Ep. 399 - Why You Can't Manifest Your Way Out of an Unhealed Nervous System with Jill Wintersteen of Spirit Daughter

Summary

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Ep. 399: Why You Can't Manifest Your Way Out of an Unhealed Nervous System

With Jill Wintersteen of Spirit Daughter

EXPANDED Podcast by To Be Magnetic™ | March 20, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this deeply candid episode, Jessica Gill and the To Be Magnetic™ team welcome back Jill Wintersteen, founder of Spirit Daughter, for a transformative conversation centered on the connection between nervous system regulation and successful manifestation. Drawing from her debut memoir, Own Your Power, Change Your Life, Jill shares her remarkable story of rock bottom, betrayal, self-forgiveness, and ultimate self-empowerment—revealing how true healing and authentic manifestation cannot bypass an unhealed nervous system.

The conversation weaves through Jill's tumultuous past—marriage to a partner involved in criminal activity, living under federal investigation, intense fear and anxiety—and her ascension to become a voice for healing, intuition, and purpose-driven living. Jill and the hosts discuss Internal Family Systems (IFS), the neuroscience behind survival patterns, forgiveness, releasing shame, and practical modalities for trauma recovery and nervous system balance.

This episode serves as an expansive guide and living proof that radical transformation is possible, no matter where you begin.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Jill’s Untold Story: Messy Beginnings and Radical Vulnerability

• Early Turmoil & Real-Life Chaos
  • Jill recounts her unexpected life path: falling in love, marrying a pot dealer, and being swept into a federal investigation (07:23).
  • She emphasizes that her wisdom and spiritual teachings are "hard-earned," not the product of a serene, privileged journey.
  • Quote: “They’d be like, wow, I liked you before and now I like you even more because...she’s a real person. She’s real. She’s been through some serious shit in her life and, like, came out of it on top.” (09:09, Jill)

Step One: Surviving Rock Bottom with Mindfulness

• First Tools in Crisis (11:33)
  • Jill’s initial instinct upon hitting rock bottom—a call that her partner was in jail—was to return to her breath, a practice she credits for saving her sanity.
  • Quote: “Sometimes that’s all you have is your breath...I’m breathing. The sky is blue, the grass is green, it’s okay. I’m still alive.” (11:48, Jill)
• Mindful Grounding Over Crisis Reactivity
  • Meditation, breath, and centering become essential, not for avoiding difficult feelings but for moving through chaos with presence.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) & The Protector Parts

• Acknowledging Inner Parts to Disarm Sabotage (14:50)
  • Even before knowing about IFS, Jill intuitively began speaking with, noticing, and separating from her anxious and protective parts.
  • These patterns—rooted in childhood hypervigilance—were running her life until named and integrated.
  • Quote: “If we don’t name these parts, they become us and they become our whole self...but it wasn’t all me. It was just a part of me.” (15:19, Jill)
• Self-Compassion and Parts Dialogue
  • Quote: “We’re not trying to get rid of them. We’re trying to let them be seen...They’re like that little kid in the classroom that’s, like, waving their hand...” (17:48, Jill)
• Notable Moment: The hosts and Jill highlight how the IFS approach is transformative for deepening manifestation: you can’t manifest from a state of divided, unhealed internal parts (20:31).

Manifestation and the Nervous System

• Nervous System State Defines Possibility (20:53)
  • Jill details the neuroscience underlying why we can’t “think, wish or manifest” our way out of deep, real-life threat or trauma.
  • Quote: “When we’re in fight or fight, our brain is programmed to scan for threats...we won’t see the opportunities. When we’re in parasympathetic...then we’ll actually see opportunities in front of us.” (21:22, Jill)
• A Practical Ritual: The Rosemary Practice
  • When being surveilled by federal agents, Jill used rosemary’s scent to shift herself out of fear and into a regulated state (23:25).
  • Quote: “I would sniff this rosemary at the sight of these agents parked outside my apartment...I was able to decondition the fear response I had to that.” (23:51, Jill)
• Importance of Small, Fast-Access Tools
  • The power of “five-minute rituals” for regulating the body enough to hear intuition and make wise choices, not just “an hour meditation once a week.” (28:30)

Purpose, Expansion & Moving Toward Freedom

• Facing Fear Head-On: The Cabo Metaphor (36:18)
  • After years in hiding, Jill proves her freedom by booking a flight abroad—confronting her biggest fear and confirming she’s no longer under indictment.
  • Quote: “I landed in Cabo, and I was just like, oh, my gosh, I’m free.” (37:10, Jill)
• Intuitive Action, Incremental Alignment
  • Pursuing purpose means following intuition in small ways—balancing paying the bills while pursuing what calls.
  • Advice: “Stay out of scarcity, stay out of flight or fight, and still remain open and still be willing to devote extra time to finding your purpose, to experimenting, to seeing what really resonates with you.” (41:30, Jill)

Forgiveness, Shame, and Reclaiming Power

• Forgiveness as Spiritual Awakening
  • True forgiveness—often without closure or apology—frees your energy from the past and opens the path for authentic manifestation (50:30).
  • Quote: “Forgiveness is not for the other person. It’s for you. It’s for you to reclaim your energy. It’s for you to reclaim your power.” (55:55, Jill)
• Healing Shame in Community
  • Jill shares her journey releasing shame by vulnerably telling her story to trusted friends, and being met with non-judgment.
  • Quote: “When we can tell our story to somebody who is trusted...then we heal. We heal in that true empathy.” (58:49, Jill)
• Brene Brown’s Wisdom is cited: when we ignore our intuition, it is an act of self-betrayal.

Actualizing Authentic Partnership

• From Pattern Replay to True Love
  • Timeline of healing: After metabolizing shame and heartbreak, Jill uses New Moon rituals and intention-setting—meeting her now-husband Garrett within months (62:12).
  • Quote: “I think it’s because I had done so much healing work and I think because I was regulated and I was ready...he jumped out at me. It was like a spotlight was on him.” (65:24, Jill)
• Expanding What’s Possible
  • Jill’s story is positioned as proof that radical relational transformation is possible with inner healing, nervous system regulation, and aligned action.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The goal isn’t to be calm all the time... What we need is tools that get us right back to center quickly and efficiently, that it’s automatic.”
  — Jill Winterstein (13:08)

• “If there’s a real fear, if there’s a real threat, the best thing to do is confront it. Just deal with it head on, as soon as possible.”
  — Jill Winterstein (36:30)

• “Having, like, a mission statement for your life is so important for people. And so that way when opportunities come up, they can say, like, does this align with my mission? Or not so huge.”
  — Jill Winterstein (45:49)

• “Pain has this way of coming back and wanting to control our lives. And we can never change what happened, but we can change the control level that pain has on us.”
  — Jill Winterstein (64:10)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 07:23 — Jill’s backstory, real-life chaos, and radical vulnerability
• 11:33 — Surviving a crisis, finding the first steps of grounding
• 14:50 — Discovering IFS, the power of parts work
• 20:53 — The neuroscience of manifestation and nervous system states
• 23:25 — The rosemary ritual: a practical tool for fear deconditioning
• 28:30 — Manifesting amidst real and perceived threats, nervous system reset
• 36:18 — Confronting fear: the “flight to Cabo” & reclaiming autonomy
• 41:30 — Building purpose without bypassing reality
• 50:30 — Deep dive into forgiveness and letting go of shame
• 62:12 — Timeline: from shame release to welcoming her dream partnership
• 65:24 — How healing made authentic love possible

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Resources & Where to Find Jill

• Book: Own Your Power, Change Your Life (Available March 24; spiritdaughter.com and major retailers)
• Instagram: @spiritdaughter
• Website: spiritdaughter.com

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Final Takeaway

Jill’s journey demonstrates that authentic manifestation and the life you desire can only unfold from a foundation of nervous system healing, self-awareness, and deep self-compassion. Her story—and the practices she shares—map a path from surviving chaos to stepping into purpose and love, one grounded, regulated breath at a time.

