Everything's Perfect Except...God Forbid We Ask Questions

Summary

Everything’s Perfect Except...God Forbid We Ask Questions Podcast: Everything's Perfect
Hosts: Autumn Calabrese & Donald Stamper (Nell)
Release Date: June 23, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this thought-provoking and candid episode, Autumn and Nell get real about religion, spirituality, judgment, and the importance of questioning long-held beliefs. Prompted by a wave of critical social media comments, they share personal stories from their religious upbringings, dissect cultural expectations from faith communities, and take an unfiltered look at topics ranging from LGBTQ+ acceptance to women’s roles in society. With humor and raw honesty, they reinforce that “everything’s perfect… kind of”—especially when you’re willing to ask uncomfortable questions and stand up for compassion.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Personal Updates & Lighthearted Banter

• Autumn's Eventful Day

  • Autumn shares the chaos of her morning: ongoing recovery from surgery, a pet emergency, family issues, and a mishap at Pilates.
    • “I got to Pilates, and I said to my girl, I’m gonna have to have my phone by me...then, the top of my foot’s bleeding because I must have cut it, like, shaving or something.” (02:00)
  • Humor about accidental injuries and playful jabs about leaving cupboards open.

• "Don't Be a Dick" Hat

  • Nell sports a "Don't be a dick" hat gifted by Autumn, suggesting the world would be better if more people followed its advice.
    • “Maybe if I wear it as a fucking sign on my fore[head], people will listen.” (05:22)

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2. Faith, Deconstruction, and Church Trauma

• Revisiting the Bible and Faith Communities

  • Nell shares their journey of returning to the Bible and searching for a church, only to be disheartened by homophobic statements in church doctrine.
    • “They basically lumped together...fornication and adultery, and then it was bestiality and homosexuality. And I was like, I'm so offended—they’d basically say bestiality and homosexuality is the same thing.” (06:29)

• Raised Catholic but Not Religious

  • Autumn explains her spiritual-but-not-religious stance, rooted in disappointment with church attitudes toward divorce, LGBTQ+ people, and dogma.
    • “I think if you’re a good person, that’s what’s most important. Like, I don’t have judgment on somebody...nobody’s perfect.” (07:22)

• The Issue of Judgment

  • Both hosts riff on the hypocrisy of religious communities judging others while ignoring their own failings.
    • “Isn’t God supposed to be the only one that judges us? So then get off your fucking high horse and stop judging people.” (29:57)

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3. LGBTQ+ Acceptance & The Language of Choice

• Homophobia & Choice Fallacy

  • Nell and Autumn challenge the idea that sexuality is a choice, pointing out the inherent contradiction in people assuming LGBTQ+ folks choose a harder path.
    • Autumn: “So you’re born straight...but you, Donald, you woke up one day and said, I’m attracted to women, but nah, I want to choose a hard path. I’m going to be gay.” (16:18)
    • Nell: “I do believe...if you choose to believe ‘I’m not for homosexuals,’ then you’re a bigot and you’re using your religion to support your beliefs.” (17:41)

• Import of Context—Sexuality, Sin, and the Bible

  • Discussion of biblical context, scholarly interpretations, and how scripture is misused to justify exclusion.
    • “If people can’t understand context for curse words, how do you think you can understand context for something like the Bible?” (19:36)
  • Reframing “sin” as being out of alignment with one's true self, rather than an act dictated by dogma (37:00).

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4. The Power (and Meaning) of Language

• Swearing and Morality
  • Honest talk about swearing in family and cultural context.
    • “Sometimes a well-placed curse word is needed...It’s a delicacy.” (21:02)
    • Autumn: “I grew up with a father who cussed a lot...My little Italian grandma would call my dad a son of a bitch and bastard when she was mad.” (22:44 & 23:20)

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5. Resilience, Hurt, and Being ‘Above’ the Hate

• Trolls and Hurtful Comments

  • Nell reflects on hateful social media comments and how personal growth has changed their response.
    • “There is a version of me in the past that would have really lost sleep...How powerful it feels to read a comment that is so absurd, so offensive...and keep scrolling—I don't care.” (47:14)

• Standing up for Others

  • They discuss the importance of allies speaking out—“If so many people are going to speak out against someone in your position, then people like me need to speak out for you.” (32:23)

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6. Women’s Issues, Judgment, and Societal Roles

• Double Standards and Women’s Autonomy

  • Autumn shares experience with criticism after cosmetic surgery and broader complaints about how women are policed, judged, and legislated against.
    • “If you want to have [surgery] done, good for you. If you don’t, good for you...But also, if you decide for you to make a choice to do something...who am I to come and yell at you and tell you you’re a bad person?” (50:57)

• Sexist Stereotypes in Leadership

  • Debunking myths about women’s fitness to lead, emotional stability, and pain threshold
    • Nell shares stats showing men have higher rates of violence and emotional instability: “Men are much more likely to...end their lives [than] women...they’re much more prone to violence.” (56:00)

• The Power of Female Solidarity

  • Both call for greater unity and assertiveness among women, with playful yet pointed encouragement.
    • “Ladies, are you all ready yet? Because it is about damn time to rise up.” (54:06)
    • “It’s time for the girls and the gays.” (56:50)
    • “We love the gays and we love Jesus. But some of his followers are a little nutty.” (69:03)

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7. Breaking Down Religious Dogma

• Critique of "Original Sin" and Shame

  • Nell discusses breaking free from teachings that ingrained shame, especially the idea of being ‘born bad’ (36:20).

• Re-examining Biblical Scholarship

  • Not all Christians believe in hell; much of what’s taught as literal may be metaphorical or context-specific (43:19).
    • “You don’t have to just take everything you’ve been told your whole life at face value...open your heart and mind a little bit to the things that maybe aren’t a hundred percent accurate.” (43:19)

• The Case for Mystery & Openness

  • Both emphasize that certainty is overrated and humility is the best stance.
    • Autumn: “There is nothing that we know. Even things we think are certain, things can change.” (44:50)
    • Nell: “It’s better to live without thinking you know it all, being open to the mystery.” (44:50)

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8. Girl Power: Biological, Historical & Societal

• Women Carrying the Bloodline

  • Autumn references scientific research suggesting women’s DNA is a constant across generations, playfully claiming “the real bloodline” runs through women (63:17).

• Women's Health Understudied

  • Autumn highlights the lack of medical research on women, particularly in hormone health, compared to men (64:23).

• Pain and Childbirth

  • Autumn tells the story of her painful experience in labor, C-section, and the difficult emotional aftermath, underlining women’s resilience (66:10).

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “Maybe if I wear it [‘Don't be a dick’ hat] as a fucking sign on my fore[head], people will listen.” – Nell (05:22)
• “If you choose to believe ‘I’m not for homosexuals,’ then you’re a bigot and you’re using your religion to support your beliefs.” – Nell (17:41)
• “Isn’t God supposed to be the only one that judges us? So then get off your fucking high horse and stop judging people because that’s not your place.” – Autumn (29:57)
• “We love the gays and we love Jesus. But some of his followers are a little nutty.” – Nell (69:03)
• “It’s time for the girls and the gays.” – Nell (56:50)
• “Ladies, are you all ready yet? Because it is about damn time to rise up.” – Autumn (54:06)
• “Sometimes a well-placed curse word is needed...It’s a delicacy.” – Autumn/Nell (21:02)
• “It’s better to live without thinking you know it all, being open to the mystery.” – Nell (44:50)
• “We are carrying that [DNA]...they have done studies...they can literally trace every woman back to one woman in Africa.” – Autumn (63:17)

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• 02:00 – Autumn’s hectic (and humorous) morning
• 05:22 – “Don’t be a dick” hat; the need for basic kindness in the world
• 06:29 – Nell shares disappointment with church doctrine on sexuality
• 07:22 – Autumn’s objections to church teachings on divorce and LGBTQ+ issues
• 16:18 – Challenging the “choice” narrative about sexuality
• 17:41 – Calling out religiously justified bigotry
• 19:36 – Context in language, swearing, and biblical interpretation
• 21:02 – Reframing “cursing” and how upbringing shapes language
• 29:57 – Hypocrisy and judgment in religious circles
• 36:20 – The damaging impact of “original sin” teachings
• 43:19 – Not all Christians believe in hell; importance of critical thinking
• 54:06 – Girl power, solidarity, and calls for women’s leadership
• 56:50 – “Girls and the gays”—humor and activism combined
• 63:17 – Fascinating DNA research & matrilineal inheritance

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Tone & Language

• Candid, unfiltered, funny at times, passionate, sometimes irreverent, but always compassionate.
  • The hosts are unapologetically themselves—swearing, laughing, and holding space for each other’s perspectives.

