you're bi

Summary

Emergency Intercom Podcast Episode Summary: "You're Bi"

Release Date: May 16, 2025
Hosts: Enya Umanzor & Drew Phillips
Episode Title: "You're Bi"

Introduction of Guests and Episode Theme

In this episode of Emergency Intercom, hosts Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips shift gears by introducing unexpected guests, Kai and India, setting the stage for a lively and candid discussion on bisexuality and personal experiences. The episode delves into themes of identity, online interactions, and humorous takes on everyday situations.

Exploring Bisexuality and Personal Identity

The conversation kicks off with Kai expressing confusion and curiosity about bisexuality. Drew attempts to clarify, leading to a deeper exploration of what it means to be bisexual and pan romantic.

• Kai (02:11): "I am asexual, but pan romantic... I'm attracted to the person. I fall in love with the person. The sex is meaningless to me."
• India (02:38): "Being bi is real."

Drew admits his limited understanding, prompting Kai to elaborate on his experiences and feelings about sexual connections being secondary to emotional bonds.

Navigating Catfishing and Online Relationships

The discussion transitions to Kai and Drew sharing their experiences with being catfished on platforms like Grindr. They highlight the emotional complexities and the blurred lines between genuine connections and deceit online.

• Kai (10:58): "I was catfished on Grindr... He was using this OnlyFans creator's photos as his own."
• Drew (11:02): "I've been catfished a handful of times... I still genuinely believe in that connection."

India adds her perspective, sharing instances where her image was misused, underscoring the prevalence and impact of online identity theft.

Appreciation for Cosplayers and Their Role

Shifting gears, the hosts express admiration for cosplayers, recognizing them as modern-day historians who preserve and celebrate culture through their creative expressions.

• Drew (07:17): "Cosplay is like any kind of art medium... It has to be a burning passion or don't do it."
• Kai (08:03): "Bad cosplay to me is more important than good cosplay... They really wanted to become this person."

This segment celebrates the artistry and dedication of cosplayers, emphasizing their role in keeping cultural narratives alive.

Sour Airheads Antics and Comedic Escapades

A humorous segment ensues when Kai reveals his purchase of a giant bag of Sour Airheads, leading to playful banter and exaggerated reactions from India and Drew.

• Kai (04:50): "I bought a giant bag of them because it was the blue one... I wanted to try the green and the yellow one as well."
• India (14:13): "I get something you could put in your mouth right now. But no, they were. Please don't hit me."

The trio's antics with the candies add a light-hearted and comedic tone to the episode, showcasing their dynamic chemistry.

Celebrity Koalas and Humorous Conspiracies

Drew and Kai engage in a satirical discussion about celebrities’ ongoing interactions with koalas in Australia, humorously questioning the prevalence and motives behind these encounters.

• Drew (23:59): "I don't actually believe in the Illuminati, but there is something so jarring about... celebrities going to Australia and posting with koalas."
• Kai (26:21): "In certain areas of Australia, up to 90% of the koalas have chlamydia."

This segment blends absurd humor with playful conspiracy theories, keeping listeners entertained.

Personal Relationships and Emotional Vulnerability

Towards the episode's conclusion, the conversation takes a more personal turn as Drew and Kai discuss their intimate relationships, showcasing moments of vulnerability and genuine affection alongside their trademark humor.

• Drew (48:53): "I really love you so much... I don't take for granted the things you do."
• Kai (50:58): "I donated all of my rent money to Kai, so I can't afford to pay rent this month."

These candid moments highlight the depth of their friendships amidst the comedic exchanges.

Theoretical and Quirky Discussions

India introduces a quirky thought experiment linking water squirted from the vagina back to ancient asteroids, sparking an unusual yet amusing scientific debate.

• India (44:54): "I realized that squirt is from asteroids. It's water from asteroids."
• Kai (46:12): "Water is just cold. So squirt. Is that water from the vagina that squirted it out has been on earth for hundreds of millions of years."

This unconventional topic showcases the hosts' ability to blend humor with unexpected intellectual curiosity.

Closing Remarks and Final Laughs

As the episode wraps up, the hosts share final anecdotes and jokes, maintaining the engaging and humorous atmosphere until the very end.

• Drew (63:12): "I'm obsessed. I would like that experience right now but that won't happen."
• Kai (63:20): "I donated all of my rent money to Kai..."

Notable Quotes:

1. Kai on Being Bi (02:11): "I am asexual, but pan romantic... I'm attracted to the person. I fall in love with the person. The sex is meaningless to me."
2. India on Bisexuality (02:38): "Being bi is real."
3. Kai on Catfishing (10:58): "I was catfished on Grindr... He was using this OnlyFans creator's photos as his own."
4. Drew on Cosplayers (07:17): "Cosplay is like any kind of art medium... It has to be a burning passion or don't do it."
5. Kai on Sour Airheads (04:50): "I bought a giant bag of them because it was the blue one... I wanted to try the green and the yellow one as well."
6. Drew on Celebrity Koalas (23:59): "I don't actually believe in the Illuminati, but there is something so jarring about... celebrities going to Australia and posting with koalas."
7. India's Thought Experiment (44:54): "I realized that squirt is from asteroids. It's water from asteroids."

Conclusion

"You're Bi" offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and thoughtful discussions, wrapped in the unique chemistry of Kai and India. The episode provides listeners with entertaining insights into bisexuality, the pitfalls of online dating, and amusing takes on everyday scenarios, all while maintaining an engaging and relatable tone.

Transcript

[Drew]

In case you haven't heard, it's officially in Abercrombie Summer. The A and M vacation shop has everything on your packing mood board. I desperately need their new one piece, the A and F Marina. It's strapless, so flattering and paired with denim shorts will be my go to beach outfit this summer. Finally. Your suitcase isn't complete without finding that dress. You know, the one for the photo shoot. Abercrombie's boho dresses have that perfect beachy romantic look. Make it an Abercrombie summer shot. Their newest arrivals in store, online and in the app. This episode is brought to you by Amazon Prime. From streaming to shopping, prime helps you get more out of your passions. So whether you're a fan of true crime or prefer a nail biting novel from time to time, with services like Prime Video, Amazon Music, and fast free delivery, prime makes it easy to get more out of whatever you're into or getting into. Visit Amazon.comprime to learn more.

[Kai]

The new McCrispy Strip is here.

[Drew]

Dip approved by Ketchup, Tangy barbecue, Honey.

[Kai]

Mustard, honey mustard, Sprite, McFlurry, Big Mac.

[Drew]

Sauce, double dipped in buffalo and ranch.

[Kai]

More ranch and creamy chili. McCrispy Strip Dip now at McDonald's.

[Drew]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I don't know how to say this, but it's not gonna just be me and Kai today. Kai's in the corner with his eyes covered because I told him not to look at me.

[India]

Daddy's back.

[Drew]

No, but Drew couldn't make it today. But it's okay. It is okay. Before you start screaming and crying and throwing yourself to the floor and saying that this hurts more than anything you've ever felt, we have a really, really good guest to replace him. Come on out, girl.

[Kai]

You're. Bye.

[Drew]

Oh. Oh.

[Kai]

Being bi is real.

[India]

Can I open my eyes?

[Drew]

Yes, dude.

[India]

Oh, from the video. Drew said I wouldn't get that.

[Drew]

Oh, from the video.

[Kai]

Dude.

[Drew]

Saying being by Israel is real. You look up, you know what's up is I've seen him in it long enough now. Kai, I've become fully like this, to me, is the new norm.

[India]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Really? When I put this disguise on, like, something comes out of me. I turn into like a monster. We filmed. What was it like? Afternoon.

[India]

Oh, no, you don't have a mic.

[Drew]

Went to fucking Popeyes.

[Kai]

We filmed afternoon.

[Drew]

Sorry, my friend. She's never been on a podcast. She's only been on what would you do?

[Kai]

Being bi is real.

[Drew]

And she was used to the hot mics. Like above her. She didn't think she had to do all that.

[Kai]

No. This really brings something out of me I, like, really can't explain. Like, I did King Kylie a little bit.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like, she doesn't defend by people for, like, the joke of it. She means it.

