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Everything's Perfect
Everything’s Perfect… Except Aging
00:56:04
In this episode of Everything’s Perfect, hosts Autumn Calabrese and Donald Stamper dive deep into what it truly means to be aging gracefully in a world dominated by unrealistic beauty standards. With aging gracefully and beauty standards on everyone’s...
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- [00:00]
A
So I always wanted bigger lips.
- [00:02]
B
Yes.
- [00:03]
A
I just love big lips. I don't. Juicy lips. We talked about it, and, you know, on a budget, they had a special in Tijuana.
- [00:10]
B
Did y' all hear what he just said? They had a special in Tijuana in Mexico. Like, I went back to the same doctor that did it. This doctor is an asshole. And out of nowhere, he, like, spins around and injects this needle so hard into my face.
- [00:24]
A
Oh, my God.
- [00:25]
B
Like, I felt like I was being assaulted. And then he just kept going, boom, boom, boom. And I even said, like, ow. And he was like, what's up, you perfect people? Welcome back to another episode of Everything's Perfect podcast. Today we're talking about the beauty standards.
- [00:50]
A
They're pretty high these days.
- [00:52]
B
They are high. I mean, first of all, the reason we're talking about it is Kris Jenner just got the facelift or face work of life.
- [01:03]
A
Yeah.
- [01:04]
B
But there are some strong opinions on both sides of it.
- [01:07]
A
There are. And I have to be honest, when I saw it, it incited a strong opinion from me, and it was, wow, she looks incredible. And, you know, I try to. I'm more aware when I have whole judgments about people's appearance, but whenever it's a good one, I'm like, okay, I'll let it. I'll let it go. But sometimes when people get facelifts or work done, it's like, okay, that's great for them. But it doesn't, like, strike me as, oh, my God, that is so amazing. Right? And she looks. In my opinion, what I felt when I saw it was, damn, she looks really good. That is really good work.
- [01:44]
B
Do you want to know what my thought was when I saw it?
- [01:47]
A
What?
- [01:47]
B
It's like, by the time I need a facelift, her doctor's gonna be too old to do it.
- [01:57]
A
Well, hopefully.
- [01:58]
B
I was like, I wonder who that is. And how old is he? Still have a steady hand in 30 years.
- [02:03]
A
Did you find out how old he is?
- [02:05]
B
I didn't. I should look it up.
- [02:06]
A
And they'll probably be robots.
- [02:08]
B
I know.
- [02:08]
A
Doing his exact technique in 30 years.
- [02:10]
B
From now, doing better. But really what that brings up is this topic of the beauty standard in general. But I think especially for women, we. We feel it. I know. I feel it. And it's changed over the years. Like, because when I was young, when I was in my early teens, the most I was seeing was magazine covers and people on tv. Those were, like, the standards you were seeing. And I will say this, like, the supermodels of the 80s. Stunningly beautiful Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, you know, but, like, muscular, curvy. And those have all gone through different phases, the supermodel phases and everything. But now that we have access to the Internet and you're seeing literally everybody from around the world, I mean, there are some crazy things. Like, I see makeup people doing makeup where it's like they start with one face and they finish with a different face.
- [03:16]
A
Totally.
- [03:17]
B
I'm like, oh, that. That's like, you just be catfishing some people around here with that.
- [03:23]
A
Literally. I've even said, like, some people who look real. I'm just gonna be honest. Some. Some celebrities who look really good with makeup, I'm like, well, that's because they're contouring all their filler. But that's a lot of extreme filler. And with no makeup on, it kind of. It doesn't look like a regular. Like a normal. Like a normal face, you know, it really doesn't.
- [03:46]
B
Right. But there's all this pressure.
- [03:49]
A
Totally. Well, you think about, like, when we were in our teens, people. People might say, oh, my God, you look like you could be on a magazine. But now with Instagram and social media, everyone is always wanting to look like they should be on a magazine. They're basically putting themselves on the same platforms that everyone else does.
- [04:07]
B
And there's filters, there's lighting, there's makeup. You know, you're seeing these young girls, like, in their early teens doing, like, here's my five step skincare routine and all these products. And I'm like, I had Neutrogena. I washed my face with some Neutrogena. That was if I washed my face.
- [04:26]
A
Yeah, I don't think that I did, which is crazy, because now if I go a day without moisturizer, I'm like, I'm aging 10 years. This is ridiculous. My skin can't take this.
- [04:37]
B
I mean, I really do have. I'm almost 45, and I've got to a morning night, a morning and a nighttime routine. There is pressure around aging. Here's what I will say. I didn't feel it in my 20s at all. I didn't even think about aging in my 20s. I think by the time I was, like, 29, the number 30 scared the out of me. Like, oh, my God, I'm gonna be so old at 30. Then 30 came, and it. You're not that old at all. And I still. Actually, that's when I started to get into the best shape of my life and feel so good. I was like, I'm on top of the world. But then as I approached four like, then it was like I, you know, social media was becoming bigger and that's when I started little things. It was like starting okay, seeing my esthetician once a month, getting my skin cleaned really well. You know, if there was any buildup, especially once I started getting on set cameras. Then it was like everybody started doing Botox and it was like, oh, okay, well and, and it was talked about as like, well, it's preventative. You don't do Botox once you already have all the wrinkles. You do it now when you're 30, so you prevent the wrinkles. Okay, here we go. We're off to the races. Like it started to be like a very aware.
- [05:52]
A
Yeah.
- [05:54]
B
And I'm in front of the camera so I am aware of how you look. How I look. And women just are not allowed to age like men. Like guys age and they're allowed to be silver fox and they get better with age and.
- [06:07]
A
Yeah. And you know, that is true. But I never felt that probably cuz I'm gay and I think gay men have the same kind of pressure that women. It's not the same for like just want to be very clear. But it is different than a straight man. Like when you're gay, you're still. You still there's this like fear of getting older.
- [06:27]
B
Yeah.
- [06:27]
A
At least in the circles. The gay ass circles I be running in. But me too. So like my, I grew up with my aunt running a skincare company. And so the first time I ever flew on a plane, actually I was 21 years old and it was to do a trade show for frownies. And so at that age I had hardly any wrinkles but I started using frownies and being aware of not getting any expression lines because I didn't want. Because I was doing these trade shows and I wanted to be. Be a good model or demonstration of not having these wrinkles on your face.
