Everything’s Perfect… Except Our Childhood

Summary

Everything’s Perfect Podcast Summary

Episode Title: Everything’s Perfect… Except Our Childhood
Release Date: July 1, 2025
Hosts: Autumn Calabrese and Donald Stamper

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Introduction

In this heartfelt episode of Everything’s Perfect, hosts Autumn Calabrese and Donald Stamper delve into the complexities of their childhoods. The conversation navigates through cherished memories, familial responsibilities, and the challenges that shaped their adult lives. With honesty and humor, Autumn and Donald explore how their imperfect childhoods have influenced their personal growth, relationships, and parenting styles.

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Revisiting Childhood Communities

Autumn reminisces about her upbringing in Collinwood, a tight-knit Italian neighborhood where community bonds were strong.

"[00:00] A: A good part of my childhood was Collinwood. Small Italian neighborhood. Everybody knew my dad. He had the local Italian restaurant..."

Donald echoes similar sentiments, highlighting the blend of safety and hidden dangers within their communities.

"[00:23] B: It was the kind of neighborhood where all the kids would just play in each other's backyards. But two blocks down, it's like, don't go down there. It's dangerous."

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Family Dynamics and Early Responsibilities

Growing up in families with unique dynamics, both hosts share their experiences with early responsibilities and family-run businesses.

Autumn discusses living above her father's restaurant and the extensive chores she and her siblings were tasked with from a young age.

"[14:20] A: We would have to get up in the morning before school because we, for a while we lived above the restaurant and like we had chores..."

Donald reflects on the structure within his family, emphasizing the blurred lines between being a sibling and an employee.

"[32:51] B: And so the lines were so blurred, and my mom would be like, why aren't you respecting me as your teacher?..."

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Fond Memories

Amidst the challenges, both Autumn and Donald treasure numerous positive memories from their childhoods that highlighted family unity and community spirit.

Autumn fondly recalls family gatherings, Sunday dinners, and the vibrant community activities.

"[15:35] A: In general, I just loved our neighborhood. It was very blue collar, but like everybody knew everybody..."

Donald shares joyful moments like family hikes, pizza outings, and playful winters despite limited resources.

"[21:00] B: ...we would go on hikes, we'd bring the dogs. We went to a place called John Bryan..."

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Challenges and Trauma

The episode takes a poignant turn as the hosts openly discuss the hardships and traumatic experiences they endured during their formative years.

Autumn speaks candidly about her father's temper and the emotional toll it took on her and her siblings.

"[19:55] A: I love my dad, but my dad is got a lot of his own baggage. A temper is one of them. And it's bad..."

Donald elaborates on the impact of witnessing parental conflicts and dealing with feelings of confusion and self-identity during his youth.

"[22:11] B: ...we had a very big family, like within four blocks. I had my grandparents right across the street..."

The discussion includes vivid recollections of strict disciplinary methods and the emotional strain of growing up in such environments.

"[24:56] B: He sawed a handle in it with his table saw so that it could be our paddle..."

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Impact on Adulthood

Autumn and Donald explore how their childhood experiences have shaped their adult lives, particularly in their approaches to relationships and parenting.

Autumn admits to carrying forward the responsibilities and work ethic instilled by her father while striving to break negative patterns.

"[51:34] A: I think my childhood shaped very much the woman I am today. And I think all of us are like that..."

Donald discusses the importance of understanding and compassion, emphasizing how past struggles have informed his coaching and interpersonal relationships.

"[54:10] B: ...the perfect words weren't always said or whatever it might be, you really get like, okay, they needed time and space..."

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Lessons and Insights

The hosts highlight key lessons learned from their imperfect childhoods, advocating for empathy, self-awareness, and personal growth.

Autumn emphasizes the importance of not judging others based on their backgrounds and understanding the deeper contexts of their experiences.

"[56:10] A: ...we shouldn't judge people. Right? Because you just don't know. You don't know all the pieces that led to who they are today..."

Donald underscores the value of introspection and learning from past trauma to foster better relationships and personal well-being.

"[54:44] A: And that's all part of growing up. And I, you know, I think you could probably look at anybody's childhood and go, this is why I say we shouldn't judge people..."

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Conclusion

Autumn and Donald wrap up the episode by reflecting on the enduring impact of their childhoods, both the beautiful and the messy parts. They encourage listeners to embrace their own histories with compassion and to understand that everyone is on their unique healing journey.

"[58:52] B: ...I'd love this to be something that helps you really consider your childhood where you came from. And maybe it opens up perspective for you..."

"[59:17] B: ...So stay tuned."

The episode concludes with an invitation for listeners to share their own stories, fostering a community of openness and mutual understanding.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Autumn Calabrese [05:26]: "We all experience trauma and joy and all the things that shape us into the adults who need therapy that we all are today."

• Donald Stamper [19:59]: "There was like this nasty, dirty old chair down there from like the 70s. And we're kind of like Bobby and Kaylee were huddled on either side of it and I was sitting on it. But he was yelling at us so bad that I peed myself."

• Autumn Calabrese [28:36]: "We all traumatize our kid in some way... And it's like what I know about my parents is, and I'm lucky because I know this isn't everyone's story, but that they love me."

• Donald Stamper [54:10]: "I think really positively, like the struggle. The thing is you have so much more context as an adult because all of a sudden you're like, oh, I'm my parents age when this is happening."

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Everything’s Perfect offers a deeply personal exploration of Autumn and Donald’s childhoods, balancing nostalgic reminiscence with candid discussions of past traumas. Their conversation serves as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the profound ways in which our early experiences shape who we become. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own histories, fostering a sense of empathy and connection within the community.

For more insights and personal stories, follow Everything’s Perfect and join Autumn and Donald on their journey of embracing the imperfect yet fulfilling aspects of life.

Transcript

[A]

A good part of my childhood was Collinwood. Small Italian neighborhood. Everybody knew my dad. He had the local Italian restaurant. And then you go down, like, a big set of cement stairs and you're in the basement where, like, the laundry was. And I don't know how we all ended up down there. Like, I don't know if we were running away from my dad and we all ran down there or what, but he was down there yelling at us. And I was like, seven and he was yelling at us.

[B]

It was the kind of neighborhood where all the kids would just play in each other's backyards. But two blocks down, it's like, don't go down there. It's dangerous.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? First time ever made handmade shorts out of random fabric that weren't even. Wasn't even fabric that shorts are supposed to be made out of.

