Everything’s Perfect…Except Bestie Questions Get Messy

Podcast: Everything’s Perfect
Hosts: Autumn Calabrese & Donald Stamper
Date: January 13, 2026

Episode Overview

Autumn Calabrese and Donald Stamper, best friends and hosts of "Everything’s Perfect," let listeners in on a candid, hilarious, and occasionally messy session filled with “Bestie Questions” from viral social media lists. The duo explores friendship dynamics, personal growth, embarrassing stories, and the importance of embracing the messiness of life. Through funny anecdotes, honest confessions, and sincere heart-to-hearts, they demonstrate why it’s okay—essential, even—to own your flaws and not take life (or yourself) too seriously.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reconnecting, New Year Vibes, and Life in Progress

• Autumn and Donald reflect on time apart and the new year’s real meaning, referencing Chinese astrology and the sense that transitions aren’t always tied to the calendar (03:08 - 03:50).
• Both express mixed feelings about Valentine's Day:
  • Autumn dislikes it as a reminder of singlehood.
  • Donald, while in a relationship, finds it just “another fucking thing.”

  "Most of my life, most Valentine's Days haven't meant shit to me. And I've loved that." – Donald (03:57)

2. Friendship Matches & Being Set Up

• Donald jokes about being Autumn’s matchmaker, humorously hinting that his network is mostly “a bunch of gay passing men,” and laughs about the improbability of a successful match-up (04:56).

3. Viral Bestie Questions Game Begins (05:10)

The central part of the episode is a playful round of personal/funny Q&A that stirs up laughter and real talk:

● Where Would You Look for Me If I Disappeared? (06:02)

• Donald would look for Autumn at a Pilates seminar or a hair appointment, but jokes about checking her ex’s house.

  "If I had to find you, I wouldn't rule looking [at your ex’s house] out." – Donald (06:28)

• Autumn would hunt for Donald wherever there’s nachos post-gummy.

  "More than likely you’re somewhere eating nachos, having a good time." – Autumn (08:13)

● What Would I Get Arrested For? (08:31)

• Public indecency is Donald’s “crime,” based on funny, youthful stories.
• Autumn would be “disturbing the peace,” likely after standing up for someone or herself. (13:06)
• Stories of childhood fights, getting accidentally jumped, and standing up to harassment at clubs. They recall being kicked out of clubs after Autumn punched a groper.

  "Don’t put your hands on me. That was problematic." – Autumn (16:37) "If you don’t have a friend to trauma bond with, what are you even doing?" – Donald (18:39)

4. Cartoon Character Alter-Egos When Angry (19:00)

• Autumn is compared to the Hulk and Yosemite Sam (“the fire shooting out of the ears”).

  "Don’t piss her off is all I’m saying." – Donald (19:19)

• Donald, rarely seen angry, is likened to “Daisy Duck—passive aggressive, but she’ll cut you on the sly.” (23:48)

5. Swapping Lives: Struggles and Perks (25:24)

• Autumn would “struggle” with Donald’s deposition (legal) work.
• Donald would “struggle” with Autumn’s dad and “losing all [her] friends” (running joke).

  "You’d probably, though, if we trade back the next day, you also might be like, where did a huge chunk of my money go?" – Donald (27:44)

• Autumn would sing nonstop if she had Donald’s talent. Donald jokes she should rap at karaoke (29:20 - 30:18).

6. Main Character Energy & Owning Your Story (31:59)

• Both agree on the value of embracing “main character energy”—taking ownership of your life and its narrative.

  "For someone to, like, live fully, they need to stop being apologetic for who they are... we are all the main character in our story." – Donald (31:59)

• They discuss not letting others’ opinions dim your spark and feeling comfortable commanding a room.
• References the movie "The Holiday" and the lesson: Stop acting like the best friend in your narrative.

  "You should be the main character of your own life." – Sharia (41:03)

7. Zombie Apocalypse Roles (42:35)

• Donald: Comic relief (and likely to scream first).
• Autumn: The group leader, with a control freak twist.

