252: Ho, Ho, Ho! It’s a Holiday Mailbag Episode

Summary

Every Outfit Podcast Summary

Episode 252: "Ho, Ho, Ho! It's a Holiday Mailbag Episode"

Release Date: December 19, 2025
Hosts: Chelsea Fairless & Lauren Garroni

Episode Overview

In this spirited and candid holiday episode, Chelsea and Lauren dig into their annual mailbag of listener questions—embracing festive topics, pop culture tangents, high-camp fashion commentary, and hilarious personal anecdotes. Whether it’s Sex and the City holiday scenarios, guidance on navigating sex in your in-laws’ home, or dissecting Vanity Fair's controversial Trump administration portraits, nothing is off-limits. This lively, irreverent special is a grab bag of fashion, film, etiquette, and deep-dive cultural gossip, with the hosts’ signature wit and specificity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Holiday Sex Etiquette in the Family Home

[03:08 – 05:08]

• Listener inquires about appropriate boundaries for sex while staying with family during the holidays.
• Chelsea and Lauren both lean towards avoidance—“Your parents and your in-laws should not be hearing you having sex at all” (Chelsea, 03:34).
• Suggestions include: stick to non-penetrative acts, wait until everyone’s asleep, or just get a hotel room.
• Memorable quip: “Must you fudge?” (Tatiana, 03:34), and envisioning a “Hitachi Magic Wand” blowing the Christmas tree’s lights.

Heated Rivalry: Queer TV Review & The Phenomenon of Women Watching Gay Male Porn

[05:11 – 13:07]

• Listeners push for commentary on "Heated Rivalry"—a “gay hockey show” that’s essentially “gay porn” (Chelsea, 05:47).
• Chelsea admits: “I could almost masturbate to this... But I did a little research, and according to recent data from Pornhub, women account for 47% of the viewers of gay male porn on that website. And that is insane” (Chelsea, 07:50).
• Discussion about the chemistry of actors, on-screen representation, why gay male porn appeals to women, and the disconnect of lesbian porn productions.
• Detailed banter about fandom origins (Stucky/Marvel fanfic origins of “Heated Rivalry”) and tongue-in-cheek speculation about actor sexuality for audience fantasy.

Unhinged Christmas Moments: Patti LaBelle’s “This Christmas”

[15:41 – 19:23]

• Chelsea and Lauren react to the viral clip of Patti LaBelle’s chaotic 1996 National Tree Lighting performance.
• Overview of the mishaps—missed cue, wrong lyrics, missing backup singers—“Everyone failed Patti LaBelle during that performance. Including Patti LaBelle.” (Tatiana, 18:23)
• Chelsea recalls a glam real-life Patti sighting at Barney’s (RIP), underscoring her “most glamorous celebrity” credentials.

Outfit Details from the Holiday Party

[19:29 – 23:41]

• Listeners request a breakdown of Chelsea and Lauren’s outfits.
• Lauren: Alaia black shirt dress + long white skirt (all RealReal), gloves (“the first thing everyone said was like, ‘I love your gloves.’” – Tatiana, 21:05), and a cameo from a giant Norma Kamali puffer.
• Chelsea: Floor-length vintage Donna Karan sequin skirt (RealReal) + Uniqlo cashmere sweater, with on-the-fly tailoring by Asher Levine.

Sex and the City Christmas Episode: Theoretical Plotlines

[27:54 – 31:42]

• Both hosts craft full episode outlines for an imaginary SATC Christmas episode—deeply tied to character canon and classic plot machinery.
• Lauren builds an ensemble dinner party with multi-threaded drama (“Miranda drops cheesecake, screams f*ck on the subway platform…” 29:27).
• Chelsea offers playful vignettes, including a Gift of the Magi-style Miranda/Steve subplot and Smith Jared arrested in a Santa suit.
• Recurring themes: Carrie's awkward gift from Big, Samantha’s pursuit of sexy Santas, Charlotte’s crisis over Trey's wedding bench.

Secret Santa for the Sex and the City Girls

[31:49 – 34:49]

• Each character gets a carefully budgeted contemporary gift:
  • Charlotte: Home Court Steeped Rose set or Martha Stewart’s reissued entertaining book
  • Miranda: Dessert-of-the-Month club or a phone “brick” for app restriction
  • Samantha: Sexual wellness items or Champagne (for strategic regifting)
  • Carrie: Diptyque candle (“No one wants to buy them. Everyone just wants to be given them.”—Chelsea, 35:00), or a vintage Elsa Peretti trinket tray.

Sarah Jessica Parker’s Google AI Commercial

[37:05 – 40:57]

• Hosts dissect the uncanny valley aesthetics and SJP’s Carrie Bradshaw-adjacent persona in the ad.
• Debate over her motivation (money and family obligations) and the awkwardness of legacy celebs shilling for tech.

NY Holiday Activities & Cuntiest Christmas Characters

[41:04 – 43:35]

• Nostalgic and current NYC holiday recs: Russian Tea Room tea, department store windows, Joe’s Pub, Christmas drag & cabaret shows, Nutcracker at Lincoln Center.
• “Cunty” Christmas characters: Christine Baranski in The Grinch, Carol Kane’s Ghost in Scrooged; “Rachel McAdams in The Family Stone is cunty in the mean sense” (Chelsea, 42:43).

Vanity Fair’s Trump Administration Portraits

[43:35 – 51:05]

• Sharp, art-world informed take on the recent, controversial “unvarnished” close-ups of 2025 Trump insiders.
• Reading the portraits as a sly reversal of iconic Annie Leibovitz Bush admin imagery. “It’s all about artifice and sort of the fakeness of the lips and the eyebrows…” (Chelsea, 45:35).
• Observations about who gets mocked, media complicity, and photo editor power.

Holiday Film, Music, and Culture Tangents

• Fanny and Alexander & Bergman: deep appreciation for “Swedish Christmas hits different” and Bergman’s pioneering “glamorous women having nervous breakdowns” genre and his fandom of Sex and the City ([52:47 – 57:05]).
• Miss Piggy’s "Santa Baby" as the “best version” (Chelsea, 57:13).

Rob Reiner Obituary & Murder Case

[57:47 – 63:11]

• (With sensitivity & some dark humor) Discuss Rob Reiner’s murder by his son, his cinematic legacy, and personal connections (Chelsea’s mother worked professionally with him).
• Best/favorite film votes: Misery (Chelsea) and The Princess Bride (Tatiana), plus Rob Reiner’s impact on multiple genres.

The Infamous Cursed, Racist Earrings

[64:36 – 68:46]

• A caller asks how to dispose of "cursed and racist" family heirloom earrings.
• Both hosts vacillate between practical advice (“bury them”) and horror-comedy (“this is the beginning of a Blumhouse film”), requesting a photo for context.
• “Just put them in a little Tupperware container and bury them in your backyard.” (Chelsea, 68:12)

More Holiday & Miscellaneous Listener Qs

• The Holiday (film) Post-New Year's: The foursome likely has a “foursome” on New Year’s Eve (Tatiana, 70:41). Kate Winslet is least tethered; Cameron Diaz’s career could adapt.
• Unhinged Christmas Crushes: Bernard the elf from The Santa Clause (Tatiana), the "naughty secretary" from Love Actually (Chelsea), joking nominations for Pigeon Lady (Home Alone 2).
• Dior Pre-Fall Review: “Something for every bitch”; approval for peep-toe mules and expensive denim ([72:34 – 73:19]).
• Chilitis update/dermatologist gripes: Chelsea’s lips “moving in a positive direction,” but “dermatologists are bullshit” for anything but skin cancer ([73:33 – 75:36]).
• Shrimp Cocktail: “Chic, but depends how long it’s been out” ([76:03 – 76:06]).
• Martini Preferences & Hosting Tips: Chelsea favors French 75s; both advocate for timed party arrivals, batch cocktails, minimal hot food, and being “armed with lots of alcohol” ([77:09 – 82:49]).

Lightning Round: Fashion, Film & Relationship

• Elasticized waistbands & Rag & Bone sweatpant jeans: Chelsea swears by them for travel and comfort (“I wear them all the time”).
• Home Alone 1 vs 2: Consensus—OG is superior.
• Valley of the Dolls remake dream-cast: Sydney Sweeney (Jennifer), Mia Goth (Neely), Mikey Madison (Anne), Joan Cusack/Julianne Moore (Helen Lawson); reflections on why it hasn’t worked yet, ideal for miniseries format.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Must you fudge?” – Tatiana [03:34], in re: sex at parents’ house.
• “None of you guys told us that it was gay porn. If you did, we would have prioritized it.” – Chelsea [05:47]
• “I could almost masturbate to this.” – Chelsea on "Heated Rivalry" [07:50]
• “Everyone failed Patti LaBelle during that performance. Including Patti LaBelle.” – Tatiana [18:23]
• “You mean quite literally the things we make up in our head?” – Tatiana on lesbian porn [09:08]
• “Imagine you come and then the Christmas tree just goes out. You ruin Christmas for the whole family. Think twice.” – Chelsea [04:49]
• “Glamorous women having nervous breakdowns… he’s the patron saint.” – Chelsea, on Ingmar Bergman [56:43]
• “Why do you think that I would know what to do with these racist ass earrings?” – Chelsea [65:27]
• “Just put them in a Tupperware container and bury them in your backyard.” – Chelsea [68:12]
• “Trees are major… bringing the outside indoors.” – Chelsea, on why you should just commit to a Christmas tree [89:43]
• “Shrimp Cocktail: Chic or gross?” – “Chicago chic.” – Chelsea [76:06]
• “Batch cocktails are a great idea–then when they run out, people will start making their own drinks.” – Lauren [81:59]
• “I haven’t gotten you a present yet. But that’s another story.” – Chelsea, on holiday gifting procrastination [15:02]
• “Of course, the answer is they all had sex on New Year’s Eve.” – Tatiana, hypothesizing The Holiday’s ending [71:14]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:08] — Sex etiquette at the in-laws
• [05:11] — “Heated Rivalry” & women consuming gay male porn
• [15:41] — Patti LaBelle’s “This Christmas” meltdown
• [19:29] — Holiday party outfit breakdown & wardrobe gags
• [27:54] — Sex and the City Christmas episode proposals
• [31:49] — SATC Secret Santa, gift picks
• [37:05] — SJP Google AI ad discussion
• [43:35] — Vanity Fair’s Trump administration portraits unpacked
• [52:47] — Fanny & Alexander/Bergman insights
• [57:47] — Rob Reiner’s death, legacy, and murder case
• [64:36] — Cursed, racist earrings disposal dilemma
• [70:41] — The Holiday (film) postscript, foursome theory
• [77:09] — Martini styles & hosting best practices
• [89:43] — Non-traditional holiday decor advice
• [95:57] — Valley of the Dolls: Why no remake, who should play whom?

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Tone & Style

The hosts blend camp, expert fashion analysis, and confessional comic storytelling, with a deep affection for “Sex and the City,” queer pop culture, and left-field tangents. Their interactions are irreverent, explicit, richly referential, and alternately earnest and jaundiced.

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Summary

Perfectly combining high-low culture; snark and sincerity; and genuinely helpful advice with unfiltered tangents and wardrobe detail, this holiday episode of “Every Outfit” is both a hilarious time capsule of 2025 holiday pop culture and a comfort-listen for fans missing Chelsea and Lauren’s homegrown, highly specific style of comedic wisdom.

Transcript

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, it's kind of embarrassing how bad I am at budgeting.

[Lauren Garrone]

Let me see your charges.

[Caller/Listener]

Ugh.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Fine.

[Lauren Garrone]

You spent over $600 on takeout last month.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I can't cook.

[Tatiana]

You know this.

[Lauren Garrone]

Yes, I have had your disgusting food, but you're literally paying for a meal subscription on top of that.

[Tatiana]

Whoa, wait, wait, wait.

[Chelsea Fairless]

That. That can't be right.

[Lauren Garrone]

Look, just get Rocket Money. It shows you all of your expenses in one place and even tracks your subscriptions. And if there's a subscription you don't want, which for you, there are a lot you don't need, you can just cancel right in the app with a few taps.

[Chelsea Fairless]

So you mean I don't call anyone to cancel? Nope.

[Lauren Garrone]

No hold times or anything. And they'll even try to get you a refund on some of the months of wasted money, which is a lot of money for you.

[Tatiana]

Okay.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay.

