women should cheat more

Summary

Emergency Intercom – Episode: "Women Should Cheat More"
Release Date: February 3, 2023
Host/Author: iHeartPodcasts

Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast hosted by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips, known for their unfiltered and humorous take on everyday situations. In the episode titled "Women Should Cheat More," released on February 3, 2023, Enya and Drew delve into the complexities of infidelity, gender dynamics, and personal anecdotes, all while maintaining their signature comedic flair.

Introduction to the Episode

The episode kicks off with Enya and Drew bantering about their disdain for modern over-the-counter medications, swiftly transitioning into more personal and humorous stories. The central theme of the episode emerges around mid-point, focusing on the provocative idea that women should cheat more to "level the playing field" in relationships.

Main Discussion: Should Women Cheat More?

Enya introduces the main topic with a satirical take on infidelity:

Enya [05:55]: "We need to level out the playing field, and more women need to start cheating."

She elaborates on the societal expectations and double standards regarding cheating:

Enya [06:04]: "Because I know that cheating, like, is, like, a hard thing to do because women are just so, like, gorgeous and amazing and perfect. So it's hard to, like, be unloyal like that because we are so meant to be. Ride or die."

Drew adds his perspective, highlighting the perceived lesser inclination among women to cheat:

Drew [07:09]: "Vaginas are scary. Period uterus. And that's on uterus. We need to start saying that, like, oh, like, when you're gonna say, like, period, you say uterus."

The hosts mockingly propose outrageous solutions to make cheating more appealing to women, including integrating intoxicants with condoms—a clear exaggeration meant for comedic effect.

Personal Anecdotes and Humor

The conversation seamlessly shifts between the main topic and a series of personal stories that amplify the humor and relatability of the podcast:

• Medication Woes: Enya and Drew discuss their mistrust of over-the-counter medications, with Enya sharing her adverse reactions:

  Enya [02:00]: "I stopped doing it. I feel like I... do you believe in Percocet for that?"

• Embarrassing School Memories: Drew recounts a painfully funny story from grade school where he faced rejection after asking a girl with stinky Uggs to a dance:

  Drew [15:31]: "I was like, literally destroyed. Like, humiliated."

  Enya [15:53]: "I just watched the way you rubbed your eye, and it freaked me out."

• Relationship Dynamics: Enya shares a recent experience of being made fun of at a bar, highlighting insecurities and societal judgments:

  Enya [22:32]: "I was in this bar... I want them to just not do that again."

Notable Quotes with Attribution and Timestamps

The episode is peppered with memorable quotes that capture the essence of Enya and Drew's comedic interplay:

• On Medication:

  Enya [03:20]: "I don't believe in modern medicine. Over the counter, like you're selling me something that on the back literally is warning me a million times not to take more than two a day or else I will experience liver failure."

• On Infidelity Proposal:

  Enya [07:00]: "No cheating is in 2023. Women cheating is in. It's a slay. It's like, very sexy."

• On Personal Struggles and Dreams:

  Drew [46:47]: "I'm seeing what Oscar Isaac is in recently. That's coming."

Other Topics Covered

Beyond the primary discussion, Enya and Drew touch upon a variety of subjects, including:

• Fart Jokes and Embarrassments: The hosts share humorous anecdotes about flatulence, reflecting their playful and unabashed humor.

• Dreams and Mental Health: Drew narrates a vivid dream sequence that delves into existential fears and the surreal experiences of dreaming, adding depth to the comedic narrative.

• Pop Culture Commentary: They discuss contemporary media, referencing TikTok trends, Marvel movies, and the peculiarities of modern influencer culture.

• Friendship Dynamics: Interactions with their friend Kai introduce additional layers of humor and camaraderie, showcasing the trio's chemistry.

Conclusion and Takeaways

The episode concludes with Enya and Drew wrapping up their discussions with light-hearted banter about music preferences, video games, and further comedic exchanges about friendships and personal quirks. The overarching message, wrapped in humor, challenges traditional gender norms and invites listeners to reflect on the absurdity of social expectations surrounding relationships and fidelity.

Final Thoughts:
"Women Should Cheat More" is a quintessential Emergency Intercom episode, blending personal stories, sharp wit, and bold commentary. Enya and Drew's ability to navigate sensitive topics with humor makes for an engaging and entertaining listen, appealing to audiences who enjoy unfiltered and candid comedic dialogues.

---

Notable Quotes for Quick Reference:

• Enya on Medication Risks:

  "I think that medicines like Dayquil and Nyquil that give you liver warnings on the back are actually making you sicker because every time I take it I. My kidneys hurt." ([01:31])

• Drew on Gender and Cheating:

  "Men cheat... Vaginas are scary. Period uterus." ([07:25])

• Enya on Being Made Fun Of:

  "I was made fun of last night at a bar. I got literally made fun of." ([22:32])

• Drew on Personal Failure:

  "That was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life." ([15:31])

These quotes encapsulate the comedic yet thought-provoking nature of the episode, highlighting the hosts' unique perspectives and playful interactions.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder Bueno, Cheez it Crackers, Oscar Mayer Lunchables and Just Bear chicken bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Drew]

At Designer Shoe Warehouse, we believe that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Shoes are an important part art of.

[Enya]

Well, everything from first steps to first dates, from all nighters to all time personal bests.

[Ryan Seacrest]

From building pillow forts to building a.

[Enya]

Life for all the big and small moments that make up your whole world. DSW is there and we've got just the shoes. Find a shoe for every you from brands you love at brag worthy prices at your DSW store or dsw.com.

[Drew]

Welcome back to Emergency Intercom. I'm Drew. I'm Enya and this is our unmedicated adhd. Damn, Sorry.

[Enya]

I'm eating bread because I'm not kidding. I think that medicines like Dayquil and Nyquil that give you liver warnings on the back are actually making you sicker because every time I take it I. My kidneys hurt.

[Drew]

Well, I don't know. I don't know what to say to that. I don't believe in medicine either anymore.

[Enya]

I stopped doing it. I feel like I.

[Drew]

Over the counter medication maybe. Give me a Percocet though.

[Enya]

Do you believe in Percocet for that?

[Drew]

Like I believe in Percocet. I believe in Roxy Cotton, Roxy Code and Oxycontin. What else is there? Fentanyl patches, Fentanyl lollipops.

[Enya]

I'm going to stick a fentanyl lollipop in your butt.

[Drew]

I would literally love that so much because there is this thing called boofing that is like woofing. Ketamine.

[Enya]

Yeah. Why haven't we made like condoms that are like integrated with certain things? Like to get people high while they fuck.

[Drew]

They probably do do that.

[Enya]

I'm gonna make that.

[Drew]

Yeah, me.

[Enya]

As if any of those jokes are leaving.

[Drew]

I'm like, no, they're all being left in.

[Enya]

Okay. We have mushroom gummies. Mushroom condoms.

[Drew]

Mm.

[Kai]

Weed condoms.

[Enya]

That's too much. Because you can literally go like to the Apple store of weed and like get a good edible. Why are you putting it in your butt? Like. But yeah, that's. I just wanna say that I Don't believe in modern medicine. Over the counter, I take it, because yeah, I believe in modern medicine, like vaccines and whatnot, but over the counter, like you're selling me something that on the back literally is warning me a million times not to take more than two a day or else I will experience liver failure.

[Drew]

I shouldn't be putting that into my body. Yeah, I should be letting the gods cure me as they intended with my immune system.

[Enya]

But I was sick last week, as you all know. I feel way better. But I woke up sick again because I felt better. My first day feeling fully healthy. I was like, yes, perfect timing. It was our friend's party. I went and then I smoked a.

[Drew]

Bunch of cigarettes and up your throat again.

[Enya]

Back to feeling a little not so lit. But that's okay. That's just the way. That's the way love goes.

[Drew]

That's the way it is. That's the way it is. The only reason I said boofing ketamine is that's an inside joke with one of our friends. That is 100 listening. And we miss you. We miss you, babes.

[Enya]

Imagine she just doesn't listen to this one. I was gonna say something. Oh, I realized my farts for the most time are silent because I have no ass cheeks for them to travel through.

[Drew]

Yeah, you don't. There's not that. Like walls to refer.

[Enya]

There's no wall of sound.

[Drew]

Yeah. Since mine is so fat it's like earth shattering. Like farts. When I do. When I do, it shakes the earth. You remember, you remember the.

[Enya]

Wait, you fart.

[Drew]

Yeah. You remember the San Francisco earthquake? Yeah, that was because I myself.

[Enya]

Your shits are really like, like scentless.

[Drew]

Yeah, the LA one, I think it was a 98 maybe. I don't remember. There was the one that collapsed the bridge in la. That was on me, unfortunately.

[Enya]

You had just been born though.

[Drew]

I know.

[Enya]

Oh my God. Yeah, you were born with all that cake.

