Everything’s Perfect…Except I Accidentally Started Sexting

Summary

---

Everything’s Perfect…Except I Accidentally Started Sexting

Podcast: Everything’s Perfect
Hosts: Autumn Calabrese and Donald Stamper
Date: April 21, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This episode dives unfiltered into the awkward, hilarious, and confusing world of modern sexting. Autumn and Donald, best friends and co-hosts, respond to a listener’s plea for advice after she accidentally stumbled into a flirtatious exchange—and has no clue about the rules, expectations, or etiquette of sexting in the digital dating era. With their trademark humor, candor, and “not-an-expert” honesty, they explore topics around sexual boundaries, texting "rules," sending photos, and navigating all the messy middle moments of dating.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Boundaries, Technology, and Old Photos

• The hosts are together in Arizona, recording at Donald’s house, having just enjoyed a pool day and discussing the fate of leftover french fries (02:01–02:47).
• A relatable, comic interlude: Anel’s anxiety over her phone’s photo gallery potentially exposing old nudes on the TV behind her.
  • Quote: “There's nothing more stressful than when you have like 12,000 photos in your phone from years. And you know, in those years you were a hoe...” – Anel (03:31)

2. Listener “Phone a Friend”: The Accidental Sext

• Listener dilemma: After reentering the dating world, she’s texting with a guy, things turned flirty, then suddenly “we have crossed into what I guess is sexting.” She’s lost: How graphic is too graphic? Do you have to match a partner’s energy? Are you expected to reciprocate pictures? Is it okay to draw boundaries? (04:32–05:48)
  • Quote: “Every time my phone lights up, I feel like I’m taking a pop quiz for a class I forgot I signed up for.” – Listener email (04:40)

3. How Graphic Is Too Graphic?

• Both hosts agree: “Graphic” is subjective. What’s normal for one may feel like a leap for another (06:01–06:11).
• Personal anecdote: Donald recalls a guy who sent explicit messages on a dating app after only a few lines of conversation—a total turn-off (07:44–08:08).
  • Quote: “Four text back and forth, and then it was like, what are you into? ... I get very—I don't want to get in over my head, you know what I mean?” – Anel (07:44)

4. Proximity, Intent, and Setting Expectations

• If someone lives close by and is already escalating to explicit messages, it can be a red flag unless both are clear it’s just for fun (09:07–10:24).
  • Quote: “If you dive into that too quick and you're hoping it will then turn into a relationship, I'm not saying it's impossible, it's just a little unlikely.” – Donald (09:18)
• They emphasize honesty—know what you want (fling vs. relationship) and communicate it early. (11:12–11:35)
• Establish boundaries, regardless of whether the relationship is casual or potentially serious.

5. The Risks of Photos & Catfishing in the Digital Age

• The dangers of sending nudes to someone you haven’t met (or even if you have): catfishing, AI manipulation, privacy loss, revenge posting (14:00–16:59).
• Tips:
  • Don’t put your face in photos.
  • Assume anything sent can end up public.
  • Quote: “You better not put your face in that photo because... they could take your stuff and just start putting it all over the internet.” – Donald (16:04)

6. The Spectrum of Sexting: What’s Fun, What’s Awkward

• Handling explicit language: If a person you’ve texted for just five days suddenly says, “I’m so horny for you,” both hosts agree it's way too forward and off-putting (18:22–19:44).

  • Quote: “That’s aggressive to me... You actually just turned me off.” – Donald (19:09)

• Unsolicited underwear or towel selfies after minimal chatting is a turn-off for both hosts; ghosting may follow (21:43–22:06).

7. Matching Energy (Or Not) and Consent in Sexting

• There’s no obligation to reciprocate, no matter what the other person sends (from words to pictures). Move at your own pace and listen to your own comfort level (26:09–27:26).
  • Quote: “Early on, you don’t have to do anything... I remind myself in those moments, I don’t owe anything.” – Anel (25:54)

8. On Dirty Talk and “Sexting” Anxiety

• Both hosts are honest: Sexting can feel awkward—dirty talk is not for everyone (29:17–29:32).
  • Quote: “When I just think about saying dirty things, it makes me feel so...” – Anel (29:29)
• Written words may feel easier than saying it out loud, but still come with their own vulnerability (30:22–31:51).

9. General Sexting & Dating Safety Tips

• Communicate boundaries and intentions clearly.
• If the vibe is uncomfortable, it’s okay to disengage or simply not reply.
• Be aware of the potential consequences for privacy, reputation, and emotional safety, especially in certain careers or if you have children (32:10–33:15).
  • Quote: “If you don’t know the person that well, I am going to assume the worst kind of gal... Life has taught me. I don’t trust nobody.” – Donald (32:10)
• Don’t do anything because you feel pressured. The right relationship will feel “natural, not forced.” (35:57–36:18)

10. “Bases” and Expectations: Modern Dating “Timelines”

• The hosts riff on first base (kissing), second (touching), third (down the pants/oral), home run (sex), and the “grand slam.” There’s no moral standard or timeline—again, it’s whatever feels right (41:18–42:21).
• If someone isn’t making a move after several dates, maybe they’re just not that into you, or see you as a friend—clarity is helpful (49:07–50:11).

11. Funny and Memorable Stories

• Donald’s story about falling asleep during a movie at a guy’s house, navigating the “jeans or no jeans in bed” situation, and the accidental spooning with “that’s not his arm.” (01:00–02:00, 55:06–57:28)
  • Quote: “I was like, God, his arm’s digging into my back. And then I was like, that’s not his arm.” – Donald (57:03)
• Anel’s story of fearing for her dignity after her phone—containing some racy photos—is stolen while she’s singing at church (24:05–25:25).
  • Quote: “Someone out there. Someone can see me and also look at my phone and see me.” – Anel (24:43)
• Jokes about “moon over Miami,” Denny’s menu for “bases,” and AI-generated nudes.

---

Notable Quotes & Soundbites

• On Pressure to Respond in Kind: “I would say to the person who wrote in, you definitely do not have to ever match... unless you want to, you shouldn’t feel like you’re pressured...” – Anel (26:31)
• On Trust: “You don’t know, you could break up and that person could be real... Ooh, and they could use your pictures to create AI videos...” – Donald (16:43–16:59)
• On Communication: “If you’ve got something that should be shared then you need to be upfront and honest about that.” – Donald (63:09)
• On Fun and Personal Pace: “As long as you’re having fun, you’ll know when you’re not. Like if you start doing something and you’re like ‘I’m really uncomfortable and this isn’t fun’... then don’t send it.” – Donald (63:34–63:45)
• On Gender Differences in Sexting/Intimacy: “A guy can see a girl thinks she’s hot and if she would text him and say hey, want to come over? And he’d be down... where a girl can see a guy think he’s hot but if he would text her and say hey, you want to come over? She’d be like, oh my god, no.” – Anel (39:49)
• On Modern Dating: “You only live once. Like, if you’re feeling the vibe, go for it. I don’t know.” – Anel (54:41)

---

Practical Takeaways & Advice for Modern Sexting

• Move at Your Own Pace: Only engage in sexting or photo exchanges if you genuinely want to—never out of obligation or pressure.
• Don’t Match Energy Out of Guilt: If someone sends a racy pic, you don’t have to reply in kind.
• Protect Your Privacy: Never include your face in sensitive photos; “assume anything you send could go public.”
• Communicate Openly: If you’re not comfortable with certain content, say so—express your boundaries.
• Set Expectations Early: Know if you’re seeking a relationship or a fling and communicate accordingly.
• Trust Cautiously: Even people you think you know may surprise you; privacy breaches can and do happen.
• Define Your Own “Rules”: There’s no single right time for any “base”—only what feels consensual and fun for both parties.
• Understand Vulnerability: Sexting can be fun and healthy—if approached safely and with mutual respect.

---

Important Timestamps

• Listener Dilemma Read Aloud: 04:32–05:48
• Risks of Sharing Nudes & Privacy Tips: 16:03–16:59
• Is “I’m so horny for you” too soon?: 18:22–19:44
• Photo Reciprocity, Comfort, and Boundaries: 25:54–27:26
• Dirty Talk Anxiety: 29:17–29:32
• Dating Timelines, “Bases,” and Consent: 41:18–42:21, 49:07–50:11
• Memorable Spooning “Arm” Story: 57:01–57:28

---

Final Thoughts & Host Reflections

• Both hosts urge listeners to embrace the awkward, communicate honestly, and protect themselves emotionally and digitally.
• They remind everyone: There’s no universal “right way” to date, sext, or navigate intimacy in the digital age. Move at the speed and style that bring you confidence and fun—not anxiety or regret.