- [07:07]
B
Yeah.
- [07:08]
A
So I jumped in that conversation really younger than most people, especially most guys. And I also found myself going to the. They were industry trade shows. So you would have like beauty magazine editors and buyers. Beauty buyers for department stores and a lot of estheticians and salon or boutique owners talking to you who knew a lot about skincare and a lot about what people wanted. And so it's. When people talk about it negatively, I, it's almost like wild to me because it was just what people talked about right from a very young age for me.
- [07:48]
B
Yeah.
- [07:48]
A
But I was 21, so obviously I Wasn't triggered by it. I loved it.
- [07:52]
B
Yeah. For me, it was more. I grew up in the world of dance, so it was maybe a little bit less about specifically like what my face looked like. And it was about your body and making sure you were the right size and lean and things like that that always there in the back of my mind, but those did not catch up with me. Like, I know a lot of girls and women struggle with that and body dysmorphia and eating disorders. And I count my blessings that I did not deal with any of that, especially at a young age. But I saw it a lot. Yeah, I saw it because I was at a performing arts college. I had friends that dealt with it. I didn't feel issues necessarily with the way my body looked probably until honestly after I had been a fitness competitor and when my body had gotten so lean and so tight and so shredded that when it was no longer, when I was no longer maintaining that standard for myself, it would bring up some feelings about aging. And I could tell you, like, even now, like, because I am almost 45 and like, skin elasticity just isn't the same. So even though, like, I'm lean in my midsection, like the skin elasticity just isn't quite as tight as it used to be.
- [09:07]
A
And I'm like 20 something.
- [09:08]
B
Yeah, yeah, let me get some of that back. Or like, again, I'm very aware of it and a lot of it for me, I feel like is tied to my work. And this is not, like the company doesn't put pressure on me for this, but this is me maybe feeling it from the world a little bit. Like, oh, if I'm a little bit softer or if I'm tired, people are quick to tell you you're tired. And I'm like, yeah, sometimes I'm tired. Like, I don't know what you want me to tell you. And they're like, well, you don't look healthy, cuz you have dark circles. I'm like, well, you go work 15 hours a day, non stop, all the things and let me know what you look like. Like, I'm doing the best I can over here. You know, you get like super, but it makes you very aware. Or like I notice my neck.
- [09:53]
A
Mm.
- [09:54]
B
Mm. I ain't trying to have that turkey neck. I am aware of it because I don't have a fear of aging. I don't like aging is a gift because what's the opposite of aging? Being dead.
- [10:06]
A
Yeah, obviously.
- [10:08]
B
So I'm gonna take aging.
- [10:09]
A
Yeah.
- [10:09]
B
And I think there's something beautiful about the expressions on our face and the fact that you've lived a full life and maybe you've laughed so much and smiled so much. Okay, great, we have the lines. But. But again, I'm in front of the camera, so it makes me feel sometimes going towards 45, like, if I don't maintain a certain standard, are there going to be less opportunities for me? Will less people want to engage in my programs? Because I don't look as young as I, you know, as I did. I was always told I look way younger than my age. And I don't know if it's still that way or if maybe I look like I'm almost 45 now. You know what I'm saying?
- [10:50]
A
Like, yeah, but it's also just so weird now because looking a certain age looks so different than it used to. And you.
- [10:59]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [10:59]
A
You see, especially with a lot of. Like, if you talk about celebrities, just so many women who are in their 50s, 60s, look so youthful.
- [11:09]
B
I mean, Sandra Bullock, she's like.
- [11:13]
A
I always think that she should get more props for how beautiful, whatever she's doing. Yeah. She looks so good. And. And I know she's had work, but it. It's not all that. She looks like someone who takes care of herself. She probably drinks her water. You know what I mean? She's like. You can tell she is active. So. So that's what's. What I try to remind myself, because I really struggle with the idea of aging.
- [11:41]
B
Okay.
- [11:42]
A
Like, it's actually getting better, which I'm thankful for, because I thought as I got older, it would get worse. And so it's like, I'm getting better at not fearing it. But, you know, five years ago, the idea of being 40 was really intimidating and scary to me, like, in all the things that come with aging. And it isn't necessarily ways that you look, even though that's part of it. My fear is, like, how people perceive you. And so. But you can sort of, like, offset that by looking, quote, young, you know? So I don't know. Like, I do think that any opinions I have about, for example, like, expression lines. I don't like to have expression lines on my face.
- [12:29]
B
I know. You're so good at it.
- [12:31]
A
I do not. Like. And sometimes, like, you know, I'll be falling asleep, and if there's a lot going on, I'll realize I'm frowning while I'm sleeping. And I'm like, bitch, you're good at not doing this when you're awake. You better not start Doing this shit when you're sleeping. Okay. They call it beauty sleep, not get.
- [12:49]
B
Wrinkle sleep, not frown sleep.
- [12:53]
A
So. So, you know, it's, it's just interesting. And working with frownies, I've seen a lot. I've had a lot of people say, this is just ridiculous. I like my lines. And the first thing I realize when someone says that is, okay, well, you're talking about you. Like, I don't have. You can like your lines and I don't have to like my lines.
- [13:18]
B
Right.
- [13:18]
A
These customers don't have to like their lines. But people who do like their lines don't have to be customers.
- [13:23]
B
I don't like my lines. Just so we're on the same page.
- [13:26]
A
Yeah, I don't like them.
- [13:27]
B
I think it's amazing to have that long life and to laugh. I would like for it to not show up. Yeah, yeah.
- [13:34]
A
Well, and because, you know, especially for you, like being someone who is on camera and wearing makeup and stuff, sometimes it feels like creases. Exactly.
- [13:44]
B
Get out. And then that makes you look crusty and old, right? Me, it makes me. Hold on, let me not say you. It makes me feel like I look crusty and.
- [13:53]
A
Yeah, so. So I just think it's interesting. And what the problem is what one person really likes to do for themselves and makes them feel beautiful and empowered. Another person feels intimidated or triggered by sometimes because they feel like that means they should feel the same way or if they aren't trying to fight expression lines. I honestly don't. It's not like I walk around noticing other people's minds, you know, that is.
- [14:22]
B
You and I have talked about this, like because we talked about this when we were talking about the self love thing, that I think people assume that if I have an opinion about myself that it means that we have. I have the same opinion about you.
