Everything’s Perfect…Except Etiquette Is Dead

Summary

Everything’s Perfect…Except Etiquette Is Dead

Podcast: Everything's Perfect
Hosts: Autumn Calabrese & Donald Stamper
Date: October 21, 2025

---

Episode Overview

In this raucous and unfiltered episode of Everything’s Perfect, Autumn and Donald unravel the wild world of etiquette (or the lack thereof) in modern life. Starting off with viral pop culture oddities and spiraling into a hilarious yet earnest takedown of social faux pas, the duo covers everything from air travel and gym gripes to communication blunders and emoji mishaps. With their signature candidness and playful banter, they remind listeners that being decent isn’t hard—but it’s on life support.

---

Pop Culture Gone Wild: Kim Kardashian’s “Pube Panties” & Gag Gifts

(01:23–14:21)

• Kim K’s “Pubic Hair Underwear” went viral, leaving Autumn both bewildered and amused:

  “They are sold out...in every size and every color. And yes, they come in every color, from straight to curly. What are we doing wrong with our lives?” (03:13, Autumn)

• The two riff on the absurdity of gag gifts (like penis straws and shake weights), with Donald joking:

  “I just grow it out and glue it on top of underwear back in stock.” (03:35, Donald)

• Autumn illustrates her entrepreneurial side, dreaming up gag gifts for bachelorette parties that would be “the real size”:

  “If we’re gonna do this, let’s do it right, man...I want to make a real size penis that goes over a can!” (09:44, Autumn)

• Both reflect on pop culture’s role in selling outlandish ideas:

  “Something on a TV show, you think that’s so stupid, it would never be real life...It does. Take someone like Kim Kardashian.” (06:26, Donald)

---

Airplane Etiquette: Armrests, Smells, and Personal Space

(14:25–24:33)

• Armrest Rights: Donald is adamant that the middle seat owns both armrests:

  “If you happen to get the middle seat, you get to have both armrests. I think that's important to be known.” (15:08, Donald)

• Scents in Tight Spaces: Autumn rails against heavy perfume/cologne and BO on planes:

  “Do not get on the enclosed plane wearing the entire bottle of perfume or cologne...But on the flip side, also, don’t get on there having BO. Wear deodorant.” (18:47, Autumn)

• Plane Deboarding: Both share their disdain for “aisle dashers” who rush to disembark:

  “Wait your turn to get off the plane...It just causes so much congestion and it really slows everything down.” (24:33, Donald) “If there’s a flight that’s been delayed, they come on and say let’s the people with connections go. And you still see everybody stand up and block the way.” (24:45, Autumn)

---

Gym Etiquette: The ABCs of Being Decent

(25:02–32:13)

• Re-rack Your Weights:

  “Re-rack your weights, you lazy...Like, you come to the gym to lift weights, but you’re too lazy to put them back on the rack when you’re done. That’s so rude.” (26:06, Autumn)

• Sharing Equipment:

  “There’s a lot of things, like when people use more than one machine at the same time, you have to either invite people to work in with you.” (26:21, Donald) “If you’re the person waiting...I think it’s perfectly acceptable to politely say, like, ‘Hey, how many more sets do you have?’” (28:45, Autumn)

• Cleanliness:

  “Give the equipment a quick spray after you use it. That’s why the things are there.” (29:44, Donald) “Don’t be the gross stand up and your ass print is on that bench. No, you better wipe it, clean it up.” (29:46, Autumn)

• No Loud Calls or Music: Donald slams “working out with music on your phone” instead of headphones:

  “People would play music on their phones...Not on headphones. I was shocked they weren’t stopped.” (31:56, Donald)

---

General Etiquette Grievances: Phones, Yawning, and More

(32:13–43:47)

• Phone Use in Public:

  “When you are checking out, especially at the grocery store, get off your phone.” (33:08, Autumn)
  “I hate that...It started to make me so mad at just society as a whole, because I’m like, we went wrong, and I don’t know if the wrong can be righted.” (34:48, Donald)

• Interrupting/Talking Over: Both admit to excitement-fueled interjecting.

  “I talk over people. It’s not to be rude. It’s because I’m excited and my brain is going so fast I need to get it out.” (35:16, Autumn) “I know it seems like I just interrupted you, but I was thinking about this before you started talking, and it feels like I was talking first.” (35:34, Donald)

• Cover Your Mouth:

  “If you don’t cover your mouth when you yawn...Cover your mouth if you’re gonna yawn. So like, from day one, hand always in front of the mouth.” (40:43, Autumn) “Sneezing—do not sneeze into your hand. That is disgusting. It goes into your elbow.” (41:13, Autumn)

---

Digital Etiquette: Emails, Emojis & Texting

(43:06–51:00)

• Acknowledge Emails:

  “Proper etiquette is to at least acknowledge that you got the email. Yeah, like, when did it become acceptable to just not respond?” (44:39, Autumn)

• Texting Basics:

  “The least you could do is throw a heart emoji on it...If I thumbs up you...I might as well have time. Go yourself.” (47:05, Autumn) “Don’t text me one sentence at a time—my phone is like, ding, ding, ding.” (49:36, Autumn)

• Emoji and Period Panic:

  “My client sent me something...‘I found it. Listened to it.’ Period. And I was like, she hates me.” (48:28, Donald) “You don’t put a period. No. In a text?” (49:20, Autumn)

• Both agree: digital comms etiquette (especially with emoji and punctuation) probably deserves an episode of its own.

---

Road Rage: Freeway Etiquette

(51:04–54:13)

• Stay in Your Lane (Literally):

  “Maybe like the left lane is the passing lane...If you’re all the way in the left lane, get over.” (51:06, Autumn / 51:22, Donald) “My dad literally just trying to cause accidents on the freeway, basically drives in the far right lane, slow. And I’m like, what are you doing in the merge lane? You’re the problem.” (52:06, Autumn)

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “We’re doing life wrong. Like, come up with the raunchiest idea and let’s make it happen.” (13:56, Autumn)
• “Wash yourself, wash your ass, wash your pits. Little deodorant never hurt anybody. But easy on the cologne.” (21:29, Autumn)
• “We went wrong, and I don’t know if the wrong can be righted. I think we are done. We’re past recovery.” (35:12, Donald)
• “If you get a thumbs up on a comment, it ain’t good. It is not good.” (47:58, Autumn)

---

Conclusion: The Take-Aways

• Etiquette isn’t dead, but it’s on life support. Autumn and Donald call on everyone to revive basic manners in shared spaces, gyms, planes, digital life, and beyond.
• Common courtesy is easy—but rare. Be aware, be considerate, and acknowledge others, whether communicating in person or online.
• Next up? A whole episode just on texting and emoji rules is coming.

“Just common courtesy in life would be nice.” (51:04, Autumn)

---

Listener Challenge

Got Kim’s “bush underwear”?

