Are You Absorbing Other People’s Anxiety? Here’s How to Stop! Call In Show

Summary

Podcast Summary: Emotional Badass – "Are You Absorbing Other People’s Anxiety? Here’s How to Stop! Call In Show"

Host: Nikki Eisenhauer
Guest/Caller: Steve
Date: March 2, 2025
Podcast Description: Emotional Badass is a show focused on emotional education for sensitive people, healing from trauma, boundary-setting, and self-care.

---

Overview: Main Theme and Purpose

In this inaugural Call-In Show episode, host and psychotherapist Nikki Eisenhauer talks with Steve, a highly sensitive person who struggles with absorbing other people's anxiety. Nikki guides Steve, and by extension her listeners, through the roots of this pattern, why it develops, and offers practical strategies for sensitive people to observe—not absorb—the emotional energy of others. The discussion blends personal storytelling, therapeutic insights, and actionable tips to help listeners reclaim their emotional boundaries and vibrancy.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Problem: Absorbing Others’ Anxiety

• Steve’s Struggle: Steve explains that he tends to absorb anxiety from others, whether at home, work, or elsewhere, and it quickly becomes his own stress and tension.
  • [01:21] Steve: "When people come in to my space with their anxiety...I just start to absorb it and make it mine...I'll start getting all the ugliness in me...that tightness.”
  • Nikki empathizes, noting this is common for highly sensitive people.

2. Origin of the Pattern: Childhood Coping

• Nikki explains that over-attunement to others’ emotions often develops in childhood, especially in environments with high tension or poorly regulated adults.
  • [03:05] Nikki: "If our parents are not regulated...we figure out not in a conscious way, but in a subconscious way, 'Aha! I will over attune to the adults around me because that's my best bet to manage them in my own household.'"
• Children learn to read and manage parents’ emotions as a safety strategy, and this skill carries over—sometimes dysfunctionally—into adulthood.

3. The Importance of Patience and Self-Compassion

• Working at the nervous system level takes time; undoing years of habitual emotional absorption requires patience and repeated practice.
  • [04:55] Nikki: "This is not something that developed in a week...This kind of stuff is working at the nervous system level ... it takes a commitment to not get frustrated with ourselves..."

4. Practical Strategies for Not Absorbing Anxiety

a. Observe, Don’t Absorb Mantra

• Nikki suggests using the phrase, “I observe, I do not absorb” as a grounding mantra.
  • [06:23] Nikki: "The first strategy I want to give you is this idea...I observe those anxious energies, I do not absorb.”
• This shift gives permission to the inner child to let go of the protective but now unnecessary strategy of absorption.

b. Permission-Giving and Inner Child Work

• Steve acknowledges that giving himself “permissions” is a fairly new concept.
  • [07:06] Steve: “Permissions. Giving myself permissions is a new concept...”
  • Nikki agrees and highlights how giving oneself psychological permission to act differently can bypass internal resistance and facilitate change.

c. Physical Boundary Gestures

• Nikki demonstrates (verbally) a simple hand motion for highly sensitive people: gesture with your hand toward the anxious person (even mentally), saying “That’s not mine, that belongs to them.”
• This can feel awkward but helps reprogram subconscious habits.

d. Emotional Boundaries and “Having Your Own Vibe”

• Nikki explains that emotional boundaries are crucial and that sensitive people are often “emotional chameleons,” changing their energy to match others out of misplaced compassion or habit.
  • [07:20] Nikki: “We just sort of mushed together with other people’s energies...”
  • Nikki: "I'm allowed to have my own Vibe today...You get to have your vibe."

e. Music Analogy: Managing Your Own State

• Nikki uses a music metaphor, comparing someone else’s anxious energy to having to listen to a song you don’t like. You can metaphorically “put in headphones” and keep your vibe.
  • [14:55] Nikki: "...if you're vibing on...a reggae tune today...and here comes somebody that's got a vibe like nails on a chalkboard. You get to hold onto your vibe..."

f. Challenging Beliefs: Absorption as Love

• Some may subconsciously equate absorbing others' pain with love. Nikki challenges this, saying true self-love and healthy relationships mean holding boundaries, not mirroring distress.
  • [15:18] Nikki: "If I absorb those negative energies...I'm not being very healthy to me. I'm not being very loving to me."

g. Personal Responsibility

• Nikki commends Steve for asking how he can change, emphasizing it’s not about controlling circumstances or other people, but how we respond internally.
  • [16:41] Nikki: "It's always going to be true that if we're walking the earth, there are billions of people out there with a lot of struggle...So we are going to hit a lot of funky energies in this life. We very much get to manage that inside of ourselves. But it takes personal responsibility."

h. The Bubble Visualization Technique

• Nikki shares the “bubble” exercise: Picture yourself in a protective bubble that admits only what you want to allow—other people’s anxiety bounces off.
  • [17:45] Nikki: "Anytime you need, you can picture yourself inside of a magic bubble...and anything that you don’t want...just bounces off that bubble."

