Everything’s Perfect Except… Grandma Gave an Ultimatum

Summary

Everything’s Perfect Except… Grandma Gave an Ultimatum

Podcast: Everything’s Perfect
Hosts: Autumn Calabrese & Donald (Bobby) Stamper
Date: July 21, 2026
Episode Theme: Family boundaries, LGBTQ+ wedding dilemmas, and how to handle loved ones’ personal growth (or lack thereof)

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Episode Overview

In this candid (and often hilarious) episode, Autumn and Bobby dive into a listener’s dilemma: a grandmother threatening not to attend her granddaughter’s wedding because her own daughter (the bride’s aunt) wasn’t invited—due to the aunt’s anti-LGBTQ+ views. The episode becomes a deep discussion on drawing boundaries in families, the challenges of weddings and guest lists, and whether (and how) to support loved ones who repeatedly ask for help but never seem to follow through.

The hosts share personal stories, offer heartfelt advice, and reflect on generational shifts in attitudes towards boundaries, support, and change. The tone is unfiltered, real, and marked by their signature mix of empathy and playful banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Setting the Scene: Friends, Social Drinks & Small Talk

Timestamps: 01:00–06:20

• Autumn and Bobby catch up, joke about party drinks, and recall awkward silences in friendships, segueing into the blending of comfort and vulnerability in close relationships.
• Memorable anecdote about the first time Autumn had a matcha cocktail and how new experiences can inspire future projects, like her beverage line.

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2. Featured Listener Email: Wedding Guest Dilemma & the LGBTQ+ Question

Timestamps: 07:25–14:14

Summary of the Listener’s Story:
A mother writes in:

• Her daughter (who is gay) is getting married but has chosen not to invite certain family members, especially her aunt, who is overtly anti-LGBTQ+.
• The grandmother (the aunt’s mother, and the only living grandparent) says she will not attend the wedding if her other daughter (the aunt) is excluded, causing pain and division.

Hosts’ Initial Reactions:

• Both express disbelief that the grandmother would skip her granddaughter’s wedding for this reason.
• “Come on, Grandma!” — Autumn (08:59)
• Autumn bluntly calls out family manipulation and notes how older generations tend to guilt-trip or control with ultimatums.

Bobby’s Personal Reflection:
He shares his own experience with a relative who distanced herself from him after he came out, and how he’s grappled with whether to extend invitations or leave the choice to unsupportive family members.

“Part of me feels like I might invite [my aunt] because then it’s her eyes having to make a choice between her beliefs or coming to her nephew’s wedding.” – Bobby (12:45)

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3. Dive Deeper: Should You Invite Unsupportive Family?

Timestamps: 13:15–21:00

• Autumn and Bobby explore the idea of making the family member choose versus decisively not inviting them.
• Discussion on the risks: an unsupportive relative attending could cause tension or drama, overshadowing the big day.
• They agree: The wedding day should be about support and positivity, and if someone actively opposes the union, it’s fair (and necessary) not to invite them.

Notable Quote:

"I don't need your negativity and I don't need your fakeness on my wedding day." – Autumn (17:39)

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4. The Generational Divide: Boundaries & Control

Timestamps: 21:06–26:35

• Both hosts recount family tensions around guest lists and traditions. Autumn tells a story about her own wedding and the pressure to invite distant relatives just to appease her father.
• Bobby shares advice from his former pastor:

  “You don’t have to spend a day like Thanksgiving with people that you don’t even want to spend a Tuesday with.” (23:48)

• They reflect on how younger generations are more comfortable drawing boundaries.

  “We are of the generation where it is okay to draw boundaries now. I’m not talking about the generation after us that uses that word for like every f*cking thing ever.” – Autumn (25:39)

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5. Family Politics & the Ripple Effect of Boundaries

Timestamps: 26:36–35:13

• Setting boundaries can create ripples: protecting your peace may trigger drama from those who aren't used to being told “no.”
• Bobby and Autumn encourage prioritizing your well-being, but acknowledge the pain of family fall-out.
• Autumn shares personal examples of her father's attempts to exert control through ultimatums, underscoring the importance of holding firm even when it’s difficult.

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6. Real-World Advice: How to Approach the Grandmother?

Timestamps: 27:28–29:38

• Autumn suggests the bride sit down and have a heartfelt, honest conversation with her grandmother. Explain the reasoning, express her desire for grandma’s presence, and let the grandmother make her own informed choice.
• They underscore: Don’t let anyone, even a close family member, hijack your important moments with their demands or prejudices.

Notable Quote:

“If you choose not to come, that will hurt me, but this is my choice, and you have to go forward with your choice.” – Autumn (28:48)

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7. Second Listener Email: The “Can You Help Me (But I Won’t)?” Sibling Dilemma

Timestamps: 38:32–77:15

Scenario:

A woman’s younger sister frequently asks for help with health and wellness (e.g., to borrow a login, to start new routines), but never follows through.

Key Points:

• The emotional toll of repeatedly offering help/advice that is never utilized.
• When to put up boundaries and how to “let go” without guilt.

Advice Breakdown:

• Autumn:

  • Stop giving help or resources unless the sister takes tangible action first (e.g., buy her own subscription).
  • “You need to let the younger sister start to take the action before you step in to help at this point.” (41:32)

• Bobby:

  • Ask reflective questions like, “What do you think is preventing you?” instead of offering solutions that aren’t sought.
  • Suggests clarifying if someone actually wants advice or just needs to vent.

Empathy & Support:

• Recognize that not everyone is ready for change; sometimes, just listening or offering encouragement is more valuable than advice.
• “At least you're a person that they feel safe to keep coming to. And you never know when might be the time that everything aligns and they're ready to make the change.” – Bobby (75:57)

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8. Psychology of Change: Habits, Triggers, and the Crowd-Out Theory

Timestamps: 48:17–71:00

• Deep dive into why real change (like improving health) is so difficult: emotional attachments, social circles, and ingrained habits.
• Introduction of the “crowding out” method: instead of deprivation, add in healthy habits, and old habits organically fall away.
• Tangents on “addictions” to food/drink; illustrative stories about the consequences of refusing to change, including a cautionary tale about a woman who would not give up Mountain Dew despite severe diabetes.

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9. The Reality of Health Goals: Awareness, Tiny Habits, & the Power of Math

Timestamps: 56:07–66:26

• A breakdown of how small things (like “just one soda” or “just a few croutons”) can altogether derail health goals.
• The importance of mindfulness and intentionality in daily choices.

  “Math is math. People are thinking it’s just a little this. It’s just a couple extra this. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Math is math.” – Autumn (60:14)

• Riff on diet soda, “healthy” swaps, and why your body often doesn't get tricked by zero-calorie sweeteners.

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10. Final Thoughts: Empathy, Boundaries, and the Messy Middle

Timestamps: 75:55–77:48

Final Advice:

• Balance empathy and self-protection: be supportive, but don’t burn out helping someone who isn’t ready to help themselves.
• “You don’t have to solve the problem… Sometimes they might just need sister to love on her and be like, just so you know, I love you no matter what.” – Autumn (77:39)
• Recognize that you don’t need to compromise your happiness or values for anyone—even family. Draw your lines, stand by them, and accept that there will be fallout, but also growth and new peace.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

“I don't need your negativity and I don't need your fakeness on my wedding day.”
— Autumn (17:39)

“You don’t have to spend a day like Thanksgiving with people that you don’t even want to spend a Tuesday with.”
— Bobby, quoting his former pastor (23:48)

“We are of the generation where it is okay to draw boundaries now. I’m not talking about the generation after us that uses that word for like every f*cking thing ever.”
— Autumn (25:39)

“You never know when might be the time that everything aligns and they're ready to make the change.”
— Bobby (75:57)

“You have to just be tired of your own bs. Like, you have to get to the point where the pain of staying the same is worse than the pain of changing.”
— Autumn (55:42)

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Key Timestamps

• 07:25 – Start of listener email about wedding & family dilemma
• 12:45 – Bobby shares his experience with family and coming out
• 17:39 – Autumn reflects on fake family at weddings
• 23:48 – Advice about not spending special days with unsupportive people
• 25:39 – Generational differences on boundaries
• 27:48 – How to talk to grandma about her ultimatum
• 38:32 – The “non-committal” sister’s endless requests for health help
• 55:42 – The breaking point for personal change

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Tone & Style

Blunt, compassionate, and peppered with playful shade, Autumn and Bobby combine real-world wisdom and lived experience with humor. The episode is unfiltered, conversational, and deeply human, making space for both laughter and honest emotion.

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Summary Takeaways

• Don’t let anyone—even family—dictate who belongs in your big moments. Support and trust in your choices.
• Set and protect your boundaries, even at the cost of ruffling feathers.
• Offer help to those who truly want it, but recognize when your advice is falling on deaf ears; sometimes support means simply listening.
• Real growth is hard, layered, and rarely linear; empathy for yourself and others is essential.

Everything’s perfect… kind of. And that’s just how it should be.