- [14:34]
A
Yeah.
- [14:34]
B
And I can be a much harsher critic to myself than I ever would to anybody else. Like I said, I'm always like, whatever makes you feel good. Why, like fantastic. But we all have our own things and our own battles, demons that we're fighting. Not the one in the microphone. But we need to be aware of that. That, that if Kris Jenner goes and gets a bomb ass facelift, it's not a judgment on some. On another woman who's 70 years old, that like if you don't go get a facelift, that you are not as beautiful or valuable because that's just not the case. You know, we've talked about this. People like Diane Keaton.
- [15:22]
A
Yep.
- [15:22]
B
Amazing. Sarah Jessica Parker. Beautiful. I don't know if either of them have had any work. If they have, you can't tell at all. So you. There's all these different. Beauty is so. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Right. And that starts with yourself.
- [15:40]
A
Mm.
- [15:41]
B
I think that is one of the most important things to recognize is that you can love you and somebody else, like, and not want to change anything. And somebody else can love themselves and want to change something.
- [15:55]
A
Right.
- [15:56]
B
Like, that doesn't necessarily mean that, like, if I get work done, it doesn't mean that I didn't love myself without the work. It could just mean you wanted it done.
- [16:03]
A
Like, yeah. Sometimes I think people are so on the outside. Someone on the outside looking at someone else's situation can say, oh, they must have been so unhappy with themselves. And so they're trying to fix their unhappiness by. And they start, like, diagnosing these people with all these conditions when it really is just as simple as, like, you know, someone might have liked that look. Or, like, for coming from the conservative Christian background I've come from. For example, I used to have a judgment towards women who got their breasts done.
- [16:38]
B
Oopsie.
- [16:40]
A
But not, like, a real one, but just, like, growing up, you just think, like, I don't even know what I thought. There was just this feeling about that, because I came from a world where that would just not be something. And now. And I really think getting into dance, because dance taught me so much about people's individual, individual way of expressing themselves and celebrating their bodies and celebrating their bodies how they want, like, for ballroom dance, costumes, accentuating what you want, covering what you don't love, but all of it to make you feel confident. And so instead of having that judgment, like, oh, you know, these just want boob jobs, because whatever, Right.
- [17:24]
B
Like, they're just. They're doing it for a guy or.
- [17:26]
A
Tension, or they don't want them just instead celebrating people doing what they need to do without having that judgment.
- [17:34]
B
Well, because I think it's so interesting that there's, like, a line, right? Like, I used your hair as a reference all the time because you have blonde hair right now, but you're not a blonde.
- [17:42]
A
Right.
- [17:43]
B
I mean, I've had blonde hair in the past. I'm not a blonde. That's perfectly acceptable to change your hair color. It's perfectly acceptable to cut it in every way possible. I obviously have a face full of makeup on right now, and it's perfectly acceptable for us to wear makeup.
- [17:57]
A
Mm.
- [17:57]
B
Or I Braces. You know, like, yes, a lot of kids get braces because maybe there's overcrowding, but let's be honest, a lot of us just get them to have straighter, nicer. A straighter, nicer smile.
- [18:09]
A
Right.
- [18:09]
B
And none of that has judgment. But then all. But it's like you go one step further and it's, oh, you didn't love yourself. Or. Or if you're doing that, then you must think I need to do it too. Right. Like, I. Breast augmentation. I mean, I've had mine done three times, let's be honest.
- [18:28]
A
Yeah.
- [18:29]
B
The first time I ever had them done, we've talked about it. I was completely flat chested well into my 20s. I was not gonna have breasts. Like, yeah, I didn't do it for a man. I didn't do it for attention. I just wanted that more feminine feel to my. For myself. I wanted to fill out a dress. And like, I. I remember thinking, like, when I get married, I want to be able to hold my dress up.
- [18:54]
A
Yeah.
- [18:55]
B
Without holding my dress up.
- [18:57]
A
Yeah.
- [18:57]
B
And so the first time I ever got my breasts done, I was just a big B. That's all I ever wanted to be was a big B. Like, just enough so it fit my body frame. And I loved it. The first shout out to Dr. Linder here in Beverly Hills, because he is amazing. So natural. Like, people would ask me, they would be like, I hope it's okay to ask you this, but, like, are your boobs. It was women, are your boobs real or fake? Because if they're fake, that's the best boob job ever. And I need your doctor's number. And I'm like, they're fake. And here it is. But then I had Dom and I breastfed. And when you breastfeed, your boobs fill with milk. And so my skin stretched quite a bit, and it didn't bother me until I signed on with Bodi, you know, then Beachbody. And this was not them. Like, they didn't make me feel this way. But I would notice in my sports bras, when I would bend forward to do like a bent over row or something, my bag would ripple and you would see it. And I was like, well, now it doesn't look real because now you're seeing my bag ripple. And so I got them. I had already had them for like seven or eight years, so I got them redone so that my bag wouldn't ripple. But the only way to do that was to go bigger. And it ended up. And Dr. Linder's done them all three times. And he was great. And he warned me. He's like, look, we're gonna have to go a little bigger. And are you okay with that? I'm like, yes. And I had that for, like, a good seven or eight years, but it was bigger than I wanted to be. Like, I was a D. That's a lot for my size.
- [20:22]
A
Yeah.
- [20:22]
B
And it made me feel very. Actually uncomfortable with my breast size. Like, people were judging me for having fake breasts. And every. Like, sometimes I would put things on, and it made me feel really big.
- [20:34]
A
Or just anytime you pass an infant, they're like, mama.
- [20:39]
B
Like, just kidding. See the movie Liar. Liar.
- [20:45]
A
Yes.
- [20:48]
B
But I just felt overly. I don't know what the right word. Exposed or just. Just. It was more than I wanted.
- [20:57]
A
Yeah.
