Everything’s Perfect…Except Adulting Is a Scam

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Everything’s Perfect…Except Adulting Is a Scam"

Podcast: Everything’s Perfect
Hosts: Autumn Calabrese & Donald Stamper
Release Date: March 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this raw, relatable, and often hilarious episode, Autumn and Donald take listeners on a candid journey through the pitfalls and pain points of adulthood. From nightmare apartment move-outs and financial woes to the trials of maintaining adult friendships, the duo dishes on why "adulting" often feels like an elaborate scam. Through personal stories, vent sessions, and a listener question, they unpack the grind of modern life while celebrating the small moments that connect us all.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Realities of Adulting

• Moving Out Mayhem
  Donald shares current struggles moving out of his apartment—clueless property management, locked loading docks, and the unhelpful (often lazy) demeanor of building staff.

  • “I am so happy that I'm moving out of apartment living… they don't give a rat's ass about you because you're done and out.” — Autumn (07:20)

• Corporate Indifference
  Both hosts reflect on the impersonal and transactional nature of dealing with big companies—whether it's apartments or utilities, once you’re done paying, service and compassion evaporate.

  • “They'll fill your spot, like, whatever...it doesn't affect their paycheck, their bank account.” — Donald (16:44)

• Never-Ending Tedious Tasks
  From setting up utilities in a new place to fighting about elevator reservations, Autumn and Donald bemoan how adulthood is filled with endless to-do lists and logistical headaches.

2. Adult Financial Nightmares

• The Tax Trap
  Autumn and Donald recount horror stories of unexpected tax bills, shoddy professionals, and the lack of useful financial education growing up.

  • “No one helps you with this. They're just like, oh, that sucks. I hope you figure it out.” — Donald (31:22)

• Bad Advice & Exorbitant Costs
  The frustration of paying “experts” only to be left cleaning up their mess—plus, musings on why basic life skills (like taxes and car maintenance) are absent from school curriculums.

3. When Everything Goes Wrong All at Once

• Car Catastrophes
  Autumn’s week includes two cars with tire issues, missed appointments due to blowouts, and the resulting stress and expense.

  • “What the frig? My alignment can't be this off...the whole side wall of the tire is blown out.” — Autumn (17:35)
  • “It’s giving Final Destination…a flat tire will find your ass, I don’t care what car you’re in.” — Donald (18:21)

• Universe or Coincidence?
  Autumn reflects on whether all these mishaps are meaningful—maybe the universe is watching out, or maybe it’s just life being unpredictable.

4. "Adulting Is a Scam": The Existential Realization

• Expectations vs. Reality
  The hosts lament how growing up, we’re told adulthood is freedom—but in reality, it’s responsibility, disappointment, and missing out on fun.

  • “You’re not going to do whatever you want ever, because—welcome to the system.” — Autumn (43:08)
  • “We didn’t ask to be born into this system where we’re forced to grow up and work and pay taxes and keep doing that until we’re too old…and then we just die a slow death.” — Donald (23:35)

• Working to Live vs. Living to Work
  Conversation about the cultural divide: Americans “live to work,” while Europeans “work to live”—seriously considering the enigma of shutting down an entire hotel for a season (24:01).

• Health and Aging
  Unexpected bodily decline, from heartburn after two drinks (19:21) to skin, muscle, and facing the reality that youth doesn’t last.

  • “You show up and you’re like, oh God, I had no idea my muscle was just going to start naturally disintegrating.” — Donald (37:08)

5. Lamenting Lost Life Skills & Navigating Basics

• Missing “Real World School”
  Both vent about the absence of life skills in education.

  • “They don’t teach you that in school…there’s never a time where they go, by the way, let’s talk about taxes.” — Autumn (31:54)

• Basic Skills, Big Anxieties
  Everything from cooking to tire changes: many adults don’t know how (and are embarrassed to ask).

  • “So many people really don’t even know their way around a kitchen, and that’s such an adult thing…” — Donald (32:59)
  • “I want to open up a school that’s like, the real school of life.” — Autumn (41:47)

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Notable & Memorable Quotes

(in speaker’s voice, with timestamps)

• On Adulting Frustration:
  “I hate adulting…I’ve missed family weddings, I’ve missed holidays, I’ve been on work trips when Dom’s had milestones…and it’s like, okay it sucks, but at least I was doing something I really enjoy.” — Autumn (21:56)
• On Dealing With Unhelpful Management:
  “This doesn’t work for me because I’m moving out already. I can’t reserve an elevator…and now you’re telling me…I have to go through the glass door and around…that adds a lot of time.” — Donald (06:33)
• On American Work Culture vs. Europe:
  “They work to live. We live to work…what are you all getting paid? Because we’re all over here killing ourselves.” — Autumn (24:01)
• On Taxes & Financial Stress:
  “If you know you’re going to prison…what’s the worst-case scenario? They’re like 20 to 30. I’m like what? For a white collar crime? That was an accident, honey.” — Donald (31:38)
• On Skincare and the Reality of Aging:
  “I was doing abs today…turned and looked at the mirror. That’s a bad angle, I tell you. It looks like if a dog is laying on its back…its whole flap of its mouth just opens up.” — Donald (38:11)
• On Making Friends as Adults:
  “You have to be willing to get out there in different ways…sometimes we just think friendships are supposed to spin up out of thin air and we forget that in our 20s…you’re with these people all the time.” — Autumn (54:41)

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Deep Dive: [51:00–62:00]

Listener “Phone-a-Friend” Question: Making Friends in Your 40s

• Listener Jessie's Dilemma: Turned 40, tried to plan a celebratory trip to Key West but her best friends couldn’t commit, leaving her feeling rejected and undervalued.

  • “Nobody puts as much effort in for her as she does for them...she’s just feeling very rejected.” — Autumn (49:00)

• Hosts’ Advice:

  • Have direct conversations about hurt feelings, but also be open to the fact that friends may have valid reasons—even if disappointing.
  • Reframe expectations: not every friend is a “travel friend,” and that’s okay.
  • Making adult friends is hard—be proactive, be open, and keep showing up (even if it’s one awkward Meetup at a time).
  • “Compliment strangers, put yourself out there, and don’t give up after one try. Sometimes third time’s the charm.” — Donald (55:19)
  • “We keep trying with relationships…but with friends, we just sort of give up.” — Autumn (57:06)

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Advice, Life-Hacks, and Humorous Insights

• On Napping:
  “If you want to nap, exhaust your adrenal glands—drink a lot of caffeine, don’t eat, and eventually by 12:45 you’ll be out!” — Donald, tongue-in-cheek (28:43)

  • (Autumn immediately calls out the ridiculousness: “I thought you were giving a real tip!”)

• On Skill Gaps:
  The real-life consequences of never learning to cook, change a tire, or manage money, and why the education system needs an overhaul.

• On Embracing the Chaos:
  At the end, Autumn and Donald remind listeners that, as much as adulthood can seem relentless and unfair, everyone is in the same boat—and humor, connection, and small acts of kindness can make it bearable.

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Important Timestamps

• 01:30–03:30: Catching up; Donald’s impending move and processing change
• 05:00–09:00: Apartment moving woes, apathetic management, “little guy” problems
• 10:25–15:20: Autumn’s saga with collections over her father’s old apartment
• 17:50–19:45: Car disasters—flat tires in both cars, AAA reliance
• 21:56–24:01: Sacrifices and missing milestones for work, lessons for the next generation
• 24:01–25:37: Work culture in the US vs. Europe, the myth of "work-life balance"
• 28:23–29:08: Power-nap “hack” (Donald’s sarcastic caffeine overload anecdote)
• 30:13–32:19: Hard lessons on commissions, taxes, what school doesn’t teach
• 32:59–34:36: Why adults don’t have basic skills and growing up winging it
• 49:00–61:00: Listener question—friendship in your 40s, advice, and anecdotes

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Tone & Vibe

True to “Everything’s Perfect” style, the episode is sharp, unfiltered, and honest—equal parts vent session, advice column, and mutual support group for anyone feeling overwhelmed by the “scam” of adult life. The banter is playful, but the conversations get real, modeling both humor and vulnerability. Listeners will feel seen, understood, and hopefully a little less alone in their own mess of adulthood.