[A]

What's up, you guys? Welcome back to another episode of Everything's Perfect. We're kicking off today's episode with another five starred review. This one is from Jess Mains. She says thank you for this podcast. It is everything. I love the friendship, honesty, struggles, and just the real love. You both, you're both amazing. And don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Keep this up. We're listening. Thank you, Jess. And thank you to everybody that's listening.

[B]

Yes. Thank you so much. I love. It really is so encouraging reading those reviews.

[A]

Right. It's such a fun way to, like, kick it off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Especially considering where we're about to go.

[B]

Yeah. Because today everything's perfect except our childhood. Except, honestly, like, whose childhood is perfect but mine?

[A]

You unlearned today. Buckle up before we dive into this episode. D Tell me you were a little late getting here today.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

What happened was your bandage, my band.

[B]

And looking at my hands right now. If you're listening, I was. So, first of all, I've been feeling so good because I decided that I need to be an early morning workout person. And I've known that, but I've kind of lost it. And I find myself trying to fit my workout in more convenient times so I get more sleep. So, anyways, I got up early today. I was crushing the day. I got my workout in. We had a meeting. We. I had a session with one of my clients, and I was making food like everything couldn't have been going more according to plan.

[A]

Everything was perfect.

[B]

Except, if you follow me, you know, I like to mix my energize and different supplements and stuff in a wine glass sometimes. And so I Stopped my wine glass in the sink. And then I took. I made some eggs and I put the pan in and it, like, knocked the wine glass over and the whole thing shattered, literally in where the drain is. And that's the garbage disposal one. Oh, my God. It can't be garbage disposaling glass. I don't know what you're supposed to do in that situation. So I just barehanded, like, fisted my sink drain, hoping for the best. And honestly, I was like. I was like, I don't feel any. I think we're good. I don't feel any glass in there. Like, I got the pieces that were in the sink, and so I just go on about my breakfast. And then I go over the table and I look at the table. I'm like, why is there red all over my table? And I was like, oh, God, I'm bleeding. And I literally go back to the kitchen to, like, get a paper towel to clean it up, and I see blood all over the kitchen. I'm like, jesus, it's by the air fryer where the turkey bacon was. It's. I was like, oh, my God.

[A]

Like, I'm curious how you missed it from one spot to the other.

[B]

First of all, I had no idea that I cut myself. And so anyways, I was like, whatever. So I put a band aid on and I go on like, let me eat my food. And I'm like, chewing. And part of my. My veggie for breakfast was a salad from last night. And there's hard boiled egg in it. Another weird thing about me is I love a wilted salad. Anyways, so I'm eating and there's this crunch in my mouth. And I was like, is that eggshell? Like, oh, my God, I can't believe they put eggshell on this thing. And then I'm biting. I'm like, it's really hard. So I reach in and it's ceramic from the plate that I'm eating on. And I was like, oh, my goodness. And you know what's crazy? I was thinking about this on my way here. Most people would probably at that point spit their food out. I just start taking really small bites so I can identify the glass, but still eat the leftover wilted salad that's in that bite. Because I was like, if it's so small that I don't feel it with my teeth, it probably won't hurt my digestive tract.

[A]

I feel like that's not a solid.

[B]

Yeah. In hindsight, I'm like, spit it out.

[A]

Yeah, the salad can't be that good, so.

[B]

Yeah, it definitely wasn't, so. So it set me back a little bit.

[A]

Everything's perfect. He lost a pint of blood and a tooth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He might have pierced his insides, but other than that.

[B]

Crushing the day.

[A]

But he got his workout in. Yeah.

[B]

So how's your day?

[A]

My day's been good. I'm happy to say that today is not one of those days where I'm dropping f bombs. The day is young. Yeah. So who knows? Who knows? But everything's good today.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

I might be fetal by the end of this episode.

[B]

I was like, well, since everything's good, let's.

[A]

Let's talk about everything that's been dramatic in our lives. We're talking about our childhood.

[B]

Yeah. And it's not. We're not just gonna, like. The fact is, I, like, we all experience trauma and joy and all the things that shape us into the adults who need therapy that we all are today. And I just think it, like, it actually helps normalize that everyone goes through. Has gone through struggles or what. We all have difficulties growing up for different reasons. I think it'll be good to talk about.

[A]

Yeah. These are the things that shape us. And it is. I think I've said this a lot about myself in the last few years. It's easy to look at somebody like me and where I'm at in life now and think that it must have been easy. It must have come easy. There's no problems. There's no trauma. What's your What. What do you have to complain about? Blah, blah, blah. And life is great. Like, there's a lot of things that are amazing about my life, but there's also been a lot of hard things that I've had to overcome, things that I've had to process, things that I haven't done a great job of processing, things I'm still working through at this point. In fact, when we were talking about doing this episode, even the topic, like, makes me clench because there are certain things that are just like, God, am I really gonna share that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we'll see. Okay. We both grew up in Ohio.

[B]

I know. Yeah. And it's similar. Like, I've seen pictures of where you grew up, and then neighborhoods are very similar.

[A]

That's Ohio.

[B]

Yeah, it's Ohio. But, you know, there's, like, the rich neighborhoods in Ohio and then, like, the not ones. And we grew up in the not the not ones. Not ones.

[A]

The haves and the have nots. We were in the have not.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We had Character we had. Is that what we're calling a lively community around us?

[A]

I did have a lively community. Yeah. We grew up first in like a good part of my childhood was Collinwood. Small Italian neighborhood. Everybody knew my dad. He had the local Italian restaurant. My grandparents lived a few blocks away. My aunt lived one block away. We walked everywhere. Like I always tell people, like if you ever saw the movie A Bronx Tale, that was my childhood. Like, that's how I grew up. There was the train tracks and the other side of the tracks. And you didn't, like there were landmarks in the neighborhood. You didn't go past this. That was very dangerous. You didn't go over here, like. But we had the playground and we had like the neighborhood pool that was freezing. And like when I say freezing, I think back now and I'm like that thing like that was prepping me for cold plunges back in the day. Like, that pool was like.

[B]

I'm pretty sure it was rain water. They never even filled it.

[A]

And it was packed with so many kids. It was ridiculous.

[B]

But.

[A]

But it was cool. Like, that was the neighborhood I grew up in. But also a lot of times I was wearing Bobby's old pants because my dad would make me wear hand me downs. And like Kaylee was four years older than me or is four years older than me, so her clothes didn't fit me. Really. Bobby's only like a year and a half older than me. And a lot of times this fool would make me wear Bobby is a hand me down.

[B]

Well, you poor thing.

[A]

This is not the drama we're talking about. It was not in, you know, you know, the DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. And it was. He's talking about like parents just don't understand. Yes. Like he sings about like back to school shopping. And his mom made my. I was not a cool kid. Popular, like good clothes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Every once in a while I'd get something good.