- [20:58]
B
And so I did. Maybe three years ago, I went back to Dr. Linder, and I was like, we gotta go smaller. I. I was like, I know you're not gonna want to do it, but I need you to do it. I want you to remove some of the skin. And so at first, I thought we were gonna have to do what's called a lollipop, where they sort of cut a straight line down the center of your breast, and they also take out. Take off part of the nipple. Take the bag out. Sorry if this is grossing anybody out. And he was like, I'm not doing that to you. He's like, I'm not giving you the lollipop. I just cannot. Dr. Leonard was like, I cannot mess up your breasts. They're too pretty. I'm not lollipopping you. I'm gonna do a poor man's lift. And I was like, well, what's that trigger warning? If anybody doesn't like to hear things like, fast forward a few seconds, like. Because I'm gonna describe it. So they actually cut your entire areola off. Takes the bag out. Takes. Cuts some of the skin off, pulls it tight. Like, puts the new bag in that's smaller, fills it, pulls it tight, then puts the areola back on. So that's what I did. And I'm still a little bigger than I. Like, I wish I could have gone down to a B. But he felt like that was going to be too drastic of a change. So I'm like a C now. So I've had the procedure done three times. I would have. Listen, maybe I should have waited until after I had kids, but I waited until I was 27 years old to do it. I'm quite happy with it. And I have people Message me. Well, maybe you should take your breasts out. That's why you have hormonal imbalances. I don't believe that's accurate. I have saline. If I ever felt that was the case, I would take them out. But I actually feel like it would be a really hard thing for me to remove mentally, like, emotionally. Like, I. I would be very self conscious. Not to say I wouldn't take them out if I felt like I had any kind of. Like, if you needed, yes, I would. I would deal with that. But I don't believe it. And I've talked to my doctors about it, both my longevity doctors and Dr. Linder, the plastic surgeon. And nobody feels that that is something causing me an issue right now. But, oh, I've been judged for it. Crazy hard.
- [23:05]
A
Yeah. Just out of curiosity, what was the hardest recovery? Which one of the procedures? The first one. The middle one or first one?
- [23:14]
B
First one, because I was so flat chested that the skin has to stretch.
- [23:19]
A
Yeah.
- [23:20]
B
And it literally. You feel like there's like an elephant on your chest.
- [23:22]
A
Were they up high for a long time? I have friends since who've gotten their breasts done, and it feels like they sit really high for a while, a little bit.
- [23:29]
B
But again, this is where Dr. Linder, like, he is a phenomenal. Like, he's world renowned, he's sought after, and he's very good about one placement and two, his instructions on how to. So, like, there's a special sports bra that I would wear, but there was this, like, elastic thing that I had to wear literally, like 247 for the first month that you would pull really tight, so it would kind of press them down so that they didn't settle too high and weren't up. Like.
- [23:54]
A
Yeah. Nice.
- [23:56]
B
Yeah. The third one was like cakewalk.
- [23:59]
A
And I remember you hosted me and my mom and dad for Thanksgiving, like two days after you had your boobs done.
- [24:06]
B
Yeah.
- [24:06]
A
I was like, are you sure you're gonna be okay? You're like, I'll be fine. It's my third time.
- [24:10]
B
I was like, I got this. And I was. And also I had already been working with my longevity doctors for well over like a year and a half. And they knew I was having the surgery, and they put me on something called BPC157, which is an injectable peptide that helps with wound healing. That's crazy, because the first two times I had it done, it was a solid four, maybe five weeks until my stitches came out. That third time using that peptide every day my stitches came out. At three weeks, Dr. Linder was like, you're healing fast.
- [24:45]
A
Wow.
- [24:46]
B
I know.
- [24:46]
A
I was like, that's amazing.
- [24:49]
B
All right.
- [24:51]
A
That's really cool. Yeah, I. So I always wanted bigger lips.
- [24:56]
B
Yes.
- [24:57]
A
I just love big lips. So Juicy Lips talked about it, and it was something that I never knew if I was going to actually do, but I ended up doing it after we filmed 21 Day Fix. Real Time is when I went and I got. I had some dance students who are their medical doctors, but they also do some, like, cosmetic injectables and stuff like that out of their office. And so they were like, you know, we'll give you a good deal. And I can't turn down a good deal.
- [25:24]
B
I mean, come on.
- [25:26]
A
So I. I was really nervous because I also liked my face. I like my face.
- [25:32]
B
Yes.
- [25:33]
A
I liked my face. I always called it my money maker. I'm like, am I really about to fuck with my moneymaker? But I. So I got lip filler, and I really liked it. And I kept up with lip filler for at least two or three years. And I really liked them because they were like. They would say, you don't need more. Or we think maybe more volume here, but not. They were just very artistic with it. Where some places in la, it's like, how big you want to go, they'll just load it up and send you like a blowfish. Yeah. So I really liked it because I felt like it looked natural the whole time. But on me also, just this, you know, for me, I felt like since I do have. Naturally I have lips already, I just felt like it accentuated them instead of, like, creating something that was just really looked out of place on my face.
- [26:30]
B
Right.
- [26:30]
A
So I loved it. But it also got to a point for me where some things changed in my life, and I wanted to be more responsible financially. And I was like, is this something that I want to prioritize if I. If I'm gonna make that decision? You know, the. The adulting decision of budgeting that no one likes to make. And so that's why I haven't had it now in almost two years. And it's funny, because my 40th birthday is coming up and thinking about aging and looking good, and I have a lot of friends coming from all different times of my life, from all different parts of the country, and I was thinking about getting, like, a little lip filler for it. But it's interesting because I also am at a place where I'm like, I don't really know if that's If I want to do that, because it also feels good. I. I do like the way my face looks, and it kind of feels good just having my natural lips. So I think, you know, it wasn't wrong when I was getting it done, and it's not wrong if I don't. And I just think not holding judgment towards people and doing what you want to do when. If you can do it, is, like, more power to you.
- [27:43]
B
Yeah. I will say, when you had them done. First of all, I didn't know at first. Like, I remember when you told me you got them done, and I was like, it looks great, because I didn't know you got them done, which is exactly what you would want. Yeah, right. Like, I mean, maybe some people want it to be noticeably different, but yours still fit your face.
- [28:00]
A
Right.
