New Year, Same Us — with Samantha Irby!

Summary

Everything is Fine: Episode Summary – "New Year, Same Us — with Samantha Irby!"

Hosts: Jennifer Romolini and Kim Krantz
Guest: Samantha Irby
Release Date: January 6, 2025

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In the inaugural episode of 2025, hosts Jennifer Romolini and Kim Krantz welcome comedian and author Samantha Irby to discuss the perennial challenges and humorous tribulations associated with New Year's resolutions, aging, wellness, and navigating social expectations. The conversation blends candid storytelling with insightful commentary, providing listeners with both laughter and relatable content.

1. Welcome and Guest Introduction (02:00 – 07:30)

Jennifer and Kim express their excitement about having Samantha Irby as their special guest. Jen shares her initial hesitation in inviting Samantha onto the show, humorously admitting her tendency to be overly cautious about involving friends in podcast projects:

Jen Romolini (02:14): "I've been gatekeeping her the entire three years I've been doing this show... Samantha Irby is a goddamn delight."

Kim complements Samantha as a "national treasure," setting the tone for an engaging and heartfelt discussion.

2. Mishaps and Humor: Jen’s Skincare Fiasco (02:45 – 05:57)

Jen opens up about a recent skincare accident where she mistakenly applied self-tanner instead of a facial serum, turning her face orange overnight:

Jen Romolini (03:13): "I woke up the next morning, I looked as orange and leathery as, like, the old lady."
Kim Krantz (04:51): "But how did you get rid of it?"
Jen Romolini (04:53): "I just use water and alcohol to fade it out."

This light-hearted anecdote serves as an icebreaker, highlighting the relatable struggles of maintaining beauty routines.

3. New Year's Resolutions and Executive Function (05:57 – 21:41)

The trio delves into the topic of New Year's resolutions, expressing mutual skepticism about their effectiveness and the pressure to achieve lofty goals:

Jen Romolini (10:33): "All of these New Year's intentions and resolutions, they're just all designed to make you feel like shit."
Samantha Irby (15:18): "I set goals for someone who has more executive function than I do."

Samantha discusses her approach to setting "micro goals" as advised by her psychiatrist, emphasizing manageable steps over ambitious targets:

Samantha Irby (16:08): "Just pick up that shirt you took off. Every time."

Kim and Jen share their own struggles with executive functioning, reinforcing the common challenges faced by many in maintaining resolutions.

4. Wellness Hacks and Self-Care Strategies (31:42 – 36:05)

The conversation shifts to practical wellness tips and self-care habits. Samantha introduces her hydration hack using DripDrop packets to combat dehydration caused by weed use:

Samantha Irby (32:09): "My hack is to put two drip drops in a big water and like, if you take the edible at night and you drink that and then you make another one first thing in the morning."
Jen Romolini (34:30): "I have a water pick... putting mouthwash in the water pick has transformed everything."

Kim contemplates the idea of using coaching to improve executive function, while Jen humorously discusses her resistance to becoming less sensitive:

Jen Romolini (22:43): "I wish that I didn't. I wish everything didn't make me like, oh, I'm hurt."

5. Navigating Social Media (58:56 – 63:12)

Samantha shares her selective use of social media platforms, favoring Instagram for curated content and avoiding Facebook and Twitter to maintain her mental well-being:

Samantha Irby (59:05): "I've created or curated my feed to the point where, like, I don't see anything that upsets me."

The hosts discuss their individual relationships with social media, highlighting the importance of setting boundaries to preserve mental health.

6. Embracing Aging and Challenging Societal Norms (44:28 – 51:05)

A significant portion of the episode tackles societal attitudes towards aging, especially concerning older women. Samantha critiques the limited and stereotypical roles available to older women in media:

Samantha Irby (44:58): "People hate older women... they don't want to see a woman in her 50s, 60s, 70s, having fun."

Jen and Kim echo these sentiments, discussing the unrealistic standards and expectations placed on women as they age. The conversation includes humorous takes on reality TV shows like "Later Daters," emphasizing the lack of authentic representation for older women.

7. Sports Fandom as a Coping Mechanism (61:13 – 68:31)

Samantha reveals her deep passion for sports, particularly the NFL and NBA, as a source of entertainment and emotional engagement:

Samantha Irby (63:18): "I love watching people be really good at physical things that I could never do."
Jen Romolini (65:54): "Football's a little stressful to me."

Kim and Samantha discuss the emotional connections and drama inherent in sports, likening it to a weekly soap opera that provides both distraction and enjoyment.

8. Final Thoughts and Resolutions to Survive (68:41 – 73:00)

As the episode wraps up, the hosts and Samantha reflect on what they appreciate about getting older and what they aim to achieve moving forward. Samantha expresses a desire to write a novel and host a grand party with her loved ones:

Samantha Irby (69:54): "I would like to write a novel... throw a big fancy party."

In a unanimous agreement, the trio concludes their resolutions for the year with a humorous yet sincere intention:

Samantha Irby (72:56): "Let's just survive."
Kim Krantz (73:00): "That's our resolution and our intention."

Notable Quotes:

• Jen Romolini (03:14): "Something finally, totally fucked up happened with skincare..."
• Samantha Irby (08:02): "I feel like people are gonna freak the fuck out."
• Kim Krantz (10:08): "Skinny Models made me feel insecure when I was younger."
• Samantha Irby (15:18): "I'm setting micro goals to stop feeling like shit."
• Jen Romolini (19:56): "Would you feel okay if you could change anything about yourself?"
• Samantha Irby (45:49): "People hate older women... they don't want to see a woman in her 50s, 60s, 70s, having fun."
• Samantha Irby (63:18): "It's sort of like the Olympics for me, except every week."
• Jen Romolini (72:52): "How about we just survive?"

Conclusion

"New Year, Same Us — with Samantha Irby!" offers a blend of humor, honesty, and introspection as the hosts and guest navigate the complexities of setting and failing to meet New Year's resolutions, maintaining wellness, embracing aging, and finding comfort in personal passions like sports. Samantha Irby's candid revelations and witty remarks make for an engaging episode that resonates with listeners navigating similar life stages and challenges.

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Join Jennifer Romolini and Kim Krantz next week on Everything is Fine for more candid conversations and relatable insights tailored for women over 40 navigating the oddities and freedoms of midlife.

Transcript

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[Kim Krantz]

You can trust podcasts to deliver results for your business. 80% of podcast listeners say they'll consider a brand recommendation by their favorite host. Even more impressive, 88% have taken action because of a podcast ad. If you're looking to connect with highly engaged audiences, now's the time to dive in. Download podcast Pulse 2024 for all the latest insights and see how podcast ads can drive real results for you. Hi and welcome to Everything Is Fine, a podcast for over 40. We are your hosts. I'm Kim Krantz.

[Jen Romolini]

And I'm Jen Romolini.

[Kim Krantz]

And we have the funnest episode for you guys today.

[Jen Romolini]

We have the best episode because we're talking all about the new year and all of our hopes and dreams.

[Kim Krantz]

With the best guest. With the best guest.

[Jen Romolini]

The best guest in the world, Samantha Irby, who is a dear, dear friend of mine, who, as she said, I've been gatekeeping her the entire three years I've been doing this show. I just like, I really never wanna be the person who makes my friends do shit. Like, I just never. I really tend to, like, go a little bit too far the other way, you know, and be like, oh, no, like a little too shy about it. But anyway, this was a delight Cause Samantha Irby is a goddamn delight.

[Kim Krantz]

She's a national treasure.

[Jen Romolini]

National treasure. And also shout out to her wife Kirsten, who I equally love very, very much and I've heard listens to the show, so. Hooray. H. Before we get into this episode, I have to tell you what happened to me this week. Please tell me it finally happened. Kim France. Something finally, totally fucked up happened with skincare and all these fucking products I have in this house. I'm sorry.