Transcript

[Autumn]

All new drinks are now at McDonald's with refreshers like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher

[Bobby]

and the Mango Pineapple Refresher with popping Boba. To crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry

[Autumn]

Blast with berry flavors and cold foam.

[Bobby]

Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire six?

[Autumn]

All new drinks are here now at McDonald's.

[Bobby]

Refreshers contain caffeine.

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[Bobby]

Wow. Somebody's got all the.

[Autumn]

I got all the things. We gotta restock our.

[Bobby]

Oh, we do.

[Grainger Ad Voice 2]

That's right.

[Autumn]

These are so. It's a pretty package. What flavor do I want to try?

[Bobby]

My favorite is probably the opening of the bag in the microphone.

[Autumn]

Okay, you know what?

[Grainger Ad Voice 1]

Don't be a dick.

[Bobby]

Yeah, don't complain, you guys. At least we're not chewing on the

[Autumn]

Starbucks, the year old healthy version of Starburst.

[Bobby]

First you gotta suck on them to let the saliva start to soften you.

[Autumn]

Don't break it too.

[Bobby]

Exactly. And then once it starts to soften, it's never going to leave your teeth. It'll. It'll find places in your mouth. Not literally, but it's almost a diet food as you spend more time eating it, trying to get it out of everywhere that it is. Anyways.

[Autumn]

Also, hold on, I'm going to crack one more thing in the microphone. That is the sound of a good mood.

[Bobby]

Sure is.

[Autumn]

I'm pouring a good mood Brew little. A little unwind, relaxing, calming, take the edge off. I'm not stressed, but I do love this one.

[Bobby]

It's relaxing and calming, but it's not at all like gonna make you tired. No, like you can drink it and still like be social. I love that one so much.

[Autumn]

Same. So let's be social. All right. But I had you look like you

[Bobby]

want to dressed up.

[Autumn]

I know. Your. Your man said, let's go out. And I was like, I can't, I have too much work.

[Bobby]

I said, okay. I don't know what club we're going to, but she's ready.

[Autumn]

I asked you if I should get dressed dressed or like sweats dressed, and you were Like, I'm gonna put on jeans and like a T shirt. So I just got this outfit, it just came in the mail. And I. I was just like, needed to try it on because I wasn't sure if it was gonna fit. And I put on.

[Bobby]

I said, she ain't taking this off.

[Autumn]

Between the overload method with all my muscles and this cute outfit, I was record some things.

[Bobby]

So cute.

[Autumn]

You're going for the phone. That means we're doing a.

[Bobby]

We have some phone friends.

[Autumn]

All right, I'm ready for it.

[Bobby]

All right, well, I should have had them pulled up, so give me one second.

[Autumn]

Okay, well, while he's pulling them up, I found it. Okay.

[Bobby]

But go.

[Autumn]

I didn't have anything to say. I was really trying to think of something.

[Bobby]

I know I'm always like, so do you ever. Are you ever talking to someone and you're like, I'll come up with something needs to be said. I'm not sure what, but I'll come up. Up with something. So before you know what you're gonna say, you're like, yeah.

[Autumn]

Like when it's like you're not somebody you know very well and you're trying to keep the conversation going because it's that awkward. Like, I don't really know how to walk away. And you're like, so what. What do you. What do you do for fun?

[Bobby]

Makes me think about one time you and I went to dinner. This is before we had a podcast, is when I lived downtown. Okay. And we went to this seafood place that was kind of underground. Do you remember it?

[Autumn]

Yes.

[Bobby]

Anyways, there's a specific moment. We were talking, having dinner, you know, doing our thing, and then it's like this.

[Autumn]

Did we have awkward silence?

[Bobby]

Well, you were like, is that it?

[Autumn]

Did our friendship just run out?

[Bobby]

Have we finally covered it all?

[Autumn]

I remember that. You know, what we had there, though, which actually, because that was a couple years ago. It's so funny that you say it. That was the first place I had a Matcha cocktail. Really Remember? It was in that really funky bird shaped glass. And add a toasted marshmallow on top.

[Bobby]

Yes.

[Autumn]

You put something sweet on top of my. I'm like, I'm here for it. But yeah. And that. It was. I don't. It was like a matcha. It wasn't a martini. I don't know.

[Bobby]

It was, but it was served up. I don't think it had any ice in it.

[Autumn]

No, it didn't. Yeah, but it was good.

[Bobby]

It was good.

[Autumn]

But that was one of those reasons that Made me go. When I do my beverage line and I do matches and stuff, like, I wanted a little bit more uniqueness to it. Even though I went, it was still fairly traditional, like strawberry vanilla and blueberry lemon. But the coconut lime.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Went a little.

[Bobby]

Anyhow, also, just while we're talking about it, at the party yesterday.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Bobby]

Was the first time I tried any of the good mood brews at. To make cocktails.

[Autumn]

Oh. I was like, well, you're just lying now.

[Bobby]

You've been drinking. Like, I didn't realize it was that kind of show. Whatever we want.

[Autumn]

Okay. Okay. Yes. With alcohol.

[Bobby]

Yeah. It was really nice. What was it? The beauty brew.

[Autumn]

The beauty brew is so good with tequila.

[Bobby]

Yeah. Even. Even, like, Sonelle makes margaritas that, um, he calls nelgaritas, but he tops them with a spin drift or some kind of sparkling water. And even just, like, instead swapping out the good mood brews, I was like, this is so. It adds just the right depth and deliciousness to really make it like something you've never had before. So good.

[Autumn]

Well, yesterday was the first time. Just one more thing, because that's speaking of the tropical coconut lime matcha, like, obviously I drink it without alcohol in it. That's the whole point. But I was like, ever since I created that flavor, I was like, I feel like this would be so good with Malibu rum in it. And I put the Malibu rum in it, and I was like, bitch slaps hitting the spot. This is summer.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

So anyhoo.

[Bobby]

So. Yeah, I know. Like, it's not. Not. I'm not. It's not that I wanted to give a sales pitch, but they're perfect to have this summer and any time of year because they're great for cocktails. And if you have people at your party who are drinking, they're so much better than just having, like, a sparkling water.

[Autumn]

Honestly, I cannot believe how many of those cans were slammed yesterday. We had a group of, what, 10 or 11 here.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Like, when you looked around the pool, it was funny. It looked like a frat party, but it wasn't with alcohol. It was like, most of it were, like, good mood brew cans, solo cups that people had, like, poured them in over ice. And, like, I was like, I am so happy. And there was people there that I like. Friends of yours that I hadn't met yet. So it wasn't like these people were, like, trying to be nice to me. Like, you being like, oh, good.

[Bobby]

Right. No, I wouldn't.

[Autumn]

I know you wouldn't.

[Bobby]

I wouldn't say it's. Not good, but I'd be like, I love that you're doing this for you anyways. Okay.

[Autumn]

Okay. We have good ones. Okay.

[Bobby]

All right, so this one. I'll go ahead and read the email because it's not. It's not too long. It says, loved you both for years. My oldest daughter is getting married in September. There are specific family members she isn't inviting. They have never really been a part of her life growing up, so she doesn't feel like they deserve to celebrate her union. My daughter is gay. She's marrying the most beautiful young lady. My husband's mom is of course invited. However, his sister is not. She is very much against the LGBTQ community. Well, we are just crazy out here in these streets with our gay agenda and all.

[Autumn]

Trying to convert me.

[Bobby]

Exactly. I'm gonna make you gay. One of these. My mother in law doesn't understand why my sister in law can't come to the wedding. It had caused a riff. And now my daughter is upset that her only grandma won't be there. My mom passed away, she says, over 20 years ago. My mother in law has been a huge part of our children's lives. I'd like to hear your take on family gathering, who you could and couldn't be invited and why. My husband and I fully support our daughter's decision and her lifestyle.

[Autumn]

Oh, I'm excited for this one. Okay.

[Bobby]

Hits home for a few reasons for me, but.

[Autumn]

Well, family in general. You know, I mean, batshit crazy.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Like. And like, there's so many things. I just. I can't believe the grandmother isn't gonna go.

[Bobby]

That is the. Interesting.

[Autumn]

Because the daughter isn't invited. Like that in and of itself is kind of messed up.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Come on, Grandma. These boomers, he.

[Bobby]

Well, they're not all that way. We got. If I'm just saying. But. Yeah.

[Autumn]

Are your parents the boomer generation?

[Bobby]

No, my parents, I think, are like the first year of X.

[Autumn]

Okay. I was going to say.

[Bobby]

But yours are.

[Autumn]

My dad is boomer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, he's. No. No questions. You're like, no, no.

[Bobby]

Exactly. Okay. So we see it.

[Autumn]

So we understand. What I'm saying here is that family's crazy.

[Bobby]

You're like, you don't have boomer parents. Let's shut the up.

[Grainger Ad Voice 1]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Because you're like, not all of them. And I'm like, yeah, not yours. They're not boomers. Like.

[Bobby]

Yeah, but I know some really great boomers. I just gotta throw the boomers a bone. But anyways, I'M not. Yes.