“Have fun. As long as you’re having fun, you’ll know when you’re not.” – Donald (63:34)

---

Ways to Connect

• Send your own “phone a friend” stories or questions:
  • Email: [e-mail]
  • Instagram: @everythingsperfectofficial

---

Transcript

[Bretzky]

You know what? It sucks to be bored. But when I get on my phone and play real casino games on spinquest.com, the time flies by. That two hour wait at the DMV seems like 10 minutes. Play your favorite slots, live blackjack, live craps with a live dealer. New players, $30 coin packs are on sale for 10 bucks. Play spinquest.com and you'll never be bored again.

[SpinQuest Announcer]

Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Donald]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Donald]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Anyways, get a'@libertymutual.com or with your local agent.

[Donald]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Anel]

Liberty.

[Donald]

There was a time, years ago, there was a guy I was dating. And so like took forever for us to hang out, went over, watch tv, all this stuff. Like, passed out on the couch because it was like so late. We were watching tv. Like the move. Like I fell asleep during the movie we were watching. I woke up, you know, like, like movie ends and like kind of nudges me and I was like, oh shit, I'm so sorry. I fell asleep and I went to get in bed fully dressed and he's like, what are you doing? And I was like. And he's like, with jeans on. And I was like, I'm not getting naked in your bed. And he's like, I'm not sleeping next to. And gave me like a T shirt. So fine, I slept in his T shirt. And nothing happened. We did just cuddle. I just. It's the funniest story cuz I remember going to the gym the next day and telling my girlfriend and her boyfriend who both worked at the gym too, and I was like, okay, God. And I spent the night and they're like, oh. And I'm like, no, nothing happened. And I was like. But at one point, like, he rolled over and was spooning me and I was like, God, his arm's digging into my back. And then I was like, that's not his arm.

[Anel]

I don't know.

[Donald]

We're an AZ guys. Clearly we're on a different set. And by set I mean we're at Donald's house. In Arizona came to visit him for the weekend.

[Anel]

That's right.

[Donald]

So we've spent the last hour and a half trying to figure out our setup here, but here we are.

[Anel]

Yeah, I mean it's been a good day though. We chilled in the pool, we got tan. I ate some leftover french fries and I found out if you reheat fries, it's basically a skinny person food. That starch resistant honey.

[Donald]

It is. It's good for your gut.

[Anel]

I'm here for it.

[Donald]

If you cook potatoes, let them cool. Cool. Whether you let them sit out for a while or put them in the fridge overnight and then reheat them, it doubles the amount of resistant starch which is feeds the good gut bacteria that we have. And then they put off short chain fatty acids. So yes, it's very good for us.

[Anel]

Yeah. I don't know if necessarily fries are the best kind of potato to rehab. You know, it's gotta.

[Donald]

If we would have made them at home, it probably would have been. But those are store bought. But. And by store bought, I mean restaurant bought. Any who.

[Anel]

Anywho. Anyhow, so we are going to talk today about a fun topic I like. Well, okay, we're not experts in it,

[Donald]

but we're not an expert in anything

[Anel]

that we talk about

[Donald]

we don't talk about, which is health and wellness.

[Anel]

Do me a favor if my nudes pop up behind me, will you?

[Donald]

No, I'm not telling you I'm going to let them play. Dang it.

[Anel]

I was. There's nothing more stressful side note than trying to. Because there's a TV like behind me that one of the cameras you can see. And I was like, oh, we should put a picture or something on it so it just doesn't reflect the light. There's nothing more stressful than when you have like 12,000 photos in your phone from years. And you know, in those years you were a hoe and you might have sent dirty pictures.

[Donald]

We talked about this on one of our episodes. Whether or not you clean up your stuff.

[Anel]

Exactly. And all of a sudden my photos start popping up on this T. And I was like, Jesus Christ, this is playing with fire here. Everybody look away. I think we're. I think we're good on there.

[Donald]

It hasn't. It hasn't switched photos yet, which means it probably won't good. But we've been like, normally we'll end with a phone a friend, but sometimes you guys send phone a friends that are so good that we're like, I mean, let's gonna take it's gonna take the episode, so.

[Anel]

Yeah. So speaking of nudes on your phone, in your camera history. Just kidding. Let's dive into the phone. A friend.

[Donald]

Okay, go ahead. You got it.

[Anel]

Okay. Hi, guys. Please keep me anonymous because I'm already embarrassed enough sending this. So I recently started dating again after being out of the game for a long time, and I've been texting with a few guys. One of them started getting a little flirty, then a little more flirty, and now somehow we have crossed into what I guess is sexting. Okay, the problem is I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. Like, how graphic is too graphic? Is there an unspoken rule here? Am I supposed to match his exact. His energy exactly? If he sends some. Something kind of suggestive, do I have to send something equally suggestive back? If he sends a photo, am I expected to send one too? And if I don't, does that make me seem boring or prudish or uninterested? I have never really done this before, so every time my phone lights up, I feel like I'm taking a pop quiz for a class I forgot I signed up for. Part of me wants to have fun and be playful and confident, but the other part of me is terrified I'm going to say something weird. Send too much, send too little, or accidentally make this man think I belong in a convent. Please tell me, what are the rules here? Is there a normal level flirty texting for beginners? How do you know what's okay to send and what's better left unsent?

[Donald]

I mean, I have so many questions back to this person, but we're gonna have to just make assumptions.

[Anel]

Yeah. What they should have done is sent the. I want to see the photos.

[Donald]

I want to see what the person. I want to see what he's saying.

[Anel]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Donald]

Because I'm like, oh, it's hard to say until I see just how some people's level of graphic and other people's level of graphic are very different.

[Anel]

Do you remember I just moved to LA. We hadn't even started filming 80 Day yet, and I was on, like, every dating site that there was, and this one was Bumble, but the gay version of Bumble. So it's the same as, like, Tind and all the other apps. And I'm here with Spin Quest, where

[Bretzky]

you can play and win from the comfort of your own home with hundreds of slot games and all of the table games you love with real cash prizes. Right now, $30 coin packs are on sale for $10 for new users. It's [e-mail] that's s p I n

[SpinQuest Announcer]

q u e s t.com Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Great Wolf Lodge Announcer]

At Great Wolf Lodge, there's adventure for the whole family. You and your pack can splash away in the indoor water park where it's always 84 degrees. There's a massive wave pool, a lazy river and tons of water slides for your pack to enjoy together. And the fun doesn't stop there. Get ready to explore and play at adventure packed attractions from Magiquest, a live action game that takes place throughout the lodge to the Northern Lights Arcade. There's also a bunch of great dining options and complimentary daily events like nightly dance parties all under one roof. And the best part, with 22 lodges across the country, you're always only a short drive away from adventure. So bring your pack together at a lodge near you. Book your stay [e-mail] and strengthen the pack.

[Anel]

It said this guy was like, hi. I was like, hi. It's hard. Like literally four text back and forth messages on the app. And then it was like, what are you into? Into. I'm into. And then went down this like, list

[Donald]

of such graphics, such graphic, like, I remember you standing at my kitchen counter reading it to me and Kaylee and we were like. You were like, well, first you were reading it, you were like, ah.

[Anel]

Oh my God. Because I get very. I don't want to get in over my head. You know what I mean? Like,

[Donald]

you gotta be careful. Okay? Oh, God. My brain is exploding with questions and answers all at once. I want to know if, if it's like just a thing where they're texting, like, does this person live near her where it could be somebody that you start dating, Right? Because you got to be real careful there. Because if it's somebody, you can't be telling them that you're going to do A, B and C and then start dating them and be like, I was kidding.

[Anel]

I would never actually, I'm a lady. My fingers just talk dirty sometimes. But it's clean up here, honey. Okay, let's, let's play that scenario. If you are. If you meet someone on a dating app, okay. And you start texting them. So that's like the basis of your relationship. But they are within a reasonable distance that you could meet up and, you know, hang out with them.

[Donald]

Hang out, have a relationship or not, and just have fun. What are the rules?

[Anel]

Yeah, that's the first road we'll go down. Like, how would you handle it?