[Lauren Garrone]

And if you thought I was done, I'm not. The app can also help you make a budget that works for your income. Anytime you get close to your spending limits, it alerts you so you know exactly where your money is going at all times.

[Chelsea Fairless]

All right, I'm in. What do I have to do?

[Lauren Garrone]

Go to RocketMoney.com, cancel or download the app from the Apple or Google Play stores.

[Tatiana]

This podcast is supported by the RealReal or Meet Christine. She loves shopping, and this is the sound of fashion overload. Too many fabulous things, not enough space. So Christine started selling with the RealReal.

[Lauren Garrone]

I've always loved collecting designer pieces, Gucci bags, Prada heels. But my style keeps evolving. Selling with the RealReal.

[Tatiana]

Game changer. I earn more. And they do everything. Seriously, just drop off your items or schedule a pickup. We handle the photos, descriptions, pricing, even shipping. You just sit back and watch your items sell fast to our 38 million members.

[Lauren Garrone]

And I get peace of mind knowing I earn more selling with the RealReal than anywhere else.

[Tatiana]

Exactly this. That's the sound of your closet working for you. The RealReal. Earn more, save time, sell fast. And right now, you can get an extra $100 site credit when you sell for the first time. Go to therealreal.com to get your extra $100. Therealreal.com that's therealreal.com. Santa baby Just sleep and sail under the tree for me I've been an awfully good girl Santa baby so hurry down the chimney tonight. Hi, I'm Lauren Garrone.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And I'm Chelsea Fairless.

[Tatiana]

And welcome back to a very special episode of the Every Outfit podcast. We are feeling the Holiday spirit. And that is why we are doing a very special holiday themed mailbag episode. You guys came through with your voicemails with your questions on Instagram.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I wish I had brought some frankincense and myrrh for this occasion. I really fucked up. Guys, I think we should start with a question that we received via Instagram. Thoughts on etiquette for fucking your partner in your slash their family home over the holidays?

[Tatiana]

All right, my answer to this question is actually a follow up question which is how long are you guys gone for?

[Chelsea Fairless]

See my question is how thin are the walls and what is the layout of the house?

[Tatiana]

I guess anything more than three days. Yes, but I feel like if you're.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Going for a compressed, that's your personal limit.

[Tatiana]

That's my personal. I've revealed too much about myself. But it's like must you fudge?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, like maybe like don't fudge. Like your parents and your in laws should not be hearing you having sex at all. So like go into it thinking like that cannot happen and then make decisions from there. Maybe avoid penetration cuz that shit is like noisy. Maybe it's oral only for the holidays.

[Tatiana]

Hand stuff only.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See I would never like have sex in my parents house or Tat's parents house because my parents house has like the thinnest walls. So that's not happening. And at Tat's parents house the guest bedroom is like right next to her parents bedroom. So also not happening. I couldn't relax under those circumstances.

[Tatiana]

Yeah, that's where I'm coming from. I guess the answer to our question is the question must you fuck? We would suggest not, but I guess.

[Chelsea Fairless]

If you have to fuck, get a hotel room. It's not that deep. Like pony up.

[Tatiana]

Yeah. Or I guess wait until they go to bed. But like that's always dicey. Do you have a father in law who's a sleepwalker?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Do you require a Hitachi magic wand that could cause the lights to go out in the entire house including the Christmas tree.

[Tatiana]

That's what I was going to say. What is the electrical system?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Imagine you like come and then like the Christmas tree just like goes out. You ruin Christmas for the whole family. Think twice.

[Tatiana]

You know what? Be like the gay deaf brother from the family stone and stay at an inn instead of your family's home.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Exactly. All right, we have a voicemail which.

[Tatiana]

This has nothing to do with Christmas, but we're going to let it fly.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi, heated rivalry. You. Obviously it's taken over the Internet, especially queer media, queer Instagram. Queer everything. We can't stop talking about these horny, horny hockey players. And it's not a bad show. And the sex scenes are really not bad. They're actually amazing. And we need you guys to comment on it. I know Lauren is like getting off to this for sure. Chelsea probably is too. I would love to hear your thoughts. Okay, bye.

[Tatiana]

Well, this listener clock does Disney.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay. But I just want to say our listeners have been telling us to watch this show for a while and they've been framing it in a very specific way, which is like, it's a gay hockey show, but it's not really about sports. So you don't really need to fuck with sports to watch it. None of you guys told us that it was gay porn. And if you did, we would have prioritized it.

[Tatiana]

Yeah, it's funny. A lot of the fuckettes on Patreon were framing it in this way. You're right that we're like, I know you don't fuck with hockey, but would you consider watching Heated Rivalry? Guys, you should have explained it as, hey, have you ever wondered what it would be like if Greg Araki directed the most high budget CW show ever?

[Chelsea Fairless]

But like, Greg Araki films have more plot than this. Like, this is basically just fucking.

[Tatiana]

Also, I don't know. Have you watched? Are you caught up?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I've watched up to episode four.

[Tatiana]

Okay, same. The time jumps are insane. Like, this is an eight year situationship, which I did not realize.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, it's some Brokeback Mountain shit.

[Tatiana]

So there are a couple of crazy things about this. So immediately when I saw the show, I was like, this is fan fiction that someone turned into an original romance novel. And I am correct. So the author, Rachel Reed, originally imagined this as Marvel fanfiction in the Stucky fandom. Chelsea, I'm sure you're aware that's when Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes have sex with each other.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh, God. This just got way less hot.

[Tatiana]

And then she reworked it as original fanfiction, but he did. Rivalry is actually the second book in the Game Changer series. So there are five or six books. This is the second book and the only book where two hockey players fuck each other. I guess the rest of the books in this series is a hockey player and someone else. Like a hockey player and a barista.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Right. I saw the barista episode. Of course.

[Tatiana]

I mean, yeah, I love this show, which is not surprising. What I'm more surprised by is that this show turns you on.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. As I texted you when I first started watching this, I Could almost masturbate to this. And I'm not one of those lesbians that's, like, into gay male porn. I don't watch it ever. But I did a little research, and according to recent data from Pornhub, women account for 47% of the viewers of gay male porn on that website. And that is insane.

[Tatiana]

I mean, that checks out.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I mean, it's not insane in the sense that, like, it's common that people are aroused by random shit that doesn't necessarily directly relate to their own sex lives, especially with women. And also, gay porn is like the only sort of mainstream pornography that isn't filmed for heterosexual men. So it makes sense that, like, women would be into that.

[Tatiana]

It's the male gaze.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It's the male gaze. It's the power dynamics. It's. People think that gay male porn seems more consensual.

[Tatiana]

Well, I was going to make the joke that the male gaze. Male gaze is preferable.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Also with lesbians, it's like, there's no masculinity in lesbian porn because lesbian porn is always like what you imagine in your head.

[Tatiana]

You mean quite literally the things we make up in our head or.

[Chelsea Fairless]

No, lesbian porn is always just very like, femme women with implants and, you know, just like porn.

[Tatiana]

Yeah. They haven't been able to figure out that genre of pornography, and it's kind of astounding.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, I think with gay men, it's like gay men are, like, producing and starring in their own pornography, whereas lesbians never did that in a mass way.

[Tatiana]

Right.

[Chelsea Fairless]

So therefore they have no porn to watch, so they end up watching gay porn by default.

[Tatiana]

Can we talk about the two actors who look like Sean Cody, porn stars?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah.

[Tatiana]

We have Hudson Williams and Connor Story. Connor Story plays the Russian guy, and he is not Russian.

[Chelsea Fairless]

He's so hot, it's wild.

[Tatiana]

That's who you would go for.

[Chelsea Fairless]

That's who I would go for, yes.

[Tatiana]

What I find interesting is that they were doing an interview and I think it was Hudson Williams who was like, queer people should tell queer stories. And then Connor's story was the one who was like, you know, I'm going to keep my personal life personal, and I think it should stay that way. And I'm like, oh, my God, he's a closeted straight man.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Is he?

[Tatiana]

I don't know. But it's just so funny. Funny to see what I believe is the reverse of, like, so many closeted gay male actors have. Have sort of been like, I don't talk about my personal life, but it's like, funny that a straight man kind of has to do that. That's what I assume when a man on a very popular gay romance show is like, I'm gonna keep my love life private. It's like, you don't want to disappoint the gay audience.

[Chelsea Fairless]

No, of course not. But I think the thing about the show that is really key to its success is the fact that the guys have chemistry with each other. And in recent years, I feel like a lot of people have cast gay shows based on what actors are gay and what actors aren't gay and not, like, what actors have chemistry with each other.

[Tatiana]

And I think that that extends to, if I may speak on the het side of things. I do think there has been a sense of casting. You are right. In the last 10 or 15 years where it's like, let's get the most famous people together. And instead of casting for people that have, like, bonkers chemistry together.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, the chemistry is, like, palpable watching this show. And the way the sex scenes are shot, like, they're shot very well.

[Tatiana]

Not according to Jordan Firstman. Did you see that?

[Chelsea Fairless]

What did he say?

[Tatiana]

Jordan Firstman, a fellow HBO Max star, did an interview where he was like, you know, I just don't think that that's how gay men have sex. And again, I'm para quoting, but, like, that's essentially. He was like, you know, on I Love L. A, we show much more divers of how gay men have sex. And then he immediately had to walk that statement back.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, yeah, I get it. Heated rivalry isn't realistic in that, like, someone's ass isn't always lit like in real life.

[Tatiana]

Right.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Also, with I Love la, there hasn't been a ton of sex with his character. It's just you just kind of see like, routine, like 5am Grindr hookups.

[Tatiana]

That's what I was more confused by was again, I'm pretty caught up on I love la, but I'm like, there hasn't been a ton of gay sex that he's been doing.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Wait. Actually, there was that one episode where he found that sex tape about his ex or something, and that felt more real. But he did. Rivalry is like, it's not trying to be real. It's a soap opera slash cinemax.

[Tatiana]

It started as fan fiction about what would it be like if Sebastian, Stan.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And Chris Evans had sex fanfiction written by a lesbian, Which I was shocked to learn. I also didn't realize that a lesbian wrote Red, White and Royal Blue, which is insane.

[Tatiana]

Chelsea 2026 are you gonna start getting into the homosexual romance genre?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I'm good, boo. I'm good. But I really appreciate the show. I'm excited to keep watching it, honestly.

[Tatiana]

It's the one thing keeping me going. I'm back to discuss one of our favorite Jones Road beauty. And I said our because I'm not alone in doing this ad read today. Chelsea is here with me.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I am here because I love discussing brands that I already use. And I love Jones. It is for a woman that wants a simple makeup routine. It was founded by the legendary makeup artist Bobbi Brown. And the products that I use, I use the face pencil, which is basically like a concealer stick that you sharpen. It's like a chubby little stick. And that's what I use for like my under eye and stuff. And then I use their foundation, which it's not a heavy foundation. It's not high coverage. It has this like really insane consistency. Actually. It's almost more like whipped frosting or something. Like it's. You have to get used to it. But it's like, it's very effective. It looks like skin. And that's what I've been using for the last year or so.

[Tatiana]

See, I'm personally a miracle balm girl because I love a multitasking item because you can use it as a tint, a blush, a bronzer, a highlighter. You can put it on the cheeks, you can put it on the lips. And you know what, Chelsea, why don't you throw it on the eye as well?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I do that sometimes on my eyelids, not the eyeball.

[Tatiana]

Thank you for clarifying.

[Chelsea Fairless]

If you are curious about Jones Road or want to give the gift of Jones Road this holiday season, they have launched a very cute holiday trio collection. There's the party kit, which includes an eyeshadow stick, a gel liner, an exclusive little miracle bomb shade.

[Tatiana]

There's the mini lip kit. There's also a fragrance trio. All five limited edition kits in the collection are trios that include new holiday shades, products and packaging. They make the perfect gift for beauty lovers for. For someone just starting out with makeup or perhaps your podcast partner who loves Jones Road beauty already. And maybe you haven't gotten them a present yet.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I haven't gotten you a present yet. But that's another story. This holiday season, simplify your routine with makeup that's clean, strategic and multifunctional. And do not miss out on their limited edition holiday sets. They won't be here for long and once they're gone, they're gone. Also, as a Treat for our listeners. You'll get a free cool gloss on your first purchase. When you use Code Outfit at checkout, just head to Jonesroadbeauty.com and use code Outfit at checkout. After you purchase, they will ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that our show sent you. Okay, next question. Have you seen Patti LaBelle's unhinged rendition of this Christmas?