[B]

My mom said, you guys need some new shorts. And she took us, me and my. I'm the oldest, so I didn't get hand me downs. But we didn't just go to a normal store and get the same shorts our friends were wearing at church. Or we went to a fabric store. And I like to think of myself as an artistic person and sometimes I'm compliment on my style, but I didn't know what I was doing. And when I tell you I picked this crazy pattern and my mom was like, mom is going to make you some shorts out of this. And this woman at the time we went to this like small neighborhood Baptist church, came and taught my mom how to sew. And next Sunday when we showed up at church, we had on our first time ever, made handmade shorts out of random fabric that weren't even. Wasn't even fabric that shorts are supposed to be made out of. Like, it was great. We might not have had pockets, but we had creativity.

[A]

I need to know if there's a photo of her.

[B]

I would be like, mom, do we have pictures of this? Because this is a. A pretty iconic moment. We should have taken pictures.

[A]

My mom sewed too. And I actually have an outfit that she sewed for me. It was like. I want to say they were like Easter outfits, but I also wore it for. I used to play violin at the Cleveland Institute of Music and I had to go on stage and perform. And I have the photo of me in the outfit that she made. She actually did a good job though. My mom was a good sewer. We'll give her a compliment on something. Wait till we get into this.

[B]

That's something that I think I would have fun doing too. But I digress. I think it'd be fun to be able to go make an alter and stuff with your own clothes, but I wouldn't. I would do a little different than the shorts I picked at the time.

[A]

I. I learned it. We learned how to sew technically in Home ec, back when there was Home ec. I sewed a sweatshirt. It was like a maroon crew neck sweatshirt. I can't say it was fabulous, but I did wear it.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

We're avoiding the hard stuff. We're easing into it.

[B]

All right, so.

[A]

So how do we want to get into this? Cuz we gotta just dive in.

[B]

Well, you. How many places did you live in your adolescence? Like we'll say 16 or younger. Or did you move a lot?

[A]

I did. Just in Ohio alone. We lived in Collinwood, we lived in Euclid, we lived in Lyndhurst. I feel like there's one more. And that was like. And then I. I think, I think three or four different. Well, no, then there was a different. There was multiple places in Collinwood. And before I was old enough to remember, there was another place. I want to say at least five. But then when I was 16, right before I turned 16, I went to go live with my mom in St. Louis.

[B]

I see. I lived the same house my entire life until I was an adult and started like got my first apartment or I, I lived in two places, other parents house in Ohio, but we lived In Dayton, Ohio, and in Dayton proper. Because everyone's like, what part? We were in the east side of Dayton. And it's funny talking about landmarks. Like, you don't go past the train tracks or something. If someone's grown up in a neighborhood like this, you understand, like, your block, you feel so safe and protected. And it was the kind of neighborhood where all the kids would just play in each other's backyards, but two blocks down, it's like, don't go down there. It's dangerous.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Or you knew who was like, the neighborhood person's house that you were supposed to stay away from? Like, they're the trouble. Yes.

[B]

Yeah. But it was really cool. And so it felt very home to me. And. And actually my mom lived on the same street that she grew up on, right across the street. My grandparents lived there.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So I never moved. Wow. And I was homeschooled. I might have. It might have been a prison. Now that I. Looking back, they didn't let me leave. Just kidding.

[A]

Hold on. There was a lock on the door.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Collinwood, I would say. Was that because my dad grew up in Collinwood, like his young adult. Like, all the way up. And then we were there for a long time, but then the neighborhood started to go. Not as safe, probably by the time I was, like, 8 or 9. And then we moved to Euclid. But then it was crazy because we still had our restaurant. It was a to go restaurant in Collinwood, so. And we went to school in Collinwood, but euclid was, like, 20 minutes away, so we'd have to drive to it. But on the weekends, my dad would take Bobby with him to the restaurant, and Kaylee and I would have to stay home and clean. Like, literally, Cinderella, that house better be clean, top to bottom. And I'm telling you, I was like 8 or 9. And he would come home and check, like, did you use soft scrub in that tub? There's still a ring. Did you scrub that toilet properly? I knew how to do laundry when I was seven years old. That is not a joke. That is not an exaggeration. Like, which.

[B]

You were the youngest in your household, so that's pretty interesting because I had to make my brother's peanut butter and jellies until he was 15. So. Until he was 15, literally, I was like, are you serious? He's got his temporary license and he can't make his own freaking sandwich?

[A]

You can't use a butter knife?

[B]

Yeah. No, I'm just kidding. But it did feel like, that I was like, y' all being the oldest, I had to learn. And now you just, I'm just doing it all for you.

[A]

But no, we had to do all the things. Like we would have to get up in the morning before school because we, for a while we lived above the restaurant and like we had chores, but they weren't like the normal. Well, we had normal chores too of like laundry, all that kind of stuff. But we also had to get up at like the ass crack of dawn. And Bobby would help my dad make the dough. Kaylee and I would have to make all the salads for the to go container. We'd have to stock the cooler with like the sodas and the pies and the chips all before we left for the day. But this was also just normal. Like you also hear about, you know, like kids that lived on farms and things and they get up and do their chores. Like, this is not, like, this is not the woe is me either. This is just, it was a different time. And when we got home from school, yes, we had to do our homework, but like we would have to make pizza boxes. I could put peace back to you real quick.

[B]

So what would you say of that time? Like younger childhood, like maybe around 10 years old, 9? I don't know how like my memory doesn't really start getting solid until around 8 or 9. I've clips of memories before that. So what would you say is like, what you remember that part of your life with the most fondness? Is that a word? Or fondly? Like, and then what was the biggest challenge at that time for you? In hindsight?