[Autumn]

Okay. So I do think it's God. I mean, well, weddings is always a crazy topic and like, who can be invited and who can't. And first of all, I think it's nobody's business to say, to question who the bride and groom invite, because there's a bunch of different reasons. Obviously, they're not inviting the aunt for a very specific one. But you remember, like, people are paying for this.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And it's their day. So anytime, like, parents or grandparents get involved and start being like, trying to throw their weight around, like, I'm not coming if you don't do da, da, da. I'm like, who do you think you are?

[Bobby]

I know it. It's so. Except, yes, I fully agree with you. But playing the devil's advocate, because that's what I always do. So annoying. I don't know what it's like to have a child. And so maybe the ma. The grandma feels like her. It's like a motherly instinct of her daughter being left out because I don't know the details. But what I will say is God, based on the facts we were given in this story. I told you earlier when we were talking about this, I feel like I wouldn't. I actually have an aunt, so I just. I can talk about it very personally who was very friendly and loving. As I was growing up lived like a couple miles from our house. So on my dad's side, I've always been a lot closer and just saw more often my mom's side of the family because most of my dad's family lived in another state in Kentucky. But this. This aunt lived close and we oftentimes went to the same church. So we. I saw her a lot growing up and. And as I started to come out, and I never did a big come out announcement on the Internet or something like that. And I never told her, hey, by the way, I'm gay. But I started sharing things and started not being secretive about it. And it led to things like her unfriending me on Facebook and sort of talking about, like, it started actually with a Facebook message that said how wrong it was to be gay. And essentially she couldn't support me in it. So fast forward. And I actually recently saw her at my grandfather's funeral. And I was. It was like a little awkward. I think it honestly was more awkward for her than it was for me because I'm like, I'm just here being me like I always have been. You're the one that's drawing these lines Saying you can't, even though it doesn't affect you even your eternity, even if you believe, you know.

[Grainger Ad Voice 2]

Right.

[Bobby]

But if I was. If, like, if Nell and I were getting married, I feel like I'm. I don't know. I'm so on the fence about this, but part of me feels like I might invite them. Her, because then it's her eyes having to make a choice between her beliefs or coming to her nephew's wedding. And so I do feel like I might invite her because there's no way she would come. She unfriended me on Facebook. Is she really going to come to the wedding?

[Autumn]

Abomination. Let's just be honest.

[Bobby]

She did.

[Autumn]

She did.

[Bobby]

I was like, well, is she a boomer?

[Autumn]

She older.

[Bobby]

She is. Bye.

[Autumn]

I knew it. No, I'm just kidding. To any of our boomer listeners. I'm totally kidding.

[Bobby]

Yeah. So.

[Autumn]

So that's an interesting choice, but I see. I definitely see, like, what you're saying. Like, you'd rather make it her choice not to be there and support you than you sort of making the stance of, I'm not going to invite you.

[Grainger Ad Voice 2]

Okay.

[Autumn]

I have thoughts.

[Bobby]

Me, too. Go. Go ahead.

[Autumn]

We're both excited to be here. You go first.

[Bobby]

Well, I just want to say on the other side, I'm. I feel like I'm actually in a phase of life where I'm learning more maturity about relationships. And I grew up in the kind of family that it was like, almost as if we were a mob family. The way I looked at family was, whether we like each other or not, we're blood. We stick together. We ride or die. You know what I mean? Yes. And so I. I think my response might be from, like, wanting to be true to that instinct, but I also think there's something really important about knowing that you have the right to give people space or not. In a lot of areas of your

[Autumn]

life, you got to be ride or die, so does your aunt, so.

[Bobby]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

You don't have to be ride or die the second they step out.

[Bobby]

Yeah. And something that's so important, I'm not getting married to Nell, so. And that. And I mean right now. That's what I mean. Like, I'm. I'm. I know I'm not in a place where I'm thinking about what that means to have people come and witness that union, and I might actually want to protect it a lot more and not. So maybe I wouldn't actually send an invitation to people who I don't feel support us, because why would you do that. Yeah, because so I do get that.

[Autumn]

The flip side could be her showing up because you invited her and then being an ass while you're there. Whether that's just evil eyeing or speaking

[Bobby]

up, talking behind my back.

[Autumn]

Yeah, this is terrible. Or like, I mean I know you wouldn't have necessarily like some.

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[Autumn]

Traditional church maybe where they say, like if anybody has an issue, like you know, where she would stand up and speak and be like, I have an issue. But still, like, yeah, you are. You would be opening yourself up to that.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

Chance.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

So a couple things about this particular email. So the only thing I would say that like the wording was like, okay, maybe just look at it like, let me take an outside. She said, my daughter doesn't feel like they deserve to be a part of the celebration. I was like, oh, well that's a little bit of a hard word. Like you don't deserve to be a part of my like. And by the way, they depending on how.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Against it the aunt has been. She very well might not deserve obviously to be there. But I was going to say a couple of things. Like one, I, is the aunt making a big deal about it to her mom? Like, is she like, I can't believe I wasn't invited. Because if she doesn't support, why would she want to go?

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

So. And then why is the grandmother making a big deal about it? Because you gotta know that your daughter doesn't support the union. So why do you want her there if you want to be there for Your granddaughter, your. And what she's experiencing, then you would understand. You would understand that that's not a person that should be there.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Because she doesn't support her lifestyle.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

That just like, by the way, just like, if it was a female and male getting married.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

If. If the aunt was like, I hate your husband.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Or your fiance. Okay, well, then you probably don't need to be there.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

Because if you openly hate the person.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Then I don't need your negativity and I don't need your fakeness on my wedding day, because I don't want to have to be fake and act like I don't know that you hate the person.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

I'm not saying that hates the person, but I'm just saying, well, it doesn't support it. I don't have to act like I don't know that you don't support me.

[Bobby]

Yeah. I think what's interesting, too, I think the email. Didn't. She. I don't think she said she didn't support her. She said she didn't support the lgbtq.

[Autumn]

Well, then that's. You don't support her. Well, she's lgbtq.

[Bobby]

Right. But also someone in that thinking. They don't think like, a. An extreme, in my experience. And I think I would say, like, if. I think that if I was talking to my aunt, she would agree with me that people who think like her don't actually believe that people are LGBTQ plus. They believe that people are disillusioned and wounded, and so they turn to that lifestyle and they see it no different than, like, an addict turning to drugs.

[Autumn]

Right. So there's like, you choose to do coke or not do coke.

[Bobby]

Exactly. You choose, like, you're doing that because

[Autumn]

you want attention or you're wounded or something happened.

[Bobby]

Exactly. Maybe. But so that. That's still really up.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Bobby]

But, you know, that's where the whole, like. No, I love. That's how we're. Where a lot of conservative Christians say you love the sinner, hate the sin. But when you say that to a person who's lg.

[Autumn]

Who is gay, you're saying that they're.

[Bobby]

Yeah. You're like, it's bad.

[Autumn]

Wrong.

[Bobby]

It's like, that doesn't work because you're not talking about the fact that you disagree that I eat shellfish or that. You know what I mean? Or that I eat pork. And that's not what you're supposed to do. You're talking about the fundamentals of. Of a long journey of me having to Figure out who I am, and when I finally feel bold enough to share it, people closest to me can't support me. It is like, yeah, it seems like communication, because it seems like a grandmother should be able to understand that.

[Autumn]

Let's. I agree. Let's go broader, though. Let's go. Because, I mean, I know this is about, obviously, the granddaughter being a part of the LGBTQ community. Like, that's why this particular riff is happening. But we have talked so much about this topic, like, where we stand on that.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

But let's dive into family a little bit. Like, family dynamics, because I think that's just. It's another. Like, it's a component of this. Right. Like, so you got. You got the. The woman that's getting married, her parents support her and who she's marrying point blank. It has. Like, let's not even make it about that.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And then you got the grandmother over here trying to insert herself and saying,

[Bobby]

like, trying to control the situation.

[Autumn]

Yeah, trying to control the situation. And I just, you know, you see it happen so often in families, especially around special events, and it's like, well, where do you draw the light? Okay. So, like, some people come from really big families. Like, I come from a huge family. I didn't get married in Ohio for multiple reasons. One of them was, if I got married in Ohio, that wedding would have been at least 200 people.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And I was like, I'm not. I. My dad is going to tell me I have to invite every relative I have if I get married in Ohio. I'm not throwing a wedding that big. I'm getting married. We got married in San Diego. My dad was mad at me about that because you're the bride and it should be in your hometown. I was like, I don't want it in my hometown.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

I want it here in my. Where I live now, I live in California. My husband is from San Diego. We're doing it in his hometown. And my dad was so mad that his family had to travel.

[Bobby]

Huh.

[Autumn]

I was like, this isn't your wedding. It's not your wedding. Like, this is the stuff that just kills me that with family. And then my dad was like, you still have to send invitations, basically, to his first cousins. Don't get me wrong. Like, I did grow up with them, like, more my grandma's side, the Bensonvent, than the Calabrese is, like, we had a Calabrese family picnic, and I definitely saw them, but I saw the Benson east more. But, like, yeah. My dad was like, invitations have to go. And I'm like, they're not gonna come, dad. Even though, like, great. Like, I just saw Em at my other cousin's wedding, but I knew they weren't gonna come.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Oh, no. If invitations didn't go, my head on a platter.