[Donald]

So me personally, once you're in it, like in a relationship, in a relationship we can go some places, we can say some things, but if you start trying to go for that too early on, then I think that's all you're interested in and that's fine. If that's all I want, if I'm just looking for a little romp in the head. Yeah, then I guess go for it. But if you dive into that too quick and you're hoping it will then turn into a relationship, I'm not saying it's impossible, it's just a little unlikely. It's a little unlikely.

[Anel]

I feel the same way. If you, if this is a scenario where you are close enough to meet up with the person for dinner, even if it, like, let's say it's not super close, but an hour or less for you guys to drive and meet for dinner or something. I don't know, an hour to me kind of gets to the threshold of it makes sense to be texting dirty things because you're not as accessible.

[Donald]

But I'm in LA, you could live 15 miles away and it could take an hour accessible depending on the time of day.

[Anel]

That's true. So I feel like in that case, why are you sexting? Because I got the vibe that they have. It's not like they have had sex or been intimate and then started sex.

[Donald]

No, it sounded like they just like the person, like the guy just kind of jumped into it.

[Anel]

Yeah. So for me, if they live close, it's a little bit of a turn

[Donald]

off to go right there.

[Anel]

It's like I picture someone just horny in their bed, like waiting to see what I'm gonna send. And it's like, is that what you're. What I am?

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Anel]

Is that what we're here for?

[Donald]

Right. Which by the way, again, if that's what they're there for. Because there was a lot of questions in that email.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

About what's appropriate, when. So you tell me at what rate we're playing this out. So is that scenario one, which is that the. The guy or the girls nearby?

[Anel]

Yeah, they're in the same town.

[Donald]

Then I would say, well, okay, so that was question A, they're nearby. Then it is, are you just looking for a fling and you're okay with that or if you're looking to actually meet somebody and date? Because I feel like if you're looking to meet somebody and date, you should try to get to know them, like, yes, sex and all that is always going to be better when you know them anyways. Because you know them.

[Anel]

That's why they call it friends with benefits. Even if you're not looking for a relationship.

[Donald]

Yeah. You still need to know a little bit about them. Otherwise it's still uncomfortable. So I would say no matter what, you would still want to get to know them. So it's not like I feel the same. Super awkward.

[Anel]

It's the old expression, buy a girl a drink first. Like, if you live close enough where we can meet and you can buy me a drink or we can like, you know, have drinks, hang out, have a bite to eat, whatever that. I like that effort. And then even if I'm not looking for a relationship, if it is just for fun, I still like that moment of, okay, make sure we enjoy each other.

[Donald]

Right.

[Anel]

Because there's nothing worse than, like, getting yourself in the situation with someone who you realize then you hate their personality. Oh, it's like, what am I doing here?

[Donald]

Yeah. And if you. Yeah. And if you jump in bed with them really quick and then you decide like, oh, okay, maybe the sex was really good and you want to start to get to know each other and you're like, oh, God, I should have just kept this upset.

[Anel]

Exactly.

[Donald]

This person. You suck.

[Anel]

And also, there's a risk, I guess, of one of you catching feeling. So make sure that if someone. I don't know, make sure if.

[Donald]

Yes. If you're going to jump right into the physical stuff without taking the time to really get to know each other and go on some dates. Ah, there's a lot of. Listen, we live in a day and age. There's questions that need to be asked. Are you married? Are you seeing somebody else? How many somebody else's are you seeing?

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

Use protection.

[Anel]

So I think this is more in the gay world than straight world because we have Grindr, which is really. Which is like a hookup app.

[Donald]

Right.

[Anel]

I actually met one of my past boyfriends on there and I didn't really use it as a hookup app because I am a very. As much as I joke and like, maybe say wild stories on our podcast, I like to be like, I'm. I was there for dates.

[Donald]

Right.

[Anel]

You know, but also I was pretty. I mean, if you treat me nice, I'm easy to get in bed. Sorry, sorry, not sorry. True. But then it was more common for. It was like a normal thing for people to be like, exchange pics. And I always felt so intimidated by that. Like, how about we meet up or something Like, I don't even know who this is. They could be sending fake pics.

[Donald]

You better FaceTime me, because you could say send pics and you could still be sending some AI shit. Yeah, I feel like the catfishing is probably the worst right now. I bet there's like so much AI and stuff.

[Anel]

And it's so good.

[Donald]

And it's so good. Like, so you could spend all this time talking to like somebody and thinking like, you're getting to know somebody and they're not real. I actually watched a documentary on that on Netflix. I forget what it was called. It was crazy. It turned out that the girl that was getting catfished, it was her cousin doing it to her. And it was crazy. She was like using this guy's photos that was like somebody in the town and stuff. And the like, they were supposed to meet and they like a year long relationship, like, relationship. But they had never met. They were just always talking and stuff. But like on the phone, never video anything. They were supposed to meet, then he didn't show, blah, blah. And the girl ends up like tracking him down. The one that's getting catfished, going to the guy's house. The guy's married with kids. He has no idea who this girl is that just showed up at his house. And she's going on and on and she's like, I got all these messages and the wife's like. And then he's like, I don't know you. This girl's like, devastated because she's been talking to him for a year. They had to get the police involved. And then it gets all tracked back to her freaking cousin.

[Anel]

Oh, my God.

[Donald]

No explanation why the, like the cousin didn't have an explanation as to why she was doing it to her.

[Anel]

That's crazy.

[Donald]

But like, this poor girl's life was like, ruined. Like, she was devastated. She thought she was marrying the guy. Yeah, like legit. Like they had talked about getting married.

[Anel]

That's wild.

[Donald]

So anyways, that was a long story.

[Anel]

But like, up family, like cousin.

[Donald]

Right. Like crazy. But so you gotta be careful about getting catfished. So like, I feel like you need to. I feel like sending pics is honestly dangerous in general.

[Anel]

Okay.

[Donald]

I, yeah, I'm not, I'm not saying I'm opposed to it, but I'm also saying playing with fire, you are for so many reasons. You better not put your face in that photo because you don't know this person. They could take your stuff and just start putting it all over the Internet.

[Anel]

Yeah, like, that's honestly when I have sent, like, sexual pictures or, you know, I didn't often send, like, just full frontal nudes, but just, like, sexy pictures. I would not have my face in them because I was like, at least

[Donald]

I could deny you could blame it on AI nowadays. That's not me. They aide me. But nonetheless, like, yeah, like, if you start sending stuff you don't know, you don't know, you guys could be in a relationship you still don't know, you could break up and that person could be real.

[Anel]

Ooh. And they could use your pictures to create AI videos to make it look

[Donald]

like you are doing all the things I'm here with.

[Bretzky]

Spin Quest, where you can play and win from the comfort of your own home with hundreds of slot games and all of the table games you love with real cash Prizes. Right now, $30 coin packs are on sale for $10. For new users, it's [e-mail] that's S-P I N Q U S T dot com.

[SpinQuest Announcer]

SpinQuest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on insurance with Liberty Mutual, even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Donald]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Donald]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Anyways, get a [e-mail] or with your local agent.

[Donald]

Liberty. Liberty.

[Anel]

Liberty. Liberty. Okay, so, all right, but before you get to. Before you get to exchanging nudes, let's say you're in a texting relationship and it starts to get like. Like I'm gonna say text, and I want you to tell me how you would respond. Let's say all of a sudden, okay, someone says,

[Donald]

you know, wait, how long have we been texting?

[Anel]

Okay, you've been texting every day for five days. But every day.

[Donald]

Like, every day. Just five days, though. Yeah, in like. And I've never met the person.

[Anel]

Right? But you have that exciting feeling, like, oh, my God, every time your phone dings, you go ahead. Okay. He's like, you send. You guys are. You send pictures, but not dirty ones. You're just like, good morning or whatever. And he says so in response to one of your, like, hi, you know, just got back from dinner with my girlfriends. And you're like. And he responds, you're so beautiful. Next text. I'm so horny for you. What do you say? Right.

[Donald]

It. Well, that. See, that's aggressive to me. If. To. If we haven't had any flirtatious, like, sexual to jump to. I'm so horny for you. And it's. We've been texting for five days and we've never met. Ah, you actually just turned me off. Yeah, like, I would. Like, I would want something. Like, I can't wait to meet you in person. Can't wait to sit across from you over dinner and stare at you. Or like, I would look for something more sweet and sexy before I'm so horny for you. Five days into texting.

[Anel]

Okay, so would you just leave it? Do you think you would respond at all?

[Donald]

I would probably play it off with, like, lol. Well, now. Or like, you know, like, I wouldn't give much of anything.