- [28:01]
B
I will say this. This is. This is an interesting thing. People would probably be surprised to hear me say it. So I've had filler done a few times. I've had it under my eyes a couple times. The third, I think four times total in like, maybe 12, 15 years have I put a little filler under my eyes because I have deeper set eyes the first couple times. Great. Loved it. I wouldn't do it very often because I would metabolize it very quickly. And my doctor was like, there's, like, if you need it for something, filming something, we'll do it, whatever. The fourth time I did it, we. He used something different, and I actually think it settled into the lymph nodes under my eyes. And now I have these tiny little. It's been there for a couple years. Like, I haven't done filler in years. Like, puffy patches. And I do a pretty good job of covering it with makeup, but it drives me insane. And every. At least once a day, I look. When I see it, usually in the morning, I'm mad at myself for having done it. And once I put a little. I have a little bit. I don't have a soft jawline, but a softer jawline. And so I did a little bit in my chin one time, and I liked that. Just, like, the tiniest little bit. We did it. I remember, though, the day we did it, I thought I looked. I was like, oh, my God, it's so different. Like, crazy. But nobody noticed.
- [29:23]
A
Yeah.
- [29:23]
B
Like, I was waiting to see if anybody would notice. Nobody noticed.
- [29:25]
A
I didn't. I think I remember later finding out you did it. Sort of like you with my lips and being like, oh, it looks good, but I didn't notice.
- [29:32]
B
Yeah. Well, two years Later, I was like, okay, let me do like it again. I metabolize quickly. So even though it never fully goes away, they say it was fairly gone. So I was like, I went back to the same doctor that did it. And this doctor is an asshole, in all honesty. He's very well known. He's worked on some very famous people, and he's just a dick. Like, he'll leave you waiting for hours even though you have an appointment. And so when I went in to get it done, they left me waiting for two hours.
- [30:02]
A
And that's annoying because, you know, they're not leaving their A list clients waiting for two hours. It's like, does my money not spend.
- [30:07]
B
As long as the same damn way?
- [30:09]
A
Yeah.
- [30:09]
B
And I have an appointment. So, like, what are you doing with yourself? That, like, why didn't you schedule this out right? I still got to go to work.
- [30:15]
A
You're not a brain surgeon.
- [30:17]
B
Yeah. Like, oh, something went wrong.
- [30:18]
A
Yeah.
- [30:19]
B
And so I. I had to ask the front desk. Like, I had to leave the room and ask the front desk, like, hey, is he gonna be in soon? Because, actually, I'm gonna have to leave. I've got work. And that when you. You pay before he ever comes in and does it. You don't pay after he injects your face. You have to pay before. And I was like, look, if he's not. If he can't come in soon, you're gonna have to refund me my money. I'm gonna have to leave. Like. And it must have pissed him off. And he came in. He was like. He barely even said hi when he walked in the room, and he was, like, looking at my paperwork, and I wanted to talk to him and just say, like, okay, you know how we did it the last time? Just the tiny little bit in my chin. That's what I want again. And he's, like, looking at the paperwork, and I'm just sitting in the chair, and out of nowhere, he, like, spins around and injects this needle so hard into my face.
- [31:07]
A
Oh, my God.
- [31:07]
B
Like, I felt like I was being assaulted.
- [31:09]
A
That, like, do you want to cry?
- [31:10]
B
I did cry. Tears started streaming down my face. And then he just kept going, boom, boom, boom. And it wasn't down in my chin where I wanted it. It was, like, up higher, and it was happening so fast, and it was, like, so painful. And he was not being, like. He really wasn't being nice at all. And I was in shock. And. And I even said, like, ow. And he was like, oh, you must have a Low pain tolerance. Like, you're assaulting me with a fucking needle. Yeah, I don't have a low pain tolerance. I have a low assault tolerance. And because it wasn't where I even had wanted it. So, like, I don't. I don't know if the nurse said something different or he just came in and decided, like, he didn't even look at me. I felt like I looked like an alien. I was so upset by it. Like, I cried. I called them. I wanted them to dissolve it, but I was leaving the next day for a trip to Florida, and. And like, they weren't. They weren't even returning my. It was like, for how famous this guy is, it was such terrible service. And I was like, what are you doing? Autumn? My whole point, the whole long story, is to say that the few times I have messed with my money maker, I actually haven't been ha. Like, Botox, fine, Yes. I put some Botox in my forehead. I'll put it around my crow's feet. I haven't really been all that thrilled or like, oh, my God, it's made such a big difference. Like, I can't imagine not having it.
- [32:41]
A
Yeah.
- [32:42]
B
The couple times I've actually been disappointed one way or another. And I'm like, enough. And it's not like I've had crazy things done. But I'm just saying, like, I think I've learned my lesson at this point of, like, this is me and I love me. And there are certain things I will do, like a good laser peel or something. Just if I've got melasma, you know, whatever. Little tightening, a good skin care routine, esthetician. But I'm gonna try to age. I'm not saying I wouldn't ever listen. Kris Jenner looks fantastic. I will never say never.
- [33:21]
A
I will never say never. I will actually say probably.
- [33:24]
B
Maybe one day I will actually probably say yes to if I can afford. Afford it and there's somebody where I don't have to worry about. Like, yeah, who knows where AI is going to be? Can I show them a picture when I'm 30 and they can just make me back?
- [33:34]
A
Right.
- [33:35]
B
Yeah, sign me up. By the way, that is no judgment on anybody who, at 70, doesn't want to have a facelift.
- [33:41]
A
But I do want to say, because I. Women, I really think, like, from time I've known you and seeing in your. You and your videos, you're more beautiful than ever. Not because of, like, I think that women are so, like, I think women feel like they're expected to look like they're in their 20s or early 30s. But I really do think that women become more beautiful as they get older. And we all then come to a place where your skin does start to sag. Like a. The elements do what they do.
- [34:16]
B
Yes.
- [34:16]
A
And our skin does what it does, and it is what it is. But I just want to say my opinion, for whatever it's worth, is I really think that women are more beautiful as they age well into their 40s and beyond. So.
- [34:30]
B
Well, there's also something to be said for confidence that comes as we get older. Right. Because. So I think a lot of times when you feel confident and for everybody, that is different. Like, what makes you feel confident in yourself. But there is a different way you carry yourself. There's a different way you show up. There's a different energy in a way that you take up space in the world when you feel confident. And that doesn't necessarily come from a procedure. It could. It absolutely could. But it also could come from getting in your workouts, eating a little bit healthier, hydrating, getting out of a toxic relationship, being in a loving relationship, doing something brave. Like if there's. If you've been afraid to travel somewhere maybe by yourself, and you do it, and then you're like, I did that. There's all these different ways that we show up. And that energy, I truly believe, is actually what people are most attractive.
- [35:31]
A
Totally. Totally.
