← EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
Ep. 396 - Releasing Fear of Success and Manifesting Her Role in Apple TV's Pluribus: The Process with Karolina Wydra
00:56:48
What if the dream feels “too big” because you haven’t built the capacity to hold it yet? What if success isn’t missing you—but waiting for you to feel safe enough to receive it? This week, Jessica sits down with actress Karolina Wydra (Pluribus, Sneaky Pete) to talk about the long game of manifestation. From growing up in communist Poland and internalizing scarcity and suppression, to stepping away from acting at 39 to become a mother, Karolina’s story is one of surrender, self-trust, and divine timing. It’s a true testimony to something central at TBM: what is meant for you will not miss you. After years of inner work, Karolina landed a life-changing role on Pluribus, fulfilling a longtime manifestation of working with Vince Gilligan. Through EMDR, nervous system regulation, Expanders, journaling, and radical honesty with herself, she shares how subconscious reprogramming helped her release the belief that her dreams were “too big” and instead expand her capacity to receive the...
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- [00:00]
Carolina Wydra
You can't manifest things out of fear. Incredible things happen and come when I'm connected to something greater and when I'm in that space of peace and trust. I deserve this. I belong here. I've earned my place here. I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
- [00:20]
Host (Chief Content Officer, TBM)
What if the reason you haven't connected with your manifestation or your big goal yet is not because you're not talented enough, not because you're not capable enough, not because you're not good enough, but because your nervous system is self sabotaging you along the way. It's not allowing you to trust. It's not allowing you to surrender. And those are the key elements to be able to call it in with ease. In divine timing. Today's expanded process. Guest walked away from acting at 39, followed a ping to become a mother. Took a five year hiatus. And in her career, she lost her agent, she lost her manager. And when she got the ping to step back into acting, she got a random email come through inviting her to audition for Vince Gilligan's new Apple TV show. Pluribus. This is how Carolina Wydra manifested the role of Zosia, using TBM and neural reprogramming. If you have done the journaling, if you have done the visualizing of your dream self and it's still not here, this episode is for you. This will be the expansion to trust your own unique timing. Nobody's life is gonna look the same. No one's timeline is gonna look the same. And a breadcrumb that you didn't think
- [01:45]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
had anything to do with anything at
- [01:47]
Host (Chief Content Officer, TBM)
one chapter in your life may actually be the thread that calls in your manifestation. The line after listening to this episode, you will understand why you are not late, why there is no wrong timeline, that you are exactly where you need to be. And all you need to do is show up and look at the internal fears, the things keeping you small, the nervous system work that you can regulate through right now in this moment. And everything beyond your wildest dreams will come in perfect timing. Because the universe is never withholding your dreams. It is a matter of time before you connect with it. It's just asking you to step up to the plate. Okay, let's get into it. And now a word from our partners. How are you actually showing yourself love this month? Not the big performative kind, the quiet kind, the one that no one sees. The way that you end your day, the way that you rest, the way that you reset your nervous. Because I realized recently that luxury is
- [02:55]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
not the big trip or the moment
- [02:57]
Host (Chief Content Officer, TBM)
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- [04:38]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
you partially manifested your role on Pluribus with tbm. Like we have so many actors and actresses in our community. They're going to be like, wait, tell me exactly what she did.
- [04:52]
Carolina Wydra
I know it's really remarkable and I'm really, really grateful for the experience and I'm grateful also for you guys, what you guys are doing and also for Janelle, working with Janelle, who I'm just, I'm truly in awe of her and everything that she does. She's such a wonderful woman and she holds such space for things where you can actually work through things and clear all the junk that's keeping you away from reaching your highest self, your highest good and be able to, to manifest things and be able to receive things and say yes. And the other day I was doing something and I was thinking about us doing this, this conversation. I remember a long time ago, I don't know if you remember, there was this. What was that book that Everybody was reading the Secret something, was it called a secret? And you know, it was all about, you know, you think about it, you imagine it, that it's there and then it will happen. And it just for me personally, it doesn't work like that. You know, you just don't think about it and then it appears. You have to be willing and you guys talk about that. You have to be willing to be open that that will come in the form that it's supposed to. It's not going to work out the way you fully envision. Sometimes it does, but it comes in the way it's supposed to. And you're there to say yes and you're supposed to say yes to whatever keeps coming instead of saying, well, no, no, no, that's just not. That's a no. That's a no. That's a no. That' that's a no. Because then the universe, I believe, goes, well then you don't want it or you're not ready for it.
- [06:24]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
It's so interesting because I think concepts like the old school method of Law of Attraction or the Secret, it really is so much just visualize it, hold it, believe it's true, act as if all these things. And in principle that's true, but that's not taking into consideration the psychological scaffolding that has such a chokehold over our behaviors, our limiting beliefs, our nervous system, our fears that is dictating what we're going to manifest. So we can sit there and dream up the perfect life all day long. But if we go take a step towards it or we're faced with an opportunity to walk the path of it, do we shut down? Do we self sabotage? Do we play small? Does our body get so scared and insecure we start pushing it away? You know, that's where TBM has kind of come in to be like, let's really look at everything that's under the hood of what's actually driving your reality.
