Everything’s Perfect…Except We Don’t Speak the Same Love Language

Summary

Podcast Summary: “Everything’s Perfect…Except We Don’t Speak the Same Love Language”

Podcast: Everything’s Perfect
Hosts: Autumn Calabrese & Donald Stamper
Episode Date: December 2, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode explores how different people express and receive love—digging into the “love languages” concept at the core of friendships, families, and romantic relationships. Autumn and Donald share personal stories and anecdotes, analyze the importance of communicating about love languages, and reflect on the awkwardness that can arise when those love languages don’t align. As always, they maintain their signature candid, funny, and “perfectly imperfect” dynamic.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dining in the Dark & Sensory Experiences

(00:00–05:37)

• Autumn recounts her client’s experience at “Blackout Diner” in Vegas—a sensory, pitch-black dining experience.
  • Concerns about cleanliness: “I was just picturing cockroaches everywhere for some reason.” – Autumn [02:21]
  • Fear of the dark and safety jokes: Donald is adamant, “You are safer with the lights on. Anybody that says otherwise is lying.” [00:29]
  • Shared memories of hair in food leading to the infamous family term “hair pie.”

2. Family Memories, Childhood & Parental Love

(05:37–13:43)

• The hosts open up about childhood memories, family roles, and parental dynamics.
  • Autumn shares how her dad showed love through provision not affection: “He wasn’t really, like, emotionally present. He was working and doing what he needed to provide for his family. And … that’s how he was showing love.” [11:39]
  • Donald reflects on his own father: “I will say that my dad was emotionally present… but after a certain age, there wasn’t a lot of, like, ‘I love you’ hugs.” [12:06]
  • Both discuss growing up with “discipline” that would be questioned today.
  • Commentary on how apologies from parents, later in life, are meaningful for healing.

3. Introduction to Love Languages

(13:43–15:04)

• The duo segue into the main theme: The Five Love Languages.
  • Both admit to never reading the original book, but they summarize the love languages: gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch.

4. How the Hosts Express & Prefer to Receive Love

(15:04–19:08)

• Donald: “The biggest way I show love is gift-giving slash acts of service… I love doing things that would surprise people.” [15:07]
• Autumn: “For showing love, mine is quality time… I love to take time to check in with a FaceTime call... I give blocks of time in my day almost every day to people that I love.” [15:50]
• On receiving love, Autumn values words of affirmation: “It really means a lot to me, especially when they’re genuine—when someone actually sees some quality in me and speaks on that.” [16:49]
• Discussion of how receiving love can be context-dependent, especially in romantic relationships (e.g., physical touch from a boyfriend versus general friends).

5. Mismatched Love Languages in Relationships

(19:08–24:38)

• Donald resists gifts if not rooted in quality time: “If I’m not getting [quality time], everything else falls a little short.” [19:20]
• Both agree acts of service and gifts can overlap; they value thoughtful actions most.
• Heartfelt account from Autumn about a friend planning a surprise 'Amazing Race' New York City birthday, which blended acts of service, gifts, and quality time in a way that was deeply meaningful.

“By the end of the day, I did so much, and so it was, like, huge acts of service. And it was so meaningful to me. I’ll probably never forget that.” – Autumn [23:14]

6. Communication: The Bridge for Love Languages

(24:38–29:02)

• Emphasis on the need for communication, particularly when mismatches arise.
  • Autumn: “The big thing is, like, being able to communicate… because if someone’s not… if you’re not receiving love from someone… then you feel they’re just not showing up.” [25:43]
  • Should love languages be discussed explicitly in new relationships? Both joke about how the topic might be awkward at first, but see value in clarity.
  • Communication is often indirect but crucial, especially when individual ways of connecting differ.

7. Family, Friends, and Changing Love Languages

(29:02–32:33)

• Challenges in maintaining quality time with geographically distant family.
• Siblings sometimes lack in the communication department: “I don’t know what their love language is, but it ain’t texting back.” – Autumn [31:22]
• Jokes about calling and group texts versus “gift” love languages.

8. Tangents: Travel, Parenting, and Acts of Service

(32:33–36:38)

• Donald shares travel stories, like traveling solo with a baby—a great example of acts of service.
• Surprise trips and quality time as expressions of love: “When I took [my son] to Paris… that was the fun of it, was to just drop it like it was no big deal.” – Donald [35:54]

9. Love Language of the Beach & Shared Joys

(36:38–43:02)

• Both agree that clear, warm water and beach time is their shared “love language.”
• Humorous reflections on the differences between LA beaches and tropical destinations.
• Excitement about their upcoming Aruba trip together as an embodiment of quality time and shared experience.

10. Wrapping Up: The Importance of Communication & Flexibility

(43:02–47:41)

• Recap: Communicate your love language—don’t assume others know.
  • “Whatever it is, to accompany it with communication so you can share that with the people around you because it’s not their fault if they don’t know how you like to receive or give love.” – Autumn [47:21]
  • Donald adds: “It’s very important to understand the people around you so that you don’t feel like you’re being neglected in some way… And you have to be able and willing and compromise.” [47:44]
• Brief info about their December group and podcast merch.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On receiving genuine compliments:
  “Anyone can be like, ‘Oh, you’re cute. Oh, you’re funny.’ But when someone actually sees some quality in me and speaks on that, I really feel so much love…” – Autumn [16:49]

• On parents listening to their podcasts and childhood trauma:
  "My dad couldn’t even finish reading my book because it upset him so much … he felt like maybe he didn’t do a good enough job protecting me.” – Donald [08:00, paraphrased]

• On acts of service and friendship:
  “That is a good one. So, like, I’m just waiting for the day. I just want it to be like, grab your passport or pack your bag ... that, to me, is such a [gift], because you’re getting quality time, gift, also act of service..." – Donald [23:56]