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Transcript

[Jill Winterstein]

I wanted to give people an example of what you can do when you're in an uncontrollable situation. There was no Google answer for what I was going through. I literally just had to regulate myself, center myself and follow my intuition. Find the time to focus on what is calling you.

[Podcast Host 1]

You have likely heard of Spirit Daughter. It is the wellness and astrology brand that has the viral quotes and moments on your grid right when you need them in astrological mayhem. Moments we've heard from Jill Winterstein, the founder on this podcast, before breaking down the incredible astrology that's coming in the year ahead. But this is a side of her you have never heard. This is Jill's real vulnerable story of what broke her, what shattered her, and how she was able to rebuild from that. Jill is launching her debut book, Own youn Power, Change youe Life, which is available on March 24th. You can pre order now and get tons of pre order goodies. You can go to her website and check that out and it is a story of how Jill hit rock bottom after choosing a life that was familiar to her instead of the one that she truly dreamed of. How she picked up the pieces, how she found tools step by step along the way to help her support her.

[Podcast Host 2]

If you are wondering how you're going

[Podcast Host 1]

to get from the place that you are in now to your dream life, if that distance feels far or you're

[Podcast Host 2]

hitting your, you know, head against the

[Podcast Host 1]

wall trying to understand like what is in my way, how do I break through? Let her story be your expansion. It gets easier the more you commit to the practice. The more you step in to uncover layer by layer, show up to yourself with compassion. That is where the real change happens. It's not an overnight dance, it's these little moments we learn to come back to ourselves. This is truly one of the most powerful stories I've heard in a long time. And I was shocked reading the first few chapters of her book and just learning the chaos that was Jill's life and then seeing the juxtaposition of who she is today and the brand that she has then created and the family in the life she's created. So if you are someone who just is having trouble seeing that it's possible, or you're just been on this journey for a while and you need that really strong boost of inspiration, motivation, experience, expansion to show you that you're way further along than you probably even imagine. This is going to be the episode for you.

[Podcast Host 2]

Inside, we talk about all different types

[Podcast Host 1]

of healing modalities Those little quick tools that you can have in your toolbox. We talk a lot about ifs, which I've talked about before, which is internal family systems therapy. And we actually have a new deep imagining coming out that's somewhat inspired by some of the modalities in there as well. So stay tuned for that. And if you haven't taken our nervous system quiz yet, we launched it this past Monday.

[Podcast Host 2]

It really checks in with the three

[Podcast Host 1]

biggest patterns we're noticing in our community right now with nervous system responses and how our nervous systems may be shutting us down, getting us into overdrive or maybe just in that free state where we're not able to actually break through to the other side. So if you want to figure out what archetype you may be falling into right now, take the quiz. It's completely free. And we have our brand new seven day nervous system deep imagining reset dropping on March 30th. So stay tuned for that as well. And now a word from our partners. One incredible healing tool that has been game changer for my nervous system is the Bond Charge PEMF Mat. There is a very specific state your body needs to be in for that deep healing and real subconscious relaxation. And one of the most effective ways I found to help my body actually let go is the Bon Charge PEMF Met. It combines pulse electromagnetic field therapy with red near infrared and far infrared heat. In simple terms, it deeply calms your nervous system, relaxes your body, improves circulation and brings you to a much more receptive grounded state. They have settings to help you drop into your sleep, to get into that delta wavelength to sleep deeper. They have settings to help you drop into your meditative state so you can go deeper with your deep imaginings. And they have settings to help bring a little bit of awareness, awakeness and activation in your body in a gentle way to help wake up your cells. It also helps your body recover faster because you're significantly lowering your stress load. I love setting it on high heat, putting on 8 hertz, which is as close to Schumann's resonance, which is the earth's natural frequency. So I can just kind of calm down, get in homeostasis. And I'm telling you the depth and relaxation to which I get into my deep imaginings with this is next level. The only thing I can kind of equate it to is maybe when you're in a really deeply relaxing massage. But this is something you can do right in your home. In fact, I keep mine in my office. So after stressful periods or busy work

[Podcast Host 2]

calls, or when I'm feeling scattered, I

[Podcast Host 1]

take a quick break on the penth mat and it brings me back down to regulation. I have the infrared penth mat max, but they also have a demi, a little bit smaller version, a mini and a waistband version especially, especially for people who get bad cramps or back pain. Hugely beneficial. And for our expanded podcast listeners, we have a special code magnetic all caps, M, A, G, N, E, T, I, C for 15% off your order. That's code magnetic all caps for 15% off your order. And you can check out the link in show notes or go to boncharge.com to learn more. And now onto the episode. Chill.

[Podcast Host 2]

I am so excited to have you on expanded again. I feel like every time you're on, our audience is just so thrilled. Like, there's just so much resonance with audience. And also I was reflecting, like, reading your book, debut book. Congratulations.

[Jill Winterstein]

Thank you.

[Podcast Host 2]

I was reading your book and I was really reflecting, like your account and Spirit Daughter has always resonated so deeply with me. Like the messages, the words, the phrasing, something about it hits something in your core. And there's so many different accounts that like, say, you know, beautiful messaging, but something about the way you word it, I mean, always since over a decade

[Podcast Host 1]

has had that effect on me.

[Podcast Host 2]

And it wasn't until really reading your story, I'm like, oh, this is Jill's higher self speaking to her and then speaking to us. That's why I think it hit so strongly. This lived through you first and thus it was able to land in such a way. So tell us about this book because I think so many people know you from Spirit Daughter, astrology, crystals, moon ceremonies, all of these things. And we're finally digging into, like your insane, beautiful life.

[Jill Winterstein]

Yes, yes. And I think that's why I wanted to put the book out there. I wanted to write this book. Even before Spirit Daughter. I just always, when I was living my story, I was like this, this needs to get out in the world. Like, somebody needs to be inspired by this. I just want to really showcase that, like, I'm not some spiritual guru. I didn't obtain my wisdom or the quotes it, you know, write. I didn't obtain any of that by, like, sitting on some mountaintop and peaceful situation. You know, it's hard earned. And so I really wanted to put my story out there, which isn't pretty, which is messy, which is. And it's like so vulnerable. But I really found that when I opened up to, like, my intimate friends, like, about my story and it was always like a mic drop moment where I'd be like, yeah, and that's when I was like, married to a pot dealer and that then we got federally investigated and they were just like, wait, what? Tell me more. And it would end up being like, it's always like a two hour conversation where I just like, I basically tell the book how, you know, I met this guy and fell in love and ended up in this like, crazy whirlwind with him and then ended up on my own in Santa Monica, kind of picking up the pieces after he left and went on the run. And, you know, I had to deal with like, all the aftermath of that and really, like, all my real rock bottom moments. And I found that when I would tell people my story, when I would open up and actually tell people my story, they'd be like, wow, I liked you before and now I like you even more because I think there is that something where it's like, oh, my gosh, she's a real person. She's real. She's been through some serious shit in her life and, like, came out of it on top and. And then it becomes inspiring where it's like, wow, if Jill could go through all that, if she could pick herself up and pick up all the pieces of her life from what I feel like was even like, below rock bottom, I feel like anybody can. And so I really wanted to put the story out there, to be like, this is where the quotes come from. This is where the messages come from. This is where the rituals come from. This is where the ceremonies that helped me survive came from.

