On Disclaimer, UAPs, John Stamos’ Bald Cap

Summary

Every Outfit Podcast Episode Summary
Hosts: Chelsea Fairless & Lauren Garroni
Episode Title: On Disclaimer, UAPs, John Stamos’ Bald Cap
Release Date: November 22, 2024

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1. Merch Launch and Reactions

Timestamp: [00:29] – [01:43]

Chelsea and Lauren kick off the episode by sharing exciting updates about their newly launched merchandise collection. Lauren expresses gratitude to their fans, highlighting the transformation of her living room into their fulfillment center.

Lauren Garroni: “So this is my personal plea to the Fuckettes. Get a head start on holiday shopping. Purchase a hat, purchase a shirt, purchase a few.” ([00:48])

Chelsea discusses a controversial item from their merch line—the "Mr. Big" hat—which features the phrase "Mr. Big died for our sins." She addresses the backlash, clarifying their intentions and distancing the product from unrelated allegations against Chris Noth.

Chelsea Fairless: “I get it. It’s literally blasphemous. Although we mean no disrespect, we love our Christian Fuckettes.” ([01:09])

2. Coachella 2024 Lineup Analysis

Timestamp: [01:57] – [05:47]

Lauren broaches the topic of the Coachella 2024 lineup, expressing a lukewarm interest in the festival despite its cultural significance.

Lauren Garroni: “I don’t know. Because we have a pop culture podcast, I feel obligated to discuss the Coachella lineup, but I could care less about it.” ([01:57])

Chelsea shares her nostalgia for past Coachella performances and critiques the current state of the festival, noting the shift away from indie rock.

Chelsea Fairless: “The death of Coachella that we’re sort of experiencing now speaks to the fact that it was an indie rock festival and there's just no more rock anymore.” ([03:43])

The hosts delve into specific performances, including Lady Gaga headlining Friday night, discussing her appeal and the overall coherence of the lineup.

Lauren Garroni: “I really care about Coachella. I have never been to Coachella. It has never been of interest to me. I probably will never go.” ([02:05])

They also touch on logistical aspects, such as Coachella’s expansion from two nights to three and then to two weekends, questioning the added value for attendees.

Chelsea Fairless: “I genuinely don’t understand the advantage of going the second weekend.” ([04:19])

3. UAP Corner: Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena

Timestamp: [07:40] – [14:44]

Transition to UAP Discussion:
Lauren introduces a new segment, "Chelsea's UAP Corner," where Chelsea shares her deepening interest in Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena (UAPs).

Chelsea Fairless: “I have become a UAP truther, but I am no expert. I actually recently learned what UAP stands for.” ([08:10])

Key Points Discussed:

• Definition and Scope of UAPs: Chelsea clarifies that UAPs are not just airborne but also aquatic, emphasizing their presence in oceans.

  Chelsea Fairless: “Aliens are in the ocean.” ([08:37])

• Government Suppression and Credibility: They discuss recent congressional hearings, credible military testimonies, and leaked videos showcasing UAPs behaving in unconventional ways.

  Lauren Garroni: “At this congressional hearing, there’s a lot of like high-ranking military guys that testified, including a naval officer of some kind. And yeah, they’re in the ocean.” ([09:19])

• Public Perception and Media Coverage: Both hosts express frustration over the lack of widespread attention these phenomena receive compared to other major news stories.

  Chelsea Fairless: “It’s so crazy to me that it’s not like the biggest story in the world.” ([11:11])

• Theoretical Implications: They speculate on the motives behind UAPs’ interactions with humanity, ranging from peaceful observation to viewing humans as an endangered species.

  Chelsea Fairless: “They could be monitoring us because they don’t want us to nuke ourselves.” ([12:11])

• Media Influence: Chelsea mentions recent Netflix docu-series like "Investigation Alien" and "Encounters," discussing their portrayal and impact on public understanding.

  Chelsea Fairless: “Alien Investigation Alien is fun.” ([16:10])

4. Bad Old Man News: Recent Events and Controversies

Timestamp: [18:22] – [35:20]

Introduction to Segment:
Lauren introduces the "Bad Old Man News" segment, focusing on recent negative news centered around older men in the public eye.

Lauren Garroni: “Originally we were just going to talk about the Jake Paul Mike Tyson fight in Hot Topics. But then like three more old man new stuff happened that was all not great.” ([18:42])

Key Topics Discussed:

• Jake Paul vs. Mike Tyson Fight:

  • Promotion and Controversy: They discuss Jake Paul's role as a promoter, the financial aspects, and the ethical concerns surrounding both fighters’ reputations.

    Lauren Garroni: “Jake Paul is taking nouveau riche and Steve aesthetics into another stratosphere with this look that he wore at the fight.” ([19:05])

  • Fight Dynamics: Both question the authenticity of the fight, suggesting it may have been staged due to Tyson's age and Jake Paul's controversial behavior.

    Lauren Garroni: “I think the joke of all of this is that the fact that any of us thought it was going to be a satisfying fight and that it wasn’t already predetermined that one, Jake Paul would win.” ([21:14])

• John Waters’ "Liarmouth" Film Project:

  • Funding Issues: The cancellation of the film adaptation of John Waters' novel "Liarmouth" is discussed, highlighting problems within Hollywood’s current funding landscape.

    Lauren Garroni: “I think this is the problem with the current state of Hollywood, beyond the consolidation of all of these media companies, is that we don’t have good rich people with taste anymore.” ([23:03])

  • Impact on Independent Filmmaking: They lament the decline of patronage in Hollywood, which historically supported diverse and creative projects.

    Chelsea Fairless: “We used to have patrons. That was the way. They were robber barons.” ([23:32])

• David Lynch’s Health Decline:

  • Health Concerns: The hosts express sadness over director David Lynch's battle with emphysema, discussing his lifelong smoking habit.

    Lauren Garroni: “David Lynch is super fucked up, for sure.” ([25:17])

  • Legacy and Influence: They reflect on Lynch’s contributions to cinema and his unique portrayal of smoking in his films.

    Chelsea Fairless: “David Lynch especially made it look cool.” ([25:58])

• Dave Coulier’s Cancer Announcement:

  • Public Reaction: The duo discusses Dave Coulier’s announcement about his cancer diagnosis and John Stamos’ supportive gesture of wearing a bald cap in solidarity.

    Lauren Garroni: “He had to release a statement that was like, it's our friendship, me and John.” ([27:45])

  • Cultural Impact: They humorously liken the situation to a "bald cap challenge," drawing parallels to viral trends like the ice bucket challenge.