[A]

I have a great memory. Like I, I can remember back to five. I think five is what I can remember back to solid. Many memories around five years old. In general, I just loved our neighborhood. And like again, it was very blue collar, but like everybody knew everybody. It was the 80s. We were outside. My cousin lived down the street, my grandparents lived, you know, like I said, two blocks away. We did Sunday dinners at my grandma's house. So it was like everybody went to church on Sunday. And then after church we walked over to grandma's because again, you're talking about a couple blocks. And when I say everybody, I'm talking like there was a minimum of like 20 people and they would lock us kids outside. The screen door was. The screen door was locked and the main door was open so they could hear you if you needed to yell in that you needed to like use the bathroom. But they had to come unlock the door. Yes, they like legit were like locked us outside, but we didn't care. We wanted to be outside. We were playing freeze tag and TV tag and hide and seek and like there was my grandma's house and then there was two more houses and then there was a lot on the end, like just this big grass lot that had a big swing set in there. But my grandparents owned that lot and we would, we would go down there and play for hours. Like we just, we were never inside. We were always doing something fun. My cousins were always all around. So I, I think that is like the most fond memories of those times of just like the neighborhood. And it was fun and it was safe and it just, it was such a community. The hardest stuff. Look, here's the bottom line. I love my dad, but my dad is. Got a lot of his own baggage. A temper is one of them. And it's bad. At 73 years old now, has it mellowed out? Yes, but when I was a kid it was bad. I mean, if we're gonna talk about it, I gotta just talk about it. I would call my dad a functioning alcoholic. And there are some, there's some pretty bad hard times. Not to mention he was working like, you know, he was a single dad taking care of three young kids. My mom had already gotten remarried, moved away. Wasn't helping pay for us like anything. So. My dad's got three kids that he's got to take care of. He's running his own business. A business that requires him to be up at 4 and 5 in the morning and you know, not going to bed till super late at night. So exhaustion, you know, all that comes with it. I'm at a place now where I can look at it and I can appreciate certain things and I can understand certain things. I don't, I don't approve of certain things. And there, there, there's reasons why I am the way I am now and why I'm not. Certain ways. But yeah, there was definitely some hard times in there. There was some trauma. Yeah, I mean my. Okay, I'll give you an example. My dad's temper, like I said, really bad. And you know, it's for three young kids, me, Kaylie and Bobby. We're all like two years apart. I don't know, we were probably goofing around doing something and we pissed him off and he was probably exhausted. And the way our restaurant was, was like there was two stories that were living so like almost like full on apartment. But my dad owned the whole building. It was just us and Then there was the restaurant, was the main floor that was just to go restaurant. Two little steps and you were down into this thing that we referred to as the playroom. Wasn't really a playroom. We didn't have a lot of toys as kids. And then you go down like a big set of cement stairs and you're in the basement where like the laundry was, which was every bit as scary as you would imagine a cellar stone, dirty basement to be. And I don't know how we all ended up down there. Like, I don't know if we were running away from my dad and we all ran down there or what, but he was down there yelling at us. And I was like 7 and he was yelling at us bad, you know, like loud and in our face. And we were kind of. There was like this nasty, dirty old chair down there from like the 70s. And we're kind of like Bobby and Kaylee were huddled on either side of it and I was sitting on it. But he was yelling at us so bad that I peed myself. Like I was that scared because yes, there were times that we got hit pretty regularly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we should have done this with like some alcohol or something. I don't know. No, that's not a good way to handle it.

[B]

But it's a fun way sometimes. Easy way out. Okay, I feel that.

[A]

What about you? Like, fondest memory, hardest memory.

[B]

Mine is like. We also had a very big family, like within four blocks. I had my grandparents right across the street and then my uncle, and then another direction, my aunt and then I had another aunt who lived like 20 minutes away. And we all would get together, all the cousins were really close. And specifically with my family, we would go on like my, my brothers and my parents, we would go on hikes, we'd bring the dogs. We went to a place called John Bryan or John Bryant. I'm actually not sure now, but it's was. It was a really fun hike with hills and there was like a river and stuff like that. And I loved that. And we also. It's close to an area called Yellow Springs. It's actually Dave Chappelle lives there and we would see him all the time. It was really fun. Yeah. And there was this pizza place called Haha Pizza and we'd always go there after the hike. And the reason that was cool is because back then it was very rare to find like non dairy alternatives and stuff. And they had a vegan cheese that they, the soy cheese that they would put on their pizza. And we couldn't have dairy when we were little, so that was really fun. I also loved like the first snowfall because it's like everyone would get their sleds and we were so like, we did not have a lot of money. One year my mom made you shorts for Christmas. She, she. We didn't have snow boots and we only. We didn't have a lot of shoes either, so we didn't ruin our shoes. But we want to go sledding. She tied bread bags around our shoes. But if you ever tried to go up a steep, icy, snowy hill with bread bags on your feet, it's literally like you're just on your stomach crawling with your hands because there's nothing more slippery.

[A]

But even though that's like I'm dying because I. You literally just reminded me that we did the same thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I would have never thought of this.

[B]

It's like you put plastic bags on your crate to go on the ice. There's no. It was, it was wild, but it was so much fun. And I just remember coming back physically exhausted from trying to climb an ice hill with plastic bags on my feet. And she'd make us this like non dairy hot chocolate. We'd have movie night. So it was just very simple times. I remember so fondly and like, just enjoying. But I think one of the difficult times things for me is I was the oldest and I think when parents have kids really young, sometimes it feels like you're raising each other because you both. I mean, my parents had me and their frontal lobes weren't even developed yet. So you know what I mean? So it's like, all right, let's slow down. So I think one of the challenging things for me when I was younger is I witnessed a lot of fighting and, and yelling. And I can't imagine the kind of like now as an adult who I'll be 40 this year, I'm like, oh my God. I would like when my parents were about to turn my age, I was about to be 20, you know what I mean? It's like so much living and I've been growing up the last 20 years and they had to sort of. When parents have kids so young, they have to pause some of their development to help kids that develop. And it's this whole thing. So it was a very loud, very at times very loving, but still the k also very explosive. And I've over the years have been accused of someone who like yells or gets loud and I'm like, listen, I.

[A]

Have never heard you yell.

[B]

I'm pretty good I've gotten very good at it. But I do respond without, like, why would you, like you know, raising my voice? And I just tell people it's an. It's an emotional response. I'm really good about not calling names and not saying things that I regret. But I still have to be very intentional not to let my volume go up. And so that's really the biggest thing. We did get spanked and we got spanked in ways that I don't think is appropriate at all. Oh, say like with weapons, basically. We had my pair, I think. I think if my mom and dad listen to this. Well, they, they had like this. We had this bunk bed. And so they took the bunk beds apart and there was these pieces of wood that put them together. And so my dad took that piece of wood. We're talking like a two by four, like as long as a baseball bat.

[A]

Donald, they're gonna go looking for our parents.

[B]

He sawed a handle in it with his table saw so that it could be our paddle. And it was re. Like, nowadays you. You would be in trouble. But we. When most of the time, like, I, you know, it was just. It's sort of like that line where back in the day you beat your kids. But I wouldn't say it was like when people are literally throwing their children and like really hardcore abuse. The times were different then.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And my mom, I will give her props because again, she. My mom is my favorite person in the world, but she also comes from a loud family. That. And. But when she was mad, she would take that paddle before if she was going to use it and hit herself. To remember this is, I could hurt someone with this. And so then if we got spanked by her at that time and it. She was much more gentle because she left a big ass bruise on her leg and was like, okay, let me not do that to my children.