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Final Takeaways

• Adulting is tough, confusing, and at times absurd—but everyone’s muddling through it together.
• Don’t be afraid to have hard conversations with friends or to keep trying at connections, even when it’s awkward.
• Skills you wish you’d learned—there’s no shame in not knowing. Keep asking, keep learning.
• And if you need the nap—even if it breaks the “rules”—take it.

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Transcript

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[Autumn]

So last night I'm sitting at home. Dom's at work, and he's been hanging out with his friends a lot lately. So he went to his friend's house for the super bowl, but he had to leave halfway through to go to work. And he texts me from work and he's like, mom, I need some motivation. And I'm like, welcome to adulthood. I have never been a napper. I did not even like naps when I was a kid.

[Donald]

Here's my tip for you or anyone listening. If you have a hard time napping and you want to see how you can, like, just fall into a quick, deep sleep with a nap, what you need to do do is exhaust your adrenal glands.

[Autumn]

I thought you were giving a real tip.

[Donald]

It's a real tip. Hi. How are you doing?

[Autumn]

I'm good. How are you?

[Donald]

Good.

[Autumn]

You probably have a lot.

[Donald]

Yeah, a lot going on over here.

[Autumn]

The countdown is on.

[Donald]

I know.

[Autumn]

Four days.

[Donald]

I know. I'm out in Four days. Days.

[Autumn]

It doesn't even seem real, I think, because people keep asking me, they're like, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. But I'm like, I also don't think I've really processed it. You did it so fast. It was like three weeks ago. And you're like, by the way, we're leaving, bitch. And, yeah. I don't know. It just doesn't feel like you're really leaving California, you know?

[Donald]

I think it's because I am going to be back and so intentional. While I'm here, we won't see each other as much, like, at. As often, but we probably will see each other as much because we'll spend a lot of time together when I'm here.

[Autumn]

Possibly. He keeps saying that you guys will spend a lot of time together when we're here. But we were planning his first trip back, and he was like, in and out in 24 hours. And I was like, you promised me as much time. It would just be condensed. Instead of once a week, it would be once every other week. And I was like, you can't be coming in and out in 24 hours. But I understand, because you're coming off a lot of travel.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

So for that one, you. You're excused. But like I said, you pull some shit like that more than once, I'll find you.

[Donald]

I know. I'm scared.

[Autumn]

Like, giving.

[Donald]

Misery. It's. It's giving. There's a wooden plank between my ankles.

[Autumn]

No, I was doing the girl from Wedding Crashers.

[Donald]

I don't remember.

[Autumn]

Oh, my gosh. What?

[Donald]

That's a movie I need to revisit because it was so funny. And I haven't seen, like, I don't. I can't even remember what's her name.

[Autumn]

She's the redheaded actress. Anyways, he's like, you know, he meets her at the wedding, whatever, and she, like. He's like, we got a stage five cleaner.

[Donald]

Yes.

[Autumn]

So, anyhow, I thought.

[Donald]

Speaking of wedding crashers, I saw something that's online that someone does the other day where they look up, they, like, go to people's door. This is not the same as a wedding, but it made me think of it, of people who died who are in the obituary and offer to clear out their things as long as they can keep a few of the items. But the person they went and asked in the video was like, you want to take all my dead mom stuff? Like, what is wrong with you?

[Autumn]

Seriously? Because they're looking for gems. I'm sure, but I'm sure.

[Donald]

Yeah. Or like, they have a vintage shop or something like that. But how do you approach someone in such a way? Yeah, I need that level of balls.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Shamelessness.

[Donald]

Yeah. Just say stuff like, oh, is that weird?

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

I'm way too concerned about, you know, social norms.

[Autumn]

About not being a psychopath. Yeah. That's crazy.

[Donald]

So.

[Autumn]

So you had a thing today?

[Donald]

I just have a lot because of moving it. Like, all the tedious things, like. Like setting up your new utilities, closing out, dealing with all the different, like, whether they're, you know, a customer service company that's working for the company, and, you know, the person you're talking to doesn't really know anything. And they're, like, asking someone and. But my apartment, I autumn, I am so happy that I'm moving out of apartment living. And I don't know if apartments are like this everywhere or. I think it's probably worse in big cities because you're sort of like. Like, there's going to be a million of you. They're gonna fill your spot, like, whatever. But when I moved into my apartment where the elevators are, there's, like, the glass door that we always come in from the garage, and on the other side, there's larger doors that you would access through the loading dock.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Donald]

And now there's, like, this metal g. Garage door that's lowered in front of those doors.

[Autumn]

Okay.

[Donald]

Because the keyless entry on those doors broke, and anyone could just open them.

[Autumn]

Okay.

[Donald]

So they have it secured. That's called today. And I was like, so can I schedule that? Make sure that that's raised? And they said, it's permanently closed. I was like, it's a garage door. Open it. They said, well, we have a lock. I said, I saw the lock on the chain. It's like a padlock. Unlock it. Put the code in and unlock it.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

So she was like, well, it takes two people to raise it, and I just am tired of people.

[Autumn]

You're like, okay, well, there's me, and now 1, 2. So can you unlock it?

[Donald]

I said, this doesn't work for me because I'm moving out already. I can't reserve an elevator. And you told me that was a service that was available, and you are now telling me I have to go through the glass door and around and outside into the loading dock with my things. And I was like, that adds a lot of time.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

She was like, it adds a few seconds, which pissed me off.

[Autumn]

Be like, you come carry the couch and tell me if it's a few seconds or a few minutes?

[Donald]

I said, it adds a lot more than a few seconds. Because if we get it, she said, that door, that glass door is the same size as your apartment door. So if it fits in your apartment, it'll fit out the glass door. I said, but when we carry those things in, we have to turn them all different kind of crazy ways to fit them in our apartment door. If that. If the loading dock door was open, we put it on a dolly, we roll it to the truck.

[Autumn]

Not the point. Exactly. The point is you have a loading dock, you have a bigger elevator. You stop being lazy. I hate lazy people. That's all it is, is laziness. You don't want to unlock it and have to come back and lock it up. And because you're moving out and they don't. They're not getting your money anymore. They don't give a rat's ass about you because you're done and out. So they're not going to go out of their way, which is just so up. Yeah, it's just ridiculous. Like, it's like, just be a good person, run a good business.

[Donald]

You know, if their sister or.

[Autumn]

Yeah, they would want something in that

[Donald]

building, whoever they would like, they would, for convenience, have it raised, of course, but they don't give a shit.

[Autumn]

Or if it was them, they would have it raised.

[Donald]

Exactly. Yes, exactly. So it's just. That's what was making me mad. And I. I did not take no for an. For an answer. I was very aggressive and I haven't heard it yet. She's like, well, I'll check with the maintenance team and see what we can do. And I'm like, well, I know what you can do. You literally can have them show up in the morning, unlock the lock, pull the little chain, and raise the door.

[Autumn]

There's also something else you could do. You could fix your fob pad exactly. Like, people pay for that. Like, that's a feature of the apartment. So why don't you just pay to have the damn thing fixed? You have fobs all over the place. It's not like. Like, if another one broke, would you just not fix that one, too?

[Donald]

Just permanently close all the doors.

[Autumn]

Yeah, like, sorry, guys, you can't get in or out.

[Donald]

It makes.

[Autumn]

Fix it.

[Donald]

Yeah, it makes me want to. Cause hell if they don't. If they don't open that door the day I move out, I'm packing that hall full of my. And no one's using the elevators. Like, everyone's knock off as far as I'm concerned, you don't like it, go talk to management, see if they care about your convenience. Not. Not what I should do.

[Autumn]

Did you and I switch bodies?

[Donald]

Makes me so mad.

[Autumn]

That's not Donald.

[Donald]

I have always played by the rules.

[Autumn]

I don't disagree with you. I'm here for it. Let's raise some hell. I'll be there with my cup of coffee. Stay on there with you.

[Donald]

But I'm just back at the Grove trying to get in Cheesecake Factory all over again and I'm losing my.