- [07:24]
Carolina Wydra
And you're absolutely right. You have to clear out all the things that are blocking you from your greatest self. You know, when I was auditioning for, for the role, you know, working with Vince Gilligan has always been, has always been my dream. So of course I've always imagined it, but never felt worthy of it. Never thought that something like that could ever happen to someone like me. So I had all these blocks that were preventing me from even having the possibility or the opportunity. And it's interesting with also what you say because for years I would ask my team and I would say to Them. If there's anything, absolutely anything on any of the shows, you know, over the years, if there's anything that I could audition for, please send me in. This is someone that I really, really would love to be a part of his project in any shape or form, even no matter how big or how small the power would be, I wouldn't be part of it. And all those years, I've never had one audition for him. And we were actually with the same agency and my team knew that just never. It just never happened. And so over the years, I have done so much work on myself to clear out all these things. And then when the audition happened, when it came out of left field, my first reaction was, no, I can't. I can't do it. Because if this dream that I've. I've had for so long, if it. If I do it, I go in and nothing comes out or nothing happens, then it's done, it's over. So I'd rather sit here and keep daydreaming of one day working with Vince, right? So go back to that small thinking, the fear, all that. And so there's that other voice that said to me, go for it. You have nothing to lose. And basically, I audition on. On Friday and I was supposed to find out on Tuesday. So when you test, you have to go through the. You do a chemistry read with another actor, which was Ray Seehorn. And then I met Vince and a few people, and they send it to the studio and then they send it to the network. So you have to pass these places before you get the job. So on Tuesday, I was going to pass the studio and I didn't hear anything. Wednesday morning I found out that I passed the studios. Me, another girl going to the network. And I was supposed to find out on Wednesday, Wednesday, nothing, nothing. And then Friday I was like, what is happening? And they were like, well, Friday we probably will find out soon. And literally, this is what's so wild, right? So it's like you do this work. I did EMDR with Janelle all day. We happened to have it scheduled that day, and we scheduled that maybe a month before. It just happened to be that day. And it happened that I tested around that time and I was supposed to find a few days before, but I didn't. Like, I'm just thinking like what EMDR does. I mean, it basically makes you not be reactionary to things, right? It kind of clears whatever calms down your nervous system and. And clears out all the things that are making you constantly be reactionary. To things and you don't know why you're acting the way you're acting when sometimes something happens and you get triggered. Why am I getting triggered by this? And it's something that happened at some point that's interfering with all these things in your life right now. And it's so subconscious and it's so deeply embedded in our brain. And. And so, anyway, so we were doing all this, the clearing, all day long. And I remember it was so hard for me because I was thinking how I'm not hearing from them, but I'm here and I'm supposed to be here with Janelle. And we were working on really heavy stuff and I was just all over the place with what was going on and the possibility of how my life could be different from the way it was. And then we finished our session, I drove back home and still nothing was nighttime. And then around 7, I got a call from my friend's manager, Brian, and he said within an hour, gonna find out if he got the job or not. And it was all aligning in such a wild way. And then, you know, and then I got the call an hour later that I got the part. And it was just so surreal. It was just unbelievable. And then when I saw Janelle, Janelle was like, that day you were clearing, you're moving things and you're being more open to receiving and manifesting for your dreams to. To come true. You're ready to receive it. You're ready to welcome it.
- [11:42]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
When you were in that clearing session with Janelle, had you been processing, letting go of the outcome to the callback at all?
- [11:51]
Carolina Wydra
For sure, there was a surrender at some point. There was a moment of surrender of whatever is meant to be. It's going to be okay. One way or another, it's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay. And yeah, surrender is a big part of, I believe, of manifesting things. You're not gripping and willing something into being. And it has to be because I feel there's a chokehold on that and there's no space to let things happen and manifest. And I've had that happen a few times. Whenever I surrender and let go, things happen. It's always that unexpected thing that happens when you just let go, I think.
- [12:28]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
And we'll get into it too. Also talking about how you had children and having to lean into that surrender piece as well. But I think surrender energetically, it's not something you can fake or make pretend. It is like a real release of the nervous system's attachment to the thing in doing that, your confidence in yourself and your trajectory, whether it goes this way, whether it goes that way, you can still want it to go a certain direction, but it just. The intensity lessens and then something calms and you're like, okay. I'm actually okay with whatever the outcome is. And like in that state of surrender, it's like that's when things are so potent to come in.
- [13:11]
Carolina Wydra
For me, the way I describe surrender is being connected to the divine, some sort of divine energy that just feels very peaceful. There's just. It's very Zen. It feels very quiet. When I live in that state of just like full acceptance, you can do things, but it does happen when it's least expected and when you fully let go, just completely let go. And it's a hard thing to get to because it's. We as human beings, we are so complex. I think it takes a lot of constant practice of trust. It takes a lot of trust. For me personally, again, it's in the divine, in the something, letting go and just being connected and just trusting that everything's going to work out the way it's supposed to. And my past and my conditioning is what makes me be super controlling and not trusting and wanting to will things into beings and hold it tightly. And out of fear. Fear is another thing that you can. You can manifest things out of fear. Incredible things happen and come when I'm connected to something greater and when I'm in that space of peace and trust. And then when people start to offer you things, I think it's good to say, to be open to them, say yes. And then when you get to a certain place, then you start to go, wait, is this good for me or not? Is this making me go forward or is this pushing me back? I don't know if. Do you know what I'm trying to say?