• On communicating about love languages in relationships:
  “That’s when it’s each person’s responsibility, I guess, to communicate.” – Autumn [28:32]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Dining in the Dark Story & Cleanliness Fears: 00:00–05:37
• Parental Love, Emotional Expression & Apologies: 05:37–13:43
• What Are Love Languages? Introduction: 13:43–15:04
• Hosts’ Personal Love Languages (Giving/Receiving): 15:04–19:08
• When Love Languages Don’t Match: 19:08–24:38
• Should We Talk Openly About Love Languages?: 24:38–29:02
• Love Languages with Family & Siblings: 29:02–32:33
• Stories of Travel and Parenting as Acts of Service: 32:33–36:38
• Love Language of Travel & Beach Time: 36:38–43:02
• The Power (and Necessity) of Communication: 43:02–47:41

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Tone & Style

• Candid, playful, and peppered with jokes and sarcasm
• Honest stories of imperfection and growth
• Supportive encouragement for real-life relationship struggles

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Final Takeaways

• Communicating your love language—and seeking to understand those of people around you—can prevent misunderstandings and foster richer connections.
• Love isn’t always expressed or received in the same way; flexibility and open dialogue are key.
• It’s okay to laugh and fumble through the messy middle while learning what makes you and those you love feel “seen.”
• And, sometimes, the love language you really need is a beach trip with a best friend.

Transcript

[A]

One of my clients was in Vegas for her birthday, and she went to this place called the Blackout Diner. It's like high sensory eating because you can't see anything. So, like, first you go in this holding room, and then literally, you, like, hold the person's shoulders in front of you, and the waiter, like, guides you to your table and tells you where to sit down. You can't see anything. At 40 years old, I should be able to logically understand that I'm not safer just by turning the lights on in the room that I'm in.

[B]

You are safer with the lights on. Anybody that says otherwise is lying. People don't murder you in an open restaurant with the lights on, but they sure do get you in the dark. Guess what else they do? They steal from you in the dark.

[A]

So.

[B]

Ow.

[A]

How are you? Other than all of that? Other than everything that's happening here?

[B]

Broken? I'm great.

[A]

You doing good?

[B]

I am doing good. What's. Today's Wednesday, right? Oh, my God.

[A]

We both got back in town. Yeah, A couple days ago.

[B]

I've had a very productive week. I feel very good about my productivity.

[A]

That's good. I, you know, I was worried I was gonna get taken out by some kind of flu, but I fought that, and I won. I said, I do not have the time for this. I was gonna say, because I'm like, oh, no, I have a fever. And I, like, test my. My temperature, and it's, like, under. I'm like, no, I swear I have a fever.

[B]

I just want to lay in bed.

[A]

Okay. So I know someone who did something that I think is so interesting, and I wondered what you would think of it.

[B]

Oh, my God. Okay.

[A]

Called. She was in Vegas. She's one of my clients, was in Vegas for her birthday, and she went to this place called the Blackout Diner. Have you heard of it?

[B]

No, but I think I know what this is.

[A]

It's where it's like high sensory eating because you can't see anything. So, like, first you go in this whole holding room, and then literally, you, like, hold the person's shoulders in front of you, and the waiter, like, guides you to your table and tells you where to sit down. You can't see anything. All the serving staff has to have, like, night vision goggles.

[B]

And who would want to work in this environment?

[A]

First of all, I was like, I'm just picturing cockroaches everywhere. For some reason.

[B]

Like, they're in the dark.

[A]

They scurry in the light. Yeah. No one's going to know you're not.

[B]

Going to know if there's a hair in your food?

[A]

Oh, my God, no. Until it's in your mouth. Can you imagine? So then she was like. She said. Because I was like, are you in a room by yourself? Like, do you have a bunch of individual rooms? She said, no, you're in a dining room. You hear other waiters talking to their tables and other people just like a regular place, but it's pitch black. So while I'm hearing this story, like, everything she says, my anxiety level raises bit by bit. And I was like, well, how do you know what's in front of you? And she was like, they'll say. They'll like, sit down. They say there's a rectangular plate in front of you and there's three things that are best eaten with your hands. But I also think they don't tell you what you ate until after.

[B]

Well, okay. So you don't get to pick what you're eating.

[A]

I don't think so. The whole place is vegan, so it's your kosher or you're already out. See, that makes me happy because I'm like, they'll be giving me like bull testicle or something.

[B]

I'm not trying to eat bull tongue.

[A]

Exactly. I'm like, fine, as long as I know it's vegan. It can't be that bad.

[B]

What, it tasting me.

[A]

Exactly. Would you do it? I feel like we should try it next time we're in Vegas.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I would try it for the experience, but I'm scared. I'm a little afraid of the dark.

[B]

You know how I feel about the dark. People are waiting to get me. You are setting this up for criminal behavior.

[A]

Like, I know at 40 years old, I should be able to logically understand that I'm not safer just. I turn the lights on in the room that I'm in, but I feel better.

[B]

No, let me. Let me tell you why you.

[A]

Sometimes I still. With the nightlight. I'm not gonna lie if I'm alone, a little scared. I do. It's the truth. It's God's honest truth.

[B]

That just made my whole day. I don't know why, but that you said I just. With the nightlight, you know. Oh, my God. You are safer with the lights on. Anybody that says otherwise is lying. People don't murder you in an open restaurant with the lights on. That's true, but they sure do get you in the dark. Guess what else they do. They steal from you in the dark.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

I don't want to. I don't need some waiter with her hand in my purse.

[A]

Yeah. You know the thing to me that creeps me out is the cleanliness. Because if you can see a place.

[B]

Yes. And that's what I'm saying.

[A]

Yeah. And just be in that dark ass place.

[B]

And by the way it happens even at the cleanest places. I have pulled the hair out of my food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that is, I don't know why cuz like you could touch somebody's hair and you're like, oh my God, your hair is so pretty. But if that same hair two seconds later is on your plate, it is like literally makes me want to gag.

[A]

Well, yeah. And I don't judge when that happens cuz the fact that humans cook food. So I'm not like, oh, this place is nasty, but I don't want to eat it. But I. Yeah, I'm done with that.