[Drew]

It's. It's a devastating. It was devastating.

[Enya]

I did open the fridge this morning and I farted like a 48 year old man. Like I was literally in my like pajamas and like all like ragged because I just woken up and I like looked in the fridge and I farted and I felt like a 48 year old who like is a divorcee and I deserved it.

[Drew]

You lost the apartment or you lost the house and you have the bachelor apartment.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

The sad divorce.

[Enya]

I live with like two random 20 year olds who I like met on Craigslist.

[Drew]

Yeah. The divorcee apartment is like really Sad and something a lot of people go through and no one talks about.

[Enya]

Oh, what if it's a man who is divorced? He probably deserves it.

[Drew]

Kai.

[Kai]

I'm sorry.

[Enya]

I know. Kai's literally on his fucking iPhone.

[Drew]

He's on TikTok as we're working.

[Kai]

I always watch porn at, like, four minutes just to, like, feel something.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

Just to remind yourself what time we're at.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Yeah. Fuck. Oh, speaking of divorce, we need to level out the playing field, and more women need to start cheating. And I was thinking about this while I was driving yesterday.

[Drew]

So men cheat.

[Enya]

I know that. Like, women, because we're just so, like, emotionally intellectual, like, and we're not driven by these, like, fudgeing, like, ruthless evils that men are, that more often than not, women aren't the ones cheating. So here's my plan. Because I know that cheating, like, is, like, a hard thing to do because women are just so, like, gorgeous and amazing and perfect. So it's hard to, like, be unloyal like that because we are so meant to be. Ride or die.

[Drew]

So.

[Enya]

So next time you are about to break up with your partner, just lie and say you cheated. Like, just so we can even out the play. And you might be like, well, I don't want to be, like, seen and perceived as a cheater. Cheating is it. That's my trend forecast. Trend forecast this trend forecast that. No cheating is in 2023. Women cheating is in. It's a slay. It's like, very sexy. It's like, damn. Like, I bet it was good, though. Like, yeah, that's my prediction.

[Drew]

Yeah. And girls can't actually cheat because they're not pretty enough, so they have to lie.

[Enya]

Is that a joke or.

[Drew]

No, that's how I feel.

[Enya]

I thought, like, the thing is, you go so back and forth. Oh, you said. But you said girls. You're not talking about, like, women. Do you reserve two different opinions or you just think, like, women and girls are like, just nasty.

[Drew]

Vaginas are scary. Period uterus. And that's on uterus. We need to start saying that, like, oh, like, when you're gonna say, like, period, you say uterus.

[Enya]

I was thinking, like, instead of saying, oh, it's giving, it's purring.

[Drew]

Don't say that. No, do not. Do not say that. But say uterus. Oh, my God. Like, it's giving uterus.

[Enya]

It's not giving uterus. I'm not saying that. Yeah, I'm gonna say it's giving colonoscopy.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. I Cannot believe you said that because that is the perfect segue for something I have written down that. I wrote down this. That is insane that you said that because when was the. That is the first time that word has been uttered on this fucking podcast. But when I was like 11 or 12, I was having, like, really gnarly stomach issues. Like, I don't know what the fuck was going on. Like, I would eat and immediately, like, throw up right after. And it wasn't on some, like, ED shit. It was fully, like my stomach and my body was like, not letting food go down my gullet. So, like, I lost a bunch of weight and I was already underweight. So I went to the doctor and they were like, oh, you probably just have acid reflux. And I was like, yeah, I know I have acid reflux. Like, my teeth are all melting out of my fucking skull. Because at night my stomach acid and bile goes up into my throat and melts the enamel off my fucking teeth.

[Enya]

Dude. That literally just made me like, shiver.

[Drew]

Yeah, it was fucked up. I still do when I eat chocolate.

[Enya]

And I know when you forgot to brush your teeth in the morning, you went to school, you smelled like shit.

[Drew]

I never forgot to brush my teeth.

[Enya]

I know. You smell like dooo.

[Drew]

Okay, I went three days. No, don't say it.

[Enya]

Say it.

[Drew]

Say it, please, please.

[Enya]

Is this recently?

[Drew]

No, no, no. But I had. Where was I? Where was I?

[Enya]

You said, okay, you were going to the doctor. You had stomach issues.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. They were like, you probably have acid reflux. And I was like, oh, yeah, I know. Well, we went and got a second opinion from another doctor and they were like, this is weird. A 12 year old should not be having stomach acid or stomach issues like this. Like, let's get you an endoscopy. Which is when they get a camera and they shove it down your throat and they look at. That's why I don't have a gag reflex. They shove the camera down your throat, they check out like your esophagus and your stomach. Make sure you don't have ulcers and shit. I think they even go into like, you're the beginning of your stomach. I think it's like the idiom or something like that. I don't know. But in. Okay.

[Enya]

Pre med.

[Drew]

No. I don't even know what it's called. That's not even the right. Oh my God.

[Enya]

Sorry.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Enya]

Sorry. I'm just like, wow, couldn't be me. Like, I'm no dropout. You're just such a. Wow. Like, stick to the plan. Like, well, you ever heard of that?

[Drew]

Okay, yeah, but. And they asked. They. They said, oh, like, we also want to do a colonoscopy. Is that okay? And I was like, yeah, that's okay. Like, more shit to talk about.

[Enya]

This is when you're 12.

[Drew]

Yeah. So in the same procedure, they did an endoscopy and a colonoscopy at the same time. And this is the worst part. Well, okay, Pri. We'll go back two days.

[Enya]

Not the same time.

[Drew]

They met the cameras in the middle. And there's footage of my insides with the cameras looking at each other.

[Enya]

No, they didn't. I literally was like, damn, they Eiffel towered you.

[Drew]

Yeah, literally. Literally. But I. A couple of days prior, I had to take, like, the most amount of laxatives anybody's ever consumed. And, like, I mean, I was like, spraying shit out of my ass. This was like pre constipation era. Like, it was flowing and it was like football season. So, like, there was like a bathroom right next to our living room. And I would go in that bathroom and like, explode shit out of my ass. And people would, like, evacuate. It was like, really fucked up. It was like, bad, bad. But anyways, I was like a child and whatever. So fast forward to now. They did the procedures at this exact same time. And I woke up out of the procedure in my eye. My right eye felt just so weird. I was like, something is wrong with this eye. But I didn't say anything while I was at the hospital. Went home, slept it off. Like, woke up at like 7, and I had, like the worst pink eye of my entire life. Which either means that they gave me pink eye. They either put that fucking poop tube down my throat, that poop camera down my throat, and accidentally rubbed their fucking gloveless hands on my eye and gave me pink eye, or I just got pink eye because I was, like, shitting somewhere.

[Enya]

I'm assuming you got pink eye. Cause you were spraying shit out of your ass and you weren't washing your hands.

[Drew]

I was heavily. No, I actually was washing my hands because my mom made me. But I was heavily, heavily, heavily convinced that this was malpractice and I was going to win, like a case against this company.

[Enya]

Mind you, he's 12.

[Drew]

I literally was. I was like. I was scheming. I was like, figuring this shit out. I was like, oh, this is not going to slide.

[Enya]

Figuring you're going to finger that shit out.

[Drew]

Yeah, exactly. Have done that.

[Enya]

You're constipated. Stop.

[Drew]

You talk about in like the first episode or promo. Yeah. I'm so Japan core. Like, if you know, you know the.

[Enya]

Car is wet, babe. You got that in la.

[Drew]

Little Tokyo. But what was I saying?

[Enya]

You were saying that you're gonna finger it out.

[Drew]

You figured we. We bleeped it in one of the first episodes because I was like, we cannot. Like, we cannot.

[Enya]

Well, we're so far gone. Like, it's not the. Like, I feel like saying that you finger poop out of your butt is probably one of the, like, more tame things we've maybe said. Did you know that if you're a girl and you got a. And you put your finger in your vagina and you press against the back, you could feel the poop in your butt?

[Kai]

What?

[Enya]

That's real.

[Kai]

No way.

[Enya]

That is so real.

[Kai]

That's so cool.

[Enya]

That's what? Like, what, What? Like, why is that so cool to you?

[Kai]

That's cool and sexy.

[Enya]

Yeah. You could just like, massage it out if you really needed to. I bet I haven't done that because I'm not nasty and I don't poop. Are you okay?

[Drew]

That was just far too much for me, to be honest. That was a lot.

[Enya]

That was. That more than all of us watching porn.

[Drew]

Yeah. Oh, no, that was just.

[Enya]

That was too much for you?

[Drew]

No, that wasn't too much for me. I just, like, didn't need to see that. Like, I never needed to witness that. Like, it was laying eggs. Like, it was laying eggs inside.

[Enya]

We were watching porn that was like. I feel like it used to be a big.

[Drew]

This. This podcast is nasty.

[Enya]

I know.

