you guys hurt drew’s feelings

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Episode Summary – "You Guys Hurt Drew’s Feelings"

Release Date: May 24, 2024

Hosts: Enya Umanzor, Drew Phillips, and Kai

Overview: In this emotionally charged and humor-filled episode of Emergency Intercom, hosts Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips navigate a series of personal anecdotes, playful conflicts, and pop culture discussions. The episode delves into interpersonal dynamics, the challenges of social media, and the pressures of maintaining personal relationships, all while maintaining the show’s signature comedic flair.

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1. Opening Anecdotes and Personal Conflicts

The episode kicks off with Drew sharing a frustrating experience involving a stolen cup from Orion, which leads to a minor conflict with Enya.

• Drew (01:14): "I have this cup that I stole from Orion... Drew just suddenly starts playing with it... I told him to stop touching my..."
• Enya (01:22): "I just washed my hands."

This exchange sets the tone for the episode, highlighting the playful tension among the hosts.

2. The Indestructible Chair Debate

A humorous debate ensues about the longevity and environmental impact of an old chair, symbolizing enduring friendships.

• Enya (02:04): "I cannot believe, genuinely, that y' all thought I would get rid of the chair."
• Drew (02:18): "Mix it in with some electrolytes, and we'll sell it as merch."

The conversation amusingly touches on themes of sustainability and the quirks of household items.

3. Pop Culture Shout-Outs and Social Media Reactions

The hosts discuss being mentioned by Trisha Paytas on her podcast, expressing mixed feelings about the publicity.

• Enya (04:22): "Trisha fucking Paytas mentioned us on her podcast."
• Drew (05:03): "It's going to be like every corny HGTV ass movie..."

They navigate the complexities of internet fame and personal branding with their characteristic humor.

4. Sibling Relationships and Childhood Memories

Enya and Drew reminisce about their childhood experiences as siblings, sharing both fond and challenging memories.

• Enya (20:34): "You get to be real. Like, that's where you get to be real."
• Drew (21:16): "Being a middle child is probably so beat."

These reflections provide depth to their relationship, showcasing vulnerability amidst the comedy.

5. Humor Through Everyday Observations

The hosts engage in witty banter about mundane topics like children's lunches and shrinkflation, transforming ordinary observations into comedic gold.

• Drew (07:05): "Kids are actually tiny as. So for them, a white bread sandwich is the biggest meal they can ever eat."
• Enya (08:22): "Shrinkflation... five dollar footlongs now it's like thirteen ten inch sandwiches."

Their sharp humor highlights the absurdities in everyday life.

6. Social Media Trolling and Online Behavior

Enya recounts a period of intense trolling on Facebook, reflecting on the impacts of online behavior.

• Enya (31:53): "That was my most recent post I on Facebook... I went on like, a crazy troll binge."
• Drew (32:38): "That sounds like kind of fun to just like drug myself to sleep all the time and stuff."

This segment explores the fine line between humor and harmful online interactions.

7. Mental Health and Personal Struggles

The conversation takes a more serious turn as Enya and Drew discuss feelings of pointlessness and the pressures of maintaining a public persona.

• Enya (14:05): "It feels like everything is happening so fast and we don't have a moment to just, like, savor it."
• Drew (50:39): "You're so gorgeous. I think subconsciously you were thinking about how Gordis. But you're being fatist."

These moments of vulnerability add emotional depth to the episode.

8. Stand-Up Comedy Bits

Enya showcases her burgeoning stand-up material, blending observational humor with personal anecdotes.

• Enya (40:02): "Let me be clear. Rulers be like, let me get one thing straight."
• Kai (50:07): "Drew did say another quote that I'm just now remembering..."

Her segments provide a fresh comedic perspective, enhancing the episode's entertainment value.

9. Closing Banter and Future Plans

The episode wraps up with playful teasing among the hosts and discussions about future plans, including potential podcast guests and personal aspirations.

• Enya (56:37): "India put me on to Sex in the City. It's all we've watched."
• Drew (64:35): "I'm getting a conniption fit. I feel like they're the best."

Their camaraderie concludes the episode on a light-hearted note, leaving listeners anticipating future content.

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Notable Quotes:

• Enya: "Being the baby of a big family is lit because your older siblings will take care of you, but also, they'll bother the fuck out of you." ([21:43])
• Drew: "Sometimes the prettiest people do the ugliest things." ([54:32])
• Enya: "We do genuinely need to bring back bandana culture." ([52:29])

Conclusion: "You Guys Hurt Drew’s Feelings" is a dynamic episode that balances humor with heartfelt discussions. Enya, Drew, and Kai offer listeners a candid look into their lives, tackling everything from sibling dynamics and social media antics to personal insecurities and comedic storytelling. This episode is a testament to their chemistry and ability to blend laughter with meaningful conversation, making it a compelling listen for both regular fans and newcomers.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like kinder bueno, cheez it crackers, Oscar mayer lunchables, and just bear chicken bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Kai]

Before.

[Drew]

Well, on the way here, I have this cup that I stole from Orion, and there was ice in it. And drew just suddenly starts, like, playing with it and, like, mixing my coffee around. And I was like, stop fondling my straw and wait. What you say? You're like, I just wash my hand.

[Enya]

I just washed my hand.

[Drew]

You said it like an 8 year old.

[Enya]

He's like, I said it like a man. I said, I just washed my hands.

[Drew]

No, he goes, I just washed my hands. And then, like, pulled his hand away and was so mad that I told him to stop touching my.

[Enya]

You're pressed. You're pressed.

[Drew]

Well, press juice.

[Enya]

We just launched the new. Oh, that sucked. That sucked balls. Okay, so there's some concerns that I needed to address right off the bat. I cannot believe, genuinely, that y' all thought I would get rid of the chair. I really. I cannot fathom a world where she doesn't come along for the ride with us. She was there for us in the beginning, and she will be there for us in the end, and I just needed to get that off my.

[Drew]

I don't know how many more years that chair has in her.

[Kai]

You're.

[Drew]

You're talking as if that chair isn't disintegrating by the day.

[Enya]

I mean, it is a forever chemical and a forever plastic. So this will probably survive the nuke and the tornado.

[Drew]

Like, what would you have to do to get rid of that chair? Like, grind it down into smithereens.

[Enya]

I mean, even the plastics will live. Like, even, Even. Like, yeah, like, even the blended plastic would surv.

[Drew]

Like, we're here.

[Enya]

We'd start inhaling it.

[Drew]

When we're over the chair, we can, like, grind it down to powder form, and we'll mix it in with some electrolytes, and we'll sell it as merch.

[Enya]

Oh, that's a good idea. That's literally a good idea. I was gonna say, you know how with every breath youh take, you, like, take a. A molecule of Jesus Christ into your lungs? Like, that's basically like. Like there's so many molecules of oxygen on this planet.

[Drew]

A molecule of Jesus Christ, of his.

[Enya]

Breath that he breathed. So, like, the oxygen.

[Drew]

Is that, like, a belief?

[Enya]

It's not like a belief. It's just, like, scientifically a possibility. That's basically. If we grinded it down, people would be breathing the microplastics of the chair for decades and decades and decades.

[Drew]

Okay, well, I guess I can.

[Enya]

That's the episode. Thanks for tuning in, everybody.

[Kai]

Oh, I killed the really quick. I want to apologize for being late.

[Drew]

No, don't. Don't even bring it up because I'm going to get pissed off.

[Kai]

Well, I would like to apologize.

[Drew]

Well, you would like to lose your job if you keep mentioning it to me.

[Kai]

Well, I'm a super good person. I just. Whenever I'm at fault, I want to apologize. And I also want to say why it happened, why I was yelling at all the PAs and all the team that we have now, which is like a cool.

[Drew]

You shouldn't do that. No, that's not like a perk. You shouldn't be doing that.

[Kai]

That's just some Hollywood shit, though.

[Drew]

Okay, just hold on to that button that. Should we let him go? Yeah, I think it's a problem.

[Kai]

What are you guys saying? I'm farther from you now, so I can't.

[Drew]

Would you mind running an errand for like an hour?

[Kai]

Oh, yeah.

[Enya]

And then just, like, not come back ever. Don't yell at people. No, no, I don't like this joke. I don't like this joke. Kai, you're my friend and I love you.

[Drew]

Aw, I wouldn't say that much.

[Enya]

Okay. Trisha Paytas, y' all. Trisha fucking Paytas mentioned us on her podcast.

[Drew]

I saw a podcast of someone wearing it and their whole wall until. Yeah.

[Enya]

Oh, my God, I'm forgetting. I know it's Drew and Enya.

[Drew]

Who's that were?