5. The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) and Emotional Boundaries

• Steve expresses concern: If I don’t let energy in, what am I missing?
  • [17:56] Steve: “It’s that membrane. What am I gonna miss if I leave it out?”
  • Nikki reassures: Setting boundaries doesn't cut us off from meaningful connection—it allows for intentional engagement, rather than being “an emotional pinball.”
    • [18:56] Nikki: “Part of the belief system that shifts over time...when I have better emotional boundaries...I am then able to better choose when I lean in...instead of being like an emotional pinball in a pinball machine, just kind of getting pushed around willy nilly wherever you may go.”

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I observe, I do not absorb.” – Nikki Eisenhauer [06:23]
• “Permissions. Giving myself permissions is a new concept...” – Steve [07:06]
• “We just sort of mushed together with other people’s energies...” – Nikki Eisenhauer [07:20]
• “You get to have your vibe...your vibe does not need to change simply because another vibe showed up.” – Nikki Eisenhauer [14:55]
• “It’s always going to be true that...there are billions of people out there with a lot of struggle...We very much get to manage that inside of ourselves.” – Nikki Eisenhauer [16:41]
• “Emotional pinball. Boy howdy.” – Steve [18:56]
• “The solution to this is not isolating...It’s learning to be with these energies and maintain a certain emotional self respect...” – Nikki Eisenhauer [16:55]

---

Important Timestamps for Segments

• [01:21]: Steve describes his challenge with absorbing anxiety
• [03:05]: Discussion on childhood origins of emotional absorption
• [04:55]: The importance of patience & compassion in healing
• [06:23]: “Observe, don’t absorb” mantra and permission-giving
• [07:20]: Hand motion technique and establishing boundaries
• [14:55]: Music “vibe” analogy for maintaining emotional state
• [15:18]: Challenging belief that absorbing others’ pain = love
• [16:41]: Nikki explains personal responsibility for emotional boundaries
• [17:45]: Bubble visualization technique
• [18:56]: Addressing FOMO and reshaping boundaries

---

Takeaways for Listeners

• Absorbing other people’s anxiety is a common challenge for sensitive people, but it’s not immutable.
• Understanding the roots of these patterns builds self-compassion and offers context for change.
• Practical techniques—mantras, physical gestures, visualization, and permission-giving—can be learned and practiced to assert emotional boundaries.
• Choosing to maintain your own “vibe” and practicing healthy boundaries is not selfish; it benefits both you and those around you.
• Emotional growth involves taking responsibility for your internal state rather than trying to control circumstances or others.

---

Final Note

Nikki ends the episode by expressing gratitude to Steve for his vulnerability and reinforces the value of asking questions for communal healing:

• [19:52] Nikki: “This question is going to help so many people. Thank you so, so much. I’m sending you light and love.”

---

For call-in show participation and more resources, visit: emotionalbadass.com/call

Transcript

[A]

Hello, welcome to the show. This is Emotional Badass, the new call in show. I am your host, Nikki Eisenhower, life coach and psychotherapist. And on today's episode, for the first time ever, I am answering a question from the audience. Let's get into it, y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

Hello y'. All. Welcome. Welcome. We have something brand new for you in 2025. We've been doing Emotional Badass for seven years. Our anniversary is next month in and we are launching a brand new segment. We're calling it the call in show. So some Emotional Badass episodes will just be the emotional Badass you've always known and some will be Emotional Badass, the Call in Show. If you're interested in submitting a question to see if you were right for the call in show, come to emotionalbadass.com call. You can read more about it, you can submit a question, and if you're chosen, my team will get in contact with you. Welcome to the first ever call in show. I am here with Steve today. Hello, Steve.

[B]

Howdy.

[A]

So let's get into it. Tell me why you're calling in. What can I help you with today?

