← EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™
Ep. 398 - How to Come Home to Yourself When Everything Falls Apart: The Process with Allie Carr
01:06:47
We’ve never done an episode quite like this before. We sat down with writer and creative Allie Carr—twice. In October 2025, she was just beginning to emerge from a really difficult chapter. When we spoke again in February 2026, her spark for life was fully back, and the seeds she had planted were unfolding in real time. In the months between, Allie moved through a Saturn return, career pivots, financial uncertainty, and a deep shedding of who she used to be. What looked like falling apart was actually falling into place. This conversation is a reminder that manifestation often has a full arc: the breakdown, the becoming, and the moment it all clicks. If you’re in your own hard season right now, this episode is your life raft. Want to see where her journey began? Watch her original episode on our YouTube channel. Find the complete show notes here -> https://tobemagnetic.com/expanded-podcast
Loading summary
Transcript80 lines
- [00:00]
A
The things that you want, you want because you're supposed to have them. That's what the manifestations really are. Trust that you're so good. The next thing that comes, it's just not up to me. So you might as well just let go and find a way to enjoy your day. Girl.
- [00:21]
B
How to come home to yourself when everything feels like it's falling apart. Sometimes we go through these seasons of life when we just are getting hit with wave after wave after wave. Sometimes it is a long rock bottom. Sometimes it is an identity shift. Sometimes it is an ego death. Sometimes it's just that one random Tuesday and then the next day you feel better. But either way, in that moment, you are feeling so many emotions. You're feeling lost, confused, not sure who you are. Your confidence swag. Your spark has ceased to exist and you're left questioning, what do I do now? Who am I? How do I move forward? How do I get this energy back? How do I find who I am again? How do I remember who I am? We're doing something we've never done on the expanded podcast before, and we've actually dreamed this up for a while and haven't quite figured out how to do it. Where we wanted to track a member story at two different times, and so we got to do it with Allie Carr, a TBM member who used to work on the TB Magnetic team, as our incredible copywriter. You've heard her episode here before. It'll be linked in the show notes. And she went through a journey of stripping last year, shifting so many of her clients and learning how to sit in the in between of who she was without her career, without her income, without confidence in even her skillset that she had developed for so many years. And you'll hear how slowly but surely she started chipping away. She started sitting with the parts of her and she started to move back into alignment. She started to move back into herself and a deeper, truer connection to who she truly is. So you're gonna hear an episode we recorded back in October, and then you're gonna hear one that we recorded this past February. And the difference is stark. You're gonna hear a little bit more. If you want a bonus episode. You're gonna hear the full version of our October episode on YouTube only launch. But this is the episode to go to if you are questioning that about yourself, if you're having that moment where you can't quite see the light, or your confidence level is not at 100, or you're just needing that reminder that you can move through it. We're going to talk about practical tips, we're going to talk about TBM tips. And more than anything, it will feel extremely validating hearing the journey that so many of us go through but not often talk about. And very exciting news. On Monday we will be launching our Nervous System quiz. So you can see what pattern your nervous system leans on when it hits that moment of stress or test or trigger. It's going to be really helpful to really understand what patterns you're playing into, what season you're in now. And then we're going to launch some tools at the end of the month to help you move through it very slowly, very gracefully, but very impactful, specifically around your nervous system. And once you take the quiz, I'm so interested if you can tell what archetype pattern you think Allie was in when she was moving through this energy. I also just want to give a special shout out to Allie for sharing this journey so vulnerably with us because not many people talk about the low lows and what that actually feels like and looks like. And I think it's so important that we out any shadow or shame or needing to hold it all together simultaneously because so many times, myself included have gone through seasons even in within one month I can go through so many different cycles of confidence and belief or sadness or confusion and all so many different emotions come up and I think the more we can normalize that and it's like, okay, what are the tools that we can lean on to pick ourselves up as we're going through these things and really bolster our self worth and our confidence along the way? It's just going to be better and better. So let's dive into it. And now a word from our partners. We live in an environment our biology was never designed for. EMFs, artificial light, seed oils, microplastics, endocrine disruptors, modern stressors. These assaults can disrupt the signals your body relies on, negatively impacting your gut, immune and overall health. Armor Colostrum works at the cellular level to bolster your health from within. Colostrum is nature's first whole food. With over 400 bioactive nutrients that fortify gut health, strengthen immune health, fuel performance and more, paving the way for your best health and vitality. This is why I love taking Armor Colostrum. I've personally noticed when I am taking Armor Colostrum regularly, I see less bloating, stronger immune health, better digestion, clearer skin and more resilience. Times of stress. It truly feels like my body is getting the signals that it has been missing. It doesn't just address one symptom or system. It supports your entire gut wall integrity, your microbiome, your immune health balance which impacts everything from metabolism to skin to energy. It's a bioactive whole food bovine colostrum with calf first sourcing that works as a blueprint for your body to helping your cells do what they already know how to do, just better. We've worked out a special offer for our audience. Receive 30% off your first subscription order. Go to armor.comtbm or enter TBM All Caps to get 30% off your first subscription order. That's a RMRA.comtbm or you can check the link in the show notes. And now onto the episode.
- [06:27]
A
Oh my God. It's been a year.
- [06:31]
B
Literally the shedding of the year of the Snake. You shedded into a whole new person.
- [06:38]
A
That was the most intense year of my life. And I know it was like several things. We had Year of the Snake, we had my Saturn return.
- [06:47]
B
Oh my God.
