented Adele De Zin.

[Drew]

The wickedly talented. Like, that's what makes it so funny, is his delivery. His delivery on wickedly. Because he could have just said, yeah, the wickedly talented Adele Delzine. Up her name. But he goes, the wickedly talented. Like, his head, like, shifted. Please welcome the wickedly talented one and only.

[Kai]

Should I bring this up or is it too soon?

[Drew]

Give it a minute. We have to see where the series goes. We need a little more juice. We need a little more juice to that beef stew.

[Kai]

Okay, so I was a little toxic. That's all. I'll say. Not even toxic. I was just. I'm playing games. Like, I'm done. Like, not playing games.

[Drew]

There's nothing wrong with the little games being played.

[Kai]

Yeah. I was like, who's it gonna hurt? So I'm playing love games. Let me play a love game. Oh, I'm getting another call because everybody wants to call me literally at the same fucking time.

[Drew]

Do you guys mind that I'm sexting someone right now?

[Kai]

Hello?

[Inya]

Don't do that.

[Kai]

You're on the podcast, Madeline. What? You're on the podcast. Oh, shoot.

[Drew]

Sorry, I did not know you were filming that.

[Kai]

No, you're good. What's up?

[Drew]

I was just gonna ask you if you wanted to play Fortnite.

[Kai]

Oh, coming soon. Coming soon. Yes, yes, absolutely.

[Drew]

Okay, well, just let me know when you're done.

[Kai]

See, that's my twin sister right there.

[Inya]

Yes, sir.

[Kai]

Yeah. All right. Love you.

[Drew]

I love you.

[Kai]

Bye. She's such a no.

[Drew]

It's funny how I didn't hear the.

[Kai]

Way she was just talking to me.

[Drew]

It's funny how I didn't get invited to play Fortnite.

[Inya]

Yeah, I didn't get invited either.

[Drew]

You're so upset.

[Kai]

Fucking nerd dweebs, Both of you. Freak nerd dweed that, like, want to be a part of me.

[Inya]

I'm athletic and I'm chill.

[Kai]

Me and Kai have been butting heads recently.

[Inya]

No, we haven't.

[Kai]

Drew's just been saying that I'm gonna start being confrontational.

[Drew]

I need to get beat up.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Inya]

Yeah, yeah, I know.

[Kai]

I actually agree. I want bruises that I can.

[Drew]

I've been beat up.

[Kai]

I want bruises. I can press.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

That feel good? Because I have a tumor in my head.

[Drew]

Everyone needs to get beat up.

[Inya]

Once, I don't need to.

[Drew]

But am I the only one who misses violence? Like, where's all the violence?

[Kai]

Where's the news in the media? No one heard me.

[Drew]

I'm kidding, by the way.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Oh, sue me. Put me in jail. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You can't. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

I have a tumor in my lower back.

[Drew]

You are stealing my bit. Because I've. I've talked about my tumor in my lower back that Josh's dad called fat. He just said, oh. He's like, yeah, that's kind of like a tumor, but it must be benign. It's probably just fat that.

[Kai]

Yeah, well, I have, like, a literal tumor right here.

[Drew]

Drew was like, I have a tumor, and then had me press into his back muscle, and then he. He's just trying to trick people into massaging his back. Like, that's what I'm convinced it is. He's like, you have to dig really deep to find it.

[Kai]

Oh, I'm gonna deep. I'm gonna dig. I'm gonna dig in your. Deep in your ass, stinky hole, stupid.

[Drew]

I beat you to it.

[Kai]

Rotten stinky.

[Drew]

Oh, hey.

[Inya]

Oh, damn. Keep going.

[Drew]

They had Rei at Reformation vintage today, and it had me cracking.

[Kai]

That's actually hilarious. Were the pieces good or no?

[Drew]

No, it was just like, a random pair of pants. It was just like, this kind of pair of pants. Pants.

[Kai]

Oh, nice, nice, nice, nice. Yeah. Well, we have Coachella tomorrow. We're leaving for Coachella.

[Drew]

By the time this is up, we will be in our Coachella Day 1 outfits.

[Kai]

Yeah, Kai already leaked mine on his story.

[Drew]

Idiot.

[Kai]

No, you're the worst assistant ever.

[Inya]

I'm a idiot.

[Drew]

Kai's our assistant at one where he's not on this.

[Inya]

I'm your friend.

[Kai]

I literally love you, Kai. This is serious. I love you so much.

[Inya]

You're gay.

[Kai]

Oh, my.

[Drew]

Thank you. Okay, I see now. Now I with you. You're not my assistant. You're a little more than that, maybe.