[Anel]

Or like, yeah, like, okay,

[Donald]

I hope you have sweet dreams or something. Like, I don't know, like, I would try to, like, not overdo it. Like, I would. But I wouldn't be giving up. Like. Like, I wouldn't be giving him anything to work with. Okay. You know what I mean?

[Anel]

All right. What if that text didn't get sent?

[Donald]

Okay.

[Anel]

But all of a sudden you get, like, text that is like a mirror selfie and he's only in his underwear.

[Donald]

That kind of happened. Do you remember. Do you remember when me, you and Kaylee went out there, Santa Monica, and I met that guy at the bar

[Anel]

and, like, made out with him?

[Donald]

Did I make out with him at the bar or was it just when he stuck his head through the cab window?

[Anel]

No, it was at the first of all. The place. The bar we were at had couches sitting around all over, and you were sitting next to him on the couch and you were smooching just a little bit. Okay, if my memory does serve, and it certainly does.

[Donald]

Honey, listen.

[Anel]

So.

[Donald]

Hey, kids.

[Anel]

I'm not here. Judge he.

[Donald]

First of all, he didn't live in la. I forget where he lived. Like, another state. But not far. But okay, fine. We made it. We kissed on the couch, and then he shoved his head through the cab window and kissed me again and was like, am I coming with you? And we were. You and Kaylee were there? And I was like, no, but absolutely not. Absolutely not. But we exchanged numbers and we texted a little bit, but yes, within a day or two, he sent me a. Like, he had just gotten out of the shower and he had a towel wrapped around his Waist, but. And I didn't send him anything back.

[Anel]

Was it unprovoked or was it.

[Donald]

Oh, yeah, I didn't ask for anything.

[Anel]

It was just a random. Like, all of a sudden you get a picture of him.

[Donald]

Yeah, we. Like, he might have been texting about the day or something, but like. And yet that, to me was an instant turn off. He had a great body, but I was just like, no, we're not going here. You don't. You don't live anywhere nearby. Okay. I met you at a bar. We kissed. What? Like. But I don't want. That is not what I want. Three days in to talking to you.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

And then maybe we talked for another couple days. And I think I ghosted him.

[Anel]

So that was a turn off. Oh, I was like. And ghosting is a nice. Like, in this technology world of dating where you oftentimes meet people online or you're just texting so much, it's easy to just kind of let it fade away. And, sorry, I was busy. And then, you know. Yeah, yeah, so I get that.

[Donald]

I do feel bad if I ghost because I don't like when somebody does it to me. I'm like, just be like, yo, man, like, great, but not interested. But then again, when it comes up, I'm like, I just.

[Anel]

Yeah, that's the thing. Sometimes people don't be taking hints. Like. Like, sometimes it's like, if anyone treated me the. With the level of interest I'm treating you with, I would move the hell on.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Anel]

Like, this is called wanting. This is called letting you down nicely.

[Donald]

Yes. If we were texting a lot, like, oh, text, text, text. And then we meet up or something, and all of a sudden I'm really taking, like five and six hours to respond.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

I didn't kiss you goodbye.

[Anel]

Yeah. Yeah. It says something.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Anel]

Without saying something. Okay, well, so you're just not a big selfie sender. I.

[Donald]

No, that's not what I'm saying. Not five days in. Like I said, if I'm in a relationship with somebody. Well, very hard for me to say because I'm using past experience. And so, like, the last person I was with, yes, we would send things, but I also felt very safe that it would never be used against me.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

I don't know what it would take for me to feel that level of comfort with somebody again or how long or how long, but it would take. It would take a lot. Because I'm not saying it was, like, grotesque or anything, but, you know, it's just. You don't need things getting out there.

[Anel]

No, you don't. That'd be awful.

[Donald]

Hey, if I ain't making money for it on only fans, nobody else is making money off me.

[Anel]

That's right. So, no, I feel that one time, like, this is back in my. I don't want to say my hoe days because I wasn't ho. But I did send. I had, like, taken some pictures to send. This is my 20s.

[Donald]

Okay.

[Anel]

And I also was singing at a church, and it was a large church, and somebody stole my phone, and it wasn't locked, and I was like, oh, my God. While I was up there on stage singing, I was like, someone out there. Someone can see me and also look at my phone and see me.

[Donald]

Well, first of all, they're a bad person. They shouldn't be at that church stealing phones.

[Anel]

Well, so this church and I feel so. Never talked about this before, but they. I loved that church. And they had. They were very large. They had five services, and each service had about a thousand people in it. But one of the services. This isn't to say anything about people in recovery, but it was a recovery service where there were a lot of different kinds of people. Some of them might have been coming with friends, and they might have, like, been in a state of mind where the world they lived in. If you see a cell phone unattended, you take it, Right. So, you know, it. It obviously is a bad thing.

[Donald]

You got the phone back.

[Anel]

No, And I. I just. I didn't even talk to anyone about it because I was like, I'm really worried someone's gonna find that guys.

[Donald]

Donald might be out there.

[Anel]

Makes me think of Schitt's Creek when she was like, make sure you take lots of nude photos and put them

[Donald]

on a thousand nude photos of yourself and put them on the Internet. Can nobody find nudes? Yes, but. Okay, so the person that emailed us asked a bunch of questions. She was like, if they send a pic, do I have to send a pic?

[Anel]

Okay. Yeah. I say, early on, you don't have to do anything. And I'm someone who does feel like when I'm dating someone or I want someone to think that I'm hot or interesting or funny. And when I say dating, I mean, not like Nell and I in a relationship. Like. Like it's new.

[Donald]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Anel]

And you're still, like, creating the image of yourself for that person. I would like to remind myself in those moments, I don't owe anything. Especially if I could go back and tell my past self something.

[Donald]

Yes.

[Anel]

Because I sometimes would participate just because I didn't want to come across as a loser.

[Donald]

Right.

[Anel]

What I want. Yeah. And so I would say to the person who wrote in, you definitely do not have to ever like match if, if you, unless you want to, you shouldn't feel like you're pressured to either send back like a text or a picture or anything like that.

[Donald]

Yeah. So the person that I had sent photos with back and forth that I dated, I, I remember the exact first one they sent to me. And I, I definitely didn't send anything back. And we had been talking for a while, like maybe several weeks to a month at least. And the photo that was sent wasn't like crazy graphic or anything, but I was like, oh, oh my, oh my. And I was like, oh. And I.

[Anel]

Would you look at that?

[Donald]

Yeah. I responded. I was like, oh, wow. Heart.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

But I'm not sending that right now. I'm not, I wasn't there yet. Like, so I don't think you have to send back and it'll. It. Sometimes it's interesting to see like how they respond too. Like if you're not feeling comfortable sending something back and all of a sudd. They like cop an attitude or kind of.

[Anel]

I sent you something. Yeah.

[Donald]

Or they stop messaging. Like, you know, they might be embarrassed. But if you could tell that they're taking it like, oh, you're whatever. Then you're not. You don't have what I want. If you don't want to play like this, cool, move on.

[Anel]

Yeah, totally.

[Donald]

But there's not just photos that happen. Like was when you're sexting. Sexting isn't really. I mean, yeah, sometimes it's photos, but a lot of times that's what you're saying.

[Anel]

And that stresses me out too. I'm. It does. Like I never really. I don't really. What's up, baby? It's Bretzky. And I'm here to tell you that spinquest.com is giving out free sweeps coins. All you got to do is purchase a ten dollar coin pack and guess what? They're gonna give you the coins from a thirty dollar coin pack that lets you play all your favorite games like Blackjack, Wanted Dead or Wild. And we're talking real cash prizes, baby.

[SpinQuest Announcer]

Spinquest.com Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at A comedy show.

[Donald]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Donald]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Anyways, get a'@libertymutual.com or with your local agent.

[Donald]

Liberty, Liberty. Liberty.

[Anel]

Liberty. I am such a feeling person.

[Donald]

So, Donald dirty talk is what he said.

[Anel]

I'm not a very big dirty talker. Yeah, I don't want to sound like a loser, but the truth is I'm not a big dirty talker. Like.

[Donald]

Like, okay.

[Anel]

Oh, my God. When I just think about saying dirty things, it makes me feel so.

[Donald]

Like,

[Anel]

what about you? Tell the truth. Because I know.

[Donald]

I know. I wasn't going to lie. I don't have a problem with it. Again, it would depend. But if you're. If it. You have to be careful what you're setting yourself up for. That is the bottom line.

[Anel]

That's right.

