Podcast Summary: Emotional Badass – "Are You Absorbing Other People’s Anxiety? Here’s How to Stop! Call In Show"

Host: Nikki Eisenhauer
Guest/Caller: Steve
Date: March 2, 2025
Podcast Description: Emotional Badass is a show focused on emotional education for sensitive people, healing from trauma, boundary-setting, and self-care.

Overview: Main Theme and Purpose

In this inaugural Call-In Show episode, host and psychotherapist Nikki Eisenhauer talks with Steve, a highly sensitive person who struggles with absorbing other people's anxiety. Nikki guides Steve, and by extension her listeners, through the roots of this pattern, why it develops, and offers practical strategies for sensitive people to observe—not absorb—the emotional energy of others. The discussion blends personal storytelling, therapeutic insights, and actionable tips to help listeners reclaim their emotional boundaries and vibrancy.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Problem: Absorbing Others’ Anxiety

• Steve’s Struggle: Steve explains that he tends to absorb anxiety from others, whether at home, work, or elsewhere, and it quickly becomes his own stress and tension.
  • [01:21] Steve: "When people come in to my space with their anxiety...I just start to absorb it and make it mine...I'll start getting all the ugliness in me...that tightness.”
  • Nikki empathizes, noting this is common for highly sensitive people.

2. Origin of the Pattern: Childhood Coping

• Nikki explains that over-attunement to others’ emotions often develops in childhood, especially in environments with high tension or poorly regulated adults.
  • [03:05] Nikki: "If our parents are not regulated...we figure out not in a conscious way, but in a subconscious way, 'Aha! I will over attune to the adults around me because that's my best bet to manage them in my own household.'"
• Children learn to read and manage parents’ emotions as a safety strategy, and this skill carries over—sometimes dysfunctionally—into adulthood.

3. The Importance of Patience and Self-Compassion

• Working at the nervous system level takes time; undoing years of habitual emotional absorption requires patience and repeated practice.
  • [04:55] Nikki: "This is not something that developed in a week...This kind of stuff is working at the nervous system level ... it takes a commitment to not get frustrated with ourselves..."

4. Practical Strategies for Not Absorbing Anxiety

a. Observe, Don’t Absorb Mantra

• Nikki suggests using the phrase, “I observe, I do not absorb” as a grounding mantra.
  • [06:23] Nikki: "The first strategy I want to give you is this idea...I observe those anxious energies, I do not absorb.”
• This shift gives permission to the inner child to let go of the protective but now unnecessary strategy of absorption.

b. Permission-Giving and Inner Child Work

• Steve acknowledges that giving himself “permissions” is a fairly new concept.
  • [07:06] Steve: “Permissions. Giving myself permissions is a new concept...”
  • Nikki agrees and highlights how giving oneself psychological permission to act differently can bypass internal resistance and facilitate change.

c. Physical Boundary Gestures

• Nikki demonstrates (verbally) a simple hand motion for highly sensitive people: gesture with your hand toward the anxious person (even mentally), saying “That’s not mine, that belongs to them.”
• This can feel awkward but helps reprogram subconscious habits.

d. Emotional Boundaries and “Having Your Own Vibe”

• Nikki explains that emotional boundaries are crucial and that sensitive people are often “emotional chameleons,” changing their energy to match others out of misplaced compassion or habit.
  • [07:20] Nikki: “We just sort of mushed together with other people’s energies...”
  • Nikki: "I'm allowed to have my own Vibe today...You get to have your vibe."

e. Music Analogy: Managing Your Own State

• Nikki uses a music metaphor, comparing someone else’s anxious energy to having to listen to a song you don’t like. You can metaphorically “put in headphones” and keep your vibe.
  • [14:55] Nikki: "...if you're vibing on...a reggae tune today...and here comes somebody that's got a vibe like nails on a chalkboard. You get to hold onto your vibe..."

f. Challenging Beliefs: Absorption as Love

• Some may subconsciously equate absorbing others' pain with love. Nikki challenges this, saying true self-love and healthy relationships mean holding boundaries, not mirroring distress.
  • [15:18] Nikki: "If I absorb those negative energies...I'm not being very healthy to me. I'm not being very loving to me."

g. Personal Responsibility

• Nikki commends Steve for asking how he can change, emphasizing it’s not about controlling circumstances or other people, but how we respond internally.
  • [16:41] Nikki: "It's always going to be true that if we're walking the earth, there are billions of people out there with a lot of struggle...So we are going to hit a lot of funky energies in this life. We very much get to manage that inside of ourselves. But it takes personal responsibility."

h. The Bubble Visualization Technique

• Nikki shares the “bubble” exercise: Picture yourself in a protective bubble that admits only what you want to allow—other people’s anxiety bounces off.
  • [17:45] Nikki: "Anytime you need, you can picture yourself inside of a magic bubble...and anything that you don’t want...just bounces off that bubble."

5. The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) and Emotional Boundaries

• Steve expresses concern: If I don’t let energy in, what am I missing?
  • [17:56] Steve: “It’s that membrane. What am I gonna miss if I leave it out?”
  • Nikki reassures: Setting boundaries doesn't cut us off from meaningful connection—it allows for intentional engagement, rather than being “an emotional pinball.”
    • [18:56] Nikki: “Part of the belief system that shifts over time...when I have better emotional boundaries...I am then able to better choose when I lean in...instead of being like an emotional pinball in a pinball machine, just kind of getting pushed around willy nilly wherever you may go.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I observe, I do not absorb.” – Nikki Eisenhauer [06:23]
• “Permissions. Giving myself permissions is a new concept...” – Steve [07:06]
• “We just sort of mushed together with other people’s energies...” – Nikki Eisenhauer [07:20]
• “You get to have your vibe...your vibe does not need to change simply because another vibe showed up.” – Nikki Eisenhauer [14:55]
• “It’s always going to be true that...there are billions of people out there with a lot of struggle...We very much get to manage that inside of ourselves.” – Nikki Eisenhauer [16:41]
• “Emotional pinball. Boy howdy.” – Steve [18:56]
• “The solution to this is not isolating...It’s learning to be with these energies and maintain a certain emotional self respect...” – Nikki Eisenhauer [16:55]

Important Timestamps for Segments

• [01:21]: Steve describes his challenge with absorbing anxiety
• [03:05]: Discussion on childhood origins of emotional absorption
• [04:55]: The importance of patience & compassion in healing
• [06:23]: “Observe, don’t absorb” mantra and permission-giving
• [07:20]: Hand motion technique and establishing boundaries
• [14:55]: Music “vibe” analogy for maintaining emotional state
• [15:18]: Challenging belief that absorbing others’ pain = love
• [16:41]: Nikki explains personal responsibility for emotional boundaries
• [17:45]: Bubble visualization technique
• [18:56]: Addressing FOMO and reshaping boundaries

Takeaways for Listeners

• Absorbing other people’s anxiety is a common challenge for sensitive people, but it’s not immutable.
• Understanding the roots of these patterns builds self-compassion and offers context for change.
• Practical techniques—mantras, physical gestures, visualization, and permission-giving—can be learned and practiced to assert emotional boundaries.
• Choosing to maintain your own “vibe” and practicing healthy boundaries is not selfish; it benefits both you and those around you.
• Emotional growth involves taking responsibility for your internal state rather than trying to control circumstances or others.

Final Note

Nikki ends the episode by expressing gratitude to Steve for his vulnerability and reinforces the value of asking questions for communal healing:

• [19:52] Nikki: “This question is going to help so many people. Thank you so, so much. I’m sending you light and love.”

For call-in show participation and more resources, visit: emotionalbadass.com/call