[Inya]

Okay, cool. Sometimes, Drew, I'm so sorry, by the way.

[Drew]

Oh, nope, I take it back, Drew.

[Inya]

I actually meant it. And, yeah, we're homies. Yeah.

[Drew]

See how he picks me over you? I hate this guy. Future is female babies actually freak me. The out. Out. Yeah, I'm, like, not kidding. Orion pointed it out at Disney, and I was like, dude, I was just singing this the other day because when I went to the Rose Bowl, I saw this, like, little kid in what was just an adult outfit made for small people, and it freaked me the out, because, like, Kids proportions are just adults, but actually shrunken down. It's like when you shrink down a photo correctly and you take it from the upper right corner and, like, take it down. That's just what a baby is.

[Kai]

That's primordial dwarfism. Is what you're describing. Describing?

[Drew]

No, I'm describing the growth of a human being, but it actually freaks me out, and I don't like it. I really don't like it.

[Kai]

No, babies freak me the out, too. But I want one. Really?

[Drew]

I know. I was just about to say, but I kind of want one. Like, they sound fun.

[Kai]

Yeah, they, like, they're really cute.

[Drew]

They sound fun in theory. Until they, like. I feel like kids when they're infants are awful because they cry and just. And you're just like, oh, my God, I made this thing. But, like, at what cost? Because it's annoying. And then when it, like, starts to round out and get a little cute, it's like, okay, this was fun. Like, I can take pictures of this thing now because it doesn't look, like, terrifying.

[Kai]

Are you gonna make an Instagram account for your baby?

[Drew]

Hell, no. My baby will not see the light of day.

[Kai]

No, y' all won't. If I had a baby, I would never. One, y' all would never know. I don't even think y' all would know if I had a child.

[Inya]

Okay, yes, we would.

[Kai]

No, I'd hide it from everybody.

[Drew]

That's good, because I don't want you in my life, like, that long anyway. Why? I'm just saying, like, I'm. Oh, I can't be truthful. This isn't a space for me to be truthful.

[Inya]

Be honest. For sure.

[Kai]

No, I like lies.

[Drew]

Stop picking at your chair. You're, like, looking at it, like, scratching it.

[Kai]

I'm looking for the good bits to drop into this little hole up here.

[Drew]

Azul eats those bits that you drop on the floor.

[Kai]

No, I'm not dropping them on the floor. I'm dropping them in the hole. I don't drop bits on the floor.

[Drew]

But, yeah, I would not. I would not post my baby. Like, I. I don't. I. If I am at all important to the public, by the time I have a kid, which I don't think will happen, because. What. That's, like, seven years away from me. What? I'm gonna be doing this. Like, y' all probably I'll be dead when I have a baby.

[Kai]

Yeah, probably.

[Drew]

But by the time I have a baby, like, literally, I don't want anybody to know. I want to Be one of those people who's like, oh, my God, so and so has a baby. I did not know that because I also don't plan on taking it out. It's an at home kind of hobby. My baby, personally.

[Kai]

I'm gonna have a baby.

[Inya]

Is it indoor baby?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I don't. I don't want it out. What?

[Kai]

I'm gonna have a baby and kill it.

[Drew]

That's fun. Why?

[Kai]

I want to eat its bones.

[Drew]

I want chicken wings so bad. You know what's up is when you said that, I was like, damn, chicken wings do sound good.

[Kai]

Yeah, they kind of do. Dude, that turkey leg from Disney World was ran.

[Drew]

That was the most animalistic I felt in my whole life.

[Kai]

Scaring me. I was like, oh, my God, we literally are just like monkeys, dude. The whole time I was in Disney World, I was like, I was just looking around at everybody and I was like, oh, my God. We're just like evolved primates. Like, so bored that we had to build a fake place to go to go to. To like, have fun. It was greening me the out. And then we sat on the bench and ate literally like meat on the bone. And I was like a big ass piece.

[Inya]

I was eating one with Orion. And at one point we were just dead silent, like, like, like carving away at this bone because they were so hungry. And like, I was like, oh. I had this crazy, like, primitive flashback to just being like an animal, like, fighting.

[Kai]

It was so scary. I, like, I took a bite. I had to peel the skin back because seeing the skin was like, actually rancid to me. I was like, this is too.

[Drew]

The thing is, the skin is the best part about chicken and turkey.

[Kai]

I was like, this is too much. So I peeled it back and then I saw like, all those, like, striations and veins and like, like almost like deep blue colors and like all the nasty little tendons and bits. And I was like. I was so hungry that I was like, I literally have to eat this, like, or I will die. And my relationship with food will be.