Autumn wants to hear from you! Email (everything’[e-mail]) or DM @everythingsperfect.official with your “bush underwear” stories.

---

TL;DR:
If you only take one thing away: Don’t be a jerk—whether it’s hogging the armrest, blasting your music, ghosting on emails, or texting with angry punctuation. And for the love of all that’s holy—shower before you get on that plane!

Transcript

[A]

This is the story of the 1. As a custodial supervisor at a high school, he knows that during cold and flu season, germs spread fast. It's why he partners with Grainger to stay fully stocked on the products and supplies he needs, from tissues to disinfectants to floor scrubbers. All so that he can help students, staff, and teachers stay healthy and focused. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[B]

Upgrade your laundry routine with a durable and reliable Maytag laundry pair at Lowes. Like the new Maytag washer and dryer with performance enhanced stain fighting power designed to cut through serious dirt and grime. And what's great is this laundry pair is in stock and ready for delivery when you need it the most. Don't miss out. Shop Maytag in store or online today at Lowe's.

[A]

You see me, I see you. You see me, I see you.

[B]

Something a little stronger than a Waterloo.

[A]

It's two T's, right? E, T, T, I, Q, U, E.

[B]

It's T, E. I didn't even know how to spell. Etiquette.

[A]

Etiquette. Well, there are two T's, but not where I put them. E, T, I, Q, U, E, T.

[B]

T, E. Okay, so that's a good start. How to.

[A]

So here we are again. Already recorded this episode and it had no audio.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Story of our lives. We really need a producer.

[B]

We need the whole tech team. Jesus, it is not supposed to be this hard.

[A]

How does everybody find such good teams? I would just like to know how the Kardashians find people to work for them.

[B]

Money.

[A]

Oh, we don't have that.

[B]

We have money.

[A]

We got Nunsies.

[B]

Speaking of the damn Kardashians.

[A]

Listen. What the f. So if you live under a rock, you miss the fact that Kim launched pube panties.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, by the way, if you have. If there's. If you're in the car listening with your kids. Me.

[A]

Maybe this is not the episode.

[B]

Yeah. Because it's late. This is an After Dark episode. Okay. Going into the wheel, we're gonna say. Yeah. Even though at this point, if you listen to our podcast around your kids, that's a questionable decision anyways.

[A]

With my mouth, but yes. Okay. So I'm scrolling social media and think I didn't have the volume on. And I see this girl and she's got, like, a screen behind her, and I'm just looking at these underwear that have pubes all over. It was a bush, and I'm like, Well, I don't know what this is. It can't be real. And I just scroll past it. But then I see the extra TV account is talking about Kim Kardashian launches pubic hair underwear. And I'm like, this is real, Donald. They are sold out.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

In every size and every color. And yes, they come in every color from straight to curly. What. What are we doing wrong with our lives? Why are we trying so hard?

[B]

I mean, I've been growing this bush for a minute, and it ain't done me no quit.

[A]

It ain't sold out. Made you millions.

[B]

I just grow it out and glue it on top of underwear back in stock. Yeah, it's wild. It honestly is. Is.

[A]

You took your bush into that?

[B]

I sure did take my bush in to build a bear. We were in Tennessee and for our friend's party, and. But my brother and niece lives there, and so we brought her to build a bear. And I sure did have my belly shirt on and these pants that just, like, rode down a little bit. And I was all up and build a bear. And I was feeling drafty. I was like, if these pubes ain't flying in the wind.

[A]

Manscape.

[B]

High manscape. Ish. Like, it was not out of control. It's really not a bush. It's not like it's not a bush. Yeah, it's not. It's not as bushy as her panty line, I'll tell you that.

[A]

Okay. I have so many things to say about. Okay, clearly these are meant for show, because what would be the point of wearing a thong with pubic type hair on it? Like, that's not gonna be comfortable. Why would I wear that? So you're waiting for somebody to see it. So the guy is gonna see it and then what? Then he's gonna take it off and you got a bald lady part because we all lasered it all off. Now we all want the bush. It's the 70s and the bushes back. What? I don't understand the point.

[B]

The bush is back, baby.

[A]

Is it a gag gift? What is the deal?

[B]

It must be like, you know, maybe if you want to spice things up and so that's how you're gonna do. You pull your pants. Man's like, oh, a bush. They're like, I don't know. Like, honestly, what is it for?

[A]

I don't know. I'm thinking in my mind it's gonna.

[B]

Complicate zippers for sure. If you have a bush. You usually lock that down.

[A]

If you have a bush. Yeah.

[B]

With the panties.

[A]

With the panties.

[B]

Yeah. It made me think of. There's this cartoon when I was younger that was called Little Monsters.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Monster had, like, this little armpit hair. And I was like, that's what those panties made me think of. It is pretty wild.

[A]

Also, not even her idea stole it, you know? I know. You know, because we watch a show together, like, six years ago, two broke girls. You know, the most politically incorrect show ever that we absolutely love.

[B]

Obsessed.

[A]

Remember the episode where Sophie wants to make her own line of pubic hair underwear, and she's bringing samples into the diner for the girls to see, and she's, like, doing it by ethnicity.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And she's like, han, feel this. Tell me if it.

[B]

Oh, my God. She did feel it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Wow. And also to think something so sad, like something on a TV show that you think that's so stupid, it would never be real life. It does. Take someone like Kim Kardashian, Papa Gummy.

[A]

Watch it. Watch an old rerun, and yeah, you got a million dollar idea.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Send it, Launch it.

[B]

Oh, my God, here we go.

[A]

I mean, pubic hair, underwear, and shirts with hard nipples.

[B]

The bras with the hard nipples. I was like, that ad campaign for the hard nipple bra situation was one of my favorite things she's ever done.

[A]

I listen, I'm here for it. But we all have nipples.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why do I got to buy a shirt with it? Yeah. You know, I've been shredded on social media for having hard nipples. I'm like, first of all, I breastfed, and I've had a boob job. These things are permanently hard. It just is. But I wore this one dress to Summit, like, a black dress to Summit. And it was like that, like, slinky kind of material, and it had a completely open back, so couldn't wear a bra. Could have done pasties, but sometimes I feel like pasties actually show more like, the outline of it. It just. And I was like, whatever. But they. They kept that stadium cold because it.

[B]

Was packed with people tearing up your dress.

[A]

And people were literally like, oh, my God, I can't believe you purposely made your nipples hard before you came on stage. I was like, purposely made my nipples hard.

[B]

That's the thing about what is Tune in Tokyo. Exactly. I mean, I purposely make my nipples hard.

[A]

Do you?

[B]

Yeah, because otherwise, like, the nipple. Because if my nipples aren't hard, they might be like.

[A]

Like, are they concaved?

