← EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
Ep. 350 - Conscious Motherhood & Entering the Void of a New Identity - The Process with Emma
01:17:45
If you’ve ever felt too fiery, too loud, too much—this episode is your permission slip to take up space. Today, Jessica is joined by Emma, who opens up about her path of radical self-reclamation. What happens when the identities you’ve clung to—like being the “fit, strong, disciplined” athlete—start creating more anxiety than alignment? What if you could let them go and still be worthy? Emma shares how tools like the TBM work have helped her create her own roadmap to her parenting journey—and how along the way, she was able to hold and heal her inner child. Her story is raw, real, and full of moments that will make you pause and reflect on your own path. She sheds light on navigating vulnerability, the push-pull of sharing online, and the sacred power of embracing spiritual awakening and new chapters—not as something to fear, but as the space where your next evolution begins. This is your reminder that you are allowed to change. You’re allowed to grow. And you’re allowed to soft...
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- [00:00]
Emma
Everything that's happened over the last few months, it's been poetry. It's been truly poetic. Downloads have come in, clarity has come in. I take aligned action. It's not just like I wake up every day and I'm the person that I want to be. I actually really have to put in a lot of love and effort and that just feels easeful.
- [00:21]
Podcast Announcer
From to be magnetic. This is the Expanded podcast with your.
- [00:26]
Jessica Gill
Host Lacey Phillips and your host Jessica Gill.
- [00:37]
Podcast Announcer
As the leading destination for neural manifestation. We dispel the woo woo in order to help you create real, tangible results based on neuroplasticity, psychology, epigenetics and energetics. Our goal is to normalize the practice of manifestation and empower you to get into the driver's seat of your life in order to manifest the experiences, relationships and things that most align with your authenticity. And by pressing play, the process begins.
- [01:13]
Jessica Gill
Welcome back everyone to another episode of Expanded Jessica. Here we are chatting with Emma. Emma is a TBM Pathway member who I was sharing a prompt about Chachi BT and finding your personal brand on my Instagram and she replied back and she did it. And the way that she shared and from the level of authenticity she shared of this sort of epiphany she had in getting to see herself for the first time since becoming a mother and what that process has been like for her and how she's been utilizing TBM but also just enjoying the process of becoming a mother and what are the trials and tribulations that maybe people don't talk about as much? We wanted to dive into all of that here. She has so much wisdom. There is something for everyone in this episode. If you're in the path of transformation, if you're in that magic dark, if you're in that liminal space, if you're not sure exactly who you are or what steps you want to take to go into the future, but you feel.
- [02:13]
Lacey Phillips
That pull to something more, this is.
- [02:15]
Jessica Gill
Going to be the episode for you.
- [02:17]
Lacey Phillips
Enjoy.
- [02:23]
Podcast Announcer
And now a word from our partners.
- [02:28]
Jessica Gill
Are you craving the benefits of an infrared sauna but don't have the space or don't want to pay the hefty price of a large sauna in your home? Look no further. I highly recommend Bon Charge's Infrared Sauna Blanket. This blanket has been game changer. I had it in my old apartment and I brought it to my new house and I truly cannot live without it. I am someone that really, really sees the impact of sweating in an infrared sauna regularly. It can improve your cardiovascular health, help with pain relief, improve your sleep, boost your immune function, help with your skin health and your skin tone wrinkles. It can stimulate collagen, detoxific stress reduction, improved mood, increased circulation and boosted metabolism. I truly see the benefits specifically in my skin and my muscles and my joints. If I'm working out really heavy or if my joints feel really tense and tight and I do the infrared sauna regularly, it starts to feel so much better and more easeful and I recover faster, specifically from my workouts, from, you know, muscle growth, all of those things and also detoxification. My skin just glows. Feel better. I feel like my metabolism is boosted because I'm able to digest quicker. It has been so, so helpful and key and I can really notice the difference on the weeks that I do not use the sauna blanket. Sometimes I can get lazy and not go in there and I notice, oh man, I'm really missing out on that important tool. And the reason I love Buncharge's sauna blanket over any others on the market is because one, they have the lowest EMF and two, you can go in completely naked. Other sauna blankets, you have to pack layers of clothing on. And even I feel like I'm moving around my body so often because things are getting too hot in certain places. Bon Charges has the most incredible layering in their blanket. So you can go completely in the nude, feel comfortable, don't have to move around and get your sweat on. If you want to try out Bon Charge's infrared sauna blanket, blue light blocking glasses, their red light protection, any of their other products, they have such incredible stuff. Go to their site now and use code magnetic. All caps M A G N E T I C for 15% off. Again, that's magnetic. All caps M A G N E E T I C for 15 off. Go to boncharge.com or check out the link in the show notes.
- [04:54]
Podcast Announcer
All right, on to the episode.
- [04:59]
Lacey Phillips
Emma, how are you doing today?
- [05:03]
Emma
Today I am a little on edge because we are preparing to move out of our current house into another house. And as we were discussing before we hit record, the cosmic energy has felt pretty intense lately. So today I'm good, I think because I have this, this opportunity to share and open up and to connect. This is like the highlight of my day. My husband has our 11 month old outside. The weather's finally nice in New England. But I'm all the things all at once and I think that's more present now than ever in motherhood. The duality and the contrast is every Minute, every moment of every day.
- [05:45]
Lacey Phillips
I want to start off with what your big three in astrology is because I think that people tend to find parts of themselves when they hear certain pieces.
- [05:55]
Emma
Yeah, my astrology is one of my favorite things to talk about because of how much permission it gave me. So I'm excited to share for anyone else out there who has a lot of fire in their chart. So my big three, I am a Sagittarius sun, Sagittarius moon in my Taurus rising is kind of my saving grace because I also have Mars, Mercury, Venus, and my north node, also in Sagittarius. So it's like how I am, how I think, my emotions, how I communicate, how I take action. It's all Sagittarius. It's all fire. It's very passionate. I love exploring, and I think that's gotten me, quote unquote, into trouble throughout my life. So it's been almost like that piece of adversity. I'm that classic. Was always told I was too much, was always told that I was bad or wrong. You know, I just think back to my early childhood and all of my authority figures, my parents, my teachers, my coaches, I was always looking at them, knowing that they were looking at me, as if I was a little bit too much to handle. And so when I learned about astrology and I discovered, oh, no, like, I'm not wrong, this is actually who I came here to be. It was very liberating and was a huge piece in my journey of healing and reconnecting to my authentic self.
- [07:20]
Lacey Phillips
I can imagine too, for so many kids, like, there's such a very specific structure in school and those messagings of, like, being a good student, being quiet, you know, not sharing your voice, not being too loud, paying attention. It's very, like, surgical in a lot of ways. And I think it just stunts so much creativity. And I'm so curious now how many people feel the boomerang other end of that where it's like, okay, now I do want to vocalize and share myself, but how? Or like, I'm self silencing, I'm self stopping. I'm not actually sharing vulnerably because of.
- [07:56]
Jessica Gill
That conditioning from childhood too.