[Kim Krantz]

I'm laughing.

[Jen Romolini]

Okay? You've been warning and I've been like, come on. That lady who turned orange is not possible. Guess what? This weekend I was a lady who turned orange.

[Kim Krantz]

No. No.

[Jen Romolini]

Okay, so this. Okay, yes, this is what happened. So I'm packing all this shit for this move. And I'm really trying to be good about, like, sorting through shit and, you know, whatever. Like, I'm not gonna take that. I don't need that. Let me get rid of that. Let me donate that. Let me give that away. Whatever the fuck. So I'm going through beauty products in my bathroom over the weekend. I'm a little bit high and I'm just like trying everything. I'm like, oh, what's this? I'm putting it on my hands. I'm putting it on my face, whatever. And I had this serum, what I thought was a serum from, like, drunk elephant or something. And I put a lot of it on my face and then just went about my business, went out to dinner that night. Totally normal, everything. I woke up the next morning, I looked like. As orange and leathery as, like, the old lady. And it's something about Mary or. You must have freaked out Alex. I didn't know it happened to me. Alex looked at me and he was like, were you in the sun? Like, are you tan? And I was like, I don't. I don't. What are you talking about? And I went into the mirror and I had accidentally used glow drops, which I. Anyway, I'd use self tanner on my face. And a fucking lot of it. Like, a lot of it. An offensive amount of it. And just the whole day walking around like orange.

[Kim Krantz]

But how did you get rid of it?

[Jen Romolini]

Well, it does fade after a while. And then I got the. Like, by the end of the day, it started to fade, actually, like, just with like, me putting, like, water in a tissue. And then I put. I had alcohol my whole face.

[Kim Krantz]

Wow.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes. Yes. But it finally happened. Like, I couldn't leave the house. I looked. As discussed, I looked offensive.

[Kim Krantz]

Well, I take no pleasure in being Right here.

[Jen Romolini]

I just. The whole day I was like, kim is fucking right. And I was saving it to tell you because obviously at some point something was gonna go wrong.

[Kim Krantz]

But you're back to normal now. That's all that matters.

[Jen Romolini]

I'm back to normal now. I'm back to normal now. But yeah, we'll be so willy nilly with the beauty products again. Like, it doesn't matter if something like this isn't supposed to do this. This shouldn't have turned my face into like an old tan mom. Anyway, let's get into it.

[Samantha Irby]

This bitch y'all text me talking about, can you still join? Bitch, I joined.

[Jen Romolini]

You totally did. You totally did. It didn't give me a big alert.

[Samantha Irby]

It indicated in the corner, it's are you kidd. What else am I going to be doing?

[Jen Romolini]

I don't know.

[Samantha Irby]

I'm thrilled to be here.

[Jen Romolini]

We're thrilled to have you. Yeah, I'm going to. We're so thrilled to have you. I've been wanting to have you on forever. But you know, I'm funny like that. I'm always like, not, not my friends.

[Kim Krantz]

No, I would say that. I would say to Jen, can we ask Sam Irby now? Now can we ask her to come on? And she's like, I don't feel right about it. I don't know.

[Samantha Irby]

Don't let her gatekeep me. And she knows I'm literally never doing anything. I would be on every week if you want.

[Jen Romolini]

Okay. Our guest today is Samantha Irby. Sam is an American comedian, essayist and television writer. She is the author of four New York Times best selling books. Meaty. We are Never Meeting in real Life. Wow. No, thank you. And Quietly Hostile. Sam is also a writer and or co producer for TV shows including HBO's and just like that, the reboot of Sex and the City. She also worked on Work in Progress, which is an excellent show if you haven't seen. You should go back and watch it. Shrill, also excellent. And Tuca and Bertie, also excellent. Welcome, Samantha Irby.

[Samantha Irby]

Thank you for having me. You know what I found out today? I had a doctor's appointment this morning and I feel like. And every time I see the doctor, he's like, weight loss, drugs. And I'm like, yeah, sure, but the insurance is weird. So he said it again and so he's like, call and see what they say. So I called Blue cross and after January 1st, they are no longer covering injectable weight loss, drugs. And I feel like people are gonna freak the fuck out.

[Kim Krantz]

People are gonna Freak the fuck out. Because I will tell you something about being on those injectable drugs. Because I was briefly on Ozempic. You lose weight and you lose a lot of weight, and then you go off of it and it all comes back quicker than it even got lost.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah, I was, like, just talking to the woman on the phone was so nice, and, like, she doesn't own Blue Cross. I just was like, oh, God, girl. Your life is about to get so horrible. Your life is about to get so horrible. And she's like, I know.

[Kim Krantz]

Oh, God.

[Samantha Irby]

Like, don't get shot, babe. Just kidding. FBI.

[Jen Romolini]

So, welcome to our podcast, Sitman at the Irby. Thank you for being here.

[Samantha Irby]

This is a joy of my life.

[Jen Romolini]

This is our annual wellness episode where we talk about wellness changes that us two stoner slackers are gonna make and then never make the whole year.

[Samantha Irby]

Perfect.

[Jen Romolini]

Last year, I think we were like, exercise, meditate every day, and I was gonna read a book a week and.

[Kim Krantz]

Like, set intentions every day. We had such high hopes.

[Samantha Irby]

Okay, first of all, a book a week? Are you kidding? Like, you have a job that's impossible for people without jobs.

[Jen Romolini]

People do it. People do. Haven't you seen their stacks? Haven't you seen their crazy stacks? Do we think they're telling the truth? Do you think they're lying?

[Samantha Irby]

Oh, I feel like if I ask lots of people on Instagram who post books to write me a book report about those books or even a paragraph about what happens in the middle of those books that they couldn't.

[Kim Krantz]

Those book stacks make me insecure in a way that, like, Skinny Models made me feel insecure when I was younger.

[Samantha Irby]

Same, same, same. And then I get the books. Cause I feel like, oh, I have to have that book. Because this person who I think is so cool and so literary has that book, and everybody's talking about that book. And then I get the book and I get all the other books, and then they just pile up and I don't read them. And I feel bad about myself, which I don't need another reason.

[Kim Krantz]

Agree.

[Jen Romolini]

I know. That's the whole thing. All of these New Year's intentions and resolutions, they're just all designed to make you feel like shit.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah.

[Jen Romolini]

Just everything is there to just. Just make you feel like shit the whole New Year. New you. Exactly. Not right away. Not right away. It's like, delay.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah. You start January on a high, and then by the end of February, you're like, I should die. I didn't do anything. I said I was gonna. I don't love myself. I didn't do anything to get better.

[Jen Romolini]

So wait, but do we think that. Do we think that everyone's lying? Is this performative? Do you think that people, like, do people really read a book a week is the question. Somebody has to.

[Samantha Irby]

I feel like some people do. I don't want to believe that the people who post all the books are the ones who do. I feel like if you're actually reading a book a week, you don't have time to make, like, a flat lay of, like, you know, an aesthetically pleasing, like, book mosaic for your Instagram.

[Kim Krantz]

But I also think some people. And I'm not this person. I'm a slow reader. But I think some people are really fast readers and actually can do that.

[Jen Romolini]

Then are they really reading? Like, do you ever get a review of your own book and it's like, you didn't read it? Like, that's not. That was it. I said that in the book. The thing you're complaining about. I said you're mad at something that happened that you're saying didn't happen. So are they skimming?

[Samantha Irby]

I saw this meme, like, not to be a full adult quoting a meme to two other adults. I saw this meme that, like, really resonated with me. That was like. It was like a picture of, like, a shocked face. And, like, the words were like, this is me. When I realize I've been reading with my brain turned off for three pages and I have to go back. Yes, that happens to me a lot. But then I do actually go back and try to, like, see what I missed. And I think, like, there've gotta be some people who are just, like, looking at words rather than reading and comprehending.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes, I think that that's the case. But also, I need that to be.