[Enya]

They shout out emergency intercom. But they're very. It was goated experience. It was goated experience. It did hurt my feelings that she didn't know who I was because I have a massive fucking giant ego. And I figured everyone on the Internet knew who I was, and it was a very humbling experience. However, she is my queen. Please don't read our dms. They're embarrassing because I just, like, straight up, just start, like, if I have an infatuation with people, I just start DMing them. And my most. My most modern victim is Josh O' Connor.

[Drew]

Josh, you've been DMing him.

[Enya]

Yeah, true.

[Drew]

I'm like, that's my future, man. You can't.

[Enya]

No, that is my future, man. And it's going to like, he's going to look back on it and be like, oh, like, this is so cute. Like, I can't believe this. He's going to think like, oh, my God.

[Drew]

It's going to be like every corny HGTV ass movie where they, like, find out the person they're in love with is a stalker. You know what I'm talking about? There's like one, really?

[Enya]

Everybody named Josh o' Connor has ears on them. They got some good ass ears. Because this other Josh o' Connor, what's his Instagram?

[Drew]

I think it's like Josh takes pictures or some.

[Enya]

See, we got to change that.

[Drew]

Like, we'll tap in.

[Enya]

Yeah, we got to change that. We gotta.

[Drew]

Well, for me, it was actually a very grounding experience that Trisha didn't know who we were because I hate to think that I'm being perceived by like, any, like, possible peers. So when they don't know who I am, I'm like, oh, my God. Okay, I'm not being seen by them. Like, that doesn't matter. Also, it was so funny. I don't know her co host's name, but watching him try to explain to Trisha who we were really put into perspective because I think we were talking to somebody and then we were like, how would you describe us? And they didn't know what to say and I was like, oh, wow. Oh, wow. Like, what are we? But that's a good thing.

[Enya]

There are so many different ways to describe us. And Trisha got a version of that from him. So. Shout out, Trisha Paytas. The ceiling falling was real, unfortunately, and it has not been fixed yet. They're exposed pipes and wires in the kitchen.

[Drew]

And when Drew makes me mad, I just take a water gun and I shoot at the wire so it sparks on top of him.

[Enya]

Expose. We do have literally an exposed wire in our backyard. Like right next to where you park your cart or right next to where you park your car. And I get out of your car every time and it almost electrocutes me. And I think we should get that fixed. But yeah, that's the tea. That's the tea, y' all. That's the tea. There you go. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

It's just like, I'm just freaking the out right now. Like, I can't. We. We just gotta figure it out, you know?

[Drew]

Wait, figure out? Everybody, Everybody.

[Enya]

It's everything.

[Drew]

I always watch Parents pack their kids lunch. And in my head, when I'm seeing what they're packing, I'm like, oh my God, your kid is gonna be famished because you're giving it like orange peels and like a sandwich and all this like random little like, kid snack. And then last night, for the first time ever, a slot slided into my brain. I was like, oh, I forget that kids are actually tiny as. So for them, a white bread sandwich is the biggest meal they can ever eat. And that's why it's a valid lunch. But I was watching this mom and like, she even to her husband was like, we're giving her the whole sandwich. I don't think she'll finish that. In my head, I was like, hello, Half a sandwich is nothing that's kind of up. And then I really thought about it. I was like, wait, a sandwich is actually huge. Like, even, like adult sandwiches are big as. We need to downsize sandwiches.

[Enya]

Shrinkflations. Oh, wait, Shrinkflation. Y' all. Y' all seen the Subway? It's crazy, y' all. I mean, like, we all know five dollar footlongs now it's like thirteen ten inch sandwiches and it's just not chill.

[Drew]

I will say a foot long is a bit unnecessary. Necessary.

[Enya]

Anyway, I mean, honestly, it. It is. It's really hard to deal with.

[Drew]

What?

[Enya]

Like, it's a really difficult thing to live with and like a lot of. To eat. Yeah. And that. Yeah.

[Drew]

How often are you eating a foot long?

[Enya]

No, no, I'm not eating the foot.

[Drew]

You're serving a foot long.

[Enya]

Yeah, I'm giving it. Okay. So speaking of foot long sandwiches, I asked India this the other day and I was like, actually, we need to shut the fuck up because we need to talk about this on the podcast. And I'm very curious if this was an experience in either of yalls lives, but I saw a TikTok that people didn't relate to and I related to extensively and I related so much that I sent it to Madeline and she was like, oh my fucking God. Like, this is crazy, but we had fend for yourself dinner nights when we were younger where like, we would like, have to like, bitch, I'm calling. I know it's not her fault. It's not her fault. But we would have to like, scavenge meals from inside the house. And I was like, it was like a fun thing for us to do. Like, we would eat like raw pasta.

[Drew]

When I trick my kids into thinking not feeding them is fun, I'm like, ooh, how fun would it be if you went, ate, like, raw sugar?

[Enya]

No, it was like raw pasta, chocolate chips, and, like, sometimes Beef Stroganoff.

[Drew]

What is beef Stroganoff?

[Enya]

Hamburger Helper. Beef Stroganoff.

[Drew]

I hate Hamburger Helper. I hate that.

[Enya]

That. Hey, but was that Mandela? Johan.

[Kai]

Hamburger Helper.

[Enya]

And also we would drink Modelos.

[Drew]

That's really bad.

[Enya]

We were like. But no, it was like juice. It was like, very high.

[Drew]

Oh, did they water it down?

[Enya]

No, it was just like, straight up beer. But, like, it was good carbs.

[Kai]

Well, you were drinking Modelos as a child.

[Drew]

That's what I'm saying.

[Enya]

It wasn't like a child. That was like eight.

[Drew]

That's. That's like, as child of a child, you can get.

[Enya]

Well, when you have to fend for yourself for dinner, you have to grow up faster.

[Drew]

So your parents weren't feeding you dinner and giving you beer.

[Enya]

We were smoking cigarettes. We were chain smoking.

[Drew]

No, we were boxing the bathroom with Madeline with cigarettes. And like, eight.

[Enya]

We were bad as we would do like that. Like, my older brothers and siblings, they would smoke Cheetos, like, Cheeto Puff. They would, like, chief on Cheeto Puffs. And then, like, my dad caught them one time and made them run around the block, which was like a mile, like, until they threw up. And they never smoked another Cheeto again. But there's, like, different consistencies. Like, a Cheeto Puff, like, hits better than, like, a regular Cheeto.

[Drew]

Or like, you kids would smoke Smarties. Do you remember that?

[Enya]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

Brush up a Smartie and then, like, let it loud a little so it looked like you were smoking it. Bitch. We were bored as fuck before. We had iPhones in class. We were doing whatever the fuck passed the time.

[Enya]

I was smoking Smarties in class.

[Drew]

Yeah, 100%. I never smoked a Smarty at home.

[Enya]

Dude, it was crazy.

[Drew]

It's like. It's like drinking with friends versus drinking alone at home.

[Enya]

Yeah, well, Kai does that. But you should try it.

[Kai]

It's awesome.

[Enya]

It really stops. It stops the crying. It stops the crying in the shakes. No, like, one time since we were talking about smoking smarties in class. Like, I did, like, a crazy bong grip in the back of class and my teacher, like, got livid at me. She got so. And I was like, stop being a bro. Like, this is like, super chill vibes.

[Drew]

I ate that for a second. I believe that was like, what? You didn't get expelled?

[Enya]

Wait, but did y' all have fin for yourself dinner?

[Drew]

No, I never had that.

[Kai]

I did, actually.

[Enya]

Okay. Actually it might be a white thing, like genuine.

[Kai]

It is a white thing.

[Drew]

The lights would go out.

[Enya]

The caucasity of it all.

[Kai]

No, literally. Well, I remember what I. My go to meal was like a burrito made out of sugar and butter.

[Enya]

A butter sugar roll up.

[Kai]

Yeah, a butter sugar roll. And you put cinnamon in it. And I was like, oh, this is dinner.

[Enya]

I guess it was so good. And then also, did your mom ever make a cinnamon sugar toast where it was just cinnamon sugar on some white like wonder bread, cut into a triangle, popped into the oven with some butter and it like crisps up and it becomes like so fucking.

[Drew]

That actually does sound really yummy. Well, I would.

[Enya]

I think my mom made it for you one time because I was like. I was like, you have to try it is yummy.

[Drew]

I. Well, I used to take refried beans and eat them on toast and it's really good. Don't knock it till you try it. It's really.

[Enya]

Actually. Does I have refried bean trauma? Like actual trauma of refried.

[Drew]

You haven't had that good shit.