[Kai]

No, I'm pan. Oh, I am asexual, but pan romantic.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. I don't know what that means if I'm being honest.

[Kai]

I'm attracted to the person. I fall in love with the person. The sex is meaningless to me. I have a lot of.

[Drew]

Well, what do you do when you meet somebody who, like, sees that as, like, a form of, like, connection and it's important to them?

[Kai]

Sex.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Sex should have no meaning.

[India]

You don't like sex?

[Kai]

No. But I am dropping a new lip kit.

[Drew]

Okay. I don't understand. Are you the girl who stands for bisexual people? Are you Kylie Jenner?

[Kai]

Kylie Jenner stands for By.

[Drew]

I didn't want to say. I was saying she's like. Yeah, biphobic. I genuinely do believe there's a world out there where Kylie Jenner sees no issue with bisexuality.

[Kai]

Well, no, no, no, no.

[Drew]

Me and her sit down in a.

[Kai]

Room, there is an issue with bisexuality.

[Drew]

And maybe she could teach me that being bisexual is real. I don't know. Because there's no proof to me.

[Kai]

Right.

[Drew]

To me.

[Kai]

Right.

[Drew]

What I suffer from is gluttony. What I suffer from is pain and greed and shame.

[Kai]

No, see, the thing is, I'm dropping a new lip kit. It's for the girls, obviously, and it's for their pussies. Oh, yeah, the pussy lips for the vagina.

[Drew]

Vagina. Is it gonna be like a tent? I guess you could do, like, ombre.

[Kai]

Ombre lips.

[Drew]

Yeah. I mean, a lot of it's. We. A lot of us already have the ombre down. The ombre.

[Kai]

A lot of people would be scared.

[Drew]

A lot of people have ombre from God.

[Kai]

A lot of people would be scared right now.

[India]

I can't look at you in that.

[Drew]

I know. It's a bit jarring.

[India]

Don't do that.

[Kai]

Yeah, Come here. Yeah, come here. Come sit on my lap.

[Drew]

Ew.

[India]

Oh, hell, no.

[Drew]

I won't lie. It does make him really weir. Like, he becomes, like. Be prepared to see Drew become, like, weirdly pervy. Question mark. Like, the wig makes him, like, this whole outfit makes him a bit perverted in a way. I have it.

[Kai]

Kai cannot look at me.

[India]

No, no.

[Drew]

I've just become used to it. Also, like, also, ever since you did the kick that guy who Was sex.

[Kai]

Did with a 40 year old man when I was 14 on kick. Yes.

[Drew]

I mean, classic.

[Kai]

Famously classic.

[Drew]

Class classic. Classic. Who's calling my phone? Who's calling my phone?

[Kai]

Who's calling my phone?

[Drew]

That was me when I got a random kick message from an unknown user.

[Kai]

And I saw Bella Thorne, one of my. One of our friends. I don't want to air them out. Was catfished on kick by Jaden Smith. Yeah, you know. You know exactly who it is. He's been around a lot recently, but I'm not going to air his out. But he was telling me that he literally fell in love with Jaden Smith. Also was like 14.

[Drew]

Oh, I know who you're talking.

[Kai]

Yeah. But it was the same time you fell in love with Bella Thorne.

[Drew]

And I bet we didn't say anything to each other.

[Kai]

No. Y' all kept it a secret.

[Drew]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, no. Well, Bella told me not to tell anybody we were friends.

[Kai]

Yeah, well, I.

[Drew]

She was like, don't tell anybody we're friends. What color are your underwear? I just want to make sure we're matching so that I can know we're soulmates.

[Kai]

Well, I actually don't remember if we.

[Drew]

Got freaky like that, but, like, I don't remember a lot of conversations I had with a lot of.

[Kai]

Oh, no. See, the thing is, is I have been looking for this exact shirt for. I'm not exaggerating. Years. Like two years now. I've had, like, ebay notifications set up for it. Like, it has been something that I have been looking for for so long because it's the exact shirt the year by girl was wearing in the Year by video. And I bought it and I was like, oh, I'm gonna wear this for Halloween. But everyone was like, halloween is like six months away. And so I was just like. Or we were just like, whatever, we'll just do it on this episode. But like, this. This has been a journey putting this together. We trimmed the wig today. Like, all of it.

[Drew]

Why are you giving, like, a detailed thing of your outfit? Like you're on the carpet at the mat, like, literally, like, you're going into, like, the core of your outfit. As if there's like.

[Kai]

Because it's important. I guess there is history and lore. I have no idea what this shirt is. Josiah knew, but I have no idea.

[Drew]

We really. I'm not kidding. We kind of have to give it up to cosplayers. I've been thinking about it a lot.

[Kai]

And, like, make some noise for cosplayers. Yeah, they're like, like for real.

[Drew]

They're the new wave of historians in some ways. No, this is keeping history alive unironically, though.

[Kai]

Like, I really genuinely fuck with cosplayers. Like, y' all really. It's an art form. For real.

[Drew]

Cosplay is like any kind of art medium or creative medium where it's like, it's. It has to be a burning passion or don't do it. Like, actually, that's not true because some people aren't like, good at cosplay and they still. It's sweet and it's like an escape for them.

[Kai]

I was literally just about to say, like, bad cosplay to me is more important than good cosplay. Like, there, I said it. Like, it's like, you can feel like they really, really wanted to do. Yeah, because also, like, they really wanted to become this person. They really wanted to create this fit. And I love people creating things. Look, everybody I spoke to God, your time consuming is up. You need to start creating more.

[India]

You guys were talking shit about me last episode. What the fuck?

[Kai]

Who are you fucking wearing? Get out of my house, pervert.

[India]

You said people that. Wait, let me look this up because I wrote it down.

[Kai]

You said people that have autoimmune diseases.

[India]

No, you said you're sick. If you're good at sex, you're basically, you're a bad person. Which is a shade. That's Kai Newman shade.

[Drew]

No, I don't think anybody on this planet thought, oh my God, Kai. Like, he's gonna hear this and be broken. They're gonna be like, oh, my God, Kai's gonna hear this and be broken because going to be so ashamed and recoil at the thought of people talking about good sex. Cuz he's like, oh, my God, that's something I've never even partaken in sex. How do I act like I know.

[Kai]

Kai is good at sex.

[India]

I'm famously good at sex.

[Kai]

He is. He's a munch. He really is. Yeah, I could tell you. He makes me put a wig on, though. It's really weird.

[Drew]

Oh, I mean, to each their own. Y' all do what you do.

[Kai]

It's internalized. We've talked about it. Pillow talking. But hold on.

[Drew]

It's internalized.

[Kai]

It's deep in there. It's really.

[Drew]

No one thing about me is like, I can't have casual sex because my pillow talk does go crazy. Like, my. My pillow talk is like, not cute shit. Like, literally, we will have just boned and I'll be like, do you talk to your parents anymore? Are they. Are they in your life? Do you think the way you navigate in relationships is because of them? Have they ever touched you in a bad way?

[Kai]

Okay, what was I saying? Oh, we were talking about catfishes and getting catfished. And this is something I've been harboring inside for a very long time that I haven't really been brave enough to speak about. And it may not make the cut, but about two years ago, I was a grown ass man. No.

[Drew]

Okay, just keep going. Just keep going.

[Kai]

I was catfished on Grindr, which is like, not like the craziest thing. That's like a gay agenda, like gay experience. Like it really is. I should have known better because I was in Texas and like this, this man was fine and like we had like a full blown conversation. Like, it was tea. It was tea. It was tea. We made plans to meet up at even and then I screenshotted his photos in reversed image, searched and found out that he was using this only fans creators photos as his own. And one day, one day I'll be brave enough to mention who the only fans creator was.

[Drew]

Okay, like, did you send anything crazy? No.

[Kai]

Well, yes. Oh, yeah, but not face. Not face, but like body ts but. And we had some interesting conversations.