[Podcast Host 2]

I think it's so beautiful too, because in a lot of ways it's like outing a shadow, accepting and bringing in all parts of self internally. We all have those stories or those parts of us that are like, ugh, that one. I, you know, I can't talk about that, or I don't. I don't think I'm ready talk about that. And whenever that time comes where you do feel like, okay, it's time to share this, that is the connector. And even if someone doesn't have that exact experience, there's just so much depth and richness to hearing, oh, my God, how did you even go through that? And then as I was reading, I was like, I'm reflecting on all my past relationships and I'm like, I need to do a cord cutting ceremony to all of the energies from past as well. Like, I need to go through every step of this. Like, wait a second. But where I kind of want to start, because really so much about this is not only finding your power, but also your purpose. You going through this journey and all of these rock bottoms were so almost needed in a way to carve who you are today and the message and the resonance and the depth that you share with so many people. So when you were in those moments, it didn't just gloss over in like a month or a week or a year. It was a journey.

[Podcast Host 1]

Going through this.

[Podcast Host 2]

Talk about those little steps when you had that first, I guess the rock bottom moment you first describe in the book is getting the phone call that your partner is in jail. Something really bad could happen. Your life could be tossed upside down. His life could be tossed upside down. Everything that you've known, you have no idea what's going to happen. Could you go to jail? Like, I don't know, like the uncertainty is sky high. And even if someone is like, okay, I don't know what that's like, trust me, you've had a moment where you're

[Podcast Host 1]

like, what the fuck am I going

[Podcast Host 2]

to do with this situation? Everything is uncertain. Where did you go in that first step forward towards yourself?

[Jill Winterstein]

I mean, I think the first step forward was I just centered on my breath. I didn't know what to do. And I think that that's why I'm so into breath work and teaching breath work. Because when the, you know what hits the fan sometimes that's all you have is your breath and you're like, ok, I'm breathing. The sky is blue, the grass is green, it's okay. Like I'm still alive, I'm still breathing. Luckily at the time I was in a mindfulness course and so I was in stress reduction course, you know, mindfulness based stress reduction at Jefferson University. And so I just had the good fortune of being in that course when this happened. And so the tools were right there, readily available. And so I just locked into my breath, I locked into my mantra, which is so hum. And I just centered myself and I was just like one step forward in front of the other. I have no idea how this is gonna evolve. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea what to do. But I know that to do anything, I have to breathe and I have to find my center. And so I feel like a lot of what I teach is the goal isn't to be calm all the time. And so through meditation, through rituals, through intention, setting, you know, the goal isn't to just be calm all the time because life will throw you curveballs and Maybe the curveball won't be as dramatic or intense as mine. Life changes, right? That's the nature of life. We never know what's going to happen. And what we need is tools that get us right back to center quickly and efficiently, that it's automatic. We don't have to think about it. And so luckily I had a firm foundation in tools when I went through that first moment and it was like, okay, I feel like I'm gonna just collapse and I just wanna lay on the floor and bury my head in the sand. But I know I can't do that. So I'm going to breathe. And I think just. Just breathing and just saying, okay, one moment at a time.

[Podcast Host 2]

I think it's so hard for so many people because their fight or flight kicks in. They wanna go into action, they wanna go into whatever their prot Is. Or maybe they shut down completely and are immobilized. We're talking a lot about at the brand right now, nervous system regulation and, and really getting intentional. And I think it's so smart that you pointed out, like, what is the five minute ritual? What is the five minute tool? What is the thing that can just bring you back into your body, bring you back into the present moment? It doesn't mean that the fear goes away, the panic goes away, like the worry goes away, but you can sit with it. You talk in the book a lot about ifs. I love ifs. And this part. And I. I really feel like ifs unlocked my practice with manifestation. Because until I could see those protector parts self sabotaging, blocking my manifestation, like, that's when it just made sense. That's the organization that made sense in my brain.

[Jill Winterstein]

What.

[Podcast Host 2]

What parts of self, even if you weren't doing ifs at this time, started to reveal themselves over this time, especially around your anxiety and hypervigilance?

[Jill Winterstein]

Well, there was that protector part. And I didn't know. I had no idea what I was doing. But, you know, I have a background in psychology, so it was like in there somewhere. I had no idea that what I was doing was ifs. I didn't even have a name for it for years and years or even learn about it. But once I learned about it, I was like, oh, that's what I was doing. But I think it was just in there and just kind of made. It makes sense, especially from a psychological perspective, because if we don't name these parts, they become us and they become our whole self. And then we think we are that anxious. We're just anxious. And then Once we say, oh, no, that's my anxious part. That's my protector part. That's the part of me that learned to survive by this method, this pattern in childhood. I talk a little bit about my childhood and how hypervigilance was a survival mechanism and childhood because of the mom that I grew up with, who I love dearly. And she, you know, set up the stage for me to always be hypervigilant of her emotions and always to be watching. And I think that's, in a lot of ways, has served me well over the years because I am highly intuitive, because I developed that intuition as such a young child because of the mom that I have. But that was a part of me, right? That was just a part of me that served to protect me as a child. It wasn't all of me. And so really working with that understanding, kind of early on the book, I talk about how I had a revelation, you know, once I was in this relationship where literally the shoe could drop at any moment. It was sort of the epitome of like, oh, wow, you have chosen. And I realized that I chose a situation that kept my anxiety going, that fed my hypervigilance, that fed the pattern that I had formed as a child, and that was only a part of me. And so if I could actually separate it and see it as, oh, this is this protector part. And I was deep into core energetics therapy at the time. I don't know if you are familiar with that one. And so that really helped me kind of understand this anxiety piece and how it was just a pattern, But I was choosing, and I think in a lot of ways, we all do that. We choose situations that keep our patterns going because the familiar is so strong, right? We cling to the familiar as humans. And so even if the familiar isn't serving our manifestations or isn't serving what we want to create in our lives, because it's familiar, we'll choose it. And so if anxiety is familiar, if staying in that protection mode is familiar, will choose it again and again and again. Because our brain wants safety. It wants the familiar. It doesn't want to manifest. Like your highest vision, you have to train it to do that, which I know you know all about. You know, we have to really work to get our brain to say, okay, it's time to change. And so working, though, with, I think, the parts, and then later on understanding, like, my fear part and how my fear part was making decisions, and how could I, Jill higher self, make the decisions for me instead of letting this fear part run the show. But I think overall, like, what I really started to understand about the different parts of us is that it wasn't all me. It was just a part of me. It wasn't who I was. And I could become somebody else with that part. And I didn't have to get rid of it. I just had to have a conversation with it. I had to put it in the backseat, you know, I had to understand it. I had to let it be seen. And I think that's one of the most important things, you know, to understand about parts is we're not trying to get rid of them. We're trying to let them be seen. They're like that little kid in the classroom that's like, waving their hand like, hi, me. Over here, over here, over here. You just have to, like, see it and sit with it and say, like, I see you. I understand why you're here. Yes, you were here to protect me at some point. Thank you for doing that. And I don't need that right now.