[B]

Pull it out of my mouth. I would probably with heightened sensory vomit.

[A]

Oh my God. When we were kids, like I was like 10, my, we went to this Baptist church and this woman invited.

[B]

We were at.

[A]

We were. Because that was my life, girl. That was my whole fucking life. But these people invited us for dinner and they made a homemade pie. My dad to this day, he'd be like, oh, the hair pie.

[B]

Because first of all say that this, that means something.

[A]

Like I didn't even know at the time. But yeah, he probably was like making a joke about it. But it was a cherry, like she made like a cherry pie.

[B]

A cherry hair pie. Donald, your dad's with you?

[A]

No, I was at the dinner and my dad, he. Because you don't want to be rude. And so she brings his homemade pie and he like spoons it and literally it's like, it's like if you break apart celery, like as he pulls the fork away, hair is just multiple. Yeah. And he like pulls it out and he sets it down and he takes the bite. Oh no, I know.

[B]

Did they have pets?

[A]

No, she had long stringy Baptist hair.

[B]

Oh God. We need to get her some supplements.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Because why is it falling out in that much?

[A]

Honestly, that was a long time ago. She. I don't know, she's still with us but. But that's why I'm comfortable.

[B]

But it was cherry and your dad was calling it hair pie. That's ridiculous.

[A]

My parents are going to listen to this and be like, oh my God, we remember that. It was wild.

[B]

Parents listen to podcast.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

My dad doesn't even know about it.

[A]

What? My parents are like, oh, we listen To I don't think they listen to every episode. I'm always like, that's good. I hope you listen to the good ones.

[B]

I would never. Because my dad couldn't even finish reading my book because it upset him so much because of the different stories and like, you know, like how I responded. And like I tell one story about how my one uncle was always like passive aggressively mean to me but I was like a little kid like 6, 7 years old. And he would say things like. Because he couldn't call me stupid in front of everybody but you could tell when he was like annoyed with me. He would be like autumn, you're such an autumn. But like basically like yeah, that was his way of saying like you're. You're a fucking idiot basically. And he would say it all the time. And so I told that story in the book and I talked about how like my brothers and sisters and cousins would sort of pick on me for. Cause I talk so much and so fast. Like I didn't always think so I'd say things that were wrong. Like just, you know.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And yeah he said he like when he. Because I said to him like all proud and ready for him to read it and mad at you. He wasn't mad. He was really upset about how I guess, I guess I don't want to say perceived because it was how childhood was. But yeah, he, it bothered him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like maybe he didn't do a good enough job protecting me or something. I think is how he felt. So I last episode I need him to hear is the one of.

[A]

About my parents who remember when we talked. We had our. Our childhood one and I talked about like the paddle that my parents made and because my, my mom the other day. Because I have a very good relationship with my parents and I don't think my parents were what I would call abusive. But there is a. But unfortunately when you take a table saw to a two by four and hit your kids with it to put a handle in it and they didn't like be beat us, beat us with it. But I was just like, you know. And my mom was like okay, actually you're right. Yeah.

[B]

Well you know what the messed up part is? My dad says things like you guys are crazy. That didn't happen. And I'm like don't fudgeing gaslight me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because there's three of us that are saying it happened.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

So I'm like did he black it out? Like does he. Is he blocking it out or he just doesn't Want to admit it, because we did get the shit beat out of us. Yeah. And I'm like, you know, that happened.

[A]

Happened crazy person a lot of times, huh? Yeah. But having a. I think I, I don't have kids, but I feel like having kids, you know, you're gonna them up a little bit and you just do the best you can and at the end you're like, sorry about that. I did the best I could. I know. I realized I like my, my parents, my mom especially, because of how rigid some of our years were with religion. She has sincerely and wholeheartedly apologized for that and it really means a lot. And she was definitely doing her best.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And like you to your point, as much as there's things about that that I'm not happy about, I also appreciate every, all of that making me who I am today, which is someone I love.

[B]

So. Yes, I know my dad was doing his best. That might be the saddest part. No, he. And listen, he kept a roof over our head, he kept food on the table. We had great family connection. Like in a lot of ways it just, he had a temper and. But he also was raising three kids completely on his own with no financial support from my mother. Like, yeah, I could see where that could be. I mean, and he was running his own business, restaurant business, up at the ass crack of dawn, late at night, all the things. So yeah, I could see where it's. Pressure doesn't excuse some behaviors.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But yeah, I don't think. It's not like my dad was out like around or something. You know, he was doing the best he could to take care of three kids. And we're all here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Fairly sane.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But yes, I remember at one point somebody said something, it might have been in June when we were all in Florida, somebody said something about the podcast. And my dad was like, you have a podcast? And I blew that off so quick.

[A]

Huh. Say what?

[B]

No, I was on a podcast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, I better shut up.

[A]

Well, yeah, well, I think, and this can lead us to what we're talking about today, that a dad, like, I think that a lot of dads felt whether it was natural to them, the way to show love to their families was by providing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so there wasn't a lot in the 80s. Well, I don't know if this is true, but this was the experience that I saw and I saw in a lot, a lot of dads. I'm sure a lot of people don't have this experience, but at that time my dad Wasn't really, like, emotionally present. He was working and doing what he needed to do to provide for his family. And that was. Now I see. Okay. That's how he was showing love and showing up for us.

[B]

I will say that my dad was emotionally present. Like, I do remember him having conversations with us and talking about different things. And, like, I remember having fun and going, doing things together. And when my dad was doing well financially, like, I remember, you know, like, he would take us shopping and stuff like that. But then there was plenty years where he was.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Barely paying the bit, like, you know, barely getting by. So. Yeah. It's interesting how the biggest thing I remember is after a certain age, there wasn't a lot of, like, I love you hugs. Like, to this day, I mean, I hug Dom a million times a day. Like, and he'll ask me for hugs. Like, he'll be cool, give me a hug, Mom. I haven't had a hug. You know, And I love that that at 17 he still wants a hug. I tell him I love him all the time. So I think that physical expression wasn't there, but he also didn't get that from his parents.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's. And also a big reason I say that is because my. In my early childhood years, my dad worked third shift. And so he slept during most of the day when I was around. Right. And then I went to bed earlier because I was. And also he needed to have, like, his time to. He was. I. I was also born when he was 20. So it's like, obviously he didn't have a frontal lobe. Want to play some video games? Like, what do you expect?