- [06:48]
A
There was just like so much collectively happening with all of my friends too. And I felt it in every possible way. So I started the year with, I feel like I had an amazing setup going. I was like getting momentum. I jumped off the corporate cliff, had my freelance life going. It was perfect. And then some things ended up switching around where I ended up leaving Olipop. Basically like we were gonna, they wanted to do a full time thing. I felt like it wasn't right. And we were kind of like, okay, let's consciously uncouple, you know, like so much love there. That sort of like kicked off my year of not rest and relaxation, literally like struggle, struggle of figuring out like what I wanted to do, how did I want to work, how was I going to make money. Just a total overhaul of. I felt like I figured life out and then it was like, oh, you didn't, you know, like you didn't. And so my Saturn return was a lot about money. It was so helpful for me. Someone on TikTok, I think, told me like to check where my Saturn was in my chart to understand the themes of my Saturn return. And that was so helpful because I saw that my Saturn was in like the second house, which has to do with finances and things like that. And when I saw that, it was actually so validating everything I was going through, I'm like, yup, I'm right on schedule, girl. Don't worry, you're gonna be okay. And that was just like the theme and it was a lot around, not just the money aspect of work, but the capability, the talent. Can you handle a heavy workload. All of that stuff that comes up, especially as a freelancer, figuring it out on my own, no one really there to give me the feedback and to hold my hand and help me grow. It's like I'm giving my feedback.
- [08:49]
B
Yeah.
- [08:50]
A
And I'm harsh. I'm a harsh.
- [08:54]
B
The inner critic is loud.
- [08:56]
A
Yeah, it was loud. But I don't remember if I said this in the first half of my episode, but I got hit with like a $21,000 tax bill. Like, bill.
- [09:08]
B
Oh.
- [09:09]
A
Even though I had all of my system, like in my mind, like, everything was good, but my CPA and I had a little miscommunication on how much money I was making. So like at the end of the year, he was like, you're going to owe this much. This was after I had already said goodbye to all of my gigs. So I was like, this couldn't have come at a worse time. What are some of the other things that happened? Like, God, I mean, so many friend things, like interesting friendships that needed to, like stuff under the surface that needed to come up. My year of confrontation in a good way. Like talking about the things that are. That need to be talked about. Like a lot of that. A lot of family stuff. So, like, my first confrontation with death had never experienced loss this close. That's a big one. My brother, he's in recovery right now and that's just always a journey. And it got really, really hard this year. There were so many moments where I was like, I'm not going to make it. I'm not gonna make it. But it was funny because I've been thinking about, you know, our catch up and like, what's my take now? Because I feel like that chapter has closed in a lot of ways. What's funny about that whole year is you were fine. Like the whole time your money was fine. You were never gonna, like, actually run out of money. All of those, like, new client relationships and things that we're switching, like they've turned into these beautiful relationships, friendships, like work dynamics that at the time felt so uncertain. And I felt like I really needed to prove myself. And now there's like, that whole time I was doing great. I didn't know I was doing great, but I was doing great. I was okay. And I faced so much fear. So much fear. Oh, my God. And now I feel like so much of those fears just don't have power over me anymore.
- [11:15]
B
Oh, My God. So good. Well, it's so interesting because we recorded probably six, seven, eight months ago. Like we recorded when you were starting to come out of it. But I feel like at the time you were still getting your footing. You were like, I'm over the worst, but. But I'm not confident that I'm necessarily over the worst. Let's take us back in time. To that point,
- [11:45]
A
I had to just sit and meet the moment, like just be with myself. And what ensued over the next several months after leaving TBM are some of the hardest. I think it was the hardest months of my life, which I now understand to be a dark night of the soul, which is a concept that Lacy mentioned a couple episodes ago in the Magic Dark. Recent Magic dark episode, Dark Night of the Soul. I don't know if anyone is familiar with that idea, but Eckhart Tolle has a really good explanation of it, which is basically, I think he says it's like a lapse of perceived meaning in life. And as someone who was so career driven, for the first part of my life to feel like I couldn't work and didn't know how to work, I truly did not understand what my life was for. It pushed me to the depths of like sitting in the shower crying for months and months. And I was so confused. And I remember what kept coming to me over and over was like, I don't know what I'm doing. What am I doing? I don't have any conscious understanding of where I am headed. I'm not making any strides in my life. I'm not moving forward. It was absolute fear, of course. Like, my savings is going down every single month. I'm watching that drain. I'm like, at the same time, can't get myself to figure out what I want to do for work. It was a time of processing so much fear day after day. And I think I can speak to it now because I'm on the other side of it in so many ways. But it's still. It's still there. And. But now I just understand what it is and it hasn't taken over my life in the same way.
- [13:41]
B
It's so. It's so interesting. So Dark Night of the Soul, I think originated with Joseph Campbell's hero's journey. When you're going on that journey of self and discovering all the things, it's that part where basically, like, all hope is lost. Like, you kind question your path. You think like, okay, well, I better give up because this is just not working. Like, there is no turning back. And I think I talked about this in a recent episode, but so many times when we're at that edge, there's so much greatness very, very close behind. But we need to process, like, that last little bit. We need to integrate that last little bit, like, learn the lesson, understand how we got there, to get over that hump to the next side. And I think your story is so important, and I think it's really brave that you're sharing, like, the depths of all of this, because so many people just DMing with people and talking to people in the community have gone through a chapter, a season of this. Whether it was this year, previous years, at one point in their life where they have that moment of like, I'm giving up, or I am getting stripped away of everything that I thought my identity was. And I'm curious what the scaffolding of your identity looked like. Was it making a certain amount of money? Was it doing a certain role? Was it working for a certain brand? Like, what were the identity, the ego identities that you were kind of like, if I don't have that, who am I?
- [15:07]
A
Yes, that is exactly what it was. I was looking at my career and how much money I was making and being like, look, this is why I'm cool. This is why I'm so cool. I can make so much money. I can work with all these brands that I think are so awesome. And it wasn't even really. I mean, maybe there was a part of it that was external, but I think the biggest part was internal. Like, that's why I was telling myself that I was cool, that I was. For me, like, it's always been, like, a coolness that's always been, like, an egoic sticky point for me, which makes so much sense with, like, growing up and being a middle school girl and all of that, that was huge. And to not have that, to be making less money than I made even working at an agency, to not have any money coming in after getting used to, like, months of feeling so prosperous, so amazed at what I could do, to then go to nothing, and to not have that engine, like, that creative engine that I had also relied on in terms of ego, like, being valued for that, to be able to churn and create and write, and for that to go completely offline, it felt like dying. It truly felt like death. And I can see now that's because there was a death process taking place. Those parts of me that were doing that were dying. And that's the only reason I'm able to even speak to it or articulate it, because I'm not identified with it anymore.