[Enya]

I know. No, it was like, I like refried beans now, but like growing up, it was like nine out of ten meals were fudgeing. You know, can be refried beans like wrapped in a tortilla. Actually, that is unfair to my parents. My parents were good parents. They cooked, they wallow it out, they did their thing. But the refried bean burritos, 10 plus.

[Drew]

Years, they can't be prosecuted for.

[Enya]

I know, I know. Their crimes against humanity.

[Drew]

Yeah, well, I didn't have that because my parents made sure I ate. And I've always been eating sis Fair.

[Enya]

We can tell. We know.

[Drew]

No, I did, but I feel like there was an era when like the lights were going out and the recession really hit hard, that I was eating a lot of cup noodles. But even then, like my dad would like spruce up our cup noodles and put like onions and cilantro and like veggies in it and like make it into a soup.

[Enya]

Am I giving jawline right now?

[Drew]

You're getting jaundice.

[Kai]

Unironically. You guys both look good as.

[Drew]

Oh my God. Thank you.

[Enya]

Seriously, Kai, you do too.

[Kai]

I'm shrouded in darkness. You can't even see.

[Drew]

No, that's why the lighting on you looks good.

[Kai]

Really?

[Enya]

You're glowing, King, you're beautiful.

[Drew]

Oh my God. Wait, look at me because your eyes are shining bright. Like.

[Kai]

Are they?

[Enya]

Oh, wait, it looks like you've been crying.

[Drew]

Phones. Doing the thing where it looks like shit when I take the picture.

[Enya]

That's just Kai's aura.

[Kai]

You guys are gaslighting me.

[Drew]

No, you look cute. I'll show you.

[Kai]

Oh. Whoa. I look way better than I thought. What the hell?

[Enya]

Okay, me and Anya, I've been thinking, and it feels like our life is. Yeah. Pointless. Exactly. It feels like everything is happening so fast and we don't have a moment to just, like, savor it and just sit and, like, be proud of our accomplishments. And I really feel like the reason why we've been feeling this way is because we have not been going to sex shops to hang out. Like, I'm not even kidding. 100.

[Drew]

That's where you get to be real. Like, that's where you get to be real.

[Enya]

You get to laugh. You get to have fun. Like, we will laugh about it. Even. Like, we will have a key.

[Drew]

Well, I wanted to bring baby bong to the sex shop. Oh, you don't know baby bong unless you saw me post it. Wait, I'll show you baby bong. Oh, I miss him already. I forgot to bring him. He's at home.

[Enya]

We, like, picked this thing up and then, like, literally, what, shifted?

[Kai]

That's a real item.

[Enya]

It shifted everything.

[Kai]

Is it Baby Yoda?

[Drew]

Yeah, it's Baby Yoda with a bong in his belly. And I love.

[Enya]

Disney's going to come after us and take us down.

[Drew]

Well, no, he has to go to the. We were asking. We were like, who made this? Like, the guy who runs the sex shop or the smoke shop? We were like, who made this? Like, where did you get this? And he was like, I don't know. The wholesalers just sell me stuff like that, and they tell me it's going to sell, so I buy it. And then he was like, apparently, they're like, a wholesaler for smoke shots selling.

[Kai]

Oh, oh, oh, my bad.

[Enya]

They're selling holes. Is that what you were going to say?

[Kai]

That was the joke. Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

Yep. Here we go.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, you almost fall.

[Enya]

I was gonna dap you up.

[Kai]

Zach, did you hear that moan?

[Enya]

I heard it. Did you get the mo. Yeah, but I feel like it because we haven't been going to sex shops as often. Something has shifted, and we need to, like, reign in the evil and just, like, tap back in and go hang out.

[Drew]

It is so fun. Like, you get to just, like, browse around, and it's like, it's funny. Window shopping with your friends. It's really fun to just look around.

[Enya]

I don't give a. Like, sex is funny.

[Drew]

It's the funniest. Thing ever. Like every time we're in there, we're like giggling. I feel like some people look at us and they're like so disrespectful. But I'm like, girl, it's not that deep. Like we're in Amazon.com the store right now. Like, it's literally not that deep. Also, it's so funny. Everything in there is plastic. Like, we don't talk enough about how many sex toys are going to be left over on the planet.

[Enya]

Like they're going to be relic. Oh my God, they're going to be irrelevant. I'm always like, oh, like what is like, like in a thousand years, like what's gonna survive and outlive us and it's gonna be those fucking like rose toys. Like dead ass.

[Kai]

Yeah, they have to make dildos out of those straws that are made out of like bamboo.

[Enya]

They do.

[Kai]

They should. But maybe it would dissolve.

[Drew]

Yeah, like a bamboo toothbrush. But it's a dildo.

[Enya]

Yeah, like that'd be good. No. Nope. Nope.

[Drew]

And then you could wood.

[Enya]

Hopefully you're not listening with your parents in the room because we just got serious.

[Drew]

So should we go to one today?

[Enya]

I think so. We should go key at one later today. But that brings me to my next topic. Oh, what was it? It was so good. It was such a good transition, bro. Oh my God.

[Drew]

It probably was.

[Enya]

Oh, it's actually a horrible transition and it means nothing to me. But you mentioned earlier about seeing someone on Tick Tock Live. Well, I was watching a live or screen recording of someone on a live and they were prank calling people. Like it was like a live where you like send DM them a number and they prank call them for you and they're like good at prank calling. Well, I saw someone. It's ending. It's happening. The big thing came. The big earthquake, literally. I saw a screen recording of someone submitting the sheriff station's number. So they like ties it in and they were like, dude, they actually gave us number. They actually give us somebody. This is crazy. And then they were like, we're calling. And then there the sheriff. They were like, orange County Sheriff Station. And they hung up and freaked the out immediately. Cuz they prank called a cop. Cop.

[Drew]

What even happens next? Do they follow up? I feel like they would have called them back.

[Enya]

Probably, but it wasn't like 911. It was giving like the front desk worker.

[Kai]

Nobody noticed. Drew just flipped me off for no reason.

[Drew]

Well, you deserved it. If you think hard enough about the things you've done. You probably deserve it. Well, I saw this video that was making me cry. Laugh. Okay, I can't show you, so you're just gonna have to use your ears.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

Pregnancy announcement gone wrong. You got a surprise for you to open your present. Okay. Who the is calling me? Scam ass number. Open it.

[Enya]

What is the present for?

[Drew]

Because we love you so much. What do you say?

[Enya]

I don't want to be a sister.

[Drew]

Open the rest of the G. So whatever. She just goes on to be like, I don't want to be a sister. And she just starts crying because she's like, you guys aren't gonna love me anymore. Why not? I don't want one, Milan. You're not gonna love me anymore. Yes, I am. I'm gonna love you just the same. I don't. I don't know why I said I wanted a baby.

[Enya]

Dude.

[Drew]

I've never seen a child become so existential so fast.

[Enya]

In that moment, she woke up.

[Drew]

Yeah. In that moment, she, like, entered adult reality within, like, the span of three minutes of hearing that news. And then it had me thinking of, like, what is she watching? That the, like, very obvious love. Distinct distinction between, like, an older sibling and a younger sibling is so evident that that's, like, a fear of hers that's now being unlocked. And she's, like, so fearful of it, but she just goes on to talk about it. She's like, but then I'm going to die first. And then she was just like. She just kept saying things like that. And the parents obviously didn't know what to say. They were like, oh, like, no, it's going to be fun.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And then I want boy. She goes, is this a dream? Am I overreacting? This might just be a dream, and I'm overreacting. And I was like, holy shit. Like, know she was going to be an older sibling. Sent her into psychosis. But it's understandable because I have a younger sister, and it was the worst thing to ever happen to me as a kid. Now it's awesome.

[Enya]

But I was the baby, so you got more love. I was. I was, like, taken care of. And I was the boy baby of a twin set.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

So that sexism.

[Drew]

Tap the fuck in.

[Enya]

You know that, though. You know that, though. No, I feel like my parents loved Madeline more than me. And that's why I, like, would fake like I was going to kill myself several times. Never forget the pill story, y' all.

[Drew]

Well, I was. I remember middle child for a long time growing up, until I was like, 12.

[Enya]

Being a middle child is probably so beat.

[Drew]

Yeah, I was bunk as no one with me. I was hella annoying and no one with me, so that's probably why I'm here.

[Enya]

But I feel like I don't know what's worse, being a middle child of, like, a smaller family or being the babies of, like, a big family.

[Drew]

Well, in my head, being the baby of a big family is lit because your older siblings will take care of you, but also, they'll, like, bother the fuck out of you. Because once my younger siblings were, like, brought to this earth, and in my eyes, I was a demon to them. I know I got, like, find anything that bothered them, and I would troll the fuck out of them. Like, I would chase them around with pictures of horses and sharks because they were scared of horses and sharks. Like, I would, like, act like I was calling the police on them every time they annoyed me.