[B]

No, but they're like, you know, just like. Well, I just feel like if they're hard. There's like my whole pec looks better.

[A]

I see.

[B]

So you turn on the headlights.

[A]

Okay. I don't purposely turn mine on.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I swear to God.

[B]

But things is always ready.

[A]

They are.

[B]

Wait, right now filming. Because I never thought about having like. If your nipples are always hard and you're a woman, you gotta make sure they're facing the same way because you might have one looking at you for you.

[A]

How many times? How many times have we gone on.

[B]

Coming in going, baby.

[A]

And you guys are like. And you would like point at me and I'm like, sticking my hand down my shirt. You gotta adjust those suckers.

[B]

Yeah. Wow. I'm way too ocd. I would lose it trying to make sure they were facing.

[A]

You have to make sure they're facing the right way, otherwise you look crazy. But yeah, we are doing the most trying to help people and really. Okay, I'm gonna tell you something so funny and it's very vulgar, but this is where my mind goes. Don't be offended. Or do these cameras are definitely in different places. Just so you know, if you guys.

[B]

Don'T watch, you might want to find us on YouTube. And check this one out.

[A]

Okay, So I was like talking with one of my friends once and you know, like bachelorette parties, everything's like penis and balls.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I go, you buy the penis straws and the penis suckers. And I'm like, how they're obsessed. But I was like, those things are tiny, huh? Like, we're gonna do this. Let's do it right, man.

[B]

Make it count.

[A]

Make it count. I want to make a real size penis that goes over like the can of my beverage line.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, here you go. Deep throw that. You know, everybody would buy it for party things. Put it over a shot glass. You gotta take the shot that way.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

You remember a Flintstone push up pop? Push up penis pop?

[B]

Yeah. No, it. We. I don't know why I've never seen a water gun. You know the ones that you got a pump where it's not a dick? Like an explosion. That would be so on brand for like an adult.

[A]

Yeah. You want to have a water gun fight?

[B]

You call it come gun. So sorry.

[A]

But you could listen the penis push up pop. I can put another pee on it too. Guys can have it for bachelor parties.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I can do all the things I'm. Why am I trying so hard to educate myself when I could just invite invent gag gifts, literally, like Shake Weight. Somebody made millions off the Shake Weight. You know damn well that was not invented to get somebody in shape. Nobody thinks that shaking your arms like that. Ask any man out there.

[B]

Yeah. Is one that you can sneak taking a picture or a video of someone while they're using the Shake Weight.

[A]

Yeah. And then everybody bought them as gag gifts like White Elephant.

[B]

Haha.

[A]

This is funny because, you know, because of the motion, I'm. I am perfectly okay with becoming very wealthy. Nobody steal my idea. If I see it out there, I'm coming for you. Because I said it here first. It's already trademark and copyrighted.

[B]

That's right. That's right.

[A]

Doing it tomorrow morning.

[B]

I drink it.

[A]

I know you would.

[B]

I'll be. I'll be. I'll be the picture on the can. You need a model. I'll let you.

[A]

Boy, you see all these bridesmaids lined up with the real thing up. I'm like, forget a tiny little penis. Draw.

[B]

I know. They are so small. Yeah.

[A]

You're like, that just feels weird.

[B]

Thing gonna go out. Go out with a bang, honey. Wow.

[A]

Wow. So that's how this episode is starting.

[B]

Makes me think of that X ray I saw of Help DEA keep our.

[A]

Communities safe and healthy by participating in National Prescription Drug Take back day, Saturday, October 25th. Take action right in your own home by cleaning out your medicine cabinet of unneeded medications. Keep them safe, clean them out, take them back. Find a collection site near [e-mail] do your part to lower overdose deaths and prevent prescription drug misuse before it starts.

[B]

That's deateback.com a guy putting a curling iron in his butt. Like, honestly, you would be doing people a favor by making these things because people will put anything in their ass.

[A]

Okay. Wow. We escalated quick. First of all, why? Why a curling iron iron?

[B]

There's a line that can be crossed. I'm not gonna let you throw me out here like that. You led me this direction and I'm just sharing information I've actually seen.

[A]

Well, I have so many questions about that.

[B]

But yeah. So I was.

[A]

There are toys invented for this. I know it's weird. The deal.

[B]

Back when I lived in Nashville, some guy who worked at a hospital showed me an X ray of someone who came in.

[A]

That's HIPAA violation. But.

[B]

Well, that's not the only violation that happened that night. And curling iron so far up his butt that. Sorry, you guys, but I know you want to hear what happened. That the handle part. Oh no. Was in. And so the problem is they couldn't get it out because the handle part was like a hook. And if they squeeze the handle down to pull it out, then the curling iron part would open. So I was like, oh, my God. What would you do? I was like, I'd have plugged it in.

[A]

Oh, my God. It just ended it all. Oh, my God.

[B]

Well, it's probably. Yeah. Anyways.

[A]

Anyways, so Kim Kardashian, pubic hair, underwear that are sold out. And by the way, there's a wait list.

[B]

It's wild.

[A]

We're doing life wrong. Like, come up with the raunchiest idea and let's make it happen.

[B]

I'm just too. I just have too pure of a mind for that. Honestly, I. I do. I do.

[A]

You just told a story about a curly hair and up somebody's butt.

[B]

Do it. I never would do that. That wasn't me.

[A]

That is poor etiquette. It wasn't my X ray etiquette.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Which is what we sat down to talk about today.

[B]

So it's just funny. We're talking about etiquette today, and this is how we kicked off the podcast. But I think that we need to do some good with the platform. We have this podcast, and it's to let some people know some of the damn etiquette.

[A]

Oh, okay. I thought we were. Yes.

[B]

No, I mean, some real good.

[A]

Some good. Okay.

[B]

Like, okay, who did.

[A]

Who had poor etiquette? Somebody must. Something must have happened.

[B]

Every time I fly on a plane, I get a little triggered. So that's one thing that I feel.

[A]

Don't talk to me about planes and etiquette and customer service. We've already been down that.

[B]

Well, I hope you're buckle up, because we're about to go down it again.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, the first thing is just in case you don't know. Honestly, if you don't know, I'm not mad at you. This is a great. Not you, but a listener. Sorry. I'm drinking a tropical fruit sparkling water, and I'm having a difficult time keeping it down. So the. A couple things. One is, on a plane, if you happen to get the middle seat, you get to have both armrests. I think that's important to be known, and you should feel empowered if you're in the middle seat and knock those other people's elbows out of the way. Okay, well, I know you.

[A]

No thinking through this. Okay. I. I know what you're about to say. Your girl flew coach to and from Nashville.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Because first of all, those plane tickets were stupid. Like, and I was so glad I didn't pay for a first Class plane ticket there. Because when I got on the Delta airline plane, first class wasn't even real first class. It was like, oh, yeah, it's the first five rows. But the seat was like a centimeter bigger than the one I was in. I was like, the next seat in the curtain. And I was like, that seat was $4,000, literally. Which is why I was like, you're out of your damn mind. Because it wasn't a lay down bed. Nothing.