    Lauren Garroni: “Shall we get into some fashion news?” ([30:59])

5. Fashion News: Vogue World and Associated Details

Timestamp: [31:09] – [35:20]

Vogue World Event:

Chelsea and Lauren discuss the upcoming "Vogue World," an event hosted by Vogue that intertwines film and fashion. They express uncertainty about the event's specifics but anticipate high style and dramatic presentations.

Lauren Garroni: “Vogue World. Hollywood will celebrate the rich conversation between film and fashion, centering the most inspiring characters in cinema history.” ([31:32])

Key Points:

• Venue Speculations: They speculate on potential venues in Los Angeles, mentioning iconic locations used by major fashion houses.

  Chelsea Fairless: “We’re running out of suitable venues because Gucci already did Hollywood Boulevard. Celine did the Wiltern.” ([34:18])

• Event Expectations: The hosts humorously anticipate elaborate displays, including possible holograms and surprise appearances by celebrities like Tom Cruise.

  Lauren Garroni: “Then Tom Cruise is gonna, like, jump out of a plane?” ([34:58])

• Vogue App Updates: Chelsea shares her experience with Vogue's "Runway Genius" game becoming more accessible, improving her scores and engagement.

  Chelsea Fairless: “Runway genius, which is the game on the Vogue app, has gotten easier.” ([31:32])

6. Series Review: "Disclaimer"

Timestamp: [35:21] – [47:41]

Introduction to "Disclaimer":

Lauren leads a discussion on the Apple TV+ limited series "Disclaimer," starring Cate Blanchett and directed by Alfonso Cuarón. The show revolves around a journalist uncovering deep-seated secrets connected to her career.

Lauren Garroni: “Disclaimer does fall within one of my favorite micro genres, which I will affectionately call Cate Blanchett Gets canceled.” ([36:04])

Critical Analysis:

• Narrative Structure: Lauren criticizes the show's reliance on an unreliable narrative that abruptly twists in the final episodes, comparing it unfavorably to classics like "Fight Club" and "The Usual Suspects."

  Lauren Garroni: “I don’t enjoy that twist. I enjoy twists that build on the plot that you’ve been told.” ([36:54])

• Character Development: They discuss character motivations, particularly the antagonist Kevin Kline’s obsession and lack of trust in women, reflecting societal issues around belief and betrayal.

  Chelsea Fairless: “I was like, it doesn’t seem like what she did was that bad or certainly not deserving of having her entire life and career ruined over it.” ([40:38])

• Visual and Cinematic Elements: While praising Emmanuel Lubanski's cinematography for its beauty, Lauren critiques the show's jarring camera work that detracts from the narrative's sophistication.

  Lauren Garroni: “The camera work is one of those things that tricks you into thinking that it’s much more highbrow than it actually is.” ([46:03])

• Performance Highlights: They commend Sacha Baron Cohen's serious portrayal of Cate Blanchett’s husband, contrasting with his usual comedic roles.

  Lauren Garroni: “Sacha Baron Cohen… does not make a joke this entire series. He is playing it completely straight.” ([40:16])

• Thematic Concerns: The duo explores themes of trust, trauma, and the unraveling of truth, questioning the moral compass of the characters involved.

  Lauren Garroni: “How lies unravel us. How the death of a child unravels us and makes us do things we wouldn’t normally do.” ([38:26])

Final Thoughts:

Despite their critical stance, Chelsea acknowledges the show's artistic merit and encourages listeners to watch it without holding reservations.

Chelsea Fairless: “Like, you don’t regret watching it, do you? Like, you have to watch it.” ([36:58])

Conclusion

Timestamp: [47:41] – [50:38]

As the episode wraps up, Chelsea and Lauren reflect on the various topics discussed, emphasizing their diverse interests and the depth of their conversations. They tease future episodes, hinting at more in-depth analyses and segments.

Lauren Garroni: “I think we've said it all. Everything we could possibly say about disclaimer without fully spoiling it.” ([50:29])

Chelsea Fairless: “So let’s bounce. We’ll be back next week.” ([50:35])

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Notable Quotes:

• Lauren Garroni: “Runway genius, which is the game on the Vogue app, has gotten easier. Someone heard your feedback.” ([31:32])

• Chelsea Fairless: “Aliens are in the ocean.” ([08:37])

• Lauren Garroni: “If you can’t excel at this game, no one is.” ([32:17])

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Final Notes:
This episode of Every Outfit offers a blend of fashion insights, pop culture discussions, and intriguing dives into unconventional topics like UAPs. Chelsea and Lauren maintain their signature witty banter while tackling serious subjects, providing listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful commentary.

Transcript

[Chelsea Fairless]

I spent $40,000 on shoes.

[Lauren Garoni]

What's the matter, Morty?

[Chelsea Fairless]

On full thread. Floral.

[Lauren Garoni]

The spank break gown. Beautiful gowns.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Fashion has changed.

[Lauren Garoni]

No, it hasn't. Hi, I'm Lauren Garoni.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And I'm Chelsea Fairless.

[Lauren Garoni]

And welcome to the Every Outfit podcast.

[Chelsea Fairless]

How are you doing, babe? We've had a busy week.

[Lauren Garoni]

This is true. We launched a new merch collection. Thank you to everyone who placed an order. We have been fulfilling these orders in my living room, which has been transformed into a fulfillment center.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I love this you line esthetic for you.

[Lauren Garoni]

Tat dropped you off today. And when she walked into the living room, she was like, oh, it still looks like this. It's like, yes. I have nowhere else for all of these shirts and hats to go. So this is my personal plea to the Fuckettes. Get a head start on holiday shopping. Purchase a hat, purchase a shirt, purchase a few.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, but did you notice that some people were offended by our Mr. Big hat? We made a hat that said Mr. Big died for our sins. And I get it. It's literally blasphemous. Although we mean no disrespect, we love our Christian Fuckettes.

[Lauren Garoni]

And it's kind of funny.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, yeah, I thought so. But then there's another classification of haters that were like, no, Mr. Big died for his own sins. And I just want to remind people the rape allegations against Chris Noth are not the reason why he was killed on end. Just like that. Just putting that out there.

[Lauren Garoni]

No. The death of Mr. Big was years in the making. It was a plot point in the aborted Sex and the City 3 film. And I applaud Daddy MPK for working smarter, not harder.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Same. What else?

[Lauren Garoni]

I don't know. Because we have a pop culture podcast, I feel obligated to discuss the Coachella lineup, but I could care less about it. I have never been to Coachella. It has never been of interest to me. I probably will never go. But. Chell, what do you think about Lady Gaga headlining Friday night?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I think that's cool. I'd want to see her. You know, I don't think Coachella is really for me, obviously, but I think if you're going to go, the day is that Friday day with Gaga and Missy Elliott.