[Enya]

And they would freak the evil bro. My brothers would pin my arms down and then turkey tap my chest for, like, five minutes until. And it would be the most painful thing I've ever experienced. They would just, like, do that over and over and over again, and then they would like, pinch this part of my leg all the time, y' all. It was brutal out there. They would also shoot me with airsoft guns, and my older brother had ninja thought stars, and he would act like he was going to throw them at me, and, like, we were cooked.

[Drew]

Well, when Natalie would get on my bed, I would kick her off with my feet.

[Enya]

Really?

[Drew]

I would literally. I think I had an old vibe.

[Enya]

Didn't you spit in her bed or some shit?

[Drew]

No, that was to my sister, who's, like, three years apart from me. I got tired of beating her ass when we would get into physical fights, and I felt like that was unfair. So instead of physically fighting her, I just started spitting all over biological warfare. I started spitting on her bed, and I would get home from school in my outdoor clothes and roll around in her bed after sweating in Miami Heat.

[Enya]

But, yeah, I have, like, Miami Heat basketball team. You love basketball. Should we talk about basketball? My Mavericks won. They beat the Thunders. All right, bye.

[Drew]

Do the same thing with basketball that they do to their pregnant significant others where they're like, we're having a baby. We, we, we, we, we. And they're not doing any fudgeing work. And that's how men talk about basketball. I was like, oh, we're going to the finals. Oh, we won.

[Enya]

Oh, my God, I'm so happy. I bought jerseys and supported the team. I paid their salaries. I bought movies or I bought tickets to the games. I bought hot dogs at the stands, like, I supported. I'm a part of this team. It's a community that we built. Yeah, it's real as. Y' all ever heard of urinal cake huffing? Why urinal cake huffing?

[Drew]

Urinal.

[Enya]

There's Jankum. Is where you take your waste, your and your piss, and you put it in a bag and ferment it in the sun, and then you huffed. Huffy.

[Kai]

I was a Jacob plug in high school.

[Enya]

Yeah, Kai, like, hooked.

[Kai]

I was. I was the Heisenberg of Jenkum.

[Enya]

It gives you. It gives you, like, hallucinogenic. It has, like.

[Drew]

Is this a real thing? Because it's pissing me off.

[Enya]

It's real. But urinal K cuffing is like. People grab the urinal cakes out of, like, the urinals in bathrooms and crush it up and sniff it.

[Drew]

That is.

[Kai]

So what does it do? You get high? You break through.

[Enya]

Yeah. You get high.

[Drew]

Do you actually, like. Or are people just, like, kind of kinky, nasty monsters?

[Enya]

It's like hitting the jackpot if you find an unused one. So, like, the urine has nothing to do with it.

[Drew]

But why don't they just buy urinal cakes online?

[Kai]

Why don't you just buy drugs? Okay.

[Enya]

Literally, just smoke weed.

[Kai]

I had a guest idea for the podcast, the Hat man that you see when you do Benadryl.

[Enya]

Babadook.

[Kai]

Yeah, the Babadook. But you know what I'm talking about. The Benadryl thing.

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you see spiders and they're crawling over you.

[Drew]

I don't think I've ever even taken Benadryl.

[Enya]

You have, but you haven't taken enough to break through.

[Kai]

But there's, like, that specific guy when you. When you get high on Benadryl who wears a hat and stands in the corner of your room and watches you.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

I feel like he would be a good guest.

[Enya]

He would.

[Drew]

Well, Drew. That's Drew when he wears his hat. That's literally.

[Enya]

That's me in the show, lurking.

[Drew]

Actually, somebody recently told me that they had a scary dream and Drew was in it, and Drew had a straight bob and headphones in, and, like, this is somebody who, like, we haven't seen in a long time. And that Drew just kept being like. And, like, saying all their business to them and, like, knew everything about this person's life.

[Enya]

Yeah. I mean, that's just, like, me in reality. I have. I have little plants that collect information for me and I know everything y' all say, and I know everything y' all do, because it all gets back to me because I have people. I have people out there. But you wouldn't know that. I would know, because I keep that information to myself. I use for later. Yeah. Josiah is my boyfriend. Josiah is my boyfriend.

[Drew]

I don't know why that sentence alone makes you laugh so hard. I think it's just because we'll be standing around the house, and Drew will walk by me and be like, josiah is my boyfriend, and then go back to his room. And that's, like, the only words I've heard from him in, like, 30 hours.

[Enya]

30 hours. I've also seen, like, way too many dicks on my TikTok feed. Is that been a thing for anybody else?

[Kai]

Penises.

[Enya]

Yeah. Like, straight up dongs. Like, it got banned.

[Drew]

It got to see a guy on Live who was, like, recording himself and just, like, panning down and grabbing his nasty wiener.

[Enya]

Yeah, it was. It's crazy.

[Kai]

Since when can you do that?

[Enya]

That's the thing. It got banned. We got banned in America. And the moderator said, all right, y' all.

[Kai]

Like, oh, that's why you've been down recently. That's why you've been depressed, probably.

[Enya]

Yeah. Wait, no, that makes much.

[Kai]

Well, you can't even say kill yourself, but you can put your. On the Live.

[Drew]

Yeah, I think it might be, like.

[Enya]

It's. It's pretty. It's pretty insane. And there's, like, this side of Tick Tock called Leak Talk where they, like, just post pictures of their wieners.

[Kai]

What?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Wait, how do you know? I've never seen that.

[Kai]

Yeah, I didn't know about any of this, Drew.

[Drew]

I think the algorithm.

[Enya]

I'm just making all of this up, y' all.

[Drew]

No, no, stop it. That video of Michael Jackson.

[Enya]

Like, no, stop, stop, stop, stop.

[Drew]

Well, do you think when you get really old, every night you go to sleep, you're scared you won't wake up? Because that was scaring me last night. Like, that is terrifying. Like, imagine being, like, 70.

[Enya]

I go to sleep every night praying I don't wake up already already.

[Kai]

What does that mean? To say already?

[Enya]

After that, the guy already.

[Kai]

Oh, oh, I got it. Okay. I've been going to sleep, and then I'll stop breathing. And I'm convinced if I didn't catch it, I would have died. Do you guys know what I'm talking about?

[Enya]

That literally happened.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Yeah, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

You're just sitting there.

[Kai]

Wait, I'm 29. I'm in my 20s.

[Enya]

No, you're in the point.

[Drew]

Like, 00082%.

[Enya]

You're the oldest.

[Kai]

Holding on like white knuckling.

[Enya]

You're the oldest 20 year old alive. There will be a second where you are the oldest 20 year old. But that happened to me the other night. Like I was like laying down and I just like. Like, I choked and like woke up really quick and I was like freaking the out. Like, it was actually scary.

[Drew]

It didn't happen to me, but I do hit my puff bar so many times before I go to bed that I always wake up with almost a sore throat. And then I wake up and I'm like, I need to stop smoking. Like, I need to stop.

[Enya]

And then I wake up and I'm.

[Drew]

Like, I know my lungs don't hurt though, because I can run.

[Enya]

True.

[Drew]

The second I get on a treadmill and I can't run, I still won't stop. I. I simply will walk.

[Enya]

The streets killed me. The streets killed me.

[Drew]

Wait, who did we say grew up into that?

[Enya]

Josiah.

[Drew]

No, no, no.

[Enya]

That's Josiah in two weeks.

[Drew]

JoJo Siwa, drunk at Disney World.

[Enya]

Oh, see, I don't give a. I do not give a. I like Jojo Siwa. There, I said it. Boom.

[Drew]

Yeah, we saw the video of her, like in her kitchen dancing around and I was like, oh, she's.

[Kai]

Did you see the one with Mario Lopez?

[Enya]

Yeah, that shit's great. And everybody's silent around her.

[Drew]

Is she the tallest, like person on the planet? Why does she look like so like. Or is Mario Lopez just a smaller man?

[Kai]

I feel like he might be smaller, but she does look like 6:11 in that video.

[Drew]

Yeah, she seems like she'd be really tall.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Also the fact that she's just now turning 21 is like, actually scary. But I've decided that the only way I could keep track of time is there are a certain amount of like, pregnant women. Are you looking at that?

[Enya]

I was just looking back at my Facebook because I was just like, I just opened my phone to Facebook for some reason and I haven't posted there since 2018. And I went on this like, psycho, like, two week span where I was trolling the fuck out of all of my locals and I posted this pic as a selfie. Like, I was like, guys, I feel good today. Like, this is a vibe. And then my next post after that was this pic.