- [35:33]
B
And so it's if. If you feel. Listen, people have joked with me or joked or not so much joked, but maybe made fun of the fact that I'll wear a crop top a lot, but I don't always. There's days I don't feel confident in it, but then there's days if I'm in it, it's because I feel confident in it. Like, I'm not rocking it. Not feeling confident. Yeah, that's for sure. Or like, I feel very confident in how my legs look. So, hell, yeah, I'm going to put on the heels and I got no problem wearing the short dress and I'm. Whatever. Have your judgment. Like, I don't care. Like, so there are a lot of times where I don't care, but it's usually if I'm not doing the work to take care of my health internally, maybe like, oh, I'm a little off on the nutrition or I'm slacking in the workouts a little bit, but that's usually when my confidence will shrink and dip a little bit. And then how I show up is not. Then it's like, how am I covering this up? How am I? And then it's more about how I'm hiding in that instead of fully expressing myself.
- [36:32]
A
Well. And you will hear a lot of people and as an observer, I think women especially say things like, well, you know, I'm not young and beautiful. Like so. And like this person or I'm not this anymore or I don't have. And I really think it is about confidence. It's a like believing that and saying that is what's making you also present that way. And also like, maybe we can talk a little bit about our anti aging routine. But I. Nutrition is so important. You know, if I eat a lot of carbs and drink heavy, my skin immediately reacts. I get like rosacea on my face. I start to like, I. There's really is. It's not just about what you're putting on your skin. It's about what you're putting in your.
- [37:25]
B
Body more than anything.
- [37:26]
A
Yeah. And so I, I'm just like, okay. I remind myself when you start to feel like, okay, talk. You know, trying to keep up with whoever. Whoever.
- [37:36]
B
The Kardashians, the Joneses.
- [37:38]
A
Exactly. That I'm. My anti aging number one plan is keeping a healthy lifestyle and staying active and staying youthful in that way.
- [37:51]
B
Right.
- [37:52]
A
And never frowning my forehead. Other those two things. I'm just kidding.
- [37:57]
B
Well, let me just say your skin is an organ.
- [37:59]
A
Yep.
- [38:00]
B
And it is the biggest detox organ that we have. So if you're putting a bunch of junk in and. And your body has to detox it out one way or another, it's coming out your pores.
- [38:12]
A
And most of us are dehydrated and.
- [38:14]
B
Yes. And then that's when you're puffy or like if you've eaten too much. So sometimes the puffiness comes from being dehydrated and sometimes it comes from too much salt. It could be both. Right. So. So it could be puffy or you could be really dry if you're dehydrated. So then it's gonna look more wrinkly. Like that's gonna. You're not gonna have the same glow to you that you would normally have so long before a procedure. There's so many other things. Proper nutrition, hydration, getting a good sweat on, like getting a workout in guess. And that could be. And like it could be so many different things. Like get outside and walk. But like get. Go fast, not a stroll. Like push yourself a little bit and get that sweat going. Get the circulation going. If you're not going to the bathroom regularly. You're holding toxins in your body.
- [39:03]
A
Yeah.
- [39:04]
B
Like, these are the things. Okay. I'm gonna use this. And I'm in no way trying to put anybody down. And I'm not saying this is the only. Like, there's a million reasons we lose our hair, but have you ever seen somebody that is clearly not taking care of themselves? Okay. And their hair is very, like, I'm speaking more women wise. And again, I'm not putting anybody down. I'm just pointing out, like, because vitamins and minerals and all that stuff play a role. Like, their hair's thinning and their hair's, like, falling out, and it's maybe not. It's dry, it's brittle. And then if they change their nutrition and all of a sudden their hair looks healthier. Like, these are things that make a difference. So start there. Start with, again, moving your body, you know, eating healthy, making sure you're getting enough sleep.
- [39:59]
A
Yeah.
- [39:59]
B
Is huge. You know, they call it beauty sleep for a reason.
- [40:03]
A
And I do think that I would encourage someone to look into. If you don't have a skin care regimen, look into developing one. There's a lot of really quality pro. The good thing about the time that we live in right now is it's competitive. So there's a lot of products that have good ingredients that are more affordable because they have to stay competitive with the other companies offering it. I love the products I use. And you, like you said, your skin's an organ. And so as you're eating, if you're focusing on nutrition and those kinds of things, don't then neglect, like put. I think, finding healthy topical products and things like that for your skin. It makes me feel good.
- [40:48]
B
Yeah.
- [40:48]
A
And while I feel my best, it also makes me feel like I look my best.
- [40:52]
B
Yeah.
- [40:52]
A
And I think that's really what some people get lost in, because I can't look like the standard. I think Hollywood or Kris Jenner or someone with, you know, a billion dollars who can spend hundreds of thousands on procedures.
- [41:07]
B
Yeah.
- [41:08]
A
But you can still look your best and feel your best. It doesn't mean you have to just not even think about it because you can't, quote, keep up with them and their facelifts and all of that, you know.
- [41:19]
B
Yeah. And again, I don't think anybody is saying, like, if I do this, you have to do this. If I do this procedure, I, I. That I assume you have to do that procedure, meaning anybody that gets work done.
- [41:32]
A
Totally.
- [41:33]
B
But I do think, in fact, I.
- [41:35]
A
Prefer someone not just. Sorry.
- [41:37]
B
No.
- [41:37]
A
Because. Because I mean, I'm like, the thing is, people still want to feel like they're their unique selves. Yeah. And whatever they have done is about them. It's not about anybody else. If hopefully.
- [41:50]
B
Yeah. I mean, yes. I'm sure there are people where maybe somebody has really made them feel bad about something, and. And they feel that they need to change that. And I hate that about our society, that we do that to people in any way. Like, you are uniquely you, and that is beautiful in and of itself. And. And then from there, you know, if you want to wear makeup, wear makeup. And if you don't want to wear makeup, don't. And it's really about what makes you feel your best. Wait, we do d. We have talked about procedures, and you have left one out.
- [42:25]
A
Oh, yeah. So I also, you know, I always joke about my. I feel how I feel about my love handles.
- [42:36]
B
Don't attack him. He's allowed to make a joke about it.
- [42:39]
A
That's right. And I mean, it just is what it is. Like. Like, I don't even care if anyone feels any type of way about that. It's a fact. Okay.