[Podcast Host 2]

The fear can just settle. I will tune to you later. It sounds almost too simplistic, but, like, when you actually put it into practice and you have these conversations with parts and you let them, like, tantrum out and you let them say, like, these are all the things I'm worried about. And what about this? It just almost comes naturally, how to reparent them when you're in that higher self mode, when you really are connected to self. And it is wild, the shift on the nervous system. It's wild, the shift on your energy, because it really does settle. And I feel like it's just such a powerful tool and mindset frame of connecting with so many different parts of us that are wrangling to be seen to run the show. Like, no wonder we're scattered with so much anxiety and so many things happening, because there's all these parts inside that are like, wait a second, I have

[Jill Winterstein]

something to say about this.

[Podcast Host 2]

Yeah.

[Jill Winterstein]

Yeah. And there's so many different. There's fear. There's the part of us that wants to sabotage. How are we possibly supposed to manifest our greatest life? We've got a part of us trying to sabotage everything until we sit down and talk to that part. And I'm like, why are you trying to sabotage me? You know, and understand it and understand, like, the fear that goes along with that sabotage, like, okay, sabotage part. What are you actually afraid of happening if I say succeed at this and getting into that, understanding that. And I. I do think it's just A beautiful way of looking at us as humans because we do have so many parts. And it is really hard to manifest anything with these different parts. Kind of like running the show 100%.

[Podcast Host 2]

You talked about heart intuition versus when the fear is running the show, and even discerning when you're manifesting from different nervous system states. So are you manifesting from that lack, that fear, that scarcity, that fight or flight? Are you actually in that rest and digest energy where you can expand, talk about your practice with that?

[Jill Winterstein]

I mean, I think it's really hard to manifest when you're in flight or fight. And so, you know, I realized that and I was in flight or fight for a very long time. And I luckily did have my tools to bring me back and center me. And I mean, thank goodness I had meditation going through what I went through, or I wouldn't have been able to get myself out. And I can really see, see that looking back. Like, if I didn't have the tools that regulated my nervous system and allowed me to think clearly and allowed me to look at opportunities, I would have been forever scanning for threats. And I noticed that. And I was in a situation where there was real threats. There was de agents, like sitting outside my house, there was real threats around me. And so when we're in fight or fight, our brain is programmed to scan for threats. It's in survival mode. And so we'll just keep finding threats and we'll keep finding reasons to not do this or not do that, and we won't see the opportunities. When we're in parasympathetic, like you're talking about rest and digest, then we'll actually see opportunities in front of us. And so thank goodness, like, I had my meditation practice and I had these tools that grounded me and I had the awareness because I, I worked in neuroscience. One of the last projects I worked on was fear conditioning. And so I had a very understanding of flight or fight and like, seeing it in the brain and understanding it from a, from a neuroscience perspective, because that's what I was researching. And also I had understanding about how to decondition that response. So I worked on fear conditioning and deconditioning in neuroscience. Like, right before I left, it was one of my last projects I worked on. And so I actually, like, understood from this observation. And I think the meditation helped me get out of it.

[Podcast Host 1]

Right?

[Jill Winterstein]

Because when we're in that fight or fight, we're in it. I always say we're in the bubble, right? We're in everything. And it's all around us. And we. And we can't see it. The meditation, though, when we actually ground ourselves, we step outside the bubble, and we can see the bubble in its entirety. And so we can see all the different perspectives, or some people say, like, it's like standing on the balcony. And so I was able to see from a higher perspective. Wow. I'm scanning for threats. I'm in fear. I'm in, like. I had the knowledge that, like, logical mind for my neuroscience background. And I was like, okay, how can I decondition myself? And I even talk about in the book how I developed this practice. I had this rosemary bush next to my apartment, and so I would grab rosemary and I would smell it. And rosemary, that scent is a really quick, efficient way to drop you into parasympathetic. It's really magical. And so I would sniff this rosemary at the sight of these agents parked outside my apartment. And I was able to decondition the fear response I had to that. And so that those tools, that knowledge, that practice allowed me to get out of fight or fight even when I had all these threats around me and drop into parasympathetic so that I could start really manifesting a life. And that looked like very small steps at the time. It looked like, like an apartment. It looked like friends who would let me sleep on their couch. It looked like, you know, one yoga class to teach, to make some extra money. Very small things. But with each small manifestation, I was like, okay, I can get out of this. I can create something here. Like, my life isn't doomed.

[Podcast Host 2]

Talk about kind of the intensity. Because I don't think I even realized before reading this how looming this threat is on someone who you weren't associated with your partner's business in any which way. He did a good job of keeping you separated. And simultaneously, you were at a place where, like, you couldn't put your name on a hotel because your stuff would get ransacked, your home would get knocked into and things broken and, you know, gone through. You were in this. This frozen fear of the subpoena, the.

[Jill Winterstein]

What is it called? Well, there's the sealed indictment. So, yeah. And so a sealed indictment, for those of you who have never had the pleasure of knowing what is. Is like when you're indicted, when you, you know, there's a warrant out for your arrest, but you don't know it. It's sealed. And so not even my lawyer could, like, look up and verify if I was indicted or not because of a sealed indictment. So he. So there was a sealed indictment that came down, and he was on it, and he went on the run. And so if he would have turned himself in, they probably would have left me alone. But because he didn't, he literally grabbed his go bag from underneath the bed and left. I came home one day and a neighbor came up and was like, hey, a bunch of agents were here with a battering ram, Just so you know. And we're like, okay. And that was it. And he just. He just left. And because he just left, and they really wanted to find him. I mean, this was like a federal investigation. They really wanted to find him. And there was 15 other people involved. So they followed me as a method of finding out where he was. And they did subpoena me, meaning they, you know, they called me into the court to try and testify. And, like, I fought that because we were married, so I raised my marital right, but you have to do that in person so that I ended up in this, like, courthouse in Maryland, in one of, like, a tiny room, which is like. So I was like, that's the moment. I was like, this is, like, straight out of the movies. Like, and that's what it felt like. And again, I think that because I had awareness and because I had a meditation practice and because I had tools, I was able to step out of that bubble. I was able to, like, see it and almost find it. Humor in this situation. Like, come on. Like, we have to be this cliche. Like, it looks like it's straight out of a movie. And so even in that room, I had my practices. I just sat there for 30 minutes while they tried to convince me to talk to them. You know, I just had my so hum mantra just going on and on and on. Tuning in, but tuning out. And so I. I had that. But, yeah, I mean, that's why they were so interested in me. They just wanted to find him.

[Podcast Host 2]

And I. I can imagine how destabilizing that threat. Invisible and also not invisible because of their car in front of your home is constantly. And I think so many times people are fighting threats of what ifs, But I think because there was the present of actual danger there, it adds such another layer to things. And I think people in their own lives, life, just knowing things that are going on in our country today, like, people are facing those threats. There are families facing those really scary threats. And we get the question a lot, too, for people whose families are facing that. We'll have our members write to us. Like, what do I say to my family? How do I tell Them to like try to manifest or like think through these things when they're in a situation where it is so fear inducing, it is so fight or flight. And I, I do love that Rosemary example because I think it's like those little pockets because until you're really out

[Jill Winterstein]

of it, out of it, I don't

[Podcast Host 2]

know how you metabolize all of that duress, you know.