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Memorable Moments

• Autumn’s family stories about cussing and Italian grandmothers (23:20)
• Nell’s recounting of childhood shame about swearing in dreams (25:15)
• Autumn reflecting on being judged for cosmetic surgery (50:57)
• Philosophical digressions into "sin," context, and the mysteriousness of faith (44:50)
• Empowering concluding riff on women’s power, both biological and societal (63:17, 54:06, 59:00)

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Takeaway Message

The real heart of the episode: Embrace your messiness, question everything, be kind, and remember—the world would be better if we loved a little more and judged a lot less. “Everything’s perfect… kind of.”

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For questions or to share your “scandalous phone a friend,” the hosts invite listener emails at [e-mail] or messages on Instagram @everythingsperfectofficial.

Transcript

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[Autumn]

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[Nell]

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[Autumn]

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[Nell]

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[Autumn]

think it would actually be the bicycle.

[Nell]

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[Autumn]

had a spider in my room at night. I was going to bed. This thing was huge. And I was like, what the fuck is that? I was like, oh, I killed it. Okay. And somebody messaged me. I really like following you, but I don't like hearing curse words. Thank you. Now, I appreciate what she was trying to say, but I'm also like, bitch, if you think I'm going to change.

[Nell]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

By the way, sometimes a well placed curse word is needed. I'm not making excuses for it. But I also grew up with a father who cussed a lot. And also my little Italian grandma. I love the way my grandma would put cuss words together. Her favorite was to call my dad a son of a bitch and bastard when she was mad.

[Nell]

All right.

[Grainger Announcer]

Okay.

[Bluff]

Hi.

[Nell]

Hi. Happy Friday.

[Autumn]

Oh, thank God.

[Nell]

You've had a very happy Friday so far, right?

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

By the way, I know you're. If you're listening to this when it came out, it's a Tuesday, but it happens to be a Friday when we're recording.

[Autumn]

We're recording.

[Nell]

Yeah. Tgif.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

Or whatever they say.

[Autumn]

Yeah. No, it's. It has been a good Friday. It's just been a little hectic. I knew you were coming in. My eye was still bothering me from my surgery, so I needed to go see my eye doctor. I had Pilates scheduled. On the way out the door to Pilates, I noticed that Bella's eye was all swollen, so she had to go to the vet. Dom had to take her because Kent had to leave to go out of town because his mom is having a massive surgery tomorrow, so praying that that all goes well. So, yeah, it's just been a little, like, I got to Pilates, and I said to my girl, I was like, just, you know, I'm gonna have to have my phone by me. I'm gonna have to answer for the vet, blah, blah, blah. She's like, okay. And I was like, I have to leave 15 minutes early because I've got to drive all the way to Malibu after this. And she's like, why are you here? I was like, I didn't want to cancel.

[Nell]

You're like. And then, like, I'm still figuring it out, girl.

[Autumn]

And, like, we sit down, I'm on the kettle. Like, I start doing a move. The top of my foot's bleeding because I must have cut it, like, shaving or something. Yes. I have to shave my feet. And she was like, can we get Autumn a band aid and a helmet? And then, like, five minutes left in the class. She's like, okay, now stand up. And I go to stand up, and I just smack my head on the top. And then I had to play it off. Like, it wasn't that hard, but it was stars. I was like, worse. I was like, and a helmet.

[Nell]

I do that a lot when I'm wearing a hat on things.

[Grainger Announcer 2]

Yeah.

[Nell]

Because the. The bill covers everything. So, like, last time I did it, I was on a plan, and some woman asked me if I would help her grab her carry on from up above. I'm like, yes, this is my chance to be a gentleman. So I stood up eagerly to do it and bashed my head so hard on the thing back into the seat that it was. Yeah. I was like, oh, my God. Or I'll do it on the cupboard all the time.

[Autumn]

Well, do you leave cupboards open? Yes.

[Nell]

No.

[Autumn]

I will hit my face if it's.

[Nell]

If I left it open. And when I do it, it's because I'm actively, like, putting things away. And there might have been a time or two in there. I can only him under the bus because he's not here to defend himself. But Nell could have left the cupboard open.

[Autumn]

It's like. Like, Kent does it all the time. Like, he'll be making Dom breakfast and stuff, and I'll, like, turn around and miss my face by, like, centimeters. And I'm like, are you trying to take me out?

[Nell]

Not especially not after Money Maker. Exactly.

[Autumn]

Put a lot of energy into this.

[Nell]

Yes. Which you're looking fabulous.

[Autumn]

Thank you.

[Nell]

I feel like. So if you're listening. You should. You can go watch our past several videos on YouTube because.

[Autumn]

Watch the evolution of my face.

[Nell]

Exactly. Because like, we have since we record in chunks when I come into town.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

It's like you can see a big difference from one episode to the next.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

Depending on the episodes. Or no difference.

[Autumn]

Or no difference. But no, because I'm at six. It'll be six weeks on Monday. And like a few weeks ago when we were recording, I was only two and a half, three weeks in, so I was still a little swollen and red and my scabby.

[Nell]

Yeah, yeah. So much better.

[Grainger Announcer]

Thanks.

[Autumn]

So how are you? You just drove in.

[Nell]

Yeah, I'm good. The drive is really nice, actually.

[Autumn]

Oh, good.

[Nell]

It's like, smooth, easy. I'm doing good.

[Autumn]

I love your hat.

[Nell]

Thank you. Don't be a dick. It's. It's. You got me this hat.

[Autumn]

I know I did.

[Nell]

From La La Land. And I was like, you know what? This is a good motto and I wish more people would live by it. So maybe if I wear it as a fucking sign on my fore, people will listen.

[Autumn]

Seriously, it's interesting.

[Nell]

I. So I have been very big in my spiritual journey lately, and I have decided that I'm gonna go back and read the Bible, even though I'm totally deconstructed. And I did a. Did a post the other day about looking for a church on my Instagram and I was really disappointed because this church, in their statement of beliefs, they had like five statement of beliefs, and one of statement said sexuality. So I was like, okay, let's click on this one. Because that is such a. Such. It seems like such a touchy subject to just have in your statement of beliefs, like. And so I opened it and they basically clump, lumped together a bunch of things like. And the ones that offended me at first it was things like fornication and adultery, and then it was bestiality and.

[Autumn]

Okay, that's a jump.

[Nell]

And homosexuality. Yeah. And I was like, I'm so offended because that they would basically say BCL reality and homosexuality is the same thing. And anyways. What.

[Autumn]

Maybe they would put it on the same level of judgment of wrong.

[Nell]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

I get it. Because. Yeah, that's messed up.

[Nell]

I. I just think it's insane.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

But apparently there's a lot of people in the world who don't feel that way. And they. They found their voice in the comments section, as often do. So I was like, I'm gonna wear this house.

[Autumn]

Everybody's got one.

[Nell]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

So it was interesting Because I decided to start reading the Bible again because I'm like, am I missing something that all these is justify saying what they're saying.

[Autumn]

Oh, God, people are gonna hate listening to it on the way for this topic. Well, because I'm spiritual, but I'm not religious. I was raised in the Catholic church. But there's just. I just don't agree with so much.

[Nell]

Like what?