- [42:45]
B
I don't know if you have love handles, but. Meaning you don't. But go ahead. I understand what you're saying.
- [42:49]
A
So I. Which, honestly, I probably remember where that came from in my childhood, but I saw this special online for something like coolsculpting, And I was looking into it because basically, coolsculpting, they put these paddles on your fat, and then it suctions it up and freezes it, and then they massage it, and they're supposed to pee it, and you're supposed to do, like, at least three of these treatments to see real change. They say you'll see some after one. Well, anyways. But again, you know, bitches on a budget. And I saw that they had a special in Tijuana.
- [43:31]
B
Did y' all hear what he just said? They had a special in Tijuana in Mexico.
- [43:36]
A
And, you know, we live in la. I'm like, I'd like a little road trip. And I literally didn't even tell anyone. Drove into Mexico. I've never done that before in my life. I was so. And I also didn't know that my maps would stop working when I went into Mexico, and I'd have to, like, reconnect to some roaming provider or something. So I'm driving around lost in Tijuana looking for this place to get my cool sculpting. Well, I finally got reconnected. It was like. That was traumatic of itself managing the streets and the traffic.
- [44:08]
B
How would a flipped a ue so quick?
- [44:10]
A
It was scary and honestly like it. I don't, I have no way of knowing if where I'm at is a safe area or a very dangerous area. And, and I know no matter what people see me and know I'm clueless. Like sitting duck. I pulled up to the place I told you and literally handed my keys to a valet. And I'm inside and I'm like, how do I know that was a valet? That was just some dude sitting in a fold up chair that was like, I'm the valet.
- [44:34]
B
I'll take your car.
- [44:35]
A
Yeah, but he, I did in fact get my car back. I didn't check the mileage and maybe they drove it around a bit, but.
- [44:42]
B
I hope you checked it to make sure they didn't stash anything in your trunk. You didn't turn into a mule.
- [44:46]
A
I literally thought about that while I was in line to come back into. I was like, oh my God. I didn't check. I've seen too many movies, too many horror stories. Yeah. But so I got that procedure done. And the biggest disappointment about that is it just wasn't as effective as I wanted it to be. I didn't notice any difference.
- [45:05]
B
I love that they said you were going to pee out the fat.
- [45:10]
A
You know, if, if you want to believe something, really believe.
- [45:14]
B
Do you know the, the, the way we lose the most fat? So like you work out, right? And you're burning calories and da, da. And it's like, okay, well where does that fat go? Right? You quote unquote lose fat. Well, where, how do you get rid of it? Like, and you know, you ask people that question and they say, oh, well, you pee it out or you excrete it out via waste. And the biggest way you get rid of it is actually through exhaling.
- [45:38]
A
Wow.
- [45:39]
B
Yeah.
- [45:41]
A
That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah, that's interesting because so many people also in the stress and anxiety in the day to day and caught up in everything, breathe so improperly.
- [45:52]
B
Yeah. Shallow breathing and hold their breath.
- [45:55]
A
Yeah. The anxiety, it's like you. I catch myself. Like, it's amazing. I don't have a ripped six pack because I'm just sitting in tension all the time.
- [46:06]
B
Why am I not.
- [46:07]
A
Yeah.
- [46:07]
B
So shredded. It's an isometric.
- [46:09]
A
Relax. Everything's okay.
- [46:11]
B
Exhale.
- [46:12]
A
Yeah.
- [46:12]
B
But yeah, I learned that when I was learning more about breath work and stuff. But don't quote me on this, but I want to say it's something like 70 ish percent is lost through your exhale.
- [46:24]
A
Wow.
- [46:25]
B
So when you're working out, proper breathing is really important too. Inhale through the nose so that your air is moisturized. Exhale through your mouth. Don't hold your breath. It's hard, especially if you get into cardio and stuff like that. But, yeah, I thought that was a fun little fact.
- [46:40]
A
That is interesting.
- [46:41]
B
So they're over here, like, let me freeze your fat. And then you pee it out.
- [46:45]
A
Yeah, I'm like, I know what I'm doing tonight. Just kidding.
- [46:54]
B
Oh, my God. I'm gonna see you constantly. Like, hi, guys.
- [46:59]
A
Yeah.
- [46:59]
B
On social media, I just talk really breathy right now all the time. I think the bottom line is this. If. If you want it and it makes you feel good and it's something that you can do, do it. And if you see somebody else do it. Like, don't try not to have judgment. Maybe if anything, try to have. I. I don't know if compassion is the right word, because again, somebody doesn't have to hate themselves to do it, but maybe just understanding that that's just felt good for them.
- [47:35]
A
Yeah, I really, you know, I think it's so important to just give people space that is like, a lot like everyone else. It feels like, just finish the book, let them. But it really is like, you have better things to think about than what other people are doing for their. Of how they want to age or how they want to present to the world. You worry about yours and let everybody else do their thing. So. And I. So I do, though. I think about it a lot. And one thing I heard, because I, too, will be getting a facelift the minute my chin starts to just go like that.
- [48:12]
B
And I'm telling you, there ain't no turkey neck happening around here.
- [48:16]
A
But I learned from my cousin who's, like, the face of frownies now. She. It says you're supposed to rest with your tongue, like suction, cupped to the roof of your mouth.
- [48:30]
B
That is a part of breathing where your tongue is supposed to go.
- [48:33]
A
Yeah. They say that's the proper placement, but a lot of people don't.
- [48:37]
B
Yeah, right behind your teeth, your front teeth, your top front teeth.
- [48:40]
A
And I don't think that I did that. And I do feel like now, when I will be like, if, you know, my boyfriend's always taking photos.
- [48:48]
B
But that's supposed to keep your chin from dropping.
- [48:50]
A
Yeah, it engages here, they say. They also say, like, you know how people are taping their mouths when they sleep so they don't mouth breathe?
- [48:57]
B
Yes.
- [48:57]
A
They Say that that helps because part of the reason that this. I don't know if any of this is true. I'm just telling you, I've seen online they say that it like droops your. It affects your jawline, it affects how.
- [49:08]
B
Everything flows in your throat, like your airway and everything that I know because I've. I've read that before. And it affects the whole way you breathe and actually how we breathe, believe it or not, that it affects your teeth alignment.
- [49:22]
A
Yeah, that's what I've heard.