[Samantha Irby]

True for me to stop feeling like shit.

[Jen Romolini]

Okay, wait.

[Samantha Irby]

They probably do read, but I need it to be true.

[Jen Romolini]

Okay. Other things that make me feel like shit. Other people, like, okay, the meditators make me feel like shit.

[Kim Krantz]

Yes, the meditators and the people who say there's no wrong way to meditate, because I know I'm doing it wrong when I try.

[Samantha Irby]

Kim, have you ever cleared your head, even one time in your life?

[Kim Krantz]

One time?

[Samantha Irby]

I can't clear. I don't, like, are people really meditating? There is always some shit, like, rattling around in my head. I don't. I wish again, I wish I could, but I cannot. No, I cannot. Quiet the noise.

[Jen Romolini]

No, I make to do lists while I'm meditating. I Like, I.

[Kim Krantz]

Once I was on a date. I was on a date at the beach during the day. Don't ask why.

[Jen Romolini]

Okay.

[Kim Krantz]

It wasn't that long ago, and, you know, maybe 10 years ago, and we get on the beach and the guy's like, want to meditate, girl?

[Samantha Irby]

What did you do?

[Kim Krantz]

I sat there like a fucking idiot and pretended to meditate is what I did.

[Jen Romolini]

Oh, my God.

[Samantha Irby]

I'm very predictable, Kim. I can't imagine that you weren't like, sir, this is bullshit. Like, you gotta be kidding. Was he really hot?

[Jen Romolini]

I was just gonna ask, was he hot?

[Kim Krantz]

I was about to say, like, there were things I would do in the service of getting ladies that I might otherwise do.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah. A hot dude can get me to do pretty much anything to get me to meditate.

[Jen Romolini]

No, there's an idea that you're supposed to park your thoughts, and in your mind, you're supposed to imagine them as cars in a parking lot being parked away. And every time I do that, I just get neurotic about that parking lot. Like, I can't just sit. In what way is a parking lot soothing? I don't like. That's. This fucking thing. None of this shit is actually soothing to me because the quiet in my brain is a horror.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah.

[Kim Krantz]

Yeah.

[Jen Romolini]

Okay. Do either of you make New Year's resolutions? Sam, do you make New Year's resolutions?

[Samantha Irby]

I play with the idea of becoming a completely different person on January 1, which are what my. Like, I do not resolve to do small things because I feel like it's not real if it's not, you know, a complete overhaul. And so, like, I. Well, some of them are kind of small. I'll be like, this is the year. I'm gonna use a planner just throughout the 2024. Planner didn't write a damn thing in it.

[Jen Romolini]

One page. One page.

[Samantha Irby]

And then I set these goals for myself that I know I'm not going to do. Like, they're goals for someone who is. Who has more executive function than I do.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes.

[Samantha Irby]

And so I just set myself up to fail. But I am working with my psychiatrist on many things. But she. She was like, why don't you just, like, try very small? Like, micro goals? So that's what I'm doing this year. Small goals, like, micro goals. Like, don't leave your shit on the floor right there. Like, just pick it up. Pick up that shirt you took off.

[Jen Romolini]

No.

[Samantha Irby]

Every time.

[Kim Krantz]

My therapist is actually very into this. To small, small, manageable steps. But small, manageable steps don't always lead to the Goal. Right.

[Samantha Irby]

That's real. Right, Right.

[Kim Krantz]

You take a couple manageable steps toward getting your taxes done on time, and then they remain not done on time.

[Samantha Irby]

Yes.

[Jen Romolini]

She.

[Samantha Irby]

At least my psychiatrist is never, like, in the certain. Like, do this in service of the larger goal. It's not like, put this here so that you can be on your way to being a clean person. It's like, no, just do this thing regularly. And then she's like, reward yourself. Obviously, she knows I'm like a dog. If there's a treat at the end of it, I'll just do it. Like, if you. I don't know. If you do the laundry every week, you can spend six hours on the worst subreddit you can find. You know what I mean? Just, like, find a way to give myself something for doing the least. Which works.

[Jen Romolini]

Yeah. And now that I'm really thinking about it, I think all goals and intentions are for people who executive. It's like a way to show off that you have executive functioning. That's what it is.

[Kim Krantz]

I love. The three of us are, like, obviously on the same level with executive functioning, which is very low.

[Samantha Irby]

Yes. That's how we get along. That's why we like each other, because we're never. I'm never gonna text Jen, and Jen's gonna be like, oh, sorry, I just had six meetings and did the laundry and I'm dropping the kid off and I just cleaned the house. It's always like, what are you doing? Oh, I'm looking at the wall. What are you doing?

[Jen Romolini]

Oh, the same Instagram. I'm looking at Instagram usually. But do you know what I've noticed is really, really an act of aggression is casual spreadsheets. I feel like casual spreadsheets have started to enter my life. Like, people just like making spreadsheets for fucking everything. And there's not. Do you guys not. Oh. Cause you don't have kids. Neither of you deal with a casual spreadsheet. I'll be like, yeah, what are these kids doing? Or like, what's this vacation we've all planned? And suddenly someone has sent me a spreadsheet, and I am like, I don't read. This is a language.

[Kim Krantz]

I don' no, the spreadsheet language is.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes, look in the tabs. I'm like, I can't even read the fucking top line. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah, people like making them, though. This will surprise. Maybe a surprise to both of you that people enjoy this shit. It's fun for them.

[Kim Krantz]

See? And I think that people who enjoy that shit. Are satisfied by doing it in a way that I'm not satisfied by not doing it. And I want to be.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I. Yes. But would you, like. Do you feel okay, so both of you, if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? I just decided to throw that one out there.

[Samantha Irby]

How much time do we have?

[Jen Romolini]

It could be a small one. It could be small.

[Samantha Irby]

I. Okay, no, this is. I wish that I had singular focus when it came to my writing. I wish that I could tunnel vision and get this thing done and do it. I do not have that capability. And I don't know how you get it other than, like, Adderall, but I tried that, and it.

[Kim Krantz]

No, it didn't work.

[Samantha Irby]

It didn't work. Okay. Thank God. Everybody's like, oh, get Adderall. And I did. And I was like, I'm sitting here looking at the wrong thing, not doing my work, but I feel like my heart's beating.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes, yes. It just. If you. You have to, like, really. You have to direct yourself onto something. You still, like, slide all over the place. You just have more hyper as you're sliding.

[Kim Krantz]

No, it's really true.

[Jen Romolini]

You're more alert. You're more alert in the slide. That's what. That's what I found.

[Samantha Irby]

That's true. Which is terrible. That's a terrible alert in the slide. I want to meditate through the slide.

[Jen Romolini]

I know, I know. I don't get. I never get hyper focused. Kim, how about you?

[Kim Krantz]

Wait, what was the question?

[Jen Romolini]

If you could change one thing, Change.

[Kim Krantz]

One thing about myself? Well, increasingly my memory, obviously, but no, my.

[Samantha Irby]

My.

[Kim Krantz]

My problems with executive function. 100%. Absolutely. They've. They. It's really affected my life and in a bad way, and I'd like to not be that way.

[Jen Romolini]

It doesn't get better. I am, by the way, signing up for an ADHD coach in the new year. You are like, I, like, have her website open. I'm almost close to clicking onto her scheduler. Like, I'm, like, one or two clicks away from this possibly happening.

[Kim Krantz]

I think there are kinds of coaches that can be really helpful, you know, And I do think an ADHD coach or an executive function coach or something like that would be a really helpful thing if it was the right person.