- [07:59]
Emma
Yeah, I think for me, it manifested in performing and recognizing, okay, this part of me is what is enjoyed and liked and tolerated. So let me continue acting this way or speaking this way or doing these things. But at the same time, the duality of Sagittarius is we're rebellious. We also. Our honesty is so important to us. And our truth is so important to us. And so I just always felt like this walking duality, the walking contrast within myself of, I'm trying to perform, I'm trying to be liked, I'm trying to be acknowledged, I'm trying to be accepted. But at the same time, I hate it, and I hate this, and I hate everybody. And so there was so much resistance and so much anger inside of me for a really long time. And I'm a very fiery person. I'm a very passionate person. And so I've found throughout the years that I'll go a little off script of the performing and I'll let my true self shine, and then there'll be, like, the vulnerability hangover or the imposter syndrome, or, like, was that okay? Was that safe? Rethinking social anxiety. And so the majority of my 20s was just, like, deconditioning myself from all of those thoughts and the expectations and the stories of who I should be and what I should do. And I think now, being a mother, I am so conscious of how I'm showing up for my son, because he is actually a Taurus Sun, Sagittarius moon, Sagittarius, no, Taurus rising. So his big three are a little similar to mine. He's got a lot of fire in his chart as well. So I'm trying to be mindful and aware of when I'm telling him to slow down, be safe, be careful. Because even those things we think that we're. We're helping our kids, at the end of the day, we are limiting how they're expressing themselves, and we're limiting their curiosity. So it's interesting how motherhood has kind of ushered me into another level of acceptance for myself, because I'm really trying to push myself to accept my son.
- [10:06]
Lacey Phillips
I think also, you know, I. I.
- [10:08]
Jessica Gill
Forget what podcast I heard it on.
- [10:09]
Lacey Phillips
But someone was talking about how so often when our kids have, like, big reactions that we're trying to quiet them down, not because it's necessarily what they should do, but because we're uncomfortable with the big reaction, and we're uncomfortable of others seeing us not having a perfect kid that's reacting and behaving, you know, so well. If we can sit with that discomfort, can we allow our kids to just run that cycle, to feel that emotion, to move through it, to know it's safe to have a big reaction to. In the confines of, like, as long as you're not hitting anyone or hurting anyone or doing anything harmful, if you're just feeling a big Emotion. That's okay.
- [10:49]
Emma
And I also think for parents in our generation, we have so many more resources and there are so many more conversations about this. It really brings me so much peace because I carry the belief that our generation, we are like the cycle breakers. We are here doing so much healing for our ancestors and just karmically, and not only for our own soul, but for our mothers and our fathers and their mothers and their fathers. And just like the lineage up the line. And I think it's really beautiful. The tools, more of the woo woo spiritual tools that I appreciate the most, like astrology and like human design. It really does give you a roadmap to how you can support your children. And one of my friends, Cassandra, actually made, you know Cassandra, I think you're going on her podcast soon. Yes. She made Bennett a little roadmap, a human design roadmap. And in my conversation with her on my podcast, she was really explaining that, you know, Bennett's a generator. He's gonna need to, like, move emotions and energy through his body. So when he gets upset, it might look like stomping his feet. It might look like flailing his. His arms and maybe throwing himself to the ground. And I'm already seeing that in him at just 11 months old. But also knowing astrology in the Sagittarius moon, like, there's gonna be a lot of fire when it comes to him processing how he's feeling. It's gonna be really intense. And I can relate because I'm also a Sagittarius moon, which I think is a gift. And it's very obvious that he was meant to be my son. And I can really hold him and support him through that. But it's maybe even triggering to some of the older generations. You know, I see my mom watch me parent my son, and she's sitting there, like, kind of having a lot of regret and guilt of. I feel so guilty because you were very similar to Bennett. You were a lot. You were yelling, you were screaming, you were adventurous. You were kind of always causing trouble, always getting into trouble. And I was like, you need to stop. You need to reel it in. You need to learn how to behave. And she is now more spiritually awakened. And I think she looks back with a lot of sadness because she didn't have those tools. It wasn't acceptable to let your kids authentically shine. It was like, keep your kids in line. Don't let them be too big.
- [13:12]
Lacey Phillips
You have to look back with compassion, too, at a certain degree, because it's also like for her generation, she didn't have the access to information that we have now. She wasn't being taught those things. And had you not had those more challenging experiences, it wouldn't fortify who you are as a mom today. You wouldn't be able to parent your son the way that you do, had you not hit the trials and tribulations of, like, what it feels like to not be parented that way. It's so funny. My fiance is a twin, and he always is like, I kind of hope we have twins because I feel like I know exactly how to parent a twin. And I'm like, I really don't know about that. That's a lot at one time. Like, my heart goes out to any twin or triplet parents out there. It's a lot of work. But, yeah, like, he's like, having gone through it, especially in the school system of like, oh, you're a pair, you're this, you're this. Really forming the independent identities is so important. But he wouldn't know that had he not gone through that experience.
- [14:11]
Emma
I could see that being able to really speak to and cater and foster twins, being able to enjoy and accept the person that they came into the world with, but also having not just the permission, but even maybe the push to go learn on their own or be independent and do things. My parents are really hard on themselves, but one of the things that they did is they always pushed me to do more and get out there and kind of get out of my own way. And I attribute so much of who I am and my ability to show up in the world the way that I want to. Some of those hard decisions my parents had to make of pushing me outside my comfort zone, and they always saw that light in me and that spark in me. My mom's mom, my mime, gave her the book how to Raise a Spirited Child when I was born because my mimay kind of saw or maybe felt into my energy and my spirit. And my parents knew that I was big. They knew that I was a lot. And so in some ways they were trying to tame it, but in many other ways, mostly I would say in like, athletics, they were like, go be tenacious, be wild. And they were putting me into a place where I could really allow that side of me, that really passionate, really intense, fiery side of me to shine. And I think that's one of the reasons why I excelled in sports so much, is because I had all the permission in the world to just, like, go full throttle.
- [15:40]
Jessica Gill
What was your sport?
- [15:41]
Emma
I played Every sport under the sun. I was like the three sport athlete. In high school. I played field hockey, ice hockey, and lacrosse. And then I got a scholarship to play Division 1 field hockey. And I went to the University of New Hampshire, which is why we're currently living in New Hampshire. That's where I met my husband. He played football there. So it's interesting, like, looking back now I'm 31 and sports isn't such, like a strong presence in my life. But that was like my full identity until I graduated college. I'm Emma and I'm an athlete. I'm Emma and I'm fit and I'm strong. And that definitely fed into the box that I had myself in. And that was how I identified and it fed into some of the obsessions. And I had an eating disorder throughout high school and in college. And my healing journey is very lengthy. It's like a very long, intertwined story. But sports saved me. It allowed me to be super physical. And as a manifesting generator as well. Being physical is an important way to release our energy and interact with our body in a certain way. But now, as a mom, postpartum, it's so crazy. I never, never once was like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna have a baby and then I'm gonna have to get back in shape again. This is the first time in my entire life I've ever had to get in shape and feel like I'm starting from scratch. So it's almost reconnecting me to that part of myself that is pushing things. Feel harder. I have to, like, work harder. My mindset has to be there. I have to be a little bit more res, resilient when it comes to my movement practice right now. So it's very interesting how, how many things have come full circle in motherhood.