[Jill Winterstein]

Yeah, you can't. And I wanted to give people an example of what you can do when you're in an uncontrollable situation when there's an actual real threat hanging over your head. And yes, I had what ifs. And I know a lot of us have these like what ifs and worst case scenarios that we spin out. And I had a real threat, I had a real uncontrollable threat that I couldn't get away from. You know, I mean think the only thing I could have done is like fled the country myself, you know, to get away from it. And you know what I tell people is like, yes, it's those small moments and it's having your five minute tools. I'm not talking about an hour meditation, I'm not talking about a yoga class every Friday. Like, I'm talking about, about those little tools, those little things that, you know, work to bring you out of fight or fight and in to a regulated nervous system. Because you can't think clearly unless you're in a regulated nervous system. It's the most important thing. I remember somebody asking me last June, it was Jupiter Cazimi. And Jupiter Cazimi is, it's when the Jupiter meets the sun. And it's one of the most abundant days. It's like anything you wish for. It's like a genie in the bottle, Right? Right. Anything you wish for can happen. And somebody was like, what if you could have anything in the world, like

[Podcast Host 2]

what would it be?

[Jill Winterstein]

And it'd be like a regulated nervous system because from there you can create anything. And so if you have a real threat outside your door, it's not going to serve you to be in flight or fight. You want to feel it, you don't want to just disregard it. But you want to get into parasympathetic. You want to get into a regulated nervous system because that's what's going on to tell you how to get out of it. That's just going to tell you what your next move should be. That's what's going to help you access your intuition. So you know if you should go out the front door or the back door. And this is just like real practical knowledge. Like when you have a situation that you can't Google your way out of. Like, and that's what I've thought about my situation so many times. Like, there was no Google answer for what I was going through. Like, I literally just had to regulate myself, center myself and follow my intuition and trust, Just hope that it knew what it was talking about, hope that I was regulated enough. And so nervous system regulation became a lifeline for me.

[Podcast Host 1]

One of the questions I get asked the most is about my skin care. And here's the truth. You can spend so much on serums and treatments and all of these things, but I have found that if your cells are stressed, if your skin and body is dehydrated, skin will not glow. So I have really been focusing on what's happening internally and that is where I'm noticing the biggest transformations on my skin. And that has looked like reducing my stress levels, reducing my inflammation, and deeply hydrating at the cellular level. That's why I've been loving the radiant skin duo from Peak. It's really intentional pairing of their sun goddess Matcha and their BT found electrolytes. And I typically do the Matcha in the early afternoon. It's ceremonial grade. It's this beautiful rich green color. It's grown in volcanic soil. And it's not just about the energy boost. It's packed with chlorophyll antioxidants that help you detox. It helps to calm inflammation, support clearer, brighter skin. It genuinely feels like a reset for my entire system. And then when I go for my hikes, I make a little BT fountain electrolyte drink, which is more of overall beauty hydration. It has hyaluronic acid ceramides, trace minerals actually hydrate your cells and support your skin barrier so your skin stays plump and doesn't hit that dull dry point. But when I really started noticing a difference in my skin was when I would use them together. So the Matcha was clearing and calming and then the electrolytes was rebuilding and hydrating. I noticed less puffiness, more glow, and even a smoother skin tone. So much so that I've been getting a ton of DMs from you guys. So I couldn't gatekeep any more and wanted to share. So if you're wanting to shift your skin from the inside out, this is a great place to start. And now that we've manifested a partnership with Peak, you guys can get 20% off your order. So head to peaklife.comtbm that's P I Q U E life.comtbm for 20 off your order. Get ready to glow from the inside out. Having recently celebrated another birthday, I have been thinking a lot about aging. Not in the fear based way, but in a how do I want to feel in my body for the rest of my life type of way. Because for me, healthy aging isn't about looking younger. It's about energy, sleep, mental clarity, longevity, feeling vitality, and my body actually feeling like it's supporting the life I want to live. You guys have heard me talk about fatty 15 before and I truly think it has been a key to help support my cells on the most basic level, especially around aging. Fatty 15 contains C15, the first essential fatty acid discovered in more than 90 years. Co founder Dr. Stephanie Van Watson was working with the US Navy to improve the health and longevity of aging dolphins and based on over a hundred studies, we now know that C15 strengthens our cells supports healthy aging at the cellular level, which means if our cells don't have enough C15 they become fragile and age faster, meaning our bodies do as well. Their research even identified the first nutritional deficiency in over 75 years called cellular fragility syndrome and as many as one in three people are low in C15. Fatty 15 helps repair age related cellular damage and activates pathways tied to sleep, cognitive health, metabolism, energy, anxiety, memory. In fact, 70% of customers report noticing benefits within 16 weeks and it has three times more cellular benefits than Omega 3. Personally, I have noticed a massive shift when I am taking it consistently, especially in brain function, cognition, memory and even digestion. Also in periods when I'm in high stress, it seems to help support my anxiety levels as well. Best of all, fatty 15 comes in a gorgeous reusable glass and bamboo jar and the refills are shipped right to door. Fatty 15 is on a mission to optimize your C15 levels to help support your long term health and wellness, especially as you age. You can get an additional 15% off their 90 day subscription starter kit by going to fatty15.comtbm or use code TBM at checkout for 15% off. Check the link in show notes for more.

[Podcast Host 2]

From reading the book, bit by bit, it felt like you were starting to take your power back. You were starting to step into your autonomy, what you wanted, your hopes, your goals, your dreams. When you got that first phone call, you were about to go make all these big life decisions on your career path. Canceled the flight change plans? Not going that route. Let's go back and attune to this person causing all this chaos in your life. And I love how you said in that moment, I think it was your sister who told you, like, my sister in law. Yeah, yeah.

[Jill Winterstein]

Who's like, go get on the flight, girl.

[Podcast Host 2]

Get out of here. Like, just leave it behind. And you just weren't ready in that season. Like, it just wasn't. You needed more time to metabolize through it. But it does sound like you did eventually get on that flight to Cabo. And it felt like that was such a monumental moment of.

[Jill Winterstein]

Of.

[Podcast Host 2]

I'm not living in fear anymore. What happened there?

[Jill Winterstein]

So this was long after. And I was like, okay, everything's settled. I had gone through so much. I had a situation with a friend who betrayed me. And I was like, okay, I want to build a life. I was ready. I was ready to build my life. And there was this. This thing hanging over me, which could have been a sealed indictment. And so I was like, okay, let's confront this head on. Like, I want to build my life. I want to feel like I'm secure. I want to feel like I can get a job, I can put my name on the lease. I want to do all these things. And this thing was hanging over me and I was like, what's the best way to figure it out? If it's there or not, I'm going to leave the country. And so I booked a flight to Cabo. It was the first time I left the country in years. And I knew that if I was indicted, no one was going to let me leave. I would have been stopped at TSA or the border or something. Like, they weren't going to let me leave the country. And so I knew that. And my friends were like, wow, that's really, you know, brave of you. And I was like, well, I just. And this is kind of how I am. I'm very. And I don't know if I was always this way, but I think I've evolved to be this way because of my story. I'm a very. Like, if there's a real fear, if there's a real threat, the best thing to do is confront it. Just deal with it head on, as soon as possible. And so I got on a flight and I made it to Cabo and I had this like, trusty mantra with me that a friend gave to me to, like, remove obstacles. And I landed in Cabo and I was just like, oh, my gosh, I'm free. And that was like the first time in so many years, I was like, I am free. Like, I'm actually free. I'm free to build a life. I'm free to create whatever I want. I'm free to look at the future. I'm free to get out of this, like, moment to moment living. And so it was really about finding my freedom. That first, first flight to Cabo, I

[Podcast Host 2]

mean, I think it's such also a beautiful metaphor for facing our fears and really not letting them have this chokehold over us. You could have lived in fear and said, like, I'm terrified of this. So I'm not gonna leave the country forever. I'm not gonna travel. I'm gonna keep playing small and hiding. And at a certain point, you can decide to do that, or you can decide to see what's the fullest expression on the other side. And I. I bet at the time, because of how intuitive you are, your soul was like, you're ready?