- [14:38]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
I know. I know exactly what you're saying. Like in the beginning, if you're not taking any action, if you've never acted in anything before, if you're just already out, you need that expense experiential feedback. You need to, like, put yourself in the situation and see how you'd react. Like, instead of in theory, what would I be like as an actor? Like, go to sets, film things, put on plays with friends, Go put yourself in the scene of it to feel what the feedback loop is like. And once you've kind of gotten to a place where you're building your confidence in your skill set, you're building that, then that discernment piece comes in then that this is driving me forward, this is settling, and I need to know the difference for me.
- [15:16]
Carolina Wydra
Exactly. Thank you. You said it perfectly. Yeah, but it is. It's like you can't just sit around. You just. You. You gotta get into action. You gotta ask questions, you gotta be open, you gotta be excited, you gotta be willing, you gotta be curious. And then when things starts to happen and doors start to open, then you start to question, like, okay, am I staying in the same level because I'm too afraid to go forward? Where am I on that line? Where do I have to do some clearing, get honest with myself and see that I'm actually holding myself back? Like, my fear was definitely. And now also a fear of failure as well. But fear of success was a big thing for me, you know, and working through all those things and for me personally was like that idea of, like, yeah, I deserve this. I belong here. I've earned my place here. That was a big part of also manifesting it through working with Janelle, to being like, yes, I'm in the right place. And being right sized. I think that's my favorite word is right sized. That I'm not here, I'm not here, but I'm right here, right in the middle, right? So it's just not the words like, my ego's driving it and. Or like my low self esteem, but it's just like somewhere in the middle, that sweet spot where you just go. You feel that, right? So it's like, yeah, this feels right.
- [16:29]
Host (Chief Content Officer, TBM)
This is.
- [16:29]
Carolina Wydra
Yeah, I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
- [16:32]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
I think fear of failure and fear of success are like two sides of the same coin in a lot of ways. Bring us back to your childhood upbringing. Do you see any threads from that time that may have conditioned you to be fearful of what that big success would look like?
- [16:50]
Carolina Wydra
You know, I grew up in communist country. When I was growing up, it was communist. So, you know, as a child, you just. That's all, you know? So you're like, oh, this is fine. But you hear people talking. And then I remember, you know, you go to a store and you have very few pairs. Just one example, very few pairs of shoes. And either they have your size or they don't. And there's a huge line of women trying to get those shoes. Shoes as well. So you have to be the first in line to see if they even have your size. And if they do, you want to make sure that you're ahead of the game, like, ahead in the line. So you can get those shoes. So, you know, it was hard to get anything. I remember standing in line with my mom every month to go and get. We got this ticket where everyone would get the same amount of meat, same amount of gas, same amount of whatever it was. And you would go and you could get, let's say, I don't know, that's just an example. I don't remember like five pounds of meat a month, you know, and that's all you could get. But we had a car, so and my grandma lived in a little village where I also grew up. Because I lived in the city and then on the farm with my grandma. And because my grandma had food and she, she would raise her own animals, we would get, have enough food so we didn't need the food stamps. So we would exchange that for gas because we had a car. So my parents would exchange food with people that didn't have a car. So they would. So it was just, everything was just rationed and there would be exchanges and stuff like that. So it was a very small minded lifestyle. But you didn't know that it was so small because to you as a kid, again, that's all, you know, dreaming of coming to America was even impossible. You know, it was in the 80s and I remember they would play on TV was Dallas. I remember Dallas, the soap. And it was either like you went to America and you're rich. That was the idea for me as a kid, that if you go to America you're rich, which is not like that. But the ideas of what we had. America was a land of promise, of riches, of unattainable place. And it was so far away you had to take a plane. I was never on the plane. So it all seemed so far away. And you couldn't dream of like, I want to be an actor. That was not even in the realm of thinking for me. That's not how my parents taught me. That was not a thing that was nurtured. It was just something, go study well, get a good job, become a professor or doctor or have a, a job that brought you money, stability and money. And also I grew up Catholic, which not to say anything bad about Catholicism, all I can speak is about my experience is that I felt very much suppressed. And I had to behave a certain way as a girl. I had to be a certain way, dress a certain way. I had to look like a girl. I couldn't be tomboyish, even though I was a big tomboy. So there was things that you had to be and act A certain way, if you didn't act well, you're. You're a bad girl and God will punish you. That was a big thing for us. And you had Catholicism in school. And so there was a lot of rules. And when I was maybe 8 or 9, I remember my aunt lived in Nice. And I would always hear about this aunt Hermes. And she would come and she was very chic and very well dressed, and she looked so beautiful. And she was almost like a godlike creature to me because of the way she was. And she seemed to live in this faraway land that I would just hear about all these gods things that they have there. And so I don't know how it all happened, but we finally were able to go and visit her. My mother, my uncle, my brother, and my cousin. Five of us in this tiny car driving to Nice, which took three days. But there's a term in Polish where it's basically what it means that you're crossing the. You crossing the border. So it's a big deal. It's. It feels very heavy when you say it. And during that time in Poland, like you're crossing the border, like you leave your land and you going somewhere abroad. But it was just very. It had a very heavy meaning. So I remember when we went from Poland to East Germany, which was still communism, and then you went to West Germany. And so what it felt like to me was you went from black and white to East Germany, which was gray to color. And it was this unbelievable, most profound experience that I couldn't believe people could live like this. I had a banana for the first time in my life. You know, I had fruit that I never had.