- [17:26]
Lacey Phillips
I feel like there's a couple routes that I've seen people go on who played sports in, in, you know, growing up in high school and college, where one route, it's so disciplined, so regimented, they're pushed so, so hard that there's almost a rebellious part that shows up later in life where they're like, you're not going to force me to do that. I'm not going to work out. I'm not going to do this. Alex Cooper is actually a good example of this, where she now, like, talks about, like, how much she hates working out. She hates going into a studio. I'm sure she loves going on the soccer field and playing for fun. But when it comes to actually the regimented workout there's that block of, I had to do this in this really tough way for so long, and now that I get to choose, I don't want to. But then there's also this route of muscle memory. You know, that your body does feel so good when you move, and that you know what your body's capable of when you push through those hard things. Like, I remember doing the suicide sprints. I did lacrosse as well, cheerleading lacrosse. And I am not a runner. I don't know how I ever did lacrosse. But, like, the faith or connection to self, after you physically push yourself through what you thought was your limitation and you actually can, like, breathe on the other side, it does something to your psyche where you're like, okay, I want to try this again, or, like, I want to see what else I can do. What else am I capable of? It embeds that. That drive and that strive for more.
- [18:55]
Emma
So beautifully said. I think the power of sport, and I think what a lot of people really resonate with in terms of group fitness is the ability to wake up, put on your, you know, your sneakers and your little workout outfit, and then when you show up to this place, you get to hand over not your power, but you get to hand over control. You get to say, you can push me. All I have to do is try my best. I don't have to do the thinking. It's like the mental load is taken off. It's taken away. And that is something, again, that I found in motherhood, is I need that now. Whereas I think I experienced a little bit of the burnout of working out every day, I also recognized, I think it was back in 2019, spiritual awakening. I was like, oh, my God. I am quite literally punishing myself with fitness, with working out, with movement every single day. I would have severe anxiety if I couldn't work out. It was such a part of my life that was on the outside, positive because I'm moving my body. And to everyone else, it was like, there goes Emma. Like, hitting the gym, working out, doing this. She's so disciplined. She's running hill sprints on family vacation. But on the inside, it was like, everyone expects this of me again. I'm fit, I'm athletic. I have to maintain this image because if I'm not an athlete, then, like, what good am I? My self worth was really woven into athletics and my physical body and my physical appearance. And so my spiritual awakening gave me this ability to look at movement as nourishing. It took me down this path of mindful and intuitive Movement, which led me to Melissa Wood and Melissa Wood Health. And her practice years ago was like, my first. It kind of opened my eyes to, oh, my God, I could achieve and maintain the body that serves me without having it be so abusive and so rigid. And then it was cycle syncing and holistic health. And so my journey to healing, my relationship to movement into my body was really organic. It kind of all just unfolded. But I would say right when I got engaged and then my wedding was approaching, that's when I really was, like, struggling with, how do I show up with love and not with fear? And I felt myself really pushing against, like, I was rebelling against, you have to lose weight for your wedding. You have to look a certain way. And my movement practice started to dwindle, surprisingly, leading up to my wedding, because I was like, I can't force it. I can't make this. It just was almost like a slippery slope in a way. And circling back now in motherhood, I feel like for so many years, I was working out alone. I was doing it intuitively. I would just dance in my bedroom or do Pilates in my underwear, and that was all I needed. But now in motherhood, when I feel like I'm really starting from scratch, my pregnancy. I love my son, but he really took a toll on my physical body. I was so big, so inflamed, I ended up with an emergency C section. And so recovering from that is a whole different ball game in terms of your pelvic floor and building the strength. And I feel like my muscle just kind of withered away from breastfeeding and sitting, and your posture is terrible from breastfeeding and looking down all the time. So now I'm like, I actually need to go to a yoga class, or I need to go to a Pilates studio, or I need to find a buddy, a friend to work out with, because I can't carry the mental load of controlling my own workouts anymore, or waking up and being like, oh, what do I need? What do I want? I mean, I still have that ability, and I still do that the majority of the time. But being able to show up to a place and just say, lead me through this. I'll show up. I will do what needs to be done. I can push myself a little bit easier when someone else is telling me what to do, and I can look to my left and I can look to my right, and I see someone else doing it with me, which has also inspired me a little bit to maybe start incorporating more community movement into not Only like my own life, but with my online community, Instagram, my clients as well.
- [23:11]
Lacey Phillips
I love that you talk about this and that push back of that part of you that's like, we're not doing this again. Like, we've gone down this rabbit hole. I just shared on my Instagram, maybe last week I was chachi be teen. And I was like, okay, look, I know I have these two parts through the lens of internal family system. One that, like, it wants to use workout for my highest good. Knows it's so good for my mental. It's good for my body. I feel better after. I want to have muscle as I get older. I want to be able to walk miles into my 80s and 90s, you know, like, I want to pick up my grandkids and all of these things for mobility. And then there's a part of me that really used workout as punishment growing up. You're not good enough unless you work out like this. And that part is like, we're not going back there. So when you try to force me.
- [24:04]
Jessica Gill
To work out, there's resistance.
- [24:06]
Lacey Phillips
And so I've been doing this little mental exercise with myself, which is when I know I like, I physically feel like my body is like kind of craving a workout. But I'm like not taking the action because that part's coming up. I just sit with that part and I'm like, I know we used to use workouts for this, but we're not doing that right now. We get to do this for fun. We get to choose this. So what do you need me to do to allow you to feel safe to move today? We only have to do five minutes, but what do you want to do.
- [24:35]
Jessica Gill
That would feel good?
- [24:36]
Lacey Phillips
And then I'll be like, okay, we can do five minutes of this workout thing online or Melissa Wood or form or whatever, something. And five minutes becomes the whole thing.
- [24:44]
Jessica Gill
And then I'm like, oh, okay, that was great.
- [24:46]
Lacey Phillips
But that even that little conversation with self of like, hey, I see you. I know you're coming up to alert me to not go down this path before that was so damaging, that has given me at least that opening of, okay, we can start the movement.
- [25:03]
Emma
It's very powerful. Everything that you explain and what you and Lacy talk about so much on the podcast. Cause I've been a listener for five years, is you guys are just so mindful. You're so tapped in and you're able to check in with yourself. And I think what scares a lot of people who are starting this mindfulness practice. And for Me. What was so alarming when I learned about mindfulness and how to lead a mindful life was I was so aware of how many of my thoughts were fear based, were really dark, were really aggressive, my ego. That inner dialogue can be so cruel and so mean. It knows exactly what buttons to push, exactly what language to use to make me feel so small, so insignificant, and just powerless. And so for me, the entire journey of healing and being mindful was learning how to stop judging my thoughts when I was recognizing how dark that they were and saying, okay, I understand that these thoughts are present in my mind. That's not me. And so similar to what you're saying, I've had to do that practice of like, hand on the heart, hand on the belly, inhale, exhale. Come back to self, come back to spirit, come back to soul, and make a decision out of love, make a decision out of what's best for me. I think back to when I first started my business and working with clients. The mantra that I would give or what I would say to people is, any decision in your day can be a nourishing one, but you just have to choose it. You know, you can work out out of fear and force, or you can work out out of love. You can also have a salad or a smoothie with fear, or you could have a salad and smoothie with love. No matter what you're doing, there's an intention behind it. There's a. A why to everything that we do. Every decision, whether we're lighting a candle or taking a sip of our water, like there's a reason why it's happening. And what struck me so much when I had my spiritual awakening is that 99% of my decisions were out of fear. And it was scary, but it was also the path that led me to slowly doing the reprogramming work. And even when I felt myself starting to take action out of force, out of fear, out of hate, out of discipline, this is who I have to be. I could recognize it, come back and re approach that decision from a more loving, mindful, accepting place.