[Drew]

I know where to move on.

[Enya]

Maybe. Like, so we were watching this porn. That's our video of the week. It's like the egg porn.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Yeah. All right, all right.

[Drew]

We'll.

[Enya]

We'll.

[Drew]

We'll. We'll go to, like, a little nicer note. Sad still for me, but. So I recently found out that the odor that I was smelling in middle school, like, during the winter, was stinky Uggs. Like, girls would wear their Uggs and they would fucking stink like shit, and they would have an odor, and it was, like, always kept a secret. And I was always like, what the fuck is this? Like, sulfur? Like, nasty ass rotten egg fucking odor stench coming from this area. And it was always, like, the pretty girl sitting in the area. And I was like, there's no way it's them. Well, one. This one girl in particular who had stinky Uggs, and now I like, but she was also, like, the prettiest girl in school. I asked her to the dance, and I asked her just, like, you want to go to the dance with me? And in front of everybody, it was like, eight people at the lunch table. And she said no. And I was, like. I was, like, literally destroyed.

[Enya]

Yeah. What was your reaction?

[Drew]

I was literally destroyed. Like, humiliated. Because, like, I thought I had. I thought I was, like, rizzing all over her. I was spraying Riz everywhere.

[Enya]

Like, I don't know if that's the way.

[Drew]

I don't know. Squirting rib like that. Like, it was crazy oozing Riz. It was just, like, thick, creamy Riz all over the place. But, yeah, she said no. And I was, like, literally, like, so heartbroken. Like, not because I, like, wanted to go on a date with her, but because I was, like, embarrassed that someone would say sorry.

[Enya]

I just watched the way you rubbed your eye, and it freaked me out.

[Drew]

You.

[Enya]

You were doing it in, like, such a specific way. You were like, yeah.

[Drew]

Cuz, like, you get.

[Enya]

Like, that was. It literally looks like an animatronic. It was scaring me. So she said no. Did you just walk away or did you try to, like, say anything else?

[Drew]

Oh, I was like. I was joking. I. Straight up. I was like. Like, I. I wouldn't ask you anyways. Like, that type of vibe. And, like, yeah, I was really humiliating ugly, so. But look who won. She has stinky fucking Uggs, and you are sitting in that chair drinking Japan Core.

[Enya]

Well, when Drew said that to me, I was, like, telling him how I saw a TikTok about that the other day, like, about stinky Uggs. Oh, because the girl who does all, like, the 2008 content did that. But I didn't know that was a thing. Like, I didn't know when you were, like, when people were young, they were, like, experiencing, like, Uggs getting stinky, because no one in my area had Uggs. And then it reminded me that I had bootleg Uggs when I was younger.

[Drew]

From Skechers, and they were, like, broke, no money, poor.

[Enya]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Like, I get your money up, not your funny up.

[Enya]

I mean, fake eyes. And I was a kid Fugs. Oh, my God. Did you just make Fugz up? Yeah, Fugz is good Fuglies.

[Drew]

It's probably been said.

[Enya]

Yeah, someone has said Fugs. Well, I had Fugs growing up, and I just thought they were the weirdest shoe ever, because, no, I genuinely didn't see Uggs until I, like, met you guys. And then.

[Drew]

And then I put you on.

[Enya]

Yeah. And then I saw like, of course I saw, like, fall girl, like, memes and stuff, but I just assumed it was, like, such a niche community that did Uggs. And I didn't know that it was a huge thing for, like, white communities. And I was like, wow, okay.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, it was really big. That and like, this is a deep cut. Actually, I don't even think it's a deep cut. But Kendra Scott was like, what's Kendra Scott again? It was like the Tiffany of my hometown. Like, if you had, like, your Kendra Scott necklace, your Kendra Scott earrings, your fleece, like, North Face jacket, your Uggs and your leggings like you were taught bitch in school, like, that you tore. Like, that was the fit. It's like, fake ass jewels. Like, I don't know how to explain it. Yeah.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah. I think this might still be a thing.

[Drew]

Yeah. Well, the Kendra Scott and that all the girlies would go to is no longer in business. So Rip fumbling hard, fumbled the bag. But one of my friends recently, Kendra Scott, hosted a party in Austin, and he was hired as a fake paparazzi to paparazzi all of the celebrity guests that went in. Greg Abbott is a fucking freak bitch monster bitch.

[Enya]

I don't know who that is.

[Drew]

He's like the governor of Texas. He's the worst fucking person on planet. And, like, we all hope he dies, like, right now, like, he just needs to keel over, get it done with, finish the job. He pulled up and it was quiet.

[Enya]

Did they not fake paparazzi?

[Drew]

I think they. I think they had to.

[Enya]

The job had to be done. Yeah, a job was a job, and the job had to be.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Well, yeah, that. And then wait. I actually really want to find the fake Skechers Uggs because I don't think they, like, were big too sketcher Uggs. Now they're doing, like, the new ones. I need to find, like, the grumbly ones I had. These were kind of what I had. They were, like, similar in, like, sheen. Like, they were so weird. And my dad got them for me. And. Oh, also, this is why it makes sense that my dad got them for me. Because my dad was at the time working for a really wealthy white family, and I think maybe their daughters had Uggs. So my dad was just like, went to go get us shoes and was like, oh, these are like, those shoes those girls have. I'm gonna get it for my girls. And got it for me and my sister. And we liked them because we're like, oh, these are fun and cozy, but, like, it's If I wore any other fake shoe to school, like God forbid I wore like. And yeah, and ones are like shacks to school. I would have been like roasted at the fucking steak. But nobody knew what Uggs were, so they were just like, oh, she's on her cozy shit. Like I was just serving like going to school in like my Cookie monster pants kind of vibe when I pulled up with those and people were like, wow, she's so cozy. Like me coming to school with a.

[Drew]

Blanket, she doesn't care.

[Enya]

Yeah, I just didn't give a fuck. Me going to school with a blanket, my fake Uggs, my like black jegging like jeans, my white Paulo Paulo polo.

[Drew]

Why did you just call me jeggings?

[Enya]

You are kind of like jeggings because after a few washes you're fucking useless. I'm going to throw you away. And you get all soggy and saggy on my butt, bitch. Like I was saying. But yeah, me pulling up like that and then with my crunchy fucking gel hair. Cuz I didn't know how to take care of my curly hair so I was doing my like with like the most gel in the world. Oh my God, me walking around school like in seventh grade like this, walking down the hallways like because my hair was still soaking wet because I put it in the sink that morning to wet it for my gel. But yeah, nobody clocked me on my fake Uggs because we literally didn't know what that was. And also like it does make sense that they fudgeing stink because in the winter they're just like walking through the snow in your Uggs and they get wet and nasty.

[Drew]

Yeah. And like the girls would wear them in the rain and they would literally get fudgeing moldy and start like crumbling underneath their feet. Like soggy Uggs is like the funniest thing. Like there are photos of girls with like muddy fucking Uggs. Like it's like the funniest shit I've ever seen. Like they're like sagging down their literally.

[Enya]

Looking up muddy Uggs.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's like the funniest photos. I' Ew.

[Enya]

Oh, this is just a video. Kate's Uggs stuck in the mud.

[Drew]

That's got it. This specific photo. This shit is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

[Enya]

Ew.

[Drew]

Why is this a fucking thing? Like on Google it's like hella muddy Ugg photos. It's like, yeah, my Uggs get used.

[Enya]

Wait, I need to like find this picture that I was just at because it was fucking crazy. This one.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Okay. But I got made fun of last night at a bar. I got literally made fun of. And guess what? You know what maturing is? I said nothing.

[Drew]

Well, you were sober.

[Enya]

Yeah. Also granted, I was just in shock because I like not to make it seem like, oh, my God, I got made fun of for the first time. I know I get made fun of because I go out in public and for the most part, I'm like, obnoxious, rowdy, loud. I know people are whispering about me, but it's rare that I hear someone fully just outwardly talking about me. But it literally felt like a moment where, you know, like, the stereotype of, like. Oh, like, just like, I hate using this word, but, like, kind of like, pick me, girl moment of, like, the girl who's making fun of me. It was like a girl and a guy making fun of me. And it literally felt like, pick me moment of I'll.

[Drew]

And they were ugliest.

[Enya]

Yeah, of course.

[Drew]

Like, drinking beer on a Sunday night. You fucking lose. Or get us. Get a fucking life, loser.

[Enya]

No, literally. Okay.

[Drew]

But especially at this bar, like, you're drinking a fucking beer, like, actually get a life.