[Autumn]

Well, first of all, if you're in the Catholic Church, like, being gay is wrong. Yeah, I have a problem with that, obviously. Like, I think if you're a good person, that's what's most important. Like, I don't have judgment on somebody. Like, happens. Nobody's perfect. Like, getting divorced is a sin. Well, guess what? I'm divorced, so. Well, I'm out of luck.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

But also, I think, I think God and Jesus would want me to be happy and live a happy, healthy life emotionally. And if I outgrow a relationship or it just runs its course. Right. Like, I don't think, like, I'm not saying you don't work at it, but. But sometimes you work at it and you realize that it needs to be a different form of a relationship or it's no longer healthy or whatever. I mean, how many people are in like, abusive marriages? Like, literally physically abusive. So you're telling me that according to the Bible, they're supposed to stay there and get their ass beat instead of leave? Yeah, because it's a sin. I'm sorry, I don't buy it.

[Nell]

Totally.

[Autumn]

I don't think Jesus and God wants you to sit there and deal with somebody being physically abusive or emotionally abusive to you. I think sometimes you realize that, like, you grow apart and you deserve to find love. So anyways, divorce. Okay. I think we can all agree on the fact that I don't necessarily follow the sex and marriage rule. And by the way, I'm not a about it.

[Nell]

Yeah, I know. I try to, but let me fill you out all the time.

[Autumn]

I know. Maturely though, I actually think intimacy, physical intimacy is a huge part of a relationship. And a lot of things can work and that doesn't. Like, you can get in a relationship, right. Like, and think like, oh my God, that's so great. And then the intimacy part comes in. Like, maybe you guys just have different likes, preferences, things. Whatever reason, it could just not click. Yeah, okay. Well, if you wait until you're married to realize that that does not work for you guys as a couple. Now what?

[Nell]

A hundred percent. I'm a huge. The thing is, you know, I Was thinking, like, how much context matters about everything. And if you're talking about the Bible, and I know a lot of our listeners maybe don't even have a religious background, so you might not care about this. So we're not going to stay on the Bible the whole time. But talking about the b there is like, the idea that a woman had a right to be satisfied in that way and that her needs being met with intimacy mattered. Wasn't even a concept that people could fathom at that time. And so I am like, it is ridiculous that what marriage is today is not the same thing as when parents were offering their daughters in. In exchange for, like, possessions or cattle.

[Autumn]

Like, you know, my daughter, you give me a cow. Like, that's what marriage was, guys. So like, how are we supposed to really believe that? Like, it was supposed to be forever and always. Also, let's not forget that our lifespan is significantly longer now than even a hundred years ago, let alone however many hundreds, thousands of years. You have to go back to the Bible. And yes, I am doing air quotes because I'm just like, listen, I've never read the Bible, so I, I'm only gonna speak very broad. Yeah, from what? Like, again, I went to Catholic school, but I left Catholic school in the sixth grade. But like, it wasn't the. Isn't the Bible written by multiple different people?

[Nell]

Yes.

[Autumn]

Okay, so here, I'll just. Let me just break it down real quick for you. So you're telling me that like thousands and thousands of years ago, God and Jesus kept appearing to everybody, appeared to this person and then this person, however many hundreds years later, and then this person and this person. But then he has forsaken us all and said, you guys, I'm not coming back again. So there's no New Testament. There's no New New Testament. There's the Old Testament and the New Testament. And then he said, peace. I gave you all my information. He's never come back.

[Nell]

Right.

[Autumn]

So there's no more teachings and just. Okay, can we all go back to like eighth grade when we had to read Shakespeare and we were like, what? What does this say? What is this? So now you go back a few more thousand years and you're sure you're. You're just so damn sure that it was interpreted exactly the way it was meant.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

To apply to right now. They were writing on cave fucking walls. We got AI. It doesn't apply.

[Nell]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

Does so. I just get so fired up when people get so holier than thou of like, there's no room for imagination. There's no room for intuition. Intuition.

[Nell]

Trusting yourself, listening to your inner voice. You know, the thing is being a good person. Well, okay, so I Whether it's slots

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[Autumn]

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[Nell]

So what happened is for context of my the post that I did I was just reading and talking to Nell and he was taking a video actually the whole video I didn't post. He was doing the sky, the stars were bright and then our backyard but I'm in the background just bitching like oh my God and listen to this and so he when he panned the phone to me and then that part is the part that I shared so I wasn't even doing it to it wasn't a performative I'm doing this to make a video. It's a real feeling that I had and hundreds of comments of people based on what they choose to believe from a book that has been interpreted to a book that's actually several different books put together that's been interpreted in many different ways by many different people for years with no proof in my comment section telling me that I'm gonna go to hell and that I maybe don't need to be looking for a church if I don't want to believe what what Jesus says or I and just like all this stuff when I'm like I was frustrated because I know that I have a lot to bring to a table to a community like that I actually love church style community that if I and I know nothing's perfect but I'm my goal right now is alignment and I'm not in alignment if I go to a church that says being Homosexual. Homosexual is wrong. That's crazy. How could Nell and I go like that means the leaders that we're respecting would not want our relationship to last. Wouldn't support.

[Autumn]

They would be. You're. Yeah, you're not good enough. So again, God is supposed to be perfect and he created everything, but all he damn up when he created you.

[Nell]

Yeah, it's just really messed up.

[Autumn]

Like, it's just, I, I, I'm gonna use a word and I'm gonna piss people off, but I just think it's really ignorant. Like I said, it's very. You have no proof. At the end of the day, we could argue this till we're blue in the face. No one's ever going to win the argument because we have no proof.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Like, people are so, like, their conviction is so strong. And I'm like, that's great for you that you believe and have faith, but if you don't leave any room for the possibility, like, again, I, I'm spiritual, but then I, you, you can ask the questions. If God's so good, then why do kids get cancer? Why do we, you know, why, why is there war? Why are we dealing when we're dealing with, in our country right now? You know what I'm saying? Like, there's just so many things. And I'm not saying that there isn't. I'm just saying that you have to leave room for possibilities.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And I'm gonna say this too. When it comes to being gay, I, I see so many people and I know people were saying in your comments, I saw it where it was like, well, you and your boyfriend should repent and change and all this stuff. And I'm like, I don't know why people think, like, okay, let's, if they're straight. So you're born straight. Like, you didn't wake up one day and say, I'm choosing, I'm choosing straight. Yeah, that's just what you. How you were born. Right. If you're a man, you're attracted to a woman. If you're a woman, you're attracted to a man, fine. That's just, that's just you. But you, Donald, you woke up one day and said, I'm attracted to women, but nah, I want to choose a hard path. Yeah, I'm going to be gay.

[Nell]

I know. I'm afraid my family won't accept me or speak to me.

[Autumn]

It sounds like a great plan. Even though I'm fully attracted to women and that could be the easy route I'm going to take this one, like, why? I don't like, because people act like it's a choice that you have. Like, you just decided that this would be like, like choosing a drug. Like, oh, I think I'll choose to do that. No, you didn't think, like, oh, that just sounds fun. I think I'll give that a shot.

[Nell]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

So if they're not making a choice, then why do they think you're making a choice?

[Nell]

I know it's because they're bigots. And I just want to. I do believe, and it's a strong statement, but it's where I stand right now. If you choose to believe, just up. I'm not for homosexual. Homosexuals, then you're a bigot and you're using your religion to support your beliefs. And I fully believe that we live in a day where there's been countless scholar. If you're committed to your faith, that's fine. You don't have to lose your faith today to still look at researchers and biblical scholars and theologians who have found meaning and translation to say, the Bible is not talking about two committed adults in a relationship, consenting adults. That is love, full of love and life giving to them like that. That's not what it's talking about. And if you just take a hard stance against every gay person because they're different than you, then you're just using your religion to support your bigotry.

[Autumn]

Hasn't the Pope actually come out and said that he is not against homosexuality?

[Nell]

I think that he. Which I'm not Catholic, but I don't. I don't think that he said he's not against it, but he's. He's said a lot of things about, like, the way that the church should be inviting to and welcoming to and supportive to the gay community. Okay. So I don't know if he's actually like, the Catholic Church doesn't affirm homosexuality, but. But the Pope has been a lot more progressive in how he talks about it.

[Autumn]

Okay.