- [27:37]
Lacey Phillips
I love that you say that too, because that is one of the reasons why we started coining the action part of manifestation as aligned action. Because it's not just taking action to get momentum moving. It's checking in with your truth. Truth, your soul, your highest good. What is that version of aligned action? Not just this is smart and strategic. I should do this, or this is what everyone says I should do. So I should do this. And just taking that rapid action it's like really having that pause and that check in of, like, what is true for me and my body. And yes, there's going to be a growth edge where you have to step through fear. And that can still be that aligned action, but it is coming from a true, centered, highest, good, high priestess mother energy versus the dictator or the. The person forcing everything.
- [28:30]
Emma
Yeah. And going back to the pushback that we were discussing around movement and fitness within the last few years, that resistance was showing up in relation to my spiritual practice, because seeing all of the tools that when I discovered them, I was like, oh, my God. Journaling and meditating and tarot. And I have an obsessive personality a little bit. Right. Like, especially that Sagittarius. I want to explore, I want to share. It was so healing for me to dive into all of these tools and to see how it could, like, lead me back to myself. But I would say after a while, when I would start showing up online and my entire. For your page was journaling prompts and meditations and green juices. And so all the things that I plucked and implemented into my life out of love, I was seeing it reflected back to me in the aesthetic. You should do this if you want to feel a certain way point of view. Like, the POV made me recoil. And so I started resenting my own practices and being like, I'm not going to journal. Like, whatever everyone's journaling, everyone's talking about can't be that good. It was almost like I lost touch with the power of the practice because it was so being gassed up online left and right. And so also within motherhood, I'm like, oh, that's why I started journaling in the first place. And that's why I meditate, and that's why I do my DI when my son goes down for a nap. I'm like, all right, I'm just gonna do a DI. I've got 20 minutes, so let's do something. For me, it's. It's allowed me to reconnect to all of these parts of myself that over time, showing up online, or maybe it's just been life and the cosmic energy. My Saturn return in my late 20s. The wires got crossed somewhere along the way. And so the last 11 months, I'd say more specifically the last like two or three months, I have been waking up again and being like, oh, that's why I do this. And that's why I used to say that to that client and share about that online. There's so much truth to it. But there was that part of me, maybe my inner teenager that was so rebelling against all the rituals, all the woo woo, all the practices that saved my life at one point.
- [30:44]
Lacey Phillips
I think there is something to that. When you first have a spiritual awakening and you're incorporating all of these practices, it feels like you get to choose them. You have the power, you're discovering them. You're going down the rabbit holes, you're going on the fringe, Cosmosite or this or that or whatever. You're like finding all the stuff, you're sourcing it. You're like, wow, this is such a cool adventure. Most people aren't talking about this. And now that it feels like it's become more mainstream in so many ways, which is great because they are so many incredible tools. There's this feeling, at least online, and I've definitely felt this, where it's like, it feels like it's being thrown at you. You have to do this. If you're a wellness person, then you will be doing this. Your routine will look like that. You almost like there's like a hierarchy of being good enough at spirituality or good enough at wellness. And I think that is probably where the pushback comes from because it's like, wait a second, it's all an individual level. It's not about one person's routine or one method to spirituality or one practice. What are the tools for you? You curate them and every day they can look different. I mean, I even found myself getting in that, like, I'm like, okay, I'm hosting the podcast manifestation. Like, I need to embody the practice at all times. And I'm like, sometimes shit just hits the fan. Like sometimes you feel like crap about yourself and you're second guessing yourself and all those horrible thoughts come in, you know, like, that's why the tools are there, because we're human. Just because you do the wellness and spiritual stuff doesn't mean you're immune to reality. You're still going to hit reality again and again. I think when you first have a spiritual awakening, there's this hope and promise that like, things can be good from here on out. And it's like, we're human. That's just not how it works.
- [32:33]
Emma
I've been thinking so much lately about my first spiritual awakening. And like that first year or two years, the energy was so potent, it was addictive in a way. I felt so clear. I felt so free to just, just be me. It was like this new version of myself was finally able to come through and Then life happened and I think back to, like, 2023, 2024. Those two years were somehow so hard for me. Very difficult. I really struggled figuring out what I wanted out of life and my business and where to go and what to do. I feel like I really lost touch with my sense of self and my self worth. I think showing up online for years, I started to associate my worthiness with how I was being received online. And, okay, this is the content that does well. So that's the part of me that people like. So going back to what I was saying earlier about how when I was little, I was performing, like, this is the part of me that's accepted. I realized I started doing that online. Okay, this type of content, when I talk in my stories in this way, I have reconnected to that sense of self and my self worth. Within the past few months. Specifically, I very much am going through another spiritual awakening. But it's just been so interesting to see how much those tools have begun to give me my sense of self again and reconnect me to where it all started. But I have to say, I agree that you start the work and it feels good and you're like, oh, my God, so everything's gonna be amazing forever. And I never anticipated that I would almost go through another. Not another, like, cycle, but another season of being disconnected, not being able to figure out what's going on. Like that void that me and you were kind of talking about and DMing about, of motherhood, of being pregnant for nine months and then postpartum, it really shook me. And I was just. Just sitting in this in between space, not really knowing who I was, not really knowing who I wanted to even be, and not feeling connected to myself, not knowing what to say or how to say it or when to say it, and then genuinely feeling like nobody would give a fuck either way. And so getting back into alignment, reconnecting to my authentic self, all the work that I've done, I've very much realized it was my inner child who started to become scared of being seen again and started to. She was tiptoeing on Instagram and she was like, is it safe to be this way? I don't know if I want to be my full self because I'm scared I'll get shut down again or I'm scared I won't be loved. I'm scared I won't feel safe here on this online space. Getting back into rhythm with myself has been significantly harder this time around than it was with my first spiritual Awakening. Because then it was like, oh my God, it was like the discovery. I was on a high. Whereas now it's been like, whoa, I can't believe that that happened. And now I'm here. Okay, it's time to get back to work. And there's an acceptance to it of like, nah. Like, this is work. You have to show up even when you don't want to. And not being disciplined but being devoted to yourself I think is a conversation I've seen a lot on social media lately that I really resonate with. Like, I'm devoted to myself and that's why I'm showing up. It has nothing to do with force and with discipline. But this time around feels a little heavier, feels a little bit stickier, feels a little. I'd say the resistance is stronger this time around. The tests and the way that the universe is pulling me back into maybe old patterns or teasing me, testing me with falling back into the lack mindset or not feeling worthy. It's definitely more of a dense experience this time, but it also feels significantly more important at this stage of my life.
- [36:49]
Jessica Gill
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- [38:49]
Lacey Phillips
Okay, so let's dive into this void, this portal with motherhood, because we have so many mothers or parents in the community and we also have a lot of people who are thinking about being.
- [39:02]
Jessica Gill
Parents at some point.