[Drew]

I was gonna say I. Okay, like, hot take. Because I have been catfished. Like, especially as a teenager. I was a very lonely teenager who was a crazy person. Like, I needed to talk to people. I wanted to talk to people, but I was like, very shy in a lot of ways. So I would just get into random conversations with strangers online. And I definitely was catfished a handful of times. But I don't look back at it as like a thing where I'm like, oh my God, that's so humiliating and shameful. I'm not kidding. Because I'm like, there is still something about, like, human connection there. Like, I still genuinely believe in that connection. It's like, okay, well, luckily I never had an experience where I like met up with somebody and anything happened, but for the most part, I would just really chat it up. And sometimes it got freaky deaky, but I don't really give a fog. Like, I was like, dumb. Like, what?

[Kai]

No harm, no foul.

[Drew]

Yeah, no harm, no foul. I genuinely, unless, like, obviously don't go around catfishing people because that's fucking unpocaloco. But I don't know, I had good conversations with the people who catfished me. Like, they were actually very helpful people in my life.

[India]

Did people use your pictures ever on dating apps? Yeah, yeah, that part is scary. I think that started happening to me, like, three years ago.

[Kai]

People have, like, made genuine connections with me and had no idea that it was me. And I really scared.

[India]

I've had people Photoshop my face onto other bodies and then use that as the catfish.

[Kai]

I mean, that makes a lot of sense, why they would do that and not use. Want to use your body.

[India]

What do you mean by that?

[Drew]

Cuz body is not tea, okay?

[Kai]

Body is boba.

[India]

It's boba.

[Kai]

Body is rest.

[Drew]

You actually look really good.

[India]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Kai]

No, body is tea right now. For real.

[India]

Thank you.

[Kai]

The purge diet is working.

[India]

Yeah, the purge is working.

[Kai]

Okay, so I have. I don't know. I don't know if I'm embarrassed by it, ashamed of it, or proud of myself for actually committing to it, but I bought something really late last night and it has to do with you. And I paid 2.99 extra to get it delivered overnight because I wanted it today. I wanted to wake up to it at the front door. I haven't opened it yet, so I thought I'd unbox it with y' all on the podcast live. And I want to get yall honest, real reactions, because it is. It's pretty jarring, but you'll see why it involves you. It's a giant bag of Sour Airheads. See, you had one in your car, and when I drove it home from the nail salon, it had one bite taken out of it, and I was like, oh, this is going to go bad. So I ate the whole thing in one bite. And I was like, that was the most delicious thing I've ever eaten in my entire life. And I didn't stop thinking about it for hours. So I bought a giant bag of them because it was the blue one, but I wanted to try the green and the yellow one as well.

[Drew]

You. You propose that this is like, when, like a shitty boyfriend is like, I got us the best thing ever. That has nothing to do with me.

[Kai]

No. Why was there a sour Airhead in your car?

[Drew]

I was at a 711 with a friend and they were getting stuff and I felt awkward, so I grabbed random shit that I saw in the airheads with something because I had gotten a water and the friend was like, oh, my God, you're not gonna get snacks. Don't make me snack alone. So then I was like, fine, I'll get airheads. And I got those and I acted like I liked them, so I ate one. And then I was like, this actually is gonna upset my Stomach and it's annoying. And then the other day, I took a bite out of it because I was on the way to the nail salon and. And I was just like, I don't have gum. I need something in my mouth right now so I don't bite my.

[Kai]

I got something you could put in your mouth right now. But no, they were. Please don't hit me.

[Drew]

Oh, no. That's so embarrassing. I just pants myself. Hi. You're going to have to see my butt, bro.

[India]

I was a.

[Drew]

No, I mean, when you edit, I, like, actually need to say that because that's not the first time this has happened in these pants. I really like these pants. But since I sit the way I do, I always get my foot slightly stuck in this and I yank my own pants down and I just pantsed myself on camera.

[Kai]

Kai gets to see in his butt.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. I'm not kidding. Actually, if you do see it, look out for my crazy tan line. I have the craziest tan line on my butt because I accidentally burnt the out of my butt in Miami.

[India]

I've had to blur both your privates multiple times throughout the.

[Drew]

Okay, don't say that.

[India]

Don't also normalize calling your privates.

[Drew]

Okay. It's not my fault my privates always fall out.

[Kai]

I know.

[Drew]

And especially if I wear a dress.

[Kai]

I was going to say if it's a sundress in the summer, I see that splat on the concrete all the time.

[India]

Me having to blur out your privates once every few episodes is not normal. I just want to say that.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[India]

It's not a normal working environment.

[Drew]

It's not my fault my vagina falls off.

[Kai]

And it's not my fault my dick and balls are so huge that they fall out of the bottom of my pants. Not shorts, my pants.

[India]

Yeah, you guys have, like, really huge private parts, so I guess I wasn't thinking about it like that.

[Kai]

No, no, mine's normal. And we're calling them no no zones.

[Drew]

Now, guys, not to, like, bring up something else that has to do with.

[Kai]

Okay, you could eat these. You could eat these. They're peanut and tree nut free.

[Drew]

No one's room is allergic to nuts.

[Kai]

He's on his purge diet.

[India]

Yeah, I can eat. Well, I actually. I can eat 12 things now. I added.

[Drew]

Hey, guys. We want to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors, Zoc Doc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment and anytime, any place. I am obsessed with Zoc, doc. As I've been saying for the past year, I've been really trying to take my health into account more and really make sure that everything is going well. I recently had to go to the doctor for a mark on my eye and we're gonna figure out what it is. But the second I had a concern, I just got on Dr. And I booked an appointment.

[Kai]

You can typically book appointments within 24 to 72 hours and sometimes you can even score same day appointments. We are obsessed with ZocDoc and you should be too. Stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to Zocdoc.comIntercom to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's z o c-o c.com Intercom Zocdoc.com Intercom hey, guys. We wanted to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors, Liquid iv. I plan on being at the beach all summer long. I am not a beach person, but something has gotten inside of me and it's not Kai. And I want to be on the beach all summer. And I even bought like, this really expensive bag because I'm really financially motivated. So I will be at the beach all summer. But with that comes dehydration. And that's where liquid I V comes into play.

[Drew]

Break the molds and own your ritual. I start every day off with electrolytes, mine being the Liquid IV lemon lime flavor. It's in my bathroom. It's the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning and take all my vitamins and take all my medications. I knock it out and then I don't have to worry for the rest of the day about whether my water is actually going to be in my body because I know I've had my electrolytes and I'm feeling good.

[Kai]

Get ready for summer with extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to LiquidIV.com and use code emergency at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code emergency@liquid IV.com potatoes. You want to try them so bad because tears like they. Oh, okay. Chill, chill, chill. That's going to hurt.

[India]

That actually did hurt.

[Kai]

Stop.

[India]

Throw a bunch more.

[Kai]

Stop. Oh, no, no. Stop, stop.

[Drew]

Do you want one?

[Kai]

No.

[India]

I mean, I have a lot now. Oh, my. Sure, I guess I'll. Yeah. Oh, I got yellow.

[Drew]

Next time you talk about getting me a gift, get me a real gift. You.

[India]

Yeah. Drew, this is all your fault. And these are hard. When it hit me, it hurt.

[Kai]

My God, I'm not even. After everything I do for you. After everything I do for you, what.

[Drew]

Do you do for me?

[Kai]

I just got you again.

[Drew]

100 airheads.

[Kai]

Also, you know, I.

[Drew]

And your teeth have no business having access to this many fucking airheads.

[Kai]

Sour, like, like, it. Literally, the thing is, all he does.

[Drew]

Is like, my teeth, My teeth.

[Kai]

No. Okay. Not all I fucking do. The last, like, month of my life.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, my teeth.

[Kai]

Yes. The last month of my life. Yes. But that's not all I do. But I will say I ate the sour airhead. This. The sour airhead. And I literally, like, my body, like, physically went up like, three degrees. Like, I got like a fever, like, immediately. Like, it was crazy.

[Drew]

Also you eating the whole thing, like.

[Kai]

Because they were picking that up. By the way, we planned that bit. By the way, I should add that India's not actually mean.

[Drew]

I didn't plan that. I have a gun in my ass right now and it hurts so bad. But it's really small, so it should be fine up there. But I'm kind of scared of it traveling upwards. Has that ever happened? Has anybody ever put something in their butt and then, like, it's gone up, like, just like deep in their colon?