- [16:40]
B
So let's jump back to the present and if you want to hear the whole episode, tune into YouTube this weekend for an exclusive bonus episode. You were still manifesting, like, a ton of stuff was coming through, like your apartment after we recorded. You got engaged and had like the most incredible engagement. So, like, things were moving, but me just knowing you, I'm like, she's not out of it yet because I can feel like a spark wasn't back yet. And I was like, I wanna catch up with her in a couple months and see where she's at now. And it's so interesting talking to you. And like, people will be able to see in the recording the before and after, how we spliced together. Like, they're gonna feel that felt sense of coming home to self, being in your spark and in your glowy energy too.
- [17:32]
A
Totally. I'm like, can you hear it in my voice, you guys? Yes. Like, I'm so much better.
- [17:38]
B
I think it's speaks to the cycles that we go on as humans regularly. Sometimes we can have that whole spectrum that you went through like this past year in a week, we can go through them in a day, we can go through them in a month. It's not to fear the cycle. It's the life death cycle. It's the shedding of the old self, it's the stepping into the new self. It's the facing of the fears, which is like the hardest thing ever. And I want to normalize it. If anything, you know, like, I want people to feel like if you have felt any of these things on a daily, weekly, month or yearly basis, you're not alone and nothing's wrong with you.
- [18:14]
A
No. And actually, when I look back on it, I created so much personal depth. I became deeper, you know what I mean? Like, because of the sheer amount of pain and fear that I was metabolizing daily. Now not only do I have more compassion for other people who are in similar situations, but I know I can get through it. You can get through it. It doesn't actually affect you who you are. If it feels like you're dying, it's because something is dying. Like an ego part is dying. A shadow element is being revealed. A block is coming to the surface. That's what's happening. And it's actually such a good thing. It sucks so bad at the time, but I can see those things now and talk about them because they're not me. Those fears aren't actually me. Anymore. They were an experience that I had and an experience that I shed. And now one that I can speak to and talk about with other people and like, look at someone and know exactly where they're at because I've been there.
- [19:25]
B
When you are in the thick of it, it almost feels like your worst fears about yourself feel like there's evidence of them being true. Does that feel accurate?
- [19:37]
A
Yes. Oh, my God. The fact that you can even articulate that, it just speaks to the level of math we are doing. Like, if you're in this work, oh my God, we're doing long division. It's crazy. And I'm so happy I started this work when I did because it really gave me a base. When times got really tough, I was able to be like, oh, this feeling, it's a block. And because I'm seeing it, I have the verbiage to call it a block. I'm not becoming the block, I'm seeing the block. And it creates space. I think you will have those periods where your blocks just grip you. You are your block. You are experiencing what it feels like to be that fear. And then what this work does is it lets you. Because you're naming it, you're creating space, you can still feel it, but if you're even just talking about it, it's so much less powerful.
- [20:37]
B
Oh, I think you're naming something so important because when you're in the thick, thick, thick of it, it feels like the rug is getting pulled out. You start second guessing yourself. Imposter syndrome comes up, fears come up. Inner critic. Everything feels like I don't have control over anything anymore. Everything I was terrified of being or hoping that I wasn't, feels like there's evidence that I things and like, what if all the worst case scenarios and in that moment, if this work can give you anything, or this mindset or these reframes can give you anything, it's that is not true. You are just in the thick. You are blended. I mean, ifs work you do, ifs work, you are blended with that fear, with that protector part. And now the work is how do we separate from. From that is the only truth to. Oh, that is a protective part of me needing to feel that truth because it is fucking terrified of whatever it's facing. And I need to remember who my higher self is. I need to remember who I really am on a soul level. Because it's not co creating with that fear. It's not co creating with that inner critic. It's not co creating with the small Version of you that you scared you actually are. Because that's not true. No matter who you are out there. Like, that version of you that you fear you are is not true. It is a protector part. It's a protective mechanism. And having that space literally lifts the veil. And you're like, oh, I was convincing myself that this was the only way. And it's not that, is it?
- [22:15]
A
If that's resonating, like, then you are. You're doing it. You're starting it. I mean, that's why I love. I love tbm because it gives you a framework to actually apply that. Like, take that idea and apply it, you know? And I remember at the time, because I'm still doing it, I was sitting in a lot of silence. The reason why that was so important and still is, is because it's 20 minutes every day where I am identifying with who I actually am and not the part. So the who I actually am is silence, is love. That is what I truly am. Everything else is just an expression, right? So, like, when I took those 20 minutes every day to be like, I am just my breath and all of these things firing through my head, this fear, these are just thoughts. And I can let them go, fire ahead. I don't have to believe it. I can just come back right here to my breath and just watch. So it would be like I would be, you know, in those 20 minutes, seeing my thoughts and then pulling back, Seeing thoughts pulling back just over and over. And now I'm doing that throughout the day. You know, even for getting on a podcast, right? Like, oh, God, what if I don't say the right thing? Like, what if I don't make sense? Those are thoughts coming back come not true. Just thoughts. You get to see how much fear runs the show. It's crazy.
- [23:52]
B
It is really crazy. Even the most successful people that people look up to and think, like, wow, that life must be amazing. It's like they still have fear that wants to run the show for them. We're. We're wired for it because it helps us survive. That fear is there on purpose because it's trying to edge us into things for survival, not necessarily for us to thrive. Remembering that you have autonomy over the fear, that you have autonomy to thrive and not just survive and not just get by and not just take in all of the fearful, oppressive energy that comes with that, you know, that holds us back from, like, really shining our lights.
