Everything’s Perfect…Except Setting Boundaries Is Hard

Podcast: Everything's Perfect
Hosts: Autumn Calabrese & Donald Stamper
Date: December 16, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of Everything’s Perfect centers around the challenges of setting boundaries—particularly with food and family during the holidays. Autumn and Donald recount their recent travels, family gatherings, and uncomfortable (yet relatable) moments where boundaries get pushed. Their conversation is candid, humorous, and empathetic, filled with practical tips for asserting yourself without guilt, and underscores the importance of honoring your needs even when surrounded by loved ones with different expectations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holiday Travels & Family Dynamics

[00:50 – 10:00]

• Travel Recaps: Autumn and Donald recap their trips—Aruba, Thanksgiving in Ohio and Arizona. Each shares their highlights, like the comfort of family traditions and the pain of returning to cold weather after warmth.

  • “Aruba was perfect… They call it the Happy Island, and I really felt that.” — Donald [01:38]

• The Perils of Visiting Home: Autumn reveals why she stays with her cousin instead of her dad (it’s about keeping the peace and the heat at 68°F!). [07:01]

• Family Quirks: Stories about confusing light switches and TVs linked to random power outlets spark laughs and relatable chaos.

2. Food Choices and Family Pressure

[12:53 – 17:41]

• Family Comments & “Food Policing”: Autumn discusses how family members continue to comment on her eating habits, from not drinking enough to using apps for her meals in snowy weather.

  • “They always make fun of me because I love to just Postmate or Instacart. But it’s not that I love to do it—it’s that I don’t like to imposition anybody else.” — Autumn [13:23]

• Holiday Meals: Both hosts dig into their Thanksgiving menus (yes, there was lasagna), and share the challenge of politely refusing food.

• Being Recognized at “Bad Timing”: Autumn tells two hilarious stories of being recognized in public as a fitness professional—once with pizza, once mid-burger.

  • “She’s like, ‘I love that you’re eating pizza. It’s all about balance.’ And I was like, actually, yes, that’s fine.” — Autumn [17:11]
  • “This waitress comes up… ‘Are you in fitness?’ and I have a mouthful of burger.” — Autumn [17:47]

3. Why Setting Boundaries Is So Hard

[19:04 – 35:22]

• Food as an Emotional Issue: The hosts unpack why food boundaries are especially fraught, especially with feelings of offending family cooks or breaking with tradition.

  • “You feel this reason also sometimes that we have to explain ourselves when we set a boundary. And you really don’t even have to do that.” — Donald [19:54]

• ‘No’ Is a Complete Sentence: Autumn emphasizes not needing to justify choices: “No is a complete sentence.” [20:25]

• Mutual Respect: Donald shares that he sometimes catches himself pressuring Nell, his partner, and reflects on respecting others’ food choices.

• Strategies for Setting Boundaries:

  • Politely, but firmly, repeat refusals.
  • Offer positive comments (“No, thank you, but it smells wonderful!”).
  • Avoid explanations—assert your comfort.

4. Beyond Food: Relationship & Life Questions

[29:19 – 34:56]

• The “When Are You...?” Questions: Both hosts vent about family members' relentless prying into relationship status, marriage plans, and life choices.

  • “First of all, to the people saying that to somebody, can you just use, like, a semblance of common sense that that might hurt somebody?” — Autumn [29:29]
  • Donald shares the challenge of coming out and the awkwardness of being asked about girlfriends before he was ready to share. [30:50]

• How to Open Up Conversation More Thoughtfully:

  • Use open-ended questions: “What’s new with you?” or “What was the best thing that happened this year?” instead of intrusive specifics.
  • Let people reveal what they’re comfortable sharing.

5. Practical Boundary-Setting Tips

[35:22 – 40:00]

• How to Respond to Pressures: Autumn and Donald role-play responses to pushy questions about work, relationships, or life direction.