[Lauren Garoni]

And the next night, there's Green Day, followed by Charli xcx, which sort of shocked, given the year that Charli XCX has had, that she's not headlining.

[Chelsea Fairless]

True. But I think we're also on the Charlie side of the algorithm. Like, we forget that she's still not as popular as Sabrina Carpenter by, like, a lot.

[Lauren Garoni]

Right. I thought where you were going is, like, lauren, we're not on the Green Day side of the algorithm. They're still so huge.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay. I'm definitely not on the Green Day side on the algorithm. Yeah. This day looks like it sucks. Although I would see Blonde Redhead just for the nostalgia. Um.

[Lauren Garoni]

Oh, Jimmy Eat World. Also, I'm sorry. Gustavo Dudamel and the LA Philharmonic will be playing that day as well. Okay. Why not the original Misfits? That's interesting.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. Oh, Prodigy is also on the Lady Gaga day. I actually saw them at Coachella 10,000 years ago.

[Lauren Garoni]

Didn't you go to the first year of Coachella?

[Chelsea Fairless]

It was the second Coachella. It was like Bjork and the Strokes and Prodigy. Yeah, it was more like Glastonbury then. In terms of the kind of bands that were playing, if I were ever.

[Lauren Garoni]

To go to Coachella. I think I regret missing the Daft Punk year, but I think the death of Coachella that we're sort of experiencing now speaks to the fact that it was a indie rock rock festival and there's just no more rock anymore.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, it does exist. We just don't listen to it.

[Lauren Garoni]

Also, we haven't even spoken about Sunday night Post Malone.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, well, I really don't care about that.

[Lauren Garoni]

Also, this is when Coachella jumped the shark for me, is when it went from two nights to three nights and then from one weekend to two weekends.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I genuinely don't understand the advantage of going the second weekend.

[Lauren Garoni]

Yeah, I think the only advantage of going the second weekend was the year that Beyonce headlined. So you could prepare yourself and maybe the positioning of where you wanted to be.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yes, but, like, would have been much more major to go on the yellow outfit night than the pink outfit night. Come on, let's be real.

[Lauren Garoni]

That's true. And also, weren't we just watching the livestream of it?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah.

[Lauren Garoni]

I mean, this is my controversial opinion about live music. I am not the biggest live music person, but I'm sorry, It always looks better on the live stream. I feel this way about seeing live sports as well.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, I'm with you.

[Lauren Garoni]

I'm shitting on Coachella. But will I be watching the livestream of Lady Gaga? Of course. Just as I did this year for no Doubt.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, I'll watch Charlie. I'll watch Gaga. Also, I have to say, I think I was wrong with my initial take on disease. I'm not indifferent towards disease. It has grown on me. I think disease has something to it.

[Lauren Garoni]

So it's grown on you like a disease.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It has grown on me like a disease.

[Lauren Garoni]

Last thing about Coachella, I remember this year's Coachella at the bottom of the announcement was like. And no doubt. And you were sort of like, what day are they playing in? What capacity? For 2025 Coachella. It just says, travis Scott designs the desert.

[Chelsea Fairless]

So what, they can't insure him, but they will let him be Coachella's creative director, I guess. Bizarre.

[Lauren Garoni]

Well, Chelsea, you know who's not going to be a Coachella? Ellen and Portia.

[Chelsea Fairless]

They're leaving us.

[Lauren Garoni]

According to the Wrap, they are, to my knowledge, the only celebrity couple who said, if Trump wins again, I'm moving and are actually doing it. According to the Wrap, they are moving to the United Kingdom.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, I love that follow through. I'm sick of people talking about moving and threatening to move. It's like, figure it out.

[Lauren Garoni]

When I initially saw this headline, I thought it was fake because I was like, they have 14 properties in Montecito. They have a Montecito lifestyle. They're not just going to the United Kingdom. And then in the news story, it was like, they have pocket listed their Montecito estate. I'm like, oh, my God, it's happening.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, because they're moving to the Cotswolds. Which makes sense, right? Portia is like a full blown equestrian.

[Lauren Garoni]

What did she say on the comedy special? She could have her chickens. She could take the train into London, do some standup gigs.

[Chelsea Fairless]

She can not use her parking brake in England as well.

[Lauren Garoni]

Oh, my God, I love the uk. I don't think I could live there just for the reason that I know myself well enough that I'll never be able to learn how to drive on the other side of the road.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I'd kill myself in, like, two seconds. But it's like they're moving from one extremely bougie place to the other most extremely bougie place in the world. You know, Montecito, not that different.

[Lauren Garoni]

No, it is slightly colder and more gray.

[Chelsea Fairless]

They're gonna have a very, like, chic, sort of small group of friends that are also super rich.

[Lauren Garoni]

Yeah, they'll trade Oprah for Amal and George Clooney.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah.

[Lauren Garoni]

I won't cry for them too much. And I guess I do have to applaud them for being the only celebrity couple that threatened to leave. I love that they're like, yep, we're out.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, they're cool. Good for them.

[Lauren Garoni]

So, Chelsea, I think a joy of this podcast what I seem to guess people enjoy is the fact that you and I, we love the same things. We talk about the things that we love. But there are certain things, certain areas where we diverge. And you have a recent hyper fixation that I love, and I just wanted to make space for you to talk about it. So this is a section I like to call Chelsea's UAP Corner.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, guys, I actually have become a UAP truther, but I am no expert. I actually recently learned what UAP stands for. I thought it was Unidentified Aerial Phenomena, but it's actually Unidentified Identified Anomalous Phenomena. And that's because UAPS don't just fly, they also swim. So I am here to tell you, Lauren, that the aliens are in the ocean.

[Lauren Garoni]

I notice you're now wearing a tinfoil hat. I don't know where that came from.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Do not joke. Another part of the reason why we call them UAPs and not UFOs is because of the extreme stigma that there is when people talk about UAPs. And this sort of systemic discrediting of UAPS has been strategic, has been a tool that the government has used for decades to suppress this information.

[Lauren Garoni]

I apologize, that was very rude of me to make a signs tinfoil hat joke because I completely buried what you were saying. Right. Because there was a congressional hearing last week and that was the big headline, which is, they're in the oceans.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yes. This is nothing new. We've known that they're in the oceans, but at this congressional hearing, there's a lot of like high ranking military guys that testified, including a naval officer of some kind. And yeah, they're in the ocean. And there is video footage of crafts that basically like, they're flying, they fall from the sky, they go into the ocean and then become submarines, essentially.

[Lauren Garoni]

Guys, if you have not seen this video, Chelsea sent it to me. And it is incredibly compelling because the object also doesn't look like anything that exists in this world at least.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Wait, are you talking about.