- [24:40]
A
Totally. And I think that's where trust comes in. You have to cultivate a sense of trust or Faith in the universe, in God. That's what your. Your second option is, right? Because you're like, okay, if I'm not gonna choose fear, I'm not. I'm seeing it and I'm not gonna choose it, then what do I choose? And that's where it's like, all right, I guess I'm gonna surrender into that and see what that even means for me. Cause, you know, I didn't grow up religious. I didn't even grow up spiritual. It was something that I sort of found on my own. And I talked about that in my first, very first episode. That's what this work gave me, a relationship to the divine. Every manifestation was kind of like a little reward of, like, trust that you're so good. And the things that you want, you want because you're supposed to have them. All of those affirmations, that's what the manifestations really are.
- [25:38]
B
It's so funny. We've been talking about, like, as a team, just refreshing our concept of TBM and the pillars and all the things. And one of the things we were talking about is how, like, so many people come to TBM initially because they're going through a time of transition. They've hit a rock bottom. They're in a rut. They're wanting to uplevel their life. They're wanting that thing. And in joining and utilizing the tools, they come back to themselves. They have to figure out how to really hear their. Their inner voice, their inner compass. And in doing that, it creates a sense of faith, it creates a sense of spirituality. It looks so different for everyone. Some people are going to have it through religious. Some people are going to have it through just this idea of spirituality. Some people will just have it in this concept of just trusting the universe or trusting this. Like, it's going to look so different to everyone. But I think it's like a sneaky reward that it kind of tucks in there where it's like, you think you're out here doing X, but really in that soul journey, you're reconnecting to self. And in connecting to self, you're connecting to spirit. You're connecting with something that's so much bigger than just you.
- [26:49]
A
It's so true. That's really what this has been about, cultivating a deeper sense of trust and realizing that I don't have control. Actually, at the end of the day, when it comes to my business, when it comes to all of the things that I care about, my relationships, where I live, the investments I want to make, Most of it has nothing to do with me. It is completely out of my control. And there was a moment a couple months after we chatted where I really realized that the next thing that comes, it's just not up to me. So you might as well just let go and find a way to enjoy your day, girl. Like, like have a little fun. Oh goodness. Like, there was just so many days where I was ruminating and spiraling and feeling like, what like self help thing do I need to do? Do I need to start this? Do I need to do this? And at a certain point it was just like, you need to go and enjoy yourself, truly. Remember what that looks like because that's who you are. You are Joy, you are fun. Go figure out what that looks like.
- [27:58]
B
Right now I think you're, you're naming something so prevalent in like the self help world, which is that like when you're in the depths of that spiral and that rumination, there can be the, like, if I just strategize, if I just figure out how to fix, if I just find the right xyz, I can will my way out of it. And if I look at any rock bottom moment or time, sure, there's an element of me trying to do that for sure. And then I hit a point that's like. But my energy is like fucked. I'm approaching it from control, from fear, I'm approaching it from just lack and scarcity and dog paddling. And that's when I'm like, oh, right, like exactly what you're saying. I need to go find joy. I need to go make myself happy in this moment. That's not strategy, that's not, I'm gonna follow this regimen. That's alchemy. I need to change my state and then I can strategize and then I can do whatever. But if my state in doing that is coming from lack, then I'm just perpetuating more lack. I need to get into a state of safety, security, just even neutrality, you know, before I can go on to the next thing.
- [29:20]
A
Bring back neutrality. Yeah, sometimes it's okay to just feel totally neutral. No, that's. I think that's an insanely important distinction because when you're in that place of trying to strategize and get out of it, what's really happening is you don't wanna feel, I don't wanna feel the thing that's underneath it all. So like for me, I don't wanna feel incapable, I don't wanna feel like a loser. I Don't wanna feel whatever. Fill in the blank. So I'm trying to think about what I can do to stop feeling this. When in reality, I think the only two ways out are, like, feeling it and sitting there and being like, I'm going to feel it. And just because I'm feeling it in this moment does not mean it's true. I can just feel it and be like, all right, let's just sit with my loser self for a second and be okay. Like, you're fine. Or it's like, you know what? I see this. I see that this is something I need to process. I'm going to go out and do whatever I need to do to feel happy, and then I'm going to look at this when it's time, you know, when I have. When I feel like this is the right time for me to just, like, process.
- [30:33]
B
That is huge. Those two things I think are huge. Of just not being afraid to sit with your worst case scenario about yourself in the moment.
- [30:44]
A
Yeah.
- [30:45]
B
Worst case scenario. Di. Worst case scenario. Journal prompts, highly recommend. Like, that's the medicine, guys, because it gives. You're not afraid of them anymore. Like, you sit with it and you're like, oh, this is what I've been freaking running from this entire time. Like, you're not that bad. And, like, you're kind of cute and, like, come along with me. Like, it's fine.
- [31:06]
A
And you're actually kind of cute. No, I love to, like, picture myself just being like, you are so cute and funny. Yeah, we're doing this. Like, even. Even your crazy, dramatic spirals and your whatever, all of that stuff, it's cute. It's okay. This is girlhood.
- [31:23]
B
Yeah.
- [31:24]
A
You know, that's part of it.
- [31:27]
B
Yeah. And I love the other piece you said too, about sometimes, especially if you've already been in so much rumination that you need to go find that joy and then come back to be like, we need to do it when we're a bit more resourced. I mean, even coming from a nervous system perspective, if you're already overloaded, don't overload more by connecting with that worst case scenario in that moment. Go get resourced. Go get calm. Go get safe, secure, lightness, levity back into the body. And then you can go hang out with that loser part of self.
- [32:04]
A
Because the reason why that's so important is because you're identified with your true self. You need to re. Identify with, like, wait, right? I'm okay. I'm actually so joyful. And only love is real. That's right. Okay, now I can look at you and be like, oh, I totally understand why you feel that way. That makes so much sense. So much scary stuff is happening. But like, you know you can, then you can do that. Whereas like, if you're identified as the part, it's like a three year old having a tantrum also trying to convince soul itself.
- [32:37]
B
Yeah, the three year old's gonna do a pretty bad job. The three girls will bring back your three year old created protector parts who are probably not the most sophisticated.
- [32:49]
A
Totally.