[B]

Do airlines say when it's a lay down bed?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. I never. Because sometimes I'm like, all right, am I about to. Am I gonna shoot for. But. But if it's like just one of those regular ass, a little bit bigger seats, the cost difference, like you're saying, is not worth it.

[A]

No. And it. I have a time frame. Like, okay, if I was going all east coast, maybe I would have just. Because then they. They're serving you a meal and stuff. But like, but NV's, it was like three and a half, four. Yeah, it was. It was on the border. And I did have the middle seat on the way back.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I.

[B]

That's wild.

[A]

I know. I waited till the last minute to book the plane ticket. That's why. So I guess technically, yes, I would agree with you. Because the woman to my right was kind of being like a whole space hog in general.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I did have to give her a little bump at one point. Like I was going forward to get like my plug.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But yeah, I guess because the person on the right, like the aisle seat, first of all, you got the aisle seat. You can get up and down as much as you want.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Lean to the right.

[B]

Right. And you know, if you're leaning into the aisle a little bit, most of the time you're not knowing. Sure. You might get hit by a cart here or there, but that's the price.

[A]

You pay for aisle seat. Exactly.

[B]

But for the most part, you have space to go. And if you're in the window seat, you can lean all up on the window.

[A]

Yes. You have somewhere to rest your head.

[B]

If you're in the aisle seat, you ain't got nowhere to rest your head. Forward on the seat in front of you.

[A]

But you do have more room to stretch your leg out. At least your outside leg, because you can put it in the aisle.

[B]

No, in the wind. In the. In the middle seat is what I meant.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, the middle seat, you got nothing.

[B]

You got no place to go.

[A]

I'm pretty sure I was bobbing on the Way home.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I had a play and I.

[B]

Was like, it's better to head bob down, though, than up. Because you just see people on the plane with their mouths so wide open. I'm like, oh, my God, you poor thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like someone's gonna throw in that mouth.

[A]

Okay, so I agree with you.

[B]

Yeah. If you're in the middle seat, especially in coach, it's not like a shareable armrest situation. You get both armrests.

[A]

Yeah, I. I will agree.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Etiquette. Got it. I have one.

[B]

What?

[A]

You know how I am about scents.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Because I have a heightened smell already. Situation. Do not get on the enclosed plane wearing the entire bottle of perfume or cologne. Great. You like that scent. That doesn't mean everybody else does. And I don't want to have to sit there and in your cologne or your perfume. It's gross.

[B]

Yeah, it's a lot. It's so inconsiderate, especially on a plane, because that's just a bunch of circulated air up there.

[A]

Yeah. It's bad enough we got your bad breath, your farts and everything else. I don't need your. But on the flip side, also, don't get on there having BO Wear deodorant.

[B]

Yeah. Make sure you're bathed.

[A]

Be bathed, showered, but like a spritz. Like one spritz. Spritz it in the air and walk through it. Trust me, you smell good. If you're the person squirting four, five, six squirts on, you're the problem.

[B]

Yeah, it's bad. I mean, first of all, people really do have allergies. And even if you're not allergic, it's just kind of like.

[A]

It's just a lot.

[B]

Yeah. It's too much.

[A]

But I will tell you this one time, I was on a plane, and it was a JetBlue flight. It was first class. So there's only going to be one person sitting next to me because there are two seats. And this guy gets on, and the second he steps on, I'm just like, oh. Because I'm in row one, so I'm seeing everybody. Come on. And I'm like, well, there's no way this guy's in first class. Oh, no, he is. And he's sitting next to me. Okay, so you know how. You know how Johnny Depp looks homeless, but, like, he's wealthy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So this guy looked like Johnny Depp.

[B]

Looked homeless, but. But obviously.

[A]

But not in a expensive homeless kind of way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This guy, he's. I don't know what he Was on. He was either still drunk or on drugs or a combination of both. He smelled so bad. The BO was so bad that the flight attendants. Like, I was hanging in the aisle.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

And the flight attendants were literally running up and down the aisle. They were running up and down, spraying perfume and stuff. Like, the woman was like, I'll try to move you. She's like, there's literally no. I was like, I'll move to coach. I don't even care. Like, if there's a seat, I'll go sit in the.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I kept up and going and sitting in the bathroom.

[B]

Yeah. Just to get a break, which.

[A]

What does that tell you? To sit in an airplane bathroom?

[B]

One step above, like, an outhouse. Porta Potty.

[A]

That's how bad the guy next to me smelled. And it was Florida to LA, so 5 and a half hours.

[B]

Oh, that's so rough etiquette.

[A]

Wash yourself, wash your ass, wash your pits.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Little deodorant never hurt anybody. But easy on the cologne.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. It really shouldn't be that hard. Yeah, that's a big one, I think, for any. Also, like, when it comes to perfume. That's true for planes. That's true for the workplace.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Like, nobody wants to. It's good for them to smell you when you're, like, leaning in for a hug or a close conversation or if you walk by. But if you're sitting at a dinner table with five other people and I. All anyone can smell at the dinner table is you. You got too much perfume on.

[A]

Yes. Jim, don't do that. Don't wear that at the gym. I'm breathing heavy.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

I don't need to be inhaling your excessive amounts of cologne or perfume while I'm trying to get my cardio in.

[B]

Yeah, it's toxic.

[A]

Honestly, the Uber driver that I had that took me to the airport when I left Nashville, I, like, opened the car door and it was like. Like, it just engulfed me.

[B]

Oh. And makes my eyes water thinking about it.

[A]

I swear to God, it. Like, he must have poured it on the floor mats because the floor mats were slippery. Or he must just spray. Or he, like, sprays it on himself every morning when he gets in. So, you know, the. Like, it settles. But the mats were slippery. Like, my shoes were, by the way, here, for all the people that, like, take photos of my feet, my shoes were slippery when I got out of the car. That's how much cologne was on the mats. I was, like, awful.

[B]

It's like the Abercrombie store used to be.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, what do you have no sense of smell? I wonder. Like, I have the heightened scent. I wonder if they don't have a scent, like if they have a dulled sense of smell.

[B]

Is it. That is a good question.

[A]

Because.

[B]

Because if I feel like I spray too much on, I actually get really insecure about it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, trying to. I'm changing my clothes, trying to fan it off. Like, I want it. I want. If I'm wearing a cologne, it's because I think it smells good and want people to smell it. But if you do too much, I.

[A]

Can'T imagine opening car door. Like, I'm telling you, I opened it and I was like, oh, God.

[B]

Uhhuh.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, That's a big one.