- [39:03]
Lacey Phillips
I've gotten this question a lot even from some of our team members who are like, I'm not ready to have a kid anytime soon. But, like, I just want to start planting the seed of what energy I want to be in when I know that that feels right for me. Like, I want those expanders who are doing it consciously or just having a unique, authentic experience and not doing the norm. Talk about this portal, and I've watched Lacey go through it now twice, and it is fascinating even just from the outside. I watch my friends go through it, I watch people close to me go through it. And I myself haven't yet. But what I've observed thus far, and obviously, correct me if I'm wrong or if your experience is different, but that there is so much going on hormonally, physically, with the body, with attachment to the little one, that your sense of self before may have been, okay, it's me and my family, it's me and my partner, whatever, but the amount of protection you have to have on your little one and your reasoning for being there and functioning is so about those initial stages that there's almost not a ton of space for the individual and there becomes a time when the kid gets a little bit older and there's more space and maybe you have support where that individual can drop back in. But it's almost like, wow, like, how different would the world be if we could actually give mothers the portal to just nourish during those chapters versus forcing them to, like, come back to work, perform, figure out how to deal with their business, let them just be in that portal during that season. Has that been your experience or has it been different?
- [40:49]
Emma
Oh, 100%. And I think it started when I was pregnant even. You know, I think I was already going through a lot in terms of my identity, my sense of self, how I was showing up online, what I wanted to do What I wanted to create. I'm a manifesting generator. So I feel like whatever I'm currently passionate about is what I'm really pouring into and sharing with my community. And so when I got pregnant, what was interesting for me and what I'll share is I really believe you are not given the pregnancy or the birth that you want. You're given the one that you need. On a soul level. It's an initiation. It's a soul contract. And so I was always like, I've got all this intuitive knowledge and wisdom in my body. This is what my pregnancy is going to be, this is what my birth is going to be. And everything went sideways. My pregnancy was so horribly hard on my physical body. You know, if you think about the spectrum of side effects or symptoms of pregnancy, I feel like I dabbled with them all. And by my third trimester, I wasn't sleeping. I had nerve pain. I'm very short. I'm 5 2. My son had a nice, big, luxurious kingdom inside my body, and it was clearly pinching some nerves in my spine. So I had really bad nerve pain down my arms and my hands. I would wake up at night crying, just. I couldn't even sleep. It was so excruciating. And I was just big, was swollen. I could barely walk, I could barely function. And meanwhile, I am planning to have a beautiful, orgasmic home birth. I'm doing all the things. I'm eating the dates, the red raspberry leaf tea. I'm getting chiropractic care. I'm going and getting acupuncture weekly. I'm working with a midwife who I knew and trusted. I hired a doula. I did everything quote unquote right. And I labored at home for like a day and a half and pushed and pushed and pushed, and my baby just was not coming that way. For whatever reason, whether my hips weren't wide enough. He came out with a massive head in the 99th percentile. But for whatever reason, whether the cord was around his neck or not, I ended up having to go to the hospital and having a cesarean. And that was not my, quote, unquote birth plan. But for me, it was what I needed on a soul level. Like, the initiation and the surrender was so telling of what postpartum would then hold. Not having things go your way. And I think that's why so many women deal with postpartum anxiety and postpartum rage and postpartum depression, which the depression for me didn't really settle in until around four or five months postpartum. But the anxiety is, you want to control, you want to give everything you have to your baby. You want everything to be okay. And that's just not life. You can't control things in that way. And so the anxiety can be really heavy. And then I think for women, for me, I worked for myself, so technically I could take off as much time as I wanted, but that's time unpaid. And my family just wasn't in a position for me to not work at some point. Whereas I know my sister in law had to go back to work after four months, one of my other friends had to go back to work after three months. And my mom, she was like, are you guys kidding me? I had six weeks before I was back taking the train into Boston and going to my corporate job. And so, yeah, it gives me chills, it makes me sad. I truly cry when I know that a mother is being removed from her child before either of them are truly ready. But I think that pressure to get back into the world and to get back into giving to others really stresses out the nervous system of the mother, which is already under an immense amount of pressure from lack of sleep. And if you are nursing and you're breastfeeding, your hormones are doing crazy things all the time, your estrogen is at a all time low. So there's so many things involved with motherhood, with birth, with postpartum, that if women were given the ability to just focus on that, it's not just the mom and the baby and the family unit would benefit. The world in general would benefit. When we think of the collective consciousness, when we think of the energy that we all share, the world would benefit so much. If mothers were able to use their energy for what their energy actually wants to do, which is go to the baby and go to the home. I found that I either want to care for my baby or my husband or my dogs or my house, and then I'll care for myself. Women are such givers, we're such nurturers. And so we find that that tends to want to come first. And I can sit here now at 11 months postpartum and really look back and say, okay, it took nine months to make the baby, and it took a full nine months out for me to feel like there was any available energy to really use for myself. Not even like give to me, use for me for career, for fitness, for my hair, for my makeup, for my closet, my belongings. Like, now I have available energy to use for myself and I give it to myself into the Things that are important to me as I see fit. But it took nine months. But I wasn't given nine months. I had to start working right around four or five months postpartum. And it was beautiful because I called in some really amazing women into one of my coaching containers and two of them happened to be pregnant. And so it was like very divine that I was just given this group of women. We were like riding out the waves of my postpartum, their pregnancy together. But I'd be lying if I said I was ready. I was absolutely not ready to go back to work or to start giving myself in that way. I was still able to show up and do my job and do a good job at what I do. But it is interesting, the timeline. I very much saw that it was nine months of creating the life and then nine months of my body, my soul, my energy, wanting to continue sustaining that life and only that life.
- [46:59]
Lacey Phillips
I mean, this is such an important discussion, thinking of when we're dreaming up our dream lives, when we're thinking about what we want to manifest, when we're thinking about giving ourselves compassion. Because we are in a world that has constraints. You physically had to put food on the table. You couldn't take nine months off. In a dream world, yes. And maybe in a future that that is a possibility. But at this moment in time, no. So I think it's like the both end of things. How can we have this vision and this hope and this understanding? And when rubber meets the road, if it doesn't go that way, what can we give ourselves? A little compassion, a little grace on in that in between phase, in that void, in that unknown, without forcing it. I think you spoke to something so important of like part of the stress for the mother or even thinking of anyone who's feeling in the void space. If you feel the pressure to figure it out now, you're behind. You need the answer. Who are you? What are you going to do? What action are you going to take that makes the whole container of the void so much more challenging? Because you're looking for the quick fix, the quick action. And sometimes the action is not there, it's not present. The stillness is really the lesson. And stillness can be really hard.