[B]

Anxiety. When people come in to my space with their anxiety, it can be home, it can be work, it can be anywhere. I just start to absorb it and make it mine. At first it's just, that's my natural response and I'll go with it and I'll start getting all the, all the ugliness in me, all the gotta get this or that or whatever done. And just, you know, that tightness.

[A]

It'S icky. So how to not absorb that from other people?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

All right. That is an excellent question and one I think every sensitive person struggles with. Okay, so let me break this down. First off, I don't want you or anybody to ever pathologize this too much. We are human. We are supposed to be attuned to each other. That's a very beautiful thing. So when we have this gift of being able to over attune, it's like a double edged sword. When it's beautiful and people are light. The smile of a baby. It's lovely. There's no problem with that. These harder energies are a lot harder to learn how to deal with. So I encourage you and everybody to really think about this as a beautiful gift. It just needs some management. Now that being said, there are layers when we're sensitive. And for most sensitive people, you're highly sensitive. I'm highly sensitive. The truth is that when we were growing up, if we had homes where there was a lot of tension. Was that true for you?

[B]

Oh, you betcha.

[A]

Yeah. So we don't have to get into it beyond that for, for this call, but any of us that grew up with a lot of tension, a lot of chaos, whatever that means, when we're little, it's too much for us. And if our parents are not regulated in their nervous systems, if they don't have a lot of emotional coping strategies, which, let's face it, we, most people do not, we haven't valued teaching it in this country for many, many years. So a lot of people just do not know how to manage emotions. So if we grow up in that, what happens is because we're smart, we figure out not in a conscious way, but in a subconscious way. Aha. I will over attune to the adults around me because that's my best bet to manage them in my own household. I would play a bit of the class clown or the comedian. So if my mom was really tense, ooh, I would pay att. And so I'd try to lighten her mood, because if I lightened her mood, that was my best bet to not have her rage at me or lash out at me or get in trouble. So it's understanding that this beautiful gift, I believe I was born with it, to attune to people, got sort of stretched out or taught to over function. And then here we are as adults and we're in a grocery store or we were shopping and we're dealing with everybody's emotions on the planet. And if we were sort of primed to over feel the people around us towards keeping ourselves safe, then that's a hellscape when we're with other people or other people are in really tough emotions. So I think that that understanding is necessary to hold ourselves in. And then I have some tangible things you can actively do. How does that sound so far? Does that fit for who you are and how the struggle feels?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Okay. So from that understanding, I want to encourage a lot of patience with curbing this inside of yourself. This is not something that developed in a week, a month, even a year. This is something that for most of us was reinforced every single day, multiple times a day of our entire development. So that takes some real self compassion. It takes a commitment to not get frustrated with ourselves and not try a handful of times and sort of throw our hands up like, why isn't it working? This kind of stuff is working at the nervous system level. And we learn most quickly in the fact zone in our head knowledge. And then it takes some time to get into our subconscious, into our heart knowledge, into our body knowledge. At that point, that's when it feels easier. But not until that point. And I can't tell you or anybody how many times you have to practice something before your subconscious gets it. But I know it's not forever and I know that it's less than the amount of times we got the dysfunctional message. Okay, so we've been using the word today, absorb a lot. And the first strategy I want to give you is this idea of I observe those anxious energies I do not absorb as a mantra, as a grounding force. I observe, I do not absorb.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, thanks.

[A]

Yes. Just that perspective can bring some relief. So this may be giving your inner child, you know that I work with the inner child a lot, a lot of permission because as a child it wasn't safe to just observe. It was safer to absorb and then try to figure out how to manage it. And so this becomes a permission from your wise man self to your inner child that says, oh, sweet boy, it really is okay to just observe that we don't have to absorb it anymore. Isn't that a relief? Isn't that wonderful? We can just watch like we might watch an animal at the zoo.

[B]

Yeah. Permissions. Giving myself permissions is a new concept. It's only been in the last year that I've been that I found out that I could possibly give myself permission.