[A]

Really. She was like, they hit me first.

[B]

Yeah, right. But so the biggest, I think the biggest thing for me is, was just there was a lot of yelling, but. And most of the yelling that was hard for me at the time was actually from my parents when they would be fighting with each other. So, you know, when you're the oldest, you just kind of. It's like watching it go down and you feel like what's going to happen? You're unsure and you don't have a lot of context around adult conversations. And so that probably was the hardest thing at that time that I, I.

[A]

Get that because that same thing, like my dad didn't have Anybody else to yell at, because him and my mom got divorced when I was 2, so we took a lot of that. And I'm like, you, too. Where I have to be very careful about my response, because I'm quick to yell, I'm quick to defend, I'm quick to fight. But that's the environment I grew up in. But also, I'm the third. So I'm the baby. I'm the fixer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I always want to make everything better. And I think even now, you probably see that in my personality a lot. Like, when there's a problem, I don't really focus on the problem. I'm like, okay, but it's gonna be okay. And, like, here's what we could do to fix it. And, like, here's how it's gonna be better, and here's how we're gonna get by. But I think it's because I got very used to being the young one that was always trying to calm things down, make it better, divert the attention to something else. Cause we got spanked, too. The weapon was. There was no weapon. It was my dad's hand. I got backhanded quite a bit, Got my hair pulled a lot. Backhanded when you have braces. Really sucks. Talk about a fat lip. But you want to talk about psychological warfare? Okay, we laugh about this now, but I underst. Listen, I'm not laughing. Like, this is funny. But if. Usually we all got in trouble together, me, Kaylee, and Bobby. So it would be like, oh, you're getting in trouble. You're gonna get spanked. My dad would make us bend over the couch, so you'd have to, like, put your hands on the couch and bend over, and he would tell you how many spankings you were gonna get. Are you getting two? Are you getting three? Are you getting five? But mind you, if you're the third one, you have to watch the first two get hit because we all had to bend over at the same time. And you had to just put your hands on the couch and wait to get hit. And, you know, he wasn't gentle about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so, you know, you're watching the first one whack, cry, you gotta bend over again and take the second or the third and then the next verse. And if you flinch and he missed you, you got hit again. And if you put your hands back there to cover your butt, you get hit again. And so it was like, well, these are normal reactions.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You're asking me to fight human instinct right here. I'm A human being. I'm gonna try to protect myself.

[A]

Try to protect myself a little bit. Like give credit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So there, yes. Those things are all. There's so much that, you know, has been had to be unpacked over the years. And I don't think I really started to unpack it for myself until maybe three or four years ago. And when I started doing more of the personal development, going to the seminars and stuff, like something was said that was really profound. It was like, it's not that your parents don't love you. They can only love you the, like the best that they were loved or the way that they were taught. And like you said, different generation. But then you go back another generation to their generation and their parents growing up through the Great Depression and what was that like? And all that. And again, it's not excuses, but it was like it gives context. Yeah. You're having expectations, you're wanting them to be something that they're just not capable of being, that they didn't grow up with that. And so it's really made me try even more. I mean with Dom, I'm always, you know, hugs and tell them how much I love them and tell them how proud I am. But I do, I do yell sometimes like ah, yeah. And I try to be better about that and the second it happens I try to catch myself doing it and I'm sorry, Dom, honey. Okay. Mom's having a frustrating day. Let me take a beat. Let's talk about this.

[B]

You know what's interesting? The whole yelling thing, which was hard as a kid. And by the way, like I really have such a good relationship with my parents now and I think they did an amazing job. There's a lot complicated, but the yelling and the loudness, that was difficult when it was over. Those like emotional things that they were experiencing. Also what I loved about my family is when we were happy or together, we were loud. Like hahaha. Everybody talking, just the noise level was so up. And I loved that. It made me feel like that's what I associated with family coming together in love. So in a way it's like the same characteristic. It's just how, it's how someone expresses those feelings. If it's, if it's happiness, they're loud. If it's struggle, they're loud. And you know, and now I get that. But at the time it was just like, you know, when someone's upset, you're like, please don't be upset.

[A]

Yeah, same. By the way, my grandma's house on Sundays, holidays, you could. You don't even know what they got. Somebody saying one thing, somebody else tries to join in, you're like, that's not even what is being talked about. But the decibel was always.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Through the charts.

[B]

I think for me, another unique thing about my childhood. Well, two things, honestly. One is my mom homeschooled all three of us. And so anyone who. And we did meet homeschoolers growing up who were all, like, very well behaved, but it was also kind of like, are you guys robots? Because. Missing that loud. Like. Yeah, because, you know, we were just a very free in some ways. Some people might think we weren't as disciplined because my mom was like, Dawn. I'd be like, what? You know what I mean? Where. My. The homeschool friends I know would get in trouble if they said what to their parent. Like, you show up next by their side, you know? So it was just sort of that liveliness that I appreciated. But being homeschooled with my brothers, that put strain on the family dynamic because I really do think educational teacher, like a. A proper teacher and a parent kind of play two different roles.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And so the lines were so blurred, and my mom would be like, why aren't you respecting me as your teacher? And it's like, because you're my mom. I mean, you know, it's like you just think you get away with things. Like, kids always act a little bit worse with their parents than their babysitter or something like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that was the. Was. That was a dynamic that made it challenging. But we worked through over time because my mom. Because I. Because I finished schooling and my mom put my brothers in school, like, f. This. Yeah.

[A]

I couldn't imagine. I mean, Dom's homeschooled, but, like, I'm not his teacher.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

First of all, good luck in the real world, kid.

[B]

Hope you like to work out.