- [48:27]
Emma
Stillness is so incredibly hard, especially for someone like myself. No matter how many times I can sit with a client or sit with a friend and tell them exactly what they need to hear, give them the permission to slow down, give them the permission to not know. When it comes to myself, I think I really, really struggle with the void. I really struggle with the in between. And so I even look back on my postpartum and some of the decisions that I made. There's like the midlife crisis. I feel like there's the postpartum crisis, especially if you're like an entrepreneur or you have a big career that you've really built again, your identity around. I declared in the fall when I was like in the middle of postpartum depression, I was like, I am done coaching. This season of my life is over. I can't be that person anymore. And I stand by that decision. I explain it in a way where my identity and my self worth got so wrapped up in my image online. It's almost like when you and a partner, like a romantic partner, have to break up, up, go find yourself, and then you can come back together. That's how I felt about my business. But from all the women in my life postpartum, who are fellow entrepreneurs, who are healers, who are kind of like the medicine women, they're just like, how, how am I going to continue showing up for people the way that I always did? I don't have the energetic capacity. There's no available energy to give in the way that I used to give. And I want to. I wish that I could, but that's just not it. And so I think a lot of times postpartum, the void is the lack. Everything that you once had available to you has dissolved and you're approaching life and you're stepping into the world with a new energy bank, one that you have to kind of learn and test out for yourself. And so I look and I see that, oh, in the fall, I was like, I'm done with coaching and I'm gonna start substack. And that's what I'll do. I'll just wr and I'll podcast. And now I'm sitting here like, I don't want to do substack full time. I don't know what I was thinking, but I was trying to find the answers and I was so desperately wanting something that I could just say, okay, and now that I have that, I can turn my brain off. And so I'm sitting here today being like, all those declarations I made, none of them are actually relevant to how I feel today. But in some way deciding, okay, I'm just gonna do this allowed me to turn my brain off, allowed me to give myself the permission so I. I didn't have to keep asking how, what, when, why. I was like, okay, I'll just do this and so even though it wasn't the final truth of the matter, it was maybe my higher self or my angels being like, okay, yeah, sure, it'll be substack. Even though it wasn't supposed to be that full time or long term, that was like the only way that I could actually give myself this space to rest and to be with my baby and to just do what had to be done. And it was almost like I swindled myself into believing this cute little reality. Even though it wasn't what was actually going to end up unfolding. That was how my own nervous system and subconscious and mind was able to process that phase in that chapter.
- [51:45]
Lacey Phillips
I think that speaks a lot to following pings and intuition because I think sometimes we think that the ping is going to directly bring through the manifestation, or the ping is the manifestation. You got the ping that it sub stack, Boom, it's sub stacking. My whole life trajectory is going to change because I followed this ping. And it's like, actually the ping is sometimes the breadcrumb. Sometimes you have to full force follow the ping and shut down other alternatives that you had in your mind because it's helping you get into a headspace that can prepare you for ultimately what you're going to do after that. But if you judge the ping or if you don't follow it, or if you kind of dance between it, you're not actually getting the lesson. So unless you had shut down the coaching in your mind and opened up the sub stack, you wouldn't know that it wasn't writing full time. Or maybe it will be, who knows? I don't want to put a limit on you. Maybe it will be writing in another month. You're like, actually, I figured out a to way to do it and it's going to be like this and it's going to be amazing. But it's almost like you need that real world experience, having done it, to know, okay, cool, now that we're at this new ground, what else do I need to curate the next aligned space for me?
- [53:01]
Emma
Exactly. And I know from just the years of experience of being an entrepreneur and having to make decisions, I mean, you know, it's like, what do I want to create? What do I want to put out into the world? I know what it feels like when something's truly aligned and I know what it feels like when I'm forcing something. So none of those decisions were forced. They were all aligned. They were all like, I'm on a nature walk, I'm getting these downloads, I'm starting to find myself. Those moments of clarity would come in, and it was so pure and so beautiful, and it felt like such a gift. And so exactly what you're saying is it was the breadcrumb. It was what had to happen in that moment. And by making those decisions, new realities started to emerge. Yes, new realities, but more so like just straight up new timelines, like what I was able to see for myself, what I was able to feel into shifted radically by making those decisions. Even though I'm not standing by those decisions, like, I'm gonna get back to coaching, I feel like I'm here to be a guide. I love working with women. I love telling my story. I've built so many programs and worked with so many women in the group setting, that's like my bread and butter. And that's just what I love to do. And I'm gonna get back to that. But again, I had to get to the place where I could close that down and be like, okay, so if I'm not that, then what am I? Who am I? What's. What wants to emerge? And because I made those decisions, this new me has emerged. Everything that's happened over the last few months, it's been poetry. It's been truly poetic. The way that downloads have come in, clarity has come in. I take aligned action, even if it's not where I meant to go. At the end of the day, I've taken so much action behind the scenes that nobody has seen. Episodes that I record that never saw the light of day because it wasn't actually for someone else. It was just for me or getting the wheel started in one direction, that it wasn't supposed to be exactly there. But because I took a step in that path, a new path emerged. And so exactly what you're saying, it's very much been a breadcrumb trail. And it really did not start building momentum until around nine months postpartum. That's when I could sit down. And it's what I was sharing in my Instagram stories about the chat GPT prompt that you shared that, like, blew up my whole life in the best way.
- [55:22]
Lacey Phillips
I was like, freaking out over that. They were like, oh, my God.
- [55:26]
Emma
It really. And that's what I was getting at is if I had done that prompt at like two months postpartum, I would have read all the things and been like, okay, great. Okay, cool. You say my voice, my voice is the movement and that, like, I'm here to combine that. All of these very spot on insights into who I Am. Obviously, it had my human design, my astrology, my authentic code. So it was really spitting out things that I've always dreamt of being true about myself. That's what it was reflecting to me. But if I had done it any earlier than the exact day you shared it, I did it. When I was finally open, my energy was available to thinking about myself, thinking about what I want in this life outside of motherhood. It all happened exactly as it was meant to. I just didn't have the capacity to even be part of that dialogue or that conversation. Up until around nine or ten months postpartum, I was thinking that too.
- [56:21]
Lacey Phillips
When you were saying, you know, recorded the podcast episodes and then didn't air it, it was for me, so many times. We want the very masculine energy through our pings. It's like a ping happens and then, boom, here's a result. And it's like, can't us having an internal shift, an internal embodiment of what it feels like to connect to our creativity, to connect to our downloads, to have that moment you had where you're walking through nature and you're like, wow, all this information is coming through. The sensation that feels in the body is the manifestation. That is the beauty of it all. That moment of clarity is the manifestation. Instead of putting the value on just this external marker, can't we see the dance that we're doing at all times with the work, with the universe? And sometimes it's just for us. No one's going to know the depth and the profoundness of. Of what it means. When you get that sting, that chill of clarity, when that comes through for you, you can go and repeat it to your partner, to your loved ones, and, like, sometimes they're like, yeah, I see that for you. But they don't understand on a somatic level, no, I just unearthed my truth. This is huge. Let that be enough.
- [57:43]
Emma
I will say that has been the hardest part about the void of postpartum was, okay, I got it. Like, I got the download, I got the clarity. Something has been solidified. And then it's immediately like, okay, what am I gonna do with it now? And it is that push to take action. And so the amount of times I was trying to be so delicate and so careful with what I was sharing with my community, and I would hint like, oh, there's something coming. Like, I'm figuring it out. And then I wouldn't end up sharing anything, because by the time that it came to fruition and I was sitting down to make what I thought had to be made. I was realizing, like, this isn't actually it. This isn't it. Like, for a while, I was like, okay, I'm gonna have a private podcast on substack where I really lean into the truth of motherhood. Cause I'm. My whole brand is built on being real, and I'm a very vulnerable person. I have no problem sharing my truth and using my story and the things that I struggle with as points of connection between me and another person. And for so long, I was like, okay, yes, yes, yes. Like, private podcast on substack. Like, people will pay. It'll be a community. And I sat down to record for that private podcast four or five times. And after, like, the fifth time of trying to record literally just the first episode, I was like, it has never taken me this long to create a piece of content in my life. And why does it have to be private? What am I so scared of? Why I have a regular podcast? Like, why aren't I talking about this on my normal podcast that streams anywhere at all times? And it's going back to that inner child. Somehow, some way, I was reconditioned again to be scared. I was just not feeling safe. I was not feeling safe to express myself and own myself and own my truth. And so the permission of, like, okay, yeah, cool, I'm gonna do this one thing led me to healing a little bit more. And seeing where I was still hiding or where I wasn't wasn't embodying my truth, and I was shying away and not being my fully expressed self. So there were so many times where, again, I'm, like, steamrolling ahead. But then, thankfully, I mean, even if I had launched it, it would have been fine. But I was able to before I moved forward and, you know, fully immersed myself into these decisions or these things I thought would solve all my problems. I was recognizing, like, well, what led me here and what am I being shown and why do I think that this has to be it? There's this thing that I always like to say where things can be hard, but also easeful. And that's how I've always felt in my business. Like, my job is hard, but it unfolds for me with ease when I'm in alignment. And so if things aren't unfolding with ease and it's not just like, on being, like, tested a little bit, things were just roadblocks. It gave me that chance to step back and say, okay, let's reassess and see maybe what the bigger picture is. And it's not even necessarily feeling hard. It's just the opposite of easeful. I'm having to reach outside of myself to make things happen. And that's typically my cue of. It's just not for you. It's not meant to be. But there is a lesson here and you've gone through all these steps and you're doing these things for a reason. It just might not be what you think it is foreign.