[Bobby]

Yeah. So did you send the invitation?

[Autumn]

I did, yes. I gave in to the invitation. But, you know, like, you gotta remember, I was, like, 28. No, I'm sorry. I was 27. Getting married. I didn't have a lot of money. Like, we didn't have a lot of money. Wedding invitations are expensive. Every invitation is a couple dollars. And you're, like, pinching pennies so that you can pay for the party, like, all the things. And you're like, over here. It wasn't like, one first cousin of his. It was, like, a lot, right? I was like, you're costing me money I don't have, dad.

[Bobby]

Like, I think it's so hard because, well, with weddings, like, you have an idea of what you want your wedding to look like, and then everyone who knows you has an idea of what they want your wedding to look like. Especially you're older. Your aunties and uncles and grandparents. And so it's like, when you start stepping out, the farther you step outside of how they wanted it to go, the harder it is to deal with. You know, you. You visited with me once, and you've met a couple times. Some of the people I went to church with here. I went to a really. A church that I loved. It's called New Abbey. And I heard the pastor there say one time, and. And they're LGBTQ affirming. And so I only say that for context of the people he was talking to in the congregation. And he said it was. We were approaching a holiday, maybe like, Thanksgiving. And he was like, you don't have to spend a day like Thanksgiving with people that you don't even want to spend a Tuesday with. And I was like, that is so. At the time, it was so outside. I didn't have room in my brain to think. I don't have to invite every family person. I don't have to put myself in situations where I don't feel supported, no matter who they are. And I think that. That even though it's difficult for me because it changes the way I view, like, my happy story about families always there for each other, but the truth is, they're not.

[Autumn]

Tell me twice.

[Bobby]

To the choir.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Bobby]

And Mel is here. This is when we call it preaching to the choir. I was giving him I was giving Autumn a hard time. Autumn would say something earlier. This is a side note. And I was like, now this is when we uses an expression like the pot calling the kettle black. She's like, I'm gonna fuck you up.

[Autumn]

Yeah, Mocking me.

[Bobby]

But I think it's really good advice. And it, and it, you know, like we talked about friendships and stuff I'm dealing with and sort of I'm learning you don't have to give unlimited slack to people who are. Don't support you the way that you need.

[Autumn]

Yes, but here's the thing.

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[Autumn]

We are of the generation where it is okay to draw boundaries now. I'm not talking about the generation after us that uses that word for like every fucking thing ever. I have my boundaries. And like, if it's just something they don't want to do.

[Grainger Ad Voice 1]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

Like, they're like, I'm not coming to work today. I have my boundaries. I'm like, I don't think that's all that works.

[Bobby]

Okay, well, I hope being poor fits in your boundaries because you're gonna get paid.

[Autumn]

You have real serious boundaries. It's called a cardboard box.

[Bobby]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

But we are of the generation where we've had enough trauma growing up that we have learned where it is okay a little bit to be like, no, I'm not actually gonna sacrifice my happiness because of basically like our parents generation. Or like, because that's a lot of times where it's coming from, right? It's coming from your parents. Like, hey, no, I'm not inviting A, B and C to this family gathering and the parents throw a fit. What do you mean? And it's. It's like family politics. And.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

So they don't get it. So it's like, great. You draw that line in the sand because you're trying to protect your peace. Your piece is still all kinds of disrupted because in protecting your peace and saying, I'm not going to do this or have this person. Ripple effect, the ripple effect in the family, this generation above that can't just accept it and go, hey, guess what? We're all allowed to have our own feelings. And we're all like, yeah, like, fine, you want to have that? Okay.

[Bobby]

It is so interesting. And I just really feel for the person getting married because why is this even an issue if someone doesn't support it, they wouldn't want to be there anyway. And of course you wouldn't want them there.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Bobby]

So. But I do think for family, it. You don't have to spend time with people who don't support you. And that includes family.

[Autumn]

No. And the advice I would have, I guess, to the woman that wrote in and for her daughter is this. I would say, and obviously I don't know the family or the family dynamic, so I have no idea how this would actually go over. The granddaughter, the one getting married, if it really means that much to her to have her grandmother there, I would say that she should sit down one on one with her grandma.

[Bobby]

Yes.

[Autumn]

And have a conversation. Because it's. She did say, like, the grandmother was very involved in their upbringing and all that.

[Bobby]

Very close. Yeah.

[Autumn]

And that they were very close. And I would try to have a conversation and just say, like, I want you to understand why auntie so and so isn't invited. And this is my day. And she's been very clear. And it's not that I don't love her, but, like, I don't want my wife to feel this way. I don't want to feel this way. It means the world to me. I would really, I really want you there.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

I'll be really sad if you're not there. And if the grandmother chooses not to be there. I know that's like, that's just hurtful. And it is what it is, but it's still your day. And so you, I guess you kind of end up having to choose, like, okay, do I want to tolerate the aunt being there so that I can have my grandmother there, but at the same time, you're going to be resentful at your grandmother for forcing that or can you just say, grandma, I love you, but this is. This is my day.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And she's not invited, and I'm sorry. And if you choose not to come, that will hurt me, but this is my choice, and you have to go forward with your choice.

[Bobby]

Yeah, that's. I 100% agree. Have a real heartfelt conversation, like, I love you, Grandma. I really want you there. And my feelings will be hurt. Just be honest. My feelings will be hurt if you don't come. But this. You know, she is against this, and it's not. I want to remind people, it's not easy to come out. And after you fight that battle, you don't want to have to keep fighting it for people who should be the ones loving you and supporting you the most. And I imagine, like, being at the wedding and looking. You should be able to look at everyone's face there and feel like they're there to celebrate you, that they love

[Autumn]

you for exactly who you are. They're so happy for you.

[Grainger Ad Voice 2]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

They're not wishing you would change and be somebody else. Like, again. I don't. It sounds to me like the aunt wouldn't come.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

I don't know why it's an issue, but obviously, we didn't get that context of that story. But. But family is like. So I was just in Ohio for my cousin's wedding, and my nephew, my younger nephew, just graduated high school, and my dad was adamant that he needed to throw him a graduation party. Now, there's nothing wrong with throwing my nephew a graduation party. But my dad, in true dad fashion, basically decided this last minute. Basically decided, since the whole family's gonna be there for Alyssa's wedding, I am gonna throw a graduation party for Jake. And I was like, dad, I don't think this is a good idea. Like, this weekend isn't a. I love Jake. I love my nephew. I'm proud of him. Great. But this weekend isn't about him. This is Alyssa's weekend.

[Bobby]

Totally.

[Autumn]

Like, she's been planning this for a year. And you're like. So the family is focused on that. That, like. And most of my family lives in Ohio. So it was like, me, Bobby, and Kaylee coming in for, like. But I was just like. Because then he was like, well, what if we do it on this day? Well, when are you getting in town? I was like, we don't get until Thursday night. He's, like, all huffing and puff about when I can come in. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm coming for a Wedding. That's what I've had planned. Yeah, I have work. I didn't know you were going to try to throw a last minute graduation party in the books. Like, I don't think this is a. I mean he and I went rounds on this. Not because I have an issue with my nephew getting a graduation party.

[Bobby]

Of course.

[Autumn]

It was like. Because he kept trying to change the date and when and every time. Then he was like, okay, well the graduation party's Thursday at 5:30. And I was like, okay, well I don't know if Dom and I will make it. And he's like, well, what do you mean? I was like, well, I've told you three times. We land Thursday at 4:55pm so.

[Bobby]

So get off the plane if the

[Autumn]

plane gets delayed, if, if there's an issue with the bags, anything. I don't know. I'm not being mean. Of course we'll come if we get in in time.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And he was like, well, who's picking you up from the airport? Am I picking you up? And I was like, how are you going to pick us up? You have to be at a graduation party. You chose to throw a graduation party at the exact time that I arrive. It sounds to me like you give a whether or not I was there.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

No, he didn't. I barely talked to my dad the whole time I was home. Had a great time with everybody else,

[Bobby]

but okay, it sounds like everything went as it should.

[Autumn]

Maybe was there.

[Bobby]

Did he throw the party?

[Autumn]

He did throw the party and we did make it because my flight actually landed 30 minutes early and my aunt came and picked us up. But it was just one of those things where like when I told him I didn't know if we would make it, like if the flight made it, we would go. He was like, I'm just gonna cancel it. And I'm like, okay.

[Bobby]

I kind of thought you should never have thrown it.

[Autumn]

But he was using that to try to. My dad's always tried to use things to control us. One year I wasn't gonna go home for Christmas. I was gonna go see my mom for a week and then go see him for a week in college over Christmas break. And he was so mad that I was gonna spend a week at my mom's and a week with him that he was like, I'm not gonna co sign on your college loans anymore. And I was like, okay, don't. And I'm not coming home at all. Then I guess I'll just go to mom's. And he was like, okay. And so I was like, okay, you want to see who would be more stubborn? Because I promise I win. And I sure didn't go see him for that Christmas break. I did go to my mom's and he sure didn't co sign on any more loans.