[Lauren Garoni]

What's the octopus video you sent me?

[Chelsea Fairless]

The jellyfish video.

[Lauren Garoni]

The jellyfish video? Yes.

[Chelsea Fairless]

The jellyfish video was recently leaked by someone who works in the military at this US military base in Iraq and leaked this video of this uap, I will put it in the show notes is the scariest thing you've ever seen in your life. What is the explanation for this? And this is the whole thing. Like, the reason these hearings are happening is because people in the military are basically saying like, hey, Congress, the Pentagon is basically suppressing all information about this. They're refusing to admit that these crafts were not made by humans. And if they are made by humans, what country is making these crafts? Like, this is a huge national security issue, and that's why these whistleblowers are coming forward.

[Lauren Garoni]

I've noticed because there was a congressional hearing last week. There was one last year as well. Kind of like with every ever increasing story about climate change that comes out. This UAP news was greeted with a collective shrug.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I know. It's so crazy to me that it's not like the biggest story in the world. These witnesses are very credible. They're people that are coming forward for the good of the nation. And they're basically saying like one of these guys, this army intelligence officer literally testified, he's like, basically like, the US has been part of a decades long arms race with other countries, I'm assuming China, Russia, what have you, where we basically recovered these spacecrafts that have crashed and we're trying to reverse engineer them, because whatever country figures out how to reverse engineer them first will have a huge military advantage.

[Lauren Garoni]

So quite literally, the plot of Independence Day.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It's been a minute since I've seen Independence Day, but perhaps I seem to.

[Lauren Garoni]

Remember the section, I believe, where they go to Area 51 and there's that guy there who's like, oh yeah. Since the 50s, we've been trying to figure this out.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. Also, if you're listening to this and wondering, why are all these military people obsessed with this? It's because there is a very long history of these crafts being seen around military bases. Why are they doing that? We don't really know, but it could be because they're monitoring us because they don't want us to nuke ourselves. Is a common theory.

[Lauren Garoni]

Well, I mean, that's the positive theory. That they come in peace to save us from ourselves.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, obviously, I don't know what their motives are, but if they wanted to colonize the planet or kill all of us, they definitely could. I think it's more likely. And a common theory is that they look at us like an endangered species, like we are mu dang. And they're like, let's make sure mu dang doesn't nuke herself and kill all of the other hippos in the hippo enclosure. You know, like we're like cave people to them. We're fucking idiots and we can't be trusted, which is why they sort of check in and study us like zookeepers would.

[Lauren Garoni]

I mean, all of that is true. Even if UAPs didn't exist, we're idiots and we are going to nuke ourselves. I like to think that if UAPS do exist, which, of course, there has to be something beyond ourselves, but I like to think that they have their own version of social media where it's videos of us, the way we look at videos of Mu. Dang.

[Chelsea Fairless]

See, I like to hope that they've evolved past social media. I hope they have. I really, really do. But it's all very cool that this is happening, that these hearings are happening, but we haven't really gotten any more transparency from the Pentagon, who. Who continue to be shady as fuck. Also, who's funding these crash retrieval programs? Is this misallocated taxpayer money? Are there corporations that are perhaps involved in this? We don't know.

[Lauren Garoni]

I love this side of you.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I have to say, guys, I'm telling you, you start to get addicted to it once you let yourself go down.

[Lauren Garoni]

This UAP rabbit hole.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. Also, did you watch Investigation Alien?

[Lauren Garoni]

Yeah. What perfect timing that Netflix released a docu series about UAPs. Yes. You asked me. You were like, just. Just watch one episode. I watched two.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, so you saw the one about cattle mutilations. And what was the second one?

[Lauren Garoni]

The second one is they go down to Brazil.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh, right, yes. The terrifying Brazilian mass sighting from the 70s.

[Lauren Garoni]

We're clearly not alone in that first episode. The most compelling evidence that they have is that something mutilated these cows, but the evidence that it was out of this world is that no animals ate those. Massacred, mutilated animals.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, because they basically will like, take a cow, drain it of all its blood, surgically remove parts of the cow, like with a laser, not with a scalpel, and just leave the cow there. The cow carcass will then just rot, but no bugs. Nothing will come near it, which is insane. It's very spooky. And I couldn't help but wonder, are aliens just with these cows the way that high school students dissect frogs? Or are the aliens fucking with the cows to, like, study our food supply or something?

[Lauren Garoni]

Oh, I genuinely thought you were going to do a Sex in the City. I couldn't help but wonder, like, I couldn't help but Wonder, were these UAPs more unavailable than Mr. Big?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, terrifying. But it's not like there's this isolated incident of cows being mutilated at one random ranch. It's happening, like, all over the place. It's actually pretty common.

[Lauren Garoni]

It's so weird that tinfoil hats started to appear again.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Chelsea babes, I don't make this shit up.

[Lauren Garoni]

Well, I encourage everyone to watch Investigation.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Alien Investigation Alien is fun. The other really good show on Netflix is called Encounters. And Encounters is genius because the framework of this show is it's about mass UFO sightings throughout history, and it's as much about what these communities see as it is about how much it fucks them up afterwards because no one believes them. But the whole town has this shared experience. Like there's one really insane one about these children at a school in Zimbabwe in the 90s that saw this alien and it liked them all up for life.

[Lauren Garoni]

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[Chelsea Fairless]

Anyway, what are we transitioning into now that I've unloaded on you all?

[Lauren Garoni]

Well, Chelsea, we've had some bad news this week. Not just bad news, but bad news all centered around old men. So welcome to our new segment, Bad Old man news.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Bad news only on every outfit.

[Lauren Garoni]

Originally we were just going to talk about the Jake Paul Mike Tyson fight in Hot Topics. But then like three more old man new stuff happened that was all not great. Decided to make it its own section. I was shocked to learn Chelsea, you did indeed watch the Jake Paul Mike Tyson fight on Netflix.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah I did because tat wanted to watch it. But nothing appeals to me Less personally than a boxing match between two guys who have both been accused of rape. Like, I'm more of an Ad House tour kind of bitch.

[Lauren Garoni]

Sorry. All I'm thinking about is if there was an Ad House tour competition.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Also, Jake Paul is taking nouveau riche as Steve aesthetics into another stratosphere with this look that he wore at the fight. He wore shorts that were worth a million dollars. Like had a million dollars in diamonds on them, basically.

[Lauren Garoni]

Ooh.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. Deeply gross.