[Tatiana]

The answer is no, I had not seen this before. And if you're like us and had not seen this clip, let's just play it now. I'm gonna get to know you better. It's Christmas. Where are my background singers? Oh, baby, baby. And it's the wrong words on the cue cards. I don't know the song. This Christmas, I'm gonna have them all I can because I don't have the.

[Caller/Listener]

Right words and I have more background.

[Tatiana]

Look.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It's so funny.

[Tatiana]

Look. As someone who has been plagued by technical difficulties during a live show, I feel for her, but I don't know if you watched the entire clip, so we should explain. This was for the 1996 National Tree Lighting Ceremony. This clip is on YouTube. It seems to come from C Span. The comedy starts from second one because the person introducing Patti LaBelle. You just see Patti LaBelle walking, walk on stage at the wrong time while she's still being introduced and do this phase like, oops.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I also love how she doesn't know any of the words to this song aside from this Christmas. And the fact that she has to start making up lyrics and also talking directly to the audience. It gives it, like, a cabaret quality unintentionally. That's really magical, I think.

[Tatiana]

Well, also, because she's singing on the National Mall or something like that. Like, the audience is, I don't know, 30ft away from her. So it keeps cutting to the crowd, who really don't sense that there are any technical difficulties. Like, there's just a bunch of kids in the crowd just smiling like, whatever.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I guess she's also wearing, like, a very glamorous, like, deep brown, like satin or like a thick caftan. It looks warm.

[Tatiana]

But seriously, where are her backup singers?

[Chelsea Fairless]

They come in midway through the performance, and they're, like, sort of like an uncomfortably far distance away from her on stage. When they do come, I guess the.

[Tatiana]

Inference is she was backstage, did not see her backup singers were like, well, I guess they're already on stage. I should probably get out there. Oops. Wasn't supposed to come out yet. I guess we're supposed to glean that if she had backup singers, she could have parroted what they were singing so that not having the cue cards would have been.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, look, everyone failed Patti LaBelle during that performance.

[Tatiana]

Including Patti LaBelle.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Come on. Well, she did the best that she could, considering she doesn't know one word to that song.

[Tatiana]

Wouldn't you just glance, maybe even on the car ride over to this tree lighting what the lyrics to this Christmas were?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, it's true. Also, I can't remember if I've ever mentioned this on the pod before, but the most glamorous celebrity that I have ever seen, like, out on the streets, like, not at an event, is Patti LaBelle. Like, I was walking by Barney's one time RIP, and she came out of the main entrance in a black skirt suit with sunglasses, looking like the richest person I've ever seen in my life. And there were two guys carrying Barney's bags behind her. And then they all, like, got into this, like, like black Escalade or something. It was so fab.

[Tatiana]

Well, she needed to go on a shopping trip.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I can't believe this happened in 1996. And up until yesterday, I was completely unaware.

[Tatiana]

Do you think she thinks about this every Christmas? Or she's completely forgotten that this has happened?

[Chelsea Fairless]

She should do it again for old times sake. All right, question we got from Instagram. I need Chelsea and Lauren's outfit deets from the holiday party. So I had a Christmas party this past Saturday.

[Tatiana]

You came, I came. I got drunk. Which delighted you to no end.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I know. I haven't seen Lauren get drunk in, like, when was the last time since I think my 40th birthday. And that was like a year and.

[Tatiana]

A half ago, right? When Morty was conceived, right? Quite literally, yeah. I think it's probably a good thing that you haven't seen me drink since then. I think actually people would commend me for that.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't know. I love to see you get loose. But more importantly, what were you wearing?

[Tatiana]

I wish we had a real, real ad this week because my outfit was completely from the real real. I wore a Alaia black shirt dress and this long white skirt from LA Agency. Whatever.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't. I actually don't even know what that is. It looks fab. We actually kind of had a similar silhouette going, I've realized.

[Tatiana]

And multiple people were like, you know what? The long sk looks good on you. So 2026. No more short skirts. Certainly no more knee length skirts, only long skirts.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I think you should still wear short skirts, but I'M glad that you're wearing long skirts. It looks good on you.

[Tatiana]

We should say. I also capped off the outfit with gloves, which I have to say, I thought was going to be a divisive, sartorial choice. But immediately, the first thing everyone said to me was like, I love your gloves.

[Chelsea Fairless]

The gloves were great. Gloves make such a statement.

[Tatiana]

I then also got very cold at your Christmas party.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh, my God, I forgot about that.

[Tatiana]

And I just started wearing a blanket you had on your chair. And you got so annoyed that you were like, what? Are you really cold? If you're so cold, why don't you wear this? And you brought out a comically large Norma Kamali puffer coat that went down to the floor that I wore for the rest of the party.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It looks great. I mean, it was giving like Michelin man, but in a chic way. It's just like a very dramatic look for a Christmas party.

[Tatiana]

And I've waited to tell you this because I knew that it would delight you to no end, but I ate shit leaving your house.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh, really? Like on the stairs or in the driveway?

[Tatiana]

So there were a couple other people who were leaving ahead of us, and they took the stairs. Chelsea is a very steep driveway. And I was like, I've walked up and down this driveway millions of times over the years. I'll be fine. They take the stairs immediately down. But I knew I was falling, so I didn't even try to necessarily break my fall. My phone took the brunt of it, and I just, like, phone face down, was like, I'm going down. It's fine. There's a lot of padding in my ass. I'll be okay.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I love the fact that your drunk ass just fully fell in my driveway. To be fair, I've done that before. I mean, once I got out of an Uber, tripped out of the car, and, like, fell into my own recycling bin and knocked it over. So it's like we' some dark moments in that driveway.

[Tatiana]

Anyway, what were you wearing at the holiday party, Chelsea?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I wore, like, a floor length sequin, vintage Donna Karen skirt that I also got from the RealReal and just like, a cashmere sweater from Uniqlo. But I'd never worn the skirt before. The skirt, like, has, like, a elastic waistband or, like a stretchy waist, and it was, like, a little bit too big, so it kept, like, slipping down and I was tripping over the hem. But thankfully, my friend Asher Levine, who's a fashion designer, was there, and he fully, like, altered my skirt on site. He sewed me into that shit.

[Tatiana]

I remember seeing this in your kitchen.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. And then I wore some, like, random silver earrings that I found in Tat's studio. I have no idea what those are.

[Tatiana]

That's really where you go to for jewelry. Oh, yeah.

[Chelsea Fairless]

There's so much shit down there. It's like, for years, I just, like, didn't even ever go there. And now I'm glad that I've discovered the treasure trove in my very own house.

[Tatiana]

When it comes to holiday gifting, I want to give things that people really love. Beautiful, timeless pieces they'll wear for years. That's why I'm going with Quince. From Mongolian cashmere sweaters to Italian wool coats, everything is premium quality at a price that actually makes sense. Quince has something for everyone. Soft Mongolian cashmere sweaters for $50 that look and feel like designer pieces. Silk tops and skirts for dressing up, perfectly cut denim for everyday wear and outerwear that actually keeps you warm. I have several Quinn's cashmere pieces myself, from their classic crew neck to turtleneck, even a boat neck. And the cashmere feels incredible. She's soft, structured, and it doesn't pill. It's the kind of quality I'd normally expect from a $200 sweater, not a $51. And that's because every piece is made with premium materials from ethical, trusted factories and priced far below what other luxury brands charge. The craftsmanship shows in the stitching, the fit, the drape. It's elevated, timeless, and made to wear on repeat. Find gifts so good you'll want to keep them with quints. Go to quince.com outfit for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U I N C E.com outfit to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quinns.com outfit well, speaking of winter ensembles, I think we should play the next voicemail.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay. I'm alone, a longtime listener, but I have never called in. Why is Kim Cattrall wearing Sarah Jessica Parker's carries dress? Like, why is that her wedding dress? Was that purposeful? Was it accidental? Do you think she's never even seen the movie? Because I could kind of believe that, but she's wearing Carrie's dress. That's so crazy. Please give your thoughts.

[Tatiana]

Well, first off, it's a skirt suit.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It's a skirt suit. It's a Dior skirt suit. Which, incidentally, is also the designer that made Carrie's skirt suit for her courthouse wedding with Mr. Big. So yeah, it is pretty similar when you think about it.

[Tatiana]

Even though in the film we're told it's a labelless designer, it was actually designed by Dior. I mean, I assume that Kim Cattrall is in this because she was styled by her longtime friends and Sex and the City stylist and costume designer Patricia Field.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh, I didn't even know that.

[Tatiana]

Oh, yeah.

[Chelsea Fairless]

She also wore a Philip Treacy hat. Philip Tracy was one of the 10 people at her wedding.

[Tatiana]

Now that's interesting. Kim Cattrall's London lifestyle fascinates me.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't think that Kim or Patricia were deliberately trying to give a nod to the Sex and the City movie. I'm sure that both of them completely forgot about it. In fact, I think so.

[Tatiana]

And also, I hope this doesn't sound ageist, but for a woman of Kim's age, having a courthous wedding like that is the most appropriate chic thing to wear to a courthouse wedding.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, it's just kind of like the standard of what you wear is a skirt suit, I feel.

[Tatiana]

Or I don't know, maybe it was a. A deep cut shading to a daddy mpk. The feud continues.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Who was not invited to the wedding?

[Tatiana]

We of course follow Kim Cattrall, but have you been checking out? She's been documenting her honeymoon in the Maldives.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I saw the one spawn picture from whatever resort is hosting them.

[Tatiana]

Oh, sorry. The one and only.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Also, you may be wondering, who the fuck did Kim Cattrall marry? She married this guy Russell Thomas. Yes. Who she met in 2016 because he was working at the BBC's radio station at the time. Doing what? I have no clue. They met. They apparently followed each other on Twitter and that's how the relationship started. But other than that, I know nothing about this man.

[Tatiana]

I mean, as someone who met their husband on Instagram, I love to see it.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I'm just glad she's not with what's his face anymore.

[Tatiana]

Richard Remar.

[Chelsea Fairless]

No, her last husband.

[Tatiana]

Oh, the one that you wrote.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Mark Levinson.

[Tatiana]

That's right. That you wrote the orgasm book with.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. She needed a different vibe. So we got many questions that were some approximation of what would a Christmas episode of Sex and the City look like? I proposed that Lauren and I could each think of a Christmas themed plot line for each of the girls. And I would love to know what you came up with.

[Tatiana]

Okay. Mine is set in a parallel season four where Carrie and Aiden are together but not engaged yet. And Trey and Charlotte are still together. And Charlotte and Trey have decided to Host a Christmas Eve dinner for all of the girls and their partner. Okay, so Carrie and Aiden have made a pact not to get each other Christmas presents. But a Christmas present from Big arrives that sends Aiden into a jealous spin. And there's a note that says, hey, kid, don't open this until Christmas Day. Oh, I have more. Miranda treks to Queens to pick up a cheesecake for Charlotte's dinner that she's heard about in the New York Times, only to run into Steve. They have a very before sunset vibe. Miranda contemplates if she's made a mistake breaking up with Steve. They stop outside of Steve's ma's house and Steve invites her up for Christmas dinner. But she declines. And as she stands on the subway platform, she goes to run after Steve because she realizes she wants to be with him, only to drop the cheesecake on the platform. She of course, screams fuck. Samantha is giving back by hosting a charity event for the Boys and Girls Club. She of course, has the hots for the Santa there. Guest star Henry Rollins.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Great.

[Tatiana]

She takes on the role of Mrs. Claus to flirt with Santa, only to learn that this Santa is having menage a trois with Santa's little helpers, AKA the elves. So because of Miranda and Samantha's storyline, they are unable to show up to Charlotte and Trey's Christmas Eve dinner. So it is just Aiden and Carrie and Charlotte and Trey.

[Chelsea Fairless]

So awkward.

[Tatiana]

Well, it gets even more awkward when Aiden learns that Trey got rid of the wedding bench that he made for them for their wedding because Bunny said it didn't match the dec. Love that. All right, that's all I got.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay. In my Christmas episode. It's a Christmas Eve episode. Samantha wants Smith Jared to dress up like Santa for sexual roleplay purposes. But then he gets arrested scaling her building on Christmas Eve.

