Everything’s Perfect…Except Etiquette Is Dead

Podcast: Everything's Perfect
Hosts: Autumn Calabrese & Donald Stamper
Date: October 21, 2025

Episode Overview

In this raucous and unfiltered episode of Everything’s Perfect, Autumn and Donald unravel the wild world of etiquette (or the lack thereof) in modern life. Starting off with viral pop culture oddities and spiraling into a hilarious yet earnest takedown of social faux pas, the duo covers everything from air travel and gym gripes to communication blunders and emoji mishaps. With their signature candidness and playful banter, they remind listeners that being decent isn’t hard—but it’s on life support.

Pop Culture Gone Wild: Kim Kardashian’s “Pube Panties” & Gag Gifts

(01:23–14:21)

• Kim K’s “Pubic Hair Underwear” went viral, leaving Autumn both bewildered and amused:

  “They are sold out...in every size and every color. And yes, they come in every color, from straight to curly. What are we doing wrong with our lives?” (03:13, Autumn)

• The two riff on the absurdity of gag gifts (like penis straws and shake weights), with Donald joking:

  “I just grow it out and glue it on top of underwear back in stock.” (03:35, Donald)

• Autumn illustrates her entrepreneurial side, dreaming up gag gifts for bachelorette parties that would be “the real size”:

  “If we’re gonna do this, let’s do it right, man...I want to make a real size penis that goes over a can!” (09:44, Autumn)

• Both reflect on pop culture’s role in selling outlandish ideas:

  “Something on a TV show, you think that’s so stupid, it would never be real life...It does. Take someone like Kim Kardashian.” (06:26, Donald)

Airplane Etiquette: Armrests, Smells, and Personal Space

(14:25–24:33)

• Armrest Rights: Donald is adamant that the middle seat owns both armrests:

  “If you happen to get the middle seat, you get to have both armrests. I think that's important to be known.” (15:08, Donald)

• Scents in Tight Spaces: Autumn rails against heavy perfume/cologne and BO on planes:

  “Do not get on the enclosed plane wearing the entire bottle of perfume or cologne...But on the flip side, also, don’t get on there having BO. Wear deodorant.” (18:47, Autumn)

• Plane Deboarding: Both share their disdain for “aisle dashers” who rush to disembark:

  “Wait your turn to get off the plane...It just causes so much congestion and it really slows everything down.” (24:33, Donald) “If there’s a flight that’s been delayed, they come on and say let’s the people with connections go. And you still see everybody stand up and block the way.” (24:45, Autumn)

Gym Etiquette: The ABCs of Being Decent

(25:02–32:13)

• Re-rack Your Weights:

  “Re-rack your weights, you lazy...Like, you come to the gym to lift weights, but you’re too lazy to put them back on the rack when you’re done. That’s so rude.” (26:06, Autumn)

• Sharing Equipment:

  “There’s a lot of things, like when people use more than one machine at the same time, you have to either invite people to work in with you.” (26:21, Donald) “If you’re the person waiting...I think it’s perfectly acceptable to politely say, like, ‘Hey, how many more sets do you have?’” (28:45, Autumn)

• Cleanliness:

  “Give the equipment a quick spray after you use it. That’s why the things are there.” (29:44, Donald) “Don’t be the gross stand up and your ass print is on that bench. No, you better wipe it, clean it up.” (29:46, Autumn)

• No Loud Calls or Music: Donald slams “working out with music on your phone” instead of headphones:

  “People would play music on their phones...Not on headphones. I was shocked they weren’t stopped.” (31:56, Donald)

General Etiquette Grievances: Phones, Yawning, and More

(32:13–43:47)

• Phone Use in Public:

  “When you are checking out, especially at the grocery store, get off your phone.” (33:08, Autumn)
  “I hate that...It started to make me so mad at just society as a whole, because I’m like, we went wrong, and I don’t know if the wrong can be righted.” (34:48, Donald)

• Interrupting/Talking Over: Both admit to excitement-fueled interjecting.

  “I talk over people. It’s not to be rude. It’s because I’m excited and my brain is going so fast I need to get it out.” (35:16, Autumn) “I know it seems like I just interrupted you, but I was thinking about this before you started talking, and it feels like I was talking first.” (35:34, Donald)

• Cover Your Mouth:

  “If you don’t cover your mouth when you yawn...Cover your mouth if you’re gonna yawn. So like, from day one, hand always in front of the mouth.” (40:43, Autumn) “Sneezing—do not sneeze into your hand. That is disgusting. It goes into your elbow.” (41:13, Autumn)

Digital Etiquette: Emails, Emojis & Texting

(43:06–51:00)

• Acknowledge Emails:

  “Proper etiquette is to at least acknowledge that you got the email. Yeah, like, when did it become acceptable to just not respond?” (44:39, Autumn)

• Texting Basics:

  “The least you could do is throw a heart emoji on it...If I thumbs up you...I might as well have time. Go yourself.” (47:05, Autumn) “Don’t text me one sentence at a time—my phone is like, ding, ding, ding.” (49:36, Autumn)

• Emoji and Period Panic:

  “My client sent me something...‘I found it. Listened to it.’ Period. And I was like, she hates me.” (48:28, Donald) “You don’t put a period. No. In a text?” (49:20, Autumn)

• Both agree: digital comms etiquette (especially with emoji and punctuation) probably deserves an episode of its own.

Road Rage: Freeway Etiquette

(51:04–54:13)

• Stay in Your Lane (Literally):

  “Maybe like the left lane is the passing lane...If you’re all the way in the left lane, get over.” (51:06, Autumn / 51:22, Donald) “My dad literally just trying to cause accidents on the freeway, basically drives in the far right lane, slow. And I’m like, what are you doing in the merge lane? You’re the problem.” (52:06, Autumn)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “We’re doing life wrong. Like, come up with the raunchiest idea and let’s make it happen.” (13:56, Autumn)
• “Wash yourself, wash your ass, wash your pits. Little deodorant never hurt anybody. But easy on the cologne.” (21:29, Autumn)
• “We went wrong, and I don’t know if the wrong can be righted. I think we are done. We’re past recovery.” (35:12, Donald)
• “If you get a thumbs up on a comment, it ain’t good. It is not good.” (47:58, Autumn)

Conclusion: The Take-Aways

• Etiquette isn’t dead, but it’s on life support. Autumn and Donald call on everyone to revive basic manners in shared spaces, gyms, planes, digital life, and beyond.
• Common courtesy is easy—but rare. Be aware, be considerate, and acknowledge others, whether communicating in person or online.
• Next up? A whole episode just on texting and emoji rules is coming.

“Just common courtesy in life would be nice.” (51:04, Autumn)

Listener Challenge

Got Kim’s “bush underwear”?

Autumn wants to hear from you! Email (everything’sperfectpodcast@gmail.com) or DM @everythingsperfect.official with your “bush underwear” stories.

TL;DR:
If you only take one thing away: Don’t be a jerk—whether it’s hogging the armrest, blasting your music, ghosting on emails, or texting with angry punctuation. And for the love of all that’s holy—shower before you get on that plane!