[Drew]

The good news is.

[Kai]

But I'm scared of me.

[Drew]

Instead of putting like, like an animal in your body, you did turn to like a more vegetarian leaning option. And you ate a whole bag of hot Cheetos.

[Kai]

Yeah, I took like three bites of my turkey wing and I ate a bag of hot Cheetos. I gave it away.

[Inya]

Yeah. You walked up to me like a baby and you like, so earnestly handed it to me and I was like.

[Kai]

I don't want it, but please take this fucking meat.

[Inya]

You had, like, fear in your eyes.

[Kai]

I know, dude. It was. It actually fucked me up. I looked at it, and I was like. Like, this is too much. Like, all the oils and, like, guts coming out of this is, like. It's rancid. I was like, I can't do this. So I gave it away. I palmed it off and ate my bag of Cheetos, and I'm going back to eating red.

[Drew]

You say that every episode.

[Kai]

Did you.

[Inya]

Did you do blue already?

[Drew]

He never tapped into the blue. You're. You're red at heart.

[Inya]

I can't wait.

[Drew]

Like, politically, you're red.

[Kai]

Something scary happened to me in red light. I'm scared of.

[Drew]

No, I'm. No, I don't mean, like. I mean, you're red, like, at heart, like, politically.

[Inya]

Yeah, you are.

[Kai]

You're a red kind of girl.

[Drew]

Oh, red looks good on you.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Inya]

I can't wait for your green week, and then you'll actually eat vegetables.

[Drew]

Drew does not consume vegetables. Don't.

[Kai]

Do not lie on my name.

[Drew]

I love cauliflower doused in, like, buffalo sauce. Does not.

[Kai]

I ate was for one of the meals with my parents while they were here. All I ate was just, literally wilted spinach. I was like, I need to eat something green. So I ate, like, an entire plate.

[Drew]

Old spinach.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

It loses nutrients when it's old. I'm sorry. I'm just being honest.

[Kai]

So toxic for me. I just, like, can't win. I'm constantly attacked. I'm constantly berated. I'm constantly questioned. My reality is fake. I'm always lying. What else is there? Let's add it to the lips.

[Drew]

Your hair looks really good.

[Kai]

Thank you.

[Drew]

You are, like, belligerently insane.

[Kai]

No, I feel insane. Like, I'm. I haven't gotten over the fact that, like, y' all aren't actually real, and this is all just, like, I'm stuck in purgatory.

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Because this isn't like, hell. Like, I'm not stuck in hell, because this isn't bad, but it's very neutral. What's the happiest you've ever been?

[Drew]

I don't know. I genuinely don't know. I don't know.

[Kai]

Right here with you.

[Drew]

Is that what you want me to say? No. When I'm with you, I'm, like, at my lowest. I'm, like. I'm, like, the closest to, like, hell I think I could get.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Kai]

Fair.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Drew]

Oh, wow.

[Kai]

No, honestly, fair.

[Drew]

When's the happiest you've Been.

[Inya]

When you got your boat.

[Kai]

When I got 11 kills in Fortnite.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding, actually. Okay. I haven't spoken about this because it literally happened in the span of the past week.

[Kai]

Week.

[Drew]

I started playing Fortnite, and I had never really played it, other than like.

[Kai]

Maybe one time at 13 of me profusely.

[Drew]

No, I make fun of you for Call of Duty, and I still will make fun of that, but I just never played it because, like, that building is too much. Like, you're asking me to kill and build stuff. Like, no, what is this real life? Like, I'm not doing it, but I started playing. Why did I even play? I think you were.

[Kai]

Your friend wanted to play it.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. So we had friends who wanted to play, and I just saw them playing, and I was like, I want to play. Like, I don't know. Like, I've just never played.

[Kai]

They think it's cool. It's cool, but if I think it's cool, it's not.

[Drew]

I just felt left out because then, like, the whole friend group started talking about Fortnite, and I was like, bitch, I don't fucking play this game. Like, I want to be a part of something. Something. So I played around, and then I was, like, decent at it, and I was like, oh, also, if I'm decent at anything, I'm a big fan of it. Like, if I'm, like, good immediately and it doesn't take any.

[Kai]

You're, like, addicted.

[Drew]

I'm addicted to it because it's, like, instant gratification for my little.

[Kai]

I just can't get enough. So then I literally think about it every night and day.

[Drew]

I'm addicted. I just.

[Kai]

I just can't get enough Fortnite, babe.