[A]

Yeah. You should learn about weightlifting, because that's all I got.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Geometry. What are you nuts? But yeah, he has a teacher, and it is a very different relationship. I will say, though, going back to, like. Because I'm talking a lot about my dad's side of the family, because my dad raised us and that's who we lived with. Because my mom got remarried, she moved away. But there was a time when we were little, before she had other kids that, like. Or I should. I shouldn't say other kids. My little brother and sister, who I love dearly. But there was a time when, like, when it was just me, Bobby and Kaylee that we did like so many fun things. Like I just think back like Saturday morning cartoons or like, I mean, depending on how old you are listening to this. We had VHS tapes, but we didn't even have. I think I've talked about this in other episodes. Like we didn't have a VHS player. So we would like on Saturdays we would go to the movie store. It wasn't even Blockbuster. It was like some family owned thing. And we would rent the VHS player and we would rent the, the VHS tape. Like what movie are we going to watch? And we loved all those like Caddyshack and like I would Care bears and like the great outdoors. Like just those really fun, funny. I'm pretty sure they let us like watch Porky things that we probably shouldn't allow to watch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But you know, like getting those and giant bag of stale popcorn and like huddling around. Because when my mom would come in town, because my mom didn't live there in, in Ohio anymore, she moved away. She would stay at my grandma's house. So we would be at my grandma's house and we would sleep on like the pull out bed and just like fun, like there was definitely fun. So much fun. There was so much fun in it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But there's also just a lot of growing up faster. There were struggles with money. There was getting jobs younger than most kids would need a job. There was just a lot more like latchkey kid.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

With you know, like, okay, you're. You guys are on your own. I mean even my dad, that restaurant would close. My dad would send us upstairs because we lived above it. And there was a bar next door.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

And my dad would be over there like me, Kaylee. And Bobby was like, I remember. This is crazy. I remember when 911 was invented.

[B]

Invented, invented.

[A]

Like it wasn't a thing until what did people call? Operator.

[B]

It's so funny.

[A]

I'm serious. Like, I remember it was like a thing. And I remember my dad showing us, like if there's an emergency, what number do you dial? And we had like a sticker that was put on the phone that was like 91 1. Like, but my dad would go out dancing in the flats till like 3 o' clock in the morning with his friend Miguel. And Bobby just put ourselves to bed. Like I think back about it now, Dom's 16 and I'm like, I'm gonna go to the grocery store. Are you good? You want to come with me? Like, yeah.

[B]

My parents did were mostly. They didn't really do that, but when my dad put us to bed, they were responsible. But when my dad put us to bed, it was like, these kids need to go to bed. I'm talking. The street lights weren't even on.

[A]

I'm like, dad, sun's out at 5 o' clock.

[B]

Are you serious? My dinner plate's only half finished. It's like, time to go to bed. But my mom would let us stay up and my parents were cool. I started negotiating with them pretty young because I was the oldest. So I was like, I should get up older a later bedtime than my brothers. But my mom, when we were little, we'd always like pull the we're hungry. And my dad would be so mad if she'd give us anything. So when he left the room, she started sneaking and this is so disgusting. Mayonnaise sandwiches. Because that's what we love. Probably back to the episode when I was like, why do I like cheap with champagne, cheap wine?

[A]

Well, I love mayonnaise white bread and mayonnaise sandwiches.

[B]

Yes. But we were a Miracle Whip family for some reason. But yeah, so it like all that was really just for some reason. I remember that so fondly. Just laying there in your bed with the crumbs on your pillow of your mayonnaise sandwich.

[A]

My dad is a clean freak. Actually, both my parents are like clean freaks. That would have never flown.

[B]

Yeah, I'm lucky that my parents weren't. Our house was. Our house was the fun loose house. Like kids would come over and I'm talking, walk in our door without knocking and walk in the kitchen and say hi to my mom and open the fridge and grab a nap.

[A]

Oh, okay, we'll get it.

[B]

And my mom loved that though. She wanted to be the house where the neighborhood everyone felt. All the kids felt comfortable. And she actually. So I have two younger brothers, but she started homeschooling two other kids who were having trouble in school.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And we. Some. One of them would take to our grandparents on the holidays and everything because they didn't have a great family life. And so it was sort of like a little, like half adopted, you know, sister. I never had a sister. And so she was. She was always there. So it was cool. There's a lot of love in that house. A lot of it's fun. Like I said, it's sort of like they say the same well that you pull like you can only feel a deep emotion of love and joy. As deep as you felt pain and sorrow. Like you pull from the same well. And I feel like that I just Am realizing in real time, while we're talking about it, that intense, like, sometimes arguing or how you react, that's also how we express love and passion in that way for each other.

[A]

So I think that carries through now, though, even in relationships that we have now. Like, I think both of us are just very, like, passionate people. Like, so you love hard.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But that means when you love hard and you're passionate, sometimes you fight hard, sometimes you fight hard.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's unfortunate, but hopefully the love comes out on top, obviously.

[B]

Yeah. I think I would say the biggest struggle for me as a teenager, we were very religious and I was gay, and I didn't know I was gay. So there was this, like, thing about me that just wasn't fitting and didn't. I didn't. There was a lot of turmoil there. And so I think, really, my part of my childhood was confusing, and then I had all kinds of growing up to do when I became an adult and started to understand and accept who I was. But I kind of feel like a lot of people, whether even if they're not gay or it's something like that, they. There's this point of growing up when you're being raised by your parents, and then you enter the real world and you grow up in a whole new way.

[A]

Growing up as you, like, really finding you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So your teen years. What?

[A]

Well, so once Kaylee left for college, it was really hard because it was like, it was just me in the house with my dad and my brother. And my dad, like I said, he was really strict. Like, that just is what it was. And I had never lived with my mom. Like I said, they got divorced when I was 2. We would go back and forth a little bit, but then she moved to another state by the time I was seven. So right before, like, two months before my 16th birthday, I got in a big fight with my dad. And I was like, I want to go live with Mom. And that was a hard one. And I look back on it, and that's hard because I was pretty brutal to my dad about, like, I don't want to be with you. I want to go live with Mom. Because, you know, I was just. I had been through it for all the love and all the stuff. Like, I just. There was no female in the house.

[B]

Did your. Did your dad ever remarry?

[A]