[Autumn]

He's at the Grove. He's at the grocery store trying to buy alcohol. Yeah, it's just stupid. I hate adulting. I. Well, real quick, speaking of apartments, even though that's not what this episode's about, I'm still dealing with all that from when my dad lived here and moved out of that apartment. And remember first they tried to charge me like the full year's rent, even though I said, like, I'll keep paying it month to month, I'll use it myself, I'm on the lease. And then they were like, oh, we rented it like a month after he moved out. Then like six months later, they hit me with like a twenty thousand dollar bill and I'm like, are you insane? Then they went radio silent and we're like, oh, yeah. Because they were like. It's because I was like, you guys, I called you, told me it was rented already on X date, and then heard nothing. They're impossible to get a hold of. Then almost like a year goes by and I get a call from Collections and it was like, oh, you owe 13,000. And I was like, interesting. Why are you changing the number?

[Donald]

Right?

[Autumn]

Like, so first of all, it was. First you tried to say. Actually they tried to say, was like 22 grand. And then it was nothing. Then like seven months later, you just send it to Collections, but at a different rate. So clearly, like, their bookkeeping is ridiculous. Then I talked to the collections lady. I explained everything to her, all the things. Never hear from Collections again. Then my dad gets served in Ohio, where he lives now, which is illegal. You can't serve from California. You can't serve somebody out of state. Oh, so the fact that the apartment company had him served there already illegal.

[Donald]

Interesting.

[Autumn]

Then they tried to serve me here and I lost my shit on my front gate because I live in a gated community. You cannot just come in here without calling me. Yeah, and it was the 8 o' clock at night, pitch black outside home by myself. I get A knock at my door. I go to my front door, and I had ordered a postmate, so I was waiting for my food to arrive. And so there's a woman standing at my door, and I don't even notice that there's a man standing behind her at first because he's a few feet back. And I, like, I'm at the door, and I'm like, yeah, you could just leave it. And she's like, autumn? And I'm like, yes. Because I think she's trying to make sure she's at the right house. And as I start to open the door, she lifts this piece of paper up. And I just. I. I honestly, I didn't know what she was doing. It didn't even register, really, that it was a piece of paper. I saw her lift her hand up. And as she lifts her hand up and something's coming up, I also see that there's this large man two feet behind her. I, like, slam the door shut, lock it, and I call the gate. And I'm like, who did you let in? Like, what is going on? Couldn't understand the guy at the gate. He has a very thick accent. So I called the, like, hoa the next day, and I was like, what the f. Like, who did they let in? And she goes, well, that sounds like it was somebody trying to serve you. That. So, like, I put two and two together. Because I was like, oh, yeah, there was a p. I guess there was a piece of paper in her hand. And I'm like, well, does that even count as being served? Because I didn't take it. But I was like, that's insane.

[Donald]

I also thought they had to say, you've been served, right? Yeah.

[Autumn]

And like, something. And I was like. She goes, oh, the person standing behind her was probably our security. Like, because we have security for the neighborhood. And she goes, but they should have never let them through without calling you. She's like, are you sure you didn't get called by the gate? I was like, I'm 100 positive. I'm a woman. I live by myself. You do not send somebody to my house. And I was like, that woman tried to shove my door open aggressively. Like, she really did try to shove her hand through the door.

[Donald]

That's crazy.

[Autumn]

And so then I just got in the mail yesterday, all this paperwork that is like, their quote unquote evidence. Because I guess I'm supposed to be going to court for this, but now they're saying I only owe 6,000 autumn. And I'm like, first of All, I don't have time for this. I'm not hiring an attorney to fight you because it'll cost me the same. But now I gotta spend my day, I gotta go there and fight it out. I hate adulting.

[Donald]

It sucks.

[Autumn]

Yeah. And then my dad called me to try to talk about it and started giving me attitude and I was like, this is your fault. This is your fault. Like you couldn't just stay put. You ungrateful.

[Donald]

Oh, for real.

[Autumn]

Like, I need one more thing on my plate these days. I don't have enough going on.

[Donald]

So anyways, wish that you could get real litigious with them. Like I wish that. I know it's not worth it because it will definitely cost you more than countersuit. You could try to, you could try to recover like the cost of it, but it would be a horrible.

[Autumn]

It would be a nightmare. But they like broke all like the whole thing. They broke the, they actually broke the lease, right? Everybody always thinks that the person, the tenant is the one. Oh, if you do something wrong, you break the lease. And I'm like, there's things on both sides. When I sign that lease, it's because you're offering certain services. They were supposed to have. They had noise ordinance that after 10pm Couldn't be loud. They had number of dogs. You could only have one. Each person could only have one. It could only be under a certain size. The whole building was supposed to be non smoking. The day my dad moved in, the guy below him and caddy corner was out on his balcony smoking. And we had the patio door open so all the guys smoke is wafting in. We go down to the front. We're like, you said this was a no smoking building because my dad's really sensitive to cigarette smoke. Oh yeah, we'll go talk to him. Because yeah, if they keep doing that, they get fined and then if they keep it up, they get kicked out. That guy kept smoking always. My dad's shower door was broken like a month after he moved in. My dad's 72, so the door wouldn't close all the way. So when he would shower, water would get on the floor. Could you imagine if he slipped and fell living by himself? The girl upstairs would have like sex parties. Like literally. She like brought my dad down a bottle of tequila and was like, I'm just having some friends over. So like, you know, we'll. But we'll, we won't be loud. And my dad was like, that was a rager all night. So like they didn't hold up Their end.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Which is why he moved out.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

I'm like, you don't get to sue me for that money because you actually broke the contract.

[Donald]

But they probably just have like retained counsel that can always corporation. It's. But. And that's what makes me so mad. And I was thinking of it. My first apartment when I moved to LA had like a really nice pool and outdoor utility. And it was for the first nine months I was there, torn down. It was supposed to be like a three or four month construction and it was twice as long. And I'm like, I don't feel like we should get some kind of kickback on our rent because part of what you pay for are the amenities in these buildings. Especially in a place like bigger cities where so many people live in apartments.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

And then the downtown apartment. Don't even get me started. That was crazy. One time they tried to tell us, even as residents, we had to show our ID and check in to enter our apartment. I was like, what? This isn't a halfway house.

[Autumn]

I was just gonna.

[Donald]

Or is it where am I what

[Autumn]

you signed up for?

[Donald]

And then this one has been pretty good. But like today just really I feel very triggered. So I'm like, okay, I'm so happy because, you know, we're renting the house we're going to. But the. If something happens, I know you can still have issues with landlord, but the person who owns the property is gonna feel it. These in the office. Oh, they don't care a. Yeah. It doesn't affect their paycheck, their bank account, like anything.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

So yeah, adulting.

[Autumn]

Well, speaking of adulting, so the other day I get in the car, I'm gonna sound like an but whatever. I get in the Porsche, go get my haircut in Beverly Hills. When I get back in the car from Beverly Hills to drive home, my tire pressure light comes out and I was like, oh, that's weird because they're sensitive like fancy cars. The tires are more sensitive. But like, we hadn't had big weather change, but whatever. So I get home, park it and like the next day I was leaving to go to Pilates class and I went to go get in the Porsche. I was like, oh, wait, don't take the Porsche because it needs tire. It needs air in the tires. So I take the range, drive the range, Pilates. No problem. Get in the car. Tire pressure light comes on and I'm like, okay, weird. I'm driving home. Like I'm driving and just as I'm getting like I feel the car keeps pulling to the right and I'm like, what the frig? Like my alignment can't be this off. And then all of a sudden it kind of starts doing the like, shake. And I'm about to get on the freeway, so thank God there was like a little apron. I pull over, the whole side wall of the tire is blown out.

[Donald]

Oh my God.

[Autumn]

So I have to sit there. I have aaa. I'm smart about that. But I have to wait for AAA to come. I had appointments, so I missed those. I'm just like. Then I get home, Ken's got to go take it to get the new tire put on. They're not cheap. And I was like, what? How weird that the, that the. I didn't take the one car because the tire pressure light was on.

[Donald]

And then the tire blew out.

[Autumn]

And then the tire on the other car blew out. I had a. I mentioned it on social and so many people were like, is somebody trying to get you?

[Donald]

It's either that or it's giving final destination. Like when it's like, no, a flat tire will find your ass. I don't care what car you're in, Literally.

[Autumn]

But a lot of people were like, that was the universe telling you to like stay put. Maybe it was preventing from something else. And I was like, no, I totally believe that because I'm gonna take the Range Rover to Vegas next week. And that would have really sucked to be driving to Vegas.