[A]

Isn't that amazing? It's a very powerful force for ourselves to give ourselves permissions where we need them. It really works for human psychology. It sort of breaks down our own inner psychological resistances. And there's so much about our psych psychological that isn't logical like logic would say, man, I had to absorb so much as a kid, I shouldn't have to absorb any now. I'm not going to do that anymore. But we're habitual creatures, we're patterned creatures. So we're giving ourselves permission to practice something new. Permission to let go of that old pattern. And the truth is, I mean, think about diapers. You know, there's a time and a place where diaper service when we're babies, young toddlers, and there's a time and a place where we need to go to the next level and get potty trained and no longer be in diapers. This is like helping our inner psychology get to the next level and let go of that, that old level of functioning that was very right for the time, but definitely needs to shift as we mature, as we age, as we change and get into our lives, so we've got observe, don't absorb. And then if you're watching me on video right now, or rather if you're not, you're not going to see me do this motion. There's this idea that grounds a highly sensitive person and an empath, and it's another permission of, oh, those energies, they're not mine. And I do this with my hand, I take my hand and if there's a person over here that's anxious, that's stressed, that's angry at me, let's say, then I'm going to take my hand near me and I'm going to say inside of my mind or out loud, that's not mine, that belongs to them. And in that hand motion, I'm sending that energy back. And that might sound woo woo or silly or corny, but these are the things that help reprogram us towards what's healthy for us now while we let go of those old programs that no longer serve us. So it's another permission of, hey, that's their stuff. I know that you know that. I'm a boundaries teacher. This is an emotional boundary that as children growing up in dysfunction, we didn't know we were supposed to have, we didn't know we could have. So we had no emotional boundaries. We just sort of mushed together with other people's energies and this becomes a brand new permission of, oh, wow, I don't have to do that anymore. Which means their feelings are theirs and mine are mine. Their energy is theirs and my energy is mine. And we practice that in idea and we practice the feeling of that, which is much harder for me to put into words, but we get more comfortable the more we just lean into these ideas and subtly paying attention to our bodies. I love my factor meals, their convenience, their ease, their tastiness. And I think you're gonna love them too. As my husband travels back and forth to another state to help his mom, I'm ordering boxes of factor to help me stay on task and not be stressed out with having to come up with meals for one while I handle everything else in our house. So not only is factor tasty and nutritious and helpful and offer chef prepped meals that are dietitian approved and delivered right to my door, now it's actually really helping me stay grounded and give myself proper nutrition and ease while we're managing the real life. Things that happen when we are grieving and we've lost someone. So eat [e-mail] Emotional 50 off and use code EMOTIONAL50OFF to get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for a year, y'. All. Do you hear that? That's code [e-mail] for 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with Factor. This offer is only valid for new Factor customers with the code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Thank you for supporting the sponsors that support us. We are very grateful to have Air Doctor sponsor this episode, y'. All. I love my Air Doctor Air Purifiers. We have one in the bedroom that we run every single night. I cannot express to you how much you can actually walk into the room and feel that the air is clean. Air Doctor is the award winning air purifier that eliminates 99.99% of dangerous contaminants like allergens, viruses, smoke, gases, mold, spores and more. Head to airdoctorpro.com and use code badass to get up to $300 off today. Air do comes with a 30 day money back guarantee plus a 3 year warranty. That's an $84 value for free. So if you try it and you don't like it, you can send it back. Airdoctor makes it easy. Get this exclusive podcast only offer now at airdoctorpro.com a I r-o c t o r p r o.com using promo code badass. Another permission is I'm allowed to have my own Vibe today. Now I happen to know that you own my Patternscape stack and one of yes, and one of those cards is Vibe. Now I'm very intentional when I put things together and the reason that I have that card in there is because I want highly sensitive people to understand that you get to have your vibe. You get to have your vibe. So it's, it's. That card is about music and allowing yourself to have your vibe and to shift your vibe. So if you're vibing on, let's say, like a reggae tune today, you're in a good mood. You're just jamming out. Life is good, you're grounded, you're present, and here comes somebody that's got a vibe like nails on a chalkboard. You get to hold on to your vibe and learn that your vibe does not need to change simply because another vibe showed up. Just because somebody shows up and goes, hey, I want to listen to rock and roll right now doesn't mean you have to change the Channel, you can go, hey. Well, I'm going to put my headphones in and I'm going to keep listening to what I want to listen to today. We can be such an accommodating creature that we will even accommodate somebody else's energy in a way that doesn't serve us, that hurts us. Instead of having a permission to sort of hold our lines and hold on to our vibe, the deeper truth is that our subconscious may even believe that absorbing other people's energy is love. And that may be a belief system that we have to work with to redefine that. Actually, if I absorb those negative energies that throw me off of my day and my vibe, I'm not being very healthy to me. I'm not being very loving to me. I give myself permission to establish these emotional boundaries, to allow other people to manage their vibes while I manage mine. Now, there are certainly times where when we come together, your vibe and my vibe crosses over and we negotiate, well, what music do you want to play? What do you want to play? But that's an upbeat, healthy negotiation, not just a funky vibe coming in or a bully coming in and going, you better listen to what I want to listen to. And us going, okay, I guess I have to. And sort of shrinking. What do you think?