[A]

Okay, so we've covered that. What else for etiquette?

[B]

Well, another plain one. I just want to say, wait your turn to get off the plane. Like, if you're. Don't just be as. The minute the seatbelt sign goes off after you land, the people who get in the aisle and then sprint up as far as you can before people start to D plane. That is so rude. And it just causes so much congestion and it really slows everything down. And it's like, you're not that important. It is. The only exception is if you're trying to. Like, if the fight was delayed and so you're potentially going to miss a connecting flight or something. No yawning, Autumn. It's early. It's not.

[A]

I covered my mouth.

[B]

I cannot believe that it's after 10pm and we're doing this.

[A]

I should have been asleep an hour ago.

[B]

That's crazy. Anyways. Yeah, wait your. Wait your damn turn.

[A]

If. Yes, if there is a flight that's been delayed, then they usually come on and say, like, hey, if you could wait, please let the people that are trying to make connect and flight go. And then you still see everybody stand up and block the way. And you're like, all right.

[B]

Yeah. Because I'm like, I know the. Not all these sons of bitches up here. Not all flight together.

[A]

Connecting flight.

[B]

Exactly. Yeah, I can tell. Okay, so you, before you made it big and were a household name in the fitness industry.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What were. You worked in a gym. And I think gym etiquette is a really important thing that we should also help people if they don't know, know and encourage them to also, like, I don't know, tell people when they're doing the wrong thing. So what do you see? Common. What did you See, that people would commonly do. That's like.

[A]

First of all, I would like you to know that that chip that went under my gums is still there.

[B]

Oh, my God. That's the word. Everything's perfect. Except for when you're casually eating chips and it just turns into a knife. Like you're eating glass and it punctures your. Oh, my God. It's gonna hurt for a long time.

[A]

I'm like.

[B]

Like, probably forever.

[A]

Literally, like, trying to work it out my tongue while you're talking. Doing great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're crushing this gym etiquette, though. Oh, my gosh. I mean, we already talked about the cologne perfume. That's a huge one. Re. Rack your weights, you lazy.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like, you come to the gym to lift weights, but you're too lazy to put them back on the rack when you're done. That's so rude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because somebody has to come along and clean up after you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You took them out, you put them away. Didn't your parents. Parents teach you to put your toys away? Clearly not.

[B]

Obviously not in my day. You had to clean up after yourself. I'm saying I think it's important, too, like, for people to realize. And this is part of it. This is a shared community space. Right. And so there's a lot of things, like when people use more than one machine at the same time, you have to either invite people to work in with you.

[A]

Like, you don't even have to invite them in, but when they come over and say, can I work in with you? You cannot give an attitude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you're especially like. Because here's the bottom line. You're going to do a set and then you're going to take a break at least 30 seconds probably. Otherwise, you're doing it wrong anyways.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or you're going to go and do a different exercise and then come back to that one.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Either way, somebody could work in with you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the person working in should know that you don't get to stand there and hog it either. Like, you don't get to take it over from the person that was there. If they're still going, you get to say, can I work in with you? And then they should say, yeah. They'll usually go, yeah, I've got one more set left. And you're like, okay, cool. They finish that, then you work in. Great, thanks. And you have to reset it for them, too. So, like, if you're doing, like. If they're doing, like, lap pull downs with a big bar and you switch it to the tricep rope. But you know they need to come back when you finish your tricep rope, you need to put the lap back on.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

So that they could do it. Like that's proper gym etiquette.

[B]

Do you think if someone is just using. This is a real question. I don't know the right answer. Let's say someone's at like a Smith machines.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Or like a bench press. Or I. Whatever, something like that. And they're on their phone and it's not like they're using it to time. They're just sort of like scrolling.

[A]

Whatever.

[B]

Yeah. Like. But they're only using one machine. But don't you still think that's rude at a busy time?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's one thing if you're ti. If it's a minute or less maybe. Or even maybe if you're going really heavy, I don't know, 90 seconds.

[A]

Yeah. So with the Smith's machine, something like that. That is harder because like that's not a quick switch like a cable machine is. Which means when you're on the Smith machine. Okay, fine. You take your break that you need to take and I get it. If you're lifting really heavy, you probably do need a good 60 to 90 in between. So if you see somebody waiting, like kind of standing there waiting, you can either say like hey, I've got two more sets.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that they know. Or if you're the person waiting for this myths machine, I think it's perfectly acceptable to politely say like hey, how many more sets do you have?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now if they decide to be an ass and just sit there and look at like Instagram and Tick tock or take a phone call, that's when you just start giving them dirty looks and you huff and puff and pace around them. But then sometimes they'll be bigger and they'll take even longer.

[B]

See, it's just so rude.

[A]

But it's rude. It is. It is rude. But yeah. A Smith machine is harder to change out. So it's not like a quick. So you should just be mindful like not saying you have to rush your sets. But just be mindful if you see somebody waiting.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Another thing I would say is clean, like give the equipment a quick spray after you use it. That's why the things are there. And it's just. That's also showing consideration.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Especially if you're sweaty.

[A]

Don't be the gross.

[B]

Stand up and your ass print is on that bench.

[A]

No, you better wipe it, clean it up. Because I don't want to have to go get a thing and wipe it.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, these are the ABCs of just being considerate. Considerate. And by the way, you guys, that goes for any level gym that you're at all the way from the really high end expensive to the less expensive ones. And if you still want your gym to be nice, the gym that you go to, like, then you have to take care of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And if people see you doing it, they're gonna, you know, like, people will start to do the same. Like, if one person's putting their weights away, then the person that's working out next time is probably gonna go put their weights away too, because they don't want to look like the rude person who didn't clean up. But if you leave yours, then it kind of gives somebody else permission to leave theirs. And then before you know it, the gym you go to sucks. Nothing works. Works. Can't find any of the equipment. It's full of germs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's just. Nobody wants to come.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So don't run your gym into the ground. Also, don't be talking on your phone all loud.

[B]

That is so true.

[A]

At the gym, if you need. If you have.

[B]

Honestly, most public places.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Everyone in the world doesn't need to hear your drama.

[A]

Yeah. And I really do feel like when people are talking that loud, they're trying to be like, I'm so cool. Listen to me yell at this person. I'm the boss.

[B]

It feels like it's performative. Like, I actually feel. In all fairness, it makes me think of something I would have done when I was like 21 or 22 and wanted to feel like. Not that everyone at that age would do that, but that's like, at that time, I felt cool if people thought I looked. Now it's like, okay, that's just inappropriate.

[A]

Right? Like, oh, look, look at. I'm such a professional. I'm the one getting the job done. You're like, you just sound like an.

[B]

Exactly. You're just sharing your personal life with a bunch of strangers who don't want to hear it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're disrupting the piece right now. Yeah. At the gym. I hate that. And also the gym I went to, people would play music on their phones.