[Donald]

Yeah. And have your tire.

[Autumn]

And have a tire blow out.

[Donald]

Oh my God.

[Autumn]

In the middle of nowhere. Could you imagine I'd just be sitting on the side of the road forever? Because like there's long stretches where there's nothing so you'd have to wait for a tow truck.

[Donald]

Adult sucks.

[Autumn]

I one time, in case you haven't picked up, the theme of this week's episode is adulting sucks. They don't tell you when you're a kid. You're like, I can't wait. I'm an adult. I'm gonna eat whatever I want. No, you're not. Because you will get fat. You're not eating Oreos and Twinkies and ice cream all day long.

[Donald]

Because knowledge you up. That's what you think. You're like, I can accept. I can eat whatever I want. Except for heartburn. That wasn't a thing when you were a kid.

[Autumn]

Except for gut health issues.

[Donald]

Drink if I want to. I went to bed after having like two and a half drinks in a seven hour span. It was not heavy drinking like I used to do. And I could feel my body fighting the alcohol as I laid my head on my pillow. I was like, what the hell? I didn't even drink very much at all. Like, I wasn't drunk.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

And I was like, this is bullshit. And 40, I guess this is, this is 40.

[Autumn]

This is adults.

[Donald]

Or as the car thinking of your car situation. So the nicest car that. The first nice car that I got was a GMC Envoy. And when I got it, it was like really cool. Like, like, you know, rappers would drive them in their music videos. Like, I was like, I feel like such a badass. And the reason I could afford it is because my parents were going to trade it in for something. And, you know, they don't usually give you like full value for a trade in. And so they let me buy it off of them for whatever the trade in value was.

[Autumn]

Oh, nice.

[Donald]

Well, it was in a. I lived Ohio at the time and I was in a bunch of snow. And so I put it into four wheel drive. And I didn't know that you. No one told me that you couldn't go faster than a certain speed if you're in four wheel drive. And I totally destroyed like a part of the engine that ended up costing me like $7,000, which at the time might as well have been $7 million, by the way.

[Autumn]

That's a lot of money. No matter what.

[Donald]

That's a lot of money. Yeah, it was that whole thing. And I had to. I had to do all kinds of shit. I had to borrow money from people. I was like. Just to get the car running. Because you can't sell a car that doesn't even run right. I'm trying to remember what the part was called of it, but they were like, what, you went, you know, 50 or 60 miles an hour on four wheel drive? I was like, you literally never told me. And if you can't do that, an alert should come up on the deck.

[Autumn]

You're going too fast. Something like that.

[Donald]

Exactly. Like, switch out of fourth. Switch your whatever. So it's just annoying because a big part of adulting is learning things the hard way. It's like, come on, you couldn't have given a guy a little warning?

[Autumn]

Can we get a manual something? So, so last night I'm sitting at home, Dom's at work, and he's been hanging out with his friends a lot lately. And as we're recording this, last night was the Super Bowl. So he went to his friend's house for the super bowl, but he had to leave halfway through to go to work. And he texts me from work. And he's like, mom, I need some motivation. And I'm like, what's wrong, buddy? And he's like, I don't want to be working right now. Said, welcome to adulthood.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And he's like, all my friends are hanging out and it's dead in here. And I'm like, yeah, and you're the closer. Welcome to adulthood. Like, this is life. There's going to be a lot more times as you get older that people are going to be doing fun things and you're going to be stuck at work. I was like, also Donald and Nell and everybody are together at this, watching the Super Bowl. And I'm sitting at the kitchen table working because mom has a lot to do these next two weeks. Such is life. And he's like, but it's so boring. I'm like, I mean, he wasn't saying like, oh, I'm gonna quit and leave or anything. He was just. I get it. He was just bored. And normally he loves work, but he just was frustrated. And I was like, dom, this is, you know, you're learning life lessons. This is where discipline comes in. And understanding that, like, we don't always get to do everything we want to do, it's not always you get to do the fun thing. And also make sure you have a job that you really love. Because when you have to miss things, it better be for something you love, not something you hate. Like, over the years, I've missed a lot. I've missed family weddings, I've missed holidays. I've been on work trips when Dom's had milestones. And it's like, okay, it sucks to miss all that, but at least I was doing something I really enjoy and helping people. But, yeah, I was like, welcome to it.

[Donald]

That's the thing. Like, you gotta either one of two things. Maybe if someone can't do something that they love right now, you better work then. So. So you can do something like, reward yourself.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

Because if you just go to work and then you don't even do stuff that you love outside of work.

[Autumn]

No. You'll be miserable.

[Donald]

It's. It. I. I mean, it's. What a terrible existence. Because the thing is, me and my. My friend, you know, Tara, will be like, we didn't ask to be born into this system where we're literally forced to grow up and work and pay taxes and keep doing that until we're literally too old and feeble to keep doing that anymore. And then we just die a slow Death. We didn't ask for that system, but it's the one we find ourselves in.

[Autumn]

I know. Okay, so I always find this fascinating. You know, in Europe, like, they don't work like we do. Right. They work to live. We live to work. But in Europe, they will literally take the summer off. Like, you'll go to Europe and things will be closed down. Like, I'm working with a travel agent right now to plan one of the retreats I want to do. And she's trying to get me quotes in Italy for some stuff. And she's like, well, they're all closed right now, blah, blah. I'm like, what do you mean? They're hotels?

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

She's like, yeah, they're closed. And I'm like, I don't understand this concept. It's a hotel. It's not open. Like, if I went to Italy right now, I couldn't stay at that hotel. She's like, no. I'm like, where the are they?

[Donald]

That's why, like.

[Autumn]

But you know, they'll take like a month off in the summer, every day there's a certain time of day where all the shops kind of shut down for at least an hour at a time for lunch. And I'm just like, what is this life? And what are you guys getting paid? Because we're all over here killing ourselves.

[Donald]

Extended hours overtime just to pay the bills. Exactly. Like companies expect you to work overtime.

[Autumn]

That's all the time.

[Donald]

Yeah. I think that's like wild.

[Autumn]

Especially a lot of these jobs now that have become remote. Like, oh, you get to do it from home. So I'm. I can just contact you anytime I want. And I'm like, no.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Like, there's still hours that are work hours and there are still hours that are not work hours.

[Donald]

Like, absolutely.

[Autumn]

Don't text me at 7 o' clock at night and get annoyed when I don't give you an answer.

[Donald]

Or seven in the morning.

[Autumn]

Oh, I don't.

[Donald]

Hello.

[Autumn]

Text me that early.

[Donald]

It's wild.

[Autumn]

I'm just waking up. Yeah, I need a minute.

[Donald]

Yeah, I know. God, can you imagine having a nap every day? Like, scheduled into your work day? I would love that. I love a nap.

[Autumn]

I'm not a napper.

[Donald]

Oh, I love a power nap. The thing is, and I actually learned this, I don't, you know, you don't remember everything in every class you take, but in my wellness coaching certification, they said 20 to 30 minute nap. Great. But if you go past 30 minutes, you're with yourself.

[Autumn]

Yeah. You're messing Some things up.

[Donald]

Exactly. And when I was younger, like when I was like over 18, but like definitely in my early, early 20s, maybe I wasn't even 21 yet, I would nap for like two hours and I'm like, I can barely sleep at night for two hours without waking up. Now I didn't, Did I not have any worries? Was I not stressed about the world going on around me? It was tick ticking. I'm just like sleeping like a baby.

[Autumn]

I have never been a napper. I did not even like naps when I was a kid. Like it used to piss me off. I'd get from kindergarten and they make me go upstairs and take a nap. I'm like, I'm not tired. Why do I have to go lay down? Apparently I'm gonna fall asleep laying there because you stuck me in a room, close the door, turned out the lights, and don't come downstairs.

[Donald]

Uhhuh. But like, oh my God.

[Autumn]

I know I wasn't tired. I could have been playing for hours.

[Donald]

I literally have memories as a small child, like one in preschool when it was nap time, like there were these little cots and everyone was on the cots and I remember laying there just blinking, looking at the ceiling like, why the are we doing this? Yeah, this is for the adult.

[Autumn]

Yeah. Cuz they were done. They needed your ass to shut up

[Donald]

for a minute and like it was a half day. You didn't need a nap. And I'm only here for three hours.