[Lauren Garoni]

I think the thing that's less reported is that Jake Paul was also a promoter of this fight. Initially, it was rumored that Mike Tyson was making 20 million and Jake Paul was making 40 million. I just saw a clip of his brother interviewing him. Who asked him, did you make $90 million? He's like, ah, I made a lot of money. And you know what? He deserves to, because we all played into this. I watched it, you watched it. We all collectively watched a very laggy Netflix stream for four hours.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. Well, I do think that we're starved for live things. Right. There aren't that many things these days that everyone watches simultaneously. Apart from the super bowl or like the Oscars, something. And even the Oscars, I feel like most people don't care about them anymore.

[Lauren Garoni]

That's very true. And when you learn that Jake Paul was the promoter of this fight, I think his genius is how hated he is and how he does indeed have a punchable face. Because I saw a variation of this messaging going around of like, I don't care about boxing, but I hope Mike Tyson kills this man.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Right.

[Lauren Garoni]

I think the joke of all of this is that the fact that any of us thought it was going to be a satisfying fight and that it wasn't already predetermined that one, Jake Paul would win. But two, clearly Mike Tyson was pulling his punches. Even a nearly six year old Mike Tyson could knock Jake Paul clean out.

[Chelsea Fairless]

So you think it was completely staged?

[Lauren Garoni]

This is my version of UAPs. They've shown clips where like, in the second or third round, like, Tyson gets a really good punch on Jake Paul. And it looks as if Jake Paul gets very close to Mike Tyson and whispers something like, hey, hey, cut it out. Like, let's have it go as many rounds as possible, right? Which if you have a knockout, isn't going to happen.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I don't understand any of this shit. I really don't care about boxing. I don't care about either of these guys. I think this whole thing sucks. Although again, I think there's something magical about the fact that everyone is tuned into the same thing.

[Lauren Garoni]

Yes. I thought the other lovely thing that evoked a older time of television was the fact that Netflix put this show on and quite like ABC's. What was that? Like Tournament of the Stars, where they would have a reality competition show with stars from their network TV shows. It was just a promotion for Netflix. Right. You had like squid game people in the audience. They have some reality show about the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. They did a whole thing.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, but why was Charlize there?

[Lauren Garoni]

Was Charlize there in there?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yes. And I was like, girl, why I wouldn't want to be there.

[Lauren Garoni]

I don't know.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Anyway, what other bad news do we have?

[Lauren Garoni]

We discussed this a few months ago. We were so thrilled that John Waters had said earlier this year that his novel Liarmouth was going to become a film that Audrey Plaza was going to star in that a few months ago it was like, I said that, but it doesn't mean it's going to happen. I can't get any funding. And now he recently did an interview where he said, oh, no, that movie's dead.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Horrible. I believe we mentioned this the last time we talked about the movie. But I feel like Megan Ellison really needs to respect her queer elders.

[Lauren Garoni]

Megan Ellison, daughter of the Oracle billionaire Larry Ellison, who has her own production and distribution company, Annapurna. Yes. I think this is the problem with the current state of Hollywood, beyond the consolidation of all of these media companies, is that we don't have good rich people with taste anymore, it seems to me. Yeah, you're telling me no one could give him 5 million, 10 million?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I know. Like Ryan Murphy. Come on. Like Divine literally ate shit so that you could make American Horror Coven break.

[Lauren Garoni]

Off a couple of million from your $300 million Netflix deal. Let's put this movie on Netflix. You won't lose money even if you did lose money. That is what rich people used to do. They used to be patrons. That was the way. They were robber barons. And the way that they paid back for being robber barons was like, here's the Metropolitan Opera House. Here's a railroad. What do we have now?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I know we have Jake Paul in his Million dollar boxing shorts.

[Lauren Garoni]

How would you feel if Jake Paul was like, you know what?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I'd love him.

[Lauren Garoni]

Then here's the thing not a lot of people know about me. Love the film Pecker. Here's the other thing that's broken about the studio system is actors used to have this thing called one for Them, one for Me, where it's like they would do an unquestionably studio popcorn film, and then they would go do an indie movie. And studios used to support that as well, where it's like, well, we did this gigantic, you know, Die Hard 3, but then we have our independent side of things that's really championing up and coming filmmakers. And that ecosystem doesn't exist anymore. Then it fell down to the children of billionaires that were starting production companies that were going to fund the movies that couldn't get made anymore. And turns out all they want to make are popcorn movies too.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, hate it.

[Lauren Garoni]

You know what? I also hate the fact that David lynch has emphysema, which is something we talked about a few months ago, but now he needs oxygen to even walk.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Horrible. But I was very shocked when I read that he has been smoking since he was eight. Eight?

[Lauren Garoni]

Eight's a little young.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Eight's really young. Start smoking when you're 13 like a normal person. But he's like, I don't regret it. I don't regret smoking. I don't regret having characters that smoke in my movies.

[Lauren Garoni]

Oh, we need to let that go as a culture. I'm someone. Both my parents were smokers. Everyone in my life at one time has been a smoker. I never smoked. No other reason than I just seemed like it was something I was going to have to quit at some point, so why start? But I'm sorry, it's not up for debate. People who smoke, it just looks cool.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, David lynch especially made it look cool. Although he's almost like a borderline, like, smoking fetishist. Like, there's an erotic quality to smoking in some of his movies.

[Lauren Garoni]

Well, he says this in the People magazine article I sent you where he's like, I love the smell of tobacco, the taste of tobacco. I love lighting cigarettes. And it was part of what made him a painter and a filmmaker as well.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Hey, look, at least he has no regrets. Although it sucks that he's basically housebound.

[Lauren Garoni]

As some of the fuckettes know. I used to live next to him and I can say, fabulous house.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. Literally, why leave?

[Lauren Garoni]

Although here's the question I have when he says that he doesn't leave the house is he actually owns several homes on the same street, and one functions as a studio.

[Chelsea Fairless]

And that house is the house in Lost Highway.

[Lauren Garoni]

I don't know. He's a very creative man. I feel like he can make a movie in his own house.

[Chelsea Fairless]

He made Inland Empire. He can do something crazy in his house.

[Lauren Garoni]

Did you ever see Inland Empire?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I did see it. I was Indifferent towards it. Some people really like it.

[Lauren Garoni]

I could only make it halfway through that movie.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah.

[Lauren Garoni]

And lastly, Dave Coulier, former star Uncle Joey in Full House and alleged subject of Alanis Morissette's you ought to know which at this point he is who she wrote it about. Okay.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yes.

[Lauren Garoni]

He has come out and announced that he has cancer, which would be very sad, except the way that I found out about this was an image of him with a shaved head next to John Stamos, who was wearing a bald cap in solidarity to the fact that he had to shave his head.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Just shave your head. To be fair, that's in keeping with his character from Full House who was very, very obsessed with his hair.