[Jen Romolini]

I don't know. My will is so strong. I do feel uncoachable. I do feel that I would go through this session of coaching and then as soon as I didn't have to, like, please this person and show up and be like, hi, look at me. I'm doing great. The minute left to my. My own. I will fucking fuck around. I think I like my own chaos. I think. Or at least I'm comfortable in it. Mine would be. My change would be. I would like to stop being so sensitive. I wish that I didn't. I wish everything didn't make me like, oh, I'm hurt.

[Kim Krantz]

I know, but that's like, oh, no.

[Samantha Irby]

That'S a good one.

[Jen Romolini]

Right.

[Kim Krantz]

But your sensitivity is a big part of what makes you who you are. In the good ways. I don't mean in bad ways.

[Jen Romolini]

Yeah, but it's like, it would be nice to, like, not be, like, derailed by, like, the other day I was like, wait, why am I sad? What happened? And it was like, oh, that text might not have. Like, it's not even the person's intention. It's this projection of a person's intention that I put on everything.

[Kim Krantz]

Oh, God.

[Jen Romolini]

Yeah.

[Samantha Irby]

That's stressful. Okay. I gotta amend mine. I mean, I still would wish I had focused, but my bigger wish is that I wish I didn't care what people thought about me. Like, I feel like every problem. Every problem I create in my head based on a reaction I think I'm going to get from another person.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes.

[Samantha Irby]

And, like, it truly holds my life back. If I didn't go through that, I, like, everything would be great, be better.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes. But, Kim, you're actually good at this. Teach us your ways. You don't give a fuck. You have really learned to not give a fuck. Was it the abuse of gawker in the 2000s? A lot of it.

[Kim Krantz]

When I got that job at Conde Nast, they said, you will reply to no one. Basically, you never address anybody who's saying anything about you. So it was the New York Post, Keith Kelly, it was. Who hated Lucky. It was Gawker. You know, were like, I'm gonna say it. They were cunty. I'm gonna go ahead and say it. We can use. Use that word twice in two episodes.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah. This is your podcast. Say what you want.

[Kim Krantz]

Yeah, man. No, they were. They were. And that was hard, and it was demoralizing, you know, because I was public. But now I'm not public. So if anybody wants to say anything about me, it doesn't sting as much as it did when I felt like a lot of people were reading about it.

[Jen Romolini]

Oh, so it's like, the amount of people.

[Kim Krantz]

So I don't know if I think that. Okay. I don't know if I think it's just about the People. It just. I think some of it was having a high profile job, suffering the slings and arrows of having a high profile job, never wanting to have a high profile job again. And feeling. And feeling, you know, and the fact that I felt so bad about myself on the day I was fired. I had been so demoralized in that job. And I grew back into myself over a number of years after leaving that job. And I think during those years, I just gave less of a shit.

[Jen Romolini]

Yeah, because you don't give a shit. We get a bad comment, you're like, oh, those fuckers. And I'm like, can you believe it?

[Samantha Irby]

That's 100% of the reason. Well, 99% of the reason I could not have a podcast is because your reviews are right. Like, people come to your. I mean, I suppose it's the same thing as having, like, a book on Amazon as people can just scroll and see, you know, what every idiot says about your work. But, like, the idea that you know someone. I don't read reviews of anyone's anything, especially if I know the person, because I'm like, it's like an arrow to the chest for me. I just. It is. I wish I had the thing where it just rolls. Rolls off you, but I did. You know how people will, like, post negative comments and reviews? Every time I see something like that, I'm like, I would die. I could never post it. I can't even look at it.

[Jen Romolini]

No, same.

[Kim Krantz]

This is crazy to me, Sam, you are such a beloved writer.

[Jen Romolini]

Like, the most beloved. Like, seriously, like, people. I mean, people, like, people don't even. Like, I'll be like, oh, Sam Irby. And people will just, like, gasp with joy. Like, people will be like, oh, it's true. Yes. You are like the most beloved writer. It's pretty much universal. Well, thank you. But I'm shocked that people say shit.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah, they do. And they find a way to, like, you know, get it into my eyeballs. Or someone else will. You know, somebody who's like, your quote unquote friend will be like, hey, have you seen this? Yeah. Hey, I saw this thread where everyone said you are a huge piece of shit. And it's like, oh, thank you, friend. And I wish I had whatever. You know how? I mean, I feel like, in your 20s, it's like 30s, you're gonna feel confident and great. And in your 30s, it's like 40s, you're gonna feel even better. And you're not gonna care what anybody says about you. And I feel like tickets. I am Waiting. I'm about to be 45. When, when does the smoothing out of my like sensitivity. When does that happen? When, when does the callus form over the part of me that cares?

[Kim Krantz]

Well, I mean I don't think it's not notable that I'm older than both of you and that this is a thing that maybe just comes with a little age.

[Samantha Irby]

Okay, great.

[Jen Romolini]

Yeah. I mean maybe that maybe that is.

[Samantha Irby]

Maybe put me in a time machine. Let's go forward.

[Jen Romolini]

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[Sleep Number Ad]

They say opposites attract. That's why the sleep number Smart bed is the best bed for couples. You can each choose what's right for you whenever you like. You like a bed that feels firm but they want soft sleep number does that you want to sleep cooler while they like to feel warm. Sleep number does that too. Why choose a sleep number Smart bed So you can choose your ideal comfort on either side. And now it's the lowest price of the season on the top. Selling i8 smart bed. Your best savings plus special financing limited time. Shop a sleep number store near you see store or sleepnumber.com for details. Over the last 75 years, over 10,000 chemicals have been introduced to our food supply. Yet the EU only allows 300 food additives. But at Thrive Market, we bring our members the highest quality brands and restrict more than 1,000 ingredients found at conventional grocery stores. Making the switch is easy with our Healthy Swaps scanner, which finds better versions of all your favorite pantry, snacking and home essentials without the added junk dyes and fillers. Plus, it's all delivered straight to your door. So if you're looking to shop at a grocery store that actually cares about your health, go to thrivemarket.com podcast and you'll get 30% off your first order and a free gift.

[Jen Romolini]

And we're back. Wait, so I have a question. Do you have any wellness hacks, either of you, that like, you're like, this actually is a good habit that I have.

[Samantha Irby]

Well, okay, see, this is gonna. Okay, all my hacks are like, shit you can get at the store, right? So it doesn't feel like a hack. Cause you can, like, go to Walgreens. But still a hack.

[Jen Romolini]

Still a hack.

[Samantha Irby]

But I will say, you know, drinking water, boring. I know people do it. I have some water right here beside me. Come on. But speaking of being a slacker, stoner, like, weed makes me so dehydrated. But, like, I cannot consume. Like, I just can't just be sitting drinking water. So what I do is I have a Nalgene that I fill, like, with cold water and two drip drop packets. The zero sugar, because they, like, are actually tolerable. They don't taste salty. They don't taste like. You know how Gatorade is, like, drinking someone else's saliva? Like, it's not that. It's like, it's like thin Gatorade, like, so thick it's thin. And that, that is. My hack is to just put two drip drops in a big water and like, if you take the edible at night and you drink that and then you get up and you make another one first thing in the morning, and like, that's really. That's what you need for the day. I'm not a doctor, but.

[Jen Romolini]

I don't think there's ever been a Day where I've drank enough water. I don't. Like, there's like, the end of the day waterboarding where you're just like. Just like, oh, wait, not one water glass all day, but then you're gonna.

[Samantha Irby]

Get up and pee all night.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Samantha Irby]

So, like, drip drop is, like, cheating. It's like water plus I count it as double if I drink. If I drink 32 ounces with a drip drop with two drip drops in it, that's 64.

[Jen Romolini]

That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing, Kim.