- [21:13]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
And it was your first mega expansion. It was like expanding your whole concept of reality.
- [21:20]
Carolina Wydra
It was beyond wild. And I went to the sea, and when we got to Nice, I went to the sea there, and I swam and tasted salt water in the sea. And it was just all these different things, like, first times that I never experienced in the way women looked and behave. And there was just this. It felt like a lot more free. So I was exposed to this world of like, oh, my God, this is real. This is not. You didn't watch this on tv. You weren't exposed to that on tv. So this was my first time experiencing this. It was the first time expender. Absolutely. And so growing up in that. When we finally came to America, you know, in 92, so 89, the wall fell, and in 92, we came to America. And I used to, if I could. I mean, if There was a play in school. I would try to get in the play or. But I used to recite poetry. That was a big thing. And I represent my school. So you had to choose a poem and act it out and perform it. And acting was something that I always. The arts period was something that would always made me feel alive. And so when I came to America, becoming an actor. When we came to Orange county, becoming an actor was not a thing that was again celebrated, was a possibility in some weird way. So I was discovered through modeling. So for me it was a lot of working through beliefs of what a woman is working through, allowing myself to free myself up of who a woman is, having the freedom to be a woman and be an expressive woman, to work through that I can follow my dreams. And I didn't start acting, I didn't start taking classes to my mid-20s. So it took a long time for me to go after my dreams, which was to act. It took me a long time because it was just not a thing in my head that I could even. That was even a possibility or that could ever happen for me.
- [23:12]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
What in person, actor or actress, did you first remember as your expander into that world that you could go from what you were doing into the world of film and television?
- [23:27]
Carolina Wydra
It wasn't just one person, but it was a bunch of people, to be honest with you. I think that I know performances I remember being. Cause I was an avid theater goer in New York City when I lived in New York. Well, I'll never forget when I saw Eve Best on stage and I remember watching her and what she did, it just shook me at my core. Even like right now, even just talking about it, I just couldn't believe that somebody did that live in front of me, in front of my eyes. And they made me feel the way I felt. But before that, I remember watching Katherine Hepburn movies. Katherine Heern was incredible. Everything about her that I would say, that was my big expander for sure. Watching I've read her books, I've watched her interviews. I was just fascinated that she was a female that was this very sophisticated, very tall, beautiful, tomboyish woman that was quite feminine, but she was very tomboyish. She was a tomboy. And she was able to give these magnificent performances. And reading her book and the friendship that she had with this woman and the way she was raised by her family and the training that she got and she was. She was just so magnetic to me. Everything about her, even till, you know, until she passed away, she was just such a Force of life, everything about her. And she was definitely one of those actresses that I would look up to. And also, Anna Magnani was another one. She's an Italian actress who had a really hard upbringing, and she conquered Hollywood against all odds. She was called the Ugly Duckling. To me, she was one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. But she wasn't by Hollywood standards. She wasn't the, you know, the Sophia Loren. She was in this particular beauty. And so I was really fascinated by her. When I would watch her performances, I was. The vitality of who she was, the vitality of her need to perform came through her. So she was another one. But they're not with us. But Eve best reminded me of that. So going to theater in New York, I remember I just couldn't. There were so many performances that I saw that I was just blown away by. And that really was the moment because I was doing really well as a model. I was financially doing very well as a model. And I didn't feel fulfilled. And it was a great job, but I didn't feel like this is my calling. So when I was go see these plays, it was what did it for me, where I was just like, I have to try this. If I go on with my life and not do this, I would regret it. I knew that I would regret it so much if I never, never tried it. But then, like, like what I said earlier, I would go and I studied with. So I was so hungry for it. I would study with so many people. I would ask anybody and everybody. Who do you study with? I would do my research. And then you get into the groups and you meet the other actors and. And you. You would have these conversations about. And my favorite thing was, like, staying up to like six, six in the morning with my friend, smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee and talking about acting and the acting process, you know, but it was always there. It was always, you know, and it took a long time. And then talking about manifesting just like, how do you get a. How do you get an agent? And I always got a lot of no from people. Interesting enough. I always got a lot of no from people. And even when I was transitioning to acting, I. I had people saying, you have to maybe do commercials. Do commercials and see how that goes. And, you know, and then I'd be like, okay, I'm going to do commercials. And then I would book every commercial I went out for and be like, what now? You know, and they're like, okay, well, okay, maybe. So it was really hard for me to find an agent. And then finally, I was lucky enough that somebody introduced me to Eileen Feldman, who was my first agent. She had an agency. She's a wonderful woman.
- [27:35]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
Well, I think that's really interesting because I'm. I think how we think about success, especially as women, is one half of the equation, I think is this hunger, this humble hunger that you're just interested in your mind, can't stop thinking about it. You're. You're problem solving, how to soak up more information about it. I almost see it as like that pull energy that's like coming from your heart, coming from your chest. You're like, I can't help but go in this direction because everything is just like igniting and lining up. But then that second part of success is having that. But then it's that internal alignment. And so I'm so interested. Once you started going towards that and you were learning your craft and becoming expert and skilled in it, how did the internal narrative have to shift for you to go from someone who's like, I want to be on a Vince Gilligan show, literally, here's nothing, Crickets, no audition, to landing this position in this role, in this supporting position, in this mega, mega role. I'm just like, there was a lot of internal restructuring, rewiring that must have happened where your identity shifted from this is on a pedestal in front of me to, yes, that makes sense that I would get this.