[Kai]

Yes, like, all the time.

[Drew]

Have you ever seen those videos trapped in there?

[Kai]

Yeah, that's why they always say, like, make sure the base is flared.

[Drew]

Who always says that? Like, that's not like. That's why they always say, look both ways before crossing the street. That's like, they don't say, like, that's.

[Kai]

Like, they really do beat.

[India]

Have you guys ever tried the. The frozen butt plugs? Have you tried that? You can make them so. And they just, like, slowly disappear inside of you.

[Kai]

What was it called? Like, the. The poop one. You freeze like a laga turd.

[India]

Oh, the Alaskan pipeline. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kai]

In. Yeah. This is crazy.

[Drew]

I know. I can't believe they found this. Like, it's act. It's kind of embarrassing, but in this clip, I do sound so good.

[Kai]

You literally sound amazing. You look about 35 in that. And you were what, like 12?

[India]

Whoa, that sounds. That does sound really good.

[Drew]

I don't know If I turned 14.

[Kai]

Yeah, you were probably 13.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. That was the best day ever. I loved this day.

[Kai]

Who the fudge found that, dude.

[Drew]

Emergency intercom crave. They posted that. And I don't think, like, I don't know how they found it, but, like, seriously, I'm not that embarrassed because I genuinely do just sound so good. This was like. I was really trying to convince my family to buy me that karaoke.

[Kai]

Yeah, you were performing, so I was putting it to sleep.

[Drew]

Yeah, I was putting it to work. I just can't sing like that anymore after vaping.

[Kai]

Try.

[Drew]

Now I literally can't. Or should I? You.

[India]

It sounds good.

[Drew]

Thank you.

[Kai]

You sound like a dying dog.

[Drew]

Okay, right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

[Kai]

Wait, why is no one talking about my Core Life power Elite Protein? 42g of protein in it. No one's commented on it. Yes, yes, I am putting on the pounds.

[India]

Yeah. Drew's getting stronger every day.

[Kai]

This guy is, like, taking a picture of us.

[Drew]

Nuh.

[Kai]

Yeah, he just took a picture of us. I mean, dead serious. Shut it. I'm scared.

[India]

This room keeps getting more and more disturbed. It's so the infinite. Jess, you with the wig. There's candy and trash everywhere.

[Kai]

Yeah, the trash being in you. So off today.

[Drew]

The wig. The wig is doing something to your brain chemistry, Br. It's literally like squeezing your skull.

[Kai]

No, it's the microplastic seeping into my.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, it's from cutting the wig and Drew inhaling all of the microplastics from. From. Whoa.

[Kai]

Yeah, from all of that. Then some.

[Drew]

I don't actually believe in the Illuminati, but there is something so jarring about the fact that it's 2025 and there's still celebrities going to Australia for the first time and posting with the koalas. Like, why is that still, like. Like, without fail, a celebrity will get to a point where they're going to Australia for a tour and they will post up with those ass koalas.

[Kai]

And I think, don't they all have chlamydia, dude?

[Drew]

Yes. And, like. Or let me not say yes. So, like, with such conviction. I don't know what's up with the koalas. Like, I don't. I don't want to say too much on them. I don't know what.

[Kai]

They have too much on my girl.

[Drew]

But they're always there. And I'm just like, yeah. I guess when I was, like, 13 and I saw Justin Bieber with the koala, that was amazing. I couldn't imagine how he even got to Australia. Like, like, like, like. I couldn't have even thought. Just began to think about the travel day he had to take to get there. But I was amazed by that. I was like, wow, he really is like.

[Kai]

He's really there right now.

[Drew]

He really made it.

[Kai]

He posted this at 3am and it's a light out. What the.

[Drew]

I know. It's always that too. They're always posting on that timeline which like respect. But yeah, I stop sending, stop taking pictures with the.

[Kai]

I don't give a. I feel the same way. And we're guilty of this. We're very guilty of this. I feel the same way about a Times Square billboard.

[Drew]

I'm like, okay, yeah.

[Kai]

I'm like, I'm like every time I see one now I'm like, I really, really don't give a fuck. Like I know you care and it's a special moment for you because I felt the same way with our billboard in Times Square. But they're all digital now. Like it's not really giving what it.

[Drew]

Used to be different than it used to be.

[Kai]

Like it's like a three minute cycle. Like you're up there for like five seconds and then five minutes later you pop back up.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's not like it. When it's was a stagnant.

[Kai]

But I'm a hater.

[Drew]

No, but seeing that billboard in Times Square was like oh my God.

[Kai]

It was very special. It was so special.

[Drew]

But it's okay because I'm going to hack the mainframe and I'm going to put all the koala celebrity photos in Times Square.

[Kai]

Oh, that's a good idea.

[Drew]

It's going to be my. It's going to be my attack on the Illuminati.

[India]

In certain areas of Australia, up to 90% of the koalas have chlamydia. That's what it says on Google.

[Kai]

Damn, that is crazy.

[Drew]

So I know whoever is the groupie on tours in Australia.

[Kai]

I don't know if they can transmit it to humans though.

[Drew]

Yeah, because when you have to have like sex with the thing.

[Kai]

Maybe.

[Drew]

Some of those are starting to look a little suspicious.

[Kai]

No, no, no, no, no. I've been manipulating a lot of people. I've been manipulating a lot of people.

[Drew]

Why would you ever admit.

[Kai]

Hold on. My ideas are coming to fruition and I am like getting into yalls conscious very deeply.

[Drew]

It is kind of actually insane to just admit publicly that you've been manipulating people.

[Kai]

I don't give a fuck. I'm in your subconscious.

[India]

Yeah, they can't give it to humans unless you drink their pee or something. But even then the chances are.

[Drew]

Wait, how long does it take?

[India]

What?

[Drew]

To get through your system.

[India]

No, you don't have to worry. You don't have to worry.

[Kai]

Why are you worried about that?

[Drew]

Yeah, because I was on Tick tock shop, like, late at night. And then somebody was talking about. It's like a holistic thing. Like, you saw that. Yeah, it's good for you.

[Kai]

Apparently, koala piss is really good.

[Drew]

Apparently. Allegedly.

[India]

Yeah. That's. You shouldn't be drinking koala piss.

[Drew]

But I think they test the pee before they. It's illegal to ship out koala pea that has chlamydia in it. Now. That has to be completely illegal, so I should be fine. They had to have tested it before.

[Kai]

They said it's definitely not FDA certified. And it does say not for human consumption on the bottle, but.

[Drew]

Oh, but everything I. Most of the things I consume say that.

[Kai]

Yeah, true, true.

[Drew]

I have. I have pica. What is it called when you, like, pika?

[Kai]

When you eat Styrofoam?

[Drew]

I guess I kind of did have that as a kid because the things I chewed on. I mean, still the things I chew on. Now I'm an adult, so I don't, like, chew on anything. Too crazy.

[Kai]

Y' all. I went out to. I've, like, literally, I'm in my pocket.

[Drew]

I need to suck on an Android Charger by the end of the day. Like, I need to the electricity, but I don't know if they shock you the same way they do. Outlets just don't shock the way they used to.

[Kai]

They're really not giving what they used to. Gave the outlets, like, an outlet.

[Drew]

I don't have, like, the same fear in me of an outlet as I did when I was younger because it felt like, without fail, ever. Every time I plug something in when I was a child, I shocked myself, granted, because I always had my fingers on the prongs.

[Kai]

Why would you ever do that?

[Drew]

I don't know. I just was, like, very, like. I didn't like the feeling of, like, really depressed.

[Kai]

I wanted to feel something.

[Drew]

I didn't like the feeling of, like, trying to get, like, it in the outlet. So if I wasn't looking, I would just. Or I couldn't see behind a cabinet. I would put my hands right there so I could just, like, like, feel it go in. Like, I don't know if that makes sense. Like, I would use the back of my hands to feel it and then just, like, push it through my fingers. And every time I did that, without fail, I would get so shocked. And I remember telling my parents that the outlets kept shocking me, and they were like, that shouldn't be happening. And I was like, they keep shocking me, but now they don't shock that way anymore. I genuinely think I need to go to Chuck E. Cheese and get on that shock machine, the one that, like, vibrates so hard that it feels like you're getting electric electricity, like, shot through you. I want to get struck by lightning.