[Kim Krantz]

I should have been using that whole time Samantha was talking to come up with my answer.

[Jen Romolini]

But instead, I was.

[Kim Krantz]

Just sitting there thinking to myself, like, do I have even one wellness hat? Do I have even one. Does psychopharmaceuticals count?

[Jen Romolini]

Yes.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah. To me, they do.

[Kim Krantz]

I mean, that's like, you know, that's a really important wellness hack. That's a daily part of my life, and it will always be.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah.

[Jen Romolini]

I think my water pick. I hate flossing. And so I just have the water pick on the highest level. You can have it and wait. And my dentist was like, what is going on? You don't have any cavities for the first time ever in this trench mouth, like. And I started putting mouthwash in the water pick. And he was like. He was like, that has transformed everything. And I was like, fantastic, because it's antibacterial and, like, whatever.

[Samantha Irby]

So that is my real scientist.

[Jen Romolini]

I'm not. I'm not. I just have, like, five teeth.

[Samantha Irby]

You're doing chemistry over there.

[Jen Romolini]

I just. I just have five teeth. And that's really. I mean, because my dentistry, we've. Sam, you and I have had this conversation a million times.

[Samantha Irby]

If I. If they could just knock all my teeth out and give me those, like, clacking.

[Jen Romolini]

I don't want those. I really don't want them. But, like, it's so much dental work, and it is, like, definitely, like. I don't know. My parents were like, I know why it is. I was, like, eating, like, oranges as a. Like, we were vegan when I was like, we just. They didn't. Not. The hippies didn't. The hippie stoners. Didn't make any sense as, like, dietary, you know, Nothing made sense about what I ate when I was growing up. And so my teeth are fucked up and weak as shit. But anyway, that changed. That changed my tooth health.

[Samantha Irby]

That's incredible.

[Jen Romolini]

Yeah. Not. Not hard.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah. I don't do anything that a doctor has praised me that's a big deal. Yeah, no, that's like an actual sexual hack. If the doctor's like, good job. Yeah. If I told my doctor, like my drip drop trick, he'd be like, you're. He'd fire me. Just be like, you're too stupid to be my patient. Get out of here.

[Kim Krantz]

Funny.

[Jen Romolini]

I mean, I also have a lot of dusty exercise equipment in my house. So, you know, like, it's not. It's not all going great over here.

[Samantha Irby]

It's like, oh, did you buy a peloton?

[Jen Romolini]

I. My job, you know, my job is like professional shopper. I work with professional shoppers. And so like the health editor was like, who wants to test exercise equipment? And I was like, I'll test it all. So I had a. I had a rowing machine, a stand up desk. That was a treadmill, which I used once. And I was like, I look like the biggest jerk off.

[Kim Krantz]

It.

[Jen Romolini]

I will never. It's like dusted. And then this rower. Wait. This rowing machine, this elliptical and this treadmill. The elliptical came in. My husband threw out his back trying to get it into the house. We like hung clothes on it until finally we had to hire four men to take it away. Health.

[Samantha Irby]

That's how. Yeah, that's the kind of hack I have where it's like, oh, yeah, let me buy these resistance bands. And then I just like, look at them. They're here. If I ever get the urge.

[Jen Romolini]

The roller. I have the roller. I don't know what to do with it. That foam roller.

[Kim Krantz]

Those foam rollers, they look like they're gonna be a nice relaxing thing, but they hurt like fuck if you're using them right? They hurt like crazy.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes. The theragun. I have that. That doesn't. I mean, sometimes I use the theragun. I mean, what is that?

[Samantha Irby]

Like the massage thing? The little.

[Jen Romolini]

It's like that gun that like. Yeah, it's like the gun that. Some muscle. Because I've been getting a lot of Charlie horses, which is a new thing in the middle of the night. I think I'm missing something like magnesium or something. I don't know. But they help those things, you know?

[Samantha Irby]

My hack for that is muscle relaxer. I'll send you some Flexeril. You don't need a thera gun. You need a pill.

[Jen Romolini]

I feel like we should have a real. Since we have you here and since everybody loves you, we should have a real interview with you about things people want to know about you. Kim, do you agree?

[Kim Krantz]

I do agree. And I have a question. Yes, I have a question, because you have written for a lot of TV shows. You wrote most recently for. And just like that. Is that most recent.

[Samantha Irby]

Mm.

[Kim Krantz]

And I've always had this fantasy that the writers room would be a really cool place to be. Is that true?

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah. Well, it depends on the show. So I've been in some that were less fun, but I've never worked for, like, a horrible tyrant, you know, or, like, an auteur. You know, I have a friend right now who's working on a show that I'll tell you, when we're not recording. Working for an auteur who is incredibly dramatic and, like, bossy and moody and, like, will mess up the vibe of the room. I've never had that kind of situation. And just like that we're virtual for most of it. Like, we do some stuff in person, but everybody. It's. Everybody's so funny. Like, Michael and I are both, like, real clowns. You know what I mean? Like, just not serious people at all. And I think I spend all five hours of work just trying to make him laugh.

[Jen Romolini]

Right?

[Samantha Irby]

And, like, everybody laughs, but I really am, like, trying to get him. I'm trying to be, like, daddy's fan. Daddy's fan, of course.

[Jen Romolini]

Well, yes.

[Samantha Irby]

And he is so funny. And everybody. I've never worked on a drama. I feel like those may be, like, if you're discussing, you know, sensitive diseases or something.

[Jen Romolini]

Like, I had a friend who worked in Heartland that was. Or whatever that. What was that? Was it Heart? What was the one with Claire Danes? That was like, so Homeland. Homeland. Not Heartland. That sounds like a Republican show. Homeland. But, yeah, that was a very fucking intense experience.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah, Like. And just, like, that is fun because it's. I don't know. It's so funny. Like, when the first season came out and, like, everybody hated it and acted like, you know, we had done a disservice to the legacy of the show. It was like. Well, the original show, like, had so much stupid shit happening.

[Kim Krantz]

Yes.

[Samantha Irby]

Like, it's like the funky spunk show. What are you talking about? Like, and so. So there's some shit that I got to write for season three that. I mean, you're gonna go crazy because it's so dumb. I can't believe they let me get away with it. But, like, working on a clown show where people get to be stupid is so fun. So I do think if you're working on a comedy and everybody in the room is cool, and I hate to say this, but not young, then it's great. Yes, young people are. I love them, but tend to have a lot of chips on their shoulders and hang ups. And fortunately, I haven't had to work with too, too many, like, idealistic, virtuous.

[Jen Romolini]

Young people or they're ambitious in a different way. They're ambitious in, like, in like a very, like, you know, toxic way. Because they're like, how's it going to work out for me? I got to get on the board. I got to get mine. I got, you know, it's very intense being around that kind of energy. But I want to say one of the funniest things ever. You were responsible for the Chucky, weren't you? In the first.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah. Do you want to know where that came from? Okay, please.

[Jen Romolini]

If anybody doesn't know when Miranda is almost about to be attacked by like a real life Chucky on the subway platform, which I laughed so hard in that.

[Samantha Irby]

I mean, I couldn't believe they let that fly. I really like, truly, every dumb thing I say, I just am sort of like waiting for it to get swatted down. And every time they're like, okay, we can do that. I'm like, oh, my God. So I. This was like in 2020 or 2020. No. Yeah, it was 2020. They're in New York. So my. A bit I do that's real is like, I don't love New York. I just. I like a slow pace kind of place. New York is too much for me. I love the people who love it. Not for me, unfortunately. I'm working on a thing that's all about New York. And so I was. This was like when I was still on Twitter and I got off Twitter after the show premiered and everybody was like, I'm gonna kill you for ruining Carrie, Zach.