- [28:56]
Carolina Wydra
I mean, it's a journey, right? I think all of it. I think that's the thing. Like, it takes trust and it's a journey. And we have to trust the journey always. And I worked a bunch before I got this job. I think if we're talking about, like recent time, I think, you know, over those years that we've been talking about, I never stopped working on myself and clearing the negative self talk, the doubt, the voice of. I'm not deservant of all these things, right, that were. That I do believe were blocking me from being able to get certain jobs that were preventing me. I've had incredible opportunities and there was a part of me that didn't believe that I deserved this and that I. That I can do it. And so over all those years, I think there was always this work of digging deeper and deeper and unraveling all those things that were preventing me to be open and ready for things to happen. And I think one of the biggest things that I did that was an incredible gift was, was walking away from acting to be a mother, to take a break and that was another moment in my life of incredible fear. Over. Over the years, I think I've been given the gift and. And also, like we're talking about expenders and also masters, I think, I believe that when you're ready, masters will come, right? So to be also open to people that come into your life and teach you and help you expand and see the world in a different way and help you grow. And I've been very fortunate. I've met some incredible, incredible women in my life, Incredible women that uplifted me and guided me and helped me to believe in myself and what I'm doing and supported me on my journey and helped me work out a lot of different things. And they would share with me their healers, the things that they're doing. I did, you know, over the years, I've done many, many things before I discovered tbm. I feel I've been always doing it in different ways and different. In different, you know, different levels. And so again, it's not like. It's not like one thing. It doesn't happen whenever you want it. It's not overnight thing. It. I think it's accumulation of things. And yes, sometimes things come and they happen right away and you go, oh, my God, that happened. And sometimes things take longer because they require a lot more, A lot more work. And when I made the decision to walk away from acting and be a mother, it was terrifying because I was 39. And when you're 39 and, you know, unfortunately, it's the reality. It's. You are seen differently in the business. And hopefully that's changing. I feel like the business is changing, but it is difficult to take that time. And, you know, my agent and my manager decided to part ways with me, and that was really scary. I had my son and then I had my other son, and it was like five years that I took a break was a really, really long time. And literally, this is the wild thing within all that. Even during that time, I never stopped doing the work on myself. I never stopped going deeper and deeper and working on oneself and clearing away the cobwebs of whatever's blocking you. I do believe it's that openness to your highest self. Right? So just like, to your highest being. And when my son was over a year, I started to get my second one. I started to be ready and, you know, I wasn't sure how it was all going to happen. And then an audition came through out of nowhere. Just literally out of nowhere.
- [32:29]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
Talk about this, because you didn't have it come through management agency. This was through a random email, wasn't it?
- [32:39]
Carolina Wydra
The whole thing is just so surreal. My commercial agent that I met, I was on their roster, but we weren't working together for years. We didn't do anything together. And so out of the blue, I just get an email. And the email says, there's this request for an audition came through. What would you like us to do with it? And I said, what is it? And the lady said, I don't know. And I said, can you please check and come back to me? And she said, it's a Vince Gilligan project for Apple tv. That's all I knew. And the character's name is Anna. And I said, okay. I said, I read the sides. Didn't know anything about it. Didn't know anything about the show. They know absolutely nothing. That's all I got is the sides. And I had that moment of, don't do it. If it doesn't happen, then your dream is kind of done. And then there was the other part that said, no, why not just try it? You have nothing to lose. Absolutely nothing to lose. And when I read it, there was something that happened. I just felt her, just felt this being that was on the page. I felt her. And I think all the experience prior, all the things that have put me in this moment, I felt like I could use all my experiences that I went through. I can pour it into this audition. And I don't know why I felt that way, but it felt that way. And I said, okay, let me try. And I remember I did it with my friend, and she looked at me and she said, God, I have a strange feeling about this for you. She's like, I don't know. There's something that's happening in this room right now that she's like, I just have this strange feeling. Like there's this calmness about you and this. This thing that's happening right now. And I said, oh, that's interesting. So then I sent my tape in, and they were searching high in love for this character. All over the world, they couldn't find this character. And Russell Scott, who's one of the casting directors, he said that they have outside of their office, they have this massive piece of furniture that has handwritten casting call sheets of all the actors they've ever seen. And they keep it. And it's a massive thing. And there's just like ton and ton of pictures and audition files of every actor that ever auditioned for them. And so Russell's like, okay, I guess we gotta start going into that to start looking for this actor because we've looked at all these people. Didn't work out. So let me look through that. And so he said he was looking through all the things, and then he came upon my file and he said, whatever happened to Carolina? And that's how they decided to contact me.
- [35:23]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
Wow.