- [49:23]
B
And part of the, part of something else that affects our teeth alignment is, you know, we eat so much processed food that's so soft, right? Like you chew it twice and it dissolves in your mouth and it's gone. And so we don't have the same muscles in our mouth, in our jaw and our cheeks, in our chin that we normally would. And then it messes with your smile because you can look at a lot of indigenous people. Is that. I don't. Is that the politically correct?
- [49:48]
A
Well, I think so.
- [49:49]
B
I think so.
- [49:50]
A
Doing our best.
- [49:51]
B
I'm doing my best. And you're like, okay, well, they don't have orthodontists, but they all have beautiful smiles. But they're still very much eating off the land.
- [50:00]
A
Yeah.
- [50:01]
B
And. And probably, you know, sleeping properly. And they move their bodies all throughout the day and, you know, we've got tech neck and all this other stuff and it's like, man, we're freaking technology advanced and health poor around here.
- [50:14]
A
It really is. It's like we gain it in one area and we just like the amount of times I catch myself and I'm like, why is my head, like pitched forward past where my body is? Lift your chest, elongate your spine. What are you doing?
- [50:28]
B
Wait, I have to tell you one thing. So I have a bathtub in my bedroom or in my bathroom. And where my bathtub is, it's like parallel to the closet. And my closet doesn't have a door. It's like a walk in closet and there's a giant mirror there. So I love a bath at night. It's like a nice way to relax. But sometimes I'll look over and I'll catch my posture and I'm like, are you out of your damn mind? And because, same thing, my head is dead forward. I'm hunched over. I look like I'm 90 years old. And I was like, the ballerina in me is like, what are we doing with our life right now? And then when I sit up, up, like Right now you feel. I feel so much. I feel everything adjust in a line. And I'm like, well, that feels nicer than my rib cage being.
- [51:10]
A
Yeah.
- [51:10]
B
Compacted down and my organs being compacted down.
- [51:13]
A
Yeah.
- [51:14]
B
And my back, like, I'll sit like that for like a good five minutes. I'm like, this is exhausting. And the next day my back muscles will be so sore. And I'm like, well, that tells me I'm not working my posture muscles.
- [51:24]
A
Exactly. I'm with you 100%.
- [51:27]
B
I cannot be one of those little old ladies hunched over with. And I already have a curve in my spine.
- [51:35]
A
Yeah.
- [51:36]
B
So.
- [51:36]
A
And with technology, it's so much harder because we're always looking at our phones now. It's like always there. It's not just a computer.
- [51:43]
B
Right.
- [51:44]
A
So it's interesting. I just feel like one more point I want to talk about while we're talking about this stuff is so. People talk bad about, like, like doing things like, like in fitness. I don't know.
- [51:58]
B
I know, Go, you're in it.
- [52:00]
A
People are always like, you know, you should do it for your health, not to look a certain way.
- [52:05]
B
I do it for both.
- [52:06]
A
I am inspired. I. I am inspired sometimes because I'm like, okay, I don't want to look like that. So my anti aging, like, like, for example, sometimes I do posture, it's because I don't want to look. Even though there are health ramifications from being hunched over that are not good for you. I, I want to be youthful and upright for as long as I can, and I want to look that way. So that's why that's part of my anti aging is keeping good posture.
- [52:32]
B
Yeah.
- [52:33]
A
You know, or so. So I, I just, I, I think that it is okay to want to do your part, to do what you can. Of course, we could talk about all kinds of examples where sometimes people don't have options or sometimes, you know, like, you have an accident and something happens. But while I can, I'm going to do my part to look my best and feel my best. And I want. I'm excited to turn 40 this summer because I think every time I say my age, when I say I'm 39, people are like, really? I thought you were like, maybe 33. And so I'm excited because if I can maintain that. Yeah, the older I get, it'll feel cooler every time.
- [53:14]
B
I was going to say this earlier. It's going to be my last point. I do think we have moved to this stage, and I'm so happy that we have where, at least for women, we're not lying about our age anymore. We're really embracing it. Like, there was a time that you would not. I would not say, like, oh, my gosh, I'm almost 45.
- [53:31]
A
Yeah.
- [53:31]
B
You'd be like, I'm 44. I'm going to be four. Like, you know, but I love the fact that we're actually proud of aging. And part of that pride comes from not this. Maybe, you know, the word anti aging is what is used, but it. Maybe it is just more. More of an aging gracefully that is happening and we're embracing it more. Like, so I like that that is what is happening. I like that I'm proud to say I'm almost 45 years old. I am doing what I need to. To take care of myself. And I'm not gonna. I'm not trying to hide my age, and I'm not trying to look 20.
- [54:07]
A
Mm.
- [54:09]
B
I'm just not trying to age. I'm not trying to prematurely age myself.
- [54:14]
A
Totally. The fact is, when we talk about age, we talk about it as if everyone has the same amount of time, but if you think about it actually as percentage, the longer and healthier you are, then, like, 45 is a lot younger for someone who lives to be 100 than someone who lives to be 65.
- [54:34]
B
True.
- [54:34]
A
Based on, like, natural causes of death. You know what I mean?
- [54:39]
B
Yes.
- [54:39]
A
So that's really where it's like, it's not about your age. And that's why I feel like when I'm doing my skin care and being aware of how I look and wanting to look youthful, it's me saying, I can be youthful as long as I want to be.
- [54:53]
B
Yes.
- [54:54]
A
And that feels good and empowering to me.
- [54:56]
B
So, yeah, I love that we get to have these conversations. D. Seriously. And I love that we get to have it with our. Our perfect people family over here, that we just get to open that conversation up.
- [55:08]
A
Yeah, me too. I think it's a really important one, and it's something that, you know, people are always thinking of on if they're not thinking about their appearance or being aware of someone else's. Like, we all are thinking that, and so I think it's good to talk about it.
- [55:22]
B
Yeah, we'll keep the conversation going, especially if you guys have anything you want to add into it. You can always leave us a comment or email us at everything's perfect podcastmail.com because it is a conversation with your besties. So we do want to hear what you have to say. About it.
- [55:37]
A
Yeah. So make sure if you haven't that you like and subscribe. We love to see your comments. We also really appreciate when you leave us a review and share us with a friend. We'd love to get to know more of you.
- [55:48]
B
Yep. New episodes drop every Tuesday of Everything's Perfect. We'll see you guys next week. Bye.