  • “I’m good with where I’m at, I don’t really want to talk about that right now.” — Autumn [36:59]
  • “Well, you know, work is work. I’ve really been into yoga lately.” — Donald, on redirecting [38:54]

• Asserting When Enough Is Enough:

  • “So this portion of the conversation is done. Let’s talk about something else.” — Autumn [37:49]
  • Both stress you can be both polite and firm, with escalating directness as needed.

• Noticing Boundaries in Others: With time, you get better at both setting boundaries and picking up on others’ signals—even subtle ones.

6. Family Offenders & Generational Differences

[40:00 – 42:00]

• Parents Are Often the Worst: The pair agree that well-intentioned parents often cross boundaries most—commenting on appearance, eating, relationship status.
  • “I think the biggest offenders are parents to their kids.” — Autumn [40:00]
• Funny Parent Stories: Donald’s mom worries about his fitness challenge prep, thinking he’ll need “at least a year” to be ready for an athletic event. [40:43]

7. Pivot to Fitness Goals & Life Purpose

[42:00 – End]

• Team Fitness & Motivation: Donald and Autumn announce they’ve signed up for the Hyrox fitness challenge, reflecting how having a tangible goal improves routine and motivation.

• Every Body, Every Age: Autumn shares inspiration from seeing an 82-year-old complete Hyrox with her granddaughter.

  • “…if Grandma at 82 can do it… It brings tears to your eyes.” — Autumn [44:51]

• Training Tips: Autumn considers writing a program so more people (even at home) can train for these kinds of challenges.

• The Value of Staying Active: Both stress, with humor, that consistency beats intensity: “Fitness is not money in the bank. Take a few days off, you’ll feel it.” — Autumn [49:00]

• The Big Boundary Takeaway: Setting boundaries can be awkward, but ultimately strengthens relationships and self-respect.

  • “Setting a boundary isn’t just for me. It’s actually to make sure that me and that person can continue in a positive relationship.”— Donald [51:06]
  • “Eventually, you’re just going to be like, I’m done with these conversations because you’re not respecting how I feel.” — Autumn [51:32]

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “Aruba was perfect… They call it the Happy Island, and I really felt that.” — Donald [01:38]
• “No is a complete sentence.” — Autumn [20:25]
• “We feel this reason also sometimes that we have to explain ourselves when we set a boundary. And you really don’t even have to do that.” — Donald [19:54]
• “If you give in every time, then they’re gonna keep pushing you because it’s like, ‘Oh, well, they gave in last time, so they’re not really committed to it.’” — Autumn [27:16]
• “First of all, to the people saying that to somebody, can you just use, like, a semblance of common sense that that might hurt somebody?” — Autumn [29:29]
• “I’m good with where I’m at. I don’t really want to talk about that right now.” — Autumn [36:59]
• “Setting a boundary isn’t just for me. It’s actually to make sure that me and that person can continue in a positive relationship.” — Donald [51:06]

Memorable Moments

• Autumn’s “caught in public with pizza/burger” stories, recognized as a fitness professional at the most ironically indulgent moments [17:01, 17:41]
• Donald’s coming out anecdote and the awkwardness of direct family questions [30:50]
• The hosts riffing on how to deflect prying questions, both serious and playful
• Inspiration from the 82-year-old Hyrox participant [44:51]
• Connecting fitness, consistency, and boundaries as building blocks for a happier, more authentic life

Practical Takeaways

• Boundaries matter—with family, food, relationships, work, and yourself.
• “No” is enough. You aren’t required to explain or defend your choices.
• Open, non-specific questions allow for sharing without pressure.
• Mutual respect in boundary-setting makes for better relationships.
• Set fitness (or any personal) goals to boost motivation and purpose.
• Family prying is universal—humor and a little firmness go a long way.

For more candid takes, future topics, and to connect with the hosts, visit everythingsperfect.com or @everythingsperfectofficial on Instagram.