[Autumn]

Figure your life out.

[Donald]

Yeah. So you, It's a you issue, not a me issue.

[Autumn]

Yeah, but yeah, I've ne. Like when you say you could power nap for 20 minutes, I can't even slow my heart rate down that fast. Like cuz the second I sit down, if I, if I'm like, I'm going to nap the second I lay down, I'd have so much anxiety. There's no way.

[Donald]

Oh, I have a hack for you. But go on.

[Autumn]

There's only like once or twice a year where I'll probably fall asleep in the middle of the day and I, I either have to be really sick, knock on wood. Or I'm working like a dog. And like my. And what I do is I don't tell myself I'm taking a nap. I lay down on the couch and I say I'm gonna watch a show and I'll put on a show I've seen a million times so that I'm not like glued to what's gonna happen to what's gonna happen. And then I'll like, be drooling on myself and I wake up and

[Donald]

must have needed that. Okay? So here's my tip, okay? For you or anyone listening, if you have a hard time napping and you want to see how you can, like, just fall into a quick, deep sleep with a nap, what you need to do is exhaust your adrenal glands.

[Autumn]

I thought you were giving a real tip.

[Donald]

It's a real tip. So drink, Drink, like, a lot of caffeine. More than what you should.

[Autumn]

Just drink, like eight cups of coffee.

[Donald]

Don't eat anything. Okay? You have to drink enough coffee where the idea eating makes you feel like you might either puke or yourself. And by honestly, like, some people say three, but honestly, by like 12:45, your ass is gonna be ready for a little sleep, a little sleepy time. You won't be able to walk across the room. That. It'll help. It works every time.

[Autumn]

Oh, my God, I'm dead over this advice. Listen, I take it, actually. I'm like, very happy that I don't. Everybody's different. I've always been a morning person. I'm not a napper. I have a lot of energy just naturally, which I like. And if I really needed something in the middle of the day. But they do have that system all backwards. Oh, you're a kid. Lay down, take a nap. You're freaking growing. Like, these kids are full energy and then you make them nap. I mean, yes, babies, okay, they need apps. They're growing.

[Donald]

Yeah, whatever.

[Autumn]

But then you get to adulthood and they're like, hey, work 80 hours a week. Have the stress of the world. The stress of kids. Don't even think about laying down during the day. And also, you can't sleep at night either because you'll have to pee. Yeah, you'll be hot.

[Donald]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

The person next to you will be snoring. Like, set you up for failure.

[Donald]

Yeah, it's up. Also, when you're a kid, any task that you're presented with most of the time, they teach you how to do it as an adult. They're like, do this and figure it out.

[Autumn]

Like, you're stupid if you can't.

[Donald]

My first. That like, like, cool thing and this. I might talk about this in another context at another time, but my. When I finished the cruise ship, I didn't really know what I was going to do. When I came back, I was in my early ish twenties and I made a big sale for my family's company.

[Autumn]

Yes.

[Donald]

And all of a sudden, because of that big sale, I got a really big Commission check. Like, for me at that time, I was like, I'm gonna make it rain on these hoes. Yes. And. And then like every month I would get another commission check. Another commission check. And I was like, this is amazing. I'm. And then at the end of the year when someone's like, you have to pay taxes on all that. I was like, oh, let's come again.

[Autumn]

They didn't tell you. You had to put.

[Donald]

I mean, I should have known, but I guess it's like a young 20 something year old. You're not. You don't really know how any of that works. They don't teach you.

[Autumn]

No, especially like when you're used to regular jobs where all your taxes are already taken out.

[Donald]

Right.

[Autumn]

You're not thinking, oh, I need to be contractor or whatever, and I need to take out exactly X amount.

[Donald]

Exactly. So I didn't. And I, like, was so stressed and I. And I was like. It was the first time. I was like, oh, wow. So being an adult and finding success also comes with facing scenarios that no one helps you with. They're just like, oh, that sucks. I hope you figure it out.

[Autumn]

And I'm like, if, you know you're going to prison. Yeah, exactly. Consequences.

[Donald]

I'm like, well, what's the worst case scenario? They're like 20 to 30. I'm like, what? For a white collar crime? That was an accident, honey.

[Autumn]

Yeah. I feel like everybody deserves at least one pass. You got to give me a minute. You didn't. But seriously, they don't teach you that in school. There's no time in school where they go, by the way, let's talk about taxes. By the way, let's talk about managing your finances. Let's talk about balancing your check book. Although I did take an accounting class in high school because it was an elective. But, like, in general, they don't teach

[Donald]

you for those kinds of adult things you have to handle.

[Autumn]

They don't even do home EC anymore. At least home EC was like, hey, here.

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[Autumn]

How to turn on the damn stove. Oh, yeah, here's how to, like, sew a button on a shirt. Like, these kids have no basic skills. Well, I buy in the life.

[Donald]

I find it so interesting that, like, if I cook something very, very. Excuse me, you know me, coffee it. If I, like, post a very easy cooking recipe or something, or say the number of adults and this is not throwing shade at them that will ask me for such specifics of how to do it. And I'm like, people really don't even know their way around a kitchen, and that's such an adult thing. And some people, like, when they say they don't know how to cook, there's like this. They're. They've just never been shown.

[Autumn]

Yeah. Like, if their parents didn't cook or they weren't taught exactly. Like, yeah, it is. You don't think that. But like, some people are really like, okay, well, besides boiling water, how do I. Or making toast. I got an apple watch yesterday and I connected it, but I haven't figured out how to turn off certain features where, like, it keeps dinging.

[Donald]

Right.

[Autumn]

Right now it's. Yes. I don't know if you can hear it. Okay. Because I'm like, I don't know how to make it stop. Where, like, the texts don't go off on my wrist. Anywho, sorry about that. But yeah, like, no, I get that too, obviously. Cooking videos and things like that. And how do I do this? Well, what's the. Step by step, exactly. And I, you know, I always try to share, like, give that information, but you don't realize, like, they don't. There's a lot. They don't set you up for success. They just say, figure it out. Also, I want to say something else about taxes. I think it's such bullshit because, you know, I've had a million problems with taxes. Not because I don't pay them, but because I hire people because obviously I do well for myself. And so that's. This is not a basic file. Whatever.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And I've had people mess them up so bad. Like, I. I had one guy who just kept telling me my taxes were filed, and I kept saying, but don't I need to sign something? And don't I owe something? I know I owe something. No, no, you're getting refunds. And really, he had never filed my taxes for two years.

[Donald]

This seems like a. A serious infraction.

[Autumn]

Yeah. And it took me so long to get caught up because imagine doing well for yourself and being told, no, not only do you not, oh, you're getting money back and not that I'm like a free for all spender, but like

[Donald]

10 me was a good time.

[Autumn]

Yeah, exactly. That's not like a. Oh, I just left a bunch sitting over here then.

[Donald]

Right.

[Autumn]

So to get caught up on that. And I'm like, like I feel like you are the cpa. You are the person I paid. You told me I didn't know anything. Guess who should owe you. I paid you. You told me I didn't owe. Why am I going to be the one to go to prison if this doesn't get caught up? Because I wasn't doing it. I took all the steps I was supposed to take to do it properly.

[Donald]

Totally.

[Autumn]

How is it my fault?

[Donald]

Did you have to pay any late fees or. Or anything like that? He should be responsible for that.

[Autumn]

Yes, and he has had to pay me some of it. But he's also very hard to get a hold of these days.

[Donald]

Imagine that.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

Not when you owe someone.

[Autumn]

Not when you figure out somebody's. Yeah. Livelihood up. But like when I tell you the amount of stress it put me under non stop for two years because I would just keep getting these bills that were like, I'd open and. And then, by the way, you're still trying to pay the taxes for the year you're in.

[Donald]

Right?

[Autumn]

So I'm trying to get caught up. I'm trying to pay the taxes for the year and I'm trying to deal with this douchebag. And again, it's like, okay, I could sue you, but I gotta hire somebody. I gotta go through the whole process and it's like one more thing on my plate. And I think they know that. That's the part that bugs me too. They know it's a pain in the ass to go after them.

[Donald]

Yeah, he's.

[Autumn]

He's with Adeptus in New York.