[Donald]

If this is somebody in another state, you know, you're never going to see world joy. Say, whatever. Especially if you're texting and you're not even voice texting. Yeah. Because, you know, sometimes saying it out loud is a little like, oof, I gotta say those things. But if you're just using your fingers to type things, it's all good, baby. Yeah.

[Anel]

You didn't say it. Your fingers.

[Donald]

Alternate universe. Live in it, baby. Tell them all the things. But again, I go back to if this is somebody you're gonna interact with, like, face to face, you got to

[Anel]

be able to put your money where your. Where your fingers are.

[Donald]

Words, fingers, mouth, and everything else. You can't, like, lead them on and say all these things.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

And I mean, I guess you could, but again, you. They would need to understand that, like, that's just. If you're not willing to back it up, that you're just being fun and flirty because, you know, because couples will, like, fantasize, talk about things like, oh, my God, wouldn't it be hot if. Blah, blah, blah. But they really mean it. Like, they're not, like, actually gonna go do those things.

[Anel]

Yes, that's true.

[Donald]

Like, I don't know, like, sometimes maybe. Like, they'll talk about, like, oh, honey, like, what if there was, like, another girl? Like, what would you want? Like, the females and actually interested in bringing, like, another female and she's just trying to get her husband riled up, have a good time and go to bed. Like.

[Anel]

Yeah. Except I heard what Nikki Glate. Is that her name? I didn't watch the podcast interview that she did with call her Daddy. But she.

[Donald]

Why would we. Even though I actually watch podcast, that

[Anel]

podcast, I actually interested in that episode too. But I saw a headline. So that's all this is coming from. If it's not true information that she thinks it's hot for her boyfriend to hook up with other girls because she also thinks girls are hot. And it turns around.

[Donald]

I saw that same thing.

[Anel]

I was like, oh, wow.

[Donald]

But so she's willing to back it up. Apparently she's okay with it. So maybe when she texts and sex she says right. But it's just words. Like, I don't know why we get so embarrassed about it. It.

[Anel]

Because words come with a little action and vulnerability. A little picture movie in your brain and that picture movie and a little

[Donald]

insight into who you are.

[Anel]

Yeah, exactly. A little information of what you can come up with in, in your mind and that says something.

[Donald]

Well, don't go in mine. But it all has to be what you're comfortable with. And listen, there are like for, for somebody who's not necessarily like, if you're not in the public eye at all, like and you're not worried about that and you don't have kids, that would. But like if you are in the public eye or you have a job that could be compromised if that information got out there, then you got to be more careful because people are, people suck. People are like. And people will like, God, don't be a school teacher and have somebody come back and like all of a sudden send it to the dean or something. Which it shouldn't matter. It's a private text. It's not like you're putting it up, you know what I'm saying? But like, you know, you just see these headlines all the time of like, oh my God. And then this happened and it got sent to her kids school or put on a kid's bulletin board or Right. Like something crazy. So I think you always have to be aware of who you're interacting with. And if you don't know the person that well, I am going to assume the worst kind of gal. I don't know what you want me to tell you. Life has taught me. I don't trust nobody. I don't know what she would tell you. This is what it is. That's how I feel. I don't like to trust nobody.

[Anel]

Yeah, well, I'm.

[Donald]

In fact, I usually assume the worst. Yeah, unfortunately, I'm usually right.

[Anel]

Well, maybe I know But I like to assume the best in people.

[Donald]

That'll get you bit in the ass every time and not in a good way.

[Anel]

And I was like, well, that might be if that was in your text that you sent once you bite my ass.

[Donald]

Can't say I've ever said those things.

[Anel]

See, this is why I don't do it.

[Donald]

People will laugh. Bite it.

[Anel]

Bite it real hard. Ow. Ow. Yeah. I hate that. Nell does it to me sometimes.

[Donald]

Oh, my God.

[Anel]

I'm like, do you mind? Anyways.

[Donald]

Wow. We just got a rose limbs.

[Anel]

See, now I'm so nervous and blushing. No, yeah, it's not. It's not for me, but it's happened a lot. That someone starts to go there and I'm always like. Like, I just always give a lot of. That's hot. Yeah, exactly. Like, wow. So sexy.

[Donald]

It's. I think texting in general is, like, really interesting. Obviously, we're in this, like, age of technology where that's all we do is text, you know? Like, I told you I was, like, talking with somebody, and I don't even know. I don't know if it's, like, a friend or a date or whatever, but he calls and I'm like, oh, my God.

[Anel]

I know.

[Donald]

Why are you calling? Like, who calls?

[Anel]

Very on the spot.

[Donald]

You want to go to dinner, you send me a text and I'll tell you when I'm free and we'll talk in person. But you want me to answer the phone. This is so awkward.

[Anel]

I know.

[Donald]

Which is crazy, because I remember in college, I loved being on the phone. I called everybody all the time I was on the phone. Always. Like, my roommates always got annoyed that our landline was tied up because I was on the phone. Now I'm like, I gotta really know you. Like, I love talking to you on the phone. Yes. Past relationships. Like, if I'm in the relationship. In it. In it.

[Anel]

That's what I want you to call

[Donald]

and check in on my day. Hey, babe, how's it going? Like, okay, I'll be over. Blah, blah. Or I'll pick you up. We're just getting to know each other. I'm like.

[Anel]

I'm the same. Like, if I. I feel very comfortable talking to my friends. I love to talk on the phone with my friends. FaceTime. But if I'm just getting to know someone, it's like my voice sounds weird. I'm like, hi. Like, I don't know. It just isn't comfortable because you don't know the person.

[Donald]

You're worried. What if There's a lull how long we got to stay on the phone. But so all of that, because I'm kind of trying to think of, like, all the questions she asked, which was like, what are the rules? I don't want him to think I'm brood. I think, like, bottom line, I think no matter what, you move at the pace that is right for you.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

And the right person will. It'll. It won't feel forced. It will feel natural.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

Like, it'll feel like, this is what I want to be saying. This is what I want to be doing. I'm having fun. It won't feel uncomfortable or unsafe or an unwarranted thing.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

And if it does, it's probably not right.

[Anel]

I also think that, like, if. Because in. And I can remember now, people would ask me when I was on the apps and stuff, like, you want to trade picks?

[Donald]

And does that mean. I'm just curious. When you say, do you want to trade picks? That's not like, oh, you send me a photo of your face right now and I send you a photo of mine. That's like, show me your junk, I'll show you mine.

[Anel]

So I think, what does that mean? I think it could mean both.

[Donald]

Okay.

[Anel]

And sometimes they'll say, like, I. Like, I can remember hearing things like, I'll match what you send. So that's saying they can be, you know, very G rated, but if you want to go there, let's go there. Like, I'm ready.

[Donald]

I feel like somebody saying, I'll match what you send is them basically saying

[Anel]

that's what they want.

[Donald]

I want a dirty photo, but if you don't send me it, that I won't send you one of mine. Yeah.

[Anel]

So what I would say, what I didn't do good then, is say, like, actually, I. I'd love to hang out. Like, I'd said, probably send just a regular pic.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Anel]

And say, I'd love to hang out. I don't really share. And I did start saying as I got older that I don't share nudes.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Anel]

Because it was like, I don't like doing that. Why do I do it? Like, you know what I mean? Like, you know, nude nudie pics, I should say, with people you don't know very well. Provocative. Yeah. It's like, I would rather. And just feeling comfortable saying, I would rather meet up first and get to know each other. And then. Then after that I feel more comfortable.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Anel]

I also think it's important. Like, I have a friend who is Single. And she struggles because sometimes she says she thinks guys only want one thing. And I'm like, I'm like, well, what I would like to remind you of is most guys do want that. That but you're. You just need to find the guy who. That's not the only thing that he wants. Because to think a guy is like, oh, I'm not going to be interested in this girl sexually. The first thing that most guys are probably drawn to is their physical attraction. Yeah.

[Donald]

Let's just be honest. Like yes people and same thing. Like girls like let up one.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

If you're not attracted to them at all.

[Anel]

Right.

[Donald]

Chances are you're usually not going to go on a date with them. Now that's not saying it doesn't ever happen. It does happen with people where you're like, no, you know, like they're not a bad looking person. But I'm not interested in. All of a sudden you get to know them and you're like oh, I'm very attracted to this person. But in general, yeah. Like people sex is just a part of it. It was a part of relationships. It's just how aggressive they're being. The other person's being about that being like such a priority at the beginning.