[B]

Let the guy just have a minute.

[A]

Yeah. We were both basically in the same.

[B]

I'd say have a beer, but he wasn't old enough.

[A]

Right, Exactly. So anyways.

[B]

But that's what we are talking about is love languages. Like, how people express love. Because it can be taken. Like, if you have one way that is your love language that you need. Like, that's how you need to receive love. And your friend or your family or your significant other shows it a different way. It could feel like you're not getting the connection that you want with the person. Or it could feel just like they don't care as much. And it could just. They could very much think that they're showing their love with one language and you're not receiving it. It's like. It's like somebody speaking English and French.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like you're both talking to each other, but you're not understanding that.

[A]

It'S not connecting the way. Yeah. Because to you it feels like love and to someone else it's hanging over here because it's not there. So there's. They say. And honestly it's a book I've never read, I've just talked a lot about. But there's five love languages and so those are gift giving or receiving. I guess it's gifts, gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch. Yeah. So what is yours? Love, Language to show love. Do you think showing and receiving is the same? Probably.

[B]

I. I don't think it is. At least it's not for me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

For me, the biggest way I show love is gift giving slash acts of service. Like that's like. I love gift giving for no reason. I love doing things that would surprise people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That would be something they wouldn't expect. That really excites me to do that for people. And the reason I say acts of service is because sometimes it is like the gift is showing up and doing. Yeah. It's like doing something for them. It's not necessarily like, I bought you a pair of shoes. You know, it's like a. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I know you were struggling with this and I handled it or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What about you for showing love?

[A]

I think for showing love. Mine is quality time.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I pete. Like, like to spend time with people who I enjoy. I love to have friends around. I love to be around family even if I'm not around. I love to take time to check in with a FaceTime call. And it's like, like I give blocks of time in my day almost every day to people that I love. And the reason I think it's just natural to me is because I don't think, oh, I need to call this person.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like that desire just comes to people who are meaningful in my life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think that's the biggest way that I show it.

[B]

Okay. What is the biggest way you like to receive it?

[A]

That I think might be. Well, if anyone wants to show me love, who's listening? It's gifts. But. But I think words of affirmation.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It really means a lot to me when, especially when they're genuine. Like anyone can be like, oh, you're cute. Oh, you're funny. But when someone like I feel actually sees something, some quality in me and speaks on that, I really feel so much love when I'm. When I received that follow up question. Okay.

[B]

Is it.

[A]

Remember I didn't Read the book. No, I know I'm making all this up.

[B]

I don't need to read a book to tell me what I love.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

But no, my question is, how you receive love. Is it different based on the relationship you like? So how Nell shows you love compared to, like, how your parents or a friend like me would show you love, Is it different or is it all the same? Where it would be words of affirmation from, like, no matter what, that's your main one. Like, that's how you feel the most love.

[A]

Well, I keep in mind I don't.

[B]

Make the same money I used to.

[A]

That. Right. No, that's an interesting point. Because the thing is, I would say pretty much everybody. Words of affirmation except with Nell, my boyfriend, for everyone listening and watching, I think a way that he naturally shows love is with me is physical touch. And I don't like physical touch. Sometimes, like, it's almost like, get off me. Yeah. Like, I don't like to be like that, but he'll just, like, you know, touch me. And I was like, oh, my God, like, walking by or something. But I also, because I have learned about him, I now see it and can receive it as love, even if it's not exactly how. I naturally would feel that from everyone, because I know him and I see how he shows love. I don't like it when everyone touches me, but I like it when he touches me because I really see that he's showing me love. So I think that's it. It's that I like words of affirmation from everyone. But people I'm really close with, who I see their pattern of showing, I also can really receive that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because I can acknowledge, even though it's not my natural way to receive, it's their natural way to give. And so it can be more meaningful.

[B]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[A]

What about you?

[B]

I think my. My first one is quality time. Like, for somebody to show me love. It's quality time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If I'm not getting that, everything else falls a little short. Like, like, don't, like, don't buy me with a gift. I don't get me wrong, I love a gift, but I've got to feel connected.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To fear to really, like, for that gift to come off the same way. Because. And I know I. I know, like, sometimes somebody gives a gift and they're not trying to, like, buy it off, that they're not spending time or something like that, but it's just not as meaningful as it is if I'm getting The quality time. Same thing with touch. That was reserved more for, like, a significant other or, you know, like I said, hugging Dom. Yes. But, like, again, if I'm not getting the quality time. No keep, man. Don't paw me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I need. I need to feel the connection. But again, that's. That would be more significant other. If I'm thinking friends, definitely quality time first. Like, that's what I want the most is just time with the people I care about or family members. So I would probably say quality time. Words of affirmation, gifts. Where's that Depends. And then, like, gifts and acts of service feel so similar to me.

[A]

Me too. Because they're. They all to be valuable, require such thoughtfulness.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, they both require such thoughtfulness.

[B]

And it's such a gift sometimes for somebody to do something that might, like, take a little pressure off your plate, like, that's a get. Like, you give somebody that's a gift of time.

[A]

Like, yeah.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. I knew you needed something from the grocery store, and I grabbed it and brought it. It's like, oh, my gosh.

[A]

That really is.

[B]

That's huge. Like, you just saved me an hour between driving to, from and buying. Like, that's a huge gift.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not the same as a. A purse. And then there's other times where, like, I'm like, oh, yes. But again, that the material things are.

[A]

Not what make it your love. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. What make it. I love it. If the other things are falling in place.

[A]

For my 22nd birthday five years ago. I'm just kidding.