- [61:10]
Jessica Gill
You've heard us talk about our pathway membership, but what actually is it? It is an all access membership where you can get every single workshop that we've ever created. All of our deep imaginings, which are our reprogramming audios to help you manifest. You can access it on the desktop or in the TBM app on your phone directly. We of course have our foundational workshops such as our how to Manifest workshop, which takes you you step by step through this neural manifestation process to actually unblock, expand and take align action to connect with your manifestations. Our how to be magnetic workshop, our inner child and shadow workshops. And then of course we have a workshop. If you are in a rut, if you're in a rock bottom, if you're an up level, perhaps you need to set boundaries. Maybe you want to focus specifically on the block of money or love. It is all in there. And then twice a year as a community, we gather for our challenges. Our challenges are one of the most effective parts of the process because you get accountability. It is really a handheld held experience in how to work through whatever the theme of that year's challenge is. And now to my absolute favorite part of our membership, which I think in and of itself would be worth the entire weight of the membership if we just had this alone. Our Deep Imagining library. This Library encompasses over 60 neural reprogramming audio tracks. They're self hypnosis tracks that will really support you in any step of this journey. If you're needing calming nervous system regulation, unblocking with a specific test or trigger, going through a difficult time processing a big emotion, or maybe you just want reinforcing how to reinforce those neural pathways of confidence, abundance, self worth, deservingness and connection with your dream life. And not only that, if you go to the app, we just launched Deep imagining playlists where we're grouping different themes of DI's together. So no matter what you're going through, you have something for you. And we're constantly dropping new playlists as well as brand new deep imaginings. And if you need more support in your process, you can Go to our brand new video series Channelings with Lacy, where she touches on the exact energetics that are going on right now in manifestation and how it may apply to your life. So obviously I am a huge fan of this membership. The peace of mind I get from being able to have all the tools I need at my disposal, no matter where I'm at with my life. If shit's hitting the fan, if I'm feeling dysregulated, if I'm needing to come back to my center, if I'm needing to to brainstorm or daydream or connect with what my vision for my future is, every single tool is in there to support me. And don't just take my word for it. We have thousands of testimonials of people who have had incredible success stories with these tools. So take the guesswork out of your manifestation process and get real tools that are going to give you real results. For podcast listeners only, you can use code expanded all caps E X P A N D e D for 20 off your first month of the pathway. Join now and have your best year yet.
- [64:14]
Lacey Phillips
One thing I'm really picking up on through so many parts of your story is how when you have that moment of like, okay, it's not quite this, this, how seemingly unresistantly you're willing to just, okay, whatever I thought it, whatever.
- [64:31]
Jessica Gill
Structure I thought it had to be.
- [64:32]
Lacey Phillips
Let'S pull that down for a second. It can be anything, it can be infinite. Where do I feel called next? There's that play of, okay, if it's not this, I don't need to force this. Let's drop that identity for a second. Let's drop that container through which I thought it has to come through for a second.
- [64:49]
Emma
It.
- [64:50]
Lacey Phillips
Let's pull everything down. If we start from scratch, where do we go? What feels interesting there? I think that the ability to do that and be humble enough to do that time and time again is going to be such a key to people moving through the void energy. Because that's kind of what it is. It's refining in so many different lanes. I mean, even at tbm, like, how do we make the Instagram feel more like it feels when you're talking to a tbmer in person at like a walk where you're just like, yes, yes, light bulbs going off. How do we bring that energy there? And instead of being like, well, we have to check these content buckets, it's like, what if we didn't? Let's just pretend we had a brand new slate. What Would we do? What would we fill it with? You know, and this is such, like, a small example, but that's the kind of mindset shift I think people have to, like, awaken into to get out of this.
- [65:46]
Emma
I have found myself reaching for my tarot deck more and more, and the card that keeps coming up is the Fool. It's like you're starting again. All these rules, all these things you thought you had to do had to be how to. You thought you had to act this way and speak that way. And, you know, Instagram really favors reels in this format, in the aesthetic. And I'm someone who. I feel like at the start of the pandemic, so many creators just, like, jumped on, and everyone. It was like, ignorance is bliss. We're all just doing it in our own way. And more people were talking in their Instagram stories, and more people's content was like, real time. Whereas over the years, I think as a society, we've been conditioned to shoot it, edit it, post it, curate it, make it neater, make it prettier, make it more digestible, make it more delicious, more inviting. You know, you want people to be addicted to you and to your content. Content. Whereas I have always really thrived with in the moment. It's real. I'm in my stories, I'm crying, my hair is a mess. Like, even before motherhood, like, I've been all the things, and once again, over time, it was like my inner child wanted to fit in, wanted to pretend and perform and be like everybody else. The ego so loud. It would just be better if you blended in. It would be better if you did it this way. And so getting the fool card throughout this postpartum experience has been so illuminating for me because I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. This is my chance to start again. This is my chance to be ignorant to the noise out there. And I've really cut down on my consuming, and I've really been diligent about who am I following and what's their message, and are they expanders for me, or are they someone who's making me feel like I have to bend and manipulate my own truth to fit the status quo.
- [67:37]
Lacey Phillips
Oh, my gosh, this conversation. I'm so excited for people to hear this. I'm also excited to see what resonates for you guys. Leave comments. I don't know if you guys know, but on Spotify and YouTube, you can leave comments. We can interact, we can chat. That's what I'm always so curious by. I think There was so much in this convo that's going to feel like a breath of fresh air to people where they're like, oh, yes, I feel this too. And oh, my gosh, I'm so not alone. I think we've been getting a lot of requests for people who are in process. Obviously, you've managed to manifested some beautiful things between your family and your business and everything going on. But I think even the. The reconnection to self is that manifestation and what that practice looks like of coming back to self and allowing yourself permission of that dance. Where can people connect with you, find you, hear more of your wisdom?