- [32:56]
B
I have been in a season where I am finding little ways to upgrade my home and the comforts around me in order to help support my nervous system. We've talked about it on expanded podcasts before, but little things like beauty or comfort around you can signal to your brain that you can go into the rest and digest it and actually enhance your living experience. And two ways I've done that is with Cozy Earth's new socks and comforter socks. Because I am constantly in socks in my house. We have hardwood in a lot of different areas and just having the support of socks. My feet also get really cold. I wear socks at night and and it's just such a part of my day. So having ones that are so soft, breathable, a fabric I can wear around when I'm on my hikes around the home, is non negotiable. And this feels like the perfect breathable cushion sock. And secondly, we got ourselves a new comforter because I really loved the feeling when you go into a hotel and you pull back the sheets and you tuck in and you just feel so cocooned by your bedding. It was really time to invest in a comforter that was to not only keep us warm, but not have us overheat throughout the night. And that is what Cozy Earth does so well. All of their materials are so breathable, temperature regulating and you get a cloud like comfort without overheating, something my partner especially really appreciates while sleeping. So now every time I put on my new socks or I hop in bed with a new comforter, I'm reminded of this level of comfort and support that immediately starts to regulate my nervous system. Cozier's mission is to elevate the everyday by showing the craft behind every single piece. They're obsessive with the details and make sure that there's comfort in every moment. So much so that they offer a 10 year warranty because their products are truly meant to last and 100 night sleep trial, which means you can return it if you're not satisfied. But trust me, you will not want to let this go. If you want to try Cozy Earth's incredible quality products that are going to bring new comfort and beauty into your home, you can head to cozyearth.com and use code code TBMALL CAPS for up to 20% off. Again, that's code TBMA ALL CAPS for 20% off. You can go to cozyearth.com or check the link in the show notes. And if you get a post purchase survey, be sure to mention you heard it from the expanded podcast. Experience the craft behind the comfort and make every day feel intentional. Have you seen there's this woman on on Instagram and maybe this is just my feed, but she reparents herself in real time on video, like on camera. And she's like sharing the moment of it and it literally makes me ball every time watching it because it just, it hits on something so tender. And I'll link it in the show notes for you guys. But. But I think one thing she mentioned in her content was that she was shocked, like how viral some of these posts have gone because they're like so vulnerable and so specific. And she's like, but I feel like a lot of us when it comes to reparenting work, we actually don't know what the heck we're doing there. We don't know what being like a really nurturing parent and speaking to our inner toddler self or our inner teenager or inner loser aspect of our shadow or whatever, we actually don't know how soft we need to speak and how gentle we need to speak to them. When you're reparenting those parts or attuning to those parts, especially because I know you do ifs or you've done ifs before, how did you get clarity on how you needed to speak to those parts?
- [36:51]
A
Definitely practice. In the beginning it totally feels like, what am I doing? And is this even real? And I'm not seeing results yet. So, you know, and I had to push through that and be like, I was in so much pain that I didn't have any other choice but to keep trying. But then there was a level of acceptance where I stopped resisting, feeling so bad just allowing those parts to be there, not to get rid of them, not to dissolve them, not to unblock them, but to just see them witness. And the key for me is always like, you're allowed to be here. You are so welcome. And the reason that you're here makes so much sense and I love you truly. Just saying that to that part Like, I love you, and I totally get why you're here, and you don't need to leave. And then so often things dissolve from that. It really can be that simple.
- [37:54]
B
So beautiful. I'm actually having, like, a revelation in this moment too, where even how you think about blocks, energetically, it's pushing away what we want. It's got its hands up or whatever. And through the lens of even parts work, you can think of a block as, like, an aspect of self that's terrified of manifesting that next thing or getting to that next level. So it comes up. It's self sabotage. It blocks it, it pushes it away. But the entity which is pushing it away, we don't need to necessarily remove that. We need to remove the chokehold it has on running the show. We have to show it that, like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. We don't need you to push this away. We need you to step aside. We're gonna tune to you, we're gonna see you. We're gonna feel that fear, and we're gonna let the higher self lead. And that's where the floodgates open. And, you know, it's clear and the energy can exchange clearly. But it's not getting rid of that block even necessarily. And I think when it comes to core wounds, people are so frustrated that they're like, oh, the same theme is coming up again. It's like. Cause we're not really getting rid of it. We're overriding our attachments to it. We're overriding how we relate to it, and that clears the path.
- [39:07]
A
That is so good. If you're doing this work, you naturally want to control the outcome, right? Like, there's a part of you that's like. That's doing it to try and have some semblance of control. And I think that's okay because I think that brings you to the work in the beginning. That's what, like, starts your journey. You know, when I put in the work, I see results, right? But then you get to a level, and I think if you're seeing the same block over and over, this applies to you, where you're actually doing everything you can to not feel. You're trying to unblock it, you're not trying to feel it. And you have to feel things. Feelings have to be felt. They can't be analyzed. So, like, whatever that means for you. There was a lot of sitting in the shower for me, like, like, and just being like, I feel this as a constriction in my chest. I'm actually just Feeling that and letting it be there. I'm not trying to get rid of it. I'm fully feeling it. And I know Lacey has said this before, too, especially in the beginning of some of the workshops. It's like, they will leave. Your feelings aren't meant to stick around. They're just. There's probably a huge backlog of things that are coming to the surface, and that's a big one. Like, when I started to realize, oh, this is all coming up to be felt, this is so good. This was down there. All of this was down there. And now I'm at a place where I can handle it. I can handle these feelings and know that they're not true.
- [40:39]
B
I think that's so powerful. And that really speaks to why people get tested after they craft manifestation lists and while they've been doing this work for a while, and then they get tested on things and they're like, wait, what? You know, why am I getting tested? It's like, tests aren't a bad thing. They're literally your next level of curriculum that wants to be felt, that thinks that you are ready to feel through this so you can shed your attachment to them so more can come through. That's it. It's not scary. You're not bad. Nothing's wrong with you. The universe isn't punishing you. Like, this is just an opportunity to feel through the next layer that wants to be felt through.