[B]

Almost spit that out.

[A]

I was in New York City, and I had a friend who I was like, okay, my friend, she was gonna just take me to dinner, I think, for my birthday's house or lunch.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And so we sat down and she handed me a birthday card, and I opened it up. I want. I doubt I still have all this because I've moved around so much, but. And it said, Happy 22nd birthday. Welcome to. No, it said, welcome to the Amazing Race New York City, 22nd birthday edition. And so it had, like, what our next place to go was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, oh, my God. So in that day, we ended up. We had to go then to, like, this. We had to go throw a, like, penny in the wishing well, wish in a fountain. We had to go to this, like, salsa dancing at sunset thing and do at least one dance there. We had to go to the top of the Empire State Building. We had to go to this other. Because it was several hours like, we did other bites of food, like an appetizer at this place or try sushi in this part of town. And we had to do the whole thing because in. In 20 and when I was 22, I didn't have an. Like, you didn't have an iPhone. You had to ask directions or have, like, a little pocket map for New York City. And so you could only ask directions from one person the whole day. It was just so fun. By the end of the day, I did so much, and so it was, like, huge acts of service. Right. And obviously, like, I think that she probably paid for the stuff that costs money, but a lot of it didn't cost money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, it was like, go take your picture next to this statue. You know what I mean? But it was so meaningful to me. I'll probably never forget that.

[B]

Yeah. That's an incredible one. So I wonder where that falls. Like, I guess, again, is it acts of service or gift? Because I am a person who really likes surprises. Like, I like things planned, I think, because I am such a control freak and I'm usually doing so much in my life, my day, like, taking care of other people, that if somebody's just like, we're doing this and it's done, and I didn't have to think about it. Oh, my gosh. That makes it so much more exponentially fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I didn't have to do anything.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, that is a good one. So, like, I'm just waiting for the day. I just want it to be like, grab your passport or pack your bag. It doesn't even have to be a passport. It's like, pack your bag.

[A]

Like, Exactly.

[B]

To put this, this, and this in it. Like that, to me, is. Is such a. What, because you're getting. Because I think it covers a couple things. Quality time, first of all.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because, you know, they planned it, and now you get to spend the time with them. Gift just again, whatever you're doing. Also active service.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then while you're with them, like.

[A]

I'm sure there's words of affirmation.

[B]

Of affirmation. There's touch. That's probably gonna happen. Like, you get everything in that. That's the ultimate gift right there. Our ultimate love.

[A]

Yeah. And it was. The reason she did that is because we had auditioned for the Amazing Race, and they.

[B]

Oh, you and I should.

[A]

We should fucking do that. Because they. It's been years, but I'm cooler now, so why wouldn't they? And they called us both back, but. And wanted us to be with different partners. Because we were just friends.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And they were like, okay, we like both of you. We want you on the show, but you don't have the chemistry. Like, you're not business partners. You're not relatives. You're not. You're not a romantic couple. You're just pals. So. And the. And I was like, I don't have anyone else to right now that I can think of. And the casting director was like, oh, I'm also casting for Survivor. And I was like, don't sign up. Just, like, now. Back then, I didn't want to eat bull testicle either.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, no.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I would come back so anorexic, skinny. Literally, like, I would not eat for.

[A]

30 days or whatever it is.

[B]

I'd be the one actively trying to get out of. I'd be like, I' ma stab you in the back. I'm gonna trade her on you, but get me off this island, mountain, wherever we are.

[A]

Yeah. So I think the big thing when you're with friends or people you're close with or relationships, the big thing is, like, being able to communicate because it's so easy to get mad when you feel like someone's not. Because if someone's not. If you're not receiving love from someone, whether it's friendship, love, whatever it is, then you feel they're just not showing up.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So communicating how you need it and also giving. That's why I think, actually, the talk of the love languages is so helpful.

[B]

Yeah. I was just gonna say, do you think people like family, friends? Like, do you think when that relationship is first starting, obviously not with family, but, like, is that a conversation people should have right away?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Is that, like, a relationship? Like, hey, we're. What date are we on when we should be like, look, just so you know, because it seems a little weird for the girl to initiate it if you're like, my love language is. The guy's gonna be like, oh, my God.

[A]

My love language is here. You got this.

[B]

All of a sudden, the guy's like, well, my love language is touch.

[A]

I'm like, yeah, Damn.

[B]

Like, at what point do you start?

[A]

I mean, lower.

[B]

Yeah, not there.

[A]

Warmer. Oh, my God.

[B]

I was about to say something. I was like, don't do it. Just let it go. Circle Y.

[A]

Faster.

[B]

Oh, my God, Sally.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

But, yeah. Do you think, like, do you think it's a conversation you should have, or do you think it's something you should be aware of in your mind? Where you're paying attention and noticing what is that person's.

[A]

For me language. I don't think. I don't know if Nell and I have ever had that conversation, but I have the conversation without having it. Like, without saying, well, my love language is. But I'll say, I can't think of a specific time, but I'll communicate. Like, when I'm doing this, it's because I want to connect with you or I want us to, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And to him it might read like. Or, for example, I like to go out and spend time with friends more than he does. To be fair, he moved across like thousands of miles to live here and didn't really have a big network of friends.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I would every other, like, have our night and then next night meet up with friends and then meet up with friends. And I like to have to keep community that way. But I think to someone who doesn't get that that's how I show love to my friendships would feel like they're not enough. So that's.

[B]

Or they're not being a priority.

[A]

Exact. So that's when it's each person's responsibility, I guess, to communicate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I should. If. If I sensed or if he would say that we haven't exactly had this conversation. I don't think he has a problem. He likes being social too. But I definitely will say, hey, let's grab dinner with so and so. Hey, let's hang out with so and so.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

More, you know.

[B]

But. But you do think he picks up on what your love language is based on how you express yourself?

[A]

I think so. I think so.

[B]

What about family? Do you think, like, your family understands without having the conversation of my love language is like, do you think that they understand that. That quality time or do you feel like. Sometimes I'm just curious.