- [35:24]
Carolina Wydra
And so they remembered me from doing auditions prior with them and being up for projects. And I wouldn't get those projects, but I was up for those projects. And so they're like, oh, my God, yes, let's bring her in. And so then I get this audition. And so two days later, after audition, I get an email saying they want to see more stuff on you. And I said, okay, well, let me send a reel of things I've done in the past. And so I work with Bryan Cranston on Sneaky Pete. And I do believe this. I do believe, like, we're talking about, like, because we are talking about manifestation. Again, nothing happens in your time, but everything happens in the time that it's supposed to. And the seeds that you plant years prior. So I send them that. And then it was Christmas time, and the lady that was I was emailing with, I said, whatever you guys need, let me know, I'm here. And they said, well, after Christmas will know more. And so I go off and I'm on vacation with my friends. January 3rd comes and I get an email. And I remember that morning when I woke up. Sometimes I have this, like, spidey sense feelings. I do have that. That's something that actually my family has strangely, like, premonitions and things. But I had this feeling. I'm like, oh, something. Something about today. And then I got an email from them saying, we would love to talk to you. So I pick up the phone, I call them, and they said, we would love to. We would love to test you for this role. And I was like, wait a second. What is happening? You wanna. How on earth am I. Wait a second. I went from being a mother, not having a manager, an agent. Now I'm testing for a Vince Gilligan show again. I didn't know anything about the show still. And so I run out of the room and I was talking to my friend Katrina. And I said to Katrina, oh, my God, they wanna test me for the show. They wanna test me for the show. And she said, okay, I need to calm down. You need to relax. We need to figure out what we're gonna do. And then she said, my manager, Brian, let me call him and see if he can help you out. And Brian said, yeah, let me help her out. Let me see what I can do. And he calls casting, and then he calls me back and he said, listen, you need a lawyer. And so he introduced me to David and Matt Love, who was incredible. And then David calls them, makes the deal, and he calls me, goes, okay, so this is the deal. You're going to be number two on the call sheet. I was like, okay, okay, let's back this up.
- [37:45]
Host (Chief Content Officer, TBM)
What?
- [37:47]
Carolina Wydra
I'm sorry, what is happening? I'm like, is somebody gonna punk me? Is somebody kidding? This cannot be real. I don't have an agent. I don't have a manager. I didn't know how I'm gonna come back to this business. I don't know what is going on. How is this possible? To then testing for his show and the significance of the character and everything, it just felt so surreal and so unbelievable that I felt like I was having out of body experience. It was beyond comprehension of what was going on. So then we made a deal. And so then he's like, okay, Vince wants to speak to you. He wants to have a conversation with you before you test. And so I got on the Zoom call, and that was the first time I got to meet Vince. Obviously, I was incredibly nervous. I finally get to talk to someone that I admired for so many years and looked up to for so many years. Here I am speaking to him on Zoom, and then he goes, oh, I just got off the phone talking to Bryan Cranston about you. And I went, oh, my God. And I had this moment of, you know, that moment where you go, oh, my God, did that job so many years ago. Now it's coming around. It just like, it had this weird moment of like, wow, did that job, is one of the reasons why maybe I might have a chance at this job. I know. I just had that thought, and I just couldn't believe that they had this conversation about me. And then the day of the test was a few days later, and I was incredibly nervous. And after I left the room, I wasn't sure if I even if I was good or not. I was just incredibly, incredibly nervous. And obviously I did a good job because it went forward, but at first I didn't feel that because I was just so nervous and. Yeah, so you know, the end of the story. But I think I had that thought. I was like, I wonder if years prior all adds up to this moment right now. You do this work and you never know, like, casting. The fact that casting remembered me and they were like, I remember when she would come in the room and who she was in those rooms and the way she showed up in those rooms was the reason why they would remember me years later. And it was like the universe was aligning. I was doing my work on myself. I was unraveling all these things. The universe was doing its own thing and all these things that I did years prior were kind of coming together full circle. The dreams, the wants, the needs all kind of came together and then happened. So it was never ending. Like you never stop the work, you never stop dreaming about it, thinking about it, manifesting it. I don't feel like you ever stop. It just never happens when you want it. It just happens when it's supposed to and when you're ready for it.
- [40:43]
Host (Chief Content Officer, TBM)
If there was one practice that I could recommend to you that has transformed my life more than anything else, it has been the 2B magnetic work. Obviously, I may be biased because I am the Chief Content Officer. I'm the host of the podcast.
- [41:00]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
I develop all the workshops with the brand. But it is also the tool that
- [41:05]
Host (Chief Content Officer, TBM)
has helped my life the most. When I am in a season of doubt, when I'm in a season of fear or tests or triggers, when I am trying to get clarity on my next chapter, when I'm trying to design a life for my future, that I want to be really deeply connected to my soul, to my potential, to my purpose, to my ambition, I TBM houses all the tools and workshops that you need to connect deeper to yourself and not let your past patterning, your past programming, your limiting beliefs run the show anymore. Because every time I get tripped up on one of those things, it is
- [41:46]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
always younger versions of myself coming in,
- [41:50]
Host (Chief Content Officer, TBM)
taking the driver's seat and running rampant. And until I can connect with them through the TBM work and really learn
- [41:57]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
to process it in a new way
- [41:58]
Host (Chief Content Officer, TBM)
and recontextualize the things. That is when my life actually shifts and I reprogram my neural pathways to be in alignment with what I truly want, which is how you manifest. If you are interested in joining the pathway, we have a special offer for our podcast guests where you can get the first month for $20 and then join our annual membership. You can use this work through our various workshops that we teach you how to manifest. We go through an inner child program. There's a shadow program, one for rut, rock bottom money, love, you name it. Or you can use it as a daily tool to reprogram in the moment issues as they come up to reset your nervous system, give you high self worth, reconnect with your magnetic self or talk to your inner child part that may be in the way and running the show and self sabotaging. So if you're getting the ping to join tbm, now's the time. And you can use code expanded, all caps E X P A N D e D for $20 off your first month to join the pathway.