[Drew]

Kylie Jenner.

[Enya]

No, it's a broken crown. Still colors with crazy emojis. And then I posted this pic. Oh, this pic. And then I Posted this.

[Drew]

I feel like this is before trolling was worldwide and like, before TikTok blew up. So people from your hometown definitely were.

[Enya]

Like, oh, oh, he lost it. Because then I also said, so happy to be back on the bike. It's been a while. And then I moved on. And then I posted a picture. Got to fly the plane the other day. It was awesome. And I photoshopped clouds into the background. Dude, I had.

[Drew]

Dude, I distinctly remember sitting in bed with you while you were editing that in 1904.

[Enya]

It was a process. And then I posted my. My mullet slash AirPod 360 or not mullet. My. What is that? Bowl cut 360. And now if you look up Drew Phillips bowl cut or something like that, if you look up bowl cut or shitty haircut, that those pictures come up. Like, if you look up, like, terrible haircut, like, the 360 of me comes up. And then on Thanksgiving, it posted. This just cooked up. And then I posted a picture with Kylie Jenner.

[Drew]

Did anybody believe that? Like, what were the comments?

[Enya]

Yeah, so many people believed it. Kylie invited me over for dinner the other night. Travis was so funny, and Stormy was a little sweetheart. Haha. I'm living in a movie. I can't say who commented and believed it. But yeah, that was my most recent post I on Facebook. So, yeah, I went on like, a crazy troll binge. But then I think about it and I'm like, that is like the most selfish thing I can do is be a troll. Because, like, it's only good for me. Like, I. I'm the only person that gets a laugh out of it.

[Drew]

No, because people are laughing at you.

[Enya]

True, true, true.

[Drew]

Yeah, there are people out there who are laughing at you.

[Enya]

That is true.

[Drew]

Because, like, if there are people who believe that you are actually going insane for the most part, people are probably cracking up and airplane that. I mean, like, okay, y' all need to see what Drew.

[Enya]

I didn't get reached out to once during that era. And that was like six months of posting when I was just like, tweaking the fuck out on Facebook, like, literally, like, going batshit crazy. Like, and no one said. I mean, but in all honesty, like, it was a little real. Like, that was like, kind of coming from a real place if you think about it.

[Drew]

The dirt bike photo is not.

[Enya]

No, no, I'm not saying, like, what I was doing, but like, even, like, me trolling vibes, you wanted someone to reach out. Exactly. It was coming from a real plan.

[Drew]

And I was busy ignoring you. No, Literally, I had going on myself. So I was too Busy sleeping from 7am to 5pm and then taking melatonin soon after I woke up. So I was tapped in. I was busy as I like missed that though. That sounds like kind of fun to just like drug myself to sleep all the time and stuff.

[Enya]

Yeah. Oh, it's not chill.

[Drew]

Sounds like comforting.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's awkward as I was thinking about because I feel like when Nathan for you came out, that was like the first time that it became like a very mainstream concept to like, with people as that's not like the first time, but like, I feel like that's like the first, like big cultural moment where people are like, oh, this is a thing. And I got kind of sad recently because I feel like that is that form of comedy or whatever is now like the default form of comedy on the Internet.

[Drew]

Yeah. 100.

[Kai]

Like when you open up TikTok, it's like some guy running up and like he asked him a question, like farts on them or something. I don't know. Maybe that's why.

[Enya]

That's way funnier than for you, actually.

[Drew]

You know what's scary to think about though, is like, to us, we. I always forget what a bubble we live in because even on those things, it's like you could see a video like that with a million likes, but that doesn't even go to touch even like a small percentage of the us because every time I see a video of somebody getting trolled, I'm like, how did they not think for a second that they were being like, okay, there's an iPhone in my presence. I'm definitely about to be trolled. People. It happens to people all the time. Like, people just like, forfeit to it. But I also think it's like a shame thing. It's like nobody wants to be like, leave me alone on camera because they don't want to see what a sore loser. So they just like themselves.

[Kai]

I was talking to my friend about how like, Chipotle workers in LA should have. Should be paid more just as like a like 30% more just to deal with like, the emotional toll of like an annoying white guy like every week going in and like, holding his phone like this in front of like, the thing and being like, more. Can you add more sour cream to the burrito?

[Drew]

Don't be shy.

[Enya]

Put some more, please. Don't be shy. Don't be shy. Put some more, please. Put some more, please. Don't be shy. Put some more, please.

[Drew]

You know why I did that.

[Enya]

And you'll say it and I'll remember.

[Drew]

I don't know if you know what he's talking about, Kai. The stupid video of me saying that.

[Enya]

2019 and James Charles saying, that girl.

[Drew]

I know that girl.

[Kai]

The girl that is, like, a prolific. I feel like that's like Tick Tock canon.

[Enya]

No, it was, like, right at the genesis of Tick Tock, like, hitting the mainstream.

[Drew]

I think that was, like, one of the first videos I posted also. But I did that because I was at a poke shop and this lady was doing that to the employee. Like, she kept being like, don't be shy. Come on. Like, what are you doing? Why are you playing with me? To the worker. And, like, the worker was around my age, and me and him just kept, like. He just kept, like, doing her ball and looking over at me. And she was like, what? I'm right here. I'm right here. She was being so scary and she was cooking. She might have been on something. Honestly, she's probably happier than I am because I could never speak out for myself like that in public.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah, Know. But you're pretty.

[Drew]

That doesn't help. It actually makes it worse. Like, being pretty is hard.

[Enya]

I fully agree. Thank you. Someone said it. All right, y' all. Since then you brought it up, I'll talk about it being as gorgiana grande as I am. As hermosa. Hermosa as I am. Like, wapo. Gordo. Wapo grande. Like, all of it.

[Drew]

Wait, you said gordo. That's fat.

[Enya]

Like, handsome.

[Kai]

You said you have a fat wap.

[Enya]

Yeah, Guapo.

[Drew]

Guapo is, like, sexy.

[Enya]

It's like guacamole. No, I. It is just really difficult existing. I mean, I've said it several times, like, as the beauty standard. Because, like. Like, people almost expect things out of you. Like, I'm actually almost crying, like, thinking about it. Like, I'm dead serious. Like, people, like, look at you and want you to be what you want them to be in you.

[Drew]

No, I get it. It's like, you're so sexy. People expect your personality to be perfect, but really what nobody thinks about is because you are so hot. You're, like, one of the worst people on the planet. No, like, people always look at you and they're like, oh, my God, he's so sexy. He must be the best person ever. But then they get to know him and they're like, you were evil and something about you is so awful. And I.

[Enya]

Why are you not going to be around you?

[Kai]

Because this is just.

[Drew]

You get it, right? Yeah, I mean, me and Kai couldn't relate to that because nobody like me. Nobody.

[Kai]

I'm going to close friends to be super fucking honest with you.

[Enya]

No, no, no. I'm going to fucking kill myself and write you on my note.

[Kai]

That's fine.

[Enya]

Y' all are going to be the reason.

[Kai]

That's how you want to deal with this?

[Enya]

No, actually I'm burning the house down.

[Drew]

Then don't. Please.

[Enya]

Damn.

[Drew]

I did not play. When it comes to.

[Enya]

I do not. Don't play with me. No, no, no, no.

[Drew]

Were like, oh, I. I don't around with that. Like, I can't remember what it was. It was something so stupid. Like we were playing a game or something and Drew was like, because I don't around with like this up or something. And it was the dumbest thing ever. I wish I remember what it was because I was like, I've never heard somebody so seriously be like, it might have been on the Patreon episode. You were like, because I don't around.

[Enya]

I don't play, y' all. I do not.

[Kai]

Getting really serious about something will always be super funny.

[Enya]

Like it's never that.

[Drew]

Never.

[Enya]

But something to actually be serious about is being as Gordy. Gorgeous being as gorgeous as I am.

[Drew]

You're so gorgeous. I think subconsciously you were thinking about how Gordis. But you're being fatist.

[Enya]

Oh. Oh my God. And I forgot about the sandwiches.

[Drew]

Like, don't be fatistas. You should have a sandwich because you're Gordis.

[Enya]

Exactly. Inside the gym. Inside the gym. Subconsciously, me and Jim were trying to.

[Drew]

Figure out the lingo thing, but maybe.

[Enya]

That'S inside the chin.

[Drew]

It's like when somebody's being like a little mysterious.

[Enya]

I bet y' all feel so left out right now. Like, these are all of our insights.

[Drew]

Don't be fouses. Don't be fasis. All of those come from Josiah also.

[Enya]

Most of them. Most of them.

[Drew]

No. Inside the chim is just you up while you were speaking, y' all.