[Tatiana]

Okay, so it's a season six episode.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Miranda and Steve find them in a gift of the Magi esque gift giving situation. Okay, Charlotte is spiraling about being single on Christmas, so her and Anthony go and see the Nutcracker at Lincoln Center. But then they run into Charlotte's college boyfriend who is gay now and has recently gotten married in Canada.

[Tatiana]

Wait, so this is a parallel season six where Charlotte and Harry are not together?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I haven't really thought about it in terms of timing. Lauren.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Tatiana]

Okay.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And lastly, Carrie shows up to Mr. Big's apartment dressed like a Rockette and he doesn't give a shit.

[Tatiana]

Yeah, that checks out. That woman has a whole host of costumes.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I could also see a Carrie and Big plot line where she gets kind of, like, turned off of him because he's a bit of, like, a scrooge and a workaholic on Christmas. He'd probably, like, stand her up to the New York stars Christmas party.

[Tatiana]

That all checks out. I feel like we got a question. That was something about, like, would Samantha do the PR for Big's holiday party or something like that.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't think Big's throwing a holiday party.

[Tatiana]

No, you're right. He's got a little scrooge in him. One of us should have done A Christmas Carol, but with, like, Sex and the City character, like Carrie is visited by the ghost of Christmas past present.

[Chelsea Fairless]

In a Carrie Diaries crossover episode. And. And just like that crossover episode, when you think about it, that's her past and her future.

[Tatiana]

Well, when Netflix finally buys Warner Brothers, we'll pitch them this AI episode.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, we have a voicemail.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi, Lauren. Hi, Chelsea. My question for you is, if you were in a secret Santa gift exchange with a limit of a hundred dollars, what would you get the women on Sex in the City? Not during and just like that, but how they were back in the day, but using, like, today's presents and today's hundred dollars. Thank you so much. I love the show. Happy holidays to you and all the forget.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Thank you for clarifying the details of this theoretical scenario. Okay, what are we getting Charlotte?

[Tatiana]

I thought the Home Court steeped rose set, which has the surface cleaner, the hand wash, and I believe the lotion. You turn me on to Home Court, which is Courtney Cox's home goods line. The steep roses actually smells like roses, not the fake rose smell. And that clocks in at $78.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, I thought I would give her those, like, go Hard World, like, rubber kitchen gloves that have, like, the little, like, lace cuffs on them. Or the reissued original Martha Stewart entertaining book, which came out this year.

[Tatiana]

That's very good. I'm not gonna lie. Two of my presents do go over budget slightly.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, so you fucked this up is what you're saying. What are we getting for Miranda?

[Tatiana]

Okay, so here's one of the things that goes slightly over budget, but hopefully you will understand why Harry and David does a dessert of the month club. So for three months, at 129 and 99 cents, we could get Miranda a cake of the month for three months.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, that's nice.

[Tatiana]

There we go.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It's only 29 over budget. See, I was going to buy Miranda that, like, phone brick thing so she can brick her phone. I too, have bought one of those. I've never Used it because I'm addicted to my phone, but I'm thinking about it in the new year.

[Tatiana]

Oh, yeah. I used to have the box that you would put your phone in and, like, it would set a lock.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, that's, like, unsafe, though, because the brick at least just, like, removes the apps that you don't like. You can still, like, call 911 if you need to.

[Tatiana]

Right?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Samantha.

[Tatiana]

I thought that I would get her a selection of stuff from my friend Eva's company, Mod, which is a sexual wellness company. So maybe I would get Samantha the vibe at $52 in a lubricant, perhaps.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, my thought was that, like, Samantha probably doesn't want stuff, so I would just get her a nice bottle of champagne.

[Tatiana]

That's good. But under $100.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, you can buy a bottle of Champagne for under $100. What kind of champagne are you buying?

[Tatiana]

Well, you're saying a good bottle of champagne.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, like a nice, like, $75 bottle.

[Tatiana]

All right. That is, by the way, Samantha's definitely re gifting that. I feel that in my bones. And to be fair, Samantha would probably re gift my vibrator anyway.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't know. I think that sexual wellness products are.

[Tatiana]

Obviously good for her, but Samantha just, to me, has re gifter vibes for sure.

[Chelsea Fairless]

That's. That's my whole point, because she doesn't actually want anything. What are we getting for Carrie?

[Tatiana]

Okay, again, I went slightly over budget, but by $50. An Elsa Peretti trinket tray, which, to be fair, you could get a vintage one probably for less than $100.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, I'm just getting this bitch a diptyque candle. I'm keeping it simple. We know she likes them. No one wants to buy them. Everyone just wants to be given them. So I'm doing Carrie. That's solid. I love perfume. I love collecting perfume. But I will admit that I've made some regrettable choices in. I have multiple bottles of perfume that I will never finish in my life. They just sit there collecting dust. And that is why micro perfumes is so great. Because you can test dry fragrances from Tom Ford, Louis Vuitton, and Prada without over committing.

[Tatiana]

This actually makes so much sense because there are so few bottles that I've actually finished in my life. Yet you pay for the entire bottle. Honestly, it's incredibly wasteful.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, there's a big difference between liking the scent of a perfume in a retail environment and actually wearing it on a regular basis. And sometimes you just don't know what you're in for.

[Tatiana]

Here's how it works. Micro Perfume lets you sample luxury fragrances in pocket sized vials. You get the true high end experience, but on your terms. They sell designer brands for a fraction of the traditional retail price. These are not dupes, they are not knockoffs and they have over 500 fragrances in stock. I've been playing around in the Tom Ford universe because those fragrances are so expensive. And Chelsea, I don't know if I'm a fucking fabulous girl or I'm a lost cherry girl. And with Micro perfumes I get to figure that out.

[Chelsea Fairless]

You could even be both at the same time if you wanted to be. Go crazy.

[Tatiana]

What are you wearing?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, I am a glossier you loyalist. Like I wear that when I'm not really dressing up, which is most of the time and I just want to smell clean. And I did see that Micro Perfume stocks that I also love Portrait of a Lady by Frederick Mall a lot. And that's expensive, that's like $300 a bottle. But at Micro Perfumes you can get a sample for $7. So very reasonable. See if you're into it.

[Tatiana]

So why blindly Commit to a $200 bottle? Find your scent Soulmate today and get up to 60% [e-mail] outfit. That's microperfumes.com outfit for up to 60% off. Micro perfumes real sense, no regrets.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Next question. Let's talk about Sarah Jessica Parker's Google commercial. Guys, did you see this?

[Tatiana]

This we should clarify. It is a Google AI commercial and she's obviously in the ad. I know it's very trite to be like this ad looks like AI but they've put in post production whatever filter that they do put on AI generated photos that like yellow brown hue where she doesn't look real in the ad.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't know. To me, when I saw this, I was like, it's wild that like just for the rest of her life probably she's going to have to do ads that are like sex in the city callbacks without actually infringing on their ip, which to be fair we also have to do all the time.

[Tatiana]

See, I was thinking about that. I think you're referencing this specific part of the commercial.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I'm shopping for an outfit that has a classic holiday New York City vibe. Perfect for a friend's downtown party.

[Caller/Listener]

Hmm, I wonder what this would look like on me.

[Tatiana]

So that is Sarah Jessica Parker using I assume a Google phone and the Google AI search function. But to us that is a Carrie Bradshaw esque voiceover. But I realize, like, that is just her voice. If she reads words with a certain intent, it just sounds like Carrie Bradshaw doing a voiceover.

[Chelsea Fairless]

But it's also the way it's gets filmed. Like, so much. Sarah Jessica Parker advertising takes place on a New York City street. She is in, like, a little outfit.

[Tatiana]

Although.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Ooh, those silver ankle boots. Not very Carrie, but whatever.

[Tatiana]

Oh, no, that silhouette is a very Sarah Jessica Parker silhouette.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, I know she likes an ankle boot, but a metallic silver ankle boot with a block heel. That's what the problem is. It's the combination of the silver and the block heel. But of course, no one else is fixated on. On this.

[Tatiana]

Well, what I'm fixating on is just the cognitive dissonance to go in one year from being a judge for the Booker Prize and then doing a Google AI ad. Because this woman is clearly a Luddite. Like, she's been on record talking about her dislike of technology. So she's clearly doing this for the money.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, yeah, of course. She also did ads for that random, like, gambling app a while back. Back.

[Tatiana]

That is always the weirdest thing when I see celebrities. There was that ad that was like Candy Crush, but it felt like gambling. That somehow got Lisa Kudrow and Courteney Cox to do it. It's like, guys, I'm pretty sure that you guys get residual checks like Sarah Jessica Parker, Lisa Kudrow, Courtney Cox. These are people that are the last generation of, like, actually getting good money. Residual checks. Like, why are you doing this?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, I hear you. But with Sarah Jessica Parker, I understand how people are, like, how much money does this person need? But I fear that because she has, like, 10,000 siblings. Like, how many siblings does she have? I forget.

[Tatiana]

I believe she's one of eight.

[Chelsea Fairless]

She's probably, like, taking care of, like, eight full families.

[Tatiana]

Well, yes, and all of her siblings who are, I'm sure of retirement age. Yeah, I mean, I do understand why she in particular is doing this ad.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Also, people from big families like that, they tend to, like, have big families themselves. So she could have, like, 20 nieces and nephews whose college education she's paying for. Do you.

[Tatiana]

You think each year there's, like, a rock paper situation between her and Matthew Broderick where it's like, am I cashing in on being Carrie Bradshaw for an ad this year? Are you cashing in being Ferris Bueller for a Super bowl ad this year? It's gotta be one of us.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It's always one of them. It's Usually both of them. I don't know. I'm sure that there's some people that are like, ew, she's doing ads for AI. But, like, guys, I'm sorry. Like, the Google AI search, like, actually works.

[Tatiana]

Okay.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It solved the problem of Google searches not giving you the information that you need.

[Tatiana]

Oh, the fact that you need to type into Google whatever you're asking plus the word Reddit.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, exactly.

[Tatiana]

All right, diving back into Christmas themed questions. What are your top New York City holiday activities? It's been a minute since I've been in New York around Christmas time, so I don't know if I'm the best person to answer this, but if I were in New York City around the holidays, I feel like. I mean, I would do this any time of year, but Afternoon tea at the Russian Tea Room.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. Russian Tea Room is perfect for the holidays.

[Tatiana]

Pretty magical.

[Chelsea Fairless]

You also need, like, a restaurant that doesn't have many windows, I think during the holidays.

[Tatiana]

Because of seasonal depression.

[Chelsea Fairless]

No, just because it's cozier.

[Tatiana]

All right, what would your recommendations be?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, well, it's looking at the windows at the department stores, so.

[Tatiana]

Department store windows, yes. Restaurant windows, no.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, exactly. Look at the Bergdorf's windows. Print Homps also is very Christmassy. Go have a drink at the bar there. Have a drink at Bergdorf. I went to both of those places when I was in New York for Thanksgiving. I also love to go to Joe's Pub. I love Sandra Bernhard's New Year's Eve show. I love Justin Bond's Christmas show, John Waters, Dina, Martina usually have Christmas shows in New York that are really fun to go to. And yeah, see the Nutcracker at Lincoln Center. That's like the best Christmas thing you can do. All right. Cuntiest Christmas movie character. If we mean cunty in the gay sense, I'm going with Christine Baranski's character in the Grinch. And if we mean cunty in the mean Sense, it's Rachel McAdams in the family Stone.

[Tatiana]

I absolutely agree with you. If we mean cunty in the former sense, as you defined it. I was gonna say Carol Kane as the Ghost of Christmas Presents. Yes, in Scrooged, but also just a cunty Christmas adjacent character. Every Christmas, I rewatch a particular episode of Curb youb Enthusiasm. It's from an early Curb season where Larry has a pubic hair stuck in his throat the entire episode.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Of course.

[Tatiana]

And Cheryl's family is coming to town. She has made cookies that are a recreation of the nativity scene. Larry accidentally eats those cookies and then hires a real life nativity scene that he sees in Santa Monica and then gets in a fight with Joseph. And that unlocks the pubic hair. That, to me, is a pretty cunty Christmas related character of sorts.

[Chelsea Fairless]

All right, stepping away from Christmas for a second thoughts on the Vanity Fair Trump administration portraits. These photos were by Christopher Anderson.

[Tatiana]

Now this is what the resistance looks like.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I loved this just because I'm so glad that we're talking about photography at all. And I'm glad that Vanity Fair has done something really zeitgeisty that people are talking about. Like, I feel like not since the Caitlyn Jenner cover.