- [43:11]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
I think the thing that stands out so much is that for things to divinely unfold in that way where it's like you worked with Brian and then this led you to there, even the divine timing for the fact that this was coming at a time they got greenlit for this show at this time when you were coming back from being with your kids, where you were like you could have just left for being with your kids and they greenlit the show, you know, like that is the magic of it. Because I think sometimes when we do the inner work, we're like, I did the inner work, where's my result? I worked on myself, I did the DI's, I went to, I did EMDR, I did therapy, I journaled. Where's my manifestation? And I think it's like missing the whole point of the Dance with the Universe. It's not seeing the beautiful little threads that it's asking you to pull on and the little whispers of your gut that says, actually I'm ready to come back to work now, or actually I want to step away from acting now. Like if you didn't listen to yourself in those moments while simultaneously, you know, working through all the stuff that was standing in the way, the divinity of that presenting, the way it presented would not have happened. Everyone has their version. I'm sure a lot of people probably have Vince Gilligan on their list as people they want to work with. But not everybody has it in the way in the story they have their version of their Vince Gilligan, their version of their manifestation, their version that this story means so much because it's carried with me through all of these chapters and all of these meaning making moments of being a human. I just hope people can take away from this. Not only were you dedicated in showing up and humble and tenacious with your hunger towards your passion and stepping through fear to act towards it, but also stepping through fear to follow those little pings, those, this is not right for me. I'm going to step away for right now. I'm going to be a mom. This is a terrifying thing to do at 39 in this industry. But I trust, I love also that you said you went to the audition
- [45:24]
Host (Chief Content Officer, TBM)
and you were nervous because I think
- [45:26]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
there's like, I'm gonna get the opportunity and I'm gonna show up and I'm gonna have the best audition I ever had. And you're like, yeah, no, I'm also still human. And I was nervous, and I still booked it, and I still nailed it. The nerves in the moment did not counteract the years of deep work that have been reshifted your entire neural pathway to be in your higher self in that moment, for sure.
- [45:53]
Carolina Wydra
And also when I was going to the audition. You know, I love what you talk about journaling, because I've done a ton of journaling. I think that's such an important tool, pen to paper. It's incredible. It's. It's so important, and I do a lot of that because you get to clear also the certain junks, you know, within you when you do the pen to paper. It's such a beautiful tool. What I did that day, too, was where I. When I go in Back to Surrender, there was. No matter how big the nerves are, there is a moment also for me when I go do something where I do say, like, I clear myself. So whoever the energy, that's you first, I'm second, right? And I'm always going there to be of service, and, like, whatever's meant to be will be. Instead of me coming in of what you describe of just completely rigid and. Or whatever it is, I got this. It's like some people do, and it's great. But I think for me, it's just that openness to channel that something else inside of me of surrender, of, like, all right, I'm going there. I'm going to do this thing. But whatever's meant to be will be. I think that's a big part of it. And. But we talk about trust. Trust, trust and surrender. The biggest thing that we keep talking about, right, it's trust and surrender. Trust and surrender.
- [47:08]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
I feel like the community and the Pluribus fans would be mad if I didn't ask you anything about the show. So I want to touch on the show just briefly before we end here, though. I mean, your character is phenomenal. And the grace and poise and grounding that you brought to her magnetic essence. It's so funny. When you were talking about Hepburn, I was like, you have that screen. Like, it's.
- [47:35]
Carolina Wydra
Oh, my God. Thank you.
- [47:36]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
Wow. You know, we talked about this a little bit in the beginning, but that tapping into something higher than ourselves, and I feel like your Character has that ability in this show without giving too much away for anyone who hasn't seen. But what do you make of it? Exploring that complexity of like, what would it really mean to have access to being tapped in with the full collective?