[Lauren Garoni]

Well, yeah, but it just calls to mind, like, imagine that scene in Sex and the City where Smith Jared comes home when Samantha's shaving her own head and he begins shaving her head and then he puts on a bald cap in solidarity. Truly. Because the photos that I saw, I believe John Stamos was shaving Dave Coulier's hair. And when he walked into the room, he was already wearing the bald cap.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It is really scary to see John Stamos in that bald cap, but, God, it makes me sad. I love Full House. I love Dave Coulier on Full House. Although imagine being like a parent of one of like the Tanner family, kids, friends. Like, I'm not letting you go over to that scary polyamorous house where there's just like Dave Coulier in the basement for no apparent reason. He's not even related to them.

[Lauren Garoni]

That's right, because John Stamos Uncle Jesse was the brother of the mom that died. Dave Coulier is just the friend.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Dave Coulier is just the friend. And he lives in the basement, like, with his scary, like, puppet.

[Lauren Garoni]

I believe there were multiple puppets, but yeah, yeah, I agree with you. Imagine.

[Chelsea Fairless]

No, he had one main character that was like his. It was like a beaver, I think.

[Lauren Garoni]

Yeah, yeah. This is all coming back to me. And also, I think it doesn't help that he was a comedian that was not just a prop comedian, but a puppet based comedian in the mid-90s in San Francisco.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, it's very, very dark, the whole thing.

[Lauren Garoni]

Do you remember the part where Uncle Jesse gets married and they invent an attic that is now converted into an apartment?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yes, yeah, of course. For Aunt Becky and the twins to all live up there.

[Lauren Garoni]

To be fair, that living situation more realistic for 2024 than 1994.

[Chelsea Fairless]

True.

[Lauren Garoni]

It's like guys just get an Apartment and come over every night.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, Very sus. Very sus vibes at the Tanner household. Also, you know what always struck me as weird? You know how DJs best friend Kimmy, like, Danny fucking hated her?

[Lauren Garoni]

Oh, you think there was something going on there?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, their hatred was more like adult sexual tension hatred than like, I hate my kid's best friend. I'm just saying there's some sus things going down in that house.

[Lauren Garoni]

Everything is fucked up. I do think it's funny. Dave Coulier had to release a statement because this did go viral and not for good reason. So we had to release a statement that was like, it's our friendship, me and John, and this is how we are handling a very tough time. I'm a comedian, and humor is what drives me. John knows how to cheer me up, and I laughed out loud when he arrived wearing a bald cap. Being a true loving friend and brother. I'm sorry. A true loving friend and bro. Again, this is not what people have issue with. We get it, and that's great that it made you laugh. But a true loving friend and brother would also shave their head in solidarity. It really speaks to a very insecure older guy who's afraid that it might not grow back if he shaves it off.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, here's hoping that we see Mary Kate and Ashley in bald cap.

[Lauren Garoni]

Soon this becomes, like, the ice bucket challenge. The bald cap challenge. Shall we get into some fashion news?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Sure.

[Lauren Garoni]

Really? Just some Vogue news. Vogue World. An event that Chelsea and I are still not sure what it is. I know you guys keep asking us every year, like, can you explain what it is, guys? We don't know either, but next year, it will be coming to Los Angeles. Maybe we can get in Vogue's good graces to get an invite, and we'll finally be able to explain to you all what Vogue World is exactly.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, to be fair, we've done nothing but praise Vogue for the past three months. They've been killing it with their covers. Also, slight aside, but I just want to point out that Runway genius, which is the game on the Vogue app, has gotten easier.

[Lauren Garoni]

Someone heard your feedback.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Someone heard my feedback. I think we have slightly more time now. So now I'm always front row, not second row.

[Lauren Garoni]

Oh, my God. I'm so proud.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. Although I am a bit embarrassed because currently I only get 82% of the questions. Right. But I think that that will increase to the 90s over time once I play more games now that they become easier.

[Lauren Garoni]

Okay.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Because it averages all of them together. And I've done, like, 30 at this point or something.

[Lauren Garoni]

Right. I love how you won't accept that the house always wins, even if it's a game in Vogue. You're like, no know I can crack this system. I don't think anyone has gotten 100%, Chelsea. I don't think they're meant to.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I've gotten 100% because it's like 20 out of 20 or something.

[Lauren Garoni]

But your average score is 82.

[Chelsea Fairless]

My average score, yes. From the beginning of time to now is 82.

[Lauren Garoni]

That's what I'm saying. I don't think anyone is 100%.

[Chelsea Fairless]

But the problem is, in the early days, my score was low because I wasn't even getting to all of the questions in time. It wasn't that I was missing them. It was that I was not doing it fast enough.

[Lauren Garoni]

But, Chelsea, are you hearing what I'm saying? I'm explaining to you, if you can't excel at this game, no one is.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, that's why they made it easier. So good for Vogue. Also, everyone play Runway. Genius. It's truly the best thing to do on your phone. I look forward to it every single time that I remember that it exists.

[Lauren Garoni]

And I do appreciate that you are sticking to your original score, your original username, because you could just as easily at this point register with a new email, start again, and be in the 90. 100%.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Just give me time.

[Lauren Garoni]

Just a little bit more about Vogue World. Vogue World. Hollywood will celebrate the rich conversation between film and fashion, centering the most inspiring characters in cinema history. Count on high style, high drama, and more than a few feats of movie magic next fall. Chelsea, I'm scared.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, but where are they doing this is the question. Because we're running out of suitable venues because Gucci already did Hollywood Boulevard. Celine did the Wiltern. Both Versace and Balenciaga essentially use the Hollywood hills as a backdrop for their shows.

[Lauren Garoni]

And Elon Musk used Warner Brothers to showcase his demented robots and cyber cabin.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Ooh, what about. What's the theater that the Oscars are in?

[Lauren Garoni]

Oh, the Dolby Theater, maybe.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Right. If they come in from Hollywood Boulevard.

[Lauren Garoni]

It's so hard to say, because one most inspiring characters in cinema history feels like we're now going to have models and actors dressed up as movie characters over time.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Great. That sounds fabulous.

[Lauren Garoni]

And then more than a few feats of movie magic feels like they're gonna be like holograms or people are just gonna appear out of nowhere.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Right. Tom Cruise is gonna, like, Jump out of a plane?

[Lauren Garoni]

How many times can that man do that? Look, we've got a year to get this invite, Chell. So if you don't hear us talking shit about Vogue anymore, you know why we're trying to secure this ticket. All right. I finally watched the show. Disclaimer. Did you, as promised, watch the movie Disclosure?

[Chelsea Fairless]

No, I didn't. Sorry.