[Donald]

That's the company?

[Autumn]

Yeah, the company is Adeptus. Yeah. Howard Crant. You. Oh, wow.

[Donald]

Get him.

[Autumn]

I'm telling you, like, I'm.

[Donald]

Yeah, that's serious.

[Autumn]

Years. It was serious and it was so stressful.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

But adulting also, they don't really.

[Donald]

Like, like, no one teaches you about all the variables. Like if we could prepare for the health issues we face in our 40s by a lifestyle in our 20s and 30s. Yeah. It would really change the game. But instead you show up and you're like, oh, God, I had no idea that my muscle was just gonna start naturally disintegrating and I was gonna turn back into dirt.

[Autumn]

Yeah. Ashes, Dust. The dust. Like, what the hell?

[Donald]

Like, it's happening faster Than I thought

[Autumn]

nobody had somebody said and really, like, driven the point home in your 20s. Hey, it's gonna be a real bumpy ride if a, B and C. Yeah.

[Donald]

People talk about it more now, but it's like, it's not a real part of education or, like, what? And so you're just an adult, and all of a sudden you have a lifelong list of lifestyle habits that you realize are killing you.

[Autumn]

Quickly, quickly. Not slowly.

[Donald]

Very fast.

[Autumn]

And then you look in the mirror.

[Donald]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Autumn]

Why is my face melting off?

[Donald]

I was doing abs today, and it was like this. I. I was hanging. Was up off of the floor, and there was a mirror to my right, and I turned and looked at the mirror. That's a bad angle, I tell you. It looks like if a dog is laying on its back and turns and looks at you and it's whole, like, flap of its mouth just opens up.

[Autumn]

I was like, yeah.

[Donald]

I was like, oh, no. I looked up. I looked straight up. I was like. And then I gave it another look. Like, did I just see what I thought I saw? I was like, oh, my God.

[Autumn]

Scotch tape. Yes, that'll happen. I have no shame behind it at a certain point.

[Donald]

Why he's frowning. So it's basically I taped that whole. I taped my face up at night.

[Autumn]

I'm about to tape my face up during the day.

[Donald]

Hello. Yeah. Like, baby, am I sexy?

[Autumn]

Do I look hot?

[Donald]

I want you to know, just because of this, this is. This is off limits. But everything else, go to town.

[Autumn]

Don't touch my face.

[Donald]

Yeah, just not the face. Or, like, I'll put all my skincare on. I think I said this before. And he'll just be like, rubbing his cheek. I'm like, you're just stealing my skincare and I need this shit. Okay. I'm older than you. Let me keep my skincare.

[Autumn]

I mean, obviously I don't. Now I get to he all my skincare. But yes, it would be like, oh, do all the skincare. And then it'd be like, oh, let's. I'm like, the makeup.

[Donald]

Exactly.

[Autumn]

You're gonna have to figure out something else, because this is all done.

[Donald]

Uhhuh.

[Autumn]

And I don't want to wipe it all off. Yeah, or you put the skincare on too, so that at least works. Changing skin care.

[Donald]

Exactly it. Let's both lather up, and then it's fine

[Autumn]

if you can put my face cream anywhere you want. My face.

[Donald]

That's right. Like, babe, what are you rubbing on your butt cheeks?

[Autumn]

Where's all my face cream?

[Donald]

Yeah. Where's all my face cream?

[Autumn]

It's on my cheeks.

[Donald]

That's funny. But also.

[Autumn]

Also not a bad.

[Donald]

Kind of. Kind of something to think about.

[Autumn]

And crying.

[Donald]

Oh, yeah. Anyways. But all of it, like, especially for me, just adulting side of it, like, stopping utilities, starting utilities. Like, all the. It's filling your car registration. Car registration, everything.

[Autumn]

So.

[Donald]

So extra. So.

[Autumn]

You know what? I think they should teach girls, especially in school, like, how to change a tire. But, I mean, like I said, I have aaa, but I was sitting there and I was like, man, I would do this by myself if I. I wasn't worried. I was gonna.

[Donald]

It wasn't gonna fly off the rim.

[Autumn]

Off the rim and cause a big accident. Like, because I still had to wait a good 25 or 30 minutes for the tow truck or the. Not the tow truck. The person to come put the tire on. All he did was take the spare out, jack it up, put it on, and send me on my way. And I'm like, I. And I know there are girls that learn how to do it and stuff, and I. I think that's fantastic. I wish I knew how to do it, and I probably could learn. Let's be honest. I won't do it. But I think I wish I had the skill, because, again, like, what if I'm driving to Vegas and there was a blowout? It would be much easier if I knew how to change the tire myself and have to sit there and wait for two hours or you were in

[Donald]

a part of the stretch where you didn't have phone service or something. Yeah, It's a good skill to know.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

Yeah. It's just. It's an annoying but good skill to know.

[Autumn]

I want to open up a school that's, like, the real school of life.

[Donald]

You know what? It is the one that I think people should learn are changing your brakes because it's actually. Actually not hard and it's not very expensive.

[Autumn]

I'm not learning that skill. That's dangerous.

[Donald]

But they charge you so much to change your brakes. Like, I.

[Autumn]

Money well spent.

[Donald]

Fair.

[Autumn]

Same with a tire, you know?

[Donald]

Or oil change. You can change your own oil, but who has time for that?

[Autumn]

I mean, seriously.

[Donald]

And then what do you do with the oil? My dad changes on oil. When we lived in Ohio, okay, we had, like, buckets of old oil because you can't just, like, dump it down and drain, right? You have to take it someplace to dispose of it. And that's another shitty part of adulting. No one Wants to drive oil to some big oil. I don't know that where you dump oil. Wherever you dump oil. Yeah. Like the things. You don't even know how it happens.

[Autumn]

Yeah. Where does this go? It is interesting adulting, you know, there's a lot of good to it. You get. You get to hopefully pick the job you want. You get to stay up late if you want. You get to choose where you live,

[Donald]

maybe travel, but it's still just never as free as what you think when you're a kid.

[Autumn]

Yeah. You're like, I'm gonna live in my own apartment and I'm gonna do whatever I want. You're not gonna do whatever you want ever, because. Welcome to the system.

[Donald]

Yeah. Welcome to the hamster wheel that we're all living on.

[Autumn]

How do we go live in Europe?

[Donald]

I don't know. But honestly, get at me. I gotta. I got a 12 month lease in Arizona. Hit me up after.

[Autumn]

I think we have to marry somebody from Europe. I think that would be the only way. I mean, you could probably apply for a visa or something, but.

[Donald]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Autumn]

Also though, we don't speak another language

[Donald]

because, well, Europe mostly speaks.

[Autumn]

I know.

[Donald]

Yeah, that's true. Depends. We could move to London. We just, we just gotta talk like this.

[Autumn]

But London.

[Donald]

Speaking of London. Okay, go ahead.

[Autumn]

It's too cold and rainy.

[Donald]

I was going to make a hard pivot and say, speaking of London, didn't you have so much fun? This is. We went to Jessie J concert the other night, you guys.

[Autumn]

Oh, so good.

[Donald]

So if you have the opportunity. This is totally just side note off the subject. Go. But it's one of those fun things you can do and as an adult that maybe take two hours of your life. You'll laugh, you'll listen to some good singing. She's amazing.

[Autumn]

You will laugh because is not only is she like insane singer, talented, she's hilarious.

[Donald]

So funny.

[Autumn]

So you literally get a standup comedy show at the same time as you're getting a concert. It's a two for one deal. So if you're price tickets, whatever. I do think the Brits are my people though.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Because they don't give a.

[Donald]

They don't.

[Autumn]

They will say it and they're not

[Donald]

overly emotional and I don't think you are either. I mean it depends on the inside. Yeah, that's fair.

[Autumn]

But they are snarky and I love it.

[Donald]

They are.

[Autumn]

And they're also kind of like vulgar, dirty. I'm like, yeah, I'm here for a good time.

[Donald]

But it all. All with a classy sound somehow.

[Autumn]

Yeah. And it still sounds way better than however we say it.

[Donald]

They say my favorite word a lot. I haven't said it on the podcast.

[Autumn]

See you next Tuesday.

[Donald]

Yes. It's their thing.

[Autumn]

Yeah, it doesn't mean the same. Although we say it now here, and it means, like, it's now. It's, like, good.