[Enya]

So it was this bar that has, like, a photo booth that I've actually been made fun of. So this isn't my first time being made fun of. Last time I was at this bar, I got made fun of because last time I was there, I go there for the photo booth. Like, I don't give a fuck. Like, that's not crazy. What's crazier is, like, you pulling up on a Sunday night to drink beer. Like, what's crazier? Me going to be pretty in a photo booth or you pulling up on a Sunday night at 11:45 walking in to have a beer? Like, get a grip. But I guess it is a bar, so I'm just being nitpicky. Anyway, I'll put, like, I'll. We'll put up what I was, like, wearing and, like, what I looked like. And I think they were just having a moment where, like, this fucking dimwit airhead dumb bitch walked into the wrong place. Like, does she even know where she's at? Like, that was the vibe it was giving. And I. When I went into the photo booth originally. Yeah. Which makes a lot of sense. But when I went into the photo booth originally, I felt them staring at me. And I had thought to myself, I was like, I, I, I already felt a bunch of people staring at me because I knew before we even went to this bar. I'm like, people are going to see what I'm wearing and be like, this idiot, why she's so dressed up. But I don't give a fuck because it's a nice ass outfit and you could kiss my goddamn ass. You're the loser who walks out of the house looking like shit because you don't care about self respect or like, looking good. And I do because it makes me feel fun. But I knew I was going to get looks. I was getting fucking stared at like a goddamn clown when I was in there. I was like, whatever. I go into the photo booth, I felt them looking at me and I was like, no, they're not looking at me. Like, I'm just being in my head. Whatever. Then at this bar, there's this like big water jug thing. And I went to go get water because I wasn't drinking. And I was like, I need water. I walk over to get water and their table is like right here. Like, if you're the water jug, they're right here. Like, it's like kind of that close.

[Drew]

And the sparkling water jug. Wait, what is it?

[Enya]

It's like the Gatorade jugs.

[Drew]

What you got?

[Kai]

Oh, the sparklets.

[Drew]

Yeah, sparklets. Water.

[Enya]

I don't know what that is, but I was there filling up. And I feel their eyes burning a hole into me. And they're just looking at me and giggling and laughing. And like I kind of glanced over and I was like, oh, yeah, they are fully staring at me. And then I was just kind of looking at them in my peripheral and. And thinking. And I was like, they are fully making fun of me and we're not far enough. And they're not hiding it too. That was the crazy part is like, they weren't like whispering. They were fully just dead staring at me. And I was like, oh, they actually think because I look so pretty right now that I am a fudgeing imbecile. Like, that's what it felt like. It felt like in their head, they were like, she's so fudgeing stupid. We could literally talk about her out loud right now and she won't hear it because she's actually stupid. And that's what it felt like. I didn't say anything because I was like, I was honestly just shocked.

[Drew]

If I was there, I would have beat their ass.

[Enya]

Thank you, babes.

[Drew]

These hands do not discriminate.

[Enya]

Thank you. That means a lot to me. Like, just having a man in my life who will stand up for me.

[Drew]

I'll take Anybody down?

[Enya]

Thank you. But will you, though?

[Drew]

Yeah. I've been working out. People have been saying, according to Kaya, that I look bigger.

[Enya]

Oh, I know it looks bigger.

[Drew]

I had a good penis day yesterday. I had to tell Kai and Mason that.

[Enya]

Okay. Yeah, but you didn't tell me that.

[Drew]

Yeah, because you saw it.

[Enya]

Yeah, but it just didn't look very different to me. So I go back and all my friends are sitting at this table kind of next to theirs. And then I was loud because I wanted them to know that I heard them. And I was like. I said to all them, I was like, those people right there are literally making fun of me right now. And I've never had that happen where someone's just loudly, blatantly looking at me and making fun of me. And I don't know what to do about it. And I'm not going to say anything, but it's fucking crazy. And I was basically just doing that because I was going to be in there for a while longer, and I was like, I want them to just not do that again. Like, I know you're doing it, so don't fucking do it again or else I'm going to say the meanest thing to you ever and you're going to think about it for the rest of your fucking life that the bimbo b. Tch in this shitty fucking bar called you an idiot. But then I'm just like, whatever, I'm gonna leave. Because I was like, I have a headache. I'm not, like, feeling good again. I just want to go. And everybody's like, yeah, we'll just leave. We're standing. Like, everybody crowds around. Like, I wish there was a way to, like, show you the, like, layout of this bar, but basically we all end up standing right next to their table because everybody decides to get water before we leave. And I hear him, like, the. The guy at the table basically be like, dude, you know, she definitely didn't think, like, this was the vibe. And, like, it's just so funny. Like, where did she think she was?

[Drew]

Like, I straight up would have pulled out his hair and snapped his glasses and broke every bone in his finger. That's crazy.

[Kai]

That's such a weird high school level of.

[Drew]

Exactly. And I guarantee he did not wash his balls or under all the flaps on his skin. And I hope he burns in hell. Like, he will burn in hell. Like, I couldn't believe it.

[Enya]

And then this was the other thing. So then when we're standing there, I made sure that I couldn't see them Because I was like, I don't want them to see my face. I don't want them to say anything about me anymore.

[Drew]

And they smelled like dry spit.

[Enya]

My back was kind of like this. Like the girl's back was to mine, but I was like this. I don't know if I'm still.

[Drew]

Yeah, you can't. Also can't hear you.

[Enya]

Oh my God, my earring also flew off. I was gonna scream. I was like this basically with the girl. And I heard him say that. And like she's facing him so my back is fully to him. He says that, and then like, I kind of turned a little because I wanted to see if they were still looking at me. They are. The girl fully turn. The girl fully turns her body, looks at me up and down and starts laughing and then turns back to the guy. And she was like, no, exactly. And like starts laughing again. And I couldn't believe it. And then as I was walking by, I just said like, really loud again. I didn't say anything mean and I should have because I could have fucking read them both to the ground and.

[Drew]

Up because they were yellow knives.

[Enya]

They were fucking ugly.

[Drew]

Like cigarette stained teeth. Fucking gaps in their teeth. Disgusting rotten British person teeth.

[Enya]

It was one of those vibes where it was like, I think that girl was like so down to make fun of me because she felt superior. Because she like, was like, I don't need makeup and like extra clothes and like, whatever. And I'm like, okay, maybe you do though, because, like, you're not serving right now and like, where is your slay? Like, it's not present, it's not in the room with us. So why are you talking about me? But as we're walking by, I was just like, I think they've been making fun of me for the past 20 minutes and I don't understand and I don't think I'm tripping, but it's fudgeing insane that they think that's okay to just talk about someone like that so loud. And then I just said that and I didn't even look at them to see if they heard me.

[Drew]

We're finally getting a taste of our own medicine.

[Enya]

But the thing is, why they were so, like, you know what it felt like? It felt like they were like they were comedians. Like, does that make sense? Like, it felt like they were the kind of people to like go and do stand up and be like, so I saw this fudgeing idiot bitch. What's up with girls now? Like, that's what it Felt like they were giving. Like they were there to perform to each other on a Sunday night because they were bored and they, like, need a few beers to start being funny. And it was just crazy. And I, like, couldn't believe it.

[Drew]

See, this is my rule.

[Enya]

And I was mature and I didn't say anything mean to them.

[Drew]

This is my rule. You can talk shit about anybody you want, make fun of anyone you want, but as long as they don't hear you, because this is what happens.

[Enya]

It's just so crazy. I just, like, couldn't believe I've never heard anyone be that loud again. I know, bitch. I've, like, sustained myself to the Internet, let alone to being an obnoxious fudgeing freak for my whole life. So I know people talk about me. I know people fudgeing, hate me and think I'm annoying and shit. Whatever.

[Drew]

Well, you are.

[Enya]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's just like every time I degrade myself, you're so quick to, like, agree. Jump in.

[Drew]

Yeah, well, because you know you the best. Like, you know yourself better than anybody does, so I'm just, like, agreeing.

[Enya]

Oh, okay. I think, like, sometimes when I say that, I need you to say, like, that's not true.

[Drew]

Well, I would be lying.

[Enya]

Oh, okay. I guess I can respect that.

[Drew]

Should we talk about or. I'll just get into it. I'll just get into it, y' all. So I have a question for you, Kai. Have you been getting pregnancy content on your for you page? Like, pregnant people, like cute little babies, like, all that shit?

[Kai]

Yeah, well, I've gotten a lot of, like, pregnant women on my page, but it's all girls that I got pregnant that I'm, like, friends with.

[Drew]

And I think that you're an absent father.

[Enya]

Yeah, like, why would you even, like, admit to that? That's not a flex, babe. That's not the flex you think it is.

[Drew]

Well, it's cool that as men, we are put here to spread our seed as far as possible. That's why our stamina is so high and that's why we don't get pregnant and so we can, like, plant our seed and spread our gene pool as far as. Because that's just how. That's just how. Have you though.

[Kai]

No, I haven't got any pregnancy.

[Enya]

Okay, maybe you're getting it because, like, you know when you're, like, literally on the same wifi as someone and you get their feed.

[Drew]

Can you just say yes?

[Kai]

Yes, I have.