  "I might scream too, but I’d also tell the people screaming to shut the fuck up." – Autumn (45:04)

8. Five Spicy Bestie Questions (45:29)

Includes:

• What do I need most right now? “Dick.” (45:55)
• What would you miss most if I disappeared for a week? "Everything, obviously... I just have such a good time with you." (47:28 - 47:32)
• Banter about pool guys and zombie themes.

9. Group Challenge Updates & Podcast Community (49:42)

• Autumn and Donald plug their Hustle Hard workouts and the “Strength in Motion” group, a two-month fitness and coaching challenge (49:42 - 50:19).
• The “Phone a Friend” segment is returning:

  “We want to hear the juicier the better... sometimes give the best advice, sometimes give toxic as fuck advice...” – Donald (51:20)

• Listeners are encouraged to send questions or dilemmas for advice—reminder: it’s friendly, not professional, advice!

Notable Quotes & Moments (With Timestamps)

• "Most of my life, most Valentine's Days haven't meant shit to me. And I've loved that." – Donald (03:57)
• "If I had to find you, I wouldn’t rule looking [at your ex’s house] out." – Donald (06:28)
• “More than likely you’re somewhere eating nachos, having a good time.” – Autumn (08:13)
• "Public indecency." – Autumn, teasing Donald’s hypothetical crime (08:48)
• "If you don’t have a friend to trauma bond with, what are you even doing?" – Donald (18:39)
• "Don’t piss her off is all I’m saying." – Donald, comparing Autumn to the Hulk (19:19)
• "Daisy Duck—she’ll cut you on the sly." – Autumn describing Donald’s anger style (23:48)
• "You have my life where you just lost all your friends!" – Autumn (27:10)
• "For someone to, like, live fully, they need to stop being apologetic for who they are... we are all the main character in our story." – Donald (31:59)
• "You should be the main character of your own life." – Sharia (41:03)
• "I might scream too, but I’d also tell the people screaming to shut the fuck up." – Autumn (45:04)
• "Dick." – Donald, when asked what Autumn needs most right now (45:55)
• “We want to hear the juicier the better... sometimes give the best advice, sometimes give toxic as fuck advice...” – Donald on revisiting ‘Phone a Friend’ (51:20)

Memorable Stories & Laugh-Out-Loud Exchanges

• Autumn’s club altercation: when a man grabbed her crotch, she turned and punched him, only to be thrown out for fighting despite being the victim (16:35 - 17:30).
• Donald’s brother’s pranks and family hijinks, including running around in a sock as a “calling card” (09:40 - 10:19).
• Childhood discipline stories—hair pulling, TV tables, and "escaping" tough situations (20:06 - 22:28).
• Banter about being leaders/comic relief in a zombie apocalypse, both owning their roles (43:33).
• Running joke about Autumn “losing all her friends,” which they both milk for laughs (27:10, 47:50).

Timestamps for Major Segments

| Time | Segment | |---------|------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:00 | Opening Banter, catching up | | 03:08 | New year, Valentine’s Day, and relationship hot takes | | 05:10 | Bestie Questions Game Begins | | 06:02 | “Where would you look for me if I disappeared?” | | 08:31 | “What crime would I get arrested for?” | | 13:06 | Arguments, physical fights, and club stories | | 19:00 | “What cartoon do I act like when mad?” | | 25:24 | Swapping lives – what would you struggle with or love? | | 31:59 | Main character moments and embracing your story | | 42:35 | Zombie apocalypse roles | | 45:29 | Five spicy bestie questions | | 49:42 | Updates on Hustle Hard & Strength in Motion Challenge | | 50:30 | Phone a Friend segment returns |

Tone, Energy, and Takeaways

The episode features Autumn and Donald at their most unfiltered and mutually supportive—half stand-up routine, half real talk among best friends. They alternate between playful roasting, deep affection, and meaningful insight, all while modeling how to show up authentically, laugh at yourself, and weather life’s imperfections together.

Listeners will walk away entertained, refreshed, and reminded that a best friend is truly the greatest sidekick for the messy middle of life.

Community Call-to-Action

Listeners are encouraged to join the “Strength in Motion” challenge and submit questions or dilemmas for the returning “Phone a Friend” advice segment—ratchet advice included, professional disclaimers attached!