- [41:18]
A
This is actually something that came through before we started talking was this idea of, like, it's a purification of the mind so that you can be more pure, and everything you say is something you mean, and everything you do is something you genuinely really want to do. That's what we're doing here is trying to go through all of the stuff that's been in the way from us just being our totally pure, expressive, natural selves.
- [41:50]
B
So, like, heart led. When we talk about authenticity, like, this is it really being authentic? Is this letting your full self fully illuminated, lit up, moving through the world from that energy, just. Just tapping in from that space without all these deep feelings, protective parts, and not to get rid of them, but just to, like, bring them along for the journey and let them be human with us.
- [42:17]
A
If you can train yourself to see every bad feeling, every little bad contraction feeling that comes up as like, ooh, this is really good, because this means it's on its way out and I'm ready to let go of it, then you're really in the game. Then you're at a point where you're like, cool. I'm not identified with that. I'm just seeing it. And that's perfect. I think that's when things start to really loosen up. Because now it's not that I'm necessarily in a place where everything in my life is perfect and I'm through the bad, and now it's all good. It's that I've built a level of resilience, and I'm so much more identified with my true self that when things do come, I see them for what they are. And even the good stuff, too, right? The stuff that in the past, that would have been like, oh, my God, this is such a big deal. Like, this is gonna, like, change my identity. Like, this is gonna be everything. It's so much more neutral. It all comes back to neutrality. I'm, like, cool, you know? Like, so much of the stuff that I wanted to work on because work was such a big theme for me has come through this year. Oh, my God. I remember I so badly wanted to work on, like, On Road and Nike and A24. All of these brands that I like, totally was like, they're just doing the best work, and I want to work on that. And if I work on them, then that means I'm a good writer. Now all of those clients have come through in the last year. Shout out to my girls at Fonzie. I do so many amazing projects with them. Through them, I've gotten the opportunity to work on all of those things. It's so funny because now when projects come through, I feel so, like, great. That sounds awesome, But I'm not the level of excitement I know. I would have been at a different iteration of myself, where that would have been the thing that was, like, making me feel, like, competent at my job. Now it's just, like, cool. This is. It's so exciting. I love the work that they're doing, but it's not my identity. This is about my identity. It's just a sharing of. Of gifts and joy and seeing what they're doing and loving it and reflecting that back to them. It's much more pure.
- [44:28]
B
It's so interesting because whenever anyone asks me, like, how do I just get this thing? How do I be seen in this way? Or I just want, like, that one, you know, win so people take me seriously or have that thing, and I'm like, you're not gonna like my answer. The answer is you have to stop pedestalizing it, and you have to just be contributing from your heart because you love doing it, not because you're trying to get a very specific, sneaky outcome. Stop trying to manipulate the outcome. And then the outcome winds up coming anyways. And it's not gonna feel the same as your ego thinks it's gonna feel, but it's gonna feel better in a way. It's gonna feel grounded. It's gonna feel like, of course that came through in that way. Like, of course I'm so happy to help in that way. Like, it's just a more pure energy. That really is what it is.
- [45:27]
A
It's like we're all chasing the effect. We want the effect of having authenticity and magnetism and, you know, skill, talent. We want what it looks like on the outside. But, like, if you're chasing the effect, you're never gonna have the cause. So it literally can't happen because you're not actually going for the thing that creates what you're going for. So if you start chasing the cause, it's a much more direct route, and what you want will change. You think you want those things, but what you actually want is something else. So just save yourself the time. Save yourself the tears. Just go for, like, go. Go for all those fears and limiting beliefs. Go to those first.
- [46:10]
B
Okay? Because I know people are gonna kick me for not asking this, but when you were putting those clients on a pedestal, like, I wanna work with all these big brands and companies, and you had to detach from that, take them off the pedestal, and just create from the heart what is one, like, actionable that someone could start doing today, that you did that, that helped you bridge the gap between those so you could take it down off that pedestal.
- [46:39]
A
I started focusing deliberately on exactly what was in front of me and treating the project that was in front of me like it was the big white whale that I wanted it to be. The thing that is right in front of you is perfect. It is so divinely orchestrated for you to understand your gifts, to understand how you approach a project, the people that are on your calls you are meant to meet. Every person that comes in your inbox has a message for you. Zero in on today and show up with that energy. I mean, I think that works for several reasons. You're cultivating your craft and getting better because you're really honing your focus on your skill, but also you're, like, practicing your joy and, like, you're creating an energy that is going to be conducive to creating the work that you need to be making in order to be at the level that you want to be at. You want that pure Authentic expression. Then you got to start doing it now. You can't wait until the thing comes that's going to let you do it. It starts now, and you actually don't want it.
- [47:54]
B
That.
- [47:54]
A
That's another thing that really hit me was like, if you don't have the thing that you want, actually you don't really want it yet. You're not there yet. Like, you're not who you need to be in order to do that at the level you want. So act like it's coming, pretend that it's coming, because it probably is. And just be with what's in front of you. Be with the people that are right in front of you. They are so meant to be there, it's not even funny. There are so many lessons for you in whatever is right in front of you. That's the only reason it would be showing up.
- [48:28]
B
I love, love the. You actually don't want it yet. I think that's different from you're pushing it away because it's more so saying in order for you to show up to that experience with your whole heart, with your whole genius, with the best you can give, that you are going through life's curriculum now to prepare you to show up the way that you envision in your dream self, in your mind's eye to that experience. And part of that's dropping ego. Part of that's feeling your feelings. Part of that's expanding, learning new skills, taking new action, stepping through new fears. That's the life's curriculum. So seeing it as, okay, that thing's coming and what's happening in front of me is giving me the exact things I need to learn. So when that moment comes, I am showing up in sync with it. I am showing up my fullest expression. I am showing up so myself. And I don't need to arrive panicked, feeling behind, feeling an imposter. I can arrive totally embodying it as it comes in.