[Enya]

I like have like audible typos. Like 90% of the time I'm speaking.

[Drew]

And he gets so mad when you repeat them.

[Enya]

Cuz I'm like, girl, like, you knew what the fuck I was trying to say. Like, oh my God.

[Drew]

Even though you can't make a like mishap in your vocabulary around Drew because he'll repeat it and be like, oh, what is that? What is that?

[Enya]

Back to me being the beauty standard bitch. It is a. It is a hard fucking life out here. It is A hard fucking life.

[Drew]

Okay, Annie.

[Enya]

It's all right. Oh, should I do my stand up? Because I've been writing stand up. I have, like, a type probably three minutes that I did at a show.

[Kai]

Like, bracing herself physically.

[Enya]

No, it's actually good. It's actually good. She's taking a breath to laugh.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Enya]

Okay. This is how I open this up. Are you all all right?

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah.

[Enya]

No, you're all left.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Enya]

Water be like, let me be clear. You know, like the Obama.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's.

[Enya]

Let me be clear. Rulers be like, let me get one thing straight. So do I. I'd be like that. I'd be like that, too. Haagen Dazs ice cream. Be like, get in my stomach.

[Kai]

What? What was that?

[Drew]

No, wait, I thought it was okay.

[Enya]

No, no, no.

[Drew]

You can't do it again.

[Enya]

Yeah, Haagen Dazs. More like Haagen All Das ice cream.

[Kai]

Oh, okay.

[Enya]

People are so crazy. Okay, yeah, yeah. This is where it heats up.

[Drew]

Up.

[Enya]

People are so crazy. Wait, hold on. People are so crazy nowadays, they will pee in a bottle and put it under their bed. What? Am I the only one who does that? Wait, so how do cameras work? I'm actually confused, because every time Inya and Kai step in front of it, it breaks. That's why we keep them off camera, everybody. Because the cameras break. Thousands of dollars in damage. My rugs in the living room have started to stink. I knew I shouldn't have let my dog inside. Enya, you're sleeping outside again.

[Kai]

Imagine Drew doing this on Kill. Tony, maybe that was all.

[Enya]

That's all, folks. That's all, folks.

[Kai]

Drew doing Enya and Kai jokes on Kill Ton.

[Enya]

No, I cooked y' all.

[Drew]

Yeah, you did. I mean, it makes.

[Enya]

What's your favorite part?

[Drew]

You doing a two Haagen Daws jokes in a row?

[Enya]

Yeah, see, y' all think. Y' all think y' all got me. Why? I see, I keep seeing that in the reflection, and I'm, like, so curious what it is. What?

[Drew]

You are a crazy person.

[Enya]

No, see, what the. Like, the thing is.

[Drew]

What the. Also, wait. Last night, Ryan came over there, and Drew was sitting with us for, like, three minutes. And then me and. Or I started talking and he left. And then he came back with a question about himself. Like, he literally left his room. And I was like, where'd you go? And he's like, I'm painting. And I was like, oh, damn, he doesn't want to hang out with us. And then me and Orion were like, oh, what? Characters from Sex in the city are we? And you ran in. He's like, wait, who am I? Who am I? Like, who am I?

[Enya]

Yeah, because I need to know. Sorry. I was a baby child and I didn't get all the attention I got that y' all got. No, but y' all liking the stand up. How I set y' all up where y' all are like, oh, I got him. Like, what the does Haagen Dazs be on my stomach? Be like. And then I come back and like, hog.

[Drew]

What the does Haagen do? Be all up in my Haagen D?

[Enya]

More like Haagen all das ice cream. Okay, well, I a.

[Drew]

Well, I'm going on a strike against going to Drew's room at night because his bed sheets started to smell like all his food.

[Enya]

Food. And your room smells like cat piss.

[Drew]

Okay, wow. But I was. And that's just my piss.

[Enya]

That. That is just in yours.

[Drew]

It's my tuna ball.

[Enya]

No, y' all, it's. It's a vibe. Like, y' all don't get it. Like, bed food hits differently past 11pm.

[Drew]

Like, I haven't been to buffeted Drew in, like, a few days.

[Enya]

Actually, you haven't. And I was really sad last night because, you know, the snacks I bought 3 days ago that we just kind of been like. Like, cheating on for the past three days. Wait, y' all sour gushers so good.

[Drew]

Please send a sour gu.

[Enya]

Actually, no. Sour gushers are gross. Like, they're actually so nasty. Do not go buy them. I'm.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. Actually, no. Because if I go to the store and they're not there, I'm actually gonna freak. The.

[Enya]

I'm gonna have a conniption fit. I feel like they're the best.

[Drew]

I think we're gonna sell out sour gush.

[Enya]

We can literally get a. Some person is gonna make a tick tock on them, and they're gonna be sold.

[Drew]

Some people have self respect, and they're like, I don't know. Need to put that in my body.

[Enya]

No, but sour gushers, y' all, they cooked, but I accidentally threw away, like, six of them last night, and I was gonna eat them.

[Drew]

Those are a hot commodity in the house.

[Enya]

I know. They're very rare. They're very.

[Kai]

Well, you guys still have that sour fruit stuff, Fruit riot, right?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Yeah. That I like so much Kai, y' all.

[Enya]

This is like, the craziest thing Kai has ever done. Like, never in Kai's life has he been like, I just. I'm gonna come over and chill, and we're like, yeah, come over. Kai came over and chilled for five minutes and then was like. So, like, what about, like, do you have any more of that, like, sour fruit stuff? And we were like, that's why he.

[Drew]

Wants to come over.

[Enya]

He comes over to eat my fucking fruit riot.

[Kai]

That is not why. That's not the whole reason, is it? A big part of why.

[Enya]

Yes, honestly, fair.

[Kai]

But the other part is just enjoying life with you guys and spending time with you guys. Do I want to get that sweet, sweet sour pineapple in my gut?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Enya]

I literally finally broke Kai's ketosis, though. It's been, like, a very big goal of mine.

[Kai]

It broke it. Yeah, it broke it. But I'm.

[Enya]

It was worth it.

[Kai]

I'm back.

[Enya]

But your jaw is, like, so snatched, really. Like, you're giving, like, jowls or not jowls.

[Kai]

Jowls.

[Enya]

No, no, no, no.

[Drew]

God.

[Enya]

I didn't mean that.

[Drew]

No, the thing is, it's giving gone up jowls. I'm gonna be an ugly old. Like, I'm really gonna be up and I'm. Or Kim name.

[Enya]

Yeah, no, he can cook. We just see it in the healing process.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, like, give it a few months.

[Enya]

Exactly. No Kim saying you give, like, Gaunt. Like, you don't have any buccal fat.

[Kai]

Like, it's a vibe I'm giving Gaunt.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I'll go get Bugle fat removal.

[Enya]

Yes. Oh, I'm saying that I got to.

[Kai]

Take some of this cake and put it in my face or do a reverse. Take the cake from my ass and put it in my face. Take the cake from my ass.

[Enya]

Y' all small asses are gonna be back in very soon. I do all of you little ass out there, just like your day is coming.

[Drew]

I'm tired of me.

[Kai]

I'm tired of my bubble butt erasure. That you guys are always.

[Enya]

No.

[Drew]

Pick that up. Stop playing with me.

[Enya]

Oh, that was actually. What is Grinder, though? Like, I keep hearing this app called Grindr. Like, people are, like, talking about it all the time.

[Drew]

No, me and Kai never mentioned that to you. What is that? You tell us. Oh, you must be the Grinder expert. I've actually never downloaded Grinder.

[Enya]

Genuinely. I'm actually, like, so confused.

[Drew]

Give me your phone.

[Kai]

Us ending the episode all by chewing gum and destroying. But what is Grindr, actually? And what is Sniffy's? And what's the difference between both of those and which one's better?

[Enya]

I'm genuinely.

[Drew]

Snippies.

[Kai]

We've talked about this.

[Enya]

I don't know.

[Drew]

Drew doesn't know up at Grindr, so don't with us.

[Enya]

Yeah, no, we literally do.

[Drew]

We literally. We were like a social media, like, managers and is literally a grinder.

[Enya]

Yeah, we. We were, like, voted as, like, the first year we were doing the podcast. We were like, second runner up in voting for best gay podcast. I was like, bitch, fuck y' all. Like, that is literally not me. Get the. I'm gonna start releasing beans.

[Drew]

Well, I still have my proof of diagnosis by my doctors of being straight, so.

[Kai]

Oh, nice.

[Drew]

Yeah. You know that you could test for that now?

[Kai]

I gotta go in. I gotta test. I gotta get. No, you literally do get an updated registration. I actually do.