He did, and that didn't last long. He married my sister's best friend's mom. We got episodes for days. D yeah, I go to so many places with these things, but I also just wanted to, like, I knew my mom would let me have way more freedom. And so I did go live with my mom and I had a lot more freedom. But it was, it was also. It was still, I have, like, look, you know, I have a lot of abandonment issues. I have a lot of issues around feeling loved or feeling used to get love kind of thing. So, like, even living with my mom, it very quickly became, did she. Did she want me to come live with her because she really wanted her daughter to come live with her, or did she want to do it to piss my dad off? Because my parents always fought, like, from the time they got divorced. Like, they're a little bit more tolerable now. Like, they can be like, at, like when we got married, you know, like, they could be at the wedding together and stuff like that. But they. These are not people that get along. It's not like me and Kent. And so there was like this feeling of, oh, did she actually want me here? Or was this more of a f you to my dad of like, ha, she doesn't want to be with you. And then it also quickly became like, am I the live in housekeeper and nanny? Because, like, her and my stepdad would go do things and I would babysit my little brother and sister. And I had no problem with chores. Obviously. My dad had been making me do it my whole life, but, like, coming home, being at a friend's house, having eaten dinner out. They ate dinner, but she left all the dishes for me to do. And I'm like, yeah, that's. I do your dishes. Yeah, you know, like, or. Or just like again, scrubbing all the bathrooms. And then like, my stepdad would come in and check it and be like, it's not good enough. And, you know, do you want to be good or do you want to be great? Yeah, literally. I don't give a about this bathroom. Like, yeah, it's not like dirt. I mean, like, I had cleaned it, but, like, it was one of those things where it was just like, it felt like a control thing. And then even like, when I got my driver's license, they had two cars. My, My stepdad did very well. My mom didn't work. They had a Porsche and my mom had a Saab. Those were the only two cars. So if. If I needed to drive, I would drive my mom Saab. The Porsche was a stick. I didn't know how to drive that. But, like, they made me pay for insurance on both of those cars. I had to pay my own insurance on both of those cars. I couldn't drive that Porsche. Why am I even insured on that? Like, I don't even know to this day if I actually was insured or if they just wanted me paying more money. Yeah, like, crazy things like that. Like, they had health insurance for my little brother and sister, but they wouldn't get me health insurance. And at one point, I woke up one day. I was 16. My. I had come home from work. I worked at Steak N Shake, and I had, like, a couple little bumps on my stomach, and I was like, mom, I've got, like, this rash. And she's like, oh, that's weird, and gave me Benadryl. And we put some cortisol on it, and it kind of kept getting worse. And when I woke up the next morning, my face was the size of a balloon, and I was covered head to toe in bumps. That would probably be an indication to take your kid to the emergency room. She didn't. She gave me more Benadryl and kept me home from school. And the next day. And the next day, it was my junior year. I couldn't miss school. And it was homecoming week, and I was missing all the fun. And finally I was like, fuck it. Like, I'm gonna go to school. And I made it through one class, and the itching was so bad, I couldn't take it. And I went to the nurse's office, and the nurse, when I walked in, was like. And she was like, what is going on? Why haven't you been to a doctor? You have scarlet fever. And I was like, what? Because I didn't have any symptoms of, like. Basically, she said I had. I don't know if it actually was scarlet fever or not, but I had the rash that goes along with strep throat, but I didn't have a sore throat or a fever. But still, I went three days with my face swollen the size of a balloon, covered head to toe. The only places that didn't have bumps were the palms of my hand and the bottom of my feet. And she was mad that she had to take me to the doctor. And it was a 400 doctor bill.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's stuff like that that is like.

[B]

And they had the money.

[A]

So they had the money.

[B]

Yeah. It's not.

[A]

This was not a mean. My little brother and sister went to, like, the private little Montessori schools, and we're just so cute. And my mom was just like, this was not a struggle.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

So, yeah, they're like, there are things like that. So I liked that. I Had more freedom, and I had more friends, and I was able to go do more things. But I still had this. I could not wait to be on my own. Like, when I went to. Like, I could. Like, I let. I went to College. I was 17 when I went to college. I turned 18 to college. I mean, I got stories for days. Like, I would work my ass off. I saved all my money. I remember at one point, my mom wanted to buy a wig for herself. Mind you, there was nothing wrong. She'd cut her hair if she wanted. Long hair. She had all these tricks about, like, taking money out against the credit card at the grocery store because it just looked like it was the grocery bill. And then like, even, like, borrowing cash from me to be able to buy this wig. And I'm like, I'm trying to save to go to college. Yeah, you're borrowing because you don't want your husband to see that you are buying a wig. That's like 400. You know, like, people will say to me all the time, like, you don't talk about your mom. Or, I can't believe, like, I even had people on Mother's Day. Like, I can't believe you didn't. I'm like, look, I've got a very complicated relationship that got more complicated when I became a mom. Because once I was a mom that was like, oh, there's certain things I don't understand.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, it's hard enough to understand it already, but then once you have a baby, you're like, there is nothing I wouldn't do for this child.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I don't understand how you could be any. How you could. Anything other than that.

[B]

Yeah. I. I always. I feel. Yeah. And I really empathize with everyone who's gone through that split. Like, parents who separate because I didn't have to deal with that. And it. It seems like something that would be so hard.

[A]

I was 2 when it happened, so I don't really remember my parents getting divorced. Like, I don't. Kaylee remembers that. Bobby remembers it a little bit more. And they've got all their own baggage around it. I don't remember that. I just know they didn't get along. They never have. They kind of started getting along when Kaylee had my first nephew, when. So their first grandkid. They kind of were, like, more tolerable towards each other. Like you said, though, they were young.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And again, these are so. I can. I've gotten to the point. I could say this. I've gotten to the Point where I can forgive, but I can also recognize where I have to keep certain space. Because I've tried. We've. We've tried to work through some things, my mom and I, and it's like, how many times am I gonna get hurt? You know, it's like, I try and then it's like, no. So I can have love for the person that she is, but also acknowledge.

[B]

That you need boundaries.

[A]

Yeah. Like there's just certain things that, that are never gonna be okay that I can't get past or that even just right now, like even at this age and with what I do. And I mean, again, I got stories for days and I'm not going down all these rabbit holes.

[B]

But how much of an impact do you think your childhood has on your life today?

[A]

I think it has a huge impact, both positive and negative. But I would say ultimately more for the positive meaning. I love the way I grew up with my dad. I'm so happy that I was raised by my dad and my dad's side of the family. My dad's mom, my grandma, she's not with us anymore, but that was like my second mom. And my aunts are amazing. And like we have a family reunion. I'm so excited to. When I was little. I'll tell you one quick story. When I was little, my aunt Ange had a best friend forever and ever and ever. Her name's Connie. And they had this big beautiful house in Florida, Jacksonville. And all of us went and stayed at her house. And when I say all of us, I mean like 15 of us. And it was utter chaos for a week. And it was the best time ever. And when I bought my house in Florida, I bought a pretty big house down there for a reason. I always had that in my mind. And I was like, I want my family to come there. I want to be able to have all my friends. You know, we've had multiple birthday parties for friends there and stuff like that. And I'm selling that house now. And I said to my family a couple months ago, I was like, one last one. Because two years ago for Christmas a bunch of them came. But my dad's never seen that house. He's never really. He's never been to it. A couple times he was supposed to come and you know, he ended up with medical issues and couldn't come. So June 2nd through the 8th, we're doing this huge family trip. Aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings. And I know it's gonna be utter friggin chaos and I cannot wait. Like So I think for the most part, like there's so much love and joy and family and things that I like and good that they gave me and how I want to be and. But then there is. From both of my parents, I very much learned how I didn't want to be. Like as a parent, I very much learned how I didn't want to be and I don't want to do that. And I want to be here for Dom and I want to be able to give him this and I want to be able to. To look back and have these certain things. But I also got my work ethic from my dad. You know, he had restaurants and you know, there was nothing that was above him in terms of making sure he could take care of us. So I do think my childhood shaped very much the woman I am today. And I think all of us are like that. And there's going to be good and there's going to be bad. And the more you dig into the. All of it and the more you dig deeper into the hard and at least pro. Like again I'll use the word process it but like acknowledge it, learn from it. Because sometimes we just shove it in there and we don't really analyze it and how it affects us. The more you can do that and learn from it, then the better person you get to come on the other side.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What about you? How do you feel it affected?