[Jen Romolini]

People were so mad. People were so fucking mad at you. It was so crazy to me.

[Samantha Irby]

Well, you know what's crazy is like, I think it was just like somehow the whole thing was like, our new writers, our new. And it's like, listen, I'm at the bottom of the heap. I don't get to decide anything. Like, don't. It's not. I didn't do it. And do you know how many rungs you have to go up to get things, like, onto your screen? But anyway, to get big kills.

[Jen Romolini]

Yeah. Like, how many?

[Samantha Irby]

Although I did when I interviewed for the job, I was like, we're. Can we kill him? And Michael was like, yes, that's the plan. Because, like, what are you gonna watch? Carrie and Big doing well.

[Kim Krantz]

And my question to you is, what could you have. What could the writers and producers and actors of that show done to make any die hard fan of Sex and the City happy?

[Samantha Irby]

Nothing. Nothing. Also, can I just say, put this on the record. This is maybe my spiciest opinion and I'm giving it to you. People hate older women. Just off the rip, right. They don't want to see an old woman having. Not even old. They don't want to see a woman in her 50s, 60s, 70s, having fun, being unencumbered, not taking care of their drug addict daughter's baby. You know what I mean? Like, those are the roles we have for women. And I think people, they won't say it, but that's it. And the idea that like people would have embraced 70 year old Samantha Jones banging dudes like she was in the original show.

[Kim Krantz]

Yep.

[Samantha Irby]

Is so laughable to me. It. The Internet would be on fire. And like, it's just another, it's just a way to say like, no, no one felt comfortable being like, I have to think about these women having sex at this age.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes.

[Samantha Irby]

And like they couldn't say that. So it was just like, this isn't good without Samantha. And it's like if Samantha was on.

[Kim Krantz]

Here, you would hate it even more.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes.

[Samantha Irby]

You would go nuts. You would go nuts. I'm gonna finish the Chucky story, which is that.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes, please.

[Samantha Irby]

In 2020, there was a person in New York dressing up as Chucky and attacking people on the subway who weren't wearing masks. And I saw someone tweeted it. I saw it and I was like, this is this city. This is the city that these people love. So we sent, sent the tweet to like our group chat, email chat, whatever it was. And I was like, this is the city you guys go so hard for. Look at this nonsense. So we were in the room the next day and Michael's like, that thing you sent us was funny. Do you want to put it in the show? What?

[Kim Krantz]

Yes. Amazing.

[Samantha Irby]

It almost, almost got cut for time, but I fought for it. I was like, please, please. And Cynthia loved it. She'll. That's a bad bitch. She'll do anything. SJ too. Kristen too. They'll. They're down for anything.

[Jen Romolini]

I love Miranda. I rewatched the whole. While I was on book tour, I rewatched the whole series and I was like, Miranda is fucking amazing. I forgot just how intense, incredible she is throughout the whole, like just a constant, a con, like never wanes. Incredible, like foibles I love. And it's not just the cake Although the cake is all of it.

[Samantha Irby]

That was a big one for me. I was like, oh, I see. We see each other.

[Jen Romolini]

That kind of obsession with food where you have to keep going back and you had to like. But I.

[Samantha Irby]

When she poured the soap on it, I was like, I've. Yes, we have all been there.

[Jen Romolini]

We've all been there, totally. But going back to the sex thing, I mean, this isn't a question necessarily, but I saw this week Marisa Tomei put up a picture of herself in her 60th birthday and she looks amazing. She's probably had work done and she had her leg up and she had a very short skirt on. And all these fucking dudes were like, that is disgusting. I can't believe you're horny for somebody who's dried up like this. This is like pervert.

[Samantha Irby]

Oh, that's disgusting.

[Jen Romolini]

It is. But you're absolutely right. And nobody talks about it. We fucking don't like older women. We fudgeing hate them. Unless they look like Nicole Kidman Space face. That's it. That's all we'll accept.

[Samantha Irby]

But even now, like, what do you think people are going to say when Baby Girl comes out? I feel like we're going to get. We're just going to be deluged with that veiled shit. I'm honestly like, just say it. You know what I mean? The dancing around it or like the picking at other things. It's like, just say it. You don't want to see someone who's like, figuring out to have sex, how to have sex after a hip replacement. Like, that's a you problem. There's nothing wrong with her. It's you. And just own it.

[Jen Romolini]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kim Krantz]

I once had a boyfriend and I've told this story on the podcast before, but I repeat it because it was so awful. Who would refer to women who had reached a certain age and looked it as curdled?

[Jen Romolini]

Oh, Oh, I don't know if you ever have said that.

[Samantha Irby]

Ew.

[Kim Krantz]

Well, because it's so embarrassing that I went out with someone who was that awful and considered himself a feminist and still said things like that.

[Samantha Irby]

Oh, good. Considered himself a fat. Right? Yeah.

[Jen Romolini]

No, I mean, it's so true. Like, I've had men just, like, no problem. Tell me, like, the difference between, you know, the fat on a woman in her 50s versus the fat on a woman in her 20s and the guy's in his fucking 50s and he's like fucking 20 year olds and he's like, it's just, you know, A textural thing for me. And I'm like, what the? Like, you smell like sour milk. You're.

[Samantha Irby]

Those old, dried up man cubes. Like, when they get to 50, it's like old man bouncing around on a fucking Brillo pad.

[Jen Romolini]

Balls. Balls. Like. Like balls. What do they think? We don't want to touch them. That's disgusting. But, like, it's just funny. Like, we all just have to get over and be like, yeah, these are decaying bodies and we still want to.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And if it's not for you, then acknowledge that you're the problem. Like, all I want to see is older women with their clothes off.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes. I think this is. This is the only thing that ever got me into reality TV is old people dating. It's the only thing I've now also watched Later Daters. Not as good as the Golden Bachelorette, I would say, but what's Later Daters? I gotta get Later Daters as produced by Michelle Obama, which every time I see. Every time I see created by or produced by Michelle Obama, I cry of laughter that this is what I mean. Everybody gets an overall deal. You have to make good on it. Whatever. I fucking know what's going on. Michelle Obama, this was not your dream to make Later Daters.

[Samantha Irby]

Oh, my God. Existed.

[Jen Romolini]

Later Daters is old people dating. Old people dating show our old starts when old starts. Well, okay, they do go up to 70. Okay, so. So it's not all. It's. But they start at like mid-50s. Mid-50s to 70 seems to be the range. So, you know, it's. It's. It's older daters and it's always the dudes are like, yeah, just not hot enough for me. Like, it's just like, I wish I was dating younger. It's always the dudes and the women are just like, oh, my God, he has some hair.

[Samantha Irby]

He waxes his back. The bar is in hell.

[Jen Romolini]

Just taking crumbs.

[Kim Krantz]

The bar is in hell for women.

[Sleep Number Ad]

The.

[Kim Krantz]

The pool is shallow and polluted.

[Jen Romolini]

Oh, it's so good. It's so good. It's so good.

[Samantha Irby]

Anyway, is it on Netflix? Is it part of their.

[Jen Romolini]

It is. Of course it's part of. It's. It's part of higher grounds. Netflix. I just love the imagining. I love imagining Barack being in these meetings and being like, well, what would.

[Samantha Irby]

You give to be a fly on the wall when someone's pitching Later Daters to Barack?

[Jen Romolini]

Well, Michelle's like, look, we just have to fucking do this, okay?

[Samantha Irby]

She's like, I'm not trying to go to court against Ted Sarandos. Let's make a hater date.

[Kim Krantz]

Exactly.