[Nell]

But the real thing is context. And, you know, I. So I was thinking about context, context because someone messaged me and I. Or commented on something I posted and was like, you know, if you want. And I think that this person is actually like, follower who likes me.

[Autumn]

Okay.

[Nell]

And I think they were honestly saying what they thought. So it's not something I would, like, do a stitch and challenge them online. But they said, if you want to reach people for the kingdom of God, maybe using such foul language isn't the way to do it. Because of my video. And I Was like, this is. This is the reason. If people can't understand context for curse words, how do you think you can understand context for something like the Bible? For example, if I say, if I put on a piece of paper, like, fuck off, bitch.

[Autumn]

Amazing.

[Nell]

With no context, that could sound pretty bad. But with context, I could use those words to you, and I would be like, exactly.

[Autumn]

Like, like off. Like, meaning for real. Exactly. Like, oh, my God, exactly.

[Nell]

Or like, you just. If you know, like so many scenarios. I could see myself saying it obviously, with those words together. A lot of sarcasm most of the time. But the point is, the words don't hold.

[Autumn]

They only heard the meaning you give it.

[Nell]

Exactly. And I was like. I said to you that language might be foul, but sometimes to me it's funny. And sometimes it just scratches that itch that you need to get. Exactly. It's a delicacy.

[Autumn]

Delicacy.

[Nell]

Because sometimes it's like, fuck. And I used to feel like, oh, you can't. Like that. That affects your morals. And I think that is also part of the deconstruction that I'm. I'm experiencing. Like, you're not morally wrong because you use choice words. I understand. If you don't want. I wouldn't be around like a little kid and.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Nell]

Talk the same way I do with you.

[Autumn]

Yes.

[Nell]

For example. Or on our podcast.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Nell]

If you listen to this podcast with your kids in the car. I'm not. I didn't tell you to do that.

[Autumn]

We have been clear.

[Nell]

This ain't Ms. Rachel or whatever.

[Autumn]

This is not Mr. Rogers. It ain't Ms. Rachel. Whatever it is. I had somebody message me the other day. I had a spider in my room at night. I was going to bed. This thing was huge. And I was like, what the fuck is this? Like, And I was like, oh, I killed it. Okay. And somebody messaged me. And I know she didn't. Same thing. Like, I think this is a person who obviously likes me, wasn't trying to be mean. And she was just like, I really like following you, but I don't like hearing curse words. Thank you. No, I appreciate what she was trying to say. But I'm also like, bitch, if you think I'm gonna change.

[Nell]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

By the way, I don't really ever swear in my Instagram stories. Like, it's very rare if I'll swear in my stories. Like, this thing was a huge spider. I was like, like, whatever. Sometimes a well placed curse word is needed. I cuss a lot more on our podcast. And by the way, I'M not making excuses for it, but I also grew up with a father who cussed a lot. A lot. Some things are just part of vocabulary. Like, you get, like now. We weren't allowed to cuss as kids, obviously, but also, like, did he say

[Nell]

the F word when you were growing up?

[Autumn]

My dad said all the words. Yeah. My dad was a single dad raising three kids on his own, running a restaurant. Cuss on his own. And he has anger management issues. Yeah, he used the F word. And also, my little Italian grandma, she had. I love the way my grandma would put cuss words together. Her favorite was to call my dad a son of a bitch and bastard when she was mad. You just imagine this little lady and be like, son of a bitch and bastard. It was so good.

[Nell]

Oh, my God. My. I went. When I was 10, I went on road trip with my grandparents and their motorhome. It was like my first time seeing the ocean. And we got. Went to a bunch of cool places, but. And anytime I did something that would, like, would kind of set my grandpa over the edge because he had a temper. Love the.

[Autumn]

They all did.

[Nell]

Yes. He'd say, Jesus, God, you. My mom was like, dad, do not talk to him like that. But, you know, he couldn't help it. Bless his heart.

[Autumn]

Bless his heart.

[Nell]

And he took me to see the ocean for the first time, if the man wants.

[Autumn]

Maybe you were being a.

[Nell]

Exactly. And he had to pray about it.

[Autumn]

I'm just saying sometimes you gotta call on Jesus because your grandson's being a.

[Nell]

Well, you know, funny. So my mom, like, so that's her dad obviously didn't come from a world where they didn't use curse words, which I've always called cuss words, because I'm like, cursing is a next level. Like, put a curse on you. Exactly. And maybe like, saying damn you is like a really short little miniature curse. But being like, what the. To me, I'm just like, just cussed a little.

[Autumn]

Swear words is what we called it.

[Nell]

Yes, yes. But when my mom found Jesus, Lord help us, that was a. That was. That was a phase that lasted long, which I say that. And actually, I just. Because we were talking about faith, I. I actually love the teachings of Jesus, so I'm not anti Jesus, so I say that sarcastically. But when my mom really found the religion that we were raised in, right. It was a. We went to an assembly of God church. It started Baptist, and then we went from a Baptist church when I was like 10 to an assemblies of God church. And those are the churches that like, well, at least the ones we went to, they like speak in tongues and do all the very charismatic things, all of that. And anyways, my mom couldn't stop cussing, so she went to the pastor and she was so funny to me.

[Autumn]

I can't wait for this.

[Nell]

All things. She was like, I can't stop cussing. And he was like, okay, every time you say a cuss word, I want you to write it down on a piece of paper and bring it to me. So for a week my mom would be like, I messed up again. And write down when she said a curse word. And she got so good at not saying it, but her shame. And this is what I mean about what pointless things in hindsight, people focus on when like, hello, there are people dying of hunger. Like, who cares if you say. But she was like, if she cursed, she said a swear word in her dreams. She would write it down and she

[Autumn]

first of all swears in their dreams.

[Nell]

She had some pent up aggression, apparently. I'm trying to think if I ever swear.

[Autumn]

I don't know if I have. I mean, not that I, not that I could recall, although I have had. It's entirely possible the like two years ago when everything happened, friend groups and stuff, I was having crazy dreams where we would be fighting in my dreams, like arguing, fighting. And I would, like when I tell you, like, I would wake up exhausted because these were like horrible screaming matches. I'd wake up crying. So it's entirely possible that maybe in those I did.

[Nell]

Yeah, I hate those dreams.

[Autumn]

Those are the worst.

[Nell]

Because you, like, you wake up, you're like, I'm so mad about something. Well, I was troubled.

[Autumn]

I was, yeah, Mad and troubled.

[Nell]

Huh.

[Autumn]

And I was trying to process it. I think in my, my subconscious was trying to process it. So maybe then.

[Nell]

But yeah, on the regular.

[Autumn]

Oh my God. I couldn't imagine rolling over and being like, oh, I swore in my dream. Could you imagine if somebody was like, autumn, you have to write down every time you swear. I wouldn't get anything done.

[Nell]

Your hand would be tired for sure. You're like, I'm just gonna tell you to listen. You keep track of every time I swear.

[Autumn]

I said, oh, does it count if I was telling it to write it down?

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[Nell]

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[Autumn]

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[Nell]

Yeah, so it feels good to just like, I feel so free from that. And honestly, seeing all those hateful posts like comments and the, it just reminds me of what I'm not in anymore. And it makes me feel so good that I can cling to my faith. And that includes a lot of what I still carry with me and cherish very deeply from growing up the way I did in the Christian faith and following Jesus's teachings. But that's not what I'm seeing a lot of people do.

[Grainger Announcer]

Right.

[Nell]

And it's like, feels so good to just not be one of those people.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

And I like to post about it because I want to help those who have a hard time when they get comments like that. Because another thing I've learned is hateful people are going to be hateful, especially to those who can't really defend themselves.

[Autumn]

Hurt people. Try to hurt people.

[Nell]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

And I'm happy for you. That's. I'm glad that you're feeling so good about it. And just remember too, like, I know can seem like so overwhelming when it's like a hundred or hundreds of comments, but in the grand scheme, even hundreds of comments like, you know, it seems like a lot, but it's such a small number when you think about all the people that are here. And unfortunately like, yes, like, you can't argue ignorance. That's the problem. Because you can't have a logical conversation. Because if you could have a logical conversation, there would already be room for I could be wrong. This is my faith. But I, but even like, okay, we were talking about it, isn't God supposed to be the only one that judges us?