[Lauren Garoni]

How dare you?

[Chelsea Fairless]

But I'm very excited to talk about disclaimer. And it's diptyque coded logo.

[Lauren Garoni]

Yeah. Yep.

[Chelsea Fairless]

So this is the new Apple TV Plus. Is that what they call it?

[Lauren Garoni]

Yes, an Apple TV original.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It is a limited series starring Cate Blanchett, directed by Alfonso Cuaron. So we're thinking highbrow going in, right?

[Lauren Garoni]

Absolutely. By its logline, it is about. Let's see what it says. When an intriguing novel appears at the bedside of a journalist whose career has been built on revealing transgressions, she's horrified to realize she's a key character in a long buried story, one that exposes her darkest secrets.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Disclaimer does fall within one of my favorite micro genres, which I will affectionately call Cate Blanchett Gets canceled. That's inclusive of this. Tar Notes on a scandal. Blue Jasmine. Actually, disclaimer really is just notes on a scandal, but instead of Judi Dench trying to ruin Cate Blanchett's life, it's Kevin Kline.

[Lauren Garoni]

I did not like this show. I'm just gonna start there in the spirit of this meeting. Could have been an email. This limited series could have been a movie.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh, for sure.

[Lauren Garoni]

Just to begin, and this is my own bias, I don't love an unreliable narrative story in general. And this series made me realize I really don't like an unreliable narrative strung along seven hours.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, but like, you don't regret watching it, do you? Like, you have to watch it.

[Lauren Garoni]

Yeah, but could it have been five episodes?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, of course it could have been five episodes. It could have been three episodes.

[Lauren Garoni]

It could have been a movie, is my point. It could have been two hours.

[Chelsea Fairless]

It could have been an episode of Law and svu.

[Lauren Garoni]

And that is where the show gets confusing. And I don't mean in its plot, which I have a lot of questions about that. But tonally, in the beginning, it is a very grounded show. And as the hours go on, it makes you wonder, wait, is this terrible? Is it campy?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah.

[Lauren Garoni]

Is this good?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, it's definitely campy. It's funny because when you first start watching it, like in the beginning, you're like, wow, this is very, very highbrow Then at a certain point you're like, wait, am I watching the Perfect Couple again?

[Lauren Garoni]

And it's tough because it deals with some very dark subjects. So it's very weird to think it's campy when it weaves in and out. But you get this from the trailer, so I don't think we're spoiling anything. Cate Blanchett, some years before, has an affair with a young man in Italy. He passes. His parents are pissed. They write a novel. She is afraid that everyone will know she is the cause of this boy dying. And so Kevin Klein is obsessed with ruining Cate Blanchett's life.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Did you even recognize him at the beginning? Because I didn't.

[Lauren Garoni]

I did. Yes.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I didn't recognize him in the old makeup because we see him in two different time periods in this film. And in the present day, he's quite old. Older than he actually is.

[Lauren Garoni]

Yes, I did recognize that that was Kevin Klein. I will say I did have to go to Google and be like, is this what Kevin Klein looks like now?

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. See, it's crazy.

[Lauren Garoni]

And the answer is no. Look, it is a tale about how the most generous read I can give, how lies unravel us. How the death of a child unravels us and makes us do things we wouldn't normally do. Or would Kevin Klein have done this anyway? It's hard to say.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Well, I think that Leslie Manville is the crazier part of that couple.

[Lauren Garoni]

So we should say Kevin Klein doesn't write this novel. His wife does. And when she dies, he discovers it. And then that's when his evil plan is launched.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Kind of more Vern Kohler esque.

[Lauren Garoni]

It also speaks to kind of Amy Dunne and Gone Girl. Like you almost expect that Kevin Kline is gonna write a post it that says kill self question mark. Yeah, we have to discuss Sacha Baron Cohen is in this show. He does not make a joke this entire series. He is playing it completely straight as Cate Blanchett's husband. And my other issue with this show is the fact that men will trust any other man more than they would trust a woman, even their own wife. Yeah, because when he finds out about this affair, which again, it is a novelization of what they imagine their son did 20 years ago during a weekend in Italy.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, like Lesley Manville is like a full pervert. That's like writing whole ass sex scenes about her son. See, that's the thing about disclaimer is that I was always on Cate Blanchett's side from the beginning. I was like, it doesn't seem like what she did was that bad or certainly not deserving of having her entire life and career ruined over it.

[Lauren Garoni]

Yeah. And there's also this bizarre thing where Sacha Baron Cohen, who you understand he and Cate Blanchett had been married a good 25, 30 years, has no curiosity about his wife's side of the story. I know he reads this novel and then won't speak to her for five episodes.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, he's super fucked up, for sure. But I want to talk about the Kate Blanchett of it all, because the circumstances that her character is dealing with are similar to other movies. But I feel like all of the really juicy stuff the younger version of Cate Blanchett gets to do, so she kind of actually doesn't have that much to do.

[Lauren Garoni]

Well, it's Cate Blanchett at an 11 for almost the entirety of the series. Because you're right, it's told in the past and then the present. An actress named Leela George plays the younger version of Cate Blanchett. You and Tat watch this ahead of me. Your big message was like, this is the hottest woman alive.

[Chelsea Fairless]

She is incredibly hot. And I was really shocked to discover that she is Vincent D'Onofrio's daughter.

[Lauren Garoni]

Yes. But I feel like an important part of that equation is her mother, Greta Saatchi, who is a beautiful woman. You've seen the Player, right? That is the woman that is with Vincent D'Onofrio in the player and becomes the object of Tim Robbins affection in the film. What? I also know about Lila George. For two years during the Pandemic, she was married to Sean Penn.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh, that one.

[Lauren Garoni]

Oh, yes, right, right.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Okay, I forgot about that.

[Lauren Garoni]

Which is weird because Sean Penn is a contemporary of her father, Vincent D'Onofrio.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah, that is super weird.

[Lauren Garoni]

So I'm sure there were plenty of stories where he was like, yeah, when I was hanging out with your dad in the West Village in 1987.

[Chelsea Fairless]

That's crazy. We can't spoil.

[Lauren Garoni]

No, I'm not going to reveal the twist in the last episode, but I will say this because it does something that I've noticed is a recent phenomenon in television and movies, which in order to assure this kind of gut punch of a twist, they do this thing where, look, there's a silent contract. Right. When you watch something where you, as the audience member, like, I'm trusting you filmmakers, actors, I like to take me on this journey and I will follow this journey. But I've noticed this thing where they will tell You a certain narrative, in this case for five episodes. This is what happened. Nothing else. Here are different angles of this exact thing that happens. And then for 20 minutes in the last episode, they're just like, actually, what about this? You actually believed what we told you the last five hours. Guess what? It's not that, you fucking idiot. How dare you believe us.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I know.