[Kai]

I tried to kill myself last night.

[Drew]

Oh.

[India]

Are you serious? That's not. That's bad.

[Kai]

Why'd you laugh?

[India]

I don't know.

[Drew]

I think now you laughed at her, so it's like, how much do you even care?

[Kai]

Not her.

[Drew]

Him.

[Kai]

My bad, Herm.

[Drew]

Guys, do I have big feet? A size 8 foot?

[Kai]

Yeah, you got fucking big, nasty feet.

[Drew]

Somebody said to me recently that I had big feet.

[Kai]

I just realized I was love bombed.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

I didn't realize that that was love bombing.

[Drew]

Yes.

[India]

What were the symptoms?

[Kai]

So good, actually. Like, it really did, because you were talking about it last episode. It was, you know who. And he immediately was talking about, like, us getting married, like, our wedding, where the wedding was gonna be, like, flying me out to Europe, like, for our birthday, like, all this. Our birthday? Our birthday? Yes.

[Drew]

They had the same birthday.

[Kai]

Felt good. I missed that high. I really do.

[Drew]

The high of a promise.

[Kai]

Like, I knew. I knew it was all fake.

[Drew]

Yeah. I don't know, but it was just, like, you have high hopes for a living. Like, literally what?

[Kai]

It's high hopes for a living also at that point.

[Drew]

Like, it. I mean, because that person. It seemed like all of that was a possibility. So in my head.

[Kai]

Oh, it was a possibility.

[Drew]

Because I think I was like, oh, my God, he's love bombing the shit out of you. Like, I think that's the first thing I said when you were in my room reading those.

[Kai]

I was like, one day I'll go through the text, but I'm still scared of this person also, like, really, I'm actually scared of him. Thank God he doesn't know where I live. I know where he lives.

[Drew]

Are you going to go there?

[Kai]

I might pull up.

[Drew]

The thing about me is I think it's funny to show up at someone's house, and it's really not. Like, in my head, if I'm everyone.

[Kai]

All of our friends are always like, why don't you ever want to hang out? And I'm like, just come to my house unannounced and just say we're hanging out.

[Drew]

And I will.

[Kai]

Literally.

[Drew]

Yeah. Because, like, I'm like, what? I'm probably inside sitting on the bed with Drew, talking, like, what?

[Kai]

Because we do the same. We literally do the same.

[Drew]

Like, we just, like, show up in each other's spaces. But I genuinely know I Meant I am the kind of person to just drive by old addresses when I'm bored, and I will, like, sit outside, like, with. In Miami, without fail. I go to my childhood home we were evicted from. Every time I've seen that house every year since I had, like, all the time since I haven't lived there. And I. Every time I stop in front of it and I take pictures of it, which I don't know if that's, like, okay to, like, admit, but, like, they don't go anywhere. They're for me.

[Kai]

I think that's fine.

[Drew]

But I go and I just sit in front of it, and I'm like, this has to be the creepiest thing I've ever done, because I can't lie. One time they had their windows open, and I was peaky. I didn't go up to the. The window because it's in Florida and I don't want to get killed. But, like, from the car I was looking in, because this window was a really specific window in my house, and they had it the same way inside has it always been. And I want to go up to it so bad and be like, can I go in? But, like, I know it's gonna piss me off.

[Kai]

Didn't like, Janet Jackson do that or some.

[Drew]

No. Jenn. Jennifer Lopez attempted. Yeah, she went. And that's exactly what would happen to me for me outside of my childhood home.

[Kai]

Like, wow. I'm still Ginny from the block.

[Drew]

They're like, who are you? That's what they did to Jennifer and her team. Posted was the guy who lives in her house now. And she was like, I'm Jennifer. And he was like, oh, okay. Jennifer Lopez. And he was like, okay.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That is mortifying.

[Drew]

That's me, bro. That is literally what it feels like to be me. Wait, I'm like, also, if I've had sex with. With somebody, I've, like, driven past people's houses like that too. I don't give a. I've been in there. I've been naked in there. I have a right to drive by.

[Kai]

No, I was about to say, literally, all of the, like, married straight men that I've hooked up with in Texas in their garages, I always drive by to see what's happening.

[Drew]

Yeah. I'm just curious.

[Kai]

Is that in garages in Granberry a lot?

[Drew]

I like the smell of a garage, so I could see that being a vibe.

[Kai]

It's a vibe. Also, I'm kind of loving talking about my. My escapades recently, but I ghosted a billionaire.

[Drew]

Oh, the one you've.

[Kai]

Yes. Yeah, I ghosted a billionaire Kai, and I didn't realize he was a billionaire until last week.

[India]

Is this the one that you told me about?

[Drew]

Drew fumbled our summer.

[Kai]

I know. I.

[Drew]

Drew fumbled our summer. We could have had the greatest summer of all time. We could add us. We could have had the kind of summ summer Fitzgerald would write about. Like, literally movie.

[Kai]

I mean, I could still tap in, I think. I think I'm, like, charming and charismatic enough that I could figure it out, but I just never responded to him.

[Drew]

The thing is, as tempting as being with somebody for the financial benefits sounds specifically with a man that seems is so scary because I genuinely am so lucky that very rarely am I in a room with mostly men, let alone mostly straight men. And hanging out with, like, my other friend groups, I always end up in a room, like, every now and then where I look around and I'm like, oh, my God. No wonder it felt weird in here. There's so many straight guys. But they're really interesting to watch. If you. If you hang out with straight people, guys that your friends have vetted, it's really fun because it genuinely is like going to the zoo.

[Kai]

Also, I'm unironically my billionaire, and Kai's gonna freak the fuck out that I would.

[Drew]

Wait, let me see, let me see.

[Kai]

That I would ever, for even half a second, not respond to this.

[Drew]

This is crazy, because he's bad.

[India]

Let me see.

[Drew]

You're by, you're by, you're by.

[Kai]

You're. Bye, Kai. You're gonna freak out.

[Drew]

He's bad.

[Kai]

No way.

[Drew]

Hey, guys, we want to take a quick break for one of today's sponsors, Shopify. Shopify has literally been the catalyst for turning our business ventures into reality. I have been thinking so much about when I was in Miami, and I was really inspired to make zines and the whole chapter thing, if you know, you know. And really none of that would have been possible to be available to the public without Shopify. I had no idea what I was doing. And it made all of the back ends of running a business so simple, especially for somebody who is, like, doing it on their own.

[Kai]

Mm. Shopify is the commerce platform behind 10% of all e commerce in the United States, from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started like Drew and Enya. Hello.

[Drew]

If you want to see less carts being abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial. And start selling today at shopify.com intercom go to shopify.com intercom shopify.com intercom hey there travelers. Kaley Cuoco here. Sorry to interrupt your music great artist BT Dubs, but wouldn't you rather be there to hear it live? With Priceline, you can get out of your dreams and into your dream concert. They've got millions of travel deals to get you to that festival, gig, rave, sound, bath or sonic experience you've been dreaming of. Download the Priceline app today and you can save up to 60% off hotels and up to 50% off flights. So don't just dream about that trip. Book it with Priceline. Go to your happy price Priceline. Make your next move with American Express business Platinum. Earn 5 times Membership Rewards points on flights and prepaid hotels booked on amextravel.com and with a welcome offer of 150,000 points after you spend $20,000 on purchases on the card within your first three months of membership, your business can soar to new heights. Terms apply. Learn [e-mail] Business Platinum AmEx Business Platinum Built for business by American Express.

[Kai]

Okay, I have like a real, real bone to pick with society. Like it's it actually it's unironically like been on my mind a bunch recently. Who the convinced us that Triscuits were an okay food to eat?

[Drew]

What the is a Triscuit?

[Kai]

You know exactly what a Triscuit is. It's like eating a goddamn wicker basket. Like literally. I hate, I hate Triscuits. Same with those Mini Wheats that you got.

[Drew]

Okay, not too much on the Mini Wheats because I with Mini Wheats.