[A]

Like, I think they. I have. I have a really good relationship with my family, so I think they probably get it where. Where I have never been strong is gifts. And it brings. It brings stress to my life. And so I have to remind, like myself and I just don't. That's like not what comes natural to me. I stress out more than I get excited about giving a gift.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It. The. Honestly, the best case scenario is if I have a bunch of money to just buy something expensive because I overthink. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I think my family. I haven't had to have the conversation because of our relationships, but I think some people would.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you think?

[B]

I think in general, like, Friends, Like, I think we're all pretty good at spending quality time together, making time. Like, my friends. Like, even if it's just like, hey, let's go for a walk. Like, that's a big thing. My girlfriends and I'll call it, like, want to go for a walk this day? We'll walk, grab coffee, grab a matcha, whatever. My one girlfriend, come over with the baby. Like, let's just hang out. Like, I'm totally. Like, love that. It's harder with my family because they're not close to me physically here. Like, they're on the other side of the country. So quality time is definitely significantly harder with them. But I will say my family has a good. Like, we have a group text and everybody's really good. And my aunts are good about, like, calling and checking in.

[A]

Oh, that's great.

[B]

Yeah, my siblings love them, but they suck.

[A]

Mine do, too.

[B]

At, like, phone calls, anything. It's literally, like, falls on me.

[A]

No, My parents will be like, have you heard from your brothers? I'm like, no, but it's normal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or like, I. My friend. My friends will have interaction with them and send a text. Like, I text your brother. Never heard from him. I'm like, same. So don't take it personally because they just. Just don't respond well. Like, they just. I don't know what their love language is, but it ain't texting back.

[B]

It has nothing to do with communication. It must be gifts.

[A]

Yeah, like, hello.

[B]

That's why they're mad at you. You saw your gift giving and they're.

[A]

Like, okay, I see this.

[B]

My dad always does it. Like, when I call, you know, he'll be like, well, you and your brother and sister never call. And I'm like, no, no. Don't love me into those two. Don't love me into those two. I call. Yeah, I'm sorry. I work. I'm busy. But I call and I answer when you call, and if I don't answer when you call, I usually shoot you a text. Like, hey, I'm working. I'll call you in a little bit. Is everything okay? Or I just call you back when I'm free. Yeah, he does that all the time. Drives me crazy. Put the three of us together and be like, none of you do this, or all three of you do this. And I'm like, that's actually very inaccurate.

[A]

My mom one time was like, do you ever think being gay, like, makes you more advanced than straight people because you're brothers? I was like, no, mom, I know A lot of gays who also are not communicative like I am. It's just. You're just lucky. Yeah, I got it all, baby.

[B]

Should have stopped with one.

[A]

Exactly. While you were ahead.

[B]

No, we love them.

[A]

We do.

[B]

Even though I've only met Joey all these years.

[A]

I know, that's wild.

[B]

Weird.

[A]

Kenny started having kids first, and my family, my brothers.

[B]

Kenny needs to come visit or something.

[A]

They're like, I'm chilling. I gotta raise this kid. It all revolves around the kids. But whatever.

[B]

I don't know. I must be very cute. So Dom's cute as hell, and I was definitely there for him. But also, you know, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

[A]

Did you travel with him when he was young?

[B]

I traveled with him a little bit when he was really young. Yes. Like, a couple times. Just, like, I brought him to Ohio to see my family when he was, like, 4 months old. That was by myself.

[A]

See, that's impressive. A lot of people traveling with a baby that young.

[B]

It's like, it was such, like. I remember it, like, I think I had a connecting flight. And, like, first of all, I was so tired. Like, I was. And he was in my lap, obviously, because he was baby. And I must have started to doze off. I wasn't about to drop him. But he was definitely sliding down in my lap. And the woman next to me was.

[A]

Like, your baby's falling.

[B]

I was like, I got him. I was not that deep of a sleep. I knew that I had sunk my arms a little bit, but he was okay. But then we got off, and that was like, I had to, like, switch gates. And it was so far. Like, it was so far. And I had the car seat because it was like, I had checked it, but you, like, checked it at the gate. Like, at the door. And so, like, I got it. So I'm, like, carrying the car seat, I'm carrying the diaper bag. I'm carrying the baby. And I'm, like, trying to get to this gate that's so far away. And he was, like, crying, and this guy stopped me and he was like, do you need some help? But it was, like, so nice. And I was like, you know me. I don't take help. And I was like, half tears in my eyes. And I was like, yes. And he's like, what gate are you going to? And I was like, it's da, da. It's kind of hard. He's like, I'm going in that direction. It's fine. Like. And he helped me get the, like, carry the car seat.

[A]

Oh, that's awesome.

[B]

It was big.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, you know, nice acts of service. But yeah, I didn't travel a ton with Dom because I didn't have the money to travel with him. And then when he was like four was when I signed on with Beachbody. But I didn't bring, you know, like, those events. He was too little. I would have had to bring the nanny. And then I wouldn't have really been. I would have been stressed about, like, trying to get to spend time with him while I was. There was a couple events I brought him to. Like, he definitely got to see me at Summit in Nashville. Both years he came to a success club trip.

[A]

Oh, he was little in Nashville.

[B]

Yeah. But my sister was there at the time. My sister lived there and my dad lived there. That's right at the time. So he was with them. And I didn't feel stressed because I didn't have to bring in any. He was just with the family and his cousins and he was so happy. But yeah, like, I was always working so much on the trips that we took that I didn't. I love traveling with him now, but again, so you'll see, like, those are things I do with him. Like this summer when I took him to Paris, like, that was a last minute planning thing. But it was so fun to just like one day when he came home, he was saying something and I was like, oh, well, we're going to Paris in two weeks. And he was like, what? He's like, paris, France? I was like, yep. And he's like, mom, what do you say? You know? He was like, you can't just drop it. Like, it's no big deal. But I was like, that was the fun of it was to just drop it. Like it was no big deal.