[Nell]

Right?

[Autumn]

So then get off your fucking high horse and stop judging people because that's not your place. Like, oh, you're all love and God and Blah. And then you're the most awful human being spreading hate. You're not following the teachings of Jesus or God. Like, I may have never read the Bible, but at the end of the day, I know you're supposed to be a good person. And if you're trying to make somebody else feel bad about who they are instead of just showing them love, love and empathy and compassion, then you're a piece of. So go off. So you and your fake religion. Yeah, yeah. How many curse words did I have because I get so mad about it? Because I hate when people try to hide behind religion and think that they're better than somebody else. You're not better than anybody else.

[Nell]

Right.

[Autumn]

Your faith is your faith, and I'm not required to have that same faith or belief. And if I leave room for the unknown, as long as I'm being a good person. Also, it doesn't affect you. Like, you being gay does. Those hundred people that you don't know, why are they even there? Like. Like you're very openly gay, so why are they even on your page? First of all, you're like, what, looking for attention? You're looking for somebody to validate your stupid belief. Like, I'm right. I need somebody else to agree with me. And you being gay doesn't affect them. Hey, guess what? You're not gay. Great. Don't try to. Donald. Yeah, how about that?

[Nell]

Yeah. Please, please, please don't.

[Autumn]

Please don't. Also, I'm be real mean for a second. But, like, I don't know. You got a bunch of deadly sins. Isn't gluttony one of them?

[Nell]

Right.

[Autumn]

I could look at a few people and be like, go clean up your side of the street.

[Nell]

Literally. I heard Jesus's teaching today while I was driving, listening to the. About the. Not to remove the speck in your brother's eye when you have a whole plank in your own. It's like, worry about your.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

You have enough to worry about. Stop worrying about what everybody else is doing. I think the. I think there's just an energy right now of the kind of people who are speaking so loudly to people like me is because there's this force that I think those people feel like we're. They, you know, they believe in their heart what they're saying because their heart is so hardened and closed off.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

And I think that they just feel like they're fighting the good fight and that they're also winning in society right now.

[Grainger Announcer 2]

Right.

[Nell]

But I also was encouraged.

[Autumn]

Can't wait till they get Judged at the Pearly Gates.

[Nell]

Yes. I was encouraged because this woman commented and was like, you know, usually I don't comment on things like this, but I realize that if so many people are going to speak out against someone in your position, then people like me need to speak out for you. And. And it was just really sweet. I felt so supported by her. And what I don't need. I don't need that. Like, I'm not struggling, but I do love that I'm turning that on in people's mind because really, I feel like we need a love revolution.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

Like, we need to just be able to look at and accept and love people who are different than us.

[Autumn]

Yes.

[Nell]

Wouldn't that be great?

[Autumn]

Yes. Can you imag know that I'm supposed to love these people? Because it's very hard.

[Nell]

I know. Well, we're working on you, girl. But you're also.

[Autumn]

Because just like the video I posted the other day, like, I fight for my people. Like, I know. And it makes me mad because I just.

[Grainger Announcer]

I'll.

[Autumn]

I'll My. My business. I see a bunch of stupid stuff that bugs me that. But I don't need to spread hate on somebody's comments. Like, if I don't like it, let me just stay off their page right now. If you come listen to our podcast. You chose to be here. I'm gonna say whatever I want, but.

[Nell]

But it feels like this should be a controversial thing for us to talk about on the podcast. I'm gay. And we've talked about.

[Grainger Announcer]

I know.

[Autumn]

We've talked about religion and stuff.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

I didn't fire it up, so I probably sometimes get a little.

[Nell]

Well, I think it's good. And I feel supported by it. And I'm a lot more religious than you.

[Autumn]

And I was religious. Yes.

[Nell]

Yeah. Like, for sure. In terms of my practice. Like.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

Like living here.

[Autumn]

Religious practice. I have a spiritual practice. Just. But I do not have a religious one.

[Nell]

Yeah. When. When I lived here, we went to church pretty much every week.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

And Nell and I. And before. I have for years been going to that church. And so I'm not anti faith. And I'm not. I. I'm anti people using their faith and religion to tear down other people.

[Autumn]

Exactly.

[Nell]

Because that's when I'm like, all right, you're getting it wrong, Sage.

[Autumn]

I mean, my son goes to church every Sunday. He. I go. When he now plays at his youth group service on Sundays, I go to that service. And why. And I sit through the whole thing. Some things that are said are A little hard for me to take.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And it. It's not a judgment thing, but again, there's just certain things when it comes to religion that I'm like, you know, when it's like, oh, we're all born with sin and wrong, and it's like, basically like, they kind of make it sound like you're just wrong and you have to give everything up to God or you're not going to enjoy your life. That is hard for me.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And I try to balance that with Dom because Dom's had a very hard time when he found religion. And then unfortunately, because of social media, YouTube, Instagram, tick tock, ended up down a very dark hole with it, with Christianity specifically, and, like, fury, like, having so much fear and for somebody who has OCD and got so consumed by it that, like, my kid was a mess.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And I had to, like, literally deprogram him not from having a. A religious practice, but from, you know, there's everybody out there thinking they know everything, quoting all these things, and he's watching one thing after the next, and you watch one thing that's a little. And it leads to the next one that's a little worse and a little, like, a little darker and a little darker. And before you know it, it's just like, yeah, his whole view of the world. And it was. It's. It's been a very long, hard road and he's on the other side of it now, and it's good. But he very quickly catches himself if he starts to drift too far.

[Nell]

I'm glad he does.

[Autumn]

Me too.

[Nell]

Because it is a. You know, that the belief that they preach of, like, being born bad is what I believed for the majority of my life. And I feel like it is so freeing to not carry that belief and actually, like, believe that you are born. The. The word that I use is a very, like, churchy religious word, but born, beloved, like, born already a part of the, like, you are light, you are love, you are. And that doesn't mean anyone's perfect.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Nell]

But also there's a. You know, people talk about that's a sin, that's a sin. As if all these bad things that you do in their sins, and you sort of like, how many sins do you do? As if sin is a thing. And I heard someone's definition of the word sin that I really loved, and I think it might. I don't want to say, assign it to the wrong person, so I'll just say the quote, but it was sin is the palpable disruption of shalom, which means sin is. I could also say I'm living in sin when I'm out of alignment, when I'm not being true to myself, when I'm ignoring my own intuition. That voice inside that says, I know because I do think that we know the difference between right and wrong. That's not the same as. Because a lot of people are in my comments like, you know, it's wrong. You can feel that it's wrong to be gay. That's not true. For me, living in sin would be denying who I actually am. Choosing to try to have a wife, probably up a wife and kids.

[Autumn]

Right? Like, how messed up would that be?

[Nell]

Exactly. Like have the whole journey that living in sin is just not living alignment with your purpose. And when you can sort of reframe it to that, you're like, oh, that makes so much more sense.

[Grainger Announcer 2]

Right?

[Nell]

But when all of a sudden it's used as, oh, you did that bad. That's a sin.

[Autumn]

Right?

[Nell]

It's like, that's for control.

[Grainger Announcer]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Like, oh, tick, right, tick. Well, like, you know, in the Catholic church it was like, oh, you're, you

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[Autumn]

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[Grainger Announcer 2]

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[Autumn]

I was baptized and I made my first communion. I did not go further than that. My brother and sister have both been confirmed. I have not. But like, you know, you make your first communion and you got this whole list of prayers that you have to know to say and when to say it. You have to go into the box with the priest and confess your sins. You're in second grade. What did I do? By the time I was 8, you know, like, I don't even remember what I said when I went in there. You know, you're all in your dress and your veil and white, and you have to go in there and kneel and forgive me for a father, for I have sinned. I don't know, I probably said, like, I lied or. I mean, I'm sure I had probably, like, told a lie about something at 8 years old, you know, and I maybe have like, said a cuss word, like, to Bobby or Kaylee, like, and then, you know, and then you have to quote, unquote, you have to repent. So then the, the. Then they give you all away. Yes. Your penance, okay, to our Fathers and three Hail Marys and all is forgiven. And so then people use that. Well, I could sin as much as I want because then I'll just go to confession.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Priest will give me some penance and I'm good as new. I'm back in God's good graces. Like, what? Come on, guys.