[Drew]

But, yeah, I've just been playing it literally every single day, and it's actually really bad. I play, like, for two hours, anywhere from two to three hours straight.

[Kai]

But now you get it. You're like, oh, like, this time I would probably be spending on my iPhone. Like, at least I'm playing a video game and killing people.

[Drew]

That is not how I feel. How I feel is.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Like, no matter what I'm doing, I'm looking at a screen. You said it once. It was like, the idea that we can even get away from our screens is so stupid because, like, people who are like. Like, when I deleted Tick Tock, and I was like, yeah. Like, I'm just, like, consuming less.

[Kai]

Yeah. No, I'm.

[Drew]

Now I'm just watching in movies. Like, I'm still watching it Just depends.

[Kai]

On what crazy how much screens are in our Life. Like, there's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 screens in this room.

[Drew]

In this room.

[Kai]

Yeah. Six screens, and I'm looking at one.

[Drew]

When I run away. Don't say anything. I'm looking at one right now.

[Kai]

Yeah. No, when me and Inya run away, we'll probably go our separate ways, but we'll run away. Just, like, act like nothing happened. Maybe, like, download some episodes and start an AI bot of us doing emergency intercom so it looks like we didn't run away.

[Drew]

We'll just have, like, a prolonged tip jar.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

On a website, and y' all can tip us, but we'll have a separated tip jar, so that becomes competition, and it, like, separates me and Drew.

[Kai]

Yeah. And we could, like, run away.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, that sounds so good. To just, like, not exist. Like, if I could literally just, like, just not exist. Not like. Like, die, but just, like, cease to exist for, like, a year. Like, like, pause the world for a year.

[Drew]

I always say that, but then when I am, like, in the house doing nothing for two days in a row, I'm like, all right, all right. Let's. Let's.

[Kai]

Let's.

[Drew]

Let's get out of here.

[Kai]

No, no, I'm. You know, it's real for me, because I can sit in the house. I have sat in the house and literally not leave for two weeks. Like, that's the craziest vibe. Well, so it's very real for me.

[Drew]

Well, now you have to, because the world is ending, and that's why we can end this episode. The world is ending. So make sure you watch all of our episodes. You don't have much time.

[Kai]

It's. It's come full circle. It's come full circle. I've always been like, something big is coming. The world is ending. And now you're saying it with me. And you used to make.

[Drew]

No, I wasn't. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Kai]

I love you guys. Thank you for watching.

[Drew]

And here.

[Kai]

Opinion. And Something big is coming. She said.

[Drew]

I didn't say something big is coming.

[Kai]

She just said it right there. Something big is coming. Love you guys. Let's do a media.

[Drew]

I like. The thing is, when you do like that to me, I actually want to hit you so bad.

[Kai]

Just one of these days. Just hit me. Like, just please hit me.

[Drew]

That audio. You know what I'm talking about? Also, wait, before we end, this is a really important note. I guess I felt the need to write down to mention the podcast. Sometimes when I'M pooping. It feels like it's going up my spine.

[Kai]

Sometimes when I'm pooping, I, like, poop the log out, and then I suck it back in and then poop it out. I keep doing it.

[Drew]

Yeah. Oh, I do that too. Yeah, it feels good.

[Kai]

It hits my prostate.

[Inya]

You guys are so weird. I'm sorry.

[Drew]

Okay. Yeah, we're the weird.

[Kai]

They're gonna make that into an A24 mil.

[Inya]

Putting the poop back in.

[Drew]

Wait, what's a mill?

[Kai]

It's like a.

[Drew]

It's like a movie film.

[Kai]

Oh, wait, this is something. This craziest vibe I ever saw in my life on TikTok. The craziest vibe I've ever seen. Someone was literally watching my YouTube videos with their therapist. Like, they were. They were watching my YouTube videos with their therapist, and I was like, wait, this is so sick. I was like, that makes me want to get a therapist just to hang out and watch me on the YouTube screen.

[Drew]

That sounds like, okay, you're a fucking narcissist.

[Kai]

Yeah, that does sound like a vibe. And then they also posted one of them playing, like, a card game with their therapist and them watching emergency intercom, and I was like, maybe stop watching us if you want to get better.

[Drew]

I know it doesn't seem like we're helping.

[Kai]

No, no, no, no, no. But I was like, that is such a vibe, and I love that so much. But, yeah, there's, like, a few videos that I saw recently of myself on Tick Tock that I was like, damn, I, like, am so sick. There's just been a lot of content on me recently on there. Like, the truth is actually spreading. Yeah, like, the truth is spreading. Like, you want the truth, but you can't handle the truth. But the truth is spreading, so you're gonna have to learn to cope. You know what I'm saying?