[Bobby]

Wow.

[Autumn]

And I, I mean, I paid for all my college anyways. Like, he wasn't paying for it. He was co signing on it. But I had to do work study. I had to have a full time job. I had loans out the.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Was it. Yeah. Family they love. But then because. And I brought that up because the grandma's trying to use control. Well, I'm not gonna go if you don't do what I want. I very much have been a victim to that my whole life of my dad being like, well, I want this and it's gonna be my way or I'm not gonna do da da da for you.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And I'm like, okay, don't do it then. Yeah. Then don't.

[Bobby]

Yeah, it really is. The thing is too, you know, when you're dealing with. I don't know if this is true for everyone and if we have a listener who is in your later years in life, maybe you like, will fully disagree with me. But a lot of times people like, I feel like someone in their 70s or 80s is not going to change as much as someone hopefully in their 20s or 30s.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Bobby]

And like. And even now I try to challenge myself when I'm like, I was just

[Autumn]

gonna make a joke, but I'm not gonna do it.

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[Autumn]

Because it was a political joke and I'm not gonna make it keep going.

[Bobby]

So I feel like, like giving that grace. I understand that they don't even know. Sometimes I think that they're really just being very manipulative and not seeing. Not. It's not their place to control. But I, you know, I told my mom when it comes to family things, because what really gets her is she has the way she imagines something happening.

[Autumn]

Oh God. They all do it.

[Bobby]

And it's. And I'm like, honestly, you yourself, every time go how you want it to go, ever. And then you're so disappointed. And I'm like, if you didn't have the expectation for it to be exactly this way, you could have really enjoyed all of the good things about it.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Bobby]

But when you're like, I want to have the fairy tale seventh Heaven episode. Yeah, exactly.

[Autumn]

And the kids are screaming.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

You're just like, the whole thing's ruined.

[Bobby]

Yeah, exactly. And so just letting it be more chill things go and enjoy the positive moments but I know it's hard to do but let go of the expectation and that's probably what the grandma and our and the people who wrote in about this phone a friend she always probably pictured the whole family those things of course but let go of your expectation and it will be yeah because

[Autumn]

they're not going to change the picture in their mind as much as you would like them to. They're probably the older generation probably isn't like you said right. Whereas younger generations we when you're a

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[Autumn]

Hey, it's your ceiling vent so I'm dripping. Could be the rain, could be the upstairs bathroom. Yikes. You could hire the guy your neighbor recommended but I'm pretty sure that's just his cousin. Do we know if he's licensed or does he just stone a ladder?

[Bobby]

Listen to your home go with thumbtack. Upload a photo or voice note and we'll diagnose your project and match you with the right pro for the job. Thumbtack. We know homes hire the right pro

[Autumn]

today maybe are a little more malleable like that we're like okay, I see it this way and I hope it goes this way. But I'm open to the fact that like yeah, it could be different and that could still be fun too.

[Bobby]

Well and also just now it's not I guess I'm thinking about this in real time. It's not so much about someone's age. We really do have more of an understanding and conversation in our in society today of like more than one thing can be true or we don't tend to use words like right and wrong as loosely as we did before where years, you know, a couple decades ago everything that's either right or that's either wrong.

[Autumn]

You either just do it this way

[Bobby]

or you do this. Women don't do this. You don't do this. You go to school you you know because I said so exactly. And it's like if you don't do it the way that's right then you're wrong and I think maybe now. So hopefully when we're in our 80s, because of having an understanding that, like, growing up in a space where it's not about right and wrong, it's more nuanced than that.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Bobby]

Maybe we'll be able to see more of a larger.

[Autumn]

I hope so. I say that all the time to Dom. I'm like, if I'm like, grandpa, when my mom gets old, you're gonna have to do something.

[Bobby]

I'm the whole reason I'm growing the back of my hair house, because I saw the young kids doing it. I was like, you can't be the old man who just always keeps his style. So I hope you guys like a mullet if you're not watching. He's working out on YouTube because I'm growing it. I have. There's another phone, a friend. That's sort of another family relationship dynamic I think we could jump into. This is a long email, so I'm going to summarize it.

[Autumn]

Okay.

[Bobby]

This is an individual who is in their 50s, early 50s, and they have an adult sibling who's 10 years younger than them. Okay. I think about my. Around my age. And this person has asked over the years, like, for help on their wellness journey. Okay. Things like they've asked about. This person used Bodi, and they've asked if they could use their login.

[Autumn]

The younger sister has asked the older sister for help.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

Okay.

[Bobby]

And so a lot of different circumstances like this where the younger sister has the best of intentions of, I'm going to make this change. I'm going to start walking daily. I'm gonna do a workout program. I'm gonna. And then never follows through.

[Autumn]

Okay.

[Bobby]

And the. The question is, how do we deal with people like that? I mean, the email is very long with examples, but that's pretty much the gist. When someone's always like, you know, like,

[Autumn]

I, I want, I want, but they don't.

[Bobby]

Do they never actually show up.

[Autumn]

What needs to happen to make A, B and C?

[Bobby]

Yeah. And so how do you support them? Do you support them? How do you work with them? Especially this part. This would maybe think of it as a family, but really anyone who you're close with that's coming to you for, quote, help but isn't doing their part.

[Autumn]

Yeah. Well. And that can get frustrating. Like when somebody comes to you for help and you. Or. Or advice or whatever, and you give them the help or advice, whether it's the login for body or. Or show up to do a workout with them or just answer the phone and try to give them tips that they're asking for.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And then they don't. Because it feels like you're wasting your time.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

You're like, why? Why do you keep wasting my time? Like, I'm happy to help, but if you're not going to take any of the advice, then we're just talking in circles.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

So I get that that could be frustrating. And I would think that this is where the older sister would need to put a little bit of a. Just, just maybe take a step back in that area. And, And I don't say that from a mean place, but I say that from like a Let. Like, you need to let the younger sister start to take the action before you step in to help at this point. Because if she's showing you that no matter how many times you try and what you try to provide for support, she's not going to use it or do it or follow through and you're getting frustrated by it, then you've got to stop doing it. You got to be like, for example, if she was like, can I borrow your body login? I would nicely maybe say, like, I love you, and it's not that I have a problem giving you the login, but like, you ask a lot. You don't use it. So, like, I think you might be more likely to use it and work towards the goal that you have if you're spending your money on it.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Because then you're invested in it. So not in a. Like a downright. No, I'm not. Because you're just annoying me. But that's more of. More helpful.

[Grainger Ad Voice 2]

Yeah.

[Bobby]

Maybe you'll maybe show up for yourself

[Autumn]

if you got some skin in the game, but because you have no skin in the game, it's my account. You're not showing up to use it.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

So maybe, maybe things like that or listening, but maybe not giving so much advice. Like if. If the sister's like, oh, my God, like, calling and like, I'm frustrated and I want to lose weight and I think I'm gonna start walking. I think that's a great plan.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

And you don't have to go further than that. You could literally say one sentence. I think that's a great plan. But you don't have to spin your wheels if she's not going to listen.

[Bobby]

I ask people now, especially because people know that I work as a coach, working with people to develop strategies that will help them. I find a lot of people saying, oh, I need to fill in the blank or I'm so frustrated because I, you know, can't fit into this or whatever their situation is. But it's like they're. They're not a client. We're not in a session. And I don't want. It's not that I wouldn't give helpful advice, but I don't know if that's actually what they want or if they're coming into the conversation knowing who I am and just sort of, like, being apologetic, explaining why they're not showing up for themselves. I've gotten into a habit of asking people, would you like my advice? Like, if. If. If we were in a session and you were one of my clients? Or do you just. Do you just need to talk? Because that is okay. Because, you know, I tell people, like, I really, in the grand scheme of things, don't give a shit about what you look like, what your clothing size is, what you eat, what your. Any of that is outside of if you feel, like, imprisoned to it and you have no control over it yourself. And then I care, because I know that you have the control, and I want to help you find that control within yourself.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Bobby]

But people talk to me almost like, I am going to judge them if they aren't eating the same way or having a, quote, healthy lifestyle. So I'll just. I'll be like, I want you to know, I just want you to be happy. But if these things are making you unhappy, would you like some advice?

[Autumn]

Right. But you will. Great.

[Bobby]

You will go blue in the face giving advice that people are actually not looking.

[Autumn]

Not looking for. Yeah. And I've dealt with that forever. Same thing where people will say, like, oh, gosh, Autumn's with us. I'm not going to order the fries. And I'm like, I don't care. Order the damn fries. Like, yeah. And I've literally said the same thing to people. I'm like, I have no judgment on what you're doing. I don't care. Like, are you happy? Same thing. Are you happy? Yeah. Unless you're paying me to. To talk to you about whatever you're about to do. I'm not even paying attention.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

Don't have a judgment on my food. If I. Like, I'm gonna choose what I want to have.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

But I don't care. Like, be you. Do you? You want to work out, work out. You don't want to get up in the morning workout. I don't care. I'm going to.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Because I also have gotten to the point where, like, I don't care. What? You're like, you know, for years, oh, my God, why do you have to work out? Oh, my God, why are you. Take a break. You never rest like that. I'm like, no, this makes me feel good.