[Nell]

It's ignoring the real, like, people's real issue. Like, it's not about what you're doing. It's about the condition of your heart, which is what Jesus actually, that was his message. And what changed the way everyone. Because up until Jesus, everyone had to do this burnt sacrifice and all these things. Jesus was the came and the one who came and said, it's about the condition of your heart. And people are not really focusing on that enough.

[Autumn]

Like, I feel like a lot of people don't have one. Yeah, a heart.

[Nell]

It's so funny. When I was a kid, I remember being in, like, being a kid in some Sunday school class and they were teaching us about hell, which already is. Like, what? And they were like. Like one of us asked a question. So what do you mean? It's like blackness, but it's fire? Because fire is bright. Which is a pretty logical question. And they were like, well, just imagine, like, fire is an example. You could also think of it like if you're in a pitch black barrel with acid and it feels like all of your skin is melting off and you're suffering, screaming for help, but no one helps you. And you want it to end, but it never ends. They said that's insulation.

[Autumn]

That's insane. Also, your body doesn't go with you.

[Nell]

Thank you.

[Autumn]

So can we get it right, y'?

[Grainger Announcer]

All?

[Autumn]

Because last I checked, they either bury you in a casket or you get cremated. Your body isn't going with you to the other side.

[Nell]

Right?

[Autumn]

It's your essence. Well, you know what show I loved? I don't. Did you ever watch it? The Good Place?

[Nell]

Yes.

[Autumn]

Oh, my gosh. That's such a good show. I feel like everybody should watch that because the last season, because it gets, like. You don't realize it. It's. It's Ted Danson and Kristen Bell. Kristen Bell. Thank you. And it just starts off funny, right? Like, it's funny and you're like, where's this going? Like, okay. And then, you know, the first couple seasons and you realize, oh, like they're the demons and. Yeah, okay. But then you get to the last season and it gets very, like. I don't know, is it theological? Like, it gets very spiritual, like, and. And it like, really is, like, thought provoking. And then, like the last episode damn near wrecked me. Like, I was like, for days it bothered me because I was like, oh, my gosh.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Yeah. That's kind of the way I. But there's like. Yeah. For people to be like, oh, there's this hell fire. Like, I don't know. I just think it's also weird to think that. To think that the God is supposed to be so good, but that he's also so horrifically mean and judgmental.

[Nell]

And it doesn't.

[Autumn]

Persecuting. And I'm like, which one is it? Is he light and love or is he persecuted?

[Nell]

You know, the. The thing is, there are a lot of very well respected Bible scholars who don't believe in hell. And that's gonna like, really make a lot of people who just like thought everyone who was a Christian or Catholic or something, Maybe all Catholics do, but not all Christians believe in hell. And when hell was described in the Bible, they're taught, they. The belief is that it was being used as an analogy. Like if. Because he was describing a place that was like a dump, like a trash dump that had open flames. And you would hear like from gnashing of teeth, it says, in Hell you learn gnashing of teeth. He was just describing this terrible place as a explanation of what it's like not to be with God, but it wasn't a literal explanation is what a lot of scholars believe. So I just, like. Because I just want to reiterate, I'm not anti religion or anti faith. I'm very much into it. But you don't have to just take everything you've been told your whole life at face value, and it could be a really good thing for you and the people around you and the ones that you love if you might open your heart. And mind a little bit to the things that maybe aren't a hundred percent accurate. And it's better, I think you said in this episode or what we were talking before it. But it's better to live without thinking, you know, it all being open to

[Autumn]

the mystery, I mean always. But there is nothing that we know. Like even things that we think are certain. Right. Like, I mean, I'll just use a silly example. Example. I don't know. A drug gets approved for the market. Okay, great. They sell it, people take it. And then. Oh it actually we realized after more testing it's not a. It's not actually good for you. Pull it back. Well, for those years that it was out there, for all intents and purposes, everybody thought this is good for me. Now it's not good for me because things can change.

[Nell]

Right.

[Autumn]

And again like when you're talking about something like the Bible being written by seven different people over thousands of years, you got Old Testament, you got new it's interpretation. So to be so judgmental and just. I. I know. And you're wrong. It's like, I mean, good for you. With no proof. Yeah, for real, like wow.

[Nell]

I'm real confident. What's that like?

[Autumn]

What's that life like? Yeah, because you might have answered everything I'm saying. Oh my God.

[Nell]

My God bless.

[Autumn]

Yes. Because sometimes I'll know my answers, right? And I'm still like, is that. Let me double check. I'm pretty sure.

[Nell]

Yeah. And also sometimes in life this is a big world with a lot of things happening in it. And you know what? There's some happening that there's just no explanation for.

[Autumn]

I'm saying.

[Nell]

And you just have to be like, I don't know.

[Autumn]

I listen right now I don't feel like Jesus is with us at all. I'm like, hey, where are you help. Are you watching this? Yeah, I'm need you.

[Nell]

Well, so anyways.

[Autumn]

Well, I'm sorry that people were so ignorant. And I'm not, I'm not even saying that to be mean. I'm saying that to like literally that's like. I think it's ignorant to just come at you like that.

[Nell]

You know what's cool about it though?

[Autumn]

I know you get excites you in a way because it allows you to open the conversation and things like that.

[Nell]

So just makes me feel it. It is it this time specifically it's not just about religion because my me having a hard time coming out and like the struggles of a gay person don't only come from religion. They Also come from society.

[Autumn]

Of course.

[Nell]

They come from just people not accepting you and understanding. There's people who haven't been to church in 20 years who for some reason still would use gay slurs and hate gay people.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Nell]

And it's. It. What I love about this is it reflects how healed I am because there is a version of me in the past that would have really lost sleep and really felt like I needed to defend myself. How, how powerful it feels to read a comment that is so absurd, so offensive, but also just kind of like, and keep scrolling, like I don't care about. I, I, I, I care for the big picture of I want to stand against. Right. And people who speak like that and for people who need people to stand for them. But in terms of like that person talking to me, I just feel above the conversation. I don't have to defend my worth.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Nell]

I don't have to defend the truth of who I am, the purity of my relationship, the, the honesty, like the fact that, I mean, I still do and even like moving to Phoenix, there's Nell and I walking down the street holding hands. Feels a little bit scarier there than that. Makes sense.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

And pauses that a lot of straight people never even have to fathom dealing with, but they're still comfortable going in the comment section of a gay person and saying things like this.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Nell]

And so it's just feels really cool because that it doesn't hurt me.

[Autumn]

Good.

[Nell]

Yeah. So.

[Autumn]

Well, that makes me happy.

[Nell]

And that way it's like a, it's like a nice.

[Grainger Announcer]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

You're like, oh, like, oh, hey.

[Nell]

Oh, these.

[Autumn]

Yeah. Look at me rising above love. Well, good. I'm glad that it doesn't. But it still frustrates me for the fact that, like, honestly, I think it just makes me sad. Even though I get fired up about it, it really makes me sad that

[Grainger Announcer]

we,

[Autumn]

we're just always going to live in this world where, like, people always think it's okay to judge somebody else. Like, I had somebody message me the other day about my face stuff, and she was like, basically you're telling women it's not okay to age and you are not a good person and you are not a role model. And I was like, first of all, I didn't put myself there. I don't claim myself to be a role model. Fitness and nutrition expert. Great. I'm very open. No one will judge me harder than I'll judge myself. As it is, I know that I have my own insecurities. I actually am proud of myself. For being open and honest about what I did and not trying to hide it and lie because I just would never do that. But I'm like, what business? Like, I was also very clear when I had it done. Like, this is for me. This is what I want to do. And by no means am I saying this is what anybody else needs to do. I don't judge. Like, I just don't. I don't. You do you. If you want to have it done, good for you. If you don't, good for you. I. Again, we've talked about this where, like, it's like, people draw this line in the sand. Like, it's okay to color your gray hair. I'm not going to say anything about that. It's okay to wear makeup. I'm not going to say anything about that. It's okay to get your teeth fixed. Like, if you want straight teeth, you could put braces on or invisalign and all this. Like, right. Like, you can dress a certain way, but oh, no, if you do the sur, like surgery or a laser or whatever, like, now you're a bad person and you're telling people that they're not good enough the way they are. I'm like, no, y' all are great just the way you are. But also, if you decide for you to make a choice to do something.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Who am I to come and yell at you and tell you you're a bad person? Because, like, if that makes you feel good, do it. So again, it was. It makes me sad that we live in this world where you don't know me.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Why do you think it's okay to come in and tell me what a horrible person I am? That I did something for myself?