- [68:29]
Emma
I am. I've always been an Instagram girl at heart. So Instagram is the best place to connect with me. That is where I show up every day. I show a lot of my life. That is one of the ways in which I enjoy expressing myself is through my Instagram stories. And if you've been listening to this episode, obviously you now are aware of some of the internal battles that I've been going through, not just in motherhood, but for the last few years. And so I'm really stepping back into this place of. Of sharing in a way that feels true to who I am and that just feels easeful. And I'm not getting too in my head about what it looks like or how it's being perceived. So Instagram is where you're gonna see who I'm becoming. It's where you're gonna be able to not just learn from me, but witness me. And I think just witnessing me going through my life the way that I do is what makes my community feel seen. Oh, here's someone who has this business, you know, has all these things. It's the certifications, but she's actually going through it too, and she struggles with these things, and she has to go back to the tools and go back to herself and clear herself, cleanse herself. You know, it's not just like, I wake up every day and I'm the person that I want to be. I actually really have to put in a lot of love and effort into loving myself and accepting myself and showing up in the world in a way that makes me feel really good. So there's Instagram. I also do have a podcast. It is real. With the podcast, you can find it on Spotify. On Apple, we are actually moving over to the Spotify for Creators. So hopefully we'll be getting our video up soon. And then my website's currently pulled down. I don't have any offers necessarily Right now, but hopefully within the coming months, you'll be able to connect with me in a more intimate way soon.
- [70:21]
Lacey Phillips
So.
- [70:21]
Jessica Gill
Good.
- [70:22]
Lacey Phillips
I think that is the one thing when I'm looking for expanders, at least right now. I posted this on my story the other day. I'm like, who are the people that are doing something different? Because I think there's a lot of noise on social media of like, if you want to growth, hack your blah, blah, blah, do this, and you have to do this. And, you know, the CEO of Instagram comes on and he's like, this is what we're prioritizing and blah, blah. And from there's like the Capricorn business sense of me that's like, okay, yes, that's smart.
- [70:47]
Jessica Gill
I should know that, right?
- [70:48]
Lacey Phillips
But then there's like the artist part of me that's like, who's fucking doing something different? I want to see someone who's bucking the norm, who's innovative, who's saying like, yeah, okay, that's performing well. But I love this. And this is actually getting more people engaged or they feel something more from this. That's what I look for so much. And your page is so that on so many level. It always has been. I feel like I followed you even before TBM days and all of that.
- [71:15]
Emma
That.
- [71:15]
Lacey Phillips
So, yeah, just excited to see the next evolution.
- [71:18]
Emma
Thank you. And I agree. I'm. I'm also looking for accounts like that. And one thing that I said to my sister, who is. You were mentioning before how, you know, sometimes you get a download and you want to go tell the people in your life and they can't necessarily feel into it the way that you can. I was 100% gifted my sister in this lifetime because she is that person for me. She feels the things I feel. And same for me with her. We're very, very connected. And so I was telling her how, you know, I'm like, I've just been looking for a permission slip. That's what it feels like when I go online. I'm looking for a permission slip. And then as I was saying that to her, there was this voice that was like, maybe you are the permission slip. Oh, right. Like, I forget sometimes that no, like, I'm one of the people who are, you know, I'm here to facilitate the permission for others. We've seen a huge decline in people talking in stories you do, which I love. Whenever I open someone's stories and I see their face and I hear their voice, I'm like, oh, there's a Human behind the account. There's a human behind the aesthetic. And honestly, I think for a while I was getting like angry about it, like, why are these people? And then I started realizing people could be burnt out. People have all these things going on. Cancel culture is big. Some people are really wanting more privacy. And so for whatever reason, there's been a little bit of a decline in the authenticity, in the realness and the rawness. But I feel like in this next phase of my life, I've got nothing to lose. I'm gonna bring back all the realness that I can and in a way that feels good for me. And so while I am also seeking permission from my world, I'm also trying to be a little bit more mindful about my role here and what I am able to do for others, which is, is to be that permission to let life be a little bit messy sometimes. And while I am super spiritual and super woo woo and I have this, you know, wisdom, I'm also so deeply human and sometimes I feel like I'm too human and my soul is like, I can't. My soul can't bear it sometimes. But I think that's where the beauty is, is being able to find the balance. And for someone who has been at both extremes, this next chapter, this next season is like I'm bridging the gap between the woo woo and the spiritualness and the like trying to reach enlightenment and then also just being a human and letting it be messy and letting it be imperfect.
- [73:43]
Lacey Phillips
Thank you, Oma.
- [73:45]
Emma
Thank you so much. This was absolutely amazing and I am so excited to stay connected with you. I know that we kind of just started dming back and forth, but I have been a listener forever. Me and my sister are absolutely obsessed with TBM and all the work and. And I put all of my clients and family onto it. So thank you so much for having me. This was amazing.
- [74:10]
Jessica Gill
I hope you guys enjoyed that episode. And here's a little deep imagining recommendation for anyone who is ready to dive into a little neural reprogramming post listening to the episode. So if you haven't done this before, the future self di can be really supportive if you are trying to figure out what is your soul secretly calling for and longing for in the next chapter. I would check out that one.
- [74:37]
Lacey Phillips
It basically walks you through various parts of your life.
- [74:39]
Jessica Gill
And not that you have to have your whole life figured out right now, but it does give you that pull of what could be next, what is in that next horizon. Even if they're little Tiny messages of what that looks like. The other one that is great for that is the dream life. Di step into the day of your dream life. What does it feel like to be in this, that space, sit in that energy? You don't have to flesh out all the specifics, but what little hints of things are you getting? And how can you apply them to your life right now? Whatever you're longing for, can you give yourself even this weekend a little taste of what that looks like?
- [75:17]
Lacey Phillips
One example.
- [75:18]
Jessica Gill
Before I had space at my new home to plant a garden, I dreamed of being surrounded by nature. I wanted to sit around nature. I wanted the trees around me. I wanted to see the bees and the birds and everything just flooding. It just felt like a cacophony of beauty around me and I didn't have that. I was in an apartment in the smack dab in Hollywood and we didn't have a lot of nature right there. I'd have to like go a little bit out. But I drove the five minutes into this giant park that was nearby Griffith park and I would sit under the trees and I made sure to intentionally take time to sit there.
- [75:54]
Lacey Phillips
And even though I I it wasn't.
- [75:56]
Jessica Gill
The same proximity that maybe I was hoping for like having it in my backyard, just being able to say no, I can give myself a version of that right now. I don't need to be in lack for one day. When it comes, I can give it to myself right now. Think about the ways that you can give yourself those little things right now as you are discovering and unveiling new parts of yourself. And another quick tip for any moms out there or people that are really short on time. If you go into our DM Di playlist, there's a time section so you can pull any of the DI's that are shorter. And a quick tip for any moms out there. If you go into the time section in our Deep Imagining playlist, you can pick the DI's that are the shortest so you can just get those quick hits of inspiration there. And stay tuned because we're going to be sharing a lot more bite sized content so you can be sure to check in with your tbm. Practice with your process with your soul every single day within the app. And another little announcement or mention I wanted to make. I got a lot of questions of what DI's can I do for walks, especially since I've been sharing this at the end. Pretty much every single di except for the sleep Di you can do on a walk. It is all up to you and what works best for you.
- [77:07]
Lacey Phillips
Some were specifically designed to walk because.
- [77:09]
Jessica Gill
There'S a lot more motion going on. But any DI can be used while walking. It's really personal preference. So test them out and see. Do I drop in better when I'm laying down, when I'm sitting in a chair, when I'm going for a walk, Walk. Some people like doing it while they're doing the dishes or they're doing something else. Like, their body's a little distracted so their mind can actually go into it. So quick tip for anyone out there as well. See you guys next week.