[Drew]

Okay, so this is my theory that proves my theory. So we're starting to Think that the government is putting cute babies and pregnancy content on everybody's TikTok for you pages and their feeds. Because our generation is having a very, very small amount of babies. Like, no one is making babies. We're, like, such. We're, like, not doing it. And I feel like they're trying to, like, incentivize us with, like, this cute baby content in this pregnant. Like, oh, look how cute my pregnancy bump is. Oh, look how cute my baby is. Like, you should have one. Because population collapse is gonna happen very soon if we don't. And in 30 years when our generation is 60 and retiring and our children are supposed to be taking over, there's not going to be anybody to take over, and the entire world is going to collapse.

[Enya]

The world is going to heal. It's healing.

[Drew]

Yeah. That's literally what it is. But, yeah, the government is putting pregnancy content on your for you pages to get you pregnant.

[Enya]

That's how I feel. But then I'm also like, maybe it's because we're all in our mid-20s now, and it's just showing other people in their mid-20s, and most people in their mid-20s are getting their fucking life going, and they're like, all right, I'm going to have a baby, like, and settle down and, like, have a family.

[Drew]

I love the joke where it's like, we don't need any more influencers. Like, we need electricians and plumbers. Like, it's okay. You don't have to make viral content online. Like, please go to school to be a plumber.

[Enya]

I think you should do that because, like, honestly, like, you're okay at what you do, but it's just, you could be better at other things, like building homes and stuff.

[Drew]

I. That's, like, the meanest thing someone's, like, ever said to me.

[Enya]

No, like, you're funny, but, like, it would be funnier if you just, like.

[Drew]

Did a real job, like, as a bit. Yeah, yeah.

[Enya]

But you were really good at it and you, like, stuck to it for, like, 30 years.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. If it was, like, a bit like an Andy Kaufman, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Enya]

Except, like, you, like, really did a job.

[Drew]

Yeah, that sounds awesome. Well, yes, I know who Andy Kaufman is. Like, yes. Like, I get.

[Enya]

Wait, did y' all think Andy Hoffman was being serious in that one video? Yikes. Yikes. Where is your comedic radar?

[Drew]

Oh, cool. My shoe just keeps, like, literally degrading in front of me. Like, this is, like, crazy also.

[Enya]

You mean deteriorating. It's not, like, degrading you. What is it degrading. You like, it can't speak.

[Drew]

I think degrading can mean anything. Decomposing.

[Enya]

Well.

[Kai]

Yeah, I agree.

[Drew]

I'm just surrounded by, like, yes men. I'm surrounded by yes men. And it's, like, really shocking.

[Kai]

When we agree with you, you say that we're fake. When we disagree with you, you say that you're working here and everyone's against you.

[Drew]

Exactly. Because I am a victim.

[Kai]

And so what are we supposed to do, dude?

[Drew]

Be normal. I don't know. Just don't come. Like, I need.

[Enya]

You're a fashion victim. Because this outfit is horrendous.

[Drew]

Why are you laughing?

[Kai]

Because she fucking body.

[Drew]

Kai, Kai, did you wear. Did you wear that sweater on our rainy day waterfall hike yesterday?

[Kai]

Yes.

[Enya]

Did you wash it?

[Kai]

No, but.

[Enya]

Pink eye. You're getting pink eye.

[Kai]

I didn't need to wash it. I don't smell bad.

[Drew]

You can't laugh at my outfit.

[Enya]

Damn. Yeah, you can't laugh at his outfit.

[Kai]

Let me just say this. You guys. Can I just say one.

[Drew]

What was that voice?

[Enya]

You're. Well, that's just how you said it. Your outfit.

[Kai]

Let me just say this. You guys just wait until I start dressing.

[Drew]

You'll be looking like ranch God.

[Enya]

Well, here's something I wrote down.

[Drew]

Balsamic.

[Enya]

Hot guys are so nasty because they know they're hot, and that's just super nasty. And it feels very controlling and manipulative. I think, like, men are so nasty. No, actually, that one selfie of Timothy. Like, I have to text him about it because he actually looked so cute.

[Drew]

See, I saw him in the grocery the other day, and, like, we were just, like, twerking on each other and just, like, dapping each other up and, like, hanging out. And, like, we got, like, a drink at the cafe, and we just, like, caught up, and I was like, damn. You're, like, kind of a nice guy.

[Enya]

Kind of. Did you have bad experiences with him before?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Yeah, I guess. He can be very.

[Drew]

Hit me.

[Enya]

Yeah, but I told you, he went to therapy for. So it's like, okay. He's like, not.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Enya]

And it was only you, so I don't feel like that crazy about it because I think you deserve this.

[Drew]

People do change. People do.

[Enya]

Sometimes I see you and I do want to hit you, though, but, like, so I get it because it's, like, hittable. Yeah, you're just like. You just have, like, a very, like, Drew is getting his stuff out of the dryer, and I wanted so badly to close the fucking door on his Body, it was so perfect. It would have been so, so fun. Instead I just hit your back a bunch.

[Drew]

But back shots.

[Enya]

I gave you back shots.

[Drew]

Breedable. But yeah, like, like I am breedable.

[Enya]

Also like when I say hot men, because we all know that like I do find certain men hot, but like, like young men, like around our age.

[Drew]

You stepped on my toe and it hurt so bad. That hurts. Ow, ow. She hit me. She hit me. What was that?

[Enya]

Delayed reaction.

[Drew]

She hit me.

[Enya]

Your nerves are literally frozen.

[Drew]

Oh my God, you did stomp on my big toe and my nail is gonna fall off, I think. I'm not joking. It's gonna turn black and fall off.

[Enya]

Well, it's not my fault you're wearing fucking shoes that are paper thin. But yeah, something about it is just so nasty and all I can think about right now, the one example I wish I remember who I saw that made it, made me think about because it was a tick tock of like this guy and something about him. I was like, you made this with evil intent in your heart, like you're not feeling yourself. You made this as like I'm gonna do something like, I don't know, it just felt very evil. But then all I can think about is like, we need to shout this tick tock out. Because I think it is literally the funniest one ever. The. The girl taking the cup from that guy.

[Drew]

Oh yeah. And it's like there was nothing in there.

[Enya]

I fucking knew it.

[Drew]

Knew it. Well, while Inya finds that TikTok, like I fear that my mind. Have you found it?

[Enya]

Yeah. Wait, I have to share it to Kai. Have you. Wait, have you seen this guy before?

[Drew]

No.

[Enya]

So his whole thing is that like he's hot and he drinks coffee, like literally, I'm not kidding, like, and then he like sells shirts, question mark. Like I don't really know. This is me just dissing on this guy for no reason. But like his. He did this once.

[Kai]

Oh, I have seen this guy.

[Enya]

He did it once and then people were like, you're hot and you look like, what's that one actor, whatever. But this girl. Oh my God, I knew it, I knew it. You're just like the others. You're no different from the rest. It was empty, the whole. Cuz he's always with that damn cup. And I will say it always does look empty. Cuz he lifts it so fast and then he slowly sips.

[Drew]

But knew it.

[Enya]

I knew it.

[Drew]

Well, I fear that the tides have finally changed and I'm not going to mention them by name specifically. But I think a lot of my faves are evil, sinister, greedy beings. And I'm not going to name them by names, but just seeing the way some people have behaved recently, I'm like, oh, like, you're. You're dark. There's dark evil there. There's like a. There's an energy. Yeah. There's a vibe. Sick and twisted vibe.

[Enya]

I. What I will say, because I. We're on the same page. There is just a chance we're losing our mind and we're, like, actually heading towards, like, a break.

[Drew]

Dude. Yesterday was really. No.

[Enya]

And then, like, three days ago. And the building.

[Drew]

Yeah, the building. There's a building at the. Like, really close by our house. And we looked at it, and, like, I didn't say anything because I was like, if I say this out loud, I will sound insane. And, like, I was talking about India or talking to India about something else. And when the thought pumped in my head and then India said exactly what I was thinking, we looked at this building and we were like, oh, my God. Like, it is a completely different color. There is no way they painted this overnight. Because yesterday it was a different color. Today it was a new color.

[Enya]

It's like a stone building.

[Drew]

Yeah. It was marble on the walls, and we were like, I would have noticed if there were marble coat. Like, if there was marble coating this building. Like, why am I just now seeing this? Like, this is new. This is fresh. And they also took down their pride sign, which is crazy. It's a little suspect, but.

[Enya]

Yeah, but it literally scared the out of us. And then I was trying to explain this to somebody on the phone yesterday, but they were like, no, that's normal. I was like, I don't think you understand what I'm saying. And, like, that's why you can't grasp it. But, like, it's like the comment saying, like, if you think you're going insane, that you're not because you're saying enough to, like, keep a hold of your mental state.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

But in those moments, I literally feel like, enough. Like, I genuinely feel like nothing is real or like everything's been real and I've been somewhere else and I just got placed here, and I'm, like, seeing things and it's scaring me. And it's been happening.