[B]

You can't. You can't. You can't see my smile, but it's wrapping all the way around my face. My head's about to fall off.

[A]

Oh, good.

[B]

You got me dancing.

[A]

Oh, good.

[B]

Heck, yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. That's the right vibe. And it, believe it or not, it is a whole other. I could go on and on about permissions. It's a whole other permission that you get to be high vibe. It's. I. I have this thought often, too. Whereas my younger, very codependent self would think, no, I'm supposed to match them. That's what loving is. I should match their low vibe. Now, I know if I hold on to my higher vibe, it's also an invitation to the other person. Like, hey, you could join my high vibe if you want, but I don't have to join your vibe. I don't have to think that that's the right thing for either of us. More low vibe tends to not help anybody, certainly not ourselves. So we can take personal responsibility for that. And I think that's why you're going to do so well with this. Stephen, when you wrote in part of how you form this question was, you ended with, how can I not do this? How can I redirect how can I fix this thing that I'm doing to myself? You, you have all the personal responsibility in the world and that is key to managing this. You know, it's always going to be true that if we're walking the earth, there are billions of people out there with a lot of struggle, a lot of unresolved trauma, a lot of ignorance when it comes to emotionally relating to self and others. So we are going to hit a lot of funky energies in this life. We very much get to manage that inside of ourselves. But it takes personal responsibility. Far too easy to go, hey, all these really crappy emotions, all these crappy vibes, just need to get away from me. It's like, no, that doesn't free us. That's never going to happen. The solution to this is not isolating to the nth degree. It's learning to be with these energies and maintain a certain emotional self respect in the face of those other energies. And that is healing our childhood trauma when we were taught to absorb. So the very last thing I have for you is the bubble technique. Anytime you need, you can picture yourself inside of a magic bubble where you are in charge of what passes that membrane of bubble. And anything that you don't want to come into your system, into your mind, your body, your soul, your day, just bounces off that bubble. You can also, while you are in a bubble, you can put them in a bubble too.

[B]

Now here's where. It's that membrane. It's, it's, it's. What am I gonna miss if I leave it out? Am I gonna mix? Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like a fomo. A fear of missing out. Yes. Well, that, that's the duality of who we are as sensitive people. Right. We both want to be in that rich depth of the deepest, darkest of human emotions with other people because we also have an ability to hold incredible space. But then we're all, we're scared of what we'll miss out on when we actually get these boundaries that will restore our energy, our vitality. Part of the belief system that shifts over time in this area of work is, is this understanding when I have better emotional boundaries. And I do miss out on some of the things I am then able to better choose when I lean in. And that's right for me, and that's right for others. Instead of being like an emotional pinball in a pinball machine, just kind of getting pushed around willy nilly wherever you may go, which is a very exhausting way to live. Does that make sense? The way that I'm explaining that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that does emotional pinball. Boy howdy.

[A]

Yes, yes. Maybe fun for a few minutes, but quite exhausting to live that way. And look, it's another managing of the inner child too. You know, I think all of us, especially if we come from hardship, have that little whisper of wow, I don't want to miss out. But we get to take our most mature wise woman or wise man part and help reparent ourselves. And the realities of that is, honey, we have to miss out on so much in this life. But I'm going to better choose for us. It's okay to miss out sometimes. And the more we miss out intentionally, the more I can lean in and experience more too. Steven, thank you so much for being willing to come on the new call in show.

[B]

Oh, no. Thank you for the forum.

[A]

This question is going to help so many people. Thank you so, so much. I'm sending you light and love. All right, y', all, that concludes our very first emotional badass, the call in show. I'm so grateful to Steven for being willing to take a risk to use his voice as an act of service. When you show up to ask a question here, in any therapeutic atmosphere, you're showing up for yourself, of course, but you're also showing up for everyone else. If you're interested in submitting a question to see if you were right for the call in show, come to emotionalbadass.com call. I am an emotional badass. Steve is an emotional badass. And together we are where moxie meets mindful, light and love and onto new things, y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

I'll see you right here next time for a brand new episode. Till then, take care. Bye Bye.

[B]

Sam.