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Lucho and Tawnee are back on for Ask the Coaches episode 363.

Anonymous asks:

Mental Toughness 101

How would you define toughness? (Admittedly, this is inspired by my recent start to reading Steve Magness’ book Do Hard Things).

What the coaches say:

Listen to OMM 17 in which Tawnee outlines how mental toughness can certainly be a great thing; however, it can also be tricky and certain types of toughness can even do more harm than good in certain cases like those with eating disorders who may also be “good athletes,” which is highlighted in a landmark study here.

We also reference Steve Magness’ new book Do Hard Things which has some amazing and refreshing insight on the topic of mental toughness, redefining what we’ve always thought toughness to be.

Tawnee also wrote an article on this topic way back in 2016, below are some quoted highlights from that piece, which intertwine with our answer on this show:

“Many experts and articles will tell you mental toughness is about going outside your comfort zone. I agree, and at some point I’ll recommend this for you, but it doesn’t always start with that act alone. Of course, doing those uncomfortable acts contribute to building a strong mind—no one will deny that—but, sorry, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re a mental badass. Mental toughness starts from within with self-confidence. Before you even do the physical acts that build mental strength, first you have to get real with yourself and take control of your mind. Don’t worry if you had it backwards. I did too.

“For as long as I can remember, I have always been a tough person starting when I was that little tomboy who kept up with the neighborhood boys when other girls wouldn’t even dare. Into adulthood, I’ve always been willing and able to do things that put me outside my comfort zone, whether toeing the line in a freezing cold triathlon, bombing down a black diamond on my snowboard or the scariest of all: public speaking. I may come across as very mentally tough because I’m able to push myself into these uncomfortable situations, but there’s another side to it—a side of me that ignored what mental toughness really meant for all too long.

“You see, outwardly I have always done ‘badass’ feats. But internally, I was living distressed for many years due to a faulty mindset. I lacked self-confidence and self-love, and never bothered to develop these things properly, instead choosing just to “be tough.” My exterior appeared tough indeed, but on the inside there was turmoil, anxiety and (irrational) fear. What you didn’t see were all those panic attacks I had and a life consumed by worrisome thoughts. Choosing to be tough on the outside doesn’t make these underlying issues just disappear. I put on façade to fool myself, and others. A life of going hard and “no pain no gain” was the easy part. But getting real with myself? Not so much. It took years.”

“Question 1: Do you feel reoccurring anxiety, worry and fear even over the smallest things?

“Eventually I realized worry, panicky feelings and fear had crept into my daily life and I’d be full of anxiety at the drop of a dime, no chance to react any differently because I didn’t know any differently. It led to many unhealthy habits and behaviors. Finally I realized my definition of mental toughness was missing a huge component: self-confidence and self-love. Truthfully, anyone can figure out how to race a marathon (or replace that with anything that makes you uncomfortable). But often, this is not the solution to our problems; rather, it’s an escape for what really needs to be addressed—our mindset and our relationship with ourselves.

“So while having the mental ability to go outside your comfort zone can be a very positive trait, it can also be used for ‘evil’ against yourself and doesn’t always get you closer to self-actualization and mental toughness.

“Question 2: Is it easier for you to push hard in a workout rather than sit down and get real with your emotions or personal issues?

“What about fear? Fear is tricky. On one hand, it’s totally ok to be afraid when you’re doing crazy things and admit your fears! Fear is a normal, healthy feeling, and nothing over which to be ashamed. Ask big wave surfers, for example. The best ones will fully admit they have fear, but they also have immense power over their minds and can channel that fear into focus, resiliency and respect for the situation allowing them to do the impossible. The fear response is there for our survival and can kick us into proper action. However, fear can become irrational and for those of us who lack a healthy relationship with fear we may mentally lose it in those pressing times. In other words, if we let our mind run amuck, it will. We have to learn to reel it in.

“Other things to ask yourself and consider in your healing and development of mental toughness:

“Question 3: Do you avoid uncomfortable situations?

“Question 4: Do you go outside your comfort zone but experience panic attacks or freeze in the process?

“Question 5: Have you ever allowed a behavior to continue chronically even though you know deep down it wasn’t the healthiest for you?

“Question 6: Have you ever lost control over an unhealthy habit and let it rule your life in some way and cloud your mental space? (i.e. food logging, overtraining?)

“There’s a difference between rational fear and irrational fear. Irrational fear can drive irrational thoughts and behavior. There are many manifestations. Some may avoid the uncomfortable situations all together and develop fear avoidance. Not me. Personally, my irrational fears were a motivating force that drove me to push myself very hard in a multitude of ways. I had an attitude of “no pain, no gain.” I’ve done “amazing” things but not necessarily with the healthiest mindset. I was not addressing nor solving some bigger underlying issues. I was just running from those things—literally and metaphorically. I’m sure many athletes can relate.

“Question 7: Do you exercise/train or do your sport for stress relief or to avoid a problem in your life?

“This “no pain no gain” ignores our true needs and puts our external image at the forefront (i.e. what we want others to see and perceive of us). In fact, “no pain no gain” is actually the epitome of mental weakness in my opinion because it is an example of succumbing to social stressors and following the “herd.” It’s our way to try and gain acceptance and prove to others we are tough. “No pain no gain” is a cop-out in my opinion and it doesn’t solve any problems; rather, it’s an easy way to run away from your issues without fully addressing them and just jump on a bandwag...