[Drew]

Last night on the drive home, like, it was so high def and, like, it was so bright and colorful and beautiful, and I was just like, holy. Like, this is real. I'm real. I'm, like, seeing you. You're real. I'm hearing them talk in the back, and I'm like, y' all are real. Like, damn, all of this shit is actually real. Or it's all fake, and I'm just waking up.

[Enya]

I know that's the scary thing is, like, I'm like, oh, my God, it's. Everything looks so real right now because I had it yesterday, too. Oh. Also, basically, we saw this building, and, like, it looked real. Like, for the first time ever, it looked like a building. And I was like, dude, buildings are, like 3D structures, and they're not. Like, it's not this thing that if I crash my car into it, it would just fall back and, like, lay flat like it was a building. And I was like, oh, my God, people are in there right now. And it was really scary.

[Drew]

I don't believe that. People are inside every building. Like, I don't think. I think we're the only people inside. And then when we walk outside, people just spawn. Like, I'm not joking. Like, there's no way there's people inside the house next to us, and they're.

[Enya]

Doing stuff in there. Yeah, they're doing evil things.

[Drew]

It just not makes sense.

[Enya]

But then yesterday, I had the same thing while Drew was having his awesome dream.

[Drew]

Yeah. So I. I'm going to explain it because I don't give a fuck, because, like, what else am I going to say? But so yesterday, we, me, Kai, and Mason went on, like, a waterfall hike, and it was really pretty, and it started raining, and we were like, oh, let's get, like, a warm bowl of ramen after. So we cruised to the ramen shot, we got a bowl of ramen, and then we all went our separate ways. And when I got home, I knocked out, like, almost immediately. I was, like, the most tired I've ever been in my entire life. And I just, like, fell asleep because my belly was full and warm, and it was a yummy bowl of ramen, and it put me on my ass. So halfway, I set my alarm for 30 minutes because I'm like, oh, I don't want to sleep all night. Like, that would suck balls. Because I was like, oh, I'm really tired. So I set my alarm for 30 minutes or 26 minutes, and I woke up at 4:20 on the dot, and I saw it, and I was like, oh, I can sleep, like, a little bit longer. So I snoozed, and I woke up, like, six minutes later, and I just turned my alarm off instead of, like, actually waking up. And I think I had, like, entered REM sleep or something. Like, right after that because, like, I had another set of, like, awful, awful, awful, like, dreams. Like, I. After these dreams, I was, like, like, visibly shaken up. Like, I. I was like, oh, this, like, has completely altered my life forever. Like, what happened in these dreams, like, really fucked me up. And I fully wasn't, like, awake yet. I was still in that, like, half sleep, half awake state. And I was, like, in Anya's room, like, tearing up, talking about.

[Enya]

She was fully about to cry. I was really embarrassing because I thought I lived and loved a man. But then I realized that it was just a boy, so.

[Drew]

And you're ugly, so.

[Enya]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

And I never loved you.

[Enya]

I can say the same. Okay.

[Drew]

Oh, now you say it. Now you say it. But you weren't saying it last night when I was giving you back shots. Oh, I love you so much. I love you. I love you. It's always I love you until it's not. Write about that.

[Enya]

Write about it.

[Drew]

Yeah, but I don't write this dream. So. You know, previously I had a dream where I got shot and I woke up feeling the pain. And I. What? Oh, and then a couple days later, literally yesterday in my nap, I dreamed that. You know that other dream I had where it was like, me dying over and over again and waking up in different people's bodies? Well, I did that. A fucking gain. And I was like, oh, I thought that was one and done. Like, I cannot do that again. And it happened again. And, like, it is so hard to describe the way I felt, but the first time it was me and Kai and we were driving around, like, my neighborhood in our golf carts. And, like, one thing about me, one thing I am genuinely terrified of, like, it is like my. One of my deepest fears. I don't know where this fear came from, but it is driving next to bodies of water in a golf cart. Like, I have had multiple panic attacks. Like, just like, they're going to roll in the water, the ground's going to cave in underneath us. Like, we're going to. It's going to drive into the water, we're going to fall off the bridge, whatever it is. Like, I hate driving in golf carts next to water. It's like the scariest thing in the world to me. And I don't know why, but in this dream, we were in a golf cart and there was, like, a really tall bridge with, like, a deep ravine, like, hundreds of feet. And, like, we pull up to this house and. And Kai was like, oh, I put in the wrong Or I was like, this is the wrong house. And Kai was like, oh, I put in the wrong address. And we were, like, turning around and we got to this bridge and we were driving over it, and Kai was, like, around and, like, swerving the car a little bit, like, just to make it so. Like, what?

[Enya]

Like, classic.

[Drew]

Yeah, exactly.

[Enya]

Like, you're being so.

[Drew]

Always just playing. He was, like, playing around and, like, he was getting really close to the edge because he knew it was, like, a fear of mine. I would freak out. And then eventually, he wanted to see.

[Enya]

You squirm in your little.

[Drew]

I know he wanted to see me writhing around. But anyways, he, like, fucks up and presses the gas inside the brakes and we drive off. Like, we roll off this fucking bridge down into this ravine, and Kai is, like, freaking out. And, like, I look over at him and he's, like, freaking the fuck out. And then all of a sudden, he goes calm, and we, like, look at each other because we're nowhere about to hit the bottom of the lake. And, like, Kai starts crying a little bit, too, because he's a bitch. I was like. I was so normal and, like, masculine.

[Enya]

I know, like, you would cry if you were about to.

[Drew]

Genuinely. Kai was crying. I saw tears rolling down his face, and I was, like, freaking out. But obviously I was like, what am I gonna do? Like, I can't do anything about this. And so we hit the water, and, like, the golf cart hits the side of the ravine and rolls over in the water. And, like, it's deep water. So then we're like. I can feel the water around me. I see. And, like, I'm, like, trying to get up. I'm trying to get out, and I'm, like, gasping for air, and I can't get my breath, and I just fucking drown and I die. And then I hear this buzzing, like, like, really loud in my head as I'm dying. And then I hear, like, a computer, like, chime. Like a startup sounded like a computer. And, like, I just wake up in another body. And I'm like, I'll keep this one short. But there was, like, a girl with me that, like, wanted nothing to do with me or I didn't want anything to do with her. And she was, like, all over me, and I hated it. And I was, like, pushing her off, and I was like, please get away from me. And her parents were even, like, there, like, egging it on, and it was really weird. And then I was with two other people, and they were playing, like, arcade games. We were at, like, Chuck E. Cheese's or some. We were, like, young. And the person, the one of the people that I'm with drops their, like, card, a car, like, credit card or game card down the side of this, like, arcade machine. And I reach in there and I grab it. And then I start getting, like, electrocuted. And I feel, like, the electrocution going through my body, and, like, it's, like, really painful and really hot. And I'm, like, freaking out. Freaking the fuck out. I've never been electrocuted. I don't know how I know what this feels like. And I'm, like, trying to pull my hand away, but I can't. And then I die again. Hear the buzzing and ringing sound, and I wake up in another body. And this time I'm in the front seat of, like, a really modern supercar. And, like, the. The way I can describe the feeling that I had was, like, I was in, like, the 1920s. Like, and, like, I was used to those cars, but, like, I was, like, terrified in the front seat of this car because I was like, how the fuck is this happening? How are we going this fast? How are we swerving down this road? And it was also someone that looked like Yukai that was driving, and you were, like, swerving, and I was like, please slow down. Please slow down. You don't slow down. We eventually crash. And then right when we crash and I die the third time, I, like, wake up in real life, and I was, like, freaking the fuck out. You know what realize is it's higher powers giving me movie ideas, and I just keep giving them away. And, like, this is fully, like, a great, like, you know, Magnolia. Like, all the coincidences, like, all this, it adds up. Like, this is the same thing, except, like, we're Groundhog Day, but waking up as different people with the same mind. And, yeah, that was my dream, and I freaked the fuck out. And I was, like, genuinely terrified for the rest of the day.

[Enya]

I know he was literally so shaken up and almost cried. And I had nothing to give him because I was just like, well, well, while that was happening to you, I was in here awake for the whole day having another disassociative meltdown because I was laying in bed. And when Drew went to go take a nap, it was a cloudy day out, so perfect nap vibes. But I had woken up at 12, so I was like, I don't need to take a NAP. It was 4pm and I was like, maybe I just go lay down. And I went into my room and laid down With Azul. And then I was looking at Azul and I was like, dude, Azul looked so real yesterday. It was actually freaking me out. Azul was my cat. She looked so real. And I think it was like the lighting in my room, and it just felt like the light that was coming into my room had never come into my room before. Like, it was like such a specific lighting. It was like, moody, dark, but, like, I could see everything so clearly.