- [49:42]
A
And then when it comes, trust that it's time, you're ready, because it'll happen. And when it does, you might also have that moment of like, oh, wait, am I ready? Like, for me? When all of these things started coming through for work, I was like, I did not think you were coming for another five years. You are so early. And so I had that moment of like, oh, my God, can I do this fast enough? Am I good enough? And I just had to be like, all right. The same rules apply. If it's in front of me, I'm ready. I can trust that. And just Walk. Go.
- [50:21]
B
Oh, I love this.
- [50:23]
A
It's so good.
- [50:24]
B
So good. If there was one practice that I could recommend to you that has transformed my life more than anything else, it has been the 2B magnetic work. Obviously, I may be biased because I am the Chief Content Officer, I'm the host of the podcast, I develop all the workshops with the brand, but it is also the tool that has helped my life the most. When I am in a season of doubt, when I'm in a season of fear or tests or triggers, when I am trying to get clarity on my next chapter, when I'm trying to design a life for my future, that I want to be really deeply connected to my soul, to my potential, to my purpose, to my ambition. TBM houses all the tools and workshops that you need to connect deeper to yourself and not let your past patterning, your past programming, your limiting beliefs run the show anymore. Because every time I get tripped up on one of those things, it is always younger versions of myself coming in, taking the driver's seat and running rampant. And until I can connect with them through the TBM work and really learn to process it in a new way and recontextualize the things, that is when my life actually shifts and I reprogram my neural pathways to be in alignment with what I truly want. Which is how you manifest. If you are interested in joining the pathway, we have a special offer for our podcast guests where you can get the first month for $20 and then join our annual membership. You can use this work through our various workshops that we teach you how to manifest. We go through an inner child program. There's a shadow program, one for rut, rock bottom money, love, you name it. Or you can use it as a daily tool to reprogram in the moment issues as they come up to reset your nervous system, give you high self worth, reconnect with your magnetic self, or talk to your inner child part that may be in the way and running the show and self sabotaging. So if you're getting the ping to join tbm, now's the time. And you can use code expanded all caps E X P A N D e D for $20 off your first month to join the pathway. I feel like curious if you have this, but because TBM is on such like a cyclical seasonal cycle with things, we as a community craft our list so much between like October, November, December and even January. I feel like right after the list portion the universe is like, you're ready to start your next lesson. I always go into January. And my fiance is like, what if we plan a wedding for next January? And I'm like, january is just not my January. I am learning lessons. Like, I am not ready to get married in a January season. I am in the middle of my lessons. February, I'm still learning lessons. Maybe March. I've integrated some. And things are starting to shift. Not to say life is bad. Life is great in so many ways, but I just know that is my curriculum season is post crafting the list. When I first started the TBM work, when I hit this phase, when the things start testing and things start shifting, I would panic, and I was like, something's wrong. Things are feeling ungrounded. I had this huge vision, and now things feel uncertain. And I don't know where I fit in with all of this. Oh, my gosh, what do I do? And the more I. I have worked through this TBM work, and the more I see the patterns and the more I trust myself, the more I trust my timing. This season of going through all of the curriculum, I'm not like, what's happening? I'm like, this is the curriculum. This is the moment. And can I enjoy the now? Can I enjoy the present? Can I heed the call of becoming my authentic self or my true self now and not wait until XYZ thing clicks in? Or not wait until that thing that's kind of annoying figures itself out? Or this thing, you know, like, stop waiting to even enjoy life for those things to click in the hack is like, enjoy your life in all seasons, no matter what you're going through, good or bad.
- [55:06]
A
That is so it.
- [55:08]
B
That's.
- [55:08]
A
Sometimes the test is like, can you. Can you still enjoy your own company when work doesn't look like you want it to, or, you know, relationship doesn't look like you want it to? Can you still have joy as a person? Because then it shows you where your worth is coming from. If your worth is only coming from work and you only feel valuable when things are going well, wait a second. That can't be what your whole life is about. You've got to still be able to find joy in, like, in simple things, you know? And actually, this is. This is a good parlay into one of the things, one of the major uncoverings during this time, which is, like, just about art. So I talked about art, I think, a little in the first part, where, like, I was really leaning on music and poetry and books and writing to get through my great big dark time. And thank God, and I didn't really know why? Like, all I wanted to do was just sit in the bath and listen to a Lana Del Rey album from start to finish. Like, that's all I could do. And now what I'm realizing is creating art, figuring out what kind of art you want to make. And that doesn't necessarily mean it has to be paintings or watercolor. Maybe organizing is your art. What is it that you do and how does it become an art form? For me, this is insane to say, but I started making memes.
- [56:39]
B
Oh my God, White, I love.
- [56:42]
A
They're like fun, like crazy little spiritual memes that are just like, about joy and like, I don't know, everything. I just was like, I need a totally unserious way to express myself. But it just got me thinking, like, art is the purest expression of authenticity, right? Like, art is what we kind of all want to be doing. Whatever that looks like for you. And then it makes so much sense why the creator economy is booming. Because now we're being given this time where your art can be like, what you do, actually. So, like, if you're being drawn to post or start a substack or create a business by showing up online, I think that's a beautiful thing. And I think it's like you're being. You have a chance for that to be like, what you do and what you live off of. But it's like, how can you make that so pure? How does that expression become the purest? Not like, no hacking. I've been on substack and doing it and every time I feel like that need to like, grow it or something, I'm like, that's not true. That's another example of a not true thought. This is a space to express purely about whatever I want. It's not about getting a following. I don't want anyone to be there who doesn't want to be. It's just such a beautiful thing when things start to layers get pulled back and things just become purer and purer and purer.
- [58:09]
B
I think also speaking to not marrying what you are relying on for your income, stability, source to be your art form right away. Giving different pockets, giving different outlets, like starting my YouTube, is that getting something that I'm not optimizing? I don't need it to make me money. I'm not worried about whatever. It's like pure creative editing, putting things in. And I really grappled with that part of me that just can't shut off the goddamn optimizing piece of my brain that's like, oh, but like, that would really resonate with more people if I do it that way. And I literally have to just be like, stop it. Go back over here. Like, stop focusing on that. And it's funny because for my YouTube, I've really struggled with being consistent on there because I'm in battle with those two parts. But I spontaneously, in the middle of the night, launched a substack and.