[Tatiana]

Right.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Have people been talking this much about anything in Vanity Fair.

[Tatiana]

So for those who have not seen it yet, a lot of The Trump administration 2.0, like Stephen Miller and Caroline Levitt and some woman I had previously never heard of, Susie Wilde, Marco Rubio were profiled.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And Susie Wiles is the chief of staff, by the way.

[Tatiana]

I mean, not a lip among any one of those people, but they basically got played by Vanity Fair. They thought that it was going to, for some reason, be a glowing editorial. And I guess they never thought about the fact that just because they were shot with maybe a 50 millimeter lens that just imposed, they could zoom in on their faces.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, why would they think that these would be the portraits? Especially, like, if you're going to contrast these with like the famous Annie Leibovitz portraits that she did of the Bush administration. Bush administration, George Bush Jr. And Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice. That was such an iconic cover.

[Tatiana]

Right. That really legitimized that administration and what they were doing during the Iraq war. And this is sort of the.

[Chelsea Fairless]

The reverse. They feel bad for what they did.

[Tatiana]

There, but this is literally a funhouse mirror version of that because the editorials are not glowing. I mean, Caroline Levitt, I don't know what she was thinking because it's very clear that she's just had filler put in her lip because you see every injection site in her lip.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. It's like, did she do it that day? I don't even know how that happens. And you also see in this close up, you see her sort of like badly penciled in eyebrows. And I feel like this image is so successful, like on a conceptual level, because it is all about artifice and sort of the fakeness of the lips and the eyebrows and stuff. It does sort of relate to her role as a press secretary, where it's her job to put this positive PR spin on the most blatantly evil behavior.

[Tatiana]

It's also funny because this administration loves to rile against, you know, the liberal media and all of this. This. And they clearly. All of them. Right. It's not just like, oh, Caroline Levitt got a bad cover on Vanity Fair. Like, it is half of his administration that went into this thinking that they were going to be made to look good.

[Chelsea Fairless]

But why would they think that they wouldn't? But it all makes sense that they would be presented in this way because this administration lacks decorum in a major way. And I feel like these photographs really convey that visually, Whether it's these closeups where you sort of see the cracks in the facade, or it's just these images that were shot in the White House where you see lampshades that are askew, a rumpled blanket, and you see outlets in the wall with cords, and, like, there's no staging, there's no removing stuff like that in post. So you do see, like, you see the fact that there are these very kind of ordinary people, in a way.

[Tatiana]

Well, it's very unvarnished, and it shows them as the ghouls that they are.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. But I do find it interesting whose appearance we're allowed to make fun of. Right. Like, we can make fun of Caroline Levitt because she's a deeply creepy bitch, obviously. But, like, I don't know. I find it interesting how people, like liberals are always talking about how, like, fat and ugly Trump is. But these are the same people that are like, yes, Lizzo, we. We hate fat shaming.

[Tatiana]

I mean, I think who got it the least worst would be J.D. vance, especially if, you know, the meme of J.D. vance's bloated face. Like, this is practically, I mean, a beautiful portrait of him.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I think that J.D. vance, like, closely cropped photo is actually a better photo than the Caroline Levitt one. Like, in a technical sense, out of.

[Tatiana]

All of these people, I feel like Stephen Miller should have been, like, you know what? I'm probably not going to be photographed, like, beauty queen.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, also, like, the one of Marco Rubio, like, standing in profile where it's like, he's obviously, like, looking for his mark on the floor or something.

[Tatiana]

Oh, these are the test photos.

[Chelsea Fairless]

These are the test photos. Or like, the one of Susie Wiles where it's like, you can almost see her eyes responding to the flash, like, it's the first photo they took of her. But I think this really speaks to, like, how powerful photo editors are, because I'm sure there are a Million photos of these people where they look decent. Yes, they look decent. They look like they are an authority.

[Tatiana]

I know there's been a lot of talk, obviously, of how do we resist this? And I love when people play within the system. Like, Vanity Fair was like, hey, we'd love to do a profile of you guys. And they were like, this is great. Everyone thinks we're incredible.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, it wasn't really a profile of all of them. It was really just Susie Wiles that they were interviewed. I mean, they talked, talked about the Trump administration as a whole. But, like, she said some truly insane things. I didn't read the second part of the interview. I just read the first part. But, like, even just saying that Trump has the personality of an alcoholic is, like, an insane thing to say about a president who you work for.

[Tatiana]

Well, so the writer, Chris Whipple has been doing interviews because, of course, people are like, how did you get this kind of unrestricted access?

[Caller/Listener]

This.

[Tatiana]

And he had initially pitched it, at least to Susie Wiles, that he was doing a book. So that's probably the reason that she spoke to him so many times. But he's like, all of this was on the record. And when I said that it was going to be a Vanity Fair article, they were all open and down to do this.

[Chelsea Fairless]

She also just straight up is like, J.D. vance is a conspiracy theorist.

[Tatiana]

I mean, the least worst thing about J.D.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Vance, but it's clear that her and Trump have, like, Like a very, very close relationship. And I'm, I'm fascinated by it. But she, of all people, like, she may not look as crazy in the close ups as Caroline Levitt, but like, that one wide shot of them all sitting at the table where Susie is in the center like, looking like, I don't even know.

[Tatiana]

She has a blank stare as if, like, grandma, I think it's time for memory care.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. And, like, that's not how she looks all the time. Like, I haven't seen her speak publicly that often. I saw a clip of her speaking at Charlie Kirk's funeral. I'm like, okay, this bitch looks like normal. She's just like a normal, like, religious Republican woman of a certain age. I mean, she's not normal given the circumstances of her job, obviously.

[Tatiana]

But I would like to dig in more why you were watching Charlie Kirk's funeral. But we have other questions to answer.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I watched the whole thing. No, I'm joking. I did not. I just, like, dipped in and out a couple of times. I was just curious.

[Tatiana]

To be fair, it was on every news station all day long.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, it really took over.

[Tatiana]

And yet no one mentions him now. Except for that insane Bari Weiss interview.

[Chelsea Fairless]

With Erica Kirk and that Charlie Kirk song that's still in my head somehow.

[Tatiana]

Oh boy. This episode is also brought to you by mubi, the global film company that champions great cinema.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Cinema.

[Tatiana]

From iconic directors to emerging auteurs, there's always something new to discover with Mubi. Each and every film is hand selected so you can explore the best of cinema. Truly, every week they have a new film that is bound to be my new favorite of the year. And this week it's the Mastermind. I've been excited about this film since it was announced and it did not disappoint. It is the latest film by Kelly Reichardt, who did First Cow in Showing up and this is her take on a heist film. Maybe most importantly, the film stars Josh. Josh o', Connor, my hall pass of the year. Probably your hall pass of the year in this film. See him as you've never seen him before, as an unemployed family man and amateur art thief who sets out on his first heist. With the museum case and accomplices recruited, he has an airtight plan, or so he thinks. Think of it like the Louvre heist, but set in the Massachusetts suburbs in the 70s and directed by an indie film master. This film also stars Alanna Heim, always happy to see her in a film, as well as Gaby Hoffman, who a Pilates instructor once said I looked like the mastermind. And so many other great films are now streaming on MUBI in the US to stream the best of cinema, you could try Mubi free for 30 [e-mail] every outfit that's m u b I.com every outfit for a whole month of great cinema for free. Question from Instagram. Have either of you watched Fanny and Alexander? Thoughts on that as well as Ingmar Bergman?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yes, I have seen Fanny and Alexander, but not, not for almost 20 years. And also I've only ever seen like the theatrical cut. I've never seen the full like 5 hour TV miniseries. What about you?

[Tatiana]

I have not seen Fanny and Alexander. I feel like I need to brush up on my Bergman because Obviously I've seen 7th Seal.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I saw 7th Seal like in my high school film class.

[Tatiana]

Yeah, I mean I saw it in a college film class, but my introduction to Bergman is from. Why am I blanking on it? Oh, Bill. Ted's bogus Journey. If you remember. Spoiler alert. When they die and go to hell. Or. Or they are in Purgatory There is a version of death that they play various games with. Not chess, but like Battleship.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I know once you finally see the Seventh Seal, you understand so many other movies, truly, so many Woody Allen movies, of course, are like, directly referencing Igmar Bergman.

[Tatiana]

But of course, Persona is a film we love. A bedrock foundation for our favorite genre of film. Glamorous women having nervous breakdowns.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, you really should see Fanny and Alexander. It is very Christmassy. It starts at Christmas and like a Swedish Christmas just hits different, of course. Like, they really, like, know what the fuck is up. It's magical. Of course, it becomes a sad tale about grief and child abuse and stuff like that. But. But like, it is an epic, epic film. We should really try and see it in a theater because that's a great Christmas activity. Actually. Find out if there's an art house theater in your town that is playing Fanny and Alexander.

[Tatiana]

Unfortunately, all of our art house theaters are kind of owned by Quentin Tarantino, so something tells me that Fanny and Alexander won't be playing.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, I've seen a fair amount of the Ingmar Bergman movies. I like, got really obsessed with them when I was in my early 20s. 20s, but I haven't re watched many of them just because it's like they do hit you so hard emotionally. Like, I don't know if there are films that have affected me so deeply as Ingmar Bergman's films. So it's not something that I feel like I want to compulsively re watch. Although I've seen Cries of Whispers a few times because I've seen that in a theater a couple of times. And that visually it gives Christmas. Like the interiors give Christmas Christmas, but nothing Christmas about it. It is about fucked up family dynamics, though.

[Tatiana]

I've been wanting to fill out watching the filmographies of directors that just I've missed. Like, Ingmar Bergman is one, like, finishing out his filmography. Hitchcock is another person. I would say I would make it a goal for 2026, but with all my free time with this baby. You know what? Maybe the baby will fuck with some Ingmar Bergman. Be good for him.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh, my God. My friend Joanna, I think she was at a screening of Happiness, like the Todd Salons film, and she realized that the people sitting behind her, they were all like, film bros. They all admitted that they had never seen one Alfred Hitchcock movie.

[Tatiana]

Oh, sorry, I gasped because I thought you were gonna say they brought a child to a screening of Happiness.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I mean, no, that would be up. But like, the idea that people haven't seen. Seen Hitchcock, like, that's, like, the most, like, fucked up thing I've ever heard in my life. Also, before we move on from Ingmar Bergman, I feel like you and I, like, we owe him a great deal of gratitude because I don't know if there is any other single director that is more committed to making movies about, like, the mental health struggles of women.

[Tatiana]

Right.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Like, he actually low key invented the glamorous women having nervous breakdowns genre. I mean, Persona cries and whispers Face to Face is another one that is very.

[Tatiana]

That I think we need to add to this genre as we build the narrative of glamorous women having nervous breakdowns. He's the patron saint.

[Chelsea Fairless]

He is. Also. He loved Sex in the City. What?

[Tatiana]

It's hard for me to envision that he. His timeline overlaps with Sex in the City. The City.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It does. He was a fan of Sex and the City, and I'm sure he loved Charlotte because she's the sort of, like, repressed psycho woman that would be at the center of one of his films.

[Tatiana]

Right.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Anyway, hard pivot, but thoughts on Miss Piggy's Santa Baby cover, which we used.

[Tatiana]

To open this week's episode.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Sorry, Eartha Kit. This is the best version.

[Tatiana]

I mean, I relate to the fact that Miss Piggy is not the greatest singer.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It's such a perfect cover because, as we know, Miss Piggy is living in a material world, and she is a material girl. Lyrically, this song just sounds like shit that she would say already. Also, the way they change up some of the lyrics. Like when she says, think of all the fun I've missed. Think of all the froggies that I haven't kissed. That's iconic. This is always on my Christmas party playlist.

[Tatiana]

Don't I know it. All right, what feels like another hard pivot?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Ooh.

[Tatiana]

This week, I'm sure everyone has heard we lost the director, Rob Reiner.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I mean, we didn't just lose him. He was murdered by his son.

[Tatiana]

Allegedly, we have to say. Allegedly. Along with his wife, Michelle Singer Reiner. There's obviously been this very understandable outcry from Trump's tweet about Rob Reiner's death, but did you know that Michelle Singer Reiner was the photographer who photographed the portrait that's on the COVID of the Art of the Deal?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh.

[Caller/Listener]

What?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Wow. No, I did not know that. I mean, I knew she was a photographer.