[Drew]

They ask for all your symptoms. It's like when you get tested for adhd, they give you a little test and they ask your symptoms and stuff.

[Kai]

Ye. Yeah.

[Enya]

Did I tell y' all about. I don't think I told them about how I almost got asbestos. Like, I probably do have asbestos in my lungs.

[Drew]

Why do you think that? I don't know that. You always think you got. I could tell you what you have in your lungs, but you're not going to like it.

[Enya]

No, do it.

[Drew]

Let's come.

[Kai]

You have come in your lungs. How is that even possible? You should hit me. To get the anger out or the frustration. You should hit me.

[Drew]

Me.

[Kai]

I'm over here.

[Enya]

Go ahead.

[Drew]

Go ahead. What? I don't have else to say to you. I already said what I had to say. You want me to repeat it?

[Kai]

Oh, my God. You're actually fighting. This is crazy.

[Drew]

Yeah, I don't give a.

[Kai]

Is it over? Is the podcast ever hit me?

[Drew]

Me and Drew haven't fought in a while. When's the last time we fought? Don't play with me.

[Enya]

Guys. No, I got a toy. I found out.

[Drew]

Whoa. You got a toy?

[Enya]

Shut the fuck.

[Drew]

He wasn't playing about their sex shop. I guess I'm laughing. Me and Kai were saying, like, we all three need to go to a live screening of snl. Be like.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, going to SNL and doing that, like, super late once all the laughter tapers off.

[Enya]

I got this CSI toy growing up and.

[Drew]

Wait, I think you have spoken about this.

[Enya]

Not on the pod, though, but I got a CSI kit growing up, and it was a really fun toy. It was like my favorite toy, and I was very precious with it. I would not let anybody else touch it. It was like my favorite toy, and I literally used it every day for, like, six months.

[Drew]

Me about my Wingbot, my favorite toy. I use Every day for six months.

[Enya]

Girls should not.

[Drew]

The plastic is beat up on that hoe.

[Enya]

Girls should not pleasure them. That's what I'm here for. I should be your wingbot.

[Drew]

You are when it dies. When I lose the charger.

[Enya]

Okay, let me. So I bought this CSI toy. Why are y' all laughing at me? Like, let me finish this goddamn story.

[Kai]

Dude, you're funny and sexy. Continue.

[Enya]

How am I supposed to continue after that? Because actually, that is a problem. No, why haven't we. I can't finish a fucking. No, no, no. I can't finish a fucking story without being objectified. And that's the problem with being beautiful. That is the difficulty with being beautiful. Because.

[Drew]

Because beautiful. Was he beautiful? I haven't been objectified enough lately. Like, we need to talk about that. Like, what's that? Not much else to say. It might be on my part. Like, I'm not doing it good.

[Enya]

We. You want to be objectified, and we want to be perved on. Like, we need to.

[Drew]

Actually, yeah, I want to be objectified, but, like, not by men. Like, ew. But girls just. Like, girls aren't as pervy, but I can respect that.

[Enya]

But I bought this CSI toy. Use it all the time. And then it came out, like, years later. Like, I mean, I use it every day. And my favorite part was doing the fingerprint. Like, you put your fingerprint on something and dust it off. Well, it turns out that, like, basically the fingerprint dust was straight up asbestos. And I would just, like, dust it off and breathe it in for, like. And I did that, like, every day for, like, six months, so.

[Drew]

And look at you, you.

[Enya]

Y' all. Y' all know what monthing is.

[Kai]

What is that?

[Enya]

It's me and Kai. We go do it all the weekends, all the week. When. When me and Kai go out, just know we're monthsing. And Kai was the one that introduced me to it, which is.

[Kai]

I don't even know what he's talking about. I'm sweating. I'm pretty sure.

[Enya]

Now you.

[Kai]

Now, what does it mean? Please tell me.

[Drew]

What is that?

[Enya]

I'm not. I'm not gonna be the one that says it because Kai is the one that put me on.

[Kai]

What did I do? Let me look this shit up.

[Drew]

The last thing in my safari was something I want to get for Drew, by the way, just to, like, let everybody know I'm a good friend. Find and dig up a semi decomposed corpse.

[Kai]

You're saying we find a decompose. A semi decomposed corpse.

[Enya]

You don't have to finish that.

[Drew]

No, this is fucked up.

[Enya]

You don't have to finish that. But yeah, we do that all the time.

[Drew]

Why is there a word for that? How many people did that?

[Kai]

Muxing the juicer.

[Enya]

No, no, no. Mut maxing. We've been mut maxing.

[Drew]

Oh, I saw this kid who was like pheromone maxing. Like, I ended up on a really weird. I ended up on like Drew's side of Tick Tock last night where it was like the scariest people ever. And I didn't know what was happening. Like, it started on like eternity necklaces, which is like a kink thing. Like. Oh, it's like somebody is like. It's like a sub and dom like situation.

[Enya]

We do genuinely need to bring back bandana culture, but that's all I'll say.

[Drew]

Bandana culture.

[Enya]

There are. Never mind.

[Drew]

Oh, like for like.

[Enya]

No, no.

[Drew]

Anyway, and then I found that and then I went on a deep dive of that and I couldn't believe it because there's like a specific kind of person who posts about that. And I just won't get into the details, but it's very specific genre. No, I meant the eternity eternity necklace. Very specific. Y' all should hit up your family, be like, oh, anybody know, like eternity necklaces? Cuz that's like kind of the vibe. It's white people. It's a very white thing. And I like went down a rabbit hole of it and I was like, okay, this is crazy. And it was freaking me out.

[Enya]

I don't know what eternity maxing is.

[Drew]

No, not eternity maxing. You're just adding maxi. Eternity necklace is like a collar. Like a forever collar that like somebody wears if they're in like a. Oh, like a chain. Yeah.

[Enya]

Oh, it's like they're the sub.

[Drew]

Yeah. And that was freaking me out because I was like, I can't believe people, like, come on the Internet and say, see, he knows. But then I found this kid who was pheromone maxing, question mark. And it just meant he wasn't showering and it was his like, mom being like, please shower. Please, please. And then he was like, my mom made me shower. And then he was like, talk about how like, one of his friends invited him over and he thought he was gonna hang out. But like, they gave him like a. No, they gave him a bucket bath. Like they intervention, like, washed him. And that's just really gross. And I'm really scared.

[Kai]

Is there any validity to that though? No, none. Yeah. Okay. I'm just Wondering. Because sometimes I'll be like, I'm always learning about women. I'm always getting blown away by women. I'm always being impressed by, like, what. I don't know. The. The multitudes of the female. Whatever. And I'm so. I'm just asking questions. I'm just asking.

[Drew]

No, it's not a thing. You could smell pheromones immediately, and some of y' all stink. God didn't give you the good pheromones. Get the Away from me. Nasty monster.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Ew. I hate. I can't stand a. With nasty pheromones. That pisses me off.

[Kai]

One time, Drew said something really insightful, and he said, sometimes.

[Enya]

One time. You mean like a million.

[Kai]

No, a ton of times, but just with a specific time. You said, said. And I'll never forget this. I'm actually getting chills just thinking about this. But you said, sometimes the prettiest people do the ugliest things. And I was like, wow, what the fuck? And the way that he had me screaming and.

[Enya]

And this. And this. The truth will set you free. Or the truth will set you free. But first, it'll piss you off.

[Kai]

Incredible.

[Enya]

What's another one? When I click the equal sign on my keyboard? Because I. For a while, I had, like, a long bit going where I had, like, on an iPhone, I had, like, a text signature.

[Drew]

Oh, the subject.

[Enya]

Yeah. So when I do it, it says, it's a quote by me. Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. And so I would just click.

[Drew]

That's a quote by you. Yeah.

[Enya]

So, yeah, I cooked. So if y' all want a little goof and a gag and y' all want to. Yeah, y' all get it. Y' all get the vibe. Let's do media, y' all. Sex in the city. What the. Why is everybody looking at me?

[Drew]

Well, because you're about to do your media. We're waiting, and you were talking.

[Enya]

I feel really scared right now. I'm. I'm really uncomfortable by Yalls presence.

[Drew]

Then go home, call a Uber, and get out of here.

[Enya]

Sex in the city.

[Drew]

You're not riding back in my car with me. You're getting.

[Enya]

I'm gonna ride Kai all the way home.

[Kai]

Yep. He's gonna ride the. Out of me. Or with.

[Drew]

I'm gonna start banning Drew from being in my car because he has a bad habit of getting in my car and playing tick tocks next to my ear. And it is so infuriating if you get in someone's car and you play tick tocks with the Volume on Burning Hell, you pissed me off studying.