[B]

I think really positively, like the struggle. The thing is you have so much more context as an adult because all of a sudden you're like, oh, I'm my parents age when this is happening. I don't have as much judgment in the way that something happened. But you know, like the fact that it. The perfect words weren't always said or whatever it might be, you really get like, okay, they needed time and space and they were surrounded by three very close in age kids with the responsibilities, the whole thing. So I. It really good. I don't have a kid, so I don't have the. How does it affect how I raise someone? But it is interesting to look back at pieces of me then that were misunderstood and see how they represent. I remembered, I think I was 10, I was 10 years old and I wanted to carry. This is one of an example of how I was different. I was just thinking of this recently. I wanted to carry a purse because I thought purses were so cool. And I had these reasons. My mom was like. And I'm really proud of my mom because we grew up, we were in a very religious home. And that's another episode. And it's something that might have really intimidated or scared a lot of moms in her position, but I always felt loved by her, even if not fully understood. She did everything she could to love and understand me. So she didn't know what. How to respond to me wanting to carry a purse. And so she talked to this woman in our church and she was like, well, why don't you get a bag, like a backpack? Because it can carry things and it's more normal and people won't. And I was like, yeah, okay. And my mom got me and my brother Kenny these little. And they were still honestly kind of girly because they were like the little miniature backpacks that, oh, yeah, kids would wear. But it's funny now because I realized I have a bag with me almost everywhere I go. And I'm like, that was just me. And so I'm thankful because there were things about myself that I really resented when I was little for being different. Where my parents at the time couldn't understand and just the world wasn't. I wasn't in a place in the world where it could make sense then, but it makes sense now. And all of the trauma that happened in, in everyone's childhood, but in my childhood learning who I am, I now can, like, see the pieces come together. And I feel like, all things considered, I wouldn't change the way any of that happened.

[A]

Right. Same.

[B]

You know, like, I really feel like it shaped me. I feel like sometimes you need a couple of. Couple hard knocks to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To. And that's good for you. I think, like, understanding that people can get loud or people can lose their temper and still love you is a good thing that some people might not understand. There's just a lot that I take from that. But I look back on myself as a kid and parts of me as a kid that I didn't love. And now I'm like, actually, I just didn't understand now.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Look at me. I love myself so well.

[A]

And that's all part of growing up. And I, you know, I think you could probably look at anybody's childhood and go, this is why I say we shouldn't judge people. Right? Because you just don't know. You don't know all the pieces that led to who they are today or what they're dealing with today. You know, I made the joke about the thing, my dad's a pain in my ass. And like, all the stuff I'm dealing with with the old condo and. Right. Like there's like, and you know, there's all this baggage around that and like taking care of him now and you know, her hurt feelings from the past, but still love. And then you could probably look at somebody that grew up very wealthy and they might, they might have trauma around that because maybe their parents weren't around or maybe it was colder or maybe it was more of a, a nanny taking care of them than it was getting the love and attention from their parents. You know, like, or maybe the expectations are so high that like, I achieve this and you have to achieve this. And you know, what if somebody like wants to be a teacher and their parents, like, no, you have to. Family business, you know, like, everybody's got their stuff. And I hope one of the messages that somebody could take listening to this right now is like, we're laughing about it, you know, we're sort of reminiscing, but like a little more compassion, a little bit more open mindedness about just not judging the book by its cover. Trying to understand somebody and that we're all just working from what we, we've got.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, we're all just working to be better. And some of us are at different places in the healing journey or the learning about yourself journey. Like a lot of people, I was one of them. I didn't want to dig in, I didn't want to learn about that. A lot of it was too painful to go into. So, you know, it's a beautiful mess. That's how I look at it. Yeah, it was a beautiful mess and it still is. And I think Kent and I joke and I'm like, I don't know how we messing them up today. You know, I'm doing the best I can.

[B]

That's what I always encourage. Like, I don't, I don't have a kid, but I encourage my friends who are parents or just casually like clients. But that's not my role as their coach. But if we're just chatting, it's like everybody traumatizes their kid in some way. And it's like what I know about my parents is, and I'm lucky because I know this isn't everyone's story, but that they love me. And as much as they might have fought with me, they would fight for me also and like throw down. So I'm happy to have that Rowdy throw down.

[A]

Sometimes you just gotta go.

[B]

Exactly. So it's been, I really, I love talking about childhood. I've appreciated talking about it with you because it gives so much context. Like even just for friends to open up about where they came from. What though that part of their life looked like, how it might have shaped them. Because all of our lives, I think there's going to be little pieces where it's like, oh, that's something that I need to address from back then, you know.

[A]

Yeah. And it also helps you understand your friend that much better. Like, like I said, I've never heard you yell. Literally, I've never heard you yell, but I guess if I did, I would probably, knowing how you grew up, I wouldn't take it as a personal thing. I would just understand, like, that's a innate response. I'm sure you probably feel that way about me. You've seen it. I'm sure you've seen. I know you've seen me, like, have my moments.

[B]

Yeah. And I understand them. I feel like because of where I come from.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Understanding that volume. And it is funny too, because when people will be like, you yelled at me, I'm like, you have not seen yet. You ain't heard nothing. Yeah, honey, like, that was a whisk.

[A]

You think that was yelling like, okay, okay. You want to go there?

[B]

Yeah. Well, this is fun.

[A]

This has been fun. I hope you guys enjoyed hearing about our childhood. The good, the bad, the messy. If something resonates with you, as always, you can write into [e-mail]. we'd love to hear from you.

[B]

Yeah, I'd love this to be something that helps you really consider your childhood where you came from. And maybe it opens up perspective for you. And if it does, we'd love to hear about it. So definitely reach out, message us, email us.

[A]

And yeah, this doesn't have to be a one and done. Like, these are conversations that can go on and have room to breathe and how have we managed it and things like that. So, yeah.

[B]

So stay tuned.