[A]

Like, not on headphones.

[B]

Like, not on headphones. Like you're working out together. There's music playing in the gym. And they got their little playlist going on their phone. And I was shocked, shocked that they weren't stopped.

[A]

Like, that's ridiculous. Put an earbud in.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

You guys want to listen to the same thing? Each put one earbud in.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Or share the playlist right there. You can even, like with iPhones, you can add multiple headsets. Right. Like if you want to listen to the same thing. I think that's not. No, that's great. That's also on a plane. Like when people on a plane, they say not to do it, but those play videos for their kid at one time. Because I get it. If you travel with kids, it's stressful.

[A]

Right? Right.

[B]

But give them some of them big damn. I don't know. Put Mickey ears on it and give him some headphones because nobody wants to hear Coco Melon on their iPad for a five hour flight.

[A]

Right. I don't want to listen to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I already did that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Been there.

[B]

Right? Been there, done that. So definitely.

[A]

Yeah. There's another thing that I just think is so rude that people do that has to do with phones. When you are checking out, especially at the grocery store. Get off your phone.

[B]

Yeah, check out.

[A]

Don't stand there, be talking. Oh, yeah, wait. Oh, oh, I forgot my cue pot. Like, get off your phone.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Say, I'll call you right back. I'm checking out. Do your business. Or.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

Or at least put the phone down.

[B]

I will tell my person, like if I hold on, I'll be like, hey, I'm about to check out. Hold on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they don't exist in my world until. Until I'm done and checked out. Because it is really, really rude.

[A]

Say hello to the cashier. Like polite.

[B]

Yeah, I really love, like, if. If you take an opportunity to actually be present with those random people we interact with, like different, like the clerk at I don't know who. People who help us at grocery stores, at banks, whatever. It's just. Is so you're such a better person.

[A]

It's just like the little thing. Give them a smile, like make their day a little bit it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Just don't be rude.

[B]

Yeah, I hate that. When I was working at the restaurant and people would be like, I'd be like taking someone's order and someone would say something. I'd be like, I'm sorry. And they'd say, oh, I'm not talking to you. Like, point to their ear. But I'm like, well, why the are you on the phone right now?

[A]

Yeah, I'm here taking your order.

[B]

This is a thing we're doing. Oh my gosh.

[A]

You walk away and you're like, Oh, I didn't come back for 10 minutes because you were on your phone.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

I can't tell when you're off your phone with your earbud in.

[B]

And you know what's wild? Especially recently, working at so constantly. No, no, girl, we can. As much as we want with the.

[A]

We've been through today at 10:30 at night.

[B]

Welcome to the fest, baby.

[A]

Have some damn etiquette.

[B]

Talking about bushes and bitching. That's love. But no, really, when I was working at the restaurant, I was like, the people don't even know it. So it started to make me so mad at just society as a whole, because I'm like, we went wrong, and I don't know if the wrong can be righted. I think we are done. We're past.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Recovery.

[A]

We are. Okay, here is one that I know I'm bad about.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I actually catch myself doing it on the podcast all the time. And I feel so bad. I talk over people. It's not to be rude. It's because I'm excited and my brain is going so fast that I need to get it out.

[B]

I relate to you, like, so much. Like, I tell people. I know it seems like I just interrupted you, but actually I was thinking about this before you started talking, and it feels like I was talking first, so, like, when I started talking, when you were talking, I was. I was just completing my sentence. That was already going on in my head right away. Yeah, right. You didn't know, but now you know, so it's my turn to talk.

[A]

No talking.

[B]

No talking. No. I am the same way. So it's funny we have a podcast together, because when I think of something that needs to be said, I have to stop myself from just blurting it out, no matter what's going on around me, because I don't want to forget it. I want. And I don't trust my brain for real. But I don't think that you. I. I would not say if someone said, what are some of Autumn's flaws? Well, not the one.

[A]

What are some of Autumn's flaws?

[B]

No, no, I'm. You know, seriously, I just.

[A]

Right into that one, didn't he.

[B]

I was laughing. No, no, I don't think that you really talk over people.

[A]

Oh, God. I've watched some of ours. And you're, like, literally about to say a thought, and I'm like. And then you never get back to thought, and I'm like, autumn, you like.

[B]

Oh, that's so funny. But I feel like I go on and on and on. And I'm like, give her a chance to talk. So we're in this together.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We're equal.

[A]

At least we're not offending each other.

[B]

Not at all.

[A]

Perfect. Great. But I do. I do try to be very aware of that, because I've recognized that it's something that I do. And again, it's usually because I'm excited or I have a thought. I do it a lot with work, but that's usually because somebody's talking and I'm like, oh, God, just shut up what you're saying, stupid.

[B]

No, no, I'm going stop you right there.

[A]

It's a terrible idea. Like, stand your sentence before you look back.

[B]

You do throw some. Imma. Stop you right there.

[A]

I love that. I could have done a whole podcast called I'm gonna stop you right there.

[B]

You actually really could.

[A]

I should start another podcast. It would be fun.

[B]

Because that is something you do. But. But I feel that. Because at some point, it's like. It's almost like, am I really gonna let this person go on and on about something that just is. They're wasting their breath.

[A]

Yeah. By the time you finish, all I'm gonna tell you is you're wrong. No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a stupid idea. Yeah. I'll say it nicely. Probably not, actually.

[B]

Yeah. But I'm with you. I. I have gotten. When I was, like, probably like six, maybe 17, I was at dinner with someone. They're actually like a. Someone I looked up to, kind of like a leader in. At my church. My friend who's coming to see me this weekend is actually who I'm talking about.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And she said to me, we were at TGI Fridays and we were talking, and I don't remember interrupting her, but she said, I just want you to know you interrupted me. And you do that all the time. And I was like. It was really hard for me in that moment. But also I remembered, like, uncomfortably just sort of being like, I'm sorry, I didn't. That wasn't my intention. And now I catch myself. When I interrupt people, I will say, I'm sorry I interrupted you.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

But spit it the fuck out.

[A]

But hurry the fuck up.

[B]

Like, I'm trying to help you. Okay.

[A]

I don't think you understand how fast this train is going to. Land the plane on Donald's landing strap.

[B]

Exactly. Build a bear.

[A]

No, seriously, land the plane, though. When somebody's going on and on, and I'm just like, I gotta say the thing, because I don't know what the. How long? I already know what you're gonna say. I. I'm at the end of that sentence.

[B]

The deposition that I was taking today because I'm like a little fake court reporter. Literally. I was like, I better turn my camera off because I want to tell everybody. Shut the up. And I'm just going to tell them what's going on in this case. These attorneys are asking stupid questions. The witness is not responding. Right. It is not good for people with art, with. Who are like us. I'm like, oh, my God. While I'm typing away.