[Podcast Host 1]

Take this leap.

[Jill Winterstein]

Yeah. Yeah. I knew I had to. And I also was like, if I'm gonna play small and high, like, I might as well go on the run with the person who I love, you know, because I really did love him. And I was like, if I'm choosing to stay here and to be seen and to build something, and I had no idea what I was building at the time, but I was like, I know I'm supposed to be exactly where I was, which is where I still am right now in Venice Beach, California, that I haven't left. But I was like, I'm supposed to be here. I'm supposed to do something. I'm supposed to build something. I had no idea what that was, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was supposed to be here and supposed to be building. And so there was part of me that was like, well, if I'm going to do that, then I need to go all in, and I need to expand and I need to stop playing small, because if I'm going to play small and hide in the shadows, like, I might as well go be with the person I love, because I really do love him. And so that was the conversation I had with myself before I got on that plane to Cabo.

[Podcast Host 2]

It's also so interesting, you know, this conversation of purpose. And so many people are, like, searching for their purpose. And what is this one thing? And I think it's just really an expression of our soul in every season, and it continues to evolve, and the medium through which it channels can shift and change. But, like, that purpose element is always there. What were Some things, if people are sitting there, they're like, I do feel like I have this higher calling or this bigger thing, or I'm supposed to build something or I want to create this, but they're really, really scrambling to figure out what that thing is. What were some of the things that help you figuring that out on this journey too?

[Jill Winterstein]

I mean, I think a lot of it again, was my intuition and I did have to work. And I get this question a lot from people. They're like, well, what if I have to work and pay the bills? I'm like, you work and you pay the bills, you do that. And for me, that was teaching yoga and I taught a ton of yoga and I love teaching yoga and I was really good at teaching yoga yoga. And I also knew it wasn't for me, it wasn't the long term thing that I was supposed to do. So I think knowing like what you're not supposed to do is important as well, but also doing the thing you need to do to pay the bills and keeping yourself open for opportunities to figure out and take leaps of faith, right? Because I had to take a real leap of faith when I started Spirit Daughter and take that leap of faith when it's there and it's calling you. And you still need to do stuff to pay the bills. So you don't go into scarcity. Because once we're in scarcity and once we're there, then we're in flight or fight. And if we're in flight or fight, you're not going to see the opportunity knocking on your door to expand into your purpose. Because again, it comes down to nervous system regulation. I love having this conversation with you because you, I know you really get this. And if you're worried about paying the bills or you're worried about how am I going to scramble or hustle this or do that, then it's so difficult to see the opportunities in front of you. So do the thing you need to to pay your bills and make sure you're not in scarcity and find the time to focus on what is calling you. And even if it's like an hour a week, even if it's like you have this job and you have an opportunity within your job to do something, something that may lead to something bigger or more on purpose for you, do that. I have a coaching client and she really wants to be a speaker and she had this opportunity in her job to do a small speaking gig and she was like, it's just virtual. It's not really. It I'm like, look, it's, it's part of it. Like this is like a tiny step on the path to what you really want to do. Yes, you have to keep your full time job, that you have to pay the bills, but you have to this opportunity in your full time job to actually develop a skill that then can become what you really want to do. So yes, take it, do it. Even if it's virtual, even if it's not on TEDx stage, do it. And so that's kind of my advice for people is like, stay out of scarcity, stay out of flight or fight, and still remain open and still be willing to devote extra time to finding your purpose, to experimenting, to seeing what really resonates with you.

[Podcast Host 2]

I think that's in our culture today, the immediacy bias. I, I'm gonna quit my job and then I'm gonna start my purpose tomorrow and it's gonna take off because it's aligned and everything's gonna go easy peasy after that. And it's like, what about the lessons? What about all the things that we need to face within ourselves in order to become the person who can, can easily step into their purpose. Why miss the curriculum? Be humble enough to take that smaller thing and not see it as a small thing, see it as a really exciting opportunity. But to your point, like, you really do have to be out of scarcity, out of fight or flight, out of that dysregulated state to even see, wait, this thing that I'm like brushing off, I'm only brushing off because maybe my protector part thinks, thinks it's too small and my ego is like, oh no, what are people going to think if I take this small thing? If I can actually sit in my higher self? I can see how this small thing could help me get 1% better at this. And that is going to compound over time.

[Jill Winterstein]

Yeah, totally, totally. And it's those small steps and it is about being aligned with your purpose, but aligned with yourself. Like being aligned with your purpose is knowing who you are. And you know, you have to go through all of these journeys of healing and understanding how you sabotage yourself and how you protect yourself and your patterns. It takes a lot of work to be an aligned person within you and to understand that. I mean, the work that I have been known for and really expanded in spirit daughter, like I started doing that work so, so many years ago. And it was for me, it was for my own healing. The first New moon circles I held were, were for me. They weren't for Anybody else. They were so I could figure out what my intentions were and what I wanted to create. And they were healing for me, and they were part of my healing journey. And they helped me heal, and they helped me figure out who I was and what I wanted. And part of me was like, I would just want to inspire people. I want to. You know, I have, like, an older, old sticky note from 15 years ago that is just like, my mission in life is to help people heal enough to listen to their intuition and to follow it. And that doesn't have anything to do with Spirit Daughter or what I'm going to do or how I'm going to make money or anything like that. It's just this, like, overall, I know this is my purpose. What do I have to do within so that I'm unblocked and so that I'm healed and I can align with that, this, and then how can I find and develop opportunities that are on my mission and that can align with my mission? So I think having, like, a mission statement like that for your life is so important for people. And so that way when, like, opportunities come up, they can say, like, does this align with my mission? Or not so huge.

[Podcast Host 2]

And I love, even in your mission statement, you can see there are so many different vehicles through which that can come through.

[Jill Winterstein]

Through.

[Podcast Host 2]

That can come through in your friendships, that can come through in your career, that can come through internally. Like, there's so many different ways that that authentic expression can present. And I think that broadens people's definition

[Podcast Host 1]

of, like, what a purpose is or should be, too.

[Jill Winterstein]

Yeah. You know, I knew that was my purpose. And I knew no matter where I ended up, if I ended up here in Venice, if I ended up in jail, like, I was going to help heal people and find their intuition. And there was, like, a part of me at one point that was like, maybe. Maybe I'm supposed to end up in prison so I can, like, help people there from the inside. I literally had that thought. But it was like, once I started developing my mission and overall what I wanted to do, it was like, oh, well, okay, I can see how this could be executed in so many different ways. And that's what I really try and teach people about their purpose is. Your purpose can change. It's not that it changes, but the vehicle for it can change a hundred percent.

[Podcast Host 2]

And it's like listening to yourself when the vehicle through which it expresses needs to shift, knowing that, okay, maybe it was expressing through yoga in the beginning, but this is not the forever thing. And okay, what's the next thing that you need to build? And that brought you to spirit Daughter too.

[Jill Winterstein]

Yeah, exactly.

[Podcast Host 1]

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[Podcast Host 2]

Talk a little bit about forgiveness and shame. I mean you experience a lot of betrayal on so many levels, but especially one around an intimate friendship. And, and how did you learn to metabolize that hurt from that relationship and step into forgiveness, which I think also really seemed to have teed up forgiveness for yourself for the different dynamics that you were in.