[Bobby]

This is my life.

[Autumn]

But I choose it. Like, I like it. But, yeah, people, when you're in the health and wellness industry, they assume that you're automatically judging what they're doing. And I'm like, I'm really not.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Unless. Unless you pay me to, quote, unquote, quote, have an opinion.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

I have no opinion for you. If you want it, I'll give it to you.

[Bobby]

Yeah. And I think if, like, in this scenario, if someone is constantly coming, because in the email, it's like, this has been something that's happened over years. I would ask that person different questions. Instead of saying what they need to do, I would say, what do you think is preventing you?

[Autumn]

Right.

[Bobby]

Because you obviously have some desire. You're bringing up the workouts, you're bringing up the need to start walking, you're bringing up fitness challenges, all of this stuff. And then you're not following through what is blocking you. And maybe that's where the support needs to be, not what's on the other side of that hurdle, which is the lifestyle that they ideally want to have.

[Autumn]

Yeah. Here's the thing. Not everybody has a health coach brain.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

You know what I'm saying? And, like, the older sister isn't her health coach.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

And. And while obviously she wants to help her younger sister, but also, like, it is kind of unfair to put that on her. Of, like, totally. Hey, you've got to. You have to think of a different way to talk to me because I'm not doing it. I'm like, this is. And again, we don't know the sister and the sister dynamic. So it is a little hard because you don't know, like, the language you use when you talk to each individual person could be very different. Some people can really handle tough love, and some people cannot handle tough love, and it has to be very loving and supportive and. And that sort of thing. So it's a little hard to give the advice completely because I'm, you know, me, I'm a tough love person where I'm, like, not mean, but similar to, like, you. You would ask the question, hey, what's blocking you?

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And I would probably be like, this is coming from sister point, not health coach.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Like, hey, you keep saying you want this, but, like, you're not following through on anything. So I, like, are you just looking for a quick fix. Like you're not, you know, like sister dynamic. Just talking.

[Bobby]

Totally.

[Autumn]

Because that's what it sounds like to me. It sounds like to me, you know how people get anxiety about action, they get anxiety about doing it because they've got all those stories in their mind. I'm not going to be good at it, I'm not going to be able to do it, I'm going to fail. But you talk about it, you talk about it and somehow talking about it kind of makes you feel like you're

[Bobby]

doing something, like you're progressing towards it, but you're not.

[Autumn]

Obviously, you're just complaining.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Like it's. And the younger sister obviously probably doesn't mean to be doing that.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

But again, she's probably a little frozen. She's probably tried to lose weight in the past or get healthier in the past and maybe struggled with it, maybe had some wins and then some setbacks and without realizing that that's just a part of the process. Feels like I want to do this, I want to, I want to feel this way. I want to be healthier. But has that fear of not being good enough or not being able to. And so she's just keeps talking about it but not doing it. Yeah, it's hard. Look, health in general, like fitness, nutrition, eating well, like it is hard to get people to change those habits.

[Bobby]

It is.

[Autumn]

Even people that have the strongest desire and the best of intentions, it's hard. There's so much, there's so much that goes into it from how you were brought up, relationships with food, how you use food. Do you use it as a coping mechanism and as a soothing mechanism? Where are your hormones at? Where's your gut health at? What's being triggered in your body? Like all, like there's so many aspects.

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[Bobby]

Yeah. And what your community prioritizes like, it really is so true. It's one of the things we heard from when we were little kids. But if you want to be healthier, find friend. Find people around you who are healthier. Like if you work a job or you get a, you know, lunch break, like you have a coworker who walks around the building, building at lunch, ask them if you can join them. Those little steps to start to introduce. Because it is hard when you have

[Autumn]

built a community around you that has the unhealthy habits.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

But by the way, sort of like,

[Bobby]

it's sort of like gut health. If we were gut micro, little micro.

[Autumn]

You want good ones?

[Bobby]

We go around there and we try to be good, but we're surrounded by something that doesn't support that. And so you have to start to restructure. Surroundings are. Repopulate it.

[Autumn]

But this is where again. And this is like the psychology of it. Yeah, that. Okay, let's say you've got this community around you and these are people you love and you love spending your time with them. You have a life together, friends and family, but they've got unhealthy habits. Okay, well, we've said this many times that sometimes when you're on this journey, there are things you have to let go of, including people, because they're. Whether they don't support you or they're just not that. Not even that they're like openly not supporting you, but that they're not going to change. And so it makes it harder for you to stick with. So maybe you need to spend less time with them. That's something that will freeze people in their tracks. If I change, then this whole relationship changes. This is my best friend who I go out to margaritas with every Tuesday night. And that is our time to unwind and gossip and catch up and all the things. And now if I'm not going to drink the margaritas and I'm not going to eat the baskets of chips and I need to get home and get to bed. How do I have time with my best friend? Yeah, because my best friend doesn't want that to change. My best friend's not looking to go on whatever health journey now. Do I have to give Up. My best friend. Now I'm lonely.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

So there's so much that I think just people don't take into consideration about. A lot of times it's significant others. They have a significant other that just doesn't want to change their eating. And, like, a lot of times for females, like, guys can get away with it sometimes where they can eat a little bit unhealthier.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And they. They maybe don't gain weight the same way. Not always, but a lot of times.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And they don't want their food to change. They're quite happy with how they are, and they're fine. They love you, so they love you the way they are. They don't think you need to change even though you don't feel your best. They're like, I love you the way you are, so I don't want to start eating healthier.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

Or they're worried you're secretly. They're worried you're gonna get hotter and leave them. Right. Like, who knows? Like, I've seen it all. You'll be shocked at the things that have been sent to me of significant others. Literally coming home with, like, large pizzas and eating it in front of the wife's face and being like, this is so good. Don't you want some? Oh, my God, like, just mean sabotage or, like, purposely bringing home, like, their favorite dessert, like, Oreo cookies and stuff, and being like, I'm not on a diet. I'm gonna keep eating them. Like, so, like, no support.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

So there's so many things that people could be dealing with.

[Bobby]

Totally.

[Autumn]

That I don't want to automatically assume that the little sister is just not.

[Bobby]

No. I.

[Autumn]

Doing her thing.

[Bobby]

I empathize. Yeah. It is not easy. It is not. And even. Even a good example is I have been single most of my adult life, and the relationship I'm in now with Nell is the most serious romantic relationship I've ever been in. It has changed all of my friendships, and some for the better. Some. Some. I don't want to say for the worst, but we. We don't connect the way we did because we were single friends. We went out.

[Autumn]

Exactly.

[Bobby]

Or same thing. Like, even I feel a natural progression. I'm not saying this as, oh, I started making healthy decisions. I feel like, naturally, I have less of a desire to party like I used to and drink like I used to.

[Autumn]

Couldn't do it.

[Bobby]

But some. Some of my friends still really love to connect that way. And there is. I. I am intentional about how I think of it. But as I first start thinking of it. It's sad because it feels like you lost a friendship, of course, but things just change. Things are always evolving. And that's, that's a side note and something that I've experienced in very real time over the last, like, two years, that it will, those relationships will change, but you'll also grow. They'll get stronger in other ways and you'll get new relationships that really feed you and it might be what you need right in this time, but it's not. I don't, I don't fault someone if you're listening and you feel like, I have been ready, I have wanted to make it work. I've wanted to commit, I've wanted to do the workouts, to change my lifestyle for 20 years. And I feel like every time I've taken a step forward, I've taken two step back. I don't judge you. I just think that no one's taught you how to use some tools that might help you. And that's really how I think most people, where most people are at.

[Autumn]

Yeah, it's really like the way you're looking at it. What are the tools? What are the conversations you're having with yourself?

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

What are the fears? Like, you've got to acknowledge all it, it's, it takes work.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Listen, are there ways to do it quickly these days? Of course there is. To lose weight, yes.

[Bobby]

But that doesn't mean you're going to be able to run up a hill and not right.

[Autumn]

Or have good bone density and not worried about breaking a hip when you're older or like longevity, all that stuff. Now for some guests, like, they need it. They need help with balancing blood sugar immediately, things like that. So obviously we're talking about GLP1s. There's no, there's no issue. I don't have an issue. If somebody needs it, uses it, does it with a doctor, obviously. But, like, you still have to implement the healthy habits.

[Bobby]

Absolutely. You still need to understand there's no workaround.

[Autumn]

There's no workaround. You have to be ready to do the work. And until somebody is truly ready to. Like, you've. I say this all the time. You have to just be tired of your own bs. Like, you have to get to the point where the pain of staying the same is worse than the quote unquote pain of changing. That no matter what it takes to change, you're willing to do that because you cannot live another second feeling this way.