[Lauren Garoni]

So I don't enjoy that twist. I enjoy twists that build on the plot that you've been told. Not a sudden 180 at the last minute.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. Like, Rashomon is a great film, but its impact on other films has been overwhelmingly negative.

[Lauren Garoni]

Well, I also think that this has its roots, this phenomenon in the amount of amazing twists in movies from the 90s like Usual Suspects or Primal Fear or Fight Club 7. All these things that build on the narrative from the beginning, which is very difficult to do.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah.

[Lauren Garoni]

So this is based on a novel written by Renee Knight. I turn to Paul and I was like, I bet you this book came out post metoo because it has that vibe.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh, of course.

[Lauren Garoni]

No, it predates me too. It came out in 2015.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Wow.

[Lauren Garoni]

Because the vibe of the series is that we don't believe women. I don't sympathize with a single character, Chelsea.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Really. I sympathize with Cate Blanchett, like, immensely. And with the Sun. Although the scenes of him, like shooting heroin in the Heroin house, very 90s, very after school Special.

[Lauren Garoni]

Why isn't he doing fentanyl like a normal 2010s person? I don't sympathize with any of these characters, Chell. Not because they are flawed people, but none of them have any self preservation skills. Not the sun, not Cate Blanchett.

[Chelsea Fairless]

That's true.

[Lauren Garoni]

Who knows what a psycho Kevin Kline is, but still accepts a drink that he gives her. Are you out of your mind?

[Chelsea Fairless]

I know there's some logic issues which plague the middle of the series where truly nothing makes sense, but you just kind of have to suspend your disbelief.

[Lauren Garoni]

Once you know what the reveal is, what the deep dark secret is, what Cate Blanchett's truth is, it invalidates everything you've seen before and her fear of this novel coming out. And yes, she would have to relive her trauma to be able to explain her side of the story, but she's in the clear.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah.

[Lauren Garoni]

And to your point, our other issue with this series is, in my mind, she was in the clear. Even if the mother's telling of the story was true.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yep.

[Lauren Garoni]

Did you also have a problem with the camera work?

[Chelsea Fairless]

No, I thought it was beautiful.

[Lauren Garoni]

The director of photography for this was Emmanuel Lubisky, who is Alfonso Cuaron's guy. He's done Children of Men, Birdman, Gravity, Revenant, Tree of Life.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Wait, he's the tree of Life? Oh, so he's incredible. He's the best ever.

[Lauren Garoni]

He's the best ever. Do it. And I'm not talking about that cinematography. I'm literally talking about the camera work where the camera will just jarringly push in like it's a 90s dad who just got a VHS camera.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Oh, see, I loved that.

[Lauren Garoni]

It's the camera work you would see on Succession.

[Chelsea Fairless]

I love it. But the camera work is one of those things that tricks you into thinking that it's much more highbrow than it actually is. When it comes down to it, I.

[Lauren Garoni]

Think the campiest thing about this show and really shows you Kevin Klein's decline mentally is when he begins wearing his dead wife sweater exclusively.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Right.

[Lauren Garoni]

Which goes back to my point of, like, I can't like any of these characters because Sacha Baron Cohen, who doesn't believe his wife doesn't even want to hear her side of the story for some reason, believes Kevin Klein wholeheartedly befriends him. Even when he shows up at a hospital wearing a white tank and his wife's stretched out sweater and then like a trench over that. No red flags. Not like, maybe this is a mentally unstable person.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Look, he saw what he wanted to see.

[Lauren Garoni]

And I guess that's the point of the story.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. It was fascinating watching something on Apple TV plus or whatever.

[Lauren Garoni]

It's confusing, right? There's Apple tv, the piece of software.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Yeah. The physical, like, little box thing, which.

[Lauren Garoni]

Is also where you go. You have to click on the Apple TV app to even rent movies. But then also, Apple TV plus is where all of their original series are, which once you watch one, they show you all the other shows they have, and you're like, I've never heard of these shows. Chelsea. There's a show called Silo with Rebecca Ferguson that's on its second season.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Right. I think I saw an ad for that. There's also some show with Jason Siegel and.

[Lauren Garoni]

Oh, shrinking. Yes.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Have you watched that?

[Lauren Garoni]

I have. It's funny, my friend the other day was like, have you watched Shrinking? I'm like, yeah, I watched the first season. She goes, the first season. I said, yeah, the second season just started. She goes, oh, I just watched the first episode. There was an article that has said that Apple TV has spent 10 billion with a B dollars on original content. And most of us don't know these shows. Don't know that these shows are on their second season.

[Chelsea Fairless]

They did do the Ben Stiller show, right?

[Lauren Garoni]

Severance, which is coming back, right?

[Chelsea Fairless]

That's the only one that is really hit for me.

[Lauren Garoni]

Would you be shocked to learn, Chelsea, that there is a show with our favorite Jennifer Connelly on Apple tv? It's called Dark Matter.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Imagine like being Jennifer Connelly in doing a full TV series like Prestige Television and literally no one knows about it. What's it about?

[Lauren Garoni]

Professor Jason Dessen is abducted into an alternate version of his life in a labyrinth of realities. He embarks on a harrowing journey to get back to his true family and save them from the most terrifying dying foe imaginable. Himself.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Pass.

[Lauren Garoni]

There's also a show, Slow Horses, which, you know, if you have a boomer dad like I do, who pays for Apple tv. Plus, this is his favorite show. It's with Gary Oldman.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Dads love Gary Oldman.

[Lauren Garoni]

There's a plethora of shows I think you and I watch, but we don't watch collectively, so we don't talk about it on the podcast. And my whole thing is there's not enough shows that feel like an escape. I think that's why I watch Housewives. But I've been watching a show on Max called the Franchise, which is a Sam Mendy's show and it is about a frustrated first ad on a big comic book esque movie where everything goes wrong.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Who plays the ad?

[Lauren Garoni]

He was the guy in the Danny Boyle film where he somehow wishes himself into a reality where the Beatles don't exist.

[Chelsea Fairless]

Right. Got it yesterday.

[Lauren Garoni]

Yes. Himesh Patel. Here's the thing. We need more 30 minute shows, for sure. Hour longs, too long.

[Chelsea Fairless]

How do we wrap up?

[Lauren Garoni]

I think we've said it all. Everything we could possibly say about disclaimer without fully spoiling it.

[Chelsea Fairless]

So let's bounce. We'll be back next week.

[Lauren Garoni]

All right, guys, we'll see you then. Bye.