[Tatiana]

Somebody tells me Trump did not know that either. Anyway, we were asked best Rob Reiner film. I assume our favorite, because I feel like best and Our favorite are probably different.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I mean best and my favorite is Misery. I'm sorry, like same thing.

[Tatiana]

Well, by that regard, north, best and favorite Rob Reiner film. No, I'm joking. For me, Princess Bride. Bride, I love that movie. Probably the best non animated fairy tale film for me. I did not know that movies could be like that. Be funny, be swashbuckling, be romantic.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, I didn't really fuck with Princess Bride. Too nerdy.

[Tatiana]

I mean, just the breadth of his career and the fact that like he owned so many different genres and probably made the best of certain genre movies. Like, like he basically invented and made the best mockumentary with this is Spinal Tap. Perhaps made one of the best coming of age films with Stand By Me for sure created the architecture for the modern romcom with When Harry Met Sally.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, the movies he made were films of quality overwhelmingly so.

[Tatiana]

Well, I love when people have been talking about his career and they're like this run man from 1984 to 1992, this is Spinal Tap to A Few Good Men. And I think the reason, reason they don't want to go beyond that is because his film in 1994 was north, which I jokingly said was my favorite film. But north was a movie that was just on a lot on cable. So I was unaware that I guess this was a heavily derided film. Like it recently resurfaced. Rob Reiner reciting from memory Roger Ebert's review of the film where he said, I hated, hated, hated, hated, hated, hate, hated. Roger Eber said he hated north seven times.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, I've never seen that movie.

[Tatiana]

It's like Elijah Wood hates his family, so he visits other families.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Until Rob Reiner died, I did completely forget about An American President. Like I remember watching that on VHS or whatever when I was a kid, but I've never seen it since.

[Tatiana]

I mean, a real TNT banger. And I think Aaron Sorkin's only attempt at a rom com of sorts of. Yeah, I was unaware that Rob Reiner had directed the film. Rumor has it, which me too, which I did see, which someone on Patreon brought up after we were talking about the Family Stone because these two movies came out the same year. And rumor has it, has an insane premise. It's basically Jennifer Aniston learns that her mother is. Or basically her family is who the graduate is based on that her grandmother, I think, played by Shirley McLean, is Mrs. Robinson.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Great premise.

[Tatiana]

It is a great premise. I don't think it's the greatest film.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It wasn't. We both saw it And I remember very little from it. It's a shocking crime. It's not often that celebrities get murdered. It's not often that children kill their.

[Tatiana]

Own parents, let alone both parents.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Let alone both parents.

[Tatiana]

Yeah. It's just I've not been able to stop thinking about this.

[Chelsea Fairless]

No one has. And it's all anyone in LA can talk about, truly. And it's also sad because. Because my mother actually worked with Rob Reiner for years because he was instrumental in getting Proposition 10 passed in California, which added an additional 50 cent tax to every single tobacco product that was sold in the state. And that money was used to create an organization called First Five, which basically distributed that money to programs benefiting children under the age of five. And my mother worked for First Five Five. She was the one that was tasked with sort of doling out the money to programs in our county. And multiple times a year she would have to fly to Southern California to have these meetings with Rob Reiner and like other First Five people because he was the chairman of the board and it was something that really meant a lot to him. And she was just, she's very upset about his death and she, she said she was like, the thing about him is just like he was just a good person. So for someone like that, that who was kind, who really cared about other people, who didn't need to do any of the. That he did really like the charitable work that he did. For him to be killed in such a violent way is just so, so tragic and up.

[Tatiana]

Well, yeah, you even saw his good naturedness. By 10 years ago, he directed a film that was co written by his son, the son who is now arrested for his murder as well as his mother's murder. That was a fictionalized version of his own struggle with addiction. A lot of interview clips have resurfaced that came from Rob Reiner's big heart of like just wanting to help his son.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, yeah, he wanted to help children in general. Did you see the courtroom drawings of the son appearing? Look, I know that he's like clearly like come straight from a psychiatric hospital or something, but what the fuck was he wearing? I was like, this looks like a Marvel Barney shift dress or something.

[Tatiana]

He was wearing an anti suicide vest. I did not, again, not to make light of this, but I agree with you. I did not know that they made them in sort of caftan, it's sleeveless.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Like the arms were out. I was like, what the fuck?

[Tatiana]

I guess it's to not give them any amount of fabric that they could hang themselves with. Sorry, by the way, I'm imagining the Fuckettes listening to this as they're, like, finishing up Christmas decorations. If we're talking about anti suicide vests and familica.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Speaking of mental institutions, I was watching Trump, like, give his little speech yesterday, and he's like, there's people coming from all these countries and they're letting them out of the mental institutions and the insane asylums. I'm like, you just said the politically incorrect term for mental institution. Like, you've said the same thing.

[Tatiana]

And that's how we know he's incompetent, nothing else.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Or is there a difference between mental institutions in insane asylums? Am I the naive one?

[Tatiana]

I don't know. But I'm realizing what our next voicemail is. And guys, you're in for it. But we're all in this together. Okay, I'll just say that.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi, Fuckettes, for your. Ask me anything. Here's a question I feel like Chelsea will know the answer to. So have a wacky friend. Delightful. Love her. Her dad used to have a pawn shop. She saw he had these earrings that were like, not like, they're racist. They're straight up racist and gross. And she was like, my dad cannot have these in the shop. They are like, there's some bad energy here. So she took them out of the shop so she could get rid of them, but then she doesn't know what to do with them. So she's had them in her possession for a decade and she's like, every time we give them to other people, bad things happen to them. So we still have them. So for Christmas, I would like to help her dispose of that them. How does one dispose of something that is cursed and racist? She lives in Denver, if that is helpful for you to know. Thanks for your help.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay. Why do you think that I would know what to do with these racist ass earrings? They're like, Chelsea might know what to do. It's like, no, I'm not, like, constantly, like, disposing of racist memorabilia and setting it free or whatever.

[Tatiana]

My favorite thing is towards the end of the call when she's like, what do I do with curse? And let us not forget racist earrings.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Also, I love how she doesn't describe what makes the earrings racist. So all we can do is imagine things in our head. And whatever you guys are imagining the Fuckettes at home, that's racist.

[Tatiana]

It does make me feel like the scene in Reservoir Dogs where everyone believes that they see an ear getting cut off, but you don't and like, our memories are way worse than anything you could possibly see. That's what this is. But for race and. Okay. I also love the detail of, like, we're in the Denver area. If that impacts your answer.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I just need more clarification of, like, we try to give them to people and then bad things happen. So you've gifted these racist earrings to someone and then their life has fallen apart and they've like, put it all together so they give you the earrings back.

[Tatiana]

Honestly, it sounds like the beginning of a Blumhouse horror film film.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Look, I understand, like, the psychotic thought process of, like, what do you do with something that you can't get rid of? Like, for example, I have this porcelain Pierrot head in my downstairs closet that I also think is cursed. And I'm scared that if I get rid of it, something bad is going to happen. I'm pretty sure that's just like, ocd though.

[Tatiana]

This feels like it follows, but with racist earrings. Like, they're just trying to get. Get it away from them. Here's what this call initially made me think of when I heard the racist part, not the curse part, but there was someone who was going through on TikTok their grandmother's house, and they found these racist dolls, these very menstrual looking dolls that their grandmother had when she was a child. And she was like, I don't know what to do with this. And I remember there was a guy, an African American man, that had a museum with these artifacts. He was like, send me these things for this museum. I had have. And I could not find him. Last night I was just on TikTok searching racist dolls. So now that's in my search history, trying to find this person again. But I don't want to send this man even if I could find him again. Cursed racist earrings.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Like, it would be nice if you could connect these racist earrings with, like, a person of color that's into collecting racist memorabilia. But, like, you can't just post on Facebook marketplace like, hey, who wants these racist earrings?

[Tatiana]

Asterisk, they are also cursed.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, this is my thought, and maybe this is unhinged. Put them in a little Tupperware container and bury them in your backyard. Then if horrible things start to happen in your life, you can always, like, dig them up again. And if nothing happens, then you can just forget about them.

[Tatiana]

Well, I wanted to do something with the Denver detail, so I was like, I don't know, drive up to the Rocky Mountain mountains and leave them there. They get back to Denver, they Open up the glove compartment. The earrings are back there.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I'm sorry. Fuck it. If you're listening to this, you gotta send us a picture. Like, we need to know. We need to know what we're dealing with.

[Tatiana]

And also maybe a further clarification as to why Chelsea specifically would know how to deal with this.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Hey, white elephant could also be the solution. Just kidding.

[Tatiana]

All right, right back to a nice holiday themed question. Quite literally in the film the Holiday, what is your theory on what realistically happens post New Year's Eve?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Because, yeah, Cameron Diaz, she can't really move to England, but she would have to because what's his face has kids.

[Tatiana]

Well, obviously for the uninitiated, which, the Holiday is a Nancy Meyers film I sort of forget about for some reason. Although it's always on, right? Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz both have shitty relationships with men. They swap houses. This was like in 2005, like, whoa, I traded houses with someone on the Internet. And Kate Winslet meets Jack Black. Jack Black, who is in a situationship with Shannon Saucerman. A detail I always remember Jack Black.

[Chelsea Fairless]

At a highly specific point in his career where he could be cast in as the romantic lead in a rom com. Crazy to think that happened, right?

[Tatiana]

Cameron Diaz is a trailer editor. She goes to the small town that Kate Winslet lives in and has a romance with Kate Winslet's brother, played by Jude Law. Obviously this listener wants us to say yes, what happens post New Year's Eve? Because the film ends with the foursome together in Kate Winslet's cottage on New Year's Eve Eve. And I need to dive into this New Year's Eve epilogue of this film because honestly, I think they have a foursome the night of New Year's Eve. I don't know if you remember the way that, like, Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet are whispering with each other and like staring at Jack Black. I'm like, oh, they all fuck when the credits are rolling.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't know. I guess Cameron Diaz could edit her trailers from anywhere, right? It seemed like she worked from home. Home in la.

[Tatiana]

She did. And as the film and television world got more and more international, I feel like if she had moved to London, she would have found a career editing commercials and eventually, yeah, editing trailers again. But the Kate Winslet and Jack Black situation, I don't know.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, I feel like Kate Winslet was less tethered than Karen Diaz because she.

[Tatiana]

Could just get a job in la.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. Anyway, we'll never know.

[Tatiana]

But what I do know is they all had sex on New Year's Eve.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, another question we got. What is your unhinged Christmas crush? I rewatched the Santa Claus and found myself attracted to Tim Allen as Santa. That's kinky.

[Tatiana]

I'm also going to go with the film the Santa Claus, but I got to say, Bernard David Crumholtz. A teenage David Krumholtz I definitely had a crush on. Specifically as Bernard as a Santa's little help helper.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It's been a long time since I've seen that movie. I'm gonna be honest. My Christmas crush. Imagine if I was like Ms. Claus.

[Tatiana]

I mean, I could.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Mrs. Claus. Excuse me.

[Tatiana]

I'm showing Chelsea a photo of Bernard from the Santa Claus.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh, that's rough. The pigeon lady from Home Alone?

[Tatiana]

No, off Chelsea.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Home Alone too. I'm sorry. I talked about her, I think, in our Family Stone VIP episode, but I'm going with the. The naughty secretary from Love, actually.

[Tatiana]

Ooh, that's not unhinged. That's typical.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Like, it's pretty unhinged.

[Tatiana]

I mean, she's unhinged in that movie. No, like, an unhinged Christmas crush would be like Rowan Atkinson as the guy in the department store helping Alan Rickman. That's an unhinged Christmas crush.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, fine. The Abominable Snowman.

[Tatiana]

Man, I'll take it. Do we fuck with Dior pre fall?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I absolutely do. Yeah. There's something for every bitch under the sun in there. And I love it because it feels like all eras of Dior are represented in that collection I really liked. There's like this floral scarf print dress which reminds me of the Mark Bohan era, which is my favorite Dior, so I definitely fuck with that.

[Tatiana]

Yeah. The only thing that gives me pause is, is the continuing doubling down of what seems to be very expensive denim.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, but like, that's what people actually like. You're wearing jeans right now.

[Tatiana]

That is true.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And you would be wearing these crazy ass Dior jeans if you were like the kind of person that was spending like 3k on jeans.