[Jill Winterstein]

Exactly. I ended up in this situation. And after it happened, and this was the moment I. Like, I literally thought I was going to prison. I laid down on my friend's floor in front of her altar. She had, like, all these Hindu deities on her altar and crystals. And I laid down, I put my crystals all down my body. And I was just like, I surrender. I just give up. Like, whatever's supposed to happen. I think this is the moment, too. I was like, maybe I am supposed to end up in prison. Like, maybe that's where I'm supposed to do my work. I just surrendered. Whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen. Like, I can't worry anymore. I can't keep protecting myself. I can't keep doing this thing and that thing. Because I'm scared or not doing the thing. Cause I'm scared. I just really, really, really surrendered. And so, like, I had this moment of pure surrendering. And I realized that I needed to. Eventually, I'm going to have to find forgiveness for what just happened to me. But then after that, I just started beating myself up. And so, like, my first instinct, which was not a good one, was just to beat myself up and be like, I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have trusted that person. This is my fault this happened. I trusted the wrong person. I can't trust anyone. I should know better. I know I can't trust any. Like, why am I trusting somebody? And so I just really beat myself up. And then I realized. I think it was a wise friend. It was my friend Michael, who I talk about in the book. And the book is dedicated to one of my angels in my life that helped me. And he said to me, you can only do what you know is best at the time. And you did what you thought was best. You don't have a crystal ball, Jill. You didn't know this was going to happen. And beating yourself up. Up isn't going to help you. It's not going to help you move forward. It's not going to help you get out of this. It's not going to help you in any kind of way. And so I realized in that moment, I had to really forgive myself for making this choice. I had to forgive myself for choosing to be betrayed. Because I knew that when I trusted this person, it could go sideways. And I ignored that part. And I think what I really was mad about was that I ignored my intuition. And Carol Mass says this, and I Love this quote from her that when we ignore our intuition, it feels like an act of betrayal in the self. And that is so true. And I felt that so much in that moment. And so I had to really forgive myself for not following my intuition in that moment and trusting somebody who I shouldn't have trusted. And I also had to forgive them. Because the thing about forgiveness is when we're holding on to anger and resentment, we're spending tons of energy, we're attached energetically to the past. Like, how can we possibly, possibly have all of our energy to create and manifest a future if we have part of our energy attached to the past? And so we want to think of our energy as finite in a lot of ways, because it is. And if we're sending our energy to the past, into a person, we're holding on to anger, we're holding on to resentment, we don't have that energy to build what we're building. And so I realized that. And so I ended up having to go through a lot of. Of rituals and a lot of healing to forgive this person without them ever knowing that I was mad at them, that I needed to forgive them, that I forgave them. Like, I never talked to this person again. And there was no apology. There was no, why did you do this? There was no, I need an explanation. There was no quote, unquote, closure as we would think about it in the traditional sense. There was zero communication. Zero. And so I had to find real forgiveness for this person without ever talking to them, without an apology, with nothing. And I did it. And I remember my best friend, she was one of the first readers of this book. She's in the book as well. And she read the book and she was like, did you really forgive this person? And I was like, yeah, I did. Like, she didn't believe. She didn't quite believe me. She's like, write that just for the book so that you had, like, a topic to talk about on forgiveness, you know? And I was like, no, no. Like, I. I really, truly did forgive this person. And I feel like that was one of my greatest forms of release and healing in my life. And I go back to that a lot. And that's why if you've ever heard me talk about, like, on a last quarter moon, it's time to forgive. And forgiveness is the highest form of release. I'm drawing on that experience when I teach those things during the last quarter moon. I mean, it's so huge.

[Podcast Host 2]

It's a really hard thing to do. But I think, think it's like the sneaky ways it haunts us and stays with us. You know, we don't think it has power over us. Maybe even things that have happened, like 10 years ago, 20 years ago from high school, those little things that are just those cords back there until we can metabolize it, reinterpret the events, understand them from a different consciousness level perspective and see like, okay, they're also a human who's imperfect. I can understand why maybe they were drawn to do this. It was still painful. I wouldn't have made that choice. But can I see it from this different lens? And it just, it's so true. It opens up space for other things to land.

[Jill Winterstein]

And it's for you, it's not for the other person. I think that's where a lot of people are like, oh, I'm not. They don't deserve that. They don't deserve serve for me to forgive them. And forgiveness is not for the other person. It's for you. It's for you to reclaim your energy. It's for you to reclaim your power. That's, you know, that's why I talk about it. That's one of the ways we own our power, is we awaken to where we need forgiveness in our lives. Because the book is really a journey of like all these little awakenings that really help you own your power. And that to me is like a. That's the spiritual awakening, like awakening to your pain, awakening to where you need to forgive, awakening to how you're betraying yourself, awakening to your patterns.

[Podcast Host 2]

Right?

[Jill Winterstein]

Awakening to the parts that are controlling you. And so it's all about these awakenings that really help you own your power. And so when we awaken to the fact I need to forgive this person, you take back your power from them. If you're angry at somebody and you're thinking about that or you're resentful, you're giving them energy, you're giving them your power. And so you have to reclaim that and take that back.

[Podcast Host 2]

So good. Yeah, it feel. I think we trick ourselves into thinking. When we think about the things we're resentful for, we're almost like punishing them in a way. They can't feel it. They have no idea. They're. They might be living their best life ever. So it's like, why are we sitting in that state? And I think when we can forgive others, and it's not to say we forget or condone behavior by any means, not keeping them not accountable, but it's. It's we are releasing that attachment that is circling within us. It allows us to also do the same for our imperfections. Talk a little bit about how you worked through the shame of the dynamic and really also sort of forgiving the dynamic you had with your partner at this time to make space for your dream manifestation, your dream partner, Garrett.

[Jill Winterstein]

Yeah. Yeah, I had. I had so much shame around everything. So much shame. I didn't want to tell anybody the story. I didn't even want to tell. Like, my cousin still this day is mad at me. Like, she's talking about so many news. Forgive me. She's like. She's mad at me for not calling her and. And being like, hey, I need help. This is what's happening. Because in the beginning, when the shoe initially dropped, I didn't tell anyone. I didn't tell Seoul. I was just so afraid, and I was so, so ashamed. And then for so many years, I was so ashamed, really ashamed of my story and ashamed of my choices. I was like, I've made so many bad decisions. Like, what was I thinking? I was studying neuroscience and had this, like, beautiful career laid out for me, and I left it. And then I went and married a pot dealer. Like, what. What was I thinking? So there was. And now I know, I'm like, well, that was just part of my journey. And I love all those pieces of my life and I love all the questionable choices because I love who I am now. But there's many years where I was just, like, in shame. I wanted to hide my story. I didn't want to own it. And I remember the first time I really opened up to somebody who I trusted and I told them my story, and I was just met with non judgment, and I was met with compassion. I was met with advice. And I'll forever be grateful to this person in our ride home from the Bhakti Yoga Festival and just helped me really own my story. And when we sit with somebody, I referenced Brene Brown a lot because then I went on to, like, really just read all of her books, devour her books. She's one of my favorite authors and one of my favorite authors on this topic. She talks so much about shame. And, you know, she really says, like, when we can tell our story to somebody who is trusted and somebody who can meet it without judgment and, you know, and with compassion, then we heal. We heal in that true empathy. And that's what I was met with. And that was just such a gift to me to help me dissolve that shame. And I don't know if I could have dissolved the shame honestly on my own. Like, I needed help with that. And luckily the universe, my soul called in the people who helped me. And then eventually I shared my story with Michael and with my best friend who I was living with. And Michael was just this amazing, original OG Venice guy who just had like, so many eclectic people around him. And he was just like, oh, that's interesting. Like, he just saw my story as, like, just something interesting to like, learn about that happens in this, like, interesting world we live in. And so I'm forever, forever grateful to him for really changing my life. And he actually passed away last year, which is why he's one of the only names other than Garrett that are real in the book. Garrett's my husband now, and so he did pass away. And I was writing the final chapters and I was reading them to him and I was just. And I thanked him on his deathbed. Thank you for saving me and thank you for helping me become spirit doctors daughter. Because he was one of those people that just met me with pure compassion and really was able to hold me and sit with me the way we need to sit with our parts. It's important to have people on our lives that can sit with us and can listen to us and without judgment and just with compassion and just showing up in pure presence, which is an example of how we need to treat ourselves. Which helped me, like, Michael being there for me in that capacity helped me do that with myself then and now with others as well. And so I was really shown that. And that helped me dissolve the shame, helped me own my story and helped me reclaim my power in my story.