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

You know, like. And so it makes me sad that people feel like it's their place to come in and tell you the way you're living your life is wrong.

[Nell]

Is wrong.

[Bluff]

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[Nell]

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[Autumn]

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[Grainger Announcer 2]

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[Autumn]

Like, I just, I. I just get so frustrated sometimes at the world that we live in and the negativity that we live in towards the. I'm just gonna say the LGBTQ community. Cause it's not just gay. What we're watching happen with women right now in general is like, what the fuck? And yes, I said, what the fuck is happening? Like, why can't we all be equal? Why can't we all be love? Why can't we all just mind your own business? Yeah, my body's my body. Your body's your body. Don't be putting laws in about my body.

[Nell]

Right.

[Autumn]

Oh, God. I could start a whole nother podcast. I'm here for a whole other episode. We go down that road. But, yeah, like, I just get out of my space. Space.

[Nell]

Worry about your space.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

This is my personal space.

[Autumn]

Yeah. If you and your family want to do things a certain way, you go right ahead.

[Nell]

Right.

[Autumn]

But you don't get to put a law in place that tells me what I could do about my body.

[Nell]

Yeah, I know. And I, you know, I'm passionate. Like, you're an ally for the LGBTQ community. I am a, like, woman advocate. But, And I. Because I feel like women can't do any. They can't dress a certain way without either being. Being a tomboy or they're. Yeah, exactly. They ask for it. They're trying to dress like a slut.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

Yeah. They can't. They either wear too much makeup or they don't do anything with themselves. They. But it's like, oh, my God. And actually, we have, like, the things people say online about if someone has even a little bit of a spotlight is they literally can't win. All they do is tear. And women get it the worst. Tear women apart.

[Autumn]

But women tear women apart. And we also let men dictate. I'm like, ladies, are you all ready yet? Because it is about damn time to rise up.

[Nell]

You know, there's more of you than there are of us.

[Grainger Announcer 2]

I know.

[Autumn]

And guess what?

[Nell]

It's so funny because I, I, they, like. I forget what it is, but something was like, something that Never works. But you want it to is when you have two girlfriends that you think would just get along so well. So you all hang out and it's like they don't get along. It's like, girls, put your differences aside because there's more of you than there are of these men. And honey, I am here for a woman run world.

[Autumn]

I'm ready.

[Nell]

Go girls.

[Autumn]

Let's go, girls. Come on. Shania told us. How do we do this? Because. Because all these men out there making decisions about what our paycheck should be, what we could do with our bodies, all these things. And I'm like, hey, ladies, I'm about to form. I don't know what it is, but I'm about to form one. I'm like, you ready? I've had about enough.

[Nell]

Huh? I was watching this guy online that does these debates with people, and he's young. He. He, I think probably looks younger than,

[Autumn]

you know, you're talking about. He's phenomenal.

[Nell]

So information stacked. Like, there's got to be something about his brain.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Nell]

He can just pull stats and facts and he'll say where they're from. He'll reference them. But it was. He was. He was debating with a man who was saying basically that women aren't as fit to lead as men and it's because they aren't as emotionally stable. Yeah, they. They. Their pain threshold isn't as high. Things that literally are wrong.

[Autumn]

We birthed the kids for a reason.

[Bluff]

Right.

[Grainger Announcer]

And.

[Nell]

And women like the stats that he said, like, for example, trigger warning, but for the stat. Men are much, much more likely to try to. I don't know the word you're supposed to say for like, end their lives.

[Autumn]

Okay.

[Nell]

Than women are. They are much more prone to violence. They're much more prone to abuse of narcotics and different. Well, first of all, people. But also abusing narcotics for. Because of emotional instabilities. Yeah. And it's like the stats are so there. And I still like, grew. Grew up in a world where people would say, oh, a woman could never be president, because when she's on her period, she. I am so like, like, I can't believe that was just normal conversation. And unfortunately, women were conditioned to sort of. Hahaha. Laugh it off. No, we've had like, okay, no more y' all get together and let's. Let's flip the screen.

[Autumn]

Can we fix some? Because y' all had your turn. Men, sit down. You've had your turn. You it up.

[Nell]

It's time for the girls and the gays yes.

[Autumn]

Let's go. Because this will be a lot prettier world. A lot more peaceful world. It is crazy though too, because we're like, like, I'm not going to say one of the only countries because I don't know. But like, for how, like, we're supposed to be the great United States of America, but so many other countries have female leaders.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And we don't. And yes, I feel alike a lot of times. Women. Yes. Let a man take. I need. I can't leave. It's what he says. Oh. He said, I can't do this. Oh, tell me. I dare you. Yeah, man. Tell me what I can't do. You.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Watch me. Like, and I know some women find that offensive. They find that attitude from another woman offensive. But, like, I'll be God damned. Yeah, I said that too. And let me tell you, like, I probably because I grew up like, my dad was so overbearing and strict and you can't do. And you can't do. And you can't do that. Now I am like, honestly, it played. It. It was. It was a. It's a big thing I've had to overcome because authority in general, but authority from a man.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Autumn no likey. You're not gonna tell me what to do because you're a man.

[Grainger Announcer 2]

No.

[Autumn]

I'm like, yeah, you can't control me. Why? I'm not allowed to control you. Why are you allowed to control me? I'm sorry. You're not better than me.

[Grainger Announcer]

Ladies.

[Autumn]

Okay. My girlfriend and I, we might be running long if we are telling me, but I just went on a tangent. So. So one of my girlfriends, like, after I got divorced and I was dating and you know, you have your ups and your downs, and my girlfriend would always be like, you gotta have the ip. And I was like, what's the ip? So hopefully this doesn't offend people. She's like, iron pussy. Lock it down. She's like, you don't give up the goods.

[Grainger Announcer]

Which I.

[Autumn]

It's not like I was. She's like, they gotta earn that shit. Like, you're in control. She's like, pussy rules the world. We all know this. Like, why do we act like it doesn't? Like these men are all out here and besides the gays, she's like, don't for. Basically, don't forget your power.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And I'm not saying that we should try to control men with sex or anything like that, but just like, you know what I'm saying?

[Nell]

Remember your power.

[Autumn]

Remember your Power. And at the end of the day, like, yeah, we actually are the ones that make the world go round without our uterus. There are no more kids.

[Nell]

Right.

[Autumn]

There is not another generation. So y' all better get in line

[Nell]

and show some respect.

[Autumn]

Show some respect and shape up up or ship the out, because I've had about enough.

[Nell]

Well, you know. Well, I. So last thing I want to say, because I feel like Donald just told

[Autumn]

me, wrap it up, Autumn.

[Nell]

No, no, no. But to your point, but also because I just appreciate. I want to say I appreciate to you and to our listeners because the religious talk is something I know that a lot of people are in all different places with it. And some people, it's just like something that's been talked about their whole life. And yeah, they know, like, it's a belief, but they don't. They didn't. Didn't go through the same type of upbringing that I did where it was like, it really feels very close to growing up in a cult for me.

[Autumn]

Sure.