[Kai]

That's better than what Drew does in my car where he'll get in and he'll immediately pull his pants down, and then he'll bare ass fart into the leather seats, and then he'll tickle me until I piss myself. Yep.

[Drew]

Do a psyop or I'm gonna freak out.

[Enya]

I don't know. We're doing media.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Enya]

Okay. India put me on to Sex in the City. It's all we've watched. It's all I've been able to consume. Also, oh, my God, I had the new season of Young Sheldon spoiled for me, and when I saw the video, y' all, I started crying. Dead serious. Serious. I'm dead serious. I started crying. Something very dark happens, and my favorite character gets murked and gets killed. And they kill him. No. Hell no. He goes in.

[Drew]

Wait, somebody dies?

[Enya]

Yes. And it's really sad, actually. It's like. It literally is, like, choking me up. I'm like, oh, that's like, papa. Like, stop.

[Drew]

That show sucks. Also, ID has been flopping, and all of my DMs come in a day later. So I keep seeming like a piece of it because I'm just not replying to any of my friends.

[Enya]

But I like, literally don't respond to people on ig. Like, I have, like, five people I DM back. But, like, I literally, Like, I'm not even on there enough to, like, text man for text. No, literally, my phone is so dry. And whose fault is that?

[Drew]

Yeah, right.

[Enya]

Well, look. Oh, wait, this is another quoted by me. The action. Well, why? Well, look at that. It's the actions to my. Consequences.

[Drew]

Consequences to my.

[Enya]

The consequences. Look at that. It's the consequences to my actions.

[Drew]

How do you say? Beautiful, Bootiful.

[Kai]

Really quick. Drew did say another quote that I'm just now remembering, and he said, karma's a. And I was like, whoa, that's crazy. But continue.

[Enya]

Yeah, well, she stole it, but we're in ongoing litigation. But I can't talk about that right now.

[Drew]

Now? Yeah.

[Enya]

Little Boy by Death Grips. Alberto Balsam, AFX Twin. Just some random little artists that not a lot of people know about.

[Drew]

Yeah. Who is the twins?

[Enya]

It's like, two guys. They, like, DJ together.

[Drew]

That's cool.

[Enya]

My favorite video of all time is that girl that went to Coachella and was like, it was such good EDM vibes. And then we went to that stage, and it was just, like, really demonic energy and, like, babies crying the whole time. And she said, apex Twins. I I'm pretty. No, I don't know how to say that. I'm not giving y' all that. Y' all. I've been on a Blank Banshee vibe recently. If you know, you know, like, very oh, oh, very oh. What's that aesthetic called? Vapor Wave. Vapor Wave. Very Vaporwave coated. Like bling. Banshee goes crazy. Teen pregnancy be startup wave. Step is a goat song. And then Ecozones. They actually put that album on Spotify late, but great album. But yeah, Blank Banshee Tune in. Tap the in. And that's my media.

[Drew]

My media of the week is yo mama's vagina. Your mama's stinky in my butt. Oh, Birds of a Feather. Billie Eilish. Drama baby Slash Malibu baby. Sosa Chito. I don't know how to say that. And I don't think it's supposed to be said with the Spanish.

[Enya]

Oh, the Billy.

[Drew]

IO I don't know what it's like. Chiro.

[Enya]

I think Chihiro. No, I don't know how do. But you've been tuned the Tap the. Into that album.

[Drew]

Yeah, that album's got me. That one and Lunch. Those three songs from that album are really good.

[Enya]

Oh, is the. Yeah, it is Japanese. It's the little girl from the little girl.

[Drew]

It's a little girl from Spirit Away.

[Enya]

Yeah, from Spirited Away.

[Drew]

Spirit Away.

[Enya]

Chiro.

[Drew]

And that's like. Honestly, it. Because I've just hit a phase where I'm like, okay, maybe listening to the saddest folk song anybody's ever heard is only going to make me sadder. So I need something that's going to make me happy. I just want to be happy. It's not really working, but Womp womp and Sex in the City. That's all I've been watching. I love Sex in the City.

[Kai]

That shit's good as.

[Drew]

You didn't like Aiden.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

I don't like Aiden, people. I don't like Aiden.

[Drew]

Aiden is like, perfect. I think you're fine.

[Kai]

How far are you in the show?

[Drew]

We just started season four.

[Kai]

Give it another season. We'll see.

[Drew]

Even if he up, I'm like, he was perfect. And if he up. Look at it. Is the actions of my own consequences.

[Kai]

I don't even have a real reason to that.

[Drew]

You're jealous.

[Kai]

Am I sexually intimidated by him?

[Enya]

Yes. But that's literally Dalton, there's. It literally is.

[Kai]

I know. Okay. There's something about like an artisanal guy who's like a ven. Who lives in Venice and like, you.

[Enya]

Can'T say that about people, Kai. It's 2024.

[Kai]

No, I said artisanal.

[Enya]

Stop saying that.

[Drew]

I know, it's weird.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, look. Aiden. Sexy. But I don't like him. And I do like Mr. Big for Carrie. I do.

[Drew]

You do?

[Kai]

I do. I think that. I think that that is the. That who? I think that's who she should be with that person.

[Drew]

I guess they're both like messy boots.

[Kai]

Yeah. As much as I don't like, I.

[Enya]

Hate when Big comes around. I fucking hate when Big comes.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew]

Every time he's on screen, I'm like, oh, my God.

[Enya]

But I did. I did like, their little moment on her birthday when she got in the limo with him.

[Drew]

Yeah. And then she got out.

[Enya]

Yeah. When she got out, I was like, God, good for you, Carrie. Like, get the out of that car. But. But that was the conversation when I walked in. And I was like, who am I from Sex and the City?

[Kai]

Who are you?

[Enya]

I don't know.

[Drew]

We decided he was like, a bit of Miranda and Charlotte.

[Enya]

I used to be Samantha.

[Drew]

Yeah, you used to be Samantha. Now you're a bit of Charlotte and Miranda. I used to be Charlotte As. And then I became. I. I feel like I used to be Charlotte Miranda. Now I'm Orion.

[Enya]

Said Carrie. Yeah, for me. Oh, yeah, yeah. She said Miranda. Son carry.

[Kai]

Well, Kai, you're Shauna.

[Enya]

So who.

[Kai]

That was a girl's reference. Just be like, oh, I'm sure. Anyway, I feel like you're.

[Enya]

The chickens outside of her window.

[Kai]

Okay. And. And who else?

[Drew]

Oh, you're Steve As.

[Kai]

No, no.

[Enya]

You're Trey.

[Kai]

I'm Harry. I'm Harry. Have you met Harry yet?

[Enya]

No, no, no. Kai.

[Kai]

I guess I'm no one.

[Enya]

No, no, no. You're. I feel like you get the same vibe as me. Like, Charlotte, Miranda vibes.

[Kai]

I agree with that. I'm a little neurotic. I wanted to add to the media just because I saw Phoenix live.

[Enya]

Oh, really?

[Kai]

And it was good as when? Like, a couple days ago.

[Drew]

Saturday.

[Enya]

Well, thank you for the invite.

[Kai]

Dude, I'm ignoring that. And I'm just gonna continue to enjoy this moment. But that shit was so fucking good.

[Enya]

Damn.

[Kai]

If anybody gets an opportunity to watch Phoenix, I would recommend it. It's super good.

[Enya]

Well, shit had to funk in. And what about gay porn? We've been watching a lot of it.

[Kai]

I said that one maybe three times, and I still get punished for it. I like to have a little bit of fun on the podcast.

[Enya]

Okay, Drew, now speed that up to two times. Speed and it sounds good. Some of yalls airpods be looking like they was in yalls ass, not yalls ears. Me and this got high and she has no food in her house. So now I'm eating a bag of cough drops. I hate it here.

[Drew]

That was me last night. I was so hungry I wanted to sneak into your room for talking so bad.

[Enya]

And I ate them all. I ate a whole bag of toxic talky sticks.

[Drew]

Toxies.

[Enya]

Ugly be like my. I don't know this one's gonna hit. Ugly be like my man. Gotta be six two. You make me sick to my stomach. Six two to my stomach.

[Drew]

That's good.

[Enya]

Chill. Just chill. That's all I got. Did you hear that?

[Drew]

Your stomach? Yeah, I'm pretty hungry. All right, well, thank you guys so much for watching. If you're lucky, we'll be back next week.

[Enya]

If we make it. It. If we make it. Oh, it's not that camera. If we make it.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on Items like Pepsi 2 liter bottles, poppy prebiotic sodas, all laundry detergent and Kinder's seasoning blend. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online. For easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.