[Inya]

I do. Yeah. You're so.

[Kai]

Judaism is spreading.

[Inya]

Can I just say something really quick?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. What the are you gonna say, Drew?

[Inya]

You're so sick, dude.

[Kai]

Thank you, Kai. I want to say this too, like, from the bottom of my heart. We didn't even, like, cut it out of the video, but I love you, and you're, like, so sick.

[Inya]

This is. This feels so cool.

[Drew]

Are you only saying that to him because he said something nice to you?

[Inya]

No, I don't think so.

[Drew]

No. I know my friend really well. I think that's what's happening. I think you're being tricked into giving.

[Inya]

Wait, let me try something. Let me try something.

[Drew]

Look at him. He's doing his. He's passing away.

[Inya]

I'm gonna try something.

[Drew]

When Drew gets caught in a lot, he passes out.

[Inya]

I'm gonna try something, Drew.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Inya]

You fucking suck.

[Drew]

Oh, he's just rebooting.

[Inya]

Oh.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Why would you slap him on the bare ass like that? How did you get your pants down? That.

[Kai]

Because he's got a big, stinky butt. It's hard for me to miss.

[Drew]

It came up really fast.

[Kai]

That's what I was doing.

[Inya]

Pulling my pants down in 0.01 seconds. Jumping to my face height.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Okay. Media of the week. I saw Sonic 2. It was awesome. It made me crack up. I think Sonic and Tails are going to have sex soon.

[Kai]

Lit.

[Drew]

And then for music, it's Aguas de Marco Maro. I don't know. At least Regina and Antonio Carlos. I don't know his last name. And then first songs or I already started song. Sorry. I'm, like, actually passing away. I'm not even kidding right now. I'm, like, actually losing it. Only over you by Fleetwood Mac, which I've said before, but I'm saying it again. Everybody's talking, Harry Nielsen.

[Kai]

Everybody's talking.

[Drew]

And then Breakage by a stereo lab.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. Okay. My media of the week is 12 Stout street by RX Poppy and good God bless the child by Billie Holiday, Stars to the Rainbow by Young Mean and Thai Boy Digital. And.

[Inya]

Oh, my God, dude, she hit her head really hard. I saw it. We can just keep going, I guess.

[Kai]

Yeah, that. Oh, my. Did that kind of hurt?

[Drew]

No, it actually felt really good.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. I want you to lay on top of me tonight.

[Drew]

I can lay on you right now.

[Kai]

Everybody knows, nerd. Oh, no, I just said that one fondly eulogizing Sleep by bedwetter is another good vibe. Like, put all your weight on me. Me?

[Drew]

No, Because I'll sit on your wiener.

[Kai]

No, just do it. Here, let me readjust.

[Drew]

I'm gonna break your legs.

[Kai]

Imagine my femur just snapped.

[Drew]

You're shaking, Drew. Babe, who's texting you?

[Kai]

That's just my text tone.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Kai]

My pastor.

[Drew]

What? What? Who? No, really. Who's texting you right now?

[Kai]

I'm healing. My. My pastor is texting me.

[Drew]

Are you gonna answer it? Like, what if someone needs help?

[Kai]

So ran through each of those was a different person. I finished my show the good Place. It was good. It was, like. No, it was, like, incredibly mid. But I did cry at the end because I was like, I'm so attached to these characters. And, like, it did make me really existential because I was like, oh, my God, like, if there is a heaven or hell, like, heaven becomes hell at some point because, like, everything good is always happening all the time. Like, infinity. Like, the reason why life is so fun and good all the time is because there's murder. No, it's because there's, like, we have, like, a reason to live, which is death. Like, that's, like, the ultimate reason for life. And, like, there's none of that in, like, hell or heaven, theoretically. So, like, it freaked me the out, and I was like, oh, my God. Like, even after we die, we're still gonna be alive. And I was like, I don't want to be alive even after I die.

[Drew]

That's a good way to end the episode. All right, thank you guys so much. Want to.

[Kai]

So much in my life is happening.

[Inya]

I didn't do my media.

[Kai]

So much in my life is happening.

[Drew]

Thank you guys so much for watching. It's okay. We're not monetized anyway. Play whatever the you want. Oh, he's touching himself. All right, bye, guys.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on Items like Pepsi 2 liter bottles, poppy prebiotic sodas, all laundry detergent, and kinder's seasoning blend. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Albertsons or safeway.com for more details.