[A]

And he was like, oh, my God, I would die. I'm gonna go to Europe for the first time next summer.

[B]

I know. I'm excited for you.

[A]

Yeah. But before that, I'm going to Aruba.

[B]

I know. We're going to Aruba. Well, by the time they watch this, we'll have done gone in Aruba.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I hope we're tan. I hope we get back. I hope our flights don't get canceled.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

We went from. We went from love languages.

[A]

Yeah. To we got some sunshine. No, I'm excited for the beach because I was just in Cancun, but the resort I was at was not a beach resort. And I am a water guy. That's my love language, the beach. If you want to tell me you Love me. Take me to a clear. Like, literally, you're up to your chest and you can just see like it's bath water.

[B]

Oh, we have to go to the Caribbean. We need to go to like, Atlantis.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's so pretty there.

[A]

Atlantis is in the Bahamas, but.

[B]

Well, hopefully Aruba is like that. I mean, we're going at an interesting. You know, I don't know because I. I haven't been in like, Puerto Rico.

[A]

Is close, I think. And Puerto Rico when I was there around this time of year, last year was stunning. Why are you laughing?

[B]

Because you and I suck at geography. I'm like, we need a map somewhere.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we can look up and not sound stupid. Because you're like, I think Puerto Rico is close. And for all we know it's not. And it's like super far.

[A]

No, I think.

[B]

No, I think it is.

[A]

Especially just because of the flight is just as much a pain in the ass gas. It's like impossible to get there. It's like, it's like, it doesn't matter. We could go the other way around the world and get there and be.

[B]

The same amount of time. I was like, we could have went to Italy in less time.

[A]

China probably not close.

[B]

It's like ten and a half hours. And we don't have direct flight, right?

[A]

There's no direct flight.

[B]

We're flying through South Carolina.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I haven't been there in a long time either.

[B]

And then I think maybe Miami on the way home. Or New York. I can't remember. Could be sun, could be snow. It's hard to say.

[A]

We'll see. Well, good. I'll be packing and ready for my beach vacation.

[B]

But wait, do you like going in? Okay. If it's crystal clear, blue waters and it's warm, I like going into about my knees. Maybe my belly button.

[A]

Oh, I go in there. They're not. Because those beaches. Those beaches have sandbars. Far out.

[B]

Hold on, let me act like the little kid from Instagram. Oh, Do not want to watch news. They got them and they are close to shore.

[A]

Nah. What if I can see in it? Like when we were in Punta Cana.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I was. And this dangerous thing there was. The water was. The waves are huge and the current was strong.

[B]

I know. I can't believe you did that.

[A]

I would have been afraid with other people, but I knew I was gonna be okay. I was all up in that beach.

[B]

I love a beach. I love to just lay on the beach. Give me a lounge chair. I like to like, I Said if it's crystal clear blue and warm like Miami. Oh, you can put. It doesn't have to be an alcoholic beverage. Just give me something to hold in my hand. I'll stand in that water and talk. I end up so tan.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Golden red. Ish. Oh, it's so good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You won't catch me in a beach here in la.

[A]

Absolutely not. Sometimes I just. Just put my feet in to see how cold it is. And I remember, first of all, it's.

[B]

Like a cold plunge.

[A]

And I'm like, this is for Jack and Rose.

[B]

And one of them doesn't come out.

[A]

One of them doesn't come out. Like it was. So it is cold over here also.

[B]

It's so you can't see.

[A]

No, absolutely not.

[B]

No. And it's dirty. I'm sorry.

[A]

The beach here is for sitting on and looking because you might catch a dolphin or a seal or something, but. But you don't go in that water. I was with friends one time. It was like 11:30, midnight, dark. We were in Manhattan Beach. Let's go to the beach. It was in December, so it's freezing cold. You know how the weather is here. It's cold. And they all went skinny dipping. What I said, first of all, I like my testicles not in my throat. Like, I'm good on that. And I was like, you guys are crazy. I'll hold your stuff. Stuff. Like, it was cold. Not in the water.

[B]

First of all, you're getting eaten for sure. For sure.

[A]

You're just fish food.

[B]

You're also coming out with probably an extra appendage if you didn't lose an appendage, because that is full of chemicals.

[A]

Now. I know a lot of, like, the only way I do it is if I got into surfing, but that freaks me out. You can't see in the water here.

[B]

Can't see and it's cold. I'm sorry. Dom and his dad love to go in it. And like, every year it stresses me out when he wants to go to the beach. Kind of helped that we had the fires last year because I was like.

[A]

Because you couldn't go.

[B]

Can't go in the water. It's contaminated. Yeah, it's contaminated. You cannot go in because. Same thing. We have strong rip currents and stuff like that here. And it's just.

[A]

Yeah, it's this, by the way, hard side note, it's almost like interjecting an ad. It's someone. Someone messaged me and told me on our last episode. All the ads they listened to were in Spanish. Spanish.

[B]

What?

[A]

That we'd be talking. And also, like. Like, I don't. I don't speak Spanish. I'm not making fun of the Spanish language, but it was that kind of voice, but in Spanish. So I don't know what's going on. Sorry, you guys. Or you're welcome if you speak Spanish. But.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Anyway, what I was gonna say, the brief interruption. This flavor of your drink. I was. Is amazing. Thank you. It is so delicious.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

That was good.

[B]

I'm glad you love that.

[A]

To be over.

[B]

Let me tell you, that one. That required some work getting that flavor.

[A]

Well, to get there, the work you put in did it. Because this is one that I would want to keep stocked, hands down.

[B]

Oh, my God. That makes me so happy, because Dom loved it, and I was like, okay, sometimes. I don't know, because sometimes my kid might be trying to hype me up a little bit.

[A]

No, it takes taste. Like a.

[B]

You could say it to me.

[A]

It tastes like a. Not sweet. It. It gives. Strawberry shortcake.

[B]

That was the goal.

[A]

That's what it tastes like to me.

[B]

Without being excessively.