[Jen Romolini]

Exactly, exactly, exactly. It's like those. Did you ever. Did anybody ever read, like, the gossip around Harry and Meghan being in the deal, like in their pitching Spotify the shows because they also got like a million dollars and them being like, why don't we just do a. A wildlife show? But it's not narrated and it's just like hippos. It's like, like I just, like, I'm just like imagining I would. I would pay. I would pay like Taylor Swift concert tickets to fucking.

[Kim Krantz]

To watch Harry and Megan. I 100%.

[Jen Romolini]

Just. Just on the zoom. Just, just let me be a zoom camera. Like even a ring cam. I don't.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah, I'd listen to the audio. Just let me. I want to know.

[Jen Romolini]

Let me know. Let me know. Because that is one of the most fun things. If it's not your project is being in a meeting where it's just stupidity. It is like the best. To me, like, that was my favorite part of corporate was being like, really? Mitch?

[Samantha Irby]

Oh, Mitch. That's such a corporate guy.

[Jen Romolini]

That is.

[Kim Krantz]

I can think of the Mitch in my corporate life.

[Jen Romolini]

Exactly. Let's take a quick break from some ads. And we're back. Yeah, it's hard to work too, as you get older. It's like that's also a.

[Sleep Number Ad]

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[Jen Romolini]

A thing. Because people are starting to treat me a little bit like they're there. Like the grandma and the walker. Like your day.

[Kim Krantz]

A friend of mine just sent me an email she'd gotten from a 34 year old she works with in which she basically instructed her in how to send an email to a publicist.

[Jen Romolini]

Oh, where did it start? Where did the email begin?

[Kim Krantz]

Well, it began with maybe if you say blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Jen Romolini]

Oh, I meant the young person's email because. No, I mean, who wants to deal with email? Email should just be burned. There should never be anymore. Who likes email? Let's say get on the phone.

[Samantha Irby]

I like to be on the phone. And I know that's not a popular opinion, but I feel like you get it all. I mean, I have the same disease you have where I'm like, what is the tone of this flat correspondence that has been sent to me? And if we're on the phone, then I can hear like, either you're excited or you're faking. Like you're excited. And that's enough. That's enough for me.

[Kim Krantz]

No, if I'm ever having tension with somebody, if the texts are getting kind of tense, I always say, please, let's get on the phone.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah, let's talk. I always want to talk. And it feels like it goes quicker. You get to the solution quicker. Like not having to go back and forth on email.

[Jen Romolini]

There's a wellness hack right there. Get on the phone.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah, pick up the phone. People are like scared to, to get on the phone. I had to call the insurance company earlier and my friend was like, oh, is there a like website where you can like send a message? And then I was like, and end up in an infernal message loop right in the portal. No, it's like, let me just call the lady and I'm the bitch who's like, you know, representative.

[Jen Romolini]

Oh, yes. I just. Yes, same. I'm always. He's like, operator, Representative.

[Samantha Irby]

How many times can I press zero, please?

[Kim Krantz]

I heard a very useful thing and maybe it's not true, but I heard that if you say like, fucking operator, get me a goddamn operator. And you sound really mad, they'll get you an operator faster.

[Samantha Irby]

Really?

[Jen Romolini]

You think the AI can detect that.

[Kim Krantz]

Is what I heard that they can detect when you're, when you're angry or you use swear words and then they get you to an operator f. Faster.

[Samantha Irby]

Okay, I'm going to try it.

[Jen Romolini]

I have heard that when they put you on hold, music, they can't hear you, but when they just put you on hold, they can. So it. Often I've been put on hold and been like, this guy I can't fucking believe. And they can hear the whole thing.

[Samantha Irby]

They're recording it. They're going to play it back for you.

[Jen Romolini]

Sam, what's your. What's your relationship like with social media these days?

[Kim Krantz]

Days?

[Jen Romolini]

How do you feel about it? You're on it all the time. I know, and very funny.

[Samantha Irby]

I can only do. I've been off. Off Facebook for a few years, off Twitter probably since 2020. I started a blue sky, like, in the very beginning when you had to, like, get an invitation and then immediately shut it down because it was. It was too much. So I. I have an Instagram I don't feel like. And I'd love to hear, like, how you guys feel about this. I don't have a lot in my life to show, right? Like, I follow some people, like, have some, like, Internet friends who are at parties and at dinners. And so, like, they're posting the dinners and they have all these friends around. Like, first of all, I live in Kalamazoo. I see the same six people every month. Right? It's not. There's not a lot of variety. If I do something, then it's like, oh, look, I get to post a thing that I did.

[Jen Romolini]

So, yes, same. Yes.

[Samantha Irby]

So for me, I repost a lot of memes and I'll post, like, you know, shit I see that's funny. Or if I have a. Like, when this comes out, I'll post about it. I do a lot of, like, hey, do you want to hear my voice again? Here's your opportunity. Or like, books that I have actually read, which is why I don't post a lot of. But I do enjoy, like, looking at it. I feel like I've created or curated my feed to the point where, like, I don't see anything that upsets me. Right. I'm not looking at politics. I'm not. I, you know, I can't, I can't. I can't. Especially not going into I know Trump 2.0. It's like, I have to limit my news. I am a big, like, sports watcher, so I follow a lot of, like, sports.

[Kim Krantz]

What are your sports, Sam?

[Samantha Irby]

Okay, first of all, look at my phone case, Jen. That's all of the NBA teams.

[Jen Romolini]

Oh, my God. I did not know that. I've known you for a long time. I had no idea you loved sports.

[Samantha Irby]

Football and basketball and who are your teams? My teams. So I've lived in Michigan for, like, almost nine years, and the Lions are actually really good right now, so. So I'm rooting for the Lions. But, like, you know, I was born, like, I watched the Bears win the super bowl when I was four, so I'm always gonna have a soft spot for them. I mostly like players. Like, I'm really into Josh Allen. I think he is a cutie pie. And I'm excited that he's, like, getting married to that hot actress whose name I can't remember. And in basketball, I mean, I have a pic I'll send you guys. I have a picture over my desk. Kirsten got me a painting of the inside. The NBA guys. So Charles Barkley, Kenny Ernie, Shaq, because I love them so much. I think it came from, like, being an inside kid. And there's always in the summer. Like, there was always baseball ball on. I know a lot about tennis because I would be inside in the summer. And so, like, I'm a Djokovic fan, but I feel like that's polarizing to say, I love Francis Tiafo. What a. What a little cutie pie. And that new Ben Shelton. Not new young Ben Shelton. Just when you never go outside and when you didn't have cable as a kid, it's like, well, I gotta watch something. And so I just started watching every sport, but now I watch everything. But I closely follow the NBA and the NFL.

[Jen Romolini]

Wow. Oh, my. I had no idea. Wait, how many hours a week do you think you watch sports?

[Samantha Irby]

Okay, this is gonna. Now you're gonna, like, really get to know a lot when there are no games. I am a big fan, and I can't even really articulate why. Maybe because the noise keeps me company. But I love. Love the, like, debate shows. Like, the guys in suits talking about what some athlete did two days ago.

[Jen Romolini]

Oh, my God. This is a full blown hobby.

[Samantha Irby]

This is amazing. This and crossword puzzle books are my two, like, my two things. And I don't. I don't gamble, so I don't have, like, that stress. And no team of mine is ever good. And I also. I don't. I just like to watch. I like to watch people. Watching people be really good at physical things that I could never do. Like, it's sort of like the Olympics for me, except every week. And then, like, the drama of it all. Like, once you get into it, it's. It's Truly, like, who's what? Players hate each other. Who has tension with the coach? Like, they discuss all that stuff. It really is like a soap opera. And I'm a. I'm a big soap opera fan.

[Jen Romolini]

This is amazing. This is. I. I love to think, like, to.

[Kim Krantz]

Jennifer Romolini, the most shocking thing about a person is that they're indispensable sports.

[Samantha Irby]

It really is.