[Bobby]

And I feel like something that, that needs to happen to face what you just said is wake the up. Because so many of us, our brains and minds are so turned off. It's like when you're driving someplace and it feels like you blink and all

[Autumn]

of a sudden you're like, you're like,

[Bobby]

how did I get here? People are living life that way. And if you're not, if we're not intentional, we're gonna blink and be at the end and think, how do we get here? Can wake up right now and say, is this how I want to live? And do I believe that I can make changes? You don't have to know all the changes, but just start with one at a time, literally. But to do that, you have to wake up out of the zombie cycle that so many of us live in, go to work. Do you know what I mean? But just shake yourself, wake up. And then like you said, the pain of staying where I'm at is greater than the pain of showing up and facing these difficult challenges.

[Autumn]

I was just talking about this in the Good Mood crew of like a couple people were struggling with their, like, their weight fluctuating a little bit. And like, they're like, I'm doing it, but, you know, I'm just, I'm struggling. I'm like, well, one understanding that a little fluctuation is normal. But while health and wellness is so much more than calories in and calories out, I have said this from day one. You can overeat unhealthy food too. So like, if you're, if you're consuming in excess, if you're consuming more calories than you're burning, there's only one thing that's gonna happen exactly that, that just is okay, so. And I was explaining to them how quickly you could pull yourself like, you know, if you're trying to lose weight, you just need to be in a little bit of a calorie deficit. And that doesn't mean you have to be starving, right? You make healthier choices, you eat foods

[Bobby]

that are too great Of a calorie deficit is actually not, not good.

[Autumn]

It's gonna. And then you're probably going to go into binge cycles and things like that. But a little calorie deficit is all you need. About 350 calorie deficit a day. So if you're burning just for easy numbers, if you were burning 2,000 calories a day between just be existing, working out, moving your body, all that stuff, then your calorie deficit, you need about 1650, okay. And you need balance in your macros and portions and all that stuff. But I'm not trying to give that lesson right now. But what I was going to say was what people sometimes don't stop to realize is how quick you could pull yourself out of a calorie deficit, especially when it is little like that.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

So if you're only in a 350 calorie deficit, you can go to a coffee house and get a coffee. And I'm doing air quotes if you're not watching. Because so many people go in there and they're like five shots of espresso and seven pumps of syrup and whole milk and sprinkles and caramel on top. And I'm like, okay, so that's 700 calories, 800 calories. Like your deficit is gone because you thought you had a coffee, which was not. It was a milkshake.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

Let's call it what it is. Or, you know, again, 350 calorie deficit. But your kid left two chicken nuggets on the plate. And so you ate your dinner, but then you ate those two chicken nuggets and then, oh, you know, there's a little bowl of chocolate at the office, and you just grabbed one little chocolate out of there and ate that. And that's no big deal.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And all of a sudden those three little things choices took you from your 350 calorie deficit to either maintenance or 1 or 200 calories surplus. Guess what? 1 or 200 calories of surplus every single day for a couple weeks, what do you think will happen? Yeah, the scale will go up. So it's those choices that you have to be aware of. I went on that whole long tangent because when you walk past that candy bowl at work and you grab that one piece of chocolate and you don't think anything of it, it's not a big deal if you do it once a week. But if you happen to do it every day or you happen to do it twice in the day, or you come home and you pour the two glasses of wine you ate, you ate great all day long and all you did was have two glasses of wine at the end of the day.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

That was 300 calories right before bed. Dehydration, sugar, detox, liver. So like when you say, wake up.

[Bobby]

Yeah. I'm like, guys, those decisions, those little moments that so mindlessly.

[Autumn]

It's not usually that somebody's sitting down and binging on a tub of ice cream every night. It's. And that's the problem is because they're thinking it's just a little this. It's just a couple extra this. It shouldn't be a big deal. Math is math.

[Bobby]

Math is math. And you know, like, I think it's the talking, just the simplicity of calories. I know there's more to the story, of course. It's like 3500 calories are a pound. And so if you do the math, you can literally look at like a great one is if you drink soda. It's very easy to say, okay, if I just take one can of soda out how many?

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[Bobby]

If I drink that daily, like, and add it up, you can see how that tracks. But I recently just got a food scale because of. I'm hurt you because of making sourdough see how aggressive she is. You guys like, what the fuck?

[Autumn]

I was like, you're over here weighing food when you got containers that you know how to use for lunch.

[Bobby]

Last 12 years, I know I got a food scale for sour, for sourdough. And I was making a salad the other day and I love croutons on a salad. The crunch, the flavor, just the so good. And I looked at what the serving was and first of all, they measured it in teaspoons. I'm like, how the are you gonna measure one crouton? So and then it had the grams that was a serving. So I was like, I'm gonna do my use my scale, see what a serving is. And then I looked at it and then I poured what I would normally put on a salad. So when I put croutons on a salad. And I don't have it like a obscene amount of croutons. I usually have three to three and a half servings on there.

[Autumn]

And so I have a question. How many servings was. Was how many croutons was a serving? Did. How many croutons did it come out to be?

[Bobby]

It would have been like three.

[Autumn]

I was gonna say probably about three.

[Bobby]

Yeah. But somewhere like three or four.

[Autumn]

And yeah, most people would probably put about 12.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

Doesn't seem like a lot for an

[Bobby]

entree, big entree, salad. It doesn't. You mix it with all the lettuce and stuff. But so all of the sudden I realize, oh, I'm adding a hundred calories that before was just the mindless topping that I sprinkled on top of my salad. And it's not that I can't add those calories, but I can't pretend it's the same as air.

[Autumn]

You can't not add them.

[Bobby]

Not accounted.

[Autumn]

You have to account for them.

[Bobby]

Yeah. And even if I want to add those servings because it also in my mind, I was like, this is about like a piece of regular bread.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Bobby]

Like the. What it turns out to be around depending on the bread, but about 100 calories, 9200 calories.

[Autumn]

So it's a yellow.

[Bobby]

Yeah. And I was like, wow. And. And people think of this as if it's. So being mindful is such a game changer. And it doesn't mean you can't even do things, but you can own what you're doing and then act accordingly. And at least it takes away the mystery of why you can't lose weight.

[Autumn]

Well, I want to bring up something, though, because you. You mentioned soda. Okay. And I bring this up because, man, I guarantee we'll get. We'll get emails about this because I've had this argument so many times because people are like, well, I drink diet soda or I drink blah, blah, blah, zero Coke zero or whatever. And I'm like, They're like, so it doesn't have calories, so I'm not going to gain weight. And I'm like, the. You ain't watch. Because that is just sugar. I don't care how you. I don't care what they're using. It is some version of sweetener in there and it's chemicals and your body doesn't know what to do with that. It. There has been no person ever that I have told to cut out soda that has actually, when they listen to me, not lost weight.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

Whether it Was diet or whatever. Like, because your body just doesn't know what to do with it. We can argue. Two, we're blue in the face if you want a fast way. If you're a soda drinker. I remember when I cut it out and I only ever drank Diet Coke. Like I. My mom drank Diet Coke. So like if we had soda, I mean, I like to Sprite here and there, but like once I was a teenager, it was usually Diet Coke. That's what she had in the house. My dad owned a restaurant, so we had everything. But I would go for Diet Coke. Joke. I was maybe 14, 15. I was a competitive dancer. My teacher had talked about soda not being good for you. My dance teacher. And to me she was. God, like what she said, what Gina said. And she was so good about it. Like she did not teach eating disorders or anything like that. Like she was very good about trying to teach us just be healthy. Their habits. And she just was explaining that soda had no nutritional value. Gina says soda has no nutritional value.

[Bobby]

Cut it out.

[Autumn]

In one week, I lost five pounds. And I walked into dance class and everybody was like. Because I was in that puberty stage. So like I had a little of the baby, like fat still on me kind of thing. And I remember I walked into class one day and everybody was like, what, what are you, what are you doing? Like, you look so good. Like. And I remember looking in the mirror knowing, like I could tell, like I had been sort of, I'll use the

[Bobby]

word chubby in my midsection, like holding weight there.

[Autumn]

And all of a sudden I had like, like a six pack.

[Bobby]

Wow.

[Autumn]

No, it was. I was like, say less. I won't touch that ever again.

[Bobby]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

And by the way, you want to know how easy it is to not drink it? Knowing how it, how it affected my body, like having cut it out for that like week or two weeks, it was quick for me and I didn't drink that much. I probably had like one or maybe two a day, but probably like one. Yeah, it was like a little change.

[Bobby]

Do you think not drinking it?

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[Bobby]

You like a lot of people, I think also cutting out soda may lead to them drinking more water too. Like, everything is so connected.

[Autumn]

It's the crowding out theory.

[Bobby]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

Like, yeah, it's when I was coaching people and I still talk about this now, but, like, especially when I was doing one on one, I would say to people, like, first things first, we're not. I'm not taking anything from you. We're just gonna start with what to add in.

[Bobby]

Yeah, I like that.