[Donald]

Well, yeah, in certain ways.

[Autumn]

Like, you're serving, especially in.

[Donald]

Exactly. Especially in, like, if you have, like. Especially in gay culture. And then because of that, like, girls, a lot of straight guys probably aren't using it in that way.

[Autumn]

Right. But she's serving.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

If a guy said that, I'd be like. Like.

[Donald]

But I love it. I love the videos that teach.

[Autumn]

I should know. That was me. I was like, I did a face. And I was like, why would you ever make that face?

[Donald]

Guys, Autumn just looked at me, if you're listening and not watching, and she went like, you know, I tap her neck and tapped her chin. And I was like, oh, God, she's giving me a signal.

[Autumn]

No, I was giving myself one because I made a face.

[Donald]

I pictured my face in the ab move all over again. I'm like, oh, my God, is my face over here again?

[Autumn]

Just put it back up.

[Donald]

It's so funny because also, when I was a kid, I was so proud of the fact that I have extra stretchy skin. Like. Like, I'm not gonna show, but I could pull my neck.

[Autumn]

I think you have to show it now. You already said it. Well, first, tell them why you have extra stretchy skin.

[Donald]

I have eds, which is Ehlers Danlos syndrome, and not to be be confused with erectile dysfunction syndrome.

[Autumn]

And he's like, everything's functioning just fine,

[Donald]

and it's like a connective tissue issue.

[Autumn]

And that's why he has really tight hamstrings.

[Donald]

Yeah. Yeah. Like, in. Because in some ways, as it presents, your body's trying to protect itself. So it's part of the reason My hamstrings are very tight, but, like, my fingers are very bendy, and my skin's really stretchy. And literally, like, when I was younger. So I'm gonna stretch it. If you're watching the video, it can just stretch so far, and I don't feel anything. And most people aren't like that. But now I'm like, no one told me when I was an adult that all that stretching was just gonna let

[Autumn]

it stop pulling your skin off your face.

[Donald]

I told myself when I was young, but talk about this. We'll talk about manifesting another time. This one didn't work. I was like, oh, it has so much elasticity. So it's probably going to stay tight and taut forever. You better dream.

[Autumn]

Science said otherwise. Yeah, science said, not today.

[Donald]

Science and gravity was like, that's interesting.

[Autumn]

Yeah, you should go back to the losing a bit.

[Donald]

Yeah, we'll show him. So here we are.

[Autumn]

Okay, so as we're talking about adulting, we have a phone, a friend that came in that kind of refers like it's about sort of what happens as adults. Adults as we get to be in our adult age. Not getting my words out. Okay, I'll use her first name. It's from Jesse. She said it was okay to use her name. It's a little bit of a long email. So I'm gonna just sum this up. Basically what she is saying is that she's turning 40 and she's wanted to go to Key west for like ever. And she had an opportunity come up where she could go to Key west and stay in a two bedroom, two bathroom condo, full kitchen for $2,000. All they had to do was put a 500 deposit down which was totally refundable. She reached out to her three best girlfriends. It was nine months away because I think she's saying she was planning it for her 40th. And yes, they all have at least one, if not two kids, but they all told her no even though it was nine months away. And she's super hurt and like offended by the fact that they told her no with it being nine months away. She was like, you can't get it together and find childcare in nine months. Like she, she says she's been there for every single milestone for these women, you name it. Bridal showers, baby showers, kids, birthdays, their own 30s and 40s celebration. And they couldn't get their together enough to even say, yeah, put the deposit down and we'll figure it out. She said she took it so hard. She took it personally. She had several breakdowns in private it. She said nobody puts as much effort in for her as she does for them. She's just feeling very rejected. She said she has no problem just hanging out with her man and her dog, but also she would like some girl time sometimes. And she said she's having a hard time even sort of engaging with those three women now that that incident happened. So I think really what she's asking is more about like making friends. How do you do it when you're in your 40s? She said, I'm almost 40. So I can't hear another person tell me to join a group to make friends. That doesn't work.

[Donald]

Okay, well, I think a couple things I'm just gonna say really quickly. One is I think that if you still are open to those women being your friend, you should have an open conversation about how it made you feel. But you also, unfortunately, do have to be receptive to hear them because they may have reasons that even though it, it doesn't, like if our adult friends say no about doing something, even though it makes us very angry, we have to accept that those are decisions they made for reasons that they need to. It doesn't necessarily mean that they don't value the way you value them, but it, it could mean that they aren't the friends that, like, you need some new friends who are going to do those kinds of things. Right. I call it, like I always say, it's placing people. I don't often end friendships because of disappointment, but I know, okay, I had an expectation on that friend that they're unable to meet. And so I'm going to do our friendship and myself a favor and no longer expect them to be that person like there. And so I have friends who I know I could travel with and invite to do something. And I have friends who I love very dearly. Actually. Actually, you know, for my birthday, I was really sad about one of my friends who said they were going to come and didn't end up coming. I'm not upset with, with her now. I don't know if she listens to the podcast, but, but that really bothered me and I just had to come to this place where it's like, I have to be okay that she's not that friend.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

That doesn't mean she's not a good friend, but she's not the friend that's gonna travel or gonna whatever.

[Autumn]

And people, sometimes they have their reasons and limitations. So I would say the same thing. First of all, like, if these really are your good girlfriends and you have been there for all these events, birthdays and bridal showers and weddings and kids birthdays and all that, then it does sound like you guys are good friends. But obviously as we get to be adults, there are a lot of responsibilities. And sometimes like a seven day trip to Key west isn't just about the condo. It's seven days that they have to take off work. It's seven days away from the kids. It's seven days of spending money on food and activities and things like that. And so, so that could be a reason now again, as good friends, like, if, if somebody were to ask me and I knew I, I can't pull that financially or I can't get that time off of work, I would make sure I said that. Like, I would be like, I would love to. Like, I can come for two days. Yeah, I could come for three. I can't pull seven. So like, or ex, like, I, I want to celebrate you in the best way that I can, but I'm not going to be able to make that trip. I do think, I think you should explain to your friend, I hope that they didn't just say no to her, but it sounds like maybe they said no without a real explanation or an alternative option. Yeah. So I understand the disappointment there. But I also agree with you. Like, you have to know who is the travel friend, who is the hangout friend, who's the talk to friend. Like, people have different. Play different roles and play different roles in our lives. And also I get too that in our 40s it does get harder to make friends. Not necessarily saying join a club, but you have to be willing to get out there in different ways that you might not expect to make a friend. Like, I started doing one on one Pilates lessons with somebody new recently just because I like to have a teacher's eyes on me as I go through it. Like, it's nice to have somebody training me sometimes. And she's amazing and I love her and like, no, we haven't hung out or anything, but like, I could see us becoming friends and hanging out. And every time, like, she's just such good energy. Every time I walk in the studio, oh my gosh. Hi. And if she has somebody else in the studio, doesn't matter. Guy, girl, two people. She always introduces everybody. Autumn, this is so and so so and so. This is Autumn. And so then you start talking to each other and it's like, oh, yeah, I just came for Pilates, but I'm being introduced to other people. And no, it's not like, oh, hi, I just met you, want to get coffee? But it's like, like, great. As I get to know people and get introduced, then maybe I'll build a friendship. Yeah, I think we stopped trying as hard. We have a mouse back there or something. I know, I heard it. I was like, what is that? But I do think sometimes we just think like, oh, friendships are just supposed to spin up out of thin air and we forget that like in our younger ages, like 20s and stuff like that. Okay, well, you're in college, so they're roommates and classes and parties and sororities and like you're with these people all the time.

[Donald]

It's almost like when you're a kid and you have a play date, but you're. But like, yeah, if you have. Or.

[Autumn]

But you're in school with them all day, every day. So you're talking to them, you, you're getting to know them, you're interacting in activities. Like, or when you start a job and you meet people at work and they become your friends, it's because you're seeing them all the time and you're talking to them. So you're going to need to go somewhere regularly.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

It doesn't have to be a club, but it might be a coffee shop that you're going to work from. It might be a class that you're going to take.

[Donald]

Yeah, yeah.

[Autumn]

Something.