[A]

Exactly. It doesn't taste like. Oh, my God. It's not like this juicy sweetness thing, but the. The essence of it is that, and it's wonderful.

[B]

Yay.

[A]

Yeah. So I'm excited you guys should be coming.

[B]

You know, if I have money to.

[A]

Launch it, fingers crossed, I might be the only one. So. No, we're getting this shit.

[B]

This one is one of my favorites that I have right here. I'll tell you what. It was after we're done filming, but, like, literally a week and a half ago, I didn't have them because I was waiting for them to get sent, and I was like, I need my beverage.

[A]

I need that.

[B]

I need it. Like, I am craving that flavor. And I will tell you, this flavor is not. Like, I have not found anything like this flavor. We're all over the place, by the way, this podcast, I love it.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, we cover the love languages. There are only five now. I love talking about beaches.

[B]

I do, too.

[A]

Too. And I want to drink one of these on a nice, clear water, sandy beach.

[B]

So the one flavor I have in there, there's one that is, like, summer vibes to the nth degree. And it. And I don't care that I'm launching in January. It just came out. It's. But it's kind of like, gives a tropical vibe, and I'm like, oh, my gosh, this needs to be in my hand on a beach. This summer?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

In my ca. Like, I would drink them every day. And it's a matcha. I think I've said that. I'm launching three matchas and three functionals. Yes. I didn't just give anything away.

[A]

For our listeners.

[B]

It's coming hopefully in two months. So anything else on these love languages we should talk about? We've got Aruba coming up. Are you going to Arizona for Thanksgiving?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, quality time.

[A]

I was gonna go to Chicago for a quick trip to visit one of my friends. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But the later in the year it gets, oh, how am I gonna get to Chicago? Like, it's already winter. Bombarded with snow, I think.

[B]

Freezing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dom was saying to me yesterday, because we're going to Ohio for Thanksgiving. And he's like, it's snowing there this week, Mom. And I was like. I was like, oh, I think the government shut down.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Our flights canceled.

[A]

We can't go.

[B]

He's like, mom. I'm like, I know.

[A]

I was FaceTiming with a friend from Ohio, and in my mind it's like chilly. But there was snow on the road.

[B]

No, there was snow this week. Yeah.

[A]

I was like, wow. Oh, that's what she said. She was like, I asked my son to go start the car, but he didn't scrape the windows. I'm like, was there frost? She was like, there's like half a foot of snow.

[B]

Half a foot?

[A]

Yeah, like six inches or something like that.

[B]

Wow. They really got it.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

Ugh. You know why I don't like the cold like that? For one of many reasons. When I'm traveling to it, it's so hard to pack.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Because everything takes up space.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then you gotta travel with a coat. And it's just bulky. Everything's bulky.

[A]

Are you gonna check a bag for Aruba?

[B]

I'm waiting for them to give this the itinerary.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We're going to Aruba, you guys. And a hotel invited me to come and said I could bring a friend. They really wanted me to experience it. Very excited. And so your love language. My love language.

[A]

And I received that.

[B]

Love.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I said, we're going to Aruba. Boom. But I'm just waiting to see a little bit of what the itinerary is. But I want to look at the weather. That's. I guess the most important thing is what's the weather? Because obviously, if it's warm enough. My summer clothes are small.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

They fit into a little carry on.

[A]

Never full. Ready to roll.

[B]

Seriously? She's already Ready. But if it's like, the problem is when it's those in between temperatures, like the 60s, the 70s, where you're like. Or it's like high 70s during the day, but gets colder at. You're like, oh, no.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do I need jeans? Do I need a long sleeve shirt? Do I need to pack sweats for the end of it?

[A]

Like, I think that it's hot there.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't think you'll need any clothes.

[B]

I don't need any clothes. Is it.

[A]

It's a nude island. Yeah.

[B]

No surprise what I sign up for.

[A]

We got the hotel room we shared in New York. Got us ready for the nudity.

[B]

Car shower with. There was just a giant window right next to the bed.

[A]

Like, oh, my God.

[B]

I was like, talk about a fishbowl.

[A]

I feel like in the olden days when, like there wasn't porn, so you had to go in those little theaters where you just wanting the thing in a curtain open and some like, wow, that's what it was like. Like, I know what this building used to be.

[B]

Yeah, got it. Okay, well, I think we've covered all the things today. Love language is being the most important. We love be beaches.

[A]

We love beaches. We love being beach. A couple beaches. Beach, please.

[B]

Okay, that just gave me an idea.

[A]

Oh, I love that.

[B]

We just shared a wavelength.

[A]

Yes. All right, you guys, we. I sincerely, we hope you enjoyed this episode. We were like, oh, let's talk about love. And I think that I do think, think to close that out. The most important thing is whatever it is, to accompany it with communication so you can share that with the people around you because it's not their fault if they don't know how you like to receive or how you give love.

[B]

So, yeah, that is.

[A]

This conversation is important for people to have.

[B]

It is. It's very important to understand the people around you so that you don't feel like you're being neglected in some way. And they don't feel like they're being neglected. And you have to be able and willing and compromise. Like if somebody's love language is touch, like your significant other, if it's touch, and that is not your first love language, you gotta work together so that your partner feels like they're getting their love and their needs met too. Or if it. You need those acts or like those words of affirmation, you have to say it so that they know. So. Yeah.

[A]

Also I think when you're listening to this, it we had just is that we're on day two of our December group that we're running.

[B]

I'm very impressed with you for knowing that.

[A]

Let me fact check myself. But because. Yeah. So if you would like to join our group. It's not too late. Yeah. Find. We'll put the link in the show on our Instagram. It'll be on the show notes. Our Instagram is Everything's Perfect official as well as you can always email us at every Everything's Perfect podcast gmail.com.

[B]

And you can get the [e-mail]. we're doing all things.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Everything's perfect. I need to go do something about this kneecap.

[A]

Okay, girl. Yeah.

[B]

We will see you guys next week.

[A]

See you then.

[B]

Bye.