- [59:13]
A
Yeah, you did.
- [59:14]
B
I was like, maybe this I cannot optimize. And for some reason, because I don't consider myself a writer, because I had a very specific perspective, I w. It wasn't TBM manifestation hacks. It wasn't, like, all the things that someone might typically come to me for. It was just like, what are the energetics I'm seeing this week? And what's on my heart? I saw the perspective that I wanted to take on there and really just feeling into what are the energetics? Like, what am I feeling into in this moment? What's on my heart that's going out? And it feels so much easier to do in the writing format. And so now I'm like, I almost use the sub stack as my expander to now take that energy back to editing and film. But it's really hard to have a channel or an outlet that is pure creativity, especially if that creativity you're putting out. It's one thing if you're crocheting or knitting, because, you know, you're not like, knitting and then showing your social media, you're just doing it for you. But when your art is a piece you put into the world, I think it's really hard not to try to optimize, especially with how much we're bombarded with how to optimize.
- [60:25]
A
Oh, it's like an everyday battle. I think something that helped me was, like, it's okay to know when you don't have something to say. Oh, my God. I would rather say nothing for months than say things that everybody else is saying in a different way. There's so much restraint and, like, self awareness of, like, it's a season where I don't necessarily want to be perceived. That's just not what this time is about. And when I feel like I really have something to say and it's really true and I want to talk about it, I will. But until then, I don't need to be, like, beating myself up about this. I'm actually learning the things I need to learn so that I can talk to y' all about it at some point.
- [61:11]
B
Like.
- [61:12]
A
Like, right now is the time for learning it's not about, like, I don't know, posting.
- [61:18]
B
Can you imagine if everyone listened to their natural cycles with that, like, how much more enjoyable ingesting content creation would be as, like, a user God, if
- [61:29]
A
everyone just had, like, a little more discernment on, like, oh, this actually isn't true to what I have to say, so I'm not actually going to say it. I don't want to add to the slop. Like, I'm just going to wait until I have the purest crystallization, you know, like, and you'll know you won't be able to type it fast enough. It comes through so clear. I actually was struggling with this for months, where I was like, I'm not writing. Like, why am I not writing? Ah. And then I had this just, like, lightning bolt moment, and it just came through me. I sat down, I wrote it all in basically one sitting. And the premise of it, I think, was like, like, other tools to use besides ChatGPT. Like, you use it, but, like, know how to use it and. And diversify your toolbox as a writer. Right. It came through so clear. And it was the first post that I ever had that, like, popped off on Substack, and I was like, great, okay, got it. This is what it's supposed to feel like. It's supposed to just feel like it's just coming out. And, like, honestly, it was something that I was like, I didn't really think I was gonna write about this. It wouldn't have been something I would have chosen to write about. But I just. It came to me and I was like, okay, I guess I'll try. And that's, like, the one post I've done that's like. People were like, yeah. I'm like, all right, that's such a good lesson. So might as well just kick back, relax, enjoy myself, and when it's time to write, I'll be writing. Oh, my God, it's so good.
- [62:54]
B
I think so many artists, entrepreneurs, creatives, anyone listening to this who has that. That pull to express more, that is a channel back to your soul too, and to really honor it and respect it and take it seriously. Because I really think the more that you leave the space in between, but then also act when that lightning bolt hits, not sit on the lightning bolt, but, like, really cherish it as a lightning bolt moment and make space to sit down and write when it comes through, or whatever your art form is, is the more it will come.
- [63:30]
A
Yeah, the artist's way. I know. Lacey posted a substack recently about the artist's way, and I was doing it, too, earlier this year. It talks about, like, cultivating your inner artist. Your relationship with your inner artist, which is your. I think she even says in it, like, is your inner child. That is a relationship that's, like a part. So it's not gonna just do what you want when you want. It's on its own schedule, and you have to build trust. I think I've been. I realized how critical I had been to mine, like, being. I think being a writer as a profession, like, kind of beats that into you. And I think it's good in some ways. Like, you create, you know, you get better. But then there comes a point where it's like, now it's just holding you back. Now you're just not saying anything. So, yeah, it's a relationship, and I think it's a beautiful thing. And we're living in a time where so many people get to have that. We all really do have a shot at making that what our life is about. I mean, you get. You see every day, like, people whose lives are popping off because they're just showing up doing exactly what they love to do. Like, holy shit, you guys, we can do anything. There is so much money in the world. We can make it ours by doing what we love. We really can.
- [64:45]
B
Oh, thank you, Ali.
- [64:47]
A
This is so good. So good.
- [64:49]
B
I'm so excited for everyone to hear this episode. It's so. Just so expansive. Where can everyone connect with you, find you, follow what you're doing and all the good things.
- [64:58]
A
Oh, my God. Come follow me on Instagram. My handle is at the Burlington Coat Factory. You'll see my meme account on there. If you want to come make memes with me and just, I don't know, inundate the feed with high vibrational messages. A substack? Yeah, my substack is called Is good. I'm writing a lot about spirituality and being a creative and being in New York City and whatever, all that stuff over there. So I would love to connect with you guys.
- [65:26]
B
Amazing. Thank you so much. I hope you guys enjoy that episode and are feeling inspired and heard and motivated to continue the path, to feel your feelings, to have the courage to go in and be there for yourself and for your inner child parts. If you're looking for some TBM tools that you can use to do this, the worst case scenario, Di, the inner child Di and the driver, cti. Those are the best for having those conversations with the parts of you. And stay tuned on March 30 we are dropping a whole new suite of very short, sweet, deep imaginings to help you through nervous system dysregulation, to help get your spark back, to discharge excess energy, to tap into the present moment. A lot of nervous systems, some tools and support then. And if you want to hear the first half of the episode with Ally that we recorded back in October so you can hear her energy difference between the two, we are releasing it exclusively on YouTube this weekend. So subscribe to our YouTube channel and check out the video for a little behind the scenes bonus episode. All right, we'll see you next week.