[Tatiana]

Which I am not. But yeah, it's. It's gorgeous.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I love these like peep toe mules with the CD hardware. Like, that's an instant classic. And I. I would totally buy them if they weren't $1200. Like all shoes are now.

[Tatiana]

I'm assuming only time will tell.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, thank you to the fuckette that asked, is Chelsea's cheilitis better? The answer is yes. I have had minor flare ups, but not major ones, so something is Moving in a positive direction. But I still don't know what triggers my chillit. I saw my GP about it a couple of times. She prescribed me a ton of different shit. I don't know if any of that shit worked. I've stopped taking it all now.

[Tatiana]

Yes, this question is unlocking a drunken conversation that you and I were having at the holiday party where we were really trying to talk to other people and tell them our point of view, which is that dermatologists are bullshit.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, yeah, because my GP was like, you, if this happens again, you need to see a dermatologist. And I'm like, I've never gotten an answer from a dermatologist.

[Tatiana]

Not. Not once.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And fucketts I. Look, I'm not saying like, obviously if you have a, like, sketchy mole, like, go to a dermatologist and get it looked at. I don't want to dissuade anyone from seeking medical treatment, but in all the years that I've gone to a dermatologist, I haven't even gotten an answer, let alone a treatment. Because you go into a dermatologist, they're like, like, you could have like a mild case of rosacea or you could have have like third degree burns. No idea which.

[Tatiana]

Right. They won't give you a definitive answer, but they will prescribe a $600 cream that your insurance definitely doesn't cover.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. And then they're like, could be dermatitis, could be full blown aids. Just, we have no way of knowing. And I'm like, why am I here? Remember those two times that I got like, basically like poison oak all over my body and they were like, yeah, we don't know if it's poison oak or if it's an allergic reaction and we have no idea how to treat it.

[Tatiana]

My favorite question that dermatologists ask when you have a horrific rash is like, is there anything different in your life? It's like, no, I've literally been doing and eating the same things. You tell me what's going on. Look at me. What is this? And they're like, no clue. But try this cream.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, I just. I don't know. It continues to baffle me, but hopefully it will just. Just like continue to recede and not be a thing. But yeah, that was like, really stressing me out. It's still stressing me out, but I've at least gotten through. I was, I was thinking like, please let me not have cheilitis for my Christmas party. I was like, praying to God or like Old St. Nick, you looked gorgeous. Okay, next question. Shrimp cocktails chic or gross?

[Tatiana]

Depends. How long the shrimp cocktail has been out for.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, I would say Chicago chic. I'm not personally, like, a huge fan of the shrimp cocktail, but I like the look a lot, so definitely do that. Okay, favorite side to bring or make for a holiday party? I've literally never done such a thing.

[Tatiana]

I was gonna say, I mean, I feel like we should have tatters on because she was like the Ina Garten of the party.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah.

[Tatiana]

But personally, for me, Fish Wife does this smoked salmon with flyby gin chili crisp. But they have a recipe that I've made a bunch of times, which is like taking that and putting it with, like, cream cheese and sour cream and making this great dip with chives, like, very finely chopped chives. It's always been a big hit.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, you've made that for me before, and it's yummy. I'll bring booze. I'll pick something up from a nice bakery and bring that. Also, bringing drugs, not the worst idea. Thankfully, someone at my Christmas party generously gifted me mushroom chocolate, and that was perfect.

[Tatiana]

It was a big hit.

[Chelsea Fairless]

All right, we have a voicemail.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, ladies, it's Alex. I'm a day one listener, first time caller. And what prompted me to finally pick up the phone and give you guys a call is that I had a run in with Miss Chelsea last night at Sal's Place in Los Angeles. She looked so chic. I hope the listeners will hear this. And believe me, me to fab Tat was there. I was completely gagged. We cheers with our martinis, and my life has never been the same. So happy holidays. I have a couple questions. One for you, Chell. How do you take your martini? And Lauren too, actually. If you drink martinis, let me know. And then number two, I'm throwing a holiday party on Saturday. I saw you. Chelsea hosted one last weekend which looked fab. What's your number one hostessing recommendation or thoughts? I want the Barefoot Contessa every outfit version. Love you girls so much, and it was truly a pleasure to meet you, Chelsea. So xoxo.

[Chelsea Fairless]

This is so cute. I love how this call to the hotline also vaguely feels like a misconnection or something.

[Tatiana]

Well, you guys will always have Sals.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yes, I mean, Sal's. I have to say. I. Sal's reopened last month. It's a seasonal restaurant in LA that's in. In Provincetown the other half of the year. And I love Sal's. I am always at Sal's. Everyone should Go to Sal's.

[Tatiana]

So if you are in the Los Angeles area and want to meet Chelsea Fair list, go to Sal's.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I might be at Sal's.

[Tatiana]

So how do you take your martini?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I wasn't drinking a martini. I was drinking a French 75.

[Tatiana]

That is what I was going to say is I don't know you as a martini person. I know you as a French 70. 75 person.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. And like sometimes a French 75 because it has champagne in it, they do serve it in a sort of like a champagne coupe type glass which can be mistaken, could read as martini, but.

[Tatiana]

But no, I am also not a martini person. However, if I'm in an environment where people are drinking martinis, like I was at Smokehouse a couple of weekends ago having dinner with some friends and every everyone ordered martinis, I will order a Cosmopolitan. Like if I if everyone's getting that glass shape and I don't want to feel left out, I will order a Cosmopolitan.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See Smokehouse, that's also a good Christmasy restaurant, a steakhouse.

[Tatiana]

Make your reservations now. I'm a fan of any restaurant that takes and pressures you into buying commemorative photographs. Like I'm always down to be like yes, I will spend $30 for this shitty printed out to digital photo.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, we're so different because every time the photographer comes up to me at Smokehouse I'm like, get the away. I'm not doing that right now. Hard, hard pass. As for hostessing tips, I have a good one which is like my Christmas party. It started at seven, but as we know no one really shows up until 8. What you have to do is force a group of like your close friends to actually show up when the party starts. Like a nice configuration of people that are cool that you feel comfortable around around. Because in the past when I've had parties, it's like no one shows up. Then me and Tat like start getting anxious about the fact that no one shows up. We drink like three bottles of natural wine together or like plastered before anyone gets there. And then the first people that show up to the party are like the weirdest people that you've invited or like the worst configuration of people that could be there. At the same time, I agree with you.

[Tatiana]

I felt very honored that I got the first couple kind of pass of people. You were like, please come early. And so we did. And I agree with you. I think that you need to invite people in waves. Tell a certain amount of people. Six, 30, then another group, seven, eight and. And there you go. You really don't need much. A nice cheese plate. Everyone feels obligated to bring wine or.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Something, but you need a lot of alcohol. Just even if people are bringing wine and stuff. Like, we did a Costco shop. Shop. Or I made you go to Costco because I don't have a Costco membership.

[Tatiana]

Yes. After last week's episode, we took Baby Morty and Tatiana, Chelsea and I went to Costco all together. What we look like to other people, I have no idea. But Tatiana went ham. Like, she made an apple paloma where she, like, made the apple juice.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And that's a great Christmas drink. It's. It's, like, fresh apple juice. Blanco tequila. What else was in there? I think she topped it with, like, a hard cider or something and then garnished it with, like, a dehydrated apple and a cinnamon stick. It was really good.

[Tatiana]

See, she enjoyed hosting, although she was locked in. Because I do think making. Depending on the size of your party, making batch cocktails is a really great idea, because then, like, once that runs out, people will start making their own drinks. However, she was locked into putting all the accoutrements.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, exactly. Like, she made another cocktail that involved, like, rosemary sprigs, and people would start walking away.

[Tatiana]

She was like, wait, I got to put ginger beer in that?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. Actually, that's my other tip. It's like, don't put too much hot food out, because hot food becomes cold, no one eats it. And then you're, like, having to, like, slave away in the kitchen, like, dealing with hot food. And you have to, like, think about it. If the chips and the dip and that shit aren't enough, then, like, later in the party when people are drunk, like, order McDonald's, order Popeyes. Like, get some pizzas. Like, do something like that. We don't need, like, hot food from the jump.

[Tatiana]

I would agree. I don't know if you remember that I confided in you. One of the hot appetizers you had out were these breaded shrimp. And for the fuckettes who've been listening for a while, there was a moment, I don't know, a year or two ago where you found an old shrimp tail in your purse, and you did not remember the last time you had consumed shrimp. And so Tad and I were like, oh, this is gonna be great. Let's take one of the shrimp tails and hide them in Chelsea's purse. But then we got too drunk to remember to do it.

[Chelsea Fairless]

You should have done it. That would have been really, really funny. Okay, moving on. Someone Asked thoughts on my year of rest and relaxation being made by Yorgos.

[Tatiana]

It would be major if he did it, but I really have doubts that this film is going to make it to the big screen.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, this has never been confirmed.

[Tatiana]

It might have, but it's like, I don't need another Emma Stone Yorgos collaboration if that's what this is gonna be.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, I think it's Margot Robbie's production company, I think is the one that has the rights to the book, I believe. So I don't think it would be another Emma Stone joint. And that would be a good role for her.

[Tatiana]

I think doing a time period film that is set in the early 2000s, specifically the year 2000. 2001, I think, is unbelievably hard to do accurately.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, I think Yorgos is perfect. I mean, not so much because of that, but more like that book has such a dark, dark sense of humor. It has a deeply shocking ending in the way that Begonia does also. And I think that you also.

[Tatiana]

The Robert Pattinson film, Remember Me.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yes. And I think that. That you need someone that has a really sick sense of humor to go about making a movie like this.

[Tatiana]

I think the guy that did Sick of Myself, Dream Scenario, and he did. Oh yeah, he did the film. I'm blanking on his name, but he's doing the movie that has Robert Patson and Zendaya about their wedding day that the teaser trailer just came out for. Like, I feel like he could do that. If he wants to do an adaptation of something, he's a only done original movies.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, I would support that. Okay, next question. Do you guys ever get jealous of others that are around your spouse or do you not care? I assume you mean like people that are flirting with our spouses because people that are around your spouse, like, no. Like I'm gonna be jealous of some bitch in Trader Joe's like, if I.

[Tatiana]

Stand too close to Tatiana. You're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The answer is no. I mean, I used to be a very jealous, territorial person because I was very insecure and not insecure relationships. I mean, this is a very boring answer, but I don't feel that way in regards to Paul. I guess it also helps that we are usually around either other lesbians, married straight couples, or gay people.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Like, right.

[Tatiana]

The only time that Paul is really.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Around Paul doesn't know a straight woman is what you're saying.

[Tatiana]

I.

[Chelsea Fairless]

The.

[Tatiana]

The only time that Paul is really in recent memory been around, I think single straight women was during the merch Line.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Right.

[Tatiana]

I think this more speaks to how sad and just like homebound our lives have become. Getting married and having a child.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, no, that makes sense. I mean, and also, like, you guys both working from home, like, we're just.

[Tatiana]

Staring at our faces. Honestly, we long to flirt with someone. I'm joking. I'm joking.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, I asked tat, like, what's your perspective of like, how I behave?

[Tatiana]

Oh, I bet I know the answer to this.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, she said she's like, if you think that the chick is hot, then you don't care about the flirting. But if you are not attracted to the chick or you think that she's basic, then you are like a huge bitch and really annoying. And I'm like, okay, that sounds about right.

[Tatiana]

I'm glad you got Tatiana's perspective because I had a feeling that if you hadn't, you were just going to be like, I'm not a jealous person at all.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, I don't think I am a jealous person by nature. Do I have moments of. It's not even. Jealousy isn't the right word for it though. I think it's more annoyance because you.

[Tatiana]

Don'T approve of this person or they're fine.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't approve of the person. I'm like, this is going nowhere. Like, anyway. And we have a voicemail.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi girlies. Huge fan of the pod. I'd love to hear what your guys's best and worst Christmas presents have been that you received and or given. Okay, bye. Thank you.

[Tatiana]

I definitely know my worst Christmas present that I've ever received.

[Chelsea Fairless]

What was it?

[Tatiana]

So I was in a situationship between high school and college. Like this guy that I would see when I would come back home from college and. And he was a nerdy film bro. And he gave me a DVD of a film called Open Range, which is a Robert Duvall western. And I was like, I don't get it. And he kept insisting that this was an inside joke. Like this was a callback to a joke we had. But it wasn't like, I. I've never heard of this film previous to receiving this dvd. And I think about it to this day that I'm like, did he re gift this and then just gaslight me into thinking that this was an inside joke between us?