[A]

Stupid, dumb. Oh, wait, that's not.

[B]

No, I'm typing what I'm thinking, not what they're saying.

[A]

Can you read that back? This is so funny. Stupid. I mean, exactly. The box landed on me.

[B]

Weird.

[A]

I don't know what happened. Yeah.

[B]

So.

[A]

Okay, well. Talking over. Interrupting. Big one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. I have two other ones. One. And this is because my ballet master when I was in college was so adamant about this. If you don't cover your mouth when you yawn. Oh. He made it very known on day one of freshman year that if you yawned in his class and didn't cover your mouth, he was going to humiliate you.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Like. Like, literally made it known. I will embarrass you. Cover your mouth if you're gonna yawn. So, like, from day one, hand always in front of the mouth because.

[B]

So do you agree with him?

[A]

I do think it's a little, like, to just yawn all big, like. Like. I guess it depends a little bit on the setting, but, yeah, I can cover you just, like, sneezing, but. Oh, do not sneeze into your hand. That is not disgusting.

[B]

Totally sneeze into your elbow or cough into your hand.

[A]

It goes into your elbow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, your armpit elbow. You do not do it in your hand.

[B]

You know what I do?

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

I wipe my nose with my sleeve. I'm a child.

[A]

Like this.

[B]

Yeah. Like.

[A]

Well, I guess it's better than your hand.

[B]

I guess that's true.

[A]

Because otherwise, you're going to touch things and. Listen, we're not old ladies necessarily. I'm joking. But, like, my grandma always had, like, a little. It wasn't even a handkerchief. It was literally Kleenex that had probably been used for, like, four days. That I was like, okay, that thing's disintegrating and covered in snot. Can we pick a new one?

[B]

My grandfather sleeve. His was always in his pocket, but he pulled out, and it wasn't like a. Oh, my nose is Running. I'm just going to dab. Dab. It was like, yeah. Like, the noise he would make blowing his nose into that thing and then put it back in his pocket. I'm like, that is disgusting.

[A]

That's not all over it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, My grandma would do it, and then she would tuck it up her sleeve, and I was like, grandma.

[B]

It makes me think of the bridesmaid when she was like, I snapped a blanket in half. But that's how the handkerchiefs would be because she's like, I grow. I have all boys.

[A]

All boys.

[B]

The other day, I have to plague it in half. Yeah.

[A]

Not encountered that problem, but yes. So yawning. Cover your mouth.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And the other one, I was just gonna say. What was it? Oh, well, you and I were talking about this the other day. You need to yawn.

[B]

I always swallow my yawns. I'm bad because I'm on FaceTime calls all the time, so I'm always like. Like, trying not to show that I'm yawning.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

Okay, what was it?

[A]

We. We have to do a whole show on this, but proper emoji etiquette.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Like, when you're texting. Because what I was going to say. Well, it kind of stemmed from emails. Oh, my gosh. If. If an email is sent, it needs to be acknowledged. Unless it's just like, got it. Like, if I'm responding to yours. Got it. Thanks. I don't need to. Okay. Like, I don't need a response back, but if I type up a whole email, blah, blah, blah, blah. Here's an idea. Here's some things to consider, and I send it to 5 people. I expect 5 replies. Not one, not two. If your name was on the email, I'm looking for you to respond.

[B]

God, you must hate me.

[A]

I don't email you.

[B]

I know, but, like, our little r. Like. Like pot. Like our emails with our people we've worked with and with the podcast and stuff like that.

[A]

No, that's usually a uri. One of us is responding. That's not what I mean. Like, in a work situation where it's a team and multiple people get the email and then it's radio silent, and I'm like, cool. Got it.

[B]

So. So are you doing this or not?

[A]

Yeah. Like, so am I in this alone? Am I being fired? Who'd I piss off? This dot? No, I mean, I don't really, but. But literally, it drives me crazy. I'm like, proper etiquette is to at least acknowledge that you got the email. Yeah, like, when did it become acceptable to just not respond?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I'm. I really am kind of bad at that. I'm getting better. But I am the person where I'm like, I didn't think it, like, was a respond situation. I. I need to be better at. I'm not good with email, though. I just keep starting new emails because all my emails, once they hit like a hundred, like, okay, new email address. That one. Yeah, try to find me.

[A]

I do tell people, don't email me. I'm like, worst way to get a hold of me is email, text me. Because then. Because what they do is. But then this is the shady shit people do. They know I don't check email. So they'll send it in an email. I saw you yawn. They'll send it in an email and then they'll go, well, she didn't respond. And I'm like, hold on, we've been over this. My job doesn't have me sitting at a desk all day. Yeah, I'm in the gym, I'm working on things. I'm studying, I'm learning all the research. Da, da, da, da. So I have been clear for years. If you do send me an email and it requires immediate attention, you need to text me and say, I sent you an email, please make sure you check it and respond. Yeah, that's it. So we all know the protocol for Autumn to respond. This is not an unknown protocol. People still do it all the time. And I'm like, you sent the email? And they're like, well, I sent you the email. I said, did you send me a text? Well, no. Well, when I open my email at 7 o'clock@ night, when I finally get a chance to. Do you know how many emails are in there?

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

I'm not going through 100. I'm not gonna make it through 100. So if you. Yours was the first one of the day. It's buried.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So text me. Let me know. There is. But also, if I do respond to you, acknowledge me.

[B]

Yeah, 100%. My brothers are so bad about that. With texting even. Like, I'll send text messages. I'm like, you have no excuse not to respond to a text.

[A]

No, come on.

[B]

Your phone is in your hand half the day, no matter who you are. More like, respond. I'll literally text and be like, that wasn't rhetorical. Like, answer me. I have friends who'll be like, yeah, I text your brother and said, thank you so much. Or was thinking of it. And I didn't hear from him, I'm like, well, just feel good knowing that it's not you. It's literally him. It's how he treats everyone.

[A]

I mean, the least you could do is throw a heart emoji on it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, just hold it down and heart it. How long does that take? A millisecond.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You got to acknowledge. But here's the. Here's. If I heard you, you're good. If I thumbs up you.

[B]

That'S what? Thumbs up your ass.

[A]

I might as well have time. Go yourself.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you get one of these on your comment. Oh, okay. There are some people in the higher.

[B]

Sometimes it's just an acknowledgment because.

[A]

Yes. Like, sometimes if it's somebody high up in what we refer to as, like, C suite, I might not give them a heart. Just because sometimes I'm like, I don't know. It's like that professional to art.

[B]

It.

[A]

I don't know, depends on, like, my interaction with that person. But in general, if you get a thumbs up on a comment, it ain't good. It is not good.