[Nell]

And so I appreciate. I just want to say to everyone who's listening and watching, I appreciate you guys also holding space for the. That journey and how I'm unpacking it now. But the cool thing is I. As I said. So I decided with this new mindset to read the Bible again. And today I was listening to it on audio while I was driving, and I heard something in Genesis that I'd never heard. And it's totally made me think of girl power. Okay, so that's what I'm saying. It was like. And God created mankind. I forget the word for word, but you can look it up. God created mankind in God's image. He created them male and female. And I was just like, I love that because the way the verse said it made just as much God energy female as it did male. And that's something that part of my deconstruction, I believed more like God and divinity as just as like seeing. You know, if you think about like a powerful woman in your life, that also is attributes of God.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Nell]

So it just made me happy. And on the girl power, girl, you are also like a little God image yourself. So remember, it's not the men don't need to run everything.

[Autumn]

No, I was trying to look up this thing saved the other day. That's the. I'm totally listening to you, but it pertains to what you were saying. But damn. Maybe I didn't save it, but it was this post that I saw on Instagram. It was like. It was like a Science backed post. It was from like a legit account and of course they just changed it. Oh my God. This is not. I don't approve. They changed your saved section.

[Nell]

Here we go again.

[Autumn]

No, seriously, that's the save section now. That's not how it showed up before.

[Nell]

Interesting.

[Autumn]

But it was all about the fact it was talking about, you know, we always think that men carry the bloodline, right? That men carry the bloodline, the last name, all the things. Only the women carry the true full bloodline because men get married, they have baby with another woman and so their full DNA does not carry over to the next generation. But the women's, the, the females does. So like hey everybody, lady luck here. And we're celebrating America's 250th birthday. Now all summer long I'm going to be celebrating by playing on spinquest.com which is an American owned social casino. It obviously features over a thousand slot games and live blackjack, live craps, live bubble craps. Head on over to spinquest.com get yourself a thirty dollar coin pack for just ten bucks.

[Nell]

Spinquest is a free to play social casino.

[Autumn]

Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Grainger Announcer]

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[Autumn]

My mom's DNA, my grandma's DNA from my mom, from her mom. It's all this. It doesn't ever break. Like we are carrying that. Like they said they have done studies and they can literally trace every woman back to one woman in Africa. Like they've done it, they've looked at it because the women's does not break but the guys constantly breaks every time he. Again, I'm not. I was trying to find it so I could read because the science it was explained and I was like that's fascinating. And then once again it just goes to show you like there's something to it. There's something to it. Ladies, we have underestimated ourselves.

[Nell]

I also wonder if we put but like a, I've always like I thought this was a scientifically proven it happens thing. I didn't realize till very recently that it's just, it's Something that people think happens how when women who are at a time of life, when they have a monthly cycle that they will sync up when, like, a group of people get together. Yeah. But there's not a lot of information on that. That's wild to me.

[Autumn]

That's. Oh, yeah, they don't. Because they don't study women even. Do you understand? Okay. So when I was creating Belvital, the hormone health program for women, I was like, so much research for two years. And I would bring stuff, and I'd be like, okay. And this is what the research says. But when you look at the research, most of it is done on men and then gets interpreted how it might apply to a woman. But we're not just, like, smaller, framed men, like, Right. Our hormones are completely different.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Like, yes, you're a human and I'm a human, but we are not the same. Yeah. And we had to be so strategic. And, like. And I don't mean strategic in a sneaky way. Like, we had to be very, like, no, no, we have to go find research that was done on women if we want to make this claim, because body is very careful about, like, no, we can't say that that wasn't done on women, so we don't know for sure. And I was like, I'm all. I never am definitive in what I say because science is always changing anyways, like, as we learn and grow. But it was just shocking how little research has been done on women in general. And. Yeah. Like you said. No. I mean, ask any girls that have lived together. You end up on your period at the exact same time. Like, well, somebody's always dominant, and somebody leads. Guess who was always dominant in my friend group.

[Nell]

I'm sure

[Autumn]

whenever I would be on set with Steph, she'd be like, damn it. She's like, do you have your period? And I'm like, yeah. She's like, because I'm two weeks early. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, sorry about that. Sorry, sorry. It's wild, but it's crazy, right?

[Nell]

Yes.

[Autumn]

I don't know why, like, it would be so fascinating to learn maybe why that happens. I'm trying to think back, like, okay, you got a group of women, and then all of a sudden, they're all fertile at the same time. Does that.

[Nell]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Autumn]

I don't know what would be the.

[Nell]

It's interesting.

[Autumn]

They also said, though, they have registered women's pain during labor and said that if men had to do that, like. Like, they would die.

[Nell]

They Literally explode. Oh, yeah. We are biologically not capable of have experiencing that like, you women can do that because they're meant to do it.

[Autumn]

Let me tell you, that level of pain. Yeah, that was. I bet that was. Dom was upside down. He was head down, but sunny side up, up. And they turned my epidural off for me to push because of that. And he was up, stuck in my rib cage.

[Nell]

How long did you push before because you ended up having a C section?

[Autumn]

I had an emergency C section because his heart rate was dropping. I labored for 27 hours.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And then I pushed for an hour, but he was stuck. So his head would go down into the birth canal, and he'd pop back up in every time I stopped pushing. And it was the. The back of his skull on my pelvis, so it was, like, excruciating pain. And I was. I had been awake for over a day.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

So your energy is not there. You're exhausted. And my doctor, like, I remember after, like, the first couple pushes, I was like, just give me a C section. And my doctor was the best. And he was like, no. He's like, you're gonna try. He's like, as long as the baby's safe. He's like, trust me, you're gonna want me to make you try. He's like, because you wanted to do it this way. And he was like, so we're gonna try. I'm like, okay, you know, push, pop back up, Push. And I was so mad at myself. I felt so, like, defeated that my body didn't do what it was supposed to do, especially because I worked out all the way till the day he was born. And I was like, come on, abs. Like, what are we doing here?

[Nell]

You know, I think a lot of women don't talk about. Because you hear so many women, like, it went great and so. But there's a lot of women who knows your body doesn't. Doesn't. You have to have. You have to go into emergency C sections and different things because the kid turned or whatever it might be.

[Autumn]

Yeah, right. Like. Yeah. No, he had to be pulled out. His heart rate was dropping. We were. They had him out in, like, 60 seconds.

[Nell]

Yeah. I love this.

[Autumn]

Yeah. That was crazy. That was a whole experience in of itself, like convulsing on the table.

[Nell]

Oh, Lord.

[Autumn]

Yeah. Let me tell you, childbirth is not

[Nell]

for the week, I'm saying.

[Autumn]

And then. Yeah. I felt like my body really betrayed me. I had a really hard time for, like, the first two years because I felt like I missed out. And I also missed the first hour of bonding with him because I was out cold in recovery.

[Nell]

Ah, yeah.

[Autumn]

Because as soon as I heard him cry, I blacked out.

[Nell]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And I thought I woke up like five minutes later, but it was like an hour. I was pissed.

[Nell]

He's already enrolling in school.

[Autumn]

I know. I was like, what'd I miss?

[Nell]

Who else?

[Autumn]

Does he have a favorite liqueur?

[Nell]

Yeah, exactly. The story is women are a badass and we love the gays and we love Jesus. But some of his followers are a little nutty.

[Autumn]

He needs to put. He needs to smack some of y' all on the line.

[Nell]

Yes. And we love you guys. Thank you so much for tuning in. And we didn't do one today, but we, we love getting what we've tokenized the phone of friends. Basically, you send us an email. We want to dive into anything that you're facing. A question you might have a scenario you're facing.

[Autumn]

We need a scandalous phone. A friend. I feel like.

[Nell]

Yeah, give us a good. Give us a scandal.

[Autumn]

We want the.

[Nell]

Give us a.

[Autumn]

We have one. We haven't. I think we have one that we've been holding for a minute. We'll talk off camera. You guys can email us. Everything's perfect podcast gmail.com.

[Nell]

that's right. Or check us out on Instagram every. Everything's Perfect official. And until then, we'll see you next week.

[Autumn]

Bye.

[Bluff]

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[Autumn]

a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Grainger Announcer]

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