[Anel]

Right. And I think it's good like for, for. Unless if that's not what you're looking for, like just a hookup and then whatever happens happens then in a. As soon as you can set your boundaries like not sending the pics or just saying I'm more comfortable meeting up first. But I think it is true to say that men and women oftentimes not always. I actually do do relate more with women with what I'm about to say actually are wired differently. Where a guy can see a girl thinks she's hot and if she would text him and say hey, want to come over? And he'd be down where a girl can see a guy think he's hot but if he would text her and say hey, you want to come over? She'd be like, oh my God, no,

[Donald]

no, she's planning their future.

[Anel]

Exactly. And I'm more like that.

[Donald]

Yeah. He's like, oh, I wonder if like we go out, we talk and we have the best time then like we would get there eventually in our heads of like oh. And I hope.

[Anel]

Yeah, of course. But, but you. But it's in line with feeling. Exactly.

[Donald]

Emotions attached to it.

[Anel]

So I think it's important for like I told my friend, just remember guys are like that.

[Donald]

Right.

[Anel]

And if you're looking for a guy who. Who doesn't want to immediately you. Then that might not be a good thing. But you, you. What you want to find is a guy who does want to, but also is so interested in you that he's willing to wait and respect your bo

[Donald]

and you want a guy who wants a relationship, not a fuck buddy.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

Unless you're looking for a fuck buddy.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

Right. You have to know what you're looking for. Okay, wait, so let me. Let me just, you know, move this conversation still on the same level. So funny. We just keep ending up on these topics, but these are the questions we keep getting. So it is what it is. We haven't even done some of the phone friends because they were like, we'll get to them eventually. But I was like, oh my God. Yeah, we need to pause on this topic for a hot second. So I'm 45, you're 40. As of right now. Like, we get a lot of people writing in that have gone through divorces or back in the dating world. We. It's not like we're getting a bunch of 20 year olds. I don't think so. We're. But what, in your opinion, like, what are the right time frames for? Like I'm gonna really age myself. First base, second base, third base, home run.

[Anel]

Well, for the listeners, because I need a clarification of what.

[Donald]

You don't know what that is.

[Anel]

In home runs were.

[Donald]

First base is kissing, making out. Second is up the shirt, third is down the pants. Be it hands and. Or oral.

[Anel]

Okay, this is.

[Donald]

This is my understanding. This is how I've always looked at it.

[Anel]

I think gay bases might be a little bit different.

[Donald]

Home run is. I mean, I think it speaks for itself. And then there's the grand slam part.

[Anel]

What is the grand slam?

[Donald]

I guess that's if you want to give the bag tie all.

[Anel]

I love it. So anyways, sounds like a Denny's meal.

[Donald]

I'll have the number two, please.

[Anel]

I'll take the moons over Miami. I don't know what it is, but it sounds disgusting. It sounds nasty.

[Donald]

Sounds like a good time.

[Anel]

Okay, so for. And I think in gay world, this second base would be feeling down the pants would be oral.

[Donald]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Anel]

Okay.

[Donald]

Because you don't have enough the shirt to go.

[Anel]

I can. But what? You're gonna make my nipples hard.

[Bretzky]

Forget whatever plans you have this weekend because you're staying at home and playing on spinquest and there's never been a better time to sign up than right now. New users get $30 coin packs for just $10. All the table games you love with hundreds of slot games and real cash Prizes. That's at spinquest.com S P I N

[SpinQuest Announcer]

Q U-E S-T.com Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Donald]

Are you really buying a car online on Autotrader right now? Really? At a playground? Yeah. Really.

[Grainger Announcer]

Look at these listings from dealers.

[Donald]

Wow. Your search can really get that specific. Really? And you just put in your info and boom. Cars in your budget. Mom needs a second. Honey. You can really have it delivered. Really? Or I can pick it up at the dealership. One sec, sweetie. Mommy's buying a car. I think your kid is walking up the slide, Kyle. Again? Really? Auto trader. Buy your car online. Really? Okay, but. So what are your time for? What would. Would be your rec. Okay. So for a makeout kiss on the first date. Don't kiss on the first date. How many dates before you're all of a sudden stuck in the friend zone?

[Anel]

If I. Right. Well, you know what? I was not good when I was on the dating scene at like Nell actually came in hot the first time we hung out with Juicy wet kiss. Yes. And I was like. Okay.

[Donald]

And the first time you hung out.

[Anel]

The. I'm pretty sure it was the first night we hung out. And remember he was visiting town and his friend was with him.

[Donald]

Oh, yeah.

[Anel]

Yeah. So he. I pulled up to drop them off at the hotel they were staying at and.

[Donald]

But you guys had been talking for months.

[Anel]

We've been talking, but it was one of those things. Like we were talking and flirting, but we had never hung out in person.

[Donald]

I understand.

[Anel]

And so you never know what the chemistry is going to be. And we were both just very open to being great friends if it wasn't there, whatever. And. And I couldn't read him.

[Donald]

I remember that.

[Anel]

Yeah. I was like, I don't know if he likes me. So. But then he told his friend. He was like, I'll see you in the inside. And I was like, o. And then his friend got out of the car and he just leaned in and laid it on me like a really nice sweet. We didn't like make out.

[Donald]

Okay.

[Anel]

But it was definitely a very intimate kiss.

[Donald]

Okay.

[Anel]

On the first day. And I think that's great. But we've been talking for months.

[Donald]

I was gonna say, but that was first date after talking for months. Because you guys lived on opposite sides of the country. Far as opposite as you can get.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

But if you're okay. We met on an app or we met in person, or we met at work. And you talk a few times, whatever it is. And then it's like, hey, you want to go out for dinner? Personally, I'm like, we're. You're in your 40s. If you want to kiss, kiss.

[Anel]

Yes.

[Donald]

But you don't have to. But, like, I don't think there's anything wrong with a kiss on a first date or ending the date with a kiss if the chemistry and attraction is there.

[Anel]

Yeah. I had a. I, I, I went on a date with someone. I think this is pre pandemic. And he said, I don't. It was either the end of the first day or the second time we hung out. No, the first time we hung out, we met for coffee. It was nice. We just hugged. There were no kiss or anything.

[Donald]

Okay.

[Anel]

Next time we hung out, I think we went to a movie. And then I picked him up and drove and I drove him back to his house. And he said, do I have your consent to kiss you?

[Donald]

Oh, God, no. No, you don't.

[Anel]

Absolutely not actually liked it.

[Donald]

What?

[Anel]

Because you know that it's so awkward when you're like that moment where you're like, darling, in for a kiss.

[Donald]

Yeah. That's the fun, the intense. Are we doing this? Are we not doing this? Do I have your consent to kiss you? That's like that couple you send me on Instagram that literally makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

Donald sends me these videos, this couple on Instagram. And I don't know, is one of them an actual, like, couple therapist or something?

[Anel]

I don't know. At first I thought it was very serious, but the la I sent you, the one I sent you last time, I was like, they can't be serious.

[Donald]

These things are so cringe that I was like, if this is your relationship, get out. And it was like the husband would come up to the wife and. And the ones you send me, the guy is always acting more like, like more feminine energy, I guess, than the woman. And he'd be like, like, you sent me the one. And he came up door and he was like, you know that thing we did last night? And she's like, yeah. And he's like, I didn't really like it. She's like, okay, tell me why, tell me why. You know, it was fun to try, but it's just not my thing. And she's like, okay, thank you for sharing. Or no, the one you sent me where he was like, what did he say like, let's go, let's get naked and cuddle in bed.

[Anel]

Oh yeah.

[Donald]

Or he said, do you want to cuddle in bed? And she said, what kind of cuddle do you want? Or something like that. What was it?

[Anel]

Yeah. And he was like, naked. But let's make it and talk for a while.

[Donald]

We haven't connected. And I'm like, it's not that. That it wasn't something that wouldn't be a sweet thing. I Anyways, these videos, you just.

[Anel]

The way they say it because I might say to know, like, let's get naked and get in this bed or something like, and it does it like. I don't know if I would say that. I've never said that before. But it just feels so like transactional. Like you're having a business meeting with a co worker. The way they talk.

[Donald]

Yeah, I've definitely said plenty of times to my ex, like when I like if we hadn't seen each other in a few days and stuff, like, like. And if there was flirty text going back and forth, I would, I would make sure he knew. Like, hey, just so you know, I need, I need a little bubble time. Like that's how we always. I like, I need some bonding before playtime. Like I'm down. Like I'm super down for the play, but I need a minute to connect. He's like, yeah, no, same. And I'm like, okay. So then, you know, when he would come over, we would have a little time talking, catching up, just being present with each other. Then great. It would be so hot because we were.