[Drew]

We really do have a gas leak in this house.

[Enya]

I know. And I could see everything so clearly. And I was just, like, looking around. I was looking at Azul and I could. I swore I could see every hair on her body. And it was freaking me out. And I was like, dude, you look so real. And like, she was moving around and, like, being sweet. And I was like, dude. And this is like such a, like, like, like, like animal. Like, it's like such an intimate connection I have with this animal. And I've never spoken to it, but I, like, know it so well. And I was like, freaking the fuck out. And then I looked over to my dresser and I have this, like, actually really fucking nice dresser, by the way. Fuck you. Um, and it's like this space age, like, yellow dresser. And I, like, looked over at it and it was a yellow color I've never seen in my life. And I never saw on this dresser. I. And then that started freaking me out because I was like, dude, I never looked at it. Like, I've just never looked at the stressor. It's been in my room for like two years and I've never looked at it. And now I'm looking at it and I'm like seeing this hue of yellow I've never seen. And I, like, literally was freaking the fuck out. And then I was like, oh, my God, everything looks so real. And then I looked out the window and like, the sunset was like, so gorgeous because it was like one of those sunsets when half the city is like super dark from, like, it being rainy. And then the other half is like just like normal and like, they're like scattered clouds. So it just like looked gorgeous outside. I was like, I need to go outside and, like, look at this and, like, see it. But then I was like, I'm scared to go outside because I feel like something bad is gonna happen to me if I leave the house right now. So I can't leave the house. And I was just like, standing in my room, like, listening to music and looking out my windows. And then I was like, I kept seeing People walk around. I was like, what are they thinking? Do they think it's nice out? Like, as nice as I do? And then I was just freaking out and, like, looking around my room, and everything looked so real, and it was scaring me. And then that passed, and then I was back to just being on my iPhone. Sorry. So I was back in reality.

[Drew]

Yeah, go back to reality.

[Enya]

I was grounded back to a reality with my iPhone.

[Drew]

And then, yeah, we. You know what it is, is it's just, like, the first time we've looked up from our iPhones ever, and we're just seeing the real world around us, and we're like, wow, this is actually really big and beautiful, and it has a lot to offer. But then we have to drown those thoughts out because they're scary, and change is scary. But you know what I've been thinking about recently, and I'm being dead serious when I say this? Why do me and Drake kind of look like twins? Like, we kind of look the same. We have the same vibe. Like, if you look at him, his eyes. His eyes are too far apart. But, like, we kind of look like the same. Look at him. I swear, I'm not even playing. Like, I. I looked at him the other day, and I was like, oh, my God. Why are me and Drake twins?

[Enya]

Let's see. I unfollowed him a long time ago because he was pissing me off.

[Drew]

Also, me and Harry. Yes, we look alike. Me and Timmy. That's my boy. I know we look the same. Yeah, I just have a bunch of doppelgangers.

[Enya]

Do you just think that because of his beard?

[Drew]

No, I just think we look the same. We'll save that picture. We'll take one of me posing like that, and y' all will be the judge.

[Enya]

Because the thing is, I'm on his IG and for some reason, I'm like, why does. Okay, that's not you, babe.

[Drew]

No, see, that is me.

[Enya]

I. You know what? I like, y' all don't look alike. But I. I understand what you're saying, but it really is just, like, the.

[Drew]

Facial hair, the energy, the vibe.

[Enya]

You should go get your, like, facial hair, like, done up by a barber and let me see what you.

[Drew]

I'm cutting it all off. I don't know.

[Enya]

But before you do that, can we, like, line it up and, like, see what you would look like if you were, like, normal? Because you're very, like. You're abnormal.

[Drew]

India has been, like, trying so hard to change my appearance recently. She's like, you're like, what if we, like, played around and, like, dyed your hair and then what if we played around and cut all your split ends off? Like, oh, we could. We could, like, shave your beard and, like, get that off of you too.

[Enya]

Like, have you ever thought that it's because I'm somebody who's so used to changing my appearance, but now that I am, like, so stuck like this, and I'm like, this is we also. I hate that as I've been talking, I've been getting more congested and it's so nasty because I keep sucking up my snot. I'm really sorry. I just need to give head so that it's like a neti pot kind of a thought.

[Drew]

The suction.

[Enya]

Yeah, it works.

[Drew]

But yeah, I think it's more like I'm not the person I fell in love with. Yeah, you felt like you found attraction for. I don't think I'm that.

[Enya]

You just, like, let go of yourself.

[Drew]

And I think you're trying to change me to be, to mold me into the thing you want me to be. But I'm my own being and I have my own wants and needs.

[Enya]

You know what I want to do is, you know, like, what are they called? Like, the pottery table. Oh, what is that called? Oh, from when I hit you. Yeah. Cry me a river. What are they called, the tables? The, like, pottery wheels? Is that what it's called? Like a pottery wheel?

[Drew]

Yeah, I think so. It's like something. Sorry.

[Enya]

I want to put Drew on that and, like, make sure his wieners in the middle and then mold his balls in a wiener and get a bunch of water. But it's like water based lube. And, like.

[Drew]

I'm having, like, a hard time laughing because my leg and toe hurt.

[Enya]

So I can make the rest of you hurt really fucking bad if you don't shut up.

[Drew]

Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, well, I have a couple more things written down that I wanted to talk about the next being. Oh, that's moan reveal. I did a moan reveal on ig. Go check it out. So our friend Jester, their birthday was yesterday. And the day before yesterday, they threw a little rave, Big rave. And it was the event of the weekend of the year, of the month, of the season.

[Enya]

Me. When we left like mad early, we're like, it was the best time ever.

[Drew]

But it was actually really fun.

[Enya]

Yeah, it was so fun.

[Drew]

But at that party, there was someone that I fancied, and I was like, ooh, ooh, I want you. I want you. And we kept, like, locking eyes and, like, making eye contact. And it was really, really sweet. But I'm too scared to interact with anybody other than my friends because of when I was rejected in grade school asking that girl to the dance. It stuck with me for the rest of my life. But she has stinky fucking uggs now, so it doesn't matter. What the fuck was I saying?

[Enya]

You were saying you fancied someone you couldn't go up to.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, I couldn't go up to them because I was terrified. And so then I ended and I pointed Enya to this person. I was like, look at them. Like, they're so bad. Like, I want them so bad. Like, they're hot. Whatever. And he was like, sure, why don't you go say hi? And I was like, absolutely fucking lutely not. Or say, I'm leaving. I'm leaving. Yeah, absolutely not. Anyways, next day, I was like, I want to find who that was. I really want to find who it was. And Jester posts, like, a Slideshow on their TikTok, which, you know, this is gonna, like.

[Enya]

So people are gonna look at the.

[Drew]

Slideshow, and, like, there's a few people on there, so I don't give a fuck, and they will never guess. But I screenshotted it and sent it to Jester, and I was like, who is this? I need to know who this is. Like, please tell me who this is. And Jester, like, didn't respond for an hour. And I was like, oh, God. Like, who is that? And Jess responded, was like, drew, that's my fucking uncle. Like, you were hitting on my uncle the entire night? And I was, like, freaking the fuck out. I was like, oh, hell no. I thought it was really funny, and so did Jester.

[Enya]

But, yeah, that is so funny. When Drew told me that, I, like, cracked the fuck up, because I wouldn't have guessed that. But also. That's so sweet. Yeah, I think. And then my toxic response was like, okay, what does that mean?

[Drew]

No, that was my response. I was like, okay, give me their number.

[Enya]

Now what? Link me, link me.

[Drew]

Let's link and build. Let's link and build.

[Enya]

Why do you, me, and Oscar Isaac and Pedro Pascal have to go to Paris together?

[Drew]

Or have a threesome together?

[Enya]

Yeah, we need to go to Paris.

[Drew]

Oh, so you said that shit to me, and I didn't understand what you meant.

[Enya]

And it was such a bar.

[Drew]

Yeah. Let's see if. Well, I already spoiled it, but Eiffel Tower. Eiffel Tower.

[Enya]

Yeah. Drew sent me, like, this slideshow of, like, Pedro and Oscar being friends. I was like, wait. Oh, I didn't say anything. I just sent a picture of the Eiffel Tower back and Drew was like, what does that mean? I was like.

[Drew]

Like, I know. I was like, okay. Or you said, we need to go to Paris.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

All three of us need to go to Paris. But yeah, that slideshow was crazy. Literally, don't even get me started.

[Enya]

I don't like Last of Us, but, like, I might watch it.

[Drew]

I, I, that's kind of my vibe too.

[Enya]

But to see him be big and strong. He's so big and strong.

[Drew]

He's a, he's a real boy. Like, that's the thing.

[Enya]

He could probably pick me up.

[Drew]

I'm seeing what Oscar Isaac is in recently. That's coming.