[Kai]

Mini Wheats are good as the cream coating saves it. But it really, it it really if they're not in milk which I only eat cereal out of milk for some reason recently, not it's not my typical. But recently I've just eating been eating handfuls of like cereal. But it tastes like I'm eating wicker baskets. Like it's so good.

[Drew]

But that's the thing is I like the texture of that. I like that. I like that. That's why I like Mini Weeds. Cuz it literally tastes.

[India]

It's like, it's like a mouth experience. You know the hydraulic press videos where it'll cut.

[Drew]

Yes. A bunch of yes, yes. Kai for once we get along okay. Ew, that's like disgusting. Doing that is gross. Like a Triscuit is nasty. But a mini wheat don't play with a mini Wheat.

[Kai]

So only the only like, food we had in our house growing up was, like, ingredients in, like, a box of fucking Triscuits. So when I was, like, starving and, like, wanted, like, food really badly, I would have to go into the cupboard that was above the microwave, which I couldn't even reach, and my parents would hide all, like, the food that they wanted to save up there, and I would have to, like, climb on top of the trash can to get up there to get it, and it would just, like. I would be rewarded with, like, eating wicker baskets. I'm sorry, I don't know how. I literally don't know how to describe it other than that, like, Triscuits are evil.

[Drew]

I mean, yeah. Mini weeds are essentially, like, munching on a bush.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, it really is, like. It is, like, very puby. But I don't know. I'm like, a texture person, and I really like. I like the sensation of, like, eating a mini wheats. And then, like, I literally press my tongue up against the roof of my mouth because I'm like, oh, my God. It's literally, like, stacking hay in my belly. Like, it's fun.

[India]

Have you guys had Dubai chocolate?

[Drew]

No.

[India]

Is that.

[Drew]

I had a bootleg one from a corner store in Miami, and it literally tasted like. And the green inside was the color of Drew shirt.

[Kai]

I have it so bad.

[India]

Like, toothpaste.

[Drew]

No. It was literally, like, the most bootleg Dubai chocolate I've ever seen. And I was like.

[Kai]

My dad bought, like, Dubai chocolate from Wuhan China. I actually haven't asked him if you've eaten it yet, but it. That. The material. The material. The, like, food they put in there or whatever. It's like, basically phyllo dough, I think, but it's called something else. It's called, like, kefir. Kefir or something like that.

[India]

Oh, the. Like, the stringy.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

When they fry it up, I feel like it might have the same texture, but that all outside that.

[Drew]

That I would.

[Kai]

That all that.

[Drew]

I just like. I like. Yeah, I'm a big texture eater. I feel like most of the snacks I eat. Oh, I tried these pretzels in Miami from. What's that one company that's, like the Gold Bag Company. Like, they're like the pretzel people.

[Kai]

Gold's pretzel.

[Drew]

Yeah, Gold's Pretzel. Wow. They have these, like, parmesan twists. Parmesan garlic twist pretzels. I have made it an active choice not to buy them since I've been back in la, because in Miami, I would get a bag and get high as. And it's both the flavor combo. Because my favorite flavor of, like, a chip or anything is a garlic parm. Like, or like, not garlic palm white parm. White cheddar. Like a white cheddar. Like, cheese is my vibe. And I never really, like, give a About garlic. But those are so good in the texture of them. Like, guys, seriously, like, this isn't even an ad if you get them. Please somebody else. Because I've been having all my friends. I had all my friends in Miami try them, and none of them got the texture like I did. But I think I. I just am a texture person. But it's, like, the best because you get a crunch.

[Kai]

I know your feels hot as.

[Drew]

Yeah, I don't give a. And it literally felt like chewing plastic. Like, it literally. You put it in your mouth, and if your tongue touches it, the coating that they have on those pretzels is so plastic. Like, it is like, is the best snack I've ever had. But I had to stop myself from getting it because I have a.

[Kai]

You're the best snack where I really.

[Drew]

If I really like the texture of a snack, like, I can't stop eating it, because if not, I'll just, like, I bite my nails.

[Kai]

I was just ignored.

[Drew]

I held your hand. You release me.

[Kai]

Release me.

[Drew]

I don't want you.

[Kai]

Release me.

[Drew]

I. I never had you. I don't want you.

[Kai]

Release me.

[Drew]

You're not.

[Kai]

Release me. Do you want me now?

[Drew]

No, don't say don't. You don't want him.

[India]

I do want him.

[Kai]

You know how easy it is for me.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. To. To find someone. You want me. Me next or.

[India]

Yeah, obviously.

[Drew]

All right.

[Kai]

I've been watching this podcast recently, and they only have two bits. Hold on. Their podcast is. I always forget the title, but it's the guy Dylan that does that. If I were a girl. Their podcast, it's Dylan and Colton, and it's called Some of this is bad. I have been like. I have binge watched their. I don't watch any podcasts ever, but specifically theirs. And, like, the way they talk about the gay experience is so funny. And it's been, like, killing me. But they have a bit at the end of the episode where they ask all their gay or their guests, which are, like, sometimes gay men, sometimes straight men, but it's all, like, comics. Their bit is, if you were a gay man, which one of us would you rather have sex with? But, like, which one of us would you rather have sex with if you had to? And you can't cop out.

[India]

You have a gay man.

[Kai]

Or just in general, it would be you, Drew.

[Drew]

Of course y' all talk, bro. And I don't want to have sex with you, you nasty pervert bitch. Like, you're gross.

[India]

What the. That was really mean.

[Kai]

That was hurtful.

[Drew]

I'm just being real. Oh, we can't be real anymore. We can't just be real anymore. Like, what? No, I. I respect that, because if you said me, it would have been completely inappropriate anyway, so.

[India]

It would have been inappropriate even though you guys make me blur out videos of your private parts? That would have been inappropriate.

[Kai]

Oh, brother.

[Drew]

Me and Drew, okay, every few hours, we do our genital checks. They're still there because they fall off. Off.

[India]

Okay.

[Kai]

And it's also giving free the nipple, bro. It's always been free the nipple, Drew.

[India]

How many of those have you had?

[Kai]

This is my third. I wanted to try all flavors. I've had the green one, the blue one. The blue one is obviously the best. The blue one is always the best, but. And this one's like, lemonade flavor, and I'm like, oh, I hate lemonade.

[Drew]

You don't like lemonade?

[Kai]

This one's the best one. I'm not even kidding.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Kai]

You spoke too soon. This is so good. Holy. You know, I like lemonade, but, like, sometimes, like, I really need to be in the mood for it.

[India]

I wrote something down just to bring up. This is, like, a thing that I thought of, and I don't know. Maybe you guys will be interested in this. I realized that squirt is from asteroids. It's water from asteroids. Right? Isn't it? Because water's old. It came here a long time ago.

[Kai]

Well, also.

[India]

You know what I'm saying?

[Drew]

Well, what the hell are you talking about, bro? I wish there was a camera on you, because your body language, as yours saying that, too, is, like, so dead serious.

[India]

I can. I can explain.

[Kai]

I know what he's saying. He's for real. And also, squirt, piss and come is also stardust.

[India]

Yes.

[Drew]

Well, it's also kind of how that theory of. It's like the theory of every. Every woman has DNA from, like, her mother, like, to, like, an extreme level or something like that.

[Kai]

It's like the mitochondria.

[Drew]

Yeah. So I am my mother.

[India]

Well, all water's old, right? It just gets recycled. And there's a lot of theories, like, how did water get to the earth?

[Kai]

A lot of it's like squirt before.

[India]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Evaporated Squirt.

[India]

Yeah. Water is just cold. So squirt. Is that water from the vagina that squirted it out has been on earth for hundreds of millions of years, and it's from asteroids. It's from space.

[Kai]

I really. I love this. I love this thought experiment right now.

[India]

That squirt isn't new water being produced.

[Kai]

It's recycled water. Also, think about this. Every time a girl squirts, it goes into the groundwater, and then it's.

[Drew]

An angel grows.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[India]

Here's the thing, though. I'm just thinking about this right now.

[Kai]

And you drink it.