[Anel]

You had that dead right.

[Donald]

Because some, like. Because there had been a few times where like, oh, okay, we hadn't seen each other. We'd be having fun talking. So he's riled up. I've very much given the impression that I'm riled up. He comes in hot and I'm like, wait, I just don't feel connected. And this doesn't feel as.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

Didn't feel bad or anything, but you know, I just didn't feel like as into it because I'm like, I want to also talk. Talk.

[Anel]

Totally.

[Donald]

But anyways, so my. Okay, go ahead.

[Anel]

So I just think like to that point, I think the only way I think asking is kind of cool if you want to. If like can say like, if a guy that you're into looks at you and says, can I kiss you?

[Donald]

I guess it depends. It's all going to come down to circumstances. It's going to be how into this dude, am I?

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

If I'm dying for him to kiss me, I'm just gonna melt and be like. Like, yes. I'm a little on the fence as it is. You better just shoot your shot.

[Anel]

Yeah, okay.

[Donald]

But on the flip side of that, like, let's say he's being a gentleman, and, like, you're two or three dates in and he hasn't made a move. Are you. At the point of. You're just. Oh, we're just cool. We're buddy. Buddy. We're friends.

[Anel]

Okay. I have a friend who totally went through that, and I was like, this dude is either gay or, like. Like something. You're gonna have to put it on him because I don't know. What? Why? Like, after the third date, still not kissing. That's weird. If you're actually interested.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Anel]

You know?

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Anel]

It's confusing. Like, what are we doing if you're

[Donald]

three in and you. We haven't kissed at all.

[Anel]

Right.

[Donald]

I'm just assuming we're in the friend zone, which is fine. We can hang out all you want. But, like, don't be surprised if I'm out on a date with somebody else.

[Anel]

I'm assuming we're not on a date. I didn't know that was this.

[Donald]

Yeah. I can't tell. Tell. Okay, second base.

[Anel]

Well, I have a question before we move on. Have you. Has anyone ever went in for a kiss and you dodged it?

[Donald]

Yes. Yes.

[Anel]

How do you do it? Just back up, like, whoa. When I've done it, I just always give the teak.

[Donald]

I was gonna say, I think I just sort of gave the, like, not. There hasn't been many times. One guy in college, like, I just can't wait for the date to be over, and he came in for it and. Same thing. I barely. I think he came in for it, and I barely let him give me, like, a peck. And then when he called or texted and I said, I'm just not that in. Like, I'm, you know, just not feeling it. He's like, why'd you let me kiss you? And I was like, I felt obligated and I let you peck me on the lips.

[Anel]

Right.

[Donald]

That was, like, the end of that one. But, no, normally I'll just go in for, like, the hug with the turn of the head, but it's. It's been a long time, so since I've had to worry about that. So.

[Anel]

Yeah. Okay.

[Donald]

But I would just turn my head,

[Anel]

probably, and, yeah, I'd give the T the cheek. And it usually was, like, some random Drunk person in West Hollywood that for some reason, like, we weren't even on a date.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Anel]

When that would happen. Because if I'm interested enough to be there on a date and it goes well enough where you think I might be into a kiss, probably I would have.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Anel]

Like, it's not a big deal.

[Donald]

You're gonna know with me. Me if we're on a date. Not like. I'm not saying I'm like. But, like, my body language is gonna be very different. Yes.

[Anel]

Okay. So second base.

[Donald]

Okay. Yeah.

[Anel]

That's the groping.

[Donald]

That's groping. The feeling, the feeling, the touching.

[Anel]

I feel like that. I feel like it's hard for me to speak because I think that is different for straight people.

[Donald]

Okay.

[Anel]

Because when you got boobs, you know, it's not much for a guy to. To be kissing you and all sudden grab your titty or something.

[Donald]

It's so funny because, like, again, at 45, I'm like, oh, whatever. Yeah. I don't know, like, maybe in your 20s, you're like, oh, my God.

[Anel]

And then feeling a boob.

[Donald]

Yeah. But like, now it's like.

[Anel]

Right. And if someone reaches their hand down my pants, that's like, you know, you're. You don't just stop there, you know? You know what I mean? Like, what. What's happening here?

[Donald]

Yeah. You probably have to. I feel like it's sort of like a jump from days to home run. Meaning, great. We go on a few dates, we make out a few times, and then if I'm that into you.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

We're probably getting to the good stuff sooner than later.

[Anel]

Right.

[Donald]

But I will say, holding out, waiting, continuing it. To know somebody before you jump to that always leads to better outcomes. It makes the intimacy better. Like, when you get to it, probably better. Like, you probably have a better chance with the relationship. Your face is giving.

[Anel]

I don't know if I fully agree, although. And I like, that is true, because remember, Anel came and he had. He was here his first time with his friend, and then he extended his flight, and so he stayed with me for two nights on the end of the trip. So that's just for the listener. He wasn't staying with me, but then he did, and I was like, okay, we've been kissing every night that he's here. We're gonna at least, like, cuddle and make out and be a little bit more intimate. I didn't necessarily think we were gonna have sex and.

[Donald]

But that's different.

[Anel]

It wasn't like that.

[Bretzky]

I'm here with spinquest where you can play and win from the comfort of your own home with hundreds of slot games and all of the table games you love with real cash prizes. Right now, thirty dollar coin packs are on sale for ten dollars. For new users, it's [e-mail] that's S-P I-N Q U-T.com SpinQuest is a free

[SpinQuest Announcer]

to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Grainger Announcer]

When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery so you can keep your facility stocked, safe and running smoothly. Call 1-800-granger. Click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Anel]

I know, but he was in my bed.

[Donald]

Yeah, but there was like.

[Anel]

Anyway, to your point, go ahead. I'm just saying that would be prove your point that you're saying. But I also have a theory that sometimes people move too slow and if you're into somebody just. You only live once. Like if you're feeling the vibe, go for it. I don't know.

[Donald]

Yeah, the last person I did it was almost two months before we slept together. Not before we fooled around, but two months before we slept together.

[Anel]

Right.

[Donald]

But there was a time, years ago, there was a guy I was dating. I'll just say his name. Nobody's gonna know who the it is. Kyle, remember? And so like took forever for us to hang out. Finally hung out, went over, watched tv, all this stuff, like passed out on the couch because it was like so late. We were watching TV and I like the move. Like I fell asleep during the movie. We were watching Loser. But I was working a lot at the time and like he was a good looking guy. I was super into him. Pretty sure he was gay though. But anyways, I woke up, you know, like, like movie ends and like he kind of nudged me and I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. I fell asleep and I like put my shoes on and he's like, what are you doing? And I was like, I'm gonna go. He's like, you're not driving home at 2 in the morning. And I was like, I'm not having sex with you. And he's like, I didn't say anything about sex. And he's like, you're not driving home and he's like, you're spending that. And I was like, no. And then he's like, I'll sleep on the couch. And I was like, you're not sleeping on the couch. Like, this is ridiculous. So fine, we went his room, and I went to get in bed fully dressed, and he's like, what are you doing? And I was like, getting in bed. And he's like, with jeans on. And I was like, like, I'm not getting naked in your bed. And he's like, I'm not sleeping next to. Somebody gave me, like, a T shirt. So fine, I slept in his T shirt, like, with obviously my bra underwear on. And nothing happened. We did just cuddle, and that was it. We ended up dating for a little while. So that progressed.

[Anel]

But okay, so that. How. How long had you been talking before that night?

[Donald]

We had. He worked out at the gym, so I would see him at the gym a lot.

[Grainger Announcer]

We would text every once in a

[Donald]

blue moon, and then randomly, one Id invited me over.

[Anel]

And how long after that until you guys hooked up?

[Donald]

Probably like a few more dates. Probably like two or three more dates.

[Anel]

Was there spooning? I understand there was no forking, but

[Donald]

was there shooting that night? And it actually was. Oh, I just. It's the funniest story because I remember going to the gym the next day and telling my girlfriend and her boyfriend, who both worked at the gym, too, and I was like, okay. God. And I spent the night, and they're like, oh. And I'm like, no, nothing happened. And I was like. But at one point, like, he rolled over and was spooning me, and I was like, got his arms digging into my back, and then I was like, that's not his arm.