[Donald]

You know what else I was thinking too? And, and also to the person who wrote that in, I know there's a lot. We don't have a lot of details about your situation. So whatever you're feeling, I. I'm not. I don't want to invalidate that. But I do think that every first I want to say, as I already said, if someone is your friend and then you. There's a conversation that needs to be had and you're really nervous about having it, that speaks to your friendship. And when I feel that way, I'm like, this is my friend. I need to be able to share how I feel in a respectful way.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

I have a client and I think she would be okay with me sharing this story. She used a. Some kind of like group meetup, make friends service and what's interesting. And I tell people the same thing about who are like looking for a romance and are like dating apps don't work. She went to, went to one of the meetups and it was just like not a thing. And I think if you. Someone really connects, they can, they can say, oh, I'd like to hang out with this person more. And no one connected with her and she didn't really have anyone she connected with. And then there was another one she went to and it was a little bit better, but still didn't land and talk about third time's a charm. She went again and, and she communicated with the person who does this service so they could get her in the right group. And she's made a really pretty solid group of friends now. Now they are all out of that service program.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

They're in a group chat together. They've Hung out several times of things that they've come up with on their own. And they're, like, really building these friendships. So I love that sometimes we tell ourselves, like, I just the group. If someone tells me to join another group, I know it seems exhausting when you've tried something and it. You feel like, oh, that didn't work for me. But that doesn't mean you should stop trying.

[Autumn]

Isn't it funny, though? Like, we'll keep trying with relationships. Like, like, with, like, a significant other.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Always. Right. One doesn't work, you keep trying, but it's like we sort of just give up on making friends.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

And it's honestly, if anything, that's more important.

[Donald]

I was like, friends are important.

[Autumn]

Yeah. And I agree with you. I don't want to invalidate what she's saying, because I understand that sting of that rejection. Especially when you are the person that feels like you go above and beyond and trying to be there and trying to do things and then one little thing, and it's like, oh, nobody was there for me. And they don't even seem to care that I'm upset. Like, I get that. That hurt.

[Donald]

But. But have the conversation.

[Autumn]

Have the conversation.

[Donald]

Maybe they have traveled for each other, and she feels like, oh, you're not traveling. Like, there could be a lot of things.

[Autumn]

Right.

[Donald]

Have the conversation, and maybe you'll find another thing, another way to be celebrated and feel better about those relationships. And I had a thought, too, that I think, like, yesterday, actually. So we. It doesn't cost us anything. This is about making friends and connections and stuff. I'm very shy. I don't talk to strangers. I. At church yesterday, they brought us up on stage and, like, had a big goodbye thing. And the way when they said we were leaving, the way the church gasped, when I tell you I sneak in and sneak out because I'm nervous about small talk.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

And so many people came up and, like, said they appreciated. Like, I've been such a constant fixture there. And even though we haven't talked, I, I, they. My presence there has meant a lot. Just a lot of really sweet things.

[Autumn]

Yeah.

[Donald]

And I was like, you know, it doesn't cost you anything to give compliments to people, and for some reason, we feel weird. But I would encourage anyone who's like, I just want to have more friendships. A first step you can take is when you find yourself in public, put yourself out there a little bit more and compliment people around you. Tell the person next to you, oh, my God, you have beautiful eyes. If you have the thought that their eyes are beautiful.

[Autumn]

Yeah. Make it genuine.

[Donald]

Exactly right. I'm not saying just make up things things, but a lot of times I'll think something and not say it because I'm like, I'm a bad mysterious. But really, it's like I. I realize it doesn't cost me anything. And if anything, it makes me. It gives more potential to connect with people, to just communicate.

[Autumn]

And it also just feels good. Like, you know, like, you give somebody a compliment, they're like, oh, my gosh, thank you. Like, we don't live in a world

[Donald]

where a lot of love, a lot

[Autumn]

of love is going around. So, like, they smile, you smile. Even if no friendship starts, it's just a feel good moment in your day.

[Donald]

Yeah, but. And it might even help if you're in the middle of a bunch of adulting if someone stops and gives you a compliment for real. So we can be that source too. And I think, I think. I don't know. Like, Nell is very good at making friendships.

[Autumn]

Nell is the most outgoing person ever. You and I are two peas in a pod of, like, we're, like, I would say we're introvert extroverts. Like, if we know you, if we know, like, we're comfortable.

[Donald]

Yes.

[Autumn]

All the things.

[Donald]

Huh.

[Autumn]

But if we don't, we are like clamshell.

[Donald]

I gotta warm up. Yeah.

[Autumn]

Yeah. Like, I need a minute. And it's not a thing. It's a shy, awkward.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

I'm not great at small talk.

[Donald]

Like, I'm. I'll be talking to someone and think we should do an episode on small talk. I'll be talking to someone and think, like, does my face look like I'm actually interested or do I look like a. And then I'm not even listening to what they're saying. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm not engaged.

[Autumn]

Also, by the way, this is why I hate dating. Because dating is small talk at the beginning.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Right. You don't dive into, like, your childhood trauma on day one.

[Donald]

I mean, unless you're looking hurt you most.

[Autumn]

Yeah. Trauma bond, maybe a little bit. But like. And then if you're doing it through an app or texting or whatever and you have to small talk through text. Kill me.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Autumn]

Because if I know you, it's fine because I know where the boundaries are. I know how I can joke and stuff and be funny and fun. But if I'm just trying to get to know you, I'll, like, I can't tell you how many times I've like, started to text something, and I'm like, wait, that's going to be taken the wrong way. What if they think it's like this? Or I'll be, like, sarcastic, right? Like, I'm being flirty, but I'm being sarcastic. And I'm like, they might think I'm being a. They. Yeah, Small talk.

[Donald]

And then, you know, I know it's hard.

[Autumn]

I. I just hate it so much. I'm like, can we jump to, like, date seven?

[Donald]

Well, at that point, I've already had sex six times.

[Autumn]

I'm saying, can we just get to the bar where we're a little more

[Donald]

comfortable and we've exchanged plenty of body fluids and the conversation's easy, and I

[Autumn]

can just tell you, really how my day is and what's going on and, like, yeah, not. Oh, so, like, what do you do?

[Donald]

Yeah, I mean, Jessie J at her concert, she was, like, engaging with the audience. She was like, oh, you're the plus one. I knew it. Who brought you? And he was like, this is my cousin. She was like, how long have you been cousins? The most awkward small talk.

[Autumn]

The most awkward small talk. And then she's like, I didn't know where to go.

[Donald]

Yeah, I don't know. I'm. I'm losing.

[Autumn]

That's me. I'm like, maybe I just have to say I suck at small talk.

[Donald]

Yeah, I said that at church. Like, so they gave us an opportunity to talk. And I, in the microphone, I was like, you know, I haven't connected with a lot of you, but each one of you, it. Creating this space really means a lot to me. I just get really nervous about small talk. That's my run out of here.

[Autumn]

No, seriously, when somebody starts small talk, I'm like, even at your party the

[Donald]

other night, you did very good. I was watching you. I was.

[Autumn]

I was having moments. I was like, donald, I don't know what else to say. I was like, oh, somebody needs a drink. I'll be right back. Again, lovely people. But, you know, you kind of get to the end of the thing you're talking about, and so. And then it's like, how the do I get onto this? We were at conversation.

[Donald]

You and I were at a restaurant one time, and we both, like, we were talking, and then all of a sudden, it's like, ha. And then just quiet. And you were like, have we run out of things to talk about? Is this it? Did we reach.

[Autumn]

Reach the end of our friendship? Oh, God. I just smacked my face on the microphone again.

[Donald]

Perfect.

[Autumn]

On that note. On that note, I'm done.

[Donald]

Thank you guys for joining. And just know that if adulting is getting you down, you ain't the only one. But we're gonna get through it.

[Autumn]

But, hey, if you need that nap, take it.

[Donald]

Take off that maternal glands.

[Autumn]

You guys can email us, you can tell us about adulting, you can tell us about making friends. Anything else you need, Phone.

[Donald]

Apparently.

[Autumn]

Friend advice on Everything's Perfect podcast. Gmail.com.

[Donald]

that's right. And of course, if you're not following us on social, on Instagram, we are. Everything's Perfect. Official. We love to see you there. And we'll see you guys next week.

[Autumn]

Next week.

[Donald]

Bye.