[Enya]

I just only remember scenes from a marriage.

[Drew]

Oh, he was in this new Marvel thing called Moon Knight.

[Enya]

You're not gonna get me to watch that. I don't care who you fucking put in that.

[Drew]

Yeah, Never.

[Enya]

You could reincarnate Michael Jackson and get him dancing in the fucking Avengers circle and I wouldn't watch that shit. I wouldn't fucking give a fuck.

[Drew]

This is literally anti Maru Marvel, anti Avengers.

[Enya]

I'm so sorry. And if you with it, honestly, that's gorgeous. That's beautiful. But you are abnormal. I'll leave it at that.

[Drew]

I think, like, the majority of people like Marvel, I just can't do super fucking heroes. I can't do it. I don't get it. I never will. I never have. I also can't.

[Enya]

Also, the comedy style of it, I think is like, also what turns us off. Because there's like such a. Like, it's so, like, I got it. The Hulk did what?

[Drew]

What the heck? That's literally it.

[Enya]

So silly. But, yeah, I just can't do it. Also, saying someone is abnormal as a diss. That's in because saying someone is abnormal is actually really mean. Like, I said that to somebody yesterday and I was like, it was like, as a joke and it was funny, but I was like, if that was real, that would have been so mean. Like, you're abnormal.

[Drew]

I take it as a compliment.

[Enya]

So next time somebody you don't like post on Tick Tock, just comment abnormal.

[Drew]

We should take.

[Enya]

That's. Don't do that. That's so mean.

[Drew]

We should take normal out of the dictionary.

[Enya]

Okay, we'll do that then. Is that what you want to hear? Like, yeah, it's done.

[Drew]

That's exactly what I want to hear.

[Enya]

Dictionaries are literally useless now.

[Drew]

Like, we have iPhone.

[Enya]

All right, well, thank you guys so much for watching this episode. Oh, wait, actually, before we go, this is just random, but I did have a dream that we were in a. A plane crash two times in one day. And we survived each other, but. And it was like a plane crash that it was like this company had like, really like, malfunctioning planes. We got on and it was like really dipping a lot. And like, it was like the worst takeoff ever. And I had turned to you and we were in business class because we were like, so slay. But also the business class seats were literally like fucking lawn chairs. Like, it was so, like, rinky dinky. But I turned to you and I was like. I was like, this plane is gonna go down. Like, I was like, it's gonna fucking go down. And you were like. And. Yeah, I know. And I was like, I love you. And we like, said our. I love you. But like, for some reason we had this like, blind confidence where we were like, I'll see you in like a second though. Like, it's okay. Like, whatever. It crashes. We crashed on the highway. Like, it was like, basically landed like this person. It was like a female pilot. She's so.

[Drew]

Makes sense.

[Enya]

No, it makes sense. Saved us because the plane was the one that had the malfunction. She didn't do anything wrong, but she crashed. Like, she landed on the highway. Oh my God, she landed on the highway. Nobody was her. But then the highway was like in like, like, like very. It felt like we like were in Brazil for some reason or some shit. But like, it was literally the highway was next to like a river and like, it was gorgeous. And then we landed. Everyone survived. And I literally stood back and took the most lit ID picture of like this plane with like a broken wing and like everybody like kind of standing around. And then I post on my Instagram, I was like, lol. What the hell? And like I. That was my comment. Like, my caption was like, lol. Huh? That's like, it was like the plane crash. And then the like, the like, airline was like trying to compass by getting on another plane. And the pilot had told me. She was like, watch, the same thing is going to happen. Like, these planes are all fucked up. Like, I've been trying to say this to them. Whatever. We got on the plane anyway. And then it happened again and we survived again. And we were like, we were literally so hyped. We were like, damn, we were so gassed. We were like, who can say they survived two plane crashes in a day? And we Were so gassed. And we were like, oh, next episode is gonna be lit. Which is like way too real. Because anytime anything happens, we're always like, oh my God, like, gotta talk about that. We have to talk about that. And then that's it.

[Drew]

But before we end it, I'm gonna do some media.

[Enya]

Oh, just you, you think? Just you.

[Drew]

Well, you were trying to end it early without.

[Enya]

No, I always say thank you guys for watching like recently. And then we do media. But whatever.

[Drew]

Vespertine the entire album by Bjork. I know I've said it once and I'll say it again. Best Bjork album. I don't give a what your opinion is. It's so good. So, so good. And then hold on, hold on, hold on. I need to get the title of this song. Okay, I actually don't know which one it is, but it's off of Oil of Every Pearls on Insides by Sophie. There's a song on there specifically, but just listen to that as well. Masterpiece. And then I've been playing. Oh, I've been playing that sample also one day randomly, I ran into that sample in the wild and it freaked me the out. And then I saw a tick tock a couple days ago saying that they did the same thing.

[Enya]

I think. Tick tock, tick tock. Spotify, if you have listened to a song before or like constantly, they'll throw the sampled one in your Discover Weekly. Because I have. Happens to me a lot. Like when the Tyler album came out and I was listening to it a lot, all the samples were in my Discover Weekly the next week.

[Drew]

That's. That's lit as. But I've been playing. I think it's called Planetary Evolution, but it's a like a cookie clicker style game where you click and make a bunch of money. And I have officially broke the top 300 top earners of all time. I am going for number one.

[Enya]

Well, you're probably 400 now because we just did the podcast.

[Drew]

I know. I have to get back to clicking.

[Enya]

Well, my Discover Weekly is saving my feelings for you, Blossom deary. Act in a smoochie. I Spice Princess Diana. I Spice. Duh. Drinking my cup by Kurko Bangs Kirkle.

[Drew]

Bangs Media of Zoe we should start calling it Discover Weekly because you said my Discover Weekly on accident.

[Enya]

Yeah, we'll do that if Spotify.

[Drew]

Gives us that money.

[Enya]

Just give me a little something.

[Drew]

Hey, Spotify, we want to sign with you.

[Enya]

And then Finest Hour by the Sundays. The Sundays is probably one of my top five artists and that's it. That's that. Oh, my God. Remember when I was like, obsessed, obsessed with the Everything but the Girl album?

[Drew]

Everything but the Bagel album.

[Enya]

Like, that wasn't my first time being obsessed with Amplified Heart, but every now and then it just creeps back up. Oh, and I've been listening to the Cranberries. I just been in my, like, like 90s, 2000s, like, girl kind of being.

[Drew]

Like, I'm 13 again and smoking cigarettes by the big green electrical box at the park.

[Enya]

We actually hung out by that a lot after school with the YMCA counselor because he would let us like, leave to go get ice cream. But he was. He was the dance teacher, so it wasn't like. It wasn't sus. He was just. He was like, I think, literally like 22 and just was like living out older brother, like, fantasy of like, you, I want to just go get ice cream. He was actually the only cool counselor. It was so annoying.

[Drew]

You ever smoke a cigarette? I think I smoked my first cigarette at the Green Machine or the Green Box. I think everybody.

[Enya]

I don't think I smoked my first cigarette until I was like 20 or something. Like, I think. I think it had to have been in la.

[Drew]

Loser.

[Enya]

And then, like, the first time I really started smoking was when we went to Paris for the first time.

[Drew]

And then me and Kai are beefing for some reason.

[Kai]

No, we're not.

[Enya]

Well, that's because you said he stinks like mildew, which he does, but, like, you didn't have to call him out.

[Kai]

Whenever you don't let me hit for like a week, I do start to get pissed off. You.

[Enya]

That's literally me, though.

[Drew]

Okay, everybody. Oh, that is one thing that we previously mentioned, but it was very true. Everybody in LA wants me.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

It's crazy.

[Enya]

It's annoying.

[Drew]

Everybody wants me so bad.

[Enya]

I'm like, it's annoying. No one flirts with me. But, like, I'm not flirtable with. And I also like when people flirt with me. I literally. Oh, I'm so mean by.

[Drew]

You are.

[Enya]

Well, because I just don't know what to do with that. Like, when people flirt with me, I literally be like, once. Once it registers in my head because I'm talking to somebody and then they'll say the one actually flirtatious thing with me. And I'll literally just like. Because I'm registering it.

[Drew]

I'll look at them and be like, it's literally cringe. Flirting with people is cringe as fuck.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Enya]

I'm like, okay, yeah. And then I like, just keep talking. And I'm like, I'm gonna go find my friends because you've scared me now. Now you've made me very scared. But yeah. All right, well, everyone wants Drew. Everybody here wants you. You know that song?

[Drew]

No, I don't.

[Enya]

I'll. I'll serenade you with it right now. You don't know the song?

[Drew]

Fast forward it. Why the would I know this song?

[Enya]

Because it's Jeff Buckley, one of the greatest artist ever. Bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder Bueno, Cheez it Crackers, Oscar Mayer lunchables, and just bear chicken bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.