[India]

You've probably. To the women listening to this that have maybe squirted. It's squirt. There's probably the chance that that was already squirt from years ago because it got recycled. You know what I mean? Like, someone squirt it, and then it evaporated and it rained.

[Drew]

I really just feel like I. I'm not gonna say anything about this, because the idea that some freak out there could take anything I say and assume what my cooch gets up to. No.

[Kai]

Do you square it?

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Do you, squirt?

[Drew]

Wait, who has that?

[Kai]

Can you get squirt, Nick? Centennial, Noah.

[Drew]

Centennial.

[Kai]

Same difference, bro.

[Drew]

Let me see you make it. Let me see it, squirt. Let me see you make it, squirt.

[Kai]

Oh, I've been doing this thing to India and Josiah. Good girl. They hate it. Good girl. It was way better the other night.

[Drew]

I don't like it. I'm gonna smack the out of you. Like, it literally. I'm not kidding. Sometimes, like, me and Drew need to stop sleeping together because it's getting to a point where, like, now we've been, like, we really. We function like a married couple in a way that is literally too funny. Like, especially when, like, one of us is in a mood. We literally navigate each other like a married couple. There's no way to go around it. And then if, like, one of us is in a mood and somebody notices it, like, Josie will be like. Like, I feel like to one of us be, like, with someone's okay.

[Kai]

And it's like, just don't acknowledge. Don't acknowledge.

[Drew]

Like, me and Drew, literally, we're just.

[Kai]

Like, don't give him anything.

[Drew]

And then we go, like, my baby. We really are a married couple. It's amazing, though. Like, we really. It's just. It was what was meant to be. Like, it's amazing. But we do need to stop sleeping in the beds. Same bed, so much, because I. I can feel Drew's. Drew's Daggers on me. In my sleep. I can feel like. I literally, like, I can. I can feel, like, into the back into my head while I sleep.

[Kai]

In this specific morning. Yes. Every single. Like, I beg you. I beg you to sleep in my bed every night. I asked you. I literally sent you a text. You sleeping in my bed tonight, queen? Yeah, I want you to sleep in my room. But this morning, I was under. I wanted to record, and I ordered.

[Drew]

A lot of pressure.

[Kai]

No, I really. I really was under a lot of pressure.

[Drew]

You where you are. And I do. Like, I genuinely. I love you so much, and I don't take for granted the things you do as the man of this house. And I. I genuinely did love that.

[Kai]

This morning, you laying in bed, like, not. Because I was like, she needs to help me do this or whatever. I was just like, she needs to get out of bed now because it takes her four hours to get ready. You got ready fast as today. Congratulations. Clock it. Like, you really got that done.

[Drew]

When I straightened my hair, it literally cut cuts down my get ready time by so much because my hair is what takes the most time. Because without fail, I'm not the kind of to get up and, like, do my hair if it's curly. Like, if I'm wearing it curly, I always wait till I start to get ready, which rain got on me. And she was like, you need to just stop doing that. And I was like, I know. But, like, whatever. So I straightened my hair because I knew this week was going to be a lot. And we straightened our hair together, though, so it was really sweet. We had a night and, like, my hair. And then I straightened his hair. And like. Like, it did cause a lot of smoke in the house, but I think it was just the heat protectant that I put on the hair because it looks so good.

[India]

No, it's not supposed to be smoky.

[Kai]

It melted.

[Drew]

Oh, I'm sorry. Have you ever straightened your hair with your girlfriend?

[India]

No, but I just know this stuff because I'm an ally to women and gay guys.

[Kai]

So don't point at me when you say gay guys.

[India]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

That's a straight bully.

[India]

Okay. Really?

[Drew]

The thing is, if Drew showed up like this in my face when I was 18, 19, I'd be like, I literally need to have sex with him. And that was just actually, not actually, no, the hair is too much. But, like, if your hair was just like, any other color or actually, I don't know, like, I was on some freak shit. Like, you were really on any guy who was kind of like a girl. I was like, baby, come through.

[Kai]

I was not.

[Drew]

No, you were not kind of like a girl, but you were very effeminate. Like, I really liked a feminine guy. Eyes.

[Kai]

No, I'm like, really?

[Drew]

All the men, if you look at me, I'm really mad now. I've come to terms where I'm like, okay, like I do just have the disease being by and like I can like, like stop.

[India]

It's so sick.

[Drew]

What is he doing to you?

[India]

He's just staring at me and like flirting with me with his hair.

[Drew]

You usually love that. Why don't you.

[India]

It's different with the, with the hair.

[Drew]

Theory is literally hair and glasses theory. Hair and glasses and science is real to you. T shirt theory.

[Kai]

It's really a theory that we're like tapping into. No, but this really does like make everyone like violently uncomfortable. Like this, this look on me for.

[Drew]

You have to do the thing with it. The thing I hate and I'm not gonna look, but.

[India]

The sound is so gross.

[Kai]

It makes. It makes everyone like really look at me different.

[Drew]

And I'm like, well, it's because you start acting fucking weird. You literally start acting weird. He was acting so weird with me and Josiah. Like every now and then he would just like literally get into this like extremely like, like he. Oh. He started moaning in the back seat at one point, like, I'm not kidding. And oh, he started acting like he was touching his self like his self herself. Oh my God.

[Kai]

Oh, God.

[Drew]

Whoa.

[Kai]

I donated all of my rent money to Kai at, so I can't afford to pay rent this month.

[Drew]

You are so.

[India]

I will say it's really nice after a long day of work to go home and, and spend time with him.

[Kai]

Do you watch Kai Sina?

[India]

I've never. I've never watched it live, but I've seen. I watched like all of my Tick tock.

[Kai]

I watched one with Josh, like a live stream, but I see all his clips. He's literally like.

[Drew]

Yeah, he's literally the go so smart. It's. It's actually kind of insane how like he was able to step up production, especially coming from like we've been on the Internet for so long and it really does take a certain kind of like pep in your step and like mindset and grindset to get there and I just don't have it because every time I get overwhelmed, I just want to put a gun in my mouth.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[India]

I wanted to bring up a TikTok really quick. Just take a look at this. This was. This is Me. Wait. Fuck. Give me a second. Oh, me. This is me leaving Drew's house at 3am A couple of months ago.

[Kai]

What does it say?

[Drew]

This is what it sounds like when you're on your way home and it finally hits you. That was really the last time.

[Kai]

It really was the last time.

[India]

You know when you see a tik tok, you get really emotional. You're like, that was so relatable. So that's what I watched that.

[Drew]

I was like, but you come here all the time because it's, like, your job to come here.

[India]

Yeah, but he doesn't stop. He doesn't use me as a human Fleshlight anymore.

[Kai]

Yeah, we stop.

[Drew]

Why?

[Kai]

He hates the wig.

[India]

Because that's not why.

[Drew]

Have you not been taking it off? No, I guess when I. When I. Okay. When I straightened his hair, I will say, the kind of smoke that came out, I was a bit worried it would be clued to his head. And I think it's glued to his head permanently.

[Kai]

You can't take it.

[Drew]

I think I melted it to his head.

[Kai]

I really. No, I really think there might be, like.

[Drew]

No, I think you don't want to take it off.

[Kai]

There might be chemicals inside it. Yeah, I have gender euphoria right now. I think there's chemicals inside of it that, like, actually do go to my brain and make me, like. Like, a little more loose. Like, I feel like I'm on a shot right now.

[Drew]

Like, a shot of alcohol. I'm not even kidding. If I wanted to do drugs for some reason, I think I would ask you, like, if I would be like, hey, do you know anybody? Like, I feel like you would know somebody.

[India]

I don't even do drugs anymore.

[Drew]

No, but that's what I'm saying. You could figure it out.

[India]

I could. I'll figure out whatever you guys need. If you guys need something, I'll fucking take care of it.

[Kai]

Get me blow. I won't blow.

[Drew]

I want. Want shrooms. I'm gonna do blow and shrooms and then pop some Molly.

[Kai]

Could we do blow on the podcast?

[Drew]

Yeah, I think we're gonna do an episode where instead of just a hug.

[Kai]

Episode, instead of a drunk episode, people.