[Podcast Host 2]

And I feel like that that ownership, that metabolizing of the shame is like one of the biggest, biggest shifts for allowing something massive to come through on the other side. I don't know if you remember the timeline exactly, but, like, what was the distance between metabolizing that shame, letting go of this former relationship, and then you're now dream partner coming through?

[Jill Winterstein]

It took a couple years, I will have to say, to metabolize the shame. Took a while. That was a healing journey in itself. And I always feel like with any healing journey, it's like two steps forward, one step back. And so that took a while. And then I remember it was August 2015. It was Venus retrograde in Leo. And I talk about this in the book. I just kept waking up at like 4am and everything was flooding over me. Like, I thought I had healed. I thought I had healed the heartbreak. I had climbed Machu Picchu. I left it there. And, you know, I left it in Borda. I had, like, all my little Eat, Pray, Love moments. And I thought that I had metabolized everything. The shame, the heartbreak. And then it just came roaring back as this, like, okay, are you really done with me? And everything came up in that time. Do I really love myself? Do I deserve to be here? All the heartache, everything. And I would just sit in my bathtub at 4am every day and just sob. And this is one of the reasons why I have all these rituals for Venus Retrograde. When Venus Retrograde comes along long, you'll see all the rituals and be like, oh, now I know where those came from. They came from me in the bathtub crying at 4am for, like, a month. It was Venus retrogrades 40 days. And literally it was like the entire time that I was doing this. And it just got everything else. Like, it was just this final closure I needed for myself. And, you know, I'm not saying you have to do all this on Venus Retrograde, but I think there are some key moments in your life, Life after you've metabolized, heartache after pain after shame, and you think you're done with it, it tends to come roaring back for one like, final, last glimpse. Last, like, I see you. Thank you. Thank you for being with me on my journey. Thank you for leaving. Thank you for not controlling. Not driving the car anymore. Thank you for being in the back seat. Thank you for everything you taught me. But I'm no longer controlled by you, right? Because I think that, like, pain has this way of coming back and wanting to control our lives. And we can never change what happened, but we can change the control level that pain has on us. And so it came roaring back. And that was in August, and I cleared it out. And then I got back to my New Moon rituals with my roommate at the time, and we were doing these New Moon rituals, and so I started setting them. And I had a really amazing conversation with Elena Brower, who you probably know her, she's a yoga teacher and had an amazing conversation with her about commitments and committing to the future. And so really doubling down on my intention setting during the New Moon. And so I wrote the intention for my husband now on a New Moon in Sagittarius. So that was December. So I would say, like, cleared the slate in August, probably a little bit of September. And then I wrote the intentions for him in December. I had another moment on the cancer full moon that December. And then I met Garrett in January. Whoa.

[Podcast Host 2]

And he was literally everything on your list?

[Jill Winterstein]

He was everything on my list. Everything. And I looked at the. I actually looked at the list when I was writing this book because my roommate at the time, time, she still to this day tells people she wrote her husband into existence. She like, swears like, he didn't exist before she wrote that intention, like, he just poofed. There's a 40 year old man, you know, out of thin air. Because I wrote him. I wrote him to a T. And I think it's because I had done so much healing work and I think because I was regulated and I was ready. And when I met him at a party because. Because my brain was expanded and I was scanning for opportunities, not threats, he jumped out of me. It was like a spotlight was on him. I'll never forget. I was like, why is there a spotlight on this guy? And we had been to parties before. We had been to a party together in October. We have a mutual friend. And like, I hadn't even noticed him in October. And now standing here in January, after healing and after writing this intention and visualizing and feeling it, it was like a spotlight was on him. And I just, like, I knew. I just knew right away.

[Podcast Host 2]

It's so beautiful too, because this was you intentionally healing the relationship patterns from before. This was you choosing love that was safe and calm and supportive and communicative and, you know, not chaotic and anxiety inducing and not knowing what's going to happen with this person's world and where they are and what's going on on. It was healing all of those patterns. I really want people to see the possibility, like, if they are in relationships, jobs wherever they're at, and they're like, I just don't see that for myself or I don't know how I can get from like this to there. Read Jo's book. Understand this story. Like, this is such huge expansion for people that it is so, so possible to make those shifts and to get into the situations, the relationships that your heart deserves, that you were always meant to have that it just needed you to go on that journey of healing,

[Podcast Host 1]

to connect with it.

[Jill Winterstein]

Yeah. Yeah. And I remember when I met Garrett, I was like, oh, I'm healed. Because a year ago I would never have seen him. And the fact that I was attracted to him, stable, safe, great job, pays taxes, all the things, things, you know, wanted to get married, wanted to have kids, like, all of those things just so, like, you know, safe and secure. And the fact that I was attracted to that, I was like, oh, wow. I've really healed something within me.

[Podcast Host 2]

Joe, where can people find the book? Where can they pre order and get their copy on release day?

[Jill Winterstein]

Yes. Head to my site, spiritdaughter.com you'll see see it all over the site and you can choose wherever you want to order it from, from our page. It's obviously on Amazon, but if you want to do Barnes and Noble, we have the audiobook link on there as well. So just head to spiritedaughter.com and you will find it. I'll also give you the link for the show notes and you can learn more about me on Instagram at Spirit Daughter everything. Spirit Daughter.

[Podcast Host 2]

So good. I feel like our team is constantly sending around your content. We're like, oh, this is what we

[Jill Winterstein]

needed to read this week. It's so. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Podcast Host 2]

And thank you for sharing your story so vulnerably and really putting this out there. Because I really feel like in our stories, the more honest we can be. Like, it heals so many people.

[Jill Winterstein]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host 2]

Just seen it time and time again and I feel like it's such a brave thing to do and really appreciate

[Podcast Host 1]

you taking that leap.

[Jill Winterstein]

Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Yes. My hope is that it becomes a road map for others.

[Podcast Host 1]

I hope you guys enjoy that episode

[Podcast Host 2]

as much as I did.

[Podcast Host 1]

I really feel like it unlocked so many aha moments of just what's possible for someone and what's possible for you. Just hearing how much she's gone through, how much she's changed, and how much she's really manifested the life of her dreams on the other side of all of these challenges just makes you think if I just show up moment by moment, little moment by little moment, you can get to exactly where you want to go. If you want to test out some of our deep imaginings that can help you do that, I would highly recommend our reset Di, our driver seat Di. If you're looking for a little parts work, check in and we have a brand new 7 day nervous system reset dropping on my March 30th that will give you that 5 to 10 minute tool to help you come back to your power. Okay, see you guys next week.