[Autumn]

Okay. I'm not even telling you to stop drinking your soda. What I'm telling you is before you drink a soda, drink 8 ounces of water because you're automatically, yes, you're gonna drink less soda or I'm not telling you. I had one guy that I worked with that was like, he started his day with a Mountain Dew and Reese's peanut butter cups. And I was like, okay, I got my work cut out for me.

[Bobby]

And he.

[Autumn]

This was like a full grown man. He did not want to give it up. I was like, okay, but why are you here then?

[Bobby]

Exactly?

[Autumn]

Like, what are you paying me to do? I can't magically make that stuff healthy.

[Bobby]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

And so I would, I would be like, okay, I just. Do you eat vegetables? And he was like, no. And I'm like, okay, so we're. I'm not even gonna start with the number you should be having. We're gonna start with two servings of vegetables a day. Yeah, two, one cup servings. Because again, like, I'm not gonna ask you to get six when you're not getting one. I'm gonna ask you to get one or two things like that. I'm gonna ask you to get water and not. And we'll see if you'll start to crowd out. And he did. He also had a million excuses and just was not really willing to. Yeah, I think it was somebody who just wanted to talk to me. Yeah, but. But yeah, like, that's a yes. You don't always have to necessarily go right to the, oh, my God, I have to give it up.

[Bobby]

Right. Some people add the good and what's not serving. You will be easier to let go of when it's not. Like in the Mystery of. So what will I have? How will I. When you start adding being intentional about drinking the water, eating the certain.

[Autumn]

I have a question for you. What have you. Do you have anything in your daily routine that. If I was like, for example, if I was like, hey, you need to give up alcohol for 80 days. Okay. When we did 80 Day Obsession, you didn't drink alcohol for 80 days.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Was that like a triggering thing for you? Or like, if you were gonna give up soda, would that be a triggering thing? Or if it was like, whatever. Is there a food or beverage or, or activity that. If I was like, hey, if you do this, if you give this up, you're gonna be healthier and feel better, and you really want to feel healthier and be better. But you're like, I draw the line there. I'm not giving that up.

[Bobby]

It would have been alcohol before it. Like, it was hard in 80 day, but that, but because of the social element that consuming alcohol brings. And when you're. Even if you're not like, I'm in no way I have an alcohol dependency or am an alcoholic. But, you know, we come from a, A, a world where you loosen up with alcohol and that's how you make friends. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Autumn]

We are from that generation for sure.

[Bobby]

So now I'm trying to think. Honestly, I. There are things that, like, if I was gonna do like a 80 day obsession or 75 hard or something, that would suck, but I don't think there's anything that would.

[Autumn]

By the way, 75 hard is not as hard as 80 day obsession.

[Bobby]

Yeah, I don't think anything's as hard as obsession as far as you. I haven't changed that much.

[Autumn]

People use day to day obsession to do 75 hard.

[Bobby]

But.

[Autumn]

Okay, go ahead.

[Bobby]

Yeah, I don't think there is anything. It would have been alcohol at one time. It would have been things like, like tortilla chips or. But now there's really nothing that I have all of that stuff, but I just have it so occasionally that I could.

[Autumn]

But not like, if I was like, oh my gosh, you.

[Bobby]

I don't have a daily habit. I think that I would need to,

[Autumn]

like, because there's so many. I can't tell you how many people I've talked to in my career where it's Been like, okay. Like, I remember I was on somebody's podcast. I'm not going to say who it is. Fairly famous reality star. And I was on her podcast and she was like, okay, this was several years ago, and she was getting ready for her wedding. She was like, I will do anything to look good in this dress. Because we were talking about the container system, all this stuff. And she goes on to say that she, like, loves her wine at the end of the night and has, like, multiple glasses. And I was like, okay, so can we just cut it back? Like, I'm not saying give it up, but I'm saying can we just. Instead of like three glasses a night, could you do like one glass three nights a week? And she was like, absolutely not. Like, literally stone cold. Like, absolutely not. It was almost awkward, like, And I was like, okay. And she was like, also, I'm a condiment whore. I love all my condiments, blah, blah. I'm like, okay, well, can we just, like, be aware of the portion size of that? And by the way, this was not a big girl. She wasn't like, she didn't have, like, some huge amount to lose.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And she was like, nope, I'm not gonna stop eating my ranch dressing by the, like, truckload. I was like, oh, it doesn't sound

[Bobby]

like you would do anything.

[Autumn]

It doesn't sound like you would actually do anything. And that's okay, by the way. Yeah, totally. Okay. You're wedding. You're dressed like, you're. You're.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

You're just asking me. So I'm trying to tell you the things where I see that you could make some tweaks.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And she was like, hard. Stop. No, Some people. Soda. Oh, my God. It's like you're asking them for their firstborn.

[Bobby]

I have a friend from my hometown who. It's a really sad story, and I. I don't say this lightly at all, but his mom was type 2 diabetic. And, you know, in talking to her at the time, she said to me, I could never give up my mountain dew. And I witnessed that woman lose both of her legs. And it's heartbreaking because I actually do believe in her mind, she was powerless against it. And so I really feel for. Because these, these. I. I using the word addiction can be really triggering to people. But these, if you're lack of a

[Autumn]

better word, lose your legs.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

If it's. I'm gonna have this beverage, and I have the choice of continuing to have this beverage or lose my legs. Now, some people Might get really mad at us and be like, you can't contribute her losing her legs specifically to Mountain Dew. So disclaimer. That's not what we're saying. But. But if the shoe. Oh, that's the wrong button.

[Bobby]

Oh, my God. She didn't mean it.

[Autumn]

I didn't mean it like that. Oh, my God.

[Bobby]

Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm praying for you. We better cut this episode soon. We're just digging. No.

[Autumn]

To wipe it on the unwind.

[Bobby]

Yeah. No, but.

[Autumn]

No, I didn't mean it to be jokingly at all, but I was just trying to say, like, because there will be people that'll be like, you can't tie it directly to that. And all I'm saying is, right, there's behaviors and there is sugar, and you can look at the label and see how much sugar in there is in there. And for a diabetic, you shouldn't be having excessive amounts of sugar.

[Bobby]

Right.

[Autumn]

So you using the word addiction. I. All I was trying to say was I don't think that that's inactive. How.

[Bobby]

How that person feels like they can't.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Bobby]

Program.

[Autumn]

Yes.

[Bobby]

You admit that you're powerless against it and you. They. You know, I think the 12 steps are. Are really cool and it makes sense for people like that. So anyways, I love talking about this stuff and it really is. I hope that people who listen, know and can hear more complexity that we understand that. Because it's easy in a workout video or giving a quick blurb on social media some tips that it's like, oversimplifies where some people feel so bound and even like the person who wrote us, I'm sure that sister has every good intention.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Bobby]

Every time she reaches out.

[Autumn]

Yeah. I don't think she's trying to waste

[Bobby]

her older sister's time, but it can be difficult. And so I guess the advice that I'd like to close this subject with from me is have empathy with people. And I think that if someone continues to come to you, even though it can be annoying and frustrating, at least you're a person that they feel safe to keep coming to. And you never know when might be the time that everything aligns and they're ready to make the change. So. So definitely it can be frustrating. Like, why don't you just do it?

[Autumn]

Yeah, I wouldn't go with. Yes, I wouldn't use that. Why don't you just do it? Because obviously there's a reason they're not. I 100 agree with you have empathy that, like, at some point it's different for different people. Yes, it is different for different people. You're also allowed to have a little bit of a boundary of not feeling like you're spinning your wheels.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Giving advice. But instead, like I said, maybe try to give a little bit more. Like let them have some steak in the game. Or if they're calling and saying like, I don't know, maybe I'm gonna start walking. Just encouraging.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Like you don't have to solve the problem.

[Bobby]

Right, right.

[Autumn]

Like, because they're not always necessarily looking for somebody to solve it. They're just right. They might be looking for somebody.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Just to give a little. Like, you got this.

[Bobby]

I have friends who will, who will like say things to me and I could give helpful advice. But I'll say, man, I know that's hard.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Bobby]

Because I just, I know they're not. That I'm not their coach.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Bobby]

Even though I am a coach and I could, quote, could be.

[Grainger Ad Voice 1]

Yeah.

[Bobby]

For them, but that's not who I am. And so just, you know.

[Autumn]

Yeah. Sometimes they might just need. She might just need sister.

[Bobby]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

She might just need her sister to love on her and be like, just so you know.

[Bobby]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

I love you no matter what. I'm here for you no matter what.

[Bobby]

Yeah. And I believe in you and I believe in.

[Autumn]

Yeah. Like she might just need that.

[Bobby]

Yeah. So anyways, thank you guys for tuning in again with us.

[Autumn]

Yeah, we went.

[Bobby]

Oh, we sure did. But you know, that's how our conversations

[Autumn]

are down and over.

[Bobby]

If you've been listening for a while, you're used to it. I'm sure if you have a phone, a friend that you'd like to get our input on and literally at this point, I think there, we pretty much do take any subject matter. Hit us up and you can email

[Autumn]

[e-mail] find us on Instagram, everything ratings perfect official. And we will see you guys next week.

[Bobby]

See ya.

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