[B]

Oh, there's so much. That's what we need to talk about, like, in another episode, because there's so much to texting. Like, one of my clients, who I'm also, I would say we're friendly also, we're friends, sent me something, but she was like, I found it, period. Listened to it, period. Talking about one of our podcast episodes. And I was like, she hates me.

[A]

Did you put a period Twice.

[B]

Two periods in there?

[A]

Like, oh, my God, you lost your damn mind.

[B]

Should I change my number? I don't know. This is really uncomfortable.

[A]

Do I have to refund you?

[B]

You text me today. Something about today. I think it said, like, you're gonna die. When I show you this. And even that, I was like, she probably is like, oh, my God, you're gonna die. But there was a little piece of me that has PTSD that was like, she hates me. And she's calling me stupid right now because I didn't see something like, I'm gonna die. No.

[A]

I was thinking, like, you're gonna be like, oh, my gosh. Because I thought you hadn't even realized that the majority of that episode was there. And I was like, you're gonna die. Because we recorded that episode, like, three times, and it was there, and it was there. Had seen it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it wasn't until I listened till the end that I realized we lost the audio.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, yeah, you don't put a period.

[B]

No.

[A]

In a text?

[B]

No, it's one.

[A]

Well. Oh, we. I mean, this really needs to be a whole nother podcast episode. Texting etiquette. Huh? Don't text me one sentence at a time.

[B]

Oh, that's.

[A]

My phone is like, ding, ding, ding. And I open it up. Kent does it to me all the time. I'm like. Like, you couldn't just say it all at once? Why was it four separate sentences?

[B]

Yeah, I think that sometimes I, like, walk that line. I'm sure we all try to correct. But I've seen there are two people, because I have. There are two kinds of people in the world. People who text everything in a separate line or people who just send a fucking message like a normal person. But I have a friend who was a really good friend of mine, and she does literally be like, hey, send. How are you? Send. What are you up to today? Said no. And the thing is, a lot of times that is a fair reason why text messages will go unresponded to. Because I just saw the last three that you said. I didn't realize there were five more before that that were all set at the exact same time.

[A]

You know, but there's a fine line because you can't write a paragraph like, I don't need a novel.

[B]

Right.

[A]

If you have to write more than three or four sentences, that's a phone call.

[B]

Yes. Even though I really utilize the voice.

[A]

Okay, we gotta save this for another podcast episode because there's too many things.

[B]

Yeah, but there are.

[A]

We got to get into it. We got to get into what all the different emojis mean.

[B]

Yes. Efficiency in texting when you can voice text. Huh? Yeah.

[A]

Well, I'm ready to go.

[B]

That's another episode.

[A]

That's another episode. But for this one, just common courtesy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In life would be nice.

[B]

Yeah. On the freeway, maybe like the left lane is the passing lane if you're. If there's a line of cars behind you and you can easily get over if you're all the way in the left lane. Get over.

[A]

As Ludicrous says, move.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Get out the way.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

You know, Bobby Cow, my dad is the worst. I'll just tell you this one story. He has the fear of wide open spaces. I forget what it's called. So, like, driving him on the canyon roads here, he's like literally holding onto the old handle and like, can't look. But also the freeways here, because it's. We're five, five and six lane freeways, which is very different than most places.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it freaks it. It would freak him out. So my dad, literally just trying to cause accidents on the freeway, basically drives in the far right lane, lane slow. And I'm like, what are you doing in the merge lane? You're the problem.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And he's like, they can go around me. And I'm like, they can't go around you. They're trying to speed up. You're in the way. You're doing 45. As they're trying to merge with 75. Get one lane over and at least do 65.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Otherwise you're not allowed to drive on the freeway.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Period.

[A]

Period.

[B]

I mean, that is. You're just period in the way. You should be going with the flow of traffic, not getting on there and causing problems.

[A]

You're. You're not only the merge, you're the merge and the exit. So, like, people are also trying to get over so they can exit off and you're in the way.

[B]

Right. And if you're. If you're going slowly in that lane, people trying to catch up. That's what I hate so much.

[A]

Yeah. It's dangerous.

[B]

I have to, like, I will be. Be driving onto the freeway and jump over way before. Because I see some bozo driving so slowly. I'm like, this is a. Like, you gotta get up to like 70 miles an hour, buddy. Let's go. Why are you riding at 40?

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

This isn't a school zone.

[A]

Yeah. You've got to at least hit 65.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because everybody else is trying to merge and we're trying to merge with the traffic that's going to. I mean, here in la, tried in Florida, where they do a hundred. Honestly, legit.

[B]

Yeah. I think it's because there's so many people who aren't from here. People drive slowly because they don't really know where they're going or something.

[A]

Sorry, man.

[B]

I'm like, that's a Jeep.

[A]

That's your problem, not mine. Get out of my way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then you take the second lane from the right.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And keep a 65.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Turn your music down. How funny is it when people turn their music down because they're trying to look for the roadside? I do it all the time. I'm like, I'm that old.

[B]

Yeah. No, I will be like, how? I can't focus with this.

[A]

Can't figure out where my exit is when you're singing this loud.

[B]

Right. Like. I get it, Whitney.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Jelly roll. Hold on. My exit. Well, anyhow this has been fun. If this didn't record, though, this podcast has come to an end.

[B]

Honestly, like, been nice knowing you because.

[A]

It'S 11 o' clock at night.

[B]

Yeah. This is wild. I mean, it really was. I hope that you guys enjoyed it. I hope you got some little nuggets of information that are helpful or that you just feel empowered for the injustices that you see happening in the gyms and on the planes and on the freeway and all the things. Things.

[A]

Also, if you got a pair of KK's bush underwear, I just want to know what you plan to do with them. Yeah, please email us at everything's Perfect. Perfect podcast gmail.com and tell me, what do you plan to do with the bush underwear?

[B]

Yeah, we want to know.

[A]

One of you got them. I know at least one of you got them.

[B]

Oh, my gosh, I cannot wait to read this email.

[A]

I want to know. Yes, you could DM us, too. Everything's perfect. Official, huh? If you put those suckers on and you feel the need to DM a photo, I mean, please make sure everything's covered up. But I'm just dying to know.

[B]

Oh, my God. But how will we know you're about to get. We're just gonna get pictures of bushes.

[A]

You are. You're in full.

[B]

Oh, no, no. What are we asking for? This is sick. That's right.

[A]

I'm so tired. But I'm so glad you have to open the dms.

[B]

No. Oh, Lord, help us. Forget that part.

[A]

Well, on that note, you guys traumatized?

[B]

Yeah. I'm like. I'm not. Our Instagram's shut down. It goes private.

[A]

20,000 people on there.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Anywho, this has been great. Let's go check and see if it recorded.

[B]

Yeah, I will cry.

[A]

All right, well, you guys, we'll see you for Halloween. Wait till you see what our costumes are.

[B]

This is a cat.

[A]

And scene.