[Drew]

Are really so mad that I'm a, like, the kind of person who mentions how often I smoke weed and stuff. First of all, you guys are so fake. I already mentioned I have ocd. You might find that I'm a bit repetitive. You goddamn freak. Elite week two. Fine. You're tired of hearing me talk about smoking weed, okay? I'm literally moving up in ranks. I think I'm gonna do math.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[India]

I can talk about drinking, which recently I've been drinking with other people. And that's really fun.

[Kai]

You're drinking alone?

[Drew]

I used to drink alone. I can't even get on you. I used to drink alone all the time.

[India]

Really?

[Drew]

Yeah, when I. When I was really depressed.

[India]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

But that my year, rest and relaxation. I literally, even in a YouTube video that I saw recently, I was, like, talking about how I was, like, drinking alone. Like, I was like, I was actively drinking alone. Like, I would have vodka bottles under my bed. I've said that on the podcast before, though.

[Kai]

I couldn't talk.

[Drew]

I couldn't go to sleep without a lot of melatonin. It. Vodka.

[Kai]

Vodka.

[Drew]

That. Vodka.

[Kai]

Vodka.

[Drew]

Night, night. And the sleep time was 7:00am to 7:00pm Drink all day. And then. No, wait.

[Kai]

Drink all night.

[Drew]

Drink all night. Sleep all day.

[Kai]

I was out at a party with one of my friends and Anna Taylor Joy was there.

[Drew]

Anya Taylor Joy?

[Kai]

Yeah, Anya Taylor Joy.

[Drew]

She speaks Spanish.

[Kai]

She is like, he's from Miami. She is literally 2ft tall. She's the smallest person I've ever seen in my life. It's really cutesy. She is stunning, gorgeous in person. Like, it really translates to irl, like, obsessed with her. Two things. One, did not see her not moving the entire night. Like, she was walking somewhere. Always. Like, she never stopped and stood to dance, to stand and talk to her friends. She was always moving around. Two, I wanted to troll her so bad because I was in my devious lick era. Like, I really wanted to. Like, I was, like, a little drunk and, like, the troll comes out when I'm drunk. And I really wanted to go up to her and just, like, be fucking psycho, but my buddy was like, no, you can't do that. Like, please don't do that.

[Drew]

Also, like, it really is that thing where, like, not only is she a girl, but you forget that you look like a straight guy once you come up to a girl. You would literally have to come up and be like, hey, queen. Because otherwise, Drew coming up to, like, a random woman really does kind of seem like a threat with no. Like, with no words spoken because you are hot. Blah. Also, your eyes recently, I'm not kidding. You've had, like, a glow and a twinkle in your eyes recently. I'm like, you're so cute.

[Kai]

I'm full of life now.

[Drew]

I know because I filled you up.

[Kai]

Thank you. Kai, your turn. What do you want to say about me now?

[India]

You look very, very handsome and Your skin looks amazing, and you have a perfect print. I. I've. I was noticing that right now. Your print goes crazy.

[Kai]

Thank you, Kai. All right, y' all sound off in the comments. Let me know how sexy beautiful I am.

[Drew]

My nail tech made my nails too short.

[Kai]

One thing about India and her goddamn nails is it's gonna go violently wrong every time. I don't think you've ever gotten nails in your life.

[Drew]

A nail tech. I like guys. Like, sound off in the comments. The girls know what's happening. Like, seriously, it's a struggle. And, like, actually, no, they look good, but I just wanted something more specific, like pacific. Well, the girl who did my nails last time, who I talked about, and she really with me. Oh, wait. Actually, I have to give you an update. My nail tech, because did you see the girl who was doing my toes last night? Remember last episode or wherever? I talked about it, like, the girl who hated me but did my nails really well. That was the girl. And yesterday, her vibe was so different. And I. I do.

[Kai]

She was sweet.

[Drew]

She was so nice to me. She is so aggro with me, but I love her, and she does a good job on my feet and my hands. But she only did my feet yesterday. She does this. She'll be doing my feet and go.

[Kai]

I know. She was hitting the. Out of you.

[Drew]

She smacks the out.

[Kai]

I saw. Did you see me laugh out loud at it? It was cracking.

[Drew]

She smacks me the whole time. But then yesterday, she was being so nice to me, and I genuinely. I'm not kidding. I don't think she recognized me from last time, because yesterday.

[Kai]

Oh, you had curly hair, and I like, I.

[Drew]

The first time I went in, I had curly hair. It was, like, not looking that good because I was too lazy. And it was, like, in a side bun, and I had, like, a hoodie. What?

[Kai]

You just hit one of my testicles with your hand. You touched my balls when you slap my leg. I'm not even kidding. And it hurt. And I was gonna let you rest not knowing, but I needed to tell you.

[Drew]

I hit your knees. I didn't hit your fucking ball.

[Kai]

You hit one of my. You hit my right ball.

[India]

This is worse than when I gave you blue balls and you screamed at.

[Kai]

Me, don't give me blue balls.

[Drew]

Well, Drew's so lucky because the blue balls goes right to his hair. Anyway, the thing she did yesterday, that cracked me up. I love her so much, and I actually hope she's in love with me. But she gave me. First of all, she gave Me a free massage. Because I didn't ask for a massage. She gave me a free massage. And we weren't talking and she was just like, smiling at me and massaging my feet, my leg bag. But I. Before I went in, I had smoked and like, every time I smoke, I like, rub my feet together. And she had oiled my feet and my feet hurt. So I was rubbing my feet together and she came by and did this. She, like, I was wearing my feet. She was. Grabbed both my feet went.

[India]

Whoa.

[Drew]

Walked away from me and my high ass. Like, she did it. She was like, stop. And like. Because she had just given me a feet massage. A foot massage. So she stopped and, like, squeezed my feet and she was like, touched my feet again and then kind of winked at me and smiled and walked away. And I laughed so hard. I felt so bad. I, like, literally, because it was so jarring, because she'd walked away and disappeared. And then I just see her come back in my peripheral, stare me in the eyes, touch my feet, and she was like. And then just walked away. And I didn't see her for the rest of the time. But I'm excited to go back to her because I hope she. She treats me like that forever because like a princess, she treats me like the mom I never had because she's, like, stern and aggressive and then gives me love.

[Kai]

So Stockholm syndrome.

[Drew]

So I hope she's in love with me.

[Kai]

I have India Stockholm syndrome.

[Drew]

Good. Everybody should with me.

[Kai]

Okay, should we tap into media?

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Losing you by Solange. Oh, my God. I have listened to that song, I think more than any song I've ever listened to in my entire.

[India]

I think that's one of the best songs of all time.

[Kai]

It is so good. It's Sorry, sorry, sorry. Good. And then this one like that. It's like a big song on Tick Tock. But I've like, been listening to it and I was like, wait, this is a good song. And then I saw him, like, perform, and I'm like, oh, wait, this kid's like, super talented. He's only 19. But it's that somber kid with the song undressed. I was like, this is really cool, like, for 2025.

[Drew]

Oh, I've seen him.

[Kai]

Yeah. And you've heard his. This song. Wait, let me get to the part. Oh, but then he has this Back to Friends song too that I like liked. But I don't know. I. Losing you by Solange is the one. And then what's the Michael Jackson part? It's the falling in love by Michael.

[Drew]

It'S the feeling of love that makes me cry.

[Kai]

Then I've just been watching the NBA Rest in peace. Jason Tatum I'm so sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve that get clowned on. That's really dark sided and I'm sorry that happened and I am rooting for OKC and if you're not rooting for okc, you're gay.

[Drew]

My media of the week is welcome to Hollywood by Beyonce geezer by Eris the Planet Chanel by Baby Sosa stars by Pink Panthers romance by Beth Gimmons and Rustin man and underneath the moon Maggie and Terry Roche and Bull in.

[Kai]

The Heather Ferrero Rocher and then for.

[Drew]

Movies I watched Pretty Woman. I am obsessed. I am obsessed. I would like that experience right now but that won't happen. I don't know what accent that is. Like ever since Italy I tried to do like an Italian accent and now it's just like turned into whatever that is. And I'm sorry but like I'm actually gonna kill myself soon.

[Kai]

Bye bye guys.

[Drew]

It.