[Jen Romolini]

This is the second.

[Samantha Irby]

Get it? I once.

[Kim Krantz]

I was in Philadelphia once, and it was the day that the Eagles won the finals, so they were going to this. No one won the semifinals, so they're going to the super bowl, the playoffs, whatever. They're going to the Super Bowl. People are riding outside.

[Samantha Irby]

Oh, my God.

[Kim Krantz]

People are climbing light posts. I text Ramalinium, like. Like, it's really crazy in Philadelphia right now. And she texts back, is there a sporting event of some sort going on?

[Samantha Irby]

Oh, my God, Jen.

[Jen Romolini]

Well, I also was like, don't go outside. I'm from Philly. They greased the poles.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah, I was just gonna say they greased those poles. The Eagles are doing really good this season, girl. It's a good time to tap in. They're good.

[Jen Romolini]

They can't do football. Football. Football's a little too, like. Like, it's a little. It's, like, stressful to me. It's a little like, basketball. I can really get into, like, basketball, I love, because it's so much drama and it's so intimate. You could see their faces, and they're half naked, and, you know, the whole thing.

[Kim Krantz]

It's beautiful.

[Jen Romolini]

Football.

[Kim Krantz]

I grew up watching football, so I can still watch football and kind of get it and enjoy it, but it's not beautiful the way that basketball can be beautiful.

[Samantha Irby]

Basketball is gorgeous.

[Jen Romolini]

It's basketball. I've thought about it, like, one time I was like, oh, I should get some Lakers tickets. Like, I was like, we will do that. And then they were like, $900 or something, and I was like, what the fuck is you.

[Samantha Irby]

You should go see them before LeBron retires.

[Kim Krantz]

Yeah.

[Jen Romolini]

I mean, is that a thing that's happening? Is he like.

[Samantha Irby]

He's 40, 41, 40. It's like a miracle that he's still playing. It's like, you got it. The sand is almost out of the hourglass. You gotta go see him.

[Kim Krantz]

Isn't the only reason he's still playing because he wanted a season with his son?

[Samantha Irby]

I think so.

[Kim Krantz]

And he got that, so. But his son is not very good, Jen.

[Jen Romolini]

Oh, that's also.

[Samantha Irby]

He's in the G League now.

[Jen Romolini]

Nepo. Nepo. Basketball player. Nepo. Whatever the fuck. It's not. No. Oh, that's sad. That makes me sad. I tried to watch college basketball for a while, and I would sob when they lost.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah. Because these are like, babe, those are like, babies.

[Jen Romolini]

Babies. And that's the end for them.

[Samantha Irby]

And they're crying, like. And I can't do college basketball.

[Kim Krantz]

Can I tell you what always makes me cry? And Jen knows almost nothing makes me cry. But during a pro sports game, when mem. After the game, when members of the opposing teams go and hug each other like they go hug their friends, I just cry every time.

[Samantha Irby]

I love that. I don't know if it still exists, but there used to be a Twitter feed called Gentle Sports Touches, which was just videos and pictures of dudes hugging each other after games. I love it.

[Kim Krantz]

Oh, man, that is so far up my alley. I may never leave.

[Samantha Irby]

It's so funny.

[Jen Romolini]

No, when it's Tinder, it's like, there's something about it that's, like, shocking and so beautiful and raw, and you're just like, oh. Because these guys just have been out there just, like, you know, elbowing each other and all this shit, and now it's like, oh, let's bring it in.

[Samantha Irby]

And it is, like, so emotional. Like, I mean, you know, we forget that rage and anger are emotions, but then when they finish and, like, you have. What are you gonna do with that? It's like, I'm gonna go bear hug this guy.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes. Yeah.

[Samantha Irby]

It's great. I love it.

[Jen Romolini]

All right, I'm gonna get in. That's gonna be my thing. Okay, so I have two more questions for you. What do you like best about getting older?

[Samantha Irby]

Oh, what do I like best? I do. I. I like. Oh, this is gonna make me sound like an asshole, especially to my stepchildren. But I do enjoy knowing things already. Right? Like, knowing that, and. And I'm not gonna rub anyone's face in it, but you know when somebody's like, oh, I'm just gonna do so and so. And you're like, no, I did that. It's not gonna work out the way you want. This is. This is how you should do that. Feels like that's imparting that kind of wisdom. Feels so good. It feels so good to, like, know that I've done this. I have been rejected from an apartment before because of that. It's gonna happen to you, and then it does happen, and I'm like, see? Not. Not my first rodeo. That feels. That feels really good to me.

[Jen Romolini]

And last because this is what we always ask at the end. Samantha Irby, you've accomplished so much in your life. What do you still want to do?

[Samantha Irby]

I would. And you know this. So this is cheating a little. But I would like to write a novel. I haven't done it, but I wrote an outline for one.

[Jen Romolini]

It's amazing.

[Samantha Irby]

I sent it to Jen. I also sent it to my agent, which is the real. My agent is like extremely scary. And I don't send him anything because, I mean, I love him, but I fear him. And so I try not to send him anything because I don't want to get the. Like, you know. But I did. I was brave and I said, whatever you want.

[Jen Romolini]

Yeah.

[Samantha Irby]

So I would. I would like to write a novel. And like, non career wise, you know what I would like to do? I would like to for once in my life. Cause we had a wedding when my wife and I got married. It was on the deck of our old house, like the falling apart deck. And we had hot dogs and cake from the grocery store. I would like to throw a big fancy party and just like pay for it and just have all my people there and having a good time and like dancing and whatever. So like before. Before my time expires, I would like to have a big party. You are both invited if I ever do it.

[Jen Romolini]

I would love. I would love. I would be honored to come to any Samantha. Because the Samantha Irby party's a good party. Also, you have the fucking best dog in the world. Which justice for Abe again. I got to meet Sam Irby's famous Internet dog. I put up a picture of him without context and people were like, is that Abe?

[Samantha Irby]

He is currently sleeping on the couch. He's waiting for you to come back. I went to the doctor and when I came back, he heard the garage and he prefers his white mother to me. And I came in and he was like, oh, hey. And then he looked around me like, is she coming? And she didn't come. And now he's taking a depression nap because she's still at work and he's stuck here with me. So he's yours anytime you want him.

[Jen Romolini]

Oh, I can't wait. All right, well, we love you, Samantha Irby. Thank you for coming on.

[Samantha Irby]

This was a treat. Happy New Year. Are we resolving to do things or are we letting it go? What's the final decision?

[Jen Romolini]

I don't know. I think we're all waiting to see how bad it is. I mean, I don't know. We're fucking. We're Obviously frogs boiling. We're in this slow boil, whatever that is. It's clearly what's happening. We're all like, oh, but it's Christmas.

[Samantha Irby]

How about we just, like, survive?

[Kim Krantz]

That's our resolution and that's our resolution and our intention.

[Samantha Irby]

Yeah.

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Yes.

[Jen Romolini]

Yes.

[Samantha Irby]

Our intention as well. Yeah. Just survive.

[Jen Romolini]

Survive. That's it. Look at how we came full circle here. Good job, everybody. I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of everybody. All right, thanks for listening. Everything is fine. We're hosts. I'm Jen Romolini.

[Kim Krantz]

And I'm Kim France.

[Jen Romolini]

If you like the show, please rate and review it across the platforms, especially Apple podcasts. It really helps people find the show. It really makes a difference. If you want to support the production of the show in 2025, you can join our [e-mail] everythingisfine. It's $3 a month. It's how we pay our editor. If you wanna find Kim and get style advice in 2025, she is at Kim Francis. You can find me at jenromalini.substack.com Our show is mixed and edited, as always, by the wonderful, miraculous Natalie Rivera. And we will be back next week.

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[Kim Krantz]

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