- [48:01]
Carolina Wydra
That was the thing that I was. I was really scared of tapping into Zojia because of the bigness of. Of who she is and what she represents and finding this character of where she lives. I love to do dream work. Dream work is a big thing for me because it's the same thing as. It's like when you do tbm. You tap into that subconscious, that sweet spot of being awake and then sleeping. It's like there's like this very particular space, but the subconscious has so much information that we are not fully tapped into until you allow yourself to go into it. And so. And the subconscious speaks to you in images and everyone that you. That's in your dream is you. It's different parts of you. So tapping into the subconscious for this character was incredible. That was my favorite work to do. And what also came out of that is a lot of meditation. I did a lot of meditation. So it's all about what we talked about, that spiritual connection, living in that space where the ego goes away, right? So when you meditate a lot of the time, what happens? The ego goes away. You kind of. You're in your body, but you're not your body. You feel the energy, your soul you could call your highest self. You feel this deep connection. And it almost feels like I leave my body, but I don't. And I feel the ego lifts and I feel this profound connection to the world and I feel this unconditional love. And I feel we're all one. That's what meditation does for me. And. And you can tap into that in your. With your subconscious, if that's what it brings up. And. And so that was incredible to go into and, you know, tapping into Zosia, what was interesting, doing her day in, day out, where. Because I couldn't reciprocate and mirror what was happening for Carol Serko, who's played by Rhea Seehorn, who's incredible. She's such a divine woman, she's such a generous actor and just a truly incredible woman. And that's another thing, like having to work with someone like that, it's such a gift, such, such an incredible gift. And so not being able to mirror her feelings was really challenging for me because I have so much empathy. And, you know, I would want to go to her and make her feel Better or embrace her or take away her pain. And I couldn't. So fighting certain feelings within myself and not when she would start to get angry, me not be able to mirror her feelings there, but hold space for her was a lot of holding space and loving her through everything and anything that was happening to me. Knowing that once she experiences the virus, what I'm experiencing, she'll know that it's worth it. So working on all these different elements, but being in that state day in, day out, for. We shot it for 10 months. So what it did for me is that the greatest gift of Zosia was that in my personal life, when you do that day in, day out, I was able to be a lot less reactive in my personal life. So Zosia was a bit of a healer for me. And I do believe that we get parts that we're ready for, and sometimes characters can heal you that you play. And so I feel Zosia was an incredible gift for me. And I never played anyone like her before. And I do believe that if I. I don't know, maybe that's a story that I'm making up for myself. I don't know. But I don't know if I would have been able to play Zosia if I wasn't a mom. If I didn't make that choice to walk away and become a mom and learn for me, experience that true, unconditional love that I feel for my children and what they have taught me and they continue teaching me, I could share that with Zosia. I could bring that to Zosia and have that deep, profound maternal love for Carol that is needed for this character. I believe everything comes full circle. Me becoming a mother and having certain emotional experiences and connections and understanding helped me form this character on a deeper level and bring that into this work. And then going further with it, what the certain things I couldn't do helped me heal other things in my personal life. So it was all kind of affecting one thing, affecting another. It was quite a beautiful. Quite a beautiful journey that I would have never expected, which is really cool.
- [52:13]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
I didn't even think about that, like, how healing it must have been to really practice that detachment, that surrender, that unconditional love without reaction, action to catch your protector parts, to catch your coping mechanism. Be like, she's not coming up. We're going to witness this part, but we are staying firmly in the driver's seat as the higher self. I mean, that's incredible.
- [52:41]
Carolina Wydra
It really is. And thank you for understanding it. And that's the beautiful thing when you're in the community of like minded people, you can share this. And people go, oh yeah, I get it. That's really cool. And then some, you know, sometimes people go, what are you talking about? And that's also important. I think it's very important to say, you know, that that was part of my big work and like even TBM and you know, I was, I was at my friend's birthday and somebody talk about expenders and I said, wait a second, are you part of tbm? And we had this whole thing and we had this beautiful connection. It was really awesome. But it is, it's a. Also, I think it's so important to find people, like minded people in the community where you can have these conversations to nurture this work and nurture this healing environment where you can do this work so then you can live your best life possible. Right? So you can have these conversations. I can say that to you and you go, oh yeah, that, that's interesting that you had that experience and wow, that could. How that felt and what that must have done for you. And it's really special what you guys have done. I do that with my girlfriends, my, my best friend. We did the 2005 was our, we started the new manifestation. We did the whole thing and it was really great and we. You continue doing it and so it's such a, it's just beautiful to have that and have, you know, and have an accountability partner. That's so important with accountability, buddy, where you can have these conversations, things that are coming up for you without any judgment and hold space for each other to have these discussions of whatever comes up for you so you feel safe. It's really important, it's really important to have a great community that nurtures your best self and they uplift you to your best self.
- [54:21]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
Yes. I think that is one of the biggest ways that you can expand rapidly is just having those people you can lean on who really see your higher self. They know what you're capable of, they know your true essence and they're rooting you on, they're cheering you on that whole way. They know it's possible for themselves as well, you know, and being in community with that is just. It feels like anything's possible from that space.
- [54:49]
Host (Chief Content Officer, TBM)
Effy.
- [54:49]
Carolina Wydra
Absolutely. And Janelle has been a huge thing for me. She has such a beautiful soul, but she holds space without judgment and it's so important. She feels so safe. And it's such a gift when you get to go to someone and Somebody holds that space for you where you can work through all these very vulnerable things that come up. And whoever gets to work with her is so fortunate. I just love working with her. She's brilliant. Yeah.
- [55:13]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
Thank you so much, Carolina. This has been so expansive on so many levels. I'm just so excited for you and everything. All the success of the show, all continued success, all the visions going forward, all the manifestations to come to. I just. It's been an honor to watch you soar and grow in this way.
- [55:35]
Carolina Wydra
Thank you guys, and thank you for everything that you guys are doing. Truly, it's very special. And it's. You guys are shifting the dynamic.
- [55:43]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
That's the goal. If everyone can really tap into, like, I really believe if everyone can tap into their own pocket of their higher self, like, what a world we could create, what a world we can bloom into, it would just be shifting a lot of the really harsh, horrible things that are out there.
- [56:01]
Carolina Wydra
And I have. Not to talk about our show, but that's the part of the show that I love the most. It's that what you're talking about, tapping into your higher self and living in the world of love and kindness and tolerance and respect for one another and just being more connected on that profound level instead of the ego, which ego. We need ego, but not the unhealthy ego that makes us forget that connection.
- [56:27]
Co-host / Workshop Developer (TBM)
Oh, guys, go check out Pluribus. If you haven't seen it yet, Apple tv. It is incredible. Incredible.
- [56:34]
Carolina Wydra
Thank you, Sam.