[Chelsea Fairless]

This looks like a movie for people that watch Yellowstone.

[Tatiana]

Oh, it's absolutely a proto Yellowstone movie.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Although Annette Bening is in it.

[Tatiana]

I do still have that DVD somewhere in my house.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't think I've ever gotten like a truly horrific Christmas gift. So I would say, like, the worst Christmas gifts is like, it's like clothing that is too small for me. Never in my life have I been a small. I don't ever want a T shirt to hug the contours of my body. I just don't. So it's more like I hate being given stuff that I like, can't actually, like, literally can't wear. Best gift I actually got at the holiday party.

[Tatiana]

Oh, yes.

[Chelsea Fairless]

A. A new friend named Drew, who was a plus. One of. One of my friends brought me a. A framed photo of Diane Keaton. Not Diane Keaton in the family stone, but the same portrait that Sarah Jessica Parker gives the entire family.

[Tatiana]

The young dying Keaton doctored to look pregnant with Rachel McAdams photo.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. And I guess he said that he screen capped the image, like from the film and had it printed and then put it in a frame. And it has been been by my fireplace ever since. And it will be part of my holiday decor for the foreseeable future.

[Tatiana]

I feel like your answer dovetails nicely to this question that we got, which is any ideas for holiday decor that is not the traditional tree lights, et cetera. So perhaps recreating a prop from one of your favorite holiday films.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't know. That question is hard for me because I'm like, why would you not want a tree? Like, trees are major. Like the whole thing, like, that's magical about it. It's the bringing the outside indoors. Right. So it's like, if you don't have a tree, I would want like a garland.

[Tatiana]

Yeah. I've been seeing all over TikTok these paper chain garlands like the ones we used to make in elementary school.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Everyone's making those this year. It's weird how every Christmas there's like a new micro trend. Like last year it was like bows.

[Tatiana]

Right.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And that has continued, of course.

[Tatiana]

But here, I'll tell you what not to do is, I don't know, about seven years ago, I bought these abstract glass trees from CB2.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I almost spit out my Diet Coke.

[Tatiana]

And as Chelsea points out, every year they just look like glass dildos.

[Chelsea Fairless]

They do.

[Tatiana]

I gotta get rid of them.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Like, I mean, they look more like butt plugs than dildos. They look like the kind of thing that like emergency technician sees on an X ray on Christmas Eve.

[Tatiana]

Yeah, I gotta get rid of them and just don't do that. See, I feel like a few years ago I leaned towards what I think this is trying to do, which is like non traditional stuff. And I'm here to tell you it will just end up looking like a butt plug and everyone will have questions.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, I don't know if we need to, like, subvert Christmas so much. Maybe you could just, like, hone in on a different facet of Christmas than you usually do. Or like, back to our conversation about Fanny and Algae Alexander, maybe. See, like, what do all those fabulous Swedish people do for Christmas? They have their little painted horses, they love their gnomes. They have those, like, fabulous crowns of greens with the candles and shit. Like, do something fab like that.

[Tatiana]

Yeah. What did the Swedish American girl doll do, Kristen?

[Chelsea Fairless]

She had her whole, like, festival of the lights outfit, which is what I'm trying to describe. Trying and failing to describe Tribe.

[Tatiana]

I see why you would come to us for non traditional Christmas ideas, but unfortunately we're feeling very trad this year.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, this is an easy one. Home Alone one or two?

[Tatiana]

One.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, I would say one two. Because you can have Home Alone one without Home Alone two, but you can't have Home Alone two without Home Alone one.

[Tatiana]

Wait, now I'm confused. So you want. You're Saying Home Alone 2 is the superior film?

[Chelsea Fairless]

No, Home Alone 1 is the superior film because so much of Home Alone 22 was recreating things that already happened in Home Alone 1. Like the entire movie, basically.

[Tatiana]

Oh, yeah. No, it is one of those sequels that's just a Xerox of the first film. Although the second film has your crush, the pigeon lady.

[Chelsea Fairless]

But like the pigeon lady. Exactly. It's like, okay, we need a new sad old person because we can't have the snow shoveling, like, old guy that's estranged from his family like the Boo Radley from the first film. Film.

[Tatiana]

Yeah. So instead we need to traumatize this child walking through Central park at night alone.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Look, he learned a very important lesson.

[Tatiana]

About homelessness, unhousedness, Chelsea, and the Christmas.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Spirit and how Christmas is about giving and shit.

[Tatiana]

I was embarrassingly old when I learned that that old timey noir film, the black and white film, is not a real movie. That they recreated that for Home Alone and that then it sequel Home Alone 2.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yes, they did. But I mean, ideally, it's like, I love Home Alone 2. Like, watching them back to back is one of the best things you can do.

[Tatiana]

Yes, but unfortunately, Trump is in Home Alone 2, which takes it down a few notches.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, we got a couple similar questions. One was, how do you feel about elasticized waistbands? And the other one was, how do you feel about the rag and bone sweatpant Jeans for a gift or injection General.

[Tatiana]

So I was formerly unaware of these rag and bone jean sweatpants.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Really?

[Tatiana]

Yeah, I do, Lauren.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I wear them all the time.

[Tatiana]

Do you really?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yes, I wear them all the time.

[Tatiana]

So I went to the website. This is how they're described. Miramar. Our revolutionary printing technique makes any material look like denim. These wide leg pants are cut and sewn from cotton terry cloth that's ultra soft on the inside and printed on the outside to look look like your favorite jeans.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, you didn't even know I was wearing sweatpants that whole time. I think they're great. I travel in those a lot. One thing I will say is that like, sometimes the bottom hem like flips up a little bit, which like, drives me crazy because it like ruins the illusion that it's denim. But that didn't happen until I had worn them a considerable amount. And to be fair, I never bought them like they were tats. And then at some point I just, just like stole them.

[Tatiana]

So do you have more than one pair? Like after wearing the initial stolen pair from tat, you're like, oh, I need more colorways of this.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I just have one. But I, I've worn them so much that I honestly just need to replace them. Like they've been through too much.

[Tatiana]

I mean, I do take your lead on leisure wear. Like, you introduced me to the wide legged sweatpants from Uniqlo that I wear all the time. So perhaps I should get in on this rag and bow jean sweatpants.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, I like elastic waists in general. As someone that like, can't commit to being the same weight for more than like a year or two, it's kind of necessary for me. And also, like, I have all sorts of pants with elastic waist. I have ones that have normal that are more tailored also. But like, I don't think one is necessarily better than the other.

[Tatiana]

When I was pregnant, I had to exclusively wear elastic waist pants. And I think my annoyance is when there's drawstring, like when you gotta tie it in a little bow and it's an elastic waist. Just give me an elastic waist. That looks like it could be a normal pant.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. Or like the pleats please. Trousers. Iconic pant with an elastic waist. Just saying.

[Tatiana]

So this has the every outfit approval for a gift. Although I don't know who you're giving this gift to. Perhaps it won't be received as well as if we received the rag and bone sweatpants jeans.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, last call.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi, Lauren, Chelsea. I just finished reading the value of the Dolls book. And then I saw the movie, and I'm wondering, like. And of course they Googled this, but why do you guys think there was never a remake of the movie made? And if you could cast anyone for the three main girls, who would you cast? I love you guys. I love your podcast, but, hi, I've.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Been waiting my whole life for someone to ask me this question.

[Tatiana]

Well, did you see that there was an attempt to do a Valley of the Dolls remake in 2016? Now, the only source I could find for this was IMDb and Out magazine, but it was alleged that in 2016, 20th Century Fox was trying to put a remake together that would see Madonna, Jennifer Lawrence, and Anne Hathaway in the film with Emmy Rossum being eyed for the role of Neely o'. Hara.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, that's terrible casting. That's really bad. Emmy Rossum could be Anne or could be the role that I assume is going to Anne Hathaway. In that scenario, the character is also named Anne. Madonna as Helen Lawson would be really iconic, I have to say. But all of them, they're too old for it now. Like, this is a movie about women in their 20s.

[Tatiana]

So maybe it's because I was catching up on I love la, but I do feel like there's an I love LA LA version of this film. Where? Hear me out, okay. Iowa. Debris as Neely o'. Hara. No. I have been taken by her British pop star Persona on I love la. I could see Odessa Asian as Jennifer North.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay.

[Tatiana]

Rachel Sennan as Anne Wells and Leighton Meester as Helen Lawson.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay. This is the worst thing that you've ever suggested. I'm just being honest, by the way.

[Tatiana]

I do have a more contemporary cast. That probably would happen in the remake. I just wanted to see your reaction to the I love LA ofide remake of Valley of the Dolls, which clearly you don't fuck with.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't fuck with. Okay? This is my casting. The role of Jennifer, played by Sharon Tate in the film will be Sydney Sweeney. This could be her greatest performance, honestly.

[Tatiana]

Are you doing a Euphoria version of this?

[Chelsea Fairless]

No. The role of Anne played by Barbara Perkins, frankly, the most boring character character will be played by Mikey Madison.

[Tatiana]

Okay.

[Chelsea Fairless]

The role of Neely o' Hara, played by Patty Duke, who is really the best part of the film, should be played by Cola Scola, really? But I think that Mia Goth could be insane in this role.

[Tatiana]

Okay.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And also Mia Goth, Sydney Sweeney and Mikey Madison, they all look like they could be in the 60s. Like they. You need to have 1960s to face.

[Tatiana]

So I do have a different version of the cast and actually what I thought was good technically good version. So I had Anya Taylor Joy as Neely O', Hara, who is someone that also has 1960s face.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, she does.

[Tatiana]

But who's your Helen Lawson in your version?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, I'd love to bring Joan Cusack out of retirement. Honestly, I think that would be major because it's like, at least in the film, like, Susan Hayward's performance is so campy. But I do feel like it. It should be someone like a Sharon Stone or a Demi Moore or someone that used to be sort of like an A list actress and is now a bit washed up. Not that Demi Moore is washed up anymore, but that is what the character is.

[Tatiana]

See, I. In my better version of this remake, I had Julianne Moore as Helen Lawson.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Julianne Moore would be incredible because she's.

[Tatiana]

Not washed up, but she can play washed up. Like, if you've ever seen Map, Map to the Stars. Oh, yeah, the Cronenberg film, she could.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Julia Moore would be incredible in that role. As for why there's never been a Valley of the Doll remake, I don't know, because I remember when I first saw the film, I. I mean, I would have been in middle school or something. I had just read the book, and I was so obsessed with the book that I was like, this movie sucks. Like, it took me years to appreciate the camp value of Valley of the Dolls. But, like, of course, you have no context for what camp value value is when you're like a child to appreciate camp, you have to have, like, a broader understanding of culture, I think.

[Tatiana]

Well, it's also a film that, as you know, got a sequel. Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, an unofficial sequel, a film written by Roger Ebert.

[Chelsea Fairless]

But, like, yeah, it's such a great story. They fumbled the bag with the movie. They should do it again. They could make an actually good movie. And it's the same with, like, the Bell Jar. There's a terrible movie version of that. They should try it again.

[Tatiana]

I mean, I think just with the state of Hollywood, it's more likely that it would be a limited series, which is, for most books, the way to do it. I mean, that is often the problem with movie adaptations of books is that you have to omit so much of the story and storylines to make it fit within two hours, two and a half hours.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah.

[Tatiana]

I love that this is the question you chose to end our holiday mailbag episode on.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Also directed by Sofia Coppola. Boom. Yes. Because I'm so grateful that someone asked that. It's literally something I think about all the time.

[Tatiana]

Well, there you go.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And with that, we conclude our holiday Hotline episode.

[Tatiana]

But we will be back next week with a Sex and the City rewatch episode. We are not going to leave you hanging during Christmas. We know that things are rough with families and such. And also next week on our VIP channels, It's a Christmas Miracle. We will be talking about the Kardashians. Kardashians.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It's a Christmas miracle for some and a Christmas nightmare for others.

[Tatiana]

If you've been dying to know our thoughts on the latest season of the Kardashians, Kim's Master class Bianca Censori's performance art Kendall Jenner's latest Architectural Digest tour Timmy and Kylie on the Marty Supreme Red Carpet. We'll be getting into it all just in time for the holidays. All right, guys, we'll be back next week. Week again. Happy holidays.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Ciao ciao.

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