[Anel]

Wow.

[Donald]

And my girlfriend's boyfriend, like, made the joke. Like, you know, we quote movie lines, and so he's like, like, that sounds so flake. So, like, that was like, the running joke about him was like, that's not so.

[Anel]

Like, well, wow.

[Donald]

So I was like, God, this was like a baby's arm.

[Anel]

You okay back there?

[Donald]

I guess. I guess he's attracted to me.

[Anel]

Yeah. I wonder if that was, like, a little. I wonder if he was feeling you out.

[Donald]

Not literally, no. Because I really think he was just sleeping. Like, I think he was in the closet. I was a beard. Well, like, I think he would he.

[Anel]

A lot of gay people still have sex with girls.

[Donald]

Well, and we did, but there was definitely things that, like, while we were dating came out that I was like, this could be.

[Anel]

Do you have any helpful nuggets to throw on this side dish. Because some people might wonder if their boyfriend's gay or something.

[Donald]

Well, for a while, he wouldn't tell me where he worked. Like, he just said he was a bartender. And I always thought that was a little weird. And then I just remember one day I was like, why do I feel like I know where you work? I don't know what about it, like. And he was like, I don't know, do you. And I was like, do you work at the Abbey? And he's like, yeah, I get great tips. And Abby is like, the gayest gay bar here.

[Anel]

Yeah, here.

[Donald]

We're not in la. In la, but a lot of straight

[Anel]

people do work there.

[Donald]

I understand. But this is like, he's, like, military. His dad was military. Like, his family was all military. Like. Like, I feel like there was a very. Like, I was brought to the sister's wedding, but this is terrible. This is how I knew that we were done. Took me to the sister's wedding. He wasn't really. He was picking on me a lot at his sister's wedding, which was weird. Like, he was just making me uncomfortable of, like, not putting me down. Mean, but just, like, a little, like, off compared to how he had treated me for the couple months leading up to it. And then we were watching tv. We were watching a movie in the hotel room, and it was. Oh, God, it was like the boxing movie where the dad and his son are bonding it. And, like, he boxes robots huge. I think it's Hugh Jackman. And we're like, what? Like, he picked the movie.

[Anel]

What year are we talking? Like, roughly 2012.

[Donald]

But not. That doesn't. I'm gonna try to figure out the movie. But anyways, bottom. Bottom line is, I'm pretty sure he got turned on watching Hugh Jackman because then he was, like, ready to go. But it was definitely in positions where he could still see the tv. And I was like, who's turning you on right now? No, literally, I was like, oh, God, I'm pretty sure I'm a beard.

[Anel]

So the biggest thing was we broke up after that.

[Donald]

Like, I got home, got my car and laughed and was done.

[Anel]

Did you tell him why?

[Donald]

Well, it was mostly because of the way he treated me that weekend. He wasn't being very nice. I was pretty pissed at the way he was behaving. And then I flat out asked him if he was gay, and he was like, nope. People ask me that all the time. And I was like, well, probably another

[Anel]

indicator I'm not the only one thinking it. By the way, I'm the one you're stooping and you like.

[Donald]

There were things too. There were certain things. Things during sex that bothered him, that wouldn't bother. I'm not, I'm not saying these graphic.

[Anel]

Oh my God. I want to know.

[Donald]

I'll tell you privately.

[Anel]

Okay, I'll tell you guys later. I'm just kidding.

[Donald]

I'm still trying to find the movie. I'm typing but. Yeah, but huh. I can't type with my left hand. Where the robots. I think it's Hugh Jackman. Real Steel.

[Anel]

Real Steel.

[Donald]

We were watching Real Steel and let me tell you he had some real steel going on but I'm pretty sure it wasn't for me.

[Anel]

For Hugh, I mean Jackman, let me tell you.

[Donald]

And in that movie he's hot. Anywho, anything else we need to cover on this topic? What's right, what's wrong? What's the right people?

[Anel]

I don't personally believe in morality constructs about when you should or shouldn't do any of that stuff but I do think that you should just move at the pace you like and we should feel more comfortable communicating it which is something I think I'm so passionate about that because I've never been comfortable. I've always kind of felt now it's different in a relationship but being when I was single.

[Donald]

Yeah.

[Anel]

And dating or dating people new my experience with Nell has been so different because I. We moved in right away after we. After deciding we wanted to be together but I always, I. I have done a lot of things because I thought I was supposed to or it's what the other person wanted me to do. So now I'm such an advocate for if you want to get your freak on. If you want to all the things, do all the things and do it as fast as you want. But don't do it because you feel

[Donald]

pressured to agree Read. Definitely don't do it because you feel pressured to. And yeah, I just think I would say protect yourself and by that like protect your emotions. Like there's probably certain questions you should ask if like, you know, like if they're in a relationship, are they dating other people?

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

You know, like just based on what you want, you should know what you want out of it and have the appropriate conversations.

[Anel]

Absolutely.

[Donald]

If they're needed to be had. If you're. Again, if you're just looking for a fling and you don't get give rat's ass about it, then fine. Do you.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

And also I think if you've Got something that should be shared then you need to be upfront and honest about that.

[Anel]

Totally.

[Donald]

Like so the other person knows what they're getting themselves into.

[Anel]

Yeah.

[Donald]

Like you said, it comes down to communication.

[Anel]

Absolutely.

[Donald]

But for our person that wrote in, I think she should do whatever she's comfortable with. I think again, it depends on if the guy lives nearby or doesn't and what she wants from it. But like have fun.

[Anel]

Yeah, have fun. I would say as long as you're

[Donald]

having fun, you'll know when you're not. Like, you'll know like if you start doing something and you're like I'm really uncomfortable and this isn't fun. Like I don't want to send this but I feel. Then don't send it.

[Anel]

Yeah. 100. And when it comes to like photos and stuff like that, just know, just remember like sometimes we play. I would always play a fairy tale in my head about like what this was or what the per. Who the person was. The truth is they're not or they're playing it with. With other people and I can't even be mad at it because we're sexing. But in my little made up world, someone's giving me a lot of attention. They're into me sexually, they want to share. And so when I would do that, that feels intimate. And it's like you have no idea how one sided that experience is. And so once you send something, it's out there. Yes, you're vulnerable, you're not getting it back and you don't know that person no matter how much you think you do. But that's okay if it's okay. But just know that you know just because you think, oh my God, he's so sweet. He's not like anyone else. If you haven't met him yet or if you've only met him a couple

[Donald]

times or if you've known him forever,

[Anel]

that part you know, he's never fucking know.

[Donald]

Just. They could just fucking shock you any day.

[Anel]

Ain't that the true. Anyways.

[Donald]

Ready?

[Anel]

I don't know if that was helpful at all. But basically we support you no matter what you do.

[Donald]

Basically we say have fun.

[Anel]

Exactly. Live your life.

[Donald]

Enjoy.

[Anel]

And if you like the kind of advice we give, unhinged, uneducated, all over the place place, we. We're talking about our experiences as if they've made it, as if they were a successful one.

[Donald]

As if we're winning in life.

[Anel]

But send us your phone of friends we and it can be about anything. We got a lot of relationship ones. And I guess that makes sense because a big part of life is figuring out different kind of relationships. But you can send us any kind of phone, a friend. You got the juicier the better because that's fun.

[Donald]

Sometimes that's the problem is you keep saying the juicier the better and that's all going to be the dirty sex relationship stuff. But he's know nutrition health expert over here, wellness coach. Ask us about it. We're I wonder how many times my head has been chopped off in our I've been looking.

[Anel]

I've been looking. Your head's not been chopped off. But.

[Donald]

But it's. It's a makeshift studio, dangerously close. You could have told me to shift to my left.

[Anel]

I wanted to be the star.

[Donald]

Kidding. I'm like, see, you think you know somebody. He spin me right around. We probably made people dizzy. Anywho, you can email us at Everything's Perfect podcast at Gmail or follow us on Instagram.

[Anel]

That's right. It's Everything's Perfect official. And we'll see you guys next week.

[Donald]

Bye.

[Bretzky]

I'm here with spinquest, where you can play and win from the comfort of your own home with hundreds of slot games and all of the table games you can love with real cash prizes. Right now, $30 coin packs are on sale for $10. For new users, it's [e-mail] that's S-P-I-N

[SpinQuest Announcer]

Q U-S-T.com SpinQuest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Grainger Announcer]

When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. More Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery so you can keep your facility stocked, safe and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.